grotesquefreakk
rory
18 / UNDER 16 DNI / he they it
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Ate ab 900 calories today and I鈥檓 trying so hard not to give into binge urges
I got into an argument with my sister and I鈥檓 super stressed about prom this fucking sucks
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Ate 663 cals today!! Alcohol calories don鈥檛 count tonight and I鈥檒l be back to 800-1000 tomorrow!!! I鈥檒l likely burn a ton of calories tonight anyway so today doesn鈥檛 really matter
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Ended my fast at 21 hours, gonna eat 600 cals and start fasting again
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Ate 23 calories but I鈥檓 not ending my fast bc I鈥檒l work it off walking around today I鈥檝e got a ton of shit to do
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PROM DAY!!! I鈥檓 so excited and scared!! Especially excited for after prom bc my friend and I are gonna drink together which should be fun
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HE SAID YES!!!!
Just had the scariest experience of my entire life holy shit
Sh tw
I was cutting in the school bathroom and I started dripping blood all over the place and I was trying to clean it up and open band aids while dripping blood on the floor and toilet and it was so nerve racking bc I was so scared I鈥檇 get caught but I didn鈥檛 and everything鈥檚 fine!! Anyways I鈥檓 gonna beg my dad to get alcohol for after prom!!!!
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Back to my Richey Edwards fanaticism THANK GOD this hyperfixation has given me an absurd amount of manic (haha) energy
My super awesome teacher overheard me yapping ab him and printed me a poem by Sylvia Plath that Richey supposedly carried with him everywhere up until he died/disappeared whichever you believe
I plan to talk to him about the manics on Monday after I finish my work, he said he鈥檇 let me borrow a copy of the bell jar which I鈥檓 eternally grateful for as I鈥檝e been wanting to read it for ages, Sylvia has such a beautiful way of writing I absolutely adore the bits of poetry I鈥檝e read and snippets of books I鈥檝e heard.
I鈥檓 terribly excited, elated even. Just to have someone to talk to about Richey and his impact and his general being and actually have them know what the hell I鈥檓 talking about is like a dream come true to me!!!
He鈥檚 such an amazing lyricist, and I鈥檓 so glad to have someone to converse with.
I鈥檒l tell him my thoughts I鈥檝e gathered on the intense humming of evil, I really love that song. It鈥檚 got such a foreboding aura which perfectly encapsulates the subject matter.
I hate that I鈥檝e yapped to such an insane degree about things no one cares about, and I hate that I鈥檓 about to reiterate this again, but I鈥檓 just so excited and happy for someone to share similar sentiments regarding Richey and being able to talk incessantly about him to them. I haven鈥檛 been so excited to talk to another human being in so long. This is such a wonderful change of pace.
I apologize if this is totally incoherent but I鈥檓 just so damn happy!!!
The poem was Tulips if anyones wondering, I recommend reading it. It鈥檚 very good, I鈥檒l have to analyze it someday.
Jesus Christ this is long, disregard this I guess I鈥檓 just blabbing on and on.
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I hate how hungry I am rn, ik I鈥檓 coming out of a binge cycle so that鈥檚 sort of a given but it鈥檚 not even the type of hunger that makes me want to eat something, it鈥檚 the sort that gnaws at your insides which to me is the worst!!! I ran out of cigarettes which fucking sucks but once my dad gets home and falls asleep or abandons his pack I鈥檒l grab a few if I can
I鈥檓 so freakishly excited for prom but I鈥檓 also really scared because I鈥檝e never been to any school dance before
I took 6 Benadryl tablets and could only sleep for about 40 minutes to an hour which is so stupid bc I鈥檓 still exhausted
Anyways I鈥檓 gonna read or watch YouTube until I conk out again
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Ate nearly a thousand calories today but I鈥檓 not eating tomorrow (just drinking hopefully bc prom lmao) ik alcohol calories add up but I should be fine on an empty stomach ik that鈥檚 irresponsible but I鈥檓 typically fairly responsible so I鈥檇 love to cut loose for a bit
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My stomach hurts so bad rn
IVE EATEN WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME????
I鈥檝e got like 200 cals left which is nerve racking bc I have no fucking idea what I鈥檓 gonna spend it on before I start my long ass fast
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Someone needs to tell me that suicide is not a viable option in order to get out of doing online gym work
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Just had the scariest experience of my entire life holy shit
Sh tw
I was cutting in the school bathroom and I started dripping blood all over the place and I was trying to clean it up and open band aids while dripping blood on the floor and toilet and it was so nerve racking bc I was so scared I鈥檇 get caught but I didn鈥檛 and everything鈥檚 fine!! Anyways I鈥檓 gonna beg my dad to get alcohol for after prom!!!!
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Broke my fast at 12 hours (pathetic ik) with 12 gummy bears (100 calories)
I鈥檒l probably get breakfast at school, at most 280 cals and then eat after school before fasting until prom
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I dont care what anyone says about my ed because it was there when they weren鈥檛.
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