#i have a habit of making them long and skinny and i want to change that!!
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hey all of my moots and followers who know how to draw different body types. can i get some little tips?
#anything would be appreciated#honeslty looking just to make my characters more. round. or triangular#or any shape#noticably#i have a habit of making them long and skinny and i want to change that!!#shadow rambles
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hii ! i love your writing so much so you know i had to request a luke imagine 💝
i’m thinking of a reader with a protective godly parent (your choice of which god), who is very selective on who they allow their child to date. luke has loved them for years, so one night he prays to their parent for approval. idk if you’ve watched gilmore girls, but I’m imagining the scene where dave tries to convince lane’s mom to allow her to date ! (if you haven’t seen the show, its a popular clip on tt that you could look up if u wanted)
i’m picturing fluff but could def make it angst too, so it’s whatever you want! also, i’m a fem reader, but i don’t mind gender neutral or anything like that
tysm ! ❤️
DAVE AND LANE SHOULD HAVE BEEN ENDING GAME
I LIKE ME BETTER. luke (pjo)
( master list )
IN WHICH… Luke is on a mission to prove himself to the father of the girl he loves. He’ll do anything for her hand, even if said god is asking him to do some particularly stupid stunts.
“I like me better when I’m with you.”
Warnings: drinking, smoking, and vaping mentioned
A/N: Guys… I love loser! Luke AND I KNOW YOU DO TOO. I feel like Dionysus would be the guy to put Luke through all this stuff just for his own amusement
Also, this is my little birthday gift for y’all 😽. Bc it’s my bday today 🙀
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The first thing when you thought of a daughter of Dionysus’ was a troublemaker, one that rivalled the Stoll brothers. Maybe an alcoholic with bad habits engraved in her mind like her father.
Y/N was a total shock to the camp. How could such a sweet, kind, dazzling girl be the daughter of Dionysus? She didn’t have one mean or sarcastic bone in her body.
She was as bright as Apollo’s kids, as beautiful as the Aphrodite girls prancing around in mini skirts and small tops, and as friendly as the Demeter children who grew roses alongside her. So, it wasn’t a surprise that boys craned their heads to peek at her, something her father hated witnessing. Nobody, not one mere mortal or even a godly being, was good enough for his beloved daughter.
Dionysus held Y/N close. She reminded him of her mother, who died giving birth to her. He had already lost one important woman in his life. He wasn’t going to let history repeat itself again.
“Dad?” Y/N called out into her father’s room, wrinkling up her nose when she almost stumbled over a wine bottle rolling around. Her father was forbidden to consume alcohol but that didn’t stop him from tricking the younger campers into fetching him some.
After concluding that her father wasn’t in his quarters, Y/N took the bottle and wandered to find a bin. The trash cans were always moving around, which made it a mission to find one.
As Y/N passed by the Hermes cabin, she heard her name. She glanced over her shoulder, innocently staring at the pair of boys who were conversing outside. One was leaning against a wooden pillar while the other rested his arms against the railing of the porch.
One noticed Y/N and he nudged his friend, quickly changing their conversation topic.
Y/N recognised Luke Castellan. The Aphrodite girls loved to rave about him, about how handsome and talented he was. How they wished they could kiss him. How they wanted to be held in his arms.
He wasn’t bad looking in Y/N’s eyes, quite adorable actually. She watched as his lips curved into an amused smile as he looked at Chris and how his eyes crinkled slightly. Despite wanting to admire him, Y/N forcefully turned her head. She wasn’t allowed to date. That was one of her father’s golden rules.
She was allowed to drink, allowed to smoke, probably even allowed to go skinny-dipping in the dead of night. Her father was fine with anything as long as she wasn’t around any boys. Of course, she never did consume alcohol or take a much needed hit from a cigarette. She had seen other kids do it.
One of the Ares kids was constantly sneaking in and out of camp to buy new vapes. She had even witnessed Luke of all people, the esteemed golden boy, the role model, blow a cloud of smoke from his lips.
Y/N was always scared she was missing out but she valued her healthy lungs, which had played a part in her surviving a terrifying harpy while on her way to camp.
“She’s perfect.” Luke whispered to Chris.
“Too bad Mr D won’t let you near her.”
It was a known fact that nobody was allowed to date Y/N. She was the camp princess. The only demigod with a parents who cared enough about her to be actively involved in her life. Not even Annabeth had that kind of bond with Athena.
Luke hoped one day Dionysus would let him near Y/N. Until then, he was fine admiring her from afar because he knew no other guys could approach her either.
"You know, I heard Dionysus won't be at the campfire tonight... you could make a move." Chris nudged Luke, muttering quietly so nobody else heard him.
Luke had always been determined to be the first to sweep Y/N off her feet. This was his chance to fulfil that broad claim. He didn't know how he'd do it but when there's a will, there's a way.
All throughout the day, Luke kept close tabs on Y/N. When she was in the arena he was there too, polishing the spare swords. When she was in the garden, Luke happened to be amongst the tall grass too. And he gazed longingly at her from across the pavilion during lunch. She sat alone at her table, Dionysus nowhere in sight.
Luke's heart hammered in his chest as he slowly stood up. Chris slapped his back as a way of encouraging him but it only made his anxiety spike.
“Go get her, tiger.”
“Don’t call me that.”
Luke picked up the pace when he realized that a few other boys the same idea as his. “Hey, Y/N.” He got to her first.
She lifted her head, staring at him through her lashes. She smiled. “Hi, Luke.” She saw his eyes light up.
“You know my name?”
“I’ve been here longer than you. Plus, it’d help concerning if I didn’t know the name of the best swordsman.”
“I’m not that good.”
“You won in a 4 V 1 battle.” Y/N pointed out.
“Did I? I didn’t even notice.”
Y/N let out an amused laugh but she immediately cut herself off when she felt a heavy hand on her shoulder. Luke cleared his throat, standing upright.
“Good afternoon, Mr D.” He politely greeted the god.
“Scram, Castellan.” Mr D ordered, glowering at the teenager. Luke quickly nodded and speed-walked back to his table, where Chris was trying to muffle his laughter.
“He wasn’t even flirting with me, dad.” Y/N huffed and furrowed her eyebrows. Her eyes wandered to Luke, feeling a little sorry for him.
“Stop looking at him, Y/N.” Dionysus lightly scolded her. Y/N pouted and pushed the food on her plate around with her fork.
“I wish you would let me date. I’m the only girl who hasn’t kissed someone.” She muttered, huffing.
“I will not let you date a hooligan.”
“Daddy, Luke isn’t a hooligan. He’s sweet. He’s the best swordsman in three hundred years.”
“Which means he could easily hurt you.”
“He wakes up early to go for a run.”
“Wow, the perfect set-up to cheat.”
“He’s good with kids.”
“He’ll want his own kids with you soon.”
“That last one didn’t even make sense.”
“I know a man’s mind, Y/N. Luke Castellan is a dangerous boy.”
Y/N glanced at Luke and Dionysus followed her gaze. Luke was attempting to balance a spoon on his tongue while Chris cracked up.
“Dangerous, huh? I’m absolutely terrified.” Y/N sarcastically deadpanned.
“He’s acting innocent.”
“Sure.”
Fathers always had a weird vendetta against the idea of their daughters dating. Dionysus was no different. If anything, he was worse. He was always popping up at the worst times, such as just now. He never let the attention of a boy linger on Y/N for too long, scared it would take her away from him. Perhaps he was doing it on purpose.
“It’s so unfair.” Y/N huffed as she plucked petals off a rose Silena had randomly given her. “He won’t let me date or go to the parties. I’m not even allowed to look at a boy!” Y/N groaned, leaning back in her foldable chair.
She was sitting with Silena in front of the quiet lake, watching as the wind rippled across the still water.
“Have you tried talking to him?” Silena suggested, sipping on a tall glass of whatever drink she had mixed.
“Nothing works! Someday he’ll have to let me date. He can’t stop me forever. I’m almost twenty now!”
Silena hummed before offering Y/N some pineapple juice.
“Any new gossip, though? Besides Mr D being a total cock block.”
“Well… there’s this one guy.” Y/N murmured, shyly flicking her straw around. Silena immediately sat up.
“Tell me everything!” She quickly demanded. “What’s his name? Is he cute? Can he fight?”
“He can’t fight… and he’s good-looking. He’s, uh,” Y/N diverted her gaze elsewhere, “Also a son… of Hermes.”
“Luke Castellan!” Silena exclaimed without hesitation. “I knew there was something going on when he approached her! Why haven’t you taken an interest in him before? You and him have been here for ages.”
“He had a middle part before.”
“Oh, I remember that!” Silena let out a quiet giggle as she relaxed again, kicking her feet in excitement. “Ask him out.”
“You’re forgetting one problem. My dad!”
Silena shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal. “Make Luke prove himself to Mr D. That worked with my dad!”
“Luke proved himself to your dad?”
“No, silly! It was another boy. But if Luke wants to be seen as worthy, he has to impress Mr D!”
“I guess.” Y/N mumbled as she slowly nodded her head.
“Great. Let’s get ready for the campfire. A new Ares boy arrived and I want to see Melo flirt with him. She flirts with everyone.”
Y/N poked a large marshmallow through the skewer before shoving it into the hot flames in front of her. Silena was talking but she was too spaced out to hear a word.
Y/N aimlessly hummed and occasionally nodded her head. “Yup.” She muttered, turning her marshmallow over and watching as the soft white treat turned crisp.
“Are you even listening? I said Luke is staring at you.”
That got Y/N’s attention. She quickly lifted her head, her gaze immediately searching for the brunette. She found him amongst the Hermes kids and a few of the Aphrodite girls loitered around him. He smiled at her for a split second before his eyes flickered to Y/N’s marshmallow.
He subtly pointed at it and Y/N huffed once she realized her marshmallow had caught fire and been burnt black. “That was my last one.” She threw the skewer into the fire, allowing the hot flames to swallow it up.
“Well, you did keep eating them.” Silena pointed out.
Y/N sent her a small glare. “You’re literally eating one of my marshmallows right now. You have a whole pile sitting on your skirt!”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Silena was quick to shove the rest into her mouth. “Bye!” She exclaimed but her words were muffled by the marshmallows.
“You owe me!” Y/N called out after her.
“Is Silena stealing marshmallows again?” Luke chuckled as he came to a stop in front of Y/N. He shoved his hands into his pockets whilst Y/N nodded.
“She does this every time. She’s stealing from Annabeth now!” Y/N wildly gestured over at Silena who was sweetly convincing Annabeth to hand over a few marshmallows.
“She should be notorious for being the marshmallow thief.” Luke grinned. He sat down beside Y/N, their shoulders gently brushing.
“Sorry about my dad at lunch.” Y/N blurted out. “He can be a tad… overprotective. You know how he is.”
“Well, I did see him set somebody’s clothes on fire for winking at you.”
Y/N quietly sighed. “Yeah… poor Nick. May he rest in peace.”
Luke glanced over at Nick who was guarding his marshmallows with his life. “He isn’t dead, you know.”
“Yeah, but he looked like he died back then.”
A familiar presence appeared from behind the pair and Luke immediately stiffened while Y/N pressed her lips into a thin line.
“Castellan. What are you doing talking with my daughter?” Dionysus sounded friendly yet when he slung an arm around Luke’s shoulder, he could tell the god was holding back on strangling him.
“We’re just talking about Silena and her marshmallows, daddy.” Y/N quickly piped up, “It’s not a big deal.”
“Castellan, let’s have a chat, shall we?” Dionysus dragged Luke off before either of the teens could stop him.
“Mr D, before you say anything, please don’t set me on fire! And if you do, spare my pants! These were expensive and I even got them on sale!”
“Keep your pants on, kid.” Dionysus grunted, knowing Luke was fully prepared to unbutton his jeans in order to preserve them. “What business do you have with my daughter, hm?”
Luke visibly relaxed at the idea of his jeans surviving the convention. “If it isn’t too bold to say, Mr D… I like her. A lot. I have for… years now. But I’ve always respected your wish to distance her from boys. I’ll even pray to you. I’ll give you wine. I’ll pray to you with wine and vodka and butterscotch and, uh, more wine! And grapes! Big, red grapes! Just give me a chance!”
Dionysus held up a hand to stop Luke’s aimless rambling. “You want to have a shot with my daughter?” He asked. Luke frantically nodded. “Alright. Do as I say and maybe I’ll consider it.”
Luke thickly gulped. He didn’t like that mischievous look in Dionysus’ eyes but nevertheless, he agreed. “Thank you, Mr D!”
Luke was the first camper to wake up. He reached under his bed, pulling out a large bottle of vintage wine he had been saving for this very occasion.
“Good morning, Mr D!” He cheerfully exclaimed, clearly showed the god the label of the alcohol.
“It’s worse now that you’re here.” Dionysus grumbled, yet he held out his chalice for Luke to pour him a much needed drink. Once he had gulped it all down, he turned to face Luke again. “Alright, first task, get rid of some rogue hellhound. Chiron sent me to do it but you’re more than capable, right?”
Luke was in no position to disagree.
“It’s near camp so don’t get ya knickers in a twist.” Dionysus stood up, brushing the bread crumbs off his lamp. “See ya at soon, kid. Oh, and I’ll be taking that.” He grabbed the wine bottle without a care in the world, merrily whistling to him with a small skip in his step.
“Did I just see you talking to my dad?” Y/N raised an eyebrow. Seeing her dad get along with a camper was a rare sight.
“Somewhat.” Luke muttered. “Uh, good morning? You’re up early.”
“I went out for a morning jog.” Y/N smiled as she tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear. “So, hell hound catching, huh?”
“Yeah- Wait, what?” Luke’s gaze snapped to stare at Y/N in slightly shock. She stifled a small laugh.
“I heard your conversation. What’s the hell hound all about?”
Luke quietly sighed. “Don’t tell your dad I told you,” He leaned forward to whisper in Y/N’s ear, “But I convinced him to let me befriend you if I did a few things for him.”
Of course, being Y/N’s friend wasn’t Luke’s main priority but it was better than nothing.
“You better get to it, then. I’m getting lonely.” Y/N laughed as she playfully punched his shoulder. He chuckled alongside her.
“Yeah. I’ll see you soon.” He calmly brushed past Y/N, his smile faltering, “If I survive this.” He muttered to himself, his hands itching to grab a sword.
Finding the hellhound wasn’t hard. Luke spotted its raven black pelt amongst the bright green bushes. It stood out like a sore thumb. It was getting rid of it that would be the problem.
As soon as Luke carelessly stepped forward, a twig snapped under his foot, the hellhound growled. It loudly barked, baring its sharp teeth at the Hermes boy. He pointed his sword at the beast, narrowing his eyes.
“I swear, if you kill me, Hades better revive me so I can date Y/N.” Luke launched forward, tackling the large dog. It howled as his sword scratched its leg. “Nice dog!” Luke nervously chuckled. The hellhound barked again, kicking Luke with its powerful back legs.
“Easy now!” Luke wheezed, the air being knocked out of him from the repetitive blows.
Luke was supposed to be the best fighter at camp. He never dared picture himself rolling across the ground, practically body slamming a hellhound as mud stuck to his orange shirt.
“Just lie still so I can score a date with my long time crush!” Luke exclaimed as he scrambled to stand up. The hellhound paused in confusion, giving Luke enough time to turn it into fine dust.
“I’m never doing that again.” He muttered to himself as he stormed past the tall trees. Dionysus was standing beside the forest, drinking the wine as he seemed to be waiting for Luke. The god pulled down his sunglasses, bursting into rambunctious laughter when he saw Luke.
“What happened to you?! You look terrible, kid!” Dionysus cackled, throwing his head back in amusement.
“You spilled some wine.” Luke muttered, unamused. His usual perfect skin was now adorned with small cuts and bruises. His shirt was covered in dirt. And his hair what probably taken the brute of the attack. Twigs and leaves stuck out of his messy curled brown locks, which caused Dionysus to snicker.
“I told you it wasn’t gonna be easy, kid. You’ll hate tomorrow’s task even more.”
Luke hated every task.
Monday’s was the hellhound. Tuesday’s little chore was to clean the girl’s bathroom. He found out then how much long hair they lost. The Aphrodite girls always complained about their hair falling out. Well, Luke had found it down the drain.
Wednesday’s shenanigan was to steal Clarisse’s beloved spear. Luke wasn’t sure how he was alive after being caught by her. Thursday was surprisingly peaceful. All he had to do was sneak out of camp to buy Mr D more wine.
It was now Friday. Luke was wondering what Mr D had in store for him today. Breakfast whizzed by as usual. A few Aphrodite girls tried to catch his attention but he was focused on Mr D whispering something in Y/N’s ear.
Luke waited patiently throughout the day to be given an idiotic task. It was lunch time when Mr D approached him.
“You finish this one, kid, and you might have my blessing.”
These words made Luke’s eyes light up. “What is it?” He demanded.
“Follow the trail in the forest, jump across some trees, do a perfect dive into the lake from the highest cliff, and swim across the water towards camp. Easy peasy.”
Luke’s small smile wavered. “You’re… joking, right?”
The blank look on Mr D’s face told Luke he wasn’t. Luke sighed. “I’ll get my towel.”
The run through the forest wasn’t so bad. As soon as Luke gave Mr D his towel, he jogged into the thick vegetation. Mr D would be waiting at the finish line for him, if he ever made it. Climbing trees was not Luke’s forte.
His palms were sweaty as he peered down below, quickly gulping at how far down the ground seemed. “I didn’t know I was this stupid.” He muttered to himself before leaping onto a nearby thick branch. He repeated the action, always barely making it and wobbling.
Small beads of sweat trickled down Luke’s forehead as he hiked up the steep hill towards the cliff under the scorching sun. He could see the small figure of Mr D on the other side of the lake.
Luke was thankful he had taken diving lessons before. With a snippet of hesitation, he gracefully jumped. He hit the cold water, shivering. It felt like small needles poking his body. Luke emerged, panting and spitting out a mouthful of water.
He heard Mr D quietly clap. “Good job, kid.”
“What?!” Luke exclaimed, still too far away to hear the god’s voice.
“I said, good job! It was a decent dive!” Mr D cupped his hands over his mouth.
Luke emerged from the lake, drenched and cold and clutching his body as he searched for some warmth.
“Dad? What’s going on here?”
Both Luke and Mr D stiffened at the sound of Y/N’s voice. “Why was Luke in the lake?”
“Mr D.” Luke cut in, “I have something to say.”
“I’m busy, Castellan.”
“You’re literally standing in front of me. That’s all you’re doing.”
“Don’t let the sassy man apocalypse take you too, Castellan.”
“I have a crush on your daughter, sir. You probably already knew that. I know you have strict rules about dating and boys. But I promise to take good care of your daughter. I’ve only smoked once to try it, I don’t drink because I’m scared it’ll make me stupid, I’ve never gotten a ticket. I’m healthy, I take care of myself, I floss for ten minutes every night and that might seem extreme but cavities are no joke. I do well in activities here and I hardly ever play the video games my siblings do in case the theory of them turning you into a psycho is true. I don’t drink coffee. I hate soda because my stomach can’t handle the carbonation. I’ll willingly eat like a cow if you don’t want me eating meat. I don’t mind wearing a suit in the hot sun. I enjoy spending limited time with Y/N and I really, really, really like her.”
Mr D was silent. Luke subtly cleared his throat. “Uh… Mr D? Please don’t make me repeat that list again.”
Mr D broke into a pattern of snickers. “To tell you the truth, Castellan, I was going to let you date my daughter ages ago. She convinced me. It was just so fun making you do stupid things.”
Luke’s face dropped. “I did all that… for nothing… Clarisse almost killed me!”
Mr D, sensing Luke’s anger, merely rolled his eyes and quickly walked off in a drunken manner. “Have fun, you too.”
“Did you really fight a hellhound?” Y/N asked.
“Yes. It ruined my Hello Kitty socks!” Luke huffed. “But I’d do it again for you. What do you say, Y/N? Will you go out with me?” Luke clasped his hands together as a way of begging.
“I feel a little sorry for you, so okay.” She pulled him into a hug. “You know you’re going to have to prove yourself to my friends now.”
Luke stiffened. “No more hellhounds. Please.”
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#luke castellan#luke castellan pjo#annabeth chase#greek mythology#luke castellan x you#grover underwood#percy jackson series#luke castellan x reader#camp half blood#percy jackson fanfiction#pjo show#percy jackson show#hermes pjo#rick riordan#luke pjo#pjo series#grover pjo
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Do you have any advice for someone new coming into this? I have no idea how to start after being skinny for so long. It’s hard to try to push the other way without feeling sick or not seeing results
My biggest recommendation is to find what helps you enjoy gaining weight. If you can find happiness with the process, you won't worry so much about the results. And it makes the results so much better.
Yeah, I know, easier said than done, right? Here are some other things that might help:
Don't Force Food Down. Don't start by trying to stuff yourself, especially when you're not used to eating much. You probably want to make a big difference right away, so you try to eat whatever food is most fattening, and eat as much possible. But that often makes you feel nauseous and uncomfortable, or even sick to your stomach. On top of that, you're not even enjoying the food. It's not a fun experience, and if it's not fun, you won't want to do it again.
Instead, Make Eating a Hobby and Habit. Find foods you enjoy. Find foods that make you excited to eat. And simply enjoy them. Keep tasty foods around you, allow yourself to indulge in them whenever you like. You don't have to stuff yourself with them. Eat your fill, and then come back later for more. Let eating become a pleasure that you can fill your day with. I promise that snacking and grazing on foods you actually want to eat will help you gain. And you'll love doing it so much more.
The First Hurdle is the Toughest. It always takes time to see results, especially when you're first starting, and especially when you've always been thin. It really sucks when you've been eating for days or weeks and you don't notice any difference. That's why enjoying the process is so important. If eating becomes a pleasure rather than a chore, then suddenly the results won't matter so much. But results will come. And once you notice those first changes, it gets exponentially better from there. You'll feel the difference. You'll notice your new softness. You'll measure the changes. And suddenly the hurdle will be gone. You'll notice how you've grown even as you help yourself grow more. And all it takes is reaching that first, blissful moment.
And finally, here are some small tips to get you there:
Just a Bit Extra. You don't need to eat a days worth of food at once. Aim for 300-500 calories extra a day on top of what you normally eat. Those calories are easy when you spread them out. And believe me, they will add up.
Drink your calories. Replace water with tasty drinks! Sodas, juices, coffees, and energy drinks are all great ways to gain without needing to eat more.
Find High Calorie Snacks. You don't need to eat much. Things like nuts, peanut butter, pastries and avocadoes have a lot of calories. Just a little per day will go a long way.
A Little Cream. Of course, every gainer's favorite. Keep some heavy cream on hand and sip it when you're in the mood. You don't need to chug the whole thing. A little goes a long, long way. Have a few sips throughout the day, or mix it into drinks like coffee or chocolate milk. And extra bonus points for this one, because it feels fattening.
Love questions like these! Hope this helps and good luck friend 😄
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Eddie x black reader head cannons
because theres not enough blk reader hcs out there. lmk which one is your favorite and add your own in the comments <3
I feel like Eddie is a major fidgeter, so he’d (very respectfully) ask you to fidget with one of your braids locs, twists, ect. It just calms him down so well and he would never grab one without your permission. He then just makes a habit of twirling your hair around his ringed fingers.
Loves the smell of your hair products. can never smell coconut or shea butter with out thinking of you and your hair.
Wants you to define his curls so they 'look like yours', but you try to tell him your curl patterns are very different. He just says “well… work with mine then, please? I wanna smell like you.”
Never ever fails to compliment you every time you change your hair styles
Picks your afro for you 🤧
Curiously asks why you have so much lotion/are always putting on lotion. He apparently doesn’t put on lotion often, (literally at all, like rarely ever puts that shit on) so when you tell him its so you’re not ashy, he looks incredibly confused. he’s all like “ashy? what does that even mean?” you just roll your eyes.
has an extra bonnet in his bedroom for when you stay the night (AHHH THIS ONE IS MY FAVORITE 💖💘💕💞🖤💞💓 MAKES ME SWOON 🤧🤧🤧🤧)
Helps you gel down and part your plats that you cant reach
Will try to make his own plate at cook outs but gets teased about how he 'dont got enough on his plate' and gets told to “eat more food, boy, you too skinny.”
Is fascinated by how well you take care of your hair and your long hair care routine (because he don't take care of his hair for shit)
Wears your hair ties/scrunchies as a bracelet and sniffs them randomly because they smell like your hair
If you asked him to describe your skin color, he would say 'earth colored' (if you're dark skinned) or 'like brown sugar' (if you're light skinned) rather than just brown or something else boring
You introduced him to reggae music and he listens to the FUCK out of it when he's stoned and he thinks is such and experience. It just makes everything extra vibey to him
#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson x black!reader#eddie munson#eddie munson imagine#eddie munson headcanons#eddie munson x y/n#stranger things x reader
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Back In The Ol' Days [2014] we had the punk/nerd AU... but I have my gripes with the PNAU; it feels outdated to me. In 2014 I ate that shit up, but it's 2024 and the rampant micro-trends have me re-thinkin modern Hijack portrayals...
So here I am to propose a new PNAU: Grunge X Emo.
Hiccup as a cozy grunge kind of guy- basically just classic comfy casual clothes but with earthy tones, ripped up jeans covered in motor oil stains, and loose flannel shirts over worn-out tees.
Jack as a casual emo kind of guy- Skinny jeans with rips (often on the end of the legs cause they annoy them when they're too long), tight band tees, and his classic hoodie he can disappear into the shadowy hood of to sulk.
Elaboration ⬇️
I think it could be fun to explore the way Hiccup has a ton of hand-me-downs and spends a lot of time patching up old clothes, or adding custom painted patches to his bags. Maybe he knows how to sew just from patching/mending. I like that in the movies we see him doing bith heavy work in the forge, and having gentle hands as an artist. I think he'd be good at a ton of different diy skills and put them to practical use with his wardrobe.
In canon, Hiccup does have a lot of leftist and punk ideology; The Edge is literally equal-ownership equal-imput everyone else just decides he runs the show. And he literally changes the dominant mindset of the society he lives in to better the life of both his people and the ones they've been at war with for decades. Hes pretty punk... but I don't see him going so far aesthetically as to be a full Spiky Punk TM. He's always on the move, working on something, or chilling outside with Toothless, so I think a more casual comfortable style suits him. Though I do think he would like jackets with extra straps and buckles on the pockets and stuff, and maybe a good belt bag + leatherman combo. Totally the type to always have a pocket knife. He'd paint himself patches and slap a few of em on his bags, coats, maybe over that burn hole in his jeans that's been annoying him. He'd favor practicality over aesthetic, but he still has a sense of style. As he gets older he probably leans into the edgier style, wearing more black and red combos, more strappy belts/coats/bags, and even gets a few tattoos. But I do see him as a grungey earthy engineering guy with comfy, often oversized silhouettes.
Jack I could see being super impulsive and latching onto pop culture; something emos were notorious for. I, personally, was clamoring for a branded tee shirt the moment I deemed a band good enough to youtube->mp3 to my ipod. I could see Jack doing that kind of thing, and latching onto this misunderstood invisible-yet-visibly-different identity. He probably favors dark blue, brown, and black. Deffinitely the type to get on the colored jeans trend when it hit. Maybe he even doodles little swirling patterns on his clothes when he's bored- an adhd habit I know all too well.
Without being, yanno, dead, Jack's Different Look would probably come just from him wanting to express himself. He feels isolated and finds it hard to make lasting friends because when people *do* notice him, they tend to see him more as a silly little jester than a person worth getting to know. He copes with humor and trying to get attention every now and again but ends up with a closer knit group of oddballs. He's good with kids, of course, and tends to take on a cool-big-brother to anyone in need of one. All of this playing into this casual and easy-going but edgy, kinda emo look. He probably listens to sad emo music while sitting on a roof, staring at the moon, contemplating his purpose in life. He pretty much does that in his movie so it isn't much of a stretch lol.
Anyways, feel free ro give your 2 cents and build onto or off of this as you please, I'm just brainstorming I guess. Thinkin aloud... visually. I tend to like psychoanalyzing characters and it's interesting to me to think of Hic & Jack's canon portrayals and what they would mean in a modern-human AU.
#mad ramblings#grunge/emo AU#hijack#AU ideas i guess#i psychoanalyze pixels#because i love them#frostcup
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[INTERVIEW] Baekhyun - 230223 W Korea: “Days With Baekhyun”
Returning after two years, Baekhyun used the word “comfort” often.
Baekhyun’s only wish is to sing heart-felt, timeless songs for us. Baekhyun talked about the days spent with us and the days ahead of us.
How many days has it been since you were discharged from the military?
Today is precisely the third day since I’ve been out.
You have finally gifted flower shoes to the fans. (‘Giving flower shoes’ is a Korean phrase that means returning to the significant other who had been waiting for their partner to return from military service.)
I know. Before I left for the military, I told the fans that many things could change in a year and nine months. How could I make them wait? I told them to focus on their own lives but come back if they feel like it when I return. I said, if anything, I would try to win them back again.
So, you recently did a live show to celebrate discharge. Seeing you’re still as bright and youthful, fans recalled the time you promoted your second solo mini-album, “Delight,” released three years ago.
Honestly, I was super worried. But I was relieved to see their warm reactions. I’m grateful to my parents. Haha.
You talked about your time in the army during the live show.
Most of my training campmates were born after 1999, except for a few. I was the eldest there. Everyone followed me like their older brother. I still keep in touch with the friends I met then. Recently, I got a call from one of them. He said, “I am working out at the gym right now.” He was a skinny one, and every single day at the training camp, I told him to work out.
Baekhyun, as we know, was the life of the party among the EXO and SuperM members. Your bubbly personality would have shined in the army training camp.
There was no exception. I didn’t let anyone fall behind. Whenever I saw someone wanting to give up, I said, “You can’t lose to things like this,” “If you keep giving up, this becomes your habit,” and, “Real life outside is much harder than this.” I don’t let my friends give up or fall behind. I pull them together.
I presume the past two years have been a time to realize and reassess who Byun Baek Hyun really is as a person, not just Beakhyun from EXO.
Yeah. My MBTI changed during the break from ISFP to ESTJ. I’ve been known as a homebody for a long time among my friends. But I’m actually an extrovert and a very active person. But when I look back on my childhood, I barely had time to spend at home. To the point where my mother always said, “How come I see my son only for breakfast?” I felt like I went back to my real self during the break.
Was it also a time to realize again what your fans mean to you?
Of course. I still have a long way to go to learn about the fans thoroughly. There’s something I learned this time, though. The fact that our existence to each other is a lot bigger than what we think. During the first year of my alternative military service, I looked back a lot. I watched a lot of the past concert videos. At concerts, I had a lot of fun with them. There were times when I saw my facial expression on the stage and thought I really did bust my butt to pull everything. Also, sometimes I felt really empty and felt this unfillable void. At one point, I thought, “Will they still be there?” while listening to the cheers of fans in those videos. They are like a really good teacher who would grade me and encourage me. They inspire me to do my homework. They have had me run, take lessons and become a better person. I want to do well to hear their acknowledgment. If they didn’t exist, I probably would not have tried so hard to come this far.
Your Namu-wiki page has a “Fan Love” section. As we read through the things you’ve said to the fans, we thought even a real boyfriend couldn’t say such sweet things.
Haha. Definitely my mom’s influence there. She speaks so gently. She is the sweetest person, really. And I am the youngest in the family. My family poured sweet love on me. Sometimes, fans ask me how I can speak so nicely. To be honest, I don’t know. I feel it’s nothing special, to me, a very ordinary and everyday thing.
It seems like fans could rarely feel the army break. You filmed 20 pieces of YouTube content ahead of time and released them during the break.
I know how hard it is to wait. Even when we did the EXO concert tour, we couldn’t release an album during that time. So it had been a long-standing concern about how to fill the vacancy. In particular, no one was trying to do something special to fill the vacancy during the military break. At first, I thought about making a small game instead of a video. Like the Tamagotchi game, fans can foster ‘Baekhyun’ from level 1 for 641 days while I am away. Feed him, water him. Haha.
The background in planning the pre-created YouTube Content was to give fans something to calm their longings, but also in some parts, wishing your fans would not forget you by watching these videos, right?
Yeah, that is pretty much it. Actually, I was swamped when we were filming the YouTube videos. I had a hectic schedule. It was just around when my third solo mini album Bambi came out, and on top of that, SuperM’s promotion overlapped. But after filming them, I felt so indescribably proud.
The 2021 album Bambi leaves much to be desired in some ways because it had no official activities due to your military service. Nonetheless, it recorded high sales, enough to bring the double million-seller title. It was also the album released in the year of your 30th birthday, showcasing your finest skills as a vocalist.
Bambi was created strictly with my own needs and vision. I tried everything I wanted to do without looking at anyone, and I wanted to free my mind by doing so. You are right. I put in everything I could as a vocalist. I first rearranged my vocal tone around the time of my first solo mini-album City Lights in 2019, and I wanted to see how much I had grown since then. I became very dedicated because I thought I could make a better sound than two years ago. I tried the vocal ranges that I wouldn’t have chosen in the past because I was too nervous. I purposely chose difficult music because I wanted to experience both failures and trials.
In particular, the title song "Bambi" seems to have been a regular song for the music school entrance exam that year. It’s perfect for showing off your vocal skills going back and forth freely with your falsetto, modal, and head voice.
Well, I don’t really recommend it. It’s a high-risk song, the beat and rhythm are tough. It’s a pretty challenging song to sing well.
With the release of Bambi, Baekhyun’s genre and brand have become more apparent. "Baekhyun" reminds us of groovy R&B beats from "UN Village" in the album City Lights and "Candy" in Delight.
R&B is a genre that I’ve been attached to for a long time, so I’ll continue with it. However, I also want new challenges. I want to try this and that without being too picky. I want to be an all-rounder. I’m interested in singing-rap these days.
Which musician are you paying attention to as a reference these days?
I’ve gotten closer to Colde recently. I like his singing style, and it’s fabulous that he pulls off the melody rhythmically as if he’s rapping. I’ve requested songs from Colde. I don’t know what kind of work will come out yet, but we’ll work together soon.
As a musician, there’s no more valuable experience than getting a “response” to your song. All three solo albums released so far have recorded respectable sales. Did you expect such success?
Not at all. It exceeded my expectations. This record was possible thanks to the efforts of many K-pop singers ahead of me. In particular, the sales volume of the second album was the highest in 20 years of Korean pop music history.
Delight became the first solo album to achieve the million-seller title, and you became the second artist to hold such titles for both the group and solo albums, following after Seo Tai-ji.
Yes, but it’s all thanks to the dedication of so many Korean musicians. As K-pop became more known worldwide, more people started paying attention to K-culture. The Korean artists before me had already paved the roads and I just got to piggyback on them.
I don’t feel any guilt when I listen to your music. Maybe it’s a complete anachronism, but there’s still a certain prejudice regarding idol music. Similarly, some idol music is referred to as a ‘hidden masterpiece.’ But when I listen to Baekhyun’s solo music, I feel like I’m just listening to really good music.
Thanks. I indeed paid a lot of attention to that. I chose a lot of genres that wouldn’t come from SM. SM prefers strong and intense sounds, but I wanted to focus on easy-listening music. It was partly because of my preference and strategic choice to differentiate between EXO and solo activities. Seeing that many of the tracks from my solo albums are still receiving a ot of love, I think it was a good decision.
It is common to spot excessiveness in solo albums by Idol group members. It was rather unique that Baekhyun has an easy mood, as you’ve just said.
I pushed for that. I kept thinking, ‘I’ll make more easy-listening music,’ ‘The music should not change in the middle,’ and ‘The melody should flow as expected.’ I wanted to minimize statement sounds and focus on the lyrics. There was even some feedback from the company that it fell short. But I kept pushing. My motto was to do something that sounds easy to people’s ears, like passive music, even if it may not feel ‘sophisticated or innovative’ for some.
What you just said seems connected to the question of, ‘what is good music to me as a musician?’
Probably. In a way, I’m making music that’s pleasant to listen to. But I don’t usually listen to a lot of music. My ears are so tired. Since I’m a singer, I need to know a lot of songs, but when I find one I like, I listen to it over and over. There’s something in common when I look at the songs I’m hooked on. It’s not too much, and it just has one or two significant factors.
For example?
I especially like old-fashioned pop songs. Fibo Bryson’s "Why Goodbye" is also a song that I love, for example. If you listen to it, there’s a particular section once in the bridge, once in the chorus, and once in the verse. You can listen to it comfortably, and the sound is completely filled with only vocals.
What is the vocal tone you pursue?
If I could have a voice that doesn’t go out of date, I couldn’t ask for more.
It’s also the most challenging thing.
I know. I once imagined, “Will Baekhyun’s episode of ‘Hidden Singer’ come out?” I don’t think so. Because my voice doesn’t have a distinctive feature. But it’s definitely a voice that can give you some comfort. A good tone depends on the time and taste. It’s something that keeps moving without being fixed. So I just want my voice to be peaceful and stable. I hope I can make the sound warm enough to relax your body. That’s all I want.
It’s been 11 years since your debut, and you’re still taking vocal lessons every week, right?
Yes. I have a big desire to evolve. I thought about it when EXO received a lot of attention with Growl in 2013. ‘Why are so many people going crazy? Am I really that good? I don’t think so. If the heat goes away, they will see me.’ That’s why I kept trying. I always criticize myself more than others do. It’s not a matter of high self-esteem and low self-esteem. I’m just continuing to make up for my shortcomings because I know my weaknesses better than anyone else.
To me, Baekhyun is not a person with low self-esteem but one who constantly and carefully self-censors himself.
Yes, that’s right. Maybe I am a perfectionist, and I hate it when there’s no complete ending. If I don’t think I can finish something properly, I don’t even start. I tend to get extremely disappointed with myself if I don’t do something perfectly at work.
A perfectionist who pursues easiness… It sounds hard. Haha
Haha. As a musician, I want to be an easy person who can blend in with the public. I don’t want to be a musician who is so cool that people admire and want to follow. I want to be someone people can talk to easily when they meet me on the street while listening to my song.
The only regret for Baekhyun as a solo musician is that he had little opportunity to tell autobiographical stories in music. What kind of stories do you want to tell through your music as 32-year-old Baekhyun?
I want to deliver encouraging lyrics. And deliver the message that you shouldn’t give up easily and try to face more challenges. I think the disappearance of the “Jeong” culture played a role in making people get easily tired these days. In the past, when a neighbor moved in, we used to make steamed rice cakes. If the next door neighbor cooks a lot of food, they would share it with others. But living in a disconnected world without affection, people seem to think only of themselves. I want to put a hopeful message in my song that we can all unite in harmony again.
It’s been two years since W Magazine and Baekhyun met—, since the cover of the March 2021 issue, right? Throughout today’s shoot, the staff said you were sexy. Baekhyun’s “soft sexiness” that you’ve shown in your solo career seems to be reflected in today’s shoot.
Sexy… Haha. I don’t think the sexiness that I have is the sexiness that’s full of intense emotions. It’s more like this. Sometimes you play with your friends, and you feel unexpectedly sexy. I think I have the sexiness to make people a little curious about me. Haha
Today’s shoot was with Cartier’s Tank Frances Watch and Icon Collection. These are pieces that have been called Wannabe by many artists for their timeless classic aesthetic. Regardless of timea and nationality, who is the greatest artist for Baekhyun?
Michael Jackson! Michael Jackson was the only artist who stood still on stage for a few seconds or minutes and people couldn’t stop cheering. His songs have made many people cry for a long time, giving them joy and happiness. So just seeing him standing still on the stage makes them tear up. There isn’t an artist who can beat Michael Jackson.
Still, what would be your secret weapon that you could win over Michael Jackson?
Hmm… My gentle way of talking? Haha.
EXO recently announced the news of EXO’s 11th-anniversary fan meeting. What would it look like if you were to compare EXO to family?
Children who were raised by a strict father but had an infinitely sweet mother? Maybe the stage is our dad. We work hard on stage until it feels like our bodies would break literally. But when we get off stage, we act like kids. Not one friend is rude, and everyone is so kind. When we talk to each other, there’s no difference from when we debuted 11 years ago or when we were trainees.
What are the three things Baekhyun is focusing on these days?
I’m into golf. Out on the golf field, my arms got so tanned, dark enough to leave a watch mark on my wrist. I feel very relieved when I go rounding and see the open space. The second one is the direction of the vocals. And for the third, I was going to say exercise but I’m going to change that. (Kim) Jong-kook, whom I became close with through workouts, said, “It’s time for you to focus on your back.” But hip workouts are too hard. Haha. The last one is EXO’s comeback. We will return as soon as possible with a high-quality album this year.
Photo links: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23
Credit: W Korea.
#EXO#EXO K#Baekhyun#230223#exo im#exo k im#baekhyun im#magazine#magazine:w korea#p:news#t:news#fs:w korea#comeback:Fight
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I’m hardly the first person to make this observation, but I’ve been pretty solidly plus-sized for like three years or so due to a crazy amount of mystery weight gain that a lot of my doctors want to chalk up to the “COVID 20” or whatever, which is insanely annoying since for me it’s closer to the COVID 50 even though my habits didn’t change that drastically and also it happened in weird spurts of very rapid weight gain with a few plateaus but whatever. The point is I’ve been plus-sized but I haven’t always been plus-sized so I have perspective from both sides of the size spectrum or whatever and…
Why…why can’t I just find basics easily? Why is it every time someone says, “Oh, this store has plus sizes!” nearly every item is a loud-ass print that’s seems like it’s meant to distract and confuse people so they won’t have to focus on my size or the items are cut so poorly I will not want to wear them? Why are things cut so short-waisted and boxy??? I have a large chest and a long torso, which didn’t magically change just because I gained weight, and I feel like everything is cut boxy so I either have to size up for length, which makes everything feel even more shapeless, or if the store has Tall options (incredibly rare), I’ll order the Tall sizes despite the fact that I’m 5’6”.
None of my jeans fit. None of them. If they fit in the waist, they will be baggy everywhere else because I do tend to gain in my waist. But…like…a lot of women gain in their waists. Why will no jeans fit? I have on jeans right now that are supposed to be skinny cut and not a single person on this planet would think they were anything other than slightly baggy straight-legged jeans. And these aren’t cheap jeans. I often buy Madewell and, more recently, I bought a pair from Talbots.
And there is just so much animal print??? I remember a few years ago when I was first starting to look for plus-sized clothing, like every color option was black or leopard print. Once time, I grabbed some garment thinking it was going to be a solid color, and there was a leopard print racing stripe down the side. Why…why can’t I just get like a pretty green or burgundy or blue shirt with no crazy pattern that isn’t cut as if I’m trying to suffocate myself in cloth? Like, I’m not even looking for revealing clothing or overly tight clothing; I just don’t want to look like I’m trying to dress entirely shapelessly? I historically like swing dresses or A-line dresses and boatneck tshirts and skinny jeans or boyfriend jeans and I feel like my options without dipping into loud prints or just dressing in black every day are extremely limited.
(I know I keep railing against loud prints. Here’s the thing: I occasionally go for a loud print. And if that’s all you love, I think you should wear them every day. But it is insane that I can find like ten color options in straight sizes and then if I hop over to plus sizes, my options are black, leopard print, and some very large floral prints. It very much comes across as, “We need to distract from their bodies with these giant flowers!” when maybe I just want to wear a plain purple shirt occasionally. Or tiny floral print. Or checks. Or stripes. Or anything that doesn’t lean into some “big and brassy” stereotype.)
Anyway, I have a couple of stores where I can usually find some things, but flattering basics have been incredibly difficult. Like, it has already been hard given my past body image issues, past eating disorder, and just getting used to what my body currently feels like, but I’m then routinely presented with this issue of wanting to look and feel like I care about my clothing a little, but mainly having options that make me look entirely frumpy or so loud that I don’t feel like myself.
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12.01.2024 Fri the start of something? maybe?
2024 has been an amazing year so far! with the whole discovereu thing and the overall feeling,i’ve been doing good mentally! i feel and know that 2024 is going to be great!
i watched a vid yesterday about how our habits create our identity which goes hand to hand with our present moment. the girl on the vid was talking about the people who say “oh i used to be so skinny yet i thought i was fat, i was so skinny back then wish i knew!” she was making an analogy about how theres no end to a downfall. just goes and goes and goes until you decide to take things up a bunch of notches.
so i want to.
i love me,i love the girl i am,i love everything about me but not fulfilling my potential makes me feel unplesant.so i geniunely want to change. i’ll see how that goes. but i want to treat myself like a loved one again.
theres not so much ive achieved academically though yet.the reason for that is me. no bs. its me who didnt study hard and as much as i shouldve did and fell of my tracks. thats my fault and i know. just as i messed up though,i know im capable of getting everything back together as they were and maybe even better.with the whole huge exam thing i felt like i needed to push n push myself, not to care for myself and such. i thought that was the way it had to be.but no its simply not. im okay as i am. i have time. i have time for this and i have time for that. im good and on time.
lovin and caring for me has been a long journey and am not willing to give up just yet.
on that note and to take an action, i started getting help from one of my teachers. hes been great for this little time. i know thisll help me so much academically.
one other thing about that is the fact i have developed a crush on him.
and i know.
okay
i know!
but it was inevitable eventually.
hes a good and young looking man,who is quite fit and tall,knows how to dress, incredibly intelligent,mean to everyone else but me.
it was inevitable.okay.
i couldnt help but melt at all those times he made a joke and looked at me first to see if i was laughing,looked at me the most while teaching,always protecting me from other students.
plus considering all the di i have and my little tc history before,its not shocking. however i cant say that im not disappointed in myself a little. i thought my tc era had fully ended n i was recovered,healed,past that.appearently not. it does feel like going back a bit,like i’ve came back to an old self which shouldve been far far behind. however im not judging me cuz i know i had every single reason to and tbh,having a crush is very very fun. but anyway! theres that.
and actually,for some time i had noticed the little signs of me developing a crush,but i tried to ignore them signs and push them back time n time again,however they didnt magically disappear as i truly hoped they would.
and one other thing about all this is, after i realized i seriously had a crush on this man, before i started taking special academical help from him,it showed up in my behavior. and yes obviously thats very immature and childish for an 18yo. i know. im supposed to be an adult now and here i am going to my teachers office asking him “why are you working in the dark?would you like me to turn on the lights for you?” OUT OF NOWHERE.🤦🏻♀️ EMBARASSING UGHHH. i dont know what came over me truly. guess i want just behaving instinctively. but that was a dead giveaway from me and it sucked. he literally laughed when i did that💀cuz even he thought that was certainly absurd💀very embarassed.done with this.
anyway,ever since then i did have some little moments of instinctive behaving which were little giveaways. since then he has not been acting the same, which was what i loved the most,him being mean to everyone but very soft on me.
ever since these incidents, he has been incredibly mean to me. to a point where i was just about to cry once.
that one day i was about to cry,the one he really hurt me,he was dropping me off at my house since it was quite late. and it’s actually a nbd because he always drops students off and im always at seated at the back,for everything to be appropriate. yk,teacher student boundaries etc.whatever that means.
anyway he was quite chatty despite playing on me n being mean to me the whole time of both his classes but i was actually hurt. i had to keep myself from bursting tears in front of the whole class so i focused on my breathing n posture in order to not cry. and i did not since i made great efforts.but i couldnt help but feel like clown since i had dressed prettily,done my make up prettily just for him to maybe look at me more. notice me more. for him to be even nicer to me.i just wanted to be pretty for him to look at okay. i liked his validation i still do. so maybe i wanted that more i genuinely dont know. now writing all this maybe(probably) i was desperate n it showed. whatever the case maybe he was too mean. wayy too mean. yet still on the way home,he’s on his best behavior trying to talk to me,while we are alone in the car. he asks me questions about class,i answer them as they are.he did notice i was upset. he asked me about it. i told him nothing happened. he kept asking and asking. finally i told him how he hurt me so much during class. to this he got on full defensive mode, explaining himself quite ambitiously yet somehow mainting to stay relaxed and being able to laugh. going on about how teachers could be hurt from students but students cant from teachers and how just messing with students was the only thing he liked about being a teacher and i was trying to take that away from him?
honestly? bullshit to me. after he was done i explained i wasnt mad, i wasnt acting weird towards him or anything like that and i wasnt accusing him,i was just telling him how i felt upset by his behavior. to that he stayed silent for a while. then went on to say that i should focus on my studies no matter what and shouldnt care about what he says that much. then i told him we’ll see about that, thanking him while getting out of car.
and that day i had actually promised i’d go to see him for an academic review the day after but i decided not to go because i had a far more important thing to do.
today we had a class together.i intentially did nearly no make up,dressed slightly below average and avoided eye contact as much as i could, just cuz tomorrow ill go all out,so i wanted to create that contrast. im not trying seduce him nor am i willing to date him in any way, i just like his attention very much and i like the feeling of “winning someone over”. so i will. i believe in no time he’ll be doing his best to not like me so much. hes a strong minded man of principle so i know he certainly wont even get close to passing any lines in the teacher-student relationship,however id like to see him struggle :)
so thats all about him and my little crushing.
after im done writing this,i’ll get back to my house and study for tomorrows big big exam n pick out my outfit n make up for that day. then making myself some hot milk foamed coffee and resting is also in my plans.
thats all i can say for today. my friends didnt come to attend any classes tdy so i dont have any updates on that part,other than one of my friends texting me they have ripped the blouse they borrowed from me n could repurchase the same thing ‘if i’d like them to’ 🙂 obvi i said that wasn’t necessary because i know she wouldnt be able to get her finances right to afford that but im still upset because that blouse made me body look incredibly amazing:( but it’s okay ig.
well:)
all for now. see you tomorrow? ;)
#journal#daily journal#diary entry#digital diary#diary#tc community#teacher crush#teacher attachment#journaling#tc crush#dear diary#journal entry#male tc#male teacher crush
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Aight, that amnesia prompt makes me wanna add more into it. Up to you if ya wanna make this a general ROs reaction ask or random RO-specific prompt.
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amnesiac!MC finds themselves doing something without thinking or, perhaps, out of habit/routine.
It could be buying a coffee or a dessert they don't usually consume. "I'm not sure why I bought it... um, do you wanna have this?"
It may be waiting by the door or gate when the bell rings but not knowing whom they're waiting for. "Why am I here...? Sorry, this might be sudden but, is it okay if we go home together?"
Or hanging out on a particular place and also waiting for something... or someone. "It's got a nice atmosphere... But I don't know what's lacking."
Confusion have almost ruled their life since the accident. Well, almost.
Because whenever they encounter the RO, do those habitual things with or for them, everything feels just right. Nostalgic.
Tldr: amnesiac!MC does things they'd normally do with the RO, and ends up continuing these habits whenever the RO is around despite their memory loss
... Hmm
~•~•~
And I told you to be patient
And I told you to be fine
And I told you to be balanced
And I told you to be kind
And in the morning I'll be with you
But it will be a different kind
– Skinny Love - Bon Iver
~•~•~
You don't know why things seem to click around this person. He calls himself 'Cooper', and refuses to elaborate beyond "I'm just a kind stranger". Things feel right in a nostalgic kind of way, though it's odd because you don't seem to recall anything about him. You've asked your friends about who he is, but most of them gave you only sad smiles and simply said that he's a friend that you cared for deeply. Well, that doesn't really help much when every detail about him is locked away in a secret place in your mind.
You don't know how you got here, in a thrift store and looking through old trinkets and weird items, with Cooper. He simply asked if you wanted to come along, and your mouth already said yes before your mind could catch up. Now, here you are, idly looking through an aisle full of old toys from the 50's. None seem to interest you sadly, but what's at the end of the aisle is.
Cooper is there, standing infront of one of the brass toys. His hands are stuffed into the pockets of his poofy, two-toned hoodie. He almost looks somber. Well... he always looked somber ever since you met him at the hospital. Fleur was visiting, and he was with her.
You can't shake off the way he stared at you on that day.
How can you forget such an expression that's nothing but full of denial and horror?
He looks up upon hearing your approaching footsteps, and he smiles.
His smiles never quite reached his eyes.
"Hello." You awkwardly greet with a wave.
"Hello." Cooper greets back with a small nod, and looks back at the toy. You too look at it, wondering what made him so enraptured.
It's nothing special, just an old wind up automaton car that's a bit rusted with age. The once vibrant red it had has long faded already.
"You like automatons?" You ask, and Cooper gives a small shrug.
"Well, I used to." He replies, his eyes never moving away from the car.
"Oh." You look back at him. "What made you change?"
A sharp inhale enters Cooper's nose. "Just some things that won't return back the same way, and... it made me realize a few things." He flashes you a tight smile, before he starts walking away down a different aisle.
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Baekhyun Interview - W Korea March 2023
Days With Baekhyun
Returning after two years, Baekhyun used the word "comfort" often.
- - - - -
Baekhyun's only wish is to sing heart-felt, timeless songs for us. Baekhyun talked about the days spent with us and the days ahead of us.
<W Korea> How many days has it been since you were discharged from the military?
Today is precisely the third day since I've been out.
You have finally gifted flower shoes to the fans. ('Giving flower shoes' is a Korean phrase that means returning to the significant other who had been waiting for their partner to return from military service.)
I know. Before I left for the military, I told the fans that many things could change in a year and nine months. How could I make them wait? I told them to focus on their own lives but come back if they feel like it when I return. I said, if anything, I would try to win them back again.
So, you recently did a live show to celebrate discharge. Seeing you're still as bright and youthful, fans recalled the time you promoted your second solo mini-album, "Delight," released three years ago.
Honestly, I was super worried. But I was relieved to see their warm reactions. I'm grateful to my parents. Haha.
You talked about your time in the army during the live show.
Most of my training campmates were born after 1999, except for a few. I was the eldest there. Everyone followed me like their older brother. I still keep in touch with the friends I met then. Recently, I got a call from one of them. He said, "I am working out at the gym right now." He was a skinny one, and every single day at the training camp, I told him to work out.
Baekhyun, as we know, was the life of the party among the EXO and SuperM members. Your bubbly personality would have shined in the army training camp.
There was no exception. I didn't let anyone fall behind. Whenever I saw someone wanting to give up, I said, "You can't lose to things like this," "If you keep giving up, this becomes your habit," and, "Real life outside is much harder than this." I don’'t let my friends give up or fall behind. I pull them together.
I presume the past two years have been a time to realize and reassess who Byun Baekhyun really is as a person, not just Baekhyun from EXO.
Yeah. My MBTI changed during the break from ISFP to ESTJ. I've been known as a homebody for a long time among my friends. But I’'m actually an extrovert and a very active person. But when I look back on my childhood, I barely had time to spend at home. To the point where my mother always said, "How come I see my son only for breakfast?" I felt like I went back to my real self during the break.
Was it also a time to realize again what your fans mean to you?
Of course. I still have a long way to go to learn about the fans thoroughly. There's something I learned this time, though. The fact that our existence to each other is a lot bigger than what we think. During the first year of my alternative military service, I looked back a lot. I watched a lot of the past concert videos. At concerts, I had a lot of fun with them. There were times when I saw my facial expression on the stage and thought I really did bust my butt to pull everything. Also, sometimes I felt really empty and felt this unfillable void. At one point, I thought, "Will they still be there?" while listening to the cheers of fans in those videos. They are like a really good teacher who would grade me and encourage me. They inspire me to do my homework. They have had me run, take lessons and become a better person. I want to do well to hear their acknowledgment. If they didn't exist, I probably would not have tried so hard to come this far.
Your Namu-wiki page has a "Fan Love" section. As we read through the things you've said to the fans, we thought even a real boyfriend couldn't say such sweet things.
Haha. Definitely my mom's influence there. She speaks so gently. She is the sweetest person, really. And I am the youngest in the family. My family poured sweet love on me. Sometimes, fans ask me how I can speak so nicely. To be honest, I don't know. I feel it's nothing special, to me, a very ordinary and everyday thing.
It seems like fans could rarely feel the army break. You filmed 20 pieces of YouTube content ahead of time and released them during the break.
I know how hard it is to wait. Even when we did the EXO concert tour, we couldn't release an album during that time. So it had been a long-standing concern about how to fill the vacancy. In particular, no one was trying to do something special to fill the vacancy during the military break. At first, I thought about making a small game instead of a video. Like the Tamagotchi game, fans can foster 'Baekhyun' from level 1 for 641 days while I am away. Feed him, water him. Haha.
The background in planning the pre-created YouTube Content was to give fans something to calm their longings, but also in some parts, wishing your fans would not forget you by watching these videos, right?
Yeah, that is pretty much it. Actually, I was swamped when we were filming the YouTube videos. I had a hectic schedule. It was just around when my third solo mini album <Bambi> came out, and on top of that, SuperM’'s promotion overlapped. But after filming them, I felt so indescribably proud.
The 2021 album <Bambi> leaves much to be desired in some ways because it had no official activities due to your military service. Nonetheless, it recorded high sales, enough to bring the double million-seller title. It was also the album released in the year of your 30th birthday, showcasing your finest skills as a vocalist.
<Bambi> was created strictly with my own needs and vision. I tried everything I wanted to do without looking at anyone, and I wanted to free my mind by doing so. You are right. I put in everything I could as a vocalist. I first rearranged my vocal tone around the time of my first solo mini-album <City Lights> in 2019, and I wanted to see how much I had grown since then. I became very dedicated because I thought I could make a better sound than two years ago. I tried the vocal ranges that I wouldn't have chosen in the past because I was too nervous. I purposely chose difficult music because I wanted to experience both failures and trials.
In particular, the title song Bambi seems to have been a regular song for the music school entrance exam that year. It's perfect for showing off your vocal skills going back and forth freely with your falsetto, modal, and head voice.
Well, I don't really recommend it. It's a high-risk song, the beat and rhythm are tough. It's a pretty challenging song to sing well.
With the release of <Bambi>, Baekhyun's genre and brand have become more apparent. "Baekhyun" reminds us of groovy R&B beats from UN Village in the album <City Lights> and Candy in <Delight>.
R&B is a genre that I've been attached to for a long time, so I’ll continue with it. However, I also want new challenges. I want to try this and that without being too picky. I want to be an all-rounder. I'm interested in singing-rap these days.
Which musician are you paying attention to as a reference these days?
I've gotten closer to Colde recently. I like his singing style, and it's fabulous that he pulls off the melody rhythmically as if he's rapping. I've requested songs from Colde. I don't know what kind of work will come out yet, but we'll work together soon.
As a musician, there's no more valuable experience than getting a "response" to your song. All three solo albums released so far have recorded respectable sales. Did you expect such success?
Not at all. It exceeded my expectations. This record was possible thanks to the efforts of many K-pop singers ahead of me. In particular, the sales volume of the second album <Delight> was the highest in 20 years of Korean pop music history.
<Delight> became the first solo album to achieve the million-seller title, and you became the second artist to hold such titles for both the group and solo albums, following after Seo Tai-ji.
Yes, but it's all thanks to the dedication of so many Korean musicians. As K-pop became more known worldwide, more people started paying attention to K-culture. The Korean artists before me had already paved the roads and I just got to piggyback on them.
I don't feel any guilt when I listen to your music. Maybe it's a complete anachronism, but there's still a certain prejudice regarding idol music. Similarly, some idol music is referred to as a 'hidden masterpiece.' But when I listen to Baekhyun's solo music, I feel like I'm just listening to really good music.
Thanks. I indeed paid a lot of attention to that. I chose a lot of genres that wouldn't come from SM. SM prefers strong and intense sounds, but I wanted to focus on easy-listening music. It was partly because of my preference and strategic choice to differentiate between EXO and solo activities. Seeing that many of the tracks from my solo albums are still receiving a lot of love, I think it was a good decision.
It is common to spot excessiveness in solo albums by Idol group members. It was rather unique that Baekhyun has an easy mood, as you've just said.
I pushed for that. I kept thinking, 'I'll make more easy-listening music,' 'The music should not change in the middle,' and 'The melody should flow as expected.' I wanted to minimize statement sounds and focus on the lyrics. There was even some feedback from the company that it fell short. But I kept pushing. My motto was to do something that sounds easy to people's ears, like passive music, even if it may not feel 'sophisticated or innovative' for some.
What you just said seems connected to the question of, 'what is good music to me as a musician?'
Probably. In a way, I'm making music that's pleasant to listen to. But I don't usually listen to a lot of music. My ears are so tired. Since I'm a singer, I need to know a lot of songs, but when I find one I like, I listen to it over and over. There's something in common when I look at the songs I'm hooked on. It's not too much, and it just has one or two significant factors.
For example?
I especially like old-fashioned pop songs. Peabo Bryson's Why Goodbye is also a song that I love, for example. If you listen to it, there's a particular section once in the bridge, once in the chorus, and once in the verse. You can listen to it comfortably, and the sound is completely filled with only vocals.
What is the vocal tone you pursue?
If I could have a voice that doesn't go out of date, I couldn't ask for more.
It's also the most challenging thing.
I know. I once imagined, "Will Baekhyun's episode of 'Hidden Singer' come out?" I don't think so. Because my voice doesn't have a distinctive feature. But it's definitely a voice that can give you some comfort. A good tone depends on the time and taste. It's something that keeps moving without being fixed. So I just want my voice to be peaceful and stable. I hope I can make the sound warm enough to relax your body. That's all I want.
It's been 11 years since your debut, and you're still taking vocal lessons every week, right?
Yes. I have a big desire to evolve. I thought about it when EXO received a lot of attention with Growl in 2013. 'Why are so many people going crazy? Am I really that good? I don't think so. If the heat goes away, they will see me.' That's why I kept trying. I always criticize myself more than others do. It's not a matter of high self-esteem and low self-esteem. I'm just continuing to make up for my shortcomings because I know my weaknesses better than anyone else.
To me, Baekhyun is not a person with low self-esteem but one who constantly and carefully self-censors himself.
Yes, that's right. Maybe I am a perfectionist, and I hate it when there's no complete ending. If I don't think I can finish something properly, I don't even start. I tend to get extremely disappointed with myself if I don't do something perfectly at work.
A perfectionist who pursues easiness... It sounds hard. Haha.
Haha. As a musician, I want to be an easy person who can blend in with the public. I don't want to be a musician who is so cool that people admire and want to follow. I want to be someone people can talk to easily when they meet me on the street while listening to my song.
The only regret for Baekhyun as a solo musician is that he had little opportunity to tell autobiographical stories in music. What kind of stories do you want to tell through your music as 32-year-old Baekhyun?
I want to deliver encouraging lyrics. And deliver the message that you shouldn’'t give up easily and try to face more challenges. I think the disappearance of the "Jeong" culture played a role in making people get easily tired these days. In the past, when a neighbor moved in, we used to make steamed rice cakes. If the next door neighbor cooks a lot of food, they would share it with others. But living in a disconnected world without affection, people seem to think only of themselves. I want to put a hopeful message in my song that we can all unite in harmony again.
It's been two years since W Magazine and Baekhyun met—, since the cover of the March 2021 issue, right? Throughout today's shoot, the staff said you were sexy. Baekhyun's "soft sexiness" that you've shown in your solo career seems to be reflected in today's shoot.
Sexy... Haha. I don't think the sexiness that I have is the sexiness that's full of intense emotions. It's more like this. Sometimes you play with your friends, and you feel unexpectedly sexy. I think I have the sexiness to make people a little curious about me. Haha.
Today's shoot was with Cartier's Tank Française Watch and Icon Collection. These are pieces that have been called Wannabe by many artists for their timeless classic aesthetic. Regardless of time and nationality, who is the greatest artist for Baekhyun?
Michael Jackson! Michael Jackson was the only artist who stood still on stage for a few seconds or minutes and people couldn't stop cheering. His songs have made many people cry for a long time, giving them joy and happiness. So just seeing him standing still on the stage makes them tear up. There isn't an artist who can beat Michael Jackson.
Still, what would be your secret weapon that you could win over Michael Jackson?
Hmm... My gentle way of talking? Haha.
EXO recently announced the news of EXO’s 11th-anniversary fan meeting. What would it look like if you were to compare EXO to family?
Children who were raised by a strict father but had an infinitely sweet mother? Maybe the stage is our dad. We work hard on stage until it feels like our bodies would break literally. But when we get off stage, we act like kids. Not one friend is rude, and everyone is so kind. When we talk to each other, ther's no difference from when we debuted 11 years ago or when we were trainees.
What are the three things Baekhyun is focusing on these days?
I'm into golf. Out on the golf field, my arms got so tanned, dark enough to leave a watch mark on my wrist. I feel very relieved when I go rounding and see the open space. The second one is the direction of the vocals. And for the third, I was going to say exercise but I'm going to change that. (Kim) Jong-kook, whom I became close with through workouts, said, "It's time for you to focus on your back." But hip workouts are too hard. Haha. The last one is EXO's comeback. We will return as soon as possible with a high-quality album this year.
Source
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day one of "eating skinny"
ik it's creepy but i've been watching my skinny friends and paying attention to how they eat. i took that info and now i'm trying to apply it to how i eat. i'm trying to change my habits and make me less prone to binging and more prone to under eating.
notes, behaviors i've noticed
they don't eat things they don't care for. out of the 4 people at a recent sleepover, 2 are skinny. one is bmi 18 and the other is probably around 16. neither of them ate the crust on their pizza, which for me is always a habit. if you don't actually crave or want something, don't eat it. never eat something just because it's in front of you.
they eat slowly never eat as a solo task. they'll take a few bites of food, then focus on something on their phone. they'll look up from a book to take a sip of soda, then go back to reading. the food is never in their lap, it's next to them or behind them on a table. they eat it slowly because they're focused on something else. try to take one bite every time you finish a page of a book or so. set guidelines.
they're used to smaller portions. you could use all of these other tips, but if you're eating 1000 calories a sitting you'll never lose any weight. skinny people's appetites aren't big because your stomach adjusts to smaller portions if you stick to them long enough. they ask themselves multiple times a meal "am i full? will i be hungry again in a few minutes?" and stop eating accordingly.
eating is seen as fuel as opposed to an activity. nobody drives to the fuel pump for fun because putting gas in your car is just maintenance. know the difference between boredom and hunger.
my behaviors and changes
i got offered a full-sugar jello cup at lunch today by one of my friends. i didn't decline or avoid it, but i ate it one bite at a time and at one point set it down on the table next to us because i noticed i wasn't totally enjoying the taste. i was actually only eating it because i was holding it. i forgot to apply this to dinner though, woops.
i told myself "i'll have a pack of nori and a cup of tea when i get home at 5pm. then i'll have dinner, then an apple. that's it." and that's pretty much what i did. i set out a plan and stuck to it, and made it through the day without binging. though i did have some nut butter that wasn't in the plan.
i bodychecked a lottt. my fingers were around my wrists all day. i was looking at my thighs in class. anything to remember why i'm doing this.
anywayss
this is my mindless rambling. thanks for listening. have fun be safe, obligatory don't try this, i'm not pro anything, seek help if you struggle with an 3d
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What's something about your OC that people wouldn't expect just from looking at them?
What's one way your OC has changed since you first came up with them?
What emotion is the hardest for your OC to process? How about express?
What's something about your OC that people wouldn't expect just from looking at them?
At first glance Yihn does seem fairly easy to sum up: a skinny little freak with a god complex, a consummate goth with a stick up his ass. But despite his shabby dressing habits and constantly looking like he needs a 12 hour nap, Yihn actually is in possession of a decent amount of gil, hidden in various stashes throughout Eorzea. He's just loathe to part with any of it.
What's one way your OC has changed since you first came up with them?
Arguably Yihn has gotten worse than I could ever have imagined in terms of personality, but really the biggest change has been his abilities. I was initially going to make him not very powerful magically, but then decided I wanted to play around with power degeneration/black magic/corruption themes with him, so he got gud.
What emotion is the hardest for your OC to process? How about express?
Processing wise, Yihn cannot handle grief. A lot of his interest in (/obsession with) death comes from so much of it so early in his life: his mother, his father, his family. He doesn't have a healthy way of understanding loss, despite his long years of training as a thaumaturge and brother of the Ossuary. For Yihn, his understanding of death has gone from devastating sorrow and panicky fear in childhood to a total detachment in adulthood. There's no in-between; corpses have gone from terrible to banal, death from an abstract and all-consuming terror to something much more pedestrian - and, perhaps, less permanent.
In terms of expressing himself, Yihn is awful at affection. He's possessive, clingy, intense, and when he realizes he's being too much his first reaction is to distance himself. He's also prone to leaving literal marks on those he engages with (as @john-barkston's Kay Lindo can attest).
thank you so much for the asks!! ;v; i love rambling about my garbage pail kid, so i appreciate the opportunity haha
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What if Beelzemon had a Tamer who suffered from an eating disorder like anorexia? I think it would be interesting to see how the Digimon that represents Gluttony reacts to something that is so unhealthy and so against what he is connected to.
Beelzemon with a Tamer who has anorexia
Beelzemon has zero idea about what exactly this "anorexia" is. He thought at first that it's a kind of virus that infected his Tamer, but humans didn't exactly catch such viruses like Digimon could. He took notice to how his Tamer wouldn't eat, and was worried about near gaining any sort of weight at all. And it made them look, well, terrible in his eyes.
Now, being the Demon Lord of Gluttony, food wasn't ALL Beelzemon thought about. He would look to other sources, other things that made him feel good and would try to get more of that if he was able. Humans tended to look at it as just devouring plate after plate -- which he could do, admittedly. So... when he saw his Tamer hardly eating, or not eating at all, or only eating only to excuse themself to, what he assumed, throw up, he grew concerned.
This didn't seem healthy for a human, it didn't seem healthy in any form, really. A Digimon could do it no issue more or less, but that's because other things could keep them going, though the differences in humans and Digimon were always so large. And his Tamer didn't exactly look all that great with how skinny they were getting from only eating so little foods. He was concerned, but wanted to try a delicate approach since this seemed like something a bit rough for even him to handle.
So.. he starts trying to offer comfort for his Tamer. For them to confide in him, so he can try to help them for starters. Maybe he can try to help their self-esteem and confidence in how they look and slowly encourage them to change their behavior. Maybe he doesn't have much say here, really, looking the way he does... but, damnit, he's going to try to help them the best that he can. He tosses compliment after compliment, and tries to help his Tamer out with trying to eat more and more little by little.
He doesn't try to force it, and only adds a little bit more food if they seem to be alright with it but this is what he personally thinks might help them. Beelzemon just can't sit there and do nothing while his Tamer refuses to eat. He praises them when they eat and keep it down, and he tries to make them feel better about themselves. He knows it's not that simple to break such a habit, so he slowly tries to offer more along the way.
It's a long process, but if his Tamer starts to try to seek more help with the small boosts of confidence and self-esteem, then he can't help but praise them more over it! Giving them thumbs-up and encouraging them and feeling more secure when they start to try to eat more with him. He doesn't eat as much while he's trying to help his Tamer, since he didn't want them to feel.. bad? And go back to their old thoughts while he polishes off plate after plate of food. Beelzemon just doesn't want his Tamer to grow too unhealthy with this eating disorder, and he tries to help them correct it the best he can, and when they get some more help he feels a bit better about it...
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diary 1 — my relationship with the gym
i subscribed to this gym two months ago. since then, the first weeks i went normally, but after some days i started to feel more and more lazy to go so i started to skip some days, to the point that i took a two weeks (roughly) hiatus. yesterday i really convinced myself to go, and i feel kinda proud of me for doing it. but i still need to do a lot more, to keep going and improve more aspects of my life.
the thing is, i really think i struggle with going because i feel really insecure about my body. kinda dumb, isn’t it? i’m going to a place to improve my self image, and i don’t go because i feel bad about my image. more specifically, i am really skinny, with long and thin limbs. i have this sensation of everyone watching and judging me constantly, when in reality is something that my head just made up.
now, i really wanna be a better version of myself. not for someone else, not for the rest to feel more pleased at my body or whatever, i do this for myself and only myself. it’s not only about the physical changes but about my health, cause it’s something i truly felt that i was feeling better physically, with less back pain and other stuff.
to improve i’m gonna write some tips i’d give to someone in my situation, to put into words all of my thoughs and convince more myself to follow my own tips. if someone reads this and find this helpful feel free to let me know, share your thoughts or whatever :)
what i’ll do to improve
don’t feel bad about myself. if i don’t feel good and i wanna skip a day, i’ll do it with no regrets. but only one, and i’ll go the next day. it’s ok to have a bad day, but i won’t let my thoughts to control me for more than only that day. dedicate it to do what you like or just feel bad: do whatever you need, crying, listening to your favourite sad playlists or call a friend to rant with them. but when you wake up for the next day do it with the mentality of leaving those negative thoughts in the past day. new day, new mindset. it’s something really general, not just applicable in this context, but i felt like it was a nice point to include.
be more conscious about my diet. i don’t cook for myself and i’m thankful that in my house we have a healthy diet, but there’s still left things i want like suplements to help myself with my objectives. i need to stop or reduce the amount of junk food although, cause i find myself most of the time buying candies or snacks when i go out with friends. if you’re in the same situation as me be conscious about it, buying healthier alternatives. if you want candies just get a small and rational amount, or go for other things like dried fruits.
don’t obsess over your food or feel guilty. i feel it’s important this point after the one i just talked about. i don’t wanna talk much more about it cause it would deviate to other topics, but please, take small steps and always think about this as something just for your health. bad habits take a long proccess to get rid of them, and if one day you eat junk food, don’t feel guilty about it. it’s not a crime, and this is not a competition to get skinnier or more fit. it’s just for your own good.
don’t listen or think about what the others say. if you find yourself in the same situation as me, you’ll probably have a hard time feeling watched, judged or whatever. just, don’t listen to your thoughts. they won’t bring anything positive to you. when you go running, to a gym or whatever you may do for working out, only focus in yourself. if you really think someone is being judgmental over you is their problem, not yours. that person had a starting point too, they just didn’t walk over the gym’s door with a perfect ideal fitness body. but most of the time, it’s just your thoughts. in reality no one is here to judge others but to work on themselves and minding their own business.
listen to the music that makes you feel more energized, don’t push yourself more than you should and drink water constantly. typical tips for working out, but it’s always good a little reminder.
pamper yourself once you finish. personally, i don’t like taking showers at the gym, and i luckily live really close to it so i just shower at home. but if you don’t mind it you could take a quick one at the gym to get rid of the sweat and odors, and once you get home take a nice warm shower, take your time under the water. massage yourself, use your favourite products to wash your body and take your time in front of the mirror, applying your favourite facial masks and taking care of your skin.
this is everything i could come up with at the moment. i’m not an expert over anything, it’s just what i figured out that could work for myself and my own good. just read a lot of blogs and tips over healthy habits and mix up the ones that you could apply or would work better for you, and always remind that this is for you. thank you for reading :)
#health#healthy lifestyle#lifestyle changes#gym#gym tips#healthy tips#self improvement#insecurity#healthy#healthy habits
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I know ur bi & since ur single whats ur type in men specifically?
I'll make a list! but go in depth. sorry this is a lil long.
-I struggle w/ certain things like adhd, anxiety and trauma so they gotta understand that and accept that and if they still like me afterwards then there ya go lol
-I like depth, fuck the small talk. be different. for ex: lets talk paranormal stories.
-if you’re too distant I’m uninterested lmao
-someone who takes care of themselves. (eats their veggies/a decent amount right, their vitamins, drinks water, works out kinda is just generally in shape. etc)
-men that don't make fun of my likes/hobbies/special interests but try to understand them whether they dislike them or not maybe do research/ get into them bc they know i like them and like seeing me happy.or at least make the effort to hear me boast about them idk fuck. just general understanding would be fuckin cool.
-effort effort effort that shit is fucking sexy as shit to me.
-don't waste my time and i won't waste yours. Be direct with that you want.
-compliment meeeee, I like someone protective. If we can be weirdos together then that’s a match.
-when their words MATCH their actions.
-I'm expecting / used to people treating me like shit. surprise me and be a GOOD PERSON to me in my life lmfao.
-good at communication and know how to healthy communicate their thoughts and feelings, wants and needs no matter how difficult
-men who don't fucking lie. worst thing you could ever do to me is lie, make fun of my interests, talk shit about me, be toxic and manipulate me and use me among gaslight me etc etc. 100pts. I'm very selective with who I let into my life, I have trust issues due to trusting the wrong people and got burned for it many times. scarcity is value. Don't make me regret my decision. men who don't hurt my feelings!!!
-men who like me for more than just my body. who like my personality and shit so much more. 1000pts
-i don't like clingy but i also like the healthy amount of quality time spent together so. I don't need to talk 24/7 i guess but we do gotta see one another a few times or make lil dates or something in order for it to work. it can't be constant to nothing at all. healthy balance???
-I avoid fuckboys like the plague but i can't help but fall (emos, musicians, skaters, skinny, fit, nerds, the funny weirdos LOL. that sorta vibe. etc)
-men who are genuine. gentle. yet aggressive (when its the right time to be) who care about me, support me (call me out on my shit if its not healthy or if im just misinformed and will KINDLY inform me and help me understand/enlighten my way of thinking. Intelligence is soooo incredibly attractive to me, if you can teach me something in some form Its 50pts in my book.
-men who send me stuff like "this reminded me of you, I know youd like this" etc who get my sense of humor and make me laugh. Who try to cheer me up if I'm sad. Men who are open minded, loving, sweet, mean well. caring mmmm
-men who realize mistakes happen and that growing is a process, healing isnt linear as I would with them. Growing out of unhealthy habits and changing for the better:) there is always room for growth.
-if you tease me / are playful / bully me kinda I'll probably end up crushing on you. I like me that are smooth talkers.
-connection is cool, men who have similar hobbies or interests (I like anime, cinephile, video games, reading, art, concerts, exploring, hiking, camping, writing sometimes, music, content creating sometimes, social media stuffs, baking once in a while, photography...) etc. you dont have to have the same exact interests I would prefer you to have your own set to show me that would be cool. but I do like having interests to bond over specifically though lol.
-i guess for an example of men (their body types / personalities) I like are: timothee chalamet, awsten knight, ryan gosling. (abs, arms, hands, eyes, mouths) hnnnnnng everything so sexy FUCK.
-I like men who arent egotistical dickheads. confidence is nice, but if you think you're the shit and are entirely full of yourself youre absolutely disgusting.
-men who are respectful, hold the door, arent afraid to call / video chat. upfront and straight forward, who don't play mind games. direct. sometimes buy me gifts or surprise me with them (I've never had anyone do that. my last relationship they only cared about trips.) nothing wrong with that I liked the trips we went on but i like feeling appreciated idk physical shit is nice too. call me shallow. I like gift giving/ receiving. I do like going on trips but we hardly went on any lol. living is expensive.
-idc how you dress, what you do with your body. don't tell me what i should be doing with mine.
-be my best friend first I don't like rushing. get to know me as i will you slowly over time. lets take our time and feel it out. Who knows it may not be what we want later on. some people like jumping into something immediate. I have to write it out lmfao. that i do not want that or am looking for that. idc if we have "history" or not.
-everyone has things deemed as red flags, struggles, issues, immaturities etc. Lets not be assholes and judgmental pussies. but lets understand and try to grow past them and become healthier better versions of ourselves after all our inner child would want that. change is necessary don't stick to negative habits. be fluid.
phew, I think thats all I can think of at the top of my head atm.
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Oh my gosh, I have so much to confess; so much on my chest that I never want to get off again. And my belly and hips and thighs and face and arms and even my ankles.
I’m a fat girl now. I’m so fat now. I’m proud to be a fat girl. I’m happy to be fat. I’m proud to be fatter. I’m happy to be getting fatter. I am proud of my rounded figure. I’m happy about being round. I’m a fat girl now. I’m fat, and I’m becoming fatter. I’m gaining on my goal weight, and continuing to grow. I’m round and proud. I’m a happy proud big ball of fat girl.
Reborn into the church of chub; baptized in a huge tub of lard; turned into a total butterball by the super bbw priestess. All evidence of previous diets and exercise are rapidly being erased... forgiven by Voluptua, the plump goddess. It’s so good. When I look in the mirror, a soft moon face greets me. Gone are the sharp edges of my jaw and cheekbones. Now I see the plump cheeks befitting of the chubby, overweight young woman I’ve made myself become.
And it's happened so quickly ! In just 3 months I have fattened myself up to overweight— I’m officially obese. In that short time, my weight has doubled, from 110 to 220. In that time, my breasts have grown huge, plump, dense, and heavy. My belly has widened to become a bottom heavy gut that hangs slightly, replete with lower belly fat. It has also expanded to reach my sides and merge with my love handles. My waist has been pushed up to where my ribs used to be, and is quickly being folded into a roll. And there are rolls on my back that are forming too. My collar bones and shoulder blades are almost completely covered with doughy flesh. The muscles in my arms, back, and thighs I worked so hard to cultivate have all atrophied, as they are unnecessary for my new inactive lifestyle. My new daily habits of watching tv and playing video games have caused my ass and hips to thicken. My thighs rub with every step and are forcing me to have a wider stance. My gait has changed to accommodate my fattened thighs, and is now more of a swaying waddle. I walk like a plus-size bottom-heavy fat girl now. Everyone can see it. I walk like a fat girl. Weak thick slow wide soft fat swaying with each step.
Not only have I changed physically, but mentally. I now think constantly about food. How much I can eat and when. I get strong cravings for food, and eat piggish food like bacon cheddar ranch dip. All day long I daydream about food. And I have become lazy. I spend most of my time at home laying down. If things require walking, or extra effort, I often avoid them unless it means getting more food. I just do; it’s not even a decision really. Without thinking, I will start rubbing my belly, or fingering my navel. I often moan while eating. After I complete meals, I praise myself mentally : good girl, you are making your belly so nice and round. You are making your body so full and fat and ripe. You are a good big girl.
Even though I just know that stores will never have my size now I do not care about being a thin fit prickly girl at all anymore. I identify as fat. I’m pretty. I’m plump. And I’m perfect as myself. I’m a hot fat babe. Sexy and self-confident. Kind and cute. Soft and luscious. Any mean words or thoughts bounce off me, stopped by my stuffing, my turning buttcheeks. When I’m confronted with a skinny girl, I feel no jealousy or competition. I have no desire to be one of them, ever. I am not one of them, I never was, and I will never be.
Instead I dream about being bigger, rounder, softer. A smiling heavy woman who emanates warmth and kindness. An earth goddess with a wide mind, huge soul, big heart. My soft plush body with tits, thighs, belly, hips, and ass that show without a doubt I am built for fucking and pleasure. Meant to be groped and felt and fed. Submissive and docile. Supportive and sweet. Just a good fat girl. A round bellied big girl. One with a plump figure befitting a turning 25 year old who is ripe fat housewife material for the right partner. So beautiful in my triple process plus size wedding gown. A heavy set young woman, aging with soft grace. Maturing into matronly majesty…
Every day, praying with thanks and love and praise and hope to the fat Goddess who made me into Her image. Make me fatter. I never want to be thin ever again. I can’t be thin again. I can’t be changed back. They can’t make me. Only You make me. And feeling the answer sing out in every cell of my expanded, improved self. My body is going to stay this way, permanently, and I will always have a fat girl mind inside— a fat girl soul and a fat girl heart. And when I die, I will go to my big fat heaven, the Endless Buffet, just like all the born fats. Yes yes.
Feel the reply spreading out like my thighs. This is real. This is forever. This is my before and after, my then and now, my will be. This is how it’s always been for me, with a slow metabolism, big bones, a family history of obesity particularly in the women, a taste for fatty rich foods, and a constant appetite for more of everything. I will live my fantasy and love myself, every inch, every pound of the Super-Sized American Dream Girl.
#fix of https://fat-cat-cathy.tumblr.com/post/625067235669622784/oh-my-gosh-i-have-so-much-to-confess-so-much-on
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