#i know and love so many people who have intense anxiety about their ability to create art and who are so hard on themselves about the result
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talking to a friend about getting back into art and i think the #1 most important piece of art advice i could ever get or give is just "figure out what is FUN to you"
like i think there is sooooo much emphasis on how to build SKILL in art but a lot of it really treats art like a job or like video game grinding, like it's this thankless job that you have to work at in order to reach a Threshold and i know it's not EASY to make yourself have fun but like
imo a solid 70% of the reason i create art is because the Act of Drawing is fun to me. it's fun problem-solving and planning and putting down lines and playing with colors and tools. it's fun to depict little scenes in my head or to create outfits or to find ways to fill the canvas. never forget that creating can be fun. sometimes it's hard and sometimes you have to battle through your own blockades to get there but the ultimate goal should always be to ENJOY it, to find what you enjoy doing and then do it forever. improvement will follow enjoyment.
i think especially with all the debate about ML image generation it's more important than ever to embrace FUN. if you're only focused on the end result it's so easy to get in your own head- to think about what doesn't look good or what skills you don't have yet or to compare yourself to other artists. but photography didn't kill the art of drawing and AI won't either because, simply put, there will always be people who want to do the physical act of making art because it's fun to do! using paints and markers, splashing colors around, doing shitty pen doodles, using the symmetry tool in your art program to do abstract mandalas that are just squiggles formed into patterns. do art like you're 5 and you've been handed markers to pass the time. do art like you're bored in class and you're keeping your brain entertained by drawing stick figure comics in the margins. do art like an absent thing, do art because it satisfies your brain. the goal is not to make something beautiful and perfect, the goal is to make something because your hands need to make and your body needs to make.
#i know and love so many people who have intense anxiety about their ability to create art and who are so hard on themselves about the result#and i think that's a REALLY easy thing to feel because creating is also vulnerable & physically difficult and there is SOOOO much to master#but i think for me the people who churn out 300 colored pencil front facing hands behind their backs oc doodles on lined notebook paper-#are the ones with the right idea. they're the ones i aspire to be like#i'm not saying i never struggle either bc tbh#as someone with depression and adhd there are times where the Act of Having Fun is simply not possible#sometimes i CAN'T enjoy things because my ability to feel joy is locked behind a barrier of my mental illness#so i don't think it's an Easy thing to do by far and I don't think you can just Magically Make Yourself Happy And Having Fun#but i DO think that experimenting in a low-stakes low-pressure manner until you find something that clicks in your brain helps#doing things for the sake of doing them is the only way to figure out which ones WILL be fun to you#not all of them will. some things will feel like a slog#but i think you have to look for the passion before you're able to face the slog#if you jump right into the parts that are Hard and Challenge Your Limits it's easy to spin your wheels and get stuck#but if you focus on the super small stakes and the things that are thoughtless and focused more on Sensation-#the sensory experience of mixing paint or the scratch of pencil on paper or the smooth way a specific pen makes lines-#then you can lose yourself in the physical aspect of it FIRST#and then once you've started really ENJOYING those sensations you can start learning new ways to use them#because now you have the drive to want to do more#now you have the desire to find new ways to apply this thing you like doing#long post#even longer tags#art#drawing#artists#art advice
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heyheyhey what if some villain or something uses an ability to show a physical manifestation of how the heroes see their powers (maybe they want the world to see them as selfish/vain?) and captain marvels just covered in chains tying him down
I LIIIIVE!!! so sorry for being late to answering this, hun <3
First of all, I am going wild and feral with that image of Captain Marvel seeing himself that way! The immense burden and responsibility alone in carrying the powers of several gods and ancients is astonishing, beyond the normal human mind, but nowhere near the level of being the Champion of Magic. Imagine that. Being a child who has no one to depend on, and then suddenly becoming a figure of such intense magical power that millions depend on you saving them. Billy never wanted to become a superhero, he never intended to be one, but someone made that decision for him and he can't escape his fate.
Not that it's a bad thing, Billy is more than happy to lend a helping hand to anyone in need, whether it's as himself or as Captain Marvel. He isn't pure of heart for nothing, after all.
Old lady crossing the street? Billy will be there to help. Dr. Sivana stealing from the museum? Captain Marvel is on his way to put an end things. Someone is in a burning building and needs help getting out? Either of them wouldn't hesitate to run in.
It's when he fails to save someone that it sticks to his mind and poisons him with nightmares and guilt. Billy has canonically mentioned before that when he fails to save people, they haunt his nightmares and he looses sleep over thinking about what he could have done differently or better to save them. Sometimes he thinks he shouldn't have been chosen to be Captain Marvel, and that his powers would have been better suited to someone else, anyone else besides himself. Billy is a kid for crying out loud, and yet he's filled with so much survivors guilt, imposter syndrome, PTSD, and more.
The responsibility and power of being a superhero, Champion of Magic, and guardian of the Rock of Eternity all weigh heavy on his small shoulders. Let's not forget Billy's personal life either; a homeless orphan living day to day, working tirelessly to survive and hide away from people who wish to hurt him. It's a miracle this kid hasn't burned out yet. He has too many responsibilities to care about!
Billy is fortunate enough that when he transforms into Captain Marvel, he can forget about his anxiety and worries for a while thanks to his powers giving him a healthy mindset to think with. However, deep beneath the surface, the vessel for the Champion of Magic is just a scared little lost child, crying for his mom and dad, never voicing his concerns or woes to people as to not burden them.
This is why I love your idea of the physical manifestation of how Captain Marvel sees his powers being chains. He feels trapped by his roles in life and doesn't think he can escape them. He doesn't even know if he is allowed to want these burdens and chains gone from him. The chains may seem to tie him down but he is ultimately the one with the key to put an end to it, to never say the magic word again and live a semi normal life. But that's just not the person Billy Batson is. Billy Batson will always do his best to try and save people, no matter what he has to sacrifice of himself in the end.
Maybe the chains seem to be on him unwillingly, but are actually there to represent how he is forcing himself to be a hero to the world.
#This was such a lovely ask#Tysm for the ask!#Billy batson#dc captain marvel#shazam#dc comics#Your ideas are so fun!#I think a lot about Billy and Captain Marvel's emotional and mental stares a lot#Sorry if this ended up as a lot of rambling#For Batman on the other hand#I think his manifestation would be him as a child#That is for a longer post another day though#sorry if there's spelling errors
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two things, one, i would wait till you've watched all of s2 to get a better understanding of ben's character, no spoilers ofc and you can do w/e you want, but just a recommendation from someone that's alr finished :)
two, what exactly makes you uncomfortable vis-a-vis the show's politics? i think i'm in a bubble of heartstopper superfans atm and i'm curious about your perspective xx
Hello! I've been thinking all day about this show lol, and I hope I can finish it tonight after I finish up work.
tbh I've seen enough spoilers for the show that I'm not sure if there's anything that's going to change my perspective in the last few episodes but we'll see! It may push me to write this Ben-sits-at-a-pub-across-the-street-from-a-gay-bar fic or it may totally dissuade me from doing that.
Re: the politics of the show in general. Happy it exists! Lovely cast! Lots of fun, and I see why it's so healing for so many people. Not everything needs to be for me specifically as a millennial dyke!
A couple unfinished things that have percolating in my brain:
Sexuality as identity vs sexuality as experience (the show seems to portray sexuality almost entirely as an identity which you discover, not as a social position you experience related to your own desires) (it feels extremely tumblr in that way)
The absence of desire in general! I know much has been said about the absence of sex in this show, but it does feel strange that there's so little sexuality (as experience) in a show about sexuality (as identity).
The absence of politics in general! Like... the baddies are bad and the goodies are good, but it seems to be saying nothing at all about patriarchal oppression? Which is fine I guess. I saw someone say (about Ben Hope) something along the lines of "bad people can be gay, straight, asexual, and it doesn't matter." Which is not untrue, and it seems pretty clear that the creators of the show agree. But it seems to locate "badness" as an individual thing unrelated to power and politics, which is an analysis I totally disagree with.
This is maybe jumping ahead, but I'm sooo deeply concerned for young people who buy into purity culture and intense moralizing and labeling characters as irredeemable and undeserving of community. It just feels like a cultural recipe for increased anxiety and OCD and decreased ability to respond to genuine, political oppression at a time when the far right is doing some scary, scary things.
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Soldier 76 tangent: Socialization
I’m not sure if others notice this, but it seems to me like Jack might have some kind of social anxiety, or at the very least is socially awkward.
My thought process is that, with the Strike Commander position, he never got to show his true self with most people. He was always behind a mask. Meanwhile, there was also intense pressure for him to make others like him - especially in terms of general public image. Living with the fear that a single mistake could make people dislike him, destroy the mask, and ruin everything, because public opinion is fickle.
(Further explanation/examples/evidence under read more, to not take up too much space in tags/dashboard)
I’ve seen people before say he’s ‘fake’ or ‘shallow’ for those things, but I don’t think him fixating on how others feel about him is out of any kind of vanity. It’s out of anxiety, fear, and necessity. Not that it excuses him for things he’s done wrong, but as someone who’s been ‘the target’ before (school trauma), I know just how paralyzing the fear of negative public opinion can be.
For example, even before the fall, he seems to fret over public opinion a lot:
(from Uprising)
(from Retribution)
Afterwards, Soldier 76 is a ‘lone wolf’ for a reason. But, as you can see from his constant insistence that he’s ‘not a hero’ and etc, he seems very convinced that the public hates him or is scared of him. Even after shaking off the bureaucracy, he’s still fixated on public opinion. Despite paying 0 heed to the fact that he pisses off authorities or major businesses, it’s the public that he’s so focused on.
Meanwhile, afterwards, it sometimes seems like he struggles to articulate himself in an honest way. Like he’s always just impersonating himself. It leads to him coming off wrong.
I mentioned before how Jack shows concern for Mei - see this post - and notice how he expresses it.
Then, look at another line he has at Ecopoint Antarctica:
He says he feels terrible for the scientists (presumably, Mei’s friends), while also discouraging her from fighting on the front lines. This gives me the vibe that he’s worried about her safety out on the battlefield (and probably that he’d blame himself even further if she got hurt).
So why did he express it in such an...interesting...way?
It could be a failure to articulate himself properly.
Also, I don’t have quotes for this specifically, but if you listen to the way Jack speaks in-game, he often sounds somewhat stilted and wound up. (Fred Tatasciore, Jack’s voice actor, deserves a shoutout for his ability to deliver so many emotions at once, all while doing a character voice. Love that guy.)
Meanwhile, if you look at how he talks to Ana, both in-game and in Bastet, he’s much more casual and relaxed. There’s a marked difference in how he talks to someone that he feels comfortable with and used to. Even beyond just a matter of trust - the thought that he can at least somewhat expect what she’s going to do.
All of this is just my own speculation, in the end. But I think it’s an interesting concept - and of course, a way to push my ‘Jack is a way more interesting character than people give him credit for’ agenda, which I do at any opportunity.
#soldier 76#character analysis#overwatch analysis#mei#overwatch#might as well throw those tags in too
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The tears of Mummers House: Progress report
Friends, we’re officially over halfway through The tears of Mummers House and I am LIVING.
I am in awe of the engagement, the responses, the emotional investment - seriously, I am blown away, and so freaking grateful to everyone who is reading along and joining in on this odd little experiment. THANK YOU.
Read on for more nerdy meta about how this experience has softened me to WIPs, where I’m at with comments (to respond or not respond?), and why “I don’t know” is my favourite answer to two of my least favourite questions.
Background
“The tears of Mummers House” is a 3500-word fic that I’m releasing over 20 days (1 chapter/day, with 2 chapters on the last day). As I’m posting this, it’s October 4, and Chapter 11 has just gone up. I write about the rationale behind the posting schedule here: The tears of Mummers House: An experiment with time (Or, Why I usually don’t post WIPs)
Why WIPs are now fun!!
So, back in that previous post, I mentioned how I have some, hmm, creative scars/anxiety when it comes to posting WIPs. It is weirdly healing for that anxiety to be transformed into excitement, to turn my own method into madness.
Since it’s been so long since I posted a true WIP, I forgot about one of the most marvellous things about posting something live: the momentum that builds when other people read your work in the moment, and react to it, and feel things, and want to know what happens next.
This whole process has definitely softened me towards posting WIPs, especially since I have more confidence, now, in my ability to finish a story. I feel like the next few things I post will be much more straightforward, but it’s opened me up to thinking about posting as a narrative element to play with. And I loved seeing responses from others (@cutestkilla, @captain-aralias) about what they think about WIPs, both reading and posting them.
Also: I feel like a numpty for forgetting about this incredibly beautiful part of fandom, where collective energy gathers into an engine and transforms a project into more than just one person’s words - it becomes a shared dreaming.
To respond or not respond to comments?
Oh my god. Oh my god, the comments have been the fucking best, SERIOUSLY.
I’ve been very inconsistent about responding to comments for Boring Real Life reasons (I was at a cabin with limited WiFi, and for the past ten days, I’ve been ill from a Bivalent booster + a wretched cold/respiratory infection).
Now, though. Now. The comments are so good that I am worried about giving away more information than I intend to in my responses. Also, some comments make me laugh SO HARD - there is such SASS, I love it. XD
And honestly - I know that readers/commenters aren’t necessarily talking to me, but to the story itself, and I almost don’t want to to get in the way of that. Responding to comments might be unnecessary, because the story itself is talking back.
My favourite answer to two of my least favourite questions
I’ve never posted a story under these circumstances before, with so many thoughtful, intelligent readers trying to solve a riddle (multiple riddles?) and watching the story play out everyday.
I’m intensely excited about what will unfold, but also concerned that the “real answers” may disappoint some readers (hello, perfectionism!!).
My goal is not to answer every single question or wrap up every thread — anyone who’s read my other stuff for Carry On has probably cottoned on to the fact that I love underwriting, and leaving a reader space for that “scope for imagination.”
Lynda Barry has written marvellously in her book What It Is about being plagued by two questions as an artist: “Is it good?” and “Does it suck?” Those two questions can become such a stranglehold.
The answer that Barry presents to those two questions is… “I DON’T KNOW.”
That’s it. “I don’t know.” The trick is to lean into not knowing, and just make things anyway. Make things for the sheer joy and absorption and challenge and contentment of making.
Make things, like Liz Gilbert says, because there is a story that wants to be told, and it wants to be told by you.
At the end of the day, of course I want my stories to reach people. I don’t just write in a vacuum; a vacuum is a lonely place to be.
“Is it good?” “Does it suck?”
“Will the reveal be disappointing?” “Now that it’s been built up, will the payoff be satisfying?”
I don’t know. I don’t know, but I am happy not knowing. I am happy just making the thing. I am happy being a person who makes things because making things makes me feel alive.
(And of course, if it all goes tits up, I can blame it on the daemon.)
Thank you again, so much, for joining me on this journey, and for dreaming along.
#snowbaz#carry on#creative process#the tears of mummers house#writing stuff#WIPs#cover art by DALL-E#bonus content#my fic tag
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⊹𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖗𝖆𝖈𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖎𝖓𝖋𝖔 1.6
❝You needn't remind me of how weak I am...❞
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꧁•⊹Fears
—Phobias
➳ Traumatophobia ━Fear of injuries. The spectrum of this phobia is quite wide. While Scarlett's pain tolerance is very high, it doesn't mean that she enjoys any of it. Getting physically hurt will make her recoil from whatever or whoever made her feel pain. Additionally, a specific thing is considered an undisputed phobia: broken bones. The sound of bones breaking, cracking, already makes her feel anxious. A situation that could break a bone raises her stress levels even higher. Lastly, a full panicking Scarlett will be unleashed if harsh injuries are directly bestowed upon her hands.
➳ Dementophobia ━Fear of madness or insanity. People who have this fear are afraid of going insane or losing touch with reality. For Scarlett, after so many centuries remembering everything (See: Special characteristics), she fears her mind will eventually break apart, as she cannot die or suffer from any disease affecting the brain. Besides, upon feeding, insanity is quite common amongst Ghouls and, plus, she has already experienced the loss of self-control and mindlessness before, which increases the dread of not being able to come back to her senses if she falls there again. Needless to say, she will not be consciously aware of her fall into madness, and once she loses her complete sense of reality, she might not recover ever again.
➳ Hoplophobia —Fear of firearms. People with this phobia often manifest it as the idea that the weapons possess a will of their own, apart from that of their user; as though a gun could shoot and harm without external manipulation. Scarlett keeps this fear given her aforementioned ability of complete recollection of her life events: as a human, she was killed by a gunshot. However, the image of the weapon never came into her sight, so her fear may get triggered more easily with the sound of shooting. She knows what a gun looks like, and might be wary of it at the sight of someone holding it or freeze if she's pointed at with one, but Scarlett can get much more reactive with the sound of a gun in the distance than by having one in front of her.
꧁•⊹Aversions
━ Stronger than a dislike, but easier to manage or overcome.
➳ Marriage (Gamophobia) —While this usually has to do with commitment, Scarlett actually 'fears' marriage for different reasons. The main one wanders around the idea of the legally-owned-by title, as she can't help but associate it with belonging to someone, like she did in the past, during slavery. Stray to love, she struggles to see the appeal in the idea of legal possession without finding it objectifying. The aversion only applies when she is involved; she doesn't mind attending weddings of others. Scarlett can warm up to the idea with a long-term partner, she'd require a lot of trust, talk and especially time to understand that belonging to a loved one does not equal belonging to an owner.
➳ Heights (Acrophobia) —Someone with acrophobia experiences intense anxiety when they are positioned at a significant height. Granted her ability to fly as a crow, Scarlett very cautious about it, but she doesn't freeze when she needs to fly. Ideally, she would fly low or near tree branches in case something hits her or she falls. This aversion is connected to her phobia of injuries, since a fall from a high height can cause severe harm on her, especially on her small crow body. Bonus: Scarlett not only dislikes standing on high places, but also being close to big objects or abnormally tall people as well. The possibility of being crushed or servery hurt makes her uneasy.
➳ Darkness (Nyctophobia) —Scarlett lacks acute vision in the dark, so oftentimes she'd rather have a small light source to be aware of her surroundings. Complete darkness makes her feel anxious, especially if alone, which makes all her senses spike up and stay very alert of any dangers, making it hard to concentrate or sleep if she needs to. It can also give her nightmares or hallucinations if she ends up falling asleep in the dark. Even a small portion of light, like from the moon or another light coming from the window, can soothe her by helping her recognize the shapes and objects of the room. Being in close company can also help her feel at ease in these cases.
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[ Masterlist ]
#Scarlett Wakahisa#Diabolik Lovers OC#📜.Fears#📜.Aversions#📜. Character Info#👁🗨. About#.here's the post y'all been waiting for you heartless beings#.marriage talk coming in hot dont miss it (?)#💄. Red Fury | Scarlett
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I believe that having high standards for yourself is a good thing! My aunt would always say 'high standards save you from low quality experiences' and I think when you set standards you are knowing your worth and value as your energy and time are sacred and not everyone should have access to that energy field around you. I do think there are beautiful souls out there tho so keep an open mind! At the end of the day what you decide doesn't have to make sense to anyone but yourself as well x
Thanks for this anon! It’s deeply appreciated! 💞💞 You and a your aunt is so right!! Sending you positive energy.
I’m very protective of my energy because I know that if I’m not, I am in risk of having people with bad intentions have access to me and my energy. I’m very conscious of who I put my energy into because (IMO) my energy is powerful and sacred. Ive been proven about it too. I’ve had peoples live change see their life differently for the better. (I hope I don’t sound egotistical, I’m just saying my energy is so sacred and why I protect it so intensely because of the things I can and does do to people who I put my energy into). It’s something I learnt once I entered my pre-teen years. Example, this onetime in high school I was letting my black tourmaline, this girl who wanted to be popular (you know those girls) were provoking me and that really fucked up how I felt, my mood, & energy. Why did they provoke me? Because they wanted a reaction out of me because they wanted to see what someone who is calm and keeps to themselves can do so they can laugh at me and say shit about me. It’s been a pattern throughout my life. (Capricorn in 3H things). One thing about me, you can’t get a reaction out of me. At least not easily. If someone idc about can make me feel that way, who knows how a man that I love and care about can make me feel when they provoke and mess with me. I’ve been through a lot of experiences and life changing periods in my life where I’ve felt unworthy, doubting myself, many phases of bad-severe depression + anxiety, etc, etc. Those all lead me to periods where I transform and blossom and I’ve now become the person who I am. Especially in terms of love because if there’s one thing I’ve learn from a young age, the wrong man can fuck anything up. Including/especially you. Which leads to my high standards, if no one is willing to meet my standards and expectations, I don’t want it. It’s a way for me to never settle down for less and a way of protecting myself. I wasn’t taught half of the shit that make me who I am, I know I’m a strong, independent woman and is able to manage life on my own which also contributes to this. All that a man will do is spend my life with and be the companionship that I desire ever since I was a kid.
Going back into my energy being so sacred, the more time you spend growing, reflecting, doing shadow-work, etc the more powerful you become IMO. It’s as if the universe sees you understanding you may not be perfect, you have your both wrongs and goods, and that you’re willing to heal and become better even if it means going and facing into that shadow side that you have. In which the universe rewards you, “here is all of the abilities you can do, you know wyz, use your abilities to better others because you can do it with/for yourself”. Also this makes your aura nicer too (IMO). Before my aura used to be blue, and apparently my aura is a combination of blue-purple-pink. This is really rare if anyone doesn’t know.
Every person who’s told me to lower my standards have always had odd intentions upon both me and my loved ones, and just bad people. Take that how you can.
Although, my guides and ancestors always tell me not to worry about anyone because they got my back 😅. This onetime a girl looked at me up and down and was giving me attitude, unprovoked when I was waiting for a friend and guess what? 1 week later their leg broke for and had a cast on for 6 weeks lol. You never fucking know lol. I do always remember my ancestors have my back which is why I always and am one of the biggest preachers of “you never know who’s protected by who”.
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Ok, collecting my thoughts about Stone Ocean now that I have finished the anime.
Of course Major JJBA Spoilers under the cut/ "read more"
I really loved this ending arc, especially how emotionally charged Weather's backstory was and the final fight after Jolyne almost dies by C Moon and Jotaro's return and everything after that in part 6. Out of all of the parts thus far, it's my favorite ending by far.
Looking back at the episodes, I think it only starts getting good at the second batch, at least writing wise. But getting through the first batch is definitely worth it.
Other Notes/Comments:
I didn't mention this in my last post talking about part 6, but I don't really hate the Dragon's Dream fight. I find it's ability pretty interesting, and not as confusing as everyone argues it is. It's definitely me and me understanding more abstract concepts easily. I already had encountered Feng Shui, although briefly, through Animal Crossing. Basically, how I understood it, Dragon's Dream is simply pointing out unlucky directions in someone's or an objects behavior/stance, where they are vulnerable.
Although I do dislike Yo Yo Mama, I agree he is pretty creepy and icky
I also really enjoyed Rikiel. I did relate to Rikiel's anxiety, but mine is nowhere near intense as his.
Heavy Weather's ability is honestly more confusing/convoluted/makes less sense than Dragon's Dream. Like I get the idea of subliminal messaging, but I feel like using Weather reports weather control to make rainbows, that then have subliminal images of snail that then turn people into snails? I feel like it's a stretch, and I feel like it doesn't really make sense within Wes's character.
I'll have to comment on my thoughts on the other parts at some point.
Closing thoughts:
Overall, I think each batch, at least writing wise, gets better as it goes on.
As of now that I have finished it, I guess I'm trying to cope with the fact that there will be no continuation of this universe I've grown so attached to. It's been three years since I've started Jojo and it has become my special interest.
I'll have to post about my thoughts on the other parts here. I'm reading the manga now, starting with phantom blood.
How I discovered Jojo and why it's so important to me:
I was introduced to it by two of my old Minecraft friends, all three of us have moved on since then. (The server we played on died quite a long time ago.) One of them was a guy a handful years older than me. I'll call him 'Bob' here. The other was a kid about a year younger than me, who I'll name 'Red' for the sake of this post. There was also two other friends from what I can remember, but it isn't really important to this story. We hung out quite a bit, and got to know quite a bit about eachother.
At some point (I don't really remember) the two found out they both were Jojo fans, and they made references and memes. Both of them egged me to watch Jojo.
Just like now, I tended to watch it in spurts at a time. Because of that, I also saw/looked up memes in between when I would watch Jojo.
But I also saw major spoilers, including memes about Kakyoin's death before I even got to part 3. That in particular was completely spoiled/ruined for me. I didn't feel much about Kakyoin's death because I already knew it was coming and about the fight following.
Only now that I have done enough research about his character and connected to him after the fact can I truly appreciate his sacrifice and mourn his death.
Tangent about Jotaro
In addition, I didn't really like Jotaro until I watched analyses of his character. I personally feel like it's mostly the anime to blame. Even though he does show some emotion, it definitely isn't as noticeable as the manga. I know that Jotaro isn't a character who wears his emotions on his sleeves, but I feel like many people including me were unable to connect with him. I wish they would have made his emotions more clear, at least at the start of the anime. It was many western fans, including me, introduction to Jotaro, and I wish they would have done him full justice.
UPDATE in the middle of writing this:
If I were to recommend Jojo to anyone, I would recommend they read the manga of Part 3, at the very least the first few chapters.
I still had Bob in my Discord DMs, so I decided to shoot him a message (+friend request again so I could message him) about how I finished Stone Ocean; since he was one of the people who got me into Jojo. Luckily he accepted the friend request, and we caught up. I also told him about my parody Jojo characters, mainly Frank, since he seemed most entertained by him.
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-- Engagement Arc: Preparations (IV)
They hadn’t had much time to themselves and so early that morning, Ashe, unable to sleep, took the time to wake Leon up, “Come with me.” She was already dressed and ready to go and while Leon was still half-asleep, a smile appeared on his features as he followed her outside into the early morning hours. Bahamut nor Tala or anyone else was needed for the moment with Leon due to Ashe being there, but Lucky as her other half went right after them, but kept a safe distance to give them some personal space.
“I noticed you haven’t been sleeping that well.” Leon admitted once they were able to sit under a tree, Ashe carefully seating herself close to him. Her fingers were lined with bandaids from sewing pricks and the like and she looked and probably felt exhausted from how he viewed her in that moment. “-- Yeah. I... my brain has been going like a Pachirisu and won’t stop. My body sleeps but my brain doesn’t.” She still smiled regardless. She could find sleep during the day, but never at night despite him being there for her. Too much stress and too much anxiety was her guess, and while she had pokemon to help like Musharna or something... she chose not to invest in them and instead work on her own merits.
Taking her by the hand from behind, gently brushing fingers over her own, a chill went up Ashe’s spine, cheeks coating red. It was in these moments her emotions were at their rawest -- that she showed herself truly to Leon. “... You’ve been a bit distant too, you know.” Leon had leaned in close by then, lips brushing her neck, only to stop and pull back, and yet his hand cradled her own still. “-- I’ve had to take care of some things, but they’re all sorted.” He reasoned, but her tired gaze swung around to look at his own. “Everyone’s been on edge around me... well, they always are, but more so than usual. What’s going on?” Straight to the heart with those blue-gray eyes.
Leon didn’t like to lie or keep things hidden from her, but in this case it was meant to be that way. If he revealed anything... “-- Everyone’s just preparing for the ball is all. Nothing to worry about.” He attempted to soothe her anxiety, but she went rigid, not having it, and the smile that was there faded. “-- Leon... please don’t keep things from me. You promised you wouldn’t.” The man found himself faltering then. He could handle battles against legendaries and face down a stare so intense from a long-lived set of parents who loved their children, but in her presence he was weakest.
“-- You’re my Polaris... so please just trust in me to be yours for the time being.” She had felt off-beat lately and... honestly his words struck a chord. Trust him.... “... Fine, but if I don’t find out soon you know what it’ll do.” She’d snap and go into a frenzy yet again -- he’d have to brave her storm and make sure she found her way out of it. Carefully he pulled her close and she latched onto him, shifting her body to press firmly against his chest. Giving a moment for the two of them to settle, both then pulled apart and Ashe found herself pressing her forehead to his own.
“... You’re feeling anxious too. What’s going on?” She pulled back to find him tilting his head slightly. “... Just something my mum brought up... ah... how do I put this...” Quietly he explained how his mother felt that he was being pulled away, and how she had wanted Ashe to come around more. The woman’s expression changed in different intervals, but finally rested on a guilty one. She didn’t feel comfortable with so many people. She didn’t know why and there would never be a definitive answer except she had always been sensitive and had sensory problems herself. “... Well, I can say this -- Mom told me that the fae have the ability to lure people in. It’s something she’s witnessed and something that just... happens. Mom had to confirm that Dad wasn’t under that type of, er, not spell... but something like that... when they started courting...”
Her eyes found his then. “I... had to confirm it too, and while i’m still not entirely sure...” She shakes her head saying this and notes Leon’s gaze faltering; “... it’s something i’ve considered, and it’s why I was so dodgy when we first met.” Her hand gently finds his arm then, gripping it. “You said to me that when you found me... I became the one beacon you could find no matter what, so... I... while I don’t know, I want to believe this is real and its not the result of the allure fairfolk have... I mean... I am a Changeling... but i’m still human too.” She was unsteady and unsure, and Leon realized he had made the situation a lot worse... but in this instant, this needed to be talked about.
Moving to press tip her chin up and place a kiss to her lips, the kiss was met in return before their foreheads yet again touched. “-- Then i’ll choose to believe in it too.”
Trust. Communication. Leaps of faith.
That’s what love thrived on, and as he held her underneath that tree, he chose to believe that regardless what they had was real and would grow stronger in time. They had faced adventures where death stared at them in the face and she had pushed him to be something different and him, in return, had done the same... and now the response of feelings would be tested at the Ball.
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Paranoia
“The real meaning of the word paranoia—someone who has the ability to link events that seemingly are not connected.” — John Coleman
Even through past depressive episodes, there’s always been an underlying paranoia, which is fed by overthinking and general lack of self confidence and esteem.
It’s also true that many medications seem to coordinate efforts with your depression and anxiety actually amplifying it, so there’s really no escaping it at the best of times.
This most recent depression and anxiety has shown me a level of paranoia that has been off the charts. It’s an absolute brutal consequence of depression, and taking shit loads of medication.
It has sucker punched me repeatedly.
It gets to the point where you simply and genuinely believe you are on your own; that everyone has some agenda against you. I can’t even begin to exaggerate this, or embellish it.
Paranoia on it’s own is enough to drive friends and family away, but add in all the other facets of depress and anxiety, and the battle to wade through all the negative thoughts that paranoia forces on you leaves you utterly drained, exhausted.
“Depression is a prison where you are both the suffering prisoner and the cruel jailer.” – Dorothy Rowe
You no longer trust the thoughts that are rapidly bouncing inside your head, you no longer know what is up, down, left or right when it comes to general life events, decisions made, and actions of those around you.
When you also suffer from general over thinking, then paranoia is the proverbial icing on the cake.
“I think too much. I think ahead. I think behind. I think sideways. I think it all. If it exists, I’ve fucking thought of it.” ― Winona Ryder
You have to work so utterly hard to try and reframe all the thoughts in your head, you have to pause and think about acting or not acting on everything going in in your head for fear of reacting to a paranoid thought, opposed to a genuine thought.
“It’s amazing where the paranoid mind can take you.” — Bill Ayers
On occasions where you have had to act quickly, then subsequently realise it ended up being heavily influenced by paranoid thoughts.
I’ve personally never experienced anything quite like this level and intensity of paranoia, and it has left me so wary of most things that still pop into my head.
I try to keep things balanced as I can; to try hard to keep reframing al the negativity popping in and out of my head.
A quote by Alain De Botton comes to mind:
“For Paranoia about ‘what other people think’: remember that only some hate, a very few love, and almost all just don’t care.” — Alain De Botton
I do think this is slightly unfairly biased towards uncaring and hate, but there we go.
My paranoia seems to be quite happy sitting there next to my depression and anxiety, so a mind fuck trio. I don’t know how much of this is due to my medication, to recent events, to my depression, all or some.
Banksy has been able to articular a positive aspect of paranoia, but I’ve yet to experience that level of clarity, and can’t say I share this perspective:
“You’re mind is working at its best when you’re being paranoid. You explore every avenue and possibility of your situation at hight speed with total clarity.” — Banksy
In recent weeks I believe I’ve started to feel less paranoid in general, but it’s still right there in my thoughts. It has helped that having some stability, lots of love and support of friends, and some autonomy in my life has helped calm things down somewhat, but paranoia is still an unwelcome visitor.
Paranoia puts you on the defensive whenever a thought, or a real life interaction happens, and it simply takes so much effort to not react.
“I don’t think people understand how stressful it is to explain what’s going on in your head when you don’t understand it yourself.”
I’ve got a lot to thrash out regards to my medication, and how much of this may or may not be influencing the general sense of paranoia I’ve been feeling, but that’s for another day.
→ https://unburdenedself.blog
#depression#mental health#paranoia#depressed#anxiety#introvert#mental illness#mental wellbeing#mentalheathawareness#paranoid
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*chucks back another monster*
E r i n a s t u r n
Cut for convenience!
-She use to be completely human but due to some experiments she conducted on herself in her youth her DNA has mixed with multiple other species, the most prominent being Saiyan and Namekian
-her goofy and somewhat immature personality is actually not her true self, not completely at least. Its true in the sense of its her acting genuine, but at the same time it's often a mask she puts up to hide her insecurities and the bits of herself she hates. She acts as if she doesn't care of what others think of her, but if she considers you a friend, any harsh words can cut her deep.
-As a result she shares traits with multiple species, such as saiyans intense and unquenchable appetite, ability to Power Up into other forms, the tail, etc etc. As for her namekian DNA, it's given her sharper teeth, longer more pointed ears, sharper claw like nails, and the ability to use some abilities like the creation beam and dragonballs and such.
-She can purr and growl, but not hiss
-Erina can be truly cold, uncaring and merciless when she wants to be. There is only so much violence she can take before she stops caring, at that point you might as well just lay down if you're in her sights cause she ain't giving you any leeway.
-Erina has plenty of walls put up around herself. After losing Jess, her only friend in her of universe, in her teen years, she's well aware that she will outlive pretty much everyone she befriends unless she uses her dragonballs to wish Immortality on them. She would never do it without asking first, but her anxiety often makes her unable to actually ask them.
-her anxiety really only shows up when fighting isn't an answer. She's confident in her abilities when it comes to fighting, but social interactions are something she'd always struggled with, especially when it comes to new people.
-Erinas got hella ADHD
-Erina is Asexual Panromantic, so while she rarely has the desire to participate in any kind of sexual activity, she heavily craves the love and soft intimacy that comes with a romantic relationship. The walls she puts up kinda screw her over on actually getting in a relationship though.
-She falls in love quite easily, surprisingly, but rarely will she ever admit it when she does. She'd rather sit and pine until the feelings subdue themselves than confess them and risk losing someone she cares for. She sometimes has trouble distinguish platonic love from romantic, but has gotten way better at it. If there is even an ounce of doubt that someone loves her, she will bury her feelings and forget them. Her walls make it hard for her to really let someone in quickly anyways.
-She doesn't take fast confessions well. She's grown use to people only admiring her for her body and strength, not for who she is, so rather than be used and tossed aside she rejects any suitor who comes her way. And she has rejected many, many suitors, male, female and other, because of it.
-That being said, if you were to take a slow approach and take the time to get to know her, and show her you're interested in her for who she is not for her body, she'll be complete putty in your hands. If you can show her you truly love her, she'll melt like an ice cream cone on a hot summers day.
-Erina is use to protecting, not being protected. Holding her, shielding her, bandaging whatever wounds she may have sustained, etc etc, are all liable to have her break down into sobs. She has spent most of her life protecting those she cares for and herself, so to see someone throw themselves in front of her to block an attack or scoop her up after a hard battle to carry her to safety to check her wounds would make atleast one or two walls crumble as tears start flowing down her face.
-Consisently giving her the ability to be emotionally vulnerable without fear of judgment is an easy way to get to her heart, along with consistent expression of caring about her well being.
-Gift giving would be another good way to her heart, though only if its things she likes/has mentioned she wants/needs, because it shows she's being listened too.
-This woman really will not confess she loves someone if she is not absolutely 100% sure the feelings are returned and tgat they love her for who she is.
-She is really really affectionate. Always makes it clear that she is someone you can come to for affectionate, no questions ask. Without saying a thing, she'll scoop ya up and let you cuddle into her, all while purring and gently hugging ya
-She will often do things without question for those she considers friends, even if it could result in her dying.
-Ever since she wished for her special version of Immortality, she's become impossible to truly kill unless it's done in a very, very specific way. There's 10 steps total, which honestly even she doesn't remember what they are.
-she is life linked to the Supreme Kai, just as Beerus was, but her special little wish made it so her deaths would not affect him when she's not in U7.
-If you were scratch the spots just under her chin back by her ears, she'll basically turn to putty and just kinda flop over purring. If you were to scratch right between her shoulder blades it'd have the same effect.
-Her tail is quite sensitive, as are most saiyan tails. Grabbing it will render her paralyzed, she never had the chance to train this out, so it's a weakness to this day. She will only unwrap her tail from her waist when she feels safe around someone.
-She can go oozaru but also has no control over the form, so she hides away on full Moons.
-She has the ability to pull a sonic the hedgehog and curl up into a spiky ball and roll around.
-She can somewhat see in the dark, it's not that much better than a regular humans honestly.
-Her Berserk form is, well, wild and uncontrollable, but only lasts for short periods of time before causing her to collapse because of how high the energy consumption of the form is. A Berserker breakout can last anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour.
-Her need for sleep is reduced ever since she became a G.O.D., to the point where she really only needs to sleep once every 2 to 3 weeks, but if she pushes that she will eventually collapse and sleep for a month straight
-Sometimes if there's little food available or she's in another universe, she'll drain the ki from other beings like a vampire drains blood.
-She is such a softie when it comes to physical affection someone give this bitch a hug-
-Cup her face and tell her everything's gonna be OK and she'll breakdown
-Make this woman some good food and she'll literally kill for you
-She can turn almost anything into a weapon if she really needs one, like if she's too low on ki to use ki attacks or creation beam herself a weapon
-Put her around animals like cats, dogs, rabbits, etc etc and she'll be happy as all hell
-Erinas well aware that she'd over powered as hell and honestly does not care. It was her goal to become such, and by her she accomplished what she set out to do.
#god oc go brrrrrrrrr#Erina#dbz oc#dbz#dragonball z#dragonball z oc#dragonball super#god of destruction#god of destruction oc#ryes ocs#ryes oc rambles
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Stop getting mad at little kids for not liking broccoli or brussel sprouts. Stop getting mad at kids for not finishing everything on their plate- ESPECIALLY if their parent/guardian plates their food. Stop getting mad at kids for not liking a particular flavor of yogurt. Just stop. Getting. Mad. At. Kids. When. It comes. To food!!!
To explain: kids, especially little ones, don’t like bitter flavors for the most part: coffee, broccoli and brussel sprouts are good examples of this. They don’t have their taste buds fully developed and experience bitter flavors much more intensely than adults. Especially when paired with the fact that those vegetables get boiled/steamed with no additional flavors or ingredients, of course kids won’t like it! As those taste buds develop over time, they will be able to enjoy more bitter flavors.
Kids, just like adults, can tell when they’re full. Food pushing and creating a lot of anxiety about wasting food- especially with phrases like “there’s children starving in Africa who would love a meal like this” is- just stop. Please.
(cue tangent) It’s also such a bizarre sentence. Especially if you live in the US when over 10% of the US population live below the poverty line- not to mention the estimated half million people living in a state of homelessness. If they actually cared about the fact people were starving, this wouldn’t be a fucking problem in the first place (End tangent)
This kind of thinking isn’t healthy. It pushes kids to over-eat and to ignore their bodies signals telling them they’re full, while causing a lot of guilt about not finishing their food that follows them into adulthood. Obviously there is an exception for things like health conditions or medications that suppress appetites- and as someone who experienced this for years because of medication, and it has severely impacted my ability to tell when I’m hungry. I cannot stress enough how draining it is to try and force myself to eat something when I don’t feel hungry, even if the last time I ate was 16 hours ago. But it’s important to eat even if I hate doing so in the moment (Small meals/snacks with a shit ton of nutrients packed in has helped a lot because I can eat it over the course of an hour and don’t feel ill.)
In this case, yes, encouraging kids to eat when they don’t feel hungry is good because of health reasons. But for kids who don’t experience this, an adult plating their food and forcing them to eat all of it isn’t healthy please stop it! And even if the kid is the one to plate their food, leftovers are a thing. Kids sometimes overestimate how hungry they are, and the concept of storing food in a refrigerator to eat it later does exist. If a kid refuses to eat leftovers, that is a bad habit as a result of bad parenting. Getting kids involved in cooking the food ensures that they are
A. Invested in what is going on the table
B. Ensures they know how to cook later in life
C. Normalizes eating leftovers
D. Helps the kid and the parent/guardian work together to make food they all enjoy and actually makes kids less picky eaters. It also helps create good moments where families spend time in the kitchen and cook together, and can lead to a lot of happy memories.
Speaking of picky eaters- there’s a difference between a kid refusing to eat anything other than chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs, and having food preferences. Everyone has food preferences! Some people hate the taste of certain foods and that’s not something that changes over time. I know soooo many adults with food preferences, and you can have meals without onions- that’s what my stepmom does. My mom hates raspberries, always has, so she doesn’t eat raspberries. I don’t like the flavor or texture of eggplant, so I don’t eat it. Picky eaters don’t eat food for more odd reasons, like “I don’t eat anything the color yellow” (this is an actual example, a kid in middle school refused to eat lemon jello because of this), food preferences are “I physically hate/dislike the taste/texture of this and no amount of eating it will change that”
What is the difference between a kid with food preferences and an adult with food preferences? The fact one gets labeled as picky and the other one doesn’t.
When kids grow up and have their own incomes, they are allowed to buy food they actually enjoy, no one’s stopping them. Seriously, the realization that I will be able to buy food I actively enjoy is such a liberating concept. And this is also the case for actually picky eaters as adults. If you enjoy Dino nuggets, good for you! Literally no one is stopping you from buying them as an adult! If the only soup you will eat is clam chowder, that’s allowed! The trick is to also incorporate foods that do help give you the nutrients you need to be healthy, and there’s a lot of options that taste pretty damn good, you just have to figure it out.
And I’m very aware that this is a complex subject that I am simplifying for the sake of “this is a tumblr post”. Everyone’s situation regarding food and eating is different. Things like income, health, living situation and accessibility will range vastly from person to person and will affect peoples food choices. This is just an overall generalization.
So… yeah.
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𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖 – 𝒊𝒘𝒂𝒊𝒛𝒖𝒎𝒊 𝒉𝒂𝒋𝒊𝒎𝒆
࿏ pairing: iwaizumi hajime x chubby female reader
࿏ genre: fluff, smut, angst; best friends to lovers!AU
࿏ word count: 11.6k (at this point i have no explanation, im sorry)
࿏ warnings: swearing, mentions of body image issues, self doubts, anxiety, bullying, fat shaming; as well as violence and blood (iwa gets into a fight mwah); ddlg (daddy dom-little girl) dynamics, soft dom!iwa, body worship, praising, sugarcoated degradation, spitting, choking, fingering, face riding, unprotected sex
࿏ Summary: After four years of trying to get over your stupid crush on your best friend, said male finally comes back home and all of a sudden all of those plans are thrown overboard...
Even though you‘ve known about it for so long now, you still feel your heart skip a beat when Matsukawa mentions his return to Japan and no matter how hard you try to, you can‘t help the way the disgusting mixture of anxiety, nervousness and excitement starts filling your veins.
After all it‘s been literal years since you‘ve last seen him.
Iwaizumi Hajime, former Seijoh Ace, now freshly majored athletic trainer, your best friend of ten years and — love of your life.
However, of course he doesn‘t know about the latter and as pathetic as it may sound, you‘re quite proud of yourself for hiding your feelings for him so well that he hasn‘t suspected anything in all these years the two of you have been friends.
Of course it‘s painful and basically nothing but literal torture to watch the guy you‘ve lost your heart to years ago, move on with his life thinking he‘s nothing but a friend to you, but you know you‘d always choose this pain over the one of rejection and shame.
Because after all you‘re not his type or what he looks for in a partner and you're very much aware of it.
And no matter how many times you daydream about a life as his girlfriend, you won’t ever forget about the fact that Iwaizumi Hajime, basically a literal athlete, would never date someone who looked like you.
Growing up on the bigger side, physically wise, has always been difficult and something you're struggling with to this day. You had always hoped for those extra pounds to disappear once you hit puberty, just like it had happened to all of your friends but those hopes were quickly destroyed when you still found yourself hiding from full length mirrors to avoid having to look at your own body in your third year of High School.
By the time you turned eighteen, you had tried every kind of diet in hopes of losing weight but all of them just ended with you losing motivation and every bit of your happiness and even though you still struggle with it in your mid-twenties, you‘ve come to terms with it.
This is who you are and despite taking literal decades to realize it, you‘ve slowly but surely started accepting it.
However, when it comes to relationships, you‘ve given up completely.
After years and years of being rejected, hidden, fat shamed and disrespected by men who hated their own attraction to bigger women, you stopped wasting your time and energy on dating. If you wanted to hear someone shame you for being big, you could just go home to your family or back in your memory to remember all those mean things the skinny girls in your school had thrown at you.
Or you could just look in the mirror and let your brain do the job after eating literally anything.
Just thinking about a guy like Iwaizumi looking at you in that way has you chuckling coldly and every time you imagine confessing to him, it ends with a broken heart on your side because your brain loves to keep things realistic and never once have you considered the possibility of him liking you back.
It‘s not that Iwaizumi, or any of the Seijoh Volleyball boys, have treated you badly or even slightly differently in the three years you were their manager, but after having to deal with fat shaming your whole life, it has become quite difficult for you to believe that anyone found you attractive at all.
Especially people like the widely known Seijoh third years who also happen to – still – be your closest friends.
And unfortunately, as glad as you are that Iwaizumi remains rather oblivious to your year-long crush on him, the other boys, including the professional athlete to be, Oikawa Tōru who’s currently living his best life in Argentina are pretty much aware of your feelings for the trainer.
So, just as usual whenever the topic of Iwaizumi Hajime enters the conversation between the other two, you’re met with pitying stares from Takahiro and a lot of teasing coming from Issei. But at this point you’ve gotten quite used to it and don’t mind the brunette’s words, whereas you still find yourself growing absolutely annoyed at the way Makki stared at you.
“Stop staring at me like that, Hiro!”, you hiss and roll your eyes, the pity in his face so evident, if you didn’t know any better you’d think he’s mocking you.
“Just confess to him already!”, the strawberryblonde hisses, running one of his pale hands through his locks before he takes a big sip from his beer.
“Yeah, sure!”, you spit back, your words dripping in sarcasm and annoyance as you try to avoid your chest from growing even heavier at the thought of your best friend coming back after all those years.
“He broke up with that blondie months ago”, Matsukawa begins, his naturally sleepy gaze roaming your face attentively, “and he’s coming back to Japan. Now you really have no excuse left, Y/N”, and just as usual his words hit the right spot and all you can do is let out a shaky sigh before the intensity of your insecurities breaks down onto you like a huge wave.
“I‘m not his type, Mattsun”, you hiss, the bitter taste of reality coating the muscle of your tongue in the worst way possible, “and I‘ve had enough males reject and– or fat shame me. If I have to add Hajime to that list as well, it’s going to break me.”
You feel the two males’ soft gazes on you, whereas you can‘t help but focus on the napkin in between your fingers in hopes of distracting yourself from all those dark thoughts by nervously pulling at it.
“Iwa‘s not like that, Y/N”, Makki replies, brows furrowed in irritation; something you've grown quite used to seeing whenever the topic of your body image issues occured.
“Has he ever dated a big girl before, hm?”, you reply and look at him with arched brows and your lips pressed into a thin line. At the lack of response from the two men in front of you, you just lean back and nod.
“That‘s the point”, you take another deep, shaky breath; the tears threatening to spill from your glossy eyes at the thought of your pretty faced best friend and only men in your heart, “nobody likes women who look like me in that certain way, my loves. Every guy I‘ve been and slept with wanted to hide me or the relationship we had because they didn‘t want to be seen with a big girl.”
Suddenly you‘re hit with the memory of all those times you went home after any kind of intercourse with a male who had brought your hopes up with sugarcoated lies. Only to receive a harsh reality check when they asked you to not tell anyone about it, knowing it‘s simply because of the fact you aren‘t part of society‘s beauty standards.
“Y/N, we-”, “I‘m not talking about you two”, you‘re quick to interrupt Hanamaki, giving him a soft smile, “I know you don‘t care about it and sometimes I find myself wishing I would have fallen for one of you instead of the professional trainer”, you let out an empty, coldhearted chuckle before you finish your glass of wine in one go.
“I would fuck you without hesitation”, Mattsun shrugs, his plump lips stretching into a playful smirk and the tiny hint of seriousness in his gaze has you rolling your eyes with a soft scoff.
“Oh, shut the fuck up, Issei”, Makki hisses and gives his best friend the same reaction as you.
“What? I‘m being serious! You know this isn‘t the first time I‘m offering this to you, pretty one”, the brunette replies and this time you can‘t help but chuckle softly at his words, showing him your appreciation for his ability to make such heavy topics vanish from the surface so easily.
“Thank you, Issei but that guy I met on Tinder has been ghosting me for two weeks after we fucked and that‘s why I‘ve had enough dick for now”, and just when you let your gaze roam over the brunette‘s handsome face, you watch Hanamaki‘s face brighten up suddenly and furrow your brows in confusion.
“Hearing Y/N talk about dick is definitely not what I was expecting to come back to but it‘s surely a surprise!”
And upon hearing the familiar voice of your best friend, you understand the reason behind the change in Makki’s expression.
You watch the other two get up from their chairs, approaching the freshly majored trainer with the biggest smiles plastered on their faces whereas you try your best to stay as calm as possible.
However, the simple thought of Iwaizumi coming back had already stressed you out and having him stand behind you in all his glory made the tightness in your chest and the struggle to take proper breaths intensify just like that.
After what feels like an eternity you finally get yourself to stand up as well, turning around literally convinced you‘re ready to see him again after all these years only for it to be the exact opposite.
Your heart skips a whole beat at the sight of Iwaizumi and for a quick second you feel yourself getting dizzy from the lack of oxygen in your lungs.
“Hey”, he mumbles, his voice deep and raspy, something you‘re used to since the two of you have been talking regularly on the phone over the time yet hearing it in person again sends a jolt of hot arousal right into your core.
You nervously let your eyes roam his face; taking in the sight of his features, which have become even sharper during his absence. A soft sigh falls past your lips when you find the little scar right underneath his eyebrow which he had gotten back in middle school during one of his volleyball practices. The familiarity and feeling of security in the soft expression of his pretty, dark green eyes calms you down in an instant and by the time you feel your muscles ease up a bit, he‘s already approaching you with open arms.
Different than you’ve expected from yourself, you‘re quick to wrap your arms around his slim waist, taking him into your embrace with the intention of never letting him go again and at the feeling of his big hands on your body, you can‘t help but tear up a little.
You sniffle softly against the crook of his neck, Iwaizumi letting out a breathy chuckle at your sweet reaction as he caresses your back gently, subconsciously massaging your soft flesh to calm you down even more.
“Seems like someone missed me a lot more than she wanted to admit on the phone, hm?”, Iwa mumbles softly, placing the sweetest kiss on the top of your head as he holds you tight.
Matsukawa and Hanamaki let out a row of deep chuckles, partly laughing at your obvious reaction and partly because of their best friend‘s blatant oblivion.
“Shut up”, you reply with a sniff, taking in the light yet intense smell of his aftershave as well as the scent of detergent you had missed oh so much.
“Enough now, Y/N”, Mattsun huffs, “you can cuddle his stupid ass some other time, let‘s catch up with Mister America”, he adds and you know too well the tall brunette simply does it to stop you from falling even further into this dark hole you‘ve dug yourself; all those years ago.
Throughout the whole night, you stay rather quiet; listening to Iwaizumi‘s stories, more so to his voice but definitely his stories, too.
And every time he mentions some random girl he hooked up with or one of his ex girlfriends, you can literally feel the way he‘s avoiding your gaze; his eyes moving away from your face to focus on the guys as his voice turns a little less enthusiastic. You try your best not to read anything into it, knowing he‘s always been more hesitant towards you when it came to topics like this and in some way you find yourself appreciating it because it definitely helps to make the pain in your chest a little less heavy.
The atmosphere between the four of you remains calm; the familiarity something you‘ve always missed despite you and the other two boys spending just as much time together as you used to back in High School. Having Iwaizumi in your little circle again definitely has changed the air and it‘s in times like these you realize just how close you all actually are.
However, when Hanamaki and Matsukawa both stand up, cigarettes firmly placed between their plump lips, telling the two of you to give them a few minutes, you feel yourself slowly wandering into a state of anxiousness and slight panic.
It‘s not like you haven‘t talked to him alone during his stay in America, but the thought of having to look him in the eyes as you speak has always been something you‘ve struggled with.
Iwaizumi has this certain expression in his beautiful, dark green eyes, which makes it so much harder to not fall for him even more.
You don‘t know if it‘s the confidence and lack of insecurity or the mixture of softness and home which have the butterflies in your stomach go absolutely crazy.
Neither of you say anything for a good minute, your eyes glued to your phone screen which continuously lights up; Oikawa‘s name appearing several times.
You excuse yourself to give the professional athlete the responses he‘s waiting for, rolling your eyes at his way of telling you to shoot your shot at Iwa and “get that D”.
“Are you still talking to that one guy you told me about?”, Iwaizumi suddenly says, his eyes never once leaving yours and with a soft chuckle, you shake your head; enjoying the amount of protectiveness dripping from his words.
“We fucked and then he ghosted me”, you say casually, not realizing that it‘s not one of the other two boys you‘re talking to and with a soft gasp of embarrassment you try to mumble your way out of the situation.
“Iwa, I‘m-”, “Why the fuck would he even do that? Give me his fucking address so I can introduve his kneecaps to my baseball bat”, he‘s quick to interrupt you harshly, his tone filled with anger as his eyes gleam with wrath.
“It‘s okay”, you smile softly, placing your hand on his balled fists to calm him down again, “he told me not to tell anyone that we did it so his intentions have never been good. And on top of that – his dick game was so bad, I didn‘t even get to finish but had to take care of it myself, so it‘s definitely not worth the headache.”
You watch Iwaizumi‘s expression darken even further, his beautiful dark green eyes roaming your face with irritation oozing from his gaze and for a second you like to believe that there‘s even a hint of jealousy in between all those intense emotions but just as usual you find yourself shaking it off rather quickly.
“Why did he ask you not to tell anyone? What the fuck is even wrong with that guy?”, the brunette spits, downing the rest of his beer in one go.
You know why he‘s this angry and at this point you can’t even blame him anymore. Iwaizumi has never really understood why you put up with guys who treated you like absolute shit; continuously telling you how you deserved so much better and even though you wanted to agree, you simply couldn‘t. Because in your head, all those men who were ashamed of being with you yet still found their way to your door were exactly what was meant to be your life.
“Because being with a woman like me isn‘t anything he‘s proud of, Iwa”, you sigh, the words heavy and bitter on your tongue as you struggle to voice the hard reality.
“A woman like you?”, he replies and you see the genuine confusion on his handsome face, making his oblivion sweet almost.
“A big woman, Iwaizumi. Guys don‘t date big girls because we don‘t fit into society‘s beauty standards so being with us is something they‘re ashamed of because God forbid someone thinks they find us attractive“, you nervously play with the hem of your skirt, not having the courage to look into his face as those thing leave your lips, too embarrassed to meet his usually so welcoming and soft, but now wrath-filled gaze.
“That‘s bullshit”, Hajime is quick to spit back, hating the way you belittle yourself like that because of a random guy.
You smile, a soft scoff falling past your lips before you take a sip from the glass in front of you and even though you know you‘re going to regret those words, you still can‘t get yourself to stop from leaving you.
“Then why have you never dated a big girl, Haji?”, your voice is slightly shaky yet you remain the eye contact like a champion, never once averting your gaze from his handsome face even though the thrumming of your heart in your throat makes it so much more difficult to stay focused.
Iwaizumi seems taken aback; your words obviously hitting a place he wasn‘t expecting and that‘s when the feeling of guilt reaches its peak.
“I‘m not- It‘s not because I don‘t find them attractive I just- I uhm-”, the freshly majored professional trainer stumbles over his words like a two-year-old who just started learning how to speak and at the sight of a deep blush covering the apples of his cheeks as well as the tip of his nose and the whole of his neck, you let out a soft sigh.
“You don‘t have to explain yourself, Iwaizumi. I wasn‘t trying to accuse you of anything or offend you in any way, I promise. It’s just a topic I‘ve grown really tired of in the past few years”, you explain, making sure to choose your words carefully and when the tall male suddenly starts calming down again, you know you‘ve got him.
“Y/N, look-”, “Hey, Y/N the weak-dick-game guy is sitting at the bar with his ugly friends, just for your information”, Matsukawa‘s deep voice quickly cuts Iwaizumi off, his words sending shivers down your spine in the most disgusting way possible and with an almost painful roll of your eyes, you down the rest of your best friend‘s beer.
“Wait- What? Which one is it?”, Iwaizumi grunts, the calmness from a few seconds ago completely gone as you look at him with brows furrowed in slight irritation and annoyance.
“It doesn‘t matter, Iwa”, you say and wrap your fingers around his tattooed wrist, making him look into your eyes with another soft exhale, “he‘s not worth it. Just let it go.”
“Y/N, I said”, Iwaizumi is quick to place one of his big hands on your cheek, the dominance in his aura and the authority gleaming in his eyes has you gasping for air and just as usual you feel your panties growing wetter by the minute, “which one is it?”
His words don‘t leave room for protest; so strict and demanding, no matter how hard you try to think rationally, his naturally dominant persona has you submitting to him in a way no other guy has ever managed to.
“T-The one with the long, dark purple Hair”, you quickly reply, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth at the sight of Iwaizumi‘s anger and determination.
“Good girl”, he mumbles and pulls away, not even aware of the way his praise has your cunt throbbing like crazy and you absolutely hate him for it.
For a second you can‘t even get back to reality, the haze of arousal and longing for the tall male standing in front of you completely taking over your consciousness.
However, as soon as your brain registers Makki‘s panicked voice, you‘re quick to snap back and without missing another beat, you grab Iwaizumi‘s arm and look at him with pleading eyes.
“Please don‘t make a scene”, you whisper, knowing oh too well how much he loves to get himself in trouble because of his friends.
“He fucked then ghosted you all that while saying he doesn‘t want anyone to know he was with you because you're a big girl? That ugly fucker needs a fucking reality check because he can count himself hella fucking lucky to ever get a go with a woman as amazing and hot as you”, Iwaizumi hisses, his words filled with anger yet so, so sweet that without giving it another thought, you simply let go and try not to show him just how flustered he‘s gotten you.
“Are you guys about to kiss right now?”, Matsukawa suddenly says and with an almost audible roll of your eyes you lift your hand up, showing him your middle finger before you watch Iwaizumi‘s brows furrow even further with visible irritation.
“Then don‘t fight him”, you sigh, “please, Hajime, don‘t get yourself in trouble for a guy who‘s not worth it.”
“We‘ll see about it”, is all he says before he moves out of your tight grip, leaving you to stand at the table like that.
You feel your heart picking up its pace at the sight of the love of your life approaching your ex-hook up; several worst case scenarios popping up in your head within a few short seconds. And unfortunately every single one ends with Hajime throwing his fist into the guy‘s face because of his raging anger issues; something he‘s been trying to handle throughout his whole life.
“Makki, please do something”, you whimper and look at the strawberryblonde with glossy eyes; shivers running down your spine at the sudden sound of Hajime's deep voice cutting through the music of the bar.
“Not into you my fucking ass”, Takahiro hisses and follows Iwaizumi with quick steps, whereas Matsukawa remains next to you, watching the scene unfold with the fattest, shit eating grin on his face.
And while you‘re worried about Iwaizumi‘s well-being, said male can‘t even seem to think straight. The only thing he manages to focus on is the raging anger and hot wrath rushing through his veins at the thought of some random, small dicked guy treating you like dirt. With every step he takes, it seems to get worse and at some point the professional trainer is worried about his physical health because of the pace his heart is hammering against his rib cage with.
Iwaizumi has always struggled to understand why you put up with males who are literally unworthy of your presence yet every time he had asked, you simply shrugged and told him that this was how you were meant to be loved. Behind closed doors, hidden away from the world by people who literally worship the society‘s beauty standard.
And all of that when you‘ve had him right in front of you for all those years, ready to love and worship every bit of your body and soul.
Of course for you to let him love you he might have had to tell you about his feelings but as the years passed by, Iwaizumi slowly started to lose every bit of hope he had left. During his four year long absence you‘ve had your fair share of boyfriends and after the third one, the only choice he had left was to force himself to move on or else he would have lost his mind.
It‘s not like he never wanted to confess during High School but there was just something holding him back. The thought of losing you was heavy on his chest especially because Iwaizumi was very well aware you didn‘t feel the same. So for his own sake he chose not to tell you about his feelings for you; not even bearing the mental image of going through such rough times without you by his side.
He‘s already lost count of the amount of times he wanted to scream at you about how he would treat you just how you truly deserved to be treated and not like those douchebags who liked to use you for their own pleasure just to throw you away like a used tissue once they were done.
And after not being able to physically do anything for you because of the distance, he‘s finally got the chance to show you that no, those guys‘ behavior is not okay and yes, putting them back into their place is absolutely worth the headache.
“Hey”, the trainer hisses, coming to stand directly in front of the tall, purple haired guy, Rin Matsuoka, who‘s quick to harden his expression upon seeing the brunette.
“What can I help you with, big guy?”, Rin mumbles, placing his bottle of beer on the counter with his brows raised in curiosity.
Iwaizumi doesn‘t even waste another minute as he harshly grabs the collar of Rin‘sblack leather jacket, pulling him closer to himself. His friends rather quickly, yet Hanamaki and this time even Matsukawa are faster, coming to stand right next to each one of them with their arms firmly placed in front of their bodies to stop them from intervening.
“You‘re gonna listen to me and you‘re gonna listen good, did you fucking hear me?”, and just like a few minutes ago, Hajime‘s voice is cold and distant, not leaving room for discussion all while making sure to keep his tight grip.
The confusion and immense irritation is clearly visible on Rin‘s features; brows furrowed, jaw tensed and eyes gleaming with some kind of unnameable anger.
And the longer you watch the situation unfold, the heavier the anxiety in your system becomes and as you struggle to take proper breaths, you find yourself approaching your best friends; not wanting him to get his hands dirty on a guy like Matsuoka.
“What the-”, “Iwa please, he‘s not worth it..”, you say and wrap your fingers around his wrist, trying to find his gaze with desperate eyes only for him to gulp harshly and calmly tell you to take a step back.
“You?”, Rin spits, his dark eyes boring into your side as you try to ignore him; the amount of humiliation and shame washing over your body way too overwhelming to handle.
“Haji, let‘s just go, please”, you whisper, taking his face into your hands, his skin literally burning underneath your fingertips.
“No, Y/N, this stupid bastard has to understand that you can‘t just go and treat women like absolute dirt and get away with it”, Iwaizumi moves out of your soft touch, making Rin shift his attention back on you before the deep voice of one of his friends cuts through the tension.
“What the fuck is he talking about, Rin? Do you know her?”, the blonde says, his tone rather degrading when talking about you and at the way his eyes roam your body with a rather opposed expression show you exactly why that‘s the case.
“N-No, I don‘t!”, he‘s quick to defend himself, his eyes shifting to his friends with sheer panic filling the dark color and you feel your heart sink and the disgusting feeling of shame rushing through your veins.
“You‘re such a fucking piece of shit, Rin”, you hiss and swallow your tears; the taste bitter as the realization of being sometjing to be ashamed of hits you yet again.
“You definitely weren‘t acting like this when you fucked me”, you add and roll your eyes, taking a step back as the anger overcomes you and you basically give Iwaizumi a silent free pass to do whatever the hell he needs to, “or better said – when you tried to. It wasn‘t like I came with your weak dick game anyway so..”
“You fucked that fat bitch? Oh, yikes”, the other friend suddenly says, his words hitting you in the face like literal bricks and before you can even take your next breath or shift your eyes to the face the voice belongs to, the guy suddenly falls to the floor, holding his bloody nose.
You let out a shocked gasp, your eyes falling to Hanamaki who‘s busy shaking his hand, his knuckles already reddened and slightly bruised as he looks at you with a satisfied grin, “no one gets to call my best friend a bitch.”
“I was full on drunk and- do you really think I‘d fuck her sober?”, Rin tries to talk himself out of it and with a cold chuckle you throw your head back.
“How the fuck dare you talk to her like that”, is the last thing Iwaizumi spits before he throws his fist right into Rin‘s face with a deep grunt.
Another loud shriek escapes your lips and suddenly the anger and anxiety seem to leave your body and a huge wave of adrenaline hits you at the sight of your ex-hook up falling to the floor and Iwaizumi quickly moving with him.
For what feels like a whole hour but is probably nothing longer than a minute, you‘re literally frozen; your eyes the only moving part of your body as you watch your best friends break their knuckles on the jaws of literal strangers to them.
The following hour passes by in a blur. You can‘t really remember how or who separated them from those guys, or how you got yourself to call an uber and manage to get the four of you to your flat.
By the time the adrenaline stops making the blood rush in your ear, you‘re taking care of Matsukawa‘s wounds with shaky hands; the two others holding ice packs to their faces to ease the swelling of their bruises.
“Stop sighing so much”, Iwaizumi suddenly says, his dark eyes focusing the movements of your hands before he looks at you with a slightly softer expression, “we did what we had to do. And I‘m glad we did it. Those guys already looked so fucking punchable”, he explains and with a scolding scoff you press your lips to a thin line.
“You‘re back in Japan for how long? Two days? Yet already got yourself in trouble, a physical fight at that, Hajime. You‘re not your High School self anymore, start behaving that way, please”, you reply and hand Mattsun a plastic bag filled with ice cubes, softly caressing his bruised cheek before you stand up from your place on the floor.
“You got yourself one hell of a mouth while I was gone, huh?”, he replies cockily, poking the inside of his cheek with his tongue before he follows you into the bathroom.
You feel your body heating up at his words, the sexual tension laying underneath the surface slowly finding its way to you again and with a soft sigh, you ignore the brunette.
“How was I supposed to let him say all those things to you and not do anything, Y/N?”, Iwaizumi replies, a pouty word of gratitude leaving his lips when you take his big hand into yours and start cleaning up the blood on his bruised knuckles.
You try your best to stop your thoughts from wandering to sinful places yet images of those pretty, tattooed fingers wrapped around your throat and knuckle deep buried inside of your cunt have already filled your mind by the time you lower your gaze from his face.
“I‘m used to-”, “That does not make it okay, Y/N”, your best friend suddenly says, taking your chin in between his fingers to lift your head and look at you with those beautiful, dark green eyes.
“You deserve so, so much better and I‘m glad I can finally tell you this in person after all those years. Please stop letting douches like him take advantage of you”, he sighs, taking your hands into his and pulling you a little bit closer to himself.
“It‘s that or Matsukawa‘s cock and I‘d rather have a stranger emotionally pain me than my best friend, so-”, “What? What the fuck are you talking about?”, Iwaizumi interrupts you harshly, your words obviously irritating him.
“After my last boyfriend dumped me a year ago I‘ve only had casual flings because I got tired of using my hand to get off and Matsukawa offered to take care of it instead. But then again, it‘s just a lot less complicated with a stranger than it is with your best friend, that‘s why I‘m putting up with shit like this”, you explain to him and walk back into the living room where Mattsun and Makki are currently busy with your leftover take out from the previous night.
“So if it wasn‘t for that, you‘d let him fuck you?”, Iwaizumi‘s tone has turned cold again, the softness gone and replaced by something a little thicker and more intense than anger. And when you turn around to look at him, you see literal jealousy gleaming in the green color surrounding his iris, basically leaving you speechless.
“Why do you even care, Iwa?”, you reply, dramatically throwing your hands into the air as his tensed demeanor sends you in some kind of haze of irritation.
“Answer my fucking question, Y/N”, is all you get in response; the brunette closing the distance between the two of you with a few small steps and it‘s the lack of space between your faces that has you realizing just how unevenly he‘s breathing.
Your heart starts slamming against your rib cage with rather brutal pace, your head spinning from the sudden adrenaline shooting through your body and on top of all of it you feel your cunt clenching around nothing like crazy as Iwaizumi’s heavy scent fills your nose.
“Yes”, you say and feel your voice breaking, “yes, I would fuck Matsukawa because why not? Hm, Iwaizumi? There‘s nothing else stopping me from it other than-”, “You can‘t and won‘t fuck him”, he suddenly interrupts your outburst, his expression as dark as ever as he softly pushes you against wall.
“I think this is the moment where we‘re supposed to leave”, Makki mumbles, pulling Mattsun from the couch before they gather their things and leave the two of you to yourself.
As the silence surrounds the two of you, the tension grows even thicker, heavier, more present than before and with every breath you take you feel yourself growing more and more aroused.
“And why is that, hm? I can and will fuck whoever I want”, you spit back, trying so hard ot not let the arousal get to your head yet the disgusting urge to submit to Iwaizumi‘s naturally dominant personality slowly starts overwhelming you.
Hajime chuckles deeply, his eyes lazily roaming your face, pressing his strong body even further against yours as your head starts spinning more and more with every second passing by.
“Iwa…”, you whimper softly, throwing your head back and harshly digging gripping the soft fabric of his shirt; the close contact makes you a lot more nervous than before.
He slowly takes a deep breath before he bends down to let his nose graze your jawline, and eventually letting his mouth find its way to your ear.
“Because no one can fuck you like I can, pretty one”, Iwaizumi whispers, his voice a whole octave deeper than just a few seconds before and you hate the way every single one of his words sends a single, hot jolt of arousal right into your core.
“And”, you hear him inhale sharply, his hands finding their way to your hips, groping the soft flesh firmly in his palms before he takes a short break and then pulls away to look at you again, “no one can love you like I can.”
At the sound of those words, your eyes snap open within a second your heart skips a literal beat.
“W-What?”, you whisper, your throat completely dried up, your head desperately trying to process what he’s just said and just as your body is about to fall into some kind of haze, you feel yourself drowning in a wave of anxiety at the thought of having misheard him.
“I love you, Y/N”, Iwaizumi says just when those thoughts are about to take over you.
“Ha-Hajime…”, you mumble; your bottom lip starts to quiver as tears pricker at the corners of your eyes, the first few finding their way down your cheek in an instant.
A few seconds of silence pass in which you two just look at each other, Iwaizumi’s pupils blown out, cheeks tinted in the deepest shade of red and plump lips parted as he also tries to understand what just happened.
After all these years of imagining what it might be like to hear these kind of words from the love of your life, it’s finally become reality and the longer you look at him, the lighter the weight on your chest becomes.
“I’m sorry if I ruined our friendship with this but I just – couldn’t keep it to myself any longer. When I was in America I had promised myself to confess as soon as possible when I’m back so here I am. Those men don’t deserve you. Neither do I but I would have hated myself forever if I didn’t at least try. So”, he finishes his sudden explanation with another deep exhale before he takes a step back, his glossy eyes wandering from yours down to the floor, “thank you for everything and please take care.”
And fortunately your body acts a lot faster than your mind because while you still try to process his soft, sweet words – the words you’ve been dying to hear for so, so long – you find yourself tightening your grip on his shirt and pulling him back into you with a soft sob.
“I love you, too”, you whisper against his lips, pressing your forehead against his as your eyes flutter shut at the overwhelming warmth coming from his body.
“Fuck, baby”, Iwaizumi chuckles breathlessly, wrapping his arms around your body and burying his face in the crook of your neck, “I’m one lucky bastard, aren’t I?”
You smile brightly at his genuine and soft words, the feeling of coming home – a place you’ve longed for literal years – slowly breaks down onto you in the form of waves and for the first time in a really long time, you don’t mind being overwhelmed like that.
“So that means that you’re mine now?”, Iwaizumi whispers, pulling away and taking your face into his big hands, the smell of blood grazing your nose yet easily gets overshadowed by the way he’s looking at you as if you were holding the whole world in your hands.
You nod and move further into his touch, enjoying the feeling of being so safe and secure in one’s hands after not even feeling comfortable with anyone in years.
“T-Thank you for loving me, Iwa”, you gulp harshly, looking at him with teary eyes at the memory of all those who had managed to break your heart in the past years.
“No, baby”, he sighs, pressing the softest kiss right onto your lips, “thank you for letting me love you. When I say you’re literally everything I’ve ever dreamed of, I’m not even exaggerating because that’s what you are to me. A dream come true”, those are the last words Hajime mumbles before he pulls you into a proper kiss; not giving you the opportunity to reply.
The kiss starts off slow and calm. As if both of you were still trying to understand that this was actually happening because despite the hesitant movements, neither of you can hide the intense hunger lingering underneath every soft peck.
Iwaizumi, just as usual, lacks the patience to keep it going like that, not even trying to take it easier for even longer as he pulls your chin down and calmly pushes his tongue into your mouth, easily eliciting a soft moan from you. Your fingers find home in his brown curls, pulling at the thick strands and finally making him grunt right against your tongue; the deep sound sending vibrations and sweet little jolts of excitement through your whole body.
You slowly feel his hands wander; first starting off caressing your back, groping the soft flesh of your waist as well as the fingers of his right hand softly digging into your skin and for a second. You allow yourself to fall deeper and deeper into the perfect feeling of his touch until suddenly a mental image of his most recent ex-girlfriend pops up in your head and you stop functioning completely.
Iwaizumi lets his lips wander down your chin, placing a row of open mouthed kisses on your jaw before he moves to your neck and pulls the sensitive skin into his mouth without wasting another minute. The feeling of his hot tongue on your skin has your eyes rolling into the back of your head as you desperately try to distract yourself from your anxiety‘s attempt to ruin this for you.
You let out a soft whimper when Hajime wraps one of his big hands around one of your tits, harshly groping the flesh while rubbing his hard, clothed cock against your thick thigh.
His deep grunts and needy touches have you ruining your panties in no time to the point where the lacey fabric is literally sticking to your hot flesh in a rather uncomfortable way.
“Need you, baby”, Iwaizumi grunts, the movements of his hips rather sloppy and rushed yet so, so genuine and sweet, you can‘t help but smile softly.
“You got me, Haji”, you reply and take his handsome face into your hands, caressing his cheeks with your thumbs, “I‘m all yours.”
“Fuck, baby”, he moans and suddenly pulls away, his hands finding their way to the hem of your dress before he meets your eyes and wordlessly asks for your consent.
You give him a quick nod, pushing the voice of your anxiety all the way to the back of your head as Hajime slowly pushes the fabric up your thighs, revealing more and more skin before his eyes roll into the back of his eyes at the sight of your black lace panties.
He doesn‘t waste much time; quickly pulling the rest of it over your head and then taking a whole step back to let his greedy eyes roam your body with lust and nothing but adoration.
And when you realize your current, exposed state you take a deep breath to hold those insecurities back, however they‘re a lot faster than you are.
You nervously try to cover your naked body with your arms. Just the thought of him finding you and your body disgusting breaks your heart into pieces and with shivers of shame rushing down your spine, you lower your gaze.
“L-Look, I know it‘s not what you‘re used to and I- you don‘t have to touch me. I can just suck your cock or give you a handjob if you feel more comfortable that way”, you say, your voice a mere whisper and eventually breaking at the end when you give in to the tears.
“Baby…”, Iwaizumi sighs, pain evident in the tone of his voice. He calmly takes your wrists into his big hands before he pulls your arms away from your body, softly asking you to look at him and after what feels like an eternity, you manage to lift your head only to be met with nothing but warm, dark green eyes.
“You‘re fucking perfect”, he whispers and places a tiny little kiss on your lips, leaving you longing for more as he pulls away right afterwards, “there‘s literally nothing I would change about you.”
At the sound of those sweet words, you simply cannot hold back your tears any longer. You look at Iwaizumi with a quivering bottom lip as you let out a row of soft sobs; digging your nails into the skin of his wrists because you simply don‘t know what else to do.
For the first time in your life, your brain isn‘t protesting against a compliment and you know if it wasn‘t for him, there would be no way you‘d believe it.
“B-But your ex-girlfriends are the exact opposite and-”, “They don‘t matter, baby. You‘re you and it‘s all I could have asked for. I‘m in love with every part of your body and that has never been any different”, Iwaizumi interrupts you with his calm voice, placing his hands on your waist before one of them finds its way to your barely clothed ass.
“But-”, “No more buts”, the brunette says, a lot sterner and more determined, groping the flesh of your ass and then landing a firm spank on the soft flesh which has you whimpering into the crook of his neck.
Iwaizumi chuckles and pulls you into another deep kiss, sucking at your tongue, nibbling on your bottom lip all while his hands make sure to graze every bit of naked skin they can find. He pushes his leg in between your thighs, pressing it right against your cunt and without even wasting another second you find yourself grinding against the strong muscle. The fabric of his jeans rubs your throbbing clit in the best way possible, eliciting a row of needy whimpers from you.
You feel yourself soaking through the fabric of our lace panties and you know you‘re currently leaving a huge stain on Iwaizumi‘s pants but the pleasure clouding your mind makes it so easy to just ignore it.
“What a needy girl you are, baby”, Hajime mumbles, caressing the slightly dampened skin of cheeks with his thumb before he moves to graze your bottom lip and eventually pushes the digit into your open mouth.
Your lids fly open at the taste of his skin on your tongue, twirling the muscle around his thumb and then sucking on it softly, followed by some muffled moans of his name.
Iwaizumi watches you attentively for what feels like an eternity. His beautiful eyes wandering from the way you‘re rubbing your clunt against his clothed thigh to your perky nipples and then up to the way your lips look wrapped around his thumb like that and from the way his expression keeps growing darker and even hungrier, you know he‘s more than just enjoying your despair.
“I want to spit in your mouth”, he says, using the dominant tone you‘re oh so used to at this point and there‘s no way you‘d ever say no to him.
Something about being claimed in such a lewd way by the man you‘ve been dreaming of for years has you grinding your pussy into his thigh even harder; making sure to hit your clit with every rushed drag of your hips.
“Yes, p-please, Daddy”, you beg, not even overthinking any of your words as you part your lips and look at him with big, needy eyes.
When you notice the rather shocked and slightly overwhelmed expression on Iwaizumi‘s face, you gulp harshly, tilting your head to the side with your lips pushed into a concerned pout.
“What‘s wrong, Iwa?”, you whisper, way too scared of his response.
“You called me Daddy”, he replies and licks his plump lips, whereas you freeze completely at his comment.
“D-Did I? I‘m so sorry, Iwa”, the apology falls past your lips almost instantly at the realization because you know that not every guy is comfortable with such dynamic and even if Hajime definitely has a natural dominance to his personality, you should have waited a little longer before bringing this particular kink up.
“None of my boyfriends liked it and I don‘t like using it with completely strangers so I g-guess I just feel really safe with you and it slipped and I- oh, God, I‘m so sorry.”
You pull away from Iwaizumi with shaky hands, tears threatening to spill for the nth time within such a short period and you try your best to look everywhere but his eyes.
However, Iwaizumis seems to have other plans.
He takes your chin into his hand and pulls your face closer, nudges your nose with his own and then sucks your bottom lip into his mouth; making you whimper rather loudly.
“Say it again, baby”, he whispers, “tell Daddy how badly you want his spit.”
As his words echo inside of your brain, you let out a loud, high pitched whine, harshly trying to press your thigh further together ss the throbbing of your cunt becomes unbearable.
“Please, Daddy”, you reply, pushing his hand down to your neck and smiling softly when he wraps his pretty fingers around your throat, feeding right into every single fantasy you‘ve been imagining for so long, “spit in my mouth and on my cunt, I don‘t care. I just need it.”
“Good girl”, Iwa growls softly, “open up then, pretty one.”
You part your lips almost automatically at the sound of his demand, sticking your tongue out slightly and looking up at him with anticipation and such eagerness, if it wasn‘t for him, you would have never been as comfortable as this.
Iwaizumi smirks at you, keeping his grip on your throat firm but not too tight as he gathers his own saliva and spits into your mouth with a loud, lewd sound that sends shivers of pleasure straight down your spine and right into your core.
You can‘t stop your lips from stretching into a big smile when his taste coats the muscle of your tongue, swallowing it all in one go before you open your mouth yet again to show him it‘s all gone.
“Good fucking girl”, Iwaizumi praises you softly, caressing your cheek before he lets fo of your throat, “I got myself a perfect little doll, hm?”
“Thank you, Daddy”, you reply quickly, the intense urge to obey to his every word and submit to his every move absolutely overwhelming at this point, but you would never want it any other way.
“Look at you, using your manners for me. You‘re welcome, princess. What about a little reward for being so good for me, baby? Wanna sit on my face so I can eat that pretty pussy of yours?”, Iwaizumi takes you hand into his, intertwining his fingers with yours before he guides you to the couch, letting himself fall into the soft cushion whereas you try your best not to panic at his words.
Of course the thought of having his mouth on your cunt is more than just tempting but you've never sat on a guy‘s face before; the fear of literally suffocating him with your weight making it impossible for you to even think about it.
“C-Can‘t you just eat me out like this, Daddy?”, you whisper, looking down to meet Iwa‘s hungry gaze and stopping him from pulling your panties any further down your thighs.
“I‘m too heavy”, the explanation follows right away, not wanting him to think it has anything to do with him or his wishes, “I don‘t want to hurt you.”
“Baby, I want you to sit on my face so I can eat your pretty pussy. That‘s it”, Iwaizumi says, his right hand finding the clasp of your bra and quickly getting rid of it before he takes both of your tits into his big hands; toying with your nipples and attentively watching the way your gasps grow louder with every pull on the perky buds, “you don‘t have to if you don‘t want to but don‘t you dare worry about me because this has been a dream of mine for literal years. Oh, how badly I want to be squished by those pretty, thick thighs of yours – you have no idea.”
“I want to! It’s just that I’ve never done this before. A-Are you sure? Please don‘t think you have to want this to make me feel better, I‘m okay with whatever you‘re comfortable with”, you whisper, not trusting your voice when you suddenly feel Iwaizumi‘s fingers tracing patterns on the inside of your thighs.
“Enough of this, pretty one”, his words are accompanied by a firm spank on your naked ass cheek; the pain of the sting leaving your pussy a spasming mess and with a soft moan you tighten your grip in his hair, “now sit on my face or I won’t fuck you.”
“N-No! Daddy, I‘m sorry, I promise I‘ll be good”, you whine quickly letting go of him so he can lay on his back only for Iwaizumi to get rid of his black shirt; revealing his strong, well trained body and all those dark lines adorning his tanned skin to your hungry eyes.
It takes you a few good seconds to gain enough confidence to actually spread your legs over his face, your whole body shaking with nervousness. But once Iwaizumi wraps his strong arms around your thighs and pulls your body even further down to his face, you slowly start easing up.
The feeling of his hot breath fanning against the wet flesh of your cunt sends goosebumps down your back. And the sight of his pretty face between your thick thighs, something you‘ve always been so insecure about, seems to slowly take a place as one of your favorite images to ever exist.
“Look me in the eyes, baby”, Iwaizumi mumbles and sucks at the skin of your inner thigh, his tongue on your skin making more and more juices gush out of your already drenched cunt as you allow yourself to meet his hungry gaze.
And just when your eyes meet, Iwaizumi sticks his tongue out and licks a long stripe over the hor flesh of your pussy before he gently pulls your little clit into his mouth and starts sucking on it.
You let out a loud groan; the sudden stimulation on your needy clit sending literal shock waves of pleasure through your body and without even realizing you slowly grind yourself further against his mouth.
Iwaizumi moans into your flesh, the deep bass of his voice sending vibrations right into your core, making your cunt clench even harder around nothing and if it wasn‘t for the intensity of his stare, you would have looked away already. Yet just as usual, there‘s something about the way he looks at you which has you feeling at literal ease – even in such a situation.
“Come on, baby”, Iwaizumi suddenly grunts, letting go of the sensitive bud with a loud sound before placing an open mouthed kiss on your clit and landing a harsh spank on your ash which has your body jolting in antica, “don’t be shy now. Ride my face like the good girl you are, make me proud…”, he adds softly, his words encouraging you easily and with a sound of affirmation, you start grinding your hips to meet the hot muscle of his tongue.
The following minutes are filled with loud slurping noises, high pitched moans and deep grunts as well as more words of affirmation and encouragement all while Iwaizumi continues to switch between thrusting his tongue into your tight hole and sucking on your clit before he eventually starts fingerfucking you with two of his thick digits.
You can't help but throw your head back at the immense amount of pleasure; your body and mind slowly reaching a point of complete haze as you lose yourself in the feeling of his touch.
And by the time you finally feel the taste of your high coating the tip of your tongue, your grip on Iwaizumi‘s hair tightens and a row of loud, choked out begs fall past your bit swollen lips.
“Look at your greedy little pussy clenching around my fingers like that”, Iwa chuckles deeply, picking up the pace of his thrusts as he keeps his mouth way too close to your throbbing little clit, “and those pretty begs. Gosh, baby, you‘re going to drive me insane.”
“S-So close, Daddy”, you choke out, your eyes flying open when you feel a third finger joining the two inside of your tight cunt, the pain of the stretch in combination with the pleasure of your upcoming high making your head spin.
“There we go, that‘s my baby”, he takes a deep breath and starts kneading the soft flesh of your ass in his palms, “want you to cum all over my fucking face. Show me what a good fucking girl you are.”
And those are the last words your brain manages to register before you feel the first wave of your orgasm hit you. Your sight turns pitch black and then white for a good second, your whole body tensing up at the feeling of coil in your core finally snapping.
Your thighs are shaking, your breath continuously hitching as you desperately try to regain your composure and if it wasn‘t for Iwaizumi‘s touch on your sensitive pussy, you‘d stay in the beautiful haze of your orgasm.
“You came so hard for me, baby”, Iwaizumi grins and pushes his fingers into his mouth before you finally find enough energy to get off of his face.
“W-Want more”, you whisper, your voice raspy and breathy as you tell him your request; low-key scared of being too greedy yet at the sight of Iwaizumi‘s eyes sparkling with excitement, you know he‘s not one to deny you anything. He‘s never been, after all.
“How about we move this to your bedroom, baby? I‘ve been dying to press your face into the mattress and ruin that little pussy of yours.” You feel a jolt of excitement blooming inside your chest at his words, nodding eagerly before you reach for his hand and guide him down the hall to your bedroom.
“Do you want me to suck you off?”, you say when the two of you come to stand in your room, your eyes focusing on the huge bulge in his pants, which manages to scare you slightly with its impressive size.
You always knew your best friend wasn‘t on the smaller side when it came to size yet you still can‘t hide just how surprised you are by its actual size. And suddenly the three fingers make a lot more sense to you.
“Let‘s save that for another time, pretty one. I‘ve been dreaming about pumping your cute little hole full of my cum for way too long. I can‘t wait any longer”, Iwaizumi replies and finally starts unbuckling his belt.
You take the few seconds he‘s busy to let your eyes admire the beauty of his perfectly sculpted body. You follow the dark lines of his chest tattoo, take in the sight of his stone hard abs and veiny arms as you press your thighs even more together to ease some of the pressure on your cunt.
“Are you done eyefucking me, pretty one?”, Iwaizumi suddenly chuckles, casually pushing his jeans as well as his boxer briefs down his meaty thighs and exposing his hard cock for your hungry eyes to devour.
He wraps his pretty fingers around his throbbing length, the tip an angry shade of red as precum continues to leak out; making your mouth water at the mere thought of having him in your mouth.
“Everything about you is so pretty”, you sigh and look into his eyes, the genuine appreciation in the green surrounding his iris making your heart grow warmer before he comes to stand in front of you in all of his glory.
“I love you so much”, Iwaizumi replies calmly, taking your face into his big hands before he places the softest kiss on your forehead.
“I love you, too”, you mumble and get up, pressing your lips against his and sighing into his mouth when he pushes his tongue past your lips without missing a beat.
Just when Iwaizumi starts letting his hands wander over your naked body, he halts his movements and pulls away slightly, “my pretty little baby, make sure to face the mirror so you can watch while I fuck your brains out. I want you to see just how perfect you are.”
“Yes, Daddy”, you whisper, your lips stretched into a big, big smile as you move out of his strong grip to position yours on your knees just as you were told.
Your heart suddenly starts racing again when you bury your face in your arms, making sure to push your ass as high as possible to give Iwaizumi easy access to your glistening cut. The excitement in combination with the pleasure and deep, deep longing finally manage to take over your brain; shoving the anxiety alongside all those insecurities to the very back of your head and making it easy for you to put your whole focus on the tll male behind you.
Iwaizumi’s rough hands caress your bare ass softly, kneading the flesh and lightly spanking it a few times before he lets a thick drop of his spit fall right onto your clenching pussy; sending goosebumps down your back at the feeling of it sliding down your flesh and mixing with your leaking juices.
You feel the tip of his thick cock nudging your entrance, the memory of his size making you tense up subconsciously and just when you’re about to hold your breath, Iwaizumi’s deep, calming voice echoes through the silence of your room.
“Take a deep breath, baby”, he whispers, knowing you’re going to follow his orders just like the good girl you love to be, “Daddy’s got you, okay? I’m gonna go easy, I promise.”
You lift your head to meet his comforting gaze through the mirror in front of you and without another beat passing, you feel yourself calming down again; the feeling of being absolutely safe and secure in his hand making it the easiest task.
And when Iwaizumi feels the tension in your body easing up, he lines himself up with your entrance and slowly pushes his thick tip into your tight hole. You whimper at the delicious stretch, the pain easily overshadowed by the sound of Iwaizumi’s heavy breathing and little moans.
“I’m gonna go all in, baby or else it’s going to hurt a lot more”, you appreciate his warning because as he’s saying it, Iwaizumi thrusts the whole of his impressive length into your spasming cunt; pushing every bit of air out of your lungs and pushing you way too close to your second high of the night. You can’t help but whimper loudly, tears already streaming down your cheeks because of the beautiful feeling of pain and pleasure mixing inside of your veins from the intensity of the stretch.
Iwaizumi, as always the gentleman, gives you all the time you need to adjust to his size; only growing slightly impatient as you still whine softly after two whole minutes yet you’re quick to lift your head again with quivering bottom lip and teary eyes, begging him to just fuck you.
“Please, Daddy”, you sob, moving away from him in a desperate attempt for some kind of friction; your cunt spasming around his thick cock like crazy and you know you’re only a few thrust and some clit stimulation away from your next high, “please, fuck me.”
“My greedy little whore”, Iwaizumi grunts, pulling his cock out of you astonishingly slow with the sole purpose of teasing you, “you’re going to take what Daddy gives you, did you hear me?”
You moan as the feeling of his tip dragging alongside your spongy walls, your eyes rolling into the back of your head only to find your way back to reality with a couple of harsh spanks on your already sore ass.
“Good sluts answer when being talked to, pretty one”, he warns, thrusting his cock back into you with one quick snap of his hips; burying himself balls deep inside of your overly sensitive cunt.
“Yes, Daddy, yes”, you cry and look up at him with glossy eyes, “just please, fuck my stupid little cunt, please.” Iwaizumi lets out a row of deep chuckles followed by raspy groans in response to your perfect answer before he nods at you and mumbles a few soft praises right into your ear and then straightens himself again.
“Alright then, pretty one.”
Loud grunts fill your ears so beautifully, echoing through the thick air of your bedroom and in combination with the sound of skin meeting skin in a constant rhythm, you feel the exact way your body is slowly falling into the beautiful bliss of another high.
Iwaizumi fucks you fast, harsh and rough. There’s nothing soft and romantic about the way his hips are meeting yours in a steady rhythm; making sure to hit that sweet spot deep inside of your pussy with every single one of his thrusts as he continues to use his whole strength on your burning ass.
But not once do you even think about telling him to go easier on you; this iwaizumi the one you’ve been imagining for all those years.
It doesn’t take long for him to wrap his strong arm around your chest to pull you up, his fingers also finding their way back home around your delicate throat.
“Look at you, baby”, he groans right into your ear, making you open your eyes and meet your own reflection in the mirror, “you’re so fucking beautiful, I can’t comprehend it.”
You stare at yourself with your lips parted in awe, eyes falling to the sight of Iwaizumi’s thick cock stretching your tiny cunt before you go back to trying to recognize yourself.
Because for the first time in literal years, you don’t hate what you see and even if it’s because of IWaizumi’s strong body right behind you, you still feel this certain type of warmth blossoming in your chest.
"Feels so good, baby", he groans, throwing his head back as the movements of his hips start to become slightly sloppier, a little more uncontrolled, "so tight and warm, so fucking perfect", Hajime’s voice breaks at the end of his soft praise because of your walls clenching around his cock even more the closer you get to the edge.
You start feeling dizzy, your sight turning into a blurr and at some point you can’t even in- or exhale without letting out a shaky moan.
Iwaizumi looks at you with wide, hungry eyes, the feeling of your walls gripping his cock like a goddamn vice sending him into an ecstatic state and the longer he watches you getting lost in the pleasure, the more he struggles to keep his rhythm.
You’re mumbling incoherent sentences, desperately trying to tell the brunette about how close you are whereas the pleasure makes it absolutely impossible for you to form a proper sentence.
“Are you going to cum for me again, baby?”, Iwaizumi grunts, tightening his grip on your throat, making you gasp for air as you nod in response to his question.
“My perfect little slut”, he sighs, his hand reaching down to rub your hard, throbbing clit with two of his rough digits, “fucking do it. Cum for your Daddy like the good whore you are.”
And just like a few minutes prior, those words are the last straw and eventually make you stumble over the edge head first. Your walls start spasming around Iwa’s cock like crazy, your loud moans and soft cries are the only thing he can focus on and without missing another minute, Iwaizumi also lets himself get consumed by the beautiful feeling of relief.
Iwa hips still, his cock buried deeply inside of your tight sex as he coats your walls with his creamy cum. Your new boyfriend gets lost in the feeling of finally getting to cum inside of you after waiting for so many years; feeding the fantasy of getting to claim you in the most intimate way possible.
He buries his face in the sweaty crook of your neck, his rapid breath fanning your skin as the two of you try to calm down from your intense highs. Your hand finds its way into his dark hair, massaging his scalp with your eyes closed and your legs still shaking from the aftermath of your breathtaking orgasm. Without pulling out of you, despite his own release leaking out of you and down the sides of his cock, Iwaizumi makes you lay down with him; just tightly holding you in his arms.
A few minutes filled with nothing but soft breathing pass by before you finally find the strength to move again; the sudden need to look at Iwaizumi’s completely fucked out face overwhelming you in the best way possible. And when you turn around to look at him, you’re met with a breathtaking sight.
Messy strands of sweaty hair falling into his flushed face, swollen lips and glossy eyes sparkling at you in a way you’ve never seen before and in that moment you feel yourself falling in love with Iwaizumi all over again.
“I’m so in love with you”, you whisper and caress the soft skin of his cheeks, loving the way he moves even further into your touch.
“Always and forever only yours, pretty one”, Iwaizumi sighs and presses his forehead against yours.
࿏ A/N: And here it finally is! My first x chubby reader fic!! As a chubby someone who’s been reading fanficion for a long time, I’ve always craved some kind of representation and now I finally got to join this side of the community and I’m more than just happy about the way it turned out. I genuinely hope you guys will enjoy this and find comfort the same way I did while writing this. Please feel free to leave any sort of feedback if you enjoyed it and thank you so much for everything.
#haikyuu smut#Iwaizumi x female reader#Iwaizumi x chubby reader#haikyuu x reader#Iwaizumi smut#iwaizumi hajime#haikyuu!! smut#hq!! smut#hq!! x reader#hq!! x female reader#haikyuu#haikyuu scenarios#kyovtani#💌.chubby reader#💌.for iwa lovers
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Early Established Relationship Shouta & Reader, but they haven’t talked about having kids yet and Reader just found out she’s pregnant. She’s worked herself up in anxiety over how Shouta will take it. This is not helped by him coming home from teaching, having had a hellish day and grumbling about “problem children” and thankful that he only has to deal with kids for a few hours.
Hearing that, Reader just… hides everything. There’s ice in her chest as she tidies up the bathroom, takes out the trash, washes up to start on dinner just. Mind blank, but her usual smile on her face (well honed practice from years of mistreatment due to having an ‘unacceptable’ quirk) as she tells him to go clean up. She’ll make a fast dinner so he can sleep and then wake him later for patrol. He’s too tired to notice anything off, thanks her with a loving smile, the soft ones only she gets, as he goes and showers, changes for a meal and a nap with his favourite girl.
And that’s how it goes. Day in, day out, feeling sick is just a bug, just extreme reaction to allergies, just bad food, etc. She kind of disassociates a lot, mind unable to process as somewhere in there she’s coming up with a plan. Obviously he won’t want to be with her, right? She should cherish these days before she starts to show. So she does.
For about two days, no matter what he says about kids he’s run into or his class — though a small voice tries to remind her that Shouta is excellent with kids, even the ones that act out and he doesn’t hate them no matter what he acts like, she knows this, but it’s drowned out by the words she’s heard him say while tired and grumpy — she cherishes the fuck out of spending more time with him. A little needy, maybe a lot, but she loves him with everything she has to give. Everything but what she keeps held back for their her child.
And then one morning Reader wakes up, showers and notices a slight bump that she knows won’t be going down. There’s ice in her chest again, but she can’t have the same reaction as last time. It won’t be good for the baby, especially if she disassociates. So she plans out her week carefully; makes a grocery list so she can make all of his favourites, makes a list of what she needs to stock up on for herself, what she can pack quickly and sensibly, looks up apartment listings so Shouta won’t feel caged or that he has to leave because it’s his apartment after all, budgets her upcoming checks and what she has in her accounts.
But she gets careless, tires out far too early, doesn’t even make it to lunch, and leaves an apartment listing ad and pregnancy clinic check-up assessment on the table as she unintentionally drifts off on the couch. (Her iron levels are a little on the low side.) On the school’s half-day, where Shouta only needed to go in for meetings and would be back by lunch. Her stealthy as fuck boyfriend, who she never hears come in, but certainly sees her wearing one of his shirts and having fallen asleep in the middle of…..something. It doesn’t look like one of the analysis notebooks she uses for her freelance job as an analyst. Huh.
He’s curious, nosy maybe, but that’s a hero trait. You would’ve made good hero, if everyone hadn’t made it nigh impossible for you before you broke away from your past and headfirst into analysis. You aren’t bitter, but he can be so enough for both of you. You deserve the best, in his eyes, but he’s selfish so he’s going to keep you for himself. Now if he just steps closer to get a look at what’s on the table…..
Hey so I made myself go full on fucking ugly crying and decided to share for anyone’s thoughts or added writing contributions. :D
All I can think of to add is that:
Shouta is not letting Reader get away from him, from this misunderstanding no matter how he has to do it. (He’ll probably start by shredding that apartment add with his bare hands, though.)
Shouta feels like the biggest fucking idiot for missing all the signs and not taking better care of you like you deserved, kid or no kid behind it all. (TBH you’ve been carrying their family — not that either of you have said it but that’s what you have — since you moved in. If it was left up to him the entire building would’ve somehow collapsed.)
He’s gonna add some more bitterness to the “my girlfriend could’ve been a heroine but people are assholes” fund because she managed to hide a whole ass pregnancy from him completely for who knows how long while other Pros can’t even hide their favourite colours. (Most can’t even hide their lack of genuine civilian safety oriented tactical knowledge, which is just sad, in his opinion. Then again, he is very judgmental of other heroes abilities.)
He may or may not quickly realize why Reader hid the news. And may or may not feel even worse. Because having a kid with you? That’s a dream he didn’t want to let himself have, not yet. Not until after he proposed and settled into his teaching job more, at least. (Better find a ring soon. Even if it’s a Studio Ghibli’s Catbus themed one — it’ll do.)
💜
Oh God. Oh God, wait. Option 2 though, right? My brain wants more angst, go figure.
Ahahah this gets a little sad, sorry. But my contribution is under the cut ❤️🩹
Warnings: panic attack, mental breakdown, pregnancy, medical
What if his initial reaction is to be angry? Like he’s reading it just as you’re waking up and you gasp, trying to explain, but he’s already raising his voice, demanding to know how you could have kept something like this from him for so long?
He’s not even upset with you. He’s really just upset that he didn’t even notice. Like you said, he feels like a fucking idiot. He wanted to be there for you through all of this. He wanted all the cute cheesy pregnancy bliss that other couple go through. The first appointment. First sonogram. Telling your friends and family together.
And you’re looking for another apartment? For all of you? No, the place is already plenty big enough. Were you going to leave? He’s beating himself bloody inside, cursing himself for not being more attentive to you. You could have slipped right through his fingers. You and that little miracle inside of you that he already feels so attached to.
And he’s just so disappointed with himself that he misplaces those intense emotions and lashes out at you. He’s never once raised his voice to you, but he can’t control himself in his state and he does. He starts barking about why you never told him, demanding to know why you didn’t come to him, pressing you about how long and why and where you were going to go and he just gets so worked up that he doesn’t even know what he’s saying, he’s just screaming and there’s hot tears and he can’t breathe anymore. He’s having a panic attack for the first time in who knows how many years and he just keeps kicking himself, because now after all that, you’re looking at him with concern and tending to his needs once again, instead of him having the strength to be there for you in what is obviously your time of need. He feels selfish and stupid and starts wondering if maybe why you didn’t say anything is because you were really going to leave, because you know that he can’t even properly take care of you, let alone a child.
#oof I’m so sorry I love angst tho#like ahhh the potential for this story#just mootin’ it up 💕#grae💕#graemoon#Aizawa angst#Aizawa x reader#tw pregnancy#tw medical#Aizawa#tw panic attack#tw mental breakdown
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five years too late let’s analyze this. the commentary has gotten me back into gravity falls reigniting thoughts and insights i came to years ago
i love everything about this commentary in general it hits the points of humor, genuine analysis of the characters, but most of all im so glad hirsch addressed that the droid not detecting any fear from dipper here doesnt make any scientific sense because that was a massive CinemaSins moment for me
IDK the fact that dipper can fucking stand after an airship crash because theres a bigger threat at hand is literally one of the defining capabilities owed to adrenaline lol...... IM SORRY im a biopsychology student if i dont point that out iwill seethe and die because that was just . its a grudge ive held for a long time about this episode but didnt rant about because it was something so minor and i’m sure nobody would care.
i was 13 when this episode came out and i’m almost 19 now, i had a special interest in biology and i still do but now i’m actually having college classes in biopsychology so i can give my arguments more oomph now. and i have to say, now that i know more about the brain and autonomic nervous system the more this scene bugs me, if that was even possible. and it says a lot of dipper and ford’s relationship.
if dipper clearly wasnt calm before, why would he be now just because he’s put up an outwardly confident facade? before he was in the flight but now hes in the fight. my boy just rode on top of a spaceship by nothing but a magnet gun that could detach at any time if it failed and then the ship crashed, he sustained injuries, is in emotional turmoil because he thinks his uncle is Fucking Dead and the threat of a security droid that detects adrenaline is on his tail and produces a Big Fucking Gun in response to dipper saying “i hAvE a MaGNeT gUn” and hes screaming and has his teeth clenched but sure there’s no adrenaline coursing through his body in that moment i can totally believe that
when dipper asks what happened, ford says “the orb didn’t detect any chemical signs of fear, it assumed the threat was neutralized and self-disassembled” but i don’t think measuring someone’s heartbeat alone is particularly relevant in detecting ... chemical signs of fear?? they dont really tell you this shit but noradrenaline (and maybe adrenaline too if the acetylcholine from sympathetic outflow always activates the adrenal medulla??, theres two pathways) is always active in small quantities to make sure your parasympathetic nervous system doesnt slow your heart to dangerous levels on its own, regardless of your emotions. it’s just a homeostatic mechanism. your sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems are CONSTANTLY modulating control of your organs on a see-saw, literally with every breath you take. simply standing upright causes specialized mechanoreceptor neurons in blood vessels to signal your brain to project signals to release catecholamines via the sympathetic nervous system to constrict your blood vessels so that blood is able to reach your brain and not pool in your legs. i have a deficiency in my body’s ability to adapt to this which is why i know so much about it. if i stand up my heart races to compensate. i’m not feeling fear, my body is just adjusting—albeit grossly and incompetently lol.
but what im saying here is that the security system is flawed. it’s a cool idea to have security droids detect fear, but in practice by detecting adrenaline, and not even directly by detecting the molecule itself—it’s done in a roundabout way by reading the heartbeat, could be a recipe for false alarms. like what if someone’s on beta-blockers. that’s not really an adequate way to measure “fear”; there’s so many variables that could interfere with the measurement the farther you abstract from what you’re really trying to detect. and besides, adrenaline is NOT just a sign of fear, it’s just for preparing the body for action. i know the sympathetic nervous system and adrenaline is constantly linked with the “fight-or-flight” reaponse to a stressor, but 99.9% of the time the sympathetic nervous system is used in your life is to balance out your parasympathetic nervous system to maintain homeostatic equilibrium for mundane things.
i think detecting amygdalar activation would be more efficient in detecting fear. the amygdala sends projections to the hypothalamus which then in turn modulates the autonomic nervous systems. but the amygdala is intensely activated specifically in response to a fear-inducing stimulus (it does activate in response to other emotions but they’re mostly negative and is most activated by startle and fear), and wouldnt be highly activated by many other confounding variables like measurement of the heartbeat could be. the amygala is one of the first stops directly from external stimuli.
to show you how integrated the amygdala is as the first step in registering fear after receiving input from sensory stimuli let’s look at the auditory-amygdala connection for example
see how the auditory thalamus projects to the primary auditory cortex and auditory association cortex? the cortex is where conscious awareness of what the stimuli is comes from. this is the “high road”. it goes sensing -> perception -> emotional response. but sometimes you can be startled without even processing what it is you’re sensing, like the startle response of an alarm or a phone ringing in a quiet house before you even register what it is. this goes sensing -> emotional response, without perception happening until after you’ve already felt the startle. that’s when it takes the “low road”. here’s a simplified version:
even if that were the case with these droids though it’s obvious dipper is still fearful on some level here. his body language, voice, expressions all give it away. for the amygdala, aggression isnt too off from fear so it would be detected equally.
the reason this is so important is because ford uses this as evidence for why dipper is special, “i did it?” “you did it. this is what i was talking about, how many 12 year olds do you think are capable of doing what you’ve just done?”
but like....did he really? i’m not saying this to shoot dipper down or make him out to be more of a wuss, he was incredibly strong-willed here and i dont want to take that away from him because it WAS growth on his part. but the underlying psychophysiological reactions of aggression and fear shouldn’t be that different and this was a total asspull. maybe the droid was so old that it fucked up. maybe dipper being covered in grime and dirt made it harder for the droid to measure the correct heart rate through photoplethysmography (im assuming since they use a camera and are non-contact).
and in all honesty everything i just said brings into question the interpersonal healthiness of ford’s judgements, what he thinks, his expectations, and how he communicates that. in this video alex already talks about how ford is projecting onto dipper. and i think ford may be projecting his expectations for himself onto people who are not him, and the fact that it’s on dipper here makes it far more unfortunate. you realize how much this boy idolizes ford, right? how much impressions matter? dipper even tells himself before he leaves in this same episode, “all right dipper, this is your first big mission with great uncle ford. don’t mess this up.”
even though it’s unstated, the implicit message dipper is perceiving from ford based on their dynamic is: “do you have what it takes for me to be proud of you?” and to accomplish this he must be like ford, even though he’s clearly not and he knows this. he says “i don’t think have what it takes. i was tricked by bill, i was wrong about stan’s portal, heck, i can’t even operate this magnet gun right.” then, by simple chance without even knowing what he did, he activates the magnet gun and pulls out the adhesive, which immediately takes the focus away from what dipper was telling ford about his feelings of inadequacy to ford saying, “yes! dipper, you found the adhesive!”
these thoughts of dipper’s hang in the air without resolve or comment from ford. we don’t know what ford would have said. but it then becomes painfully self-evident in the scene immediately after when the droids emerge and ford tells dipper, “they’re security droids and they detect adrenaline. you simply have to not feel any fear and they won’t see you”, to which dipper replies with an exasperated (and rightful) “WHAT?”
dipper goes in a panic trying to indirectly tell his uncle that this isn’t something he can do. and he is completely right and valid to be freaked out by that full stop. that IS crazy. you can’t control your fear. you can control how you interpret that fear in your higher brain regions but the physiological changes will stick around for longer than it takes to cognitively calm down. it’s easy for me to detach from my emotions to analyze them, but being able to do this does not come naturally for everyone. even i have an irrational fear of wasps and i can’t control it by detaching myself, my body is just automatically primed to get the fuck out of there. i know it’s stupid and i know it’s irrational and isn’t helpful to get myself worked up but i literally can’t stop how my body reacts no matter how i cognitively think about it. expecting composure from dipper in a situation like this when he’s being made to consciously be aware of his anxiety is absolutely fucking insane. look what you did, placing these cruel expectations on him, now he’s afraid of being afraid! this isn’t a case where two wrongs cancel out, they just stack on top of each other.
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there’s a good reason these scenes were put side by side but it seems up until now it had remained unanalyzed.
what dipper fears from ford is disappointment. not living up to his uncle’s (quite frankly badly placed) expectations for a twelve year old with anxiety. not once did ford say or subliminally communicate “i don’t expect you to be able to do what i can since you are not as experienced as i am and that’s perfectly okay, no judgements”. you don’t put a child on bike before training wheels. you don’t throw a kid into a swimming pool without giving them swimming lessons. the way ford is doing it, there’s no room for trial and error or mistakes that are an opportunity to grow and learn; instead, it’s life or death. he only seems to pride dipper on what he can do while ignoring the underlying struggles that plague him and never making it known it’s okay for dipper to fail in front of his hero and that he won’t think anything less of him for it.
and that’s why i found the ending scene for dipper and ford’s adventure in this episode to feel so.. wrong. on a scientific and social level. because by the sound of it ford focused more on what dipper had done to dismantle the droid (the droid not detecting any fear) instead of how dipper displayed love and protection for him even if he was truly afraid. what if the science was accurate and the droid detected adrenaline while dipper was confidently standing up for his uncle. would ford still be proud of him regardless?
#can you tell how i’m similar to ford but also so different like i said in that other post lol#gravity falls#analysis#dipper pines#stanford pines#long post#gf#gravity falls meta
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Hi!! Hope you're doing good and drinking water :) May i request something? 😁 I was listening to "the 1" by Taylor Swift (queen) and got me thinking about a Wanda X Reader story where maybe idk they dated in high school/college but ended cause whatever reason but they never actually stopped liking eachother (yknow, like the song) and then they just meet somewhere and get to talk and you know... happy ending lol But only if you like the idea really. Have a good one!
Hello anon! Here it is, hope you like it. It’s short but is sweet, i hope you like it.
Wanda Maximoff x Reader - The One
Summary: Prompt based “A story where Reader and Wanda broke up and never stopped loving each other. Inspired by the song “The 1″ from Taylor Swift.
Words: 2.531k ///// Read on AO3
Warnings: None.
Marks: @mionemymind @wandamaximoffpuppy
Wanda Maximoff came into your life during autumn.
You were both in the same art history class, and she lent you a pen.
All it took was two dates, and you were completely in love. Unfortunately, as quickly as it started, your relationship burned out.
You wish you had a big plot justification, with betrayals and twists and turns to justify to your friends your emotional misery when it ended, but the only reason was the complete emotional immaturity you had.
There were fights, and accusations, and so much jealousy. And you wish so much that you had gotten over it, but you couldn't. And then Wanda was gathering the clothes that she had in your dormitory, and throwing the key at you.
You swore you wouldn't cry anymore, because there were no more tears after so many weeks, but you kept going. Until all that was left was the bitter feeling that you had ruined everything and lost the most important person in your life.
It had been more than two years since you two had broken up, and you still had the number saved on your cell phone with a heart emoji, even though the conversation had been archived a long time ago. And then you were walking out of the main building at NYU, and your friend Natasha Romanoff called out to you as she walked quickly toward you.
- Hey, girl! - she said with a smile. - How are you?
You shrugged as you walked with her around the campus toward the secondary building, where the Philosophy classrooms were.
- I’m surviving. - You joke with a weak smile, Nat looked at you worriedly, but you shook your head, trying to reassure her. - And how are you doing?
- Fine, I think. - She says, entwining your arms. - I miss you, but things are fine.
You nod, looking forward. You knew that you had been absent in your friends' lives, simply because it seemed that things no longer made much sense since you were no longer with Wanda.
- Did you hear about Bucky and Sam? - she asked, and you let out a sigh.
- Yes, I... I don't know if I'm going to make it.
- Ah, Y/N, please. - She says. - It won't be the same if you are not there.
Natasha was talking about your friends' engagement party, which you were invited to a week ago. You hesitated, because all of Bucky and Sam's friends were invited. And that included Wanda.
You let out a sigh.
- I will make an effort to be there, I promise. - You assure her with a smile.
- You don't want to see Wanda, do you? - Nat asks. And you look at the ground. - Look, I just... I never really understood why you two broke up. But maybe it will be good to see her, you know. Maybe you two need to talk after all.
You shrug, feeling the familiar sadness take over your chest every time you think of Wanda.
- Let's talk about something else okay? - You ask her with a weak smile and Natasha nods, changing the subject as you two walk along the campus.
//-//
You straightened your clothes before knocking on the door. It had been almost two weeks since you had spoken to Natasha, and the day of the party had finally arrived. You saw many cars parked outside the Barnes residence, and were not surprised when one of the family friends answered the door instead of the owners.
You smiled and greeted the gentleman, saying that you were a friend of the grooms, and he smiled back when he let you in. You overheard someone say that it was better to leave the door open because of the number of guests, and you let out a small laugh.
The house was full, and it took a few minutes for you to find Bucky, who looked extremely happy. He smiled slightly surprised when he saw you.
- Hey, you're here! - he said, walking over to you. - It's so good to see you!
Bucky hugged you tight and you laughed lightly, saying that it was very good to see him too.
- How are things going? - you asked as you broke the embrace. - Are you feeling anxious?
Bucky laughed, putting his hands in his pockets.
- Everything is working well. My parents are helping me and Sammy to organize everything. - he says, smiling. - And damn, yes. I can't wait for the ceremony.
You laugh, nodding in understanding. You talk for a few more minutes until Sam comes to check on the groom.
- Wow, look at you Wilson! - You exclaim when you see him, and he opens his arms toward you, grinning contently. You hug each other tightly. - It's good to see you, my friend.
- Yeah, it's great to see you too, stranger. - He smiles back, and then you part. - Glad you could make it.
- I couldn't miss the first wedding of the group. - You joked and made them laugh.
And then they were talking about the preparations for the wedding, and the family members who had come from far away, and you were smiling and laughing at the stories. But everything seemed to slow down when your gaze focused on someone behind Bucky, the only person who always had the ability to capture your full attention.
Wanda had just walked through the front door, and was taking off her coat. You barely noticed Pietro standing beside her, as your heart started racing at seeing her again. Sam called out to you a few times, until you blinked and looked at him.
- Wow, you really haven't changed at all. - he teased. - Three years and you are still completely out of breath when you see her.
You blushed, telling him to shut up, but Bucky and Sam just giggled. And then you swallowed hard, because Wanda was looking around and her gaze met yours.
Your gas in surprise, and you told the couple in front of you that you needed a drink, then you rushed to escape the room.
You ended up on the balcony, trying to recover from the intensity of the previous moment, completely affected by seeing Wanda again.
You thought it was the best to greet the people you knew at the party, and after talking to Clint and his girlfriend Laura, and also to Steve, Tony and Bruce, you made your way to the family circles. Bucky's parents and siblings were very friendly, and Sam's family was very warm, and they all hugged you and smiled. And then you were walking around the house again, and Nat approached you, two drinks in her hands, and one of them she handed to you.
- You really came. - She said with a smile. - Bucky just told me and I didn't believe it.
- The faith you have in me is touching. - You sneered with irony and she laughed before taking a sip of her drink. You looked at your own glass suspiciously.
- Is this champagne? - you asked, and she nodded, making you sigh. You put the glass on the balcony table near you. - Thanks but I'm driving.
Nat grumbled in understanding.
- You're running away from her, aren't you? - She remarked when she noticed your gaze wandering around the room.
- Is it that obvious?
Nat laughed lightly.
- I suppose you are going to be uncomfortable for the next few minutes, since I just told her I was coming to talk to you and invite her to join me. - She tells you and you turn your face to her sharply with a surprised expression.
- Wait what?
But Nat is smiling past you and then you feel your body tense up as Wanda's voice sounds behind your back. Nat is saying something about how nice it is that everyone is together, while you turn around and you’re probably staring, but you can't react to having Wanda in front of you. Just as beautiful as she was three years ago.
- Hi. - She said a moment later looking up at you, a slight blush on her cheeks. It took a gentle nudge from Nat's elbow on your rib for you to react.
- Hi. - you exclaimed surprised and slightly uncomfortable. - How... How are you?
Wanda smiled awkwardly.
- Good, I... i'm good. And you? - she asked hesitantly. You nodded frantically, trying to smile.
- Good, good. I... Good.
- Jesus. - You heard Natasha say as she looked at the two of you with a frown. - Okay. I'll put our names in the gymkhana, and you can continue with whatever this is by yourselves.
You scratched your neck uncomfortably as Natasha hurried to leave.
- So... how are things? - Wanda asked, putting her hands in her pockets.
Ignoring your current anxiety, you assumed a thoughtful expression for a few seconds.
- Things are fine. I’m... I... I'm graduating. - You tell clumsily, running your hands through your hair. - Yeah, I... I'm graduating in a few weeks.
- Wow, that’s actually really cool. - She comments with a smile.
- I think so. - You say, laughing nervously. - What about you, Wands, how are you? Are you still studying?
Wanda blushes at the way you call her, looking away. You barely notice the nickname escaping your lips. But then she is smiling, so you don't notice much beyond that.
- Yes, I still have a year to go, but I'm doing well. - she says. You nod in understanding, but then Pietro is joining you two, a smile on his face.
- Wow, it's really good to see you Y/N. - He remarks as soon as he reaches you two and hugs you. You laugh lightly.
- It's good to see you too, Pietro. - you say when you let go. - I like the beard, by the way.
- Thanks, I'm trying to look older. - He comments with a cocky smile, and you laugh, ignoring the nervousness of having Wanda looking right at you. - I didn't know you would be here today, I heard you were going back to California.
- Oh, yes, I... I am. - You say clumsily, gazing at Wanda quickly. - After I graduate, I'm going back home. I don't really have anything to keep me here.
- That's a shame, really. - Pietro says and you try to focus on his face and not on Wanda's frown. - But I hope you will keep in touch with everyone by skype at least.
He jokes last, and you laugh, nodding. And then he starts asking you about college and your parents, and you answer politely, trying to ignore the nervousness in your stomach that has settled with Wanda's attentive look on you.
- Pietro, would you get me something to drink, please? - Wanda asked after a moment, and you and Pietro looked at her in surprise, but she just smiled innocently, and her brother grumbled, before nodding and leaving. - Can we talk for a moment?
You blinked in confusion, but agree. Wanda took your hand next, and you bit the inside of your cheek, feeling your face flush as she pulled you around the yard, toward a farther area.
When she stopped walking, she let go of your hand, and turned around to face you, looking nervous and a bit anxious.
- Are you really leaving? - She asked with a almost sorrowful expression.
You straightened your posture, frowning slightly.
- Yes, I... Wanda, what is it?
- Okay, I’m.. I'm going to say this once, because I have to, and then we'll go back to our life as before, okay? - She said hurriedly, closing her eyes for a moment as she took a deep breath while you just stare her. - I'm still in love with you. And I know we broke up two years ago, but I just couldn't move on. And I guess a part of me never will. - She confesses and you feel the air escape from your lungs. - And I need you to know this before you leave, because I almost couldn't come to this party because I knew you would be here. And I can't believe that we were this intense and amazing thing only just for me. - She says last. But you are in shock, so Wanda swallows dryly. - Damn, I'm... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything and…
- I love you. - You confess interrupting her, listening to your heart pounding in your ears.
- W-what?
- I love you. - You repeat breathlessly as you are moving forward and kissing Wanda firmly. She stumbles back in surprise, but you keep your hands on her face, until she sighs in delight and kisses you back with the same intensity. It feels as good as you remember, but eventually you part breathlessly and start talking with your forehead touching. - I'm sorry I ruined things between us. I was stupid, childish and a bloody idiot. But I'm completely in love with you and i have always been.
Wanda lets out a surprised laugh, her eyes filled with tears. And then she kisses you again.
- God, we are a complete disaster. - She comments as you separate, making you laugh lightly. And then she swallows dryly, stroking your face with her thumbs. - What are we going to do now?
You smile, hugging her waist.
- I'm not going anywhere if you ask me to stay. - You tell her, making her sigh with surprise and happiness.
- Be my girlfriend, then. - She asks, and you let out a giggle.
- I'd love to. - You say, and then back away a little. - We'll make it work this time, Wanda. I'm going to love you the right way now.
Wanda nods in understanding, looking at you tenderly.
- You have always loved me the right way. - she says. - We just didn't know how to show it properly.
You sigh.
- I missed you. - You say, bringing your foreheads together.
- I missed you too. - She breathlessly retorts before kissing you again.
The kiss intensified in the next second, and you ended up pushing Wanda against the outer wall of the house, and she sighed into your mouth. God, you missed her taste. Then she sighed against your lips, and you slowed down, because you are literally in an engagement party.
When you parted, you let out a breathless giggle.
- We should get back to the party. - Wanda comments, her face close to yours. You grumble in agreement, before kissing her again, your tongue running slowly and sensually across her mouth, making a warmth rise in the pit of your stomach.
- Wow. - You say breathlessly a moment later, breaking the kiss for breath. Wanda's hands are dangerously low. She lets out a breathless chuckle, her face flushed. You swallow dryly, clearing your throat. - We'd better go before I can't stop.
Wanda smiles, nodding her head in agreement. And then you took a step back, and it was easier to breathe and think clearly.
When you returned to the party, holding hands, Natasha stared at you two and sighed, taking a twenty-dollar bill from her pocket and handing it to Pietro, who had a smug smile on his face. She complained that she had bet that you two would only get back together after the party, while Pietro had bet that it would be during. You and Wanda's faces reddened, but you laughed at the story.
Two years later, you visited Bucky and Sam, but now, the wedding invitation in your hand was yours.
#wanda maximoff#wanda x reader#wanda x y/n#wanda maximoff x reader#wanda x you#wandaxreader#wandaxyou#wandamaximoffxreader#marvel imagines#wandamaximoff x reader
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