#i liked the last post.. i wanted that to be top of my blog for a bit longer..i seriously need to calm down
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pay attention to theo’s beautiful face and not whatever matthias’s arm is doing... i liked the lighting more here than against the wall
#these are the last screenshots i wanted to edit from the ones i took on the 22nd and had been slowly editing throughout the week#will finally be putting mattodore in their thirties to rest 🙏⚰️#river dipping#echthroi#matthias evanoff#theodore doe#a burning house to live in#ts4#ts4 edit#simblr#ended up not doing much to these screenshots tbh… i was so into the audiobook i was listening to i kinda just. stared at the wall a lot...#my brain was telling me this wasn’t worth posting bc i’ve done so many mattodore edits recently and this isn’t anything different but.#like i did actually spend a few hours with these edits so. on one hand i’m like this isn’t really anything#but on the other hand i’m like. well they’re my ocs whom i love dearly and i’ll probably enjoy looking back at this#the same way i do all my other recent edits which i open my own blog up to stare at like. multiple times in a day#obsessed atm……..#anyway.#god… matthias is so huge he always takes up so much space i’m constantly having to crop him out of edits 😭#and these are poses that weren’t even made from me…. so he’s not even at his full 6’3’’ height and size like 😭😭😭#he distracted me but that aside... i'm waiting for my game to open up atm so i can get back to tweaking alessandria's sim#her face is gonna take me forever.................................#ik i don't talk about my other ocs on here much anymore but alessandria is my third favorite oc (mattodore obviously being my top two)#so... i'm seriously gonna agonize over every update i make for them now kjdhknjf#ocs with tragic backstories save me...................#i’ll probably spend a few hours with alessandria in cas and then i’m going back to google docs to write more abt mattodore
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lines from my first fic and queen lyrics
#witch hat tag#orufrey#making 'you're my best friend' about not-aziracrow feels wrong like that is literally theirs but the overlap of it all is real#this is the most i've drawn in one day since i returned to the internet..it's ok..i can still focus..i've still got it..i'm still nuts#i liked the last post.. i wanted that to be top of my blog for a bit longer..i seriously need to calm down
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squeak
#when i am gone it will be no more impactful than a tree falling in a forest with no one to hear it.#my death will have a meaninglessly small impact on this world. maybe it'll have a larger impact on the incorporeal.#there is something in my soul. something hungry. a serpent of unstoppable magnitude held captive in my stomach.#it wont stop until it or i kill us both will it? like a cancer.#im so deeply sorry im so bad at responding to everyone's kind messages. even more so sorry for what will eventually happen next#i have some plans. to excise this tumor that is myself. to rid the world of this putrid filth girl who is nothing but a drain on her compan#we'll see what happens. at least i got my body to a point of self approval before. at least i tried music. at least i tried to be me.#even if it changed nothing. at least im more secure in my being. if only the people around me werent so emotionally far. if only we cld tal#if only i could live with my self approval instead of loving and wanting so dearly. instead of having a mind corrupted by love#and friendship#i was so much. i know you all barely know anything about me in reality. if i asked any you'd probably just list off kinks and species.#but still. ty those who'll remember yk...#and as backup. if it doesnt work. well. please dont hate me. im just a girl who needs out. and cant keep her thoughts inside more#i hope i can be happy in the afterlife. i hope i can see these angels and maybe be one myself.#gonna put a post on top of this to hide it from brand new ppl lookjng at my blog. bc yeah. you all dont need to hear all of this#its the last one of these for this period either way#god i wish i couldve gone to toronto. i want to so bad still. god. why did i have to realize my hopelessness now of all times#bye
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#RIP to the legacy post editor. you will be missed. while queueing this post and the last one it's removed the option for me to switch to the#old one and is making me use the new one. which is like not bad. it's not a bad editor. i just don't like change as most tumblr users don't#it also just appends the post you make directly to the top of the currently-displayed posts behind it even if it's not meant to go there#which is a little bit scary when i'm on the queue page and i click “add to queue” for a post that's supposed to go up on august 18th#to see it immediately appear above mega metagross. the legacy post editor didn't do that. it made you refresh the page if you wanted to see#your own new post on the dashboard. which i think was better!! honestly!! i've never Made a post using the new editor to see how it behaves#only ever queued up FFP using this thang. but that's also bc i feel like i don't post very much. i need smth Interesting to say when i post#on my main blog i mean. i don't make extraneous posts on here (usually) unless i'm answering an ask or something. which. still have yet to#miss one to this day. going strong#bibarel#can you tell idk what to say about this guy. what are they‚ water-type? big chance i'm fucking wrong and they're just pure normal#OKAY i was right. normal/water. semi-interesting typing and i get why they're a water-type. but. i never use. bibarel. even as a kid who#didn't understand or care about competitive. i knew bibarel was not very strong. it's a route 1 normal-type fucker. and maybe it's like#better than i think or something but tbqh it's a sinnoh 'mon and i already have another sinnoh water-type that has my heart. buizel#so bibarel was not so much in the cards for me. bro i should do like. a mono-type run of a pokémon game one day. that would be fu#do folks do that? is that a challenge run that actually exists? nuzlockes exist so i don't see why not. okay i'm doing it. my next replay o#any pokémon game is hereby decreed to be a water-type mono-type run. i may or may not liveblog it on my main blog#and it may or may not be nuzlocke. we shall see#hell maybe i'll stream it. maybe that could be fun. i don't know of *anyone* who would be interested in that but it tends to help me#actually go about completing games when i have someone there like. waiting for me to do so
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Mmmhh...
#(Basically rant on my last two posts)#I know I've said it before and sorry for coming off as annoying–#but I really wish we still had a central bsd blog on Tumblr like fy-bungoustraydogs or bsd-central or things of the kind.#I think now everyone rushes to post news first. And although there's merit to it in knowing news as soon as they happen‚#in the long run the death of this kind of central official content ***fan*** blogs is such a huge loss of fandom spaces‚#especially for the archiving purposes they solved. Especially today that T/witter and G/oogle have basically become unusable.#Literally. Literally. I've been doing official content archiving since I was 11#(because that's the very specific kind of mental illness I have)#and let me tell you that the quality of web search and especially reverse image search only got worse–#in a way that is very evident and noticeable. Which is crazy tbh and not how things should work.#If anyone would like to start a bsd-central kind of blog I'll be the first one to follow.#Actually if anyone actually wants to establish it feel free to contact me and I'll be more than happy to share the resources I have!!!!#It just needs to be something multi-modded for a series of reasons I won't get into right now#I just can't personally do it (not as main admin at least) because that would be modding my FIFTH active bsd blog–#and that's a little too much even for me.#On top of some ethical concerns I have regarding whether it'd be fair for me to mod a fandom central bsd blog–#when I feel like I can't genuinely share the same amount of love for the franchise other fans share#On top of. You know. Getting a degree eventually hopefully.#Then years after the blog has been solidly enstablished and aquired enough credibility it could even open a free donations found to invest–#in buying and scanning and releasing bsd content that hasn't been shared yet like the guidebooks or illustration books or everything else–#for everyone to see...#The dream. (Is realistically never going to happen) (Won't stop me from daydreaming about it every day)#((Still salty I couldn't afford the guidebooks only due to the shipment prices. I *would* have scanned and uploaded them.))#That was a long and idealistic rant. Kyotag out#Edit: *Modding my SIXTH bsd blog#Apparently I mod so many blogs I lost count of them
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girl help I’m experiencing
#weird addendum but pls don’t reblog my vent posts??? why would you even want to????#everything has been So Much lately and I wasn’t gonna vent but then I remembered this is my blog and I can do what I want#one of my best friends left the country last week and he’ll be gone for like two years and I’m so sad without him around#I mean he’s been messaging me every day since he left but it’s still hard not having him here yknow?#and I’m moving into his place but it requires a lot of work before I can so I’m always exhausted#and my joints have all but given out on me completely so I’m always covered in KT tape and braces#which doesn’t gel very well with moving furniture and heavy boxes#and I have no money so I need to be job searching but I can’t do that until I move. BUT I NEED MONEY TO MOVE#on top of that my grandpa died and there’s so much family drama involving that it’s unreal#and weirdly the thing I’ve recently felt bad about is I’ve been neglecting my self imposed Fandom Duties#maybe not fandom specifically but like. creative duties#I want to write fic. I want to draw. I want to read and comment on other people’s stuff#I also really want to do more of my non fandom writing because I want to get something published this year. but i got no good idea aaack#or early next year#and I’ve just had like. no time at all to do any of it and the time I have had I’ve been too drained to do it#ughghghghghghggh#I think today I will drink and try to write something. as a treat.#after I go on a reblog spree to bury this because emotions are very embarrassing#anyway how are you?
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Day #12: Self portrait
I've been doing a LOT of self-reflection recently; mostly about me as an artist, but also me as a person, looking into the future. So I decided instead of self portrait, I'd do a 'self reflection', and paint myself as a person, rather than a face, if that makes sense. Due to a couple different circumstances I wanted to get it out of the way as soon as possible, so it's more of a concept than a real piece, but idk I think it fits the message I wanted to send and that's enough for me.
#raey draws#xchallenge#if you're curious the circumstances are#me spending all of my time on a different piece that's almost done and wanting to finish it as soon as possible#me wanting said piece to be higher up on my blog because i really like how it's turning out and don't want all this clutter in the way#yes i will be combining most of the days into a single masterpost to minimize the amount of posts you need to scroll through but still#also i just didn't really like the prompt even after i changed it bc i didn't know where to go with the piece#last thing; i forgot to time this one but it took like. 10 mins tops
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Took exactly 1 month and 1 week (including the week I took off) to finish this bad boy. I don't have the energy/ability to block this man despite how desperately he needs it (and i'm putting off weaving in the ends) but I think he's beautiful regardless.
Pattern/Yarn info and other thoughts below
Shawl Smorgasbord by Stephen West, knit in Cloudborn Fibers Highland Fingering in Shaela Heather (107), Taupe Heather (02), and Stone Heather (03). Cloudborne Fibers Alpaca & Highland Natural in Graphite Heather (109) and Espresso Heather (110).
Very happy with how the border turned out despite my winging it. I'm still not a super big on the chevrons and how they distort the shape BUT if they start behaving once they're blocked out I'll probably love them too.
He's very large and warm, unblocked his wingspan is about 70 inches and his depth is about 30 inches. Which is smaller than I would expect based on the blocked measurements but the yarn I used is a very light fingering (494 yards to 100 grams compared to the recommended yarn's 400 yards per 100 grams).
I've never knit such a large project in fingering, this yarn was incredible for it (despite being loose 2 ply I barely had any issues with splitting and found this yarn incredibly easy to knit with even without looking at it which is unusual for fingering for me). Very annoyed that it's discontinued but now I know what to look for in animal fibers. Handwashing my wools might be annoying but I like this 2-ply significantly better than typical sock yarns.
For the pattern specifically I'll certainly knit it again. Six dollars felt extreme for a pattern after however long (100 hours maybe?) it seems perfectly fine. I've already picked out another Stephen West pattern to use more of this yarn with that I'll probably start soonish. His pattern writing style isn't my preference (lace patterns have ruined me and now I'm a chart truther), but the pattern itself was clear and well explained. Aesthetically the only main problem is still the border. I'm also not a large fan of the criss-cross stitch but I haven't thought of a good solution. Other than those two I really enjoy the texture of this pattern. I'd be interested in seeing it knit in all one solid colour but I'm not sure I'd be willing to do that lmao. The last couple sections + border also severely dragged to knit. However I'm not sure if I'm just having adhd "i can't physically finish anything" or if it's because I'm currently ill or if it's just so fucking hot in this room that knitting with wool was killing me. Or maybe the rows were just over 650 stitches. The next shawl with this yarn is allegedly slightly smaller. But still smaller.
Overall this shawl was a very enjoyable knit. I wish the yarn wasn't discontinued but I also got it extremely cheap because it is discontinued so now I know my preferences better. The pattern itself was worth the price. However this shawl absolutely needs blocking (and probably pretty aggressive blocking at that) so it probably wouldn't be nearly as successful in a non animal fiber. Acrylic Might work with steam blocking but I'd expect it to have a difficult time laying flat/not distorting.
#knitting#knitblr#finished object#knitted shawl#lace rot#project: shawl 12#shout out to writing a novel about knitting i love this for me#hopefully i'll stop being sick soon. this pattern was nice to have while ill but i would like to do other things#I wanted to do a complex lace project between this shawl and the next one with this yarn but I might do a simple hat or something#actually this would be a good time for the tank top pattern i have picked out thinking emoji#also i didn't update this shawl between my last post and this one because this is my 100th post on this blog#and i wanted it to be this shawl finished#so it is! and now 100 posts! poggers!!!
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🫶
#I’m getting hit with a massive wave of nostalgia now#I remember staying up ALL NIGHT working on changing my theme#I used to play in the html and add things#I looooved adding falling snow during the winter#I remember when having a music player at the top or somewhere on your blog was super popular#but ended up being incredibly annoying#cause half of the people put it on autoplay so when you entered someone’s blog you would get blown away by music#I remember having a whole different page for an about me#I wonder if I still have that up on mine#broooo I haven’t looked at my blog page on a laptop or anything in fucking AGES#I’m embarrassed to think what it might look like but whatever#most of us are using mobile anyway#or at least in my mind we are hahaha#so when I first started a blog I think I was in middle school??? like 12 or 13 hahahaha good times#my first url was SO CRINGE and I’m not going to say it cause I’m 😬😬😬😬😬 when I think about it#and then I slowly got more of a following and started doing smoke videos#I miss that community too :(#making smoke videos and tagging a bunch of stoner mutuals to ‘pass the bong/joint’#and then they would make a video and tag me#awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwhhhh#I haven’t logged into that tumblr in AGES omg#but then I decided to post content and I didn’t want to post it on my original blog in case it got flagged or anything#so I made this blog#and here we are 🥰#but man I have SO many memories from my last blog#i made a friend in Belgium and we sent presents back and forth#I think only once but maybe twice#I still have the bracelet she sent me#can’t believe I’ve been on tumblr for most of my life lmao#but I’ve met SO many amazing people that I would have never have met
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The sadness of this tour ending in about two weeks is only hitting me now...
#personal#It's been a pleasure live blogging with you all.#I mean yeah we have Mexico like a month after and then after that? Three months.#I don't know. I didn't want to say it because I didn't want to seem ungrateful because I am.#This 'More! More! More!' mentality from the fanbase is exhausting but I'll miss them.#But I lasted seven years waiting for them and I was able to see them once and for that I'll be forever grateful.#<- And then two more on top of that because of the pandemic. I'll wait a very long time for them.#Sorry. Another sappy 'This is my favorite fucking band.' post. Everyone ignore me!#And of course now I'm going through my 'I don't wanna gif shit.' period. Hopefully that changes before the LA shows/WWWY fest.
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IRL photos jumpscare
#Seven’s Selfies#my face#well not really but. my eyes and forehead at least#parting my hair down the middle is nice until i realize that it frames my forehead like that#u could advertise smthn on that thing#anyways it feels like it’s been forever since i last posted any pics of myself on here. because it has#so why not post some low-quality and low-effort selfies of my exhausted self after getting home from urgent care the other day!!!#ignore the way i’m strategically posed to hide the cleaning products on the floor in the corner. i am too lazy to move them#so i shall hide them with my hips#these r the shittiest selfies i have ever posted but this is my blog this is my HOUSE i can do what i want#u can tell that i dressed for comfort cause i am not looking very put together here am i#it was a palazzo pants gymshark crop top and oversized hand-me-down flannel kinda day okay#and yes those r the moon print pants and pointy-toe boots that MC wears in ch.1-5 of Everything Stays. i wear them embarrassingly often#cause they’re comfy and i like the way they look
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been a little quiet here, hasn't it?
#( ooc. )#i'm so sorry about the constant disappearing.#at first it was about work... and#last month i went on vacation for roughly 2 weeks#got pickpocketed. lost my phone. been a little difficult#having to get shit organized with my cards and id. it's been a lot#and i've been job hunting again.#and recently i've been trudging through a bit of writers block#so thats the lovely cherry on top#i'd love to come back but i really need to revise my... err#“activity” levels on here. at least to state in my rules it fluctuates like hell.#so if i am active (hopefully) i will be doing a big lookover on the blog#and updating what i need to. sorry for no notice#sorry for not posting literally. anything. for weeks.#it doesn't help i also use this account on a separate browser than i do everything else on#but i am around on discord if people want to reach out.#again... sorry for disappearing. i can't promise activity but i can... hopefully offer it lol#love you guys
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i’m like a week and a half late for new years day, but i’m suddenly feeling like changing the look of my blog around. new year, new blog. same blog, new blog look. same great (music) taste. (this is giving me deja vu, did i say this once before?)
i’ll start by making things more band-neutral now that i’m going back to posting lots of different bands and then maybe i’ll change some small things here and there in the future.
#me#this includes my icon and my theme#that's all i'm changing#well my theme might not change a whole lot#a little bit though#unless i feel like doing something a bit more colorful#as long as it's still easy for my eyes to look at#but that's not in my plans right now#(not changing the brian banner thing though because i love it)#i don't even know what to change my icon to because it's been YEARS since i changed it last#i haven't decided if i'll keep that neutral too or if i'll feel like changing it more often according to my everchanging band interests#iron maiden and sweet will always be my top favorites though#hopefully i can add some more bands to that list in the future but right now it's just them#and they will be there forever#but i don't want literally everything on my blog dedicated to one of them if that's not all i'm posting anymore#and since i've been taking a break from iron maiden#i won't be posting them THAT often#and when i run out of sweet videos that i want gifs of#that will come to an end too#which i hate saying#but that's why i want everything to be neutral because either i will always run out of band content or i'll burn myself out#and then it won't fit anymore and i'll feel like it needs to change
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I posted 5,200 times in 2022
That's 4,797 more posts than 2021!
167 posts created (3%)
5,033 posts reblogged (97%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@whirling-ghost
@rythyme
@pranparakul
@majestictortoise
@thiansong
I tagged 3,728 of my posts in 2022
Only 28% of my posts had no tags
#kinnporsche - 1,444 posts
#the eclipse - 256 posts
#art - 190 posts
#hannibal - 169 posts
#bad buddy - 168 posts
#jeff satur - 164 posts
#meins - 164 posts
#the untamed - 127 posts
#music - 94 posts
#my tooth your love - 92 posts
Longest Tag: 140 characters
#even when he teases kan about liking thua it’s never in a derisive or cruel way. it just seems obvious to him. normal. not shameful.idk man!
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
imagine vegas trying to seduce pete in nothing but his murder suit
45 notes - Posted October 9, 2022
#4
See the full post
71 notes - Posted September 27, 2022
#3
I'll never be over Kim just straight out telling Chay to write a love song about him
what a loser
88 notes - Posted December 1, 2022
#2
See the full post
187 notes - Posted August 29, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
emotionally I am always on a rooftop somewhere in Bangkok
273 notes - Posted November 24, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
#tumblr2022#year in review#my 2022 tumblr year in review#your tumblr year in review#this is basically just evidence of my obsession with kp#meins#oh this is fun#the year isn't over so it is only like 11 months and 1 week in review unless the go back to 8th december of last year#this shouldn't be bugging me :D#this is still so interesting to see#i want this for my entire tumblr history#that high post count tho is totally due to kp before mid of may i had been barely active on tumblr for years (and yet on here daily :D)#the top blogs i reblog from is interesting 'cause the tumblr crushes has been faulty#for most of my time on tumblr and isn't accurate#edit: i checked i tagged kinnporschw 1500+ times it's even worse
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and here is the new profile picture i am using it’s west german interior design from the 70s that i have saved on pinterest just for fun
#i’m keeping it hidden from the top of my blog cause it would look weird with it up there#(really just different from how i’m used to)#but here’s the full photo so you can tell what it is#anyway this just happened to have the right colors for me so here it is#i would like to have a fluffier bed than that one but otherwise it just looks nice#anyway im loving how i haven’t had to bike anywhere today#but im still real tired because i accidentally stayed up really late last night#or i mean. anybody reading this knows how it is shdhdf i actually slept plenty but i just was also#i mean i don’t know when i fell asleep exactly the first or second or any other times. but i know that it was past midnight at some point#and idk how late i was awake or asleep or anything i just know that im real tired today anyway shdhdf#but anyway here’s the photo that i’m using. cause it’s all tiny when you just look at it as a profile picture#and you can’t tell what it is. but it’s a snazzy little home design from the 70s that i just kinda like#although i do especially like it zoomed out. but still i just want to show you guys the full photo#anyway im leaving in not very long for work but just. yeah#me. my post. mine.#delete later (probably)
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Yeah sure we’ve all binged a long fic, but have you ever read a WIP and followed someone’s life?
Tidbits of information - (“I graduated today!”) - and small joys (“It’s my birthday!”) and you get to be there to say “This chapter made me cry, happy birthday, thank you for gifting us this”.
I remember reading this fic of someone at the end of high school, older than me then. They seemed infinitely wise, spoke of their future career and getting into the college they wanted. I remember them posting on days they felt like nothing could bring them down - and on days the whole world did and it’s the aftermath of a hospital visit. Cancer, I think it was, their father. I got to the end of the story, I know their father was fine, but also they got to finish their WIP. I graduated three years later than them, still dutifully wrote thank you notes in every comment. I wonder if they remember me, or just the collective of people reading the story as it updates.
Four years ago I was into my first year of university, my first year of figuring out being out in public spaces. I made excuses as to why my name didn’t match my paperwork and read a fic on the train, the same five chapters over and over again for the next years as I thought the story abandoned. It updated this week after such a long hiatus, I left another thank you comment.
There’s an author I love, they update their stories like a clockwork. When they don’t, I check their blog, just to see if their doing alright, not because I feel like they owe me, just to ensure whether I better get out my laptop to write that really detailed university level essay chapter analysis to get them smiling when their day sucked.
And then, once, when I was 17, I read a fic that hadn’t updated in over a decade. I wasn’t even in primary school when it started posting. On the last chapter, I left a comment that, in retrospect, was horribly rambly and most likely full of grammar mistakes. The author replied and though I couldn’t see their face, I thought of them crying. They were married now, had children, and hadn’t thought about this fic in years. They went through their files again, found another half written chapter and an outline. I got two new chapters to read that year.
And then, recently, someone told me they got back into writing original fiction because of my comments. I get to read nearly weekly chapters.
I love binge reading a finished fic, but nothing is ever going to top the feeling of anticipation of waiting for a chapter, the pure joy when someone tells you I was done with this, but you made me think of it again, so this is for you.
Anyway, I think we should romanticize reading WIPs more, growing up alongside the authors writing the stories we love.
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