#i pirated every creative program my laptop could handle
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#im so so tired#i cant even put into words how much everything hurts i just wish for once something about my existence mattered#i just want to. feel good do good be good#i just wanna have purpose#want to have a reason to keep going Have a reason to wake up every day#i dont want to look forward to escapistic trips i dont want to look forward to new music ill outplay in barely weeks#i want something that makes me grateful to be here every day#why have i failed at everything i tried#im not pretty im not smart. im not funny or charismatic#i cant sing or dance or paint or Create#im bad at communicating im bad at being honest and fair im bad at keeping people close#im too sensitive im too lazy im too weak#im selfish and im stubborn#i think im both better and worse than everyone else#i dont care about things i should care about#i dont brush my teeth as often as i should#ive dyed my hair in every possible colour to try and find some identity#ive tried every clothing style i could afford#i pirated every creative program my laptop could handle#ive wasted money on supplies ive used once and never again#ive shared and ive given#i try to give all the time#what else do i have to do to find meaning#i dont think ill ever be happy#i dont think ill ever be at peace#so whats the point of it all
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