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roosterr · 2 months

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by your hand | 01

kyle garrick x gn!reader x john soap mactavish

wc: 3.4k summary: johnny leaves you alone again, and kyle is more than happy to fill the space he left behind. warnings: unrequited love (for now), love triangle -> poly pipeline, lots pining longing and desiring, gaz is kind of a nervous wreck, a tiny bit of angst, tasteful clichés, everybody is down bad

so,,, i'm starting another series. don't look at me. based on a request i got forever ago and this idea <3

will you let me know if john is coming home tonight? 21:04

the text from you sits open on kyle's phone, the only light illuminating his face in his otherwise dark living room. a deep sigh escapes him as he drags a hand down his face, a fruitless attempt to rid himself of the sinking feeling weighing down on him.

johnny's not coming home, kyle knows he’s not, and if you’re texting him then deep down, you must know that too. he’s meeting up with the same hookup from last week, some guy he met at the pub that kyle knows nothing about because he’d hung up the phone before soap could get too into his usual bragging; and though he hadn’t listened to the details, a twisting ache lingered in his chest for the rest of the day after that.

didn't he tell you? he's staying with another friend tonight 21:07

oh okay 21:11

your curt response sends another pang of guilt through him. how soap could be so blind – as well as just plain stupid – he had no idea, but he'll be damned if he doesn't take advantage of this opportunity.

his fingers hover above the keyboard, twitching over the letters as he tries to come up with something to say. he could do what he always does, tell you 'of course' and 'don't worry'; or, he could actually do something. he could give in to his selfish desires for once and allow himself to have you, if only for the evening.

and, really, it's been months of this; all the lingering stares he sends your way, touches that last just long enough to still give him plausible deniability – and when you text him like this, the going back and forth over whether it was the right time to make a move, but every time he he finds some bullshit excuse not to.

tonight is different though. he's been patient, and he's not sure he can stop himself from giving in this time.

the decision was made before he even finished the thought. he types out the message and deletes it five times before he decides to just bite the bullet and send it.

maybe i could come round and keep you company? i'll stop by tescos and grab popcorn and we could watch a film? just the two of us? 21:22

the minutes between him sending the text and you reading it are borderline painful. he doesn’t know how you’re going to respond, and that was utterly maddening. maybe he crossed a line, or maybe he'd come on too strong and you could tell how pathetically into you he was–

the buzz of your response cuts his overthinking short. he unlocks his phone with lightning speed the same moment the notification comes through.

that would be nice thanks kyle :) 21:24

his heart stutters in his chest, and an excited grin lifts the corners of his lips. he reads the message a few more times, just to make sure he didn't dream it up, but it doesn't change between blinks. a light feeling replaces the guilt from earlier.

you said yes. you’re going to watch a movie with him, in your flat, just the two of you. with a slightly embarrassing fist pump, he thanks the stars for aligning to make this happen and rushes to the front door. he grabs his jacket and pulls his shoes on in record time, and he's just about to slip his phone into his pocket next to his keys, but it buzzes again before he can.

get sweet and salty pls xxxxx 21:25

a fond chuckle passes his lips at that, the feeling in his heart only getting warmer as he locks the door behind him and makes a beeline for his car.

on it boss 21:25

less than fifteen minutes later kyle is standing outside your building, plastic bag in one hand and the other pressing the buzzer for your flat. he absently wonders what soap would think if he knew about this, if he’d object or if he’d even care in the first place, but once again his worries are interrupted by the click of the front door unlocking.

the easy, if slightly more toned down, smile from earlier is back on kyle’s face as he takes the stairs two at a time – the lift would’ve been too slow, he reasons, and he wants to make the most of every second he has with you.

his footsteps echo through the hall as he finally approaches your flat, his grip on the bag tightening and his heart rate picking up the closer he gets. he’s a moment away from knocking, fist poised above the door, when it swings open to reveal you with a similarly excited grin on your face.

kyle eyes gravitate to yours, lifting the hand holding the bag and somewhat awkwardly leaning the one still hovering on the doorframe. "package secured, boss."

his words get a soft chuckle from you, as you step to the side and gestures for him to come in.

"good work, sarge," you tease, shutting the door behind him and taking the bag from his hand as you make your way to the kitchen, "you can pick what we watch, i can't make a decision like that!"

"roger that," his smile is evident in his voice when he calls after you, "but you're not allowed to complain about my choice!"

"better not pick something shit, then!"

kyle watches you go while he undoes his laces, and takes the opportunity to admire the way you look in your pyjamas. it was just a big jumper and some comfy trousers, nothing special, but a burning heat still rises to the tips of his ears all the same.

this is what soap had to come home to every night? and he still chose not to?

he shakes his head to rid himself of the thought and hangs his jacket on the empty hook by the door, beside yours. tonight, you were his, and he was determined to push all thoughts about his idiot best friend out of your mind.

the movie he'd picked is already waiting for you when you shuffle into the living room, the bowl of popcorn in your hands as you flop down onto the sofa beside him.

"hot fuzz?" you ask, placing the bowl in the space between you and popping a few pieces into your mouth.

"yeah, you seen it?" he presses play on the remote, and you shake your head with a curious smile on your face. he grabs a few pieces of popcorn himself, and tilts his head to give you an eager grin. "oh, it's brilliant, love, one of my all time favourites."

you hum thoughtfully, and with your eyes locked onto the screen, kyle takes the opportunity to lay his arm across the back of the sofa, just behind your shoulders. his heart hammers against his sternum, and he subconsciously holds his breath when you settle further into the sofa, closing the distance between you ever so slightly.

"well, you've set my expectations very high, kyle." you shoot him a playful look that he readily mirrors, before focusing your gaze back on the movie. he breathes a quiet sigh of relief that you didn't comment on his manoeuvre, the nervous tension melting from his muscles.

it's hard not to be comfortable around you. even when you're just sitting in each other's presence, it comes so naturally, like it's by design. despite the movie being one of his favourites, he can't help the way his gaze drifts to your profile.

do you see this as a date? because kyle definitely does. or, he wants to, but does it really count if it's just him that thinks that way? was he reading too far into this?

lost in his anxieties, he doesn't realise that when he reaches to grab some popcorn that you do the same, and the sparks that fly up his arm from where your fingers brush startle him back down to earth. he braves a look at you, a bashful smile finding its way onto his face as he meets your eyes.

"you were right," you murmur, and dart your eyes back to the screen in an almost nervous way, "this is really good."

a satisfied feeling blooms in his chest knowing that you liked his choice. "it's part of a trilogy, y'know. we'll have to watch the other two at some point."

there's a pause then, where you get a contemplative look on your face, and kyle holds his breath waiting for your response.

"maybe not tonight," your gaze falls to your lap, and he's afraid for a moment that he'd overstepped before you continue, "but i'd like that."

he smiles at you again, giving your leg a small nudge with his own. "next time soap is out pub crawling, then, yeah?"

your expression twitches downwards, darkening for a split second that he just about catches, before you put on an obviously forced smile. "yeah, sounds good."

fuck.

why did he say that? soap is the last person you want to be thinking about, and the last person he wanted to bring up tonight, so why on earth did he say that?

the silence that follows is negatively charged. your eyes are locked onto the tv screen, but there's a distracted look in them now.

kyle clears his throat, trying to swallow down the hot embarrassment rising to his face, "sorry. shouldn't've brought him up, should i?"

you seem to flinch at his words, your head snapping to fix him with an incredulous look as you stumble over your words. "why– what? why? he does live here."

"i know you like him." kyle frowns when you click your tongue, continuing with a more serious tone than he's had all night, "and i know you know where he is."

you open your mouth to respond, but no words come out. guilt claws at the inside of his ribcage watching you swallow hard, blinking away the despair in your eyes as you face the tv again.

"i don't like him." you mumble, pulling your knees up to your chest and pointedly ignoring kyle’s eyes on you.

he wants to say something, to make this better somehow, but the damage has already been done. god, why did he even start this in the first place? everything was going so well before he said anything, so why did he have to spoil it?

your brows pull tighter and tighter the longer with every second that goes without a response from him, until you eventually get tired of the concerned look he's giving you and snap. "i don't, kyle! and why should i care what he does with his free time? he's his own man!"

there's a waiver to your voice that only adds to the heaviness building in the pit of his stomach. he shifts his arm from where it rests on the back of the sofa to curl around your shoulders. the movie is still playing in the background, but neither of you are paying attention to it anymore.

"i'm not judging you. we both know how much of a dickhead he is." kyle murmurs, a soft attempt to comfort you while he gently tugs you closer to his side.

you turn your head towards him again, a drained look in your eyes. they glisten with steadily building tears, and kyle's heart breaks at the sight.

"but he's not, not to you or your friends, it's just me that he's– he's like this, i…" your words get stuck in your throat as the first few tears spill past your eyelashes. "...why did it have to be him? i don't–"

"hey, hey," he coos, moving the bowl of popcorn to the coffee table so he can pull you fully into his embrace, "take a deep breath for me, alright?"

you bury your face into his chest, but he still hears the way your breath hitches, and feels the subtle trembling of your shoulders. he draws soothing shapes over your shirt, and he knows that now is the most inappropriate time to be thinking this, but when his fingers brush the skin of your upper arm, the sparks from the contact are impossible to ignore.

the minutes that pass by listening to your muffled sniffling could've been hours and kyle wouldn't have known the difference. he wishes more than anything that he could take your pain away, but the most he can do is be your listening ear and your shoulder to cry on.

eventually you do lift your head from his chest, wiping the stray tears from your cheeks and facing the tv to avoid his eyes. "i'm sorry, i don't know why i'm– i ruined tonight–"

"no you didn't, i'm the one who upset you," kyle murmurs, still with his arm around your shoulders, keeping you close to him. he tilts his head to catch your reddened gaze in the dim light from the tv screen, watching you slowly nod in response.

"god, fucking hell…" you mutter, leaning forward with your elbows n your knees, dropping your face to rest in your palms. his frown deepens as you slowly release a deep breath, the anxiety from earlier returning to worry him that he'd crossed a line.

"if you need some space, i can go?" kyle removes his hand from where it rests on your back, suddenly hyper aware of how close the two of you had just been – and the hot feeling of his blood as it races through his veins. "if… if you want, yeah?"

"no, no. i– don't go." you stutter, lifting your head just enough to give him a weak glance from the corner of your eye.

"alright," he murmurs, feeling a sense of relief that you didn't outright tell him to piss off, "i'm here."

he moves his arm to rest on the back of the sofa again, an open invite that he's desperately hoping you'll take.

for the second time tonight, the stars align perfectly in his favour, and you lean back to fit seamlessly to his side, your head resting on his bicep. he has to force himself to relax, and consciously remember to breathe.

he would've been satisfied with just that, your proximity to him more than he could've hoped for, but then you whisper something that threatens to stop his heart completely.

"...why couldn't it've been you?"

what?

…what?

did he hear you right? you want it to be him? it could've just been a throwaway comment, but kyle’s never felt such a light feeling in his chest, his head spinning like he might wake up from this dream at any second.

but it's not a dream, because when you stiffen in his hold, he feels the way your muscles pull taught, and he feels your lungs expand with the sharp intake of breath as he says his next words, barely more than a whisper.

"...it can be."

time seems to freeze as you both process what he means. his stare doesn't falter on your profile, watching every minute expression and waiting with bated breath for a response. moments go by with nothing but the white noise of the tv in the background, illuminating the room in multicoloured flashes that highlight the wide-eyed expression you wear.

"what?" you mumble, slowly turning you heard as your eyes give in to the pull of his, meeting kyle’s equally astonished gaze as the air between you turns thick.

he swallows hard, resisting the nervous urge to look away. "it can be me, if that's what you want."

you stare at each other, a good kind of tension sparking in the distance that still separates you.

"kyle, i… i can't do that to you." you murmur, your brows tilting in a display of the turmoil just under the surface. "you deserve more than that…"

you blink and turn your gaze down to the buttons on his shirt. he still stares at you. he takes your hand with his free one, dragging his thumb tenderly over your knuckles. you look back to him, uncertainty swimming in your eyes.

"i– i don't care," the blood rushes in his ears, anticipation and disbelief lighting his nerves on fire as he stares intently into your eyes, not even daring to blink, "i've always wanted you."

"kyle…" you whisper, quiet and unsure, but you don't pull away.

he's toeing the line, he knows, but you're not rejecting him. there's something in him that just can't ignore the fact that he's making a move on his best friend's flatmate, especially when he knows you like soap – but there's a bigger part of him that doesn't care, that just wants you in any way he can have you.

he lets go of your hand to cradle your face, moulding his hand to the shape of where your jaw meets your neck, and edges his face closer to yours.

"tell me you don't want this," kyle murmurs, watching your lashes brush your cheeks as you let your eyes flutter closed, "tell me to stop, and i will."

he waits, his breathing shallow, for you to say something. he almost wants you to stop him, if only so he doesn't get a chance to fuck this up – but you don't.

you lean further into him, placing your own hand over top of his, and respond in a breathy sigh that he just about hears, "...don't hurt me."

and without a second of hesitation, kyle whispers in reply, "wouldn't dream of it."

he only just gets the words out before you're gently slotting your lips against his. there's a split second of shock where all kyle can do is reel from your touch, but he quickly shakes it off and reciprocates with a shaky sigh against your mouth. he uses the hand on your face to draw you even closer, moving to hold the back of your head while his other arm winds around your waist.

everything except you is completely forgotten – the drag of your finger as they find his neck, the soft noises you let out under his ministrations, and the dizzying, borderline addictive feeling of your body against his.

he can't help the groan that escapes him when your nails meet his scalp, the blunt scratch only adding to the list of sensations that he'll be thinking about long into the night.

there's a twinge of disappointment within him when you eventually pull away, both of you breathing heavily and holding each other as close as you can. kyle watches your eyes flutter open again, looking deep into his with a hazy, unfocused look to them.

an easy smile pulls at his lips, his thumb tracing circles on your cheek where his hand still rests. you let your own hand fall to his chest, a tiny smile of your own finding its way onto your face.

"we can take it slow, yeah?" kyle murmurs, searching your eyes for any hint of uncertainty that could be hiding there.

"yeah." your voice is airy, still somewhat out of breath as you rest your forehead against his. "you're too good to me kyle."

kyle huffs a quiet chuckle at that, leaning back just enough to be able to see you properly. "'course i'm not, you've just never been treated right."

he feels the heat that rises to your face, and sees your smile grow before you tuck your head just under his collar, turning your attention back to the movie while he chuckles at your reaction.

for the rest of the night, it feels like he's on cloud nine. even as the movie ends and you agree to call it a night, the only thing on his mind is when he can see you again.

"next week," you promise, "we can watch the next one."

he's never wanted the days between today and next friday to pass him by so badly.

when he stands in your doorway and gives you one last peck on the cheek, the smile you give him makes his head and heart feel unbelievably light. even as he's leaving, sending a longing glance back down the hall just before the doors of the lift close, that giddy feeling doesn't leave him.

soap doesn't deserve you, he never did, and kyle would help you finally see that.

#gaz x reader #kyle gaz garrick x reader #kyle garrick x reader #soap mactavish x reader #soap x reader #john mactavish x reader #john soap mactavish x reader #gaz x reader x soap #soap x reader x gaz #141 x reader #mw2 x reader #cod x reader #mw3 x reader #poly 141 x reader #roosterr writes #flipped a coin between posting this and killing myself and it was heads so here you go /j

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roxygen22 · 2 months

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Still Here

Chapter 1

Summary: After the life and home you built falls apart, you serendipitously bump into your old high school sweetheart, Timothée.

C/W: Divorce, mention of complicated pregnancy (nothing graphic)

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"I thought you were too good for this place, [Y/N]."

You spun around in the grocery store aisle to see your high school sweetheart, Timothée, holding a box of cereal in one hand, a shopping basket in the other, and a smirk on his face. His still very handsome face. He seemed to take great pleasure in the look of shock on yours.

"Timmy," you breathed.

"You came back."

The road ahead of you seemed to go on and on and on. You hadn't seen another car in at least an hour as you drove across the plains of Kansas. Your nine year old daughter, Madison, was asleep in the back seat, leaving you alone with your thoughts. Alone. That word didn't sit well with you.

A nasty divorce left you with nothing but what you could pack in your car. You had nowhere to go except back to your tiny hometown across the country in rural Tennessee to move back in with your parents. You hadn't been back since you graduated from high school 12 years ago.

You were valedictorian and had your pick of schools. Much to your parents' chagrin, you were itching to get as far away from the "sticks" as possible, so you applied to universities all along the West Coast. You were over the moon when you received a full ride to UCLA to study biomedical engineering, where you met...him. Your now ex-husband. The two of you met during convocation festivities your freshman, his junior year. You had just left your friends behind in Tennessee and had not yet built a local support network, so you latched onto this cute, kind man who picked up the book you dropped.

The kind man who later left you and your daughter to live with a younger woman who "gets" him better.

You and he dated for a little over a year before he asked you to marry him. Not one for big productions, you decided for a courthouse ceremony a few days later because you just couldn't wait to be joined with the love of your life in marriage forever. You were soon pregnant. Unfortunately, the pregnancy was not an easy one. Severe morning (more like morning, noon, and night) sickness led to multiple hospitalizations, forcing you to miss classes. You eventually reached a point of no return and had to drop out.

Your husband was still able to finish university, though, and was luckily able to quickly secure stable employment, which allowed you to stay home to care for your newborn baby. As the years passed, he became increasingly distant, staying late at work or making excuses to leave again once he was home. You weren't surprised when, after ten years of marriage, he told you he wanted a divorce, because you did, too. But you had no way to support yourself and a child. You hadn't held down a job since before Madison was born. Your work history prior to that was limited because you were so young. You had no collateral or credit history, either. Everything had been in his name.

You had to start over. You had to go back to the beginning.

Tennessee.

"You came back."

"Yes, I just recently moved back in with my parents. I-"

"Mom, can we get some chips? Nana doesn't have any good snacks," Madison complained behind you as she came back to the same aisle. Timothée went wide-eyed as he looked at the girl and then back at you. She leaned around you to stare back at him. "Who's he?"

"This is my- uh- friend from high school, Timothée. Timothée, this is my daughter, Madison."

"Whoa. She looks just like you did at that age." He shook his head as if to clear a fog. "Where are my manners?" he quipped as he stepped around you and held out his hand to her. "It's nice to meet you, Madison. Your mother and I go way back."

"You knew my mom when she was my age?"

"Before that, even. We went to school together all the way from kindergarten to senior year until she moved to California for college," Timothée replied before locking eyes with you. "She was very eager to get out of here, so I am rather surprised to run into her today."

"It's a long story." You cleared the lump forming in your throat and looked down at Madison. "We should get going. We need to get these groceries home and refrigerated again."

"Right, well, maybe I'll see you around again now that you are back in town." He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

"I'm sure we will bump into each other." Hopefully, you thought to yourself. "It's a small town - that's practically inevitable."

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Chapter 2

MASTERLIST

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Tag List: @croatianprincess

#timothée chalamet #timothee chalamet #timothee chalamet x reader #timothée chalamet x reader #reader insert #female reader #mom reader #single mom #divorce #high school sweethearts #timothee x reader #timothee chalamet fanfiction #timothee chalamet x you #timothée chalamet imagine #single parenting #single parent #whump #angst

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notsoattractivearenti · 1 year

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It's Time to Leave (Mason Mount x Reader)

Song Inspo: Stay - Why Don't We (Listening to the song while reading this fic is highly recommended 😊)

WC: 1.5K

Warnings: Curse words, angst

A/N: Made a poll about who to write this fic for and Mason got the most votes! Should've finished 2 weeks ago but I didn't have the time lol but here it is 😉 Special thanks to @ariddletobesolved for proofreading! This fic is an one-shot, so there's not gonna be a 2nd part. Please enjoy and I'd love to hear your thoughts through replies/reblogs/asks 💗 Feedbacks are highly appreciated!

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“I just wish things could be like they used to

But they never will, now I see right through you

Wish you could tell me all the ways that I miss you

Baby, I'd be lying if I didn't say I wish you'd

Stay”

---

“Y/N, I don’t think I can do this anymore.”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“I can’t be the only one who’s invested in our relationship. It’s supposed to work both ways, you know? Well it used to be like that. But now-“

“Excuse me!? Why the fuck would you even think that way, Mason? I’m not invested in us? Why do you think I stayed for all these years?”

“You’ve changed, Y/N! You’ve fucking changed! Don’t you realise that? Do you think I’m too dumb to notice that?? I’m tired of being the one who cares so much when you don’t give a shit about me anymore!” He yelled, and you could see he was already tearing up.

From the first time you met him, he had never yelled at you. He has always been a calm, gentle, and loving person. No matter how upset he could be, he always handled things in a peaceful manner. You loved that about him, because he was different from the other guys you’ve previously dated. You felt like he was the one you can always count on, who will never let you down. He has a very positive attitude and big, warm personality, the moment you laid your eyes on Mason you were instantly drawn to him.

But today he showed you the side of him you have never seen before. You could clearly see he was filled with disappointment, resentment, anger, and sadness. You just came to a realisation that you have hurt him deeply. You were aware that your feelings toward him have changed, but you were in denial and tried to ignore that because you didn’t know how to tell him. You were afraid that if you broke up with him, you would make the biggest mistake in your life. But what you didn’t notice is that your behaviour had changed as well, you thought he would never notice – but knowing how in love with you he was, and that he’d known you all too well, of course he did.

“I was always there when you needed me, and I know for sure you fucking knew. I put a lot of effort into making our relationship last because I thought you were my forever.” He scoffed, pausing for a bit, shaking his head in something like disbelief. “Back then, we were so in love, we had so much fun together. But lately you seem like you have given up on us… What could possibly go wrong with us, Y/N?” His bloodshot eyes were now on you. Gone was the warmth that he used to reserve for you. “Have I done something to make you feel like I’m not worthy of your love anymore?” His voice was shaky as he tried to control himself from exploding, but his overflowing emotions were difficult to hide.

You froze for a minute, unable to think of anything to say. It’s like your brain suddenly couldn’t function. There was a pang in your chest that felt so heavy, and your hands started shaking. You were trying to gather yourself to find the right words to express how you feel about him.

“Mason… I-” This will hurt, you thought before continuing, “I’m sorry. The truth is… My feelings have not been the same. I don’t know why, how or when, but it is what it is.” You sighed, “I… I don’t love you anymore.”

He bit his lip and started breathing heavily, seemingly not ready to hear you say those last five words.

“I’ve been wanting to tell you that, but I just didn’t know how. I swear, it’s not you. But I feel like there’s something lacking within our relationship. I ju-”

“I gave you everything I could give you, Y/N. Everything. I poured my heart and soul into you, us. Wasn’t that enough for you?”

Your eyes widened, your jaw just dropped. You couldn’t believe what you just heard.

Mason took a deep breath, “I loved that you had shown me how much you needed me, but now it feels like you don't anymore. I mean, not long ago I just got injured and had to miss training and matches for a few weeks! You knew how much I needed you by my side, but instead you left me alone while you were out doing God-knows-what. You lied to me, and you kept making excuses after excuses, it’s like you just want to get away from me.”

Tears started streaming down your face. Fuck, you thought, what have I done?

“Wha- Mase, I… I have no idea you feel that way. I’m sorry… Fuck, I’m sorry I have been treating you like shit, I just…” you caught your breath from crying, “I don’t know what’s happening with me. What I did was wrong, I should’ve been there for you. I should’ve… I should’ve been honest to you. I… I don’t… I didn’t mean to break your heart…”

“Well it’s a little too late isn’t it?” he let out a scoff as he furiously wiped his tears, “I think it’s time for me to leave, Y/N. There’s no point of me staying in a dead-end relationship. You’ve fallen out of love with me, and I’m not going to convince you to love me the way you used to. I’ve tried my hardest to keep this ship floating, now I’m done.”

Overwhelmed, he paused for a second. “I just… I just don’t know you anymore, Y/N. You are not who you used to be. Now you don’t seem to care about me, about us. Now everything is always about you.”

You could feel your heart begin to shatter. You knew a break-up was coming eventually, but to hear him speak his truth hurt you deeper than you thought it would. You have done such awful things to him just because you were afraid to tell him how you feel. You wouldn’t blame him if he hates you now – in fact, you knew you deserved it.

“I’m tired of feeling down. I deserve better than whatever bullshit you’re giving me.”

He would be lying if he said he didn’t wish for you to stay, to give your relationship another try. But he knew you two would never work anymore. He wanted everything to be the way it used to be, he wanted to be loved by you and you only. But if you stayed, it would cause you both nothing but pain. At the moment he just knew that going separate ways was the only right thing to do.

You tried to hold back your tears, you were filled with instant regret. You knew you’ve fucked up and taken the greatest love of your life for granted. You hated that your relationship had to go down this way, but you knew you deserved it.

“Mase, I wish I could’ve done better… You and I both know even a million sorries will never be enough. You should know I’ve never meant to hurt you… And yet, at the end, I still did. Thank you for telling me everything I needed to know, I hate myself for treating you unfairly. You deserve better than a bitch like m-”

“No, Y/N, don’t say that,” he cut you off, “you’re not a bitch. You never were.”

“I am, Mase. I know for sure I am. You’ve always been so sweet and loving to me but I fucking hurt you in the worst way possible.”

You both then sat in silence for a while, trying to process the break-up. There was nothing easy about it, especially since you weren’t exactly prepared for what just happened.

“Well,” you broke the silence, “I guess it’s time for me to go.” This is it. “Goodbye Mase, and I’m sorry we had to end like this.”

You went in and tried to give him a hug, but he refused. “I can’t do that, Y/N. I’m sorry.”

“I- I understand.” You pressed your lips into a tight line, taking it as your cue to leave.

As you stood up and grabbed your things, he said to you: “Goodbye, Y/N.”

---

Two weeks had passed. His heart ached from missing you, he was questioning his decision to let you go but he knew it had to be done. He tried to delete your pictures and your number from his phone, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it, knowing that he still needed some time.

Putting his phone away, he then grabbed a pen and a little notebook he had. Since he couldn’t tell you how he was feeling, he wrote them down instead:

“Y/N, I wish I could tell you just how much I miss you… You are just too hard to forget. But I deserve better… After everything, I need to heal. We both do. Nonetheless, I hope you will find someone who can love you better than I did…”

---

“Gave you all I can give you

Now all that's left is "I still miss you"”

---

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#mason mount #mason mount x y/n #mason mount x reader #mason mount fic #mason mount angst #mason mount imagine #mason mount fanfic #Spotify

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deebris · 1 year

Text

Melancholy II

Kakashi Hatake x wife reader

Synopsis: To learn to overcome the loss of your child, you and Kakashi went through challenges, and it certainly wasn't easy at all. The tragedy harbored bad feelings in your family, and you two tried not to let it affect your sons. But now, with the discovery of a fourth pregnancy, things can change again - for better or worse

Warnings: trauma, mention of misscariage, mention of depression, labor pain, argment, intimacy, kiss.

Words: 5.3k

Observation: Happy ending - part I here

The hot summer breeze made your hair sway along with the loose leaves of the trees, revealing your serene and concentrated face. Kakashi admired the beauty you exuded while he was looking from afar, not having the courage to go up to you, at least not where you were now. If you were in any other environment, he would definitely meet you and give you all the praise you deserve. But he preferred to walk away.

You were kneeling in front of your child's grave with your youngest son Kenji, both clasping your hands in prayer as you meditated. The boy always insisted on accompanying you during your monthly visits to the cemetery, helping you put new flowers and clean the place.

He always finished his meditation first, but he didn't dare get up until you finished too. Sitting still was difficult for a child, you know, and so his effort to remain patient was all the sweeter in your eyes.

After a brief five minutes, you had no more prayers to say and opened your eyes to see him transfixed on the name written on the tombstone: Satoru.

That same year you lost the baby, Kakashi advised you not to find out the sex of the child, but you were stubborn and asked Sakura anyway. You weren't even sure if it would be possible to find that out, as you didn't know if your pregnancy was advanced enough to reveal such a thing. But asking doesn't cost anything, does it? And then she told you it was going to be another boy. It was even a little comical, it seemed like you were destined to be the mother of boys, and after that you couldn't help but name him. You imagined what his little face would look like, you dreamed about him, wishing he was more than a fantasy.

What would his personality be like? How would his voice sound? Will you finally have a child that looks like you? Your husband was lucky, both of your children were perfect copies of him. What's the use of carrying a baby for 9 months and being betrayed like that by genetics? How unfair. Maybe that's why they say not to name dead babies, to go on in the void and forget, but you didn't like the feeling. Forgetting felt wrong.

Kakashi didn't want you to get attached to a child you've never even met, he said it would only make you suffer further. And for a while it felt like it was all about you, and only you. But you weren't silly, he was ashamed to admit that he was afraid of suffering from that too, of getting attached. Your husband was afraid that he wouldn't be able to move on, that it would haunt you both forever. Time heals all, isn't that what people say? Didn't he once tell you that you guys would get over it? So why weren't you getting over it?

Of course, after a while the pain got easier to deal with, but it was still there. And you constantly missed something, someone. Your family seemed incomplete.

He didn't get mad when you went after finding out the sex of the child, and he didn't fight when you gave him a name, but he was furious when you said you wanted to make a grave.

Spring - 1 year and 8 months ago:

You were cleaning the kitchen with Katsuo when the argument with your husband started. There was tension after the two of you exchanged some dangerous words, nothing had really gotten serious yet, but your eldest decided to immediately drop the uncompleted work and leave the room. He didn't even bother to excuse himself, just wanting to leave as soon as possible.

"That's enough for me!" He got up from the table abruptly "I tried, at all times, to understand you. I also suffered from this!" You remembered the conversation you had with him the day you cried together in the hallway, the way you found him, totally in pieces. Like you. "And all I wanted was for you to try to understand me too!" he spoke in a serious tone, but never shouting "But you just decide you want to make a grave, when I've told you countless times to keep it anonymous!"

Even when angry, your husband was calm. He was obviously exhausted, but there were no signs of violence there. You wondered how anyone could be so passive. If anyone else saw how Kakashi treated his family and friends, they would never believe that he really is the ninja of rumors. The man who defeated Zabuza Momochi, who fought Obito Uchiha - the fearsome Copy Ninja.

"Do you really want to immortalize this suffering by carving it into a stone?!" you listened silently for the moment, having already set the dishes aside in the sink and getting the reaction you feared he would have before telling him your pitiful wish "I already have too many people to visit the cemetery, Y/n..." His voice cracked for a moment making you shiver "Please, don't give me another one."

Your heart broke into little pieces. That was what you needed to realize how much distress you were causing him, that you were acting like a monster with the man who had never done anything but be good to you. Because that's what you were being, isn't it? A monstrous one. But not in a thousand years would Kakashi see you that way, he wasn't able to read your thoughts to tell that you weren't a bad person like you thought. He couldn't compare his pain to yours, having closely followed your suffering beyond emotional, physical. He just didn't know how to deal with what you were asking him to do.

"You don't need to visit…" you spoke softly hoping that the situation would work out for the two of you. The last few months were the worst of your life, you felt a need all the time, a need to fill a void. You feared that you were slipping into depression, but you tried not to let yourself get bogged down in those emotions.

"Stop being selfish!" Kakashi finally exploded, in a tone you've never heard him speak, abandoning his calm posture. He regretted it as soon as he said the cruel words. His wife wasn't a selfish person, far from it, you were the most selfless person he has met.

You felt your throat close, as if you were going to choke, and your eyes burning with an imminent urge to cry. But you can't cry, if you cry, Kakashi will be destroyed.

"I-" you were interrupted by a whimper in the distance, feeling stupid for having forgotten that Katsuo and Kenji were at home, clearly hearing the argument. If making you cry was bad, making your kids cry would affect him twice as hard.

A very heavy aura hung over the residence, what the hell was going on with you two? You and your husband weren't a bickering couple, in fact, you were the complete opposite of that. It happened at times that you blurted out hostility in the presence of the children, and on those few occasions you noticed that small things were enough to frighten the boys, used to the fact that their parents rarely fought.

Only this time it was serious, and to top it all off, the one screaming was their father. How could they not be scared? Kakashi never raised his voice even to correct them, and now he looked very angry. From you?

You abandoned your discussion and left him alone in the kitchen to check which of the boys was crying, and when you arrived in the living room you discovered that it was Kenji.

"Mommy..." The child sobbed your name when he saw you and you took him to comfort. He buried his face in the crook of your neck and gripped the fabric of your clothing tightly - shivering.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." you rubbed your hand on his back, sliding it up and down in an attempt to soothe him. "It's going to be okay. Shh..."

You shivered as you saw the guilty look on Kakashi's face as he froze in the middle of the room. He must have followed you, and you felt so ashamed of having caused all this that you couldn't stand to stay there any longer, going up the stairs with Kenji in your arms to escape from his eyes.

Katsuo was already a little older, he understood what was going on between his parents, both you and your husband knew about it. From your shared room, even with your son still crying, you could hear a door slamming loudly in the hallway and Katsuo yelling at Kakashi.

You hated to fight, Katsuo hated to see you fight. But for some reason it kept repeating itself.

Kakashi entered the room after a few minutes, skittish as a cat and hearing Kenji sniffle clinging to you.

"Shh" You kept whispering in his ear while singing a lullaby, rocking him, and the boy called to you softly repeatedly, pleading.

You were surprised to notice that Kakashi was already right next to you at the end of the bed, he put his hand on your son's back to get his attention, but that made him cringe and bury his face even more in you.

"Kenji." Kakashi called after him, surprised that his son was trying to avoid him.

"Honey, daddy is talking." you tried to intervene.

"I don't want you to fight..." he said, suddenly crying loudly when he remembered the two of you arguing a few minutes ago.

"Let's not fight anymore" your husband smoothed his hair as he still refused to show his face to his father "I promise." Kakashi looked at his wife in anticipation that you would help him convince the child.

"It's true, little angel."

And really, you never fought again. But instead, uncomfortable moments of silence began to plague you and him too often, preferring to remain silent when you realized that the situation could lead to a fight. And this has affected your communication with your husband, making the two of you more distant.

Now it's been two years. After that day Kakashi made your son's grave without you even knowing, maybe trying to redeem himself for something that wasn't his fault. You had completely dropped the idea and didn't expect you guys to talk about it again.

You didn't know if surprise was the exact word you were looking for to describe what you felt, but it probably came closest. Imagine your amazement: you were at the Memorial Stone, getting ready to leave after visiting all the deceased relatives and friends on a Sunday, when he told you there was still one person missing. He showed you the way and you were moved to see the name written on the tombstone. That was the last time he was there, after which you never saw him there again. But Kakashi made sure to memorize your reaction that day, you looked amazed.

Breaking out of your thoughts, you smiled at Kenji who was still focused on the carved letters and gave his chubby cheek a kiss to get the youngster's attention.

"Let's visit Grandpa Sakumo's sepulcher." you took his hand, which was much smaller than yours, going to your father-in-law's tomb.

You didn't know Kakashi's father, but from the stories you heard your husband tell the boys, he was an honorable man. He never avoided telling his children about the shinobi's tragic end, as he thought it was important that they have a reference of strong values when they become ninja too.

Your eldest son was not so childish anymore, although he was still a child. But with only 10 he had already developed an unshakable sense of justice, which perhaps neither you or Kakashi could mold so easily anymore. He would certainly be a man of good character, just as you would expect Kenji to be too.

"Katsuo is here, Mom! Look." Kenji shook your hands together excitedly when he found his brother already meditating at Sakumo's grave, he probably visited the Memorial Stone with his father first and then came here. Kakashi could spend hours in that part of the cemetery, sometimes coming in the middle of the week, just to stare at the names of his two former companions - Obito and Rin.

"Be silent so as not to interrupt him." You said gently, motioning with your fingers for him to keep quiet and the three of you ended up going home without Kakashi.

"Thanks for the food, Mom." Katsuo thanked you as he removed his nearly full plate from the table.

"You bad ate."

You decided to start dinner when the clock showed that your husband was already 1 hour late, which was unusual, at least not without letting you know. You thought that something unforeseen arose in the Hokage's office. Things have been crazy lately, everyone running out of time to prepare for Naruto's inauguration ceremony as Nanadaime. But the news was encouraging, for you mainly because it meant he would be spending more time at home.

"I'm not hungry." he said in a despondent tone, going upstairs and locking the bedroom door. He always acted like this after visits, and the reason was you. He didn't want you to visit Satoru, interpreting that he was the reason you've been so bad these last few years. And no matter how many times you told him that it wasn't anyone's fault and that visiting the place didn't hurt you, he was still young to understand.

"Can I have his dango?" Kenji asked making you sigh, everything was going so well for a peaceful day.

You suddenly felt like throwing up, bile rising in your throat catching you off guard. You immediately ran to the bathroom and emptied everything into the toilet, nearly spilling your guts out. You sat down on the floor and took a breath, feeling more dizzy for having bent down so quickly, making you break out in a cold sweat.

"Mom, are you ok?" Kenji stopped at the entrance to the room.

"I just got sick all of a sudden, it'll pass." you both heard the front door open.

"Kakashi?" you shouted his name from the bathroom, finding it irregular that he didn't announce his arrival.

"It's me, I'm home." Kenji dashed off to meet him, completely forgetting about you. Daddy's boy, you thought jealously of his preference for the father.

"Daddy, you missed dinner." your child said as you brushed your teeth to get the bitter taste off tongue.

"Oh yeah? You didn't eat mine, you sweet tooth?" you heard your husband's muffled voice in the bathroom playing with him. If you hadn't experienced it three times before, you'd try to convince yourself that it was a bad thing caused by spoiled food, but there's no use denying it, you know the symptoms all too well.

When you felt that you were discouraged, you sought out Sakura as quickly as possible, trying to be more thorough. You only trusted her, knowing well how skilled the kunoichi was. Well, you wasn't sure how far along you were, although Sakura had tried to give you a more accurate diagnosis, even that you weren't tracking your cycles accurately either. But you'd venture to say it was the start of the second trimester.

You haven't imagined yourself pregnant again, in fact you haven't imagined yourself like this since you gave birth for the second time. You feared losing that child too, a fear you didn't feel with Katsuo and Kenji. You sure turned into a chicken.

You didn't even want to think about the impact this baby would have on you before and after birth, it could be negative or positive. Would this child fill your void? Would you be substituting one child for another? Would that be cruelty? You asked yourself so many questions, but you forced your brain to relax, reminding yourself to remain calm for the sake of the baby in your belly.

In your first two pregnancies, you only had positive thoughts. You weren't nervous about the birth, although some women in the village tried to scare you, and you were fascinated by the idea of becoming a mother. You and Kakashi were so happy, and now you would too. No matter the future, no matter the others, you would only have good thoughts and that new child would be born strong and healthy. This baby would be wanted, if only by you.

You've settled Kenji into his bed, adjusting the blankets so he doesn't feel hot at night. You said goodnight and closed the door to his room, leaving a gap for light from the hallway to enter the room. You knocked on Katsuo's door and tried to talk to him, but the boy just shouted good night to you, not bothering to come and open the door. Kakashi was still downstairs and it was late, so you took the opportunity to go talk to him. Night shifts were one of the only times you and your husband could talk alone.

"Everything is good?" you asked when you saw him sprawled on the couch. Most of the lights were already off, except for the hallway light and a few lightbulbs around the house.

"I thought you were already asleep." He said surprised to see you still walking around the house.

You walked further into the room and made a sign that you were going to join him on the couch, so Kakashi raised an arm to welcome you beside him. You laid back and rested your head on the ninja's chest, hugging his torso as he lowered his arm to rest on your waist.

After a while just smelling the fabric softener of his shirt that you washed, you moved and placed a kiss on his exposed neck, climbing into his lap to kiss his lips next.

Kakashi loved those moments with you, because they were rare, the main culprit being his work. So when it happened he felt like he was in heaven. Your mouth was soft, sweet and the man's lips fit yours like a glove, but he gently pulled you away before the kiss got deeper.

"Not here." Kakashi didn't like being so intimate with you outside the bedroom, embarrassed that the boys would catch you. Even an innocent kiss made him uncomfortable, and you respected his space even though you had no intention of taking things to another level right now.

And it was funny to see him feel uncomfortable with things like that, considering he's the biggest fan of an erotic book series. Once Katsuo almost got you in the bathroom and Kakashi spent the whole week avoiding touching you, even when you were alone, like it was some kind of crime.

"I need to talk to you." you said getting off him.

"About...?"

"I'm Pregnant." you said bluntly, feeling him tense up. His heartbeat skipped a beat, coming back slow and then speeding up a little.

"Do you think or-"

"I'm sure." you lifted your head to look into his eyes and realized he was staring at the floor in confusion. You placed a hand on his cheek, drawing your husband's attention to you.

"I don't know how long, but I think it's well underway." you two were silent for a few seconds, but it felt like an eternity "Kakashi, I think I'm past the third month."

He felt more hopeful, knowing full well the importance of yout last sentence.

"Darling..." you were going to continue talking when you saw him gulping, but he grabbed you by wrapping both arms around his wife.

"I understood." he rested his lips in her hair, enjoying the comfort of the hug "When did you find out?"

"Last week." He immediately broke the hug.

"Why did you wait so long to tell me?"

"I was trying to work up the courage..." you were sincere "you want this child, don't you?"

"You shouldn't even consider thinking such a thing. Of course I want to." he said kind of scolding you "Why would you think I don't?"

That would be the conversation you probably would have had with him years ago, if you had the chance to sit down with him and tell about the pregnancy in those days.

"I don't know. I think it's because we never planned a third child." you moved from him to the other side of the couch to talk more seriously "With Kenji and Katsuo it was different."

"You shouldn't worry about me, you know I would never reject our child." he straightened up, coming out of the relaxed position he'd been in before, feeling a flicker of doubt about your trust in him "You know that, don't you?"

"I know you, I know the type of man you are..." you played with your hands trying to relax "But I can't help but get nervous, everything seems to scare me lately." He noticed your hands moving frantically and wrapped his in hers.

"You are my wife; you are the mother of my two children. We have been married for 11 years, I would never abandon you, or abandon a child just because it was not planned." he stopped talking, wondering if he should tell you the next part "Sometimes I think about Satoru, and I wish he were with us." He added and you widened your eyes, Kakashi had never called the baby by name. In fact, he never spoke to you about him unless necessary or in discussions. "Do you think I wished him dead?" Kakashi asked afraid of her answer.

But what? Kakashi thought so? You would never connect his desire to leave the baby incognito with something so cruel and obscure, you understood perfectly well why he didn't want to name him. You always understood.

"Never." you turned desperately to your husband stroking his hands. "I never thought that of you, Kakashi." You shed thick tears and sank your body into his, wanting to stay there forever. Safe and comfortable in his arms.

"Please, do not cry." he asked you "I'm going to take care of you; I'm going to take care of this baby. It's going to be okay."

You would venture to say that this was your smoothest pregnancy. You didn't have to deal with jealous of any of the boys, and Kakashi was more present, not being Hokage anymore. It was just wonderful, like a dream. You sometimes feared that everything would start to fall apart, because it was too good to be true. It was strange that after so long drowning in grief, things could be starting to turn around again. Your family was getting back to normal.

In the 8th month, your water broke. It was early for delivery and you just freaked out. What if something is wrong? Kakashi was calm, knowing that a baby being born at the 8th wasn't that dangerous, but you couldn't stay calm at all. When Sakura finally came to your rescue, you felt more relieved after she confirmed what Kakashi told you about you being on time, trusting her while you screamed in pain from the contractions.

"The boys were born a week late, remember?" your husband tried to strike up a conversation with you to distract you

If you said you remembered, it would be a lie. Kakashi kept that information for that long? How was it possible that he remembered and you didn't? But soon his thoughts were interrupted by another wave of pain, which made him feel sorry for you for having to go through this.

"Soon our baby will be here with us." He said wiping the sweat off your forehead "It'll pass soon"

No, I won't go soon. And you both knew it, but you let yourself be trusted by him.After an 11-hour delivery you heard a baby crying loudly. The burning sensation occurred in the child's body because pulling air into lungs for the first time made the kid scream, just like every baby when it is born. Those outside the hospital room heard it too, announcing that you had managed to bring your child into the world. You can finally rest, sweaty from the effort it took to push. Your body was all asleep, but you just wanted to hold your newborn right now.

Sakura handed the baby into Kakashi's arms after he cut the umbilical cord, and then brought him close to you.

"It's a girl, Kakashi-sama." you cried with happiness when you heard that. You were the mother of a little girl.

Kakashi carefully placed her in your arms, seeing that you were still weak and might not be able to support your weight. But he noticed that his daughter was so small and so light that even the wind could carry her.

"She is a very strong and healthy girl. Congratulations to you both!" Sakura said happy for you, finding the sight of you holding a baby comforting, reminding her of holding Sarada for the first time.

"Why is she so small?" Kakashi asked her as you admired the blurry features of the child in your arms.

"Oh, she just is." Sakura replied nonchalantly, making Kakashi relax "I'm sure she'll grow up as strong as her brothers. But I'll leave you alone now." The woman left the room after collecting some objects and finishing filling out a hospital form.

You had finally realized that she was very close with her father, yet another clone of Kakashi for your misfortune. But you couldn't wait for her hair to stay long, just to spend hours combing it. You wanted her to stay that way, a little baby forever, but at the same time you yearned for her to grow up. You would wait for the day when you could finally share secrets with her, gossip and try on clothes until you drop. You loved your two boys with all of your being, you'd die for either of them, but having a girl felt different. Maybe it was because you dreamed about it for a long time, you didn't know how to explain it, but you already felt the need to develop her from everything and everyone. She was so delicate and cute, you were afraid she would break like porcelain.

Kakashi noticed the expressions you made while admiring your daughter, you practically beamed with how happy you were, and he hasn't seen you like this in a long time.

"You want to meet your little brothers, hmm?" You asked your daughter who made typical baby noises, knowing she wasn't going to answer. Your husband took this as a cue to go get the boys who were under Hinata's watch in the hospital waiting room. She really helped you a lot, both in the past and now. You would make sure that you thank her properly and that you can repay all of her help one day.

"It's a girl." Kakashi told his friends who were in the waiting room a few minutes ago and everyone started to congratulate him. "Thanks for coming over here."

"When can we see her, Kakashi?" Guy asked his friend.

"Yes! Kakashi-sama, I want to see her too!" Ino begged excitedly to see the baby. She was passing by to see Sakura at the hospital when she heard you were here and couldn't resist waiting to see the baby when was born.

"I'll take the boys now, but soon you'll be able to see them, I promise."Kakashi told Ino and everyone else who was present. He put his hand behind his neck to ease the tension and tiredness and then he picked up the children who were half asleep from waiting so long. He thanked Hinata briefly, who told him that soon Naruto would come too, and headed to the bedroom with his sons. "When you enter, be quiet" he told both of them when they arrived at the door.

"Yes Daddy!" Kenji responded by rubbing his hand over his mouth as if he were zipping up.

"Let's go!" Katsuo pulled his father anxious to see his sister.

"Hey, calm down."

Upon opening the bedroom door, Kenji completely forgot to be silent and made a fuss, shouting excitedly to see you after so many hours. The baby started crying over the noise, and Kakashi scolded himself for being so sloppy with the youngest. But you didn't seem to care about the situation, in fact, the boy's enthusiasm rubbed off on you as you tried to get the baby calm again.

Kakashi took Kenji on his arms and carefully approached him by your side on the bed when he saw that he was trying to climb up, but he couldn't win due to his low height. Katsuo ran to stay on the other side and they both knew to admire their little sister.

"Why is her face so weird?" Kenji as usual had no filter.

"She was just born." you told him sympathetically and they expected to pepper you with questions about her, coming one after another like a train.

"Boys, slow down." he warned the boys "your mother is tired."

"Sorry, Mommy."

"All good." you looked at Katsuo who was sitting on the bed with you "Want to hold her?"Even though he was big, Kakashi didn't feel confident letting his son hold the baby.

"Y/n..." he was going to try to tell you that Katsuo was still too young to hold his sister.

"It's okay, Kakashi." you tried to reassure him "He won't put her down, kids younger than he babysit."

You pulled Katsuo closer to you, instructing him on what to do to hold the girl. You stayed alert and put an arm around the boy to prevent him from ending up knocking her over.

"I want to hold too."

"Not you, you little dwarf." Kakashi immediately intervened, leaving no chance for the 6 year old to consider holding the baby. You sighed at his attitude of not trusting boys.

"What is her name?" Katsuo asked you as soon as he held his sister.

"Do you want to name her?" you made an offer.

"Sayuri!" Kenji shouted, excited to be able to choose the baby's name

"What?! Where did you get that horrible name?" You see they were going to start arguing about which name to choose and immediately regretted it "It's going to be Misaki.

"You're just saying that because it's the name of the girl you like!" In fact, Kenji was quite the gossip. You didn't even know about this girl.

"The girl you like, is it?" Kakashi teased his son by ruffling his hair and making the boy blush.

"Kakashi!" You warned him to stop teasing a child. "How do you end up knowing so much stuff, you little brat?" You asked Kenji pulling his nose playfully, which made him laugh.

"What do you think of the name Rin?" Kakashi asked you suddenly, worried about your reaction.

"Rin? Like Daddy's friend?" Katsuo asked confused.

"If you don't mind, of course." He added to you expectantly

"Rin..." You repeated the name, testing how it sounded "Sounds good." you said smiling, knowing how much that meant to him. You know how much Kakashi feels guilty for her death, they were just kids at the time and they had to go through so much.

"I liked too." Kenji said taking you by surprise.

"Snow!" Katsuo said excitedly as he looked at the window behind

It messed you up, you lost your last baby on a winter night. And the season that already showed sadness, despite its built-in beauty, had become even sadder with the memory of your son. But now your little girl has come to give the season a new meaning, a good one.

You looked at the little girl again, taking her out of Katsuo's arms to let him run to the window with his brother to watch the first snowflakes fall. You let the baby girl play with your index finger, grabbing it with her chubby little hands.

Kakashi who came down beside you kissed his daughter's forehead and then your temple.

"I love you."

That was the first time in years he said he loved you verbally.

"You and they are the light of my life." He brushed a few strands of hair off your face, "I couldn't have asked for anything better."

"Thanks, Kakashi." If you were already crying rivers of joy at the birth of your daughter, he just made you cry an ocean. He didn't need you to say you loved him back, having heard you say it many times already.

Etiquetas: @ghostsfavhoe @bbkissme99

#kakashi x y/n #kakashi x reader #kakashi hatake #kakashi hatake x you #kakashi hatake x reader #hatake kakashi #naruto #naruto x reader #naruto shippuden #anime imagines #anime #imagine #oneshot #x reader #wife reader #one shot #kakashi x you #naruto uzumaki

314 notes · View notes

not-goldy · 5 months

Note

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nationalheraldindia.com/amp/story/international/skorean-cabinet-passes-bills-to-allow-single-people-to-adopt

Simple

It's only been 1 yr since this new ammendment. And it's gonna be even easier in 10- 15 years as single parent system is increasing rapidly because most korean woman wants to get married/get pregnant and birth rate is declining. So if he wants kids while also being with JK.. all he wants to do is adopt a baby while being single dad officially. He satisfies all official criteria as of now.. he got money and influence which makes legal processes easier and makes him 10x privileged than average single parent.

Do you all really think Jikook 'luckily' won that lottery system to enlist together? Be fr. They might have started the procedures in August but I bet they didn't had to go through 'computer lottery selection'.. they got power, they got money, they got influence, they are governments fav child who they want to finish service fast and start milking, they will be promoted two times faster than average soldier, they will be appointed as head roles in their camps, they will be allowed for companion enlistment if they applied for that, THEY ARE BTS... ONE OF THE PROMINENT PEOPLE IN SK. If SK government approved a Korean queer couple to enlist together and turned a blind eye towards all those protests against it... they don't mind Park Jimin adopting a baby while being in a relationship with Jeon Jungkook. All they want is a official record signing Park Jimin is a single parent, just to make legal sides clear... with whom he's raising that kid is not their concern.

Yea I'm done with them.

They know and admit Jikook have privilege and power but fail to see how and where that privilege and power works in their favor.

Personally I don't want them to just adopt, although any child they adopt would be so lucky- and my goodness would it be nice if they adopt children of different races😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I will uproot my life and volunteer as nanny with no pay for the rest of my life. I will take care of them kids like they are the most precious beings on this earth🥺

I do want to see their own biological kids too you know?

A Mini Min with his father's eyes and lips and if they turn out even more androgynous with big booty then what😩

Also they will be so loved by us BTS and their kids🥺

One wrote in and said, well single father has nothing to do with Jungkook. They think JM would have to cut Jungkook out of his life at some point in order to live a traditional life.

They are very very highly ignorant if that's what they think. Jungkook will forever be a part of JMs life unless they fall out of love at some point- and even then they would be very good friends too.

Like I said it's his choice and he certainly has options if all that is in his way is institutionalized homophobia.

They came up with a travel documentary as an excuse to go on a trip together before serving they can certainly come up with a billion other creative ways to enjoy a fulfilling life together.

If not, then all the more reason for them to enjoy it while it last. What is it JK says, make hay while the sun shine.

Two years ago I almost broke up with my girl for good because of these uncertainties. I knew I didn't want children, didn't even consider let alone desire marriage because coming from a very conservative Christian black home, that's not an option to marry a woman. You can't be gay and you can't be unmarried and childless. And for me, those who know think it's some sort of phase I will outgrow once I'm faced with reality.

So while I am this way, hiding the truth of what I am from people in my life, openly living in my truth when I'm away from my family- I'm learning to stand up to them. To confront them with my truths without shame and with confidence.

I'm not hiding anymore- may be a little. Lol. But I'm not making excuses anymore. I'm not telling them, I'm still young I'll worry about that latter. I'm not saying, she's just a good friend. That the rumors are false. That I'm waiting for the right one, that I haven't found the right man- I'm not saying all that anymore.

I may not able to tell it as it is but I'm telling exactly what it is not.

No I don't want a wedding but yes I do want life long commitment and I want legal rights with it dammit

I want consistent immutable inalienable rights and that is more important to me than having kids getting married and all that other stuff.

I want to be able to live my life in peace and not worry about changing laws that give one minute and take away the next.

I want freedom. I want paradise.

and may be one day I'll want children may be I won't.

I want what I want and I don't want what I don't want. I'm manifesting for myself through positive affirmations.

Nothing is as black and white as they make it seem.

And I'm cautious in this discourse because some have committed suicide rather than "face reality" or choose to conform to these societal standards they are perpetuating and wielding over jikook's heads.

They are perpetuating the very thing oppressing us and the very thing we spend most of our lives fighting.

They are not saying if Jikook are gay this system would be a challenge for them as it has been for others, they are saying this is the system and Jikook have no right to go against it. This is the system, they must conform to the status quo as many queer men have and they will.

There's something oppresive, sinister and disturbing about that to me. The lengths they will sink to to invalidate Jikook is crazy.

On the flip side, pointing out Jikook's privileges too too much also alienates them and puts a target on their backs as we might make it look as if they would not have to face all the many real struggles others face due to their sexual orientation in SK. It's a lose lose situation however you look at it.

It's their life their choice and whatever they choose to do is very valid. I'm sorry to Jikook they have to deal with this and I pray things get better in SK over time as you have rightfully pointed out.

I stand with Jikook and every queer person in that system. Things are a bit better today compared to years ago but boy are they living in the vip region of hell.

And Bang PD's advice to that artist about the challenges he would face if he chooses to live his truth and wear heels will always give me comfort especially the fact he was willing to help him make it work in his career in spite of the odds against him

I know, there are people close to jikook with the same mentality. They know the "reality" and situation on the ground, they empathize with them, are willing to direct them on how to make it work if they choose this path and so they don't feel isolated.

Please help me support Jikook okay? Stay with them to the end, pray for them love them fight for them.

The challenges they face, I wish I could say it's all just fiction, it's real, it's dangerous, it's traumatizing, the mental turmoil alone is

Sigh.

Support Jikook. Jikook is real.

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aleksa-sims · 5 months

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RL Simself Story ( 18+)

CW: Pregnancy

We didn’t even manage to stay together for a whole month. How's this supposed to work with with N. & me? We're having a Baby soon. That means, I’m forever bound to him, whether I want it or not. But I wanted him! Maybe if I didn’t love him and didn’t care about him, it would have been easier? I wanted to make it work with us, but N. broke up with me. 😭... I think, Nico was actually right? This became clear to me, 2 weeks after he dumped me. I sat at my desk, to study for my exam. As I tried to concentrate, I noticed that Daniel’s photos above my desk distracted me.. Why can’t I just take Daniel’s photos off that damn wall to put them away, I asked myself?... The last days I’ve been thinking about, what’s wrong with me, bcs everyone’s letting me down. Now I got my answer! The moment I thought about all this, I was ashamed of myself! I let it happen again. 2 Men, you know? Agh, somehow I had to puke? 🙄🤮...... Was probably my first pregnancy nausea. I was to slow. Instead of puking in the toilet, I throw up next to it. Well, near-miss is still a miss! 🤦‍♀️

I have to file for divorce, I told myself. I can’t go on like this forever. D. was gone! But loved him, sm. 💔Still, I had to end this! No matter what happens to Nico and me, I had to draw a line, to finally accept that.... Daniel and I failed.😞

Back to the fight between N. and me 2 weeks ago. After finishing the conversation with my Grams, I went over to my bedroom. Nico was waiting for me. I was still thinking about my Grama and her twins... I started to tell Nico about it, but he didn’t listen to me? His phone buzzed. Constantly! I was annoyed, you know. I asked him, to put it away. But Nico didn’t react! So I went closer to him... I wanted to know what distracted him? He knew I was standing right next to him! I thought he’d try to hide his phone from me, to prevent me from seeing what he was doing? But he was totally relaxed. This encouraged me, to take a look at it. Damn, I saw Stephanie!! She sent him her fucking selfies. 😡

Me: You lied to me! You didn’t break up with her!

Nico: I didn't lie! I, don't lie!!! ... Hm, I need to change my number. 😕... But I swear, it's OVER!

Me: Prove it! Text her back! Tell her, you never want to see her again and you’re sick of her.

Nico: She already knows that! She knows I love you! She saw it herself! She saw us together. Or did you forget?

Me: She didn't saw us togehter! The only thing she noticed, is that I cried and left your apartment! You, didn't give shit about that! You didn’t try to stop me! And that’s exactly what she saw & noticed! ... You still fall for her pityscam.

Nico: No, I don't...😞😞...

Me: What happend to you, N.? I don't recognize you like this ... Why are you such a candy-ass with her?... Where is that mad asshole you used to be?

Nico: I don't want to be mad 😞 ... Come to me, babe. I wanna hug you.

Me: ???😦 ... NO! Get off me! Don't touch me!

Nico: I told you what I want and expect from you! You have to trust me!

Me: Did you expect or demand the same from Stephanie too? Or are you just playing your crazy mind games with me?

Nico: I’m honest! I demand those... certain things, only from you! I told you I chose you! But I see you still don’t quite understand me. That’s why you’re gonna listen to me now and do what I say. I feel like you’re not taking me seriously.

Me: Are you kidding???

Nico: Why would I kid you?... Agh, whatever! What interests me far more is.... Why are Daniel’s photos still hanging around here?

Me: I wanted to put them away! But Dilek was here. We were studying. And... I didn’t want her asking me stupid questions about D., so I didn’t do it in front of her.

Nico: You're always thinking up excuses, babe... Sit down! And listen to me well!...... I'll go. I don’t want to! Honestly not! But you leave me no choice....

Me: Are you ending this? Us?

Nico: Let me finish! When I’m done, you can talk.

Me: You got a lot of nerve, talking to me like this. You know?... You’re only leaving me, bcs Stephanie threatened to hurt herself or something.🙁😢

Nico: You don't get it!... It’s not about her! She’s with her parents! I don’t care what she does. She’s not my responsibility anymore. Agh, anyway! It’s no use debating for hours. I take off! You need to learn and understand me.

Me: And.... what about our Baby? You’re letting me down on this thing? It’s your Baby! You have to take care of your child too. That’s not fair that everything sticks to me while you continue to enjoy your freedom and your life. I thought I could rely on you...I always fall for the same shit.

Nico: I won’t let you & our Baby down. I keep my word, I’ll do my best for her or him. Just... you and I, won’t be together. But I’m here until september. I can support you in everything you need for our Baby.

Me: Sure. Like... Isabella & Philip did, right? I get why Isabella took off! Philip is an ass, just like you! 😠.... 🙁

Nico: I’m not like P.! But I don't want to say any more... just one thing! If you love me and want us to be together, as it should be! Get a divorce finally! Cut it with D.! Alone. Without me!... As soon as you get the divorce petition in writing, you’ll get me back, if you still want to. Your parents know about us. I even talked to your Dad. They all know about our Baby. There are no more excuses to postpone or wait for divorce. But you don’t care, you’re doing absolutely nothing to move this thing forward. Instead, you want to see Daniel��s brother. Anyway, do what feels right for you. I said what I had to say.

Me: I understand 🙁 .... but.. please don't go! Stay with me. I'm gonna do what you said.

Nico: I don't want to, but...agh, damn it!.. I have to go, or you won’t change anything. Don’t disappoint me! Do the right thing. I trust you! You come back to me, I know that. But now, I have to leave you alone. I'm so sorry. 🙁🤦‍♂️

He left! 😨In his.... sleepwear. I swear! Nico left in his shorts and a shirt. But okay, he just got in his car. He didn't have to take the subway or anything. I wasn’t feeling well afterwards. I had a killer Dejavu! It felt like when he left me a year ago... He said he talked to my Dad. Did my Dad talk Nico into some shit again?... However, I have to end my marriage to... finish this chapter and move on. 😞I also noticed that I never stopped loving N. I still loved him, as I did then. Now I was in love with two men again. I know, that sounds good to some. I’ve been asked a few times, why I complain about it? But trust me, it doesn’t feel good, it........hurts. We're running in circles, hurting each other, though we don’t want or intend to, it still happens....all the time.

Previous/Next

#ts4 #sims 4 #sims 4 story #rl story #myrlgameplay #cw pregnancy

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next-autopsy · 6 months

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A/N: Well, hi there! I couldn't add these interactions in without writing an absurd amount to fit it in properly, but I still really wanted to add them, so here, have these little scenes instead. The first one takes place just after Birdie tells everyone when her birthday is and her and Joe have a little side conversation. The second is a little moment between her and George at the birthday game night he throws for her.

let me know what you think x

As always, based on the hbo show/actors portrayal, no disrespect intended.

TW: nothing

Tags: @malarkgirlypop , @panzershrike-pretz

Made of Glass

Chapter twenty and a half

Bernadette, Toye and Guarnere were some of the only people left in the mess hall. The woman had finished her food a while ago but was waiting for her friends to catch up. Bill was the last one, he got rid of his tray and came back to the table. Birdie saw him approaching and stood but was quickly stopped, “Sit down, missy.” Toye spoke up. He had a few questions for the young lady.

“Yeah, you got some explaining to do.” Bill added, sitting back down across from her.

“Am I in trouble?” She looked at the faces of her friends that were currently studying her. It made her feel like a child who had been pulled into the principal's office.

“What the hell happened between you and Liebgott?” Toye spat out. He was a tad upset she hadn’t told him, after all, weren’t they best friends?

“Oh.. uh… nothing?” Birdie tried to play it off but she knew she couldn't avoid this forever. The issue was trying to explain something she herself didn't quite understand.

“Forgive me for not believing that.” Joe rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest.

“No really… It was-” Birdie began, but she was cut off.

“What was? What happened?” Bill inquired, he was getting sick of the pretending game, he just wanted straight answers.

“He apologized. That’s all.”

“Bullshit.” Both men hissed out in tandem.

“Excuse me?” Birdie was taken aback, why were they so angry? She was allowed to make friends with whomever she wanted. Did they know something she didn't? Had Liebgott spoken to them about her? Suddenly she was flustered and bashful, looking down to avoid the men staring at her.

“If all he did was apologise, why are you blushing?”

“I’m not!” Her hand flew up to her cheeks to check their warmth, eyes wide and mouth parted.

“Yes, you are.” Guarnere responded, “Do you like him or something?” His eyebrows were raised, he genuinely didn’t know the answer. Toye on the other hand scoffed, of course she did, he thought that much was obvious.

“What?! No,I-... t-that's crazy!” Birdie was great at bluffing in games, not so much real life. Games had rules that were easy to understand. Life was more complicated.

“Oh my god, you do!” Bill whisper-yelled accusingly.

“Jesus, Birdie.” Toye already knew this information but he was still mildly disappointed, “Seriously? Of all they guys… Him? Really?” His tone was so judgmental and Birdie was starting to get offended.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Her voice went up an octave.

“You could do so much better.” Bill and Joe spoke at the same time, giving her the same answer.

—-------------------

“Here. It ain’t much cause you totally sprung this on me.” George handed over a bit of folded over card, “But happy birthday, Little Bird.” The front had a doodle of a pigeon type bird wearing a birthday hat and the inside was covered in scribbles from nearly every man in Easy, all wishing her a happy day among other sentimental comments. She read a few but tears formed in her eyes pretty quickly and made them blurry so she was forced to stop.

“Next year we’ll take you drinking.” Luz joked, playfully pushing at her shoulder before noticing the trail of watery tears rolling down her cheeks.

“Hey, please don't cry on your birthday.” The radioman stepped closer to Bernadette, taking her in his arms and pulling her close. He rubbed his hands up and down her back, soothing the birthday girl.

“I’m sorry…. I just- I miss my folks a-and…I….” Birdie sobbed, trying her hardest to breathe at a normal tempo, “Luz you're like family to me. I love you.”

“Well now you're gonna make me cry, you sap.” He chuckled at the emotional girl curled up in his arms, “I love you too.”

A/N: I just couldn’t stop picturing George taking the card and pen round to every guy in Easy and forcing them to write something for Birdie!

Also the next real chapter might take longer than usual, love y'all x

~ next-autopsy ~

Chapter twenty one

#band of brothers #easy company #hbo war #made of glass #fem oc #george luz #oc #next autopsy #band of brothers fanfic #little add on from chapter twenty #joe toye #bill guarnere

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dnftopia · 1 month

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transcription of dream's private twitter update rant [april 17 2024, parts 1-4]

yo yo yo, quick update. um, i saw -- i saw a reddit post which is why i'm doing this actually, someone said, "why does dream keep doing this?" um, so i just wanna explain something and then, hopefully, uh -- have some understanding, but also just some... clarity.

um, so i've been working on a massive project for over a year now, at this point, um, and i've shared some of it, i did a short where i used some of the technology, i guess -- essentially, in january, but i've been working on it for far longer than that. um, it's something that i'm extremely passionate about and as time has kinda gone on i've been spending more and more time on it.

um, and literally when i say in the last few months i have not left my house, i mean i have not left my house. i mean, i've been doing nothing other but work. i've spent so much time coding everyday, i've spent time learning new things, i've spent a lot of time testing, and -- and coming up with new ideas, and you know. tons of new stuff, obviously it doesnt really mean anything if you don't actually put anything out, i havent put anything out for a very long time, but i will say the reason i've done that is because i want to start uploading when i can upload a bunch, um, and i want it to be awesome obviously, but i also want to be able to just be like, "hey, i'm uploading, and i'm also uploading once every week, or once every two weeks, or once-- twice a month, whatever."

and i don't just mean videos, i also mean shorts, and making content as frequent as i can. Because i want it to be like, "hey, i'm coming back, and i'm going to be like, active now." u, so, if you believe that's the case, and i'm not just making excuses, you should understand that it is just getting to that point. i'm a bit of a perfectionist and it'll never be perfect, so i've-- i've set a lot of deadlines to myself, and then also to other people.

and then what happens is we find something -- there's something, i go to go record, or we go to do something, and then it's just something that we had never gotten to that point before, so we didn't see that issue, or didn't see that thing that was happening in that moment.

so like, as an example, we literally got together we're recording the first video using -- uh, the full complete everything with this. i don't know, a while ago. we're like, "sweet", went to go record, and then discovered something because we had never actually recorded with it, we'd only done like, tests and so and so forth.

we discovered something! and i was like, "oh shit," and that became a whole thing that took forever to, you know, that changed a bunch of stuff and took forever to go around. and then like, while we were doing stuff on that, it was like, now we're working on -- we're working on other things while we have this time, and any downtime i have, i'm gonna spend it on this thing.

um. and then while i was -- the most recent delay on some stuff was, while i was in one of those downtimes, where i was waiting on people or i was working on fixing an issue, um, i found something cool! where i was like, "oh shit," i should explore this. explored it, and then the other issue's fixed, and then it's like, "well, let me finish this thing, because, this thing's actually -- it's gonna add to it in this way, or um, uh, whatever.

so essentially, there's been a lot of additive stuff, but there's also been a lot of planning and of course it doesn't help that. um, some stuff happened, in the middle of it, which did occupy a lot of time and energy and stuff. and also, i -- i don't -- i don't like throwing this in here, because it is more personal, and you know -- it -- it's not, i don't like including this in an excuse for --

[laughing] okay never mind i changed my mind on that last part! so i just paused the mic, and i decided, whatever you can just have that -- that left out. um, but yeah anyway! some stuff will come soon, it'll be awesome, i'm sick of kinda hyping stuff up. but it has been -- there's been multiple times where i'm like, "okay, i'm uploading this weekend," because it's done, it's ready to go, and then we go to record -- we hit a new, after we passed that previous point, where i'm like, "okay, i'm confident we're getting something out." um, i'll tweet about it or do something because i'm excited. because i'm just like, "oh my god, this is awesome! finally! holy shit! we can go!" so i'll tweet about it, and then i'll look like an idiot, because we -- we'll just -- jsut pass that point, there's another roadblock.

So -- so yeah. i guess there's -- my little rant's over, that's the best update i can give, all i can say is that, and i'll also say that i-- it's kinda cool for you guys to see stuff grow with me, and change, and see uh, the content evolve -- [squeaking noise] -- that was my chair, that was. Um, [laughs].

so, it's not like uh -- a lot of people will say like "oh, just -- you can just post anything we don't care!" but it's like, -- yeah, but it's like i love this. i love this. and i don't mean this, i just mean, like -- making content. i love it. i love it. it is my favourite thing in the world to sit down, come up with an idea, do everything in my power to execute it, and then put it out there and see people's reactions. or see how people -- how it affects them, or just see how it changes their day, or makes them smile, or whatever.

it's just creating, just like making things. um, so at the end of the day, a lot of people -- "oh, you can just go play minecraft"-- no! i don't wanna just play minecraft, i don't wanna do that, okay? i've never done that. i've never done that. like, even with manhunt, and -- which just seems so simple -- "oh, you just sat down and played minecraft and had your friends try to stop you". yeah! but, every video, i was looking into editing techniques, and new ways of using music, and new ways of making music, and [sighs]. new -- of -- evolutions of minecraft, and new bugs and glitches, and new-- how to practice, and -- i was evolving as a player

so there was a lot of things i was spending my time on, that was part of the creative process, and i feel like i maxxed out on a lot of those things. that - -that's not -- that exact thing is not fun for me. so what is fun for me is creating new things, and uh - -you know, evolving... the space, and -- anyway.

so i spent a lot of time on it, and as soon as possible i'll have something out. i've been in -- literally since january i've been in this state of, uh, "hey, this weekend we're gonna put something out." and it's just every week there's something.

eventually there'll be nothing. and when that happens, it'll be awesome. and when i say, "this is so-- whatever, this is so awesome," it's like -- i'm not hyping it up in a way where it's like, "guys, you'll see just one video, and you'll be like, 'holy shit! my life is changed!'" No. that's not what i mean, it's just really cool, and something that i wanna spend the next year... or more doing -- of course other stuff, but also, a lot of stuff with these things that i've done. over the last year.

so, that's why i'm excited. i'm really excited to start uploading, but i'm also excited to share this stuff with you. um, and i'm also just really excited to have something that i'm passionate about, something i'm happy about, that i can be proud of. um, and that i -- that i can, you know, that's unique and that i can make content on. because manhunt, that's unique, and i found a unique thing that i came up with, and i, you know, i did a lot of stuff with it.

and that's what i love. it's just -- making new things, um, and then having fun with them. and that's it.

but yeah! i think it's valid, and thats why i've kinda shut up recently [laughs] the last two make me look like an idiot, because i was like, "yes! we're recording! we're fucking doing it! alright i'm tweeting because i'm excited!" and then it kinda backfired. because there was just like, literally we had something that shipped in that day, and then it just didn't work. and i was like, "oh wait, okay, we need a new... item." and so, it's, custom-made and stuff so it took a bit.

that's fixed. so, um, we're working on other stuff. but yeah, there you go, there's some more excuses so you can put that in your excuse list for a bit. but yeah, i'll be uploading soon. peace!

#Meow #dwt #transcript #dreamwastaken #dreamblr

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foxybananaaaz · 7 months

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3k Words

If you have not yet read any of the other parts, please click the Title Page to go to the start.

Lucien Week Day Six :: Romance.

From past to present, do you see Lucien with a romantic partner? @lucienweekofficial

Let's start this part, a little... different.

Elain Archeron had been spending far too much time on her own over the past few months. Save for dinners, or when she would go visit with Lucien in the Day Court, which was more often than anyone at home knew, or would like, had they known.

She was constantly treated as a child, as though she could not hold her own, could not decide things, and needed help.

With Lucien, she felt free. She felt as though she could take on the world. She got the feeling he would let her take his life if situations got so dire. With Lucien, things were simple but also incredibly complicated.

Was the reason her feelings were changing, because of the bond, or were they changing all on their own? They were friends, and while she saw how he would wish for more, she also saw him fight those wishes, those thoughts, the urges the bond made him feel, want. Lucien fought against his instincts, to make her comfortable.

The thread that tied them did not glow, but her heart did feel as though it skipped a beat, while her stomach had the fluttering feeling she had only felt at the beginning of her courtship with Greyson.

Elain was finding that she was finalising her decision she had been considering for a few weeks now. One that would not be taken well, or even easily amongst her sisters, or their family. But it was a decision she was making on her own.

She remembered something Lucien had said a what felt like forever ago, "My Lady, whenever you wish for me to visit, all you need to do is give a little tug, and I will be right there by your side before you know it." And so, without hesitation, without thinking about it, without realizing that it was the middle of the night, and before she really could stop herself at all, Elain took hold of that thread, and gave it a gentle, but firm tug.

She had made up her mind. Her only concern was if there would be a rejection.

*** *** ***

Lucien was on his bed, unable to sleep. He was trying to block out the sound of his mother and Helion reuniting. Again. Every night. For the fifth week in a row. He knew Helion had a reputation, that as much was common knowledge. But his mother?

Clearly, she'd have had to, having seven sons, but still. He didn't want to think about it, let alone be forced to listen to it.

When he felt the first one, he groaned, thinking the reuniting pair was now affecting the house itself. Until he felt it again, and he could not mistake what it was. Nearly crying in relief when he realized what it was.

Finally having an excuse to leave, Lucien wrote a quick note, not knowing how long he would be, and left the house and made it out the gate before winnowing away.

He landed at the edge of the property, and started to make his way up the walk, already seeing Elain waiting there for him, a dazzling smile on his face, causing Lucien to stumble a step. His stumble only caused Elain to giggle into her hand, which he heard clearly. An entirely new sound, one he had to fight to stay standing, and finish his way to her.

When Lucien finally reached his mate, his friend, he was shocked how she pulled him in for a hug right away. Elain usually avoided contact, not wanting to set the bond off more than necessary. Yet here she was, being the one to initiate the contact with a hug. Lucien wouldn't complain, but he sure was confused as he hugged her back.

When Elain did pull back, she kept a hand on his arm with a smile. Lucien just stood there, at a loss for words, dumbstruck. But he had to restrain himself. The two of them were friends. He could not give into these instincts that were so hard to control that the mating bond put forth.

Elain spoke then, mentioning how she did not belong here, at the Night Court. How she needed to get out. She paused there as if she hoped Lucien would pick up on the hint.

The only thing Lucien did pick up on, though, was how Elain mentioned she didn't belong in the Night Court. Which was what caused him to leave.

Lucien quickly explained to Elain that she should not exile herself from her family, that it was not worth losing her family over. Though he grew confused as he saw Elain shake her head.

Lucien listened closely as Elain repeated herself, saying how she did not belong here and did not fit in to the Night Court. There was a certain emphasis on the word night, a small amount, but it was there.

That's when it clicked with Lucien, and his eyes widened. The metal eye looked his mate over as if to make sure there were no spells or glamour on her. When none was found, Lucien spoke.

"You want ... to come to the Day Court?" Lucien asked, as if he were clarifying, to make sure he understood correctly.

Elain simply nodded and informed him that her sisters would not react kindly. That the High Lord would react with anger. They would fight to keep her here because it was a big decision, and they should discuss it amongst themselves, leaving Elain out of it.

Luciens anger rose. He had suspicions that she did not get choices or a say here, but to have it confirmed with what she had just said. To know that his mate was stuck, without the chance to even make a decision on some of the simplest things, infuriated not just the instincts the mate bond gave him, but also who he was to his core, after witnessing his mother trapped his whole life.

To know Feyre also would allow this after she escaped Tamlin for doing the same thing to her. She knew what having very little to no choice was like. How could she do this or allow this to happen to her own sister?

Lucien forced himself to calm down enough to not frighten or concern his mate. "My Lady, if you feel like you need to move, if you wish to go somewhere else, you are going to. I will make sure of that. Go to the Day Court ... go onto my patio," Lucien added, remembering the reuniting that was going on. "I'll go in to pack for you."

Elain simply shook her head, explaining how there was no need to, that she had been bringing over all her important items over the past few weeks, tucking them in a box she had brought, and put in Luciens cupboards. "I've known for a while that I don't belong here. I've known for a while that I want to live with you and your parents in the Day Court. If you all would allow it."

Elain then took Luciens' hand, and the moment their hands touched, the two were back in Luciens' room. It was like no winnowing he had ever felt before.

Elain then pulled Lucien behind her as she walked towards an area of Helions' house that he hadn't been to before.

"Would you dance with me?" Elain had asked Lucien as they reached a room, and she opened the doors to what looked like a ballroom. "I'm not as good as Nesta, I didn't get all the lessons, but I can dance party dances, and it's been so long, I do miss it." Elain finished as she stepped inside, bringing Lucien along as she was still holding his hand.

Lucien stood there, unknowing how he could deny her request, but he couldn't deny it even if he wished to. Elain looked so eager, and her request was such a simple one. How couldn't he agree? How could someone deny her when she was looking at them, with such hopeful excitement in her beautiful eyes, the colour of a young fawns coat.

So he agreed, though he was nowhere near dressed appropriately for any form of dancing. But no one would be watching, so it shouldn't matter too much.

Elain finally let go of Luciens' hand, which was immediately cold and feeling empty, so she could go turn on some music quietly before running back over, finishing with a curtsey.

Unable to stop the smile of pure joy that spread across his face, Lucien returned Elains curtsey with a deep bow, and when he straightened up, he saw Elain smiling widely as well. Though he could have sworn her cheeks were slightly more coloured than a few seconds before.

And so, the two began dancing, losing themselves to the music.

It wasn't until they finished their seventh dance, pressed together, that they had to stop. The two of them were tired, having both been up all night, and just danced through seven songs.

They may have finished dancing, yet neither of them moved to separate from the other. Both smiling and breathing hard, looking to the other, as though they had not had fun like that in their whole lives.

Still, neither of them moving. The two continued to look the other in the eyes. Their smiles slowly faded, but their gazes grew more intense.

"Lucien, I-" Elain began softly, quietly.

"Well, I am genuinely sorry because I can't tell you enough how much I truly hate to break this up, but we have company"

Lucien and Elain both jumped apart as if the other burned them, turning towards the door, the intruder, the voice that wasn't supposed to be there.

Lucien saw his mother standing there with Helion, along with-

Elain grabbed Luciens hand. Her hand was shaking ever so slightly, and this was the only indicator of her fear. Lucien squeezed her hand gently, offering her comfort the same way she was showing him her fear.

Lucien recognized her fear as he saw Rhysand, Feyre, and the Viper.

"Rhysand and Feyre claim that we have taken a high status member of their Court." Helion spoke with a dismissive air to his tone, as if he could tell which way this would go. But Lucien knew the tone would turn dangerous if the conversation turned to even the smallest amount of violence on his lands.

"We did not take her. We freed her. Just as Rhysand freed Feyre when he had his cousin retrieve her from the Spring Court, while Tamlin and I were away." Lucien responded, with a disinterested tone himself.

"Freed? And you would compare the two situations?" Rhysand asked in disbelief.

"Elain?" Feyre had called out to her sister.

When Elain did not speak, Lucien continued. "Yes, freed. Elain told me that she was not free to make her own decisions. That everything she does has to go through the groups approval. It is similar to what Feyre went through after we came out of the mountain. Tamlin refused to let her do what she wanted and would constantly make decisions for her." Lucien explained, seeing realization dawn in Feyres eyes as she remembered what Lucien was talking about.

"I also grew up, watching my whole life, as a female had her choices and freedom removed from her. The whole Court loved her, but they didn't see the pain she was in." Lucien spoke, looking towards his mother. "No one saw the amount pain she was in. Even those who loved her the most."

Lucien then looked back to their guests. "So no, We didn't take her. From our standpoint, and from what she has told us, we freed her."

"She is a high-ranking member of my court." Rhysand responded, not backing down.

"She is my mate." Lucien returned, looking down at Elain. He knew this would be the winning card. He went into this, not wanting to use it, but he was left with no choice.

"She's our sister." The viper spat, fury in her eyes.

Lucien looked towards Nesta and then Feyre. Feyre at least seemed to understand what Lucien meant. "There seems to be a key difference between the fae and human lands you are unaware of yet." Lucien spoke, his tone taking a more apologetic tone as he looked down at Elain. He knew she wouldn't like this next part, even if he worded it the least offensive way he could.

"Being my mate, there is a certain ... claim that I have that even you, as her sister, do not have." He gently squeezed Elains hand, trying to let her know that they were only words to him. Only words to get her to stay, it it was what she truly wanted.

"Even Feyre, as Tamlins Fiancé, as she was not yet married to him when Rhysand announced that he and Feyre were mates, Tamlin could react, sure. But if he tried to take her back, it would have caused a war." Lucien explained. "Mates are rare and are treasured when they do occur."

"Elain?" Feyre tried again. And finally, Elain spoke up.

"I have been planning to come here for the past few weeks. I do not fit in in the Night Court. I asked Lucien to bring me here, if it would be alright if I came here. I was planning to ask Helion in the morning." Elain explained, her hand shaking more, yet her posture and her voice did not betray her. "This is my choice." Elain finished before walking off, dragging Lucien behind her, refusing to let him go.

Lucien heard Helion behind them, sounding as if he were ending the discussion. "Well, you heard her. It is her choice to be here. I'm not going to strip her of her choice. And Lucien is right. She is his mate. You can't exactly change that. Now, unless you plan on visiting socially, forgive me as I ask you to-" and Lucien couldn't hear the rest of what Helion said, as he and Elain were too far away.

"Elain, about what I said, at the end there, please understand I didn't mean it. I'd never lay cl-" Lucien started until he was interrupted.

Lucien was interrupted by Elain grabbing the back of his head, and pulling it down to reach as she kissed him.

Frozen, for just about a second and a half, Lucien finally pulled himself together and moved to place his hands on either side of Elains face and return her kiss.

After he started to kiss her back, Elain let the back of his head go, and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, and rose up on her toes so Lucien wasn't bending down so low.

The small thread that tied the two of them together glowed golden and bright. It pulsed, it sang, it thrived, and it came alive. Their very souls started dancing together just like they had been an hour before. Gravity ceased to exist as it felt like they were floating a foot off the ground. They weren't only brightly golden on the inside, as the sunrise was aimed directly at them, painting their bodies golden as well.

The kiss lasted less than a minute, but it felt like it lasted a glorious eternity. Lucien didn't want to pull back, but he needed to. Being caught off guard, he didn't have the breath to continue any longer.

So Lucien pulled back and looked towards Elain, the most beautiful creature he had ever seen in his life. How had he gotten so lucky to end up with her as his mate?

"I hope you know that that will make it impossible to fight off the instincts and stay just friends." Lucien spoke first, looking into his mates eyes, with nothing but adoration and awe.

Smiling, Elain reached up, giving Lucien another quick kiss before responding herself. "Did you not get the hint? I don't want to stay just friends." Elains smile only widened before hugging Lucien.

Elains hug felt like home.

Lucien felt, well, he felt his heart swell. He felt wanted in a different way from all those months ago when Helion had told him that he would never be exiled from the Day Court. The two were friends, but that statement from Elain felt like more.

Lucien, as a rule, rarely let himself hope. Because his hopes were always crushed right in front of him. But he hoped for the Day Court and Helion, and he hasn't been let down yet. Could he allow himself to hope for this?

In the back of his mind, he could hear the words pulsing.

Mate. Mate. Mate.

To read the next part, press its title, In The Afternoon

This is not Inner Circle hate. It is taking canon information about Elain from Silver Flames(Nesta and Cassians thoughts on how the Night Court doesn't suit her, and Nesta, Azriel and Rhysand making decisions on Elains behalf), and ... slightly tweaking it to fit the narrative here.

#Lucien Week 2023 #Prompt: Romance #Lucien Vanserra #Elain Archeron #Elucien #A Court of Thorns and Roses #elucien fic #elucien fanfiction #Pro Lucien Vanserra #Pro Elucien #LucienWeek2023

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bubybubsters · 11 months

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Left Behind part 3 (Lucien x reader)

A/n: Im have decided something (drumroll please)! I dislike this perspective. Also this part was slightly rushed even if it came out later than the others (sorry).

⚠️ - meh

word count- 1200 (finally put a word count…)

part 1 part 2 epilogue masterlist

*****

Y/n was going to be the death of him. When had she gotten so gods damned beautiful? Or she'd always been that beautiful and he'd been too blind to see it. No, that couldn't be it, could it? But Lucien sensed a new confidence in her, as if 15 years of raising a child alone had given her a new strength.

She smiled at him but it was guarded, not the joyful, carefree smile she always used to gift him. He had thrown away that gift like it was nothing. Lucien cleared his throat, "Shall we?" He motioned toward the kitchen door where the smell of tomato sauce could be detected. Y/n eyed him suspiciously before nodding slowly and starting toward the kitchen.

When they walked in Jurian and Alex were chilling at the table. Jurian smirked, "You two lovebirds are making dinner." He directed y/n to boiling the noodles and Lucien to cutting the vegetables. As Lucien picked up the knife to cut the veggies he glanced at Alex and Jurian. They were bantering back and forth, sending snarky comments to the other. Alex picked up a blade deftly and threw it at him so it speared his broccoli.

"Stop staring and get to work already!" He smirked and mockingly saluted her. His daughter, he couldn't hold back his smile. And she'll be a lovely emissary one day, he thought. True to his daughters order, he got to work.

*****

When making dinner, neither she or Lucien spoke until Vassa burst through the doors and saw their predicament. She paled. Alex jumped up and dragged the Queen out to presumably tell her what was happening.

Y/n glanced at Lucien to see him done with cutting and watching her intently. She looked away and finished boiling the pasta. Once dinner was ready shel left the males to serve it and went to find Vassa. She found her and Alex outside, talking in the gardens. She joined them while Vassa asked her, "How did you guys end up here? Alex is taking forever."

Patting Alex's head Y/n said, "I was searching for this one and I'd searched everywhere except here so I flew over and found Luci already here, talking with Alex!!

Both females turned to stare at Alex expectantly and she squirmed under their combined stares. "We... just talked, got caught up on 14 years of gossip I guess.

"Guys! Dinners ready!" They all jumped as Lucien emerged from the back door, a tense smile on his lips. "And um, Y/n can I talk to you?"

The others all looked at Y/n as she nodded and all but shoved them towards the door. "Don't wait to eat on our account" she called as the door shut. Turning to face Lucien, Y/n smiled at him tightly.

Lucien nervously grinned back and began, "look Y/n, I'm really sorry about 15 years ago. First I didn't know you were pregnant and I know that's not a good excuse or reason for you to forgive me. I'm not sure it would have impacted my decision but you need to know the day before I left I got a letter from Elain. It said that she was willing to try with me and give us a chance if I stopped seeing you. So I slept on it and left the next day because the letter ate off all my insecurities, like you would leave me because you are way out of my league. I know that's not a good excuse either but just let me continue, please."

Y/n smirked at Lucien. "Ya know Luci, I woke up in the middle the night and found the letter on the counter... but I didn't expect you to actually follow what Elain said. But go on." She crossed her arms and waited.

It was a good five minutes before Lucien throat could work again. "I loved you, I truly did. When I first got to night everyone was so confused to see me and when I told them about the letter Elain claimed she didn't write it and wanted nothing to do with me. I broke down then and Feyre comforted me through it all. We found out that one of my brothers had sent the letter as a cruel joke. She urged me to talk to both Elain and you, to work out my problems. So I tried to talk to Elain but every time she gave me the cold shoulder I thought of your face when I left you. The way I made you cry when I promised myself I would never do that to a female I loved. So for fifteen years I saw your face everywhere and I tried to build up the courage to go find and talk to you. This is the first time I've been outside the night court ever since I left you behind. I left the love of my life behind and I was too afraid to face the consequences of my decisions. But if you'll take me Y/n, I will be yours forever. I never stopped loving you and I never will."

Y/n watches as Lucien finishes and stares at her feet, she studies him, he truly does love her. She smiles knowing he's waiting for her to reject him and a small selfish part of her tells her to wait so he can feel some of the pain she felt.

After a good minute of silence Lucien looks up to see Y/n smirking at him. She stops smiling as they're eyes meet and she carefully leans forward and kisses him. The kiss is light, but passionate and only lasts for about a second, both Far relishing the taste of the other on their tongue. As she pulls away Lucien smiles and pulls her back.

Y/n grins, "Okay Luci but I need to make some things clear. First this relationship if we choose it requires both parties to be completely truthful about anything even relatively important. But Lucien if you are to leave again I don't think my heart could heal again. Besides we have Alex and if you leave, her heart is too young to break. And if you still harbor feelings for Elain then all of this is off and I'm not getting back together." She pulls back and looks at Lucien.

Lucien thinks for a moment before grinning and pulling her back into his arms. "I promise I will not leave you, not for Elain, not for anyone else. I think some small part of me will always care for Elain unless we break the bond. But I am yours forever."

Y/n smiles, "Good enough." They embraced as magic coursed between their souls.

Suddenly whoops rang out through the garden and someone slow clapped. Alex came running and hugged her parents. She smiled up at Lucien, her new father, and an evil grin spread over her face. “I’m so going to beat you in training!”

Y/n smiled down at her daughter, their daughter. “You won’t be able to beat him if you can’t beat me. And you cant beat me.”

Lucien smiled, eyes shining. And nudged Alex out of the way before smoothly reaching into his pocket and pulling out a small box. Simultaneously opening the box and sliding to his knee he grinned up at Y/n.

“Will you give me the honor of marrying me, my beautiful Y/n?”

a/n: I think I want an epilogue… do y’all want one? It’ll be focused around Alex. Enjoy your day!

Taglist

@thelov3lybookworm

#acotar #bubybubsters #fanfic #acowar #daddy lucien #lucien acotar #lucien vanserra #lucien x you #lucien x reader

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storyofmychoices · 4 months

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The beginning of 2024 had definitely already brought it's share of challenges for me, but I'm hoping that maybe things will still be improving from here! Thinking positive!

Writing Goals

Where to even begin? I have probably 100+ WIP ranging from a scribbled idea on a post it to an outline that needs to be typed. I'd like to put a dent in that? So far each year, that list keeps growing instead of shrinking. I find that I'm more of the in the moment writer. It's all or nothing. Either I finish a piece in one sitting or it never gets done. I'd like to try to find more of a balance in 2024.

In a perfect world, here are some stories I'd like to complete:

Mal's proposal: I started this fic last February, and would really like to actually write it. I have art for it. I don't know what I'm waiting for, especially now that I have their Blades 2 AU proposal done 🙈

Laser Tag with Brylivia: This is just a short little drabble that I think is like 75% written. It's from 2 years ago. I really have NO excuses lol

Love and Scotch: This series fell away when I stoped writing Ethan (for a number of reasons). I'd love to finish this series. I had several more chapters planned but I might just skip some and at least get to what I envisioned as "the end" aka Thomas and Alex's HWU AU wedding and a big turning point for Ethan and Ellie.

#HollywoodHacks: Does anyone even care about this series? Anyone even remember it? I feel like no. I was really only writing it for 1 person, but they're not in the fandom anymore...It might not be the ending I'd planned or wanted, but I think I could wrap the series in 1 or 2 (tops) more chapters. I had hoped that the story would lead to me writing more for Ben Parks and my #LoveHacks MC but that never happened

Tipsy Nia x Daenarya: an anon requested tipsy Nia hitting on Daenarya and I started it but then never finished it. It's such a small drabble it seems silly to even include it here, but here we are!

Blades 2 AU: At the start of Blades 2 I was doing a great job keeping up with the book and rewriting the chapters to fit my vision for the characters. That kinda fell apart around Chapter 5. I'd like to finish that rewrite and see how Iliana fits into how the rest of the book happened. Last I wrote, Daenarya didn't even know she was pregnant.

Rayden and Lydo's Adoption: Mal and Daenarya have already decided to adopt them. I've also written them as a family. But, I've never written the actual story of Mal and Daenarya telling the boys they were adopting them and they'd be a family forever, so I'd love to do that!

Pairings I'd like to write more of in 2024:

Thomas and Alex: I used to publish 1 new story a day when I first started writing them. It lasted over a year, then it gradually decreased. Last year, I only wrote them 10 times! I know the lack of interactions with their stories, has definitely made me want to share less and just enjoy daydreaming for them, but still, I'd like to keep their story going, regardless of interactions, because they are so special to me. Plus, if I could wrap those two series above that they're in, that would definitely lift my RCD/HWU fic count for the year!

Nyx x Aerin: I LOVE NYX! NYX is incredible and I love love love them. Aerin is kinda fun too. I would love to develop these two more this year.

Trystan and Lilah: I've only written them a few times and I'd like to get to know them better

Beckett and Emma: I haven't written them in a long time and when I did write them it was for 1 particular series (them in Detention). With the Book Club replaying TE, I'm hoping I might be inspired to see what they're like outside of the library.

Troy and Astraea: I love these two but I haven't had time to explore them more. I don't think I'll have time to participate in the group reread right now, but I would still like to reread WTD at some point this year and keep developing them.

Daenarya x Maiele (@lilyoffandoms) + Mal x Tyril: In 2023, Lily and I started to develop these relationships more. I loved every second of that and I hope 2024 will bring us more of these four lovely characters.

Mal's Orphanage: Blades 2 destroyed the orphanage storyline. If PB wanted to steal it they should have done a better job of it. Like there was literally no point in them having that storyline since they abandoned it the first chance they got. I'd like to fix the Blades 2 orphanage storyline but then go back to focusing on my original orphanage because those children are my favorite.

Other Goals

Catch up on reading and be a more active reader

Follow and support new Choices accounts

Continue with the book club and other events I host but find a balance with hosting that I still have time to create and read/support others

Try my hand at drawing again. I had been drawing chibi's a while back and I haven't had time/the courage to try again, but @lilyoffandoms's incredible art journey this month has inspired me to add it to my list this year

Keep editing Aerin in the sluttiest Choices outfits I can find

Flesh out more of Olivia's pediatric practice and how she transitions from Edenbrook to Sunshine Pediatrics

Be kind to myself and let myself rest when I need it. I am my biggest critic and if you ask me what I'm good at, I'd say nothing and I would tell you everything wrong with anything I've ever done, including all of my pairings. I see the mistakes and I want to let myself see the good and focus on only that this year.

#lovealexhunt #storyofmychoices #writing #2024 goals #choices countdown to 2024 #thomas hunt #bryce lahela #mal volari #lovehacks #hollywood u #red carpet diaries #nyx selenastra #aerin valleros #troy hassan #trystan thorne #beckett harrington

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bi-bard · 2 years

Text

If I Could Fly, I Doubt I'd Even Do It - Kara Danvers Imagine (Supergirl)

Title: If I Could Fly, I Doubt I'd Even Do It

Pairing: Kara Danvers X Reader

Based On: New Perspective

Word Count: 786 words

Warning(s): none

Summary: Kara and Alex come home to visit their mom. During the trip, Kara reconnects with an old friend. Catching up begins bringing up old feelings between the pair.

Author's Note: I think I've only had one or two writing challenge that didn't feature Kara. I just find that kinda funny.

STICK SEASON - NOAH KAHAN WRITING CHALLENGE MASTERLIST

--------------------------

I had grown so used to my normal pattern.

Wake up, get ready, go to work, come home.

Same pattern day after day.

Nothing served as a bigger interruption to that plan than Kara Danvers walking back into my life.

The two of us had grown up as neighbors.

We had been best friends all through school. Close enough that she had told me about who she was. I remember always feeling so cool because I had this secret about how awesome my best friend was.

But that was years ago.

Since then, she had moved away and made a name for herself. It was hard to not recognize her during the news about Supergirl.

I had just gotten home from work for the day when I saw her for the first time in all those years.

We only spoke for a little while.

We made dinner plans.

A few days later, she was sitting at my table, sipping at wine while I carried out two plates of food. It almost felt like a dream. I had thought about all that we would talk about if we saw each other again, but now, I felt lost. She had lived a completely different life since I had seen her. All that she had seen and done. And I just stayed there. Stuck and frozen in time.

Maybe I had been waiting for her to be my wake-up call.

I tried to shake that thought away. This didn't feel like the right time to dwell on past feelings.

We talked about everything we could think of.

She told me all about her life now. I learned about Winn and Jimmy. How she and Alex were working together now. How her boss at Catco was. It was like getting a peak behind the curtain.

I tried to come up with something that was half as interesting as that. I told her about the work I was doing now. About my parents letting me take the house after they retired. About how the town had changed. Who had left, who stayed, who came back, and who got scared away.

I was almost surprised at how interested she seemed.

At some point, we had finished eating but continued talking. It was just like old times. Everything was suddenly so interesting again. The clock had finally ticked forward.

I pulled out an old box of photos that I kept a hold of.

Kara gushed about every photo. Even the ones that she wasn't in, she would excitedly ask for every story. It made me smile.

She found one of us when we were younger. She had pulled me into a tight hug as my mom took the photo. We had started having regular sleepovers at that point, each becoming somewhat of an adopted family member to our respective families.

"Y'know... you were the first person I told about... me," Kara said softly, smiling at the picture.

"That was also only because I caught you lifting something that should've killed you," I replied.

I smiled as she chuckled at my joke.

"How long are you staying," I asked.

"Alex and I need to head home tomorrow," she explained, putting the picture down on the table.

"Oh," I mumbled, nodding.

I wanted so desperately to not feel my heart drop. I wanted to know that I had the ability to let her go. But someone like Kara doesn't just allow you to let go. They change you forever. Whether you like it or not.

"Yeah... I'm sorry," she looked at me.

"It's okay," I promised. "Supergirl gets busy."

She just grinned. Not chuckling at my pathetic excuse of a joke. Maybe she was going through the same thing as me.

I moved closer to her. My hand found the side of her face. I expected her to move. She didn't.

I don't remember leaning in. I just remember that moment when my lips touched hers. It was a slow kiss. Hesitant. We were both testing the waters, scared to push each other or ourselves too far.

Kara pulled away a few moments later. "I'm leaving-"

"I know," I muttered, leaning my forehead on hers. "You're leaving and I'm staying here. And that's okay. But this... I want this. I have for so long. Even if it's just for a night. Please."

She sighed and my eyes finally opened.

"Can you just forget about leaving for a few hours?"

A smile slowly pulled at her lips before she leaned forward and kissed me again. I kissed her back. I was more certain this time. More confident as my hands moved to her sides.

One night.

That's all I had.

And I could live with that.

--------------------------

Navigation Guide

What I Write For

Some Original Characters

#kara danvers fanfiction #kara danvers x reader #kara danvers imagine #supergirl x reader #supergirl imagine #supergirl fanfiction #dc fanfiction #dc imagine #dc x reader #imagine #fanfiction #x reader

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babysharl · 5 months

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I really really wanted to get an update of Permanent Mark out before the end of the year, but as it stands, I still have 2 scenes to finish on the upcoming chapter (currently sitting at 10k), so I don't think I'll be able to make it :C

I'm posting a snippet of it below the cut as an apology, cause I know it's taking me forever to write :S Happy New Year! 💙

Max didn't agree or denied to have been worried, but Charles knew both of them knew it was because it was obvious. God, they hadn't even been talking consistently again for more than a month, and Charles was already making Max worry. And in a strange way, he not only felt guilty about that, but also just… About having Max calling him and feeling good about Max calling him. Yeah, they had been talking, but that hadn't extended to calls. And Charles… Against his better judgement, he had missed that. He had missed Max's voice too. Even his breathing, as the silence hung over them.

But Charles had texted him for a reason.

“I, um.” He started, having to clear his throat. Why the fuck was this so hard. Charles tried swallowing down the knot on his throat. “I'm sorry.” Max’s breath didn't even hitch. Charles breathed in deep and trudged on. “I'm sorry about the other day. Last week... I didn't—. I wanted to get that coffee with you."

One. Two. Three whole breaths before Max even broke the silence.

"Okay." Max said then, slowly. Charles could almost picture him. Frown, lips opened just a smidge as he breathed through his mouth, seemingly very calm. His tone had been clipped, though. And perhaps a decade ago Charles would've correctly guessed Max was trying to hide being hurt. Right now, he didn't know.

"I've been thinking about a hundred different things lately and—. Which is not an excuse. I know it isn't.” Max was still quiet and it wasn't helping Charles feel any more surefooted. “I wasn’t turning you down. I mean, I was. I did. I was—.” He stopped himself, cringing at having tripped over his words like that. He wasn’t a teenager anymore. Those times where he and Max fooled around before he left for F1 were long gone. Besides, this wasn’t that. They were both way past that, they were adults and a romantic relationship should not happen. But the fact that Charles was apologising over the phone felt weird. Too weird. “Can we meet up?"

Sometimes he wished he had planned conversations up ahead because of incidents like this one. Just blurting that out. After he had gone radio silent for a week. Which wouldn’t have been weird, really, had it happened a month ago. A month ago, they weren’t even texting regularly.

Max didn't immediately answer. Charles listened to him breathing as he counted the seconds. When he got to thirty-two Max sighed, then finally asked, "What is this?"

Okay. That was fair.

"I want to explain." No reaction. “I want to apologise in person. I want to explain why I said no.” It was the least he could do. Max didn't deserve to deal with the wreck he was currently, but he was dealing with it and he was worrying. The least Charles could do was be a fucking adult and explain to him why he had turned him down like that. And stopped texting him.

Max sighed, right against his ear through the phone. "I shouldn’t let you."

He didn't need confirmation that Max was hurt by his words last week. It was still hard to hear it. It was the reason why Charles had wanted to stop hanging out with Max in the first place. He was a mess, he didn't know what to do with his life. He barely spent any time looking after himself, and he knew he was a shit friend. It was a miracle even Joris still talked to him. For years it had always been me, me, me, me, and Charles felt disgusted at himself when he realised he still did that. Even with Max right now. He knew he needed to apologise to him, but he hadn’t really thought about the consequences of that for Max.

His mouth was dry and his voice sounded scratchy when he admitted, "You shouldn’t, no."

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The first six chapters are on AO3 ^^

#lestappen #f1 rpf #my writing #permanent mark

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shittingtears · 2 years

Text

Coffee and surprises

Yoru x reader

Basically what if the agents had a day off so they went to a local coffee shop where Yoru meets you, the sweetest barista he has ever come across. The next day they are introduced to a new agent. 'Isn't that...?'

fem reader

Reposted bcs I did some fixing, this is an older fic I started last year but never really finished til months ago

Apologies ahead for mistakes, I don't catch them all the time

It was rare that the agents ever got a break, whether it be half a day or just a few hours, the kind of work they did demanded their attention, not only in fighting, but in research and other things too, so it was a rare blessing that they actually had a day off.

"When was the last time we got a day off like this? Forever ago?" Jett said as she guided Raze, killjoy, Yoru and Phoenix to the coffee shop she had planned on bringing them to.

The team laughed as they entered the small building that was down the corner of the street.

The smell of freshly ground beans and pastries immediately surrounding them, orange-yellow lights making the atmosphere seem warmer during the winter weather.

Phoenix found a seat what would accommodate the five of them.

"Alright now who wants to go and order?" Raze pipped up. "Not me." She said right away before anyone else could say anything.

"Not me!"

"Not me, that's for damn sure."

"Not me of course."

Which left poor Yoru to go, and of course, not wanting to admit the defeat he sighs, "Don't think I lost, I'm just doing this because I know one of you would mess up the order, now tell me what you want."

"Sure sure, whatever you say." Killjoy chuckled.

He walked to the counter still reading the list of what he and his teammates wanted, and as soon as he looked up from it he swear his jaw almost dropped.

"Hello, what can I get for you today?" You had a sweet smile on your face as you got ready to put down the order.

Wow was he caught off guard.

Now, he isn't the type to be all flustered like this, not at all, not around anybody, not even himself. But you were just so stunningly beautiful, you likely— no, are the prettiest girl he's ever seen.

How could his heart not climb up his throat and punch his esophagus.

"Hello? Sir?" Your voice rung in his ears, snapping him out of his daze.

"Oh, yes, uh, I'll have..." He didn't know where to look, so he nervously glanced at the list and back at you as he read out the order, doing his best to collect himself, he was the Yoru after all.

"Will that be all? I'll call you when your drinks are ready." You were about to head back and tend to the order before quickly calling out for him.

"Oh, wait, excuse me Sir, I almost forgot! What's your name?"

"My name?" He could feel his heart rate jump and stomach do a barrel roll as he raised an eyebrow.

'Why does she want to know my name?'

"Yes, so I can call you over for your drinks." Your lips twitched up, a small smile as you held back a giggle.

"Oh, right, Yoru." The unintentional disappointment in his voice made it harder to hold back the smile from getting any wider.

"Alrighty, will be done asap." You say cheerfully as you got to work, coworker coming in to man the register.

He walked back to his seat, your voice still lingering in his head. He held back the embarrassing surge of heat that was crawling up his gut and face to avoid the teasing words his coworkers would mercilessly throw at him if they were to notice.

"How do you think the new recruit will do?" Phoenix asked asked as soon as Yoru took a seat.

"I don't care." Yoru replied, the members ignoring his attitude, they were used it it by now.

"I don't know but I hope they are willing to help me out with making new bots." Killjoy started to day dream of the possible creations she could think up when she gets back to the base.

"Count me in Killjoy, I can help tinker with you."

"No fair, you guys might blow them up before I can say hi!" Jett jokingly said to them.

It wasn't long after their drinks were ready. "Order for Yoru?"

The conversation the agents were having was put to a halt.

"I'll get em' for us." Phoenix got up to get the order.

Yoru watched as you handed down the orders to Phoenix.

He didn't care until he saw you smiling and chatting with him, Phoenix handing you a slip of paper.

He coughed and looked away, brows furrowed, heavy feeling in his chest.

The time they got home Yoru couldn't get you off his mind, and Phoenix handing you what he assumed to be his number didn't help.

Up until it was time to hit the hay.

The next day the agents were all called to the meeting room to discuss the new recruit and the upcoming mission.

"Now as you all were informed, you will be meeting the new agent today.

They all nodded their heads, Yoru slightly spaced out and not listening, he'll just get a review on the mission tasks later.

"Guys, this is the new agent Y/N, she's a very skilled and experienced radiant so I hope you all treat her with respect."

Yoru looked over to see who it was, his eyes going wide and heart slamming against his chest.

It was you.

"Hello everyone, I'm glad to be here." You smiled at everyone, Jett, Raze, Killjoy, and Phoenix waving their hands up in the air.

"Hey! You're the barista from the shop!" Jett waved.

You looked confused for a second before your face lit up, "Right! I saw you guys yesterday." You chuckle.

"Oh, and Phoenix, thanks for Brimstones number, if I didn't have it I think I'd be lost on my way here."

"Huh? How did you know to give her his number?" Yoru raised a brow, but the heavy feeling in his chest went away knowing it wasn't the fire boys number.

"I read the documents on the new agent, remember? We made a bet, whoever wins doesn't have to organize the files this week."

Yoru felt like an idiot, turning his head away.

Maybe he should have done the documents.

But that didn't matter, because right now the girl he was up all night thinking about was standing right before him.

After a briefing on the mission and some more introduction, the agents were getting ready to leave.

Yoru was just about to walk out the door when you came up to him.

"Yoru, right? I remember you." He stood silent as you smiled at him.

"You didn't pick up the drinks when they were ready, I wanted to hand you this."

You put your hand on his to pull it up, the touch sending electric shock throughout his body.

He could feel the heat on his cheeks.

You opened his palm and put in a piece of paper, closing it then slipping past him and out the door, intentionally letting the touch of your shoulder on his linger for longer than necessary.

"Cya around."

Too awestruck to say anything, he watched your back walk down the hallway and turn a corner.

And with that you were gone again.

He decided to open the paper later, heading over the the range to practice.

Tired from all the training, he took his jacket off, a paper falling out from one of the pockets.

He cleared his throat, the privacy of his room being a good place to read the paper.

This time his jaw actually dropped.

'Your accent is cute, wish I could hear it with my name'

With new found confidence, he placed the paper on his bedside table.

"What a flirt, two can play that game."

#Valorant #Valorant x reader #Yoru #Yoru x reader

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