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ketchup-monthly · 3 years

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Sanders Sides D&D 2

Ooh fresh take: Jan is virge’s patron and that’s why there’s beef

Also: Jan is some sort of fae related being

Jan: i need you to do something for me Virgil: no Janus: that's not how this works!! Virgil: watch me :P

Okay so I was thinking of Patton as a cleric cuz ooh healer however, Patton as a Druid makes me so happy

I want logan to have Rage

(Also that could tie nicely in an arc about Logan learning to accept feelings)

but barbarian logan is going to be a scholar again and is gonna be smort

bc hes logan. he cant be not smart

Oh I figured he’d be the bbeg that eventually joins the party (hurt/comfort baybee!)(Remus)

he was the bbeg but then joined the party as a bardbarian or just a bard

plus, actual bard who accidentally casts vicious mockery instead of bardic inspiration

Side note: please include a scene where Remus attempts to seduce the dragon

also with this second au, i can start them at like level 5 so people can multiclass

Pat as cleric/druid

gasp logan as artificer/barbarian

janus sorcerer/rogue

because basically everything but alchemist would work well with barbarian, but alchemist feels very Logan

bc mad scientist being actually mad

alchemist logan making an experimental potion and going "here im not sure what this does but im sure its fine! someone drink it"

Remus does it voluntarily, but Logan usually tries to get Roman to drink it

Virgil will occasionally drink it when he's on his last legs and is just like.....100% done with the party

remus as a wild magic path barbarian and just fucking teleporting or doing something equally ridiculous whenever he rages

Oh my god Remus with rage would be a force to be reckoned with

You gotta describe the first time he goes into a rage really dramatically

obviously virgil is trying to "escape" his patron, Janus (really just do whatever he says to not do out of spite)

Eldritch knight roman

Feywild warlock virgil

hey so in the second d&d au, should roman and remus be actual full siblings but like remus went darkside and like romans just trying to get back at him for putting a dark stain on the family name

hey hey hey what about warforged Logan? (essentially a robot)(so like "i dont feel anything" becoming real)

okay hear me out. elf roman and elf base simic hybrid remus. so like maybe the reason remus went darkside was experimentation? so like. hes elf but special

FALLEN AASIMAR VIRGIL

virgil just transforming in the middle of a combat scenario and like his eyes turn into black pits and flightless skeletal wings appear on his back and like everyone near him has to make a charisma check and like he deals extra necrotic damage

Pat is the one human stuck in a band of misfits

so with it, roman would be a full elf, and remus would be an elf that has tentacles bc octopus

So robot logan

i meant literally he doesnt feel anything

like he has all the emotions, but he doesnt physically feel the need to like eat or sleep or stuff like that

he just.....he pretend he don't have the feelings.....but he do.....he feel so much and he hides it all in his littol mechanical heart <3

plus......if he warforged, then like.....AC huge

he stands in front of friends.....he protecc...."no, i don't have feelings, i am physically incapable of affection" but he do!! he do! he take hits for them because he do!! he care so much

Bro he spouts all this and then he uses a reaction to dive in front of someone and everyone’s just like oh

LIKE ROMAN STILL BEING MEAN TO LO BC HE THINKS HE DOESNT HAVE FEELINGS BECAUSE HE DOESNT HAVE A HEART BUT HE DOES

hey hey everyone needs to grow

and logan standing up for himself and other people stepping in and saying no stop thats not right

plus if canon wont give me roman facing the consequences of his actions towards Logan......

but also Roman learning how to properly handle his own emotions and how he interacts with others

logan who doesn't view himself as anything more than a machine to be useful to others

the party giving logan love and affection until he slowly learns his own worth as a person

Roman and Logan not getting along (maybe Roman has a Lore reason to distrust Warforged, maybe not) and slowly learning to trust each other

when Logan is feeling real down or having some issue, Roman actually comes through to help him, showing how far both characters have come

Okay yes but also can we please give Roman more confidence than canon? Like I’m sooooo sick of low self esteem being played for laughs or just being really really sad

this boy is going on a mission and will slap his brother upside the head and tell him to shut tf up remus youre not a monster just come back home and he will do it alone if need be

OKAY SO WHAT IF HE ORIGINALLY WENT ON THE QUEST JUST TO STOP REMUS ONCE AND FOR ALL BC ROMAN THOUGHT HE WAS A MONSTER, BUT ALONG THE WAY, AND AFTER LOGAN, HE CAME TO REALIZE THAT NO, JUST BECAUSE REMUS (AND LOGAN) ARE DIFFERENT, THEY ARENT MONSTERS, JUST DIFFERENT

AND LIKE IN THE FINAL PUSH TO MAKE REMUS JOIN BACK WITH HIS BROTHER, ROMAN IS PROJECTING HIS OWN FEELINGS ONTO REMUS AND EVERYONE IS LIKE WOW BRO YOU GOOD THERE, BUT ITS A BIG MOMENT FOR LOGAN, ROMAN, AND REMUS

im unsure as to how, but it happened when he was an older teen/young adult. a simic scientist either picked him (read: kidnapped), or remus volunteered (potentially to escape court life, unaware what exactly the experiment was going to do to him physically

bc also, remus and roman are royalty

so like. how best to get at the nobes/royalty/rich famous people than by turning their kid into a monster

wait, wait, wait, because i'm lowkey a sucker for this trope, but i'm not sure if it fits Remus: the experiments left him with some fairly significant physical pain/uncontrolled magical reactions. through some combo of trying to deal with that and trying find a cure for his pain, he keeps like....absolutely wrecking random towns on accident but also deliberately wrecking certain places looking for either a) vengeance on the guy(s) responsible or b) someone who can make the pain stop

SO LIKE. WILD MAGIC BARBARIAN DOING WEIRD SHIT TO HIM WHENEVER HE RAGES

AND LOGAN COULD MAYBE HELP WITH THE PAIN AND SHIT

BC ALCHEMY

Yknow, for simplification purposes, we could say the True Bbeg just gave Remus lycanthropy and Remus hasn’t managed to control it yet

lycanthropy but simic shit?

Mr. I-Don't-Have-Feelings sees the poor dude in pain and also Roman in emotional pain from seeing his brother in pain and is absolutely like "i must resolve this like right now, immediately" because he definitely doesn't hate seeing his friend suffering, or his friend's brother whom he's just met

he definitely doesn't relate at all to the idea of someone else shaping your body and absolutely does not sympathize with Remus's plight

i was thinking the grappling thing and either manta glide or the ability to breathe underwater for the simic stuff, but like he doesnt have control over the tentacles yet?

Manta glide seems like we could have fun battle scenes

he just jumps off a cliff to avoid mushy talk/dealing with his actions/roman

Roman: Remus just because you're a monster and though i wish i was an only child-- Remus, jumping off a cliff: byyeeeeee Patton: Roman, look what you did! Virgil: dammit jan what did you do? Janus: why do you think i had anything to do with that? im a fae, not a genie Logan, thinking: what an asshole. i wish i could do that

oh my god Logan always being tired mentally bc he cant sleep

Oh my gosh I love that. So Remus got kidnapped super young, (from royal family) they never found him, as a result Roman had to grow up super fast (side effect: lowkey inconsiderate and forgets to ask for others input). Meanwhile, Remus was experimented on by True Bbeg and came out with some trauma and super cool additives

yep! chronic pain and ptsd and all sorts of other shit!

so like, simic hybrids are usually created when they're adults. but what if the true bbeg decided to go younger to see what would happen, and thats why remus has chronic pain and stuff

he was still growing when his genes were spliced, so hes dealing with growth plates shifting and his body maturing and puberty and body changes and stuff

Pat is going to have a lighthearted story. Im saying that now. Hes the one without all the baggage

Sure, but his parents have to lowkey be the really kind people who are surprisingly always down for violence

everyone: multiple crises Pat: y'all need help Pat: love and affection in spades for his little band of misfits

Patton (which I think would be pretty simple, honestly he might just see danger and jump in and suddenly everyone in the party has Feelings)

Logan

Mhm. So how did he grow up? Was he just poof created? Wait

What if he was created by the king?

To make up for remuss disappearance

wait, wait....angst......he was created to fight (hence the barbarian stuff) but alchemy is his real passion

wait so like. a second son???

hes there to replace remus?

Yea! (But like in a sympathetic grief way) But that causes a bit of a complex in Roman and ergo Roman and Logan have a bit of a beef

okay so like. hes there to be a companion for roman, and like take remus' place, even though hes not actually in line for the throne?

LOGAN AS A KNIGHT

and just......the conflict of being created for a specific purpose (plus being, you know, robot and technically incapable of deviated from said purpose) vs the fact that he actually does have independent consciousness and like....wants to live life for himself

the parents made Logan a barbarian in hopes that him and Roman would be safe

okay. so logan was created by the king with the sole purpose to take remus' place as romans brother/companion, and to be his like guard? protector? and fight, but logan wants to be an alchemist and study shit

wait, wait, wait.....thinks about Asimov's Laws

he.....his first operative is protect (specifically protect Roman)

oh man. so hes literally just a shield

his second level operative is just like.....care for Roman's emotional well-being, but he doesn't really know emotions because he was kinda just spawned and nobody told him how

and he just....kind of....lets Roman treat him like garbage and take all his grief out on him because he's staunchly in denial of both having feelings or knowing how they work

Anyway Yea so Logan created by royal family in place of Remus which created angst between the two “brothers” and identity issues in Logan. Their arcs are learning how to healthily process emotions plus Roman apology and Logan commits to alchemy

So big question: why did virge make a deal?

Tricked

he gave janus his name

and instead of janus like killing him or whatever the fae do to people who break the rules of dealing with the fae, jan was like. hey. i'll give you magic, but do what i say

Janus is lawful neutral, but leans towards being selfish

hes self serving, but he has a strong set of morals and rules he follows

Tho I want to Virgil to also not be pushover so let’s say loophole happened and Jan has to stay with virge (hence why Jan is a part of the party)

okay so a couple of the rules are dont give a fae your true name and don't try to figure out their true name

what if virgil accidentally gave up part of his true name, and got stuck in the deal, but then figured out janus' true name

so in the same vein that janus had control over virgil, virgil now has more control over janus

he still gets his magic from janus, so he cant break free completely, but virgil has more freedom and can occasionally tell janus what to do or when to shove it

there should a running gag where virge can explain how he learned Jan’s true name but Jan can make something loudly censor him every time

(he learned his name bc once he heard janus practicing his evil genius voice and talking to himself in the mirror and janus said his true name)

so maybe janus sent virgil on the quest to protect a town or stop something related to remus, but virgil dragged him along

he might just be trying to protect a town thats close to a ley line, or something fae-related, and they just happen upon the whole thing

janus is selfish. but lawful vs chaotic is where he comes through, in morals vs doing whatever. janus has a strong set of loyalties to the fae, and to himself

so like....Remus is just too close to Jan's stuff and he wants to take him down

Virgil is just like....exhausted and said "fine, but if i gotta do this, you're coming, too"

or at least figure out a way to protect his place, even if it doesnt mean fully taking out remus. just moving him would work for jan

Janus: virgilllllllllll hes going to mess up my magic storage locker Virgil: Jan, its empty Janus: but its mine

Yea. Remus attacks a city away from the fae: Jan: Yknow I’m gonna sit this one out Virge: oh no you don’t, get up

Janus vs Janice

so his real name is Janus, but Virgil calls him Janice

Virgil: This is Janice Janice: with a “U-S” Virgil: mhm, sure Jan

I'm a big fan of just like any of the old theory name being various aliases for Jan

Damien, Dante, Ethan, Declan, etc, etc

#ss d&d 2

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xiu21chen99 · 4 years

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hxh headcanon!!

/imagine ofc!! everyone expected another, i hope shhdjdkf

umm... my art?? I'll be transferring it to digi-art tomorrow or sth but uh be nice pls, im new to dis

the art is related to the hc,,, anYWAYS DARK CONTINENT ARC TIMELINE and... TW! blood, violence and death. this is what i envision the "battle for hisokas head" arc story thingey would go

ON THE BLACK WHALE!

Hisoka has killed most of the spiders already, all that was left were Illumi, Kalluto, Chrollo, Shizuku and Bonolenov (bc the latter three formed a group truce rmmbr)

he decides to save the Zoldycks for last so he hunts for the mf who mangled his face and literally killed him

Hisoka makes quick work of killing Bono and Shizuku (nooo my bby ;-;)

Chrollo and he have a sort of stalemate stance bc they're in a discrete room in the Black Whale, they're meters apart and they're literally just walking in a circle to see who'd make the first move

Bono and Shizuku's bodies are in the same room

Illumi comes in with Kalluto in tow and the two siblings stop dead in their tracks to watch

that's when Hisoka moves in for the kill

but Chrollo counters w a spell he pulled from his book- an explosion erupts, tho it's a small, kind of controlled one but still, everyone in the room are forced back

Hisoka's thrown to a wall while the other three skid back on the feet

the emergency alarms ring in the room, the automated doors move to close

Illumi and Kalluto make eye contact before Kalluto runs for it, Illumi goes to block the door when he left, making sure Chrollo doesn't follow suit before walking towards Hisoka

"what are you doing?" Chrollo asks when Illumi helps the clown to his feet.

"oh, did i not tell you?" Illumi pulls out a few needles from his outfit "Hisoka has also commissioned for your head, but only under the circumstance where he could see."

"no, you forgot to mention that." Chrollo humors, book in hand and a forced smile on his lips

"oh this should be fun," Hisoka adds beside him, cracking his neck with a sinister grin

"i take it you were serious about the... engagement ring you mentioned earlier?" Chrollo asks as he flips to a page in his book

"quite, yes. i have already told my brother to not contact our parents about it, hence why he was with me up until now." Illumi explains, pins glowing with violet nen

"how boring, i had hoped you'd at least introduce me to my in-laws before we get on with it." Hisoka teases, cards in hand

"disgusting." Chrollo sneers, and the tension in the room snaps.

There's another explosion, quite bigger and definitely stronger. Illumi blocks the stray debris from his eyes with a hand, squinted eyes taking in everything that was to see.

Hisoka was still beside him though his head was snapping from left to right trying to navigate their common target

There's whispering, then Chrollo's puppets appear behind them, seeming to have grown from the concrete ground

they were mindless pawns, Hisoka gladly kicked them all til they returned to dust

what came next were Bono and Shizuku, though Illumi could have sworn they were dead earlier

"it's a stolen power, they might still be able to use their nen." Hisoka warns, and as if to prove his point Shizuku attacks Illumi with Blinky

"cut off their heads!" Hisoka yells, disappearing into the still present dust cloud of the post-explosion

Shizuku was the easier target, death made her think that vacuum of hers was a sword. Illumi pins her to the wall and snaps her head off

Bono was more clever, he hid in the dust and used his whistle like body to distract Illumi from where he actually was

Then he attacks when he had his back turned to him

But Illumi soon gets the hang of it, whips back to his right to catch Bono mid jump, and crushes his neck like paper

He drops the twice killed body and wipes his hands on his pants

There's strong aura somewhere in the room, so he follows his instincts through the smog

Another explosion, but this time actual smoke builds up in the room, triggering the fire alarms and the sprinklers

"you fucking bitch!"

"you should have stayed dead, Hisoka!"

Illumi follows the voices and now obvious sounds of fighting

as the smoke clears, he sees multiple figures go after who he assumes was Hisoka. Logically speaking, he was the only target of those useless puppets

Illumi jumps to his feet to help him, throwing pins at the three running to Hisoka at stumbling speed

He lands behind Hisoka with grace, feet as silent as ever.

the smoke is nearly gone now, so when Illumi turns to see if Hisoka was alright he's shocked to find a rock figurine, roughly formed to Hisoka's shape and build

"Hisoka-"

"i can't believe you fell for that" Chrollo says behind him, but Illumi has already sent needles flying his way

"what did you do?"

unprepared, Chrollo's sent to the wall, hands pinned and spread. there were matching pins buried deep into the palms of his hands making him unable to move

"I just killed the bastard who shouldn't have come for my friends."

his hands needed to touch something to detonate. with two more pins each added to his hands (and two more to each of his feet), Chrollo's made to float with Illumi's Manipulation

(hc power here bc i think he could do this, but he only saves it for special occasions or enemies lol)

Illumi pulls forth a mind control needle amd jams it into Chrollo’s forehead, “answer my questions, and answer me truthfully"

"what did you do to Hisoka, you could not have killed him in that short amount of time. I should have been able to sense something if you did. he is not in this room, so where is he?"

Chrollo groans, "he's trapped in the room i laid out for him"

"explain."

"i stole some random passenger's teleportation ability. its' condition is to only be able to open a portal if the room's closed and only has one door. i opened the portal and left him in the in between."

"you have been planning this, correct?"

"i only came up with it when Shizuku encountered the man with this power. he's still alive of course, but if i kill him then his nen portals would cease, and Hisoka will be trapped in that limbo forever."

"and nen after death..?"

"he adores the spiders, he surely won't hold a grudge if i killed him for this."

"this is a well executed plan." Illumi complements despite the situation

"thanks."

"open the portal, bring him back."

"why should i?"

Illumi grabs another pin from his shirt, this time giving it a lick before jamming it into Chrollo's arm

"i am already annoyed at how everything has turned out, just pull Hisoka out of the portal."

life slowly drains from Chrollo's eyes, as he goes limp against Illumi's pins that kept him afloat and away from any possible detonation medium

Chrollo-puppet, now on his own two feet, pulls out his book and flips to a page. The wall behind him opens, the metal folding out as if crumpled then Hisoka walks out, in shock. The wall closes silently, as if it never opened to begin with

Hisoka snaps out of it quickly, lips curving into a pleased smile, "nice work, Illu!"

Illumi waves a hand dismissively. "would you like to do the honors?"

"ooh~ don't mind if i do," Hisoka pulls out a card from somewhere and approaches the still Chrollo.

Illumi walks to a wall to lean against it, knowing Hisoka would take his time.

"you've married an idiot, Illumi Zoldyck." a voice said beside him, and he snaps his head up to see Hisoka's killing slash

"wait-"

But it was too late

another explosion, this time strong enough to blow the doors open and the walls broken

Illumi's once again pushed to the wall, back through the metal it poked him with blisters

As the dust settled for a third time, Chrollo stood in the middle of the room, unharmed and unpinned.

Under his foot, Hisoka. Dead?

"no-" Illumi coughs, dust filling his lungs

Illumi stumbles to the pair as Chrollo backs away, to the door now open

"Hisoka-" he falls to his knees beside the man, cradles the head to his lap. This was real, this was really Hisoka. he felt it- he felt the last ebbs of his presence fade along with the explosion.

He was really dead...

Was his Bungee Gum/after death nen a one time thing?

He was so stupid, he should have noticed that Chrollo was a fake. It had been too easy. Fuck.

Hisoka coughs, and Illumi zeroes in on it, on the way his once steady chest heaves with labored breaths. "Hiso- Hisoka?"

"Illu..." he drawls, unable to say it clearly

"what do i do?"

"ta... take m-" he coughs again, "take my heart, Illu."

"what do you mean?" Illumi presses a hand to the side of Hisoka's neck, trying to find a pulse

"this is my nen condition-" heave- "Bungee gum will help me get the engagement ring to you. it's in my heart, literally-"

"Hisoka, you are not making any sense-"

"just kill me already, illu-" cough- "and carve out my heart. you'll find the ring there."

"o-oh" Illumi's eyes widen

"do it, illu. before my-" heave again "nen runs out."

Hisoka's smiling. his glamour of texture surprise has worn off already, so his nose-less, peeling face stared back at Illumi

"go on, love."

with no other choice, Illumi elongates his nails and digs into the crevice between Hisoka's rib cage. his blood felt hot and sticky between his fingers, but Illumi dug deeper.

his heart was still beating though weakly, as if it still had a chance to live on

"bye, love." were Hisoka's last breathy words as Illumi pulls the organ out. It was shrouded in pink nen, Bungee Gum he thought, its distinct tint a permanent brand in Illumi's mind

gore slid down his hand, as illumi held it closer to his face for inspection

for a few fleeting moments it continued throbbing, but now it's stilled to a mere heart.

Illumi has done this method of killing before, but this is the first heart he thought held value

blood dripped from his hand down to Hisoka's smiling face, eyes open and gaze somewhere to Illumi's direction

as the Bungee Gum lifted, a ring popped out from an outward ventricle.

a bloody ring

how did he manage to do this?

despite the crimson, Illumi slips it to his ring finger with a grim smile

even after death, Hisoka still amazed him

He gently puts Hisoka's head to the ground, off his lap, and closes his golden eyes

Illumi's en grows with unbridled rage that it covered the whole ship. Chrollo is just a few hallways down

Bloodlust up in new heights, Illumi lets his presence explode, making sure nen and non nen users alike felt his hunger to kill

Finding Chrollo was too easy, but this time he's sure it was the real one. he was at the balcony, looking out into the sunset.

"i take it, you loved him?"

Illumi doesn't answer, instead walks closer with eery silence

"if you loved him then why didn't you tell him?"

one step forward, two, three. just a few more left.

"he wouldn't have reciprocated? blah, he was of peculiar taste, I'm sure he would've accepted you."

pins, needles, hell even a card he got from Hisoka. he threw all of it to Chrollo, aiming for where he was and the surrounding spots he could have gone to, to avoid them

pinned down and bleeding, Chrollo continues "or were you not aware you loved him until you saw him die right before your eyes?"

Illumi, more than once, said that assassins don't need friends. didn't have a need for anyone else but family.

but

"he was my friend. that's all there was to it."

Chrollo's head rolls to the balcony, falls off and to the sea. a king of hearts was placed where the head should be, engraved into the floor.

later that day, Illumi went back to the room where Hisoka was, to find Kalluto there. His kimono was bunched up by his hands to make sure blood didn't touch the ends.

"aniki, what happened here? where's danchou?"

"kallu, i want you to help me with something." Illumi said instead, "can you help me clean him up?"

"should we throw him overboard?" Kalluto gestured to Hisoka.

"no, i want to fix him up and find a coffin in this ship. i will bury him when we get back to the mainland."

"why?"

"because..." Illumi fiddled with the bloodied ring, "he was my husband."

for those of u confused don't worry, i am too. basically chrollo used a bomb dummy of himself and that’s the one hisoka killed but uh got him killed instead. shjsjfkf sorry if this was shitty it's 2:30am nd i just wanted to write this before i forgot. I'll fix it tomorrow hopefully

also the hc is the ring in hisokas heart thingey and maybe the room trap plan bc togashi wouldnt have introduced that bitch if he didnt plan on using him for the plot shjsjdkfkgl good night!

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mysplaced-pen · 7 years

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Hihi, glow in the dark stars anon here, once again ^^. I've noticed you wanted requests so I'm gonna send you one! How about an MC who is very innocent and sweet but as soon as their older brother comes into town, they become a fowl-mouthed memer and is constantly making jokes, and how would the RFA + V + Saeran react to such events. Sorry if it doesn't make sense;; (by the way how was your day? Oh, and keep up the good work my dude !!)

hey stars anon!(that’s your nickname now bc i love ya~) my dude, you are like, my favorite anon?? you come up with great ideas wowie wow!! this is me but with my pals..im an only child;;

my day - well yesterday - was good. busy, but good! i’m finally getting over this weird cold. how was yours? ^^ and thank you, again! (/◔ ◡ ◔)/

zen

mc told him their brother was coming to town all excitedly and that they wanted zen to meet him. he agreed. family is important to him! ..yes im still salty about his family¬_¬

also this is like, the first time he’s gonna meet mc’s family its time to Impress

so they go, and zen really doesn’t know what he’s expecting besides hoping their family likes him

their parents were kind of how he thought - nice and sweet, asking him questions

and then their brother came

“mc!” their brother called. he was answered with a hug from them aw sweet not for long, zenny

“hey you nerd!” mc started, and then it pretty much went from there

zen wasn’t really surprised at all the inside jokes they had, but there was? so many?? he had never seen mc make this many jokes

also did mc just say ‘fuck’? he was pretty sure he never heard them say ‘damn’ and now they upgraded to all this??

oh well, their brother liked him

when they left, he got kind of pouty

“babeeee do you feel uncomfortable around me?” “what do you mean?”

“you don’t curse and joke that much with me, and you can, you know!”

he just wants to have as many inside jokes

yoosung

they were meeting up with mc’s brother for lunch!

he wasn’t going to be in town long, but mc was still so excited

yoosung thought they looked so cute all excited and now he is too

they got to the restaurant first and waited

mc’s brother found them at the table and shook yoosung’s hand before hugging mc

“well now you have to tell me everything about your boyfriend, my dear sibling. and if i have to send him back to hell.”

*cue a slightly scared yoosung*

“i’ll tell you he’s better than that shithead you dated last year.”

*cue a surprised yoosung now*

who are you and what have you done to my mc?

things continued this way, and they even started laughing at memes together

they made one of their brother’s old girlfriend…ok that one was funny

after lunch, yoosung kind of observes them for a while

they stumble while walking once and mutter, “oh dang-”

mc when your brother accidentally kicked you under the table, you said something much worse

oh well, he’s happy he got to see a new side of mc

jaehee

their brother dropped by the cafe right after they closed, but of course they let him in

jaehee made him a cup and he said it was the best coffee he’s tasted

“is your tea this hot too?” he asked

she was about to answer seriously, but mc knew better

“it sure as hell is, and i have so many stories to tell you”

jaehee’s like: …how did we get from tea to stories

and then mc starts telling him about all the shit i apparently put the cafe through stories of customers and stuff

it was the same stories mc and her told everyone, but mc added more emphasis and..curse words in this retelling

if jaehee could become her question mark emoji, she would right then

at one point, mc told her to come sit with them

so she did, sitting next to mc

“there’s one last thing I haven’t told you, dear brother.” they say

but before they continue, they kiss jaehee’s cheek. “meet my girlfriend”

on the inside, jaehee was yelling because girlfriend!! but also cause she thought he knew–

their brother paused for a minute before whispering, “et tu, brute?”

and that’s how mc and jaehee found out their brother is also gay wow

jumin

he invited their brother to the penthouse

he brought out the fancy wine, elizabeth was on her best behavior, things were good

and mc’s brother was nice and seemed to like him

so all in all, the evening went well

except that jumin spent almost half of the evening being confused

because first off, when did mc get such a foul mouth what the he ck

and second, what is a ‘meme’?

“woah, wait. your boyfriend doesn’t know what a meme is, mc? hm…i dunno if i like him”

“calm your tits, brother. memes aren’t everything.” are u sure, mc?

jumin is lowkey like ‘how can he calm his tits wtf’

anyways, mc’s brother assures that he was kidding and that he actually really likes jumin

who’s the real winner now

when their brother left, mc went back to being the innocent mc he knew

“…my love?” “yes, jumin?” “what just happened?”

he’ll get used to it

707 / luciel / saeyoung

when they told him their brother was in town, he yelled for a little bit

how is this dork gonna impress mc’s family?

decides he needs to clean the bunker

amazingly, he does it without vanderwood’s help a miracle

almost puts on a suit, but mc stops him

when their brother came over, mc’s attitude completely changes

and saeyoung just observes them for a while and realizes what he has to do

it’s literally just channel the 707 attitude. which he is an expert in doing

and now…let the memes begin

oh, mc’s brother likes this guy

it goes better than expected. they’re practically best friends now

the only thing is, saeyoung doesn’t curse that much

so after their brother leaves, he’s like “mc, i didn’t know you had such a potty mouth!”

watch them feign innocence for a bit

it doesn’t work, but everyone’s still happy

v / jihyun

came over to mc’s apartment to find their brother with them

it was a surprise

“oh, nice to meet you!”. they all sit and chat

v could’ve sworn he heard mc threaten their brother not to make any blind jokes

something along the lines of “make one blind joke and so help me, i will fucking murder you”

v feels like he should be scared

there are no blind jokes, but there are a lot of memes

which he also doesn’t understand that well, but he catches on faster than jumin

“mc, I need to teach your boyfriend the art of memes.”

ooh now v is really scared

but it goes better than he expected

his favorite ones are now the bee movie memes and ‘bees?’

he tried it once with the whole rfa around, like jumin asked when the next party date was and he just looked at him and went: “bees?”

mc was so proud. jumin felt betrayed. saeyoung lost his shit.

they got that on video and when they showed their brother: “mc, marry this man right now”

saeran

they met at mc’s work

saeran was picking them up and they ran into mc’s brother

“oh! i didn’t know you were back in town!” “yeah. surprise!!”

saeran is like lowkey scared at first

but then the Truth Is Revealed

and now he almost hates himself

why is he always stuck with the memers

even mc got pulled into this, his one saving grace

though he found it kinda hot when they cursed, he just wanted to kiss them

heyy bringing back my saeran is ace headcanon haha no smut for you

anyways, though saeran doesn’t like memes, he understands them and can joke with mc’s brother

mc’s brother likes him

when he leaves, saeran is so glad they’re back to the mc he knows more

except like, hey, maybe curse more

they end up doing so when they figure out they get more kisses that way

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elem-entals · 4 years

Text

undercover irid, crown prince seb, elems academy marco, librarian knowledge nads au

Brent and I had some really good ideas in this whole rp Pt. 1

Undercover irid but seb is also there undercover

Maybe irid is from some far off kingdom secretly

And helps/recruited the elems

And surprise she’s actually an agent from the Eastern Kingdom

And the lovable seemingly dumbass refugee who’s been putting his blacksmithing skills to use since the academy changed hands to dm

He looks at irid; and tells her to cut the act, the mission has been accomplished

Irid:

Irid; >:| dammit, sire

Irid: there’s still more to acc- Seb holds up a hand: it’s high time we stop the charade and make things clear

Seb: we all know how cozy you’ve gotten here, Fire elemental Iridona c; Irid: >:| 😳 your Majesty

Marco: what

Irid: Seb: Crown Prince Sebastian Warbourne at your service c;

Irid as one of the palace guards and a close friend of the prince

Irid muttering: >:| we had more to get done

Marco, later: sam what the fuck

Marco: she’s some sort of highly trained palace guard warrior chick

Marco: no wonder she picked up on training so fast, common girl with secret powers my butt

Seb, walking around a corner: that was her original origin

Seb: she really was a commoner who learned to fight rather quickly

Seb: and I’d watch how you talk about her, especially in front of me c;

Sam: 😗🍷

Sam: just your type marco

Seb: 👀

Seb: she hasnt dated much, but you are quite her type as well, Marco.

Sam: great, I love watching marco get his ass kicked

Seb: I do, as well 🍹

Marco: >:|

Sam: we ain't friends, guy

Marco: you get all fluttery whenever she’s near and you practically glow whenever she’s paying attention to you

Marco: me thinks she’s more than a bodyguard to you

Seb: Seb; 🍹

Seb: my interests are her happiness

Seb, picking lint off of his shirt: she is more than capable of being a mere palace guard

Sam: like a wife

Seb: if I can help her be more, find more of what could make her happy, live up to her potential, I will do nothing to stand in the way

Seb knocks back his drink

All of it

At once

Sam: impressive

Seb: no

Seb: its really not

Sam: I did like 3 at once one time during breeding season a few years back 😗

Seb:

Marco:

Marco: what

Sam: it was hard to position all three

Sam: without spilling it

Marco: OH drinks

Sam: I was already hammered so I dont think I would have noticed anyway

Sam: oh

Sam: yeah drinks

Marco: ...

Sam: and then maybe some very impressed ewes 😗🍷

Marco: what

Sam: anyway your kinglyness finish your ominous speech

Seb: 👀🍹no that was it

Sam: oh okay cool

Marco: will your guard terrier approve of another drink or does she need to test it

Sam: [takes a sip]

Seb: Seb punches Marco’s arm

Sam as a former party boy for this au I guess

Seb: maybe if its poisoned you should try it first 😒

Sam: oh damn I'll do it, I'd love to die

Seb:

Marco: 😕

Seb: yikes

Sam: jokes

Sam at some point to marco: y'know there's probably a few Samir jr.'s out there somewhere 🤔

Marco: wow

Sam: I know, weird to think about

Sam: I dont know if you wolves feel the same way but sometimes during breeding season some people just let loose

Sam: a lot of hatchlings are raised communally

Sam: dont know who their parents are, 's not really a big deal to us

Sam: sorry, there was just a hatchling that ran past a few hours ago and I got to thinking about it

Starling lore for this au

And maybe in general idk

This is a single dad Sam au now I guess

Marco: what if

Marco: what if you met a kid that was yours?

Is this assuming he doesnt have nadir with him yet?

Sam: I Sam: I don't know

Sam, elbowing him: maybe this upcoming season eh?

Whichever you think is more fun for this point im the au

Sam having a tryst with a starling from the eastern kingdom and he keeps the egg for himself

Lol she drops it on his desk

she's a badass warrior (maybe another palace guard?) And doesnt have the time/safe place to raise it

a starling version of iris

And is like "this is yours to do as you please"

"Wuh"

“Have fun byeee”

Warrior starling with a dry personality and a love of violence

Yes exactly

"This is soft cushy work, perfect for you"

"Uh"

Marco:

Marco: so you have a kid now?

Marco: mazel

Sam: one that I know about, yeah

Sam, with the egg: I could Sam: bring it to a hatchery

Marco: ...

Sam: this is the first time I've been face to shell with a product of a tryst

Sam: oh dont look at me like that, it's a normal starling cultural thing

Sam: it's not like your orphanages

Marco: yeah i know but

Marco: 👀 you were saying you could use a bit of something stable

Marco: company

Sam: 🌕🖊️ Sam: look [shows him the egg]

The egg has a face scrawled on it

Marco: you have a support system here too

Sam, egg voice: hi marco, it's me, Samir Jr.

Concept: Iris as a visiting consultant as a favor to Dm as he’s trying to set up the new Academy

Sam: 🤔 I am getting a bit long in the tooth

Iris: Samir, for the last time, I need those reports on-

Iris: 👀|

Iris: that’s an egg

Sam: it is

Someone asks Iris if she’s dating dm

Sam: very astute observation, I can see why you get paid the big bucks

“Not my type”

Dm: she likes twinks but like straight

Iris: >👀|

Sam: so like all starlings

Dm: mhm

Iris: >👀C

Sam: I know a buddy who's single

Sam: not afraid to mingle with those of the flesh

Iris: you’re about to see my foot up your ass

Marco: this is why I liked having you around

Sam: [cups his hands around his eyes]

Marco: Sam, seriously, it could be nice

Marco: having a little one around

Sam: hmm Sam: I'll give it a week to decide

Iris: ugh you and your father are so domestic

Sam: he's getting old iris

Sam: he wants to settle down

Sam: maybe with someone from out of town 👀

Sam: isnt that right eggbert Sam, egg voice: sure is

Iris: your dad met your mother and like a month later “oh she’s so wonderful, I could see us settling down in some house in the Valley or something”

Iris: [fake gags]

Sam: [sighs] I want that

Sam: marco is your dad into single dads

Sam: this could be your step sibling

Marco: dont even joke

Iris, in a bad dm impression; Samir, you’re claws are looking very pointy today

Iris: may I escort you to the Fall Ball in August?

*your

Sam: why thank you Marco, you're so kind~

Sam, bats his lashes: what a gentleman

Iris, pretending to be faint: Oh, Iris, he’s so lovely, we’ll have a June wedding

Iris: I’m assuming you’re the same way in love, Marc-y

Sam: I need a nice, strong man to help me raise my hatchling

Marco: >:| I hate having you around

Marco: No you dont

Marco: you are strong

Sam: not as strong as this little dude's ma

Sam: she could have bench pressed me

Iris: ooh👀

Sam: I think I pulled something when we were together

Iris: oooooh👀c

Iris: gimme the hot goss

^monotone lucretia voice

Sam, scooting closer: so she drops this on my desk, right?

Iris: ‼️

Sam: "here, you live a cushy, domestic life. Take this"

Sam: what am I supposed to do with this? I ask Sam: she snorts, patronizingly I might add Sam: "use your fancy academy education and figure it out"

Sam: >:T she must think I'm some kind of coddled highborn

Iris: she sounds cool

Marco: you would think that

Sam: she was that big tall starling his fancy pants-ness brought with him

Sam: look at me forging alliances

Sam: you're all welcome

Sam: you're next marco

Iris: oh, you mean

Eh?

Iris: Shabina?

Sam: is that her name? Huh 🤔

Iris: you didnt even know her name? 👀c

Sam: she doesnt know mine so I think we're square

Sam: she called me desk jockey at one point

Iris: oooh, she mentioned you

Sam: oh?

Iris: “the desk jockey had these soft hands, and knew how to use them”

Marco: uGH

Sam, leaning back: ha, totally me

Marco: what do you mean I’m next?

I like this iris dynamic with sam and marco tbh

Sam: maybe I can teach you sometime Marco, y'know, to get a leg up in his royal ominous-ness

Yeah same

Marco: what the fuck is that sentence

Iris: language, pup

Sam: I mean we're going to help you seduce iridona

Sam: get you a palace guard

Marco: what

Iris: now that you’ve got an egg you’re wanting to play matchmaker?

Sam: yes

Sam: I'm feeling domestic

Marco: oh please after you got Celi in your clutches you wouldnt leave me and Dad and Marse alone about “finding someone”

Sam: you're welcome btw, told you I'd find you a twink

Iris: my private life is not up for speculation

Iris: how did you find him for me?

Sam: oh you think you found him on accident?

Iris: I like to find my own beaus thank you very much

Sam: [snickers] okay

Iris: [narrows her eyes]

Marco: nice

Marco: maybe Sam can get you ankid too

Iris slaps his arm

Sam: yeah, maybe Sam: my cup runneth over with them, apparently

Sam: I'll keep doing a whirlwind tour of the willing starling ewes that could break me in half in the eastern kingdom and make everyone an egg

Sam: [sighs] Sam: I'm gonna go to the library to get some books on parenting I guess

Sam: who wants to come with?

Iris, winding her arm thru sam’s: there’s a section on combat training that could be useful for a growing young starling

Sam: just because my hatchling's mom was a meathead doesn't mean they have to be

Iris: oh no no

Iris: not a meathead per say. but a cool and collected young ewe or ram with the ability to defend themselves from enemies

Marco: should you decide to keep the hatchling, you’ll have so many people to help with the kid, they wont even need it

Iris: but they should know

Iris: maybe young master DeSantos can learn some seduction techniques

Marco: >:|

Sam: yeah I've got plenty of that

Marco; Irid has enough on her plate

Sam: what, some kid playing king?

Sam: if the other palace guard has enough time to waste with me I'm sure irid can stomach a date or two with you

Sam: c'mon, let's go to the library

Marco: maybe he was just looking to make friends

Sam: mostly because I don't remember how to get there :<

He was but also sam’s right

Iris: pfft

Iris tugs on his arm

Iris moved over to the capital after losing her first husband. She lost him awhile back when she was just friends with dm

Later when she struggles marco and dm and sam help comfort her

Iris and sam and marco at the fantasy baby store

Trying to figure out what to get a soon to be hatchling

this is a knowledge nads au also

Ooooooo

to prepare you for this variant

is Nads a librarian

nads is a librarian

Bookmage

Book battle mage

We gotta figure out how to incorporate some of this into one of our long standing au’s

Nads: Hi, welcome to Talondrop Library :DDD

Iris: 👀|c hello, young miss

Sam, muttering: it's way too early in the morning for this kind of pep

Iris quietly: I like her, hush

Marco nods

Iris: might we be directed to the section on baby care?

Nads: how can I help you all? c: Nads: unless you're part of that group that's been stealing books in which case I won't hesitate to use force >:c [pulls out an envelope opener]

Iris: 👀|c like a real life Bilbo

Nads who is probably as tall or taller than Iris

Nads: oh, sure! :DDD [she still doesn't put away the opener]

Nads: right this way

Nads: what kind of baby is it? I've organized the whole section by species

Iris: impressive

Iris: a hatchling, eventually

Nads: ✨✨✨

Nads: I see! Nads: that explains why you walked in with an egg 🤔

Nads: I didn't want to assume

Nads: what in particular are you looking for? feeding? education? c: Sam: uh...everything? Nads: first time parent? I got you c;

Nads grabs one of those book carts

Nads: I'll be back in just a second with a selection!

Sam: This vibe is weird

Sam: this is making it all so...realy

Sm@l iris befriending sam after she and celi visit to have their case looked at

Iris and sam gossiping

Iris: true, but we’re at the intel gathering stage

Iris: if you’re gonna decide, you should do it well as informed as possible

Sam: intel gath- Sam: iris I'm getting baby books, I'm not on a mission

Sam: marco, you've been awfully quiet

Marco: ... just taking it in

Marco: dont want to add more noise

Sam: more than our new "friend"? I'm sure you're fine

Sam: it is awfully quiet in here though

Sam: like more than a library usually is

Nads, with a pyramid of books: I'm back, hi c:

Sam: jeez, this is uh Nads: just a small selection, I know

Sam: wasn't what I was thinking tbh

Nads: I've got a small sampling of everything you'd ever want to know

Nads: feeding, bathing, teaching; the works

Sam, looking over a book: uuuuh

Nads: and, most important of all, hatching

Sam: Sam: oh shit I forgot that part

Marco leafs thru a book

Iris: thank you, Miss...?

Nads: Nadia~ c:

Nads: Talondrop Library's head librarian

Iris: Nadia c: I’m Iris

Iris: this is Marco and thats Sam

Nads: ...!!! :OOO Nads: you're from that academy aren't you?

Marco nods

Nads: I hear you guys are hosting the King of the Eastern Kingdom

Marco: pft

Marco: yeah now we are

Iris: always interesting, having visiting foreign entities

Nads: that's so neat, it must be exciting to swap stories c: Sam, muttering: and fluids c:', c: ', c:',

Sam: right marco

Marco: oh gross

Sam: marco

Sam: right

Nads: is there anything else I can help you all with today? c: Sam: yeah, you got any books on seduction so we can help my man over here? c:',

Marco: >:| stop this

Nads: 🤭 we have some romance books if he would be interested

Marco: I am not

Nads: of course! If you'll follow me to the counter

Nads: okay, so you have two weeks before you either have to return or renew them

Nads: I'll just need your signature right here Sam: alright

Nads: and right here Sam: 'kay Nads: and a drop of your blood Sam: ok- what

Nads: for the blood pact c: Nads: if you don't return the books on time there'll be a fee, and if you don't return it in a month's time I'll hunt you down

Sam:

Marco:

Iris: 👀

Sam, taking the pin: fine, I don't want to have to walk to the bookstore

sam pricks himself and a drop of blood falls onto the small magic circle on the counter

it evaporates into a cloud of pink smoke

Nads: the contract is sealed Nads, pushing the books towards him: have a lovely day :DDD

Sam@marco and iris: what, don't look at me like that

Sam: I need these books, I'm completely lost without them

Sam studying the books in his office while marco chills

maybe talking about how irid kicked his ass during training that day?

yes i love this

marco puts his feet up on sam's desk

what does sam do in this?

what if its the same gag

he does everything and nothing

and has an office

I like it

nobody knows what he does

but dm says he's invaluable

marco: so I look up she has the dumbest smirk on her face

marco: and decks me and I fall off the log and loose the whole ass challenge

Sam: HA, classic

marco, throwing the candy wrapper from the candy he nabbed from sam's candy dish on his desk in the wastebasket: stupid

Sam: was your love rival there

Marco: my what?

Marco: I have no such thing

Marco: Iridona is a colleague

Marco: who lied technically

Sam: we've all lied once or twice

So ya know how in older movies, a couple dancing in a big fancy number was like

Lowkey highkey hinting toward their chemistry in bed

That but its how irid and marco fight or fight together

Marco: Samir

Sam: like when you asked what happened to your piece of cake that day in third grade

Marco: excuse you

Sam: and I said your sister must have taken it

Sam: and Marco, you don't have to lie about that absolutely sizzling sexual chemistry you have with her

Sam: and don't let what's his face psyche you out

Marco:

Marco: 😳 n- no-

Marco: aw fuck it

Marco: It doesnt feel right to just up and

Sam: 👀

Marco: “hey so how about this thing I think is between us”

Sam: well sure if you wanna be all Sam: werewolf Sam: about it

Sam: take a starling approach

Sam: romance her

Sam: flirt

Sam: flash her that roguish smile

Sam: instead of ballroom dancing to express your feelings you two spar Sam: it's like its own dance, in a way

Marco: ugh dont remind me. If i was gonna go all werewolf, I’d tackle her during training and growl into her ear about all the stuff i’d love to do to her and see if she’s down

Sam: rhythmic, passionate

Marco: not cool

Marco:

Sam: hey now that's not werewolf Sam: werewolf is "hello milady, I would like to mount you, do I have thine permission?""

Marco: “would thou consent to be bred-eth?”

*wouldst

Sam: "I think you'll find I'm a suitable caretaker, watch me bench this deer carcass"

Marco: heheh

Marco: seriously, I dont even know if shes interested

Sam: well

Sam: test the waters

Sam: you don't have to be blunt about it

Sam: even though I know it's in your desantos dna

Sam: maybe we should have gotten you one of those seduction books

Sam: I've finished all these books and have to return them, I could pick one up c;

Marco: hatred

Marco: utter hatred

Sam: love you too

Marco: wait you read all of those books?

Sam: yes

Sam: Also I haven't slept

Sam: I'm sure it's fine

Marco: soo

Marco: have you come any closer to a decision?

Sam: mmm

Sam: I don't know

Sam: it's only been one day

Sam: Maybe once I get more books

Marco: I-

Marco: hold on

Sam: and return these before I get stabbed in my sleep or something 😒

Sam: what is it boy

marco: are you gonna chat up the cute head librarian

Sam: is celio stuck in a well

marco: utter loathing

Sam: what? I mean I guess I have to

marco: u t t e r l o a t h i n g

Sam: I'm pretty sure she's the only librarian

Sam: cute eh? should I alert irid that she's lost her chance? 👀

Sam: anyway I need more books because honestly I'm starting to freak out

Marco: aw sami

Sam finding nads one day super depressed looking in the dark by herself

And when he gets her attention she's like "!!!" And tries to put on her customer service persona

He asks what's wrong and she tells him that the library's going to be shut down soon and it's all she has

Sam asking dm if there's any openings for the academy library

Dm: well

Dm: theres a lot of openings since part of every intellectual department was infested with Asrani loyalist so

Dm: yes

Sam: nice Sam: um Sam: can I ask for a favor

Dm: and poor Avalene is stretched thin between sorting out the archives and trying to sort out the library

Sam: nothing big this time, I promise

Dm:

Sam: look

Sam: the library in town is slated to be shut down

Sam: and the librarian there has really been helping out with the whole Sam: surprise fatherhood thing

Dm: ah yes

Dm: that aside, I hope you know you can count on me and Marco for support with that.

Sam: I mean granted loaning out books is a librarian's job

Sam: right, thank you sir

Sam: I'll...keep that in mind

Dm: >:| you mean isolate yourself eventually

Dm: anyway 😤

Dm: I’ll see what I can do

Sam: [bats his lashes]

Dm: the young woman in Talondrop? The enthusiastic one?

Sam: that's her

Dm: hm

Dm: I’ll get back to you

Sam: thanks

Dm dials the extension for the library where avilene has set up shop

The academy one

Dm: would you like to take on an experienced young librarian with enthusiasm for the jo- Avilene, loud enough for sam to hear thru the phone: yES

dm nods at sam

Sam: great, I'll let her know

Sam: see, I told you I'd be an asset

Sam: strengthening ties between our neighbors, finding new employees

Dm waves him away: yes yes

"So like I heard you knocked up one of my guards?"

Dm: tell my son to stop dancing around his very obvious crush on Ser Velezquez

Sam: I've tried

Dm: 😒

Sam: I promise I've tried

#sam #dm #marco #iris #look at her getting so much screen time #irid #shabina

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