#i know i dont owe anyone an explanation on why it's been so long. but. idk | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tired-teacher-blog · 2 years

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Hi! if you don’t have too many requests, but if you do dont worry about this. Hawks with a s/o who doesn’t have much self worth, always criticise’s them selves. him comforting them after their therapist ghosts them (totally not self indulgent)

I hope you're feeling better sweetie, and here I have our precious Hawks ready to soothe your heart ❤️

Title : A night stroll

Characters : Hawks/ Gender neutral reader

Genre : Angst/Fluff/ One shot

Trigger Warning : Anxieties/ Low self esteem/ Mental therapy

Masterlist|Second Masterlist

"This is weird, why isn't he picking up?"

You muttered as you tried calling your therapist for the fourth time that day. You were supposed to have a session two days ago but when you showed up at his office as per the appointment agreed upon, his secretary told you he was too busy to see you, and didn't even have the courtesy to reschedule for you, even after you politely asked her to.

Her response was as ambiguous as her boss's behavior when she asked you to call him yourself for a reschedule.

"Should I call again? What's going on?"

Your heart sank as your mind wondered to the worst case scenarios.. was your doctor not feeling well enough to see you? was he bored of you already? did he give up on the possibility of you getting better? were your problems too much to handle even for a professional?

As farfetched as that last part might be, your growing anxieties and non-existent confidence and self worth made it seem like a reasonable point..

_ "Ah.. hello!" finally he picked up.

_ "Yes, hello." his assistant answered instead, even though you were calling his personal number.. strange.

_ "It's y/n calling to reschedule please."

_ "Right, sorry but Doctor (name) will no longer be able to see you, so he will forward you to one of his trusted colleagues, let me pass you their phone number, they're already aware of your condition and agreed to take you in."

_ "Another doctor?" you couldn't understand the issue, neither could you find it in yourself to ask.

You simply thanked the woman and hung up the phone before collapsing on the couch.

So it was true, he gave up on you for some reason and didn't even have the decency to give you an explanation.

Honestly though, why would anyone bother explaining themselves to you? Why would you think that you deserve any kindness right now when your whole life has been a constant reminder that you don't?

It's shameful really, you genuinely thought that you were doing well with your therapy, even Keigo thought so too.. Keigo..

Will he ever leave you too? He had never given you a reason to suspect that he would, neither had he ever missed a chance to remind you of his undying love, and as happy as it should make you feel, knowing that he could easily do better never left your brain.

You felt like you were drowning, that maybe it would be best if you just disappeared, even Keigo's life would definitely be better without you..

_ ".. you okay?"

You flinched as a familiar warm hand held yours gently.

_ "K.. Keigo" how did he manage to get in without you noticing? How long had he been there? Were you so lost in your self pity to notice him approaching?

_ "What's going on beautiful? I've been calling your name for a while but you were too distracted to hear me." his eyebrows furrowed and his signature smirk was nowhere to be seen.. yeah, that was your doing, you managed to trouble the one you loved the most, and the realization felt like a spear piercing your heart.

_ "I'm fine, really, it's nothing I promise." you lied through your teeth and he knew it.

_ "It's me y/n, you know you can talk to me about anything right? I know you're only pretending to be alright so you wouldn't worry me, but all I want is for you to talk to me freely." his hold on your hand tightened, and you knew you owed him at least that much.

You started talking, not only about your doctor abandoning you, but also about everything his action inflicted on you.

And for once, you held nothing back and expressed in great detail your fears and your overwhelming low self esteem, your shame and your feeling of unworthiness, and especially the suffocation that comes when all those dark thoughts battle inside your head.

He listened to you carefully, gently wiping your tears away and kissing the back of your hand reassuringly, but never dared interrupting you because it was the first time you spoke so openly to him.

He knew how you felt already even if you didn't say it outright— of course he did, but hearing you finally talk straightforwardly was a definite step in the right direction.

You looked up hesitantly, only to be met with a big smile that strangely soothed you a lot more than the countless sessions you had with your doctor.

_ "I'm happy you're finally able to talk to me with no hesitation, but first, wanna go out with me?" his smile remained and you found yourself nodding instantly.

He stood up, pulling you along, but instead of walking to the front door, he went straight to the balcony, "oh yeah, we're gonna fly."

You opened your mouth to protest but a yelp came out instead as he picked you up in his arms and jumped out of your fifth floor appartement.

Your screams were buried in his neck as he carried your tense body.

_ "You trust me don't you?" he whispered against your temple before placing a soft kiss on your skin.

You nodded fervently but your face remained deep in the crook of his neck. You felt his chuckles rumbling in his throat, "then look up."

It took you a moment to do so, but when you finally found the courage to open your eyes, you were met with the most beautiful sight in the world. The big clear night sky decorated with countless stars, the city lights underneath your feet, the soft clean air fanning over your face, and most importantly, you were sharing all this with him.

_ "Keigo, this is amazing!" and for once your heart felt lighter.

_ "Take a deep breath honey," he urged and you obeyed, immediately regretting all the times he begged you to go out with him like that and you refused, "your doctor is a jerk, I cannot believe someone like that is allowed to treat people, but you know what? you're actually lucky he did what he did, I'll pull a few strings and find you a much better one in no time I promise."

_ "You would? really?" though it shouldn't come as a surprise that your boyfriend has some influence— being the number two hero and one of the most powerful people in the country.

_ "I would do anything for you, no matter what it is," his bright smile never failed to soothe your heart, "listen carefully y/n, because I'll say this as many times as it takes for you to believe it, and then some.. I love you so much and I always will, so please never doubt.."

You didn't know what came over you all of a sudden, but you had the urge to kiss him and so you did. You felt him smiling against your lips before nibbling on your lower one playfully, you were so lost in him, that you didn't realize when he landed on top of a building until your feet had finally touched the ground.

_ "I'm proud of you y/n, you are truly strong even if you fail to see it," he took your hands in his and kissed them as you two stood at the edge of the tall building, "I have no doubt that you are capable of overcoming any obstacle that faces you, and I will be holding your hand while you do it."

_ "I don't know what to say Keigo except, I love you," you smiled as you tilted your head to the side, "you've always believed in me when no one else did, I'm sorry for constantly pushing you away when all you've ever wanted was to see me happy." your smile suddenly disappeared as the overwhelming feeling of guilt took over you.

_ "Of course I believe in you! you've been fighting your whole life while counting on no one but yourself, you've accomplished so much and that's admirable," he cradled your cheeks while gently lifting your head up, "there is no reason for you to apologize because you did nothing wrong, I'm just happy you're finally comfortable enough to share everything with me, and to allow me to support you just as you've always supported me."

_ "I'm happy too! I just wish I did a lot sooner." you placed your hands on top of his and squeezed them gently.

_ "Well, nothing is lost beautiful, we have all the time in the world."

And he was right, opening up to him was the best thing you allowed yourself to do.

That night, on top of that tall building, you made a promise to never push him away again, a promise that brought you both happiness.

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the-jovian-plutonian-effect · 3 months

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im trying to be more at peace with people misunderstanding me. my whole life i have been put under scrutiny for every little thing i do. mannerisms, thoughts, things i can't change.

im trying to be more at peace with saving my breath, leaving bridges, keeping words unsaid because saying them never really served anyone to say them.

i do not owe anyone my story. i do not owe anyone an explanation. i do not need everyone to understand why i make the choices i make. i am allowed to keep things to myself, and process things away from public eye. i especially dont need to be forth coming with it; wear a reason on my sleeve.

people who will choose to misunderstand me regardless of what i am doing are not going to be swayed by my explainations. there is no point in expending effort that will be unappreciated and disregarded. i don't owe anyone the opportunity to know me, that is my choice and my choice alone.

i am trying to be more at peace with the fact i belong to myself, and my time, my vulnerability, my trust is a thing to be earned. my boundaries are not to be crossed. if choosing to hold onto my self respect is taken as an attack, i am not responsible for that projection.

i am trying to be more at peace with walking away. i hold onto everything so tightly, and i wish to be at peace at all. i have accepted long ago i cannot control anyone else, so i am trying to find peace with my own means.

i am trying to find peace in letting dogs rest where they lie. the truth is no one knows what happens behind closed doors, silver tongues, and shut eyelids. i dont pretend to.

i am trying to be at peace with the ownership of my identity. no matter how i am interpretted no one can take that away from me. this is my life. i do not have to please anyone with my existence.

i am trying to find peace in knowing i am allowed to keep things between me and myself. i am mine, my one and only, and i find peace in my privacy. no one is entitled to take that away from me.

#“I never mistreated you; I did what I could considering what I experienced. And I have a view that is bigger than you.”#“■■■■■ and I created a family; despite his presence in avoiding certain truths; ■■■■■■ cannot escape the bloodline we all carry.”#“And as my children; I won't give up! No matter who 'likes' me or not! I always taught you: Love is eternal”#“I may not like you: yet I will always IN ALL WAYS LOVE YOU! No matter what! And I want to know you!”#end of log #jpe.txt #toxic traits #on healing

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olkarrion · 8 months

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hey i saw the post about tics and i am a minor so im not gonna follow or anything but i did want to leave a little message. u dont have to answer if u dont want to!

im gonna be honest. i dont know where the fuck my own tics came from. they just kinda.. slowly developed. i dont know if that's normal. but they havent.. gone away. for a long time i was scared i was somehow faking it. i dont.. know why id be faking it. like they're annoying LOL. its taken a lot of time for me to come to terms with the fact that i just.. have tics. and theyre real. and there's nothing "wrong" about me.

like i dont owe anyone an explanation, yk?? thats none of their business.

but yeah, i experience simple motor tics. theyre mostly in my back and neck and shoulders. i also have premonitory sensations/urges/whatever the word is

ive had people ask me about them. i dont mind that much as long as they treat me the same after too. god i hate when they give me the pity look!!

but yeah. that's my story. i know its not anything all that special. but it means a lot to me to just. idk. know there's other people out there and to hear their experiences. i hope you have a nice day / night :]

First off, I wanted to say thank you for sending this anon, and for respecting my boundaries.

Secondly, I wanted to thank you for telling me your story. It's special to me that there are people out there that my own stories and experiences might help.

The first time I ever noticed I was ticcing I was 6 years old. My mom had pointed out I'd been widening my eyes and rolling them without me noticing. On the way to the doctor I remember secretly hoping to myself I had tics, thinking they were something that made me "special".

When I was in 3rd or 4th grade, I made the decision to stand up in front of my class and explain to everyone what tics were, and why I was rolling my eyes and flexing my hands all the time.

In middle school, my tics got so bad that I couldn't hold a pencil or even feed myself properly because they were so bad. I was openly mocked, belittled, and abused for my disorder. I was hit, called slurs, pushed down the stairs, and more. My father, who thought I was faking, told me that "bullying builds character" when I told him.

I left school 2 weeks before the year ended. The next year, I broke my leg bending down to pick up a sock, crippling me for life. I felt worthless, and defeated. I gave up on myself completely.

In highschool, I stood up in the middle of class to tell a boy to "shut the fuck up" because he was pretending to tic like I did. The entire class went silent. I sat down, turned to the teacher, and told her to continue. I was never repremanded.

When my tics were loud during class, I told people to turn the fuck around and pay attention.

When strangers stare in public, I meet their eyes until they look away.

At 21, I have people my age telling me that my story matters to them. Having tics can suck. But they are your tics, and this is your life.

You are completely fucking right, there is nothing wrong with you. I hope you never surpress your tics in public. I hope you show up to every movie theater and quiet classroom with a head raised high. I hope everyone with tics learns to love themselves the way that they deserve. I hope able bodied people learn to mind their own fucking business for once.

#disability #actually tourettic #tourrettes #tourette syndrome #tics #tic disorder

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cummingforkylo · 1 year

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*on vacation with just my mom and dad*

me: -hungry, overstimulated, and very autistic trying to figure out lunch for myself because my food needs are different from my parents and also been traumatized around needing food and too scared to ask for it- h-hey could we stop up at the smashburger? I’ll order ahead of time and just run in and grab it

mom: what? uhh I mean...do you need that? I mean yeah i guess. dad can you stop at the smashburger cause carlyn wants to order some food

dad: what? no. even though its on the way home i’m going to irrationally say no before even thinking.

me: oh yeah its okay, you’re right.

mom: well she’s just trying to get herself lunch

dad: theres food at home

mom: true.

me: -people pleasing autistic silence- um yeh its okay, no. its fine.

me: -more and more pissed because they would have stopped for anyone else in our family, just not me-

*at the condo*

me: -very grumpy goes into room with all my stuff and shuts door to make sure i dont snap at anyone and can just be alone-

me: *a while later* -comes out to get food cause i’m literally shaking with hunger then goes back into room-

*a long time later*

mom: YOU ARE SO MEAN AND RUDE FOR GOING INTO YOUR ROOM ALL DAY AND NOT EXPLAINING WHY YOU WERE SO PISSED OFF

Me: I was just trying to take care of myself and its no big deal, i’m not even mad any more.

mom: WELL I AM! YOU COULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING!

me: well when i complain that i didnt get the food i wanted, i have gotten mocked for it in the past. so.

mom: YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD US YOU WERE GOING TO YOUR ROOM ALL DAY! NOW I WONT MAKE SUPPER AND I WILL BE PISSED AT YOU ALL NIGHT LONG. -leaves-

dad: well you owe us an explanation of why you were so pissed off

me: I wasn’t even mad at her

dad: well she thinks you were

me: thats not my fault, is it?

dad: well you need to fix it

me: HOW IS THAT MY RESPONSIBILITY!!?

Now again there will be no food i want to eat, everyone will continue to be pissy at me and I wanna die. I know this isnt kylo and ugh

i’m going to retreat eventually and play mario kart and write smut maybe. Stupid fucking vacation. my brother and sister in law cant get here fast enough.

#not kylo #she speaks

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whereimfeminine · 2 years

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Yo being a fan of mcr and Harry on Tumblr is so weird. So many MCR blogs are like "harry WISHES he could be Gerard Way" and it's like they've picked a mainstream artist to shit on with zero context and so I sit here quietly like "nooo, they don't understand, harry just prances around and doesn't claim to be this paragon of sexual/gender fluidity." This is a weird rant but I think you're uniquely qualified to empathize :////

OMG literallyyyyyyyyyyy i actually went on a mini tag rant about this once before, it drives me up the wall. its esp ridic because like.. if you actually read what they've said harry and gerard have said remarkably similar things about gender and sexuality and self-expression. like both of them are doing and being who they want to be on their own terms, and isn't that exactly what we want??? yet the number of mcr people i see being like "oh harry styles wearing a dress? you want us to applaud or something? he's nothing like GERARD this has been so long coming for gerard and it's so big for him" etc etc like. ????? what are you mad about? if harry felt like he couldn't express himself how he wanted until 15 more years passed then it would be okay and good is that it?? is it only valid if you can write your own narrative about how they were Repressed and Tormented for years first?? like harry and gerard are both living their lives and looking happy and comfortable in their own skin and shitting on harry isn't gonna uplift gerard and it's certainly not gonna help other people feel like they can express themselves and dress how they want and not owe anyone an explanation. like i know ive said this before but people are so fucking weird about both harry and gerard in opposite directions on this topic and i dont get why and it's really harmful/counterproductive imo and anyways here's an even longer rant vaguely in response to your rant because this is a thing i have SO MANY feelings about lmao

#i have a lot more thoughts on this topic and on harry specifically and #on broader topics of conflating sexuality and gender and expression but! not today lmao

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liquidstar · 2 years

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This is one of your mutuals and I've been attracted to Al and Saiph for I think 8 months 😭 I'm not ready to come out publicly about being into men but I think you deserve to know. They're so stupid but...cute 🥺 And I know their psyches are a fucking mess and they're both annoying sometimes (/lh) but my brain does go "it's okay we can fix them <3" and "we" is all their friends...and also sometimes me if I imagine they were in the real world uh LOL. I believe in their growth. Love them. But I don't selfship despite it all because they'll eventually be so good for each other I know this in my heart. Anyway thank you for designing and writing the men of all time haha

HI anon thats also a mutual (no pressure to share ur main at any point btw dw) thats actually SO flattering to hear about characters that i made omg, like, im glad i was able to make some funny and a little fucked up guys that you could connect to thats actually so fucking cool. Stuff like thats why i make ocs i want people to connect w them (doesnt have to be in any specific way but still!) and i think theyre both such funny “i can fix them” choices LOL. but trust me they will be fixed they just have to go through character development first lmao.

I never mind stuff like self shipping or like ppl liking “non-canon” ships between my ocs, ive even had someone kin an oc in the past i think its all cool 👍 like as long as ppl are being respectful and its nothing iffy, i encourage it bc i think its fun and i want ppl to have fun with my funny little guys. Thats why i make them!! So. basically what im saying is this ask is encouraging my oc making endeavors in a sense lol.

Basically thank you for caring them <3 if they were real they would 100% welcome you into their little circle of friends at the guild bc thats what theyre all about. And also encourage you in your endeavors to come out abt being into men, if you ever wanted to. But also know you dont have to if you dont want to, its your life and you never owe anyone an explanation. whatever your choice is know that im rooting for you too!! ^_^

#also anon wait until you learn that post-timeskip saiph is like. how do i put this. hes gotten around.

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ryuubff · 1 year

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cw venting about my personal issues + reasons why i am inactive

sorry alot has happened over the last month since i was here 😭😭😭😭😭 things such as being broken up with and realizing how many issues i have aha im not ever going to say this outright on twitter because funny wnough people follow both my exes and theyre both kind of well known in the community so its….. awkward 😭 my tumblr account doesnt feel much like a huge account so i feel fine with saying all of this year and addkng an explanation instead of leaving it off as “personal issues”. everyone knows who they are ive been public with the both of them especially my most recently relationship and going back there is also a huge reminder of it all

Not only that but ill be inactive to deal with moving on and also because i recently started my internship and university started again, im just. busy overall. not only that but when you project both your relationships onto your favorite ship twice because youre a fucking idiot it makes it incredibly hard to find the motivation to draw them when it only is an everlasting reminder of how you had your heart broken

i might even just. quit making art online altogether but i dont think that’ll ever happen i love drawing too much and sharing it to ever stop. but i just know i’ll be inactive for a long while. im exhausted from everythign happening and ive been hurting alot for awhile. ive been going to therapy because i cant bear living like this anymore.

i know i dont owe anyone an explanation but i thought people who know me from tiwtter and followed me here should know in a space whre i dont have both my exes and around 2k people staring at me. i still love one of them very much, the other is. dirt to me . but regardless i dont want to air all of this out to so many people. sorry for such an uncomfortable topic to touch on the moment i get back

#ryuuposts #vent

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bixxelated · 1 year

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It's gotta be for all these acts of violence, and I would love to see 4, 5, 7, and 9!

aaaa thank you! <3

(ask meme for my fics)

(all these acts of violence | stranger things fanfic)

4: What's your favorite line of dialogue?

this one:

Implying that Will has other reasons to forgive him? Like what? Mike doesn't think he's done anything particularly special for Will since their argument… “Okay… okay. Good. And...” he takes a deep breath, “and about the other thing I said, at the garage. Y-you know I’m sorry about that too, right?” Will’s eyes soften. “I know.” “I didn’t—I don’t want to pressure you into saying anything. You don’t owe me, or anyone else, any sort of explanation, whatever you are okay? Especially if you’re not comfortable with it. But I hope you know I’ll always have your back, no matter what.” Will reaches for his hand, and squeezes. “I know, Mike.” “Okay,” Mike says, willing his racing heart to calm back down even as he squeezes back. “Good. So long as you know… good.”

love me some soft supportive almost-coming-out scenes. i always thought it was interesting that mike's outburst ("its not my fault you dont like girls!") while horrible and with some pretty awful timing... seemed to imply that... what? he noticed will has no interest in girls? he realized that it wasn't just that will was a late bloomer but something more? theres a lot of subtext there i really wanted to dig my claws into

will's always been the target of homophobic bullying as seen in previous seasons, and altho we never see the kids comment on queerness one way or another, so it seems like there HAD to have been some serious math going on mike's bratty little noggin about will's sexuality at one point? but despite growing up in a family that most likely would have frowned on those inclinations, to say the least, mike kept his questions to himself and kept being will's friend, whereas someone else might freak out, or be more confrontational or simply slowly stop being around a suspected gay person without an explanation. so playing on the dialogue after ("look, im not trying to be a bad guy" or something along those lines) i sort of wanted to expand on that headcanon a lil and kinda lean on mike wheeler's "screw the rules, i can have more than one best friend/ i like you so i will now die for you" personality

5: What part was hardest to write?

the last chapter right now I'd say part 1 of the epilogue (aka chapter 13)! mostly because it explores an aftermath that we didn't see in canon, with a bunch of ideas i had that were pretty vague and hard to make cohesive, and season 4 hadn't been mentioned much at that point so i had no idea what to expect and was kinda stressing out about deviating too much from canon. but i really had a lot of fun with putting all the scenes together and im really proud of it now

7: Where did the title come from?

from a song called revolution by misterwives! particularly the lyrics, "all these acts of violence, ripping this world to shreds/while I'm trying to sleep, oh how could I sleep?"

i thought that particular verse was pretty fitting to the whole theme of the fic (esp the whole ripping the world to shreds bit as a metaphor for the gates opening hehe) and so thats why i made it the title!

9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

kjhgjb uh not really? from the start acts of violence was always meant to be a fic that was going to run parallel to canon bc i do not have the energy to go fully canon divergence with this particular idea and wanted to work on some other projects like wavelength besides. akdfjdsdkgjsd it was always meant to be a sort of practice fic, almost!

but i will say that for chapter 13 there was a moment where i wanted to make mike's awakening with nancy and karen (and sam owens) to be in a military base away from hawkins, on the basis of his leg being infected with extradimensional alien bacteria that a normal hospital would have no idea how to treat and the government would want to keep a close eye on. that however felt like one plotline too many to introduce and resolve when the fic's so close to ending so i cut it out and only left some of those bits in (ie: karen's confrontation with sam, mike developing an infection, etc)

thank you for the ask!

#blogger writes fic #tp #all these acts of violence #marypsue

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mudaconstructions · 2 years

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while i appreciate the fact that episode 12 part 1 gave us a bunch of new art (grace and mercury for example) and featured a lot of cool kitties i dont think that can save the episode for me tbh. more details under the cut

the fact that with bringing back grace and (technically) jonah vard's actions have basically no consequences now and sebastian going from "im going to KILL vard" to forgiving them is just proving to me that the plot and characters can and will bend around them to justify their actions however it can

like you can not tell me sebastian being the insidious little bastard he is would forgive vard so easily when they still killed his friend and his sister. i didnt buy it when it happened with rachel and hephaestus and i especially cant believe that Sebastian Motherfucking Zeppeli of all people would be open to the idea of forgiveness. it's so unlike his previously established self that it becomes jarring to watch and frankly it made the rest of the episode hard to sit through

and to me that signals a larger issue with strings that i havent seen any people bring up (or at least not that i know of) - the increasing dissonance between the crew's characters and their actual preferences for the game's course as players. going off my experience in the break time server and watching strings it's become clear to me that the crew genuinely enjoys the whole vard thing and wants to follow that plot point, but there hasn't been enough explanation given for why their characters, who have a Lot of reasons to dislike (or at least distrust) vard would go along with the same plan.

like im sure they're having a good time going on with the whole "vard not bad?" thing and learning about severed stands or whatever and im glad! at the end of the day they are still a friend group who play ttrpgs and happen to record their games and upload them online and they dont technically owe anyone an explanation for why things happen in their games - it is assumed that something happens because it would be fun - and that's why i can't fully denounce strings' plot twist as being genuinely Bad because the crew is having fun, and that's what matters + im not in the crew so i cant dictate what happens in game. but I can't help but find this turn of events very dissatisfying as a viewer, because it goes against what i, the viewer, have seen of these characters and the previous stories and that's why it's becoming increasingly frustrating to watch new episodes knowing that the vard plot point will be front and center and every single character that's not meant to be viewed as a True Bad Guy will bend around it and possibly act ooc.

and like, i am trying so hard to enjoy strings' plot because literally everyone else around me (cept for my friend) fucking loves it!!!! and im trying to see the good in it post-episode 11 but it's so difficult when it warps the characters from previous parts, devalues their achievements that were done via stands, and in some cases breaks an entire part's narrative (the quiet decay) because the "stands.... secretly sentient?" reveal has retroactively removed any emotional connection between the users and their stands that had been there before.

im running on copium fumes right now and the only thing i could hope for that might make the vard thing better for me is if it turns out to be some long con being played on everyone and that vard is actually Wrong about the nature of stands and that they're severely misguided at best and outright evil at worst... but i dont think that is the direction strings will take, because the crew and westley seem to be a-okay with the current turn of events as of strings 12 pt 1, and with the introduction of, you guessed it, even More Sentient Stands i do not have high hopes for the rest of strings plotwise. at this point im mostly staying for cool/funny character moments, for hephi and yogurt, and to catch up with everyone else in break time

overall im not satisfied with strings' plot as of ep 12 pt 1 and i cant say im excited to watch pt 2 when it'll definitely go on about justifying vard even further when there is no reason to

tl;dr im feeling like this right now

#severed strings #text post #boulevard of broken dreams #sebastian zeppeli #grace zeppeli #mercury f. ready #rachel krod #jonah joestar #hephaestus brando #long post

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hogwartsmarvelmommy · 3 years

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In it for you (H.H)

Summary: A drunken conversation leads to more than you were expecting.

A/N: I dont even know how i feel about this... but here ya go :)

Wordcount: 1.8k

Masterlist

Taglist

Warnings: Swearing, angst, fluff (Please let me know if i missed any)

The second Tom saw you walk through the door he was determined to find Harry before you. He had tried to keep the secret to himself, despite already telling everyone except Harry, he just… he was bad at keeping secrets, everyone knew that.

He spotted his brother quickly, making his way through the crowded kitchen to where he was standing making drinks.

"Need to tell you something about Y/N," Tom said quickly.

Harry's eyes widened as his face filled with concern, " is she ok?" He demanded.

"No, yes, she's fine," Tom stumbled over his words looking over his shoulder to make sure you weren't close to them. His eyes met yours and you smiled and offered a little wave before starting to make your way over. "Shit," Tom mumbled, grabbing Harry by the arm and pulling him behind him and out to the porch.

"Jesus, Tom..," Harry laughed, as he looked through the sliding door to see you obviously confused as to where the two of them had gone.

"She's in it for you, Baz," Tom told him, not even looking toward him.

"She what?" Harry asked.

"In love with you," Tom clarified, looking over to his curly haired brother.

"What are you talking about?" Harry questioned, a bit shocked, and a bit confused.

"Last week, the pub, remember how the two of you were dancing all night?" Tom asked.

"Yeah-"

"And then you left cause you had to work in the morning, so y/n stayed with haz and I," Tom explained. "She drank a little too much, got a tad emotional, and cornered me to tell me she was in love with you, like pictured your wedding day and kids kinda love," Harry listened carefully, his heart pounding in his chest at the words he was hearing.

"With me?" He asked.

"You," Tom nodded.

Harry walked over, peaking through the glass door to see you standing next to his twin, giggling at some probably not funny joke someone had told, because that's just how you were. You looked unbelievably gorgeous Tonight, a tight medium length skirt with a black blouse that was lower than what you usually wore, showing off your nearly perfect cleavage. Harry turned back to Tom, smacking him in the shoulder.

"Why did you wait to tell me you div," he groaned.

"She swore me to secrecy," Tom tried to defend himself, but just ended with an eye roll from Harry. Just then the door slid open and you stepped outside.

"Here you two are," you giggled, shutting the door behind you. "Oh, it's kinda cold, why are you guys out here?" You asked.

Harry acted fast in pulling off his zip up and draping it over your shoulders, "Tom dragged me out to talk about something," Harry explained.

You smiled, slipping your arms into the arm holes that were nice and warm, the smell of Harry wafting to your nostrils.

"Well, what's going on?" You asked innocently. Tom's face turned an unflattering shade of red. "I have to find Tuwaine," he blurted, practically making a run for the house.

You chuckled watching him struggle to get past the accumulation of people in the kitchen. "What was his deal?" You giggled.

"He's an absolute div, that's what," Harry chuckled. "Wanna know what he told me?" He asked you.

"Obviously, spill the tea," you joked, nudging him with your shoulder.

"He said you were in love with me," he chuckled, watching your face fall.

"Oh," you said, remembering drunkenly divulging a bit too much information to Tom last week. You had hoped he would have not remembered, or at least stuck to the promise of not telling anyone. "He wasn't supposed to tell you that," you mumbled as you felt your face flush in embarrassment.

"It's true then?" Harry asked, almost sounding angry.

"I mean, in a sense, I was drunk Har, it wasn't a big deal," You told him.

"It was a big enough deal that you confessed to my brother. You could have just come to me," he shook his head like he was in disbelief.

"I didn't want to tell you, honestly it's none of your business," you huffed.

"It has to do with me," he pointed out.

"My feelings for YOU, I don't owe you an explanation for that, and I didn't tell you because I figured something like this would happen, your acting like this is some major thing and you're making a big deal," you explained.

"It is a big deal y/n, something like this could ruin our friendship," he deadpanned.

"Oh my god," you groaned. You slipped his jacket off your arms and handed it to him.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

"I'm leaving," you told him. "You know, so I don't ruin our friendship with my yucky feelings," you turned and stormed inside. You didn't tell Harry, you never wanted him to know, this wasn't your fault. So you did the logical thing.. you fled.

Harry felt like an idiot, instead of just admitting his feelings he went and had to question yours, pissing you off to the point of storming away from him.

"What the heck happened?" Tom asked Harry after watching you storm through the house.

"I'm a div," Harry groaned.

"I'll say, I literally told you so that you could tell her how you have felt, what did you say?" Tom demanded.

"That her feelings could ruin our friendship," he told his older brother.

"Mate," Tom laughed. "Why the fuck would you do that?"

Harry stood up straight looking at his brother. "I have to go find her, I'm a freaking idiot," He slid open the back door making his way through the house to find you. When he couldn't find you after a couple of minutes he found his twin. "Sam," Harry pleaded.

"What is it?" Sam asked.

"Y/n, have you seen her?" Harry hoped he would find you before it was too late.

"Yeah, Haz took her home about five minutes ago," Sam told his brother.

"Fuck," Harry groaned, drooping his head to sulk. He probably screwed up any chance of you and him ever being more than friends.

"I didn't even tell him Haz, your big mouthed best friend did," you told him as you slumped onto your couch.

"I mean, he was probably just shocked, love," Harrison said softly.

"I didn't expect him to profess his undying love for me, but like. 'hey I like you to' or 'y/n I don't see you like that would have been sufficient. But no, I got a lecture about how my feelings could ruin our friendship, a friendship that has been going on for nearly fifteen years!" You slid farther down the couch as the embarrassment truly started to hit you. Your best friend knew your feelings, they would always be lingering, and you weren't sure you could deal with that. You loved Harry, more than you should sure, but he made it so goddamn easy. The way he put everything above himself, and was so adamant on listening to others. He was never his own first priority, and you loved how driven he was to make a difference, to help less fortunate people be seen and heard. He was the best person you knew, and you wished that he felt the same about you, but you knew you had your flaws. You weren't selfless like he was, you didn't make time for important things, you liked to spend your free time with your friends instead of making a difference, and in the grand scheme of things, you would never be enough for Harry. He deserved the world, and you, well you were barely a star.

"You actually love him?" Harrison asked you.

"So, so much," you sighed. Maybe you could call him and tell him it was all a big joke, or maybe you could just pretend it had never happened. You shook your head knowing that was unrealistic, he knew, you had spoiled that the second you confessed your feelings to Tom.

There was a light knock on your door but you were too numbed to be bothered to answer, luckily Harrison walked over to open it. "Oh, good," he laughed. "I'm going to go to bed now, she's officially your problem," Harrison told whoever had come into your apartment before going to his room.

"I'm not anyone's problem," you mumbled loudly.

"You're not a problem at all," Harry's voice said from behind you.

"Jesus Christ," you squealed, jumping up. "Scared the living shit out of me Holland,"

He laughed, shaking his head slightly, "sorry," he mumbled before jumping over the couch to sit where you had just been. You exhaled rather dramatically before sitting beside him, leaving enough space between you two so you were not touching.

"What are you doing here?" You asked, watching him intently as he avoided looking at you.

"Well, for starters, I'm a div," he chuckled.

"The biggest," you agreed.

"Yeah yeah," he looked up at you, tossing a pillow towards you. "Feelings make things messy," he blurted out.

You chuckled, nodding your head in agreement. "They can," you whispered.

"If I tell you how I feel, you have to promise me things won't go bad, you're my best friend, and I can't lose you," he explained.

You sighed knowing he was going to tell you he didn't feel the same, you expected as much. He was Harry of course, he could have anyone, why would he even want you? "It's ok Harry, honestly, I didn't expect you to like me, when there are girls practically throwing themselves at you," you told him.

His brows furrowed together as he studied your face. "Why would I not like you?" He wondered.

You shrugged your shoulders, "because you deserve the world, and I'm barely a star in your sky," you told him.

"And late at night, when I glance up to the sky, do you think I'm looking for the world? Or do you think I'm looking at the stars?" He demanded.

"Probably the stars," you giggled.

"So why would that make you my second choice? Stars are so much more than the world," he told you.

You smiled, nodding towards him. He shifted his weight, reaching out his arm towards you to snuggle into. You slid across the couch, cuddling into his side, his arm protectively around you, as you both just sat there.

"I love you," Harry whispered after a few minutes.

You looked up at him, tears pooling in your eyes. "You do?" You wondered.

"I have for so long," he nodded, as he swiped away a single tear with his thumb. "I've just been scared that things would change for the worse,"

"They don't have to change at all," you whispered.

He nodded, stroking your hair gently, "yeah but if they didn't change at all I wouldn't know what it's like to kiss you," he told you.

"Do you want to?" You asked, sitting yourself up a bit.

"Desperately," he nodded, leaning forward and molding his lips with yours in what was sure to be the first of many kisses shared with Harry.

Tag list:

@violetlilysunshine

@petesrparker

@harryhollandsgirlfriend

@mcushvft

@elishi03

@nelebynele

@theglitterymess

@sunwardsss

(if your name is striked out I cannot tag you 😞)

#harry holland fluff #harry robert holland #harry holland #harry holland x y/n #harry holland imagine #harry holland angst

133 notes · View notes

falcqns · 3 years

Text

To Be So Lonely

Pairing: Henry Cavill x Reader, Sebastian Stan x Reader

Summary: Henry has a crush on you, but you’re dating someone else, and he broods about it. he confronts you about it and ruins his career.

Warnings: swearing, threats, henry is a mega asshole in this and ruins his career, dont know where this idea came from lol

A/N: Bratty!Henry makes a comeback as requested! Hope you enjoy!

Don't blame me for falling

I was just a little boy

Don't blame the drunk calling

Wasn't ready for it all

Henry had been a fan of yours for a while. You had appeared in a few movies and TV shows, and he watched them almost religiously. You hadn’t been acting as long as him, but he firmly believed that you were way better at it than him, He had auditioned for a few of the same projects as you, but he never got the role, for one reason or another. He very vividly remembers watching the Mockingbird movie that you were in, and the feelings of jealousy he got as he watched you kiss your co star, Sebastian Stan. He almost wanted to hate Sebastian, but he had done nothing to him, so he couldn’t. Other than kiss the girl that Henry wanted for himself.

Then, one day, Anya and Freya busted into his trailer with huge smiles on their faces.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, petting Kal, and smirking at his friends. They locked eyes with each other and giggled before Freya told him what was going on.

“Y/N got a part on the show!” She squealed, and Henry felt warmth blossom in his chest in hope.

“Shut up. You’re joking!” He said, standing up, a huge smile spreading on his face. “When does she start?”

“Tomorrow!” Anya squealed, and Henry’s smile grew even bigger. He couldn’t wait.

You can't blame me, darling

Not even a little bit

I was away

And I'm just an arrogant son of a bitch

Who can't admit when he's sorry

Henry was practically shaking with excitement when he woke up the next morning. He wanted nothing more than to rush to set to meet you, but he needed to go for a run, eat, and get himself and Kal ready before he could do that.

40 minutes later, he was ready and was practically speeding to set with Kal in the passenger seat of his car. Kal had his head out the window, his mouth open, biting at the wind. Henry glanced over at him and chuckled. His stomach was feeling the same way.

He arrived moments later, and looked around the parking lot for your vehicle. He didn’t know what type of car your drive, but he noticed a black Dodge Ram 1500 that he hadn’t seen before today, so he had to assume that was yours. His eyes were darting everywhere, looking for you, while walking to his trailer. He dropped Kal off in his trailer, and filled up his food and water bowl before he left for the makeup trailer.

He walked out of his trailer, and that’s when he saw you. You were standing outside your trailer, which was opposite of his. Your hair and makeup was done, and you were talking on the phone. Suddenly, he was feeling very nervous, as you hung up the phone and your eyes landed on him. You waved at him, and the butterflies in his stomach grew as he walked over to meet you.

“Hi!” You said.

“Hi! I’ve been wanting to meet you for so long,” HEnry said as he gazed into your E/C eyes. You blushed and he opened his arms for a hug, which you willingly gave.

“Me too!” You said, and the two of you continued talking until your phone rang again. Henry glanced down briefly and his heart dropped into his stomach at what he saw. It was a picture of you and Sebastian kissing, and there was a heart next to Seb’s name.

“Sorry, that’s my boyfriend, but I’ll talk to you on set, okay?” You said, and Henry nodded with a smile, an attempt to cover what he was truly feeling.

“Of course.” You nodded, and walked away with the phone held up to your ear.

“Hey, baby...” You said into the phone, not noticing how Henry turned his back, and walked towards his trailer.

Don't call me baby again

You got your reasons

I know that you're tryna be friends

I know you mean it

Don't call me baby again

It's hard for me to go home

Be so lonely

Henry managed to hide the hurt he was feeling for a few days, but Anya and Freya first noticed something was wrong when Henry walked away from the three of you while you were telling them how Sebastian was trying to impress you once, and ended up falling down his trailer steps. Henry had made it to his trailer before breaking down. Kal bounded over to him, and pressed his body against his legs. Henry sunk to the floor, and let Kal rest his head on his shoulder. He let out a whine at Henry’s crying, and henry calmed down. He didn’t want to upset the one thing that makes him insanely happy. It was you, but you were taken. he couldn’t think about you liked that anymore, no matter how much he wanted to.

Anya came into his trailer a few minutes later, and sat next to him, her hand resting on his arm.

“What’s wrong?” She asked, and Henry lifted his head to look at Anya. “I like her. So much. But, she’s out there dating that asshole.”

Anya let out a laugh, and Henry looked at her in confusion. “What?”

“Sebastian isn’t an asshole. Just because he got her before you did, you’re going to make him look like the bad guy in this situation? First of all, there is no bad guy in the situation. She’s happy with him. He’s happy with her. If you’d sit and listen to the way she talks about him, you’d understand that. He has done things for her that I’ve never heard of anyone doing for their significant others, especially those who dont care about said significant others. When they were filming together, she really missed her best friend, so he flew her out for her birthday, and paid for them to spend the weekend at Disney World together. He’s a really nice guy, but you’re going to sit here and brood simply because he met her first. Dont blame him, and dont you dare blame her.” Anya said, before giving Kal a pet, and walking out of the trailer.

Henry glared at the wall opposite him for a few minutes, before pulling his phone out and going to instagram. He looked at his notifications, and scoffed in annoyance when he saw that Sebastian followed him. Without thinking, he clicked on the three dots, and blocked him.

You might be taken, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have to be okay with it. He stood up, wiped his eyes, and headed back to set. He made a point to keep his eyes glued to his phone so he didn’t have to talk to you.

He shouldn’t be blaming you for this, but the jealous side of him told him to, since he couldn’t blame Sebastian.

I just hope you see me in a little better light

Do you think it's easy being of the jealous kind?

'Cause I miss the shape of your lips

You'll win, it's just a trick

And this is it, so I'm sorry

You noticed Henry’s demeanour towards you go down over the course of your first week, and you were scouring your brain to figure out why while on FaceTime with Sebastian.

“I don’t know what I did to him. He barely speaks to me, he refuses to be alone with me, and if I even mention something about Marvel or our movie, he scoffs, and makes snide little remarks. He seemed like such a nice a person, and i dont know what happened.” You explained to Sebastian, while playing with your fingers.

“I don’t know, either love. I did notice that he blocked me though. I tried to follow him earlier in the week, and now I can’t even find his account, so I think he blocked me. I don’t think it has anything to do with you,” He said, giving you a sincere smile, that was full of love. You smiled at the sight of his steel blue eyes.

“Why would he hate you though? You’ve never met, and I thought he was a Marvel fan. Anya told me he was, and that he went to see Mockingbird in theatres. It doesn’t make sense.” You said. You watched as something washed over Sebastians face, and he ran his fingers through his hair.

“He might like you. I never even thought about that. He’s friends with Chris, I’ll find out for sure,” Seb said, picking up his phone and typing out a message to Chris.

“You think he like me?” You questioned, and Sebastian nodded. “Yeah, i think he does. I mean, he follows you on all your socials, comments on all your posts, he went and saw a Marvel movie by himself, and I’ve heard from a few people he’s been wanting to work with you for a while, but scheduling always got in the way. To me, its the only logical explanation right now.” He said, and you saw his face fall a little.

You smiled. “Baby, look at me,” His head lifted. “You know, even if this is true, I would never leave you, right?” He nodded.

“I know. It’s just- he’s played Superman. An actual superhero. I play a troubled 100 year old with a metal arm that he got through a debt owed to Steve by T’Challa. He’s played so many more influential roles in his career, and I haven’t even gotten the lead in a ‘superhero’ movie, I’m only a side character. And, I know you had a crush on him at one point. Plus, look at the dude! He looks like a Greek God. I don’t want to lose you.” Sebastian admitted.

You giggled slightly. “Baby, I don’t care about that. I care about you. Did you know that before I started on the Mockingbird set, I was terrified to work with you? I had the biggest crush on you, and I was terrified you wouldn’t like me back, but I was proven wrong instantly, when you came up to me and gave me the biggest hug, and told me if I needed anything, you were there for me. You waited for me on set so you could walk me to my car, even on days where you got to go before I did. You visited me when I was sick, and asked to hang out on our days off. You did that. He didn’t. I love you, not him, dragă.” You said, and he smiled. He locked eyes with you through the screen, and you saw tears welling up in his eyes.

“Te iubesc atat de mult,” He said in Romanian.

“Si eu te iubesc foarte mult.” You responded. “I’ll see you when your plane lands tomorrow, okay? It’s getting pretty late there, and your flights in a few hours.”

You and Seb said good night, and hung up. As you laid in bed a few minutes later, you thought to yourself. “Did Henry really like you, or was that just Seb’s jealousy?” You decided to confront Henry in the morning.

Don't call me baby again

You got your reasons

I know that you're tryna be friends

I know you mean it

Don't call me baby again

It's hard for me to go home

Be so lonely

You arrived at the door of Henry’s trailer less that 12 hours later, and you didn’t bother knocking. The thought of bringing Seb on set when Henry had a problem with him didn’t sit right with you, and you needed to figure out what the fuck was going on.

You walked in, and saw Henry putting food and water in Kal’s bowls. He looked up at you before returning to what he was doing.

“What’s your problem with Sebastian?” You demanded, and to your anger, you got a scoff in return.

“Who says I have a problem with him?” He said, refusing to even look at you. You felt your phone vibrate in your pocket but you ignored it for the moment.

“Seb! You blocked him on Instagram when he followed you. You roll your eyes whenever I talk about him, and get all pissed when he calls me. He’s done NOTHING to you! So what is your problem with him?” You demanded, and he finally turned around to look a you.

“He calls and texts you constantly! He always has to be talking to you. You’re here to do a job, not sit around and text your little boyfriend.” He said, and you laughed.

“Are you fucking kidding me?! I do my job perfectly well, and if you’d open your fucking eyes for two seconds, you’d see that I text him first! I tell him when I’m doing a scene, and when I’m not so he knows he can call me! Being in a long distance relationship is hard, and I’m trying to make it easier on him and I. And you say I’m here to do a job. Right now, I cant think of a SINGLE reason why I even took this job in the first place! Oh wait, I TOOK IT BECAUSE I WANTED TO WORK WITH YOU! Did you know I had an offer from Tom Cruise for The Mummy sequel and I turned it down because I wanted to work with you? I could be in Egypt right now, in shorts and a t shirt with Tom Cruise and Annabelle Wallis, my favourite actress, rather than in dreary fucking England, doing a show with you where you treat me worse than the horse shit that Zeus leaves in his path!” You screamed at him. His face became red, and he retaliated.

“FINE, YOU WANNA KNOW WHY I HATE HIM? BECAUSE HE HAD YOU FIRST! I’VE BEEN TRYING TO WORK WITH YOU FOR YEARS, BECAUSE I HAVE HAD THE BIGGEST CRUSH ON YOU, SINCE YOU APPEARED IN MURDOCH MYSTERIES! I WAS SO EXCITED TO BE ABLE TO WORK WITH YOU, AND I WAS GOING TO ASK YOU OUT, BUT YOU JUST HAD TO GO AND SLEEP WITH THE FIRST A LIST ACTOR YOU COULD GET YOUR HANDS ON WHO PROBABLY DOESN’T GIVE TWO SHITS ABOUT YOU! YOU DON’T WANNA BE HERE? LEAVE! I’M SURE TOM WOULD LOVE TO HAVE YOU! HE PROBABLY WROTE THAT PART SPECIFICALLY FOR YOU, BECAUSE WHY WOUDN’T HE? YOU SEEM TO GET EVERYTHING YOU WANT SO WHY DON’T YOU JUST TAKE IT, AND GET OUT OF ENGLAND BEFORE YOU BREAK MY HEART EVEN MORE!” He screamed.

You blinked back tears, and swallowed the lump in your throat before answering. “You don’t get to hate him because he got me before you did. That’s cruel and wrong. And I didn’t sleep with the ‘first A List celebrity i could get my hands on’. I slept with him because I love him, and he loves me. And you’re right,” You felt the tears spill over, and you did nothing to stop them. “I’m sure Tom will be happy to have me, because I quit. I cannot work with you. You are not the person I thought you were at all.” Your turned to walk out the door.

“And to think that I used to have a crush on you too,” You remarked before letting the trailer door slam.

And I'm just an arrogant son of a bitch

Who can't admit when he's sorry

You ran down the stairs and was immediately embraced by Sebastian, who had just arrived on set when he heard your and Henry’s screaming match.

“It’s okay,” He whispered into your ear, as you started sobbing. At that precise moment, Henry walked out of his trailer and opened his mouth to speak. Sebastian held up his hand before he could.

“I think you’ve done enough damage, Cavill. I’m not going to allow you to hurt her anymore. I can’t believe, that you, out of all people, would treat her like this simply because she’s dating someone else. You may play Superman, but you definitely don’t deserve it.” He remarked, and led out away. But, Henry being Henry, decided to snark back.

“You’re one to talk. You play a 106 year old Hydra assassin who somehow managed to convince everyone around him that his a good guy. You’re no worse than I am buddy.”

“Go to your trailer, I’ll see you in a second.” You nodded and headed in. While he dealt with Henry, you called Tom to let him know you could take the role after all.

“I don’t know why you think that you can treat my girlfriend like that, but it’s not okay. You should have seen the amount of research she did for this role! She read every single book, and played every single game in preparation for this role. She was so excited, and turned down the chance to work with her favourite actress to work with you. Not many people would do that. I also dont know what I did to warrant you absolutely hating my guts, other than dating her. I’ve done nothing to you, and even if I did, that doesn’t mean you can treat my girlfriend like shit for it. I’d watch your fucking back, because unlike you, she’s a Marvel actor. The majority of her friends are Marvel too, so don’t be surprised if you get a few nasty messages from certain Avengers, because I will not withhold this information.”

Sebastian walked in to your trailer and found you on the phone to Lauren, apologizing. You hung up a few seconds later and turned to Sebastian.

“She mad at you?” Sebastian asked, and you shook your head.

“No. She understands. She says that she’s sorry that he acted that way, and that she’ll be talking to him. I called Tom and I have the role. I fly to Egypt in two months.” You said, packing up your things. Seb nodded, and moved from where he was to help you.

You took off your costume, and took your hair out. Sebastian took your duffel bag with all your things, and the two of you headed out. Thankfully, you didn’t see Anya of Freya, you weren’t in the right space mentally to explain what happened. All you wanted to do right now was get as far away from Henry as possible.

Don't call me baby again

You got your reasons

I know that you're tryna be friends

I know you mean it

Don't call me baby again

It's hard for me to go home

Be so lonely

Henry sat in his car after getting yelled at by Lauren, Anya, Freya, Joey, and the director, staring at the tree just outside his windshield. He let his emotions get the best of him, and now filming was suspended until they could find a replacement for you. No one was mad at you, no one blamed you. Not even him. He’s the one that fucked up, he’s the one paying the price.

He dug his phone out of his bag, and wasn’t surprised in the slightest when he had a whole bunch of unread messages. He filtered through all the threats that your Marvel friends had sent them.

Chris: you are unbelievable. i cannot believe you treated her like that. my first impression of you being a complete and utter dickhead was true. i can’t believe i was ever friends with you.

Anthony Mackie: for Superman, you’ve done some serious damage. and that’s saying something. i’d be amazed if this didn’t ruin your career completely. you dont get to sit there all high and mighty simply because you’re ‘heart broken.’ none of us are going to keep this quiet.

Scarlett Johansson: count your days cavill. never thought you’d be the type to make a girl cry.

Elizabeth Olsen: congrats on ruining your career. if you even come near Y/N again, we’ll do much worse than ruin your career. believe me.

He threw his head back against the seat. They wouldn’t take it to social media, would they? He thought as he clicked on his instagram app.

The first thing he saw was a post from Robert Downey Jr explaining what had happened.

He’d fucked up bad, and there was nothing he could do to fix it.

To be so lonely, to be so

To be so lonely

To be so lonely, to be so

To be so lonely

244 notes · View notes

bbarican · 3 years

Text

friendly reminder that no one can ever dictate how you should see yourself; trust me, i know because ive been on both sides

sadly and disappointingly, ive been the person who has let my emotions get the best of me, resulting to me hurting the people i love the most, but at the same time, ive also been the person who has been and always will be judged and just plainly told that im not enough or im too much

criticizing someone is one thing, a good thing even if done in a respectful way, but degrading someone and not being empathetic is another story that shouldnt even be an option to begin with, even if its unintentional

i think choosing kindness really does go a long way, both for yourself and for the people around you. so if youre feeling down because somebody made you feel like youre less of something or anything, just know that they probably just dont understand you or they never will and if theyre not willing to try and understand you, then why bother? you dont owe them an explanation. respecting who you are, what youve been through, and what youre currently going through should always come first. and if youre in a situation where you end up judging someone without actually understanding the other person's point of view beforehand, just always try to remind yourself to take a step back, collect yourself, and think about what you're about to say because again, you're not in any position to dictate anyone how they should see themselves.

#prsnl #thoughts #writings #my meeting doesnt start till 10 #this is the result of waiting

12 notes · View notes

muwur · 4 years

Note

could i request an -oikawa-kuroo-suga- headcanons for a partner with autism/adhd? (autism and adhd in girls can be like, real hard to write if you dont have it or know someone who does so its 100% okay to say no wididnejfufhejrr) especially with like, being embarrassed about stimming in front of them or dealing with rejection sensitive dysphoria as a symptom 😗👉👈 thank yooooooooooou i owe u my liyef

haikyuu + s/o with autism/adhd headcanons

✧ hc’s ✧ for oikawa, kuroo, suga & tendou

❧ gn reader

✎ 1.3k words

a/n: i got u b! this is wut im here for, to help u feel a lil represented 😌 also ik u a special fren of mine so hehe here u go (happy birthday soon btw c; ily i hope you enjoy pls feel free to lmk if there’s smth youd like me to change ♡)! aLsO pLEASePLEAseplEASe anyone let me know if there is something I wrote in this that doesn’t sit well with you. as someone who does not have autism/adhd or has had much experience around people who do, i cannot portray it accurately. i do not intend to misrepresent anyone’s experiences. i love and care for you all; the last thing i want to do is hurt or offend anyone. thankfully anon + the internet were great sources for me to try to understand things better. tho that is not to say i can fully comprehend these conditions (cuz i never can unless i experience it myself)

n e ways, u r all loveli n i hope ur having an amazing day <3

just wanna preface that these bois would love anyone for who they are, and would do their best to support you in whatever ways possible <3

oikawa

✧ oikawa had been replying consistently to your messages before suddenly disappearing with no explanation,,,

✧ at first it seemed like nothing, but after several hours and follow up texts from yourself, you couldn’t help but think that maybe he just didn’t want to reply to you

✧ maybe he didn’t even like you anymore

✧ fear that every moment you shared together meant nothing settled in the pit of your stomach

✧ a while later you received a phone call from a very apologetic oikawa, who was explaining that he dropped his phone in the bowl of ramen he was eating and had to go to the store and wait for hours before finally getting a new one and--

✧ “a-are you crying? hey, what’s wrong? i’m sorry i was gone for so long. i’m here now.”

✧ will definitely come over immediately to give you reassuring cuddles

✧ “you mean the world to me. i never want to hurt you, and i never want to leave you, either.”

✧ makes sure to communicate very clearly with you to reassure you what he really means

✧ always reminding you how much he cares about you to reinforce in your head that he’s always going to be there for you

✧ does self-care days with you to destress because life is tough (*cue selfies with face masks and laying in bed for hours with each other’s comforting presence*)

✧ very quick to defend and protect you from people who hurt you. will ask, “excuse me, can i help you?” with a piercing glare that’ll get anyone to back down

✧ gives you constant reassurance about your stimming

✧ helps you interpret social cues and situations, gives you tips on how to handle your interactions with others and in under circumstances (as well as how to remain calm in your own mind)

✧ practices positive self-talk with you because he wants to help you see how great you are

✧ anyone who doesn’t see it is at a loss and is irrelevant, they don’t exist in oikawa’s book 💅

kuroo

✧ always educating himself so he knows how to be helpful

✧ unintentionally embarrassed you once by asking what you were doing when he caught you stimming once (which was when he found out about it)

✧ he was genuinely curious and meant no harm, and he apologized for bringing it up how he did

✧ however, he was glad he asked you so that he could be informed and reassure you that stimming is okay. he understands the importance of it and he’d prefer you have something to help you self-soothe. no judgment here, this is a safe space

✧ takes mental notes on all your favorite stims (verbal, visual, tactile, oral, proprioception, etc)

✧ even discovers new stims for you to try and buys you things to help with them (“here, this is a fidget spinner, y/n” or “you know they make CHEWABLE JEWLERY? they call it CHEWELRY. that’s genius. *typing on phone* what colors do you like, babe?” )

✧ encourages you to talk about your feelings and find additional coping strategies (“let’s try this neat breathing technique i learned about today!”)

✧ saves you from overwhelming situations (ie. pulling you out of a crowd, shutting down really noisy things, giving you space to clear your head and breathe)

✧ ruffles your hair as a sign of affection and calls you cute nicknames

✧ helps you study, make plans, and stay organized. tries to keep things interesting and interactive so you don’t lose interest/find it boring

✧ when you’re having an especially hard time focusing, he’ll pull you aside for a relaxing break like talking a small walk, watching an episode of y’alls favorite show, sharing a snack, playing a game, looking at memes or tik tok, chatting, etc

✧ makes sure to validate your feelings first and acknowledge your concerns before giving you his thoughts

✧ helps you view situations from a different perspective so you don’t assume rejection from others. when there is some form of rejection, he’s there to help you cope with the emotions

✧ gives you a lot of hugs when you’re feeling dejected and lonely, reminding you he’ll never leave your side

sugawara

✧ he’s quite perceptive, so when he noticed your unease, he asked you about it

✧ embarrassed but not wanting to lie, especially to suga, you admitted to being afraid of stimming around him and that you had been trying to hold back from it (even if it was hard)

✧ his eyes immediately soften as he tells you that there’s no reason to be embarrassed about it

✧ he just wants you to be yourself and feel comfortable

✧ learns about all of your stims. totally supports and normalizes them (however, if they’re ever self-injurous, he’ll do research and consult expert help to redirect the behavior)

✧ will absolutely take good care of you, he’s not sugamama for no reason

✧ a great listener! always hearing you out when you talk about your passions and interests

✧ wants you to express yourself however you can because he understands communication may not always be easy (reminder that communication and expression aren’t always verbal!)

✧ praises you and hypes you up all the time, going on about how there’s so much about you he loves

✧ has the most soothing voice ever. will whisper you sweet, reassuring words to calm and ease your mind

✧ will even just hum for you. lit rally anything. the suga juke box varies from lullabies to funky fresh songs

✧ very patient and will support you when you feel upset, frustrated, and/or have outbursts

✧ encourages you to talk about your feelings, but never pressures you. shares his own thoughts and feelings to help you open up, asks you thoughtful questions

✧ may be ultimate soft boi but gives anyone the look™ if they even just stare, and goes feral if someone’s ever rude to you in any way, calls them tf out and is #satisfied when he gets them to apologize

✧ also helps you study and be organized! good at creating schedules and encouraging you to stick with them

✧ constantly making sure you eat sufficient meals 😋 and get enough rest 😴 will nag you until you do

tendou

✧ MORE THAN HAPPY TO PROVIDE ALL THE STIMULATION YOU NEED, says it’s an opportunity to give each other mutual attention and bond

✧ but will also provide you an outlet for just relaxing and unwinding

✧ will talk to you for hours and hours about your favorite shows/movies/books

✧ BINGES THEM WITH YOU

✧ always treating you to your favorite snacks/flavors and discovering new things for you to try that will match your taste/texture preferences (only the best for u 😌)

✧ curious about how stims make you feel and asks you to describe those sensations to him

✧ thinks it’s super cool when you can finish his sentences for him,,, cuz it’s like y’all on the same wavelength (you gellll)

✧ if anyone made you feel bad,,, o boy

✧ tendou would intimidate them to the point he would probably appear in their nightmares ffegjegk this is why you don’t fuck with this man or those who cares about

✧ king of spontaneity and asks if you’re down to do the most random things

✧ “let’s buy a trampoline”

✧ *2 am* “you down for some fries and dip? and by dip i mean m i l k s h a k e s”

✧ of course he’ll never suggest things he knows you would be uncomfortable with. never puts you in a stressful situation and always makes sure you’re enjoying yourself

✧ invites you everywhere and makes sure you feel included. always by your side!

✧ squeezes your hand whenever he can tell you’re feeling anxious

✧ if you feel anxious about trying new things, he’s there to encourage you! recounts all the positive aspects

✧ but if you’re really excited to try something, you bet he’ll match your excitement

✧ a very good listener. empathizes a lot with being misunderstood or seen as “different,” and is therefore a major source of comfort

✧ constantly showing you how to be yourself and that you shouldn’t feel ashamed about it, cuz that’s who he fell in love with

#haikyuu x reader #oikawa x reader #kuroo x reader #sugawara x reader #tendou x reader #oikawa tooru x reader #kuroo tetsuro x reader #sugawara koushi x reader #tendou satori x reader #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu headcanons #requests

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azuries · 4 years

Text

why i abandoned twitter, ig and closed my main form of interaction (asks)

i dont really want to give a long explanation of why ive been so out of it lately, so ill do my best to keep it brief.

my second term in university, which was like..i guess 5-6 months ago, was the most stressed ive been in, ever.

i was struggling with deadlines, i was way behind my classmates, and i didnt feel like i was doing enough when it came to quality with my projects. i also felt like i was on the verge of failing. it felt worse knowing i had a scholarship to maintain and with my parents warning me constantly that it was possible to lose their job due to the pandemic, i basically felt pressured bc i couldnt afford to fail, despite my lack of motivation and mental capacity to exceed. i was also going through some familial issues, along with relationship issues with some people which i am guilty for not controlling well.

the stress basically piled up in one go and i felt trapped.

in my final day for the sem, i was miserable. i felt like i was in the lowest point of my life and i thought of things to do to myself i wouldnt dare imagine doing now. i felt empty and lonely, and i didnt want to talk to anyone. i didnt deserve to talk to anyone. i felt like i wasnt worth spending time with. i could barely look at myself in the mirror.

i took a break from twitter specifically, for a couple of days, probably weeks. i came back for a short while, but i refused to let myself interact with anyone bc of how ashamed i was. i even locked my account so people wouldnt find me anymore. i was in a really bad place and i never felt lonelier, and as a person who's known to be usually vocal with feelings, i repressed what i was thinking to everyone i knew, and that kind of terrified me. instead of fixing it and confronting the problem, ive been running away from it. the guilt just kept piling up for the past months, and i still feel disgusted with myself for ever thinking i was worth their time and lacking communication like a dumbass, knowing that i was a sorry excuse of a human being and how it would hurt even more if they found out how much of a failure i am.

i was gone from my old twitter for god knows how long now. i avoided talking to my friends because i was so afraid of confrontation, and most of them had connections to the person that was affecting me the most. if one dm'd me, id immediately uninstall the app out of fear. i never had the courage to see their message and panic blocked them. it even got so bad to the point a friend of mine who commissioned me had to follow me up on their order, and i wasnt able to deliver after so many months of waiting. i refunded their money and gave them extra as an apology. i havent checked my business email since it was linked to my twitter and it showed notifs of my friends.

this is the main reason i closed asks and messages. i didnt want to be found, and i was afraid id run into them. if im being honest, i dont think im gonna be fully back anytime soon. im still figuring out my feelings and its still up for debate if im ever planning to talk to them again. i owe them an apology for being gone for so long without at least an explanation, but i feel like its too late for me to say anything, considering how long its been. they probably hate me right now, and honestly they have every right to. i also dont want to blame that person, since they tried their best to make it up to me after what they did, but i simply could not have forgotten how much it hurt no matter how hard i tried. ig that also plays a major factor in why i couldnt talk to my friends since theyre connected to that person as well.

so all in all, yes ive been strayed away from it for a while. even though the pain and guilt is there, i dont think i wasted my time sulking. ive been focusing on my schoolwork a lot more, ive (mostly) repaired the relationship with my parents, and i finally found the courage to reopen commissions again as a way to swear to myself to never leave anyone hanging like that again. i feel a lot more lonely tbh, but at least much more productive. things that happened made me focus on the things i wouldnt have prioritized if i didnt spend most of my time online.

it doesnt mean i regret i met them though. not one bit. spending time with them made my life less of a living hell and i will forever be thankful for the laughs and love they gave me. i feel guilty that i wasnt able to give them the same amount.

if you guys ever read this, im so sorry im too much of a coward to confront you guys myself. i just wish the best for all of you and i hope youre all staying safe and taking care of yourselves. maybe ill come back, maybe i wont. but just know, i truly am sorry for leaving so suddenly, and in better circumstances we can hopefully be reacquainted when we're all in a better place mentally.

thank you for reading, and if you reached the end of this message, congratulations you saw my oversharing 👈👈

#this feels out of nowhere but i had this post in my drafts for a while #but yeah #i miss them but i definitely dont blame them if theyve moved on which imsure they did #personal #forgive me for this..i just really needed an outlet

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