#i hate it and it gives me anxiety
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got reminded tlou2 exists, watched that scene with Joel and Ellie where she says she's not sure if she'll be ever to forgive Joel for not letting her die in that hospital, but that she's like to try to forgive him.
still crying as I'm thinking about it.
joel deserved fucking BETTER & it still feels as if Neil just wanted to shock the audience and fuck with the gamers. it wasn't in the game's best interest, but in his own ego. it's so unnecessary brutal & i never ever want to see anything other than the museum chapter again. tlou2 is not really canon for me. first game? yeah. second one? screw that shit.
genuinely wishing to see how many people would choose to kill Abby if there was such an option. good game, my ass.
#the last of us 2#the last of us#it also makes me think of losing my dad and the complicated relationship that we had#what ellie went through with her grief while dina was also acting kind of like an asshole#don't @ me i don't remember the game much#i hate it and it gives me anxiety#and to force **** on the players#my goodness what a bad choice it is#i would kill her at any given second#anti tlou2#i look at that grey haired and bearded joel and he feels so cozy and so warm and so lovely#he was supposed to live and live and live#there were many better ways how to execute the ending of the first game#but neil decided he wanted to do it for funzies so the players screamed a lot about it#ugh
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do any other artists feel like. yeah you're a 'good artist' because you draw things that look nice, but like. TECHNICALLY? you're really not great
i really hate that i can recognise that yes, my art is good, but is it VARIED? is it dynamic?? is my anatomy good? is it full of texture and colour theory? do i know how to do This? can i do That? no, not really. and that's quite painful actually
#ramble#yes this is the artist's perspective bs and yes this is anxiety because it's 1am#and yes i'm forever learning and growing but also#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.#drawing my little guys is fun but i am not good enough for the industry right now and that fucking sucks#i really feel like if i walked into a studio with my portfolio right now they would laugh at me#one of those days where i wish i'd done a more useful degree y'know#i'm going back through the phase where i don't know what i'm going to be anymore and it's scary#some days i really want to give it up and never draw again and do something worthwhile because i Know my life would be easier#and i hate that something i love so much makes me feel so hopeless#signs that i should go to bed ^^^^#i will resume my pity party tomorrow
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twelve days of kinkmas: a little tradition (1)
part 2
a/n: starting the month with a little bakugo fluff. was gonna do aizawa smut first, but @neon-gothicc inspired this with her denki fic so here u go i hope u like it friend.
pairing: bakugou katsuki x f!reader
prompt: mistletoe
tags: pro!bakusquad, mention of alcohol, katsuki has anxiety, shy!reader, first kiss
see the prompts and join the fun here
If his plan didn’t work, Denki was a dead man. He knew that much. It was early December, and Eijiro and Mina were hosting the first holiday party of the year. After telling them his idea weeks ago when they’d announced the party, Mina had a mischievous twinkle in her eyes and Eijiro was all stupid romantic grins at the thought.
As the couple got decor in place, setting out food and drink for the event, Denki helped set up decorations by hanging things that were a little too high for Mina to reach on her own. When everything was ready and the clock struck seven, people slowly began trickling in as the party started.
Katsuki walked in the front door after Sero. He looked around the room, not noticing much at first. Then he saw it, and turned around to walk out. Sero grabbed him by the coat and pulled him back in.
“Oh, no Bakubro. You dipped on every holiday party last year. You’re staying,” he said.
Denki, the little fucker he is, hung a sprig of mistletoe over every single doorway in the apartment that Katsuki could see. The two blonde men locked eyes, one with a glare and the other a nervous smile.
Yeah, he was a dead man.
‧̍̊·̊‧̥°̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥‧̥·̊‧̍̊ ♡ °̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥ ·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙·̩̩̥͙*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ °̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥ ♡ ‧̍̊·̊‧̥°̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥‧̥·̊‧̍̊
You were in the main living area where most everyone was gathered aside from him and a few others playing a game of some kind, looking like a dream, and Katsuki didn’t know how to handle himself. He couldn’t pull his eyes from the pretty red nail polish that complimented your outfit. It resonated in his head, the way you laughed so genuinely at every one of Sero’s stupid jokes as you sat near him. He felt like he was going to be sick. At some point, Katsuki caught your eyes glancing at the doorways once you’d noticed the first one, but you’d seemed unphased.
Of course she doesn’t care, you fucking idiot, he thought. You’re the only one who’s bothered by it.
As the night dwindled on, every once in a while people would “follow tradition,” giving chaste kisses to their significant other.
He’d hardly spent time with you at all. Truthfully, he didn’t have the courage to.
You’d been on his mind for years, little bits of banter going back and forth as you worked at the front desk of the agency. But he never had the courage to ask you out on a date. It felt stupid; Katsuki had all the confidence and smooth talk in the world when he’d first become a hero, knew just what to say to charm the pants off of any person he wanted to fuck. Then he met you three years ago, and it all came to a screeching halt. His stomach got tight, his mouth went dry. He’d fumble things in his hands for no reason, feel his cheeks heat up whenever you spoke to him. He fucking hated it. His friends never shut up on it, either.
Katsuki noticed there was no one in the main entryway to the dining room where snacks and drinks were displayed, so he took his chance and managed to get through the entrance and then to the bathroom unscathed. He slumped down onto the toilet and started at the floor for a long moment. Red, tired eyes looked back at him when he got up to wash his hands.
“I should just fucking leave. Don’t wanna be here anyway,” he mumbled to himself.
Another knot tightly wound itself in his gut.
It was too loud. Everyone was getting drunk. And tonight, he just didn’t care. He knew his friends must have something up their sleeve, convinced that he gives a single fuck about you when he’s told them time and again that, no, he doesn’t. That they need to butt the hell out of his love life. Because if he were to admit to them that he did, they’d only get worse.
Katsuki also knew that if he ended up under the mistletoe with you, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to hold himself back.
‧̍̊·̊‧̥°̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥‧̥·̊‧̍̊ ♡ °̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥ ·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙·̩̩̥͙*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ °̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥ ♡ ‧̍̊·̊‧̥°̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥‧̥·̊‧̍̊
“Just talk to him, honey!” Mina said quietly with a smile. “Or go take his seat. That’ll start something.”
Your face flared with heat; you’d been debating on approaching Katsuki all night. He looked miserable sitting across the room, but was engaged in other conversation for the most part.
“No, you’re crazy,” you replied.
You stood up and went to grab a glass of water from the dining area. Denki called out as you walked away.
“Hey, wait, can you get me-”
You ran into a wall of muscle with your head turned back to look the other way. Katsuki stood in front of you seemingly dumbfounded and not having noticed you either.
“Oh gosh, I’m so sorry!”
“‘S fine, you okay?” he asked quietly.
“Kiiiiiss,” Sero shouted from across the room.
“Yeah, it’s tradition. You have to, bad luck if you don’t,” Denki quipped.
One look up and sure enough, you were smack under the entryway.
You stepped back with a nervous laugh and met Katsuki’s gaze. “N-no, it’s okay.”
“C’mon, just a little peck,” Eijiro said.
Katsuki watched your cheeks flush, and the words came out of his idiot mouth before he could stop them.
“Dunceface is right, y’know. Tradition’s tradition,” he mumbled.
With a smile and a sigh, you relented. You pushed onto your toes to reach Katsuki’s cheek and kissed him. As you pulled away, two large hands grabbed your face. Katsuki kissed you hard enough to knock the air out of your lungs.
The sudden uproar of noise in the room faded in Katsuki’s head as he kissed you once, twice, and again. His heart hammered in his chest. By the second and third one, you were kissing him back. He almost couldn’t believe it.
For once, he thought, Dunceface had a pretty good idea.
sorry i forgot to add the tag list 🤦♀️
if you’d like to be added to my tag list, let me know. ♡
gremlins: @callm3senpaii @arlerts-angel @dcsiremc @darkstarlight82 @bookcluberror @neon-gothicc @zazter-den @breadandbutter33 @i-literally-cant-with-this @she-who-writes-for-multi-fandoms @rinalouu @stvrfir3 @r4td0lll @emmab3mma @aria-chikage @mhadabiandhawks4eva @yazminetrahan @doumadono @dreamcastgirl99 @maddietries @jazzafayesworld @karebear5118 @unofficialmuilover @cherriluvs35 @erensslut @ruu-https @hana-yuri @keiva1000 @katsul0vr @trickster-kat @ayeohoh-blog @dinomeow @flamgosstuff @mistressreaper @angelltheninth @anonymously-ominous @amberexe2 @hisconsistency @nanamisbigassschlong @223princess @pastelbakugou @gold24fish
#idk if i like this but it gave me fluffy feels so 🤷♀️#it’s giving slight ‘michael in the bathroom’ vibes#if u haven’t heard that song i like it a lot but it’s completely unrelated to this#I hc katsuki as someone who’s got a fuck ton of anxiety and self hate under all that anger#maybe it’s incorrect but it feels right#bnha fluff#mha fluff#bakugou fluff#Bakugo fluff#bakugou katsuki#bakugo katuski#bakugou x reader#x reader#bakubunny#f!reader#kinkmas 2023#fluffmas 2023#aged up characters
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I think on this fine Saturday afternoon it's a good opportunity to take a breather and remember that there are really no ethical paparazzi pictures. Every single one is inherently exploitative.
Just because photos were taken on a movie set, when someone is 'working,' does not make the practice any less invasive and creepy. Imagine just going about your day, doing your job and having some weirdo snapping pictures of you to sell without your consent for others to endlessly repost online.
There are thousands of pictures of your favourite actor online already. Plenty taken with his knowledge and consent. I'd really like to see more of them on my dash, rather than the creeper shots.
And don't get me started how disseminating these pictures directly leads to people going to said sets. What starts off as admiring how good someone looks has real world implications.
No, hanging around a movie set and disrupting people doing their jobs is not harmless fun or a way to show your appreciation.
If you hang around a movie set, you are a stalker.
Don't tell me that it's okay to take your online admiration for someone offline. You may admire him but he does not, and will never, personally know you. He will never be your friend/boyfriend/daddy. He is a stranger.
The only way meeting your favourite actor is going to happen is at a convention or maaaaaybe a movie premiere if you're incredibly fortunate. You know, places they appear specifically to meet fans (or not in the case of premieres, where the purpose is to promote a movie. Which is also completely understandable if actors don't stop. You are not owed an interaction).
Of course, you cannot help it if you randomly run into someone you admire in the wild. Even then, consider that they probably won't be all too thrilled to be approached in public by a complete stranger. It's up to you to gauge the situation, but remember there is a person at the heart of all of this.
Boundaries and respect are a kindness which deserves to be extended to each and every human being regardless of their looks/talent/fame/wealth.
Fandoms blur those lines a little too often for my liking and I think just scrutinising what you're interacting with, or what behaviour you could be possibly falling down that slippery slope towards is nice to do every once in a while.
I mean no malice with this post and it is not directed at anyone in particular. It's something I cannot help but feel strongly about because I've seen this destructive cycle time and again in fandoms over the years. It's not healthy and it makes us all a little bit more disconnected from our humanity for it...
#not naming names but....... screw it#pedro pascal#pedro pascal fandom#accepting you will never interact with or meet this man will set you free from misery and jealousy i promise#he's great! if you think he's great watch another movie! write about a character! edit some photos of him! make gifs!#there are many MANY ways to engage with his work which don't include reposting creepy invasive photos taken without his consent#it's bs that this is just 'part of the job' because WHY... why should it be any different than any other job??#i know we always venerate talent and put people on pedestals.... that's a tale as old as time#but seeing him blow up last year was wild to witness and some of the behaviour from newer fans is very disheartening to see#he's just a human who poops and farts and is a dick sometimes like the rest of us. let's not treat him like a god thanks#spud rants#a lot LOL#i've bottled this up for a bit because the way this developed in real time to people actually going to the set is. what#and don't 'if pedro was in your city' because NO??? i wouldn't STALK SOMEONE? there's 0 justification for it#i have far better things to do than stalk people#i may be an autistic flop but i'm not a CREEPY STALKER autistic flop thanks x#anyway like i said this is truly not @ anyone in particular and i don't think you are a terrible person if you interacted with the photos#but please just remember there is a person at the heart of all this#a very talented and attractive person yes... but a person all the same#i would truly hate to be famous it gives me so much anxiety just the thought of the constant scrutiny#good thing i never will be LOL#fandom wank#discourse
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i think the hardest thing ever is going to be getting rid of plushes like how can i do dis. These things have souls its like im abandoning an old dog on the side of the road in the rain.
#ill be giving em to family friend's mom who sells items at flea market#but ill worry no matter what ykwim#like if i didnt have extreme post office anxiety id be giving em away to good homes to whoever wanted em online#but even then id worry like what if someone buys em to do evil things to them. YKWIM??#theres something wrong wit me.#talkys#i hate when things are out of my control 🫶
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Do you guys ever think about how if redeemed!Durge pulls out of Gortash’s alliance after returning with Orin’s Netherstone that Gortash literally cannot rationalize their betrayal (and them now trying to kill him) by blaming their urge? Like how much of a complete mindfuck that would be for him. The Dark Urge just told him they’re 100% cured and now they’re trying to kill him? You know, the person who’s always been by their side, their partner in crime, their equal, and their (potential) lover; and now they’re trying to murder him. And prior to the amnesia, Gortash could always rationalize that if The Dark Urge tried to kill him one day that he could hand wave it as “they just couldn’t help themselves anymore” because of Bhaal’s hold on them. It doesn’t mean they wanted to.
But now, Bhaal is gone and The Dark Urge is moving in to kill him. There’s no way to rationalize it as anything else. The only person who ever cared about him is going to kill him, and he’ll die knowing everything they once had is completely gone. The Dark Urge doesn’t remember him. Their love for him died the moment Orin split their skull. The urge isn’t the reason they’re doing this. He’ll die knowing that they hate him.
#me to Gort: damn bro get ready for the whiplash cause it’s coming in at full force in 3 ..2…1…😵💫😵💫#the anti-anxiety robe was really working overtime those last few moments#sad Gort noises (as I burn him alive)#my dark urge was like yeah fuck this dude I got Shart now lol#but secretly he was kind of sad like damn I really roasted this baddie 🥲 I can’t even revive him I feel bad🥲#also daddy bane needs to stop torturing my man here#eternal punishment is 👎👎#I hate that trope lol idc what the person did#it gives me the ick bad#esp cause like…Gort sucks fr but he deserves rest at some point like everyone else good or evil#bg3#baldurs gate 3#bg3 durge#larian studios#the dark urge#gortash bg3#gortash x durge#durgetash#enver gortash#lord gortash#also yeah Karlach loved him too so not the only person that cared about him#but I would argue that Gortash would say only Dark Urge knew the real him or whatever#even though I think that’s bullshit and Karlach saw a man capable of good and compassion but unfortunately he sucks#and can’t do a nice thing to save his life lmao
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HIIIII
are you going to finish sirius c bc i loved it and im kinda delusional and i just keep thinking that you're going to come out with this 200 page book for the third chapter but honestly i take everything you give me and more and i love you ok bye 💞💞💞
I love u love u love u ❤️❤️❤️❤️ but u either get 4000 words of pure price/reader smut after I blueballed everyone or the last chapter of Sirius c, I can only do 1 at a time
#also the last chap is giving me anxiety YET AGAIN!!!!#I can never get my fucking anxiety wirh finishing fics under control#also I fear I hate what I’ve written so far and I need to start over
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I'm so fucking unnecessary, I hate it.
#unnoticed#unloveable#unnecessary#no one wants me#a burden#sorry for being a bother#depression anxiety#im mentally unstable#tw vent#i hate my existence#no one needs me#if i dissapear would anyone notice?#mental illness#mental health#give me attention#no one likes me
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the date ill be 1yr clean from sh is slowly approaching and im viewing it as a sort of doomsday as if im gonna implode on may 1st or something. Like girl as if youve been able to say anything above 2 weeks clean in the past 5 years? Anyway happy 10 months and 24 days clean for me
#it is not a bad thing idk why its giving mr anxiety#possibly for feeling like a fake for 5 years of my life ??#gonna write the most self indulgent angst ever come may 1st..#JL im coming for you..#CANNOT escape me#shoutout to 11 months clean#almost#like 10 months and 24 days rn#ironically i stopped exactly a week before my birthday#spring of 2023 i love and hate you#and summer of 2023#i could make so many storytimes on 2023 in a whole actually#personal#vent post#??#dolirants
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I haven't posted art in a long long time and this is all I have so have terrible screenshots of a sopping wet Sun and his loving boyfriend Basil Nick Arsenic
(under the cut because Sun has tits) (but it's not sexual At All I promise)
#nick on the last panel reminds me of penn's art style for some reason#anyway this is all you get for now...... i hate the one week break i have at my uni PLEASE give me two weeks or more or give me nothing#incredibly anxiety inducing and also i woke up at 12pm.#deep pained sigh#omori#drawing#art#arsenic#omori sunny#omori basil#omori sunflower#sunnflower#digital#comic#wip#<- not actually a work in progress but it is so sketchy.
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| Saemera Velaryon & her dragon, Mirai, in a more travel sized form discussing the duties her mother is forcing her to get done today.
(heavily inspired by the red dragon that traveled with Voss LOL such a clever idea for your dragon to transform)
Finally got one of my friends to cave and watch HOTD (she loved GOT but assumed toooo much stuff about hotd that was WRONG LMAO)
And FINALLY a hair was created that embodied the vision I wanted. Definitely been enjoying the surplus of hotd content lately, I AM NOT READY FOR THIS NEXT SEASON AT ALL! I started the book after the first season but stopped so I can read it after lmaooo ashjdkhadjka
Mother: Lailani Velaryon
Father: Jovan Velaryon
Older Sister: Mariella Velaryon
Older Brother: Jevanni Velaryon
Younger Brother: Marcel Velaryon
#baldurs gate 3#bg3#bg3 screenshots#baldur's gate 3#bg3 oc#bg3 ocs#my ocs#hotd oc#OC: Saemera V.#OC: Mirai#dragonborn#binged the entire girl's weekend LOL#I have a very conflicted love/hate relationship Daemon but he is only a distant relative to her#GIRL DRAGON RIDERS RULE THE WORLD#like this surplus of content has been so pleasing but has been giving me anxiety????#makes me feel like pain is coming sooner n sooner#had to get this out my system#at least a little
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funny that therapists whose job it is to listen to u are the WORST listeners in society lmaooooooo. they dont hear a single word u say. they genuinely dont care abt what u say at all, they're just gnna take what theyve read in some textbook and apply it on to u. whatever u say you're not a person speaking words, your just a box filled with their judgements and pre constructed notions abt whatever diagnosis theyve assigned to u. therapists and psychiatrists are the most useless and incompetent ppl in society lmao. such a fkn joke it's insane how theyre even allowed to get paid for the shit quality job they perform ._.
#im not even convinced they process or register anything i say#also do they even have an education.....?#i've tried bringing up my depersonalization experiences and they just sit there like blank pages#and look at me like I AM THE WEIRD ONE!!!!!! u have gone to school for it yet i am familiar w more concepts than u?!?!??????#they dont even know what DEPERSONALIZATION or derealization or any of that is!!!!!!!!!#they just look at me w a bored dead look in their eyes and say yeah u are depressed#i've even been called WEIRD!! by therapists!!!!!!!!!!!#i now know that it was avpd behaviors but when i didnt know and i talked abt it w therapists#they scrunched their eyebrows and got frustrated w me for not just having social anxiety so i could be easy to deal e#and they were like 'uh huh thats strange' ?!?!!????#that made it SO much harder to talk in therapy bc now i just constantly overthink every single thing i say and wonder if theyre gonna call#me weird. like idk i just rlly... hate therapists. i hate them so much#and psychiatrists? 🤢🤮 they look at u like a lab rat or a statistic or an annoyance#they dont give a single fuck abt u. they arent even competent enough to help u!!!#like idk maybe u have to be rich and buy quality care but every single one of them i have met have been utterly worthless#rndz
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I made a callout for the bird that has been stuck in the building since thursday :’(
#I trapped it in one room so I can’t go to the rest of the store#It literally only has to fly through one entrance and then it’s out#And it’s a huge entrance where we get all of our deliveries#I’ve supplied it with food and water and a place to hide#I’m hoping it’ll fly out tomorrow when it sees the light from the outside#nothing gives me more anxiety when I work then having a bird trapped in the store 😔😔#delete later#it happens way too often and I hate it
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My autism superpower is posting something in general chat and getting no reply
Get lonely > Find something to talk about > Get excited > Infodump > Silence > Repeat
Brightside: I'm unmasking I guess
Downside: Infodump social assassination
Hhhhhh
4 equally inept women in my head run around a small office with paper and fire flying everywhere every time I talk with someone now
Half of this is mildly funny in a vacuum but the other half is cripplingly lonely. Almost every social interaction I have now I'm just expecting to scare people off and I gotta be honest it's starting to hurt a tad
Even just explicate annoyance or hate would be better than silence
I hate feeling like every conversation is a test and failure means a sniper blows my head off from 1000 yards away
#hollowsays#autism#hollownoire#unmasking autism#oversharing#even just tagging a post gives me anxiety now#oh nooo I used a tag surprise it was actually a bomb planted to kill specifically me#I better become a neurotic mess and ask my roommate/partner if everyone actually hates me 70 times before deleting the post#vent
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dead money is both the fucking worst and the actual best fallout new vegas dlc
#i hate it but its good#it gives me so much anxiety but the story has so much to it#i hate the veeping and the sitens and the bell and the stupid death clouds but the holograms are so fucking cool#playing blackjack alone in a casino filled with echoes and ghosts is an unparallelled experience#figuring out how to communicate with christine after her voice gets stolen was just so incredible#loved holding her hand#the vera keyes holograms calling out for sinclair for over TWO HUNDRED YEARS im loosing my domestication#locking elijah in the vault is cinematic masterpiece#i have a lot of feelings but its 2am#androleda speaks#fallout#fallout new vegas#dead money dlc
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God sometimes i feel like i did too much too fast and that's why it turned out bad. like ive been making multiple fridge poems a day for the past few days and i feel like not only im too hasty and miss what makes a poem good because of this but also that im gonna run out of ideas sooner than i thought and that I'll end up being very repetitive and yet it all feels like it's not enough it'll never be enough and i hate this so much because i love creating but my brain takes the joy out of it so much like why cant i just make something without feeling worthless ugh
#and like#im the only one who's pressuring me with this#and the fridge poems is the only thing i have time for because of uni so like it's supposed to give me a break from all the anxiety#but instead it just piles on#ughh i hate this why is it so hard doing the things i love#ramble gamble
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