#i guess it evens out on most days rofl
Note
hii i have a request for megumi x reader where he is unaware of readers attraction to him and he is doesn’t realise the effect of when he does something like scratch his neck and his shirt lifts and it happens one too many times until she admits that he’s pretty which makes him all flustered😭 can be sfw or nsfw
Staring Problem
Five times Megumi caught you staring at him + the one time you caught him staring at you
Notes: I got carried away whoops. Flustered Megs is my fav followed by feral. (I actually had another scenario like this for Christmas except the Reader was doing it on purpose rofl; this one is just a bit ditzy). Thanks for the request. It was fun! Thank you @avidbroswer and another friend for beta reading!
Relationship: Megumi x Fem!Reader
Tags: Fluff, humor, mild sexual context but overall SFW (i.e. no sex), 5000 words
The first time Megumi notices you staring at him is after the baseball game with the Kyoto students.
The game was a big win for your group. Everyone was loudly cheering and celebrating your victory over your sister school – aside from him. It’s not that he wasn’t pleased with the victory. Who wouldn’t be? The cheering and high-fiving wasn’t his scene though. The most celebration he required was simply brushing his hand through divine dog’s fur for a job well done before dismissing the creature.
Megumi walks back to the dugout, steps into the drop-off, and peels his helmet from the top of his head. The sweat accumulated in his helmet causes his hair to cling to him, forcing it down against the back of his neck and his bangs into his line of sight more than usual. He never liked what he considered too much hair on his nape; and for some reason, Gojo hated it even more. Not that he ever understood why Gojo would care about how he styled his hair. He was just weird, he guesses.
Either way, it was annoying.
Gripping his shirt collar, he brings it to his forehead to clean the moisture away, and there’s the added bonus of the breeze cooling off his stomach as his shirt untucks from his uniform pants. He finishes off his grooming with a quick stroke of his fingers up through his bangs before reaching for his water bottle.
It isn’t until he’s finished drinking and wiping away the small bead of water that escapes his mouth to cascade down his pointed jaw with the back of his wrist that he catches the sudden sensation of someone looking at him.
He glances behind him, scanning the crowd of cheerful faces, and he catches your gaze pinning him down. There’s no mistake you’re watching him, but he isn’t sure why you have that clouded, half-lidded stare locked on him like a homing gun.
It makes him antsy even when your neutral lips turn into a gentle smile, and you move to congratulate Itadori on his victory-winning home run.
The next time he catches you, you’re at the café with the other first years, pouring over schoolbooks together. He doesn’t often study with the others outside of class; but out of everyone in the school, he has the best head on his shoulders academically so he can’t really refuse when the three of you earnestly ask for his help for once.
As he draws one leg over the other, Megumi shifts his weight to sit more comfortably in his chair. He rests his chin against his palm, allowing his lengthy fingers to massage the increasingly growing migraine from his throbbing temple while his elbow braces against the table to support the position. His other hand tightens around the handle of his mug and brings it to his mouth. The drink – coffee, black, always – is the only thing stopping his mind from going numb at reviewing the same information he already knows as Nobara struggles to read the chart on this particular page.
“Toos-day.”
“Tuesday.”
“When-is-day.”
“Wednesday,” Megumi corrects.
Stomping onto her feet, her hands slam on the table causing it to shake. Megumi holds his drink closer to his chest to avoid it spilling over as she growls out. “This is so stupid! Why do we need to know English anyway? Why couldn’t it be something like French? Then, we could at least hit up Paris Fashion Week.” She pulls at her hair in frustration, stopping only when you mention that she’ll cause split ends. Sighing, she releases her tension and falls back in her chair. "I need a break."
On that, you're all in agreement.
Taking the opportunity to ease his head, Megumi blows away the steam swirling from his coffee. He closes his eyes if only for a moment to bask in the roast. The liquid is hot and smooth on his tongue, a welcome sensation after walking through the cool evening to get here. It’s enough to earn a small sigh of approval.
When he opens his eyes, he sees that you’re nursing your own drink by pinching your straw between your lips. However, your eyes are on him 'or maybe the mug near his mouth?' he thinks. Regardless, you’re doing it attentively with an affectionate glint like you were smiling on the inside. It makes his eye twitch.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
You flinch like you’re snapping out a hypnotic trance. Slowly, a meek smile forms as you innocently tilt your head and place down your drink. “I was?”
“You were," Itadori corroborates. "You do it a lot actually," Itadori adds between bites of his sandwich. The fact is something Megumi has begun to notice recently as well.
Noticing everyone looking at you, your eyes widen slightly before you force them back down to look at your textbook. You slide your hands from the table and rest them in your lap. “I must’ve zoned out,” you say apologetically.
Megumi scoffs.
“If you’re going to ask me to help you study, you could at least pay attention.” Megumi sighs at the growing remorse on your face. “Forget it,” he dismisses and decides to go back to his coffee, but the peace doesn’t last long as he catches that same gaze from you a minute later.
Your eyebrows push in together as you narrow your eyes briefly in thought, and he can’t help but wonder what’s going on in your mind as you cock your head to the side again.
“Ne, Fushiguro,” you begin hesitantly and quietly. He doesn’t think he would’ve noticed you speaking to him with how soft your voice was had he not already been looking at you. “Did anyone ever tell you that your voice is kinda husky in English?”
Suddenly, his face is hot along with his tongue as he inadvertently chokes on his drink while the other two at the table burst out laughing, drowning out your frantic mutterings as you collapse your face into your palms.
It seems to be a cycle now. Megumi would be going about his day when he would occasionally (usually twice a day) get this sensation of being watched. Sure enough, he could find you following him with your eyes. There isn’t any anger when you’re doing it so he’s fairly sure that you’re not cornering him with your sight out of aggression, but he couldn’t think of another reason his presence would be of interest to you.
Megumi tried to ask Gojo the reason why someone might stare at him. When he explained that you were the one doing it, the older man only laughed at his predicament. Megumi didn’t know why he expected him to be any help in the first place anyway.
Maki was even less help (she seemed reluctant even), but at least she didn't look at him like he was an idiot like Nobara. Finally, there was Itadori, who only caused him more difficulty.
(“Are you sure she doesn’t just LIKE you?” Itadori suggested.
Megumi could only roll his eyes then. It always came back to that with him. “Look, if you’re not going to take this seriously—“
”I am!”)
Megumi almost entertained it until he thought ‘what reason would she like me?’ After all, you didn’t know each other that well. There was no explanation available so it had to be something else.
Out of everyone, he decides to take Maki’s advice that it's best to get the answer from the source.
However, whenever he asks what’s the problem, you never seem to give him a direct answer, explaining away your strange…habit. Even stranger was that he was starting to become accustomed to it, slowly losing the annoyance he held for it early on in your relationship – or maybe he was getting better at ignoring it.
Nonetheless, it would still be nice to have an explanation.
When he sees you early at breakfast, and you undoubtedly see him early at breakfast, he finally decides to broach the topic. He sits himself and his plate at your table, and he doesn’t give you the time to make excuses when he knows for certain you were staring at him.
“Alright. Enough already. What's the deal?"
“Hmm?”
“The staring,” he reiterates.
Your mouth opens like you want to say something but throughout the many times he’s confronted you on your manners, not once have you ever given him a straightforward answer.
“Don’t try to give an excuse. You were definitely watching me.”
As the small silence extends in the air so does the embarrassment on your face until it finally fades away along with your resolve. “Okay, this time I was,” you admit very specifically.
“Why?”
“There’s not really a reason," you explain while looking anywhere but directly at him, and it's an easy tell to sense that you're lying.
Megumi narrows his eyes at you.
“For some reason, I feel like that's not the case."
There has to be some reason your attention is on him so much. He’d at least like to know if it was something he did to you.
“It’s nothing bad really,” you confess, avoiding eye contact with him while your fingers fidget. “Do…you want me to stop?”
Megumi would very much like to say he wants you to stop but somehow he doesn’t think he would be able to force you not to look at him. “I’d prefer it.”
“No problem,” you say and purse your lips tightly. “But…I probably wouldn’t be able to help it every now and then,” you warn him, which piques his curiosity even more.
“What does that mean?”
“Oh, that’s because, uhm—to tell you the truth,“ you pause, and he wants to prod more from you but you’re quick to excuse yourself, leaving him with two weeks free from your staring. Or, at least you attempted for that long.
As he accepts that you're not going to stop, it comes to him that he doesn't really care anymore in the following months. It's just how you are, he figures sentimentally. It would feel weird if you stopped at this point. However, it leads to you catching him off guard too often, especially in moments like these.
The two of you were assigned to a mission to dispatch some low-level curses together. It was surprisingly easier than what the mission report suggested, not that he would complain about an easy mission.
Nue is behind him as he requests a ride back to the school over the phone. The bird shikigami is being needier than usual, nudging at the width of Megumi’s back with his head causing Megumi’s voice to be unsteady as the thick plate of Nue’s mask braces between his shoulder blades.
“Cut it out,” he scolds gently, reaching his free hand back to briefly ruffle at random mounds of feathers.
There’s a soft crooning in his ear, begging for attention. He isn’t used to Nue being this affectionate, not like his divine dogs. As he hangs up the call, Nue starts to stroke his head against his side again.
Amused, he huffs softly - as close to a laugh as anyone has ever heard from the taciturn teen – and raises his arm to let the bird cradle better against his side. The gentle cuddling from the shikigami is enough to lighten his mood as auburn feathers tickle against his fingers and coax the smallest smile from him.
“Alright. Alright. That’s enough,” he says affectionately before returning to the serious matters at hand. “We need to regroup with our partner. Can you go scout for her?” Megumi asks; but to his surprise, Nue flutters his wings and twists his head around to stare directly to the side of him…at you, a few feet away.
Megumi didn’t know how long you’d been standing there, watching him. He thinks any time was probably too long in this situation. (He also thinks he might demand you start wearing a bell when you go on missions together.)
With a goofy smile, you walk towards him, and his heart is pounding, anticipating what you could possibly be about to say as you shorten the distance between the two of you, so close that an outreached arm would be enough to close it. The childishly smug look on your face makes his cheeks burn as you gently begin to trace the outline on Nue’s faceplate and press your head against the top of Nue’s.
“Before you say anything, I wasn’t watching you. I was admiring Nue.”
Megumi scoffs. He can’t say he isn’t amused that out of all things to say, you start with that. As if it isn’t obvious by now that he knows that you’re failing hard to hide your bad habit – for whatever reason you have it. And even more amusing was the way your face would highlight in embarrassment as you tried to hide the fact.
“Convenient story.”
“It’s the truth. Isn’t that right, Nue? You’re so handsome that I can’t tear my eyes away,” you praise, cuddling the owl until he ruffles his feathers and chitters, happily letting you drown him in attention.
And for the first time, he finds himself watching you instead with your face buried against his shikigami, and Nue is equally happy for your touch. It’s a sweet scene as Megumi concludes where Nue might have started to learn these overly affectionate tendencies. That is until you turn your head, naturally searching for his presence. When you meet his gaze, you smile warmly at him causing heat to crawl up the back of his neck and his heart to jump in his throat. With your focus on him this way, he is overwhelmed by a new sensation that he isn’t sure why he’s feeling in the first place. It’s not like he was unused to you looking in his direction.
Astonished by the moment, you point out, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you smile before.”
Confused, Megumi blinks at you. Had he been smiling?
Your expression softens. “It suits you.”
Surprised by your tender observation, he shifts his head away, hiding his rapidly reddening cheeks from you.
“Let’s head to the meeting point,” he manages, thanking whoever above that he was able to keep his voice steady at least.
One day, you decided to stop at the café together again. This time it’s only the two of you since the others are still out on their own duo mission. Even with that being the case, he would still have accepted your invitation regardless of the availability status of your other two friends. He isn’t really sure when he started to be okay being alone with you, and he also isn’t sure when you began to get comfortable with him as well. But he finds he doesn't mind either of those anymore.
“You’re staring,” he points out flatly, not bothering to look up from his book to confirm his accusation. He knows it’s true. “What is it this time?”
There’s a laugh from you, drawing his attention up. “Nothing.”
Normally, he would let you get away with that answer nowadays; but today, Megumi is determined to finally get to the bottom of whatever is up with you and him.
“Nothing?” he questions again skeptically. You nod, and he holds his gaze on you, pointedly, securely, determined to not even blink as he watches your face.
You frown. “Why are you doing that?”
“Doing what?” he asks, one long blink to reset himself before firmly keeping royal blue eyes locked on you once more.
“That,” you say, motioning to all of him.
“I’m not doing anything.”
“Uh-huh."
There’s a small beat of quiet as you return your focus to your book, but you look up every so often (probably to check if he's stopped eye-ing you down, which he doesn't). Holding an arm across your chest to scratch at the other, you squirm. As awful as it is, he feels a bit smug at the way you curve in and start to grow self-conscious.
“This is weird.”
“It is,” he agrees bluntly causing you to pout. He notes how funny it is to finally see the tables turned between the two of you and to have you overly aware of his watch. Even if he doesn’t get his answer, teasing you like this and eliciting that cute reaction is strangely worth it.
“How long are you going to do that?”
Megumi crosses his arms and leans back in his chair, never letting you leave his vision. He shrugs. “Depends. Are you going to tell me?”
You scowl but manage to hold your resolve for the better half of five minutes.
“Okay, I get it. I’ll stop,” you say, but he isn’t satisfied with that answer. Choosing to keep his rebellious challenge against you, he leans in closer and keeps up the wall until you finally start to crack under the pressure. “Well…it’s nothing really.”
“Then, tell me.”
“It’s,” you begin then pause.
He hunches in closer as if to keep your secret.
“It’s just that…” he can see you start to fidget in your chair, and for some reason, he feels his own anticipation growing. “You have a really pretty way about you.”
That was not the answer he was expecting.
“Huh? I have…a pretty way about me?” he repeats in disbelief, his face scrunching. “You must be joking.”
“I’m serious,” you tell him. “It’s something in the way you move, it makes it hard to concentrate.”
Megumi could only guess what kind of answer you would have but it wasn’t one that instantly makes his temperature skyrocket and causes his heart to start swelling against his ribcage, spreading the feeling of liquid butterflies through his veins.
“That's the only reason,” you repeat, noticing the way he seemed to completely stop functioning. “I’m not making you uncomfortable, am I?”
He uncrosses his arms, trying to sputter out a coherent sentence but his mind wouldn’t supply him with one as he fights to keep his own blushing down. “No. I’m not—it’s not that I’m—I just didn’t know what it was about—I—pretty?” he stammers, completely bewildered to the point he thinks his voice might crack for the first time in years.
You nod, growing more embarrassed. “I mean in a masculine way! Like your eyes, your hands, your voice, and the way your shirt drapes your shoulders. Ah! Basically…you’re really handsome,” you finish quickly when you realize you are rambling stupidly, and you squeeze onto the edge of your chair to calm yourself.
It’s so quiet between the two of you that you could possibly hear one of the cheap plastic straws from the front counter drop.
“Fushiguro-kun?” you ask bashfully.
He focuses his attention on the passerby's walking by the window as he shifts and squeezes at his uniform collar, attempting desperately to hide a fraction of his burning face behind the dark blue fabric. You…were simply attracted to him for some reason he would probably never understand (why in the world would you think any of that about him is attractive?) all this time.
“Let’s pretend this conversation never happened,” he tells you frantically.
Nodding, you confirm. “Yeah! That’s a good idea.”
For once, you’re not staring at him yet Megumi still feels like he can’t breathe despite the rapid rising and falling of his chest showing that he was very well breathing. As his face continues to burn and his stomach churns with this unfamiliarly pleasant and confusing emotion, he wishes his shadow would open and swallow him whole. Forever, perhaps.
It isn’t until later that night when his mind is heavy with thoughts of you, he admits to himself that he doesn’t exactly hate your reason.
Bonus
Before you enrolled in this school, your clan already outlined your priorities in life. Study, learn, become the best sorcerer you can for the benefit of the clan and your own survival. There isn’t time for things like friendship and even less for love, your family taught you, at least not until you’re older.
You agreed with that sentiment, going through your younger teen years not ever having a crush on someone or a strong preoccupation with romance. However, this school is proving that you still very much feel attraction.
Specifically for your withdrawn classmate.
Something about him was just so pretty. You’re not sure if it was the way his hair falls ever so neatly over his forehead before turning back into spiked peaks, or how deep blue his eyes are especially when shadowed by gorgeous rows of midnight eyelashes, or the way he carried himself like the stoic protagonists in the love comics your friends were obsessed with last year.
Maybe it was the entire package.
At the time you first started to notice him, you didn’t have the answer pieced together yet. Seeing that you also hadn’t learned anything proper about romance and attraction from your clan let alone flirting, the only thing you could do was stare at him as you failed to decipher this newfound infatuation that made your heart stutter and your lower body hot with tingles similar to the sensation of ginger spice on your tongue.
‘Is this that puberty thing they were talking about in health class all those years back,’ you wondered. They did say it could happen late, but this late? You weren’t sure, but you did like looking at him. That much was certain.
So, you continued to do so.
It's not like you were exactly going against what your clan told you.
After all, your clan would always say it’s important to be aware of your surroundings as a sorcerer, remember every little detail, and save it to memory, that could be the difference between death and victory in a battle.
Shouldn’t you take that advice to heart when it comes to your teammates as well? After all, these are the people you will be relying on while working. It’s important to learn their mannerisms.
Another thing your clan told you was that hands are an important thing to watch. Any sorcerers’ hands were a danger from Itadori’s hand-to-hand combat style, Gojo-sensei’s domain expansion, and Fushiguro’s entire technique.
His hands were always coming together to summon shadows, and he talked and explained things frequently with them to the point it became a distraction for you.
You also like the way his dominant hand always seems to climb up and curve around the back of his neck in the mornings as he stretches out the tightness from a cramped sleep. You would watch as he glosses each finger across his nape and shoulder, wondering what it would be like to have them coming across your own and to have fingers that could expertly craft signs tickling at your skin. Would you shudder or would it tickle or would it feel like nothing? Fortunately, you always resist the shaking urge to glide your own hand across your collar to find the answer.
It isn’t always the way his palm brushes his neck that entirely gets you but the way his sweatshirt rises, barely revealing a ring of beige skin that was normally hidden away under layers of comfortable cotton. It not only exposes him to the stagnant air of the school building but to your wandering eyes that had a bad problem of not being able to remain where they should be.
Objectively speaking, you were aware from day one that Itadori was strong and well-built under his clothes, but you didn’t realize the same could be said for Megumi until you saw the slip of his lower abdominal and the constellation of pale brown freckles hidden in the groove of his hip.
By the time your attention would return to his hands, you would be locked on the gentle way his knuckle catches the edge of his shirt's neckline. It was unknowing to him during those times that the action was teasing you by causing the fabric to lightly shift and expose the crux of his collarbone.
Then, you didn’t even want to get started on his face or eyes. The same ones that are gorgeously blue even when stormy with annoyance or softened with confusion every time he would catch you.
From your point of view, you admit that both looks were handsome on his face. However, you’re starting to realize from your last interaction that maybe you were being a tad…invasive. You refused to say creepy without a pillow to scream into.
So, you convince yourself to stop staring whenever you notice your eyes drifting to him. Only small peeks for his comfort unless you were talking to him or he to you. In hindsight, you think you are better at talking to him without embarrassing yourself all the time at least.
Your new resolve would be tested today as you prepare to head to the training field for another day of close combat drills with your upperclassmen. You dress in layers, wearing a light jacket and thigh socks with your shorts, fully intending to ditch both once it heats up a little more in the afternoon.
When you make it to the practice field, you notice two things: that Megumi is there (which you swear you only took note of for two seconds) and that you’re the last to arrive, meaning that you’re going to be the first put through the wringer with Maki-senpai.
The only positive is that you manage to last an extra round against her more than usual, and you’re left with only an aching butt as you hit the ground. You hiss and rub your wounded rear before dusting the ripped-up blades of grass from your lap. Noticing your socks bunched against your ankles, you click your tongue. Bending your legs, you start to shuffle one back up the length of your calf then your thigh. You unfurl it as high as you can until there’s only a small circumference of skin left between your shorts and the top of your sock. Satisfied, you start to repeat the process with your other leg before Maki taps your hip with her staff.
“Megumi is staring at you,” she grunts in a quiet warning, and you blink at her before trying to glance back over to the first row of bleachers. “Not too obvious.”
You force your gaze back to her, using the opportunity to catch Megumi in your periphery. Sure enough, you could barely make him out looking in your direction while Itadori talked to him. That was weird. You don't think you can recall a time where he was watching you unless you did it first. ‘He was probably watching me train,’ you begin to decide.
Before you can register what's going on completely, Maki calls out dryly, "Hey, Megumi, pictures last longer!”
Barely from this distance, you can see his head snap back and a scowl glowering on his face as he glares at her direction. “What are you talking about?”
“So, you want to play that way,” she mumbles and singles him out with a point of her staff and a crooked smile. “In that case, I’ll explain while we train!”
Megumi looks more annoyed than you have seen him in the last few days as he declares from the bleachers that he’s training with Panda instead as soon as he’s done with Nobara.
“That guy,” Maki grumbles quietly, slapping her staff back against her shoulder and layering a hand on her hip. “He makes things so difficult for everyone, including himself. I guess I’ll have to have a chat with him later.”
"Huh?" you huff as she twists her waist to look at you.
“Well, I can’t exactly have my darling little relative turning out like the rest of those perverts from the clan, after all,” she explains vaguely but instead of anger, there’s a rare hint of sarcastic amusement in her words. Suddenly, it starts to dawn on you what Maki means as your fingers brush the side of your inner thigh, and your throat starts to tighten with something akin to anxiety, and you want desperately to bury your face in your hands as you realize that he was looking at your legs. That he must like your legs…
The thought makes your heart pound, and something pulses inside you with what feels like anticipation as you catch his attention on you again. You were used to lusting after him but it was a different feeling to experience it in reverse – mutually even.
Is this what it felt like? Have you ever made him feel like this by watching him?
You didn’t know what to do.
“What do I do?”
She gives an incredulous look. “Call him out naturally, especially if it bothers you,” she replies. "But that isn't what you want, right?"
You frown, not entirely sure yourself. It didn’t bother you necessarily. If anything, you like his attention on you. It makes your body otherworldly hot when he gives it to you. Pulling your knees to your chest, you think back to what someone in one of those television dramas would do in this situation. It takes some courage, but you find your answer.
You wink at him.
It elicits an immediate response that involves him shoving his hands in his pockets and scrambling to break eye contact; so much that you can see Itadori twisting towards him with concern.
“Hah, that was a good one." Maki lets out a short and harsh snort. "Wait until I tell Panda.”
Smiling proudly, you can’t resist staring at the flush that he has to stand and stalk off to the other side of the field closer to Inumaki and Panda to hide. Out of all the attractive things about him, you think that might top your list; and truthfully, you wanted to see it again.
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Ima assume Timmy REALLY likes her cuz nt only his fans r clowning him bt multiple outlets 🥴 like damn ik his publicist r like wtf lmao i found it interesting that right after that British Vogue article (that i think got deleted?) that was going IN on kylie and another article saying they brokeup THEN made their debut. Just seems very calculated.
Im curious if kylothee expected the "tomdaya" treatment (where most ppl, fans or just locals) really love them or if they expected backlash from their relationship
Yea i mean (almost) 2 yrs really aint much tbh bt this is Kaias longest relationship so i guess thats good lol ive heard so many rumors about the JE/Kaia breakup bt i dnt think anybody cared enough about their relationship to really investigate 😭 JE taking all his gfs to the same place and JE allegedly beimg a cheater was prob the most publicity Jakaia relationship got besides their constant pap pics lol nobody was really checkin for them like that. Austin/Kaia r a pretty couple bt they def give "off" vibes. They make sure to always b photographed (on a after party carpet or irl)
Lol! 😆
Omg.....You brought up SO MUCH with this one ask Anon 😅 I'm gonna have to HIDE my response below so that it doesn't take up a whole scrolling page lol.
Re: Timmy/Kylie....
Yea, I mean, they might very well be a real couple that's just using each other for publicity. That DOES happen in Hollywood...a LOT actually lol.
But yea, that Vogue article that got deleted all of a sudden def seemed like a "management team" request lol 🤭 I just know Kris was HOT that day! 🤣
Im curious if kylothee expected the "tomdaya" treatment (where most ppl, fans or just locals) really love them or if they expected backlash from their relationship
Rofl!! 🤣
Omg..... now that you mention it lol.... What if that was their intent all along? 🤔 Cuz that would be hilarious asl if so lol.
"Oh yea, let's HIDE as a couple, like, BARELY see each other, and that way we keep people guessing see, and then, once we've had people guessing long enough, we'll stage an 'outing' or being 'caught' and we can get more publicity..... yea, that's it..." 😏
Look, NO celebrity couple is touching the cuteness of Tomdaya, sorry lol. And their hiding wasn't fabricated lol.
Re: Jakaia & Kaustin
Yea i mean (almost) 2 yrs really aint much tbh bt this is Kaias longest relationship so i guess thats good lol
Yea I'm shocked too cuz it is her longest lol. Plus, idk why, but I always got the impression she was into girls lol 👀 But hey, maybe she's bi. 🤷🏾♀️
ive heard so many rumors about the JE/Kaia breakup bt i dnt think anybody cared enough about their relationship to really investigate 😭
Wait... what rumors did you hear about the Jakaia breakup? 👀 Cuz I didn't hear much. All I heard was SHE dumped HIM lol. 🤭
JE taking all his gfs to the same place and JE allegedly beimg a cheater was prob the most publicity Jakaia relationship got besides their constant pap pics lol nobody was really checkin for them like that.
Rofl I remember that lol 😆 🤣
It's funny cuz I could def see I strongly suspected that JE was benefiting from being associated with her and her family, because while he was dating Kaia, he STAYED in W magazine rofl 🤣 (her family is affiliated with the magazine).
I kept wondering how he was always getting all this publicity (even during the awards season), when he didn't even have ANY filming projects that were being released that year lol, like what?? 🤣
Austin/Kaia r a pretty couple bt they def give "off" vibes. They make sure to always b photographed (on a after party carpet or irl)
Right?? Lol 😅
Like, they may be 100% genuine as anything, but some things recently just make me go: "hmm...." 🤔
The fact that paps knew exactly where to be outside of Karlie Kloss's house so that they could get those perfect shots of Kaia holding the baby in the backyard lol.
Birthday Cake Gate lol 🤭
The fact that paps sometimes know exactly where they're gonna be, even BEFORE they have reached their destination lol 😅
The fact that they seem to look super happy together on the red carpet, but whenever you see them papped out and about, they look = 😐
Maybe it's all just coincidence, but either way, I def feel like they're probably mutually benefitting from being with each other. Plus, the Gerbers are wealthy, so it doesn't hurt to make friends in wealthy places lol 😏
I've always heard that Kaia's family supposedly has some "deal" with the Daily FAIL, and even paps themselves will tell you that 9 times out of 10, a lot of these celebs are giving the paps a heads up notice on where they will be. 🤷🏾♀️
Hollywood is a game of smoke and mirrors lol 😆 So, I don't blame ppl if they play the game sometimes.
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tell us about your favourite of the new Talkers!
I guess my favourite right now is Scott Gray... I haven't really gotten much into the new talkers yet, i have a specific few tropes i like for characters and i thought it was funny how when Rea drew their first draft of the new talkers player Scott had the Jenkins aesthetic visually.
anyway, i have an interp for scott that i think is different from everyone else's general idea so i dont know if i really like it all that much but hey
my scott is pretty absentminded, uses they/he pronouns probably. Rendered only in grayscale, any new clothes he puts on his body turn gray as well.
They're effectionately mute, whenever they try to talk they can only talk in static noises or radio/tv clips. They do actually speak words when the static comes out but it can only be heard by very specific people. Simon Haley could probably hear it, of the current talkers.
they became like this due to some weird blaseball adjacent Happening where they were watching the talker's last game before the black hole swallowed the league and the energy reverberated on them specifically and caused them to become like... part energy.
He is capable of becoming pure energy and occupying electronic devices but he doesn't do it often because it feels like when your hand falls asleep except on his whole body
Part of his whole static thing is that he experiences the world with a constant ringing in his ears like tinnitus adjacent but it sounds like static, so it makes it really hard to focus, especially on bad days where static is all he can hear. This affects his blaseball play a lot because he gets so caught in the sounds that he ended up being a not very good fielder and even though he explained his whole Deal to Simon, it wasn't something that could be fixed easily.
He likes to fix electronics, since he's electricity adjacent it feels comfortable to him, and its something thats easy and doesnt require social interaction or auditory focus so its nice.
what else... i know we sort of have a himbo thing going for scott but idk if i like it cuz it feels like its being based on his sim performance, my interp uses the tinnitus static ringing to justify why he's not the best at fielding. I DO think its funny if he's considered one of the most beautiful players on the team tho just because i think he wouldn't care in the slightest
i think thats all i really have? he occupies the part of my brain where red from pokemon sits vibeswise. sort of bad at conversations with people, has a few very specific interests. maybe has like 2 best friends.
Actually going back to the people who can understand their static talk, i think maybe its like, simon, abner and tad. simon and abner are cosmic entities and nobody else can understand tad's honks rofl. Maybe Abner sometimes hangs out with Scott while he's fixing electronics just because Scott isnt overly vocal and sometimes its nice to just Exist with someone even when you're old and prickly with people like Abner haha.
#Scott Gray#blaseball#canada moist talkers#i definitely didnt think i had this many scott thoughts i wont lie#it just all exploded#i guess my favourite player is scott gray i say#proceeds to write several paragraphs about them
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okay so .... in this like ... one little group of tangled mess of roleplay that somehow got dubbed penny's cinematic universe (and not by me which makes it absolutely hilarious to me)
we have mikkah here. mutant.
and then we have mikhail, her twin brother at @intcthatgoodnight also mutant/ superhuman.
and then we have william at @ambitionfcrged who was their handler / trainer / whatever back in the day. also mutant / superhuman.
then we have arthur over at @valiantsword who is mikkah's 'canon' ship (though there are bouts of polyamory or what not that come and go as time passes) tog loosely based immortal.
in connection to that we have desi who is at @aeternals (or @riverguides ) who is one of arthur's long time friends, and a fellow immortal.
(which is also where @melodyfcrged comes into play as a baby immortal who was doing nothing but living her happy music teacher life when she literally just died in time to get dragged into all this chaos bc ^^^^ is the only one dreaming about her and vice versa - tog immortal based) (and also, involved in this is @factiousfcrged who is desi's long time lover / partner)
then we also have hale, over at @wolfisheart who is one of william's ... playthings i guess is the nicest way to put that who is a werewolf that runs a bar for william outside of the city where william lives with -->
@tornmemory who is (currently) unbenkownst to mikkah, mikkah's daughter - that she thought died as an infant, which was one of the events that led to her breaking free of her control and escaping. rosalie is also a mutant / superhuman, and has a programmed split personality, nadya.
then we have wren, at @somebadguys, who is a relatively 'normal' human slightly psychopathic woman that has been recruited by william to worm her way into mikkah's current circle
we also have rowan, who is an old pack mate of hale's who has been hunting him down for revenge bc she thinks he's responsible for the death of most of their pack way back when -- also at somebadguys.
and somewhere in there we have a random ass normal, human, ex military guy who stumbled into william's bar one day and got hired on as a bartender. which would be, dante, over at @nomadfcrged who sometimes sleeps with hale.
and also in there somewhere we have william sinking his claw back into mikhail and sending mikhail to lure mikkah away from all her immortal friends / bodyguards and everyone else so that he can snatch mikhail and mikkah back up.
and for good measure we have dark verse andy at @ofbloodandbullets who just flat out said fuck it i'm done after quynh was lost and disappeared into the wind. spy network / weapons dealer / the whole shtick.
her liaison for her group and william is @seismicplay (wip)
????? talk about a tangled web we weave how did this even happen ROFL. but also, wanted to kind of get this into one place and also to loop @intcthatgoodnight in in case you want to jump into the chaos and scheme with some of the other parties involved - but ABSOLUTELY ONLY IF YOU WANT TO i just wanted to get this written out and see if i've missed anything.
also this is the 'pcu' verse. for my record keeping purposes.
anyways that's the chaos that's been brewing the last couple days but it is literally just one verse for all these blogs and every character listed here is available for plots, potential ships, and angst outside of this verse !
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YouTuber AU
Hello welcome to Dating Scandal but with Twitter Involved (nightmare)
A little exposition here:
Link, Zelda, Sidon, Revali, and Riju are the most popular group of youtubers on the internet and have a huge fanbase that likes to theorize, draw fanart, and write fanfiction about them. Disclaimer, I don’t actually interact with real-person fandoms myself lol there’s just too much potential for drama and misunderstandings & they’re always bound to end in a dumpster fire but that is sort of what this au is about so.
Impa, Mipha, Daruk, and Urbosa are family friends that appear in a lot of their videos/streams.
(This is an art blog I swear)
enter vidcon 20XX
Link:
blows stuff up/sets stuff on fire with a side of cooking vids and gaming
most are filmed outside, he does those challenges where you try to cook stuff with limited ingredients/materials
has the largest fanbase of all of them, but not the most…intimidating.
does a lot of collab videos, mostly with Impa, Daruk, and Riju because they have similar interests/channels, but Zelda appears in his videos and is seen filming and the stans read too far into it
simps. i’m pointing at you.
Most popular videos are “shield surfing on rock!—how I broke my leg” “can Daruk eat Impa’s motorcycle?” and “how to inhale ranch dressing.”
Twitter handle is @ arsonistslullabye because he’s a hozier fan
45m subs
Zelda:
theories, analyses, conspiracies, and the occasional e x p e r i m e n t
she once got link to eat a frog for 50 bucks.
most people argue that she’s better than more popular YouTubers because she actually has quality content to give to the world and she has a lot of defensive supporters
She used to get a lot of hate before Urbosa spoke up about it and scared the bejeezus out of everyone
has an actual posting schedule
“Happy Sunday everyone, it’s Zelda Hyrule and today we will be talking about cryptozoology and why blupees exist, you cowards.”
Twitter handle is @ zeldaofhyrule and she is pan. just so you know. One of those calm extroverts that mystify me to this day.
18m subs
Sidon:
fashion/life hacks. Like gourmet troom troom but if they were real people.
Has the 2nd largest fanbase
most of them are girls
Sidon has a boyfriend though, which he told everyone at VidCon a few years ago
cue the drama and shipping and the entire fandom trying to figure out who the boyfriend is. A well known reddit thread emerged that presented the common guesses being Link, Sidon, and Zelda.
“But it can’t be Zelda, Sidon’s gay.”
“I’m not in the fandom but I thought Zelda was a boy??”
“Did you just say Sidon? Is that a typo? Are you saying that Sidon’s dating himself?”
Sidon x Sidon became a fandom joke.
Don’t look at me I’m just setting up all the worldbuilding. every fandom has their weird dark sides and Sidon x Sidon is the Linkcest of the Sidon YT fandom.
Mystery BF is actually Bazz, a pretty inconspicuous guy who appeared in a few of his videos. This was confirmed a year ago, but everyone still ships him with other YouTubers because they’re convinced he was lying to throw them off his scent. He really can’t catch a break and this is why you should not ship real people.
Twitter handle is @ officialprincesidon
says “beguiling” a lot
21m subs ᕙ( ͡❛ ▿ ͡❛)ᕗ
Mipha:
Sidon’s sister, hasn’t posted a single video but just has the channel for show because she appears in so many of Sidon’s videos as a model for his makeup tutorials and whatnot
has 328k for that. Everyone loves her, she’s great. @ mimipha
Revali:
Link’s sworn rival
Link thinks they’re friends
He kept popping up in link’s Twitter threads and making snarky comments until zelda called him out for not even following link (so why was he stalking his acc) which kept the Twitter drama to a minimum
Revali was the catalyst of a few popular memes and that’s where most of his subs come from.
drags link into a few challenges that always get a ton of views because of how competitive they get
“ITS JUST ASININE” is a running joke that everyone tries to get him to say. His @ is itsjustasinine as well
Urbosa is the only person who can win an argument with him
5m subs and growing rapidly. newer to youtube than everyone else.
Impa:
Doesn’t have a channel she’s just a mutual friend of Mipha, Zelda, and Link
Rides a motorcycle, so she is used in a few of Link’s videos.
@ ihaveamotorcycle because she thinks having a motorcycle is a personality trait. the most unruly on Twitter when it comes to replying to fan’s stuff, leaking upcoming videos and generally causing chaos.
Mipha’s girlfriend. That’s how she met Zelda and Link.
Urbosa:
Is actually a model, but she has a ton of YouTuber friends because she’s known Zelda since birth.
when she entered the youtube community she didn’t realize she would be adopting like 15 children
5m subs. her videos are professional & related to her modelling career. @ urbosasfury
I feel like she would do unboxing vids. I’m not sure what she’s unboxing.
Daruk
Just a friend of Link’s, fun guy. yells a lot. once ate a rock and had no reaction.
people are scared of him for that reason
Riju:
yoga & gymnastics & “ha look at how flexible I am its eAsY” videos
you know the type
she also does reactions and is sponsored by save the sand seals charities which she is very enthusiastic about. She’s also Urbosa’s niece and the only minor in the gang (15). I like to think that the champions YT community is actually not creepy so everyone respects her a ton
doesn’t post frequently, she mostly appears in Link’s videos to jump out of airplanes or whatever. And sometimes Zelda’s if she’s interested in the topic. 500k subs, but she’s always really popular when she appears in Link’s videos.
VidCon:
In the months leading up to VidCon, some fans on the internet made a few discoveries: first of all, that the inside of Link’s house is painted green. This is a big deal because all of his videos are filmed outside either in his backyard or on trips that he and the brosquad go on to do…whatever bros do. explosions. idk. The point is he had some announcement about VidCon and filmed it inside. Only the wall and a potted plant were shown.
However, the colour was similar to the the shade of Zelda’s living room. Fans dug through years and years of old videos and found a clip of Zelda walking through a hallway, where there was an open door and a glimpse of a houseplant.
There were 2 types of responses to the theory:
“They could just be roommates guys calm down”
“and they were ROOMMATES?”
others pointed out that Link could just not have a house and had to crash in Zelda’s
Some guy on reddit claimed he had a botany degree and declared that the houseplants in the clips were not of the same genus. Normal people pointed out that the plant would have grown 4 years between the clips and would look considerably different.
#Zelink trended on twitter for a while and people posted other old clips from both of their channels and the frog video blew up again
Impa retweeted a post tagged as #zelink with “rofl” and later publicly apologized for causing confusion.
Fans noticed that in the “can a motorcycle drive over my arm” (it was clickbait he’s fine) episode 2 years ago, Link was eating out of a paper lunch bag with his name written on it in handwriting that a few people claimed to look like Zelda’s, leading people to believe that she had packed him a lunch.
However, this theory was shot down with the counterargument that Zelda can’t cook. although. i mean how much skill do you need to make a sandwich.
No one knows what tumblr is doing at this time
Zelda wore a scarf in her “Save the Sand Seals” video that matched identically to the scarf Link wore when he travelled to Hebra to film a shield surfing video, but it’s been debated wether it’s actually the same scarf or not.
Neither Zelda nor Link has spoken up about the theories, and besides Impa’s one slip on twitter, neither has any of their friends. Zelda received a lot of backlash for the assumption that she was dating Link because he has a lot of delusional fans that didn’t want her to “steal their man” or whatever the hell that type of fan would get mad about
Oh yea and bolson & karson run a zelink fanpage on twitter sorry I forgot about that
after that whole mess, everyone was even more anticipant of VidCon in the hopes that some of their questions would be answered.
The whole batch went to VidCon this year: Link, Impa, Daruk, and Riju are a gang while Sidon and Mipha go together and Zelda & Revali each go separately. Urbosa is there for supervision moral support
Zelda has always been much better at dodging questions that she doesn’t want to answer than anyone else, so her Q&A went without a hitch. When asked to confirm the rumours she said “which one?” and then moved on to the next question (without actually confirming any rumours).
Link is generally a more awkward person but eventually said that he had filmed the video in Zelda’s house because it was nicer and didn’t realize it would cause such an uproar. Fans were disappointed, but Bolson claimed he saw Link and Zelda exiting the hotel elevator on the same floor after Link’s Q&A session. No one believed him.
Fans went back to theorizing over who Link, Zelda, and Sidon were all dating, because apparently they can’t just be dating unknown people and have to be with other YouTubers
Sidon and Bazz got engaged about a week after VidCon, making at least 4 preteen girls cry
actually try 4 million
Sidon x Sidon made a brief comeback but Sidon spoke up about his fandom for the first time ever on twitter and told everyone that no, he was not dating himself. eventually, everyone settled down and accepted that none of them were in a relationship save for a few loud fans.
Link and Zelda still got the occasional “when will you tell us who you’re dating?” comment but most of them were joking and the people who still hardcore shipped them were generally frowned upon. Zelda’s popularity went up after VidCon and she regained the 200k subscribers she’d lost after the first theory dropped.
Two months after VidCon, Link posted a video titled “Zelda and I’s House Tour!” and gave around 45 million people a heart attack
as revealed in the video, they had actually been dating since they were 16 and everyone’s just a fool.
the potted plant is named Hestu.
#listen. listen. youtuber au#idc if u came here to see genderless art this is what I am posting today#genderless art in the future though#anyways I'm so sorry#sidon x sidon trends for a few days and I feel bad for the ppl who have to handwrite the trending descriptions on twitter#like what would it be#reddit user @ steponmeurbosa makes a spelling error and sparks shipping between beauty guru sidon and himself#if someone tries to start discourse about YouTube fandoms on my post I am blocking you#headcanons#opinions#youtuber au#botw#zelink#breath of the wild#legend of zelda#thank god I got this out of my notes app
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Fire on Fire - Chapter Six
this is finally going somewhere! i had to cut this chapter in two otherwise it would have been six thousand words so… sorry for the cut😬
Warning for sucidal thoughts in this chapter.
chapter five // chapter seven
“She did not!” Aelin laughed loudly, still in her nightclothes. “Why do we always miss that?”
“Miss what?” Sam asked as he entered the room, two bowls of cereals in his hands. He gave one to Lysandra and brought two spoons so Aelin could eat in his bowl. Lysandra and Aelin just woke up, it was four in the afternoon and Aelin didn’t eat anything since last night, so she was starving.
Aelin, Lysandra, Nehemia, and Sam might have partied a little too hard last night. So this morning, Aelin and Lysandra decided to stay home. Sam didn’t look happy about Aelin missing class but he didn’t say anything, knowing Aelin’s mind was made. He came back from school an hour ago and woke them up.“Gods, I love these cereals,” she moaned at the taste. Aelin loved food, and it showed on her body. The only good thing about her injury is that now she didn’t have to pay attention to everything she ate to fit in stupid costumes. She might miss dancing but she loved food more.
“I finished the last box, by the way.”
Aelin nodded, making a mental note she’ll have to ask Quinn to go grocery shopping as soon as she could.
“Leave me some, Lys,” Nehemia said as she threw herself on Aelin’s bed. She was glad to have a gigantic bed when the four of them were home, which is almost all the time lately. Nehemia threw her hair behind her shoulder, silently asking her friends to pay attention to them.
“That color suits you, Mia,” Aelin smiled and it was genuine. Nehemia had fresh new braids, they started black but ended in a deep ocean blue. The girl never wanted boring colors in her hair and almost everything suited her. Lysandra and Sam agreed with her, making Nehemia smile arrogantly. But Aelin knew that Nehemia was hiding a real smile behind that.
“Might dye my hair blue to match you,” Aelin said and Nehemia looked thrilled.
“Don’t you dare!” Sam said, turning to Aelin and almost spilling the cereals and milk on her bed. “Your hair is so pretty. Buy a wig but don’t you dare dye it.”
“Excuse me?”
He pouted, “Please?” Even with this ridiculous face, he stayed beautiful. She loved the twinkle of mischief, the hint of exasperation at her, and the kindness that made her feel good, the kindness that made her want to be the best person she could be.
“Okay,” She sighed and he had a victorious smile drawn on his face. “Let’s go for the wig.”
He smiled and kissed her, pout-ring all his love for her in it. She could spend years kissing him. “You two are gross,” Lysandra complained, Sam and Aelin pulled apart and Aelin sent her best friend a vulgar gesture.
“Anyway, Lys, what did we miss?” Sam asked again, this boy was the most curious of the four. He liked to hear gossip about everyone.
“Ansel was high at Nox’s party two days ago.” Aelin was sad they missed a party just to be at a Gala, but her parents were home for once and demanded that she was with them.
“You’re joking?” Nehemia asked and laughed as she took Lysandra’s spoon to eat some cereals. The brunette threw the dark-skinned girl a look that promised violence.
“You’ll never see me taking drugs, that’s for sure,” Aelin sighed and rested her head on Sam’s shoulder. “God, I already regret drinking twice in a week.”
“Good,” Sam said and she rolled her eyes.
The four friends spent hours talking and laughing together. They practically all lived at her home, anyway. Sam and Lysandra’s families were fucked up enough, so they spent their time here. Nehemia’s parents worked too much to notice that she didn’t come home most nights. Aelin’s parents were never here either, so she welcomed the company.
When it started getting dark outside, Aelin’s phone rang. She had no idea who called her but it could be one of her parents, calling her from wherever they were now or even Aedion who had a habit to lose his phone.
“Hello?”
“Aelin?” A deep voice asked and Aelin thought she recognized it in the back of her brain but she couldn’t put a name on who it belonged to.
“I’m not trying to be rude but, who are you?”
The man laughed and the sound gave her chills. “It’s Arobynn Hamel. Your mother was supposed to give you my phone number but I guess she forgot.”
Her body froze. Arobynnn Hamel. Of course, she knew that voice, she had watched enough interviews of him to become familiar with it, she even met him two days ago. She sat straighter in her bed, attracting the worried gaze of her three friends. With a more serious face than they had ever seen, Aelin motioned for them to remain silent.
“Oh gods, I’m sorry, Mister Hamel. She didn’t give me your number, I’m very sorry.” She was so embarrassed, Mala knew how much Aelin would be mad at her mom for it. Her friends looked surprised at who called her.
“Calm down, Aelin. It’s okay.” He comforted her as he laughed softly. “And call me Arobynn.”
“Alright.” She said and waited for him to explain why he was calling her, not that she wasn’t happy about it because she was. She just knew she would embarrass herself if she opened her mouth and started talking.
“Are you doing anything tomorrow night?” He asked and Aelin furrowed her brows. That was weird but exciting at the same time.
“No, I am free. Why?”
“We didn’t have a lot of time to talk Saturday and I think it’s a shame. I am still in Orynth for two days and would like to talk with you. Your mother told me you wanted to be an author or work in the publishing industry, is it true?”
“Yes,” it was the fastest answer of her life. Yes, she had always dreamed of working around books.
“From what I’ve heard, Aelin Galathynius, you are special. I’d like to see that by myself. Allow me to take you out for dinner tomorrow and we can talk about your future.”
If Arobynn Hamel helped her… She could become a successful author. She could picture it, a small house, Sam at her side, a study full of books she wrote, a life away from the spotlight, a happy life. It’s exactly what she wanted. Special, he thought she was special.
“Dress code?”
He laughed again and Aelin couldn’t help but smile. “Something like the dress you had on Saturday should be good. I’ll pick you up at seven, is it good for you?”
“Perfect.”
They hung up and she looked at her friend, still surprised, and smile. She was thoughtfully happy.
“Aelin?” Aedion asked, tearing her from her daydream. “You there?”
“Sorry. What is it?” She was tired and hungover, she didn’t get lots of sleep last night and she was feeling the effects. Dorian had left early this morning, long before anyone woke up. It was better than having to face Aedion’s judgmental looks.
“I asked if your scholarship got renewed for next year, Lysandra got the answer in the mail yesterday so you’re supposed to have yours too, right?” She looked up from her bowl of cereals, confused for a second. When she met Rowan Whitethorn’s face, with the same confused expression as her, she remembered.
Lysandra, Aedion, and everyone else believed she got a scholarship, frankly, she had no idea how they believed her. But they never had a reason to distrust her, that’s probably the reason.
Most of her relation with Arobynn was secret and the money he spent on her was part of the lie.
“Yeah, everything is taken care of.” She smiled, it was the truth in a way. She dared to look at Rowan and she didn’t why, didn’t know how, but she knew he didn’t believe her. She could see it in his frown and eyes.
“Good,” her cousin smiled as he drank his coffee.
She smiled back, he was worried for her, she knew it. It’s exactly why she didn’t tell him anything, he didn’t need the stress. “I’ve got everything under control.”
---------
“What are you still doing here?” Arobynn asked, startling Aelin. She had been too busy on her computer to hear him coming. “It’s past nine, we finished hours ago.”
They both had worked for hours today and she was tired. “What are you still doing here?” She asked.
“I asked first, darling.” He sat in his chair in front of her. She was still in her seat, the chair almost belonged to her for all the time she spent on it. She wanted to be annoyed at him but today had been different. He had been different. He wasn’t the Arobynn she had known years ago but he was close, closer than he usually was lately. Aelin was pretty sure he hadn’t had a drink all day, which could explain his mood. That was a good thing.
“I’m writing and waiting for my cousin to check his damn phone so he can pick me up.”
“Where’s your car?”
“Broken,” she grilled through her teeth. The damn truck had decided not to work this morning, causing Aelin to have a nervous breakdown. “A friend of mine had a look at it and told me it would cost me more to repair it than to buy a new one, so here I am, depending on my cousin.” She hated it, hated to depend on someone. But it seemed to happen a lot lately, so she might have to get used to it. “What are you doing here?” She repeated.
“My meeting lasted two hours,” he said, his voice hard.
“Ah, sucks when you have to actually do your job, right?” She remarked and didn’t know if it was a reproach for the way he over-worked her or a teasing. Maybe both, she didn’t want to wonder about it too much.
“Someone’s feisty today,” he joked and she fought a small smile. “Ready for Monday?”
“I already told you no, Arobynn.”
“Why not? You finish the school year in four days.”
“I have a job, Arobynn. I can’t just-”
“Everything’s taken care of.” He cut her off with a smile. It was the kind of smile that told her he had done something and was feeling rather proud of it.
“What.”
“Did you know Rofle was my friend? After a drink or two, he agreed to let you come back in September, right after your internship at Hamel Publishing.”
“And you did that after I told you no?” Her tone was rising. “And are you friends with everyone here?”
He rose from his seat to stand right before her. She had to raise her head to look him in the eye. One of his calloused hands rested on her cheek, caressing her cheekbone. "You know how powerful I am." She did, Arobynn wasn’t just a successful author or the CEO of a publishing company, those were just hobbies for him. He had grown up in a rich family, had been raised to be like every rich people. He had learned how fake smiles and words were weapons, how to manipulate people. He had a way to manipulate everyone he called his friends, whether it was a picture, a video, or a letter. He had something on everyone. “I once promised you I would make you shine, Aelin. I won’t let a shitty job ruin that promise.” For years he had told her she was special, he had told her she could reach the stars should she just let him help her. And for years she had believed him, so she decided to do it again. She only nodded and it seemed to be enough for him.“I’m calling a cab for you.”
“No.”
“No?” His voice was surprised. “Is it because of the money?”
“For fuck sake Arobynn I can afford a cab ride,” that was a total lie, but he didn’t need to know that. “I just… can’t.”
Understanding and pity flashed on Arobynn’s face and she had to keep herself from yelling at him for it. “You still can’t?”
“I don’t wanna talk about it.” She said voice hard that didn’t let room for questions.
“Pack your things, I’ll drive you.” This was what Arobynn from four years ago would have said, what the Arobynn she had come to know would have said. In a flicker of hope, she said yes. Hope that she could erase what happened between them, that she would forget like Arobynn repeatedly asked her to, and just start again because she didn’t know how to survive another person leaving her.
-----------------------------
It was the middle of the night when Rowan heard her cries.
At first, he had ignored them, trying to give her privacy. It was unusual of her to let someone hear her, so Rowan thought it might be very bad. But after five minutes of cries, he couldn’t stay in his bed anymore.
When he walked into her room, his heart broke a little. She was in bed, sleeping, trashing against the sheets, crying, and trying to talk. Even with only the light from the bathroom, he could see the pain written all over her face.
He couldn’t take it, he couldn’t just walk back to his room and ignore her. So, he shook her shoulder, trying to wake her up but it didn’t work. She kept jerking in her bed as if she was fighting with the pillows and her blanket.
“Aelin,” he said, using both his hands to shake her. “Aelin,” he repeated louder. Her eyes jerked open, she turned her head several times, trying to figure out where she was. Her whole body shook and a second later she leaned over the bed and vomited her guts out. Rowan held her hair back, avoiding touching her directly so as not to overwhelm her.
When she lay back down in bed, she was still crying, her limbs shaking as if she were hypothermic even though Rowan could see the sweat glistening on her skin.
Rowan had only seen one person look so wrecked in his entire life, himself. He saw it every time he woke up and looked into the mirror. It was worse ten years ago because he had no idea how to hide it, in a decade he learned how to conceal everything. How to recognize which night was most likely to give him a nightmare, learned how to stay quiet while he felt like dying inside.
“You should take a shower,” Rowan said, voice softer than he has ever used with her. He had been wrong, so wrong.
“I don’t think I have the strength.”
“To shower?” He asked but there was no judgment, he only wanted to make sure.
“To live.” Her small voice broke and his heart did too. When she looked up at him, eyes filled with tears, Rowan didn’t see anything but desperation and loathing. He knew it wasn’t directed at him but at herself.
“Come here,” he said as he slid his arms under her body. “We’re gonna clean you up, okay?” He lifted her up from her bed, avoiding the content of her stomach on the floor as her weak arms curled around his neck and he guided her to the bathroom.
————
@sheharahu // @morganofthewildfire // @thestoriesyoutell // @fromthelibraryofemilyj // @swankii-art-teacher // @itsforeverinnocent-blog // @becarefuloflove // @imnotsogoodatthis // @rowaelinismyotp // @a-court-of-milkandhoney // @feysand-loml // @surielandiareendgame // @live-the-fangirl-life // @story-scribbler // @loves-books // @fangirlprincess09 // @theysayitscrazy
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One thing I feel like tends to get disregarded when it comes to tonal tags (ex: /j /s /lh /nm etc.) is that just...not everyone is the same. Not everyone has the same needs, issues, or desired accommodations - that especially goes for the ND community. By ND community, I mean more than just people who are ADHD and autistic. I mean people who are psychotic, have anxiety, narcissism, schizophrenia, DID, OSDD, and more. Any branch of neurodivergency typically has a spectrum to it, or at least forms in a way where not everyone with the neurodivergency will be the same.
I've seen people with anxiety and OCD be extremely glad and thankful for the usage of tonal tags because it helps to ease their anxieties and thoughts. I've seen ADHD and autistic people say they HATE tonal tags and feel like they just make communication harder. And guess what! Both sides are right - they both make good points!
Some people do struggle with high social anxiety, wherein they may think that everyone is always angry, disappointed, or bored with them. And so, with someone being like "You really like talking about the history of x huh" vs "You really like talking about the history of x huh /posi (or /nm)", there could be a drastic level of anxiety spiking or lack thereof. Hell, some people with anxiety may be triggered more by the usage of tonal tags and prefer people to not use them, because it "feels more authentic and open-ended" - AND. THAT. IS. FINE!
"But but but!! There's so many acronyms and shorthands!! I don't know what they all meeeeean!!"
Okay. So ask. Do research. Or wait for someone else to ask, if you're in a setting of multiple people. When I first saw the tag "/nav" I had no fucking idea where it came from or what it meant. Then, in a VC, I had a friend ask another friend what it meant, and they explained it meant /Not A Vent. There, boom, I got my answer and now know what it means when someone uses the tag /nav. No skin off of anyone's noses!
And here's the thing. I get it. I get that it can be overwhelming for there to be SO MANY TAGS out there to use. I probably don't even know half of them. But that's FINE because I know what I need, and I trust my friends to tell me what they need and don't need for accommodations.
What the complaints of tonal tags reminds me of, funnily enough, is when text-talk used to pain traction. Lol, lmao, jk, rofl, brb, ttyl, omg, etc. etc. I remember that this got a LOT of backlash back when I was a kid, because it somehow devalued conversations, there were too many to remember, it was far too complicated, "why not just use/do x instead?"
Even acronyms for shows, movies, books and more crop up and die every damn day - and guess what! I have no clue what MOST of them fucking are! But that doesn't matter because I can just see blogs I follow talking about GVSB season 2's finale and just be like "cool!! I'll understand this through osmosis eventually! :)"
Tonal tags are an online accommodation for ND people. Much like any accommodation EVER, it is optional and it is not made nor expected to be used by everyone. No one is holding a gun to your head and forcing you to put /j at the end of all your jokes. No one is tying you to a smoldering pyre because you didn't put /nm or /lh at the end of an otherwise snarky comment. No one is forcing you to use tonal tags, ESPECIALLY if you don't feel like they are a good fit for you.
Everyone needs accommodations, and we can't always agree on what those accommodations are. However, when someone states what their accommodations are, then it is only right to follow them as best as one can. If it becomes too strenuous, though, then you have every right to simply put everything down and step away from the individual.
Do what is right for yourself first and foremost, so long as you do not try to bring harm or judgement onto others and their accommodations.
#Jean rants#Tonal tags#Neurodivergent#Tone tags#Yes this is long yes I am ADHD and yes those two do collide
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Happy New Years! 🎉
Ikevam New Year’s Set Stories
2021 Super Awesome Set
I wanted to share because I understand the paywall is probably too much for a lot of people. It’s a pretty informal overview of the stories though~
Boys Talk - Team Abnormal
Shakespeare, Le Comte, Jean
Setting: Thermae
Le Comte asks why Shakespeare is looking gloomier than normal. Shakespeare says he feels a bit weird about a sarcastic comment Arthur made about the three of them (Shakespeare, Le Comte, Jean) being abnormal.
Le Comte: I guess he means we’re deviants. Idk where he got that from.
He comments that Shakespeare likes to tease people and wonders what to do with him.
Jean: You two are most definitely deviants
Them: Wha?
Le Comte calls his comment unnecessarily cruel. Shakespeare defends himself and says unlike Le Comte he’s a gentleman
Le Comte is like LOL I feel like you added an insult in there
Jean: It’s best you hear the truth bc you’re in denial. You’ve been buying <your name here/MC> dresses a lot. Are you sure it’s not just bc you like dressing her up?
Le Comte: What else am I supposed to do? She looks ravishing in everything. I’m not doing anything except sitting and watching in the dressing room.
Shakespeare: A grown man enjoying dressing up a girl like a doll sounds pretty deviant to me
Jean: Yep. He’s the most deviant one.
Le Comte: Judging from the content of your plays I think you’re worse than me.
Shakespeare: My writing isn’t necessarily representative of my desires
Jean comments about how Shakespeare has been inviting MC over to his villa a lot.
Le Comte comments that he quite likes Jeans fixation on MC and Jean tells him to shuddup.
Shakespeare also says he isn’t doing anything weird. He says he blindfolded and cuffed her for research purposes.
Jean: Hold on, I’ll come back with my sword.
Le Comte: Don’t run around the mansion naked and angry. Return to the water now.
Shakespeare states that Jean is upset by trivial matters. Basically “tough luck, that’s life”
Le Comte: Yeah, be more open-minded
Jean: I must destroy the world then
Shakespeare asks if he had any weird encounters and Le Comte says he’s basically been a recluse
Jean admits to giving MC a boost on his shoulders, but... He was shocked because her thighs were pressed against his cheeks and they were soft.
Shakespeare: How are you insult us when you had her pressing her thighs against your face? You’re the worst deviant one.
Le Comte is basically like LOL and Jean is kinda baffled.
End
Boys Talk - Battle Against Desires
Theo, Napoleon, Mozart
Setting: Thermae
Mozart calls the two of them sighing in sync annoying
They do it again and state they’re tired
Mozart comments that this is rare considering how adept they are at dealing with the more eccentric residents
They’re both like “That’s it!”
Napoleon is like that’s what everyone says. Everyone thinks I’m sensible
Theo: Yeah, I thought common sense is something everyone should have. We just look overly sensible because everyone lacks it.
Napoleon is like how about we just toss that (sense) out, I’m sick of it.
Theo: Yeah, I’m going to do whatever I want
Mozart: Hold on, if you do that you’ll lose sight of yourselves.
Mozart (Internally): They say it’s the most dangerous when people go off the rails. These two keep order. I must stop them.
Mozart adds that everyone didn’t start out selfish. He asks if they’re sure if something else isn’t making them this way.
Napoleon says its a problem that MC sees them as so sensible.
Mozart is like: 🤨 Why?
Napoleon says that everything is wrong. She lies around in the common area asleep and apparently sleep undresses. (Half way, that is)
Mozart: Yea sounds about right... Wait what? Don’t tell me you...
Napoleon: Obviously I buttoned her up and tucker her in so she wouldn’t catch a cold.
Mozart: Are you her mom?
Theo: I get that! I would do that too.
Napoleon: Theo~ 🥰
Mozart: Can you guys not hug in the bath? Anyways what about Theo?
Theo: I went in for a bath and MC was in there stark naked bc she mixed up the time.
Mozart: Yea, she’s ditzy sometimes. Don’t tell me you...
Theo: Obviously I simultaneously tossed her my own towel and quickly turned around.
Mozart: Are you her dad?
Napoleon: I get that! I would do that too.
Napoleon~ ❤️❤️❤️
Mozart: Stahp hugging in the bath... So you’re saying you don’t feel free to express your desires bc you’re seen as too sensible?
Them: Yea
Mozart: That’s easy to fix. Just act on your desires. It’s important to be true to your feelings. I just do what I want.
Napoleon: Easier said than done. Women find it even more frightening when a “safe” man comes onto them more than normal men. They feel violation AND disappointment because of the breaking of expectations.
Theo: And you’ll lose trust that you cannot recover.
Mozart: That sounds oddly convincing from you two.
They sigh heavily again. Mozart smiles a bit and comments that he must warn MC to be careful from now on and encourages them to cheer up.
End
Boys Talk - Imagination Station
Dazai, Arthur, Isaac
Setting: Thermae
Dazai talks about how great a bath after a good drink is. Arthur agrees and asks Isaac what he thinks. (Note: Don’t go into a huge hot bath while drunk)
Isaac: STAHP TOUCHING ME YOU TWO! Why did you guys insist we bathe together?
Dazai: It’s a good way to get to know each other.
Arthur: Yep, we know each other well but there are no limits on luvbbb ❤️
Isaac: If this is your love I have some doubts...
Arthur + Dazai: Lalalala~~~ 🎶
Arthur: Isn’t it funny how alcohol loosens inhibitions? I’d love to get naughty with MC
Isaac: Don’t you dare touch her!
Dazai: I find it questionable too.
Isaac: Dazai?
Dazai: Women get uncomfortable with sudden moves. You haveta do “that”
Isaac: huh?
Them: I-mAg-I-nA-tIoN!
Isaac: 🤨huh???
Arthur: Lemme explain. We’re writers. We think up scenarios for a living.
Isaac: ?
Arthur: GOSH. We can do anything we want. In our minds. In vivid detail.
Dazai: Ai-kun is confused still, we must invite him into our minds
Arthur: Good idea! Naughty story time!
Isaac: Hold on—
Arthur and Dazai cook up an Isaac x MC smut headcanon in which Dazai still calls her “Toshiko”
Isaac didn’t even notice at first and commented that it makes sense Mc was drowsy because she’s a hard worker. He gets embarrassed when he figures out and the other two are like LOLLL 😂😂😂, we love your reactions!
Isaac: You’re saying you spend your days thinking about lewd stories of MC?
Them: No.
Arthur: We could imagine but the real thing is a whole different thing.
Dazai: The real thing trumps fantasy.
Isaac: So you were trolling me?
Them: Yes.
Isaac: You’re the worst!
Them: Rofl
End
Boys Talk - A Steamy Nighttime
Leonardo, Vincent, Sebastian
Setting: Thermae
Leonardo: A bath sure is nice!
The other two: ...
Leonardo: Why so quiet?
Vincent: I don’t think MC registers me and Sebastian as men. (Correct. You are indeed an angel and not a mortal man)
Leonardo: Why?
Vincent recalls how he was sunbathing with MC and she commented how he was comforting like a little brother
Leonardo: Pride must’ve been hurt by that. Sebas?
Sebastian: Similar. She said I was like her dad.
Leonardo: Dad-zoned, huh (*This isn’t my own abridging of the story, he actually said that) It’s not as bad as you think. Its proof MC is comfortable, that’s important.
Vincent and Sebastian says that : They want to be seen and treated as reliable men
Leonardo (internally): I’m pretty sure she sees them as men though. If I’m too serious about this, they’ll try too hard. The best thing is to make them laugh
Leonardo: You must get comfortable around women. If you get too self conscious things get weird right?
Sebastian: I see. How?
Leonardo: Prof Leonardo shall teach you. This is classified so don’t share
Them: We Promise.
Leonardo: Did you know a women’s breast is as soft as the inside of their arms. Start there with the inner arm
Vincent: Brilliant. What do we say after
Sebastian: Practice on me master Vincent
Vincent: Your arm is hard
Sebastian: I’m actually swole. (He says quite muscular)
Leonardo: You weren’t supposed to take this seriously
Vincent: Will you give more tips? I wanna get closer to MC
Sebastian: Please teach us professor Leonardo
Leonardo (internally): I didn’t expect this... They’re so pure. I can’t let them down.
Leonardo: When someone licks their lips it means they want you to kiss them, so watch out.
Vincent: You’re a genius! Arthur does that all the time! But I won’t do that since it will startle MC if I suddenly kiss her.
Sebastian: Start with the forehead/cheek
Vincent: Anything else?
Leonardo: Playing with hair = Wants affection
Sebastian: Isaac does that a lot, but he DOES crave affection. I gotta watch out for that.
Leonardo: Listen. I didn’t expect this...
Them: Teach us more!
Leonardo: 😓
End
A/N
Sorry it’s late. Distracted my Animal Crossing. You can find 2020’s set in my previous post or under the “2020 New Years Set” tag.
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ok so anon sent me a rant that i asked for and I want to answer it but under a cut so we don’t have to spam the dash.
Click under the read more if you want to read me and anon’s rant on grey’s anatomy s17 finale
anon said: “Magston... what the hell lmao. They literally had a whole plot in 1716 about postponing their wedding so they could do it right (with family) and then winston was getting all mad about it and thought maggie was backing out (even though its a pandemic and theyve only been engaged for like what? 3 months tops). Then they flew their older parent/grandparent out (in the middle of a pandemic and severely affects old people), only to have them object to the wedding at the ceremony and then they postpone anyways???? What???? They couldnt have done that over the phone lmao like I liked the idea of magston a lot in s16 but their arc this season made me hate them so much lol. Sometimes I think theyre less developed than schmico (like which writer decided to marry them this season ????? Fireable offence imo considering they have no previous relationship history Im pretty sure and Im pretty sure they were only dating/engaged for like a year???? Even if the show was ending a moving in together/dating/engagment endgame would have worked for them? Anyways).”
First of all: what the fuck is grey’s obsession with marriage?????
It might just be me, but take it from someone who worked in the wedding industry for 3 years, and lemme tell you: weddings are fun, beautiful, amazing, but they’re also hella for the privileged. YOU KNOW IT CAN COST UP TO $700 CAD TO HIRE AN OFFICIANT??? So the job Richard had? He could’ve made an easy few hundies.
I really hate how fucking fake and badly acted that scene was when Maggie’s dad and Winston’s grandma objected to the marriage. Why did they wait until then and EMBARRASS both of them???? Like you said, what the hell was the point of last episode’s whole debacle???? They could’ve just not done that plot in ep 16 and had them get married anyway in ep 17 and had someone object to their marriage.
Can’t believe Maggie flew two old people around the country during a goddamn pandemic. How irresponsible is it???? Again, I don’t know if it’s because they’re just way more relaxed in the states than where I’m from but wth....
anon said: Okay and then amelink. I LOVED how amelia was written this episode, but in the context of the time jump it was kind of weird? Like amelia was feeling this way about marriage/more kids for 8-9 months and never even hinted to link that she wasnt interested? And I like to think link respects amelia a lot, so why didnt he bring up marriage again before proposing? Or ask mer/maggie what they thought about him proposing? I can understand her not talking to link about her concerns but I find it hard to believe she didnt bring it up with mer/maggie once in that time frame? Idk it was just rushed and weird. And amelia clearly wasnt okay with the fostering thing and he still went with it anyways lol.
I can’t remember and I don’t care enough to go watch the ep, but did Amelia and Link move out of Mer’s house?
The only good thing about this episode was Amelia, especially her conversation with Richard (in that not very Seattle courtyard rofl HONESTLY GREY’S PUT SOME EFFORT IN YOUR SETS. YOU KNOW YOUR ENTIRE SHOW IS SET IN SEATTLE RIGHT/???? LIKE MAKE IT RAIN IN THAT COURTYARD TO REFLECT HOW AMELIA FEELS IDK GAWD)
I also can’t believe Amelia would just be like, welp! I guess I’m a double mom now of my own child and this random crotch child that my baby daddy promised to his best friend. And oh ya, I don’t want anymore children but shhh its a secert.
I mean, I know Amelia technically fostered before but ............. (i’ll continue this in the next segment)
anon said: And the fostering thing... Jo’s plot was weird this ep too lmao. Like maybe Im just dumb but they never explained why she failed her background check? Idk this plot would have been a much better season long arc than a one episode arc lol. Although I think the single parent thing might be fun next season (the weird jo/levi friendship will be worth it if we get schmico babysitting)
They didn’t really explain why she failed her bg check. I also don’t know how money can fix her failed background check.
Also how fucking shady is it that Link and Amelia fostered a child? Wouldn’t the foster people want to give a child to a stable family who, let’s think, ARE MARRIED and HAVE A HOME OF THEIR OWN?
Who’s the dumbass in the writer’s room that thought of this ludicrous convenient solution for Jo? Only people with that much money and power can steal children.
I really thought Jo’s fight for Luna should’ve started earlier and when it didn’t start, I thought it would bleed into next season. It’s not easy to adopt a child.
anon said: Also is our last jackson appearance on this show really a random facetime with jo? Would have much rather had a face maggie to congratulate her on her marriage (why wasnt he there???)
Maggie’s kind of his step sister or whatever the f they are. Jackson could’ve taken a break from solving racism to attend his family member’s wedding, right?
anon said: Okay and then the interns... we never actually saw mer teaching them? Im hoping that theres a bigger intern/resident focus next season because of mers new job but now Im not optimistic haha. And why are the residents and interns grouped together? And why was levi so involved with mer’s patient that he wasnt pulled from the wedding to help???????? Its a double lung transplant get the upper year resident in there PLEASE!!! Or at least let him take over the surgery when mer passed out. Cristina would have been doing this shit in her intern year. I assure you he would much rather be at the surgery than the wedding of someone he has never interacted with. And Surely that surgery would have been better if more than 2 surgeons were working on it?????? my ONLY hope is that the time jump means we’re getting helm and levi aged up to 5th years and we get some chief resident/specialization/boards plots for them next year.
i hate grey’s and their ridiculous time jumps and blatant disregard to HOW THIS WILL AFFECT THE CAREERS OF THEIR RESIDENTS.
I bet, like Teddy’s child, Levi and Helm are gonna be residents for 10 years and never choose a speciality. I want to revoke grey’s rights to call themselves a medical drama. There’s nothing medical about this show.
JUST WATCH MER TOUCH A DIRTY ASS BASIN AND THEN TOUCH A WHOLE HUMAN LUNG WITH THE SAME HANDS
YOU KNOW HOW DIRTY THAT BASIN IS SITTING ON WHATEVER THE FUCK IT WAS SITTING ON??? GET A NURSE TO HOLD THE BASIN. YOUR HANDS ARE STERILE
(Okay, I’m also sure the basin would be sterile but I can’t. I can’t believe in real life, they’d have the same hands hold a basin and a human organ. Someone who’s a doctor or works in the OR, tell me if I’m right. I need to know. )
Also, Bailey taking off her mask when she’s hugging Mer after the surgery. Right TO JAIL!
anon said: And finally... not half of maggies wedding guests ditching the wedding to go stand in a hallway and clap for mer LMAO like they couldnt have done that the next day??? Like I said before, most of this episode was comedy lol.
it’s COVID. Why are people going into the hospital unnecessarily??????
Yes, but you’re right. I gotta watch these eps like it’s a comedy or I’ll LOSE MY FACKING MIND
anon said: Redeeming parts of this episode: merhayes still has potential, need them to stop having the same scene over and over again though. Nico ily and alex get that cheque for sitting there, dancing, and clapping for ellen. Jo selling her shares to koracick... lmao. Bokhee and the other nurse getting their vaccines :’)
LOL @ merhayes having the same interaction. I was telling some people that I’d love for Hayes and Owen to have some scenes and for Hayes to kick Owen’s ass. Because like @schmico-ing said, Owen is a child collector and Hayes would absolutely fucking hate him.
YES ALEX LANDI GETTIN’ THAT DOUUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHH. What an amazing job. I hope he gets paid in the 6 figures for his time at grey’s.
I don’t know how I feel about Koracick. I love caring Koracick. I hate asshole Koracick. I feel like they’re two different people.
BOHKEE <3
Anyways, love your rants. I look forward to them when s18 starts or even whenever you have the odd urge to rant!
#i would go more in depth but it's been almost a week and the process of purging my mind of grey's has already begun#grey's anatomy#gk asks
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Missed confession corner but wanted to give my two cents on JE (nobody asked). I personally think JE is good actor but do not care for him as a person (I have never been able to make it through an interview of his). I have no idea if he cheated on Z, so I don’t care about that especially since Z is happy currently. I think his next few movies are going to hits though (I personally will be watching them not because he is in them but because they sound interesting 🤷🏾♀️). In that sense he is doing well for himself. I’m tired of people blaming JE hate on zendaya fans. It feels like a cop out (some people do the same with Sydney sweeney). When the reality is that all these people get hate (yes including Z and Tom). The fact that JE has never done anything remotely interesting could also contribute to the hate and has nothing to do with Z. i have seen people hate on him because he comes across bland in his interviews and I think that is a fair criticism. I do feel like after his next few movies come out things will change for him though. Especially with saltburn. The test screenings were phenomenal. I have already seen the tide change on him in film twitter spaces and the Oscar race subreddit. So he’ll be fine. He’s not getting a significant amount of hate compared to his peers (not everyone loves him and that’s fine). We’ve seen it happen with our own faves and they are fine.
Thanks Anon for your input. 😊
I actually agree with most of what you said. While my feelings on JE as a person are a bit on the shaky side 👀, I do feel that overall he's a decent actor, and his more recent upcoming projects will be interesting. I think these projects might help him get out of the, "Oh, that guy from Ephoria/TKB" limbo that he's been in for the past few years. I also think these new projects will help bring him more into conversation with the general public.
Re: His Interviewing Skills...
His interviewing skills used to annoy me also ngl lol, but now I'm thinking that he's just socially awkward, and maybe even a little shy? 🤷🏾♀️ He's improved a lot since his earlier days imo lol, so that's a plus, I guess 😅
BTW, Idk where fans get this impression that all actors have to be "on" 24/7, or be these funny little comedians while in interviews promoting their work lol 😆 Not everyone is like that personality-wise, and tbh, if you look on YouTube, and check out old interviews of even some of the GOATS that we know of today, many of their interviews were kinda dull and boring tbh rofl 🤣
It doesn't change the fact that they are still famous today, and well-regarded as great actors. 🤷🏾♀️
I really don't ask for much honestly lol. All I ask from my faves in interviews is that they be kind, pleasant, respectful to the interviewer, and just maybe bring smthg meaningful to the conversation. That's literally it! 😃
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Can I talk about Black Clover for a second?
It is chalk-full of almost every shonen trope you can think of, and then some. Rivalry, underdog protagonist, “I’m going to become the best [insert occupation here]”, a somewhat-harem, magic/elves/curses, tournament arcs, band of underdog misfits... seriously, in the 140 episodes I have seen so far, there are a ridiculous number of tropes. The first 20 episodes were forced onto me by my family, which is the only reason I watched the show. I shouldn’t like Black Clover.
But I do. Because it’s great.
Even though it is one of the most tropey shows I have ever seen, it pulls every single one of them off to the point where I'm glad they were used.
I was expecting our protagonist, Asta, who is magic-less, to have a All-Might moment where he gets magic given to him for his determination or something. But guess what? He actually keeps being magic-less for the entirety of the show, and if he were to receive magic his much-more-interesting power of antimagic would be completely worthless. See, antimagic can nullify pretty much any spell thrown at him. His only power is cancellation. Logically, if he somehow got magic, either his sword would just suck it up and make him woozy or he just straight up wouldn’t be able to use it. Also, since he’s magic-less, he is a blind spot of all magic-sensing villains, and that is a major advantage he’d lose. His sword is ridiculously heavy to the point where only Asta’s 2000-pushups-a-day routine makes it usable. The show rewards him for his hard work without taking away his ‘disability’ (not having magic is unheard of in this world).
The rivalry between Asta and Yuno is fantastic, genuine, and actually a sign of respect. Yuno is a magically gifted kid who grew up with Asta. Him singling out Asta as his rival, instead of any of the other magically-gifted members of his squad, is a bro way of telling Asta that he is still Yuno’s biggest threat. That’s serious validation for Asta. Even though Asta doesn’t have any magic, even though almost no one else believes he become the wizard king, Yuno thinks he can. He admires Asta’s tenacity and knows that if anyone can become a wizard king without magic it would be him. That is good kush right there and if any of yall know any other shows with good rivalries (besides Haikyuu, I’ve already seen it) then please hit me up.
The Black Bulls (Asta’s Squad) is the best band of misfits I’ve seen in a long time. The interactions are rofl levels of hilarious and they are a major reason I love this show so much. All the characters are distinctive enough from the get-go that you can get their basic temperaments, but every single one gets development over time, and they form their own friendships/rivalries/backstories. The leader of the group, Yami, gives off the vibes of a tired uncle who’s been saddled with 10+ kids but still takes care of them because ‘there’s no one else and these idiots need it’. Gordon, a creepy-looking guy, talks so quietly (minor spoilers ahead) until like episode 90 that the other Black bulls can’t understand him. He just wants to make friends but as you can imagine that doesn’t go too well when no one can understand you, leading to some great comedy and satisfying eventual payoff. Again, all the characters have stuff like this. It is one of the uniquest bunches of characters I’ve ever seen.
I could go on for a LONG time, but this is getting big, so tldr: black clover is surprisingly good and if you want to sink your teeth into a long show that’s currently airing, this is a great one for well-written tropes and good characters.
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Alright alright alright digimon adventure: episode 21, go!!! Last week I was interested to see if the pretty vague ep 21 preview was gonna be a mostly dull fight type filler ep or if the reason for the vagueness was there was too much plotty stuff going on for them to reveal. It’s the latter, I’m happy to say!
It was really cool!! There was a lot of good stuff so YAY! Anything I write here will be a spoiler but let’s just say that T is a very important letter in the alphabet! multiple Ts, in fact!!
Cap of the day: my boy being AWESOME
Let’s get to it! under the cut as usual
Now last week’s episode was A LOT. We rescued Takeru who no one even knew needed rescuing, gained and then immediately lost the Holy Digimon, got him back in the form of a digi-egg, and then immediately lost THAT too. Honestly I get why it’s Chosen Children and not Chosen Adults - adults would be like “are you KIDDING me all this work with NO PAYOFF I am gonna SUE”
Patamon’s digi-egg has been abducted by this guy... Skullnightmon? It seems he was a Xros Wars character. I had to look him up because at first I tried “Scarlnightmon” because Idk I was thinking Scarlet Night??? like night of blood and death??? idk. and Google tried to autocorrect it to “Scranton.” Uh... yeah. Skullnightmon makes more sense because of the BIG ASS SKULL on his breasplate. -.-;
It occurs to me how little I know about any Digimon series other than Adventure X’D I mean, I’m not gonna do anything to change that, but.... yeah I’m gonna continue to mix up stuff like this. His loyal steed is Darkmaildramon.
Yamato, of course, is immediately like Protective Mode On.
So at first I was a bit worried that this ep was gonna just Move Things Along as usual and Yamato wasn’t going to react to his little bro randomly being in the digital world. Let alone in the clutches of pure evil up until just recently. When you’re caught up in battle it’s admittedly hard to find time to Talk about stuff but COME ON
Fortunately, thought we don’t get a lot of Talking, we do get a bit. Like this cute moment where Takeru tries to explain what happened and Yamato’s just like “We can talk later” and gives him this adorable head pat. Ok, fine. I can live with that. It’s better than nothing xP
They arrive at the creepy castle which Taichi recognizes as the place Ogremon directed them to. It looks very evil and in front of it is a giant equally evil moat.
They also find this sinkhole sort of thing which Takeru promptly rushes over to stand at the very edge.
Yamato: OMG kid I look away for ONE SECOND
le gasp! Takeru finds a shiny feather at the edge of the hole! It’s a sign of the holy digimon! We should go investigate!
Oops first we have to find this gross Garurumon knock off... Its name is Splashmon but I think it should be “MeltedCrayonGarurumon”
Splashmon is apparently also from Xros wars and can turn into liquid and take on the form of other Digimon... I don’t know if he’s always this shit at it though. Maybe being controlled by evil is the reason for all the meltyness because he looks pretty cool in his wikia:
rofl...
Splashmon showers them all with acid rain and Yamato protec baby bro :< *wibble*
He then carries him to safety like this. xP
Yamato: Takeru, hide!
Takeru: This bottomless pit that reeks of evil seems like an ideal hiding spot. Niichan will be so proud
No but seriously... looks like we don’t get cowardly, crybaby Takeru this season. The kids getting to y’know Be Human about stuff is a thing it looks like I’m going to continue to miss in this reboot. But on the other hand, I genuinely DO enjoy Takeru throwing his all into saving Angemon.
Skullnightmon sticks Angemon’s digi-egg here where it gets chained down by evil vines. Very evil. Also seems like overkill, I mean, it’s an egg, what’s it going to do, roll off the platform?
We then switch gears and rejoin the kids in the real world, where Koushirou has, apparently overnight, if not in the last five minutes, created an update for their digivices which enables them to always be in contact with their partner. I don’t really get the details but that appears to be the size of it. We also catch up with Mimi and Jou.
At first I thought this was a school, but no, IT’S MIMI’S HOUSE. She has a PERSONAL CHAUFFEUR. Like, 99 Adventure Mimi was well-off, that was especially clear in 02... but... WOWZA.
Mimi’s parents look as stupid as ever xD I love them. They’re joined by her grandpa. After having been gone for three days with no explanation, Mimi’s parents are just like “Don’t you want to take it easy at home today?” when she says she needs to go out. Mimi’s just like “I gotta do what I gotta do!” (ok she actually quotes her grandpa from back in her intro ep but) and leaves like nothing happened.
.... I think grandpa might be dead. He doesn’t move the whole scene. Doesn’t even change his expression. I guess his mouth is a bit more open but that could just be because rigor mortis hasn’t quite set in
Meanwhile in Jou’s (normal, average) apartment, we meet SHIN-NIISAN!!! He’s as much of a dick as ever. I love him. Jou’s parents were mad because 1) he was gone for three days, 2) he skipped cram school, 3) he lost his textbook. I think Shin’s basically like HECK yeah finally my little bro shows his cool side! So he decides to be an enabler. GOOD, seems like Jou needs someone to be on his side at home ;_;
Their Digimon partners are traveling in the interwebz like... this... -____-;
They end up tracking Calmaramon, who is indeed Calmaramon.
I remember from Frontier when Renamon evolved to Calmaramon everyone gave her SO MUCH GRIEF for not being sexy. Wasn’t there like this whole episode devoted to how beautiful Izumi’s evolutions were and then Calmara the Squid Woman shows up and everyone’s like “ewww gross yuck!!” And ok I know she’s evil here too. But guys I JUST THINK SQUID WOMAN IS WICKED AWESOME OKAY. Like that is a LOOK. Versace take notes.
Like can we get some body positivity??? There is NOTHING wrong with being half-squid. Zephyrmon is not better just because she wears lingerie! Bet she can beat everyone at the swim meet. Also tastes yummy fried or raw with soy sauce.
ok I’m done. I’m serious about loving Calmaramon though. I have so many Frontier issues I totally forgot about >_>;
*cough* so yeah Calmaramon and those little green Digimon virus things take control of some boat and Koushirou’s like Uh-Oh Danger Will Robinson. Piyomon tries to attack with Magical Fire and is surprised, for some reason, when it does not do much. They are very much outnumbered and Calmaramon is clearly a much higher level than them so WHY do they think child-level is gonna be enough??
So this is cool!! Koushirou appears to be learning to read digi-code! He sounds out Calmaramon’s name by himself. We still pretty much have the question of why Taichi could just read digi-code fluently (well, almost? he randomly couldn’t read everything at the fortress if memory serves) and Koushirou has to sound it out... will we get an answer to this or?? Like if it were Takeru or Hikari I’d just assume it’s their Magic Baby powers at work but it was never made clear if just Taichi can read like this or they all can, and now it seems like maybe they all can’t since Koushirou’s trying so hard here...
Meanwhile Takeru...
99 Yamato would never have taken his eyes off Takeru for so long lmao
though it makes more sense if this season’s Takeru is more independent which he seems to be
Splashmon turns out to be really tough to beat, because he’s lost his mind and therefore holds nothing back xP He crushes MetalGreymon and WereGarurumon to the ground, infecting them with miasma.
At this point I was disappointed that Taichi and Yamato were still so clear-headed... like when are you gonna worry about your partner dude?? He gets the Crest of Courage because he’s never felt fear in his life??????
But then, their next move fails and WereGarurumon de-evolves back to Gabumon, while MetalGreymon is still in Splashmon’s clutches. He proceeds to pretty much make MetalGreymon’s arm wither away...
And Taichi FINALLY looks worried. ABOUT TIME.
Takeru has made it to the bottom of the hole, where he is startled to find this giant eye. I would also fall right on my bottom if I suddenly came across a giant eye.
Giant eye seems interested in Takeru’s digivice, so Takeru politely lets him have a look. BLINGGGGGGG.
Giant Eye: Ow ow ow turn it down!!!
Takeru: Sorry it’s LED!!
Taichi runs to rescue MetalGreymon in the... most ineffectual way possible... I love him...
The miasma can even hurt humans, it appears. Even though he’s in pain, Taichi doesn’t give up, and we get to hear Yamato shriek “Taichi!” all scared and adorable-like.
Taichi passionately reminds MetalGreymon about what they’re fighting for and succeeds in motivating him to be less dead.
Taichi: GIMME A V DOT THE I CURLY C T O R Y VICTORY!! *CLAP CLAP* VICTORY!! *CLAP CLAP*
Yamato: Incredible... so this is the power of a Pep Talk...
Taichi’s Pep causes MetalGreymon’s arm to... fall off... but it’s ok because it sprouts a long wiggly band of light uhhhhhh which then turns into a Giant Gun. So all is well. because MetalGreymon didn’t already have enough guns
MetalGreymon succeeds in defeating Splashmon and we seem some purple crystal sort of thing disappear, my guess is that’s what was controlling him. Agumon falls from midair and Taichi catches him like this.
They cute. They also need a break. Well, Agumon needs a break, I honestly think Taichi doesn’t even have an Off button...
Just when you think things can’t get weirder... Giant Eye appears.
Takeru’s on top of him looking all cool! Till he immediately falls!
Yamato catches him somewhat more adroitly than Taichi caught Agumon xP
The eye belongs to ElDradimon!! I love “animals with worlds on their backs” so this is totally up my ally. My first guess about the eye was that it was gonna be one of the digital sovereigns but this is still pretty cool.
Sooooooo cooooooooool
Yamato doesn’t even lecture Takeru about going off on his own and not hiding like he was told. SO DIFFERENT CANNOT COMPUTE. But looks how happy Takeru is to be praised by his bro for helping ElDradimon. Awww.
I’ve got to now reevaluate how I think things will go down because I really expected Takeru to be something that drives a wedge between Yamato and Taichi. In the old days, Yamato was super protective but Taichi would let Takeru do whatever and Takeru got a little boy crush on him which fed into Yamato’s inferiority complex. But if Yamato’s not overprotective and Takeru is already capable on his own... New directions are good though. I won’t be sorry if they don’t rehash all that BUT I need it to be replaced with something else. Taichi can’t just always be serious, Yamato can’t just always be cool... I like the reboot but I am still on edge about the character stuff.
... Yeah so ElDradimon was mega cool and then... he opened up his VACANT head... bahahaha.... bahahahahahahahahahahaha
So what I really liked about this ep was what I saw as parallels drawn between Taichi and Takeru on the theme of “Do anything to help your partner.” Takeru can’t stop looking for Angemon’s egg, that’s why he goes into the hole after finding the feather. He might not know what’s doing but he’s still gonna do it. Taichi knows a bit more and he’s usually so calculating and strategic, but when MetalGreymon looked on the verge of defeat he threw caution to the wind and tried to save him himself. Okay, not the first time we’ve seen this, true, but it did seem to be the running theme of the episode.
I know I didn’t really talk about how apparently the kids can now update their partners with new powers/gadgets?? by believing in them enough... but y’know that just sounds like the sort of thing a kid’s show would do. I almost miss the card game from Tamers... it would be cool to see the kids have to think and strategically choose what they want to equip their partners with. That was part of the enticement of Tamers, where Adventure was more inexplicable magic, Tamers relied more on intent. Taichi is such a strategist (and of course there’s also freaking Koushirou) that it seems a waste to not involve the kids in the decision making more.
Next week’s ep preivew was a bit hard to follow but 1) the animation looks better than this week thank heaven and 2) it looks like fun. And we get more bamf Takeru! Woot. Can I still say woot in 2020? I can because of senior citizen privilege right?
#digimon adventure:#digimon adventure 2020#digimon adventure reboot#digi spoilers#digimon#fizz watches digimon 2020
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Fic Writer Questions
Nobody tagged me, I just stole this.
How many works do you have on AO3?
4 fics. I haven’t written a lot I know. But I have more ideas and I want to.
What’s your total AO3 wordcount?
12595.
How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?
On AO3, only Harringrove. On Livejournal (and other fanfiction sites), I wrote mainly jrock fanfiction (band rps, yes) and some KieferLou.
What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
Well since I only have 4, I can’t do top 5. 😂
It’s Always Been You (drunk Billy, love confession, yay)
Count Harrington (my first fic on AO3, two dorks celebrating Halloween together)
I Want To See (All Of You) (Steve showing some love for Billy’s scars)
My Pain Brought You To Me (Bills with a migraine, Steve looking after, still a wip ughh)
Do you respond to comments, why or why not?
Yes. Haven’t got many of them and I love getting comments, so I always try to reply back.
What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?
I don’t do angsty endings, sorry. I may be a cliché, but I want my boys to have a happy ending.
Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve ever written?
I probably did a couple of crossovers back in the jrock fandom, but mostly just pairing members from different bands together. Gotta tell ya, I’m not a huge fan of crossovers in general.
Have you ever received hate on a fic?
Given that English is not my first language, I did get some mean comments on my grammar back in the day. Even when I used beta readers lmao. I think the meanest comment I got was in my own language though. This person came to give me a long-ass comment, basically criticizing my characterization, their actions and well – pretty much everything that just happened to annoy them. I guess it made them feel better about themselves. :) I got so pissed off that I ended up deleting that fic in the end. Thus, I also stopped writing fanfiction for a long time, became overly critical of my stuff.
Do you write smut? If so what kind?
Yup, though none of my AO3 fics have any explicit stuff yet (I plan to write some for that wip though, hehe). But umm… I’ve rp’d Harringrove with another person for almost a year now and we’ve written a lot of smutty scenes together already, so. I guess I’m really into dirty talk. And the boys doing it in all kinds of places, not just the usual bedroom. And sex toys too.
Have you ever had a fic stolen?
As if. xD Please.
Have you ever had a fic translated?
Back when I still used Livejournal, somebody translated one of my ficlets into Italian. <3 I was so honored. I think I still have it saved somewhere.
Have you ever co-written a fic before?
No. I’ve only rp:d.
What’s your all time favorite ship?
Ahh man, I can’t answer this. I currently really love Harringrove, but I’ve had a long history in shipping in many different fandoms so I can’t possibly pick just one. They’ve all been important to me, more or less.
What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?
Last year when Resident Evil 3 Remake came out, I actually started to write this one Carlos/Jill fic. I got as far as writing chapter two and I had it all planned (for once), and my original plan was making it 6 chapters long. But yeaaahh… who knows, maybe I’ll write it and even publish it some day. Haven’t wanted to put it up because no guarantees that I will ever finish it and don’t want to disappoint people.
What are your writing strengths?
I don’t know. I’d like to say I pay more attention to my grammar these days but that’s not entirely true, because my shit brain keeps malfunctioning and voila – there are missing words and other dumb stuff all across my writing. xD I guess I’m good at rambling and describing stuff? Cause I seem unable to keep things short. Dunno if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.
What are your writing weaknesses?
The fact that I get such vivid ideas in my head, but my fingers can’t seem to type that all down, and I get overwhelmed by it. And I still ramble a lot.
What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?
Umm… If there are a couple of lines there and there, I guess it’s okay. But if there’s a lot of it, I’ll lose my interest very quickly. This thing happened quite regularly in the jrock fandom (people mixing Japanese with English) and it became confusing to read, especially if you weren’t familiar with those words/phrases yourself. So I’d advise to keep it at minimum if you fic is going to be written mainly in English. But yeah, I mean that’s just my opinion (don’t kill me pls).
What was the first fandom you ever wrote for?
This is going to be a little embarrassing to admit but when I was 14/15, I was very much into this one band from my country and sort of wrote a self-insert story with them. xD But that’s all I’m gonna say about it rofl.
What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?
Out of the ones that I’ve published on AO3… Probably My Pain Brought You To Me. I wrote it specifically for someone else, so I got very invested in it. I’ve also got most comments on it and some people actually subscribed it too. So, I really intend to finish it.
I’m tagging @gothyringwald, @lazybakerart and @wingedbears because your fics have given me so much life recently. ♥ But I welcome other writers to take this too and tag me into it, so I can read your responses. :3
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The Hot List, in which the NYC Familiar Discord Ranks their Masters - Nandor x Guillermo Fanfic (one-shot, crack!)
Summary: The familiars of New York City use Discord to connect and blow off steam...and also to rank their masters’ hotness. Nandor discovers this impertinence and throws an internet fit.
Tags: Crack with a touch of angst
A/N: I don’t know.
---
NYC Familiar Chat
#thirsty
Celeste-is-Best: nngh, have you guys seen Mr. 50ss’s’s’ss instagram story????
Celeste-is-Best: He’s so pretty! it’s like turn me, already!
Imurdad | colby: I know, right? I can’t believe he’s only 7 on the hot list…
[Gigi the great and sam teh pretty like this]
Gigi the great: Don’t forget to vote on this month’s poll!!
Best Hair!
We’re the ones who make them look pretty--but who’s the prettiest one of all? This month we’re voting on the NYC vampire with the best hair. Cast your vote!
A. Simon the Devious
B. Nandor the Relentless
C. Tilda
D. Evan
E. Houston
F. Nancy the Relentless
---
Guillermo locked his phone with a little smile. If he could he’d vote a hundred times for Nandor’s hair. It was unlikely that his master would win against the likes of Evan, Tilda and Nancy. He’d thrown Simon on there as a joke and was kind of horrified by how many familiars seemed to be into the limp mullet look. To each their own, he guessed.
On that note, it was almost nightfall and Nandor’s hair wasn’t going to brush itself. Guillermo made his way into the crypt, lighting candles and gathering the soft brush, comb, detangler spray and hair oils. Nandor was what he lovingly referred to as “high maintenance.” He was also surprisingly pitiful for a 750-year old warlord. It took Guillermo ages every night to carefully tease out and brush the knots from his hair without hurting him. It should’ve been annoying after so many years, but the chore remained one of the highlights of Guillermo’s day.
For one thing, he got to touch his master without being scolded or hissed at. So that was nice. For another thing, Nandor’s hair was as soft as his personality was prickly. Guillermo would often drag out the task, running his fingers through the silky strands and lightly touching Nandor’s jaw to get him to tilt his head this way or that.
He was doing just that, as well as admiring the expanse of cream and bronze skin revealed by the open collar of Nandor’s loose shirt, when the vampire opened his mouth.
“Guillermooo...Did you happen to get any virgins for tonight?”
Guillermo’s fingers momentarily tightened around a hank of his master’s hair. He imagined giving it a sharp tug. He forced himself to loosen his grip and replied, “No, master, I’m sorry. Virgins are getting pretty thin on the ground lately. I managed to pick up a couple people from a bible study class, though. They should taste pretty innocent, right?”
Nandor made a disgusted sound in the back of his throat before answering, “You’d be surprised.”
---
NYC Familiar Chat
#the-struggle
Gigi the great: I know we all jealously guard our sources, but I’ve been in a dry spell for a few weeks and my master is going to lose it and drink me one of these nights. Anyone have any new leads on virgins in the area?
Gigi the great: I’ve tried the usual stuff...LARPers, church socials, chastity clubs (surprisingly unhelpful…). I’m kinda desperate!
Direct Messages
Celeste-is-Best: only because you had my back last month when I ran out of burial sites…
Gigi the great: OMG! Celeste, please!! 🙏 🥺
Celeste-is-Best: there’s a magic the gathering tournament in brighton heights this weekend...😈
Gigi the great: You are like the virgin whisperer, Celeste. Thank you!
Celeste-is-Best: np
Celeste-is-Best: hey! Are you posting the poll results soon? I voted for Tilda--don’t tell Houston!! LOL
#main
Gigi the great: The results are in! The vampire with the best hair in NYC is……..EVAN!
Check out the Google Form for the full results...
docs.google.com...best_hair
Evan (26%)
Tilda (22%)
Nancy the Relentless (17%)
Simon the Devious (16%)
Nandor the Relentless (13%)
Houston (6%)
---
“What are you typing over there on your intelligent phone?”
Guillermo hurriedly tucked his phone away and looked up to find his master mopping blood from his mouth with a lace-trimmed handkerchief. They were in an alleyway a few buildings down from the comic shop. The limp body of Nandor’s victim lay discarded on the dirty ground. Guillermo smiled affectionately at Nandor trying and failing to clean himself. He took the hanky from him and set about doing the job himself. The snow white fabric was quickly drenched in dark red arterial blood.
“I was just, um...checking on another potential virgin source,” he lied.
The familiar Discord was strictly secret. If any of their masters ever found it and saw their human servants’ uncensored discussions... The thought sent a panicked tremor down Guillermo’s spine and he thought--for the thousandth time--that he should delete the app and not look back. But the idea of continuing with this emotionally draining, thankless job without his little support system was just as disturbing. Besides, the server had really come through for him tonight.
“Well done, Guillermo!” Nandor praised him and Guillermo’s heart swelled pathetically. A small, shameful part of him imagined Nandor patting him on the head and he didn’t hate it. “That was the most delicious virgin I’ve had in months!”
“Thank you, master,” Guillermo smiled sweetly, his cheeks dimpling. Nandor watched him for a long moment and he could swear he saw his master’s eyes linger on his mouth. He shut that thought down before it could bloom into a hope that was only doomed for disappointment.
“Well…I’ll see you back at the house.” Nandor vanished before his eyes, taking his bat form and darting out of the alley with a high-pitched squeak and a furious flap of his leathery wings.
Guillermo sighed, looked at the broken body and wondered if he’d be able to fit his car down the narrow alley or if he’d have to drag the corpse to the opening. He fished out his keys and started the short walk back to his parking spot. All the while thinking, with distracted horror, Simon the Devious beat out Nandor for best hair?!? Really?
---
Direct Messages
Gigi the great: Hey, thanks! The Magic tournament was a hit!
Celeste-is-Best: i do live to serve…
Gigi the great: Har har.
#bitch-session
mish-bish: Ugh!!! Pretty sure my asshole master is hypnotizing me again.
call-me-karen: That’s rough, Misha! You wanna talk about it? My master lets me take the car whenever I want. I can come pick you up…
mish-bish: Yeah, like...I definitely have a huge black hole in my memories from last night. Fuck.
mish-bish: Oh, that’s ok Karen. Thanks.
Gigi the great: Hey @mish-bish. Sorry you’re having a hard time. If you feel up to it, check out the #support channel. A lot of other familiars have gone through this and talked about it there. Sometimes it helps to hear how others cope!
---
“Guillermo! Guillermoooo!”
Nandor’s panicked bellow reached him all the way in the basement where he was checking his lye supply. Guillermo huffed it up the stairs and raced into the fancy room where he found his master staring aghast at his laptop.
“Wh-what is it, master?” he asked, bent over and catching his breath.
“Someone named...Rap4Unlyfe has sent me a fake news!” Nandor wailed, gesturing to the laptop as if the device was personally responsible.
Guillermo suppressed an eyeroll and walked over to sit beside his master. He watched in dismay as Nandor scooched farther down the couch but he tried not to let it sting too much.
The browser was open to Nandor’s Hotmail account. He leaned forward to read the open message, unsure what to expect. The blood drained from his face as he read.
from: [email protected]
subject: rofl bahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahah
yooooooooooooooooOO!
Has ne1 else seen there familiars on this site??? I hypnotized mine last nite to give me his phone password and...👀
Mierda. There were two screenshots attached. One was the survey results page from the “best hair” poll. The other was an excerpt from the chat, specifically Guillermo posting the winner of the poll and the link to the results.
Guillermo’s face fell into an adorably distressed frown. He darted a glance at Nandor but the vampire just looked confused. It wasn’t clear if he yet suspected that his own familiar might be “Gigi the great.”
“Huh…” Guillermo leaned back and smoothed his expression into one of untroubled amusement. “You’re right, looks like fake news. You should probably just ignore it.”
Nandor punched his fist into his thigh and snapped, “But Guillermo! I cannot let this go unanswered! This...this...ludicrous insult! Imagine...me losing a hair contest. Everyone knows I have the most beautiful hair!”
Guillermo blushed magnificently, “Of course, master! This is just...a prank. Someone playing a mean trick on you. You shouldn’t give them the satisfaction--”
The laptop chimed. Guillermo dove to prevent Nandor from reaching it but the vampire simply slapped him away with a petulant whine, “Give me that! Fucking guy…”
Nandor’s lips curled into a snarl as his eyes scanned over the screen.
“Oh, no! Now they are making a mockery of me on the ether net!”
from: [email protected]
subject: RE: rofl bahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahah
Oh! That is too delicious! Suck it, Houston and Nandor!
It gets even better. Have you seen this, yet?
vamp_hot_list.doc
“Guillermo, what is a hot list?” Nandor asked with a worried frown, clicking on the attachment.
“No, master! Don’t--”
It was too late. He watched as his master’s eyes lit with understanding and then intrigue and finally outrage.
“29?! I am number 29 on your dirty hot vampire list!? What is the meaning of this?” Nandor bristled like an angry porcupine, his eyes shooting metaphorical quills into Guillermo’s soft flesh.
“It’s not my list, master!” he insisted and then, guiltily, “Not only mine…”
“Guillermo!” Nandor gasped, his eyes returning to the screen for a moment before pinning him with outraged accusation. “So, it is you!? You are...Gigi the great? Well, I do not think you are so great, little guy! In fact I think you’re pretty un-great right now! And disrespectful!”
Guillermo sank into the couch cushions, melting under his master’s ire and replying miserably, “It’s not as bad as it looks!”
Nandor turned back to the screen and began reading off names from the top of the list, “Viago! Nancy the Relentless! Evan! I suppose these are all vampires you’ve been dreaming of doing the hanky panky with! Putting them on the top of your list above your own master! That’s two demerits, Guillermo!”
“What!? No! Master, I didn’t make the list! We vote on it! Everyone gets a say. If I made the list of course you’d be at the top--”
Guillermo snapped his mouth shut. His face was on fire and he felt like crying. Nandor must have some inkling of his crush, right? After ten years of service? This couldn’t really be the life-ending mortification that it felt like. He waited, wide-eyed, for his master’s reaction. Nandor stared at him, his huge, dark eyes filled with shock and anger. After a long minute he turned back to the laptop, waving a hand dismissively in Guillermo’s face.
“Go to your room now, Guillermo! I need to think of how to punish this impertinence!”
Guillermo stood, barely holding in humiliated tears. He gestured to the device in Nandor’s lap, “My laptop…”
Nandor held it out of Guillermo’s reach and hissed, “No! Vampire only computer time, Guillermo!”
Guillermo left, trudging out of the room with a sinking feeling in his stomach as the sound of Nandor’s flop-wristed typing followed him out the door.
---
#main
Gigi the great: Is everyone okay?
call-me-karen: not fukcing great!
Imurdad | colby: Seriously! WTF!!?
Gigi the great is typing…
Guillermo lay on his little cot with the crocheted blanket his amá made for him pulled up to his chin. Tears streaked down his cheeks and the phone’s glare reflected in his glasses. He thought back to every off handed complaint, every silly photo turned into a “master-shaming” meme, every confession, every joke. All of them laid bare to the world. The Discord server started out as goofy, harmless fun. The hot list was the perfect embodiment of that. But it became so much more. Being a familiar could be lonely. You were isolated from other humans and surrounded by cold, uncaring monsters all the time. Guillermo loved Nandor. Everyone knew this...there were even memes about it on the server! But sometimes his master’s aloofness got to be too much and he needed to reach out to other humans who understood him!
He threw his phone down onto the mattress, angrily pawing at his teary eyes and wondering if this was it. Not just the end of NYC Familiar Chat, but the end of Guillermo the Great, his long-dreamed-of vampire alias. There was no way Nandor would keep him as a familiar after this…
---
Direct Messages
Celeste-is-Best: OMG! Guillermo, have you seen this?
Celeste-is-Best: http://familiar-hot-list.colinrobinson.net
Celeste-is-Best: hey, if this is Nandor’s big revenge scheme I think you’re going to be ok
Celeste-is-Best: we miss you!
---
Guillermo heard his master calling him and cringed. It had been a week since the hot list incident and Nandor had spent every waking moment making little jabs at his familiar and grousing about how he’d been betrayed on the internet. But to Guillermo’s surprisingly intense relief, he hadn’t been fired. After ten years of disappointment and hopeless pining, Guillermo half-expected to welcome the prospect of finally being put out of his misery, so to speak. He was kind of shocked, therefore, to feel happiness and gratitude that his master had decided to keep him around, even if only as a verbal punching bag.
He found Nandor in the library, smugly brandishing the purloined laptop.
“Come have a look at your punishment, Guillermo,” Nandor patted the couch beside him. “This is what happens when you disrespect vampires on the ether net.”
Guillermo swallowed the lump in his throat and collapsed beside Nandor feeling like a man condemned. Their thighs pressed together but for once Nandor didn’t move away. He shoved the laptop at Guillermo and handed him a yellow sticky note with Colin Robinson’s handwriting on it.
“Colin Robinson has assisted in creating a webpage for your disgrace. We have done our own hot list! A familiar hot list. All of the New York vampires voted. So, now you can see how not nice it feels to have your hotness besmirched for all the world to see.”
Guillermo typed in the URL and blinked as the neon green background scorched his retinas. The page was a hideous callback to the internet of the late 1990s right down to the hit counter at the bottom. There was a border of pixelated dancing Draculas surrounding bright orange text.
NYC Familiar Hotness Ranking
1. Guillermo (Nandor the Relentless) - 19%
Guillermo looked at the screen, then over at Nandor, then back to the screen again.
“Master? Have you looked at the results yet?”
Nandor’s brow knit with confusion, “No, why? What does it say?”
He grabbed the laptop and squinted against the garish colors. Guillermo watched Nandor’s face carefully as he read the results. He looked surprised and almost...pleased at first, before giving in to his patented aggravation.
“Fucking Colin Robinson!”
---
New NYC Familiars Group!
#welcome
Imurdad | colby: Hey @everyone! Welcome to the new Discord server. Guillermo has stepped down as a mod but he’ll still be around. We don’t have a perfect solution for the security problems we had with the last server. We’re asking everyone to be vigilant about hypnosis and if you feel like you’re losing time, please be sure to secure your phones/computers away from your masters….
---
from: [email protected]
subject: Something you might want to see…
Hey Nandoorman! How’s it hangin’?
Listen, I’m sorry that your revenge didn’t go as planned. I noticed you’ve been a little short with Gizmo ever since this whole thing started. As someone who cares about my roomie, I want to advise you to knock it the hell off. Also, I don’t relish the thought of returning to the days before Gizmo came along. Do you even remember what the house used to look like? Pools of blood everywhere. Dead bodies. Melted candles all over the place...
I digress… I managed to snag this screenshot from Count Rapula. I think you may find it interesting.
Your pal,
Colin Robinson
discord_gizmo.jpg
#confessions
Gigithegreat: Hey guys. This isn’t easy for me to share but I know I’m not the only one who’s dealt with this and if I can help one of you feel less alone then I’ll be glad. As most of you know, I recently “celebrated” my 10th anniversary as Nandor’s familiar. I was convinced, absolutely convinced, that my master was going to make me into a vampire. Well, once again it didn’t happen. He made me this weird portrait out of glitter instead. And the thing is...like, I should leave, right? He’s never going to turn me and that’s the basis for our whole arrangement. I serve him faithfully, he turns me into a vampire. It’s simple, right? So why am I still here? Why am I still burying bodies for him and making human sacrifices? Dressing and feeding him? Treating him like he’s some kind of god and not an ancient cranky baby? It’s because I’m in love with him. Hopelessly, stupidly, self-destructively in love with my vampire master who thinks of me as nothing more than a really well-trained poodle who can talk. Why? WHY? Because he makes me laugh. Because he’s fiercely protective of his vampire family and (sometimes) that includes me. Because when we’re alone he can be so adorably, painfully vulnerable and it feels like a privilege that I get to witness that side of him. Because he does ridiculously stupid but considerate things like spending hours making me a glitter portrait. When he’s happy with me I feel like I could float and when he’s disappointed I feel like being swallowed up by a sinkhole. And, yeah, he’s also man-of-my-dreams outrageously hot and I cannot believe you cretins have him ranked #29 on the hot list. It’s a crime.
Gigithegreat: So, yeah. That’s why I stay. I’m no longer hoping for a bite that will never happen. Now it’s a kiss, a hug, a touch, a look. Anything he’s willing to give me I’ll gladly hoard in my little closet-room along with my glitter portrait. Because I’m pathetic. That’s it. That’s the confession.
Imurdad | colby: Brave words, Guillermo. Hang in there, friend.
blood_princess: this is a mood
sam teh pretty: Sending you healing head scritches ❤️
Celeste-is-Best: look, i think i speak for us all when i say we need to see this glitter portrait!!!
[You’re Viewing Older Messages … Jump To Present? ￬]
---
Nandor looked uncharacteristically thoughtful while Guillermo readied him for sleep. The familiar guessed he was still angry that his little revenge plot had backfired. He couldn’t help but feel a little smug about his position as the hottest NYC familiar. Even if he was pretty sure it was mostly due to the other vampires messing with Nandor. Guillermo couldn’t really enjoy his victory, though, not with Nandor’s feelings of betrayal still weighing on his heart.
Nandor’s face was a stoic mask as Guillermo helped him undress. He cooperated listlessly, picking up his feet for Guillermo to remove his heavy boots, lifting his arms up over his head as Guillermo took off his brocade tunic. Finally, he placed his giant hand in Guillermo’s soft, small one and stepped up into his coffin. Guillermo stood by the side of the coffin as he always did, watching over Nandor with affection choking his throat. Nandor smoothed his hair down and crossed his arms over his chest.
“Sweet dreams, master,” Guillermo whispered, leaning across him to catch the lid of the coffin.
“Wait, Guillermo,” Nandor spoke without looking at him, his eyes fixed on the ceiling. “I wish to say something to you.”
Guillermo’s heart sank in his chest. Oh no...his stupid middle schooler revenge didn’t work and now he’s going to send me away… Tears pricked his eyes and he choked, “C-can’t it wait until tomorrow, master?”
“No. I must say this now,” Nandor responded, oblivious to his familiar’s internal drama. “I want to say to you that--and I think I’m being extremely gracious and lenient here--it is fine for you to have your little, pathetic familiar group on the dark internet.”
“O-oh,” Guillermo quickly swiped the tears from his eyes, “thank you, master…”
“But no more mee-mees, Guillermo! Master-shaming...very disrespectful!”
“Of course!” Guillermo laughed, delirious with relief.
Nandor looked up at him with a final warning glance before softening, “Alright, then. As long as we are clear on that…”
There was a long beat of silence during which Guillermo found himself locked inside his master’s gaze. Nandor’s eyes were like pools of rich, melted chocolate. Guillermo imagined himself as the German kid from Willy Wonka and for a second he was in danger of breaking down into giggles. But then his master spoke in that soft, uncertain tone he only used when they were alone and he was feeling fragile.
“Guillermo...did you really vote for me to be the number one hottest vampire?” Nandor toyed with the buttons on his shirt and looked up at his familiar with a shy, open expression.
Guillermo’s cheeks burned and he wanted to laugh and hide and kiss his master on the mouth all at once.
“Yes, master, I did. You’re…” he cleared his throat and tightened his grip on the lip of the coffin, “so handsome, master. So beautiful...”
He watched his master’s chest expand with pride and his lips twitch into a haughty smirk.
“That’s true, Guillermo. Good job for noticing,” Nandor praised him in a voice that was a little too loud. It rang with a false sense of self-assurance. After a few seconds he went on in a quieter tone, “Do you know, I--this is very silly, Guillermo, you mustn't tell anyone this--I voted for you, too. As the hottest familiar…”
Guillermo’s stomach did a little swoop and his lips curved into a blinding smile. His dumb, beautiful master thought he was attractive? Guillermo tried to reel himself in; he tried to remind himself that Nandor probably only voted for him to boost his own reputation. But--wait?--hadn’t the list been meant as a revenge against Guillermo? God, what a handsome idiot.
“Thank you, master,” Guillermo gushed and now he was certain that Nandor’s eyes strayed too long on his smiling lips and red, dimpled cheeks.
“Alright then!” Nandor pulled the emergency break on the moment. “Time for my evil slumber. Night night, Guillermo!”
And in a slow motion moment that would feature in Guillermo’s dreams that night, Nandor reached up and put his hand over his. Nandor’s cool, smooth palm rubbed over the back of Guillermo’s warm hand and his fingers squeezed slightly. The breath rushed from Guillermo’s lungs and he could only squeak in reply, shutting his master into his coffin and moving away with a dazed smile on his face.
A muffled sound came from the coffin just as Guillermo reached the door to the crypt.
“...And I don’t think of you as a poodle…”
“What was that, master?” Guillermo called.
“Nothing, Guillermo!”
Guillermo shuffled off to his little room feeling like he was carrying a happy little flame inside his chest. For once he gave himself permission to hope without fearing disappointment.
---
New NYC Familiars Group!
#thirsty
Celest-is-Best: SORRY NOT SORRY!!!! Simon can get it…
blood_princess: ummmm thirst after your own master, Celeste. Oops sorry she’s 12.
mish-bish: Lmaooo. Gross Celeste!
Celeste-is-Best: listen.
Celeste-is-Best: ...i got nothin. I want his evil dick.
…
Gigi the great: Please look respectfully at this photo I snuck of my master the other night. Do I really need to explain myself further???
Celeste-is-Best: that’s it. guillermo, ask nandor if he needs another familiar. my body is ready!
Gigi the great: Back off, bitch!!!!
Gigi the great: jk love u
Gigi the great: but srsly back off
#master-shaming
mish-bish: submitted without comment
[Imurdad | colby, Gigi the great, Sam teh Cat, and 6 others like this]
...
Gigi the great: 🙄🙄🙄
Gigi the great: I hate him I love him
#main
black-peterrr: ohohoho, has anyone talked to Guillermo lately…..?
black-peterrr: a little raven told me he and Nandor were seen HOLDING HANDS in the park the other night…
call-me-karen: WHATTTTTTTT
Celeste-is-Best: @Gigi the great, CONFIRM OR DENY!! GIIIIIGIIII!
Gigi the great: ……...I don’t kiss and tell 😉
Imurdad | colby pinned a post
Imurdad | colby: This is momentous.
#memes
Gigi the great: hot take…
Imurdad | colby: bahahaha, okay…
Imurdad | colby:
Gigi the great: But have you considered…
Imurdad | colby: lol compelling
Call-me-karen: I mean…..👀
Celeste-is-Best: Ha...ha...ha…*sob*
Direct Messages
Celeste-is-Best: Gigi! we miss you! ur never online lately...
Celeste-is-Best: too busy getting that ottoman empire dick, huhhh??
Gigi the great: OMG Celeste! You’re out of control!
Celeste-is-Best: that wasn’t a denial…
#main
Gigi the great: Hey guys...sorry I haven’t been active lately
Gigi the great: Quick update though....
GIgi the great:
blood_princess: OSDFJweoiflkdfaf omgggggg gggggiiiiiiigiigigig!!!!!!
Jameson: Holy shit, man. Congrats.
Celeste-is-Best: GuillerrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmooooooOooooO!O my baby! you look amazing!
call-me-karen: DO YOU NEED A FAMILIAR!!?!?!?!?
Celeste-is-Best: jesus, karen lol
blood_princess: my master is having an orgy right now. I just locked myself in the bathroom--I’M FREAKING OUT!! What is it like? IS that blood on your collar??? OMG how was ur first feeding?
Imurdad | colby: FAMILIARS ONLY, GUILLERMO!!
Imurdad | colby: I’m kidding. OMG I’m so happy for you! (And burning with jealous rage)
Celeste-is-Best: look how fucking happy Nandor is
Celeste-is-Best: i’ve been shipping you two from the beginning, Gigi!
Celeste-is-Best: …..hope you’re not going to forget who helped you out with those virgins last month…
---
“Guillermo!” Nandor’s voice was half whine, half growl. “It’s very difficult to sleep with that light filling the coffin! What are you doing anyway?”
The screen illuminated Guillermo’s grin as he answered, “Just posted that selfie we took to the familiar chat. They’re freaking out.”
Nandor turned onto his side, nuzzling his face into Guillermo’s neck and tickling him with his beard, “That’s nice. Sleepy time now, Guillermo.”
“Yes, master,” Guillermo breathed and Nandor purred low in his chest. Some things had changed since becoming a vampire and others had stayed the same. Calling Nandor “master” had taken on a new, thrilling subtext.
Nandor’s arms snaked around Guillermo, tugging the smaller vampire into his chest. He let out a contented sigh and his body went still as he began to fall asleep.
“I guess I should probably leave the group,” Guillermo yawned--force of habit. “Since I’m not a familiar anymore.”
Nandor wrenched himself from sleep with the power of his own petulance, “Hey! What do you mean ‘not a familiar anymore’? Just because a guy gives his boyfriend the gift of eternal life he thinks he can quit being his familiar!? Who’s going to brush my hair?! ‘Not a familiar anymore’...fucking guy…”
#nandor x guillermo#guillermo x nandor#nandermo#wwdits#wwdits fanfic#nandor the relentless#guillermo de la cruz
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So a friendship ended... But luckily in this case it's absence leaves room for better things to grow.
I was rambling in the tags of my previous reblog, but yeah...
'friend' decided that Empathy and Sympathy mean the same thing, that I am not, in fact, an empath/able to put myself in others' shoes/sometimes unwilling pulled or made to feel things against my will (experience things that aren't may own), that NO ONE could feel what he feels or know what he's going through, that I have a messiah complex, that he 100% wants something (that I, being me, cannot/will not provide), and that families and friends cannot possible hold one another accountable/truly be honest with each other.
I have tried very hard for months to be patient with this man. Tried very hard to be a good friend and more. Tried very hard to give him the benefit of the doubt too. But, well, he isn't worth my time and effort I've decided.
Maybe I'm wrong in that I'm an empath and I've just got another form of psychosis. I fully admitted it was a possibility... But I was honestly helped by people being willing and able to kindly explain how they could put themselves into my shoes almost perfectly and WERE me at one point- with all my experiences and feelings... Not with the same names and faces of course, but knowing my experiences aren't so unique and I wasn't so alone as I thought was such a comfort to me. And it certainly feels like I can do the same that they were describing of being in others' shoes.. and that sometimes too it's involuntary..
Of course I was a stubborn teenager at the time I was being told all of this and going through that teenagery 'you don't know what it's like!!' stage... But I learned. I was able to step back and take stock when my hormones weren't flying all over the place (made worse by an undiagnosed hormone disorder at the time (woo nonbinary body!), but I still managed with help and good role models)... I'm sad my former friend never got that and can't clearly draw understanding of stuff like that. He's into his 30s so, well.. it's harder. I get that. In a few years almost on the dot I'll be 30 myself. I know how much harder some of this stuff is now that I'm very much an adult vs when I was a teen.
According to him though... Yes. Empathy and Sympathy are the same thing. Completely overlooking that Sympathy is having a common feeling and being able to feel sorry for someone... And empathy is SHARING a feeling and being able to experience/feel what it is that's being gone through- not just feel sorry (And I'm explaining it this way because he pulled up Definition number two of Sympathy and Definition one of empathy from google and demanded to know how they were different- common vs sharing is definitely a key difference in those Definitions... And Empathy's specified it was an ability on top of that so... Hmm). I wasn't there for that type of ignorance.
Next is the idea that his experience is SO unique I couldn't possibly understand and then his demand of me to explain how he felt if I 'thought I could'. Okay, first of all it's is heckin' RUDE to demand your friends explain how they could 'possibly know' how/why you're bothered by Something... But I did try- after telling him I wanted an apology for him being so rude as to demand that... he half apologised and mostly went into detail about his woeful feelings.... And yet when I told him I made my reply/explanation much earlier in the day and copy/pasted it to our chat from my Docs (which, to be fair, matched what he said incredibly well) he told me that I was 'just regurgitating' what he told me about how he felt. Um... You asked me how you felt and then I told you what it feels like to go through what you're going through and why it's so bothersome (because I've BEEN there myself?)... Only for you to tell me I don't understand and I'm just echoing you rather than feeling anything? Um?? Empathy is FEELING what YOU feel??? Hello??? And you asked me to describe it??? WTF? I wasn't there for THAT either.
And then he had the idea to accuse me of having a messiah complex (because he 'had one too when [he] was younger and had to learn People weren't worth saving'). Okay. I didn't 100% get what that was/didn't entirely trust my gut feeling on the Google Definition... So what did I do? I googled it. And then I asked my sister (without context) if she thought the description matched me before I replied. According to Google and my sister and the rest of my family... I do not have a messiah complex. Not the first Definition of believing to have some calling or right to heal people, nor the second Definition of believing to be responsible for helping people... As I told him I only offer bits and pieces of advice and different outlooks on the same situation because I am trying to be a good friend. Sure I HOPE it'll be helpful or someone might gain Something from it- but I'm not Sharing because I BELIEVE it will solve the problem or that I'm responsible for fixing someone (I know the line is fine and blurry, but I s2g caring for a friend by sharing stuff and believing you HAVE to help someone are TOTALLY different things)... People sharing their experiences and what works for them to help them not be so miserable is what has helped me throughout my life... it's a mark of my best friends. And I truly don't understand some social cues of how sometimes sharing advice or ideas or memories even ISN'T needed, wanted, or helpful... Obviously. (Because I'm clearly neurodivergent- uh, hello?! Can't 100% help it but trying my hardest?!)....
But according to him... I'm just blind and needed to be knocked down a few pegs rather than thinking I'm so great and could possibly understand him/anyone else... Okay. Not here for that.
I admitted to him that sure... Some of my own experiences bleed into empathetic episodes. It happens!! Like when he's told me multiple times that he's been left out with his family (no one shares information or events beyond what's ABSOLUTELY REQUIRED with him- won't tell him a family member is dying but will talk about Christmas sort of deal) and is a black sheep (different political/life views and feelings of only being tolerated) the ways he has... I put my own experiences of being neglected/abandoned into that. He swears he had always been loved and never felt alone/mistreated by his family (even though he's the one who described these things and Is partially why the feelings of abandonment popped up as I went into his shoes more or less-- but hey. Mistakes happen as do unintentional bleeds. I get that it's not perfect because ultimately I'm still me even when experiencing others. I can and will admit to skewing some things like so on accident if it's true.. but I refuse to believe I understand absolutely nothing at all when we are ALL human and typically have emotions and certain reactions to certain things. Most of us REALLY aren't THAT unique!! Sorry.. it's extremely true based on science's understanding/research anyway).
One of the last things he said to me after accusing me of the messiah complex was he just wants me to 'listen and agree' with him about stuff instead of telling him about my/other ways of looking at things, telling him he's off the mark, or trying to help with the misery.... When previously (and over and over and over) having demanded my absolute honesty and having said he appreciates what I do.... I will not lie to him and say he's right in what he's doing or does with a given situation if he's wrong or looking at it through a lens. Duh. That's 'bad' friend stuff. And sure I can listen no problem!! IF I am told outright/first that what he's saying is JUST a vent and not supposed to be a conversation at all. I've mentioned I need that sort of thing!! If it's just a vent, tell me!!! I'll stfu and listen knowing that... But I'm SORRY I CANNOT just outright TELL. It's not a skill I have!! I HAVE been attempting to get better at it... But anyone can tell you text is especially HARD. Especially when we DO have a conversation about it? A back and forth? And you NEVER once say 'i don't want your take. I just want you to listen.' Even my own sisters and I have to stop ourselves and go... Hey... I really appreciate what you're trying to do, but I'm just venting. And then everything gets so much easier!!! And if we can open with that- 'hey, can I vent to you?' OMFGGGGGGGG it's SO much EASIER!!!
... and yet still.. following that... I am INCREDIBLY LUCKY... Because in venting or in sharing and asking for advice and more... MY family is made up of the type of people who can step back and be unbiased!!! And we can stop each other and TELL each other if we are, in fact, fucking up!!! I mean sure... There's always going to be that love and desire for better for one another... Be ALL of us are under the impression that sometimes the people we love are WRONG and sometimes they are BAD no matter how much we don't want them to be.. and it's far kinder to be honest and take the 'right' side than to give each other all the quarters we want. We cannot learn and/or grow if we cannot hold each other accountable... And Sharing experiences and saying why is designed to be a kindness no matter if it actually helps them or not.. But guess what my 'friend' thought of that? ROFL I was obviously under the incorrect impression and my family will always take MY side simply because I'm family...
In the end...
I do NOT need a 'friend' like that. Who questions everything I do, demands more of me/everyone than I/anyone can provide, who cannot and will not learn or be open to learn in any form, and who takes - dude, you're pissing me off. Fuck off for the night and maybe we can talk again in the morning once we've both gotten sleep- as a 'challenge' to prove this that or the other thing and attack their friend... What the ever loving FUCK is WRONG with you?!
... if you want to know what started this whole thing... He was complaining that none of his friends 'will' hang out with him anymore. Totally understandable to feel awful and lonely (and everything I described to him that he demanded I do)...
But he kept taking it father saying people always changed their schedules on purpose or clearly had nothing else going on in their lives but avoided him anyway and stuff like that... And I dared to question and suggest that some of us DO have good reasons for canceling and not spending the time he wants/needs... That some of us have offered compromises that have never been enough but we still try and SOMETIMES life really DOES just get in the way!!! Like my being sick all the time!! I don't WANT to stay cooped up in my house every day fearing even a passing cold will knock me off my feet!! But dude!! I HAVE to!! And People don't USUALLY demand schedule changes!! It usually kinda gets thrust upon them!! Hello??? Don't we live in america where that's WIDELY KNOWN?! Where sometimes people CAN'T take what little spare time they have and spend it on YOU?? ESPECIALLY during a PANDEMIC and other big changes??? That sometimes that time NEEDS to be taken up with simple pleasures like a single player game in their own home?! Don't People USUALLY have reasons for their habits too? Prerogatives/needs that they don't or can't share with others during those habits because MAYBE it's what they need and you just happen not to be a part of it but could be if you actually ASKED what was going on?! Or idk... LISTENED to what they're telling you about WHY-- especially when you yourself admit you are the ODD one who needs other people physically around to recharge (where most other people don't/only get more exhausted)?!
In the end... I did tell him that sure... If he's treating his other friends like this (which clearly he was treating me pretty darn awfully) then maybe YEAH some of them do it on purpose. We already know how younger brother (my ex) does and that he's not exactly shy about that. Friends may do it on purpose eventually- especially if he's treating People awfully and accusing them of doing it on purpose when they DON'T have control over it... Maybe they WILL migrate to doing it on purpose because of the accusations and inability to make him believe life is just messy sometimes!! But they don't want to lose an occasionally really great friend (because good or bad losing a friend is HARD on the mind and body) and/or don't see how manipulated they are?
In which case... He deserves it. Just like he deserved my wrath (at least in part- I was told I took it a bit too far in that I didn't block him sooner. I did make that mistake for sure XP) when he decided to be so fucking rude to me and then piss all over my efforts to try and be what constitutes a good friend.
Fuck you, dude. You're clearly not worth my time.
And of course the very very last word he had was 'you deserve better friends than I am right now.'
Which, while true and would have been sweet, is something I know (and he has admitted to in the past) is a 'feel sorry for me' tactic. It's not 100% true remorse any more than 'oh no I fucked up and don't want to deal with the consequences of my fucking up, maybe this will get them to feel sorry and let me do it again/get away with it.' I've used it too and understand the tactic all too well. So again I say and know he's not worth my damn time.
Without him in that space of my life... I have more room for others and especially more for myself. I don't need that toxicity. I've been that person too and I know it. I still have my days. And yet it's still okay and good I've walked away.
Fuck you, dude. You're clearly not a friend for me.
#personal#random#ignore me#life in general#drama#long post#text post#bad friends#bad match#tw arguing#anger tw#I'm not perfect. and i dont say that so i can get away with shit#i mean it. I'm not perfect. i will never be even as i strive for more/better things#I'm just as human and just as flawed and no higher or lower than anyone else#but that doesn't mean i have to take this konda stuff laying down#good riddance#drama tw#unhealthy relationships
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