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comradekatara · 3 months

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okay, so I did just spend the entire day watching NATLA. I had no choice but to watch this all in one sitting with my friends because I knew that if I attempted to watch it alone, or in increments, I would simply never get past episode 1. and I was right. it, of course, sucked so bad. I intend to write an actual, articulate review of the show as a whole when I have time, but for now, here is a list of the notes I jotted down on my phone (including some quotes from my friends as we watched), cinema sins style (pluses indicate details I actually liked, however minuses are far more frequent; points I considered especially significant are bolded).

– NO COLON to signify the central tension of the entire show!!!

Episode 1:

+ Love Aang’s eyebrows, just a very cute kid in general

+ opening fight scene kind of serves

– Sozin does NOT

– This clunky exposition is so strange considering they clearly already assume we are familiar with the entire show

– What’s going on with Kyoshi (ie, where is Roku)

– Where is Katara narrating????

– Hideous fonts

+ AANG SO CUTE <3 (he’s giving Dewey!)

– He can just fucking fly without his glider I guess?

– Airbenders saying wow at airbending (ding!)

– Aang’s uggs

– Sky bison…… L (update: I lowkey came around on Appa, but only bc Momo was so fucking busted he looked incredible by contrast)

– Gyatso’s mustache L (update: many such cases going forward)

– What’s going on with the accents???

– Aang cannot fucking act for shit I’m so sorry to this adorable baby boy

– Depicting a literal genocide as an action scene. Fucking awful

– Aang actually trying to head back during the storm defeats the whole point of the whole inciting incident of his entire arc????

+ Waterbending Avatar State sequence in the storm actually looks cool

– I hate White Sokka

– I hate shein Katara

– They do NOT act like siblings

– I hate White Sokka

– Where is Katara I miss you baby girl

– ZUKO’S SCAR IS AWFUL

– Katara has no agency or passion or rage or emotion whatsoever?!!?!?

– Acting is SO BAD

+ Clunky exposition works for Zuko because he does have a propensity for monologuing all his intentions

– Sokka, however, does NOT

– How can Sokka be “the last man” of the Southern Water Tribe if there are like. Dozens of other guys only ever so slightly younger than him just standing around.

– Kanna just saying Katara’s monologue because Katara is a nothing

– WHY DO FIREBENDERS KEEP ATTACKING AT NIGHT

– Clunky ass exposition “he had to grow up fast” give me a fucking break

– Who the fuck is this white guy

– Katara has no motivations at all?? She’s just chopped liver I guess

– The cadence of every actor is so bad

– They can’t decide whether they want to be the cartoon or their own thing and instead they’re just nothing

Episode 2:

– KANNA JUST GIVES HER THE SCROLL?!?!? KATARA DOESNT GET TO SHOPLIFT. OR DO ANYTHING

– MILF ALERT!!!!

– I hate you straight nepobaby suki

– She’s so fucking weird

– White Sokka has a bad face and a good body. He should have a strikingly beautiful face and a scrawny, malnourished body. L

– Aang being afraid to airbend makes no sense

– Where is Sokka’s fucking Kyoshi Warrior feminization!!!!

– Sexist ass show

– STOP IT KYOSHI STOOOOPPPPP #NotMyKyoshi

Episode 3:

– This one rebel leader guy is giving Katara more than Katara

– Why are the colors so bland

– Sokka being scientifically minded makes no sense bc that trait (which, um, is actually quite crucial to his character) hasn’t actually been established at all up until this point (or retained beyond this one episode)

– This guy is giving jock who happens to be good at engineering, when Sokka should be a NERD who HAPPENS to be good at FIGHTING

– Azula and Mai are NOT GIVING

– Azula should present as sure of herself and incredibly poised. It’s actual crucial to reflecting how she has been shaped by abuse

– And Mai should be razor sharp (both physically and figuratively) and not give a fuck about any of this!!!

+ Katara hitting herself in the face was funny

– Redemption for beautiful Jet (my friend: “I love seeing a beautiful man die”)

– Freedom Fighters are GIVINGGG

– How can Kya “watch the sun rise every day” if they literally live in the South Pole

– They don’t understand Sokka’s daddy issues AT ALL. The simple fact that he’s actually communicating them is egregious

– The first time Katara actually gets angry is for Jet. But not even for the right reasons.

– The first exchange that Katara and Sokka have that makes any sense is in ep THREE (of 8)

– “Sokka was right. You are the bad guy.” WHO WROTE THIS 😭😭

– Jet is only going after the corrupt and collaborators…. So, um… he’s literally right???

+ The fight between Aang and Zuko is actually SO GOOD and understands their dynamic (sidenote: they’re the only kids who are actually giving their original characters at all)

+ Aang reading Zuko’s diary is so fucking funny

+ I love you Danny Pudi <3

Episode 4:

+ I love the interior of Bumi’s palace. Statues of Flopsy

– Omashu is in India now I guess and also everyone in the world lives here

– Bumi’s hat!?!?

+ The nomads sound like Fleet Foxes

– Katara and Sokka are literally switching roles in this tunnel

+ This one Earth Kingdom soldier is really serving.

– The fact that he’s ostensibly framed as in the wrong here though is INSANE

– Zuko is supposed to be ten here 😭 that’s a grown ass man with a BA in Econ

– Sokka’s necklace is plastic

– Katara and Sokka being like “we never used to fight at home” ……. WTF!?!?

– KATARA WOULD NEVER SAY THAT TO SOKKA SHE WOULD BEAT HIS ASS INTO THE GROUND EVEN IF HE WAS RIGHT

– Adults keep being so mean to Aang :((

+ Zuko’s hair is great

+ I like that Bumi gave Aang his bison whistle(?)

– Bumi’s anger is….interesting

Episode 5:

– Canonically 13 year old Zuko is also a grown ass man

– “How was I supposed to know she was a Fire Nation soldier” ummmmmm maybe due to your INSTINCTS and CONSTANT PARANOIA

– They keep alluding to escapades offscreen without actually depicting any of their grounded bonding moments so we have no reason to care about any of these characters whatsoever or their relationships with one another

– Sokka good with kids and names??? Preposterous

– Zuko kinda gay asf

– Zuko calling someone an idiot and Sokka never once does . Sounds fake

– Oppressed peoples are just a mouthpiece for oppression instead of real human beings

– Instragram ass makeup

– Aang isn’t having any fun

– Aang feels like he has no agency whatsoever because he only ever does what the adults around him tell him to do and never does anything of his own accord. Let him have a sillygoofy time!!!

– Constant clunky exposition and no understanding of its own narrative… it’s truly like if ATLA … was LOK.

+ JUUUUNE

– Hitting on Iroh for #feminism

– “I always thought I was spiritually attuned. I don’t know how he got in here though” is actually so Katara. Finally an actual Katara moment

– Wan Shi Tong goofy asf Guardians of Ga’Hoole ass CGI monstrosity

– What is with Sokka’s fucking white people references (all you need is love, bye bye birdie, etc). White devil I need him dead

– Sexy Kitsune for the furries

– Fox accuses him of making jokes to deflect “What? I don’t do that” WELL. HE DOESNT IN THIS VERSION!!! (Alluding to a character trait that they don’t actually depict is crazy. He literally says everything he’s feeling at all times in this and barely ever says anything witty. It’s like they’re TAUNTING us.)

– Kya sounds like she’s from the Upper East Side

– Why won’t they let Katara DO anything!!!

– Too economical with their storytelling leads to no real depth whatsoever

– Putting Katara’s flashback in Book 1 undermines the whole point of TSR

– I HATE YOU WHITE HAKODA

– If Sokka is so bad at ice dodging in this then why did they give him the mark of the wise ??????? None of this scene makes sense

– Why is Sokka CRYING (he doesn’t DO that)

– Koh looks so bad

– Aang doesn’t actually know how to fight Koh he’s just such a wooden actor that he happens to get away with it

– First Roku mention????? Lmfao

– Gyatso talking to Aang is so wack but at least he’s being nice to him

Episode 6 (aka the best episode by far):

+ Zuko just drawing an eye on the page is so real actually

– Azula’s flames aren’t even blue

– And she’s not mysterious or imposing at all!

– I HATE the makeup in the show

– The pacing is AWFUL and STUPID, no consideration as to WHY information is revealed when it is narratively/thematically

+ Okay he’s really giving Zuko lmfao

+ Ken Leung has made Zhao feel like a real person (but no one else is doing that ???)

– Low-budget fantasy C-dramas have costumes one million times better than this.

– What is with Iroh’s obsession with boats

– Quirked up old man Roku

– Zuko flashbacks don’t read as significant because his scar is nothing and he’s the same age

+ Aang and Zhao scene is great

+ I’d follow Zhao into battle

– Other friend: “This is the best episode so far and it’s because Katara and Sokka aren’t in it”

+ Blue Spirit mask actually looks like a theater mask

+ Using the original Blue Spirit theme!!

+ This episode actually slays

– Their commentary on narrativization is solely relegated to Zhao and no one else gets to participate in this thematic conversation, not even KATARA

+ I love the sassy gay scribe

+ LADDERS SCENEEEEE

+ Zuko canonically having good handwriting is so real

+ Aang and Zuko conversation is great

– Why does Aang keep assuming Zuko is compassionate and wounded when he hasn’t displayed any compassion, remorse, or pain

– Iroh stepping into the Agni Kai goes against his whole character

+ Ozai kind of rules tho

– WHY IS ZUKO ACTIVELY FIGHTING OZAI!!!!!!!!

– Zuko’s backstory makes no sense

+ Zuko’s thotty little collarbone

– Ozai’s scene here undermines the whole point of Zuko’s banishment

– Such bad dialogue it’s crazy

– How do the 41st division not know why they’ve been on this boat for the past 3 years when every piece of dialogue in this show is otherwise expository as fuck

– What’s the point of Gyatso leaving. They don’t explain it at all

Episode 7:

– The NWT is so grey and underwhelming. My favorite location in the whole show. Can’t have shit in Netflixworld.

– BECAUSE AANG JUST HAS VISIONS OF THE FUTURE NOW I GUESS

– PAKKU AND YUE LOOK SOOOOO BAD

– Yue looks like a Euphoria character in a party city wig

– This isn’t how Azula fights!!!

– I hate what they’re doing with Azula so bad

– Mai sucks too

– Their journey doesn’t feel earned at all because they didn’t hang out or learn anything or do shit

– Why is Yue in the kitchens if she’s a princess

– And why is she WATERBENDING

– Why isn’t she repressed!!!!! She shouldn’t BE “ordinary”

– Why is Sokka explaining his duties!!!! He doesn’t SAY SHIT!

– Why isn’t the guy playing Hahn playing Sokka and vice versa (I’m so fucking serious)

– YUE’S A FOX????? WHAT

– All the offscreen battles where we’re supposed to assume character development actually happened. Sure.

– Hahn being nice and respectful to Sokka makes no sense

– MILF Yugoda! (How would she know Kanna. Update: I guess that doesn’t even matter here )

– THEY DONT UNDERSTAND YUE OR HAHN OR WHAT PATRIARCHY IS. AT ALL

– Kuruk is too serious and Roku is too playful. It should be the reverse. Playing into racist tropes :/

– His eyes are way too blue I’m sorry to this man

– They all look like they know what iPhones are.

– Yue is so annoying . L

– This whole Yue Sokka scene is the most annoying thing I’ve ever fucking seen in my life. And entirely antithetical to their whole deal

– “My friends” this “my friends” that, except they never actually hang out. They just keep calling each other friends but they never actually show it in a believable way.

– They want to be edgy but they actually never fucking shut up about the power of friendship like we are all five years old. I think when they said they were “appealing to a Game of Thrones audience” what they really meant was just that they are also bad, incredibly misogynistic writers who depict sensitive topics without any care or nuance.

– I actually like the Fire Nation boats

– Zhao is working with Azula??? She wouldn’t KILL THE MOON

– Azula would never ask Ozai to do things she would wait for his command at all times!!!

– Since when is Sokka wise and emotionally mature enough to hold this conversation with Katara, and why isn’t Katara being impulsive. This fight is so planned out; all the excitement is lost.

– Her completely blank expression as Pakku humiliates her. I hate you SHEIN KATARA!!!!!!

– This fight is so dull and lame whereas in the original that fight scene literally changed my life as a kid????? #NotMyKatara

– “The Legend of Aang” EW

– Why isn’t Aang waterbending at all. Book 1: “talking about water in completely abstract, hypothetical terms”

Episode 8:

– Iroh telling Zuko how to break into the North Pole is undermining the one moment where he actually demonstrates his intelligence as an independent person

– Stupid ass liberal feminism I hate you

– So they are sexist but also not. Makes sense

– What the fuck is with this moon backstory shit. Who needed that

– Zhao going to the Fire Temple instead of Wan Shi Tong’s Library for info on the moon completely undermines the point about the role of knowledge in imperialist conquest

– Kuruk looks like a Star Wars force ghost

+ THEY KILLED MOMO (kind of made me laugh a lot, so… points for that I guess)

– But they could only feature him for all of five seconds bc they don’t have the budget to constantly animate his mangy rat ass

– Why is Yue helping MOMO instead of ACTUAL HUMAN BEINGS

– They want me to believe that White Sokka has compassion for that little rat when I simply do not believe that this man cares for anyone or anything or even has a soul.

+ Zuko and Aang’s situationship/chemistry is crazy. They’re both kind of slaying actually

– That said, the kid who plays Aang is not a very good actor, he’s just adorable and has big ears and a Dewey voice. And the kid who plays Zuko has the easiest acting job in the show because Zuko is actually so over the top and dramatic that overacting feels authentic to this one character in particular (and no one else).

– Bending fights look stupid and feel thematically insignificant

– This red filter looks so bad

– Why do they keep dragging out fast paced scenes to explain everything so that they’re now boring af

– Hahn is just……. Okay go off woke feminist king. Sure. Why not

– All the exposition is so clunky and slow and undermining the actual point of the scene

– Not only is this not visually interesting, it also doesn’t translate tonally, and the primary actors can’t pull it off

– So NOW Iroh kills Zhao. Okay

– Zhao wouldn’t respect a teenage girl this much, even if she is the princess

– Koizilla looks bad :(

– RIP Ken Leung the Cunt Slayer. 5ever in our hearts </3

+ It’s actually so funny that Ken Leung apparently didn’t even know what he was auditioning for because he was by far the best actor in this show and nearly singlehandedly redeemed it. I love this guy so much.

– Me: “This isn’t a show. This is a farcical simulacrum of real art.” Friend, far more concisely: “This is a fucking joke.”

– Katara and Sokka barely even seem like they care about each other. Look at how they massacred by boy (and girl)

– Yue and Sokka alluding to fucking offscreen WOULD be a slay if they weren’t both annoying as fuck…

– Oh so NOW Katara talks Aang down from the Avatar State. Yeah. I buy that.

– “You’re not just the Avatar you’re my family” really? Because you’ve barely even talked

– The sequencing and pacing of the Siege of the Noth was nonsensical.

– “My daughter always made her own choices” NO SHE FUCKING DIDNT!!!!! THE WHOLE POINT OF HER CHARACTER. WAS THAT SHE COULDN’T!!! Shallow fucking libfem bullshit they MASSACRED my girl!!!!!!

– Why is Arnook comforting Sokka when Sokka should be comforting HIM

– Also Sokka would never express his insecurities to Arnook in the first place. NOT MY REPRESSED KING????

– Why is Sokka giving emotional support and Katara giving tactical support -_-

– They really think that “Gotta let go of the past to have a future” is such a fucking smart line they used it twice

– Conquering Omashu wasn’t a STRATEGY it just happened CONCURRENTLY because their imperialist regime is incredibly powerful … This show doesn’t understand its own politics at all.

– Azula has no poise or swag smh

– Aang doesn’t even know about Sozin’s comet because Roku didn’t tell him…

– It’s crazy that a show written in the 2020s is actually SO MUCH more sexist than a show written in the 2000s.

– TDLR; I hate you capitalism, I hate you Netflix, I hate you White Sokka, I hate you SHEIN Katara, I hate you heterosexual nepobaby Suki, I hate you girlboss Yue, I hate you visibly insecure Azula, I hate you whatever is going on with Mai, I hate you CGI Momo, I hate you wack ass pacing, I hate you clunky, idiotic dialogue, I hate you complete and utter lack of consideration into what made this show great in the first place, I love you Danny Pudi, I love you Ken Leung.

Which, in fairness, is all pretty much exactly what I expected this show would be. But at least actually watching it did indeed verify all my assumptions (although what they did to Katara specifically was even worse than what I had assumed, dear god), so I will be writing up a more in-depth review soon so that I can actually try to unpack why this show is such a dumpster fire, and how that reflects larger trends in media. But for now, all I can say is, I can’t believe I sat through 8 hours of this fucking garbage knowing it would be bad and it was. I’ve been saying this show would suck ass since the second it was announced, and yet it somehow managed to still prove worse than even my incredibly pessimistic expectations. A soulless, shallow, offensive work of profit that cannot even attempt to justify its own existence. I need to kill White Sokka with hammers.

#natla #‘’spoilers’’ under the cut #lmfao #in the immortal words of bloodbenderz: ‘it was bad’

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makethosenarratorsfight · 10 months

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UNRELIABLE NARRATORS; SEMI FINALS

*NOTE; propaganda is out of order due to the post length!

Eugenides Propaganda:

the entire plot hinges on a detail he lets the reader (and every other character) assume is true. I don't want to spoil it because it's a really fun reveal but he is lying from the first second he appears on the page and you can't trust him to tell the full truth about ANYTHING related to himself and his goals. he mostly does it to keep his advantage and not have other characters be suspicious of him but it's just so fun when you realise he's been lying the whole time

Kim Dokja Propaganda:

I haven't read orv but he's fucking gotta be from what I've osmosised

He tries to remove his emotions out of the narrative soooo much, literally the most repressed guy ever. Okay so for context orv is about how this guy, Kim Dokja, has been the only reader of an obscure post-apocalyptic webnovel for years and the novel suddenly becomes reality. And at first you'll probably get the weird impression that his behavior is pretty strange for, you know, a literal apocalypse happening in his world - like yes, he is concerned with survival but he doesn't seem all that scared and he kinda treats it like a video game where he has to grind to make himself stronger and he also treats his companions like a party in an rpg. Then there's also the way he approaches the protagonist of the webnovel, from the start he just kind of describes him as a ruthless psychopath and jerk that is unfortunately a pretty useful ally. And also there's the fact that he carefully omits any mention of his past and when somebody asks if he's worried about his family when the apocalypse starts he just kinda... brushes it off? Anyway so yeah, this bastard is definitely traumatized, although I don't know how much of spoiler territory that would be, considering the fact that literally when he first reveals his trauma he's also unreliable about it. And turns out he does indeed, care A LOT about this world and the people around him. Because well, he kinda didn't care to mention that this webnovel that has become reality was like... literally his whole world before it literally became his whole world. Like, it was the only thing keeping him going for 10+ years and the protagonist that he likes to call a stupid jerk was his comfort character who he pretended to be when he felt like he couldn't handle something in his life by being himself. The protagonist is also canonically the person he loves the most according to a prophecy and he literally can't fathom the thought of him dying, even the timeline versions of him that directly oppose him. And I haven't even mentioned the Fourth Wall yet but I feel like this propaganda is a little long already

misreading the intentions of his companion (yoo joonghyuk) so many time.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTANDDD DOKJA IS SUCH A UNRELIABLE NARRATORRRRRR GOD I COULD WRITE AN ESSAY BUT I KNOW YOU LOVE DOKJA TOO BUT OMG HE'S JUST SO AAAAAAAAAAAH

Rest of Propaganda under cut!

he is the worst like actually. he starts the story talking about how normal and average he is. he is not. he is constantly mischaracterizing his friends and he's so good at lying to the readers that you don't even realize it at first. almost every single time he cries we have to be told by other characters because he never says it himself. there is literally a scene where his narration says "i wasn't crying" and then the in-universe entity that narrates the actions of people (orv is really weird and meta) says that he was, in fact, crying. honestly genuinely anything he says about himself (or doesn't say) cannot be trusted. he is just so frustrating. he drives me mad. i love him dearly. but he drives me so mad.

Dictionary definition of unreliable narrator. Does not tell the reader anything and then things happen and he's like oh yeah btw there was also this and this earlier but i just didn't feel like mentioning it. There's even a thing called the "Fourth Wall" that is able to see through kdj's bs so occasionally you get gems like,

Kim Dokja: I didn't cry

The Fourth Wall: [Kim Dokja was crying]

Imagine being so unreliable as a narrator you need a more powerful narrator to call out the actual narrator.

^ same submission, just spacing it out

This goes into spoiler territory, but; Kim Dokja is in possession of a skill called the Fourth Wall, which on the surface seems like it appears because he read the book that reverse-isekai’d into his own. However, as the story goes on it becomes clear that it’s pretty much a souped up version of his pre-existing dissociation. You cannot trust him to be honest about his feelings, his past traumas or his feelings about his past traumas, not to mention his tendency to just outright omit information that only gets revealed later on either when it becomes relevant or when an outsider POV reveals what’s actually happening.

Exhibit A: he says (in 1st person POV) that he’s not crying. The Fourth Wall immediately contradicts this (as it is literally words of the novel) by saying (in 3rd person POV) ‘Kim Dokja was crying’.

Exhibit B: Fails to mention entire actions when it shows him emotionally honest even in the slightest; we had to read from another character entirely when Kim Dokja was being physically affectionate with his companion. It’s so bad that there’s this entire paragraph about Kim Dokja describing himself hiding his eyes in his hands in jerky, weirdly specific detail and just AVOIDING EVERY WORD THAT MIGHT SHOW HE’S CRYING. The brilliance of ORV is that when you re-read the entire thing you get hints that ‘yes, this WAS hinted at the entire time’ but you have to dig it out of Kim Dokja’s repressed, depressed self-hating internal dialogue with your own two hands.

^ same submission, spacing it out (i really should've done this earlier.)

i am a simple man (not a man). i see a tumblr text post with the words “unreliable narrator in it”. i read nothing else. i reblog & tag #kim dokja okay but in all seriousness i’m just going with the musty basic example: so there’s this moment where he sacrifices himself to save this guy. as he lays on the ground bleeding out, he says “hey, you don’t like me, right? you should kill me to get some money” the guy says “no kim dokja i cant do that (going through the five stages of grief except there’s only one and it’s anger)” the constellations (twitch viewers irl) are like omg he (the guy) doesn’t want to kill his companion (kim dokja) and shower him (the guy) with money kim dokja: oh, he’s not killing me for the money. smart!

as i quote a brilliant youtube video (all of omniscient reader’s viewpoint in 6 minutes) “yoo joonghyuk sees kim dokja as a c_____”

yoo joonghyuk: companion

kim dokja: cunt

^ same submission, once again. spacing it out.

Hides his true feelings, tells the readers what he thinks is convenient for the plot and that his own personal feelings don’t matter or are not so significant. Has unreliable thoughts abt his companion and is a liar. And is also an omniscient reader.

Kim Dokja always perceived his companions in this like nonchalant way like “oh yeah we get along but really we’re just fighting to survive (apocalypse setting) it doesn’t run that deep” when they all do genuinely care for him and he does in turn. He just, doesn’t think of it as an equal relationship? Dokja’ll sacrifice a lot for them but will get seriously flabbergasted if they do the same thing, so fricking problematic. Not to mention Yoo Joonghyuk, his “Life and Death Companion” (read: husband). Kim Dokja always seems to think that Joonghyuk has it out for him, which is kinda true, but he is literally blind to the fact that he’s attached to him. Like, it’s so obvious??? Also they have hella sexual tension but that’s another thing entirely

se get some many pov changes where kdj in his pov just assumed things based on what he knew the characters would do. however because of his interference the characters have changed and he wouldn’t know that if it hit him in the face

He's an unreliable narrator because he lies to himself and thus the audience. He literally rewrote his own childhood core memory. If someone says, "this guy is my friend!" He will go through so many hoola hoops in his mind just to rationalize it. Because he fundamentally believe that no one could love him and even if they did they couldn't know him and he's just gonna hurt them. He cries sometimes in canon but a lot of those times it's not even mentioned as crying he's that unreliable of a narrator. No joke, one time this guys he has a gay thing with called him his "companion" to someone who had just killed him (long story) and this bitch thought "oh wow he's doing it for the coins (another long story) he's so smart i wish I'd thought to that. He's terrible. He literally has an exchange with something called the Fourth Wall (an even longer story) where it said "you're crying" and he said "no I'm not" but he was crying. He makes me insane because the reader is supposed to project onto him. He made me see how much of an unreliable narrator I WAS. ORV is just like that tho.

#kim dokja #kdj #orv #omniscient readers viewpoint #once again #if kdj gets this poll blacklisted again im blowing him up #eugenides #the queens thief #queens thief #unreliable narrators battle #unreliable narrators #polls #semi finals

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erstwhilesparrow · 23 days

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hey does it ever make you kind of crazy that post-reunion, c!owen introduces himself to us as owen agarci? agarci as in the name of the demon he shot in the chest during his trial? we know that's not c!owen's real last name -- he tells us so right then and there -- but i think it matters that of the last names he could have chosen for his lie, he took this one. his last name might have been the only thing he still carried with him of his family, of his past before the attack, and he refuses to use it or admit to it.

because it is an introduction, y'know? his narration, after the reunion, is a way of remaking himself in our eyes -- he is not the person we thought he was, so he needs to introduce himself again. and here, the thing he claims as his originating point, as the moment from his past he wants to carry around with him in something so fundamental as his name, is the moment he first killed a demon. this is the most important piece of his past. this, he is telling us, is where he comes from.

i think a lot about how we never actually see owen's parents. i don't even think we get their names? we get their voices in flashbacks over shots of empty fields and unpopulated streets. there is a kind of blankness to owen's past, or to what owen will reveal to us of his past, that forces us to take on faith that he is telling the truth when he talks about his own history. there is no one who could say otherwise; all the people who might have known him before he was a soldier and then a general are almost certainly dead.

it grants owen a fascinating degree of control over his own history. of course he can remake himself in this way, of course he can tell any story he wants of himself in this way; there's no one left to dispute his claims. in a way, he is his own origin -- as he tells us the story of his life, he is also creating that story. he came out of those woods with nothing but a bow on his back, no history, no one still living who could call to him by name. whatever life he lived before that point doesn't matter -- the thing that fundamentally made him the person who walked into town and demanded to join the army wasn't the life he lived with his parents, it was the violence he'd been exposed to and the violence he'd discovered himself willing and able to engage in. or so his story goes.

do you think when he woke up at the bottom of that elevator, memories wiped, nothing left to him of his past, there was some strange sense that he had done this before? do you think he rose up toward the light of the clearing above, empty-handed and alive, his entire life before this point a history waiting for him to tell it, and wondered why it felt familiar?

or maybe it's that he's refusing us. because following his turn during reunion, there's almost a sense that he has tighter control of the camera now. he addresses his 'voices' nearly antagonistically, wishing we/they would go away, responding and talking to us/them in a way that feels harsher than how he's addressed chat in the past. he's frustrated with us/them: why are you still here, i thought i was done with you. he accuses us/them of only pretending to care, of lingering not so much out of concern or any desire to do something as out of some morbid curiosity. there's a degree of access to him that we seem to have lost. it's as if he's finally certain that there is an audience, and what he's willing to show us shifts.

there's something really lovely and horrifying about a lot of the more scripted sections of owen's pov after the reunion. how it shows us things only he knows (the knife in his hotbar for much of his dinner conversation with guts, the beat where he grabs his backpack and reaches for a weapon when it seems like ayngel is about to recognize him, the interaction with puddy in the second clearing when he visits with krow), but we are nevertheless shut out of his interiority as he starts talking less to others, starts favouring third-person camera shots and narration where he gets to step out of the moment and talk to us directly. you can even think about the 'scripted by owengejuicetv' segments after each kill as signalling this: he has such visible direct control of the story we get to know now. he is the one who gets to tell this story, who gets to move the pieces on the board. here's what happened, he says to us. this is how it went. this is what i do and who i am and here are the parts that mattered. do you ever think about how rasbi's ending wasn't streamed from her pov? do you ever think about how the only witnesses to rasbi's death were rasbi herself, and owen?

#sparrowsong #outsiders smp #i'm aware i'm being inconsistent about using c!owen vs owen with no indicators attached #i am mostly talking about the character throughout but #the realm of 'discussing the strictly fictional' and the realm of 'discussing the creator's storytelling choices' are... blurred.#in this particular case.#and there's also some interesting accidental resonances in how cc!owen is so careful about archiving his stuff and #has such a comprehensive edited playlist for his pov because it means he also just has a ton of #unintentional narrative control just in general?#owen's stuff is easy to find and watch #if he says something and everyone acts like it's true it may as well be true. what are the odds you'll ever see the vod that contradicts it #you know?#anyway i had to get this post out of my system; sorry about the derangements

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fun-k-board · 8 months

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Could you possibly write some dating headcanons for Ben Reilly?? He is such a himbo, I love him sm :D

Dating headcanons for ATSV Ben Reilly

Note(s) : The reader is a Spider from another universe!

I'm just gonna guess that you mean ATSV Ben! My bad if that's not the case, this might be OOC because I haven't seen the movie since it came out.

He feels like you're so strange and different to him, you don't speak out loud what your emotions are and that's so different from his universe, it's almost like a puzzle that Ben is desperate to solve, even if he can just ask you, audibly guessing is just that much more fun.

Ben isn't too smart with body language, in his universe, everybody says what they're feeling or doing, so if you're somebody who has very neutral expressions, he tends to get confused a lot and misinterpret your actions. He doesn't do this on purpose, and you can always correct him which he fully accepts.

Ben loves to give you things, usually it's a modified version of your web shooter, or maybe extra web fluid, if you're a spider that needs it, a gift that would benefit you and the missions you go on, but he also gives you matching clothing items.

While he'd never trade his blue hoodie for something else, don't even try it's not going to happen, he's willing to wear bracelets, rings, a new belt, etc, etc. Sometimes he makes them, which is usually from one of those crappy DIY bracelet kits, but usually they're one of those couple bracelets with magnets you can click together.

But he might wear a different hoodie for casual clothing, maybe on a date to another universe of one of your own, he's not a suit and tie, fancy dinner type of guy.

He's a clone of Peter, he's going to be broke.

Fully willing to give and receive PDA, the only times he won't is if you don't want to, he always says things audibly so you can know when he'll give you a hug or a kiss, and if you don't want one, then you can just say no or move away.

Ben despises beach dates, the sand gets everywhere, it triggers his spider sense whenever a beach ball gets near him, if you're in your universe or one that isn't like his, people stare when he narrates.

His ideal date is a pizza date, what does that entail? Either, you go to one of those places where you can customise your own pizza, or, you bake your own at home! He thinks it's fun to experiment with flavour and different kinds of pizza.

He just likes pizza, okay?

Specifically Hawaiian pizza.

Ben's a workout boyfriend, he's always lifting, fighting villains, or holding up a helicopter, he's buff, and he also likes to carry you. It doesn't matter how heavy you are, or if you're not heavy at all, he's strong enough to carry you wherever or whenever.

He gets sad whenever you have a mission and he's not paired with you, and vice versa for when he's on a mission and not with you. Sometimes he calls you mid fight, which means either one of you is running from a villain and being all 'awh, I love you!(⁠｡⁠･⁠ω⁠･⁠｡⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠♡' but then a metal tentacle crushes your watch because you were distracted.

Let's hope Miguel finds your or Ben before your atoms dissolve.

Ben isn't too panicked when you're hurt, it all depends on how you're reacting, even if you've broken all of your bones, if you're chill, so is he. Obviously, he's always concerned, and you'll hear 'my beloved is injured, they're hurt and I can't do anything! But I must stay strong, so they can.' But besides that, he's cool.

Speaking of, he has a lot of harrowing memories, and while he doesn't rely on you, he will occasionally seek comfort. Ben will usually just sob into your shoulder for a few hours, and after that, will probably cuddle you and trap you into a snuggle buddy situation, not like you're complaining.

Whenever you're sad, he won't expect you to come to him, but he'll accept you with open arms if you do. Whether you just want to cuddle, or have him in the same room, or if you just want comfort food, or a drink, or whatever. He's fine with whatever you want, and he'll provide whatever you want.

Within reason, obviously.

Ben isn't dumb, yes, he's a bit clueless and tends to get distracted, but he's incredibly smart when it comes to fighting, and he was previously a teacher, (I think, correct me if I'm wrong) so he's completely capable of being a smart ass if you get something wrong. Not in a mean way, just a corrective 'uhm, well actually 🤓' type of way?

He likes to have double dates! Whether Peter is with MJ, or Gwen, or whoever Peter Parker managed to rizz up, given that Peter is sort of like his brother, he likes to spend time with him, and he also likes spending time with you.

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girlfriendsofthegalaxy · 9 months

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tuesday again 8/29/2023

my ENTIRE SUMMER has been either worrying about moving or actually moving. ALL OF IT. however an incredibly hot butch milf on the gay community bulletin board/dating app lex has finally answered my piteous call for gun safety classes with an invitation to her private range. unfortunately she is a landlord who owns a VERY large apartment complex. houston is a land of contrasts

listening

more joywave! one of my favorite bands bc they are best listened to in full album format, and i did a fuck of a lot of driving this weekend. little lies you’re told has an opening like a big machine warming up while you are in a control room way high up on a gantry somewhere. spotify

reading (2x bonus round)

All The Trimmings by Tesni Morgan (published 2001 in the UK) is a gift from @believerindaydreams. it is “erotic fiction written by women for women” (debatable) and “the publishers recommend that this book should be sold only to adults”. also, “Black Lace novels contain sexual fantasies. In real life, make sure you practise safe sex.” idk i’ve ever seen that kind of notation on an american novel before? fascinating precursor to the saccharine little “stay safe kids” ao3 authors notes

i do find the premise genuinely fun and compelling— two divorced milfs opening a hotel/bordello with historically themed rooms. i have had to look up a lot of british purple prose and i refuse to believe anyone says “rogering” in real life.

im being edged with glimmerings of bisexuality. every time one of the milfs gets turned on and goes out roaming to distract herself from being turned on, i go “oh?” like at a pokemon go egg, but so far all the dalliances and encounters have been dudes.

had a very strange experience with cormac mccarthy's blood meridian. i don’t normally interrogate whether or not i am the intended audience for a work except when it’s literally made for children, bc i as a modern bisexual woman am the intended audience for vanishingly few works. for example, many entire genres (westerns) are very challenging to enjoy.

a western has never made me go "wait so why DO i like westerns at all" so hard. like, what AM i doing here in this genre that is often deeply fucking uncomfortable to consume as a woman, and where the most foundational american and european works of the genre often uncritically embrace the worst parts of the american mythos in the most violent way possible? i do believe critics when they say mccarthy is not embracing violence for the sake of, and in fact has something to say with his revisionist western, but my god is it hard to wade through. anyway, dad media will not fuck me and i still have only a tenuous grasp on why i try so hard to glean enjoyment from it.

i know what mccarthy is trying to do and the overall tone of “weird old maybe-uncle” spinning a yarn to a big group of you and your cousins around a fire somewhere is pretty effective. unfortunately I have less tolerance for mccarthy’s style now than when I read The Road thirteen years ago in high school. i was immediately super invested in The Road’s single dad and how he and his kid were surviving, which does not need a lot of interiority.

blood meridian also has very little interiority. the first five chapters are a teen falling in and out of various fights. i was not, and am still not invested. if im reading A Man Goes On A Journey western (as opposed to A Stranger Comes to Town western) i would like to know two or three things about the man, especially if it seems to be angling at a bildungsroman. i don't typically care for third-person objective narration when it is this closely focused on one guy, and i really don't care for loving descriptions of maggots. comforting to know a lot of critics were also squicked out by this book. so it goes.

watching

finished watching s1 of spy x family! a Legally Not West German spy in Legally Not East Berlin has to go into deep cover and pose as a family man in order to gain access to Legally Not Erich Honecker, because the only social events Legally Not Erich Honecker goes to are the ones at his son's elite prep school.

this man FLINGS himself into being the absolute best husband and father possible. for the mission, of course.

i found the first few episodes the best, which is generally the opposite of my normal anime experience. i think it does a really good job of balancing high-octane spy hijinks and chases and explosions with very domestic concerns (he PROPOSES. with a THE RING OFF A HAND GRENADE. AFTER THROWING IT), and once you're really hooked on these characters it turns into a bit of a curtainfic. curtainanime? i had fun with all of it and anxiously await season two, but the actual applied spycraft does drop off significantly as the series goes on.

playing

we're going to continue with out of context genshin screencaps for the duration. the watery land of fontaine has a neat smorgsabord of visual style-- freshwater but also saltwater but also the aquarium section at petsmart.

making

unpacking mostly. acquired this coffee table and its mother. needs a very deep cleaning and some touchups but is intact. the individual tables are a bit large for like individual party drinks tables but all six together are QUITE large. four tigether would be a comfortable coffee table size for many apartments imo but! bc everything truly is bigger in Texas including my apartment it works for right now. for the first time in my life i am considering a sectional sofa bc the living/dining room is that dang big.

#tuesday again #tuesday again no problem

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thevibraniumveterans · 5 months

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S2 of WHAT IF…

Ep1- “…Nebula joined the Nova Corps?”

Love the bleak opening sequence

Fascinating how Nebula narrates the context. Her “five years of isolation” hits hard.

Nova Prime siding with Ronan was a surprise

Ep2- “…Peter Quill Attacked Earth’s Mightiest Heroes?”

Cool intro; Peter leaning into his inherent powers is interesting…

The Winter Soldier being Gorbachev’s tool to contain Peter is surprising, but not unexpected…

“Does anyone have a plan?”/“I have a plan; retreat.” 😂

Thor announcing that Peter killed off all the Nine Realms except Earth; Peter needed containment to prevent him being too powerful.

Hope breaking Peter out is unexpected.

But Peter defeating his dad is a great ending.

Ep3- “…Happy Hogan Saved Christmas?”

Cool X’mas riff in the beginning music

Avengers Tower… looking festive.

Happy getting accidentally injected with Banner blood is unexpected.

Beethoven’s 9th riff playing when Darcy discovers a whole collection!

“Time for the Hammer to get nailed” 🤣

Overall, great X’mas episode.

Ep4- “…Iron Man Crashed into the Grandmaster?”

Cool that the Guardians of the Multiverse (from S1) are back!

Gamora’s origin story is a Tony Stark episode that looks to focus a bit on Valkyrie? Interesting…

Wonder what Gamora is doing there.

The little Chinchilla is adorable.

Tony with the nicknames (“Technicolor Dream Coat” is a Andrew Lloyd Webber musical reference) is hilarious

Also, Tony building a suit that reforms into a race car on command, and back, is AWESOME

Turns out, Tony inspired Gamora to be a hero.

Gamora melting Thanos, did not see that coming.

Ep5- “…Captain Carter Fought the Hydra Stomper?”

Cool Avengers team; with Carter and Janet instead of Steve and Banner.

It’s kind of what if 2012’s Battle of New York went differently. Then we pick up kind of CATWS but it’s Peggy and Nat.

Peggy’s spin-twist was really cool.

The whole reverse-CATWS but instead of Bucky gone bad and Steve finding out, it’s Steve gone bad and Peggy finding out.

Bucky as a Secretary of State? Did NOT see that coming. But makes sense that Bucky would be the one to try to bring Steve back. Truly a reverse CATWS.

The Stomper Suit keeping Steve alive, I wonder how.

Carter’s hilarious Star Wars reference to carbonite.

Also, the camera panning around Steve and Peggy, is a mirror of the Tony/Pepper one in Endgame.

Melina being part robot is also kind of creepy.

Captain Carter having a musical is hilarious too

Also, the emotional vibes kind of veering into CACW and “Black Widow” territory is quite fascinating.

Peggy disappears thru a portal, only to be greeted by Wanda.

Ep6- “…Kahhori Reshaped the World?”

Ragnarok comes early…

Also, this episode isn’t the first time we see the horrors of Spanish conquistadors invading on native land; we last saw that in Wakanda Forever a few years ago.

But when the Watcher narrates the context, it mirrors the Black Panther movie’s narrative about how the Vibranium came to Earth and ended with the peacemaking between various tribes.

Also great to note that this is the first MCU entry where nobody, except the Watcher (and Stephen Strange at the end) speaks English.

It’s really awesome that the Space Stone energy gives the people from the Sky World (who are formerly Mohawk natives from Earth) and Kahhori very, VERY interesting powers.

KAHHORI MOVED THE PORTAL TO THE LAND!! That is an insane amount of power and strength! That’s wonderful!

Kahhori and her people sinking the Spanish Armada is a sight to behold.

Ep7- “…Hela Found the Ten Rings?”

Hela suddenly being able to speak Putonghua was a surprise.

Odin says that the bearer of Hela’s crown be merciful, which explains why Hela is at first unable to lift it. Just like the first Thor movie.

I kind of wonder why Wenwu would invite Hela to wear a traditional dress; but more importantly, why does he have one ready?

MORRIS RETURNS!! Best fuzzy thing.

Hela visits Talo.

Folding paper. That’s basically Origami. IRL history has it that China has its own paper folding traditions long ago, just like Japan, but separately.

Hela being upset that Fenrir as a puppy was taken from her, is something interesting too.

Asgard, a realm of Norse legend, and Ta Lo, a fictitious Chinese fantasy realm, coming together to free the cosmos, is something I did not see coming.

Ep8- “…the Avengers Assembled in 1602?”

Tom Hiddleston as Loki narrating Hamlet? Not surprising.

Wanda summoned Carter from three episodes ago, and turns out Thor knew about this here.

But what are those portals? Wanda warns to stop them.

Wanda speaks of a lost traveler…

Tony says “Forerunner” but the caption says “person”.

Loki speaking of William Shakespeare writing about Iago in the play Othello.

Rogers Hood. Hilarious combo of Steve Rogers and Robin Hood.

Rogers and Carter double-teaming with the shield is really cool.

Where did the Destroyer come from?

Hogan throwing out all manner of old fashioned insults is hilarious 😆

Also, why is Hogan a hulk in this episode? He was one in the Christmas episode but this one?

Turns out the Forerunner is mainMCU!Steve?

The main effect is that Carter is alone again.

Strange Supreme makes an appearance. Which we leave on a “TBC” for next episode. The fact that he went to fetch Kahhori in Ep6 must mean something big is in the finale…

Ep9- “…Strange Supreme Intervened?”

Interesting; we get the full MCU theme for the title card. We never got the full theme in previous episodes.

Peggy speaks with Strange, who keeps dangerous beings inside their own little crystals.

If the Watcher is a metaphor for us, and Strange implying that the Watcher may not always be right, that means that we might not also always be right about certain things.

Peggy enters South Dakota… where Red Skull (HYDRA) exploded the Tesseract. But why would Kahhori be a danger to the Multiverse, considering Strange net with her last episode? Why is she considered a danger in this one?

Also, Kahhori now speaks English. Not odd, per se, but it helps. She says Strange is “a universe killer.” Which, in some way, he is.

Also, a dragon from Ta Lo, which kinda sells the point.

Hela being insulted that Kahhori sent the swords back is hilarious 😆

Peggy gets an Infinity Armor is pretty to cool. Also, Peggy and Kahhori vs Strange? That’s also really cool.

Peggy gets sent back to her home, but it’s an illusion, and she sees right through it.

Though, playing with the lives of so many people to face Strange, that’s a weird effect, perhaps meant to be “comedic” in a way, but comes off as cruel, which might have been the more intended effect.

Also, the characters falling to the portal just basically overpowering Peggy with their weapons? It’s very interesting because it’s not overpowering her for no reason, she NEEDS to be overpowered to stop an already over-powered Strange. She needs to be MORE than him to win.She gets Hela’s crown, a large sword, and multiple other weapons, while Kahhori uses her powers to lift Thor’s hammers and also uses the Ten Rings. Both Peggy and Kahhori MUST be overpowered to overpower Strange and stop him.

Strange becomes a huge devil monster and falls into the Forge.

Peggy goes to the Watcher.

S2E9 ending exactly as Loki S2E6 did, that’s interesting.

#mcu #what if season 2 #what if series #the watcher #captain carter #kahhori #natasha romanoff #happy hogan #hela odinsdottir #my thoughts #nebula #peter quill #iron man #strange supreme #my notes #mcu meta

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emoangel44 · 2 months

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HI RAXZ IT TOOK LONGER THAN EXPECTED AS IT'S BEEN A WEEK BUT!!! DURING ALL THAT I DIDN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT YOUR FIC/S It's just one of those pieces of fanwork that leaves so much of an impression on someone, that it just ends up sticking and changing what you initially thought of a character, because of how well done the things most would just move aside or chalk up for simple reasons. you seem to be the only person who really does get Chara like no other, and I hope it's not strange to say you write them almost as if you know them or you are them that I'm sorta afraid nothing else will live up to how you written them and asriel in ur fan fic LOL but no matter... i will prevail. I love how you were able to portray charas self hate and self harm, i love how you didn't hold back on the ugly side of it and how far and disturbing it can be especially for someone as young as chara. There's just something so realistic about it that don't see alot anywhere else.

I also like how you made asriel be childish, childish in a way a kid can be bratty or selfish(?) in the first half, that might not be a good descriptor but my puter is lagging from the many many words I've written for this ask so I'm making do </3 the point is you really know how to write these kids. Also enjoy that the tone of each fic is starkly different from one another, asriels pov feels grounded in comparison to charas inner thoughts

HOPEFULLY this all makes a little sort of sense, I've read both of ur fics three times so I'm praying it does, amen. ANYWAYS……. Love ur brain, would love to hear any thoughts you have on utdr in general if you ever decide to share em…. godbless. perhaps i couldve worded this better in a diffrent time but oh well, we ball. i hope u have a great day emoangel44🫡 will be looking forward for ur new utdr stuff

FIORE!!! i have been waiting for this day.. thank you so much. ive had several people say that i really get chara including like, literal veteran chara fans. its very nice to hear, theyre pretty important to me as a character. which is rather funny because the only analysis ive ever actually written on them that wasnt fanfiction was an essay on how i think theyre kind of actually a little poorly written LOL. to understand someone you have to know their weakpoints i guess... even if on a meta level.

for my asriel interpretation i try to incorporate a lot of "flowey-isms" as i say. the way i see asriel is that he was always a bit of a bratty, selfish kid that struggled with low empathy. he chooses to do what he thinks is right because he knows its right and not because it provides him with positive feelings himself... i think thats even more admirable. as opposed to this is think chara is high empathy which is part of the reason they did what they did. asriel is just way more of a people person than chara and so comes off as more understanding, charas just naturally a bit off-putting no matter how hard they try not to be.

chara and asriel are quite different people so i tried to make that clear in how i write their perspectives. chara is kind of stuck in their own head and lives in a world with walls of misery and think prose. theyre very direct but also very metaphorical. its a weird combination but it gets easier to write when taking in account their canon dialogues (one day youll get a fic from me with a more light hearted tone where chara will get to make their dog puns and nerd jokes. maybe). this is also the reason i write them with a strange mix of first and second person. it just feels natural for our narrator.

asriel on the other hand is much much more of an emotional person and is much less formal in how he thinks. he has a lot more filler words and "i-think"s and "i-feel"s and such.

i figure ill write a bit on what inspired each fic.

for my chara fic, i actually started writing it while bored in class. it was inspired a narration line in one of the fights in undertale, the one i used for the summary. the main thing i wanted to play with was metaphors and metaphors upon metaphors. mainly related to charas self hatred though the lense of soil and dirt and flowers and gardens because of course.

for my asriel fic, the main thing i wanted to play with was, quite obviously, writing from asriels perspective. i had already written 2 fics from charas perpective (the 1st one isnt as good as the other two and was mostly written as a characterization and perspective test) so i figured it was time to give him a turn, especially since it we only realy got a peak and asriels personality through charas eyes and i wanted to show it off more. the other thing that the fic ended up centering on is something my friend said to me about how they felt my chara characterization was screaming to be understood under all the hurt. basically the thesis of this fic is "asriel did not fully get chara but he was also the closest anyone ever got by a long shot which counts for something".

if youd like to see my other undertale stuff, here is some poetry ive written about chara (and asriel), here is my art tag which is full of stuff with them (alternatively, just use my undertale tag if you dont want art of anything else), here are my chara and asriel playlists that i always listen to while writing, and here is that chara essay i mentioned.

speaking of my thoughts on utdr... i actually dont post the majority of them. but id absolutely love to talk about them. so if you (or anyone else) have any questions about my thoughts on utdr or want to start a discussion about it Please do. Im actually begging you. i need more engagement guys send me asks. thank you for reading this absurdly long response

#raxz.ask #undertale

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midnightfox450 · 2 years

Text

It's WTNV's 10th birthday you KNOW I am going to write something sappy. Strap in, this is going to be long.

Welcome to Night Vale being a full decade old feels kind of unreal to me, as I've only been listening for three or four of those years. I was very young in 2012, so I can't accurately gauge the mainstream perception of queerness at the time, but I can't imagine it was very good. So when I first heard Cecil matter-of-factly state his love for a man he had just met in the PILOT, I was surprised and intrigued. I honestly remember the moment quite clearly, that's how impactful "I fell in love instantly" was.

And WTNV is not a teen, coming-of-age, "falling in love with your best friend and having to come out to your parents" type of queer story. The main leads were already grown adults. It was love at first sight. They never had to ask each other if they liked men, and it was never an issue. Just unadulterated (albeit often interrupted by supernatural goings on) will-they-wont-they fluff.

Cecilos has gone through some ups and downs. Both of their lives have been threatened too many times to count, they got an apartment (not a condo) together, they were separated for a year, they got married, they had a kid, they killed a giant worm god, they were briefly in a 50 First Dates situation, etc etc. But throughout the entirety of the podcast, from the very first episode down to the most recent, the theme always comes back to their love for one another. It has been frequently shown that the last thing Cecil thinks about, when nearing death or a similarly distressing plight, is Carlos. And when Carlos continuously saves the town from impending disaster, he does it so he can continue coming home to Cecil.

They are the anchor that defines the rest of the town. Night Vale is their home, because they are the embodiments of Night Vale, and they are each other's homes. And the rest of Night Vale accepts this. They tune in every night with at least partial hope to hear more about their lives. They all attended their wedding. Carlos was once considered, by both the citizens and whatever powers that may be, to be an outsider. But his love and loyalty to Cecil granted him acceptance. Queer love is shown to be powerful enough to keep an entire town afloat. Queerness is what gets you accepted into, dare I say Welcomed, to Night Vale.

Fink and Cranor have said they didn't originally intend for Carlos and Cecil to have a serious love story. But even so, Cecil was still a gay main character voiced by a gay man - narrating gay attraction from his own perspective - three years before gay marriage was legalized. It was a pretty huge step for indie queer representation, and I don't think its unfair to say it has fundamentally shaped fictional podcasting as a medium. A lot of your faves wouldn't be half the show they are without it.

When I went to the Haunting of Night Vale liveshow a while ago, the opener by Kate Jones and the weathers by Mal Blum both felt like they expected queerness from the audience. Like it was this unspoken theme throughout the entirety of the night. It felt strange and comforting, to be enjoying something where queerness was implicit but inherent. And isn't that what Night Vale is: strange and comforting? Isn't that what queerness should be?

Now, WTNV, especially early WTNV, is far from perfect. I have a lot of criticisms about the show and its fandom I'll save for another time. But at the end of the day, Welcome to Night Vale is a show about a small, culturally-isolated southern american desert town, where the strange is normal and the normal is strange. I don't think it could be lost on anyone how the supernatural is a metaphor for queerness, in both the archaic and modern definition of the word. WTNV is an inherently queer show. And the idea that queerness can thrive in what would otherwise be thought of as a typically conservative town, not in spite of its setting, but BECAUSE of it? That is an incredibly hopeful and much needed perspective. It was needed in 2012, and it is still just as relevant in 2022.

Godspeed, Night Vale. May the sun continue to be hot, may the moon continue to be beautiful, and may the mysterious lights continue to pass overhead as we all pretend to sleep.

#wtnv #welcome to night vale #carlos the scientist #cecil palmer #wtnv 10th anniversary #wtnv tenth anniversary #wtnv thoughts #wtnv meta #wtnv cecil #wtnv carlos #cecilos #night vale

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vickyvicarious · 8 months

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Lucy wrote her memorandum so no one else will get in trouble through her, and if I remember correctly Jonathan too at one point said that he's writing about what is happening as facts for someone else to benefit from if he perishes...

You have excellent timing, I was actually planning to talk about yesterday's Lucy/Jonathan parallels when I came back to see this. Yes! In fact, there are several lines which call back to Jonathan quotes:

"If this book should ever reach Mina before I do, let it bring my good-bye." Jonathan, 4 May "I write this and leave it to be seen, so that no one may by any chance get into trouble through me. This is an exact record of what took place to-night." Lucy, 17 September

I'm pretty sure Jonathan has a few other similar lines but this is the first one. And it becomes apparent that his journal is written for multiple purposes, including keeping his own sanity intact, serving as a record he can consult, a place he can be honest about his emotions... but from very early on it is also intended as a resource that can be seen by others. Jonathan's intention is for them to know the truth of what happened to him. But in a way at the end, the diary is also intended to serve the purpose of countermanding his own assistance in getting Dracula to England. He doesn't want anyone to 'get into trouble through him' either, it's what provokes him to make the shovel attack. (Alas, then he breaks down and his memory loss and trauma lead him to choose not to open it.)

And of course, Jonathan also has several different times he emphasizes that he is making an exact record. He's not the only one, of course. The Captain of the Demeter does the same. All three narrators who suffer from Dracula preying upon them for extended amounts of time take care to say this.

"I doubt; I fear; I think strange things, which I dare not confess to my own soul. God keep me, if only for the sake of those dear to me!" Jonathan, 5 May I have a dim half-remembrance of long, anxious times of waiting and fearing; darkness in which there was not even the pain of hope to make present distress more poignant: and then long spells of oblivion, and the rising back to life as a diver coming up through a great press of water. Since, however, Dr. Van Helsing has been with me, all this bad dreaming seems to have passed away; the noises that used to frighten me out of my wits—the flapping against the windows, the distant voices which seemed so close to me, the harsh sounds that came from I know not where and commanded me to do I know not what—have all ceased. [...] But I need not be watched; I am well enough to be left alone. Thank God for mother's sake, and dear Arthur's, and for all our friends who have been so kind! Lucy, 17 September

Lucy is more willing to confess to the strange things she thinks here, for the first time. Jonathan wasn't, in the beginning, and we aren't sure whether he ever fully did (he certainly had nightmares he wasn't talking about, regardless of how open he was about more confirmable experiences). But they both experience similar uncertainty about the reality of what is happening to them. They both suffer memory loss - at different points, maybe in somewhat different ways, but also maybe not that different? They also both hope to be saved for the sake of those who love them.

Something made me start up, a low, piteous howling of dogs somewhere far below in the valley, which was hidden from my sight. Louder it seemed to ring in my ears, and the floating motes of dust to take new shapes to the sound as they danced in the moonlight. I felt myself struggling to awake to some call of my instincts; nay, my very soul was struggling, and my half-remembered sensibilities were striving to answer the call. I was becoming hypnotised! Jonathan, 24 June I kept my eyes fixed on the window, but the wolf drew his head back, and a whole myriad of little specks seemed to come blowing in through the broken window, and wheeling and circling round like the pillar of dust that travellers describe when there is a simoon in the desert. I tried to stir, but there was some spell upon me, and dear mother's poor body, which seemed to grow cold already—for her dear heart had ceased to beat—weighed me down; and I remembered no more for a while. The time did not seem long, but very, very awful, till I recovered consciousness again. Somewhere near, a passing bell was tolling; the dogs all round the neighbourhood were howling; and in our shrubbery, seemingly just outside, a nightingale was singing. Lucy, 17 September

Both Jonathan and Lucy are hypnotized by vampires in their swirling specks of dust form. Both begin to come back to their senses as they hear dogs howling.

"If there were any one to talk to I could bear it, but there is no one. I have only the Count to speak with, and he!—I fear I am myself the only living soul within the place." Jonathan, 8 May "What shall I do? what can I do? How can I escape from this dreadful thing of night and gloom and fear?" Jonathan, 24 June "What am I to do? what am I to do? I am back in the room with mother. I cannot leave her, and I am alone, save for the sleeping servants, whom some one has drugged. Alone with the dead!" Lucy, 17 September

They both speak of being alone with the dead, though in Lucy's case she doesn't realize the full extent of the 'dead' who are with her. But both bring this up in the context of being unable to speak/communicate with other people, and in both cases this is because Dracula has deliberately isolated them. By trapping Jonathan in the castle, by drugging the maids...

I included the second Jonathan quote because I love how despite this completely understandable despair and uncertainty, both he and Lucy take action almost immediately after writing those lines. Jonathan decides to make the climb through the window the very next day, and Lucy resolves to hide her memorandum in order to make sure it is found. They both have very limited resources/options, but neither sinks into despair for too long. They fight till the end.

"The chances are desperate, but my need is more desperate still. I shall risk it. At the worst it can only be death; and a man's death is not a calf's, and the dreaded Hereafter may still be open to me. God help me in my task! Good-bye, Mina, if I fail; good-bye, my faithful friend and second father; good-bye, all, and last of all Mina!" Jonathan, 25 June "At least God's mercy is better than that of these monsters, and the precipice is steep and high. At its foot a man may sleep—as a man. Good-bye, all! Mina!" Jonathan, 30 June "I feel I am dying of weakness, and have barely strength to write, but it must be done if I die in the doing. [...] Good-bye, dear Arthur, if I should not survive this night. God keep you, dear, and God help me!" Lucy, 17 September

They both fully understand that they are facing death, and in fact are more likely to die than to survive. Both are certain the risk is worth it and press forward despite the danger/their fear or weakness. Both fear something worse than death happening to them, and appeal to god for a death as a human... though Lucy's pleas are less explicit about this because she doesn't remember enough to be able to verbalize any distinct other possibility.

And of course, when convinced they are about to die, both of them dedicate their final words to their loved ones.

And that's just the quotes that stuck out to me. There's also other things, like:

A shared feeling of inevitability (in Jonathan's case, externally imposed by Dracula's deadline/the threat of the vampire ladies; in Lucy's, it comes as a result of her long health struggles and the impending danger tonight she cannot stave off alone)

Being menaced by wolves under Dracula's command, who don't actively hurt either narrator but do serve to trap them in with him for the night

Everything about their nightmares, especially the timing of Jonathan's nightmares being specifically mentioned on the same day as Lucy's nightmare becomes a waking one

Each of their avenues of protection/escape being eroded or blocked one by one, leading them to lose hope for their survival. Sort of overlaps with that shared feeling of inevitability, but I wanna emphasize how Dracula is intentionally cutting them off repeatedly as they try various things.

I mentioned the dogs already, but Lucy's two encounters with Dracula in swirling speck form echo Jonathan's two close calls with the vampire ladies who first showed that form, except Jonathan was saved both times and Lucy wasn't. Even when she came out of the trance for a while, it was too late.

It was a lot.

#dracula daily #lucy westenra #jonathan harker #count dracula #vampire ladies #lucy/jonathan parallels #i GOTTA start tagging those #anonymous #replies

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bonesandthebees · 7 days

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im alive (questionable) and im finally back (real) and gods does it feel great to finally read the new rose chapter

I did NOT realise just how MUCH I missed it but DAMN

the crimeboys bonding is going great and theyre doing good in their surviving, im so proud of them

poor phil has to deal with the one thing he cannot control and so he ofc focuses on what he can control, control freak

im enjoying reading about him A LOT, hes so intriguing to me, like yeah so far hes a good character id say, but we get a peak at what he could be capable of and are slowly learning where his priorities and loyalties and limits lie and oh gosh is it fun to watch

and ofc THE BIG MOMENT OF THE CHAPTER: friendly nicknames privileges

and like its a really important and sweet moment in itself and ive been excited for it ever since learning there will be different official names like nikanna and willum and oh did it NOT DISAPPOINT like yesssssss letsgo they are FRIENDS and they let the other call them by their NICKNAMES and it shows how much CLOSER to got and the TRUST and just AHSHSHJSDHBSBSHS YESSSSSSS

and it gets even BETTER bc thats not all, this is a recurring theme with you, whether its a fae name that carries power, a mermaid name that signals family like in last years mermay, knowing a name that reveals the secret identity in superhero aus coming with trust but also responsibility, official and personal names of royals like rose and stars showing friendship or in the other way loss of it, and in glass the reclaiming of self identity thru the reclaiming of name and letting go of a title (which btw the coolest and most genius work with narration ive ever read) you just keep on giving names value in your stories and especially the act of sharing them, the one close to you, with others as a sign of love, even just a little bit and it gets me EVERY SINGLE TIME and the fact its a recurring theme gives it even more meaning, makes it get to me even more

and like its something that happens even in real life in some ways but we often overlook just how much love is hidden in it and I love that it gets to shine like this in your stories

I know we talked about your love for giving names more meaning like this before but I just needed to scream about it again bc IT STILL GETS TO ME

it feels so good to have you back in my inbox (and my ao3 comments) with walls of text like this jiksvokrat

they're doing shockingly well!! shoutout to tommy's survival knowledge wilbur would've been dead by morning without him

I'm so glad you're enjoying the phil pov. I love showing his control issues and how his mind works. he's such a calculating character and I have so much fun writing him

I'm so glad you like my recurring thing with names. I really don't know where it came from, I never had this whole thing with names before I started writing mcyt fic. I think I just really liked it both when I wrote that first fae au fic so many years ago and then when I was writing clinic and there was obviously the whole secret identity thing going on that I just realized I liked the theme and decided to use it where I could.

I just think the act of sharing your name, your identity with someone else can be so vulnerable and full of trust!! I guess this translates to every day stuff as well. like when one of my childhood friends came out as trans to me I felt so happy when she trusted me with her new name and identity (I was one of the first people she came out to). or as a less intense example, part of why I like having an online nickname is that it feels strangely nice to have a name that you guys here can use that's me but also a bit separate from me, but then I have my real name which is reserved for the people I'm closest to (though of course most of my internet friends who know my real name still use bee for me which I don't mind at all). I guess it's kind of like having a public persona vs a private persona. idk, I guess I just really feel the importance of names so I like including it as a theme in my writing.

I'm just very glad you guys aren't getting sick of the whole name giving thing yet lol

#ask #jiksvokrat #rose ch 8

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sapphic-agent · 7 months

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Here my new ask. Its about Shiggy!

I always will love the dream sequence and I do think it was better in the manga but is odd how Shig is saying "I forgive you Hana" and wake up to destroy everything and everyone.

I know people can feel more than one emotion. "I love Susan but I fear her" sure sure but Shig's only time ever saying those words of forgiviness ...should mean smth.

Yet...it doesn't.

Also...when in the dream sequel Shig kills his dad again...I dont see him happy about, he seems shocked and sad.

1) is Shig an unreliable narrator? To me, yes. But Hori wont explore this.

2) if afo was forcing those memories...for what reason? It was crucial for Shig to suffer and be mad forever? Does afo feed on hate? Bc I swear the amount of things Afo has done in canon towards Shig should have made Shig resent the fuck out of him

3) the ghost of his family try to save him(kotaro, who fandom sees as a monster while still cheering for Endy tries to do smth) and failed....what Izu can do here? Ge barely knows Shig.

4)Shig wake up serve cunt (that scene was cool. I give him that) and....as you said before is shallow. The dream sequence meant nothing, his family meant nothing to him. Actually his emotions meant nothing for the damn story.

5) afo made bold assumptions that Shig would still be his brainless pawn...and only works bc Hori says so. In true, Shig should have dessert him a long time ago (shig got shoot on the ua invasion. Shig got the hands of his parents and afo laughs)

It was such a cool sequence...it seems it would go somewhere but is hollow. Ita just a waste. Even more as he says he wont forgive anyone (while I get Izu saying "I wont forgive you" this line works way better for bk or aizawa. Feels strangely personal for a man Izu interacted 2 times only and shig canonically has Izu on his mind, knows he is quirkless and likes quirkless stuff never try to contact Izu)

1. Shigaraki is indeed an unreliable narrator! I forgot which user brought it up, but his narration and the actions taken by his younger self don't align. He says that he wanted to and reveled in killing his family, but the expression on his face through it all is broken. He doesn't look happy or gleeful, he looks horrified and desperate. Even with his awful father, he's shown reaching out for him and only changes when his father hits him. AFO's conditioning affected him in ways he doesn't understand, he's trapped by the undisputable (to him) fact that he's a villain who craves destruction

2. AFO is a master manipulator. He doesn't feed on hate, he feeds on how vulnerable and usable Shigaraki becomes when fueled by that hate. You'll notice he never scolds Shigaraki for his temper. He knows if Shigaraki stays petulant and full of anger, AFO can use it against him later. Shigaraki has started to realize that he's being manipulated, but it's overshadowed by the box AFO's forced him into

3. See, this is why we needed more interaction between Izuku and Shigaraki than we got. Other than the mall scene they barely interacted before the war. I've always said that Shigaraki was Izuku's parallel. They're two sides of the same coin. Izuku doesn't understand Shigaraki, he said so himself at the mall. You can't save someone you don't understand long-term. There should have been a scene- any kind of scene- where they're stuck together, can't attack one another, and forced to talk. Even if they can't (and shouldn't) come to an agreement, they still would have a better understanding of one another

4. Hori is too focused on making Shigaraki narrow minded and hellbent on destruction to give him any other emotion

5. Yeah... The lack of agency Hori forced on Shigaraki after just giving him agency wasn't the best. He isn't someone who's weak-willed. He's insanely stubborn and resilient

#mha critical #bnha critical #shigaraki deserves better #shigaraki critical

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sokkastyles · 1 year

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I was reading your Azula metas. I kinda had in my mind that a redemption for her would come from her resolving her issues with her mother. I think because Zuko is similar to his mom (or at least more similar to her than to his dad) it's possible that she could understand her mother better by getting to know him more. I remember some bits on the show like when Azula warned Zuko about him visiting Iroh in prison, because of her tone I sort read that as she really trying to protect him and not just a threat or something. I think there's something there with him being the last connection to her mother. I wonder if she felt betrayed by him once he left the family and joined the gaang, not just because it ruined the plans or anything but because her mother also "left" her. Idk if this makes any sense lol I'm just rambling now. But what do you think?

I love the idea of Azula learning to understand her mother by getting to know her brother more!

I think that most discussions about Azula's relationship with her mom fall flat in two ways. One, people forget that Azula is an unreliable narrator, especially when it comes to her family. It is strange that when we hear Zuko talk about how Ozai will restore his honor, we know that he is unreliable, but people don't question it with Azula, who absolutely worships her father and blames her mother for her father's abuse because of course she can't blame Ozai. It's actually a pretty typical dynamic in homes with a parent like Ozai, for that parent to try to turn the children against the other parent, and since Ozai resents Ursa and treats Azula like his golden child, is it hardly a surprise that Azula also feels resentful of Ursa? Especially when Azula whole-heartedly believes what Ozai wanted her to believe about how she was better than her brother and deserved to be treated better. Ursa treating Zuko kindly is a threat to that belief, a threat to what Azula's father made her believe was where her sense of self-worth lay.

Two, what Azula says about how their mother "liked Zuko more" is really more about her relationship with Zuko than it is about their mother. Remember the context of that conversation in "the Beach"? It comes right after Zuko's big revelation where he realizes that he's angry at himself for making the wrong choice and choosing to go back to the Fire Nation. When Zuko says he's angry at himself, Azula asks him why, and the voice acting in this bit is interesting, because Azula sounds suddenly curious. Before she was dismissive, although this is also the episode where we get an Azula who does, deep down, long for a human connection. We see glimpses of this curiosity when she asks Ty Lee how she is able to get boys to like her.

Azula's response to Zuko is equally dismissive, because just like in the scene with Ty Lee, Azula can't show vulnerability for long, can't let others know that she wants something from them without masking it in dismissive language, but before that, the camera does something interesting. The shot is a closeup of Zuko, who says he's afraid he doesn't know the difference between right and wrong anymore.

But while Zuko is talking in the foreground, the camera actually pans to shift focus to Azula in the foreground, watching him.

The purpose of this kind of shot is to position Azula as equal to the audience, as we watch Zuko grapple with worrying that he doesn't know the difference between right and wrong.

Which implies that Azula is also thinking about the same thing.

Of course, she calls him pathetic a moment later, but remember that this is Azula masking her feelings of vulnerability. What's really interesting about this situation is that Azula usually seems to have the upper hand against Zuko, and she keeps it here by doing what she always does, and reasserts that she's better than him. He's "pathetic" and his trauma is a "sob story," which of course she doesn't have. But even in his moment of confusion, Zuko actually has more clarity than Azula has, because he's able to question the way they were raised in a way Azula never has been able to do. The positioning of the shot also emphasizes this by showing Zuko as dominating most of the frame while Azula appears small in the background.

And then of course what Azula says about not caring about how her mother thought she was a monster is her being an unreliable narrator again, and we know she's attempting to blow off something that deeply bothers her. But it's not her mother that is the source of this, it's Azula's own confusion. Because Azula also is starting to realize that she's not sure if she knows the difference between right and wrong, and she's not brave enough to admit it the way Zuko is (Zuko who can't help but wear his emotions on his sleeve, which is something Azula is normally able to take advantage of, but here it gives him an advantage over her). But she knows that her mother tried to teach her to do the right thing, and she experiences confusion over the competing demands of trying to please both parents when the parents' demands are not aligned with each other.

Because she couldn't please both parents, Azula made the choice long ago to please the one who was the most powerful, and of course that's Ozai. But that doesn't mean her internal conflict went away. When Zuko stops making that choice, it's a threat to her entire worldview. That's a big reason why she needs him to come with her in Ba Sing Se, why she sees Iroh as a threat, and why she's dismissive of the bond Zuko and Ursa had, and why she goes after Zuko when he joins the gaang, with intentions of killing him.

Which is also why I don't see Azula doing things like encouraging Zuko not to look at things that remind him of Ursa or telling him not to visit Iroh as beneficently as some. I do think it's more complicated than just a threat, and that there's some affection there, but it's also a way for Azula to affirm her own flawed beliefs. If Azula cares for Zuko, it's in a similar way to the way her father cares about her, as someone she can control and use to reinforce her own feelings of superiority.

Azula can't understand why Zuko would cling to the relationship with his mother, or Iroh, when these relationships cause him pain. But these relationships make Zuko strong in a way that Azula isn't, and she knows this, deep down.

There's an interesting moment in "The Search" when Azula can't understand why Zuko would still be fire lord even though he doesn't want it, and why he would try to help people who resent him. Which also has to do with his relationship with his sister, because in this comic he also offers to help her despite Azula trying to sabotage his search for Ursa the entire time, and Zuko tells her that she's still his sister. She tearfully tells him that "even when you're strong, you're weak," before running off.

Which reminds me of this quote from the movie "What Dreams May Come":

He was a coward! Being strong, not giving up, it was just his place to hide. He pushed away the pain so hard, disconnected himself from the person he loved the most… Sometimes, when you win, you lose.

The things that Azula regards as weaknesses in Zuko are actually the things that make him stronger than Azula in the end, and that's also at the heart of Azula and Zuko's differing relationships with their parents. Zuko learns to confront things from his past that are painful in order to make himself stronger, to free himself from Ozai's influence and embrace meaningful relationships that don't revolve around control and fear, whereas Azula is largely in denial about her own trauma. So yeah, I do think that if she could understand Zuko and learn from him, she could potentially repair her relationship with both her brother and her mother. There's a lot of contention about what Ehasz said about Zuko being "Azula's Iroh" in discussion about a possible redemption arc for her, and I myself have said some things against that idea - most notably the idea that Zuko needs to be responsible for "fixing" her when she is a huge part of and contributed to his own trauma - but there is some truth in Zuko being somehow involved in a possible redemption arc for her because Zuko has achieved what she hasn't been able to yet.

#zuko #azula #ursa #ozai #the beach #the search #atla comics #atla meta

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makethosenarratorsfight · 11 months

Text

UNRELIABLE NARRATORS; SIDE B

Hamlet Propaganda:

Have you seen the man. Is he clinically insane or just putting on an antic disposition. Is the ghost real

Kim Dokja Propaganda:

I haven't read orv but he's fucking gotta be from what I've osmosised

misreading the intentions of his companion (yoo joonghyuk) so many time.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTANDDD DOKJA IS SUCH A UNRELIABLE NARRATORRRRRR GOD I COULD WRITE AN ESSAY BUT I KNOW YOU LOVE DOKJA TOO BUT OMG HE'S JUST SO AAAAAAAAAAAH

Rest of Propaganda under cut!

Kim Dokja: I didn't cry

The Fourth Wall: [Kim Dokja was crying]

Imagine being so unreliable as a narrator you need a more powerful narrator to call out the actual narrator.

^ same submission, just spacing it out

^ same submission, spacing it out (i really should've done this earlier.)

as i quote a brilliant youtube video (all of omniscient reader’s viewpoint in 6 minutes) “yoo joonghyuk sees kim dokja as a c_____”

yoo joonghyuk: companion

kim dokja: cunt

^ same submission, once again. spacing it out.

#hamlet #shakespeare #hamlet prince of denmark #kim dokja #kdj #orv #omniscient readers viewpoint #if kdj gets this poll blacklisted again im blowing him up #unreliable narrator battle #unreliable narrators #polls #side b

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blackjackkent · 2 months

Text

The brain shudders under the final blow of Hector's fists and he feels something deep and vital give with the impact. It howls, a noise of agony and rage that chills him to his soul.

"I----impossible--- ---------PAIN-- --FEAR- ---TERROR--"

It wails, and he watches dispassionately, exhausted, overwhelmed, as it writhes in pain. Even watching the deaths of many of his greatest enemies, he has felt a certain level of regret, or of compassion. But he has none for this thing that has destroyed so much, claimed so many lives and so many more minds...

The pain in his head is tremendous. The brain's pain is his, and his is the brain's. They are still bound even in this moment of its destruction.

"-- reconsider-- -------assess--- -----implore---- ---SURRENDER---"

As if they would even consider it.

"There," Orpheus says hoarsely. "At last. It is subdued."

The brain screams again, desperate bellowing pleas that echo like thunderclaps.

"--SPARE ME-- --JOIN ME------ --WIELD ME----- BECOME ABSOLUTE"

He can feel the demand all through him, the compulsion that grows out of the worm in his head. The desire to evolve as the Emperor called it, to take power, to control.

But he has never wanted it. Even in the darkest moments he has never even considered it as an option.

"And thus I honor my mother's legacy," Orpheus murmurs. He sounds incredibly tired, worn, inexpressibly sad. "The Grand Design, once again, ended by my line."

Narrator: The brain is on the cusp of its final thought. And it's taking all of Orpheus's strength to keep it there. An opportunity perhaps?

(A/N: Obviously Hector isn't at all interested in taking the control option here, but I have to say that just looking at the dialogue choices when they popped up kind of gave me chills.

)

"Go ahead..." Hector whispers. His head is throbbing, tears hovering at the corners of his eyes. It seems almost impossible that after so many months of suffering and struggle, it could possibly be over. He feels Karlach's hand on his shoulder, Jaheira and Lae'zel's presence at his side, and it brings more strength into his voice, greater volume. He speaks more steadily now, fists clenched at his sides. "Command the brain to destroy all tadpoles and the itself."

Orpheus does not respond, but power pulses out from the Netherstones. The brain convulses, seems to curl into itself.

"--- my master--- -i must---- OBEY-- --I must... END"

In the blink between one breath and the next, they are shoved forcibly out of the strange plane where the brain resides. They are back out on the platform where the portal tossed them, and the shock of cold air makes Hector's breath catch in his lungs.

Narrator: Hopes, nightmares, and the screams of legions upon legions of unborn illithids...

Sudden agony. Pain lances through Hector's head, stabs at his temple; it should be familiar, but this is an entirely new kind, like flame, like lightning.

Narrator: The pain rips through you, obliterating all thought, all feeling. Your tadpole burns in your brain.

Just as the pain reaches its peak, blinding him, just as his skull feels like it will collapse... there comes an explosion. The crown shatters apart with a burst of white energy. The platform rocks under his feet. He cries out, feels Karlach grasp his arm hard enough to bruise.

The pain clears. The pieces of the crown fall away. He sits on his knees on the platform that houses the brain, and everything for a moment is blissful, utter silence.

There is nothing within his mind but him. No Emperor, no Netherbrain. None of his friends, bound to him by fate and love and hope, either; it is all gone. It is all over.

A strange sort of panic takes him at not feeling the gentle, everpresent brush of Karlach's presence within his mind; he spins frantically, only relaxing when his eyes settle on her.

She smiles shakily at him. "Did we do it, Hec?" she whispers. "Is it really over?"

He isn't sure he can speak. His heart is still pounding. The whole moment feels unreal.

Narrator: Silence. For the first time in a long time, your thoughts are entirely your own.

Narrator: And then... gravity.

"Oh, hells--" he manages to get out, and then the whole world turns sideways.

In a slow, graceful arc, tumbling, the brain begins to collapse down out of the sky, its spinal cord dragging into the ground, knocking aside buildings and crashing through roads in its headlong careening downwards.

There is no time to make a plan, to reach out to each other, even to cry out-- only to hold on for dear life as the movement threatens to throw them clear into the city. Hector is conscious only of a sudden terrible fear, and the pain in his fingers, and a sort of bewildering frustration--

After all we've been through, there's still THIS?

And then they hit the water.

He's thrown sideways in a stomach-churning arc, hits the surface almost a hundred feet away; the cold shocks through him like a blow and he opens his mouth to cry out, taking an unexpected mouthful of putrid harbor water.

For a long moment the brain floats unmoving. Hector struggles for breath, flailing in an attempt to keep his head from submerging.

And then because, frankly, everything wasn't awful enough, the brain explodes.

-----

Hector is lifted entirely out of the water by the explosion, sent flying another twenty feet, and slapped back down into the surface hard enough to knock the breath out of him again. "Gods, please..." he howls, choking, struggling against the urge to simply sink and not fight it anymore. "Gods, please, no more... let it be done... I have given all, and still it does not end! LET IT BE DONE!"

The water calms. There are no more explosions. In time, his breath returns to him, and he floats quiescent amid scattered bits of flesh and wood.

"Karlach?" he calls weakly. "Karlach, are you there? Jaheira, Lae'zel--"

Silence. His heart stutters in his chest.

Then-- "I'm here, soldier!" He hears a heavy splashing behind him, turns to see Karlach barreling towards him at top swimming speed. Without hesitation, she throws her arms around him, pulls him into her chest to send them spinning lazily through the water, tangled together. Her engine is practically aflame now, he can feel the heat painfully even through her armor, but he doesn't care, and clings to her with exhaustion and relief that makes his heart ache.

In the distance he can hear Lae'zel shouting, and Jaheira even further off.

"We did it..." he whispers. "We did it... we did it and we lived..."

She kisses him, so hard that it almost hurts, her lips crushed to his desperately. "We did it..." she agrees shakily, burying her fingers in his hair. "It's really over... and we lived... you lived... thank the gods..."

#bjk plays baldur's gate 3 #hector carlisle #bjk writes her own party banter #LET'S. FUCKING. GO!#SO PROUD OF MY BOY!

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zilabee · 5 months

Text

A meme about my fic, believe me when I tell you. This is one of those question lists for ask memes, but I don't believe in that, I am just answering the questions I have an answer to and I've combined a couple of memes into one to get rid of the questions I don't understand.

1: What inspired you to write this fic?

It was a kink meme prompt, so that prompted me. And it's a lovely thing anyway, the idea of John finding lyrics with his name in, but the prompter specifically said that they have a 'heart to heart' and I was immediately enamoured at how ridiculously hilarious it would be trying to have a heart to heart with Paul McCartney about what his song might actually mean. Reading The Lyrics I had spent a lot of time trying to work out Paul's head, and wondering how much he actually believes that the long and winding road is about a road, you know, and what he really means by that, what level he's on with anything he says, so I wanted to write a fic looking at that anyway.

2: What’s your favourite line of dialogue?

"You kissed me." "I know." "But you're not..." Paul says. "I mean we're not..." "I think we might be, Paul."

3: What’s your favourite line of narration?

"Paul kisses him and then kisses him again, and it's such a relief. It's the first thing that's made sense all day. It's the first thing that's made sense for years."

4: What scene (or line) did you first put down? Did you plan it out, or write as you go?

As ever, I wrote the first bit first! Dull but true. And I wrote it as I went, which is always how I write, even if there are going to be chapters which there weren't with this one. I have the vaguest idea of the shape/length of the thing when I start, and then I just write a bit and see what comes next. Saying that, it's a terrible way to write, I tie myself in knots and have to do a lot of rearranging, and I'm not saying it's best, it's just the only way I can do it. I suppose it's like I wrote it by writing down EVERYTHING they might say to each other, and then carving out the bits that made sense.

5: Was it easy or hard to write? Which part was most difficult?

It was okay. I kept hitting dead ends trying to make the conversation flow even a little bit from one thing to another, so there was a lot of moving it about, but it didn't feel difficult until I got to the bit after the kiss. That stalled me for ages because I didn't know how much they really needed to say or if it felt rushed. I still think it does feel a little bit rushed, but also I don't care. I kind of sided with Paul that as soon as they'd kissed it was more important for them to fuck than to actually dig into anything about how they felt or what they wanted or how it was going to work or what any of it meant. Mostly because I think the moment they talk about what they want it's all going to be very difficult again and I didn't want to be involved.

6. How did you choose the POV to write from?

I knew this one would be from Paul's POV because I wanted to get inside the way he thinks about lyrics and songs and try to feel it out as a thing he's genuinely feeling, not something he's aware is defensive, not something where he actually deep down knows that putting John's name in his song means something and just doesn't want to say so, but where he genuinely feels it's perfectly normal and John's being weird about it. (Although then with a slight sense of nervousness when he first sees the lyrics, as if there's something deeper inside him that knows it needs to be hidden?)

I thought about slipping between that and John's POV to really get across how used to Paul's strange thought patterns he was, and how he had to puzzle it all together, but in the end I found it more interesting to try and have Paul show how John was responding and hoping it was clear what John was actually feeling compared to what Paul thought he was thinking.

7. Did you always know how it would end?

I knew it was going to be happy and together, because that's always my aim. And then quite early on the bit of dialogue with John promising to tell Paul which of his own songs are about Paul, came to me and I love the idea of Paul's insides collapsing like a house of cards at the very idea of it, so I worked towards that.

8: Where did the title come from?

The song! I love having a musical fandom, where you just write about a specific song and it makes titling a breeze. (Saying that I'm not sure the title suits.) (But then, saying that, I don't care. The title exists, and that's all I look for in a title.)

9: Were there any particular lines or scenes which you had to cut despite wanting to keep them?

Not as much in this fic as in longer fics with more than one scene in them, but there was this bit, which isn't much on its own, but I quite liked when it was in place because it created a very definite shift in tension and they were both suddenly right there in their skin:

"Is that what's happening?" John asks, his voice low, a rasp in his throat. "Are we losing the whole thing?" "I think so," Paul says lightly, and he wants to say more, but his throat closes up.

10: What do you like best about this fic?

I like it when Paul just says something totally open and honest without noticing it and John quietly looks at him. Like when Paul's all 'I put your name into all my songs, it doesn't MEAN anything' and John has to just stare for a bit. I like that Paul feels like he has won that point and that John must realise he was being silly. I love Paul. I love that he's stupid.

11: What do you like least about this fic?

I find their voices very hard, so writing a fic of total dialogue was not a good look for me. And I feel like I concentrated a lot on the 'begging you to stay' aspect of oh!darling and maybe some of the 'I'll never let you down/do you any harm' bits would have also been quite interesting to John.

12: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

I have absolutely no musical associations with this one. I didn't even listen to the song itself.

13: What happens after the end of this fic?

Obviously very lovely things happen in the immediate aftermath. And I do think that being able to touch and kiss and fuck John would suddenly push Paul into boyfriend mode, and he is more capable of being loving in that mode, it gives him permission to be softer, and I think it might blow John's mind and they might be good for each other, I don't know.

I also feel firmly that one morning in a couple of weeks, Paul will mention that he dreamed about kissing John, and casually say that usually when he has that dream they're at the studio, but this time they were at home. And John will stare at him with exasperated fondness and quietly ask him how often he dreams about kissing him, and if he ever thought about what that might mean, and Paul will wrinkle his nose because he dreams about kissing John all the time, and obviously it doesn't MEAN anything, because dreams aren't real.

14: Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?

NO.

15: What did you learn from writing this fic?

NOTHING.

#believe me when I tell you #fic thoughts

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