I'm currently participating in a month-long intensive writing workshop from Selah Saterstrom/Four Queens Divination. Which is fantastic, by the way—if she ever offers the Write Now! workshop again, I highly recommend it. The project I'm working on is somewhat autobiographical, and the autobiographical parts all come from approximately spring 2003-spring 2005. It's kinda funny, though, to be writing about a time in my life when I was a self-destructive trainwreck, while I'm here now in a time when I wake up, do school stuff with the kiddos, make myself a small breakfast of yogurt + granola + banana, and then do my stretches, before I sit down to write. (To quote myself: My life is easier now, but it's also less shiny. Or to quote W/IFS: Sometimes I miss those days—that's right, you heard me. Other times I could not give a damn.)

As research for my writing project, I've been rereading journal entries from that time period. Some thoughts/observations I've had while reading through them include:

1 - Wowwwww, none of these pass the Bechdel Test. Haha, I know a personal journal entry can't be measured with the same criteria as a film or whatever, but still. For a couple years there, I was very much "The Ugly One" from Teen Girl Squad. You know:

2 - I was actually surprisingly astute about my issues and patterns, even at the time. Astute enough to know how to stop them? No. But give me a break, I was in my early 20s.

3 - One thing that's the same as it ever was is that I am always lamenting about not writing enough. Like: I need to write more. Or: I've been writing a lot, but not as much as I want to. I think I'm just one of those people who, no matter how much time I spend writing, will always feel like it's not enough.

4 - I was reminded of an incident I'd—well, not forgotten about, but forgotten about an aspect of. So, for a couple months in the summer of 2004 I was traveling/couch-surfing. A., one of my roommates at the apartment I'd been living in prior to that, told me I could keep some of my stuff stored there until I found a solid place to live. When I did, I went back to get my stuff, and she informed me that while I'd been away, she'd had a party, and some of my stuff got stolen. Including my bike, and a bunch of my favorite records. In retrospect, I think she stole them, or gave them away, because she was a mean, fucked-up, vindictive person. And it just seemed really fishy. My stuff was the only stuff that got stolen; none of A.'s stuff got stolen, none of the stuff belonging to the person who'd moved in to take my place got stolen. Plus, it was only my most favorite records, not the ones I felt so-so about, and how would some random thief know what my most favorite records were or have the time to sort through the bin to find them? Anyway. That's not the part I'd forgotten about. What I'd forgotten is that when I got upset about it—and I wasn't even blaming her, I was just fucking upset—she called me something like a 'privileged crybaby' for being upset over 'little things like a bike and a few records.' Reading about that again just made me go: Uhhhh, what??? Like, I feel like getting upset about your bicycle and favorite records getting stolen is a pretty normal response for anyone to have in that situation? Especially when you're broke and can't afford to replace them?

In other, more recent news:

My oldest kiddo got an electronic drum pad for Christmas, but I asked him if I could mess around with it when he's not using it, and he's fine with that. So I'm teaching myself to play drums! That's like the only type of instrument I have no experience playing, so why the fuck not? I'm not good yet, but it's hella fun. And if I get better, and become a real drummer...well, if I'm an O.G. zinester and a drummer, I really will be the (nonbinary) girl Cometbus, haha.

I also found out that my county has launched a big harm reduction campaign re: drugs possibly being laced with fentanyl. They are giving out test strips, and Narcan, as well as doing one-off training courses in how to administer the Narcan. So I've signed up. Just because I don't do those type of drugs anymore doesn't mean I'm never around people who do, and I want to make sure I can help people if necessary. (I'm also really, really proud of my county for doing something like this. Harm reduction for the win.)

And, one last thing: I just discovered yesterday that if you type the word 'emo' on an Apple device, it suggests the black heart emoji. Amazing. 🖤

With every episode of bleach I watch, I become more and more unwell

As a neurodivergent arospec you're either very oblivious to people having crushes on you or are cursed with the hyper awareness to people liking you in a way you DON'T want them too

‘When you think about me, why do you always bring up the ball?’ Fabian is not beating the gay allegations this episode unfortunately

remember how when saiki was crushing on satou and wanted to talk to him, instead of yk.. actually talking to him, he found out all of his interests and displayed his own interest in those things in front of him to try to get him to notice him??

yeah, now imagine him doing that when he has a crush on anyone else..

hes such a silly and awkward teenage boy i love it, like buddy you CAN just talk to your crush, you dont have to try to get him to "notice you.." but hes too silly and awkward so thats like the most he would ever do and would still probably think that that counts as flirting

im just... wondering about how saikis terrible silly flirting tactics would translate if his crush was on one of his FRIENDS.. like someone he could actually be around and would see and talk to him.. would he just like be trying to impress them ?? moving toward them more ?? adopting more of their mannerisms and interests maybe ??

imagine that like EVERYONE in the group would notice it, but it wouldn't be like "omg saiki is flirting" it would be more like "omg why is saiki being extra awkward and talking more" because hes so painfully unclear about his intentions but hes usually so quiet and unassuming that this would be such a stark contrast to his usual behavior...

Little Sprout: what happened with big us?

Current Sprout: ................ *INCOHERENT SOBBING-*

yeahh- *sniffles*

Okay but like. Two things about the volume 8 statue [redacted] chapter.

Firstly. By god no amount of "yeah it was unhinged" comments on this website prepared me for whatever the fuck that was. I need at least 5 business days to process.

Second, was I the only one who read that scene as:

Hua Cheng, teeming with self-satisfaction to see Mu Qing near writhing with scorned disgust and fury: this was a 100% successful trip

Xie Lian: our statues are fucking in Mu Qing's palace oh god oh fuck what do you m e a n successful

Hua Cheng, smirk getting even bigger: this was a 100% successful trip

kurt hummel in every performance

6x06 - What the World Needs Now

What the World Needs Now - New Directions and alumni

“Family are the people who embrace you with open arms no matter what.”

Thinking about how ichigo is so tsundere towards orihimes bread

he just loves teasing her because she gets so worked up about it and he thinks it's cute, but he can't say that out loud because omg people will know, so he just nonchalantly pulls her leg every once in a while and secretly enjoys the way she roasts him back.

meanwhile chad and uryu are just sitting there like 👁👄👁

My toxic trait is that I know about the chaos they bring, I know that they will abandon me and our hypothetical kid, I know about the bullshit I would have to deal with as a result of dealing with them, and yet my dumbass would still be charmed by Poseidon, Hermes or Apollo

It is some consolation that one day this will not make me bristle

Doing a bit of a Santa Clarita Diet rewatch, and while I don't know intentional any of Abby's queer-coding was (and how much was just Hewson's vibes), her relationship with Eric has such teenage comphet energy. Like whenever Abby's like "I really care about you, more than anyone, but it's hard for me to pretend I'm into the physical; this has maybe a 2% chance of working out," my lesbian ass is just nodding so hard. Like, yeah! Exactly! You don't know you're gay yet, or you sense it in yourself and try to veer away, so what's the easiest option? You find the soft nerd boy, your best friend in the world, someone you absolutely trust to have your back no matter what, and go, "Yeah, uh huh, sure. I'll try that one." You absolutely look for the most non-threatening dude in the vicinity. And then it's improved by Eric's whole thing being like "yeah, this is absolutely someone I am down bad for, but if she doesn't wind up digging me that way, she's still my best friend." It reads so true. No idea if they were ever going to actually walk down that road, but in my heart of hearts? Here for it.

venting in tags about gender n shit (long as hell) (u can comment and talk 2 me as always :3)

It's funny to be an adult who didn't realize they were queer until they were grown. Turns out those "crushes" on the cool boys weren't crushes. It was gender envy, but I didn't have the vocabulary to convey that

You gave me my name and the color of your eyes I see your face when I look at mine So how do I say goodbye? (♪)

got queerbaited into reading a book by chatgpt. is this rock bottom