#i just know itd be better if i never told him how i felt | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

haikyu-mp4 · 26 days

Note

kinda scared to ask this but have you done a kenma x reader panic attack drabble cause i think itd be super cute but if youve already done this then im so sorry for asking T-T

thanks a bunch <33

that is such a sweet request! not sure which one of them you wanted to experience a panic attack, but I decided to have Kenma calm the reader down. also, this might be a bit longer than a drabble, hope that’s still okay<3

How to care for you

word count; 1310 – gn!reader

You hadn’t had any major panic attacks since you were younger. Sure, you struggled with anxiety, but it became less prominent after you found Kenma. He was quite straightforward and dedicated to helping you with anything you might need, and you communicated well even though he was never a big talker. So you frowned while putting away the dishes, wondering why you felt nauseous and couldn’t focus on only one problem at a time. Why did it suddenly feel like double as many problems? You moved to the fridge, looking for the bottle of water you kept in there to keep it super cold when you realised what this was, the reason you were suddenly so scared. A panic attack.

You had problems at work lately, feeling like every coworker used you to make themselves look better, which led to you making mistakes anyway. Then yesterday, you started hearing comments that suggested you probably didn’t care about your job now that you had such a rich and influential husband.

Lately, you also had your suspicions about your friends not inviting you to things anymore, probably because of jealousy, but you couldn’t help but wonder if it was because you weren’t enough. Your pulse started racing, hands sweating, and you slammed the door to the fridge shut, lips parted wide as your lungs desperately tried to catch on to as much air as they could, hungrily taking in more than they could handle at a time.

You didn’t get far before you sat down on the cold floor, back leaned on the front of a kitchen counter. You’re not crying, but your shoulders still shake with pitiful sobs. How stupid of you to get a panic attack again over a problem you made yourself, you think. Did you not appreciate your job? Maybe you had subconsciously started slacking off, and maybe you were rubbing your happiness too harshly into your friends’ faces. There were so many negative thoughts taking over. The only thought that rang a little louder than the others and finally slipped past your lips was a tiny whisper of Kozu, please.

Kenma had his headphones on, testing out a new game on livestream without any hitches, when he could swear he felt like some sound managed to sneak past his soundproof headphones. Or perhaps it was the slightest shaking of his desk that he still hadn’t tightened the screws of even though he kept saying he probably should. Or perhaps it was simply his husband's instinct kicking in, knowing you should still be home after you two had dinner together earlier and you told him you wanted to get some stuff done and didn’t feel like going out with your friends.

No matter how he knew, he only spent a few minutes mulling it over in his mind while chewing on the corner of his lip before excusing himself and pausing the livestream, finally taking the headphones off and getting up. Because he wasn’t a big yeller, he just made his way through your fancy house a bit quicker than usual while his catlike eyes scanned through every room. Until he got closer to the kitchen and could finally hear heaving sobs that made him kick into a small run, bare feet on the cold floor making small pat pat sounds that you couldn’t hear over your raging fears pounding the inside of your head.

Your body jolted slightly when Kozume put his hand on your shoulder and you looked up at him with teary eyes. Your legs were pushed towards your chest, not helping your airflow, so Kozume put his other hand on your closest thigh, smoothing his touch over it to make you stretch it out. “You need to breathe,” he said, a simple instruction that at least made you respond.

“Help me?”

Kozume gulped. In all honesty, he wasn’t confident about how to help you. What if you didn’t respond to what calmed him down? You had been there for him through a couple of panic attacks before, and it had taken a couple of tries before you learnt that soft songs under your breath while holding him not too tightly were just the way to ease him into less deprecating thoughts and fight off the fear.

“Maybe we should move-”

“No,” you said shakily. He knew he was not strong enough to lift you off the floor, so he just nodded and racked his brain for something else. There had to be some strategy here…

“Try to think of something nice, we’re going to that event next week in our cosplays!” he said, voice light as he tried his best to encourage you. You put your hands on your head, squeezing your eyes shut.

“I’ll probably mess that up too, what if something goes wrong and I end up ruining your career!” you answered, the tears finally escaping while Kozume felt hopeless for a second. His heart ached from seeing you like this, he so desperately wanted to help you.

Finally, he had a thought. He shouldn’t be shy around you after all this time, but showing you love still made his ears red. So with burning ears, he sat close beside you and tucked his arms around you, leaning your legs over his lap and supporting your body on his while one hand ran up and down your back and the other massaged where he could reach on your legs to loosen up your muscles.

It was uncomfortable. The edge of the drawer behind him was slightly poking into his shoulder blade and his tailbone was not appreciating the hard floor, but that didn’t matter. Not when you tucked your head under his chin, ear resting on his chest where you could hear his heartbeat. He held you tightly, vocalising every breath he took so that you might find it easier to follow. Then, with that soft voice of his, he said “You’re at home with me. It’s safe, you don’t have to be afraid.”

As the fearful feeling finally started dissipating, you were left with an ache from the strain you put on your muscles, which finally made you slump all the way into your husband’s body. “I did want to go out with friends today, they just didn’t invite me. I’ve been so busy with work but it feels like I’m doing everything wrong there too. My life is falling apart and it’s all my fault.”

He let you ramble because he could feel that your body was more relaxed now, so he just hummed to confirm he was listening. He considered how to answer you, thinking that you probably didn’t need to hear that he could provide for both of you and you didn’t need a job. “Tomorrow, we can look at all the job-related things together and try to strategise. Maybe some knots just need to be loosened up for you to feel more in control,” he suggested, and you nodded from your awkward angle.

“Thank you.” You breathed in and out but it was still shaky.

“Mhm. And I’m sure you know, but your friends kinda suck.” That even made you laugh a little, and Kozume put on a small smile. “I could ask for a double date with the Kuroos again? I want to help you if I can, but I don’t want to intrude.”

“The Kuroo’s are so nice,” you whispered back, making him take a mental note to send his best friend a message later.

You two slowly got up off the floor and he asked you to draw a bath while he ended the livestream with a quick apology and promise of a giveaway at the end of the week. He had to join his partner for some much-needed self-care.

Nothing was more important to him than learning how to take care of you.

masterlist

#haikyu x reader #haikyu #haikyuu #hq x reader #fanfiction #haikyuu fluff #hq #haikyuu x reader #haikyu fluff #haikyuu x you #ask-mp4 #kenma x reader #kozume kenma #kenma #hq kenma #kenma kozume #kenma fluff

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little-miss-dilf-lover · 11 months

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hey bbg 😽

so i was reading a fic for an entirely different character but i think itd be absolutely adorable for my husb- i mean OUR husband Quill

Maybe reader is like stressed (over smthn i have no idea) and the guardians tried to cheer em up but nothing worked so they brought the big guns: peter. jason. quill.

and he tries to cheer reader up with lil jokes and just the stuff he knows makes reader smile hshsjshjss all the fluff bbg 🛐

hope you can get to this soon! have a great week/end 🫶

-🪐

hii bbg!! angelface, I love it, I love it all. and im glad you corrected yourself, ‘our’, yeah you’re right😏 jk jk, when I talk to you, he’s yours, but here he’s ours🤭 thank you for requesting, hope you like it💌

surprise visitor

Peter Quill x f!reader

— word count: 559

— warnings: none, just fluff

₊✧ masterlist + taglist

Whenever you felt stressed, it often accompanied other emotions you were unsure of. You found it difficult to cope and manage the stress, and ultimately it would lead to you shutting down. You didn't like others to know how you felt, so you preferred to keep up the facade and pretend. Lately, you've been feeling more stressed than usual, and it was starting to get you down. It made you feel silly for getting so worked up over nothing.

The other guardians could tell something was bothering you, more specifically, Nebula. She was often highly observant of everyone around her and would notice the slightest change in others. So she pulled Mantis aside to plan ways to help and comfort you.

Although the gesture was sweet and heartwarming, it wasn't what you needed. It wasn't what you wanted. What you wanted was Quill, but he wasn't here. He was away on a planet restoration mission with Rocket and Groot, so there was no way of seeing him right now, or so you thought. Once Mantis touched your arm, she could feel what you felt, understand you- even though you couldn't identify it yourself. She could feel how much you missed Peter, so she wanted to give you the one thing that would help, the only person that could soothe and calm you, Quill.

"I heard someone's missin' me," Pete bellows, a playful expression on his face as he enters the ship. "Someone's missin' me real bad," he smirks, pacing towards you.

"Hi," you earnestly smile, instantly wrapping him up in a tight hug.

"Hi, honey," he says quietly, his lips brushing against your forehead as he strokes your back with his easing palms.

"I missed you," you muffled into the crook of his neck.

"I missed you," he softly sighs, pulling away to look at you. "Mant told me," he sadly smiles, looking into your eyes. "Not feelin' too good, huh?"

You slowly shake your head, avoiding his soft green gaze.

"I'm sorry, hon," he frowns, leaning in to kiss the tip of your nose. "That's okay. You don't have to be okay all the time— well, it's not okay, but not not okay— you know what I mean," he chuckles, clearing his flustered haze. "You get what I'm tryna say," he grins, wrapping his big warm arms around you.

"I know," you softly laugh into his chest, hugging him tighter as if you were afraid he'll slip through your fingers.

"You know I'm not going anywhere— you're gonna end up popping my lungs," Peter chuckles, brushing slow, comforting strokes over your back.

"Sorry," you giggle, muffling against him before you pull away. It was the first time you really laughed since he left, and it all felt right. Felt like how it was supposed to. "When do you go back?" you ask, questioning the inevitable.

"I'm not— well, until you're feelin' better," he says, kissing your cheek. "Drax is taking my place," he adds, noticing your puzzled expression.

"What if I never feel better?" you smile, speaking playfully.

"Then I guess I'll have to stay forever," he grins, slipping his hand into yours, leading you to the back of the ship.

"Where we going?" you ask, catching up with his long strides.

"Secret," he looks over his shoulder, a boyish grin lining his lips. "No, no, just kiddin'. Goin' up top to look at the stars and cuddle."

— — — — — — — — — — ☆ — — — — — — — — — —

quill taglist: @annielr @spacetalbot @bubblezuku@idontknowwhattohaveasmyuser @queerponcho @selfryed @traiitorjoe

#🪐#i want a hug from quill so bad omg #peter quill #peter quill x reader #peter quill x you #peter quill x fem!reader #peter quill imagine #peter quill fluff #peter quill fanfic #peter quill comfort #peter quill x female reader #starlord x you #star lord #starlord x reader #gotg

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cactusringed · 6 months

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i WILL sleep soon but im having too many thoughts

the fact that etho decided that he was just going to be Very Nice To Bdubs.

bdubs? he must have been euphoric. he was finally given a spot in ethos heart in the way etho always has one in his. this was some sign that said hey, i matter to him too!

which only made it worse for him when etho did things for grian and cleo he would never do for him.

bdubs wondering if it meant anything at all to etho, or if it was some big joke. if he and his stupid big heart was some joke to etho. if etho understood that all itd take to get bdubs on his side was the slightest attention that way, dropping the act once he was satisfied with bdubs devotion.

to bdubs, it sure would be looking like he didn't ever matter to etho, only what he could do to keep etho alive did. nothing about his wellbeing or even happiness mattered to etho

bdubs told him he would not kill him, no matter what. even when etho told him he wouldn't blame him if we did. and etho couldn't even bother lying about failing a task for bdubs' sake

its not even that bdubs would care if etho attacked him for a task. if there was anything he could do for etho he'd do it in a heart beat, including losing a few hearts. but the fact that etho didn't even care enough to go 'yeah sure id fail a task for you' after bdubs proclaimed his loyalty

then, seeing how etho treats grian and cleo...

anger

i need bdubs to be furious

i need him to be angry on his own behalf. to recognise his self worth and realise he deserves better.

he would give everything to etho. what more does etho want from him? what more could he give to make etho care about him? how DARE etho build him a place in his home, pull bdubs in close, only to treat him like shit?

i need bdubs to be furious

and im going to be completely honest, i need to see him snap and kill etho. hes a man being pushed to the brink, and etho needs to learn that bdubs isnt some sidekick thats going to follow him around. that bdubs would give him the world if etho had bothered to give him even a shred of loyalty and care. and that etho FUCKED IT UP

IM SORRY WHEN YOU GOT ME INTO ETHDUBS I DIDNT EXPECT SUCH AN ANGSTY FUCKING RELATIONSHIP I

AAAAAAA

ok im falling asleep while writing this if i got anything wrong thats why. bed time. nighnigh

Brother when I tell you that the be nice to bdubs day episode makes me sick after what etho did. Oh my god. Oh my god.

The thing is about etho is that, he doesn't lie to bdubs. I don't think he does, anyway. All that kindness he offered bdubs - well, it was obviously a bit to embarrass him, but it was also all true. He doesn't like to lie to bdubs. He's haunted by the time he promised something (a life) and didn't deliver, to the point where when he did it again (promised to help bdubs with anything he needed, then laughed at his face when bdubs sought out his help) he felt SICK

Etho doesn't like to make promises, because he hates not to deliver on them. Bdubs loves to make promises he wholeheartedly intends to deliver on, or that he hopes the receiving party will know he'll try his heart off to deliver on. Bdubs values, so much, the very act of trying, the intent behind it. Etho values results. It's a dissonance neither can really see. So it leads to miscommunication and misunderstandings

Bdubs has promised so much to etho, so many times - etho must believe the words empty, no matter how earnest bdubs is. Meanwhile, because Etho is so careful about managing expectations, he comes off as... Aloof. As not returning even half of bdubs' earnest feelings. It's such a difference in their expression of love.

Etho felt bad, and thus he pushed himself to express love in a way bdubs would understand - through words of adoration. But then he immediately returned to his old ways. Immediately withdrew, as if scared. Because he is scared. In truth, he's terrified of the feelings he holds for bdubs, and how much it can hurt the both of them. But instead of seeing that, Bdubs can only see it as Etho playing a sick game with him. Bdubs, so starved for Etho's attention and love and devotion.

I doubt he would've promised cleo or grian he would protect them against the boogeys. He's told cleo before, that he's not a protector. He doesn't want to give the impression he is because he hates the idea of betraying that impression. But in the moment, he did become a protector. But it's that seed of doubt that it plants that hurts so much.

Because now, Bdubs will always see etho and remember that he refused to vow his protection to bdubs, whilst turning around and protecting his allies. He'll always see etho and remember that heartbreak.

He feels like he's been throwing so, so much love to a complete brick wall. Somethings gotta snap.

I want bdubs to either kill etho or try to hurt him - to genuinely go after him. But also if he does - if either of them do - I'll have a category 10 ethubs meltdown I s2g

This can only end in tragedy I swear I swear I swear I feel so SICK it's late and my head hurts so this probably makes no sense but. My god

#T anon

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tojisun · 7 months

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Sorry it turned into a depressing rant

Anon who asked about your fav studio ghibli movie here!

I love howls moving castle so much, I love the part when Sophie starts cleaning the house, I love how comforting it is

I love the sass from everyone, I love how kind Sophie is

I love howls line “I see no point in living if I can’t be beautiful” as much as it sucks I agree with him. I’m not smart so the only thing I can offer is my looks and personality to people I meet. If I’m not beautiful, then what’s the point? Sorry if it sounds shallow but when you have nothing to offer in this world, the only thing I can work on is how good I look and present myself. I know I shouldn’t think like that, it’s damaging

Beauty IS in the eye of the beholder, there will be people who find you attractive and there will be people who won’t. People you find attractive, others won’t, so sometimes I try not to think too much about it since we never know.

All my life I’ve been slow academically. My siblings are all smarter than me so I’m always the dumb one. I’m not skinny but I’m working on it, even tho it’s so hard, but I have to be skinny, my life will definitely turn around when I’m not too self conscious about my body. I know I’ll still have those negative thoughts and even after I’m skinny I won’t be happy but, as of now, I never leave the house, my anxiety about how I look keeps me from taking in person classes. I never want to leave the house unless I look good, because I don’t want anyone seeing me at my worst, I want everyone to see me as the best version of myself. So I never leave, my social skills have tanked since 2020 since that was the last time I took a in person class, and that was in high school 😭😭

I feel so immature and stupid, and people my age (19) are doing better than me. I just give up before I even try, and I’m so behind since I’m in my third year of college and I still don’t have an official major, I’m so behind, and last semester I didn’t take any classes cuz I was so depressed and embarrassed, since I failed two classes. It’s an horrible cycle of pity and dread and I’m scared I’ll never get rid of it. And I’m scared of talking to men, but I’m supposed to get married and have a kid before I’m 30 since you’re more fertile and it’s better to have kids young, and I’d love that but I’m scared my kids will turn out like me, disappointments. And I won’t know how to fix them.

So yeah… we veered off of howls moving castle.. my bad💀

re:

!! this got long im so sorry

first of: pls dont apologize! u are welcome to vent here in my blog, im happy to just be a bouncing wall to u guys (if my usually long responses arent what u guys wanted to see). thank u for trusting me (us) with this and im truly sorry for how late im responding

i do love those parts of howls moving castle! i never understood why howl was lamenting about his looks when i thought he looked beautiful w orange hair. orange used to be my favourite colour ^v^ it isnt one rn but i am still fond of it.

i loved orange even when howl didnt – u are correct that beauty in the eye of the beholder. beauty also goes a long way. it’s a horrible reality but when u grew up fat, u get told so many times about how much better life would be if u could just lose weight. i truly cant tell u when i stopped thinking so little of myself.

honestly love, its just so recent when i felt good enough in my own skin – blemishes n all. i never thought itd get better tbh; i thought itd stay this way but it got better. and im scared to promise to you a range of when it will get better, but i do know that it will.

u feel immature bc u are still young! 19 is so young so pls dont punish urself for feeling young, for thinking young, for not knowing anything past being young yet. as a younger sibling, ik for a fact im still so immature. it took me getting a job (during the weekdays) n going to uni for me to mature up, n i was 20 when that happened. so recent!

i also completed my associates slowly bc i was struggling in college! i once took a sem where i only had one class bc i was so overwhelmed that i had to slowly pace myself so i can keep going. high school babies u n then boom, u get hit w juggling responsibilities in college that kinda makes u wanna quit – but u didnt. u took a break and then bounced back!! my love, if that isnt resilience, then what is?

ive never wanted to settle down. i think its bc i thought id be gone by now that i just dont see myself having a family of my own so i apologize for not knowing how to empathize about the ‘deadline’ but u are just 19. before age 30 is so far away! u have sm to live for in between those years. sm to experience and to meet and to love!

also, not having a major yet is also fine! i declared a minor just this year – and im a fourth year already. pls dont worry. u have time – that is something i wanna keep emphasizing. u have time. it feels like the world is collapsing rn bc of fear and anxiety which, my old therapist told me, is a sign that u (and i) wanna keep going. that u wanna keep living.

and from what i could see, especially coming from me who wanted to just give it all up, that is enough. i know that the reasons behind u working on urself isnt a sustainable mentality, but hopefully one day u will wake up and own ur hard work for urself. not for others.

aaaa this got too long im so sorry, im being emotional on my end but i just want u to know: u are not a disappointment. u arent.

ur alive and ur making connections and ur trying ur best (even though it doesnt feel like that on ur end but u are!!) so how could u be a disappointment? and even if u dont wanna do anything, ur also not a disappointment. not even then.

ur future kids will be so lucky and happy to have u as their mom. and they too will be beautiful; they wont need any fixing bc there isnt anything broken to fix.

i love you. i dont know who u are but i love you. i love all of you.

#anon #ask #i am sorry for ranting. i dont know how to show u that i understand without ascribing life moments #thank u for trusting me #i hope this alleviates even a little of what youre carrying #take care <3

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glaivegirl · 3 months

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silly as it is, as bad as my whiskers are, it surpised me how much of a girl i saw when i was reaching over

maybe its just the tits and the shawl, but i felt my face, even though i honestly hate the angle

but for mere glimpses i see her, just naturally, not like when i pose, i see her living and candid

i see her more and more

its incredible

sometimes i can stare straight at her, and she cant escape, she moves and changes angles but she never goes away

that is like staring into the sun

i would know, ive loved doing that since childhood

but this is like staring into the sun but i dont feel any pain and i dont see worse after, i see so much better, like not literally, its like my outlook is better, everything is better

and i can only sometimes do that, but at this point in my life, thats okay, its not, but i can bear it

i could bare anything for that girl in the mirror who stays there, she looks like her, and i can bear this brutal hardship and this desolate heartbreak

i know, i know, i really not only know, but i believe in what i learned so long ago on tumblr and reddit and in books at the faggy cafe

i know that she's going to be real enough to stay real, she'll be a regular sight

i could paint my first real glimpse of her from memory if i live to be 100 and get beated in the head every day, tragically reducing the odds of success (gotta avoid too much head trauma)

but i will one day see her every day, i almost do now, but only bc im unemployed and i know what she likes and can easily draw her out by indulging her favorite things (which i like, too)

but one day i will live in synch with her, possibly until death, a committment im overjoyed to make and keep and work towards, and one day she will be there, in banal glimpses, and serving

i cant kill myself, i decided these past few weeks

i dont think it would align with my personal code of ethics and morals i learned from Innate Human Intuitive Knowledge (as a child my mind wandered so crazy hard you would not believe how far and how byzantine) and also from observing nature and finding peace within myself

i dont think itd be just, or fair, for her to have had less time than him, so i cant morally kill myself until im at least 52 or 54, having given the girl as much time to live as the boything, were gonna hash it out to that, and not litigate this any further, okay?

i got no patience to be nonbinary for like a decade for no reason, although now that im picturing it, like, honestly, cunt, so potentially 78, but i am not interested in seeing what irritating problems plague my brutalized body in that stage of decline

i am not built to survive, but also my family has a weird habit of living to like 100+ so this might all be cope, or some kind of bargain-bin suicidality

well, hope i remember this in therapy, which i never can. happy to have told a few of you, this is ironclad logic though, 52 is honestly the perfect age to kill myself

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girlwithfish · 6 months

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the lack of respect is wild im so glad im out. hed always accuse me of "unintentionally gaslighting" or manipulating and alwaysss say im the abuser. And i believed it bc im the one w bpd even tho deep in my heart i knew this wasnt right and how he acts is not right. so much shit i dont have to put up with life is so much better

constantly being told I dont make sense, im incoherent, i dont know or understand english (This one pissed me off and i said ur seriously saying this to me an asian person and he called me racist for saying that lmfao.)

psychology buzzwords always being thrown at me he thinks hes a therapist or something

he thinks he knew my bpd better than me. think its fair to say he used it against me to paint me as the problem and to discredit and invalidate every single if my viewpoints or emotions. anytime im upset its 'youre splitting' and itd be before i was and hed say he knows me better and he knows my bpd the best so his word is law ofc. Then ofc id get pissed and actually split. now hes right! jsut never honored my feelings or let me have space it just sucked so much someoen having that much control over the conversation literally his word was law

constantly calling me immature saying im acting like a kid just a lot of name calling and put downs even when id do my best to refrain from swearing or raising my voice or name calling it didnt matter. literally once i told him u r the one doing all of those things and he was like idc so what that doesnt mean anything. yeah well constantly swearing at me and name calling is pushing to verbal abuse he just didnt care when hed verbally abuse me LMAO. always turnjng it around on me how my bpd is hard on him and how im so much worse even when id make conscious efforts to not lash out he would not make any of the same efforts bc he felt justified

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winderlylandchime · 6 months

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2/2 ‘oh those shows for sure wouldn’t exist without Queer as Folk. By the way, yesterday I watched that red blue movie and i was so confused cause there was no swearing and no dicks and no actual sex scenes. Cant decide if that makes it boring or what but fuck do i hate censorship, anyway back to the pretty boy’ ‘When was this filmed because Bri- Gale looks fine as fuck? Aged like fine wi- (Pulse was mentioned this second) oh…fuck nevermind, still pretty though’

And we are now at fan encounters part: Gale says people thought he was Brian ‘WHO thought he was bad at playing Brian? I will fight them right this second!’ Gale starts his not that guy speech ‘mhm tell them! Wait what is he saying? I feel like he’s just trying to hit word count. I feel like he’s talking to me. But i never criticized him, he’s perfect. It’s the writers that i have a problem with and if i ever see them, it’s on sight!’ Gale starts talking about the fan encounters *he moves his head forward and has wide eyes in shock* ‘wait what..he was harassed by guys? THE FUCK? Oh people were fucked in the heads back in the day.. still are but damn, i forgot about the celebrity culture in early 2000s’ Gale started to talk about how guys would ask him how he could even play Brian ‘oh i bet my ass if he wanted to he’d be able to argue with anyone. Id pay to see it. Not saying I want him to argue but itd be fun to watch him shut someone stupid down.’ Gale says he wishes he could go back and do it better ‘Excuse me? You were perfect! Fuck, who do i have to bully for them to give me a movie with older Brian? Imagine a movie and it starts with both of them together in New York. (He’s for sure getting your fic in the future)’ Gale mentions he hates that people make speculations about him ‘i feel like he’s talking to me. In my defense sweetheart, i just learned your name like a week ago. So sue me for thinking you were gay. (Me: ‘hes not talking about you, idiot) yeah, well, i felt attacked and you shut up, you knew and didnt tell me! Awww he’s proud of the show. I was worried for a second. He’s a good guy, i fuck with him…even if he’s *clears his throat* straight’ ‘People were mean to him about Bri Bri? I will burn this entire world down to the ground! How fucking dare they? I will fight everyone that has something rude to say to him or Blondie!’

‘Wait, is there Randy’s version too? Cause that dude mentioned Peter and Sharon. So did they all film these? Where are they? (I tell him that to my knowledge only Gale’s is out) oh COME ONNNN, I can’t fucking win with this show, can i?’ ‘Where is Gale now? Can you show me an interview from now? Or does he have IG? I am willing to start my account again for him’ I actually laughed at that and when i told him how removed he is from internet he went ‘GOR FUCKS SAKE! Theres no winning with this dude! Is he even still alive?’

And the final thoughts were:

‘Wow he is nothing like Brian, he’s so shy and introverted. A little fidgety so i feel like he’s not used of shit like this. He’s literally nothing like Bri Bri…’ me, sarcastically ‘its called acting, brother’ He looked at me like i was the dumbest person ever but also like he shouldve known this. And then immediately after that he called our mom and started the conversation with: ‘he’s straight mom! Straight! BRIAN! Can you fucking believe that shit? Wait let me send you the video’

And later after he sent that video and forced her to watch some of it. She facetimed him and went: ‘i weirdly assumed hed be like in the videos you sent but he seems really shy’ Him: ‘its called acting, mother’ *turns to me and raises his hands towards our mom like can you believe her for not knowing this*

He then notified everyone that the actor who plays his Bri Bri is actually straight and that he is shocked by the news. And then his friend told him he knew cause he googled him and my brother blocked his number for 2 hours cause he got offended.

By the way, yesterday I watched that red blue movie and i was so confused cause there was no swearing and no dicks and no actual sex scenes. Cant decide if that makes it boring or what but fuck do i hate censorship, anyway back to the pretty boy’ I AM DYING OVER THIS!

As Soph has said, Gale will use 100 hundred words to say something that should take 10. Love that for him and for us.

I love how protective your brother is over Gale and Randy, they really do deserve all our protection. People were awful to them.

It’s called acting. I’m so dead. Yes, he’s nothing like your brother’s beloved BriBri. But also, that’s a good thing? Brian is my best beloved blorbo but he’s not exactly the picture of mental and emotional well being (who is?) and I hope Gale is more comfortable with his emotions and with vulnerability. For his own sake.

I feel honored that you would recommend my fic to your brother! After he learns about the existence of fan fiction.

#ask winderlylandchime #dear sweet anon #queer as folk #a straight man watches qaf us 2000 in the year of our lord 2023

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fcknstar · 2 years

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,, by midnight "

- harryosborn x reader

a.n : i uhhh just want to put this out that this can be abit cringy to some readers and i am vv hesitant to post this. this is more towards to a sad ending and that this is prompt #1. i was getting kinda restless and just had to.

warnings : cringy writing , sad ending??

**lowercase intended**

it was never easy for harry to accept his genetic disease, not when he realise how fast his life will be taken away from him. when spiderman visited harry, harry have never felt as happy knowing he might be able to get a second chance at life. but what harry didnt expect was the words that came out of spidermans mouth. instead of a “ we might be able to save you with my blood, but it needs time so hang it there. “ harry got the opposite. despite harrys desperation, he didnt want to destroy himself and what he has. realising that his health is deteriorating, he knew he had to phone you before it was too late. you had always been there for harry, that was why harry adored you. maybe more than adored. he liked you, a lot. but he was too scared of rejection, overthinking the situation and not wanting to make what you both have awkward. the way youd always take care of him and vice versa.

so when harry called you with a strange calm tone, you offered to go over to his penthouse which has been opened for you and only you. harry decided that itd be better for you to come over and ignored the tiny voices in his head which was against it, telling him continuously that you didnt deserve to see him in such state.

“ harry? “ harry turned to see you walking towards him with open arms. “ you okay? “ you noticed the change of atmosphere. walking towards him slowly, you noticed how pale he was.

you natural instinct is to guide him to his couch, and gently placing the backside of your hand onto his forehead. feeling how hot he was, you quickly grabbed a cloth to wet it. placing the wet cloth on harrys forehead trying to cool his temperature down. you knew about his genetic disease but didnt know it was destroying him in and out fast.

“ you know, theres moments in my life that i did not regret doing..i guess meeting you is on the top of my list.. ” harry smiled softly looking at you. shaking your head, you denied everything that was going to happen. “ no, no. we are going to find a cure. okay? you hear me, you have my word. “

“ why waste the energy knowing that- “ harry was cut off with you mumbling. “ at least it gives me some hope to know that id probably get your annoying morning calls again? can we not be so negative, harry? “ you breathed. harry hated to see you so distressed because of him. maybe he did regret meeting you because if he hadnt, he wouldnt have troubled you as much. youd probably asleep looking at how late it was getting. harry gave himself a prep talk before you came. he decided that it was probably best to tell you by midnight, if he had time. if the gods were in his favour.

“ shh, its fine. and before you cut me off, let me pass on a message that past me would have said earlier. “ not ready to listen to his little rant, harry grabbed your wrist, wrapping his hand with yours. “ i have..i have always liked you? i know its probably stupid. and i hope it doesnt change the way you view me but i really have to get it out. you have one of the stupidest jokes and humor, and remarkably, you were able to make me laugh. i hope that that doesnt change? okay? i love you a lot and im sorry if i was a total bitch to you “ harry saw the tears you had that was going to fall any second. nodding, you took a deep breathe in. “ im glad i heard it. i..i have always felt the same way. and the amount of hatred i have for you knowing that you could have told me way sooner doesnt change the way i love you. “ it was enough for harry to make him lean forward and connect his lips onto yours. he didnt want to regret not doing anything before anything were to happen.

#imagines #oneshots #dane dehaan #harry osborn x reader #tasm!harry osborn #tasm!harry osborn x reader #valerian #valerian and the city of a thousand planets #valerianxreader

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midyearflowers · 1 year

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major scarlet/violet spoilers below

so i finished the main story yesterday and man that was really good. i absolutely love the subversion of the AI trope. usually in stories with AI its the AI that goes rogue, but this time it was the human that was moving forward and damn the consequences. like its always "the AI has no emotions and cant feel love therefore it doesnt care about human life and will do whatever" but this time the AI didnt actually need any of that to do the right thing. like i loved the whole "there is no logical reason to allow such a tragedy to occur", its so refreshing to see in a narrative honestly. like i am all about stories where love prevails and power of friendship yada yada, but sometimes its important to acknowledge that sometimes those things make us do bad things or overlook certain misdeeds. its getting the other side of the coin and it was nice to see

especially with how at first the AI was acting even though it believed it would be destroyed, it still knew that the time machine was far too dangerous and needed to be stopped. it did get a sort of "happy ending" with going to the past and getting its own adventure, but it had no way of knowing that would happen. it was fine with being destroyed or erased. reminds me of grovyle from the mystery dungeon games. working towards a better future even if you wont be part of it

and while i wasnt too clear on the timeline of when the original professor died, i almost felt like the AI cared more for Arven than the OP. like im no parent but even i know housing an unfamiliar creature of great power with your newborn is asking for a bad time. as much as death is not great when its before old age, at least it got the professor and not the, yknow, innocent child who had no say in the arrangement. i really feel for Arven cause its like, yea the professor was a famous genius, but no, their work was NOT more important than their actual literal child. why have a kid if you dont even want one? itd be different if they included him in their work as like an apprentice or something, but they literally just fucked off to the center of the earth and then never spoke to or emailed him again after a while. at least he knows the truth now and can move on and heal. im glad the AI at least told him they were proud of him and allowed him to have that closure. it said that his parent truly did love him, but i almost wonder if that was the AIs feelings after time and not the originals. or how the OP started but as they became consumed by their dream that faded. idk i just wanna tell Arven its ok, its not his fault and theres nothing wrong with him, his parents actions arent on him. i hope in time he can recognize that koraidon/miraidon are also victims of the OP and they can move on together

#gwyn tinvaak #i have thoughts but i cant put them into words good #this game was awesome i really wish they had been given time to polish and flesh it out #pokemon sv #pokemon sv spoilers

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dotster001 · 2 years

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Hii soo id like to get matched up with one of the characters from ikepri(a romantic match btw)

I love to hangout with my friends(especially my bestfriends) and just have fun with them,i also like to bake with my friends. me and my bestfriend have this tradition where we make brownies whenever we’re hanging out at each others house’s. I dont really like cooking or baking alone though. I love shopping for clothes both online and in real shops. Im quite social and can start and hold conversation really well but i need some time for myself as well to recharge my social battery.i struggle with finding people i actually love unconditionally,i think my bestfriend is the only friend ive ever had that makes me feel like i love her no matter what.butt i actually have lots of friends that i do like and hangout with often.I DEFINITELY NEED REASSURANCE often i need to be told and MOST IMPORTANTLY SHOWED that someone cares about me(romantically or platonically). I like to read romance books quite often as well and i like to read all kinda of romance buttt if i had to pick a fav troupe itd be friends to lovers(was really close to choosing enemies to lovers).i love sweet and spicy food and hateee bitter stuff. I try my best to be nice to people since id rather not ruin someones day, and if someone was being a bitch to me id probably just ignore them and not stand up for myself since it usually doesn’t bother me but if someone insulted anyone i care about then i completely forget how to be nice😭i feel like i get along best with people that can have fun and make lots of amazing memories but also can relax and just be calm at times.

Im really sorry if i wrote too much and i cant wait to see who youll match me with 💕💕

(So I almost paired you with Yves cause he's a fashion icon, and loves to bake, but I'm playing his route right now, and he's definitely a (soft) tsundere, so that might not work out for you.)

I match you with Rio Ortiz.

(Rio route when?)

You two become friends when you find him in the rain on that fateful day, and despite having no prior memories, he never let it bother him, because he had you. And from there he fell head over heels for you in such a soft way that you fell not long after him.

He doesn't know anyone, (having lost his memories) but considering how sharp he is, any time you hang out with people, he gets along with them no matter who they are.

He just loves to be around you! You're literally his everything. You'll NEVER have to bake alone ever again. He wants to help, and spend time with you, so it's a fun bonding experience.

That said, he knows you really well, so when you do need time to yourself, he'll make you a cup of tea, (or coffee if you're a coffee person) grab you your favorite romance novel, and then head out on the town for the day. He always comes back with new books, and an outfit for you.

Speaking of, he loves going to shops with you to find clothes. He often asks you to pick an outfit for him as well, because he trusts your sense of fashion implicitly.

You never have to doubt his love for you, because he tells you every chance he gets. When you wake up, when you have to be apart, when you do things together, when you go to bed. He's very vocal about it.

You felt a soft kiss on your forehead. As you're roused yourself from sleep, and your eyelids flutter open, you see Rio looking at you with so much love and affection in his eyes it was almost overwhelming.

"Good morning, love," he whispered, his smile brighter than the morning sun.

"Good morning," you whispered back.

Rio began stroking your hair out of your face.

"Are you feeling more recharged today?"

"Yes, thank you. I'll never understand how you always know what I need."

Rio grinned. "Oh that's easy. It's because I just love you sooooooo much." He tickled your sides, and you couldn't help but laugh at him.

Rio rose from the bed. "Since you're feeling better today, do you want to check out that new clothing store in the town? There's a coat in there I have my eye on, but I want your opinion."

"Of course, that sounds amazing. Let me just get dressed first."

You rose from the bed, and began to get ready. Rio headed to the door, but paused in the frame.

"Oh! But the way!"

You glanced up at him. "What is it?"

He gave you a soft smile with all the emotion he could muster.

"I love you."

#ikemen prince #100 followers #matchups #i want my rio route #he's so cute #but also he seems like a big cuddler #i don't like cuddles but for him i might #i have so many theories

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pinkseas · 1 year

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[parasocial bestie] am going thru hte ask and methinks everything's settled and now we can go bac to square one of our routine braining i think <333 ALSO I SAW THE POST ABT THE. DNI with me unless you are a perfect clone of me like REAL SO REAL altho we have diff interpretation on things icb i did manage to find someone out of pure coincidence who likes 98% of what i like abt xlmi and genshin in entirely i just <3333333 like EEEEEEEEEEEEEE i finally have a reason to take my mind off twitter. tumlr ur always hte man 4 me. anyway

"its just part of his life part of his duty nothing more and nothing less. but that doesnt stop the shame that comes with anything he perceives as failure" OH GOD YEAH THAT IS SUCH AN EXCEPTION he holds high standards of what he does to ppl but not what he does for himself. it just feels so fucking painful abt xiao's character never considering himself in everything Except when it comes to other ppl to the point he goes for self sacrifice is SO!!! and yet what he does hold such noble intentions of a selfless hero even by the means of thankless acts, that he'll never be a figure to be worshipped and known as much as other adepti do. "After living for so long... to die in the act of saving others would not have been a terrible thing." is always a line that gets me about his character in entirety that he really needs to see things in another perspective too.

"it may not be the Main focus but zhongli and xiao's relationship in this fic is basically the second biggest focus beyond xiao himself/the xiaolumi of it all tbh" even before The Brainrot Festivals GOD WE ARE SHARING THE BRAIN. ive always had this impression since the start i knew of xiao those years ago, how important zhongli is as that certain figure in his life; a master a mentor a guardian just someone who reflect on his life for experiencing the same thing. but xiao doesnt know that well about zhongli, about morax, and how much the guy's changed and felt the need itd be better for xiao himself to change too. it doesnt have to be the same, for what zhongli tries to teach him, it had to be something that makes his life at least, if not bearable, is simply for xiao to be comfortable and free of suffering bc the guy doesnt let himself to. and dkfksajhdas i explore this sm though brainrots and all the different scenarios like when i told u about them going fishing, and then there's the very Very important chain of events i had in mind how it is when xiao coped about rex lapis' death and what happened after knowing.

it's a little embarrassing to explain how but like yknow my tendency to just Hurt Xiao in ways not completely whump but in a form of vulnerability he truly needs that attention and care bc of his routines and duty are slowly eating him inside out. vulnerabilities of his emotional detachment affecting his body that makes him so human. i think abt how he supresses so much in the past pre-morax he genuinely doesnt know how to express anymore, and when he does, its a sensation so overwhelming that his body isnt used to it anymore with the catharsis all the fight and flight responses the adrenaline giving him the chest pain of just,.. having emotions yknow. and the death of the yakshas the disappearance of bosacius all had different magnitudes of emotion that the death of rex lapis affected him so much being the last straw of it all, how it all crashes down when exuvia fell and not rising back up again giving him that strong reaction then he Overworks To Cope.

then comes the time zhongli came to the balcony (in canon he reveals the truth in dreams,.. but i Like the two that they have a diff confrontation bc of how much zhongli knows xiao back then until the present) to tell everything, just for the revelation to hit xiao like a truck the pain the catharsis the exhaustion Everything hes been through the past few days where zhongli prolonged saying the truth now hit him that his body couldnt take it all and just shuts down. like boom he collapsed. and that's not a good reaction at all, and yet the yaksha recovers (as much as he managed, despite how weak it rendered him), assuring he's ok, trying to dismiss it with the same numbness that plagued him since morax saved him. back to square one. mf factory resetted himself, starting over. rex lapis is alive and thats good in all things thats it, all the unwilling attempts in processing it are now useless. and it brings a whole new story of how zhongli sees this all unfold altogether.

and i just,... shniffsniff....... think about what comes after, bc zhongli is not gonna let that slide even if he's pretending as a mortal even if he has to spend most of his time in the harbor since he wants to, but he also wants the best for xiao; the only one who hasnt let go of the past and accept change like the adepti does bc he doesnt know how. and its through the little things; giving the remedium, be it through posting or directly to the inn (id like to think verr goldet is the only one who knows by mere guess hes rex lapis, but respects his decision to step down no matter the reason, and zhongli trusts her immensely on the secret in exchange he becomes that special balcony visitor. an unspoken agreement o both of them.), the times xiao blacks out from karma and he wakes up on bed in his personal room in the inn with cold tea by the bedside. when he finishes his battle in the middle of heavy rain, drenched and cold, and he feels the bullets on his shoulder stop from the shield of an umbrella behind him; zhongli doesnt say anything more than to advise him of proper shelter nearby. when he finds xiao curled up, knees on his chest in his own needed respite, in pain but also in shame, zhongli takes the time to simply kneel and pat his head and keep him company until xiao can quietly teleport away. like god do you have any idea how much i love the thought of parental zhongli or at least a zhongli who Cares like can you tell

anyway icb thats enough for me to go on 4 paragraphs longer than i intended OK MOVING ON EVERYTHING YOU EXPLAIN ABOUT XIAOS WINGS,... GOD its the way it makes sense it makes so much sense he'd rather have any semblance of his past severed to build himself anew but its kinda funny too. that he intends as such and yet he also doesnt; still thinking himself as sinful as he was as the bloodhound who deserves all the punishment when the whole point of starting anew is Not Doing That and actually continue as a fresh warrior with new roles and new things to do without counting the past. like WHAT BRO

personally id go for the first one bc i still like the thought he keeps them for the mere sentimentality and i feel like he wouldnt bear to lose the only thing he wants to hold on about a childhood he lost before, even if he doesnt remember it. the mere thought of it existing providing him that sort of painful comfort its still there, even if seeing it hurts knowing he cant taste the joy of flight anymore. having flight being out of reach and he'd have constant reminders of it is just that little sign xiao never really moved forward even in the beginning o)-( he doesnt even summon it after it recovered, doesnt even pay attention while people tended it, only finding the solace of it existing at his back. and yknow for the Pain Points i actually thought that after it had been mangled so bad xiao never actually showed it to anyone its condition despite his human body recovered and he purposely Dismisses Its There than just Knowing, and its only when the pain of it being untreated becomes unbearable and at the right topic being brought up did he reveal them. guizhong had been so terrified of its condition, so pitied and devastated that they werent told and xiao was so small so young hes a child hes a child and he revealed them without an change in his expression to the moment he falls from the pain. the way he speaks of his wings as a mere fact it existed. and at some point in her grief to him she felt the need to just,.. restore his flight by making mechanical wings bc she just knew his real ones wont support him anymore even after treatment. and morax himself shared the exact sentiment, the two standing forlornly and the half-progress blueprints guizhong spent day and night in her tears to just give xiao back what he lost.

other bits im just AUUUUUUUUEUEUHUSHFVUFBKDSHFKJSDFKH SO TRUE SO TRUE UEEEEEEEEEEE CUS I RAN OUT OF BRAIN JUICE WRITING THE OTHERS. like i hope u get da message. i rlly spend everything on two things JDFHKSDJFHKSDJH ok but wait "learning to feel human learning to live as mortal people do learning the values of life itself learning how to love the little things" LIKE MAN....................................... also giggling wit u thats the problem on the theory when 500 yrs had passed then wats the use of scouting, hows the other world going bro? 500 yrs late and alrd destroyed? yeah

teehee

"i finally have a reason to take my mind off twitter" YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH and in the end isnt that the most important thing of all… LMAO no but genuinely so so so glad bc ur right the sheer Coincidence of liking so many of the same aspects of this game i love it so bad we're so cool and epic for this fr

"never considering himself in everything Except when it comes to other ppl to the point he goes for self sacrifice" yeah o(-( THE NOBLE INTENTIONS THE THANKLESS ACTS… dies a little bit. AND YEAH THAT FUCKING LINE KILLS ME EVERY TIME ITS SO. IM SO. IM SO.

"a master a mentor a guardian" HE IS SO IMPORTANT TO XIAO AND THEY ARE SO IMPORTANT TO ME !!!!!!!!! and ohhh my god xiao not realizing how much has changed and that zhongli thinks itd be for the better if xiao changed too… trying to teach him how to be comfortable and how to suffer less………..

"my tendency to just Hurt Xiao in ways not completely whump but in a form of vulnerability he truly needs" NO BC UR SO BASED FOR THIS imo xiao is like. either a) you have to really Get In There and take his walls down brick by brick with so much patience and care, or b) something uncontrollable has to come in and smash those walls to pieces all at once, to the point where he needs the help from others where he has no choice but to let people in and be vulnerable around them. specific people cant really try to force it, i REALLY dont think that would work at all i think thatd make things so much worse, but either lots of patience and care or smth that isnt done Purposefully By Anyone Else for the sake of him opening up yknow??

"bc his routines and duty are slowly eating him inside out" NO BEACUSE YEAH. YEAH. GOD. his karma :handshake: his duty settling on his shoulders consuming his life eating away at him so slowly but surely. and what would he do without them? who would he be without them? he doesnt even know. he thinks there'd be nothing left but there'd be so much and then so much room for him to grow, too, and i just. i just. fmgnmdfngmfdg.

THE CHEST PAIN OF EMOTIONS repressing so much he literally just doesnt know what to do with it im so. Explodes. that last fucking straw after centuries of hardship is something that can be so. AND XIAO TRYING TO DISMISS IT WHEN HE FLAT OUT COLLAPSES being ashamed to have been so """weak""" as for that to have happened going back to square one with feeling numb im so. and the way that changes zhongli's perception of everything ohhhhh my god. xiao going from someone so strong and resilient, every bad thing seemingly rolling off without stopping him, only to realize that while he is strong and he is resilient everything that he seemed to have dealt with on his own has just. made its way into his chest and festered there, buried and ignored and rotting, eating him alive bit by bit.

"but he also wants the best for xiao, the only one who hasnt let go of the past and accepted change like the adepti do bc he doesnt know how" THISSSS he doesnt know how. god. GOD. xiao seemingly so detached from the past, he himself not realizing just how much he clings to it the fact that he's still living in it something something a house on fire something something being so used to something that you dont realize its not supposed to hurt this much, its not supposed to feel this way.

"(id like to think verr goldet is the only one who knows by mere guess hes rex lapis)" THIS FUCKS i support this wholeheartedly it makes a lot of sense and mmmmm the mutual respect and trust they have for one another even unspoken…. the care they have for xiao the gratitude that someone is looking after him in ways they themselves are unable to do…. explodes.

BLACKING OUT AND WAKING UP ON HIS BED ohhh my god. there is osmething So Personal about all of that about zhongli not always actively Doing Something or Saying Anything but just BEING there being around xiao showing that he cares that xiao isnt alone. fuck. I CAN TELL AND I LOVE IT SO BAD ITS SO GOOD idk i like. i rly liked the idea?? but it takes more of a push for me to really Think About and brainrot parental characters or guardian figures and everything youve ever said abt them has made me go from "yeah that fucks, nice" to "yeah that FUCKS let me think about every scenario ever on earth with them now" which i am so grateful for <3333

"still thinking of himself as sinful as he was as the bloodhound who deserves all punishment when the whole point of starting anew is Not Doing That" YEAHHHHH man said alright let me sever all ties let me cut myself loose. except for every awful thing i have ever done which will live with me in my heart forever amen. king PLEASE

and god yeah wanting to hold on even without remembering it, that painful comfort the constant reminder of what he once had and never will again and IT BEING A SIGN THAT HE NEVER TRULY MOVED FORWARD…. man. Man. guizhong being so horrified and sympathetic, mourning for him when he cannot mourn for himself, MECHANICAL WINGS……. thinks so hard about those blueprints gathering dust, not quite perfected, eternally unfinished. thinks so hard about the traveler someday stumbling across them, or zhongli after his retirement digging them up again, either way them going to each other with the knowledge and searching for someone who could help make them a reality, working with perhaps inventors from fontaine and getting venti's blessing similarly to how its his power that allows the wind gliders to work (i think??) and using the traveler's knowledge from other worlds and familiarity with flight and determination to help xiao regain what was lost.

i like to think that where lumine is awfully fond of nature aether excels with machinery, maybe she could use what she'd learned from him or maybe he himself In The Aftermath if things go well enough could help and just. god. polishing up those finishing touches making them work testing them out. xiao being able to fly again. xiao healing enough mentally to be able to bring himself to even try fly again.

#parasocial bestie tag

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2tired2comprehend · 2 months

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I was the first to notice something. I heard them argue in such a unique way no this wasnt the same as the other times. My heart raced yet i tried not to show it, i played the game he had just bought me hours ago. It kept me grounded, i didnt cry, i didn't yell like everyone else, my heart barely raced compared to my cousins, when she hugged me i felt her heart. It beat fast and terrified and i had wondered why my hadnt, or maybe it had and i hadnt notice, in fact she was the only one to hug me. My sister consoling our crying mother as my other stood nervously, her tiny cat running around as if she felt the energy in that room. That night seemed to last forever, granted i tried not to sleep, because how could i? I had heard the yelling, the crying, the pleading, the sound of wood breaking and splintering. Its still there! A permanent reminder of the day i lost trust in my father, i had always wondered why his touch before had felt weird..nice but weird i chalked it up to my fear of men in general, the thought making my skin crawl and feel crinkly. I stayed up till 8am when my brother came home from his late night shift at our local walmart, he was barley update with simple texts. We made eye contact, i dont remember if i wanted to cry, i didnt feel anything at that point. I do remember him asking me if i was ok, i told him i didnt know. I remember the word divorce kept coming up, i didnt know whether or not itd happen, i didnt know if i wanted it to happen. The next day February 17.. the day it happened was a day after my birthday, and now it was February 17 my mother complained of her back hurting from sleeping on my sisters floor mattress so she went home...id be lying if i said id volunteer to go home to make sure he didnt hit her. I was scared if no one was watching them he'd hurt her. He'd kill her. So i wanted to make sure if it did happen, he'd get to me first. if my mother died, god what a heavy sentence, everything would change. My father thrown in jail and we'd be orphans in my eyes. Theres so many jumbled thoughts in my head, i remember waking up in my bed, i had to pee so badly but i was scared my father would be watching tv infront so i held it in, i heard the tv on so i knew now he was there. It was until my mother came in and asked if id like to eat, i took it. I avoided eye contact with my father, i didnt want to look at him so i didnt. I stayed in the kitchen the whole time, soon i figured my mother would be safe i went back to my sisters house. My brother went to talk to my dad, i felt better. Soon though he came back and said my father refused to talk, the same he did with my mother, he refused everyone(the expectation being my uncle). it was sunday i think, its blurry now, or was it Saturday? It was the first family dinner we had, i was watching minecraft story mode..and again i was the first. He talked to me first, i didnt know what would happen if i hadnt responded..but i was the good one, so i did i talked cheerfully and laughing with him as if he hadnt made my mother and sister cry, as if i didn't fear for my mothers life. And like that. Everything went back to normal. I dont know wether or not i wanted everything too, if i wanted everyone to sit down and talk together, or if i wanted everything back to normal. It honestly feels like a distant dream as if it never happened. If not for the door he broke that left a crack in and a sliver you can peek into the office. I considered getting the cracked door tattooed on my chest to symbolize the day my heart and trust broke for my father but i considered against it. No one would understand..especially not mom, because the next weekend

They drank again

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b0mblover · 5 months

Text

a very confused god

(/2)

By:J

wednsday, january 26. 17:00 (5pm) noriko came home around 15 (3) to sleep, she had been running around since 12, like normal. Jirou had went to run errands for crown, and lopt stayed home all day. now they were all laying in the living room doing various things, lopt was watching some british news station, jirou was simultaneously trying to figure out how they got such channels and texting someone, probably crown, and noriko was painting her nails venting to whoever would listen, something about public transit being awful. “Hey noriki” “lopt i will smite you if you ever call me that again” “kay rinoko, gotta question for ya” “id suggest you start running lopt” noriko procceded to chase lopt around the (mind you very small) apartment for about 30 minutes before hiding in the bathroom for another 10 minutes. Lopt came out of the bathroom to see noriko stole his spot on the couch, laying down on two cushions (look no way she would even reach 3 shes too short) while jirou was sitting on the other, the floor was his only option. Lopt sat down on the floor, stretching his legs out. “Can i ask my question now riko?” “Augh fine what?” she said, sounding playfully annoyed. “What were you doing with your nails?” “painting them? why, no im not gonna paint yours” “oh, well, thanks for considering anyways” lopt picked up on the fact that it was pointless to try and ask what the hell “nail polish” was, it didnt look like polish, and smelled better than polish, so what the hell was it really for?

around 19 (7pm) noriko decied to go to her room to sleep for a bit, claming she had to “get up buttfuck early for some bullshit” she never elaborated. Jirou was in the kitchen, sitting crosslegged on the counter, not chair, counter. looking at god knows what on his phone, he decided d to go to his room for whatever reason (plot convince) Deciding that it was the “perfect time” to execute his plan, he walked into the bathroom, opened the cabinet below the sink, and pulled out the bag noriko had her nail polish in. it was mostly red and yellows, two bottles of black, one of purple. Lopt, counting what looks like it would taste the best, and how many there was of each, decied on a midly dull red, she had two of them, he picked the one that felt less full. He opened the bottle and sniffed it, admittedly, he didnt have the best sense of smell, but he could pick up on how strong things were. He mentally noted how strong it was, it wasnt as strong as some things, but definitely was enough to make someone get lightheaded if not pass out. He set the “brush” on some wadded up toilet paper, attempting to convince himself that it was for “science” even though he had never been interested in it before. He counted mentally, when it got to 15, he would down it, like he was going to die (i mean, he cant die so he didnt really know what thatd feel like so-) “5,6” he muttered it aloud, trying to drown out the thought that itd make him sick, the last time he ate something he shouldnt have, his throat ended up bleeding (a few of you know what im referring to) “11,12” he told himself, since it was a liquid, it wouldnt do much harm. “15-“ he immediately downed the bottle, instantly noticing two things, 1. since it was red, the others might confuse it for blood if he were to throw up 2. it burned. He looked around, usually there were cups in the bathroom for water, but of course, why would there be now? he found a bottle of pink looking liquid, deciding that it probably couldnt get much worse, downed it too. Instant regret, for the secound time, it burned worse than the nail polish. He dreaded the hours ahead of him, he ran (ran more like speed walked) into the kitchen to grab a cup, fummbling it twice before getting water. After he drank it he barely felt better, his mouth and throat felt irritated, and he wanted to vomit

(note, this is just what happens when you ingest/drink eat nail polish/nail polish remover)

he decied that fresh air might help so he unlocked the door and went out onto the “balcony” or what they call a balcony, its just some thin wire that wasnt more than 28cms (roughly 10-11 inches). Taking deep breaths, trying to not panic, maybe he mentally knew that he fucked up, maybe it was the fact the pain barely dulled down. After 7 minutes of harsh breathing and barely calming down, he decied to go in, the pain hadnt stopped but it was cold out and it felt like it was almost making it worse, even if he couldnt feel temperature like a normal person. He sat down on the couch and no less than 2 minutes after, ran to the bathroom to throw up. It was disgusting, the smell, the look, he couldnt tell if he threw up blood (again) or it was the nail polish, merely questioning if it was the nail polish made him throw up again. This went on until Riko asked if he was okay, of course she had to be awake. “Uh, the hell, uh hold on ill get something stay there and uh try to not throw up..?” she sounded uncertain with her words, lopt gave up, trying to think about anything else than the situation he was in. He heard Riko mumbling through the wall, something about “antiemetics” he didn’t know what those were

(antiemetics are like peptol bismol n shit so you don’t throw up or smth idk i’ve never took them)

She came back into the bathroom with a small cup of something disgustingly pink and instructed him to take it. He did as he was told, wanting it to all be over already. Taking a deep breath he changed his position, getting off of his rather sore knees, and sitting down properly, he considered leaving the bathroom but ultimately decided that if he were to puke again he wouldn’t want to clean it up. Noriko told him to text or yell for her if he needed something, he nodded, though knowing that there was no chance in hell would he intentionally get her attention. She went back to her room, after 5 minutes of her leaving, he threw up again, though this time being a odd vague pink colour and with less possible blood or nail polish chips. This was going to be a long night.

(again im shit at writing im so sorry)

(lopt fucking dies at the end /j)

(i’m not even kidding i looked up so much shit for this, smth smth every 4 grams of acetone for every 1kg (2lbs~) if were saying that lopt weighs around ((exactly)) 67kgs (148lbs~)smth smth 42.5 idk look i’m not good at math)

(i love lopt suffering /pos)

#j writes badly #no beta we die like jirou #i stg if i have an fbi agent theyre probably worried about me

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genshin-obsessed · 4 years

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Would you mind doing the boys with an insomniac s/o? I cant sleep well bc I have ADHD and itd be nice....

I hope you like it 🥺🥺💖💖 I’m a lil proud of these

Sleepless in Teyvat

He understands, he sometimes has a hard time sleeping as well.

He’s usually got some things prepared. He always has melatonin on hand, he’s willing to talk you to sleep, late night walks are always fun, whatever you need.

His favorite thing to do is hold you while you two just talk.

“Kaeya?” The man looked up at you, a gentle smile spreading across his face.

“Can’t sleep, love?” You shook your head, walking towards him and sitting down on his lap. He was busy working on some paperwork, but it wasn’t due tomorrow and you clearly needed some attention. Kaeya wrapped his arms around you and kissed your head.

“No,” you mumbled, burying your face into his chest, “again.”

“Come on, let’s lay in bed. It’ll be more comfortable there.” You tried to get off, but he’d picked you up first. Kaeya carried you into your bedroom and gently placed you down. He got into bed and pulled you close to him.

His hand raked through your hair as the two of you talked. You always felt like you were bothering him, but you weren’t. Kaeya adored you, all of you.

He’s up at night anyway. He works at the tavern so you can drop by whenever and he’ll keep you company.

Because he’s up too, he’s more than happy to do something with you. Talk, walk around the city, but if you want sleep, he’s got some melatonin for you.

His favorite thing to do actually depends on the location. If he’s at the tavern, he likes the card game. If you’re at home, he likes to watch the stars (there’s a spot by the manor where he’ll lay a blanket down and hold you while you stargaze).

“Welcome to- oh, hello, (f/n).” Diluc said as the tavern door shut behind you. You sat down on one of the bar stools and frowned at him.

“I can’t sleep, again.” You muttered, looking up at him. Diluc gave you a sympathetic smile before reaching out and patting your head.

“It’s alright, look on the bright side, I was getting pretty lonely without you.” He reached under the counter and pulled out a deck of cards. You watched him with a soft smile as he took the cards out of the box and started to shuffle them for you. Your favorite game was (card game) and no matter how many times you’d already played it, Diluc was always willing to play with you again. Even if it meant playing all night. He’d taught you a few games, himself, especially his favorite: Mad Despair. It was a fun game that required both strategy and speed. You were still learning.

“Thanks, Diluc.”

“Ready?” He asked, looking at you with a smile. You nodded as you picked up your set of cards.

“Ready to kick your butt.”

Venti didn’t have trouble with sleep. He was saddened to learn that you did and wanted to do everything in his power to help you.

He learned everything he could about it and quickly worked on coming up with some solutions. He worked pretty fast, actually.

His favorite thing to do was tell you a story. He was a bard afterall, therefore, he put his talents to use! He would play his lyre and sing or tell you stories. Fall asleep? Great! It worked! Still up? That’s ok, because he’s got a lot of stories.

“Venti…” You mumbled, poking your boyfriend’s cheek. His eyes opened and he blinked a few times, before he looked at you and smiled.

“Aw, can’t sleep again?” You shook your head as he sat up and pulled you close. He gave you a kiss on the cheek before getting out of bed. “It’s ok! I just remembered another story I wanted to tell you!” He quickly fetched his lyre then got back into bed. You laid back down as he began to tell you the story.

It was hard to pay attention to the story when someone as handsome as he told you a story. You kept getting lost in his eyes.

Aether actually had trouble sleeping himself. Mostly due to nightmares, especially of the night Lumine was taken. He’d still had yet to find that god and it haunted him most nights.

He, just like Venti, didn’t know much about what to do. So, he finally looked into it, mostly for you. He found a few solutions, the main one being melatonin.

Ok, don’t judge. His favorite thing to do with you is wrestling. Well… play wrestling. It’s just fun and tiring, the cuddles after are the best.

“A-Aether!” You laughed as he tackled you down on the bed. You wiggled around, rolling so that he was under you. You straddled his waist and leaned down, pressing a kiss on his lips.

He gave your lips a quick nip, causing you to move back, giving him a small window to flip you over. You laughed as your back landed against the soft mattress. Aether’s golden hair tickled your nose as he leaned in.

“Do you surrender?”

“Never!”

“Oh, a feisty one, eh?” You burst into laughter as his hands attacked your sides. You yelped out, trying to get him to stop, but he was relentless. He didn’t stop, not until your cheeks were bright red and your stomach hurt due to the laughter.

As you turned to your side, still laughing and trying to catch your breath, Aether’s loving eyes followed you, a gentle smile playing on his lips. You looked at him, as your giggles died down.

“What?” You mumbled, making him shake his head a little.

“Just… beautiful.”

Razor didn’t know what the word “insomniac” meant. You had to explain it to him, and even then he had a bit of a hard time understanding the word.

Razor was able to find some natural solutions. He knew of a plant called “Whisper Fern” which was known to be a natural sleep aid. He would gather them for you as much as he could.

For the days you didn’t want that, he had other things. His favorite was taking late night walks through the forest. The way the moon lit up the path was something he loved to experience. It was even better with you.

You frowned, taking a seat on the small rock as you looked ahead into the distance. The full moon shone down on your form as you looked out over the small cliff. You heard rustling behind you and turned to see your boyfriend approaching.

“Oh, hello, Razor.”

“Can’t sleep?” You shook your head with a light smile as he walked towards you. His hand landed on your shoulder, sliding down your arm before he took your arm. “Come.” You didn’t argue, instead you stood up and followed him.

The two of you walked down the path, letting the moon be your guide. These walks were often silent as you listened to nature around you. The wind rustling in the trees, the bugs chirping, and hearing any owls in the distance.

Your hands were intertwined as you hoped over rocks and roots, never breaking apart once. It was rather romantic, something you had come to love more than you thought you would.

You two arrived at an open field at the base of the mountain you had been on. Razor gave your arm a little tug, making a smile spread across your face. You gave him a nod and the two of you took off. You ran through the field, finally letting go of each other, racing all the way to the other side. Whoever lost, owed the other kisses. Plenty of them.

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strawberryjmilk · 3 years

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Can you do a jisung imagine where the reader is like a yt gamer and uses a fake screen name to just play games and ends up meeting jisung and maybe like the first time they meet in person is when the reader is having like an anxiety attack or something. YOUR WRITING IS SO GOOD

this has taken way too long and probably isnt in the format you want it to be, or proper plot BUT! i have many. thoughts.

WARNING - depictions of claustrophobia and a panic attack!

picture this: you are a streamer who goes by the name of cherry

“no, not because i keep eating candy on stream! shut up, all of you.”

a faceless streamer - one who still gained the hearts of many people easily

cherry was everything you weren’t - outspoken, outgoing, confident. everything you yearned for and ached to be

but y/n was your safety shell - the way you’d grown up and looked after yourself and talked yourself down from anxiety

your fans understood that, and allowed you the privacy and safety of shutting away as y/n when you needed to

‘breaks are allowed, cherry!’ ‘take a breather, bestie, we’ll be here.’

they were so understanding and warm - especially the one who called themselves ‘ji’

‘a nickname,’ they messaged you one day. ‘like yours, i guess. ji is who the public sees, sometimes.’

that made you feel better - you weren’t the only one who hid behind a name and facade

anyways - the name cherry!

it was because, “everyone looks good in the color red. have you seen the kpop idols who wear it? they all look phenomenal!”

naturally, that had everyone in your chat section blabbering about kpop

you shouldn’t have said anything bestie-

“everyone is yelling at me to go watch- what’s that say? back door? that better not be slang for anything!”

“just by looking at the thumbnail, i know we’re going to be having a swell time, friends.”

‘who’s your favorite?’ “i haven’t even started the video-”

‘PLAY THE VIDEO BESTIE’ “okay, geez, why are you yelling?”

30 seconds into the music video, you paused it. you simply stared, before glancing at your chat with your hands folded in front of you

“i’ve made a grand mistake, friends.” you took a deep breath, looking at the music video again before shaking your head. “who is that? their name? age? zodiac sign? coffee order?”

thus began your stray kids journey - more specifically, your han jisung journey

‘hes so pretty’ you’d told ji. it wasnt unusual for you to talk to fans - cherry made friends with them easily. y/n, however, felt like you were crossing boundaries

but, you never went further than a conversation or two

meeting up with anyone was out of the question

except for them - ji

they mentioned it constantly, meeting up. and you never said no

the option was always on the table

when you mentioned kpop, though, it took ji a while to respond

only then, too - even if you had a timezone issue, ji responded quickly

‘im going to meet them, one day’

‘ill see you then, cherry’

that day came sooner than you were comfortable with

you bit your lip, looking over the red sweater you’d pulled over your head. on brand, you were carrying a cherry-themed bag with you

stray kids were going to kcon - and so were you

you let out a breath at the crowd - for some reason, you weren’t expecting this many people to show up

another body bumped into you and that seemed to be your ending point - the one thing that sent you spiraling

hunched over with your hands on your knees, you couldn’t see or hear anything else

your breathing was heavy and faltering at the same time - heart stopping and speeding up with its own mind

“-okay?” someone was talking to you. you heaved in another breath, opening your eyes. you didn’t even know you closed them. “can you hear me?”

“panicking.”

“i can see that.” they paused, and you could hear them conversing with someone else. “can i help you move to a wall? it’s away from the crowd.”

you nodded and suddenly you were stable, back against a wall that you slid down until your butt hit the floor

you let out a breath, “those suck.”

as soon as you opened your eyes, you snapped them shut again. “that’s embarrassing, please tell me im dreaming.”

“sorry, you’re not.” chan said - bang chan had moved you away from a crowd as you panicked

you let out a groan, sliding further down the wall

“don’t be embarrassed, please,” chan said. he sat beside you, eyes roaming around the crowd, “im just glad you’re okay now.”

“yeah, thanks for that.”

“oh, you’re okay!”

as if your life couldn’t get any worse, han jisung was stood in front of you now

he held a bottle of water out to you with a smile. “figured you needed this.”

“jisung’s the one who spotted you.”

“god, this is humiliating.”

that caused both boys to chuckle as you sipped at the water slowly

jisung was now sat to your left

and then he caught sight of your outfit - and your bag

but that wouldve been too coincidental, right?

“cherry?” it was a mumble, but you heard it

“yeah?” you weren’t supposed to answer

jisungs eyes widened - “wait, really?”

“really what?”

his eyes narrowed now and you busied yourself by finishing off your water, looking anywhere but at him

your phone dinged - a perfect distraction

it was ji - ‘you arent very good at hiding your identity.’

that made you tilt your head

‘i mean, the cherry themed outfit really gives you away’

you gulped - ji was here? and could see you??

‘to your left, idiot’

you turned to see jisung pocket his phone, staring at you with a grin

“i wish this was a nightmare.”

“now thats just rude cherry.”

“whatever you say, ji.”

kcon was a lot more exhausting than you thought itd be

but you went home with a smile and a new contact in your phone

thank you for requesting! decided to try out a new way of writing - its a lot quicker so tell me how you like it! thank you for reading, ♡

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