Imagine this
How Do You Sleep that
Have you considered the most interesting song on the Imagine album may be How?
George was right. The song deserves attention.
Tumblr search is zero help on this song because it only picks up How Do You Sleep. But has anyone ever written about it?
Given John’s “How? + Why?” response to Paul’s 12-page letter about dissolving the partnership, I think it’s worth looking at. That exchange is sometime in summer 1970.
Song Origins
The earliest version of How? is a home demo dated as late 1970. This demo only has the “we” part of the song:
How can we go forward
When we don’t know which way we're facing?
How can we go forward
When we don’t know which way to turn?
How can we be certain
About something we’re not sure of?
Oh, no, oh, no
In the final version, this part is the end of the song (the bolded words change slightly). This ending is a shift from the personal “I” used in the rest of the song. So he started with “we” in 1970 and then evolved it into more self-directed reflection over time.
The demo is very rough, he's still searching for the notes. But something about it made me think of Look At Me, which has a similar plaintive tone and features several existential questions to the listener (Who am I supposed to be? and Who are we?). Look at Me originates from India and has an earlier 1968 demo that captures a glimpse of John’s state of mind during this crucial time. The How? demo would be recorded around the same time John is revisiting Look At Me to record formally for the Plastic Ono Band album.
The added self-reflection verses continue the same format of existential questions, moving from feelings to love. It's a blatantly honest look at depression in the wake of a loss, which I think George would have noticed and in some sense seen himself in. It's unclear when these verses are added (John just says “last year” in 1971 for all the verses), but they are probably influenced by John's experience of undergoing Janov's primal scream therapy (April-September 1970?). Possibly the questions left unanswered at the end of those 6 months.
How can I have feeling when I don't know if it's a feeling?
How can I give love when I don't know what it is I'm giving?
All three verses include the idea of uncertainty (I don’t know), which could be its own essay on existentialism vs epistemology in the face of a destabilizing event. But for now, let’s focus on the emotional aspect. Here, two places ascribe blame to drive his uncertainty: his feelings have always been denied and love is something he never had. This seems to go a bit far, but remember depression is a liar and part of Janov's therapy was probably that John’s closest relationships had all been a lie.
John adds the middle eight during Imagine sessions. It balances the bleakness of depression with the will to live:
You know life can be long
And you got to be so strong
And the world is so tough
Sometimes I feel I've had enough
This middle eight repeats twice, and each time, the end fuses to the first word of the questioning verses, without the typical space of a few beats in between. This lack of space suggests a relationship, as if the questions are part of the fight to keep him going past the bleakness of feeling like giving up.
Its first recording is May 26, 1971, nine days after Ram is released. Take 31 and Take 40 (Raw Studio Mix) were released on the Ultimate release of the album but aren't too different from the final lyrics/melody wise.
Supposedly, another version of How? includes a question about home: “how can I go home when home is something I have never had” and it’s not clear which lines replace it. Perhaps “how can I give love when I don’t know what it is I’m giving?” Questions of home would be a result of Janov’s primal scream digging into his childhood and bringing forth old wounds. But in the absence of a physical home, it’s the people around you who become your home. This home line makes me think of that Get Back sessions moment, when John shares with Paul his excitement about getting Apple Studio functional and feeling like home. It's a picture of feelings being denied in action as Paul responds by changing the subject. For whatever reason, this home line gets cut by Take 31.
The placement of How? in the album tracklist is curious too, directly after the angry Paul-directed How Do You Sleep. Its title holds the same question but none of the anger. It’s like an echo of How Do You Sleep, informing the source of its anger and revealing what it masks: fear and indecision about the future.
Song Context
It’s interesting to place this song next to Ram, where the overwhelming theme is the exact opposite: grab life by the horns and move forward to find your own way. Ram sessions started in NYC in October 1970, around the same time as the How? demo. Each song, from Too Many People to Back Seat, reveals Paul’s mental exercise of extricating himself from his former life and moving on with his family in Scotland. Personally and professionally, Paul is building a new home away from John.
The final version of How? is produced more in the vein of The Long and Winding Road, the song at the nexus of the breakup. Its beginning is marked by the same distinct stop-start syncopated beat and the instrumentation builds across the song to make a bleak song more palatable. If Paul didn’t turn off the record the moment he heard John’s diss track, he would have almost certainly picked up How?’s link to TL&WR. That song being his own plaintive moment of fearing the future, considering life without the band that was his world. And the last straw when Spector remixed it without his approval.
In his April 1971 LIFE interview that precedes the Ram release, Paul shares a recent exchange between him and John. John recalls the infamous “bubble bursting” question, and Paul corrects him in the past tense: the bubble has already burst. This is one of several exchanges where Paul’s saying catch up, it’s done, let me go and John’s saying what does that even mean?!
Hearing Paul’s declaration of independence on Ram made John angry. He calls How Do You Sleep “an outburst” in response to Ram and not reflective of how he thinks of Paul all the time. But Ram also gave him a direction forward that McCartney did not. If John thought the album had messages to taunt him, he almost certainly heard the taunt in Monkberry Moon Delight:
Catch up!
Cats and kittens
Don’t get left behind
I don’t know about you, but hearing that taunt from my ex-partner/BFF/lover/whatever would certainly make me angry, hot enough to ignite my competitive streak and get to work.
It reminds me of the moment Fred Seaman recalls in 1980, when John hears Paul's Coming Up:
John told me that Paul was the only musician who could scare him into writing great songs, and vice versa.
Imagine is hardly my favorite John solo album. I'm not about to dismiss the terrible things John said about Paul or Ram or forget how the bad press buried the album for years. But I think in focusing on the anger, we can miss the simple fact that Ram inspiring John to write anything was actually the biggest compliment he could give. Sometimes, anger is the only fuel available to drive you forward, where anything is preferable to nothing. It’s not ideal or fair, and it’s up to you to pick up the mess of your storm later, but it’s something. Like a basic survival instinct kicking in in the midst of drowning. Any fight that pushing you back to the surface is preferable over laying down and dying.
In that way, I think John was being honest when he later admitted that How Do You Sleep was about himself. Not in the exact lines specific to Paul but in the action, to write (or accept), record, and release them. How? as an echo to this anger shows the before and after, how John used Paul as a punching bag in response. That action was all about John himself.
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How does sparrows feel about compliments? do they make her happy or her insecurities make it hard to accept that people think positively of her?
depends on who they come from!
from strangers on the internet, she disregards them cuz it's only the internet. at first she used to get flustered but then she thought about it n just -shooing motion-. the idea is that you don't know her and she isn't supposed to be loved and treasured by the society, so it has to be a lie
from strangers on the cities' streets, she gets uncomfortable. because she doesn't know them, this is high circle people who don't understand- who benefit from this wretched system and also gave her those insecurities in the first place. if it's a Child that compliments her though, that's hard to disregard in some way. so she flushes, giggles and thanks them with a little bow
back in her home farm district where she knows everyone, compliments are just part of the conversation. they don't mean much more than a pat on the back. they are more action based down there. wanna show your gratitude or appreciation, you take the other for a trip to spend quality time together or for dinner or give a gift
when one of her siblings compliments her, she suspects they did smth wrong n r trying to ease their incoming punishment. compliments r again kind of... far on the side- when they actually compliment her work for smth she smiles at them n goes on about her work
when Inkling compliments her, Sparru gets excited as if she was still a child n runs up to hug her
when granpa compliments Any of the children it gets quiet while they stare at him wide eyed in surprise. cuz he's usually the mean type to everyone but Inkling. then he gets offended by their stares n goes back into his grumpy ways n the children heave a sigh of relief before laughing
with Euros it was a process. at first she got flustered, then she disregarded them, then she got uncomfortable because it was knocking on her low self-esteem but boy was originally planning on worshipping her so it wasn't like he was going to stop. one day she cried in panic because she didn't know how to interact with this and that's how Euros figured out that Sparrows isn't all that fine mentally. told her that there isn't anything wrong with what he's doing, he means every word and he won't stop. so Sparrows had to find how to cope with it which turned out to be shily accepting it. she still cries sometimes cuz yanno how it be, but slowly she gets more self-confident n eventually starts dishing out compliments for him too. eventually it all fades into the same background like with her home farm district
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since I've seen it talked about in several places recently:
if you are going to do a whump- or kink- or ANY-tober or other similar challenges please please please don't post them as one fic with 31 chapters unless it actually is one coherent fic. if they're 31 completely separate fics or ficlets then please just make a collection for them or just post them as separate fics. it doesn't matter if they're only 100 words or if you think they're too small or insignificant to post alone, they're not.
and why this?
because if you post all 31 of them in one fic the tagging is absolutely useless. if I look for things to read on ao3 I'm gonna look at the tags, and if the tags include something that's a dealbreaker for me, i won't even click on the fic. I might not even SEE the fic because I've filtered out the nope-tag! so I'm gonna lose out on reading 30 perfectly nice fics because of one fic that my nope-tag applied to.
ao3 is about archiving. it's about clear tagging and being informative. there is nothing informative about it if the tags in the fic apply to random chapters while others have nothing to do with it. it makes so much more sense to have each work as an individual fic with its own individual tags and warnings, so readers can make informed choices.
of course, you do you. I can't police what other people decide to do. but personally, I find it incredibly frustrating to weed through 31 chapters to find the ones I actually want to read. so I don't. I automatically scroll past all works posted like that. and I know some others do, too.
there is absolutely no shame in posting short things on ao3. there is no minimum word count. no one is going to look at you funny if you post a small ficlet on its own, I promise. it's just going to make some readers very happy when they can actually find the things they want to read.
so, please. at least consider the upsides of posting each work as their own fic.
signed, one very frustrated fandom grandma.
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