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#i dont think ill ever be at peace
omgcatboi · 10 days
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I don't often post my non kink related art but I'm tryna get the attention of someone else in the community and am too shy and cringe to reach out so. Here, have this portrait I did of Hanzo Shimada. With my finger. On ibis paint. This took me four hours. Progress for proof below.
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quietwingsinthesky · 3 months
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see my brain just doesn’t register the idea of anyone having a ‘one true love’ which is why the common fandom tropes of making canonical love interests terrible in order to justify why your ship is better always bugs the shit out of me. it feels like the only reason you would do that is if the idea of the characters in your ship having any other sort of romantic relationship that was important to them, even in the past, is a threat to their current one, therefore all their past relationships need to be demonized in order to make them ‘not real love’ so that they remain pure and chaste and ready for the True Love of the endgame ship.
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harleyification · 1 year
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ATLA Au where Sokka befriends a rogue Knowledge Seeker ✨
(More info under the cut)
Side A: Sokka Adopts A Stray Fox Spirit
- After a toddler Sokka gets lost in a blizzard, a Knowledge Seeker that is taking back a scroll wanders upon him. Knowledge Seekers in this world not only retrieve information for the library, but also protect it - sometimes with their life. - This particular Knowledge Seeker feels the need to protect Sokka (who, unbeknownst to them both, is going to be a genius who tilts the world of knowledge on its head), and disregards its former duty in order to make sure the tiny human makes it. - If Sokka dies, then so much knowledge will be lost to the world. The spirit can’t have that. It curls up around Sokka, giving the child warmth and saving his life. - It decides to stick around when it realizes this particular human is rather curious and thus drawn to danger, aiding this one in its destiny. And while spirits don’t need to eat (And can eat just about anything), it’s also a bonus that human treats are really good!! Side B: Sokka Becomes A Knowledge Seeker (or New Spirit Entirely...?)
- Everything is the same as above, except for the fact that young Sokka succumbs to the coldness despite the spirits best efforts... - The Knowledge Seeker, keen in fulfilling its duties, essentially thinks, “Well shit. Can't let this potential go to waste. I'll sacrifice myself in order to heal the world, aid destiny, and ultimately expand knowledge for the world. This human's worth it." - Doggo combines its essence with Sokka’s soul, and gives the child a second chance at life. - Sokka in return gets canine teeth, a bigger propensity for meat, can go Borf, probably has auburn hair (still not set on the design), and has most of the abilities of the Knowledge Seeker. - No ears or tail on a literal level (Maybe...), but these abilities include: enhanced hearing, the ability to innately and uncannily Know Things by accessing his past spirit life memories and having a connection to the library, a 6th sense for danger and spiritual activity, climbing up walls like Spider-Man, and eventually being able to walk back and forth between worlds! As well as typical dog traits, like growling, claws, teef, and a propensity for meat!
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liquidstar · 7 months
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I'm an anime only but i'm curious how is ferris relationship with gender?
im going to answer kinda quickly (and w/o spoilers) bc im abt to have dinner but the basic gist of it is:
crusch and ferris swapped gender presentations as part of a pact, something that goes back to their respective backstories. (might be harder to tell that crusch is intended to lean more masc, but its in like that knightly bishounen kinda way so it can come off more androgynous than anything). ferris takes the deal a lot more seriously than crusch does (partly bc of devotion, partly because of love) and even still "plays the part" when the pact no longer requires it after crusch got her memories eaten (and was acting more girlish). ferris wakes up every morning repeating the mantra of being a "cute girl" as an affirmation- saying that "this has been the mantra for a long time" believing whole-heatedly that there's magic in this sort of believing, and thats why they just somehow havent developed secondary sex characteristics (and they thank their ancestors for the lack of beard hair- i think it must be somekinda undiscovered divine protection of hrt). though they have a bit of a complex about the idea of this girlhood being "borrowed" because of the swap, and sort of have a higher sense of pressure to confirm as strictly to femininity because of this- because its for crusch. but dont necessarily mistake this for ferris disliking the pact itself, the pressure is something more internal. crusch never held herself to the same degree of devotion to it, wearing casual dresses while inside the house and such, while ferris has committed every fiber of their being to it. this has been the mantra for a long time. and there are genuine insecurities to be found within this- at a certain point a villain representing lust accuses ferris of dressing this way to "lead on" men, something that we as the audience know isnt true (ferris still loves crusch), but never the less messes with their head and in a way i think its meant to be a commentary on the general preconceptions audiences have when it comes to characters like ferris- rezero is a deconstruction series after all so stuff like that is to be expected.
all that being said do i think ferris is the most well done amazing rep in the whole universe? not really. i mean im not transfem so im not the authority on this topic, but im echoing stuff ive generally seen discussed- i think ferris is kind of an example of a character that suffers a bit from the creator not reeeaaallly knowing how trans people work or not realizing hes effectively written a trans person because of this. i defaulted to they/them to ferris here because it is kinda complicated and can be taken a few different ways. how much of it is for crusch vs how much is for ferris? how much of an identity does ferris have outside of crusch? outside of being crusch's "girl side" etc. this theme is something we see with ALL the knights! they all have a blinding and often self-destructive devotion to their liege. and a lot of these are heavily reliant on gender roles in a lot of ways (subaru projects his masc powerfantasy onto emilia, julius has to constantly be the Perfect Knight for anastasia, reinhard can only ever be a Hero and stakes his family's redemption on felt becoming king, al lets priscilla just behead him 100 times bc hes a freak.) in the case of crusch and ferris the entire concept is that these roles have been somewhat swapped, but the devotion stayed the same so. theres a lot there. a lot thats a lot more complicated than just like.... "boy dresses like a girl bc its my fetish" eugh
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freakinator · 1 month
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its been 7 hours in the poll so far and i saw the who ppl want to win coming but i wasnt expecting the who they think will win ngl, like i was expecting it to be a little more even but nope lol
#mine.txt#lifesteal spoilers#< jic#wanted to keep my opinion to myself until the poll ended to prevent influence or whatever but realized that was stupid so here it is#personally i want zam to win but i think theyll come to a stalemate#i want zam to win causeas cute as it would be to give zam a redemption arc and esp by minute of all ppl i just dont like that idea very muc#i want his redemption arc if he ever decides to have one to be long and gruelling and full of setbacks and last for seasons#i want him to keep failing and building himself back up and all over again through the influence of multiple ppl and experiences#i dont want it to start and end all cause of one guy#and with ppl as stubborn as those two it would not surprise me if they reached a stalemate#esp since they seem to have completely incongruent mindsets regarding the nature of lifesteal#identical yet opposites those two#zam may think hes more determined than minute but i dont think thats true i think theyre a lil more even#like not to bring up kings but they both went looking for nether fortresses for hours in the first session#they both kept farming and grinding even when the odds are stacked against them#even when they lose hope they keep going anyway for that tiny sliver of a chance that Something happens#like theres a reason minute looked up to him in s3 and i think its cause he saw a lil bit of himself in zam#or at least what he could be if he set his mind to it#but honestly i dont really care who wins or loses that much#all i ask is that the season ends in an interesting way regardless of if its in peace or chaos#characterwise; plotwise; possibly even metawise#just give me something to chew on and ill be happy
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todayisafridaynight · 4 months
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mine only having one render ever is still the funniest shit in the universe like that one singular render from 2009 has been carrying this fucker through what little merch he can get AND now multiple games at this point
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red-dyed-sarumane · 7 days
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sometimes i think about the fact when i started digital art i didnt have the patience for anything taking more than 45 minutes & now anything under 5 hours of work is a doodle to me.
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pulsedemonremastered · 3 months
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bit by the worldbuilding bug . was trying to think of a name for the pkmn fanregion ive been cooking off and on for a couple years &realized i never even considered the geography of the place
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sneakystorms · 1 year
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girlspecimen · 2 years
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my toxic enstarrie trait is saying that i love all the boys but then looking at every picture of mayoi i see like this
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vanillu-script · 2 years
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my dad will comfort and hold my crying mother to the ends of the earth but me? Oh I'm actually less conversationally important than the fucking WWE Goldberg biopic
#'and nobody fucking cares' 'i dont think thats true'#what the fuck would you know. you won't even look at me.#if im sobbing he'll continue to discuss whats on the tv.#and i wish i didnt have to fucking say anything about it to him to begin with but its months for counselors.#my friends have it worse than me. just reconnected with a highschool friend who is amazing at grounding me but shes 22 with fucking fibro.#she doesnt need my trash especially since i havent physically seen her in like 3 years. and i cant help her the way she helps me.#nobody will listen. when they do: im a mentally ill stereotype and an annoyance. its not unrealistic that people would see me this way.#its horrible.#and because i am mentally ill and distressed no one wants to acknowledge why im distressed: physical fucking symptoms#if i suffer for 2-3 more months and then get treated and better then thats. well. something.#if my head is right and im unreparable or i die i want it to be said that i fucking hate everyone for not listening.#this klonopin is taking too long to hit. i just want to be fully sedated into a coma until they can fix me.#i dont ever want to look at anything. even when im happy or enjoying myself im mortified by how my world is now.#ive been dissociating for years but never this. everything looks fucking wrong. sleep brings no comfort. the spins come at night.#tomorrow im going to call about klonopin and see if theyll let me have more. not taking it every day. but honestly. in terms of peace#of course. my doctor also recommends ketamine. haha. thatll be something.#ok. i think my brain is slowing .#fuzzy.#personal#delete later#vent //
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windywhispers · 2 years
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hi school’s been really busy lately which is why i haven’t been posting here much but its also that i think predominantly, this blog winded up being a lot of blue period manga rambles while i was liveblogging it, but because of the news a bit ago from the mangaka, coming back here felt a little ill for me
like truthfully, i think i’ll go back to reading blue period in time but it’ll take some time before i can interact w it again w/o beating myself up for it, but i would love to go back to using this blog for my own notetaking and liveblogging
i’m currently reading vnc right now though ! and there’s a lot of genshin stuff to talk about ! so perhaps i can tidy up a bit and talk about those in the meantime
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hazardperceptiontest · 2 months
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might be ill (negative connotation)
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dxsertrot · 2 months
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Actually everything has been too complicated and now that the sun is out I've decided that everything is actually easier than I thought and nothing has to hurt me unless I let it
#drinking coffee and smoking in the sun after a decent day of work#i got to work ot this weekend and do a tough job and the day after i hiked w my mom and ran along the beach w the dog#the longer i keep myself away from the narrative the more further removed and at peace i feel#although sometimes its somewhat distrupted when i see them but i reel it back in real quick#it just feels good to know that i dont have to let anyone in and that i have my people and thats all i need#im goung to carry myself the rest of the way through like i always have#and i dont need anyone elses validation#things will come to me when im ready and its right#if i dont want someone to hurt me then i simply dont have to allow them to hurt me#and if i hurt them then oh well. i need to protect my peace and my self esteem#i have things that i would like to work out but i need to accept that everything i want to have happen i cant make happen#ive been through too much and worked too hard and loved too hard and learned too much to let things like this touch me anymore#my self perception cannot hinge on anyone anymore because only i know what ive done and seen and felt and thought in every momemt of my lif#and how i look is not a solid descripter of all the aspects of me#it is not the bulk of my humanity it is hardly a grain of sand#im not angry or sad im just indifferent and ready for something better and healthier and more secure#and the things and people that i can have by relying on my looks do not hold much value anyways#besides. i am pretty. and im healthy and im good w my money and i laugh w my belly and i know a fuck of a lot more than i ever thought#and ive done more than i ever anticipated#i have a lot of things to be so okay with that i shouldnt even have to think about it#and the fact that i ever do is a luxary not given to the bulk of humanity#ive had the privledge to love many times and learn the lessons that accompany losing#and the privilege to make my own decisions and have my own priorities#i have the time and money to worry about frivolous things just like ive had the same to experience some really cool things#i am full of energy and opportunity and love and i get to decide when and where i want to direct that#if i direct it in a place that leave me feeling sad and empty and confused i can put my focus elsewhere unless i deem it worthy enough to#work at#and when ive poured too much in and got too little back ill know to reframe things#its not that complicated and its not that messy#it just is whatever i make it out to be and im tired of making everything out to be more and allow it to define me
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echo-s-land · 3 months
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Throw back to the time I thought I was pan when I'm simply truly only a aspec person yearning for closeness lol
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sicker-thingz · 6 months
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well the downside of being off T is that i realize i DO have emotions after all and they never stopped being intense and i never learned how to cope cause i was just numbing it out. ugh. lame
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