#i haven't slept in like 24+hrs
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I just imagined Eliot as a dragon rider and I can't unsee it.
Now I want a Medieval Fantasy AU where they are all dragon riders. Hardison has trouble with his dragon and all the other riders (Besides Eliot and Parker) make fun of him for it.
So, Eliot and Parker help him- and Hardison becomes the best rider of them all. And then they band together to take down bad guys.
...also I haven't really slept in 24+ hours so this may sound totally stupid.
#leverage#eliot spencer#parker#alec hardison#dragon riders#they are still a team#where nate is the teacher who grows to love three of his students#sophie is handles the emotional conmections#nate handles the physical#their top students are eliot parker and hardison#even if hardison struggles with his dragon#medieval fantasy au#i haven't slept in like 24+hrs#and this is what happens#i imagine eliot spencer as a dragon rider#not jacob#not alex#eliot#eliot spencer is the dragon rider
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Sometimes I think I'm really emotionally intuitive and other times, like today, I'm literally the stupidest person on earth.
Am exhausted from sudden travel for unexpected funera. Have not slept nearly enough the last few days. Am staying with my father's family which means zillions of relatives I barely know or outright dislike, trying to follow conversation in a dialect I don't understand, or else standing awkwardly in the doorways. Basically just my one cousin who deigns to speak English to me, plus her 6 month old and the puppy. The food is terrible I haven't seen a vegetable in 3 days. Have been running the funeral home/wake/funeral mass/cemetery rounds for the last 2 days and while my grief isn't as severe given we weren't close, it's still a horrible tragic death, there's a crying motherless 5 yr old, and I'm surrounded by people grieving in an already EXTREMELY messy family situation. My dad's cousin has managed to make fatphobic and homophobic jokes within 24 hrs. Also the Casual Racism of this entire branch of the family. Missing work unpaid, job interview prep, my fkin artist hasn't gotten back to me abt my tattoos.
Also me. Hey I wonder why I'm so on edge and exhausted???? A mystery I'll never solve
#the duality of fran#literally i just want to go to bed#my OWN brd#with PROPER FOOD. VEGETABLES. A FRUIT EVEN#not just meat fish potatoes#IM SURVIVING ON BREAD AND BUTTER which is delicious but also#my body cannot eat just bread im gonna fuckin die#and the near constant headache between bouts of crying like#i also got roped into serving the funeral mass bc the family are not regular church goers#so my dumb ass who doenst even Know the french mass parts#was better equipped to serve#which. fine. but like. im HANGING ON BY A THREAD#and i have to be here to manage my father's emotions#instead of grieving in my own way. which sure#maybe its not dramatic given my cousin and i werent close#but she was young. it was horrible and tragic. and sudden.#and sure her illness and suffering are over.#but i still think i should be allowed to be moody
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Ah well, this might be a bit nonsensical but kindly bear with me.
Coming to terms with being aroace has been tough. Mostly because I had been in denial most of my life and even now I have moments where I really doubt myself.
At the end of the day we all are different people with unique shit we have to deal with. Yet I can tell from what I have seen, is that we all are a tad bit confused, one way or the other.
And if the person reading this is one of the confused souls. Don't worry, you are not alone. We all get confused, what matters is that we keep our head up.
Growing up and reaching my mid twenties I always felt something was wrong with me at a fundamental level.
"Why am I not like them?"
"why am I not 'normal'?"
There were even days when this got so bad I started to have really bad thoughts.
What I am trying to say is- well, we can't change what people think most of the time. They will say stuff that sometimes hurts, intentionally or unintentionally. But when you start punching yourself down, that does more damage than you realise.
I am saying this because a younger me would like to hear it.
You aren't broken. You aren't sick. You aren't pretending.
You are you and you come with some quirks yes but that's what makes you, you. Keep your head up champ. You have nothing to be ashamed of.
(There might be some mistakes. English isn't my first language and it's like 2 in the morning rn and I haven't slept once in the last 24 hrs. So sorry if there are mess ups)
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Imagine pulling out one of those beaded ones
...I might need you to talk further here 🫣
alr I gotchu
so basically right, with sounding its usually like a string of metal beads? tapered, very little ones on one end and bigger ones on the end with the handle, and you like make sure to go slow so it doesn't hurt nd make sure it has lube toooo, so like u slowly push it into the mans urethra and usually that's the main event, but some people use it as a plug to keep them from cumming. and when you're ready or whatever you either yank it out rlly fast or rlllllyyy slowww
in the tag I was referring to this old meme I saw on twt like 3 years ago, where there was a lil sounding bead thingy and a pic of the beyblades? you know those little toys that you feed a zip tie through and they spin when you pull em out? yeah that. sorry if this is incoherent I haven't slept in 24 hrs
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I broke my fast at like 16 hrs and ate a little too much already
I'll fast for 24 hrs after my next meal ^_^
And bc I haven't slept I'll crash afterward!!!
#ed not ed sheeran#trans ana#trans ed#34t1ng d1s0rd3r#tw ed diet#anatumblr#ftm ed#tw ana diary#tw ana rant
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Anyway...
fake dating info dump(1/?)
Ig also spoilers for the au because this is really just me on full on info dump mode just throwing out every single idea I have. I kinda plan to write a fic at some point
Yeji's a vendor manager at Tdoong Snacks
First things first the girlies jobs:
Ryujin works in the IT department of Tdoong snacks, particularly in app development and maintenance. Which is how she originally met Yeji, their vendor app was bugging out. That then devolved to Ryujin annoying tf out of Yeji on the regular while she helps her fix her work pc
Yuna's an intern in the IT department (because I can never give up my Yuna intern agenda) and was originally the one helping Yeji with her shitty pc most of the time. That's how Ryujin found out about it (maybe Yeji comes in looking for Yuna and Yuna had college that day soo Ryujin is like bet let's piss her off)
Minju got a new job working under Dahyun (a famous news anchor and tv personality) at JYP News
I really love the idea of HR Chaeryeong lmao she's also in HR in my secretary Yeji au but I want her as one here as well
Jisu works under Mochaeng in the graphic design section of the Tdoong marketing department
Jihyo is a ceo somewhere probably lmao. I physically can not not include her in my ideas but surprisingly I haven't thought of anything this time
Eventually Ryeji realise they live in the same area on a really rainy day when Yeji begrudgingly offers Ryujin a ride. So they come up with this system where Ryujin drives them both to and from work using the company car cause Yeji gets so tired from having to drive around doing vendor negotiations and stuff. Which leads Minju to assume they're dating cause Ryujin is always around lmao and they bicker like 24/7
Ryujin jokes about the whole misunderstanding and makes a statement about how this is good for Yeji anyway cause now she can keep her lie going. Which gives Yeji the brilliant idea to properly ask Ryujin to be her fake gf. Ryujin mulls it over and eventually accepts cause it's not like it'll be very hard since Minju already suspected them just from how they interacted in general
Need a scene where they draft a whole ass contract for the terms of their fake dating (Ryujin: you're so dramatic 🙄) and decide they need to give each other nicknames and Ryujin's coming up with all sorts of annoying ones then finally looks at Yeji for a loooooonnnggg second and goes "Yeddeong" in a kinda sentimental voice that surprisingly has Yeji kinda malfunctioning a bit (which she justifies as Ryujin being hot af not because Ryujin actually has an effect on her Ryujin's fucking annoying after all) and Ryu gets all smug over it. And also just keeps calling ger Yeddeong at every opportunity now
I also need a scene where they go out drinking (while fake dating) with Yeji's friends (Hyunjin, Minju, Jisu, Jisung and Somi) and ryeji both get kinda drunk and Yeji kisses her but it's not the usual short kisses they usually have Yeji really goes for it this time. Ryujin's a better drinker so she kinda comes to her senses a bit and stops it all. She wants to take Yeji back home but Yeji insists on staying with her because she really doesn't want to see Minju rn and Ryujin doesn't say anything for a bit then offers to go to her apartment. She's actually slept over before cause one time Yeji wanted to make it look like they actually fuck and all since Minju would know how she is. Her plan was to stay at the office and work since Jisu and Somi are having a date night and Yeji doesn't wanna be in their apartment plus staying with Hyunjin is always super annoying but Ryujin just offers her to stay over at hers since it's not a big deal.
Yeji accepts and they get there, both tumble into Ryujin's bed not even bothering to bicker about who gets it and it's quiet and Yeji apologises for kissing her like that to which Ryujin is like "it's fine it's not like we haven't done it before anyway" and Yeji explains that she's kinda been overwhelmed by the whole Minju thing and she's really trying to show everyone that she's okay and moved on
Ryujin: why though
Yeji: ??
Ryujin: why do you have to prove you're okay even if you're clearly not
Yeji: cause I'm the one who broke up with her
Which surprises Ryujin cause you'd think Yeji got dumped and Yeji goes on to detail how at some point Minju clearly stopped liking her that way and was kinda just with her because that's what was always the case for them. There was no more passion from Minju so Yeji decided to end it and let her go. Yeji's got this fear that she can never be loved again because the one person she's ever been with basically stopped loving her. So it kinda fucks her up that Minju is in a happy commited relationship now that not only seems deeper than anything they had but is strong enough that they don't even seem to have problems being long distance despite being together shorter than the time her and Minju were together. In her mind this shows that Minju's capable of love and that it was just Yeji who was the problem.
Ryujin kinda just holds her hand through it all, not really sure what to say that can help her without confessing her own feelings. But she really wants to say SOMETHING somehow so she turns to face Yeji on the bed.
Ryujin: are you sobered up now
Yeji looks at her kinda weird: why?
Ryujin leans in and repeats herself.
Yeji: I think so?
Then Ryujin leans in and kisses her real soft and slow and whispers "don't discount how lovable you are Yeddeong. Cause you are. And you deserve to be loved"
And they both just don't bring it up again until a later moment where they maybe have an argument or something
Lastly for now I need like a chapter of Ryujin realising she's falling for Yeji and deciding to go all scientific method to prove whether she's actually falling or not and the conclusion is goddamnit she is 😭
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It's so hard going from manic to settled bc it makes me go from being so hyped up I feel like I could genuinely do anything to so tired so sleepy and tired it feels like I haven't slept in over 24 hrs. Thts the worst part abt mood swings
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Today wasn't too bad I suppose. It didn't start very well because I slept through all 20 of my alarms. It's kind of ridiculous that I have to set that many as it is but I have a bad habit of hitting the snooze button. I usually get up around 4:30 or 5 but today I didn't get up until 6:15 and that's when I normally have to leave on Wednesdays.
I stayed up way too late last night but I wouldn't have been able to sleep even if I had tried because it was too loud. The neighbors down the street were lighting off super loud fireworks until almost 1 in the morning. I was so pissed and I really wanted to go over there and tell them they were being rude but I'm not a confrontational person. I don't even remember falling asleep but I don't think I got more than 4 hours. I guess having 2 days off messed me up too and I also forgot I had to be there earlier. I work at 7 on Mondays and Tuesdays and 6:30 on Wednesdays and Thursdays.
Luckily I still had time to get everything set up and get breakfast before cases started at 7:30. I had 24 today but I got done with them by 3:00. I had time to sit down and eat my lunch too. It definitely was better than last Wednesday. I had 31 cases that day due to add-ons and there was also an hour delay because one of the surgeries took longer than usual so I ended up having to stay late and I was already exhausted. I was so grumpy after that and Thursday sucked.
I also got mad last week because that creepy guy I work with that won't leave me alone tried hitting on me again in front of a bunch of people and I basically had to tell had to tell him to fuck off. It was embarrassing. After that incident, he left the department for a while and when he came back he was clearly in a bad mood and was banging stuff around. It felt like he was trying to be intimidating or something and he also kept trying to find reasons to talk to me. I told him previously that I thought it was weird that he kept calling me beautiful and amazing and I tried to make it clear that it made me uncomfortable. I haven't shown any interest whatsoever so I don't understand why he keeps trying. I don't trust him. He doesn't seem to show a lot of respect for women. He's very desperate for a relationship and I'm not the only girl he acts that way towards. He cornered another girl in the stairwell to get her phone number. I'm not sure why she gave it to him since she said that she doesn't like him either. I would never give him any of my information. Most of the girls are uneasy around him and he likes to go around trying to get hugs. If he tries to say or do anything else to me like that I'm going to HR. He says he's planning on working there a long time and I can't wait to get away from him. At least I don't have to see him at all this week since he's out of town. I don't want him to come back but I'm happy that I haven't had to see him since he did that.
I got to leave work a couple minutes early so that was nice. I went to the store to get cat food and more snacks for myself. I have been eating so much junk food. I think I have actually gained a couple pounds which is good news. Some of my clothes are fitting better. I hope I can continue gaining weight but I also need to eat a little healthier sometimes. I don't even know how much I weigh right now since I don't have a scale so I guess I will find out when I go to the doctor on Friday. I'm also still planning on asking for her to increase my dosage of lamotrigine to 175mg a day since I've been taking 150mg for a while now. I am going to see if she will give me ativan or something for my anxiety. I have taken anxiety meds before and I don't really like them but lately I'm having a really hard time managing it. I haven't had blood work done in a while so I should probably ask to have that done too.
I'm going to make some dinner soon and get ready for bed. I'm sure I will sleep a lot better tonight and hopefully I actually wake up on time in the morning. I'm glad I only have to work one more day this week and tomorrow shouldn't be too busy. I'm going to do my best to make it a good day.
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i haven't slept for more than 24 hrs and again, i'm starting to feel like the world and everything and everyone in it are slowly turning against me, including me. i'm so fcking tired yet i can't sleep
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MY - REGISTERED - USA - BIRTHDAY - LIKE - 'CINDERELLA' -
ENGLISH - ACTRESS - 05 APRIL - ANTHONY - KOREAN - OF -
ASIAN-MART - HIS - BRO - DECIDES - WHO - WORKS THERE -
ANTHONY - VERY - TALL - 6'3 FT - NOW - MORNINGS - FAT -
UGLY - SPANISH - SPEAKING - LONG - HAIR - REALLY - FAT -
HEADS - NIGHT - UNTIL - 9P EDT - NOW - DIDN'T - BUY -
ANYTHING - FR - HER - LOST - MY - APETITE - WHEN U -
NEED - POOP - 4 - YOUR - FAMILY - DOCTOR - 2 - PUT -
IN - PAPER - USING - THEIR - USA - CHOPSTICK - JUST -
A - LITTLE - FR - JUST - HEAD - 2 - LITTLE - HAVANA's -
ASIAN-MART - THE - ( - ) - MAKES - THEM - KOREANS -
LIKE - NAIL - SALONS - OLDER - BRO - OWNS - THIS -
STORE - UNEVEN - FLOORS - QUITE - TECHNICALLY -
ILLEGAL - MORE - EXPENSIVE - THAN - PUBLIX - ITS -
SAD - NEXT - DAY - POOP - COMES - IN - MORNING -
PRODUCT - OF - USA
ASSI - BEEF - DUMPLINGS
ESTIMATING - 7 MIN - MAYBE 6.5 MIN - MICROWAVE -
THAT's - BAR - $0.50 - U - GET - FREE - CHOPSTICKS -
DIDN'T - WANT - 2 - GIVE - $0.75 - NON-MICROWAVE -
ABLE - MEDIUM - TUB - BECAUSE - PHILIPPINES -
USES - THEIR - HANDS - USE - IT - GET - FOOD FR -
BAG - OPEN - BAG - IN - MICROWAVE - TOLD HIM -
THOUGHT - IT - WAS - ANTHONY - BUT - SHORTER -
HAIR - WHO - HAS - PERM - ON - HEAD - BUT - AS -
PARTIALLY - BLIND - HE - BECAME - SHORTER -
THEN - I - TOLD - DUDE - THAT - I - DON'T NEED -
TUB - 4 - MICROWAVE - I - PUT - WHAT - I - YES -
HEATED - THEN - TRANSFER - THERE - THEN - I -
PUT - SOY - SAUCE - AND - MARUKAN - ORGANIC -
APPLE - CIDER - VINEGAR - $7.99 - REFRIGERATE -
NOT - NEEDED - (BROUGHT - GARLIC SALT 0 CAL) -
NEVER - GOING - BACK - THERE - ANYMORE FOR -
I'M - NOT - RENEWING - PLANET - FITNESS SINCE -
I - STARTED - LAST - YEAR - ON - MAY - 2022 - YES -
GOING - BACK - 2 - WHERE - I - WAS - SLEEPING -
SW 7 AVE - AND - SW 8 ST - 2 MALE - CATS - AS 1 -
RETURNED - TWICE - SAW - 12:04A - 12:40A EDT -
2A - YELLOWISH - CAT - 2:23A - SAW - BOTH AND -
MAYBE - SOMEONE - ADOPTED - LITTLE - MALE -
KITTEN - WHO - I - MET - FIRST - SLEPT - IN - YES -
FRONT - TOP - OF - MY - CALVIN KLEIN - DUFFLE -
BAG - WITH - WHEELS - BUT - AFTER - NEEDED 2 -
POOP - OR - NO 1 - SLEPT - ON - GRASS - NEAR -
ME - WOKE UP - AFTER - HEARING MY WHEELS -
5:35A - HAVEN'T - SEEN - SINCE - SAW - 2 DAYS -
NOT - CONSECUTIVE - MISS - LITTLE - CUTIE -
MEOW - MIX - SMALL - CONTAINERS - SAUCE -
GRAVY - SEAFOOD - SELECTION - THEIR YES -
BEST - DON'T FEED - CATS - HENS - EVER -
CHICKEN - THEY'LL - GRAB - HENS - TRUE -
ON THE - NECK - 2 - HAVE CHICKEN SUSHI -
EVEN - RACHEL RAY - HAS - CHICKEN -
BAD - BAD - BAD
YES - ON - BEEF - FROM - CATTLE
THEY - WOULDN'T - DARE - EAT XO
EVEN - 1 CATTLE - ALIVE & - MEAN
TRIP.com - SHERATON WAIKIKI - OUTSTANDING
SHOPS - BELOW - AND - NEAR - HONOLULU's
WAIKIKI - SHOPPING - PLAZA - TANAKA - OF
TOKYO - THEIR - BEST - 3 CHOICES - SO - I'M
GOING - SHERATON - NO - FREE BREAKFAST
SINCE - WALT DISNEY WORLD - NEW ILLEGAL
POLICY - EVERY - 24 HRS - INSPECTING YOUR
ROOM - WHILE - SLEEPING - SHOWERING - AS
THEY - BANG - ON - YOUR - DOOR - KEEP THE
BATHROOMS - OPEN - AS - U - SHOWER - FOR
BIBLE - 'WEALTH - DESTROYS - A - FOOL' - SO -
DISNEY - CRUISES - INSTEAD - CRUISES - AND -
OAHU - HAWAII - HOTELS - OTHER - US STATES -
HONOLULU - 4.5 % - TAXES - LARGEST - NO OF -
RESIDENTS - OF - HAWAII - AVOID - THE - BIG -
ISLAND - OF - HAWAII - THEY'RE - DEPRESSED -
NOT - QUALIFIED - 4 - TOURISM - AND - DO XO -
GO - 4 - TAHITIAN - DANCE - FR - TAHITI - THE -
HAWAIIAN - DANCE - WHEN - U - WANT - 2 YES -
SLEEP - CHEAP - LUAU's - ALL - U - CAN - EAT -
AND - TAHITIAN - THEY - ASK - U 2 - NET YES -
LOTS - OF - SMALL - BEAUTIFUL - FISHES - 2 -
MURDER - THEM - WHEN - BUFFET - ALREADY -
HAS - MEATS - BEEF - SUSHI - FISH AND MORE -
BAD - LUAU's - YOU - ARE - ASKED - 2 - MURDER -
SMALL - BEAUTIFUL - FISHES - OR - TOLD - DO -
NOT - EAT - JUST - LEAVE - AND - GET - A - YES -
LYFT - NOT - UBER - OR - WALK - 2 - HOTEL - AT -
CONCIERGE - ASK - 4 - MONEY - BACK - WELL -
MY - AGE 59 - BIRTHDAY - CELEBRATING - YES -
IN - HAWAII - OAHU - INSTEAD - LEARNING - TO -
SCUBA - DIVE - AGAIN - AND - BASIC - SURFING
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god i haven't slept for almost 24 hrs n maybe that's why my brain hates me rn! but i'm trying my damnedest to not compulsively apologise for shit i haven't even done, and then shit i might have done but don't remember, and then shit i have done but rlly isn't that bad bc i was like 14 and it was harmless to anyone but myself, and tl;dr i think the "tell everyone how shitty u feel!!! convince them all ur a horrible person!!!" compulsion is my least favourite
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Sir yer vibe is rancid *kisses you*
#i haven't slept in over 24 hrs and im touchstarved#i want someone to hold me like im dramatically dying and we're both pining
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ummm i wish i could disappear🫠
#i don't know what to do anymore#and no one cares#and the person that i wish cared#does care but they just don't do shit about it#like i guess they're trying BUT ITS BEEN SO FCKNG LONG#how much more can i do really?#im tired of this#it is also 4:30am and i haven't slept since like over 24 hrs ago#but im wide afuckingwake#fuck bro#and also SORRY DOESNT DO SHIT AT THIS POINT#sorry for yelling i had to let it out
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i wanted to gif the fan meeting but :( it's almost 8 am ...
#i need some rest#i haven't slept in 24+ hrs ..#i feel like m gonna have a nosebleed if i stay up any longer TT TT#li.txt
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1. I had to take a half day off work today for my mental health (would've liked to have taken a whole day, but adulthood calls)
2. Since I watched the finale over 24 hrs ago, I've slept for about 3 hours and haven't eaten anything except a granola bar and a few spoonfuls of noodles
3. I'm 30 years old, I've been through this before, and I am still so heavily affected by it that I've been randomly bursting into tears with no control over when or where
An unknown number of people around the world are dealing with this same reality.
My point in bringing this up is this: a life will be lost over this. I think there will likely be more than one life lost, but for the sake of not being accused of being dramatic, I'll keep it conservative. The point is that even one life lost is one life too many. And for the writers, producers, show runners, and executives of Killing Eve to not realize (or not care) about the effect this would have is irresponsible of them. For not a single one of them to stop and think of the impact this would have on an LGBTQ+ youth, who hasn't been through this before and discovered their sexuality through this show, this couple, or Villanelle. For them not to consider the impact this would have on an LGBTQ+ youth who now correlates queer love with death due to the proximity of the storylines they witnessed. The queer population all over the world is hurting right now and all that those responsible have to say is that this "was a great experience" for them. The lack of accountability or give a damn is astounding
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#onlyingotham do you get taken hostage when you haven't slept in like 24 hrs and are surviving on 5 cups of coffee. im pretty sure scarecrow is concerned because i'm not reacting to the fear toxin. how do i tell him that i was already hallucinating due to lack of sleep? #nothingscaresmemorethanfailingmyfinals #scarecrowlookslikehe'sgoingtocry
#Onlyingotham
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