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#the underlying idea of it that you can only ever have One Person you share that love and intimacy with. so you still end up perpetuating the

triviallytrue · 2 months

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Ignoring situations involving doxxing (which are more serious but also less common and easier to protect yourself from), the main goal of sustained harassment on here is to get you to delete your blog. You can probably keep most of your friends by adding them on discord or whatever, but the underlying logic in these cases is "you are a person who exists on the same part of the internet I use, and I want that to stop."

I reject the idea that moderation will ever be a solution to this problem, at least not without creating new, worse problems. But tumblr can and should provide users better tools for defending themselves.

Let's talk about tumblr's private blog feature. You can password-protect a blog, so that users have to enter the password before being able to see and interact with your posts. This is barely a step above deleting your blog.

You need to manually share this password with everyone you want to have access to the blog, which does not scale to a following in the thousands. You need to hope that no one ever leaks the password to your harassers, in which case your only recourse is to change the password and manually reshare it, again. This is a Bad System.

What does a good system look like? Consider twitter's private account feature. All your followers are preserved, but future followers have to ask to follow your blog. If you block a follower, they can't just create a new account and dodge the block - they're locked out. You keep your blog, you keep your following, you keep your friends, and no one outside your bubble can touch you.

There are still downsides here compared to not being harassed at all - people who don't already follow you can't see your posts - but it gives you a way to turn off the harassment spigot that can be easily reversed if/when your harassers get bored.

Combine this with a feature ideally for both private and public blogs (allowing only people you follow to reblog or reply) and I think the situation on this site improves a lot.

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pedgito · 4 months

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𝐌𝐄𝐄𝐓 𝐌𝐄 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐎𝐎𝐃𝐒 ╳ SERIES MASTERLIST

Chapter Five: Christmas (Week Four)

Chapter Summary: The end of your vacation with Joel is lingering in the distance, spending the final few days sharing as many moments as possible until your final day, which might not be the end of you and Joel, but it definitely feels that way.

Chapter Warnings: (6k) : no outbreak, consensual somnophilia (talk mentioned in chapter), oral (f & m receiving), joel being vulnerable, the most sappiest and deeply emotional sex you can have with a man you've only known for a month, unprotected piv, bittersweet goodbyes

The days leading up to Christmas are slow and cherished. With the looming end of your shared vacation not far off, it feels like each moment is precious. A story that could be shared a million times, but something you craved to keep close to your chest.

Joel always looms near, a step or touch away. He eventually found the courage to sift through your stash of books, picking something old and worn away and relaxing himself on his own couch while you took up the other, a mutual moment of quiet bliss.

You bug him with random questions more often now, curious to gather as much stuff about him as your brain could manage and he often did the same, whether out of courtesy or not.

His favorite color is green, occasionally blue. He likes the softer purple…lavender, he thinks? But, that’s only because Sarah does.

He doesn’t think he’s much of a cat or dog person, but he always ends up feeding the stray animals around his neighborhood—again, something he picked up from Sarah.

He carries her with him everywhere and smiles at every mention of her name. It’s beautiful. And you feel the lingering bittersweetness around it all, knowing that he didn’t get to see her nearly as much as he wanted.

“What’s your favorite animal?” He asks a few days before Christmas, stirring the sugar into your coffee before shoving it into your waiting hands.

“Uh—wolves?” You sound unsure, but you nod more confidently, “Yeah, wolves are cool. What about you?”

“Horses.” He answers simply, “You ever ride one?”

“Given I’ve lived in Austin for so long, you would think so–but no.”

He almost has the inclination to invite you, but then he remembers.

You won’t exist to him outside of here. And he to you.

“You gotta change that, darlin’.”

“I’ll try.” You answer with a smile, sipping gingerly at the steaming cup of coffee.

Joel likes his time to himself too, unlike yourself. Being alone here felt off, weird—considering you went into the trip with idea that you would be completely alone, it was almost too lonely when Joel would sneak away or take a drive into town. You never questioned it, though. Sometimes he’d leave to call Sarah, even if the call didn’t actually make it through. Sometimes he’d leave to pick up more coffee that he would eventually run through because he wasn’t a one cup a day type of person.

He was more like a five or six. Seven on the days that seemed too dreary and long. It couldn’t be good for him, but he knows none of this is either. The sex, the growing affection toward a stranger that he would eventually have to leave behind, the underlying attachment to you.

It’s Christmas Eve when Joel rolls over in bed and throws out the idea of having breakfast in the small town a couple hours away, just for a change of pace.

He doesn’t explicitly try to make it seem like he’s asking you on a date, but it feels that way. The shyness he hides behind a few clears of his throat, turned over on his side in the bed that he had very savagely fucked you in the night prior, thighs still aching from the way he gripped your skin and forced you open.

It’s a stark difference from the gentle man in front of you and that’s what you loved about him.

And the moment the thought slips from your mind you feel your heart stop, the idea of loving someone so new—who didn’t have any intention of seeing this through, nor did you. You try to batter it down to the intimacy you’ve shared, that Joel was just a likable guy underneath all the disdain and grumpiness. People loved him and that didn’t have to be a huge thing, still, it terrified you.

The restaurant he takes you to is small, but filled to the brim. Small families, older couples, all hammering away at their early morning breakfast while you and Joel ordered your own, feeling like this was a peek at what could’ve been.

Joel knows he can’t have you.

You’re younger, naive—life left to live that didn’t include him. You needed to make mistakes, follow the goals you had set for yourself and that ultimately, he would be the type of person to bog you down.

He rubs at your extended hand tenderly where it lays on the table and for a moment, you try to pretend this is something real and not a fantasy you were both allowing to play out.

Christmas is something else entirely.

Joel had stayed up into the late hours the night prior, something you couldn’t be bothered to take part in, hearing him sneak into the room well past midnight. He didn’t sleep well often, noticing how often he woke up in the middle of the night and walked the halls, paced, thinking about whatever was ailing his mind. You’d count the footsteps and wait, playing asleep when he’d crawl back into bed and wrap himself around you.

He’s sprawled out on his back this morning, face buried into the crook of his elbow that was slung up high by his head, snoring softly. His other arm slung loosely against his chest, fingers curled into a soft fist.

You remember the brief respite you both had about situational opportunities—outright admitting to him that you were okay with him fucking you awake, which should’ve surprised him but it didn’t. It took him a while to admit it himself, but after a night wrapped in the sheets together he allowed himself to open up a little more freely.

“Are you into anything?” You ask softly, “Like, is there anything that just makes you go—oh, fuck yeah.” You mimic him lamely toward the end of your sentence and he laughs softly, shoving a gentle hand over your mouth.

“You tryin’ to make fun of me?” Joel asks playfully. “But, no—I don’t know. I guess I like things…a little rough. Maybe that’s more one-sided—”

You coyly shake your head, the edges of a smile framing the corners of your mouth.

“Alright,” Joel notes, “Uh, that thing you said about,” Joel clears his throat once, “fuckin’ you awake, don’t think I’d mind that either.”

“Joel.” You gasp scandalously, soft and quiet.

Which lends to the position you’re in now, slowly moving the blanket down his thighs and revealing his tanned skin, left in a worn out black shirt and a matching pair of briefs that held snug to his body, soft cock lending a beautiful outline in the cotton material.

You sneak between his legs quietly, one leg hiked up slightly as he stretched out, unbeknownst to your lingering presence as you press your mouth against the outline of his cock, fingers running teasingly over the waistband as he stirs slightly, still deep in a heavy slumber. He hums a soft noise and turns his head away.

Feeling the warm heat of his skin through the fabric, you crave a real touch. The heady smell of him, mixed with his fresh body wash and remnants of cologne from his jeans just a few feet away. It’s addicting, intoxicating, driving you to near madness.

You slowly pull his underwear down, far enough that you can settle the waistband underneath his balls, a soft and light touch as you trail your fingertips over his shaft, exploring carefully, watching for any signs that he might wake up soon.

He doesn’t move an inch.

But, you know it won’t take much.

You give a few slow, experimental tugs before slotting your mouth over the side of his cock, tongue dragging a long line down his shaft and fitting himself in your mouth, repeating the process a few times before you start to feel him harden underneath your tongue, smirking at how quickly things go from calm to feverish.

“Jesus,” Joel murmurs from above, his hand finding your head and cradling the back of it, urging you to keep going, holding him as deep as you can until you feel the burn and gag, eyes watering at the sensation, “fuckin’ Merry Christmas to me, huh?”

You snort softly, allowing yourself to settle more comfortable as he slowly awoke, rubbing his palms into his eyes and blinking away the blurry morning haze, groaning lowly when you take him just a little too deep, the tip of your nose nudging the base of his groin, the stubble tickling your nose.

You could do this for hours, really—solely to hear the quiet and muffled reactions Joel tried to keep to himself, slowly losing his grip on reality as you pick up your pace, hand covering what your mouth couldn’t reach when you intensify the pace, dragging your tongue around the tip of his cock until he shutters underneath you, using the grip on your head to hurry up your pace, knowing he was already near the edge and allowing you the courtesy of a warning when he did feel the urge to come, but he’s tapping your chin and you’re not moving.

“Baby, I—” Joel doesn’t get another word out before you double-down, eyes flicking up to look at him while he falls apart, eyes nearly rolling back at the intensity of heat he feels as he comes down your throat, allowing you eagerly swallow every last drop, pulling off with a soft pop, grinning at him salaciously.

You hum softly, climbing over his lap until your noses touch, staring into his wide eyes with an unrestrained adoration for one another.

“Good morning,” You say quietly, “sleep well?”

“Got a few hours in,” Joel admits, “I’ll manage. Nothin’ a few cups of coffee can’t fix.”

“Uh huh.” You mock playfully, moving slightly so Joel can readjust his underwear.

“I gotta take care of somethin’ first, though.” Joel tells you, rising up slightly, his touching prickling your thigh, “If you don’t mind?”

“Wha—Oh!” Joel flips you onto your back without much resistance, gaining the upper hand with the surprise of his movements, tugging at your bottoms with his eyes trained on your expression, grinning with a giddiness that was only reserved for him.

Joel doesn’t give you time to adjust either, bottom half free of all clothing—he gets his palms under your thighs and pushes them up, nearly folding you in half as he dives into your pussy, mouth wasting no time to latch onto your clit, the glorious dig of his nose as he licks a long stripe down the seam of your cunt, ravishing after last bit you had to offer, not sparing any expense.

You’re white-knuckling the sheets before you feel Joel reaching blindly for your hand, moving it into his hair and silently asking—begging—you to take hold and use him to fulfill your own selfish needs. You card your fingers through soft curls, the slightly aged brown that was sprinkled with grays and you tugged, guiding his face against your cunt greedily. He sucks on your folds briefly, oversensitive now with how turned on you were, clit swelling underneath his tongue.

“Jo—Joel,” You gasp, “fuck, that’s—right there—”

“Yeah?” He says, muffled against your cunt, the vibration of his bravado doing nothing to ease the urge to come, quickly creeping up on you with how intense he’s set the pace, determined to get you off in record time, speaking in spurts as he dipped his tongue inside of you, fingers squeezing at your thighs when he feels your hole flutter around his tongue, so close to coming you might cry, “Shoulda’—been doin’ this the whole fuckin’ time. Never would’ve let you leave—leave this goddamn bed.”

“Oh–fuckfuck,” You stammer, legs shaking as you feel yourself tip over, coming with a loud sob, tears brimming your eyes from how forceful you feel it, Joel not stopping even when you’re well-past finished, “Joel—Joel, please—”

“Gotta clean you up, baby.” He murmurs against your cunt, the soft sting of his stubble as it burns your inner thighs but keeps you conscious, otherwise you would’ve given up right then and crawled back into bed—screw Christmas, this was better. Joel would’ve stayed in bed all day if you asked. But, he’s pulling back eventually, nurturing the achy muscles in your hips with a tender rub of his fingers, mumbling a quiet apology.

You smile softly, allowing him to pull you upwards, tossing your clothes in the direction of your lap, trying to desperately to calm your rapidly beating heart and how nonchalant this man was acting after he’d had you bent in half and coming within just a few minutes.

“You stay put,” Joel orders, “I’ll be right back.”

….Okay. You slip your bottoms back on, sitting comfortably on the bed, legs tucked to the side and your fingers pulling at a lose thread in the stitching, hearing his descending footsteps going to god knows where—but there’s only a few seconds before he’s returning, something small tucked behind his back.

“Joel,” You scold, “What the hell did you do?”

He had that smug look on his face, walking toward you slowly.

“Close your eyes,” He tells you and you do so, feeling the dip of his weight as he sat on the mattress a few moments later, “Alright, open ‘em.”

You open them slowly, peeking through one eye at first before braving another, eyes searching his face before the flick down to the small figurine in his hands—a wolf carved out of wood, nothing too intricately detailed but the shape and idea was there.

This motherfucker.

You look up at him, brow furrowed in anger. Not specifically at him, but that he was trying to surprise you with something when you had nothing to offer in return—deadset on the idea that something like this was too personal, too connected. If he gave you this, it was something you would keep with you forever, a constant reminder of him.

You weren’t sure you could handle that. Still, you noticed the worry in his face, the lines in his forehead creasing as he noticed your distaste before it quickly fades.

“Joel,” You sound sad, pinched as you look over at him, hands cupping his own as you take the figurine from his hands, “—it’s beautiful. Thank you.”

Joel knows it’s genuine, watching your bottom lip pull between your teeth as you nibble at the flash lightly.

“It’s too much, isn’t it?” Joel asks, trying not to seem offended.

He wanted to do something nice. Anything.

He didn’t know how to thank you, feeling like anything he could say would pale in comparison to such actions as gift giving or gratuitous morning oral.

“I just—I didn’t…get you anything.” You tell him, rubbing a thumb over the wolf’s head and wooden snout—it was around the size of your palm, a perfect fit if you held it outstretched. You already had a place in mind of where you would keep it.

“I didn’ expect you to, darlin’.” Joel assures you, “I needed somethin’ to distract me last night so I made it. You ain’t gotta keep it. If it’s too much.”

“No, no—” You swiftly assure him, clutching it to your chest.

It was in your possession now. It was yours to keep.

“Can I be honest with you?”

Joel seems fidgety, rubbing the thumb on his opposite hand over his knuckles, wringing his fingers together nervously.

“Not that there’s an obligation,” You remind him, “but yeah, of course.”

“I’m just—real glad this happened,” Joel admits, staring down at the duvet intently, avoiding your gaze. You touch his palm, slowing his nerves down to a dullness that he could barely feel, “I thought you might like it, but I really don’t expect nothin’ in return.”

He was used to it, but that wasn’t the point.

You squeeze his hand before pulling him into a gentle hug, giggling softly as he slings your legs off to the side over his lap so he can hug you fully, burying his face into your neck and inhaling slowly, a gentle rock back and forth as you both enjoy the silence.

“I came out here to be alone—I know you did too.”

You nod, fingers running gently along the tip of his spine, right into the beginnings of the hair at the nape of his neck, pulling back to look at him.

“I’m glad you were here,” You tell him, “No matter how much we wanted to murder each other that first night.”

Joel snorts at the fading memory, “Shoulda known then how much troubled you be.”

“Oh, so much trouble, Joel.” You counter, “You have no idea.”

And he wants to.

You both share a simple, chaste kiss that doesn’t linger. A solid thank you.

Thank you for being here. Thank your being you. Thank your for sharing this space.

Thank you for saving me.

Much of the day is spent tucked under Joel, watching a melody of Christmas movies he bought when he went to town a few days prior—old classics and new, fresh snow pelting the front windows and two steaming mugs in hand.

Joel opted for coffee, of course. You, a sweet hot cocoa loaded with mini marshmallows and cinnamon. Joel couldn’t help but grimace with every handful you topped on.

But, he also said something that had stuck with you well into the day.

“We’ve already been over this,” You scold him, “stop judging me.”

“You and Sarah would get on real well,” He says around the edge of his mug, “—that sugar intake is ridiculous.”

It stalls you for a moment, brain short-circuiting at the mention. Really, it shouldn’t matter. It was a simple statement that meant nothing and Joel, to your surprise, doesn’t even seem phased. Which—it’s a good sign. But, it still stings.

You wish attachments didn’t eat away at your mind, body, and soul. But, they did.

And you were so fucking attached to Joel it could kill you.

You force on a smile, stirring the hot cocoa with a spoon.

“Says the guy who drinks like twelve cups of coffee a day.” You argue, “A day.”

And Joel’s tendency of touch has only worsened as your time together waned, feeling and knowing that you would slip through his fingers—he’s holding onto this for as long as he can, knowing that once you both go your separate ways, this would all be for naught.

It’s nearing night by the time you both crawl into bed, sun already set for the day and sky outside dark, quiet aside from the occasional creak of the house.

“Any plans when you get back to Austin?” You ask lightly, trying to cut through the silence.

Joel’s gaze was ever-present, eyes examining you carefully.

“Just workin’,” Joel answers simply, “Nothin’ different than usual.”

You want to ask him to visit you, to spend time with you when you get back to Austin. But, you bite your tongue—afraid that whatever you’ve created her would crumble on the outside, the safety bubble of this sanctuary keeping you both together.

Joel asks instead—maybe not outright, but you can see the look in his eyes. Hopeful, for once. He quickly covers his tracks with, “I’m not sayin’ it’s a good idea, but if we run into each other it wouldn’t be the worst thing.”

But, knowing him—he’d have to explain that at some point. He could lie, that was always an option. Though, it didn’t seem like Joel was all that good at it.

‘I don’t think so either, but—”

Joel nods, reserved, “I get it, darlin’. I’m just sayin’, if I run into you ‘m not sure I could just ignore you.”

“And I’m not sayin’ I want you to—“ You sigh softly, attempting to mince your words so they don’t come out wrong or harsh, rather just indifferent, “but this,” your fingers wags vaguely between you both, “I think you and I know that it wouldn’t go over well outside of here.”

Public perception, the major differences in your stages of life, different experiences—it felt impossible. Not to mention, there was so much about Joel you didn’t know and it was scary.

You trusted him deeply, but only with what he’s willing to share and vice versa.

This is all like a fever dream—a few more days and you’d be thrusted back into your normal life at the bookstore six days a week, living your dreary life out minute by minute.

“Then let me have you here,” Joel says lowly, tone lingering with a softness, his hand cupping you cunt hesitantly, waiting for your cue, “while I still can.”

You nod earnestly, chewing at your bottom lip as you lifted your leg over his, attempting to curl your body around him, pulling him closer and in turn wrap him around you, both of you so intertwined you weren’t sure where either of you started or ended. You blink away the slightest sting of tears and kiss him, so hard he makes a muffled mmph sound at the pressure, but reciprocates it all the same.

He soon forgets moving things along quickly, deciding that this would be the time he could really allow himself to revel in it, pick you apart and put you back together again and give you all the attention you were yearning for in the moment. His hands slide around your cheeks, cradling your face gingerly as he kisses you back, slowly shifting until you’re under him and he’s got his thighs wedged under your legs, essentially barricading you beneath him, fleeting presses of his lips to your cheek, collarbone, down your chest and back up again, returning the action to him when he wasn’t so dead set on leaving you breathless, tongue licking into your mouth and your teeth clashing briefly as you both dove in a little too eagerly.

Your hands fist into his shirt as they trail down his chest, pulling and rising until he gets the idea and slips the fabric over his head, palms flatting against his skin, blunt fingernails against his skin as you sigh into his mouth, his thumbs rubbing the memory of his fingerprints into your cheekbones with how tenderly he’s holding you, stopping briefly to rest his forehead against your own.

“Are you okay?” You ask quietly, though the words are deafening within the space, breaking the silence that had fallen over. “Joel—”

“Yeah—” He answers eventually, pulling away briefly to examine your face. You slowly allow your hands to find his face, fingers rubbing along his jaw, the scratchiness of his grown out facial hair and the way he swallows tensely under your touch, shrinking from your admiring gaze, “I’m okay.”

This feels like more than what this cabin can handle.

Maybe not love, but there was a line and it was being blurred. And if one of you hasn’t crossed it, this would be the moment.

You nod slowly, pulling at his wrist gently to guide it down abdomen and toward your underwear, his fingers rubbing gently over your cunt for a brief moment before you speak, “Then touch me—and stop thinking, please?”

Joel shuts his mind off and allows his heart and body to take hold, nodding slightly as he applies pressure, fingers rubbing into the growing wet spot between your legs, eyes locked on your face as you expression grows faint, eyes falling closed at his touch.

“Hey, hey—” Joel calls out softly, “keep those eyes on me.”

You laugh airly, bottom lip pulled between your teeth as Joel slips his fingers beyond the fabric, aiding in the pull of fabric down your legs, disappearing somewhere under the sheets.

“You mind if I—” Joel nods toward where his fingers are leisurely working away, fingers running playfully along the seam of your cunt.

“You’re really fucking asking me that?” You respond, exasperated at him dragging things out, though he knows the response holds no anger or frustration.

His chuckle is enough of a sign that he finds it entertaining how worked up you already were, descending the bed as he shoved the sheets away, spreading himself out comfortably between your legs as he moved them over his shoulders, your hands gripping the sheets were pried away and intertwined with Joel’s own fingers—it feels so wholly intimate you want to melt away, but the thought is interrupted as his tongue dips inside of you, hole fluttering at the touch.

“Hu-Oh—” You sigh shakily, squeezing his hands as he laps at your pussy, tongue flattening out as flicks at your clit, sucking gently before swiftly guiding your hands into his air, ultimately deciding that this pace was far too torturous for not just you, but himself. “Jo—Joel—”

“Shhh, baby,” He soothes you, gripping the underside of your thighs like he has before, but only lifting them up enough to allow him some actual leverage, asserting himself as buried his face into your cunt and directed all his focus on your aching clit, his eyes locked on your own all the while. Your mouth drops open in a desperate whine, yanking firmly at his hair and causing Joel’s eyes to roll back slightly.

And you wish you could say you held out, that it didn’t take some expertised flicks of his tongue and his suckling at your clit to have you gushing against his mouth, coming with a moan that rips from your throat unexpectedly, leaving you both breathless as Joel pulls away.

If you both had any patience you’d allow a moment to speak, let the moment of reprieve flow in and break the obvious tension, unspoken and wading just below the surface.

Instead, Joel’s restraint breaks free.

He shoves his underwear down his hips and you could’ve swore they disappeared into thin air before Joel is slotting himself between your legs, sliding into with one fluid push of his hips as he leans over you, moaning into each other’s skin as you wrap around one another again.

The intimacy is overwhelming. But, in the way that it makes your entire body go hot, blocking out everything but Joel and the soft grunts of pleasure he was attempting to keep at bay.

Strangers didn’t love like this.

But, you weren’t strangers anymore.

“Joel, hey,” Your voice is featherlight and sweet, rubbing at the back of his head as he pulls back, lips in a defined pout as he look at you, fucking into you at a pace that is agonizingly slow but necessary, “I like hearing you—no holding back, okay?”

It does Joel in completely, his arms scooping up behind your shoulder blades to haul you into his lap, a brief moment of tangled limbs as you adjusted yourself while he leaned back, calves tucked underneath him but his legs splayed wide enough that you sat comfortably, your hand guiding his cock to slip back inside of you with ease, your bodies connected at every possible point.

“Fuck—baby,” He swears, his mouth pressed into the point where your neck meets your jaw, aiding the slowly increasing rock and bounce of your hips, “like that–gonna need you to give me ‘nother one, alright?”

Baby, baby, baby.

You were addicted to the way it sounds falling from his lips—how he means it.

You nod, though blindly, eyes squeezed shut as you don’t feel far off from another orgasm, so wholly turned on that it seemed impossible.

Joel had a way with you, like years of exploring and learning and knowing all wrapped into a few weeks—this stuff was kismet, meant to be. It had to be that way. There was no other explanation for it.

“Answer me.” Joel urges, sounding more composed but still strained.

“Yes—yes,” You answer without hesitation, “I’ll try.”

Joel laughs softly, nipping at your jawline, pistoning his hips at a speed that had your arms gripping him tighter, “Hmm—no try, darlin’. You will.”

You squeal as Joel quickly switches positions again, laying out on your back while he settled between your legs in the same position, hooking your knees over his hips as he guided himself into you seamlessly, guiding your hand toward your cunt wordlessly.

Oh—he wanted you to come with him.

And he wanted to enjoy watching you–he does, while you did it and came apart around him, cunt tightening around his cock so snug it pulled the air out of his chest, your fingers working tirelessly over your clit, moaning loud and drawn out.

“So fuckin’ wet, baby—” He grunts, if the soft squelch was any indication. In any other situation you were sure you’d be mortified at such a callout, but Joel manages to ignite that fire in your core, squeezing down on him with his words, “Yeah—like how good I make you feel?”

You nod wordlessly, but Joel doesn’t accept that.

You can see he’s almost there, his hips faltering slightly as his brow pinched together.

“So fuckin’ good, Joel.” You tell him, “No fuckin’ idea how good you make me feel.”

Joel pulls out swiftly, jerking himself with a stroke before he’s coming over your bare cunt, nearly allowing himself a slip-up with how lost in his mind he was. He collapses on you immediately after, uncaring as your bodies mix with his cum, cradling Joel in your arms as much as he allows, your breaths melding together after time.

This was different.

Joel carefully cleans you up when he finds the energy to move before allowing you to take a quick shower, a pair of his own spare pajamas waiting on the bed for you as you switch turns, him disappearing into the bathroom as the door clicks shut.

When he returns, you curl against each other instinctively. There were no words to be shared, no looks to be stolen, but a silence you both found comforting.

You were going to miss Joel and it felt terrible.

But, Joel was going to miss you and that devastated him.

You fall asleep long before Joel, who sits up thinking off all the reasons he wouldn’t have to let you go, knowing you were already slipping through his fingers.

The rest of your vacation is bittersweet, a few days of cleaning and tidying up the place, but also of endless talks—attempting to absorb as much about each other as possible.

“Bullshit,” You retorted, finger pressed against his chest as you sat beside him on the couch, body halfway turned toward him, “you cannot play guitar.”

“I can, I have,” Joel says matter-of-factly, “You know—I was your age a time ago.”

“I want proof.” You challenge.

“You’re gonna have to take my word, darlin’.” He tells you. “Had a band and everything. We recorded some songs, but they never saw the light of day.”

“No fucking way.”

Joel rolls his eyes, pressing his lips to yours in a desperation to shut you up.

It works.

But, the final night is what has you both clinging to each other with no urgency to let go.

Hours upon hours of mindless conversation, too scared to allow the other to fall asleep in fear that you’ll wake up and you’ll have to face the reality of the next morning.

You were leaving, Joel was leaving.

Separate ways, both of you.

And you can’t remember which one of you caves first, but it isn’t without fight.

Joel packs with a quiet finality, helping you lug your bags into his old truck too. He seems troubled, distant, worried about you and far, far more.

You want to comfort him, but you fear it will only worsen things.

Joel promised to drive you back into town after enough deliberation, unwilling to let you go just yet and stretching out the time he had with you—driving you far enough that you could order car service to get you to your apartment in Austin, just inside the city and away from the suburbs.

But, the brief moment you have before he leaves you is something that engraves itself into your mind, lingers for long, long after you leave him.

Joel kisses you fully, tenderly—well beyond anything without meaning. He’s kissing you with everything he has to offer, feeling like you might lift off your feet at how full of love it makes you feel, gripping his wrist to hold him near as he cradles your face.

“Can’t let you go.” He says quietly, so quietly you almost don’t catch it

“Hey,” You lean into his eyesight, pulling his gaze to your face, “It’s okay.”

He doesn’t understand how you seem so calm, despite how broken you feel inside.

But, you do know one thing—as someone who spent an entire holiday with a complete stranger who you didn’t just come to befriend but to care about—that anything was possible.

“If it’s meant to happen, we’ll find each other again.” You tell him, eyes full of hope.

Joel laughs softly, though bitterly. He pulls you into a tight hug and sways, soaking in the final moments of you and how you feel, the soft hitch of your breath as he squeezes you gently, giggling in his ear.

“Gonna miss the hell out of you.” He admits.

“Me too, Joel.” You tell him honestly, “Seriously.”

Joel wasn’t sure how he could recover from something like this, but he would try. He’d push it down deep and go on about life, forget all the good and drown in the awful, like he usually did.

“I’m gonna get your money back,” He jokes weakly, “for the cabin—just give me a few weeks.”

“Joel, it’s okay.” You tell him through a subtle blinking of tears, but Joel notices, wiping them away silently as you pull back to look at him. “Best fuckin’ money I’ve ever spent.”

“God, how are you real?”

You hum softly, “Well, maybe I’m not. Maybe you did just imagine me up.”

“For my sanity, I hope to god you’re real, darlin’.”

It’s a lame joke, but Joel feels the need to reiterate it.

The car pulls up shortly after, allowing you to give him one last nearly suffocating hug before he finally lets you go, despite how badly he wanted to hold on.

“Goodbye, Joel.”

“I’ll be seein’ you, darlin’.”

Maybe he only meant it as a hopeful utterance into existence, that if putting it out there it would somehow come true. But, Joel knew it to be true. This wouldn’t be the last time and he felt that to his core, watching your bittersweet wave as you climbed into the car, bags all packed in the trunk courtesy of the driver.

You had hope too.

And only time would tell.

(Guys, there's an epilogue (coming December 30th). Please don't yell at me lol. I promise this isn't going to end on a horrible note and you won't want to hunt me down)

#joel miller #joel miller smut #joel miller x reader #joel miller x y/n #joel miller x you #joel miller fanfiction #tlou fanfiction #tlou fic #the last of us fanfiction #pedro pascal characters #pedrostories #my writing #MMITW

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this-acuteneurosis · 10 months

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Can I just say how much I appreciate the fact you don't stray much from the movies?

It's just so refreshing to see a fic that is built on a clear, unbiased and simple canon base. This way, as you demonstrated, a writer not only has the ability to further explore the main themes and ideas introduced in the source material, but they can also go ahead and naturally develop their own by branching out on those fundamentals. They can offer their perspective by using the source material to their advantage, instead of working against it or even worse, trying to include all contradicting canon aspects. Part of writing a fic is kind of like offering your input in a conversation/disagreement. You have to listen carefully to what the other person is saying in order to form your answer...If you're listening to a thousand different people who are all saying a different thing (in this case, The clone wars, legends, novels, comics ect), you won't be able to give an answer that makes sense, much less give a structured and stable opinion.

I love how you were like "I know star wars is entering an era of a shit ton of spin off content with seemingly no end and most star wars fans know shit like who chewie lost his virginity to and what the kessel run is but screw this. The movies and maybe some late night wiki research is enough."

And you were right.

It's so funny, because I feel like I do ultimately stray pretty far from the movies. Not in terms of events I guess, but especially the prequels, I reject some of the underlying assumptions of what is said on screen and just treat it like fallible people strongly asserting opinions that no one calls them on. See: everything I ever assert about the Force/Anakin's "destiny."

I do think it helped me to stick with limited material. And it wasn't even because I saw all of this new SW content coming. I've mentioned this before, but when I started writing Don't Look Back (when it was just Like Fire and I naively believed I was gonna be done in 200k words, lol, rip past me) I hesitated a lot because as far as I was concerned, I wasn't a Star Wars Fan.

I'd watched the OT and PT multiple times. I knew that novels and games and cartoons existed, I knew people had consumed them all. I had been reading some SW fic because @mylongsufferingroommate had been sending me stuff they were enjoying and I was having fun with it. But like, I would never have called myself a Fan. I got goaded into writing this fic by people who knew me too well and really wanted a political thriller. I wouldn't have called them Star Wars Fans either.

Limiting myself to the six movies I had watched was a preemptive defense mechanism against a fan base I wasn't sure would want to accept me. My thin skin is my own problem, but every time I think about writing in a new fandom the same sort of nerves take me: what if my fanon is "wrong" and people are mean?

I guess what I'm trying to say is thank you so much to everyone who gave me a chance and encouraged me and were excited and shared that excitement.

And please, for the love of all the sky and stars DON'T GATEKEEP FANDOMS.

Don't tell people their canon is too big (@blue-sunshine-mauve-morning and @chancecraz have amazing fics that are much more compliant than mine to the broader canon, as a quick example), and definitely don't tell people their canon is too small. Walk away if you aren't enjoying something. Give compliments when you like something that is unique in a fandom you're familiar with. Be patient with people, be kind.

I could easily have given this story up if people hadn't been patient with me. I got comments as early as my first chapter from people who were angry with a single thing that I said and felt the need to tell me I was wrong. I could have left. I could have stopped.

I'm glad I didn't. But I wonder how many other people have.

#writing #people are so kind #fandom #stop gatekeeping #please #canon what canon #me just playing around in my own little sandbox #hoping you all are enjoying the show #anxious someone might steal my toys #or knock over my castle #yes I'm still like this #my thin skin problem

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minkkumaz · 8 months

Text

RACER 03

the longer you contemplated what you would do, and who you would be with, it became clear to you who to choose. woonhak was right there the entire time, you were just too blind to see it.

RACE TO YOUR HEART series

PAIRING myung jaehyun x fem!reader WC 1.0k TAGS racecar driver au. mentions of toxic relationship. confessions. minor cussing. kinda humor. kissing. pokemon ref. TAGLIST @skullverse @yumicherryii OMI NOTE omg this is the end of this series. thank u again to vixy poo for giving me this idea and letting me blossom fr :fire emoji:

the second your finger hovered over jaehyun’s contact name, you knew it was him. it had always be him. every single touch against your skin, each comfortable silence you had with him, and better yet, every moment you shared with him when he took you to the aquarium.

it had been there since the beginning, yet you failed to realize it. maybe it was your stupid mind playing tricks on you, convincing you that there was something much more to him that wasn’t worth knowing. but you were better than this, you knew what you want, and it was him.

you didn’t hesitate a second longer, clicking on the call button. everything you wanted to tell jaehyun flooded through your mind as you listened to it ring multiple times. there was hope he’d pick up quickly, but there was also a fear that your call would go unanswered. he proved you wrong this time around, as you heard a faint hello from the other line.

“jaehyun i–” you pause your words, taking a deep breath to collect yourself.

“hi again, y/n! did you leave something in my car, is everything alright?” he was happy to hear from you, but he was still worried after you didn’t sound so jolly greeting him.

“can you come to the race track? at the spot where we met for the first time? please?” it was almost like you were begging him, though you knew that you didn’t have to plead at his feet for him to drop everything for you.

“no, yeah! i’ll go over right now, just stay put.”

leaning back against the wall, you let yourself drag down it once again. it all became very similar, merging with the memory you had when you first met jaehyun and woonhak. now you were stuck between them, finally making the decision that you felt was right.

jaehyun was the first person to notice you going off, despite being so busy with everything else around him. he graciously invited you back to the track so you wouldn’t be bored, and most likely wallowing in your own self pity. in a way, he understood that all you needed was a proper distraction, one where you couldn’t look away.

and he had it down perfectly, as he shone so bright that it was impossible to look away, yet hurt your eyes if you stared too intently. maybe this was how he always was, and that was only the cherry on top, making everything much more real.

in the silence of the night, you could hear a car pulling up into the parking lot. a car door slammed, followed by the sound of jogging against pavement. you were counting down the seconds, counting down every moment before you’d finally tell jaehyun the sweet words. that trigger to let him know that you wanted to grow with him, and be his.

when his eyes landed on you, his gaze immediately softened. you weren’t crying, just sitting contently in the spot he found you weeks ago. you looked up at him through your eyelashes, the smallest smile playing against your lips.

“y/n? why are you on the floor again? and here..?” he felt confused, sitting down next to you to get his answers.

“i was thinking about it a lot. about us, jae.. i wasn’t sure if i was ever going to be able to love again.” you mumbled, fiddling with your fingers.

“what are you talking about..?” he knew exactly what you were talking about.

“i looked bored that day and– you came to me. for whatever reason you had, or whatever tensions underlie, you still came to me.” you spoke, “and when we went out, i can’t even explain to you how much fun i had.”

“of course i came to you, y/n.” he responded, moving a small piece of hair away from your face.

“i don’t know if i’ll ever be able to understand why. maybe you just thought i was cute, but it meant a lot to me. nobody has made that effort to care for me like that.”

“i’m not going to lie and say i didn’t come to you for no reason, because i did think you were cute. but i got something so much better than just a cute girl.”

“so if i was super ugly you’d leave me to shit?” you let out a breathy laugh, as he sighs.

“i have no room to comment on that.” he puts his hands up to defend himself.

“god, i feel at a loss for words. but i hope you understand where i’m trying to get my point to..?” you tilt your head at him, the air feeling much lighter after the laugh you shared.

“i like you, you like me, and we should totally kiss?” he raises an eyebrow as you roll your eyes.

“you’re so stupidly clingy, jae.” you put your hands up to his cheeks, pulling him close to your lips to close the gap between the two of you.

it took him by surprise, still not quite believing any of this was real. but he kissed back, and it was. his lips were warm, sending shocks throughout your entire body. the longer you stayed attached to him, the more you didn’t want to let go.

you bit down gently on his bottom lip before pulling away, making jaehyun pout. he was cute like this, and the only thing it did was reassure your decision to be with him. reaching your arms around his waist, you hug him close to you.

“you know, if you weren’t so smooth with asking me out that day, i probably would’ve still been beating myself up about that guy. i can’t believe i let him run my life for so long..” you mumble.

“hey, you’re here now, aren’t you? better yet, in my arms!” he squeezes you, almost taking the air out of your body.

“jae, jae, let go!” you gasp, only making him squeeze tighter before letting go.

“you still haven’t made anything official.” he furrows his eyebrows.

“i don’t think we’ll be official for some time, jae. there’s no way i’m going to hurt you if i’m still going crazy or something. let’s take some time to grow together before we label anything?” you ask, only getting a nod in reply, “don’t worry. i choose you.”

“can i use vine whip to get you back in my arms?”

© 2023 minkkumaz, all rights reserved support your writers by reblogging + giving feedback! it is greatly encouraged and appreciated. thank you! → why feedback + reblogging is so important. ~ (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡ if you'd like, donate to minkkumaz ! RACE TO YOUR HEART series

#⋆｡˚ my works #myung jaehyun x reader #jaehyun x reader #myung jaehyun fluff #jaehyun fluff #boynextdoor fluff #boynextdoor x reader #boynextdoor jaehyun #boynextdoor myung jaehyun #boynextdoor fanfic #boynextdoor imagines #boynextdoor drabbles #boynextdoor woonhak #boynextdoor au #boynextdoor #myung jaehyun

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grasshopperdoingdogpaddle · 8 months

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Hello! I like your blog a lot and I am being anon because I am a coward and I don't want to sound rude or judgmental in any way. I wanted to ask why do you like Omi so much? Like, yes, he's the protagonist, but I myself don't like him that much. I would like to understand your point of view!

There are so many elements I love about his character, I really can't fit it all in one post, a lot of it is spread out through my musings throughout the blog.

But I'll just list off 10 random reasons why Omi is my favorite character. Essay under the cut.

1. His relationship with Chase

Everything about Chase and Omi is so fascinating. It's singlehandedly what pulled me back to this series.

Most aspects of this series are things I've since seen done better in other series that followed in years to come. Some much better.

But Chase and Omi's relationship is something that still feels unique. I haven't seen anything else quite like it in anything else I've read or watched.

They spend time together, they fight together, bring out new things in each other, make old things resurface in each other, like each other even when they know it's dangerous to. They see each other as a mirror, they want to be together, they'll tear apart space and time for each other. They grow close in secret, that have things they can only share with each other. They trust each other despite both of them having deep-seeded trust issues. They respect and acknowledge each other. They show each other affection, they have fun fighting each other. They're worthy allies and best friends.

The fact that they navigate all these complicate mind games against each other is a testament to how well they know each other.

It's Omi who comes to save Chase when no one on the Heylin side ever would. It's Chase who's able to make Omi learn things he needed to learn but just wasn't understanding. It's Chase who comes for Omi to get him to return to the temple in Omi town. It's Omi who tears apart time and space to try to be with Chase.

80 years in the future, Chase still brightens up instantly when he sees Omi. 1500 years in the past, Chase feels deep in his soul that Omi is already someone he knows and loves.

All the secrets between the two of them, all the private conversations, all the underlying things they know they can't say, all the things they'll say to each other that they wouldn't dare speak to anyone else.

They provide each other with something they can't get anywhere else. There are so many reasons why they're fixated on each other.

It's something I can and have gone on about for ages, so I'll cut it there before it takes up my entire list.

2. His defiant, subversive self-love

I've come to really admire self-aggrandizing humor. I admire characters who can love themselves, even with everything else they have going on.

Self-hatred isn't a virtue, and I'm tired of relating to its self-perpetuating, myopic poison.

I want to love myself so strong that it can be my foundation, too. It's a good thing to know your own worth and never let others shake that, while still being a loving, caring, curious person who wants to connect with others, and that's what Omi is.

I love it even more in Omi because you can clearly intuit where it comes from.

No one at the temple really praised him growing up, they didn't really acknowledge him on a personal level, and despite what were probably their best efforts, they were distant and cold.

Omi didn't feel outwardly loved from the outside-- in fact, he grew accustomed to the idea that unconditional love isn't something he'll ever get, that all he can ever hope for is to earn acknowledgement, because he's not a person the same way the others are.

And in response to that, instead of growing bitter or jaded, he decided he'd love himself unconditionally. He'd acknowledge himself and praise his own efforts and choose himself where he grew up expecting that no one would.

3. His very nuanced, personal belief in redemption and willingness to reach out to others

Omi has an unshakeable belief that Chase still has good in him, despite everything. But Omi's also very aware of where Chase stands, and he takes that into consideration in their interactions.

Omi is not only willing to believe in Jack and invite him to their side several times with open arms and praise for his skills, he's also willing to give Jack second chances and a type of trust that he doesn't really exercise with anyone else. Omi goes against the other monks always telling him not to, he'll give up his bedroom and share his clothes, he happily compliments Jack for stopping Katnappe.

Omi knows that Katnappe stands more firmly where she is, but he still argues that they should take her in and help her heal up her injury that she got from trying to rob their temple.

Omi is the only one who was against the idea of letting Wuya and Jack die in cold blood.

Omi is the first to argue that Master Fung should Raimundo another chance, but Omi is also firm in drawing boundaries because of how traumatized he was that Raimundo deliberately manipulated the trust they used to have in him in order to hurt them all.

Omi repeatedly argues that Clay and Jessie should try to reconnect, and that Jessie could come to the side of goodness. He deeply believes in her and in the bond she and her brother have.

Omi doesn't extend the expectation of redemption to everyone, and he's very measured where he does, even if he's willing to show them all sympathy. He's very deliberate in who he reaches out to and thinks has it in them to change, and that's a fascinating take on this type of character.

It's not quite a simple naivety. Omi can read certain situations better than he's given credit for. It's something more nuanced and complicated and case-by-case, and I love that.

4. His adoration for his friends, to the point where he's willing to go so far to protect them

Omi is so scared of squirrels that he'll freeze up at the sight of them. The only time he's ever overcome that was when he had to jump into the fray and fight one to save Kimiko.

That's the moment that stands out most to me as an example of how much Omi loves his friends. There are so many times he shows it, but this is my favorite.

When Omi loves, he loves with his whole chest.

And Omi's loyalty is directly tied to his love. Omi's willingness to sacrifice himself and push himself is tied to his love.

In Judging Omi, they've just had an argument that makes Omi feel that they don't respect his culture and beliefs and the honor that he stakes his everything on, but when he comes back and sees them in danger, he neither does the petty thing of turning against them, nor the reckless thing of thinking he can just run in alone guns blazing and handle it himself.

He takes a risky deal, because the thing he's risking is himself. And he'd happily risk himself to save his friends and his Master Fung. He always does, and he always will.

5. The mentors he adopts throughout the series

Omi learns from Dashi, Chase, Klofange, ect. The lessons themselves are very cool, and Omi is able to being out a mentoring side of characters who otherwise don't show it.

It's adorable, and it leads to some deeply heart-warming and heart-wrenching moments.

Dashi playing the first Xiaolin Showdown with Omi, until Omi finally learned to go at it from a different angle.

Klofange smiling for the first time since we've seen them, and bending over to pet Omi and thank him.

Everything about the side of Chase that Omi brings out.

6. His complex exploration of the concept of trust as a personal boundary

Omi initially trusted Raimundo more than anyone else did. Omi trusted Raimundo unconditionally in a way no one else at the temple did.

He watched Raimundo clearly turn against them, and he still believed that it must be a misunderstanding, because trust and love were so intrinsically tied in Omi's mind, and he couldn't imagine someone he thought cared about them being genuinely willing to hurt them all like that on purpose.

And then he did. And Raimundo took it very far before he eventually changed his mind.

Omi still argued that Raimundo still had a right to be there and keep being a Xiaolin dragon. Omi stood up against Master Fung to tell him to let Raimundo come back to the temple and have another chance.

But Omi also maintains his right to redraw his boundaries, because he was deeply traumatized by that whole affair.

Omi gets screamed at for even thinking in the back of his mind that he's scared to trust Raimundo as much as he did before, but Omi doubles down and stands his ground.

He's the embodiment of "Apology accepted, trust denied." The embodiment of "Forgiveness doesn't require that same reconnection." The embodiment of "a stab in the back isn't rectified until it's been pulled out completely and healed by the one who put it there, and sometimes, the person who stabbed you refuses to even acknowledge the knife is there."

And I truly respect Omi for having enough self-respect for that. It's so easy to just buckle when people try to force past the boundaries you try to set. But you have to forfeit your self-respect to let someone walk over you like that, and Omi would never.

It's especially admirable since Xiaolin Showdown's narrative clearly takes the odd stance that "if you firmly reset the boundaries of trust you're willing to have with someone who deliberately chose to hurt you and your loved ones, that makes you a bad person".

Omi is so strong-willed that he won't just go against time and space, he'll go against the narrative itself.

7. He's adorable and he's a water type

That's my exact strike zone.

He's tiny with a youthful exuberance. He's sheltered and naive with bright eyes. He's stubbornly innocent with precocious hope. He's clumsy with words and has a built-in water gun. He's adorable, and he knows he is.

I love cute things, the little kid characters tend to garner my sympathy, and I always chose the water starters in pokemon.

8. He's suicidally self-sacrificial, not out of any self-deprecation (again, he loves himself), but out of seeing himself as a tool

Omi jumps to sacrifice himself surprisingly easily.

And glory has nothing to do with it.

When he thought he might grow up into someone who would become evil and hurt his friends, Omi walked off to freeze to death alone.

When the temple was taken over by Jack's evil army, Omi didn't run into a situation he clearly couldn't handle alone. He went to Chase Young for help, fully prepared to sacrifice whatever Chase was going to ask for in exchange for his help.

When Dojo was about to eat Master Fung, Omi jumped in the way as bait and begged Master Fung to run away.

The whole reason Omi jumped into the Yin-Yang world despite the danger was because nothing it could do to him was bad enough for him not to risk it for Master Fung's sake.

But he's very against his friends sacrificing themselves for him, and he tries to leave them out of it when he offers up himself as a sacrifice. He values himself, but he's willing to die, because he thinks his purpose is, ultimately, to be a useful weapon for others.

He argued against the soccer game for his freedom, because he didn't think it was worth it to wager their lives for his. Omi's willing to gamble his own life like a poker chip, but never theirs.

It's this fascinating contradiction. Omi highly values himself, but he doesn't seem to value his own life.

It's this self-dehumanization that doesn't come from self-hatred, but instead from this very peculiar way of thinking.

9. His lonely upbringing and the way it shapes his wants and desires

Master Fung doesn't really reach out to him. The most he did was back in episode one, calling Omi in from the rain.

Omi has watched his mentor and the person he loves more than life itself grow more and more distant towards him, while Master Fung is fine showing affection to the other dragons-in-training.

Literally all he wants is Master Fung's love, and since Omi doesn't think he can ever get it unconditionally, he tries so hard to prove himself and earn Master Fung's respect and acknowledge instead.

It's heartbreaking but also fascinating, and it informs Omi's character arc, especially the way he clearly feels less and less at home there at the temple.

He already never felt like it was an unconditional home he could stay in.

Omi loves Master Fung more than anything. Omi would die for him, and more impressively, Omi would kill for him. There's this one-sided adoration and affection and devotion that's so painfully, delightfully tragic.

10. His watching his former hero Guan fall from a pedestal

Guan was one of Omi's biggest heroes. The journey that watching the pedestal break was very interesting.

I loved that Omi personally browbeat Guan into being embarrassed enough to come help them get back Dojo and fight Chase after Guan was going to be perfectly content to just leave now that he had what he wanted.

And it was heartbreaking how Guan later came back with a plan to gaslight and set Omi up to be beaten black and blue, but seeing Guan fall so far from grace in Omi's eyes with those questionable things he kept doing to them is a nice contrast to how Omi gradually comes to love and admire Chase more and more all the while.

#xiaolin showdown #omi #chase young #chase and omi #kimiko tohomiko #clay bailey #jessie bailey #master fung #jack spicer

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reds-ultrakill-brainrot · 1 year

Text

I Had Been Lost to You, Sunlight

gabriel & reader relationship fic

x reader content (read platonic or romantic) any explicitely romantic headcanons will be orange

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pre act 1

- it starts with chance, heaven's favourite angel is a busy man but you seem to linger in his mind after the first meeting - he takes more interest once he realises you mean him no harm, why are you in hell? all questions to be answered with time and probably less tact then one would want - it would be your curiosity in him that would cause him to pause, he was always a tool, hell's judge and hand of the father, but to you he was just Gabriel. he had never thought as to what hobbies he had, does he have hobbies? - here would be his introduction to his first hobby, by you no less. the organ was a tad unruly, missplayed keys ring loud in the hall. he couldn't explain why, but he found himself putting substancial hours into practicing before he sought you out again - he’s a bit of a neat freak with his armour, and don’t even think you’re getting him to take any off, it will be a quiet day in hell before that happens - he isnt exactly sure how one goes about making friends with someone, prepare for some very odd attempts at gift giving or shared activities (basically you're getting a bible, or maybe specific passages he has hilighted for you) - he has an inlking of a feeling that he cares for you more than others, but he refuses to think further into it lest he be tempted into sin post act 1

- you would not see him for a substancial amount of time, enough that it was you who had to seek him out, it was in the hall you had taught him organ in where he sat, armoured head facing heaven. you join him, lacking the words to join his prayers, but nonetheless joined in prayer with him- for him - you had never seen him shaken so, the moment doesn't last but settles in your memory. he speaks first, neglecting to mention the council's decision but you can tell something had gone wrong. - its here you first physically comfort him, he doesn't know how to react to the hug, stiff in his posture. its here that sliver of realisation hits him, he cares about you strongly - i'd love to say the angel had a positive reaction, but after failing the council and the impending hour of his light leaving him, the idea that he not only failed god with his actions but also his thoughts broke him - he leaves almost instantly, yet again you are left with no explanation. so you leave. in all this time you had never considered him immature, and you wouldn't treat him as such. he would come when he was ready - when he decides to talk you are met with a letter first, he's embarrased at his own behaviour and uses the spare minutes to work out his thoughts - he wouldn't consider himself innocent by any means, he had dealt with the filth of hell personally, but he finds his previous tutelige lacking in education on these matters - he finds his first words are an apology, and despite his previous insistence in keeping what happened to himself he finds his failure to the council leaving his mouth soon after, however neglecting his nearing demise - the next hour or so is spent in the hall, the two of you sitting on the steps. he's quick to inform you about V1, frustration palpable as he describes the machine's crusade through hell - you offer to pray for him, something that takes him off guard. offers of prayer had only ever been meant as platitude, but you genuinely mean it - there you both sit, this time with you leading the prayer. your words lack the refined practice of his own but he finds an underlying passion that reknews his spirit post act 2 (spoilers)

- you automatically know something is off when Gabriel doesn't seek you out, this time you do seek him out. this isn't about wanting answers or waiting for him to compose himself, you have a bone deep sense of wrong plaguing your thoughts - you find him (you're more sure he lets you find him), swords across his hands and head hung low. he doesn't notice you approaching. the blood clinging to his blades is fresh, glowing charcoal of a near-dead fireplace shining off the fluid, a trail of his misdeeds stain his gauntlets and boots - you don't share words, his silent righteous anger speaks leagues. he seems to soften after noticing you, but there is a lingering emotion that weights on his appreciation of your company - in a startling moment of vulnerability he invites you closer, swords returned to their scabbards, the room beside him on the grass soon filled by you - night walks itself across the sky above you and for this moment Gabriel regrets his earlier actions. he prompts you to rest, your head gentle on his shoulder. gentle. he thinks to himself you are the one being in heaven and hell that has treated him so - his death approaches, each minute his grip on reality wavers, his hand meeting and lacing with your own as he uses his other to write - you awake as you would before, alone. a final letter, handwriting progressively sloppier, sits in your hand

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

hi again, thanks for the interaction with my last post, i'm stoked people are enjoying this. this format is a little different than last time, more of a fic told through headcanons. i'd love to know what people prefer or if i should title this differently

#gabriel ultrakill x reader #ultrakill x reader #ultrakill

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linskywords · 3 months

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It's super nice of you to lock your fics to make readers less anxious. It's also really nice of you to keep updating works unlocked for readers without accounts. I know that I got an ao3 account because one of the wolfverse fics were archive locked and another fic I was reading was suddenly locked while it was still being updated. I also think that locking fics won't stop them from breaching containment. Hockey RPF has already had a user copy locked fics and then swapping them to another fandom as unlocked fics. It really is as easy as that. Lots of people have ao3 accounts and people outside of the fandom can still come into ours and blast our fics all over social media if they wanted to. In fact someone did copy down the top ships on ao3 for Hockey RPF and posted it in the nhl subreddit. Coleydoesthings made a youtube video on top fandoms which included Hockey RPF and SidGeno was one of the top ships and contains one of the most kudos'ed Sports RPF fics. It's already out there on youtube. It's really easy to get an ao3 account. I'm not saying to revert back to unlocking your fics (you can do whatever you want); if I ever publish any fics they'll probably be archive locked. I just think that maintaining the fourth wall is an impossible task and nothing on the internet is private. This isn't meant to scare anyone, but I think we need to realize that we don't have the control over fandom that we think/wish we did, and that we'll be okay. We may have to adapt, and I have no idea what that would be, but archive locking isn't going to be our saving grace. (If only it were that easy)

Second ask:

Adding to previous ask about archive locking because I just remembered something my cousin told me. She has TikTok, and while she is not in hrpf (yet...she wants to read some now that I've talked a bunch about hockey players), she gets tiktoks of people shipping Willy and Mitch using clips of them from games where one is bent over and the other bumps into the other's butt. So while it's not fanfiction the real person shipping is also already on tiktok. And I mean, hockey players do this stuff all the time, so it will likely blow over without brining fanfiction into it. But it's still on tiktok, and that probably is completely separate from hrpf, but it could definitely get tied to it (or attract tiktokers to fanfic and it's really up in the air if they bring fanfics onto tiktok and whether their internet/rpf ethics are anything like hrpf writers). Like, I don't know the future of fanfic privacy. The best we can do is keep it on ao3/tumblr and hope that people don't try to show it to the players (or try to make it go viral on reddit/tiktok).

Hm, there's a lot going on here. I agree with you that online fandom is inherently not private and also that that's okay! There does seem to be a nervousness about the future here that I don't share, though. You mention that HRPF might go viral, or players might find it, and I can see how those things feel unsettling. But the first seems vanishingly unlikely in any meaningful or harmful way, and as for the second, I'm sure most players already know it exists and want nothing to do with it. I think there are two main possibilities for the future of HRPF:

It will stay relatively obscure and the small numbers of people who it appeals to will continue to find it.

It will become slightly more popular and slightly larger numbers of people will start to find it.

There just...isn't a lot of danger here. Either of those outcomes seems fine. The phantom third outcome, where it goes viral in a way that brings a ton of new readers, doesn't seem super likely. It's still only going to appeal to the people it appeals to, and anyone else isn't going to pay attention for very long. But even if we did get a ton of new readers, what's the downside?

I think maybe the underlying fear is that we're doing something forbidden and if we're noticed we'll have to stop. But that's not the case. AO3 exists specifically to remove the danger that content will suddenly be removed when it's found objectionable. So if people find it and get mad, that's about all they can do: get mad. (And leave us some nasty comments, maybe. But now AO3 has a block function!)

It might feel unnerving that people outside of the fandom are talking about it or echoing shipping sentiments, but "the fandom" has never been a self-contained, well-defined space. It's always been open to whoever wanted to find it. To bastardize a Taylor Swift lyric: we're not on our own, kids, and we never have been. So if we get some more fans, great! If we keep about the same amount of fans, also great! If we get smaller for some reason, that's fine, too! Those of us who want to can keep on creating and enjoying the content that speaks to us, and there isn't a lot that can get in the way of that.

#fandom #hockey rpf #ao3

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zoeykallus · 2 years

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Hello! Lovely blog! The ask and answer about the bad batch watching their s/o with a baby was so sweet and I loved it but it made me wonder how they would react to an s/o who looks visibly uncomfortable when holding a baby. They stand there stiff and awkward and hand the baby off with a breath of relief. Perhaps parenthood isn’t for them. Thanks <3

Aloha! Thank you!

Refreshing idea, one I can actually identify with.

The Bad Batch x Fem!Reader HC's - Not Made For Parenthood

Warnings: Talking About Parenthood / Fluff / Hurt

After your beloved clone saw how uncomfortable you were holding a friend's baby and how relieved you were when you could give it back, questions arise.

Ko-Fi

_________

Hunter

He waits a while before talking to you about it. Hunter thinks about what he saw and whether he should really approach you. Finally, he can't let it go and comes up to you.

"You didn't feel very comfortable with the baby, huh?"

He's trying to make it sound casually, but you can sense and hear the underlying wish of his to understand.

"Not really. No."

After a pause he asks, "You don't want to have kids of your own?"

When you shake your head, he feels a little sting. He won't go so far as to ask you why. Hunter senses that you are uncomfortable with the subject itself.

He did think about a family with you, but it will not change his feelings for you in the long run. Hunter might be bummed but he loves you as a person and not the idea of family with you. Allthough he would have been more than happy to build one with you. Hunter needs a little while to get friends with the thought of not becoming the father of your children. You will see him get a sad longing face whenever he sees a happy familiy somewhere around.

Echo

It's okay for him. He never thought he'd ever be a father, it doesn't feel like losing something when he finds out. Echo is crazy about you, he loves you and that's all he needs.

However, he is curious and it may well be that he asks questions. But he does not do that to push you or to change your mind. He is simply and straightforward, really just curious and wants to understand you better as a person.

To be close with you and know all your facets includes this topic aswell.

Wrecker

He loves kids in all forms and sizes and ages. He is good with them too and they love him aswell. Still he hadn't really thought about having some of his own. Until he saw your reaction to holding that baby.

Wrecker is confused. The moment you took the baby, warmth spread in his chest, but as he saw how you felt about it, he felt really confused.

"Kids aren't your thing, huh?"

"Not really"

He thinks about that for a while and he cant shake the feeling that it hurts somehow. Wrecker loves you and he doesn't wanna lose you. He feels conflicted for a while but slowly becomes friends witht he thought of being the beloved uncle instead of a father. He is good with his brothers kids and loves babysitting. So be prepared to share him a lot with his nephews and nieces.

Tech

He does feel a certain fascination at the thought of starting a family, but the basic thought of becoming or being a father actually scares him.

The fact that you seem to have similar feelings surprises him a little, but he doesn't question it. He probably won't even approach you about it. As long as you don't bring up the subject, he won't say anything.

He sees no need for it. He loves you and if you had wanted a family, he would have tried to adapt and probably become a wonderful, loving father, but the fact that you don't want one doesn't bother him either.

Tech knows he wasn't created to be a family man anyway and he doesn't really see anything wrong with that. He sees most things from the logical point of view. Children would only complicate your life in many ways, time wise, financially and health wise. He could lose you in childbirth, a big fear of his in this regard. Even though he knows how advanced medical technology has become.

Crosshair

He never wanted kids. He is awkward and uncomfortable around them. Crosshair is neither surprised nor bummed that you feel like that too. On the contrary. He is relieved.

He will not talk to you about that 'incident' unless you start the topic. Anyway you don't need to fear his reaction. Crosshair is absolutely fine with that. He doesn't want the responsibilty, the stress, the strain that comes with kids.

Before you came into his life, he didn't even want a real relationship, let alone become a father. You have changed his mind about the first thing, but you will not change his mind so easily about the second.

Ko-Fi

@rintheemolion

@andyoufollowyourheart @clone-whore-99

@brynhildrmimi @kaliel2310

@misogirl828 @tech-deck

@meshla-madalene

@chxpsi

@thebahdbitch

@nahoney22 @ladykatakuri

@darkangel4121

@ttzamara

@arctrooper69

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yandereloversblog · 2 years

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I had an idea for you, yanderes (Sun, Moon and Glamrock Freddy) with a reader that when they die they go back in time to the day before their death and with that coming back to life.. But after many timelines the yanderes remember of fragments of the deaths and choices that led to the reader's death... What will happen?

𝐘𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐄!𝐆𝐥𝐚𝐦𝐫𝐨𝐜𝐤 𝐅𝐫𝐞𝐝𝐝𝐲, 𝐃𝐚𝐲𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐀𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐬

╰┈➤ . . . 𝐑𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭: 𝙳𝚊𝚛𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚊𝚏𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚍𝚒𝚎

╰┈➤ . . . 𝐅𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐦: 𝙵𝙽𝙰𝙵: 𝚂𝚎𝚌𝚞𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚢 𝙱𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚌𝚑

╰┈➤ . . . 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫: 𝙶𝚕𝚊𝚖𝚛𝚘𝚌𝚔 𝙵𝚛𝚎𝚍𝚍𝚢, 𝚂𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚘𝚙, 𝙼𝚘𝚘𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚘𝚙

╰┈➤ . . . 𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: 𝚈𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝙱𝚎𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚘𝚛, 𝚃𝚘𝚡𝚒𝚌 𝙱𝚎𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚘𝚛 , 𝚄𝚗𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚝𝚑𝚢 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚃𝚘𝚡𝚒𝚌 𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚍𝚜𝚎𝚝, 𝙼𝚊𝚗𝚒𝚙𝚞𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝙱𝚎𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚘𝚛, 𝙼𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚖𝚞𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛, 𝙳𝚊𝚛𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚍𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝙰 𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚕𝚎 𝚋𝚒𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚜𝚝, 𝙳𝚊𝚛𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝙿𝚃𝚂𝙳 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚖 𝚍𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐

╰┈➤ . . . 𝐓𝐲𝐩𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭: 𝙳𝚛𝚊𝚋𝚋𝚕𝚎-𝙸𝚖𝚊𝚐𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚜

You know I have an OC like this... Except they come back after they die. Some Kenny McCormick bullshit-

-> 𝐆𝐥𝐚𝐦𝐫𝐨𝐜𝐤 𝐅𝐫𝐞𝐝𝐝𝐲

This is probably Freddy's biggest nightmare yet also secretly his dream come true, no matter what and no matter if you escape you'll always be alive, he just has to find you.

Glamrock Freddy is one to observe your condition as much as he can, the bot wants to make sure you're safe and healthy in any given instance ever since you started working. Always checking up on you, making sure you're drinking and eating enough, sometimes he even gets the annoying kids out of your way when you seem too tired by showing up unexpectedly to your location.

But why do you always seem so tired?

It's only been a year since you started working, the ever so kind employee that checks up on Glamrock Freddy during night shifts and talks to him about anything and everything. Truthfully you find Freddy taking care of you endearing, the bot said it's because he cares about you, and the fact he notices when you're at your lowest is adorable.

Now if only he'd remember.

Your simple desire seemed to have pulled through, except it didn't get better, it only got worse.

Freddy really has grown to hate white rabbits over the last few months, the random flashes of memories that crossed his mind always included you getting stabbed by a person wearing a white rabbit costume. The bot was so scared at such impulsive thoughts running through his mind.

Next thing you know Freddy is extremely cautious about Monty whenever you're around, keeping you close to himself and being a lot more passive aggressive to the confused Gator who accidentally malfunctioned a few nights ago and ended up stabbing his claws through your back.

"Freddy, what's wrong? You've been following me around all night." The underlying fear on your tone wasn't missed by neither you nor Freddy. The bot stared down at you with such a pained expression like you had just told him the place would go up in flames in a few seconds.

"I... I don't want you to die [Y/N]..." Came a shaky response, shocking you to no end.

Truthfully you had come to the conclusion that Glamrock Freddy was going to be your killer for tonight, you're close to the bot so and didn't want to grow scared of him because of a simple glitch in the system. What you didn't expect was the bot to tell you that, almost as if he knew. DID he know?

"I-I don't..." Your body started shaking, voice heavy before you bit back a sob, this might be the first person- robot you could share this with "I don't die..." The atmosphere was getting darker despite the bright lights around you, even if the Pizzaplex was closed it was always so bright and happy as you died, whenever closing time approached you couldn't shake the fear off as you waved goodbye to the last costumers.

"... You're lying." No surprise Freddy saw right through you "Superstar please tell me what's going on."

"I... I don't know Freddy I really don't..." The bear themed bot knew his ears dropped down at witnessing your shaking figure, ever so gently reaching out and holding your shoulders, his heart breaking further when your eyes snapped at him in fear and caution

"Are you okay?"

You ignore the sickening dread creeping up your spine at how terrified Freddy sounded, how his grip on you got tighter when tears spilled down your face.

"... No."

Your broken voice answered immediately after and you finally gave in, getting closer to hug him while shaking.

It was hard to ignore it even if you did your best, death always seemed to linger close to you and you didn't have anyone to confide in, but could Freddy be that someone? You cried your heart out for a few minutes before explain your situation.

Truly you couldn't help but to smile for finally getting it out of your chest ONCE, even when slipped into unconsciousness by a single hit from the bot, whether he malfunctioned from the overwhelming story or you got backstabbed didn't matter...

But why weren't you dead?

You woke up like normal, looking in confusion to your surroundings before your eyes caught sight of Freddy close by to you.

"Freddy... What's going on?" You asked cautiously and sat up, giving the bot a long hard stare despite his relieved expression at seeing you up "You don't have anything to worry about superstar, I managed to save us from that white rabbit that has been trailing you."

Your eyes widened at the mention of your usual killer "Oh... So you got me out of there in time." You sighed in relief, smiling a little once he patted your head "Thank you Freddy. When can I leave?" You chuckled, having a sudden newfound affection for the bear bot that helped you.

And just like that it was ripped away from you in his next few sentences.

"Leave? What do you mean superstar? I'm not allowing you to leave."

You flinched at the demanding tone and looked up at him "Freddy... You can't ju-"

"It's for your own good [Y/N]..." He knelt down to your level, grabbing your hand and despite how much you pulled and yanked he just wouldn't let go "There are many dangers out there... Many you have already experienced because I couldn't protect you better."

You glanced up at him, terrified from how sweet his voice sound, the affection made you sick once he pulled you to a suffocating hug "I might have killed the rabbit but they might not be the last to be a threat to you."

"Don't worry superstar, I'll make sure nothing else causes you such pain again."

-> 𝐒𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐫𝐨𝐩/𝐌𝐨𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐫𝐨𝐩

You'd think they'd be worried or terrified, but in this case Sundrop is overjoyed he has a lifelong partner, meaning you'll always be with them. Moondrop is so amused by the fact no matter what you'll never escape their clutches- happy even, not even death would separate you... And quite curious about your power.

You didn't like the daycare Attendants, not that they did anything wrong but the way they watched you was a little... Creepy.

And including the run in with Moon one cursed night while you were trying to run away from Vanny, sure she still stabbed the knife in your back but it was partially because Moondrop stood right infront of you in a game of hide and seek.

You only remembered his shocked expression, uncharacteristic of the usual teasing and somewhat flirty asshole.

Then one time it happened with Sundrop, he had blinded you with the lights accidentally as you tried to save one of the children that was stuck inside, you saw Vanny approach a little too late and you were still guilt ridden about not being able to save the child.

So you stayed far away from the Daycare when you could. Too bad you were usually assigned to work there.

Today had been no different, take care of the kids, collect lost things and put them in a box -trash- for "safekeeping", make sure neither Sundrop or Moondrop went haywire... Speaking of the two animatronics, when they weren't dealing with the kids they were so quiet...

"Sundrop." The tall bot flinched when your voice reached him, he looked down at you in confusion, usual grin in place "Hey there [Y/N]!" You frowned once hearing the crack in his voice "Are you okay?" But he nodded and quickly left to tend to the kids before you could ask any more questions.

Moon was pretty much the same, he mostly made sure all the kids were napping and nobody was disturbing them, he did a bit of staring on your direction but Moondrop never made any movements to approach you which is strange considering Moon loves annoying you.

Meanwhile both of them don't shut up in their minds, their memories are linked in a way so while Moondrop is trying to come up with a stable enough theory Sundrop is in constant mental panic. They do remember those memories but you never DIED in any of them... Right?

Do they want to hurt you that badly that their memories are just that!?

Or is this a warning of some kind?

Why does it feel so real? Were you going to die because of them!?

Maybe you weren't completely human yourself?

For both of the little sanity that they had they decided it was best left for Moondrop to confront you about this.

"What?" You stared in shock when the moon bot ever so graciously suger coated your biggest secret.

"Do you die and then come back? We've seen, there's no use lying." Moondrop's confidence would be but a simple lie, yet he'd laugh when seeing you suddenly turn nervous.

When you made your usual night trip to the daycare you didn't expect Moondrop to confront you so boldly "... Quit joking." You huffed, narrowing your eyes to glare at him "Now if you don't have anything else to say I need to leave, I have other areas to check." Yet before you could turn around Moondrop grabbed your face harshly and held you still.

"So you DID die after all... No, it's more so you CAN'T die." Moon's bright eyes stared at you through the dark, his grin extra sharp tonight "So it's like that huh..." You were frozen in place, fear prickling up your spine.

Moon has never been the one to kill you, neither has Sun, and you didn't want to find out how they could make that happen "I wonder, I have two conflicting memories now, one where you died and one where you didn't... Do you come back after you die or before?" Ever the observant bot, Moondrop didn't let you move an inch, his grip on you suffocating "I won't let go until you tell me the truth. Or don't. We've been meaning to do this for a long while now anyways."

It wasn't possible to speak with your mouth and nose being covered, black spots popping in your already dark vision as you slipped into unconsciousness. Only Moon's glowing eyes and sharp grin being the last thing you saw, his words fading away.

"Maybe you come back before you die and change something that happened... Yeah that may be it... Either way, death won't keep you away from me my little starlight."

Unfortunately for you, you didn't experience the same rush of a panic to going back a few minutes or hours before your supposed death, instead your eyes fluttered open to reveal you were in an area you aren't familiar with.

"Oh sunshine! You're up!" An over-excited voice quickly called out to you and you were pulled into a hug, a tight suffocating hug "Sundrop get me out of here!" You knew Moondrop was the most psychotic out of the two, but Sundrop's insanity didn't leave you any space for comfort either.

"Let you leave, now why would I do that?" He laughed, hugging you in a tight embrace so much so that it hurt "You'll finally be forever mine sunshine~ and only mine~" The words sent a shiver down your spine despite the happy voice "And don't worry, Moon and I will keep you safe from whatever is following after you to kill you, not like they'll get in here."

Sundrop didn't listen to reason and Moondrop doesn't listen to anything that goes against his entertainment.

"Hey, you're not thinking of escaping right?" Sundrop's cheery voice dropped, giving you an uncharacteristic blank stare as you stared up at him with a mixture of fear and anger "No... No, I'm not."

"Not yet?" He finished your thoughts "Moon warned me that you were going to be a bit... Difficult but that's alright." His laugh caused goosebumps to prickle on your skin.

"Rule breakers deserve to be punished, Moon and I have come up with a few rules for you to follow and I'll tell them to you beforehand, if you break any of them we'll personally see and test out how this supposed powers of yours works."

#yandere #yandere fnaf #yandere x reader #yandere headcanons #yandere fnaf x reader #yandere security breach #yandere moondrop #yandere sundrop #yandere glamrock freddy #yandere drabble #yandere imagines

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writtenbynath · 11 months

Text

Making her cum

Related to that post by SOL I just reblogged...

Have you ever noticed this? When a man, especially a Dom, pleasures his female partner, he is "making her cum", and her orgasm(s) are considered his success. If he fails to "make her cum", his sexual prowess is considered sub-par.

Have you ever noticed that it's totally different when a woman gives a man an orgasm? BJs and receiving a fucking are often considered a submissive act, and the resulting orgasm may cause the man to call her a "good girl", but rarely does a woman get to brag about the amazing orgasms she gives her guy in the same way a man brags about how hard he can make his girlfriend cum. The language is even different; women almost never use this phrase "make him cum", it seems to be reserved for female bottoms.

The underlying heteronormative sexism squicks me. The phrase irks me. I don't ever want to catch myself saying that I "made my girlfriend cum". I do not own her orgasms, I have no illusions that I caused the orgasm. I pleasure her, I finger her, I want to make her happy. But whether she has an orgasm is ultimately not up to me, it depends on her state of mind, her relaxation, her comfort. I'll try to help her, of course.

I'd like to brag about how I can make my boyfriend cum, but frankly, that doesn't feel like mine to brag about. Sure, I'm happy with my fellatio skills, and they seem to enjoy fucking me a lot, but orgasm is just as elusive and mysterious in my male lovers as it is in my female ones. It happens only if he's in the right state of mind, comfortable and ready. I wonder what that's like for MM couples, does one feel like he "made his boyfriend cum"? What is it like for GQ folk?

Honestly, I think this is why some women fake orgasms, because their partner (usually a guy) is expecting her, pressuring her, to orgasm. He is spending all this time and effort "making her cum" and she feels obliged, so she fakes it. The alternative, telling your partner that this is not working, so let's do something else now, that's not fun. It feels like rejection, some people react badly to it.

It's connected to this other phrase "lasting long in bed". A man's sexual prowess is not just measured in how hard he can make his girl cum, but also in how long he can stay hard and fuck before he orgasms. Because sex always ends when the guy orgasms? Have you ever really thought about that?

And on the opposite end of the spectrum, a woman is fun in the sack if she cums quickly and often. Women who have difficulty reaching orgasm are considered not as sexy, just like men who cum "too quickly", whatever that means. And that's why "making him cum" quickly is considered not an accomplishment. Or that's my guess.

My point is, we need to let go of all this shit. People feel bad when they cum too fast, or when they don't cum, and sex does not revolve around orgasm, does it? We need to have sexy fun together without all these toxic ideas about how men and women "are supposed to have sex". So, personally, I never use that phrase "making her cum". I encourage my partners to feel and enjoy, and to tell me what they need, when to go harder, and when to stop. I compliment my partners when they cum. I think their O-faces are absolutely gorgeous, I feel honoured that I get to see them like this, touch them like this, that they are willing to share this with me. And I hope they feel the same way.

Let's share the sex-positivity! It think it will make fun and orgasms a lot easier for all of us if we just make up our own rules about what we want to do when we're having sex.

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mayanangel · 2 years

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slow burn love that happens AFTER rejection is such a... guilty pleasure of mine.

just... the idea that Char A and Char B have already had that conversation between them, and that they've already concluded that there would be no potential relationship in their future; only for fate to step in and put them in each other's lives, one way or the other, so much so that they can't help but become part of each other's worlds, their routines.

and then slowly they learn how to know each other, how to be around each other. how to create a reality that exists with the other in it, in every possible future of it. until suddenly they realise the very air they're breathing is the same air they're sharing. im fact, at some point they realise that they've learned so much of each other, it's like running fingers along well worn book spines in an ancient library. the knowledge isn't new, it simply exists.

but the original rejection still stands. the original heartbreak still persists. despite the newfound familiarity, despite the - possible - affection. no matter how close they become, there is always that wedge between them that refuses to go away. that no matter how often they quietly consider the idea of moving forward into something more - that old ache, the old fear keeps holding them back.

they want, despite every reason that held them back before, to be together now - but how can they when they can't possibly promise they won't one day reject the other again over the same things? that ever present underlying question; you've already hurt me once, how can i trust you won't hurt me again?

and so they love. and they long. and they learn how to forgive, despite promising to never forget. but will that be enough? will it ever be good enough to love someone with a cautious heart?

bonus points of course, if there was zero physical attraction between Char A and Char B (that possibly even being a reason for the earlier rejection) but then after spending so much time with each other, learning and growing, suddenly they realise that the other is more than beautiful - they're uniquely them and unlike anyone they've ever known. like when i mean zero physical attraction, i mean ZERO, not even an acknowledgement of "they're kinda cute" just straight up "you're not my type" - which then becomes not about type, but just... who the other is as a person.

but again, would that be enough? could love really sustain on that if it was never a factor before?

#excuse the word vomit i was having emotions #imagine your otp #slow burn prompts #writing prompts #meanie #minwon #gyuhan #junhao #verdi #chansol #can't think of other ship tags #but will add if i do remember

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wkandaforever · 1 year

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the reason it bothers me so much when people say "namor killed shuri's mom" is because that statement is built upon so many assumptions it ends up presenting a false dichotomy and almost completely ignores the characters and the messages in this film

"namor killed shuri's mom" implies that namor, aka the villain, intended to kill the queen, aka the victim. how did he do it? he threw a water bomb at her, and she drowned. end of story. but a recurring theme in this movie is that the how is never as important as the why

we've been following shuri's arc since the beginning of this film, she's going through immense grief, she lost a significant member of her family, and her mother is the only person who she has left, the only person who truly understands her. so when she loses her last pillar of support, she is enraged, and her anger is justified. we empathise with her, when she says she wants to burn the world, when she feels abandoned by her entire family in the ancestral plane, when she says "is my mother's life not worth eternal war?" we believe her when she says namor killed her mother

but we don't get to see the story through namor's perspective, all we have is bits and pieces of information about who the talokanil are based on their introduction as sirens and warriors and their history through namor's own words. but when you begin putting the pieces of the puzzle together you realise just how human the talokanil are. i've spoken before about how envious namor must be of wakanda because of the privilege they hold over talokan. and because the talokanil have faced a lot more adversity than wakanda could ever imagine, they are always prepared for war. they are not oblivious to the truth. colonisation is not a thing of the past. so they have two main motivations, and namor needs to uphold these laws by any and all means necessary: 1) protect their people and resources, and 2) remain hidden

but despite namor's underlying resentment towards wakanda, despite him having more soldiers than wakanda has blades of grass, the first thing he offers them is an alliance. he offers them trust. he shares his story, his land, his people with shuri. he offers her an explanation for his intentions, and speaks to shuri in hopes that she can understand him. and what does shuri do with this gracious offering? she tramples all over it. she betrays his trust, shatters his last ray of hope

we know that shuri tried to stop nakia, asked for her kimoyo beads, tried to save the talokanil guard till the very last moment, knew her death would be seen as an act of war. but namor doesn't see any of it. namor only knows that he failed. he lost his child. to a god, everyone of his children are equal. losing one doesn't hurt any less than losing any more. but his hope blinded him into compromising both of the two laws he was obligated to maintain. so all of the pain, the loss, the grief, and the envy he was repressing this whole time bubbles up to the surface and he thinks to himself, "is my child's life not worth eternal war?"

so namor gives up on his ideas of alliance, attacks wakanda, and intends to kill the scientist. make up for his wrongs by carrying out his initial plan. consumed by vengeance he obliterates everything blocking his path, finds the scientist, sees the queen trying to protect her, doesn't care, and attacks them both

the queen is not a victim. the queen is a saviour. when she first hears about the talokanil attacks she tries to protect shuri by trying to confine her in her lab. then she uses her entire body to shield riri, yells at her to escape but when riri doesn't, she sacrifices herself to prevent her from drowning

and what has shuri been doing this whole time apart from hiding in her lab and rejecting every one of her mother's attempts to reach out to her? she knows that war is coming yet does not prepare reinforcements for the queen. in fact the last thing she does before she loses her mother is hang up on her. but none of these actions seem evil to us. they make sense, we understand her, we get why. she was grieving

but so was namor. wasn't namor grieving too? for more than 500 years?

even killmonger, with all his rage, has the clarity to see what shuri doesn't, that the situation isn't as black and white as it seems. when shuri says "namor killed my mother", he warns shuri against dishonouring her mother by ignoring her voluntary act of sacrifice and labelling her a victim, dying at the hands of a monster, all in vain. he acknowledges queen ramonda's sacrifice, and drive's shuri to avenge her mother's wrongful death. and shuri listens to him, and continues on the cycle of violence. namor attacked wakanda? shuri attacks talokan. eye for an eye

shuri didn't intend to kill the talokanil guard and escape, she intended to come up with a peaceful resolution. namor didn't intend to kill the queen, he intended to ally with wakanda. intentions, motivations, reasons why people do what they do, all of it matters. they are what separate humans from monsters. it's easy to see someone as the hero and the other as the villain when you understand only one side. but it's never that simple, is it?

#wakanda forever #black panther 2 #wakanda forever spoilers #black panther spoilers #bpwf spoilers #mypost #it was the miscommunication that lead everything to hell #but the circumstances were so tragic #and it all ties into the larger theme of consequences #there are consequences. to vengeance. to war.#and they are not small. so it's not that easy to point out who's in the wrong #perspective is everything

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thelogbookproject · 4 months

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If you could do any licensed TTRPG product, what would it be? Someone else's IP, completely redoing an already established one, anything!

It's complicated. This is a thorny subject for me -- I'm happy to answer, it's just messy.

See, I designed Legend of the Elements. At the time, it was a definitive answer to "What Is the AtLA RPG". Fast forward to when Avatar got an official PbtA RPG, Avatar Legends, and despite years of experience adapting AtLA to PbtA, I was never approached, considered, or asked to contribute in any way. I get why the corporation went with Magpie over itty bitty solo me, but it stung. What hurts much more: Avatar Legends is, imo, far worse than Legend of the Elements 2e (in development a year before AL's announcement). I kinda hate it. I didn't like Masks even before it. I won't get into it here or I'll never stop and I'll hurt my professional standing with people I like. Ask me some other time if you wanna know about that.

Anyway, I'm obviously bitter. A big part of coping has been recognizing how freeing myself from the IP allows my game to improve. This isn't unfounded! LotE was originally Avatar World, and about halfway through development I knew I had enough to actually publish and stripped off the labels, becoming Legend of the Elements, and it vastly improved the game almost overnight. So I'm hesitant about working with IPs in the best of cases. I've been stripping IPs off my designs to improve them forever now, and most of my games start with IPs I love that I want to improve by going beyond them. Media provides ideas, but IPs are just shackles on adaptation work.

Still, I do have answers.

If I get complete freedom to adapt and shape the game, ignoring existing products: Avatar the Last Airbender.

If I'm bound to the character constraints of the IP: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power.

If I can play outside the plots and structures of the original to my own desires: Disco Elysium.

AtLA is, frankly, personal vindication. Plus my game is better and I want people to play it, for their sakes, but the answer here is driven by a desire for vindication.

She-Ra is so intensely character-driven that I don't think you can make a recognizable SRPoP game without directly doing the IP, and adapting LotE(2e) is actually perfect for it. I actually did it, only viewable on my Patreon or website, DTRPG (rightly) blocked it from sale. I would love to explore that further. As much as Thirsty Sword Lesbians is the Catradora game, I don't think a real She-Ra adaptation works without She-Ra herself in the rules.

I don't want to retell Disco Elysium, in plot, setting, or theme. But the underlying structures of what makes it what it is are eminently open to being worked with, and I have a vision. I have that vision right now, and it's in the early stages of being processed. Maybe it won't go anywhere, but that's what I'm excited about right now, so that's what I'm saying.

I have one more answer. All of those share one trait: I know how I'd do them. So if you want the deepest, truest, dark-of-my-soul answer for what IP I wish I could adapt but don't know how I'd even do it to my satisfaction: The World Ends With You.

It escapes me. I wish I knew how to do it. The firm #3 on my Personal Top 5 Games Ever list, I long for the day that I crack the code. Also: I know of, and respect, Vibe Check. It does capture elements, but it's not what I envision.

So that's my answer. Depending on circumstance, Avatar the Last Airbender, She-Ra and the Princesses of Power, Disco Elysium, or The World Ends With You.

#asked and answered #ttrpg #way too much thought #excuse the bitterness please #focus on the enthusiasm that drives me to be bitter about stuff instead

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fcntasmas · 1 year

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I really enjoy Roy and Jamie's new dynamic too, but honestly, I've always seen them having more of a father/son relationship. I'm not sure I read it as romantic.

i mean you are super entitled to your own opinion babe that is the beauty of media you are allowed to interpret it any way you want (most of the time) but also. if i may.

i think comparing their dynamic to one of a father and son's does them a great disservice. and i mean this from a pure development standpoint -- whether or not you ship them romantically, i think we can all agree that their relationship is one of the best-developed and most endearing in the entire show, and there's a reason why:

they're equals now.

they started off as rivals -- jamie clearly irritated that his childhood idol didn't immediately adore him the way he thought he should (and the way he so desperately desires to be adored, but that's an entirely different post for another day) and roy very clearly seeing qualities in jamie he'd long-since lost or felt he didn't deserve. the whole thing's been dissected to death, so i won't go into it again, but they very much started their relationship on uneven ground. whichever way you want to see it — roy having the upper hand or jamie — they were never truly equals in each other's eyes, a fact further exacerbated by their sharing a love interest that made at least one of them feel like she was "dating up" and "maturing."

which is another point that's so interesting about the roy/keeley relationship — and please bear with me while i go on a bit of a sidebar here, i promise it'll circle back to roy and jamie -- i love them as much as the next person, but the way the show has hit us over the head repeatedly throughout season two that though they love and care about each other deeply, they might not be what the other needs. keeley's only just starting to enjoy her independence, has only just come into her own, and has always appreciated (if not intensely needed) her space — meanwhile, roy desperately needs someone who will stay by his side because he's had the opposite problem throughout his life; he's been too independent, and by losing the person he arguably loved the most at a very young age while he was at an incredible physical distance from him, has learned to show his love through physical closeness.

so the show goes on to spend season two making us fall in love with them as a couple, but also subtly showing the cracks in their foundation — love can exist between two people in its purest form, but that doesn't guarantee lifelong compatibility. so in a way, the show tricked us into believing that keeley dating roy was a sign of her maturing and/or coming into her own, but really, it was very much just another stepping stone towards that.

which brings us back to roy and jamie — though their dynamic was beginning to improve while roy was still dating keeley, the underlying tension between them was still ever-present; and probably would be, so long as one of them was dating keeley, tbh. with keeley out of the picture, they found themselves on equal footing that they'd never found themselves on before — jamie acknowledging that maybe roy was never a "step up" for keeley the way he'd been led to believe, and roy realizing that the presence of love is not enough to sustain a relationship, and that he's no better than anyone else when it comes to these issues.

the idea that from here a father and son dynamic has been somehow established is so bizarre to me, because suddenly, we are seeing them not only acknowledge each other's feelings, but acknowledge them out loud — roy sympathizing (in his own way) with jamie's insecurities when zava came into the picture, and jamie sharing a part of himself and his childhood when roy offered one of his own — they're sharing parts of themselves you would share with a close friend, one you trust to understand you and support you in a way a friend would, and it's been like this from both sides, not just the one; very unlike a father and son dynamic, and again, with neither of them having the upper hand over the other anymore.

like i said, this is less about whether or not you ship them romantically. this is just purely text — they have found a close friend in one another. that's a much more endearing dynamic to me than father and son; because they both so clearly have never had such a close friend before. especially not one they're so compatible with — which is another idea the show takes care to show us:

jamie, who's always been desperate for love and attention and who is canonically unable to feel smothered by anyone — literally, roy took him away from a night out with his teammates and he smiled throughout the entire night, had not a single complaint about it — and roy, who shows his love the only way he knows how to, and needs to be able to show this love without worrying he's making anyone feel the way he made keeley feel (interestingly — smothered!).

their relationship and their dynamic is so special to me because they're developed from this idea that one of them was superior to the other, to suddenly they're both just two men who've had to deal with a lot of sadness and trauma throughout their life, and they've found someone they're comfortable sharing that with and expressing those feelings with. even roy's acknowledgment of him being a giant dick and baby and taking his anger out on jamie last episode (which jamie understood and tried to distract him from whatever he was clearly dealing with) is just another example of them being equals. being friends. being close, in a way one would be to a person who understands you the most.

idk. those are my two cents (plus a whole dollar lol). i hope this kind of cleared up why i, personally, have never seen them as father and son, and why i don't think the show does, either.

#answered #anonymous #ted lasso spoilers #long post tw #sorry y'all i really had a lot to say aPPARENTLY

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camping-with-monsters · 11 months

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Genuinely speaking, what was up with people (on Twitter, mostly) spreading around screenshots of random artists posting their art improvements and people getting upset that their art had a “downgrade” and that they actually went backwards on improvement with their art. I remember there being an underlying issue that was the cause of this sudden thing, frankly I don’t 100% remember what it was. Now I don’t know too much about the people they usually did this with, if I had to be honest. Maybe the people/screenshots they always referenced were not great people. Regardless of whatever, here’s my two cents on that action as a whole, completely disregarding whatever that original issue was, cause I’m not opposed to believing that this still happens to unassuming artists trying to mind their own business.

I guess y’all have never once considered that improvement is a versatile thing with art. Maybe people’s art styles seem to change to, what you consider as, “for the worst” because you look at it with a blind eye based on a scale of “high quality art” vs “low/lower quality art”. That’s black and white. Whatever happened to considering the art process? Maybe for some artists, the style changes you consider “downgrades” are easier on the artist to work with. More efficient for them, even. The efficiency of making the process easier for them plus having a style to correlate with the tweaking of their process is improvement on it’s own. Sure, maybe their art looks different than it did some time back, but that’s because art is ever changing for everyone.

People draw what they want however they want, and if they want to switch up the process on how they make art, that’s not for you, the person who did not draw their art, to judge. I promise you that the artist probably doesn’t actually care if you miss their old style. Maybe they don’t miss it. And maybe they don’t miss it for a number of reasons other than quality. Maybe they didn’t like a certain thing they did with their shading, or didn’t like that they were spending 5 hours on perfecting the linework (I’ve been there before, it’s tedious.). Maybe that artist wanted to add steps to their process or rid of unnecessary ones. Improvement with art is not specific just to the changes of quality of their art. Drawing is a process— it’s not easy without practice and can sometimes be stressful and strain you. Your body hurts from arching your neck so low into a sketchbook or your fingers hurt from using a pen for so long. Your eyes and head hurt from staring into a digital screen for so long, and often you forget about your own physical needs because you just have to get this one detail right first.

Everyone who doesn’t draw will digress. “Art is easy”. No. It’s. Not. It’s only easy for you because all you have to do is look at it.

You do not get to decide if or how an artist has improved or whether or not they have improved at all. You will never be able to see a piece the same way as the artist who put time and effort into their craft as if nursing their own young. It’s not your job to make comments or even critiques unless the artist has opened up to the idea, whether or not you mean it with lighthearted or helpful intentions. Your job, as the viewer of the art, is to view and to share the art. That’s literally it. You are not, and never will be, entitled to tell an artist that they have somehow not improved. You didn’t make their art. You don’t know why they made these changes. You don’t get to question that. Their art improvement does not lie just within whatever’s on the canvas. You love the art, but often forget that there is a person behind said canvas who meticulously plans every stroke of their brush, what colors to use, and like Atlas with the world on his back, they carry with them years worth of practicing how to draw eyes, hands, backgrounds, perspectives, this thing, that thing, you name it. You forget about the fact that people (the same kind that you are criticizing) are the only things that can create the things you love with their love. By insulting what you deem as “bad improvement” by your standards, you insult the entire process; not just what you see firsthand. Think whatever you want to think in your head— but you best trap it if your words could offend, lest you find yourself taking just one organism off of a food web, throwing the entire course on its side.

Honest to god, what happened to being happy for someone making a positive change for themselves that they are happy with themselves?

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