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writingwithcolor · 9 months

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Depicting Real World Religions Alongside Constructed Religions

Maya asked:

Hi WWC! Thank you so much for this blog, it's an infinitely wonderful resource! Do you have any suggestions for how I can balance representation of real religions with fantasy religions, or should I avoid including these together? Does the fact that certain things bleed over from our world into the fantasy world help legitimize the appearance of real world religions? I feel like I can come up with respectful ways to integrate representation in ways that make sense for the worldbuilding. For instance, no Muslim characters would practice magic, and both Jewish and Muslim characters would conceive of magic in ways that fit their religion (rather than trying to adapt real religions to fit my worldbuilding). I also have some ideas for how these religions came about that fit between handwave and analogous history (though I realize the Qur'an is unchangeable, so I'm guessing Islam would have come about in the same way as IRL). BTW—I'm referring to humans, not other species coded as Muslim or Jewish. I may explore the concept of jinns more (particularly as how Muslims perceive fantastical beings), but I definitely need to do a lot more research before I go down that road! Finally, I saw a post somewhere (*but* it might have been someone else's commentary) suggesting to integrate certain aspects of Judaism (e.g., skullcaps in sacred places/while praying, counting days from sundown instead of sunset) into fantasy religions (monotheistic ones, of course) to normalize these customs, but as a non-Jewish person I feel this could easily veer into appropriation-territory. *One of the posts that I'm referring to in case you need a better reference of *my* reference: defining coding and islam-coded-fantasy

[This long ask was redacted to pull out the core questions asked]

"Both Jewish and Muslim characters would conceive of magic in ways that fit their religion (rather than trying to adapt real religions to fit my worldbuilding)."

Just a note that while having religion be part of magic is a legitimate way to write fantasy, I want to remind people that religious characters can also perform secular magic. Sometimes I feel like people forget about that particular worldbuilding option. (I feel this one personally because in my own books I chose to make magic secular so that my nonmagical heroine wouldn’t seem less close to God somehow than her wizard adoptive dad, who is an objectively shadier person.) I’m not saying either way is more or less correct or appropriate, just that they’re both options and I think sometimes people forget about the one I chose. But anyway moving on—

Your decision to make the water spirits not actual deities is a respectful decision given the various IRL monotheistic religions in your story, so, thank you for that choice. I can see why it gets messy though, since some people in-universe treat those powers as divine. I guess as long as your fantasy Jews aren’t being depicted as backwards and wrong and ignoring in-universe reality in favor of in-universe incorrect beliefs, then you’re fine…

"I saw a post somewhere (but it might have been someone else's commentary) suggesting to integrate certain aspects of Judaism (e.g., skullcaps in sacred places/while praying, counting days from sundown instead of sunset) into fantasy religions (monotheistic ones, of course) to normalize these customs, but as a non-Jewish person I feel this could easily veer into appropriation-territory."

That was probably us, as Meir and I both feel that way. What would make it appropriative is if these very Jewish IRL markers were used to represent something other than Judaism. It's not appropriative to show Jewish or Jewish-coded characters wearing yarmulkes or marking one day a week for a special evening with two candles or anything else we do if it's connected to Jewishness! To disconnect the markers of us from us is where appropriation starts to seep in.

–Shira

To bounce off what Shira said above, the source of the magic can be religious or secular--or put another way, it can be explicitly granted be a deity or through engagement with a specific religious practice, or it can be something that can be accessed with or without engaging with a certain set of beliefs or practices. It sounds like you’re proposing the second one: the magic is there for anyone to use, but the people in this specific religion engage with it through a framework of specific ideas and practices.

If you can transform into a “spirit” by engaging with this religion, and I can transform into a “spirit” through an analogous practice through the framework of Kabbalah, for example, and an atheist can transform through a course of secular technical study, then what makes yours a religion is the belief on your part that engaging in the process in your specific way, or choosing to engage in that process over other lifestyle choices, is in some way a spiritual good, not the mechanics of the transformation. If, on the other hand, humans can only access this transformative magic through the grace of the deities that religion worships, while practitioners of other religions lack the relationship with the only gods empowered to make that magic, that’s when I’d say you had crossed into doing more harm than good by seeking to include real-world religions.

Including a link below to a post you might have already seen that included the “religion in fantasy worldbuilding alignment chart.” It sounds like you’re in the center square, which is a fine place to be. The center top and bottom squares are where I typically have warned to leave real-world religions out of it.

More reading:

Jewish characters in a universe with author-created fictional pantheons

–Meir

#religion #magic #fantasy #Judaism #Islam #Worldbuilding #Jewish #asks #supernatural beings

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uwabbittuwabbit · 1 month

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I need a Marquez brothers thesis. Alex simply lights up Marc's world. As simple as the dogs belonging to him but sharing with Marc and Marc just falling in love with Shira. The things that Alex does knowingly or unknowingly that keep Marc same. Marc being the motivating force for Alex, pushing for him to ride instead of aiming at mechanic. Being terrified at his race (the famous handholding gif). And it's so difficult to maintain this when you have a brother like Marc but Alex handles the media around it so well. He shuts it down quick if questions get too Marc centric without coming across as bitter or annoyed. The pressure of being one of the few people that can get through to Marc regarding injuries.

OKAY this is exactly the kind of early morning thinking i should be doing so to put our heads together anon: the marc alex thesis is...that i get incredibly sad when i think about them for too long because it's like how are two souls so inextricably bond together like this :(( alex wanted to be a mechanic on a team but marc kept encouraging him to race...when alex would wait for marc at parc ferme back when they raced in different categories and marc would just explode with all the joy his body couldn't contain upon seeing alex...the years where they won duo championships especially...the fact that they look nothing alike and altogether too similar. god. i also think about the fact that everyone said marc was a remarkably mature child for his age back when he was barely clearing the handlebars of a motobike, and also how he entered the premier class barely two decades on this earth. and honestly, how this sort of shielded alex from similar expectations paradoxically. marc was always the center of attention, so in a way this allowed alex to grow up in a way marc never could, because marc had to grow up no matter what; he came at the world too fast, his talent preceded his age. and i think ultimately alex is what keeps marc feeling normal and he is why marc can say with his full chest that he's a normal person even though, like, he's actually categorically insane. now as for alex's side it's like, he reciprocates this protection by removing himself as someone who needs to be protected in a situation. he's the one that marc can show his true face with, even though this could hurt him but alex understands this and he just. doesn't. he just gives all his priority to marc and none to himself and this is also a dangerous way to love. the fact that he has to be the one to tell marc not to race with diplopia is just insane to me too (unrelated but i had to mention it) because either marc would not stand to reason with anyone else or NO ONE ELSE WOULD TELL HIM THIS TRUTH. and it's like, even though alex has the most normal time with his career, marc still thinks its the most incredible thing every time alex wins, even though he's done it all before. alex is always waiting for marc, marc always goes to find alex.

#alex marquez #marc marquez #eternasks #this was written at like 1AM in the morning btw so may not be totally coherent #thanks for the ask mwah

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drdemonprince · 10 months

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I wanted to ask you something controversial bc I feel like you're willing to go against common consensus when your judgement disagrees. My question is, is self harm always bad? When I start spiraling, I hurt myself and that immediately helps me calm down and get grounded. I can get similar effects more slowly if I go for a run, but it's bc it hurts (after a while). My therapist says the running is a healthier choice, but isn't it the same? I'm releasing endorphins and getting reconnected to my body via pain either way. What do you think?

Self-harm is not always bad! Self-harm is just a strategy that has its benefits, costs, and use cases, and we would all be a lot better served if we discussed it dispassionately rather than treating it as wrong, scary, or disgusting.

People self-harm for the endorphins, because it provides grounding and stimulation without the use of any substances, in order to blunt sensory overwhelm, to kick the body into a relaxed state following a meltdown, to express control over their bodies when they're otherwise being controlled and denied agency, as an alternative to suicide, as a form of self-stimulation, and probably for dozens of other equally understandable reasons that I can't think of at the moment.

Self-harm is not innately good nor bad, and abstinence is not the only responsible way to approach a person who is self-harming. I believe a harm reduction framework to self-harm is self-evidently more responsible and morally correct than trying to force all self-harmers to stop. Providing wound care, safe, sterile instruments, supervision, and less-damaging alternative forms of self-harm to the people that engage in it is the way to go, and first and foremost we should be guided by the belief that the self-harming person knows what they need best.

If you're interested in learning more about this, I recommend the book Saving Our Own Lives by Shira Hassan. A harm reductionist approach to self-harm is out there! The groundwork has already been laid for this approach. This essay of mine also does touch on the idea a bit:

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randomgurl2326 · 8 months

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Talk About It

A/N: I am currently writing this in my geometry class and listening to Kick Me by Sleeping With Sirens and I feel actually alive right now…

Also this will have nothing to do with the plot of the show whatsoever

The hum of the teachers voices travels through the abandoned boiler room through the deafening silence; the two just sitting there, saying nothing but thinking everything.

“So… we’re just not going to talk about it,” the sound of Arthur’s voice practically booms in their ears. The Spindell boy looks to his right to look in their eyes, but only to see them looking down.

“Uh, no. No, no, no, no… and definitely no. We are not going to talk about it, maybe never, okay, Arthur? Just… no,” the h/c haired person rambles quickly. They quickly look over to the boy with the glasses, observing his body language.

Spoon lols back at y/n, catching each others eye. “So we’re definitely not going to talk about that intense kiss that just happened with my best friend that I thoroughly enjoyed? Yeah, well, not gonna happen.”

“I’m going to be subjected to this torture, okay? We may have kissed but that doesn’t mean…” the h/c said, trailing off at the end. They start again, more umph in their voice, “Th-that doesn’t mean they we,” they point in between themselves, “like each other, right? Am I right? O-or does it? I don’t really know, so maybe I should like go, right? That’s the best option here isn’t it?”

As they start to get up they Spindell boy grabs their hand and pulls them back down. Spoon started pacing around the room and pointed right at them, “You’re going to listen, and you’re going to listen good, okay? We’ve known each other for actually ever, we’ve shared every little experience together if we liked it or not. We are best friends.

And, you wanna know what; I’ve liked you since you kicked Wendy Callaghan’s ass in third grade after she threw my glasses in the sand box, the first time I wanted to kiss you? Eighth grade at that dance after Carey Stanten rejected you, and called you a fucking dyke, okay?

We’ve stood by each other through it all, and I’ve thought I’ve almost lost you several times to fucking dicks that didn’t deserve your fucking space, so yeah, that kiss did mean something. At least to me.”

y/n started shaking there head with tears in their eyes, looking directly at the panting boy, voice trembling, “I’ve liked you since fourth grade when we went to that stupid zoo when you were in awe of those fucking koala bears.

But, you said it yourself, we’ve been through every experience together. Y- mmm you know that I’m fucked up. But, that also doesn’t stop me from fucking loving you of every damn minute, every hour, of every day. I’ve been scared and I haven’t been fair to you, and I haven’t been fair to me.

I want to be happy with you, for you. And I thought if I told you, you’d leave but I know you wouldn’t do that, it was always in the back of my mind. But wh-why would y-“

“Shit up,” Arthur says as he pulls y/n back in for another kiss, resting his forehead on their’s with his eyes closed and his head nodding side to side, “you know I wouldn’t leave you for that, you know I wouldn’t leave you…”

He starts laughing a little and says, “by the way I love you too.”

They h/c person starts laughing and pushes him back, looking him in his eyes, “fuck off, bitch. I still have pictures of you from back in fifth grade.”

A/N: that was my first time writing for Arthur ‘Spoon’ Spindell and I feel pretty proud of it. As always, my little chalupas, feel free to ask if you want to be added to any of my taglists, want me to write for a character, or just want to talk. Also, I have and Ema Winslow WIP and a Hannah/Shira one as well. I love you all.

—Abigale

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leonardcohenofficial · 5 months

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tagged by @herbaklava @timrothencrantz and @wutheringdyke to post my top nine new-to-me watches of the year—thank you all! in no particular order (l-r, top row to bottom row):

skinamarink (kyle edward ball, 2023) great freedom (sebastian meise, 2021) earth mama (savanah leaf, 2023) nineteen eighty-four (michael radford, 1984) enys men (mark jenkin, 2022) marina abramović & ulay: no predicted end (kasper bech dyg, 2022) paris 5:59: théo & hugo (olivier ducastel and jacques martineau, 2016) nationtime (william greaves, 1972) giants and toys (yasuzo masumura, 1958)

while i hit my continual goal of half of the films by women and nonbinary filmmakers, i still definitely need to keep up with deliberately seeking out films by directors of color! tell me your faves if you’ve seen any of these; do we think i can hit 150 titles in 2024? 👀🎬🍿🎥

i'll tag @sightofsea / @lesbiancolumbo / @nelson-riddle-me-this / @draftdodgerag / @edwardalbee / @majorbaby / @radioprune / @glennmillerorchestra / @deadpanwalking and anyone else who'd like to do this!

my full watchlist is included under the cut, favorites of the year are bolded in red:

The Final Exit of the Disciples of Ascensia (Jonni Phillips, 2019)

Nothing Bad Can Happen (Katrin Gebbe, 2013)

Dive (Lucía Puenzo, 2022)

The Menu (Mark Mylod, 2022)

The Wonder (Sebastián Lelio, 2022)

The Whale (Darren Aronofsky, 2022)

Shapeless (Samantha Aldana, 2021)

Skinamarink (Kyle Edward Ball, 2023)

Avatar: The Way of Water (James Cameron, 2022)

Actual People (Kit Zauhar, 2021)

Honeycomb (Avalon Fast 2022)

Warrendale (Allan King, 1967)

Women Talking (Sarah Polley, 2022)

This Place Rules (Andrew Callaghan, 2022)

Nationtime (William Greaves, 1972)

Deep End (Jerzy Skolimowski, 1970)

Incident in a Ghostland (Pascal Laugier, 2018)

Keane (Lodge Kerrigan, 2004)

I Start Counting (David Greene, 1970)

Bones and All (Luca Guadagnino, 2022)

Tár (Todd Field, 2022)

The Most Dangerous Game (Ernest B. Schoedsack and Irving Pichel, 1932)

These Three (William Wyler, 1936)

Dead End (William Wyler, 1937)

The Sport Parade (Dudley Murphy, 1932)

We're All Going to the World's Fair (Jane Schoenbrun, 2021)

Ratcatcher (Lynne Ramsay, 1995)

Smile (Parker Finn, 2022)

Holiday (Isabella Eklöf, 2018)

When Women Kill (Lee Grant, 1983)

Softie (Samuel Theis, 2021)

My Old School (Jono McLeod, 2022)

Beyond The Black Rainbow (Panos Cosmatos, 2010)

The Diary of a Teenage Girl (Marielle Heller, 2015)

Infinity Pool (Brandon Cronenberg, 2023)

Murina (Antoneta Alamat Kusijanovic, 2021)

The Banshees of Inisherin (Martin McDonagh, 2022)

Doubt (John Patrick Shanley, 2007)

Enys Men (Mark Jenkin, 2022)

Bully (Larry Clark, 2001)

My King (Maïwenn, 2015)

Festen (Thomas Vinterberg, 1998)

Marina Abramovic & Ulay: No Predicted End (Kasper Bech Dyg, 2022)

Elles (Małgośka Szumowska, 2011)

Poison Ivy (Katt Shea, 1992)

ear for eye (debbie tucker green, 2021)

Spring Blossom (Suzanne Lindon, 2020)

God's Creatures (Saela Davis and Anna Rose Holmer, 2023)

I Blame Society (Gillian Wallace Horvat, 2020)

Bama Rush (Rachel Fleit, 2023)

Is This Fate? (Helga Reidemeister, 1979)

Paris 5:59: Théo & Hugo (Olivier Ducastel and Jacques Martineau, 2016)

Madeline's Madeline (Josephine Decker, 2018)

The Strays (Nathaniel Martello-White, 2023)

Here Is Always Somewhere Else (René Daalder, 2007)

The Weather Underground (Sam Green and Bill Siegel, 2002)

American Revolution 2 (Mike Gray, 1969)

Judas and the Black Messiah (Shaka King, 2021)

Underground (Emile de Antonio, Mary Lampson, and Haskell Wexler, 1976)

Saint Omer (Alice Diop, 2022)

Baby Ruby (Bess Wohl, 2022)

Welcome to Me (Shira Piven, 2014)

Clock (Alexis Jacknow, 2023)

Knock at the Cabin (M. Night Shyamalan, 2023)

Blue Jean (Georgia Oakley, 2022)

Soft & Quiet (Beth de Araújo, 2022)

Jesus' Son (Alison Maclean, 1999)

The Rehearsal (Alison Maclean, 2016)

Violent Playground (Basil Dearden, 1958)

Grizzly Man (Werner Herzog, 2005)

A Banquet (Ruth Paxton, 2021)

Jagged Mind (Kelley Kali, 2023)

The Night Porter (Liliana Cavani, 1974)

Good Boy (Viljar Bøe, 2023)

Sanctuary (Zachary Wigon, 2022)

Little Girl (Sébastien Lifshitz, 2020)

Séance on a Wet Afternoon (Bryan Forbes, 1964)

Massacre at Central High (Rene Daalder, 1976)

Summer of Soul (Amir "Questlove" Thompson, 2021)

Bad Things (Stewart Thorndike, 2023)

Still (Takashi Doscher , 2018)

Lake Mungo (Joel Anderson, 2008)

The Vanishing (George Sluizer, 1988)

The Ringleader: The Case of the Bling Ring (Erin Lee Carr, 2023)

Giants and Toys (Yasuzo Masumura, 1958)

Spoonful of Sugar (Mercedes Bryce Morgan, 2022)

Double Lover (François Ozon , 2017)

Hereditary (Ari Aster, 2018)

Bodies Bodies Bodies (Halina Reijn, 2022)

Don't Call Me Son (Anna Muylaert, 2016)

Great Freedom (Sebastian Meise, 2021)

Mother! (Darren Aronofsky, 2017)

The Mind of Mr. Soames (Alan Cooke, 1970)

The Bloody Child (Nina Menkes, 1996)

Bunker (Jenny Perlin, 2021)

Polytechnique (Denis Villeneuve, 2009)

Scouts Honor: The Secret Files of the Boy Scouts of America (Brian Knappenberger, 2023)

The Woodsman (Nicole Kassell, 2004)

Giant Little Ones (Keith Behrman, 2018)

The Killing of a Sacred Deer(Yorgos Lanthimos, 2017)

Nineteen Eighty-Four (Michael Radford, 1984)

Saltburn (Emerald Fennell, 2023)

Renaissance: A Film by Beyoncé (Beyoncé Knowles-Carter, 2023)

May December (Todd Haynes, 2023)

Free Chol Soo Lee (Julie Ha and Eugene Yi, 2022)

Girl (Lukas Dhont, 2018)

Queen of Hearts (May el-Toukhy, 2019)

Streetwise (Martin Bell, 1984)

System Crasher (Nora Fingscheidt, 2019)

Burden (Richard Dewey and Timothy Marrinan, 2016)

As Above, So Below (Larry Clark, 1973)

The Captive (Chantal Akerman, 2000)

Run Rabbit Run (Daina Reid, 2023)

Subject (Jennifer Tiexiera and Camilla Hall, 2022)

Earth Mama (Savanah Leaf, 2023)

Woodshock (Kate Mulleavy and Laura Mulleavy, 2017)

Swept Away (Lina Wertmüller, 1974)

Meadowland (Reed Morano, 2015)

Brainwashed: Sex-Camera-Power (Nina Menkes, 2022)

La Ciénaga (Lucrecia Martel, 2001)

Zola (Janicza Bravo, 2021)

The Starling Girl (Laurel Parmet, 2023)

Night Comes On (Jordana Spiro, 2018)

Dance, Girl, Dance (Dorothy Arzner, 1940)

#so many good films this year!#so funny that the ones that people have really strong feelings on i did not really like this year (minus skinamarink which was incredible #and still absolutely haunts me—some of the other 2023 releases were :/)

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cowgurrrl · 11 months

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Ptolemae

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader (except this is all backstory)

Author’s note: I was listening to Ethel Cain the entire time while writing this and it shows

Summary: “Rage is not to be avoided, diminished, belittled. Rage is God. Better believe my rage is steeped in love.” — Shira Erlichman, as quoted in Jacqui Germain’s When the Ghosts Come Ashore [3.8k]

Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI, canonical type violence, PTSD symptoms, probably incorrect wound care, angst, feminine rage bordering on insanity (my favorite)

It takes you a full forty-eight hours to approach the soldiers in the center of what's left of the city. They've set up tents and medical sites among the rubble. They're calling themselves the Federal Disaster Response Agency or FEDRA. Their uniforms are identical to the one the woman who was ready to shoot you was wearing. They carry assault rifles and yell orders out, every so often burying a bullet in some Infected's head as they approach the camp. You don't trust them, but then again, you didn't trust many people before the world went to shit. You would've stayed outside the makeshift fence longer, but the graze on your arm is only getting worse, and Jane is only getting hungrier. You can't keep being stubborn when she's relying on you to keep her safe.

You tuck your gun and knife into the very bottom of your backpack, hoping the supplies and half-open gauze packages will distract them long enough to conceal your weapons. Jane watches your movements quietly and curiously. You glance between her and the camp beyond the treeline you're hiding in. She looks like she's aged three years in the past few days, dirt and fear hollowing her features in a way you've never seen before. You smile half-heartedly as you put your hands on her arms and squeeze.

"Hey," you say gently. "It's gonna be okay. We just need to go down there and tell them we need help, just like we practiced. Can you show me what you do?" You ask, and she raises her little hands to show she's unarmed. She's shaking. You can't tell if it's from hunger or fear. You don't know if it matters.

"My name is Jane Eloise. I'm five years old. I'm not sick, and I don't have anything that could hurt you." She says, and you nod.

"That's right. Good job. And then, let Mommy do all the talking, okay? Once they get us all processed, they'll take us wherever they've been taking people all day, and we'll be able to get you some food."

"What about you?" She asks. Jane knows you haven't been eating or sleeping. You gave her all three of the meal packs in the tactical backpack, and she's heard you curse under your breath when you tried to change your bandage. Still, you smile and tuck her tangled hair behind her ears.

"I won't ever leave your side. I'll be right here, holding your hand, and if you're feeling scared, you can squeeze my hand as hard as you can, and I'll take all your fear away," you say, grabbing her hand. "Wanna try?" You ask, and she smiles as she squeezes you with all her might. You make a goofy face, and she laughs for the first time in three days. It sounds like music. Once she's done squeezing your hand, you smile. "So, when you do that, you shouldn't be scared anymore. You should only feel strong and brave. Can you show me a brave face?" You say. She flexes her muscles and mean mugs you until you laugh at her commitment to the bit.

"Did I look scary, Mommy?" She asks, stepping into your arms, and you nod.

"Scariest kid on the block," you say as you hug her. For a moment, the only thing in the world that matters to you is her heartbeat against yours. It's steady and perfect and made from half of you. The consistent thumping gives you enough strength to stand, carry her in your arms, and walk down to where the FEDRA soldiers are stationed.

You're slow and careful as you come down the hill. If you run to them, yelling for help, they'll put a bullet in you without a second thought. They'll think you're sick if you act desperate like that. So you move like you're treading on ice, but even then, ten different guns point in your direction, and you swallow down your fear as you put the hand not carrying Jane in the air. She does the same.

"Stop right there." A FEDRA soldier yells once you're a few hundred feet away. You put Jane down and show them you're unarmed. All the soldiers look identical, with heavy tactical gear, menacing weaponry, and helmets protecting their skulls. Jane reaches for your hand and squeezes hard. You swallow around the lump of bile in your throat and find your voice.

"We're not sick!"

"Names!" One of them yells. Jane immediately launches into her rehearsed speech with one hand above her head and the other tucked in yours. You take a deep breath and tell them your name once she's done.

"I'm her mother. We need help." You say. The soldiers look at each other for several long seconds before lowering their weapons and approaching you. Jane squeezes your hand again and steps back into your body. One soldier removes his helmet and drops to the ground to show Jane that he's just a man. He's got kind eyes and dirt stuck to his skin, but he manages a gentle smile for Jane. You wonder how he would treat you if you didn't have a kid.

"We're gonna take you and your mom to that tent over there to get you checked out," he says, pointing to the tent beside the barely standing fence. "Once the doctors say you're okay, we can take you to a shelter with lots of food and water. Does that sound good?" He asks, and Jane nods hesitantly. The soldier glances between you and Jane before rising to his feet again and leveling you with a look, his grip adjusting on his gun. She's not a threat, he's saying. But you are. "Ladies, first." He gestures toward the tent, his tone starkly different than the one he used with Jane. Your jaw clenches, but you do as you're told. He follows closely behind as you walk over to the tent, the metal of his gun clanking against his gear. It sounds like bones rattling. You do your best to hide the shakiness in your step and keep the hand Jane's holding steady.

He follows you inside the tent, closing the flaps for some semblance of privacy. There's no medical gear inside, just a scary-looking table. Something squishes under your shoes, and you make a conscious effort not to look down at the damp ground as you turn and look at the soldier. "Put your bag down," he orders. You let go of Jane's hand to slowly slide the backpack from your shoulders and place it on the table. His eyes widen as he recognizes the tactical bag. "Where did you get this?"

"I found it in the woods while we were hiding," you lie, squaring your shoulders as he eyes you suspiciously. "Nobody was around, and I thought it could have stuff we needed in it."

"So, you just found and took a military-issued bag and didn't think anything about it?"

"No offense, soldier, but I don't think theft is the worst thing to come out of the past few days." You say, and he squints at you like he's trying to figure out if he believes you. His gun clicks against his gear as you stare each other down.

"I need to know you're not bitten before I can let you go any further," he moves on, and you feel your shoulders drop in relief. You remember seeing those things mercilessly attacking people, ripping their faces off, or chewing on flailing limbs. If getting bitten is how this is spreading, who got bit first? Who started this? The soldier looks down at Jane. "Can you wait outside while I talk to your mommy?" He asks, and you put a hand on Jane's shoulder before she can move.

"She's not going anywhere." You dig your heels in, and you watch his jaw tighten.

"I didn't think you'd want your kid in here when I asked you to strip to check for bite marks."

"The world fucking ended, and you think I'm going to trust you people with my kid after you dropped bombs on us?" You ask, tucking Jane behind you. You've done it so many times in the past few days that it feels natural, putting yourself between her and a threat. "She's staying with me."

"Fine, but I still need you to strip." He sighs, exasperated. You're pulling your arms through your jacket before he can even finish his sentence.

"I'd love nothing more, Waters." You spit, glancing down at the name tag on the front of his uniform. You throw your jacket down on the table holding your backpack, and he freezes when he sees the gauze on your arm. He doesn't move as you pull your shirt over your head to reveal the scrapes and asphalt burns from fighting the infected guy outside your apartment. Your legs don't look much better, the skin broken and stained red. Jane gasps once she sees the cuts and bruises for the first time, and the sound makes you want to cry. Waters gestures with his gun at the bandage on your arm.

"Take it off," he orders. With shaking hands, you peel the gauze back, the graze immediately bleeding and making you hiss as the air hits it. Your hands clench into fists as he looks at it intently. Once he's satisfied, he nods and hands you a new package of gauze. "What happened?"

"We got caught up in the bombings. Cut my arm on a piece of shrapnel." You say as he checks you for anything else that could be a bitemark. Once he's done circling your half-naked body, he clears his throat and turns his back to you so you can redress. You do quickly and painfully, your skin seemingly protesting against the sudden stretching. You ignore the scrapes across your shoulders breaking open, coating the back of your shirt in blood as you pull it over your head. He doesn't turn around until he hears your pants zip back up. You're quietly grateful he decided to be respectful when he could once he decided you weren't a threat anymore.

"You've been out there since the bombings?" He asks, and you nod. He looks at Jane before looking at you again. "And her? She's not sick?"

"If she were, we'd both be dead." You're shocked by the cruelty in your voice, but you don't flinch. Waters gives you a look before moving to your bag and searching through it. If he sees your weapons at the bottom, he doesn't take them or indicate that he knows about them. He zips up your bag and hands it back to you.

"Welcome to the Quarantine Zone."

The shelter isn't even half-full when you get there. What was a high school has since been turned into a home base for any survivors who made it past the FEDRA screenings. They give you a hot meal, blankets, toothbrushes, and a change of clothes. There are no showers, but you're just grateful to get the taste of blood out of your mouth. You and Jane set up your stuff on two little beds next to each other in the corner of an old classroom, your bed closest to the door. There are maybe ten other occupied beds in the room with you. Maybe.

You don't know why, but you search the wartorn faces for your ex. You haven't seen or spoken to Matt since Jane was a few months old, and even then, your last conversation was not one you'd care to relive. Still, part of you had hope that he'd be alive and safe. He's still Jane's father. But you don't find him. You don't see anyone you recognize as you and Jane walk to the medical tent in the old gym. An older woman with bloody scrubs and a clipboard greets you.

"Hey there. What do you need today?" She asks, surprisingly cheerful, and you glance around at the medical supplies.

"I just need some surgical glue. Do you have any?" You say, and she gives you a look before digging around in a bin. She finally comes up with some, and you let out a relieved sigh. "Can I use some? I'll give it right back." You ask. Someone gasps behind you before she can open her mouth to say anything. You quickly pull Jane closer to your body and feel your fists clench as you turn to see who's behind you. When your brain catches up to the fact that an Infected is not rushing toward you, you see Mr. Lowery standing there. Jane wiggles from your arms and runs to him, an excited noise leaving her.

"Jane, oh my goodness. I'm so happy to see you," he says, his gentle teacher voice not wavering even in the apocalypse. You let out a shaky breath as you leave the medical table and walk over to them. Adam says your name in the same breathless tone once he realizes you're there, too, and throws his arms around your shoulders. You yelp in pain as his hand grazes your open wounds, and he quickly lets go of you. "I'm so sorry. Are you hurt? I didn't-"

"It's fine. Just sore," you shake your head once you see the worried look in Jane's eyes. "I'm glad you're safe, Adam."

"Yeah, you too. You're the first parent I've seen since I got here." He says sadly. You try not to think too hard about what that means and swallow around the lump in your throat.

"Ma'am, do you still need help?" The woman you were talking to earlier walks over, the surgical glue still in her hand, and you nod.

"Yeah, I just need to borrow that." You say, pointing at the bottle in her hand.

"I don't feel comfortable letting someone untrained use medical supplies like this."

"Oh, she's not untrained. She's pre-med. Right? Weren't you studying for the MCATs?" Adam asks, and you press your lips into a line as you nod. The woman looks between you and the gauze on your arm with a cocked eyebrow.

"Why don't you let me look at it?"

"No, it's really okay. It's not that deep."

"I'm only gonna ask nicely once." She says with the same stern, concerned tone you use for Jane. You sigh and grab Jane's hand, but she stands her ground.

"Mommy, can I stay with Mr. Lowery? I really, really missed him." She asks with praying hands tucked under her chin. Your heart lurches in your throat, and your mouth goes dry as you search for an answer.

"I can watch her while you get checked out if you want. We'll stay right here. We won't go anywhere." Adam offers, and you fight the urge to snatch Jane from his arms and yell at him to shut up.

"Please?" Jane begs, making her vowels extra long to plead her case. You take a deep breath and make eye contact with Adam.

"You stay here. You don't take her anywhere or give her anything. You don't even think about moving from this spot, got it?"

"Got it," he says without hesitation, and your jaw clenches as he stares at you. "I won't let anything happen to her." There's enough conviction in his tone for you to nod and follow the woman into one of her sectioned-off canvas rooms.

She puts on gloves and watches you sit on the edge of the cot, your knee bouncing as you stare through the curtain's tiny opening. You don't say anything as she carefully pulls the bandage away from your skin, blood breaching the surface as soon as it's off. You grit your teeth as she wipes at the cut with an antiseptic wipe but don't make any noise. You don't want Jane to hear you being in pain, so you clench your jaw so hard your bones creak with force and wipe your tears on your shirt sleeve.

"That your little girl out there?" She asks, trying to distract you, and you nod. "She's beautiful."

"Thanks." You mutter as she applies a little more pressure to your skin. Stars explode across your vision, and you curse under your breath. You don't remember it hurting this bad when you actually got grazed. Adrenaline is a hell of a drug.

"Did you come here with her dad?"

"Nope. Haven't seen the guy in four years."

"Sounds like his loss."

"That's a understate, fuck," you stop as she presses a line of surgical glue across the graze. It burns as it settles into your skin, and the woman offers you whispered updates of how much longer until it dries and little encouragements. Once it's finally done drying, she puts a sterile bandage over the adhesive and offers you two painkillers. You look down at the two little pills and raise your eyebrows at her. "Acetaminophen?"

"There's that pharmacology," she smiles as you take the pills. "What branch of medicine did you wanna go into?"

"Doesn't matter now."

"It matters to me." She says, and you shake your head. You bite the inside of your cheek as you debate on telling her or not. Is it fair to bring that dream up when it will never happen?

"Surgery."

"Smart girl."

"Something like that." You shrug, the movement irritating the scrapes on your back, and you wince. The woman stands and looks at the back of your shirt to see it stained with blood.

"What happened?"

"One of those things tried to get me. My back got cut up on the asphalt," you explain. "It's fine."

"Doesn't look fine. Can I take a look?" She asks, and you chuckle.

"You're the second person I've had to take my shirt off in front of today." You say, taking a big breath and holding it as you pull your arms in and pull the fabric over your head. You turn your back to her so she can see the extent of the damage done to your skin. She doesn't gasp or have any reaction. She just starts dabbing at the blood gently, like you cleaned the blood from Jane's skinned knees.

"May," she says like she's speaking to a spooked dog. "My name is May. I figured someone should give you the courtesy of knowing their names when they ask you to strip." She says, and you nod. You tell her your name in return, the rigid posture of your spine relaxing a little at her care.

"Jane is my little girl."

"How old is she?" She asks, and you swallow thickly.

"Five."

"Must've been scary. Tryna keep her safe out there."

"You have no idea." You whisper, your voice cracking over the words as memories of screaming creatures and shaking earth fill your mind. She cleans the rest of your blood in silence before putting ointment over the scabs. She checks for any broken bones while you're still sitting and tsks when she presses against a tender spot in your side, making you groan.

"You've got at least one broken rib and probably one of the worst cases of road rash I've ever seen, and I was an ER doctor," she says as she hands you your shirt and sits across from you on her rolly chair. She gives you a sympathetic look, but you're not all there. Part of your brain is still pinned to the concrete under a screeching human, clawing at your skin. "But that little girl," she says, recapturing your attention. "That little girl is in perfect health. If I didn't know what happened this weekend, I would've had no idea she was ever in any danger."

"Is this the part where you scold me for putting myself in harm's way when I could've just come here earlier?" You ask, and she shakes her head.

"No, this is the part where I tell you what I've told all my parents who've come through here," she says, resting her knees on her elbows so she can look you in the eyes. "I don't care what you had to do to survive. I don't care what you did to protect them. I don't even care why you're sittin' on my table. I care about making sure you know how lucky your kid is to have you. For every kid that made it out, there's three more who died. You did good." She says sincerely, and you have to look away from her to wipe at your eyes.

"Doesn't feel like it, but thank you."

"I know it doesn't, but I promise you it's true," she says. "And I see how much you care about others. Otherwise, you wouldn't have wanted to be a surgeon. Now, I know you didn't get your MD, but I did, and I want to teach you what I know. Lord knows I need the help."

"No, I can't." You shake your head.

"Yes, you can."

"I'm not the person you want for this."

"You don't know that."

"I do. I'm... I'm not a good person."

"Who is?"

"I killed people," The confession stuns you both into silence. Hot, angry tears stream down your face, and you pull your shirt back over your head. "I killed people to protect her. It was them or her, and I chose her. I will always choose her. So, whatever perfect, good, strong person you think I am or could've been at one point isn't here anymore. I buried her the second FEDRA tried to drop a fucking bomb on my kid," you stand on wobbly legs and pull your hair out of the collar of your shirt. "Thanks for your help, May."

That night, you don't sleep despite the aching in your bones. You stay awake and listen to the expanding and contracting of Jane's lungs as she dreams. When she wakes up screaming, you're already there to calm her down and remind her that she's safe. Adam ends up sleeping three cots down and tries to help when she wakes up, but you stop him before he can sit on her cot with a wide-eyed, annoyed look. He backs off after that. You've gone most of Jane's life without help from anyone, and you're sure as hell not going to accept any now.

You were the one shoving knives through skulls and burying bullets in throats to keep her safe. You were the one who hid your pain from her for two days while you hid out in the barn. You were the one who taught her to give her fear to you because you are the only one who can handle it. What the fuck does Adam Lowery or May know about that? You will never again be the woman they once thought you to be. No, after this, you will be bloody and rageful and ruthless. There is nothing you wouldn't do to protect her or ensure her happiness. There is no corner of the earth you would leave unturned for the tiniest chance of her having a future.

And God help any motherfucker who stands in your way.

#when you’re lost in the darkness #look for the light prequel #the last of us #the last of us x reader #tlou fic #tlou angst

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anonymouslyagitated · 2 years

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Third Times the Charm

I'm starting to write fanfiction because there isn't enough porn of Paxton hall Yoshida

Warning: suggestive and Shira being annoying

Pt1

Although you weren't a whore; who wasn't for PAXTON FRICKING HALL FRICKING YOSHIDA!!?!? For a teenager he sure was something. He sure was packing sum too. So, not being a whore, still liking Paxton your in a predicament...

"Ooooooh, you next girl" Shira says clinging to a guys arm and somehow flirting with some guy across the room. Wait. WAIT!

"PAAXTONN, Come joinnnnnuhhh us" she says loudly in an extremely irritating voice calling him over. You weren't one for these types of games and you certainly didn't know he was here but for a person who got dragged here; things were going pretty well. 'Fuck, he's sitting next to her. That's alright tho, it's spin the bottle.................' mind blank, looking over at Paxton who now had Shira on his arm instead of that random guys you realise something, something that never would have occurred unless you were dreaming. There was a chance you would kiss- since when were you lucky? you could never...

"How about seven minutes in heaven" this catches your attention, now all you can focus on in Shira clinging on to his arm, sucking on a lollipop and giving this guy fuck me eyes like he's the last man on earth. He chuckled nervously once he realised you were looking and tries to shift away from her, but unfortunately for you she is persistent. Everyone (the 6 people) in the circle all seem to agree, given they are attractive.

"I think imma be sick man" Trent mutters

"Uh-huh.. how about a- a vote?" Paxton tries to say before somehow being spoken over.

"How about we vote on it?" You repeat.

Everyone puts their hand up in favour except the schools whore. Paxton? This was new..

For a sex icon he sure was being pussy repellent.

Shira takes initiative by spinning the bottle, landing onnnnnn. Fuck, you. Well that's what the next person may do. Shit. Shit. Shit. These guys sucked.

You keen towards that bottle like your life depends on it before being quite disappointed when it landed on Shira. She was hot but she was an ass. You got ready to get up to go to the closet before Shira started complaining.

"No offence. But like no"

Understanding, you sat back down and spun it again. This time more than disappointed at who it landed on. Trent. Dude that's so annoying. Buttt the universe and stars align as he begins to throw up all over the carpet. Paxton gets up to where Trent was originally sitting as you spin the bottle yet again. It lands where Trent previously stood, where Paxton now kneels over for his best friend.

"Seriously" Shira complains he again. Catching the attention of Paxton.

"We'll get in there lovebirds" Trent says, wiping away his vomit.

Damn you wish you lost your virginity in a better way.

#paxton hall yoshida #paxton h y #x Reader #paxton x reader #Paxton x Reader

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thekidyouforgot · 4 months

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‘What's the point of critics?’ ‘Well, the point of critics in the pure diarrhea that is pop culture is you need somebody to find and curate the hidden gems—and that's my job, or was my job—I gotta figure out what that artist is trying to do and inform others.’ ‘Of your opinion?’ ‘...yeah.’ ‘I don't understand how that's a career. The true value of art lies in the artist, not the guy who judges them. You whole job is superfluous and based on your own interpretation.’ ‘It's a little more complicated than that.’ ‘It doesn't sound that complicated to me.’ ‘Really?’ ‘Here, let me critique you, I'll show you how easy it is.’ ‘Oh yeah, go for it.’ ‘You think you're so cool because you got to hang out with rock stars in their prime, but the truth is that didn't make you happy. Nothing did. You probably don't even like being a critic, and secretly you wanted to be a rock star but you didn't have the balls and or confidence to go for it and now you're living your life the exact same way, waiting for your dreams to come to you instead of going and getting them yourself.’ ‘You make a terrific critic.’

Shira Hoffman & Peter Farrelly, Loudermilk (s01e08)

#loudermilk #shira hoffman #peter farrelly #critics #music #dreams

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bleuangel88 · 8 months

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On Dylan Shakes

We have one major mystery down!

While many of us probably suspected that Dylan Shakes was alive and that he had gotten away from his father's abuse, it was lovely to have that confirmation during Harlan Coben's Shelter Season 1 Episode 6.

It was also so touching to have that reunion between Dylan and Mrs. Friedman.

The reveal that Sunglasses Man was Dylan Shakes tied up one of many threads in this series.

Dylan definitely knew how much his absence affected Mrs. Friedman, who wanted to adopt him. I wish he had given her some closure much sooner. She deserved that rather than death threats.

With the number of mysteries that this series drops at us rapidly, it's nice to have a clear-cut answer for at least one of them and bits and pieces of things coming together for some others.

Shelter has been a blast to watch because the characters and cast are so much fun that you'll watch them do anything.

And we have, whether or not we could follow along with whatever they're doing or not.

I could watch a whole series of just Mickey Bolitar, Ema, and Spoon being regular teenagers who aren't trying to serve as a Gen Z Scooby-Doo.

On Whitney

Whitney hurt Ema beyond forgiveness, in my book. She knows how her brother is, and it doesn't matter if he blackmailed her. He'll always have that information on his sister and will do whatever he pleases with the second she stands up to him.

She'd do better owning up to what she did before he could release it so she could be free of him.It's such a shallow, self-absorbed issue on Whitney's part that she sold Ema, a girl she genuinely seems to like, out over some followers controversy on an app.

It's such childish dumb stuff, yet for teenagers, it's their entire world, so as frustrating as this development is, I can't even say it's unrealistic.Maybe Ema will be able to forgive Whitney, and maybe not. They were an endearing potential couple.

But it's hard to get past something like that, especially when Ema has learned that there are peers of hers who have more backbone and can do what's right.

She has Spoon and Mickey Bolitar as best friends, so it's hard not to have a certain level of expectation for future relationships, platonic, romantic, or otherwise.

Maybe she and Whitney will end up like Shira and Hannah.

On Hannah, Ken, Shira

But Hannah Taylor has gotten a new lease on life from the second Shira came back into town. It was like she needed Shira to free herself.

On the one hand, that's endearing as far as their love story goes and how much Hannah loves Shira, but on the other hand, that puts a lot on Shira.

There is no way this plays out where Shira doesn't feel like she's the reason a family is splitting up and Hannah is doing all these things.

Hannah can't do all the things she desires because of Shira. She should be willing to do these things for herself.

And Shira is placed in the middle of this marriage in many uncomfortable ways. Ken seeking Shira's advice at the memorial was awkward.

He thinks there is an avenue for him to get his wife back because he spent years not even knowing that she was unhappy.

He may mean everything he says, and he'll try to make improvements moving forward, but it's too late, and as terrible as Ken is as a husband, he also doesn't deserve to get blindsided without even a chance to know how to make things better.

It sucks that they got this far into their marriage without resolving their issues. This sets things up where if he learns the truth about Hannah and Shira, he'll think about Shira breaking up his marriage or Hannah deceiving him and not thinking about his role in their marriage dissolution.

Hell, chances are he'll probably wonder if Hannah ever actually loved him or even Shira back in high school. When you think about it, what stops Ken from feeling like he was a glorified beard for 25 years?

Did Hannah ever love Ken Taylor at all? Or did she love having this piece of Shira? And that goes for Ken, too.

But Shira's issues are apparent. Initially, it felt like Shira would be the one set up for hurt, and there's a chance that remains the case. But there's also a matter of Hannah getting hit worse.

She's ready to blow up her life that wasn't making her happy anymore and start anew with Shira, and the prospect of that seems to terrify Shira and has her ready to shut down.

It's a challenging situation, and Shira seems more afraid of its fallout than Hannah, which could influence her position and why she's pushing Hannah away right now.Ultimately, they deserve to be happy, preferably together, with the truth out in the open, consequences be damned.

#tv fanatic #harlan coben's shelter

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blues-valentine · 1 year

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I loved ur post on Ben x Devi and I agree on this! I don’t think Devi was comfortable with paxton during their relationship and with ben she’s always been herself.

About “to me the last 10 minutes of Season 3 explained the love triangle and what it has meant narratively for Devi this whole time.”

I suppose u meant the scenes between paxton vs ben and the stomach knots commentary? I’m still afraid they’ll go with the “Devi still has feeling for Paxton!!” because it made it seem like she had already move on from her feelings.

I don’t meant those two scenes in particular but they do reinforce the narration by McEnroe paired with the flashbacks at the end of Season 3 that to me describes the love triangle and Devi’s arc up to that point. This is a little long:

That moment on the Season 3 finale after Devi sees Paxton having a moment with his dad and realizes her dad won’t be at her graduation, the narration starts as following: “As Devi walked home, she realized she has spent so much of her young life obsessed with the future. A future where she would finally fit in [flashback to Devi walking into school with her new clothes to impress on 1x01] but if today taught her anything [flashback to Paxton smiling] is that she already fits in [flashback to Devi and Ben finding each other at the school dance on 2x10].” — This sums up what the show has been trying to tell you from the start when it comes to Devi’s arc and the love triangle.

Devi starts off wanting to create a whole dream for herself so she can cope with the grief of losing her father. A fantasy she believes will make her live a “normal life.” And in a way, Paxton was the person that would allow her to success in that dream. The popularity, the hot boyfriend, losing her virginity (to prove Ben and the school wrong) and just for her to seek that external validation. I mean, she said in the first scene of the show: she wants to be popular and be invited to parties, she wants a hot boyfriend from the sports team (and not one from her AP classes which already points to Ben). And it’s not even about Paxton, not truly, because she even says to Dr. Ryan “I just want a boyfriend. I don’t care which one as long as he’ll want to be with me.” Her entire motivation in Season 1 (and Season 2) is becoming “Paxton Hall Yoshida's” girlfriend. And the show has not been subtle on this. She made Paxton her whole world so she won’t have to think about her dad. Devi (and her friends) view him as an ideal, a symbol, so her relationship to Paxton has never been equal. She idealizes everything he does. This is why she found it hard to be herself around him. Once she started dating him, it was still the same superficial fantasies but up to Season 3 you can see she realizes the popularity and the status were not something that just magically fixed her issues or gave her what she needed.

After Paxton broke up with her, we could see her time alone allowed her to contemplate what she wants in a relationship. She was still trying to seek “normalcy” in the ways she thinks can only be archived and I think her crush on Des was about how he represented everything she wanted in both her taste and status but it was necessary for her to date outside of her bubble and Des allowed her that. He was a very bland guy. The debate showed he didn't view Devi as a true adversary. And I don't think he would've been able to handle Devi in her rawest form so that was ending at one point, even without his mom intervention. However, you can still see that she has grown and some of the concepts she had were shut down. One of the reasons she wanted to go to Shrubland was because “everyone is a nerd and she can fit in” since she still thinks she belongs in a box but in Paxton’s speech she realizes: she doesn’t need to be popular and she isn’t a nerd. The “hot pocket” doesn’t even exist. It was just her perception of the school. The UN is not even a thing. Shira shattered that idea ("too fuck*ble nerd"). She has “popular” friends and she can influence people with her intelligence and "nerdiness". We are so much more than those school labels.

We see Devi watching Paxton and his dad and it reminds her life is full of uncertainty. She lost her dad so suddenly and she’s been obsessing over her future and on the image others have on her. She tells Paxton he helped her with the grief of losing her father by being a dream. He thanks her for helping him in his academic journey, for showing him that he can be more than what was expected of him. If this is how their romantic arc ends I think it’s pretty sweet. Devi has moved on from Paxton. At least on Season 3, she let’s go of him in the pedestal. The only way I see an endgame for them is Devi learning who he is as a person, not as an ideal that fulfills her fantasies. But I am still having trouble seeing what he does to help Devi’s self improvement and arc beyond self escapism.

Now, the “she already fit in” part so casually dropping a flashback between Ben and Devi is so fitting because in the finale, Ben delivers the simple yet so effective “I like your personality” line that fits so well with Nalini’s words to Devi an episode prior “you’ll find someone that loves you exactly as you are” because a mayor issue that fuels Devi’s insecurities is her personality. She worries that she’ll be too much for people. She’s been too much for her friends before. Paxton expressed that she is too complicated for him. And a consistent thing about Ben is that he knows her pretty well and is able to hold her accountable. He is been there to see Devi’s worst moments. He knows that she often uses anger as a coping mechanism. One thing we notice quickly is that he is able to rationalize that sometimes her jabs at him aren’t personal. And mostly, Devi can be truly herself with him.

Ever since I watched the show I was surprised about how much familiarity there is between them and the thing about their “rivalry” is that you need to know someone so well to know exactly what insult to deliver. The amount of facts they know about each other randomly is amusing. The show points out one of Ben’s influences on Devi is that his challenging personality helps Devi thrive and be better. She acknowledges she works better around him and he is one of the few people that can estimulate her intellectually. Ben’s failed relationship with Aneesa is there to point out how Ben loves Devi because she shares his drive and ambition. They have the same humor. He sadly tried to emulate that with Aneesa but quickly ended up being a jerk because that’s something he can only do with Devi. So, in theory, Ben is in love with Devi’s biggest insecurity and how fitting.

I just think the fact Ben got Devi on the love compatibility quiz and not Paxton feels like it wants to tell you something narratively wise.

The rest of the voice over goes: “Devi had listened to Dr. Ryan’s advice. She’s been open and even thought she was staying at Sherman Oaks for Senior Year her dreams had evolved, but there was maybe one part of the old dream that still interested her and per Dr. Ryan, she was about to surprise herself.” — and it goes to Devi finding Ben’s free boink voucher on her jacket and making the choice to go see him (as she is). The narrative points out Devi’s dreams had evolved. She not longer seeks popularity or the hot boyfriend. She has decided that she wants to stay with her friends and her family, people that love her and where she already fits in. And while her dream had evolved and not longer involves external validation, there’s some parts of that old dream that she’s interesting in but are now more adaptable to her new dreams.

I don't know what's going to happen on Season 4. The way the story line is going I do see them being the romantic endgame just like I can see that not being the case at all. But narration wise I just think is a very clear indication on what the show has been telling you about Devi so far.

#devi vishwakumar #never have i ever #nhie #nhie netflix #ben gross #paxton hall yoshida #benvi #devi x ben #devi x paxton #asks

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re-x · 11 months

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How would you rank these girls?

I am including Devi twice, because it is impossible for me to consider Devi and season-two Devi as the same person.

Here’s mine (best to worst):

Devi: self-explanatory. 10/10 would recommend.

Margot: Margot helped Ben feel more at-ease with himself at a time when he needed it. She also helped Ben gain an appreciation of art and its potential as a therapeutic outlet for himself. Ultimately, though, she didn’t love Ben for who he was, and she did not understand Ben like Devi did. That said, the fact that Ben wanted to stay friends with her even after their breakup is a testament to her character.

Shira: An awful person, for sure, but at least she was funny. And in a way, Ben used her as much as she used him. Their relationship was pretty much transactional.

Aneesa: I have very few (more like zero) nice things to say about Aneesa, so I’ll let Jaren Lewison speak on her behalf instead: “I do think that they’re both trying, and I think…they’re just not quite great together. It’s not the right time, I don’t know, but I think that it’s also really fun sometimes to be able to play that kind of a relationship again as an actor … when we do these scenes they’re also really complex and they have a lot underneath the surface that you’re playing. And there’s so much inner monologue going through your head and you’re trying to think about all these different levels.”

Season 2 Devi: the literal worst. She broke his heart in the most callous way possible. 0/10 would NOT recommend.

#ben gross #jaren lewison #never have i ever #devi vishwakumar #1x08 #2x08 #4x03 #2x02 #4x10 #benvi #ben x devi #aneesa qureshi #shira #margot ramos

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kekekeiii · 7 months

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discussion time! idk how long i'll disappear, so i'll leave this here. anyway, am i the only one who didn't like how hannah and shira's relationship progressed? i personally disliked the cheating part because here's the thing, while i do agree that ken wasn't a good husband cuz he sucks, i don't think he deserved that. i also think how wild it is that he got cheated on by his ex and his wife. like i would actually cry myself to sleep after that if that was me. actually foul, lmao. going back, he's not the only one affected by the affair. i'm not particularly fond of troy cuz he's an asshole, but let's not forget that he's a teenager who is the way he is because of the people around him. no one deserves to experience that, in my opinion, and i seriously think the writers could've made them fall in love by having them run into each other in the police station like in the first scene they were in, talking to each other about their past mistakes and attempting to rebuild their friendship, her marriage suffers as a result of her husband's lack of support for her dream, realizes that she deserves better, gets a divorce, is comforted by shira because she once dated the same guy, resolves their issues, pursues her business idea, rekindles their relationship because they have new things to learn about one another from the time they were apart, having moments together where shira helps her manage her restaurant, being assisted with co-parenting troy and getting all domestic, realizing that something changed with their friendship, finally admitting they fell in love and having a "i didn't realize that it's always been you all along… or maybe i did. i was a coward to admit it to myself, but not anymore, because you're worth the fear. the risk. the commitment." yada yada moment, and more. you guys get the idea. that's about it, haha. idk, i hope it's not a hot take. let me know abt what u guys think :) also, don't mind the grammar and how i phrased things that much, it's 3 am where i'm from, lol.

#shira x hannah #shira bolitar #hannah taylor #harlan coben's shelter #ken taylor #troy taylor #mickey bolitar #arthur spoon spindell

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thal-ent · 2 months

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[TW : mentionned childbirth, anxiety about being a mom and stuff. Ai belongs to the Allmighty GF, Ether to @noa-de-cajou , Lycarn to @hel-phoenyx and Daphne to @soupedepates ]

"Hey, Agi, how do you feel about becoming a mom ?"

She doesn't need to turn to know her friend is looking at her. She can feel the weak magic emanating from her, the feeling of her eyes on her.

"That's a weird question, Chiho." Agathe laughs, tilting her head. "I'm not courting anyone, much less pregnant."

"You know what I mean ! You're going to end up having a kid, we all do. I'm sure Yusuke would love to marry you later. You can't see how he looks at you, but it's sooooo annoying..."

"I.... I dont like Yusuke that way, you know that. Any boys. And I dont want to think about... Mariage. I'm too young."

"Oh, sorry miss angel~" Chiho laughs, elbowing Agathe who simply chuckles back. "Still a teen in her twenties... What a shame."

"Just because I age slower doesn't mean I'm any less mature than you, idiot." As to ponctuate her point, she sticks out her tongue to her friend, earning another elbow in her arm.

"No, but seriously. When you become a mom, what are you going to do ?"

".... I dont know." A hand goes to her stomach, silently. Chiho stays quiet. "I'm... Not sure if I want or... Can have one."

"What, because of your eyes ?" The silence is enough of an awnser. "C'mon, they're amazing !"

"I can't open them without hurting and... And mutating, Chiho. What if... What if that's a curse because of who my mom is ? To disuade me from doing like her ?"

"That sounds like you're expecting a lot from people who never bothered to come here except to give you up." She shrugs, jumping from the fence she was sitting on to face her friend, even with her eyes closed to the world. "I'm sure if you want kids, Agathe, you'll be the best mom possible. And if you dont, that's fine ! We'll run away together and live our perfect life away from boys and kids !"

"Liar, you know you'd keep coming back for your granny !"

"That's why I didn't say shit about her."

They laugh again, and Chiho takes Agathe's hand to get back to the village.

***

"Say, Agathe, what do you think of children ?"

They've established a campfire for the night, and the cold of the night is starting to be known, even so close to the fire her wings could almost burn. She's not alone, tho, and Ogami is standing in front of her. She doesn't know what he looks like, only feels the vague and shapeless aura of his inherent magic.

"That's a very specific question."

"I'm not planning on asking you to have some with me, if that's what you're worried about." He laughs and she just shakes her head, used to his shenanigans. "But Shira was starting to wonder about her."

"What do you mean ?"

"We're getting older, Agathe. I know you can't see it, but she... She really wants kids. And she wants to have them before being too old for it."

"Well, you're her husband, I-"

"And you're her girlfriend." She can feel his gaze on her, the piercing blue transpercing even her soul. "I know you're afraid of being less important to us because you met us later, Agathe, but you are my friend and she loves you. That's why I'm asking you about that."

"I..." She thinks back to her teens, to the last time she allowed herself to think of kids. Of her kids. "I... I think I would like that. Being... A mom... With you and Shira... But..."

"... You dont have to be afraid for them, Agathe." He stands up and puts his hand on hers, letting her feel the warmth he seems to emperson. "You dont even have to be the one pregnant if that's what scares you."

"But... But what if, because I'm an angel..."

They dont say more. She's young, and they're starting to not be anymore. She'll live for centuries at least. Them one at best.

She doesn't want to see her children die.

***

"Say, angel." The hand on her wings spreads its fingers through the white feathers. They've been groomed just before, while they were in the bath, and Agathe is still so tired from it. "D'you wanna have kids ?"

".... Irène, we're lesbians."

"I know that stupid !" Agathe laughs, letting Irène's other hand lightly hit her forehead. "I meant like.... Getting some guy to knock one of us up, or maybe just. Adopt some kid."

"I can't see you "get some guy to knock you up", to be honest, love... And I dont think it's a good idea for me to get pregnant." They dont mention why. They talked about it more than necessary. She scares her, and she doesn't want to scare her more than now.

"Adoption it is then."

"Wait for us to get married before wanting to tattoo more names on your skin !"

"We dont tattoo our kid's name, they tattoo ours ! You're the one with deereen writings on your skin, you should know !"

"Not that I would know what's on your skin, you scar too well for it to be seen with my hands."

They laugh and share a simple kiss, something they get to have less and less of.

***

"Agathe, can I ask something ? Feel free to decline."

She turns to face her.... Friend ? She's not really sure what she feels for Ai, but she knows she values her. And she must value her just as much to declare her first concubine of the empire, her who destroyed the harem before.

"Well, of course. Can I help you ?"

"It's... A rather complex issue." She doesn't need to see the empress' face to know she's nervous. "You're a.... Demon queen, right ?"

"Apparently, yes."

"Does that mean you can... Change your appearence ?"

There's a silence as Agathe thinks about it. She never tried, didn't even know she was a half demon before a few years ago, when they met... Well. No need to dwell on that. But it is true that direct children of the Aspects of Chaos like her have that ability. But does her angel part cancel it out ?

She's never felt she was anything but a woman, in her almost 120 years of living, maybe that is why she never though about it.

"Mmmh, I can... Certainly try to see if that is the case. But why are you asking ?"

"To be perfectly honest..." She knows her friend's face was getting redder by her voice alone and, to be honest as well, it did amuse her. "I... Need to have children, and I..."

All smiles vanished from Agathe's face, and maybe it was that more than the subtle shift in her wings that alerted the empress and made her speak faster.

"I dont want you to feel obligated to anything, really, you talked to us about your fears and it's just, I though, you know, you're someone I respect a lot and... And if I have children, I'd be glad for them to be yours."

"Ai, I'm... I'll think about it. I swear. But." Agathe took one of Ai's hands in hers. "I dont know if I can even be pregnant, even less... Making someone else be. And you're aware of what being a half demon half angel did to my magic. I dont want that for anyone else, especially not... Not kids."

"I know." Her other hand goes on top of Agathe's trembling ones, a soft smile on her face. "But I have faith."

***

The palace is rushing with life. Their empress is still in her room, still left with only doctors - including her dear wife. None is able to know how things are going, the painful wails of Ai echoing around the hallways.

Next to the room, wings puffed out by the stress, is Agathe. She can see the powerful magics emanating from Ai and the doctors, Ether's chaotic aura staying close to her, and for the first time in her life Agathe wishes she could be able to not see the magic around.

"Agathe you're making me crazy pacing around like that !" Daphne is sitting, silently playing with a doll. A gift for the baby soon to be born, but her gratting voice still betrays her anxiety. "You weren't that worried when Jezebel birthed Hallvard's kid !"

"To be fair, that wasn't her kid, that was being born." Lycarn is standing next to her partner, holding her hand and stopping her from wandering too far by accident. "And not Xingtzao's yells we could hear."

"I know you're stressed too Daphne, your magic is going everywhere."

"That's cheating to be able to see that !"

Agathe laughs, a small chuckle as she squeezes Lycarn's hand harder. It's been hours. She knows Ether has helped give birth before, but was it always so long ? What if it went wrong ? What if, in the end-

The door slams open, and a sweaty but smiling Ether faces her partners and friend. From the room, a small cry is able to be heared, the cry of a newborn.

"Everything's okay now." The adrenaline is still present in Ether's voice, but they dont linger on that as the three women get into the room where the doctors are still going from left to right, attending the empress and her baby.

"Hey." Her voice sounds almost similar to Daphne's, but her joy is just as present in it. "Sorry, tired..."

They understand, leaving Ai her space. But now, Agathe can't help but focus herself on the small, weak magic emanating from the newborn, the princess. Her... Her daughter.

Maybe it's obvious, with the way her head never turns from Ai's direction, but the woman tell her to get closer, and with a soft and slow mouvement, the baby is passed into Agathe's arms.

"She's so small..." Agathe smiles, feeling tears coming to her eyes. "She's... So cute..."

"And perfectly healthy !" Ether puts a hand on Agathe's back slowly, the other, colder one, wiping a tear from their love's cheek.

Agathe simply nods her head, holding her daughter in her arms, tears of joy on her face.

#thal talk #my art #thal'imagination #lysara #thal writes #GOD THAT'S A LONG ONE LMAO #tws at the beginning yadda yadda #had a talk about agathe and ai's kids yesterday (technically two days ago lol) and made me think of Agathe's feelings over being a mom lol #they have two more daughters later btw ✨ love that for them my babies

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drdemonprince · 1 year

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While we are on the subject of eating disorders, I will once again send praise at the book Saving Our Own Lives by Shira Hassan, as it’s the first book I’ve ever read to apply a harm reduction framework to eating disordered behaviors.

Nearly every available piece of writing or scholarship on the subject of eating disorders assumes that a goal of recovery should be imposed on every sufferer whether they like it or not, and takes an abstinence based approach. this frankly does not make any sense, given that such a large number of behaviors and choices humans engage in on a daily basis can be wrapped up in an eating or excessive exercise disorder and ripping them all out of your life at once to attain a state of abstinent ‘recovery’ is impossible.

this is even more true when you take into account the fact that for many people, eating disordered behaviors serve many purposes. the book really helped firm up my own slow but steady realization that walking long distances each day, which i used to do as a form of excessive exercise was also a great autistic stim. it also provided me a satisfying way to zone out and drench my mind in podcasts when i was miserably lonely and consumed with compulsive negative thoughts.

my almost religious adherence to a daily walking schedule was eating disordered, of that i have no doubt. but it also gave a structure to my day and got me out of the house. in addition, my tireless exercise habits & eating restrictions were one of the few areas in my life where i have always felt comfortable expressing my boundaries.i might not have felt comfortable telling people not to touch me or not to speak to me in a certain way, but i always had the courage to tell someone i wasn’t going to eat something that i didn’t want to or that i needed to leave a function early so i’d have time for my exercise.

i also now realize that i have a very obsessive, ruminative mind, and fixating on numbers like miles walked was actually a better outlet than some of the other places my mind often went back then. eating disorders are one of the most dangerous and deadly mental health diagnoses around, so i dont say this lightly. it was still a less damaging outlet than some of the others i was flirting with at the time. my long ponderous hours of over exercise i found a lot of space and quiet to just simply think my little thoughts to myself, and a lot of that went some good places ultimately.

in an abstinence-only view of eating disorders that posits a person must only and always strive for “full recovery,” acknowledging the positive role an ED played in my life is not allowed. and that kind of binary thinking simply isn’t helpful, because my needs for physical stimulation, and time alone, and a means for expressing my boundaries were always gonna be there, and needed an outlet, and would find one of some kind no matter what.

over the years that i was not well, my eating disorder behaviors shifted, becoming less physically destructive while still scratching the psychological itch and not being “great” in a black and white sense. was walking long distances every day great for my health from a recovery or abstinence pov? no. but it was a lot better than what i did before. i had much more dangerous ED behaviors before that. instead of feeling ashamed of myself for having “backslid” in my recovery and still resorting to such methods, 2014-2015 me ought to have just been proud of myself for finding a way to meet my needs that wasn’t as destructive as the ones that had come before, and actually had a few side benefits.

i have not seen many people at all talking about EDs from a harm reduction pov and i think that it is desperately needed. online, all we see is a lot of well intentioned encouragement to make a ‘recovery’ that comes with many prescriptions for how a person ought to be living and what they ought to want. if you are still active in your eating disorder and not committed to recovery, then, the toxicity of the pro-ana and pro-mia spaces is the only place left to turn to, and that makes matters so much worse.

i wish we could develop the online, eating disorder equivalent of needle exchange spaces for people who use intravenous drugs and have no plan to quit. spaces where people can discuss strategies for mitigating the harm of their ED without being admonished for not valuing recovery yet, or ever. so much trauma is done in the name of forcing people to get ‘better’ when they don’t want to.

liberatory harm reduction is all about embracing an individual where they are at and not imposing an external value system or set of goals upon them, trusting that they are the only and ultimate authority on what they do with their body. and this does not just apply to drug use or sex, it applies to what we typically call eating disordered behaviors too. people with eating disorders often have a fractured sense of selfhood and autonomy, and institutionalizing them against their will or forcing them to eat certain things or to not exercise just further reinforces those issues for them much of the time.

im very happy to be recovered from an ED now, but for many years i did not want to be recovered, and the recovery-fits-all approach to the disorder meant i lied to every medical professional i ever saw and all of my family and friends. i wonder what an explicitly harm reduction rooted approach to living with an ED would have looked like for me.

#eating disorder tw

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