#i just wanna have purpose
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#im so so tired#i cant even put into words how much everything hurts i just wish for once something about my existence mattered#i just want to. feel good do good be good#i just wanna have purpose#want to have a reason to keep going Have a reason to wake up every day#i dont want to look forward to escapistic trips i dont want to look forward to new music ill outplay in barely weeks#i want something that makes me grateful to be here every day#why have i failed at everything i tried#im not pretty im not smart. im not funny or charismatic#i cant sing or dance or paint or Create#im bad at communicating im bad at being honest and fair im bad at keeping people close#im too sensitive im too lazy im too weak#im selfish and im stubborn#i think im both better and worse than everyone else#i dont care about things i should care about#i dont brush my teeth as often as i should#ive dyed my hair in every possible colour to try and find some identity#ive tried every clothing style i could afford#i pirated every creative program my laptop could handle#ive wasted money on supplies ive used once and never again#ive shared and ive given#i try to give all the time#what else do i have to do to find meaning#i dont think ill ever be happy#i dont think ill ever be at peace#so whats the point of it all
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study of this masterwork
#wayneradiotv#rtvs#sonic the hedgehog#after '''''typesetting'''''''' this thing I almost forgot how to spell hedgehog#the caption is fully unironic btw this is for educational purpose. its very fun to draft a comic from an existing ''thumbnail'' it turns ou#but also I just love comics dude. I just love sequential art its so cool to see how anyone arranges things in their own comic#like. wayne's sprite on top of the ''what!!'' speech bubble. really fucking good#little bit sad I couldnt catch the streams live even tho they did run in my timezone... bc Im bad at sleepin#but! Im gonna try and set an alarm this weekend. wanna hang out for a bit#also yeah all dialogue in this is accurate to the original. no use fixing whats perfect as they say#debated printing this out and scuffing the paper with eraser and then re-scan it. for authenticity. but Im tired and dinner soon so#sorry cosme my friend cosme I couldnt commit. I couldnt do it....#anyways yeah. I dinner now#have a good day lads! what u see truly is what u get
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I genuinely love not having a crush like I’m not over here feeling physically sick over some mid guy being dry to me I’m literally chilling
#Spring semester of last year was so bad bc I was unironically into 3 guys at once and they were all#Being dry and cryptic to me#And then before that in 2022 I had my horrid situationship#I had a mini obsession arc in dec 2023 over someone but now there hasn’t been anyone since#And my palette is so cleansed#When a girl is like I miss having a crush I’m like you’re literally a masochist#There was very briefly a girl I thought I had a crush on when I realized I’m bicurious but#I haven’t put effort into talking to her bc the idea of pursuing anyone makes me wanna claw my eyes out#I’m pretty sure I ghosted her by like just not responding to her last messsge actually#Not on purpose but more so bc I realized I was feeling the same anxiety I felt whenever I had a crush so I was like#Yeah I’m dropping this for now#I’m also always the most present for my friends when I don’t have a crush so idk#Like I don’t wanna be consumed by anyone I just wanna chill#The solution to not having normal attraction to people is just to not be attracted to anyone at all#I fr cracked it#I always just crave the butterflies out of it and never an actual relationship anyway#But they’re so not worth it#Which is why I always get bored of guys who’re forthright like oh ok you actually WANT something…. U don’t wanna just have fun#Not for me#I think the guys I’m into and I typically diverge in the sense that neither of us wants a relationship but they just wanna fuck me#And I more so just want the butterflies experience / to playact couple for like a couple months but nothing too serious#Which is why it never works#Like it’s not that it doesn’t work bc either of us wants a relationship it’s more that what we want out of the situationship is different#So lame#Ok this was a lot but I literally came to this epiphany while writing these tags
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Leo getting hit with a truth curse but instead of forcing him to admit to super sad or worrying things it’s things like “it was me who broke the remote” “I saw Mikey prank Donnie and helped hide it because it’s way funnier if he didn’t know who it was” “I rip my clothes to look more like Raph’s because he’s really cool” “my stripes aren’t even red they’re pink!”
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#rise leo#plot twist he COULD be admitting angsty stuff but he’s pushing the less oof truths forward instead on purpose#raph: hey leo what do you want for dinner#leo: *about to bare his soul on all his internal torment but pivots* I’m afraid of snakes#(no but fr Leo’s stripes being technically more pink instead of red is cute ngl)#(a very reddish pink to the point that in certain lighting it looks red but at the base they’re p pink)#(i also am very fond of the idea that Leo doesn’t just have questionable taste in fashion he also just loves Raph a lot and looks up to him)#but yeah I think that something like this would be 99% Leo admitting to unimportant things or admitting to how much he values everyone#like they all KNOW Leo loves them and he’s talked them up enough for them to know but it’s different when he’s like#‘I just wanna read my comics with you guys around - it’s my favorite place to be’#or again just random bs that doesn’t REALLY have a lot of weight like#‘I like using my portals to prank random people around the world’#‘I’m worried about being a bad influence on hueso jr’#‘sometimes I kinda wanna see hypno’s plans succeed’#‘it’s been way too long since I found this out and honestly it’s embarrassing but I actually don’t have a di-‘#SORRY COULDNT HELP MYSELF#(<-but did u know that that pink rather than red observation actually ties into this headcanon as well if u know about red eared sliders)
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rambling out loud about the one year timeline of how getting bit by a werewolf affected ark/his body <3
#OC#ark#posting bc u guys seem 2 like this guy#he was p skinny most of his teens/twenties bc he would just. skip meals#not even on purpose he just wouldnt pay attention#hes a lot healthier now :)#also i guess i should tag#gore //#idk if i really have the audience for it here anymore but god i wanna draw some fucked up werewolf infection/tf shit#this isnt nearly as gross as i wanna draw it but it's a little gross#i have thoughts on what the first month of werewolfery would look like and its. nasty. lol#body horror my beloved <3
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I won't let myself get devoured
Or a Normally Oak-swallows-garcia angst post about grief and anger.
#dndads#dungeons and daddies#my art#normal oak#dndads spoilers#dndads s2#yes i know he ended up looking like one Jonathan jims i know#the wolfs are doodly on purpose and have meaning and definitly arent just like that cause i dont like drawing animals#his shirt has tiny purple eyes which are very faint btw#someone once said in some tags i saw that they enjoy older norm looking like lark and i internalized that stuff#also him looking slightly like jesus is also on purpose i do love me some religious imagery#i have been overcome with angsty thouths lately about my faves so now you gotta suffer :-|#my commissions are open btw if you guys wanna support me
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I'm posting it before I can back out
No one will ever see me again goodbye I'm going to chuck myself off a cliff now
#i dont even wanna tag this#its bad quality on purpose btw#i totally could give you the hd version but i would most likely have to kill myself to do so SKFFKVKSG#my urge to draw gay people is strong but my embarrassement is stronger#gtws#jimmy#trafficshipping#hermitshipping#i dont even know if i should tag it with my art tag....#ill do it. just for you guys. but i will be ignoring it every time i see it#my art#OKAY I SHOULD STOP RAMBLING#GOODBYE EVERYONE IM GONNA GO DIE IN A DITCH NOW NO ONE TALK TO ME#solidaritimes#i was made aware there is another tag for them:#scaridarity#which is somehow worse#(i do not like their shipname its so. weird idk how to describe it djgkrgls)#how do people draw kissing this is EMBARASSING#okay okay ramble over i really nees to stop procrastinating and just post it
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I don't disagree w this person's tags in general BUT!! my thought: it's almost even better that way- the fact that she CHOSE to be fat and that wasn't even her default appearance. like that she could choose to look any type of way, and that's what she picked.
#I feel like that's almost more meaningful in a way#unrebloggable bc I wanted to say my thoughts out loud but I don't wanna get caught in any riptides#sergle.txt#bc I can't imagine or remember any story in my life where a character who's not fat CHOOSES to look that way#as a disguise or as anything at all. just to have that appearance and live their life. that isn't played for jokes#I think rose is allowed to have that layer bc there are so many SU characters and#a good number of them are fat by default right. but Rose looks that way on purpose. she WANTS to look this way#idk that was always my perspective on it! or my interpretation. I think it's significant.
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Finally got around to redrawing one of @adventuresofsnake ‘s cute pictures!! I’ll probably do more in the future :D
Original:
#metal gear solid 2#mgs 2#solid snake#mlp#my little pony#redraw#doodle#digital art#fanart#my art#commissions open#srsly i love everything she posts n it makes me rlly wanna buy my own oob raiden to take around#i have a macfarlane raiden already for collector purposes#but just for carrying
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me?? checking knitting books out both to support my library and to avoid paying per pattern??? it's More Likely Than You'd Think
#text#personal#books#library#knitting#i really mostly have been using my library for nonfic and printing purposes as of late#i have too many books (fiction) that i own that i wanna read to peruse library fiction 🫣🫣#but sometimes i just need one (1) pattern#and my library has The Book :)
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misc sout park shit I’ve got laying around
last pic is old tfbw-esque ocs me and brett had back in 2018 🫡
#south park#south park tfbw#wendy testaburger#kenny mccormick#marjorine stotch#Stan marsh#kyle brovlofski#ocs#my art#sorry for sketch dump I’m bored and don’t have anything else fun to post it’s just oc stuff I don’t wanna share so 😞#the kenny and marjorine ones are them a little older btw not on purpose i just forgot to make them look like younger kids. my b
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And here it is, my macdennis brainworms compressed into a playlist, for anyone who wants to ingest them <3
#should have been 12 hours of boyfriend hits you with frying pan asmr instead tbh. or car explosion sfx#would have conveyed my thoughts and feelings just as well#anyway sorry for putting this in the tag. this is for sorting on my blog purposes :::#macdennis#iasip#do you hear that noise? are the cats....?? no...they can't be. In the wall of all places?? jesus christ....#playlist#Spotify#if you saw this post like two times I'm so sorry my phone didn't wanna post so i did it on my pc and now my phone is like. i uploaded! WHAT#DO YOU MEAN YOU UPLOADED IT NOW WHAT
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I checked out of Supergirl after Mon El left the 2nd time, but i remember a scene after he first leaves where Kara says she just wants to be Supergirl bc why would she want to be Kara who’s sad all the time. And I just saw a clip of her telling Lena “and then one day you were so angry with me, with supergirl. But you still loved Kara. And I just kept thinking if I could be Kara, just Kara, then I could keep you as a friend. I was selfish and scared and I didn’t want to lose you” and if that isn’t a coming out scene then idk what is!!
I bring up Mon El because when she lost him she wanted to run away from that by solely being Supergirl, and that is pretty much the same idea here bc she doesn’t want to lose Lena so she wants to just be Kara to keep her in her life. Granted idk anything that happens outside of this scene but yeah they’re in love your honor
#supercorp#kara x lena#also supercorp is such a fun name#supergirl#they were definitely bait#I’m so sorry to all the supercorp girlys#the cw owes yall financial compensation#i remember reading a post about how they often matched color wise#I kinda love the idea of them#like if not mon el then definitely Lena#queer baiting#i genuinely wanna know if writers do this on purpose#or if they accidentally have these characters with all this chemistry#and then they just refuse to act on it#and it just snow balls#wlw
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Because I think my tumblr buds are more into the Miss Marple fic than my bluesky buds:
#miss marple rhymes with parple#I just think they're neat!#miss marple and the mary sue that paul rutman wrote#for the express purpose of telling miss marple that she's amazing and perfect#which she is!#anyway taking suggestions now#I'm thinking about having them do 'the case of the perfect maid' because that would be hilarious#they'd both immediately clock what was going on but are like 'well maybe it's some weird roleplay thing we don't wanna judge'#and then of course there's stuff getting stolen so they've gotta sort it out
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Starlo's personality
I'm still confused about this man's 'true self,' gotta admit. How much of 'himself' IS there in 'North Star'?
What we know about real Star:
He's a nerd/geek obsessed with westerns; that's where he got the inspiration to build WE
He looks different than with the hat on and used to wear braces
Was shy in his teenage years around Ceroba (no idea how he acted normally) + couldn't confess to her
His mom (after killing him) says how he's never been the one to follow rules. I wonder what she meant by that. Rules, like, you're supposed to hate humans like everyone else or rules, like, no sneaking off to practice your shooting and lasso skills? Both?
Ed describes the 'old him' as a fearless leader and as a monster who could 'make his own fun in the little things' (you mean he used to be more humble but at the same time remained an ambitious risk-taker?)
Is insecure about where he comes from and what he looks like
We don't have enough info to know what he was like as a kid. I'm curious if absolutely everything about North Star is the opposite of Starlo (I don't think it is); both are kind and protective. Still, I can't help but wonder if the Starlo after Showdown, in both routes, is the real him or not. Maybe 50% yes and 50% no
Just from the end credits, the only thing I got about him was that he's kind and friendly and optimistic and charming (North Star is this way too, but more exaggerated). Nothing new
So maybe Starlo IS North Star, but more modest (aka not as exaggerated)
I'm curious about your thoughts guys.
Also I forgot to mention how he wanted to plan a PARTY for Kanako, in neutral says that the PARTY in the saloon was great (and the letter he sent was pretty charming), wants to accompany Ceroba in the Steamworks, is open about how he feels (immediately openly confronts Ceroba and calls her out; he's assertive), not afraid to get physical if it means protecting Clover & Martlet, can be pretty loud (like when he spotted Clover after sparing him in neutral, he was like "DEPUTY!!!"
I'm left wondering if all this is the real him or not. I think it is. Just maybe toned down a bit :) It's the only explanation for the fact he's been doing all this for a really long time and never showing signs of wanting to stop/that it exhausted him
#undertale yellow#uty#starlo uty#uty starlo#I wanna analyse his personality in a lot of detail#Just have to figure him out first#Is he actually a quiet shy guy or nah#Personally I think nah#Since he decided to be an entertainer#And 110% adores the role#I mean the dude successfully kept the persona FOR YEARS and dina didn't suspect he was a fraud#How the heck did he find the motivation and strength to keep up the act for that long#And use the fake accent#I don't think that's an introvert trait#I'd get exhausted after 1 day of acting#Also he wasn't as excitable as AFTER he discovered westerns#My boy just wanted a purpose and had none before#Love how dedicated passionate and ambitious he is#He took a HUGE risk by building this town but took it anyway for everyones sake#So they'd have a fun place to go to to pretend they're on the surface#Starlo DID value status but isn't it controversial to build a wild west town based off of HUMAN history#It was a risk for stars reputation in the underground and he TOOK it#He's way less selfish when you think of it this way#Sure he adored the attention but it wasn't the only motivation
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detectives and kims from magmas and drawpiles with friends (except for the last one. that i drew all by myself on a cold & lonely clip studio paint canvas.)
some less okay than others. im trying to learn how to draw men in their 40s
#disco elysium#kim kitsuragi#harrier du bois#harry du bois#i doubt a lot of people will wanna reblog this untidy pile of sketches but like. just for organisational purposes#.png#i love kim. help.#i love harry too. i love revachol. i love elysium. elysium save me.#i need to pirate that novel#also captions are fun. like in posts. they let me lose some of my perfectionism#which i have in abundance#perfectionism regarding not just drawing but posting as well yeah#its kind of freeing to just write whatever and post it just because. just cause.#^^
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