#i hope i actually get to celebrate it this year
Text
Only An Almost (VI)
Chapter 6: Hiding
Hello!! Here is a new chapter!
I hope you’ll like this chapter! Please, tell me what you think!
*************************************
Pairing: Hozier x fem!reader, friends with benefits AU
Warning: No explicit smut or nsfw content, but there are sexual themes and heavy make-out sessions (it’s a friends with benefits AU, I can’t really escape it), so 18+ only!
Summary: Andrew has been in love with you for years, and yet he has never confessed his feelings. But a night out celebrating the engagement of his best friend changes everything. However, you don't seem ready to be with him just yet. You make him an offer that he can't refuse... but will certainly regret.
Word Count : 2387
Masterlist for the series – Hozier’s Masterlist – Main Masterlist
Andrew needed to talk to you.
After his conversation with Sam, there was no doubt left in his mind that he needed to tell you how he truly felt. This… situation, this… arrangement… it couldn’t go on. It was hurting him too much. Having you for a moment, and then being back to square one, holding himself back all the time, and this fool’s hope that you could feel the same if he waited…
He couldn’t keep on doing this. Another week and two nights with you had passed, and Andrew was now resolute. As he was knocking on your front door and then digging his hands in his pockets, he kept on repeating the words he had prepared beforehand. It was so much easier to write things down, he had sketched his speech this morning.
I know you don’t want a relationship at the moment, I understand that.
He knocked a second time as you weren’t opening the door.
But I’m not sure this… arrangement of ours is a good idea. I see you as more than just a friend. Way more than that. And I don’t think that I can keep on being casual with you.
At long last, the keys turned in the lock, and he stood a little straighter, taking a deep breath.
I get it that this is not the right time for you, and that’s alright. I’ll wait. I’ll wait all the time you need to have a proper date and a proper relationship with you. I’ll wait for you.
You opened the door.
I’ll wait for you, Y/N, if you want to give me a chance…
“Andy? Were we… had we something planned for today?”
“Hi! Erm… not exactly, but like… I haven’t seen you in a few days, I was getting worried you might have been eaten by some roaming spirit or the monster under your bed or something…”
He mentally slapped himself for such a weird and stupid joke.
You granted him an amused smile nonetheless, he was even ready to believe that you were struggling not to laugh.
“I’m alright, I’m just super busy with work.”
“You look tired.”
You looked exhausted, actually, with bags under your eyes, dishevelled hair…
“Thanks, I guess…”
He rolled his eyes.
“It’s not what I meant. You are always stunning. But you do look like you haven’t had a proper rest in a few days.”
“I have so many things to do…”
You heaved a sigh, and it was easy to see that you were buzzing with anxiety.
“Can I come in?” Andrew finally asked, but he was surprised when you hesitated.
“I have some work to do…”
“It’s Sunday afternoon, you’re not supposed to be working on Sunday.”
“Andy…”
“Do I really need to beg?”
He gave you a crooked smile, the ones he thought were almost cocky but behind which he badly hid that he was worried. You heaved a sigh and let him in.
“Tea?” you asked, although you were already grabbing the kettle by the time Andrew had rid himself of his coat.
“Thanks,” he smiled as he sat down by your table.
He waited until you were sitting with him before speaking again. He reckoned that you needed to be eased into the conversation he was aiming for, so he started with niceties.
“What has you so busy then?”
“Work. Important projects.”
“What kind?”
“Look, Andy… I appreciate the thought, but I don’t have time for this…”
“You can’t keep on working without taking a break… it’s Sunday.”
“Like you’re never working on Sundays.”
“I’m a musician, not an office employee. If I want to, I can decide not to work for an entire month, and no one is going to say a thing about it.”
“Touché…”
“Seriously, though… I’m just worried. Why don’t you take a small break with me, huh?”
“Andy, if you came to get laid, I’m not in the mood…”
“I didn’t…”
He frowned as he stared at you, offended by the thought. Your expression softened.
“Sorry. I’m a little on edge.”
“I haven’t heard from you in several days, I was just stopping by to check up on you.”
“I know… I’m sorry, that’s very nice of you, actually. I’m just so…”
“Stressed? Tired? On the verge of a nervous breakdown?”
“All of the above…”
Andrew drank a gulp of tea or two, before standing up in a jolt.
“Come on, go get changed.”
“What?”
“You need some fresh air. Some fresh air, and a nice walk. Come on. Get properly dressed, we’re leaving.”
“Andy…”
“You look like a zombie, you need a break.”
“I thought I was still stunning.”
“You are. Don’t ask me how you do it. Come on!”
You smiled, and seemed to hesitate one last time before getting up as well. You went to your tiptoes to kiss his cheek, and he bent to meet you halfway.
“Thank you, Andy. Where are we going?”
“I’ll find a nice spot, I promise.”
How could Andrew bring up this conversation?
He kept his words light and playful during the short drive to the spot he knew you would like. Some quiet path winding through the Wicklow hills, one that you knew already, but didn’t go there often. It was an easy, peaceful walk. Perfect to focus on nature, and get out of your head. It would do you good.
You were finally starting to relax, and Andrew didn’t dare to bring up the subject he so desperately needed to discuss. Partly because he didn’t want to stress you out again, partly because he was too afraid.
You joked around and spoke of unimportant but lovely things while you walked, his fingers brushing yours every once in a while, blaming the uneven terrain for the ghostly touch. But he didn’t reach out, didn’t hold onto you. He didn’t dare to.
You had brought some snacks with you, prepared while Andrew was pestering you to hurry. He decided that he would talk to you while you took a break to eat them. Yes, that sounded good…
“How often do you come here?” you asked him after a short silence.
“To this spot you mean? I don’t know… Haven’t come in a few weeks, that’s for sure.���
You giggled, and he slowed down to walk next to you again.
“You and your long legs. Wait for us mortals, would you?”
“Only if you’re nice to me.”
“I’ll give you a snack.”
“Hmm… that could work.”
“Or actually, never mind that. Go ahead and play the lure. So the beasts will attack you and spare me.”
“The beasts? What beasts? The squirrels? A bird?”
“There are badgers everywhere around here.”
“True, but I’m too skinny for their taste, I’m sure.”
“A bite-size ankle.”
“Nothing but bone, I’m afraid. Not enough sustenance. They’ll have to get to you, eventually.”
“Naughty.”
You walked further along the quiet path, laughing and joking and talking nonsense. And this was nice, unbelievably nice. There was just something about you that made Andrew’s shoulders lighter, his world brighter.
Love. It’s love.
You took a turn, came to particularly nice spot, breaking free from the trees of the forest trail. There was a clear view of the hills from there, and the valleys below.
“This is so nice. You were right, I was cooked up at home, and then at the office… I needed this. I needed some time outside, to clear my head.”
The Wicklow hills rolled before you, in various shades of green, the bluish grey of a stream running between them. You sat down together on an old stone wall, and you shared your snack with him: some slices of apple and a few biscuits.
“It’s so nice out here. We had not done that in a while, had we?” you went on, before taking a bite at the piece of apple in your hand.
The fruits were sweet and sticky with juice and sugar. The flesh had turned a little brown, oxidized by the air. Andrew hummed in agreement as he took another piece.
“Yeah, a few months, I’d say.”
“Longer than that. I don’t think we’ve done this since you’ve been back.”
“Maybe you’re right.”
He saw your gaze softening with sadness, something close to melancholy.
“How do you do it?”
Andrew frowned in response, silently asking what you meant. You looked at the landscape again as you answered.
“The touring. The constant travelling. Always being away from home. How do you do it?”
Andrew shrugged.
“It’s not as bad as it sounds. I get to do what I love, I can’t complain about it, I reckon. I’m so lucky people across the world love my music, that… total strangers on another continent can find something to relate to in my songs… It’s more than I’ve ever hoped for concerning my career. I’m very grateful for that.”
“You didn’t answer my question.”
He couldn’t refrain a small smile at that. You were always so stubborn, never letting him get away with things. He loved that about you, it was endearing.
He set his gaze on the landscape too, tracked some clouds drifting in the blue sky. The weather was so lovely this afternoon… he wondered when it would turn to rain.
“It’s tough,” he admitted. “On one hand I’m unbearably lucky. I love travelling, I’m going to places I would never have dreamt of visiting. I meet amazing people. I get to perform my songs, and people come to see me. And I would lie if I pretended that I don’t love touring. But it’s… it’s hard to be away for so long. You live out of a suitcase. You don’t have a proper bed, not to mention your own. You never sleep twice in the same place, you’re always busy, always torn in a thousand directions at once… you’re never on your own, there are constantly at least five people in the same room as you. Sleeping in a bus is hell. You’re… exhausted, all the time. Stressed because of all the things to do, stressed about the schedule, the interviews, the nerves before a show… And I miss home. I miss my parents, and my brother. I miss my friends. I miss my house, and my dog, and my bees, and just… this. I miss this place. And I miss you…”
He heaved a sigh, forcing himself to look at you again, feeling your stare upon him.
“But in the end, I love it. There’s nothing as rewarding as hearing someone else singing something I have written. There’s nothing as exhilarating as being on stage, and performing and… It feels like I was born to do that. It just feels so right. It’s the same when I write music. It just feels right.”
Slowly, you nodded, a gentle smile on your lips.
“I understand. But it sounds lonely.”
“I’m literally never on my own, that’s an issue, actually… to me it is, at least.”
“But you’re not with your family. Can you say that you’re with the people who matter most to you?”
“Some of them are.”
“What about most of us?”
He granted you a sad smile.
“Yeah… yeah, I miss all of you.”
You looked away again, and he was surprised to catch a glimpse at tears in your eyes.
“I don’t think I could do it. Not just travelling but… just… how can you be with someone if you’re never here?”
It was his turn to look away to hide rising tears. His throat tightened, his heart dropped, his chest was collapsing…
Was that why you didn’t want to be with him? Why you kept him at arm’s length?
“It can be difficult,” he nodded.
“Is that why you broke up with your ex?”
“There were a bunch of reasons. But it was one of them, yeah.”
“I… I don’t think I could handle it. Waiting for you to come back…”
“I understand.”
“Don’t get me wrong, when I proposed our… arrangement… it wasn’t because it was you. I… I genuinely don’t want to date anyone at the moment. My job is a lot. And I… I’m a little lost these days. What I’m trying to say is that… I feel lonely, sometimes. But I can’t be in a relationship right now. But if I proposed for us to remain friends, it wasn’t because I was rejecting you specifically. Do you see what I mean?”
“I think so… but I… I mean like… my career means that… if you were in a position that allowed you time and space for a relationship, you would still not choose me, right? That’s what it means.”
“I…”
But you grew quiet, and he wasn’t stupid. His vision was blurred with tears: a mix of several shades of green, a splash of blue and some grey and white. A cloud was passing.
He had come all the way here with you to talk, and he had his answer.
“You’re… you’re still okay with what we agreed on, right?”
What could he answer?
No… no, it hurts more than anything I’ve ever experienced. But I can’t lose you for good. I’m not strong enough to survive it…
“Had I been anything else but a touring musician… would you have wanted to date me?” he asked, voice deeper than usual, unbearably fragile.
You didn’t say anything; he took your answer for a no.
He was being a fool…
“I can’t think like that, Andy.”
“Why not?”
“For the same reason you can’t stay for the entire night. That we can’t have pet names. That you can’t kiss me now.”
He blinked his tears away to look at you, frowning, silently encouraging you to keep going.
“I can’t let you break my heart, Andrew.”
His lips parted at your words, he tried to wrap his mind around their meaning, blinked a few times.
It was… It was him. He was the problem. Him, and his job. The same pattern it had always been, all over again, but with you this time around.
You cleared your throat, stood up in a hurry.
“Come on, let’s finish this hike!”
He looked at you as you started to walk away, but didn’t move a muscle.
You could have loved him, and he would still stand no chance at all…
#andrew hozier byrne#hozier#the hoziest#hozier x reader#hozier x you#hozier x fem!reader#hozier x y/n#hozier fanfiction#hozier series#series#fanfic#fanfiction#writing
78 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hi! I just want to say I LOVE your Human Mammon!! Do you have any headcanons on him? I'd love to hear it
HII! my first azk yippee^-^!!!
n THANK YOUUUUX!! he is so silly billy and i am SOOO happy you like my interpretation😭! thats very nice of you to say! have a scrunkly blorbo drawing:
he sure is mean! and its supposed to be a tattoo on his wrist there but i couldnt think of a design so idrew scribbles 🤕 anwayz i do have some random thoughts + random sketchy shite for ya lul
he is so stupidly tall, like 6'6 or so
really really strong obvi
he can technically still teleport but usually wont in order to keep some semblance of being a regular guy, he hates this and thinks its a really annoying waste of time to walk everywhere lol
he has a noticeable electrical energy around him. if you get close enough, you will feel your hair stand on end. if hes having a bad day, he often leaves behind a string of "freak electrical accidents"
compared to his long lifetime, he really has not spent too much of it in the human world. whenever he goes, especially for the first day or so, he occasionally slips up and thinks he is working with his usual four arms, which throws off his coordination and balance. he will sometimes try to catch/hold things with his second set of arms out of habit
verosika 😍anyways
something he does like about his human form is that its physical limitations allow him to actually feel at least physically satiated with food, drink, and other stuff without the insane amount of effort to do the same in his true form. the satisfaction is nice for him to feel for once
likes to party on earth because its easier to get wasted
he can magic away piercings/tattoos he gets bored of, pretty epic
the world has always had its share of greed, and he enjoyed the decadence and pageantry of super wealthy noblemen and royalty but he really loves modern widespread consumerism and late capitalism. he appreciates the casualness and convenience of the present day, and nothing is nicer for him than a smog filled city.
as clowning became less relevant, he got more involved with general show business. he especially fell in love with the rock star/celebrity image some decades ago and got seriously into the business side of the human music industry.
i go back and forth about whether he still preforms in the human world. probably, right? but i could see him satisfied just being the band manager/agent from hell, especially in recent years
that is all i can think of off the top of my head! hope you liked reading my ramble lol! he is so fun to draw and if you or anyone had any ideas about him i would also really love to hear them! thx uuu!!
#helluva boss#helluva boss mammon#mammon helluva boss#hb mammon#helluva boss humanization#human mammon#my art#rip verosika#is this really long?#it got long all of a sudden#too xcited lol
30 notes
·
View notes
Text
Introduction
By now, we all have our opinions of The Tortured Poets Department: The Anthology. It has received mixed reviews from critics to fans alike.
In the Gaylor community, many have dubbed it her “straightest album,” which I am inclined to agree with. BUT.
If you do not like Gaylor or Swiftgron content, feel free to block and/or keep scrolling!
I’ve seen and read theories for years. In this post I will be referencing the Swiftgron Masterpost. I’m also an avid listener of the What I Will Say podcast. (No one affiliated with the podcast is involved with this post, and for all I know might disagree with it entirely. However, I will be referencing the masterpost at points, and it is only fair to give credit where credit is due.)
This is celebrity gossip, and everything is alleged. I do not know Taylor or Dianna. This is alleged (don't sue me, tysm!)
Peter is…Dianna?
Halfway through my first listen of “Peter,” I was fully convinced this song was about Dianna. That Peter was Dianna.
First, I will go through the lyrics that most pointedly seem Dianna-coded to me.
Forgive me, Peter
My lost fearless leader
In closets like cedar
Preserved from when we were just kids
Is it somethin' I did?
Taylor references closets in “seven” on folklore:
And I've been meaning to tell you
I think your house is haunted
Your dad is always mad and that must be why
And I think you should come live with
Me and we can be pirates
Then you won't have to cry
Or hide in the closet
Cedar closets are used as a "safe haven" to put valuable items in. The closet has preserved everything from when Taylor and the muse were "just kids" (likely meaning their early twenties.) Shoutout to Kristin in the WIWS Discord for mentioning this!
Credit
Another interpretation I found on Genius mentioned that the closet line in “Peter” could also be a reference to another fantasy story, The Chronicles of Narnia, wherein stepping into a closet revealed a new fantasy world. This fantasy narrative ties in with “Peter”/Peter Pan and “Wonderland”/Alice in Wonderland, which we’ll get to in a second.
The line “And I think you should come live with/Me and we can be pirates” can also be connected to Peter Pan. Peter Pan and the Lost Boys often have to fight off Captain Hook and his pirates. There are also theories that pirates/Captain Hook are old Lost Boys. TL/DR: Old lost boys are either killed by Peter Pan or can choose to become Lost Boys…at least by these fans’ interpretations. A weak link I know, but still an interesting one.
“We can be pirates” because you’ve been forced to grow up too quickly…? Hm.
Further connecting “seven” to “Peter” is the idea of being just kids, although in “seven” it seems to be more literal, while in “Peter” she might be referring to when she and Dianna actually met: Taylor was ~20 years old, and Dianna was ~24.
From “Peter”:
Are you still a mind reader?
A natural scene stealer?
I've heard great things, Peter
But life was always easier on you
Than it was on me
Dianna is stunning, and has often been referred to as a scene stealer.
Credit
“When we cast Dianna as Quinn, she ruined the part for me,” Murphy says. “She was supposed to be the Cybill Shepherd, Last Picture Show cunt, so to speak, but she humanized it. She can cry at the drop of a hat. So now her character has a conscience, a soul and great vulnerability.” Ryan Murphy, Rolling Stone. Credit
Credit (Shoutout to ellie from the WIWS Discord server for bringing the TCA nominations for "Female Scene Stealer" to my attention!)
Credit
More from “Peter”:
And I won't confess that I waited, but I let the lamp burn
As the men masqueraded, I hoped you'd return
I viewed this through a queer lens upon first listen; the definition of masqueraded (verb) is “to go about disguised/to assume the appearance of something one is not.”
When Taylor sings “as the men masqueraded, I hope you’d return,” the you is implied to not be a man.
We’ll circle back to lamps burning/lights in Part 2.
And you said you'd come and get me, but you were twenty-five
And the shelf life of those fantasies has expired
Lost to the "Lost Boys" chapter of your life
Dianna was twenty-five when she and Taylor allegedly began dating.
Dianna, through multiple interviews and her old tumblr blog (that often mentioned children’s fantasies and stories), seems to cherish her inner child and not be in any rush to “grow up.”
From an interview for Galore Magazine in 2014:
Credit
There are also Dianna’s frequent posts on Tumblr about fairytales and children’s stories - this could lend itself to the idea she was living a “Lost Boy’s life.” More on that later.
But the woman who sits by the window
Has turned out the light
Again, there is a reference to light, which is a theme (amongst many) we will visit in Part 2 of this analysis.
These lyrics draw natural parallels to Disney’s animated Peter Pan film, wherein Peter Pan visits the Darling children through their window. Wendy is seen sitting by the window, yearning for something more.
In another TTPD track about windows, “I Look in People’s Windows,” there are obvious parallels to “Peter.” These parallels are so strong that I believe these songs are almost certainly about the same person.
Credit | Credit
In “cardigan” from folklore, Taylor seems to categorize herself as Wendy and an unknown muse as Peter.
I knew you
Tried to change the ending
Peter losing Wendy
More “cardigan” parallels will be drawn in Part 2. Part 1 is focusing on “Peter” itself as well as its tie ins to another TTPD song, “I Look in People’s Windows.”
I Peter Looks in People’s Windows
Connecting “Peter” and “I Look in People’s Windows” is almost too easy, yet I didn’t catch it on my first few listens. Let’s break it down.
The images referenced above show that windows are a central plot point to Peter Pan. Waiting by the window symbolizes yearning for something more, something magical. Wendy is waiting for something more: for Peter’s return. We can draw parallels between Wendy’s window and the rabbit hole in Alice in Wonderland: a portal to something whimsical and dangerous.
If you’re new here, “Wonderland” from 1989 is known to many as one of Taylor’s most blatant songs about a woman: Dianna Agron. I encourage you to read this portion of the Swiftgron masterpost if you’re new or need a refresher!
Sit and Wait, Sit and Wait
The first theme we’ll discuss is longing/yearning. Both in “Peter” and “I Look in People’s Windows,” Taylor conveys a strong sense of yearning for a person with whom a relationship has permanently died, despite her hopes.
From “Peter”:
The goddess of timing
Once found us beguiling
She said she was trying
Peter, was she lying?
My ribs get the feelin' she did
And I didn't want to come down
I thought it was just goodbye for now
/
Said you were gonna grow up
Then you were gonna come find me
Words from the mouths of babes
Promises oceans deep
But never to keep
/
Forgive me, Peter, please know that I tried
To hold onto the days when you were mine (Hold onto the days)
But the woman who sits by the window has turned out the light
The woman (Taylor) who sat by the window has given up hope (turned out the light.)
Also, fun fact about "my ribs get the feeling she did": Dianna Agron removed a Wonderland tattoo after the song "Wonderland" was released. Guess where the tattoo was?
On. Her. RIBS.
Credit
"We're all mad here."
Also, "What will we become? We become ourselves," is a quote from poet Patti Smith. Yes, the same Patti Smith referenced in the title track for The Tortured Poets Department. (Thanks to thea from the WIWS discord for pointing out the Patti Smith connection to me!)
Credit
(Shoutout to reddit user aztraps for pointing out the rib lyric to me!)
The themes of yearning continue on “I Look in People’s Windows” during essentially the entire song, but here are some highlights:
A feather taken by the wind blowing
I'm afflicted by the not knowing so
I'd be remiss not to mention that Peter Pan, throughout many adaptations, is known for his feather in his cap.
Credit
Credit
The Paradise of Peter Pan by Edward Mason Eggleston, 1934
You might notice in this painting that Peter looks like...well, a woman (stereotypically and historically!) The character of Peter Pan is normally played by a woman on stage and is often depicted with female features. This makes Dianna being Peter even more...suspicious.
More from “I Look in People’s Windows”:
I look in people's windows
In case you're at their table
What if your eyes looked up and met mine
One more time
This is a love that is ended, yet Taylor can’t help but wonder what might happen if flames rekindled.
I know what you’re thinking – Taylor Swift isn’t walking around random neighborhoods peering into neighbor’s windows. You’d be right (hopefully.) This song is a metaphor, in my view, for “insta-stalking” or social media “stalking” an ex, constantly checking up on them to see what they’re up to, who they’re with. She checks mutual friends’ pages, looking to see if she sees her love (Dianna) “at their table” (with them.)
The real question is - why use windows as the metaphor for internet stalking your ex? Perhaps to tie it into another song about that same ex?
More "ILIPW" lyrics:
I tried searching faces on streets
What are the chances you'd be
Downtown, downtown, downtown
Does it feel alright to not know me?
I'm addicted to the "if only"
Taylor is YEARNING for this person. She also seems to be unable to believe this person has been able to seemingly move on without her (just like Peter has.)
In “Peter,” Taylor’s relationship didn’t turn out as she hoped. She hoped this person would come back, and they didn’t. (“Come Back…Be Here” anyone??? PART TWO)
“I Look in People’s Windows” highlights the fact that Taylor has not completely moved on. As she goes about her daily life, she still “peers in people’s windows” (checks instagram/twitter/etc.) for this person. IT’S THE SAME MUSE!!! (Allegedly.)
In addition, the line: “I'm addicted to the "if only"” is especially interesting given Dianna’s interesting response to rumors of dating Taylor in a May 2023 (!!!) Rolling Stone article:
The theme of waiting is also important to discuss. In “Peter,” Taylor is waiting for someone who said they would grow up and find her; she’s sitting by the window waiting for them. In “ILIPW,” Taylor is looking through windows waiting for this person’s eyes to meet “mine one more time.” Both songs have this sense of sit and wait, sit and wait, sit and wait.
Taylor looking into people's windows and obsessing over gatherings where the muse might be in attendance reflects a sense of longing and yearning, reminiscent of Wendy's yearning in Peter Pan to reconnect with Peter despite being unable to bridge the gap between their realities:
Lyrics from “Peter”:
We both did the best we could do underneath the same moon
In different galaxies
Eternal Youth
More from “I Look in People’s Windows”:
I look in people's windows
Transfixed by rose golden glows
To view something in rose colored glasses is to see something in “favorably disposed opinions : optimistic eyes.”
One could compare this to the rose colored glasses Wendy takes on when visiting Neverland, or when Alice visits Wonderland. (Again, we will be reviewing Wonderland’s connection amongst many other songs in connection to “Peter”/“ILIPW” in Part 2.) Both of these fairytales cater to the inner child and youth.
The theme of eternal youth in “Peter”, based on the fairytale of Peter Pan, is self explanatory, and I don’t feel the need to go into detail in this already MASSIVE post.
For this example, we’re going with the theory that “Peter” and “ILIPW” are inspired by the same muse/relationship. “ ILIPW’s” theme of yearning can be interpreted through the lens of Wendy's relationship with Peter—a story that encapsulates the longing for eternal youth (which Taylor writes about in “22” on Red, a song that is DEDICATED TO DIANNA, the pain of growing up, and the poignant realization that some connections are meant to remain in the realm of dreams and memories.
Rediscover Your Sense of Wonder
Peter appears unexpectedly and at random to seemingly bring a sense of magic and wonder to those around him, including Wendy and her siblings. Peter visiting the Darling children through their window symbolizes the allure of escapism, especially for someone like Taylor who cannot lead a normal life, and the desire to remain forever young.
“ILIPW,” if you allow the interpretation that it is intrinsically connected to “Peter,” indicates a longing to recapture, if anything, the innocence and adventure embodied by Peter/the muse. Taylor’s fixation on windows is a search for moments of enchantment and wonder that the Peter muse gave her.
If we follow this line of thinking and allow Dianna to be the muse of “Peter” and “I Look in People’s Windows,” it’s very interesting that the song canonically dedicated to Dianna centers around the very idea of youth and wonder: “22” from Red, as seen in the Rolling Stone piece mentioned above.
From “22”:
We're happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time
It's miserable and magical
/
It seems like one of those nights
We ditch the whole scene and end up dreaming
Instead of sleeping
/
Everything will be alright
If we just keep dancing like we're
22
Tumblr / felldowntherabbithole
Dianna once had a tumblr with the url felldowntherabbithole. While I searched what archives I could find, it was quite overwhelming, and I didn’t get through many of her posts throughout the years she was active. However, I will mention posts I did find that showcased her interest in fairytales, and why Taylor might choose one (or two…“Wonderland,” anyone?) as inspiration for songs she has written about Dianna.
FIRST: This old post was found by Cam from whatiwillsay. She is not affiliated with this post and did not endorse it. However, I was unable to find this screenshot myself on the Wayback Machine, so I want to give her credit for finding this post on Dianna’s blog:
Credit
Now, onto some screenshots I found myself of Dianna’s love of fairytales, all courtesy of the Wayback Machine:
References from bottom to top: Goodnight Moon, Dr. Suess, Alice in Wonderland, Little Red Riding Hood, Underland (a retelling of Alice in Wonderland)
Part Two Coming Soon
PART TWO will be linked here when finished. If you have any comments, suggestions, or questions, I’m more than ready to hear your thoughts!
Part Two will cover "Peter" and "ILIPW's" connections to other songs associated with Dianna.
Part 3 will cover anything I missed that I didn't feel I could edit into Part 1 or 2, as well as some more reach-y theories that I still feel deserve an honorable mention!
This post will be edited for grammatical and factual errors as necessary, as well as adding more evidence I feel needs to be included in this post.
#gaylor#swiftgron#gaylor swift#peter#i look in people's windows#gaylor theory#gaylor lyric analysis#swiftgron lyric analysis
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
it’s international lesbian day and october, lesbian halloween wallpaper be upon ye
#i love halloween#i hope i actually get to celebrate it this year#lesbian#international lesbian day#let’s go lesbians#wallpapers#lockscreens#phone background#pride
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
i know nobody is online rn to read this but ;-; i gotta get it off my chest i love ken so much he means everything to me he's making me so happy and i've needed him so so so bad. he's brought me comfort when my ptsd has been so fucking unbearable and every time i'm having a crying fit over losing my tf f/os or every time i'm having a flashback i ALWAYS immediately IMMEDIATELY think about him rushing to my side, holding me and saying "hey hey it's okay, i'm here, i'm right here" and it's such a relief because i haven't been able to genuinely wholeheartedly believe any character would be willing to do that for me the entire time i've been struggling this year.
i've never gone so long without comfort from f/os, much less being triggered by the ones who used to comfort me the most. so to have barbie and ken right now is like the biggest wave of relief every single day when i wake up and the hyperfixation is still there. sometimes i will literally close my eyes and sigh in relief when i hear a song and my first thought is sebastian or ken or six or... whomever. i love being in love again. i NEED this. i love waking up and my first thought isn't my trauma most of the time now, it's ken. or it's six. or it's barbie. or it's harley. or it's officer k. or it's... yeah you get it. i needed these characters so fucking badly. every time i see a gifset and get excited over it, i feel a rush of gratitude bc self shipping has always been the glue holding me together. it doesn't feel as intense or strong as the SB musical or TF used to make me feel but i am not picky. not at all. i will take anything and i'm praying this lasts for at LEAST another few weeks please
i may not be at a sense of peace right now and i dont know when i ever will be, it could be years, but im so. so. so. so so so thankful to have these characters right now when i've needed someone so badly for so long. i hope ken knows how much i love him ;-; i hope barbie knows how much she has helped me, has saved me from one of my major triggers and has helped me to love and feel safe around the color pink again. i wish they could see me when i'm not so broken but i'm glad they're here even when i'm at my worst, i'm glad they still love me even when they deserve to see me in a much better light
#it feels so fucking terrible not celebrating my bday with my starlight. i used to buy myself cakes and put his figurine next to them#i mean i still have... a little bit over one week... i cant... let it pass by without him being involved somehow#so i might make a quick vent doodle and queue it for the actual day of my bday#i refuse to not draw myself with him at least once for my special day#its not like we 'broke up' or anything but fuck it feels so bad#he's a literal fucking ptsd trigger. how fucking insane is that#im still in shock. im still in shock over what happened to me like i cant fucking believe it#wearing his necklace makes me cry so i just leave it on my dresser#that shouldnt be normal!!!!#but im hoping that shipping with barbie/ken is going to help me feel like i can reclaim control over my ships#bc my abuser made me feel like... i had no control over my TF ships whatsoever for a solid year#so now that i'm finally free of that toxicity i'm still shakily trying to learn how to ship again#i'll have moments where i'll worry ken will try to hurt me on purpose bc im so used to my abuser telling me how abusive any f/o would be#but then i tell myself 'hey what the fuck. this is MY story. NOBODY would abuse me i dont care WHO they are'#but it's so hard to unlearn several months of abuse 😔#and even harder to look at a character who i invested so much time and energy and money into#my voice clips. my cameos. all of my steve blum autographs. my art for steve. all of it feels sad and numbing#not just stsc but everyone in any TF universe feels like... a threat and i get panic attacks when i see very specific characters sometimes#its awful. it hurts so bad. i love ken so much. but nothing compares to what i had with my TF comfort characters#but it's okay bc... ken is holding my hand and he might not understand ptsd at all but he can still squeeze me tight#and six HAS c-ptsd he GETS it. and he's there to hold me when my nightmares make me fall apart. he's my rock#vent#ptsd#sorry it's 5am i had a bad nightmare and now i refuse to sleep again#i fucking hate ptsd i fucking hate living like this i rly wish i knew how to cure myself#im exercising im eating and drinking often im sleeping as much as i can#theres only so much i can do#when does it get better?? when the fuck does it get better? im serious. not rhetorical. when does this finally heal#i dont even know if im healing or if im just distracted... but fuck ill take anything
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
happy bday to me! 🎂🥳🎉
for this very special day i wanted to list and compare the presents and interactions i got in the mobile games ive been playing consistently lmao
under cut cause the pics are big
Time Princess
A letter with 10 golden tickets, 100 stamina, and 10000 coins
Obey Me! Nightbringer
1 UR+, UR, and SSR Joker each
3 Demon Vouchers
30 Karma Points
200 AP
30000 Grim
50 Devil Points
Along with a bday video, birthday calls from the characters throughout the day and a UR guarantee for a 10 pull
There's half-off on Devil Tree unlocks
There's also special birthday dialogue in the Surprise Guests:
-- the first Surprise Guest I did gave me 30 more Devil Points
-- and you can press anywhere on the boys and get max hearts :]
What in HELL is Bad
They haven't implemented bday stuff yet so nothing (´。＿。｀)
Twisted Wonderland
A Happy Birthday from the character you have set as your favorite card and a Tenfold Key Set (for rolls)
and last but not least.....*drum roll* 🥁🥁🥁
Love and Deepsace!
Special Happy Birthdays from each guy which include them singing happy birthday to you :3
Birthday Dialogue on the home screen
Presents from each one (items you can use to decorate their desks)
500 Diamonds
5 Empyrean Wishes
1 Bottle of Wishes: SSR
1 Energy Capsule: Powerful
And 2 birthday stickers
#so whb is technically in last place but since its a newer game ill let it pass this year#so time princess is next in line for last place#its a fine gift but since they dont have any characters saying happy birthday it doesnt do much for me#nightbringer kinda surprised me!#i was expecting a call and some devil points#but this is a lot more then i expected :3c#also i go crazy for free UR+ Jokers#i was thinking of adding regular obey me but decided to skip it since i only really just log in for dailies for the most part#(and i dont even do that everyday if im not feeling it)#also theyre practically the same minus the calls (but i have the old ones that i havent listened to yet still)#twst was cute nothing too crazy#(thank you for ur presence lilia)#i liked love and deepspaces happy bdays from the characters a lot because they sang lmao 😭#also i feel very special from them saying all this nice stuff about hoping that i get what i want and that i stay healthy and stuff dwsiiws#it feels like obey me has more in character interactions BUT when i think it about it more#deepspace has the models actually hand you gifts#also the moment you have with the characters feels more personal#but tbf theres more obey me characters and you do get those calls throughout the whole day! (also they give more stuff imo)#so i cant really pick which one i liked more :d#dutp#obey me nightbringer#twisted wonderland#love and deepspace#im now 26....#oh jeez#long post#still doing the same shit i was doing in middle school uashusha (i mean playing dating games)#my personality has refined over the years tho#anyways im gonna celebrate tomorrow with my family :]#this is the end of my post tho ill probably post about the asmo phone call later
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
was listening to an interview with some guy who was an advisor on arab-israeli negotiations for three administrations in the US and he started talking about how he was in jerusalem october 6th 1973 and saw ‘an israeli society that was traumatized’ and how israel has overcome trauma before blah blah blah like BITCH!!!!!! you mean THE 6th of October, when Egypt defeated the Israeli army and forced them to retreat out of the Sinai Peninsula WHICH THEY WERE OCCUPYING???
just absolutely baffling that israel’s CONSISTENT playbook is to start a war and then cry when they have to suffer the consequences of said war. how are YOU gonna be traumatized from stealing someone else’s house and then them taking it back??!!??!!!! fake ass country i swear to god
whats even funnier is that he then went on to talk about how egypt and israel signed a peace treaty six years as in like ‘look see arabs and israel can find peace’ AS IF egypt didn’t face extreme backlash for decades for signing that treaty, as if it wasn’t one of the most controversial actions in arab-israeli relations in history, so much controversy and backlash that the president of egypt who signed it was assassinated for signing it.
#as if the egyptian government isnt a bunch of snakes#like whatever peace egypt and israel has EVER reached has never spoken for the egyptian people’s stance on the matter#its always just been the egyptian government selling it’s people short to rub elbows with western powers for their own personal benefit#just so fucking baffling that the west has SUCH a skewed and insane view of middle eastern politics like.#to think that a peace treaty actually meant peace#and to think of the 6th of October as trauma for israelis EL EM AY OH#it’s literally one of egypt’s most celebrated historical events ever#to have the west turn it into a dark day for Israel is actually fucking comical#i hope you did get traumatized fucking losers#sorry for this rant on this very niche point but when he said that i literally laughed out loud#advisor for three administrations thats like 24 fucking years. what a joooooke#m
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
OH YEAH happy lunar new year everyone :^)
#going to a celebration next week and will get to see a dragon dance for the first time :0000000#we were gonna go today since it's the actual new year but then we were like. actually its going to be fucking packed lmao#I hope. they have dragon lanterns like they had bunny ones at the festival last year.....#ghost posts#text
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
congrats to anyone who has graduated recently/will be graduating soon~~~ y’all did it!!!!!
#in o t h e r n e w s. my bro graduated a few hours ago!!!!!#keep this a secret from him but i’m actually kinda proud of him tbh. he managed to survive over a year of c-19-induced home-based learning#and! he managed to juggle stuff like his part-time jobs，his club activities，his friendships，and an actual relationship at the same time and—#like i could *never* man. i’d have flunked right out if i were him… he’s too op p l s n e r f#anyways! yeah! keep this next part a secret from him too but the reason why i’m inviting him along on my upcoming birthday trip is to…#celebrate his graduation. if it weren’t for that i’d just haul my mother along for a 2-person trip lmaooooooo#i’d go by myself but i have absolutely no sense of direction. like i once spent 30 mins looking for a place…#…only for said place to be literally right behind my starting point.#i’m also hoping that i’d be able to get my bro to wish me happy birthday by trapping him overseas lmaooooooooo#anyways no. i’m not a brocon. stop that. (ʘ‿ʘ) we mutually hate each other (ʘ‿ʘ) fr. (ʘ‿ʘ)#but aaaaa graduation huh… i’m glad my graduation ceremony was cancelled due to c-19. i got to save money for the gown rentals!!!!#my bro on the other hand… bought a gown of his own so that he could rent it to his friends for their respective graduations.#finance students amirite— (for legal reasons this is a joke. said bro is a finance student though sooooooo)#it is suiyoubi my dudes
18 notes
·
View notes
Note
HI MX KANA I DONT KNOW IF YOU CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS BUT MERRY CHRISTMASS AAAHHH I WISH YOU THE BEST :OO <33
HELLO MY BABYYYY AAAAA THANK YOU SO MUCHHHHHHH!!!! MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU TOO!!!!
#I'm a Buddhist actually so I don't really celebrate it but#it's so sweet that you still remember me even though I don't go online often anymore 🥺🥺🥺#honestly I don't think people still remember me LMAO so this message means a lot to me thank you 😭😭😭#have a wonderful year ahead my darling I hope it will be filled with nothing but love and happiness ❤️❤️❤️#kana answers stuff#kana gets some love!
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
I don't want bother friends with a vent so I am here
#i dont want like talk too kuch about this and naybe im just feeking pathetic#but i miss the holidays i miss going grandmas every year now? i barely see her and one day shes just going to be gone#i miss christmas with them i miss thanksgiving inmiss easter even if i dont celebrate jt anymore#the concept of death has been freaking me out so bad rhis month#its been so fuckinh mich and o thought if inkept some friends xlose i wouldnt feel alone but i do i feel so aline and empty#i feel so sad that i just been fucking fakinf jt#and i tried just tale a break from everyone and it just makes me feel worse#ive spoken to mom but idk when ill be able actually get jelp im also struggling to talk to her whiut why im so upset#i moss doing stuff with dad as in going oit o miss it#does he even miss it?#i wanted to go to the planetarium wirh jim cause theyre doing a pink flyd xoncert thing but idk idk mom even seemed sad dor me#i just dont want miss out being with them only for them be gone and what would i do when theyre gone#i cantbtype i xant i fuckinf hell k just want to sleel#today was just a not great day tomorrow will be w new say when i can sleep#i hope#ill keep myself busy than ill try sleep early so i dont jave to deal with night#ive never been so scared of death before and i hste that i am now
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
chapter 7 of this story that we found ourselves in is up!
She wonders, suddenly, what they look like. Steve’s shirt still rumbled, her own hair a mess, both of them grinning like idiots despite the bags under their eyes. She wrinkles her nose a little bit.
But Steve glows when he talks about his girlfriend, and he smiles when he listens to her talk about her dates with Vickie, so really, who cares? In that moment, she wouldn’t have it any other way.
#celebrity fake dating au#ronance fic#ronance#fun fact chapters are coming pretty fast bc i want to get to the first christmas chapter by actual christmas#it'll probably slow down next year but for now i'm having fun (and i hope y'all are too)
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#hello everyone we actually hit both 4k posts and 6k followers today merry christmas#just wanted to make a quick post and say thank u the fact that so many people like our content and put up with my unhinged text posts#means a lot to me <3#i hope u all had a lovely christmas or sunday if u don't celebrate christmas#maybe i'll get sappier in the new year but thank u all for the support :((#really thankful for the friends i've made here and that i still have so much fun running this blog after more than two years#i hada nice christmas personally. got new pajamas and a special pillowcase that is cooler than regular pillowcases#and will hopefully help me to not wake up w a runny nose most mornings asdfsdgdg#i took a nap today on it and it was comfy af#also got money which is always cool#and a treadmill from my dad for the whole family so ya girl is gonna start WALKING regularl#went over to my grandma's for dinner and got to play with her tiny gremlin dog#very fun#getting to 6k followers is a sweet lil extra christmas gift#kinda surreal honestly#that's literally half the crowd of any of the skz concerts in the usa wtf#there are a lot of u...#i will continue to make stuff 🫡#and hopefully mary will come home soon mary i miss u#carly.txt
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
the concept of a monarchy is so strange and also the Swedish government sucks <3
#yesterday I thought of the second in line to the Swedish throne and thought I hope she's a socialist (she's ten)#I wonder if she'll ever actually be queen#the royal family is getting ✨169 million kr✨ next year :)#'because the king celebrates 50 years on the throne'#all while this budget is cutting down on stuff like... culture and ...... climate :))))))#most of the time I'm neutral to the Swedish royals but then you hear how much money goes to them and it's very hard to be neutral#snicksnack
9 notes
·
View notes
Note
If your aesthetic requests are still open (for your 250 follower thing), maybe you could do one for Eloise x Phillip? I've only watched the TV show, but I am excited to learn more about Eloise and her relationship with Philip (hopefully in the next season?).
Eloise Bridgerton ♥ Phillip Crane
Or, Eloise Bridgerton gains a penpal, and something more, when she accidentally receives a letter meant for Phillip Crane, Ph.D.
#thank you!#eloise x phillip#philoise#eloise bridgerton#phillip crane#bridgerton#modern bridgerton au#modern philoise#my aesthetic#250 followers celebration#hope you like it!#there has been a bit of foreshadowing for them and phillip has been seen twice!#(he’s currently marina’s husband who adores plants)#actually in my modern au phillip is a botany professor while eloise is a freelance writer#there might be a bit more foreshadowing next season but they don’t get together until about ten years after anthony & kate#eloise needs to do some maturing#and phillip is not nearly as bad as he’s often made out to be#i mean he’s not exactly worse than any of the other men (b/c the books are like 20 years old and in moments show that age like many others)
29 notes
·
View notes
Text
At this point it takes a miracle for a celebrity couple to actually stay married together for longer then 5 mins…
#joe Jonas and Sophie turner are now another couple getting a divorce#4 years of marriage is the bare minimum#unless they’re beating each other up like what makes a celebrity couple actually stay loyal to their vows and marriage???#I might sound so mean rn but like I’m so over all the celeb divorces happening and how easily they seperate especially with their kids#they all be like#after a beautiful marriage and journey we will now be divorcing based on a mutual decision and we hope you all respect it#like bffr#I doubt there’s a mutual decision every single dang break up#& how is divorce so easy for you ppl?#lols I’m taking this way too personally but it’s seeming like a whole joke at this point ngl#joe jonas#sophie turner#joe jonas and sophie turner are attention seekers for their marriage saga#joe jonas and sophie turner&039;s relationship timeline#joe jonas and sophie turner reportedly on brink of divorce#the 3 hashtags before this are what comes up when I type in their names so don’t come @ me#anyways 🙃
1 note
·
View note
Last Seen Blogs
rayroseu
By all means, ask more of me. For you, I shall deliver.
sharonschilder
Sharon Schilder
graveforth
✧ CHAOS REIGNS ✧
twuss
TWUSS
musicnartrocks
kksdreamarts