#i hope these are the right tags i am so aa...
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shoutout to people who didn't always know actually. shoutout to those that didn't have dysphoria since childhood or know something was different about them or act different or be noticeably queer. i can't be the only one and i love you
i love you <3
#i only found out being something other than cishet was a thing about three years ago! of my own volition! reading fanfic and being a kid!#that being said i dont remember a lot of my childhood [probably due to trauma]#but even now...i feel a little invalid for not being able to say ive always felt different#so hi hello i love you lets hold hands and watch the sun rise#transgender#queer#trans positivity#queer positivity#pansexual#< because i am and this is about that#i hope these are the right tags i am so aa...
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Just thought I'd say. I always reread ur fics because they're that good, it's like eating your favourite food and eating it again because it's so good
aAA i am so happy that you have enjoyed what i’ve made !! thank you for stopping by !! please have a beautiful day thank you so much :DD
#m1d : [chats]#m1d : [sweethearts]#wUagaauug anon i am. aug#i love you here have a 🌸#words are HARD but i hope this conveys the level of ‘<3’ in my soul rn#today is a great day today is a day of :D#LORD i need a tag for you sweethearts#would [darlings] be too forward alsjkakd#i see my followers and go ‘oh i must be doing somethin right’ but to get a MESSAGE about it alsjdjqkkdf#AA you guys. are so nice to me <3#to REREAD IT to KNOW what’s gonna happen and CONTINUE ANYWAY IM !!!!!#emojis aren’t enough i need to convey to you that i am sobbing on the floor rn /pos
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icy roads: mark estapa
warnings: car crash, hospitals and flatlining
tagging: @ivy-34, @hzstry8, @francesfarhadi, @cixrosie, @heartz4hisch, @trevs-swiftie, text me or fill the form if you want to join the taglist!!
you were making your way up to michigan to see your brothers tyler and dylan.
it became custom when you and dylan joined university that you'd visit each other whenever possible. you were the one who did most of the driving considering his hectic game schedule.
so this weekend was no different.
you finished classes early and it was just in time for a long weekend. so you packed all your things in your car for the three hour drive ahead of you.
"hey dyl, i'm just getting started on the journey. i should get to aa around like the afternoon," you left your brother a message.
you then facetimed your boyfriend. the michigan native answered his phone immediately.
"hi gorgeous," he answered, moving into his room and locking the door.
"hi marky, i was trying to get through to dyl but he’s not answering,” you explained.
“yeah, we were playing a game of monopoly and your brothers got into a fight about rent or something,” mark drawled on.
you rolled your eyes at your brothers childish antiques. mark chuckled at your expression before he fell on his bed.
“you’re staying with duker right?” he asked.
you shrugged “i hope so, i don’t feel like sleeping in a dorm again,”
your conversation was cut short when someone entered marks room. “yo stop sign, we’re gonna grab something to eat before y/n gets here,” ethan called out.
“oh hey y/n, how’s the drive?” he asked once he spotted you in the phone.
“it’s going great eddy. except for the fact that i am almost out of gas now and i need food,” you complained.
you had spoken to mark for over an hour of your journey. how he managed to stay away from the boys that long was beyond you but it helped with the boring journey.
“you fill your tank and i’ll see you when you get here,” mark wished you goodbye and sent you a kiss before ending the call.
as you headed into the station and grabbed some snacks, you texted your brothers your eta and thanked the cashier before walking out, sour patch kids in hand.
the roads were getting more slippery as you approached ann arbor causing you to slow down just a little.
it all happened so fast.
you were taking a bend when your car slide off the road, driving off road into a tree.
the impact of the car caused you to hit your head on the dashboard. you were knocked out immediately not hearing the shouts asking if you were alright.
meanwhile, back in michigan your brothers were wondering where you were. “wait when you checked her location last where was she?” dylan asked.
tyler pulled his phone out and check find my iphone “she was at this exact spot dude, i swear to you,” he explained.
now that got all the boys worried.
so ethan, mark, tyler and dylan all piled into a car and drove to your location.
“dude, why are there so many police cars?” ethan asked.
his question was answered when the boys pulled up to the side, tyler noticed his sisters license plate and her sticker saying ‘osu mum’.
the younger duke brother made a dash towards his sisters car. dylan followed after with mark.
“woah. woah, you guys can’t be here,” a cop told the three boys.
“no, sir that’s my sister,” dylan explained. tyler had tears coming out of his eyes as he watched his sister be pulled out of on a stretcher.
the cops face softened as he ushered the two brothers to follow him. “you guys get in the ambulance, your friends can follow and i’ll be there soon okay,” he explained.
tyler and dylan wasted no time climbing into the back of the ambulance. mark headed back to the car, his hands shaking.
ethan was quick to notice and strapped him into the passenger seat. “mark, she’s going to be okay. it’s y/n she’s going to pull through,” he reassured his friend.
ethan and mark called the rest of the group telling them what happened and they didn’t even stop for a second before they headed towards the hospital.
ethan and mark met tyler and dylan in the waiting room.
"they took her to do some scans. they say say it's not anything major but umm, they want to make sure there isn't any like internal bleeding or anything," tyler mumbled.
mark wrapped the younger duke brother in a hug. he knew how close you and tyler were so he took it upon himself to look after the boy.
it was pretty soon after that the rest of the michigan boys showed up. tyler had texted some of your friends from osu telling them what happened as they blew up your phone.
the cop who brought the boys to the hospital handed dylan and tyler your suitcase and waited with the brothers and their friends.
it was quiet in the hospital as the doctors finished doing some checks on you before letting dylan and tyler in. your parents were trying to find the fastest way to see you guys but till they came it was your brothers that took care of everything.
but by some unfortunate luck, when dylan and tyler had finally been allowed to see you, your ecg started beeping like crazy. the two brothers watched as nurses and doctors flocked into your room pushing the two out.
mark rushed over to your room to see what was happening and watched as your once steady heartbeat went flat. tyler was crying hysterically as rutger and frank tried comforting their friend.
ethan held onto dylan, the older boy trying to maintain a strong face for his younger brother.
but mark couldn't handle it. his chest felt tight and he felt like he couldn't breathe. his ears were ringing and the only thing he wanted was to be in your arms.
"kiddo are you okay?" the cop asked.
the question brought everyone's attention towards mark. the michigan native clutched onto his chest as he looked dylan in the eyes.
the look was all dylan needed to know.
dylan wanted to scream at his teammate. how could mark go against the one unspoken law they had all agreed on. don't date your friends sister.
tyler hadn't caught on yet. but as he was about to ask his brother what was wrong a nurse came out of your room.
"are you guys y/n dukes family?" she asked.
the boys all nodded, forgetting the moment of tension.
"she's going to be alright. it seems that she was waking up and her tracker slipped," she explained.
tyler wanted to go in and see his sister but the nurse added "is there a boy named mark here. she was asking for him earlier,"
mark stepped forward and followed after the nurse. but before he went in, he grabbed onto tyler’s arm and pulled him along.
“i know she’d want to see you too,” he whispered
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i just want to apologize to all my mutuals and my loves right now.
i don't know why, maybe my time management skills (or lack thereof) are really getting to me, but i'm just so bad at making time for y'all right now. i so desperately want to see everything you create and reblog, and i get your notifications all the time, but it's just so hard sometimes. i love you all so much. you're such beautiful, kind, talented, brilliant souls, and i'm so so so blessed to have y'all in my life. even on your worst days, i'm here, and i'm thinking about you. and i am always, ALWAYS awed and inspired by the incredible things you create. keep on truckin', i'll figure myself out soon enough.
😘🥰💖 Anya
@ohtobeleah @roosterforme @bobfloydsbabe @bobgasm @seresinhangmanjake @lewmagoo @sebsxphia @delopsia @laracrofted @pinkdaisies9285 @lostinthefandoms11 @mandylove1000 @sugarcoated-lame @withahappyrefrain @sailor-aviator @attaboylew @attapullman @na-ta-sh-aa @mamachasesmayhem @ryebecca @mothdruid @paigewinchester67 @phoenix-rising-starbird-one @horseslovers2016 @seitmai @justabovewater20 @briseisgone @rhettabbotts @marvel-molly @topguncortez @sorchathered @sio-ina-bottle @cherrycola27 @creatchie8 @floydsmuse @yuckosworld @shanimallina87 @rosesvioletshardy @jessicab1991 @theharddeck @tongue-like-a-razor @hangmanapologist @thedroneranger @peachystenbrough @up-thereinthesky @pullman-lewis @teacupsandtopgun @bradshawsbaby @bradshawsbitch @gretagerwigsmuse @hangmanssunnies @honkytonk-hangman @sunlightmurdock @sometimesanalice @wkndwlff @seresinsweetie @callsign-spark @marvelshauntedhouse @blue-aconite
i'm so sorry if i didn't tag you, it stopped letting me, but i hope i've shown you enough love that you know you're included here 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖
i'm not done trying to list y'all, but it's 3am, and i have work tomorrow
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Dhamma in The Sign
Hearing about Dhamma, my mind immediately went to Dharma, a hindi word often used in tandem with Karma, and a quick google search confirmed that yes, Dhamma is simply the Prakrit (a group of ancient languages) variant of the word Dharma.
It's hard to explain what dharma/dhamma is is english, but I'll do my best. Dhamma is said to mean 'to uphold'. And, in some way, this is true. Dharma revolves around duty, order, and the law of nature. Everyone is born with their own dharma, and must carry it out.
One of the best ways to explain the concept of dharma is the story behind the Bhagvad Gita. I'll do my best to summarize it in a way that is comprehendable to people who've never heard of it.
We begin at the very beginning of a battle, with Arjuna, a great warrior prince. His charioteer is Krishna, an avatar (form on Earth) of the god Vishnu, one of the big 3 gods in Hinduism. Arjuna surveys the battlefield, and sees his uncles and cousins on the opposing side, realizing that he will have to fight against family, and the insurmountable bloodshed that would follow. He fears that waging this war will be adharmic (the opposite of dharma). Arjuna hesitates. He tells Krishna if his worries, who then begins to lecture Arjuna. This lecture is now known as the Bhagvad Gita. Grossly oversimplified, the crux of it is that fighting in this battle is a part of Arjuna's dharma. He is a warrior, and a prince, and this battle is necessary for him and his brothers to regain their kingdom. Fleeing from the battlefield, as Arjuna thought of doing, is what would be considered adharmic.
This is, imo, the best way I can explain the concept of dharma. It heavily emphasizes the concept of the duty that everyone is born with, and must carry out. Obviously, our dharma won't be fighting in a war, but everyone has their own dharma to carry out. Dharma and karma together shape our lives.
I'm hoping we'll learn more about Phaya and Tharn's dharma in future episodes, becauseit would be truly fascinating. Here, the monk (forgive me, I don't remember his name) mentions how dharma helps us distinguish right and wrong; following our duty is right, deviating is wrong. I suspect that Phaya and Tharn deviated from their respective dharmas in their previous lives, Tharn in particular.
Finally, I am by no means an expert on these things. I've offered a rudimentary explanation, but I honestly have no idea how much of this actually makes sense, so I'm tagging @waitmyturtles in case she'd like to add something here. Turtles, I know you're not watching The Sign, but you have been interacting with a few posts about it, so forgive me for asking for a bit of help here.
Side note: Dharma is pronounced as dha-rm, just like Karma is pronounced as ka-rm, NOT kaar-maa. The 'a' makes an 'uh' sound, not aa. Similarly, Dhamma is pronounced as dhamm. And, in The Sign, Karma is said as Kamma, which has essentially the same relationship to Karma as Dhamma does to Dharma.
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I ABSOLUTELY LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE YOUR 4X DRAWINGS SO DAMN MUCH!!🥹🥹and I have also seen ur post about writing fics about 4 and x and literally everything else and I REALLY REALLY WANNA READ THEM SO BADD🙏🙏😭😭but like I dunno if u are releasing these fics publicly or not but if you are PKEASE TELL USS🙏🙏you seem like an amazing writer and don't getting me started on your art🥹UR SUPPORT TALENTED I HOPE UR DOING GREAT❤️❤️
oh wow ;;; ashfnsmkvlksv. OMG..THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! this is so nice to read, thank you...! /// ksvkfasl AA. (doesnt know how to respond normally) thank you for the kind words [ goes insane slowly...]
i am currently writing something right now, yeah! it's for my algebralien lore au (just links to my tag), in which i give four, X, and two extended backstories that inform and shape their current selves. it's basically just one long character study following (mostly) four's pov. but that one won't be for a while, i do try to take my time and pace myself with fic writing, but i want to be able to get it out at some point!
but i have written something bfb related if you want to get a feel for my writing style -> right here! (its about bfb 30!)
thank you so much, again.. T_T ouushsjg i'll try my best. trying to use the hyperfixation juices while i have em to be able to write this, AAAA. the numbers make me crazy!!!
#asks#THAN KU ............Ou#reads this over and over..thankou so much..#4x nation Forevre..#me when i die
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tagged by @cateringisalie - tagging @darrelodin, @bad0mens (but don't feel obligated obviously!)
How many works do you have on ao3? 138
2. What’s your total ao3 word count? 434,082
3. What fandoms do you write for?
Persona 5, Octopath Traveler 2 are the active ones; previously wrote quite a bit for Bravely Default and some for Final Fantasy VII.
4. What are your top five fics by kudos?
Perhaps unsurprisingly, these are all P5 fics. Also the top two really ARE the two fics I started on the p5 kinkmeme lol! (They had non-kink prompts as well)
When the Cat Dragged In the Trickster (2172) - AU where Ann is the PT leader; when Morgana runs away, he recruits the delinquent who sits behind her in class. Hiatus'd for way too long, I do want to resume it I just kind of. psyched myself out hard lol
Our Partner is Who? (1471) - no metaverse AU. Plays fast and loose with how Japanese school works to force Ryuji and Ann to work with "the scary delinquent" for a project. They realize he's not as bad as the rumors say.
Infringe (1039) - not all Joker Palace fics do this (or have a fairly ironclad reason for doing it), but a number have the thieves break the rule of a unanimous vote to investigate Joker's Palace behind his back. This is about how that could go wrong.
Stall and Crash (997) - Things go very wrong during a battle in Shido's Palace when a status effect sends Joker's mind back to the interrogation room.
Overload (623) - Minutes after summoning Satanael, Ren collapses in Shibuya square. Spurred by a prompt about giving p5 a p3-esque end (though, notably, Ren doesn't actually die...but at the point it leaves off, he's not in a good state, either)
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
I try to. I don't always. I have a bad tendency to overthink and so I can get myself with "am I saying this right/did I respond to everything/AUGH IT'S BEEN TOO LONG".
6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
Oh gosh if you wanna go way back in time to fanfiction.net I feel like some of the Shadow Hearts fic might count lol BUT actually. In recent ao3 memory. Killing Hope is a fic that explores a timeline where Ren sold out his friends in the interrogation room, and now that he's dead and most of the Phantom Thieves are captured, Akechi is setting out to tie up one last loose end. It is 100% a bad time.
7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
Heaven Never Could Describe reunites Maruki and Rumi. Like it could have been even sappier. But it's already pretty sappy.
8. Do you get hate on fic?
Not really. I've occasionally gotten overbearing crit or a backhanded bookmark ("not as good as [different fic with somewhat similar premise]") but in terms of getting outright hate I've been lucky.
9. Do you write smut?
No. Like I have, if you really dig through ao3 and ff.net profiles you can find it, but I barely read it and the stars gotta align for me to want to write it.
10. Do you write crossovers?
No. Occasionally I like to pitch an idea off the cuff but it's rare for one to compel me into writing. Do think p5 x aa fics are fun but I haven't had any particularly strong ideas for one myself.
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Not to my knowledge.
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
Not to my knowledge.
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
No, I haven't had the best luck with partner projects so I always feel like that might just drive me and/or the partner nuts lol
14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?
Tiznes is still pretty nice lol although I feel like OF ALL TIME it'd probably have to be Clerith.
15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably won’t?
Overload would be nice to finish but is probably dead in the water. To be fair to myself, it was spontaneously spurred on by an ask and never did have a firm plot to begin with, just headcanon about what couldcause Ren to have a near-death experience at the end of p5. There were some vague thoughts about how to have him recover/how MUCH he'd recover (one idea was that while he recovers enough to do basic self-care like eating/dressing and can hold conversations and do some simple tasks, it's dicey, at least in the fic's time frame, if he'll ever recover enough to be fully self-sufficient in the future and the team recognizes that and tries to help him have a safety net)/even a thought about pulling in p5r elements (it was started before royal came out but has no contradictions iirc) but at this point. it's easier to say "that was interesting but I don't know how to finish it" and move on.
16. What are your writing strengths?
I feel like I'm fairly good at digging into characters and getting their motivations right?
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
Getting stuck on projects in ways where I feel like I can't even write like I can string one word to another but I've completely lost any perspective of how anything connects in an interesting way
WHEN THE BRAIN FOG ROLLS IN IT'S LIKE SILENT HILL
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?
Don't lol
I have done it, in a very old Shadow Hearts fic, but honestly unless the POV character has decent proficiency in the target language they'd have trouble parsing it anyway, and if they're fluent they can just understand and "hear" it as...what it means in the language you're writing in. There are occasions it may make sense but I think most time it's more trouble than it's worth.
19. First fandom you wrote for?
Shadow Hearts according to my ff.net profile but that's because I deleted my very first ff7 fic off there lololol
20. Favourite fic you’ve written?
for all the headache it's caused me I do like When the Cat Dragged in the Trickster
for an oldie tho. I like What Crossdressing Says About Character (ff7 fic about Cloud & Aerith in the sector six segment).
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Lola, your tag and anon ask reply for the exasperated Carlos set are so spot on. Thanks so much for putting the set on my dash. It’s brilliant! Please know that when I saw it and your tag (exasperation is his love language), I was immediately recalling lines from the (epic) Mesh Shirt fic you wrote a bit ago. I just want to say that I think you capture this particular love language of Carlos’ so beautifully in your writing. It stays with folks (hi, I’m folks lol).
“Carlos gives TK a look that he hopes conveys exasperation rather than amusement. He’s feeling a weird mix of them right now, but it shouldn’t be surprising. TK somehow manages to occupy the very niche status of the love of Carlos’ life and also the bane of his existence, and he kind of wants to see how far TK will take this, but he also has self-respect.”
The niche status line is truly incredible. 😂 That’s the part that came to my mind when I saw you put the set on my dash. It’s the whole thesis statement of Carlos’ unique love language for TK.
These other two lines are also pure gold:
“TK is the light of his life, and sometimes that light blinds him a little, but it’s only a temporary thing.”
“…Carlos wonders for a brief second where the hell all of his self-control has gone, because it used to be watertight and now it’s full of holes.”
These are all so good and so fitting! I could keep going because you’ve peppered more just like them throughout all of your Tarlos fics, but I gotta go to bed so I’ll stop here lol. Grateful for the way you depict their love in your writing and the laughs you bring out of us with one exasperated Carlos Reyes. 😂💖 Have a great day!
Thank you so much, Sonia! You are truly such a gift and I am so honoured by all of the above!
Perhaps it's only because I've been in this fandom for a short while, or maybe it's just my writing style, but I feel like it's so much easier to express my thoughts and feelings about Carlos, TK and their relationship through fic, rather than in expressing a particular head canon/responding to an ask. Then, you came in with the above - all this other stuff that I honestly forgot I wrote, but it definitely reflects how I feel about Tarlos - and it conjured some feelings. So thank you, and also sorry in advance for the essay.
You know, they (vaguely waves hands) always say that you should never expect the person that you're in a relationship with to change for you, and I think in TK and Carlos' case, that rings very true. They're very different personalities and they remain very different personalities - one a little more reserved, perhaps more cautious. The other with a tendency to be a little more rash and impulsive.
I think my favourite thing about Tarlos is that although they're quite different, their personalities complement each other so well. Not only in the way that they soften out the rough edges of each other's less ideal qualities, but in that they bring out and enhance a lot of the really special ones. As the chaotic Lone Star timeline continues we see Carlos flourish - his fun, friendly, snack-king, i-am-the-loving-dad-of-this-group energy becomes more and more evident, alongside the sheer amount of character development in s 3, and I love that. I like to think that his relationship with TK has given him the safety and the encouragement to let his guard down a little more, be a bit sillier, express his love for everyone by running around and making sure they're all well fed.
Certainly, I don't think Carlos has ever been boring, or too uptight. I just think we didn't get to see as much of that energy from him in s 1 (although we did always get to see the exasperated energy - that has been right there from "if I was a less secure man, I might be bothered by the fact that i worked up the nerve to ask you out, and you spent the entire night talking about another guy" to "at three eighteen in the morning?").
Also, Carlos might slander TK for his habit of eating at 2am or trying to live off AA doughnuts, but don't tell me that Carlos-Do-You-Need-Me-To-Cook-You-A-Whole-Ass-Dinner-Reyes wouldn't eat his feelings on occasion. He definitely has a guilty pleasure of some kind and I need to know what it is.
Don't even get me started on TK. That's a story for another day, but this man really went from TK-I-Hate-Everyone-And-Everything-Strand to TK-Soft-And-Sweet-As-A-Marshmallow-Strand, and you can't tell me that Carlos giving him a stable and loving relationship - something TK has clearly always craved - doesn't play a huge part in that. TK needed someone who would let him be prickly sometimes, see all his flaws and fears, and love him just a fiercely anyway.
If anyone can do that, it's Carlos.
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tagged by the beautiful and amazing @aevallare thank you!!
1) How many works do you have on AO3?
9!
2) What’s your total AO3 word count?
63,696
3) What fandoms do you write for?
it's all bg3 right now, but I've also written for critical role and the arcana (visual novel)
4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
1 - that's the kind of love ive been dreaming of (bg3, astarion/f!tav)
2- ain't it warming you (the world goin' up in flames) (critical role, jester/caleb)
3- Liebe ist Fürsorge (critical role, jester/caleb)
4- Fighting the Hurricane (critical role, jester/caleb)
5 - true colors shine in darkness and in secrecy (bg3, astarion/f!tav)
5) Do you respond to comments?
yes! i try to do the "comment when you upload the next chapter" thing but sometimes its been a while since the last chapter and i get embarrassed and just respond to everything in one big rush
6) What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
where i left Fighting the Hurricane probably combined with the (checks notes) 1+ year long update hiatus, i am coming back for you baby i promise. i have plans for it. i just. god. so much happened to me right as i was working on it.
7) What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
All of my fic ends happy (this will not always be the case, eventual AA!AU will be. well. i shan't say.) BUT, and this might just be because its my most recent finished work, i think new steps might end off on the most hopeful note.
8) Do you get hate on fics?
this has never happened to me and id love to keep it that way lmao
9) Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
yes :) the only real posted smut ive got rn is that's the kind of love ive been dreaming of, but i have other smut in the works
10) Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?
Fighting the Hurricane doesn't count, really, but that's the closest we've got: its a Critical Role/Pacific Rim fusion.
11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?
not that i'm aware of
12) Have you ever had a fic translated?
nope!
13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?
i have nooooot, but i am not sure that the way that i write (terrible first draft and then editing for 1000 years) is very friendly to co-writing. I'm not against the idea at all though, its just. you know. i wouldn't want to torture a friend with the everything about me. maybe someday though!!
14) What’s your all time favorite ship?
in this house we multiship, peace and love. :) though honestly i made a joke once about retiring kira as an oc after bg3 bc of everything im putting her through after becoming so enamored with kirastarion so maybe that? sorry blorbo from my brain, enjoy the conciliation prize of elf dick.
15) What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
stares guiltily at Fighting the Hurricane ch 2, languishing on my wip pile. listen, i still fully intend to finish that story. i was doing cool stuff in there. the only problem is that my brain exploded while i was writing ch 1, and this wasnt supposed to be more than 2k words but i am myself, and i didnt use outlines then, so my notes are a mess.
also i cannot possibly underline enough the bit where my brain exploded. this is an exaggeration only in that none of it came out of my head, but i was Not Myself for a Long Time.
16) What are your writing strengths?
i think my internal monologue bangs. this is because i agonize over it.
17) What are your writing weaknesses?
moving characters around in the space is like pulling teeth and i feel like a solid 30% of my editing is focused on that. getting someone from point a to point b elegantly and without it feeling like "astarion got up. he moved his feet. he sat down. he looked out the window" makes me feel like walking into the sea
18) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?
I like it when it makes sense! Why does this character use another language? Does the reader need to know what they're saying? Is the POV character unfamiliar with the language? Does the reader learn anything from this? If you don't have good answers, why do it?
I find tieflings really neat, and bg3 does the typical dnd thing of "tieflings are looked down on," without, like, doing much with tiefling culture. So Ive had Kira use Infernal as a shortcut to create familiarity with other tieflings, and use it to have private conversations bc why would anyone but tieflings and people living in The Hells know that language--this solves some problems for her! And it creates others.
19) First fandom you wrote for?
Naruto...... once upon a time i wrote shikamaru/sakura fic. i was going to make a joke about that being my actual first longfic but i just checked and it literally isnt, i worked on it for a year and if you dont count the in-text authors notes (it was a different time) the whole thing is shorter than true colors chapter 4.
can you imagine me, now, updating something for a year and it being less than 11k. lol. lmao, even.
20) Favorite fic you’ve written?
eldath's mercy is my darling right now who also scares me to death. update coming soon (this week? i hope?)
i will tag @simon-says-nothing and @raccooncrimes and @septemberskye and YOUUUU reading this if you want to do it, tag me if you do!!
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I posted 8,066 times in 2022
That's 329 more posts than 2021!
1,893 posts created (23%)
6,173 posts reblogged (77%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@fiore-della-valle
@redbirdblogs
@idkfandomwhatever
@seananmcguire
@sleepymccoy
I tagged 8,043 of my posts in 2022
#stranger things - 1,920 posts
#asks - 932 posts
#steddie - 722 posts
#anon asks - 532 posts
#all the laughter - 517 posts
#good omens - 490 posts
#my pets - 481 posts
#good things - 438 posts
#peafowl - 405 posts
#eddie munson - 377 posts
Longest Tag: 96 characters
#we are all uncertain if our work is good or we've just been loving it despite its flaws too long
I sent 10 gifts in 2022
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
I hope that once everyone's done laughing at the important blue checkmarks (no rush, it's fucking hilarious), Tumblr considers other icons we can put by our names. Like little hats or something we can send to friends for a day for a dollar. Little animal companions. Good job stickers.
28,252 notes - Posted November 10, 2022
#4
A snake in Thailand spent enough time sitting still in the water to grow moss and turn into a dragon, apparently.
More video at the source account!
34,063 notes - Posted March 3, 2022
#3
Oh god, I just aged several years in a single second, a friend of mine sent me a snippet from a fic that read someone put a VHS into a VCR and took so long getting back to it to press play that the menu screen had looped multiple times
36,575 notes - Posted September 1, 2022
#2
When I was a kid, maybe 14 or so (which is, you know, 20+ years ago), I belonged to a Yahoo! mailing list for an anime called Gundam Wing. It was mostly populated by other teens, of varying ages, as it was started by a teen and her friends. Eventually it migrated, when Yahoo! groups started as forums, and even branched off into non-GW related stuff in a second forum.
One of the things I remember the most clearly is the oldest person in the group. Her name was Steelsong. She was a 40-something Dom with a sub whose name we knew even though we knew nothing else. She ran her own fanfic archive because the web was still handmade HTML and navigated in webrings and I’m pretty sure Google didn’t exist or was only barely, barely launched and not well known. She was kind and patient and we loved her. She treated everyone on the group with the respect given any adult, even though most of the rest of the world was still treating us like we were children. Not teenagers even, but children. She never once condescended to any of us, never made our youth a barrier to her respect, never treated us like we were incapable of being full people or like we were less than her because we were young.
I remember that she hosted our fanfiction, as absolutely terrible as it was (and I still have some of it, I am WELL aware of how cringingly terrible it is, just absolute nonsense garbage), right there alongside of other fic that was soul-achingly beautiful. Not a separate section for her friends or for kids, just right there like we were good enough to feature alongside other authors. I never once received crit from her that I didn’t ask for, only support. Only love. I am still writing today partly because Steel was so kind about our fic, fanfic and original.
I remember that when I started doing clay sculpture, she commissioned a tiny pair of dragons from me, to support me doing artwork. She sent a check my mom cashed for me, and my mom helped me mail it when it was finished. It broke in transit, and Steel assured me that she mended it and that it was still beautiful. It was a small gold dragon curled up with a small silver dragon.
I remember that her patience knew no bounds. I remember that she was there for us, regardless of reason. When we wanted to know silly things like what to do with a single AA battery, she answered. When we had serious questions about sex, she answered. When we had questions about writing, she taught us. When one of our group members, a young gay teen in Australia, ended up in the hospital and then stopped making posts, and we all knew what had happened, she let us talk to her about it because we couldn’t go to our own parents, even though we had just lost a friend.
She was not a replacement to my parents, but she was an extra parent, in some ways. A friend, certainly, but someone that had been through more life than we had and was willing to pass on knowledge if we asked for it. Someone older that we trusted with things that were too uncomfortable to go to our parents or teachers or whatever about, because we already knew she wasn’t going to judge us or something, and that we would get an honest answer.
I don’t know why I’m remembering this so hard tonight, and I’m not sure if there’s a point to sharing this, except that I know she’s gone now. She was ill the last time we spoke, and her site went down a long time ago, and I miss her. She was a huge influence on my life, then and now. She was hope, for me, that life as an adult didn’t have to be boring, it wouldn’t have to mean giving up the things I loved and Becoming Only Responsible With No Fun. Her presence meant I had hope I could still write and play with friends even when I wasn’t ‘a kid’ anymore. And she’s gone, and I miss her, and I wanted to share her from the perspective of youth, and the perspective over twenty years later has provided me.
And I think of her, when people go off about older folks being in fandom with younger folks. I’m an older folks now, or at least middle aged folks because there are certainly folks older than me still, but I wasn’t always. I’ve been here since i was a younger folks, and I know how much Steel’s presence and support meant to me, how much she helped not just me but everyone on that group. And I think of the people saying older folks don’t belong in fandom, and that they shouldn’t interact with younger folks at all, and I just think... I can’t agree. I needed that kind of solid presence in my life back then and even at the age I am now, I need the folks older than me to stay. I want them here.
So I guess, like, if you’re here and you’re 40 or 50 or 60 or 70 or 80 or whatever, I want you here in fandom with me, still. Your presence here is a comfort. It is hope. It is a reminder that life will continue to be fun, even as I get older, myself. And if you’re younger and you have this sort of elder in your groups, I hope that they are like Steel. I hope they are kind and patient and supportive, and that knowing them gives you hope for your own future. I hope in twenty years you look back and remember them fondly.
44,929 notes - Posted July 17, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
If you're ever worried about whether your writing is too self indulgent, I just want you to remember that Sharknado had 5 sequels. I'm only partway through watching Sharknado 6: It's About Time, but already they've traveled through time and ridden a pteronadon into a Sharknado so they could use the magic teleportation portal inside of it to travel forward in time to King Arthur's time, where they are currently battling a Sharknado full of fire-breathing dragon sharks with Excalibur, which is a chainsaw sword that calls lightning. You're fine. In fact, be a little more self indulgent if anything, because I am having a BLAST watching this specifically because I can see how much fun the writers were having.
45,937 notes - Posted June 17, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
#tumblr#this all tracks#I'm so glad Steel's post saw so many people#and that my top post this year was actually my own creation#rather than a share#you people have sent me..... so many asks#that's not even all of them!!!!#those are just the ones I actually answered#and publicly#dash stretcher#personal
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WIP ask game!!!
thank you so so much @hansenesque for the tag <333 !!!!!!
no pressure tags: @the-laws-of-physics-were-harmed @holdmyteaplease and @tellme-o-muse + anyone else who's interested! you're free to join (if thats how tag games work aa)
rules : answer as many (or as few) of the questions about your WIP as you can.
1. what was the first part of your WIP that you created?
the main character. fun fact: atticus wasn't even called atticus! his name was supposed to be 'calyx,' and before that, it was 'leto'! this wip has been going for almost three years, and i am very dedicated to make atticus- calyx - or leto- get the story he deserves. being the very first idea that sprang into my mind, he still remains as my favorite, and the very first thing that formed the basis of beneath the waves, since his backstory and his emotions form the majority of the wip.
2. if your story was a TV show, what would the intro song be?
hole dwelling by kikuo!! this song has EVERYTHING. the music crescendo, the scream (oh my god the scream), the lyrics eerily similar to the ideas in my wip, the soft voice, everythingggg!!!!! the lyrics remind me of my worldbuilding ['the sun, the sky, the moon- so vibrant, all of them'] AND ITS 6 MINUTES LONG. SIX. MINUTES. OF PURE BLISS!!!!!!! especially with headphones omg
also the fact that the lyrics can be interpreted as anything just makes it so much fun to listen to.
i take it as talking about a literal void in which people are trapped. which. which is basically
3. who are your favourite character(s) and why?
atticus :D he was the first 'serious' or 'story-based' character i made, and i had further plans for him, too. all the characters i made pre-beneath the waves had no further plans for development, or they weren't unique enough, or just made solely for the YA market (young girls, skinny, magic powers).
atticus, or leto, at that time, was made purely for me, and from my own ideas. leto was used as a sort of practice for my short stories. then, leto became calyx- a character, not an entity.
from there, i got the idea of an abyss. everything spiraled from there lmao
4. what other pieces of media could share a fan base with your WIP?
i got the idea of 'changing the laws of the universe' and 'interacting with the divine'-- yknow, all of those otherworldly aspects from puella magi madoka magica, a magical girl anime, childish from the start, mature at the end. it had a lot of those otherworldly elements, and i find myself leaning to the concepts explored in pmmm whenever i work on Heavenly.
if the pmmm fandom somehow stumbles on beneath the waves in the future i have no idea how it'll end. theres a small chance of heavenly and pmmm sharing a fan-base, if i understood the question correctly.
5. what has been your biggest struggle while writing your WIP?
figuring out how atticus develops!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! figuring out where i should end this story!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! figuring out how atticus's life is gonna go from there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
figuring out how to write tbh
6. are there any animals in your story?
if you take the mariana trench and dump all of its animals into the abyss but corrupt them by taking out an eye or two for an exchange of more teeth and install fantasy elements, yeah you get the abyss's animals. there's also my own species of carnivorous fish that reside in the abyss.
my customized fish species play a huge role in the story. those are spoilers (for now).
7. how do your characters get around?
they swimmmm :D with the fishieeeeees :3
8. What part of your WIP are you working on right now?
if we hypothetically take the lore, the characters, the inner workings of the plot, the events, the nitty-gritty details and backstories as the engines of the car and the plot as the outer plating and wheels, i've created a mercedes (without the wheels)
9. What aspects of your WIP do you think will draw people in?
i don't know 😭😭😭
uhh the lore-lovers will like it. i hope some theorist will pick it up one day and wonder if the author is okay
#tag games!#beneath the waves within this soul#<33#thank you for tagging me! i had a lot of fun answering these questions#i hope this q/a was longer ;-; i could talk about my wip for dayss
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“Honestly, just stop it.”
pref for from lost to a sea of troubles but, y'know, whatever sparks
hi!!! ok so yes absolutely this is set after lost to a sea of troubles (knocking on the wrong door au), where anakin is basically kidnapped by Sith!Obi-Wan, who posed as an innocent civilian in order to lull him into a false sense of safety (they have sex)
(1.1 k) (warnings: dark, dubious everything, sorta dead dove but not like. REALLY. stockholm syndrome but make it space, sorta conditioning? these tags are so much darker than the actual fic, but that's definitely what's implied but not stated)
Kenobi sighs when he sees Anakin. Anakin doesn’t like the sound, but he also definitely doesn’t like the way hearing it makes his chest feel tight, like his skin has suddenly shrunk down to squeeze around all his muscles. The Sith is disappointed in him.
It shouldn’t feel like the worst sort of reality, to know that the Sith is disappointed in him.
But it is.
Kenobi sets aside the tray of food and steps into Anakin’s room. No. Not his room. His cell. It’s important to remember that. It’s incredibly easy to forget.
“Darling, you’re bleeding,” he states the obvious, stepping forward as if expecting Anakin to simply offer up his injury for inspection.
“No, I’m not.”
He is. He’d tried to gnaw off the cuffs around his wrists. His teeth and his wrists hurt now, but he doesn’t want Kenobi to know that.
“There’s blood on the ground.”
“Water,” Anakin says dismissively, even though he knows the lie is as transparent as the blood on the floor isn’t.
“Hm,” Obi-Wan says. He touches the force suppression cuffed wrists and the thing has the audacity to expand at his touch, widen until it slides down to sit halfway down his forearm instead. “Honestly,” the man sounds exhausted. “Just stop it.”
“Never,” the answer comes quickly and easily to Anakin’s tongue.
He hopes it rings truer than it feels.
“I hate to see you hurt like this,” Obi-Wan—no, Kenobi—admits. “Please cease trying to escape these bindings. They’re for your own good, darling.”
“Don’t call me that,” Anakin snarls.
“Ah, I am sorry,” Kenobi says, though he doesn’t sound very sorry at all. “Would you prefer I call you Anakin?”
His name in Kenobi’s voice makes him feel weak. It reminds him of all his past transgressions. Every time during that one night when he heard the man in front of him say his name like that and shivered from how good it sounded.
He wished it didn’t still sound so good. So right.
Maybe if he had access to the Force, he’d be able to ignore his own inclinations to arch into the Sith’s gentle touch to his bleeding skin. Maybe it’s shouting a warning, loud and clear, but Anakin can’t hear it.
He couldn’t hear it that night either, though Ahsoka could.
“Of course you couldn’t,” Obi-Wan murmurs, pulling bacta and bandages from the pocket of his robes and studying the wound. Without Anakin’s connection to the Force, his shields are practically non-existent. “I never had any intention of hurting you.”
“You’re hurting me now,” Anakin points out because it’s true. He’s being hurt every moment he spends suspended in this weird form of captivity, where he’s allowed to leave his room—no, cell, and access every part of the house he wants, but he has no chance of finding any comm or any sort of weapon.
Obi-Wan shakes his head and hums. “You did this to yourself,” he tells him. “Look at you, you still have blood at the corner of your mouth.”
With a wet thumb, he reaches up to wipe it off. Anakin should flinch away, but for some reason he does not. “I hate you,” he says dully, aas his body shivers and tries to arch into Obi-Wan’s delicate and gentle touch. He makes the pain go away, Anakin’s body whines. He makes us feel good again.
If he could forget how good Obi-Wan made his body feel, he thinks he could live a much better life in captivity. But he can’t. The Sith before him has starved him from all other forms of contact, after giving him the best fuck of his life the night before.
That last part should not be related, but Anakin has found that his mind keeps trailing back to it without his permission.
The way Obi-Wan had touched him so…surely. As if he were already positive about his claim over him. The way he’d been so…so good. He’d made Anakin feel whole, even though Anakin hadn’t felt missing before he’d felt his touch.
No. No. It’s ruinous to think such things. Ruinous to indulge in those memories. It had all been a lie. Obi-Wan had been lying to him, hiding his Sith eyes.
“Yes and no,” Obi-Wan says, moving to the other wrist. He glances up at him before ducking his head back down. Anakin looks at the few pieces of hair that fall over his forehead, and then he looks away. No. No.
But Obi-Wan keeps talking as if he hasn’t heard Anakin’s thoughts, though Anakin knows he has.
“It was never truly a lie,” the man says. “More an omission of truth. You must understand, I didn’t want to. I simply knew it was necessary. And, Anakn. Love. You cannot pretend that you have not benefited from being in my care. You sleep regularly, you eat regularly. And not to mention, the war is over. I gave the galaxy their criminal. They gave me you.”
Anakin turns away to look at the wall. He knows the Sith’s words are true. He’s been shown the footage.
If anyone is looking for him, they aren’t doing it publicly. They’re too busy celebrating.
“I made your favorite,” Obi-Wan tells him. “I had to look all over for the spices, but I finally found them in an antiquities shop. I had a bite and I started crying, so I feel confident in this being up to your standard of heat.”
Anakin detests the way the Sith speaks, as if they’re friends. As if they’re more. He’s casual with him, but a sort of casualness that speaks of familiarity. One that does not exist between them.
He also detests the way he waits—craves—for the finishing touch of this ritual. After Obi-Wan has bandaged his second wrist, he raises both to his lips and presses kisses into the skin above, below, and beneath the bandages.
Anakin shivers at the touch of his lips. He tries to pretend he doesn’t press up, press forward, but he does.
“Please, darling,” Obi-Wan murmurs, standing from Anakin’s bed and reaching for the tray of food. He sets it where he’d been sitting. There are flecks of what Anakin knows must be tigoalarun, in the rice. A seasoning native to Tatooine and known for its heat.
“Stop this foolish attempt for attention. I will give it you, whenever you want. I just cannot stand it when you hurt yourself,” the Sith says, and he reaches out to stroke over Anakin’s curls. He forgets to flinch away.
He’s too distracted by the seasoning. Tigoalarun. Even his master had not been able to find it for his sixteenth birthday.
He looks up at Obi-Wan’s kind and tired and handsome face, and his mouth begins to salivate. He tries to convince himself it’s because of the smell of the food, but Obi-Wan smiles like he knows differently.
#asks#obikin#dark fic#knocking on the wrong door au#prompt fill#oh he's about to break and give in you know it obi-wan knows it even anakin knows it#delicious
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I’ve always dreamed of me and you, now here we are
ship: Tarlos | fandom: 911 Lone Star | author: chaotictarlos | read on ao3
Rating: Explicit | Warnings/Tag: Secret Dating AU, Social Worker!Carlos Reyes, Professor TK Strand, ex's to lovers, warnings to be added, smut in later chapters
Summary: It's a tale as old as time, meeting the right person but during the wrong time of life. TK Strand and Carlos Reyes dated in college but parted ways when they graduated, not knowing they would ever see each other again. Six years later, Carlos is working as a social worker in Travis County and TK has just accepted a position as a professor at The University of Texas at Austin. They run into each other when a mutual friend invited TK out for the evening.
Authors Note: Thank you to @noxsoulmate for beta'ing for me. I hope you guys are enjoying this fic as much as I am! Leave me a comment and check out my season 4 Fics!
Prologue | Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four
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C H A P T E R F I V E
TK settles into Austin a lot easier and faster than he thought he would.
He finds a favorite coffee place, a place that makes decent Chinese, and even a favorite grocery store. TK also finds a few AA meetings and starts the process of getting a sponsor because he knows that big changes in his life - and the stress that comes with being a teacher - can upset the balance and cause him to crave and he doesn’t want to give into any temptations that he might come across.
His therapist will be proud of the steps he’s taken without being told when he tells her.
TK’s also proud of himself. It’s been two years since his last slip up and he finally feels like he’s in a place where he has control of his addiction. He doesn’t want to mess that up.
He settles into teaching his classes and after the first two weeks it doesn’t feel as scary and overwhelming. His students seem to like him and he’s settled into a nice routine of teaching and giving homework. TK actually finds that he enjoys grading the homework and helping shape what people know about the environment.
All in all, things are going well for him.
He just can’t get himself to stop wanting Carlos.
TK spends so much time with his new friends that he ends up seeing Carlos most nights and while it’s nice and he’s enjoying getting to know him all over again, it stirs up old feelings and hopes that he had long since smashed down.
He finds himself thinking a lot about the time they were together and how good they had been. It makes him ache for a time that he knows he’ll never get back, that he can’t get back. He’s not the same person he was when he was with Carlos, and the person he is now he’s not sure Carlos would even want.
TK’s more broken than he was in college and that was something nobody ever wanted - at least not for long.
TK’s ex made that plenty clear.
So he tries not to think so much about Carlos, and when they’re hanging out together he tries to make sure that everything stays in friendly territory. This is almost impossible because it’s Carlos and Carlos looks good and he’s just so kind that TK can’t help but start to crush on him again.
READ ON AO3
tags: @strangefurychaos @sapphire11 @first-kanaphan @noxsoulmate @rangergurlgleek1211 @detective-giggles @tarlos-spain @lonestardust @bubblesandroses8 @thebumblecee @mooshkat @importantbailiffpaperpony @otter-love-asl @paperstorm
#chaotic fics#professor!tk strand#social worker!carlos reyes#tarlos#tk strand x carlos reyes#tk strand#carlos reyes#tarlos secret dating au#secret dating au#911 lone star#911 ls#911 lonestar#validate me and enjoy my fic
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20 Questions for Fic Writers
I was tagged by @evelinessa! Thank you Eve!
1. How many works do you have on A03?
Technically 10, but 5 of them are part of the Ace Attorney Holiday Exchange and won't be on my profile for a bit over a week.
2. What's your total A03 word count?
126,004 - which is insane if taking into account that I only started posting my own work in July this year...
3. What fandoms do you write for?
Mainly Ace Attorney, but there is also one lonely Metroid translation.
4. What are your top five fics by kudos?
Beyond Duty (nsfw)
Turnabout Labyrinth
A King's Heart (nsfw)
The many lives of Larry Butz (Kill-a-character-Bingo)
Cyanid (German translation of Cyanide by @sablegear0)
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
Since I don't have all that many comments yet, I reply to them all, because they always make my day. Also I know from a readers pov, that there's nothing greater than an author replying to a comment. So I try my best.
6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
That has to be The many lives of Larry Butz. It is for the Kill-a-character-Bingo after all and is so far the only one with an unhappy ending. Even though the personification of Death makes it a bit humorous.
7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
That I cannot say yet, but if I don't forget, I'll add it in a few days once the creators for the exchange are revealed.
8. Do you get hate on fics?
Thankfully not so far.
9. Do you write smut?
Yes. Most of the time it's porn with a lot of plot. Because that's what I also prefer to read. Just a regular (good) story, where the sex is also narrated and not fading to black.
10. Do you write crossovers?
I write a lot of AUs, no downright crossovers so far. You maybe could count The many lives of Larry Butz as a crossover, since the Death there is heavily inspired by the Discworld Death, but since it is the AA universe, it's not really the same Death, even if he talks in all caps as well.
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Not that I know of.
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
Nope, but I translated my favourite Metroid fic into German. Sadly I never finished, because I was bitten by the Ace Attorney bug and didn't have any braincells left for Metroid. But there are still quite a few chapters for part 2 sitting on my computer, so maybe, if we get a new metroid game, I'll be inspired to finish it.
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
Yes, A King's Heart is a collaboration with @voidify333.
14. What's your all-time favourite ship?
It's the wrong question really, but the ship that I'm writing most for right now is of course Narumitsu/Mistunaru.
15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
Uh... so far I am hoping to finish all my WIPs. At least all wips that are already partly posted to AO3. There may be some sitting on my computer, that will never see the light of day though.
16. What are your writing strengths?
Hm... I'm good at every day fluff. Little everyday scenes where the characters enjoy life and each other. Funnily enough I am also good at getting my characters into awful situations, provided I know that they will resolve themselves and have a happy or at least hopeful ending after all the drama.
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
Writing a villain's pov. I tried. I gave up. I can write a villain, but only from the pov of other characters.
I also struggle with getting a coherent story together, if I don't have a good concept for the whole thing from the start.
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?
No problem, as long as it's German. :D Thankfully that's actually helpful in Ace Attorney.
19. First fandom you wrote for?
First fandom I actually wrote something down for is probably Metroid. The first work that I told stories for is probably Sir Walter Scotts Ivanhoe, when I was a little kid. I've told stories since I learnt to talk, I only very recently started to have the confidence to write them down and share them.
20. Favourite fic you've ever written?
Since I cannot yet tell you about that one fluffy fic yet, I'll have to go with Beyond Duty.
Tagging: @voidify333, @sablegear0, @azalawa-scroggs
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Anon, your ask is a wee bit on the lengthy side and I am not exactly the soul of brevity myself, so I hope you don’t mind if I just go ahead and slap it all under a cut to respond.
You know my primary problem with Jared Stans are not that they are over-critical of Jensen and his career or family life and all. Not that I like when some of them start with over-analyzing everything he says and proves him as a lying bastard out of spite, but when they are doing it in their own zone I am no one to complain as I can't control their thoughts. Also a lot of them give some pretty good points and facts while criticizing him, and not all the criticisms are spiteful, so the problem is not that. I follow a lot of them, share their posts, find them like-minded in a lot of topics- so them pointing out on face that they don't like Jensen is hardly an issue.
As I’ve said before, I also don’t get too fussed about whether or not someone dislikes Jensen (or Jared). People are free to have their opinions in their own space, even if I might personally not only disagree but find a lot of those opinions ridiculous. Don’t attack or threaten the actors, but otherwise? Okay, whatever.
My problem is despite being enough sensible how some of them are blind towards others POV, and sometimes nurture the idea that they are the superior part of the fandom who is always right. Some of them (not all) keep on saying if you are not able to see how Jensen is a jerk to Jared you are definitely an AA who pretends to be a Jared fan, and rudely questions your honesty without even knowing you. According to them J2 fans don't exist, there are either fans of Jared and secret haters of Jared. If you don't agree with then you have to be an AA or a J2 tinhat who only values Jared as Jensen's partner; or at best someone blind and in denial with subconsciously being an AA. This won't be in their consideration that maybe they are oversensitive on something rest of the people are not. I am not a Jensen worshipper so I have no reason to block them or the anti tags, but as a follower of their blog I think I have the right to agree or disagree with their statements. But if I ever counter their post I would get the suggestion to get out of their blog or a rude reply when I would be expecting a healthy discussion. While their criticisms for Jensen does not equate the hate Jared gets, those can be illogical to a lot of people sometimes- but if you point that out you will get responses like Jared gets much more hate than this- as if it is a competition of who can throw more hate. I won't expect this childish behavior from a group of sensitive people. Or maybe it's my fault to expect better behavior from them, all sides of fandom are just the same- some just acts to be more sensible.
Every faction of this fandom will tell you that they’re the nice side, they’re the sensible side - it’s just those other fans who are the problem. The thing is, if you discount the most extreme cases, they really are very much alike. I cannot tell you the number of times I have seen the same absurd assertions about either J’s looks/career/likeability/SM/whatever from the other’s stans. Almost literally word for word, as if they’re cribbing the best insults from each other. Which is the first part of why I can’t take them seriously. The second part is exactly what you’re describing, trying to turn fandom into a false dichotomy of if-you’re-not-with-us-you’re-against-us. Which is direct out of the hellers playbook. If you don’t ship D/C, you’re a homophobe. If you don’t like Jared best and defend him against every possible perceived potential slight, you can’t actually be a fan of his at all. No, that’s actually not an obligatory binary choice.
Not to mention the further context that some of them? Are projecting their own experience onto everyone else. They pretended to be J2 fans for years while actually hating Jensen. So obviously anybody claiming to actually like both guys who doesn’t like Jared best MUST hate him just like they hated Jensen. Again, no, there are not just two options that exist there.
There has been a lot of times when their anti Jensen posts have made me question my sanity and my dedication towards Jared, to a point I questioned myself if I were an AA subconsciously which I don't know but they do🫢. But after a long thought I had to believe I am the normal thinker, they are overreacting. A big example of this has to be MR's podcast. I was pretty mad at Jensen (still am) about the prequel, so when my dash was full of Jensen bashing after the podcast was aired I easily believed Jensen shifted the blame on Jared and took no responsibility. But after watching the whole video I found no point to be so mad at him. Not only that he didn't seem offensive to Jared at any point, but I was also unable to find the discrepancy of fact the Jared fans had pointed out so easily. Imagine my reaction when after all these I came across several posts from Jared's Stans claiming those who still can't see how much jerk Jensen is have to be a Jared hater. This is just a single instance. I face similar things everytime when my dash floods with Jensen's hatred. Not only with Jensen, a lot of time I get posts like how cast member x was mean towards Jared, and then I find nothing of that sort. This makes me think everytime- do I have to be oversensitive about Jared and dismissive to everyone if I want to be proved as Jared's fan? Loving him is not enough?
The difference between your initial reaction and mine I think comes down to having immediately recognized that logical fallacy for what it is. Someone who tells you that you either agree with them or you’re the enemy isn’t so much genuinely sure they’re right as they are determined to drown out and reject anything that doesn’t fit what they already decided they want to believe. It’s the quote unquote logic of hellers - hell, it’s the logic of flat earthers. Everything proves my point, unless it’s a lie or an attack. That never made me doubt myself because it’s so patently absurd on its face. I didn’t decide that Jensen was not secretly abusive to Jared just because I wanted to believe it or couldn’t admit Jensen could ever be wrong. I decided based on my impressions of what happened, what he said, what Jared said, how fast they made up, the fifteen years of previous friendship and the kinds of jokes they make with each other, and how they still act the same at all recent cons.
Fandom isn’t some righteous battle where you have to pick a side and fight for your avatar’s supremacy. Jared isn’t some poor helpless damsel in distress incapable of making decisions for himself or judging people he personally knows with more accurate perspective than rando stans on the internet who dissect the few random public moments we see looking for evidence of “backstabbing” (because that’s oh-so-healthy and completely rational). People in his life aren’t evil for not curating their words and actions in regards to Jared according to what crazy trolls on the internet might say.
Sorry for this long rant😂😂 Kinda feel sorry to turn your blog into a complaint box, but you are literally the window for the J2 fans who are still willing to stand straight and see everything neutrally.
No problem, anon. I don’t mind. And thanks!
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(insert Adele song) Hello, its me.
It wasn't actually an ask, it was more like I wanted to reply normally, but Im scared of that aggressive anon to get at me, so I am hiding as Anon.
I was basically trying to school that mofo. It was as if Anon wanted another mental breakdown from Yashiro, and till then it's obvious he regrets it all, and not with a smug smile? That Anon to me felt like they read the manga in one night, and focus only on what they want and not what they should.
They forget Yashiro IS a natural liar. Lies are his shield. Lies has been one of the things that made him survive. He lied for decades about his masochism, his love for pain. DECADES of lies. You cant expect him to suddenly tell truths to someone he meet again for days.
Your AA (aggressive anon) also seem to forget Yashiro is starve of love, to the point he doesn't know what that is. How that feels. Obviously he doesn't know how to react when he received that, or when finally he understands that, or when he is slowly accepting that. Yashiro right now is still in an accepting phase.
Remember he lived in a love-less environment and was only done violence since 8yo. Imagine living in that kind of life... cause I cant. Even Misumi treats him that way, I hope AA didnt ignore that. Least not forget he has lived under the care of Yakuzas since his teenage years? Living and breathing that kind of life is only natural to expect him to exhale violence as well, like shooting Doumeki or hitting that Hirata crew with a stick.
It was a shocker to him to realise that 'thing' that we normal people call love exists. In referencing the forbbiden fruit panel, which is Doumeki. He he has known it just cant admit. Not without self-loathing attached.
Yashiro is confusing? of course he is, thats the point! Doumeki confuses the hell outta him? Didn't you (AA) see how he acts differently towards Doumeki compare to everyone else? Doumeki scares him. And still is! I dont know if this is obvious, but to me Yashiro is flustered whenever Doumeki is around. He doesn't know what to do with himself, that he may seem cold or casual, but he's really terrified.
And yes, this is Yashiro's story of self-healing. It's slow but then when have you seen a BIG wound that healed over night?
The cage bird is Yashiro and he will always be cage and in the dark for as long as Misumi has him bound to this world and Doumeki is that shimmering light that attracted him...so yeah be kind to Yashiro and let him have that glimpses of light. ( Im referencing those glitters when he thought of Doumeki. It was kinda cute. ) Lets all wait and celebrate now he's slowly healing. So much of himself he has admitted.
AA should study and broaden their understanding of trauma. How that affects people. Watch documentaries of real people. Grow some human sympathy. Saezuru must be so overwhelming to them compare to other BLs that focuses on smut. It irk me when they pass the word "suicidal" so easily like a comedy skit. In case it's not obvious, AA, this is also tag as psychological.
Anyway... that's basically it. Saezuru is not for everyone. I never have thought I would see someone like AA strolling in here, thought they only crawl in twitter and mangasites. lol
I wish you a good day, Cos. (:
Hi anaon, and thank you so much for sending in your message again! I'm really sorry I deleted it the first time, as you obviously put a lot of thought and effort into it.
And everything you said, is 100% correct.
With Yashiro, it's imperative, in order to understand his character, to also have a grasp on his background, the way he grew up, the environment in which he was raised, the abuse he suffered, and continues to suffer. You can't ever understand his character, or why he is the way he is, or why he does the things he does, without first understanding those other things. And it seems painfully clear to me that that other anon doesn't understand any of it.
And yes, exactly, lying and deflecting are tools with which Yashiro has learned to defend himself. Truly, the ONLY way he's ever had of defending himself. It's HIMSELF he lies primarily to, in fact, as a means of coping with the horrific abuse he's suffered in his life. By convincing himself he's always wanted it, that he's always liked it. It isn't out of some malicious intent, it's out of self-preservation.
And yes, again, Yashiro was raised in an environment of violence, being sexually and physically assaulted by his step-father starting at eight years old, and lasting until he was, what, 16? That kind of horror isn't even conceivable to most of us. We can only look at it at a remove, and understand objectively that it's awful. But we can never know the true pain and terror and misery of that kind of abuse unless we ourselves have experienced it. So when I see these kinds of idiots like this anon going off about how unfair Yashiro is being to Doumeki, or how he's "using" Doumeki, or whatever other tripe they were spouting, I get seriously pissed. It's just a breathtaking lack of compassion on display. And indeed, the violence of Yashiro's world continued on into adulthood. He was taken in and entrapped in the world of the Yakuza, and it was either adapt or die at that point. His entire life has been filled with violence. The only example he's ever been set in terms of solving problems, or getting out of situations, is through violence. It's all he knows. It's one of Yashiro's great tragedies, that he's a genuinely kind and compassionate person who, through no fault of his own, was born into and then later further trapped in a world of cruelty and violence. And you make a great point, when you say that for someone who's grown up knowing only cruelty and violence, it's absurd to expect them to know how to react or deal with it when someone, for the first time in their life, shows them genuine love and affection. Yashiro has never know the like. He's never been treated as anything but a punching bag and a joke. Of course it would befuddle him, to be treated, for the first time in his 36 years of life, like an actual human being. And of course it scared him, because he was also being forced, through that love, to face the reality of how he'd been treated before. To face the truth, that what was done to him was wrong, and irrevocably damaged him.
Also, this anon acts like Doumeki is the gentlest soul to ever walk, and has never engaged in or displayed violent behavior in his life. lol, okay. Doumeki is way more violent than Yashiro. For one, Yashiro hasn't, that we've ever seen, killed anybody. But Doumeki sure as hell has. He killed an entire group of men, in fact. The one's who kidnapped Niki. He beat his father nearly to death (not that it wasn't deserved), he routinely attacks and assaults people with no hesitation. Doumeki is a pretty violent person. That's not to say he's a bad person, because he's not. He's a good person. But he isn't some wilting flower that Yashiro has been oh so mean to. They whine about Yashiro shooting Doumeki without taking into any consideration the mental state Yashiro was in when he did that. The fact Yashiro was suicidal, that he was going to try and make a serious attempt to end his own life. Like you said, they toss that word around like it's some kind of joke, like it's not a big deal. It exposes just how bereft of compassion for psychological suffering they are, that they couldn't see or just didn't care how much pain Yashiro was in at that point in his life. He wanted to DIE. He genuinely did. He shot Doumeki because he was desperate. He needed to keep him away, because he knew Doumeki would intervene and prevent him from being killed, and possibly get himself killed in the process. Doumeki wasn't listening, wasn't going away, words weren't working at that point, despite Yashiro's best efforts to drive him away with them, and so he fell to the last resort of violence. He was trying to protect Doumeki, and give himself the chance to end his own life. But, again, this anon clearly doesn't understand ANY of that. As you said, this manga isn't just BL, it's a psychological study of the affects of trauma and child abuse. It deals in a serious manner with very serious subjects. If they can't handle that, then they should stop reading, right now.
Anyway, thank you for resending your message! I really appreciate it!
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