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glowingbadger · 3 years

Note

Okay, so I had a thought for our dear fox boy, Kurama.... Imagine, "trying" to tease him by going down on him only to suddenly switch it up and go down on you instead, especially when you least expect it as revenge. You're on the phone with your best friend and suddenly he's there between your legs, but you can't say anything or let your friend know.

Oh-hoo, a most excellent concept, friend- and actually plays into a couple things I've written about Kurama before too, so I guess I should have seen this coming xD

Also this all just reminded me that I HAVE to do some sketches of the YYH boys in late 90's fashion. Ugh, what absolute icons.

Kurama (YYH) x AFAB Reader

NSFW 18+ v

Kurama's hair splays out across the pillow, making him look for all the world like a lounging ingenue in a romantic painting. Still, those emerald eyes level on you with a sharp cunning that tells you clearly where you stand. He wears a subdued smile that someone who didn't know him might find pleasant, charming- but you know what the grin of a fox spirit really means.

"Feeling rather bold today, aren't you?" he says, his tone light and conversational, even as your hands run down his chest and the toned contours of his abdomen from atop his clothing.

"Well, it doesn't seem fair for you to call the shots all the time," you reply from your position straddling his hips. You like to think you sound the part of the confident seductress, but your heart leaps every time you meet Kurama's calculated gaze. You may be in the "dominant" position, but you know you haven't nearly tamed him. For now, you'll just have to try to push him a bit further.

You kiss a slow and deliberate path down the center of his torso, undoing the buttons of his shirt one-by-one, and revelling in the feeling of firm muscle shifting and flexing at your touch. Kurama lets out an openly pleasured sigh, and doesn't shy away in the slightest as your hands reach the front of his jeans. With a playful little hum, you run your hand up along the bulge of his stiffening cock beneath layers of fabric. Very subtly, his hips shift up towards your touch, and you bite at your lip as your eyes flicker up to his yet unreadable expression.

"You must be much more sensitive than you let on, Kurama," you tease, tracing his length with a single finger, "You're already this hard, after all."

Just as you'd started to feel sure of having the upper hand, he props himself up on an elbow to observe you between his thighs. One hand reaches down to caress your cheek, ending at your chin, where his thumb runs the curve of your lower lip.

"Of course I am," he replies bluntly, "It's only natural when I desire you so ardently. Besides," he goes on, his grin curling into a smirk, "If your aim is retribution for all that I've done to you, then I imagine I have quite a thrilling evening to look forward to."

So much for flustering him, or even just getting him to act a little bit shy. Your cheeks burn hot, and you mumble,

"Should have tied you up. And gagged you, while we're at it."

"Hm. Perhaps you should have," Kurama replies casually.

This bastard. Is it really this impossible to gain the slightest bit of ground on him?

Impatient for results, you undo the front of his jeans, and tug them down with his boxers, freeing his impressive member from its confines. Kurama continues to watch you comfortably as you take the base of his cock in hand and slowly drag your tongue up the underside of his shaft. You can feel it twitching and swelling in your hand, hardening to its full size before too long. Frankly, you've half a mind to climb onto his lap and ride him then and there. He does so love to tease you- the chance to have him now without the usual exercise of restraint is undeniably tempting. For the time being, you satisfy yourself with gently licking and kissing his twitching manhood, letting the warmth of your breath and fleeting touches gently stimulate him.

He is clearly enjoying himself; aside from the soft murmurs of pleasure he grants you as your tongue circles the crown of his cock, his direct gaze hasn't wavered for even a moment. Still propped up above you, he absently strokes your hair in one hand as half-lidded eyes watch your attempts to provoke him.

"You mean to tease me, I see..." he says softly, his tone only hinting at his amusement. Even better concealed is the heady arousal building at his core- his desire to break this arrogant facade you've put on, to see you crumble back into obedience at his hands.

And as if by divine providence, his opportunity arrives.

The phone at the bedside table rings, and you pause to glance up at Kurama. Only the glint in his eye hints at his plan at first- but then, as you watch in disbelief, he picks up the phone before it's finished its third ring. He sits upright as he greets your friend on the line, and your body feels hot and cold all at once.

"Hm? Oh, yes- right here, in fact. One moment."

Kurama meets your eyes with a smirk and offers the phone to you with his hand cupped over the receiver. Your face is burning red, and you grumble near inaudibly,

"No fair!"

He gives a short laugh, tucking away his still-hard cock and then fixing his clothing with his free hand as he says,

"I apologize if I have ever given you the impression that I am 'fair' by nature." All at once, he catches you around the waist and pulls you down onto your back on the bed. You resist crying out in surprise, if only because when you look up at him and see the smouldering heat in his eyes, your breath catches in your chest. Then, without a word, he hands the phone to you. Biting nervously at your lower lip, you take it from him, clear your throat, and say,

"He-hey! How's it going?"

Your friend immediately launches into an excited ramble about the finale of a show she's been following obsessively for the last year and a half. Honestly, you should have expected this call- stupid of you to think you'd have the evening free with the finale airing. As she goes on about how "so many of her predictions were dead-on," Kuramas hands run indulgently down the contours of your body. Your heart races, and you can't help tensing, arching up against him just a little. Then, he's working your pants down off your hips, and you give him a pleading look that he meets like a stone wall.

"-- I mean, can you believe it?! It's like, exactly what I said would happen!!"

"Yeah, that's, uh," you struggle to keep up, but your eyes are fixed on Kurama lowering himself between your bared legs, "that's pretty wild..."

With a placade grin on his face, he kisses a trail down the inside curve of your thigh, his touches delicate and yet unreserved. Your eyelids flutter half-shut, but you force yourself to- more or less -follow the thread of your friend's rant. That is, until you feel the sting of Kurama's teeth at the soft flesh far up the inner curve of your thigh. He sucks a dark love-bite to your skin- one that you know will remind you of his presence there for days to come. Still, you manage to camouflage your gasp of shock and pleasure into a sudden cough.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, totally! Sorry, don't mind me- go on!" you babble out your reply in a hurry, knowing you won't be able to trust your voice when Kurama continues this torment. He chuckles silently behind his hand, and you pout uselessly at him. Rather than acknowledge this, he refocuses on his task as the phone rant continues. You do your best to keep a consistent stream of "Oh, yeah?" and "Wow, crazy!", all while elegant fingers spread your lower lips and warm breath teases your over-sensitive body. Then, without warning, his tongue glides firm across your aching clit. Your thighs twitch in around his head and you arch up from the bed.

"Woa--! That's... incredible!" you translate the gasp you desperately want to let out into a perhaps overly-enthusiastic reply. Fortunately, your friend is too caught up in her finale recap to police her own excitement, let alone yours. Still wearing that cocky smirk, Kurama pushes his hair back behind his ears, then returns to tease your clit with the tip of his tongue.

He doesn't let up after this, and frankly, your impulses are torn. Part of you wants to be as subtle as possible, to silently endure the slow, luxurious movements of his lips and tongue pulsing against your cunt and stiffened clit. Another part of you- the part you're fighting to subdue -wants to grab onto that silky red hair and grind against him, to rush yourself to your climax and to spare yourself further torture. But you and Kurama both know you won't be able to keep quiet if you do. So you fuss anxiously with the phone's tangled cord, shifting and squirming on the bed beneath him and biting back pleasured gasps and whimpers.

Your legs are trembling around him and you're positively soaked with your arousal and his saliva. Leaning back on the pillow, you scrunch your eyes closed and take a deep breath.

"Oh- you remember that one voice actor I told you about?"

"Yeah, uh," you struggle to pull your thoughts together, but Kurama nudges the flat of his tongue rhythmically against your clit, and your body is begging for release, "This show... was his first big on-screen thing, right?" you manage to choke out. As though pleased by your performance, your lover gives a soft hum that sends his breath fluttering over your vulnerable skin, then presses more firmly into you. His skillful tongue teases your entrance for a moment, rubbing into you while your muscles tighten, instinctively longing for friction, for something inside, for something to cling to. You're panting silently, biting at your finger to keep quiet while your friend tells you all about her latest celebrity crush.

So close. You're so dangerously close to the rush of your climax. But you hold on, every inch of your body aching with need and restraint. Kurama can obviously sense the desperate state you're in, and you know that he's savoring it. And yet, when you glance down to watch the erotic movements of his mouth, the way his eyes devour you, the way his hands grip at your hips- you realize that you don't have it in you to care about your pride anymore.

"Anyway, they're airing an interview with the cast soon, so I gotta go so I don't miss it."

The words are a beacon of hope, and while your friend apologizes for cutting out so suddenly, you assure her again and again that you don't mind.

"Really, you should... go- uh, go enjoy the thing!"

Kurama's lips seal around your clit and the dearly sensitive surrounding flesh. His tongue flicks across the hard little bundle over and over, his hands firm at your hips, holding you strictly in place. He's not holding back anymore. Your eyes roll back and your body burns, but you keep yourself silent. Just a little longer. Don't let him make you cum- not yet. He feels too good- and you know he wouldn't care if you screamed his name for your friend or anyone else to hear.

"Oh, also, we should totally grab coffee or something soon!"

"Yeah- that sounds really good-!" your back arcs up from the sheets.

"Cool! I'll call again soon, byeeee!"

You hear the click of the receiver on the other end. Your arms go limp, dropping the phone to the floor. Kurama leans over you, pushing himself against you while his tongue works your clit and you gasp aloud for him.

"Kurama! Ohhh... Oh, God- I'm-!"

A tingling, sparkling wave of pleasure explodes from your core and rushes across the surface of your skin. You can't remember the last time you came this hard, and you imagine Kurama can feel what he's doing to you. Your taste coats his tongue, one shaky hand weaves your fingers through his hair as your hips buck towards him. With one last desperate cry of his name, you relax back onto the bed, your boneless limbs making you feel like a puddle of mindless bliss.

Panting, practically gasping for breath, your unfocused eyes gaze up at the ceiling as the last tremors of your climax pass through you.

"Haa... Mm, Kurama..." you whimper out as he places one last kiss to your now soaked folds.

He crawls up atop you, and a gentle hand turns your face to him. His smile is warm and openly affectionate, and he caresses your cheek like a groom at the altar. Looking at him now, it's hard to imagine he's the same man who just put you through that unique form of torture. You're still catching your breath, and when he kisses you with all the tenderness in the world, you can hardly even reciprocate.

"Well done, my love," he says at last, "Do you think you can continue to behave for me tonight?"

Some distant part of your mind realizes that you've been manipulated- that he's utterly dismantled your attempt at dominance. You should be frustrated. You should try to regain the upper hand and show him that he doesn't always gets to be in control. Instead, your half-lidded eyes meet him and you murmur,

"Yes... I'll be good..."

#kurama #yu yu hakusho #kurama yyh #shuichi minamino #kurama x reader #yu yu hakusho smut #kurama smut #x reader #yu yu hakusho imagines

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musicallisto · 3 years

Note

hi love! congratulations on such a wonderful milestone! i’ve been following you for ages so this is almost as exciting for me haha

could i please get a 🍨 for the grishaverse/six of crows? (whichever you feel fits!) i’m straight female who is an istj, slytherin, and 6w5! i also took the grisha quiz and am apparently a alkemi (but would i truly want to be grisha? the jury is still out on that). im 5’7 with blonde hair, brown eyes, and glasses. i’m a sagittarius sun, pisces moon, and aquarius rising!

i’m pretty independent, and believe no friendship demands blind faith. i’m probably too selfish (which i don’t see as a bad thing, personally), and can be quick to anger.

HOWEVER! i’m not all angst. i’m introverted, shy, & frankly bad with emotions (both feeling and expressing), BUT i also love to laugh, and will not stop talking to you about things i like once we’re friends.

i love that first sip of coffee, the silence after it snows, and the stars on a clear night. i’ve had multiple concussions from sports (which tells you all you need to know about my self-preservation skills) but i will take a day in bed reading or watching various franchise movies over adventure most days. i also lovelovelove listening to music — specifically classical!

thank you so much in advance !! and take all the time you need, this is a fun celebration so i wouldn’t wanna stress you out :) congrats again!!

hi! here’s your vanilla milkshake! (also - please come off anon because first of all, you’ve been following me for a long time? my heart melts. but ALSO! you sound like the most amazing and fascinating person and i adore your personality.) i thought of going for a shadow and bone character to diversify a little bit - but who am i to resist the call of kaz brekker?

no words can express my excitement at being able to use an actual gif for Kaz.

we all know Kaz and we all know his emotional turmoil. expect the slowest of slow-burns; expect to even wonder if the candle is lit at all.

But it is, I promise. It is lit and it seeps into his heart in ways that he doesn’t understand, and frankly, that scare him a little.

He’s never been good at that whole falling thing. He’s more than content to sit above the rest, and leave the tumbling to Inej.

So when he has to face the music and understand that you’re not getting away, and neither are his growing fondness for you? He’s totally helpless. Serves him right for not learning how to fall sooner.

At first, he thought it was mere fascination that drew him to you. Sure, it takes a lot for him to be impressed... but even he has to admit that you are a lot. Not in the lot in the exuberant sense of all these merchants, but assured and strong in your mastery of your powers, and in your quiet competence.

You craft most of the poisons and antidotes the Dregs use, and are unafraid to yield them yourself; you don’t mind getting your hands dirty; you’re reliable, loyal, easy to trust, and, surprisingly to him, easy to befriend as well. Although he doesn’t make a big effort to befriend you anyway; but whenever he goes down to visit you in your clandestine lab, he ends up spending much more time than he originally planned talking to you.

It’s just so easy to forget the grime of the streets above in that peaceful laboratory, with the distant sound of violin and chemical solutions bubbling somewhere indistinct. And your total concentration, as you mix up the poisons and conjure the blasting powders with deadly precision, is a magnificent sight to see.

At first, Kaz is guilty of sending you on missions for him, or confining you to your lab. You don’t mind the work, and understand that it is where you are most useful, but quickly tell Kaz that you are not at his disposition whenever he wants to run his errands; that you are his equal, and that you work for the Dregs because someone must feed these poor children, not because you would blindly give up your life for him.

In other words: you owe him nothing, and you’re not his lackey. And he better understand that quickly, lest you leave and offer your services to a cause that will remember you for more than your craftsmanship.

It’s a wake-up call for him, surely; it’s when he realizes that you have an independent soul, that you know no ties nor bounds, that you are neither a Kerch nor a Ravkan nor a Shu, but truly a citizen of your own heart, and that there is nothing tying you to him except your good will.

And the idea that you might disappear from his life as quickly as you barged in is enough to paralyze him for a good second. But then he regains his composure.

And asks you to stay, please.

(Not for the poisons, not for the magic, not for the money, but for me, he almost adds, but he can’t get the words out, and doesn’t.)

From that point on, you go on missions with Kaz and the Dregs, and no longer for them, standing as tall as the other Crows.

And your relationship with Kaz grows seemingly a little stronger for it. He opens up a little more, sometimes slips in a little something that might even be considered a compliment.

The others have told him time and time again that you are a fun and happy person to be around, and he couldn’t believe them, because all he ever saw of you was the focused and precise Grisha synthesizing arsenic or negotiating contracts by his side. But as he opens up to you, and on the rare occasions you’re both at the Crow House, he listens to you excitedly tell a story to the others Dregs crowded around a greasy table, he understands what they mean.

You are fascinating.

It’s not the Alkemi in you, it’s not your deadly aim nor your rigor with your work... it’s you. It’s in the excitement in your voice when you talk about something you love, and the care you put in making space for Kaz in your busy schedule.

“I thought you didn’t want to see me?”

“I don’t want to see you when you boss me around. Otherwise, you’re not so terrible to spend time with.”

(Which, in your shared language of restriction and shiness, means “I appreciate you a lot and enjoy your company more than I let on”.)

It’s in your relaxed face when you listen to classical music... when you’re working late nights at the lab and start humming along to the piano on a beaten gramophone that Jesper, of all people, stole for you one day - a Romantic Fjerdan melody, nothing to do with the industrial rhythms of Ketterdam, and your feet begin swaying to the music without you noticing.

He just stopped by to bring you the list of what he’ll need to take care of the Ice Court guards... but he’s taken aback, on the doorstep, watching you enjoy the music like a careless ballet dancer. He’s never seen you quite so relaxed...

... maybe that’s when he falls for good.

And maybe you know he’s fallen for good when you stop by unannounced at his office at the Crow House to hand him the poisoned blades he’s asked for... and you find him listening to the exact same waltz you were playing when he arrived.

You never took Kaz for the classical music type - you do a double-take before he looks up at you, his face and lips even, but a glimmer of hope twinkling in his dark eyes.

“You wanted?”

“To see you.”

His brow perks up.

“However did I get so lucky?”

But he gestures for you to step in, to get closer to him, to fill his dull office with your heady scent, both poison ivy and white rose.

Maybe, under the right night sky, with the right alignment of stars, and after the right snowfall on a deserted plain, he will hear the same music again, and this time he will clumsily extend this hand.

Not to dance, not even for you to take. Just to hold it out for you. Just so you know he would go to any lengths to keep you safe.

But for now, you have a heist to plan.

800 follower sleepover CLOSED!

#anon #800sleepover #ship request #six of crows #kaz brekker #kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker headcanons #six of crows headcanons

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lancermylove · 3 years

Text

I Love You The Way You Are (HC)

Fandom: BSTS

Pairing: All x fem!Reader

Warning: None

Requested by: Potato

Prompt: How would the BSTS boys react to finding out MC has insecurities about something with her body (i.e breast size, height, weight, waist size, butt size, etc.)? - Potato

A/N: I think all of us can relate to this in one way or another. Hopefully this hc bring comfort to the readers! Remember that you are beautiful no matter what. 😘

———————————————

Kei noticed you were behaving oddly around him and also knew you were keeping something from him.

Then he overheard you talking to someone on the phone and saying "I don't feel like I'm good enough for him. He's incredible in every way possible; a great singer, a flawless dancer, a talented actor, sexy, well-built, rich...and on top of that, a well-known celebrity. He should be dating someone just as amazing as him..."

The corners of his lips turned down as Kei curled his fists. He was angry at you for saying such a negative thing about yourself. Wasn't good enough? Do you know what you mean to him?

He walked into the room and wrapped his arms tightly around you from behind, "Not good enough? Is that what you think?"

His voice was heavy and drawn, "You are right, I could date anyone I want. Even if I had a chance to date someone else, I would still choose you. Stop being so hard on yourself...I love you just the way you are."

Sotetsu saw you struggling to walk in high heels and heard you mumbling about how uncomfortable it is.

"Then why are you wearing them?" He chuckled.

"I'm short, and I hate being short..."

He would've brushed your words as whining had it not been for the tears in your eyes.

"You are insecure about your height? Why? I like you being short...it makes you a whole lot cuter, especially when you are around me."

"You're just saying that..."

"I am not," he laughed, "but you want to know the best part about you being short?"

Sotetsu lifted you by the waist and held you above him, ignoring your squeals and protests to put you down. "I have fun picking you up and carrying you around."

Ginsei stared at you in shock when he heard you complaining about your nose. "Why don't you like your nose? I don't see anything wrong with it."

"It's not cute enough..."

"Did someone say something to you? If they did, then please ignore their words. Your nose is great as it is. I know I don't have the right to say this since I've my share of insecurities as well, but believe me when I saw you are beautiful."

Ginsei smiled and pinched your nose between his thumb and index finger.

"You...think your fingers are chubby?" Gui mumbled as he pondered over your words. "You don't like them?"

"No, my fingers look unattractive, so..."

He stared at your arms in confusion, "I don't see anything wrong with them."

"Gui, men like a woman with skinny fingers an-"

He interrupted you while shaking his head, "That's not true...I don't see anything wrong with your fingers."

"But, Gui..."

"I like you. The size of your fingers doesn't matter to me..."

Yoshino noticed that you were only wearing open skirts and wondered why. When you told him you thought your thighs were too big, he was at a loss.

"But, (y/n), I l-like your thighs. You look good in everything you wear."

"You're just saying that to make me feel better." You didn't believe his words, but Yoshino was determined to make you see the truth.

"I really like to rest my head on your l-lap...your thighs are comfortable, a-and I like to stroke them," he smiled and took hold of your hands. "Please believe me. You are perfect the way you are!"

"Why have you been acting weird the past few days?" Kokuyou asked as he took a seat next to you and pulled out his cigarettes.

"Have I been acting weird?" You asked innocently.

He stared at you before roughly saying, "Drop the act and answer my question."

Averting your eyes, you told him the truth in a quiet voice. "Why do you like me, Kokuyou? I'm not pretty enough to be with someone like you."

He furrowed his eyebrows and growled, "What the hell is that supposed to mean? Is there a meter somewhere that measures the beauty levels of a woman? Did someone say something to you? Tell me who."

You could sense an air of hostility about him, "N-No...I just t-think..."

"I don't care what you think about this. Stop criticizing yourself and stop listening to dumbasses." Kokuyou grew quiet for a second and exhaled loudly, "If I didn't like you, I wouldn't be with you. You...are beautiful."

Akira stopped walking and looked at you blankly. "You..what?"

"I don't like the size of my butt," you mumbled under your breath, not wanting the people nearby to hear.

"Cutie, I don't know why you don't like it, but if you're followin' some weird trend or listening to other people, then stop," Akira said while ruffling your hair.

"But look at it..."

"I am looking at it and don't see anything wrong with it. Listen, the size of your butt doesn't matter...besides, small butts look cute, and big butts are smackable," he laughed.

"Are you alright?" Sin questioned as he took a seat next to you in the office.

You debated whether or not to tell him the thought on your mind and eventually decided to come clean. "No..."

"Why?"

"I...I see these women with perfect legs and no cellulite...it's so unfair. I can't wear shorts, skirts, or dresses without worrying about the cellulite showing," you muttered with your head lowered.

"There is no point worrying about such trivial matters. It's a way of life, and if someone dislikes you simply for your cellulite, the person does not deserve your attention."

"And you...what you do you think about it?"

Sin chuckled, "I think you are worrying too much. You are beautiful just the way you are."

Taiga noticed you staring in the mirror and touching various parts of your face with a frown. He walked in curiously and asked what you were doing.

"N-Nothing...I..."

"That didn't look like nothing," he said, rubbing the back of his head. "You don't look okay either."

"Why do I look like this? Why...can't I look a little cuter? I mean look at those women that look like flawless dolls."

"You..want to look like a doll? Why?" Taiga was stunned by your reply, "H-Hey, you're telling a gamer you want to look like a doll...have you ever played a horror game? Dolls are the last things any gamer wants to see. Man, I'm terrified of dolls..."

His unexpected response made you laugh and seeing your mood change, Taiga smiled. "I like this you."

When Takami heard that you were insecure about your skin color, he was speechless. "Why...?"

You didn't reply to him; instead, you lowered your eyes and fought back your tears.

"I...I can see why. The media, society, people spouting nonsense...," he gave a small smile and cupped your cheeks, "(y/n), all skin colors are beautiful. The color of skin doesn't determine how beautiful you are nor does it say anything about your skills, intelligence, background..."

"But..."

"Listen, your skin color makes you unique. I mean imagine a world where all of us had the same skin color, same eyes, nose, and mouth. Frankly, that sounds like something straight out of a horror movie."

His words made you giggle. Takami wiped your tears and added, "I love your skin as it is. You are perfect as you are, and I hope you can see that too."

"Rindou, what do you think about my lips?"

"Why do you ask?" He was surprised to hear such an arbitrary question.

"I...hate my lips. Women with plump lips are so lucky."

Rindou cupped your cheeks and looked into your eyes, "Your lips are cute and give you a delicate, feminine look. Women don't need plump lips to look pretty. Don't think less of yourself I like your lips as they are."

"You...don't like your glasses?" Sinju asked, tilting his head to one side. "Why though?"

"I...just don't like them," you said not wanting to give him a full-fledged explanation.

"But your glasses make you look a hundred times cuter," Sinju flashed you a radiant smile. "Are...you worried about getting categorized as a dork, nerd, geek, and all that?"

You didn't give him a reply, but Sinju continued, "You know people nowadays wear glasses as a fashion statement. Doesn't that mean glasses are fashionable?"

Maica stared at your feet silently for a while before looking back at your face. "Your point is?"

"My feet are so big...it bothers me and -"

He interrupted you with a raised eyebrow, "The size of your foot doesn't matter. Some people have small feet, others have large feet. If anyone points out the size of your foot, know that they're insecure about their appearance and are trying to feel better about themselves by pointing out "flaws" in other people."

Maica brushed your cheek with the back of his fingers, “I could care less about you. I love you for who you are, not your shoe size.”

"You have not been eating properly."

You looked at Menou confused, not knowing if he was stating the fact or questioning you.

"Why? Are you not feeling well?"

"I...want to lose weight. My stomach is chubby, and I don't like it."

"Why not?" Menou stifling a yawn and stretched his arms, "I like your chubby stomach. It makes a good pillow...actually, I like sleeping on your stomach more than on a pillow."

"Hair color? What issue do you have with your hair color?"

Yakou was at a loss and couldn't understand what your hair color had to do with your beauty.

"Great...is social media trying to play with your mind? Don't listen to those people," he sighed and cupped your cheeks. "I like your hair color, and it has nothing to do with you as a person or your beauty. Hair color is determined by a pigment called melanin...and people who think otherwise are too stupid to understand."

Seeing you hesitate, Yakou stroked your cheek and whispered, "If you are still uncomfortable with your hair color, then I can help you dye your hair. Though, I would prefer you didn't."

Mokuren poked your upper arm and shrugged. "I don't see anything wrong with your arm."

"It's so flabby though...," you complained.

Team C's leader gave you a puzzled look, "The size of your arms doesn't decide who you are or how beautiful you look. Don't be insecure about such a trivial thing. You need to tell yourself daily that you're beautiful."

Mokuren pressed a kiss on the back of your hand, "Princess, you truly are breathtaking...every part of you is beautiful."

"Dear, is there a reason why you're wearing a heavy layer of foundation? Did something happen?"

You were taken aback by Qu's question, but you should've expected this; being a makeup lover, he would notice right away.

"I...I wanted to hide my freckles," you admitted, sounding a bit embarrassed, "I...don't l-like them."

"Why?" Qu couldn't believe his ears. "Your freckles are cute, and they remind me of stars."

He stepped in front of you and delicately touched your cheeks, "People wish to touch stars, but I am one of the lucky few who can touch them right here."

Kasumi frowned slightly, "Why don't you like your waistline?"

"It's not perfect."

"Please don't be so conscious about your waistline; otherwise, who is going to share donuts with me?"

His comment made you chuckle, "Kasumi..."

He smiled widely and pinched your cheek, "If you still don't feel comfortable with your waistline, then I can help you exercise. So let's eat some donuts, then go exercise, and then eat donuts, and exercise again."

Hari noticed you tugging at your jacket sleeves again and couldn't resist the urge to ask, "Is something the matter?"

"N-Nothing..."

Even though you tried to brush off his concerns, he studied you for a moment and asked, "Are you insecure about the hair on your body?"

You darted your eyes towards him in shock, wondering how he figured it out.

"Did someone say something to you? If so, that person or people need to return to school and pay more attention in their biology class," he frowned, "Every person had hair follicles, so it's natural for hair to grow on their body. It's nothing to be insecure about."

"What does that even mean?" Zakuro chuckled.

"My eyes are not big enough!" You repeated your words and pouted.

"Oya Oya, why would you waste your precious time thinking about that? Women really do worry about the smallest things."

He tilted your chin and looked deep into your eyes, "Your eyes are alluring. When you smile, they sparkle like the stars; when you're sad, they look like glass beads. Your eyes are one of your most attractive features."

You and Mizuki were sitting in the Starless staff room when you asked out of the blue, "Mizuki, do you think my shoulders are broad?"

"Why would ya care about somethin' like that? No, I don't see anythin' wrong with 'em," he mumbled and waited for you to explain the reason behind your question.

"I...think my shoulders are too broad..."

"Baka!" He yelled close your ear, making you wince. "You look good as you are, and if anyone says you don't, then I will kick 'em for ya."

Kongou walked into the locker room and stopped in his tracks when he saw you examining your hips in the mirror. "(Y/N)?"

"O-Oh, Kongou...h-hi," you forced a smile.

"What's wrong? You look upset."

Your lips drew into a straight line as you explained your hatred for your large hips.

"But I like your hips," he smiled, "the way they move when you walk, the curvy shape when you wear jeans...it's really attractive."

A light red spread across his cheeks, "I also like the way they feel when you're close to me."

Ran looked at you blankly, not understanding why you were complaining about your height. "What's wrong with being tall?"

"I tower over everyone...and I feel like a giant," you exhaled loudly.

"But women wear heels or get surgery to look tall, so shouldn't you be happy that you're naturally tall? Besides, I like ya being tall, and I really like your long legs!" He exclaimed with a wide grin.

Heath was going through your photos when he took note of something. “(Y/N), why do you always make the same double peace sign pose?"

"That way my jawline has a V-shape. I wish I naturally had a V-shape jawline...I would look more feminine and cuter."

Heath glanced at you confused. "I don't understand why you would say that. All jawlines are beautiful in their own way. Also, a person's jawline doesn't determine how beautiful they look."

His words caught you by surprise and all you could do was wordlessly stare at him.

"Don't listen to what society, media, or people say. I think your jawline is great, and you're very pretty."

Rico was irritated by your words and wanted to give you an earful but chose to only say, "Who cares about that? But if you're insecure about the size of your breast then wear a bra according. After all, aren't there all types of bras that can either make breasts look bigger or slightly smaller?"

"But Rico..."

"Stop worrying about these useless things. If any girl tells you you're too small or too big, then just tell them to mind their own business," he paused for a moment and frowned. "And if any guy says that to you, then tell me. I will teach him a lesson for staring at your chest."

Unei saw you staring in the mirror, covering your cheeks, and sighing heavily. He asked you what was wrong and why you looked so upset.

"I...I don't like my chubby face."

Unei blinked rapidly, then burrowed his brows in confusion. "Why would you say that? I...like your face."

"You do?"

Unei smiled sweetly and nodded, "You look cute with chubby cheeks, and I...like pinching your cheeks. So, please don't criticize your c-cute face."

———————————————

➣ BSTS Masterlist 1 ➣ BSTS Masterlist 2

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svnflowervol666 · 3 years

Text

Ma Petite Chérie: Christmas Then (Harry Styles x fem!Reader)

Read more from this little universe, Ma Petite Chérie, in my masterlist!

Word Count: 6k

Summary: It’s the happiest time of the year, but it couldn’t be more miserable for Harry and Y/N.

Author’s Note: Reupload because it wasn’t working in the tags! Here is the first of two Christmas bits for Harry, Y/N and Tallulah! I’ve told you all that I planned on writing about Harry and Y/N breaking up early on in their relationship, so I decided to add a little Christmas spirit into the mix in honor of the season. I promise, the next part isn’t this sad. I always feel like I’m not that great at writing angst, mostly because it hurts my heart too much, but I hope I did this story enough justice. Feedback is greatly appreciated, it helps to keep me going and to write things that you guys actually want to read. Any who, enjoy! The next part will be up by the end of the month. Take care and TPWK.

Harry had never thought that a night out with his colleagues would cost him his world. It was supposed to be a celebration of another successful year at his job, nothing more. It was supposed to be dinner, a few rounds of whiskey with his team, and an early night back to the two girls he loved the most who waited impatiently for his return. It wasn’t supposed to be a trip to the club, where the bass in the speakers replaced Harry’s own heartbeat and made his mind temporarily forget where his priorities lied. He thought that he’d only be there long enough to not seem like an uptight asshole that didn’t care to have any fun, but alas. Harry can be quite the pushover, and quickly slipped into that inedbriated state that often persuades you to do things you know you shouldn’t.

Harry had certainly thought wrong.

Y/N, on the other hand, was only supposed to be gone long enough to clear her head. Steam was practically billowing out of her at lightspeed the night this all happened. It would later be referred to as “The-Incident-That-We-Don’t-Speak-About-Because-It’s-Painful-Too-Even-Think-About” in the future, but right now, it consumed her. Every little detail of that night and the argument that followed haunted her like a reoccurring bad dream that she couldn’t shake. The way he smelled like cigarettes from keeping his coworkers company on the club’s smoking patio, the way his eyes were glassy from one (or two) ((or three)) too many shots of tequila, the way he yelled at her. She had assured him that all she needed was time to think, and then she’d be back to talk. At the time, she had told him that she quite frankly didn’t want to even be in the same postal code as him, so she left. All that was in the duffle bag she packed in four minutes flat was her toothbrush, face wash, and enough clothes to get her through the weekend while she cooled off at her friend’s apartment.

She didn’t plan on being gone for sixteen days.

A lot had occurred to her in her time away from Harry. One, was that this was the first time they had fought. Ever. She’d always wondered if her time with Harry would ever stop feeling like a fairytale that only existed in novels and storybooks. Everything about the two of them was picture-perfect from its conception, and had somehow only gotten sweeter as the years had passed. She firmly believed that they weren’t like everybody else, those that put on a charade around others, but were unbearably miserable in private. She had started to think that maybe it was supernatural, the way that they fit together so perfectly that she thought no one else on the planet could make her feel the way Harry does, perfectly complete and peaceful. But it was turning out to be as simple as the age-old saying, life is not always rainbows and butterflies.

Two, was this really what Y/N wanted? She didn’t give it a second thought when it came to Harry having a child, quickly stepping into the role of being someone important in Tallulah’s life. And Harry let her, too. As cautious as he is about who he involves his daughter with, it was almost scary the way he let her in and allowed her to love and care for her. Yes, scary. Scary, because children are permanent and they are hard work and they include making sacrifices that sometimes don’t seem fair. So, Y/N had been asking herself if this was where she saw herself staying, as she had too big of a heart to become such an important character in Tallulah’s life to decide somewhere down the line that she suddenly didn’t want to be tied down anymore. It wasn’t fair to the poor girl, just a measly four years old, to have to go through losing someone that had promised to love her forever. Twice.

Deep down, she knew that this, Harry’s modest yet still lavish home with a pastel yellow door and vegetable garden out back that was often littered with dolls and abandoned sun hats from the cutest little thing that Y/N had ever seen, was where she wanted to be. But this brought her to the third thing she had pondered whilst she rotted on her friend’s uncomfortable sofa at 2 a.m. as she’d waited for her melatonin supplements to enter her system and send her off into a subdued state.

Could she ever forgive him for what he said?

It was just one week before Christmas. Harry texted her at least once everyday, Y/N only replying to the ones when he’d asked her if she was ready to talk, to which she’d tell him that she wasn’t, and that she promised she’d tell him when she was. Part of her stayed away from him for so long because she feared that somehow, deep down, the right thing to do was to stay away forever, and that was certainly going to be the worst day of her life. It would be for the better, Y/N thinks, if that is the case, but she’s trying very hard not to think about that being the endgame for her and Harry. Hence the inner turmoil that’s consuming Y/N’s body whole.

Sarah had promised her that Harry wasn’t coming. They sided with her on this one, she’d said, thus rescinding his invitation to her and Mitch’s annual holiday party. It felt somewhat wrong to be going to see Harry’s friends without him, especially given the fact that they’d more or less been split up for the past two weeks. But as much as they were Harry’s friends, they were also hers too. Harry really knew how to pick the ones he held closest - they were good people. He knows how to chose them because Harry is also a good person and Y/N knows this, and that makes it all the more painful when she pulls into the car park designated for guests of the condominium where Mitch and Sarah lived.

They’d seemed a bit off when they welcomed her into the sizey flat with the small, wrapped gift she’d brought for their exchange, but Y/N dismisses their seemingly rehearsed greetings as pity. Although the last thing she wants is to talk about Harry, she finds their condolences and overall presence soothing. She hadn’t seen much aside from her friend that she’d been staying with and her overweight, powder white cat these days, so human interracton in any capacity was refreshing.

Until it wasn’t.

The longer she stood in the circle of the others that came to the party, mindlessly nodding along to whatever was being said but not actually paying any attention, the longer she was left to sit with her thoughts. She remembers the three other times she’d come to Mitch and Sarah’s for this exact party, and how warm and loved she felt. Right now, all she feels is the cold radiating off of the sliding glass door that she’s leaning on and loneliness. To Y/N, it almost felt like everyone in the room knew what had happened to her and Harry. Like they were trying too hard to be cordial with her because they saw her as the girl that Harry yelled terrible things at and did terrible things too. It was overbearing and she had to get out before she exploded.

Finding aid in the very sliding glass door that chilled her to the bone, she wandered out on the patio to get away from the noise that was so loud yet so quiet at the same time. Tiny snowflakes coated the railing and the outdoor furniture, enough to illuminate her surroundings in an almost purple glow despite the time of night. If Tallulah were here, she��d convince Y/N to catch them on her tongue with her. Any other time, a thought like that would have made her smile, but right now it just made her sad. She wasn’t wearing a coat, yet she couldn’t find herself to care in this moment.

She wanted Harry. She wanted Harry there with her, whispering in her ear that Josie is full of herself and will say anything to get people’s attention and that he thinks they should ditch the party early so they can “warm each other up” at home. Despite the ache in her bones that wished for him, she couldn’t stop thinking about the last time she saw him.

“You’re lying.”

“Wha’ are you talkin’ about, Y/N?” he was swaying back and forth where he stood, clearly too drunk to keep his balance.

He almost sounded annoyed, but it was moreso because she’d interrupted his treck to the bedroom where his warm bed was waiting for him to ail his drunkenness and less because of her prodding.

“Clara was there, Harry. At the club. The one you forgot to tell me you were going to? She saw you. Talking to her. Any of that ring a bell?”

She made sure not to raise her voice in fear of waking up the toddler that had fallen asleep on the sofa waiting for her dad to come home so she could show him the ornaments she’d made with Y/N while he was gone, but he hadn’t come home when he’d promised her. Y/N wasn’t trying to fight, just get some answers. Yet here Harry stood, in their bathroom, lying to her face.

“Okay. So she was there ‘n we talked. We work for the same people. You’re not tellin’ me your mad that I talked t’ her about work, are yeh? Talked t’ her about work at a work party?”

“I’m not stupid, Harry. Stop doing that.”

Harry huffed in annoyance, as if her mere presence was beginning to cause his disdain.

“Then stop actin’ like it was somethin’ that it wasn’t. Swear t’ you. She came up to me, asked how Lulah had been, we talked about work for a second, and that was it. Fuck, even told her about you for christ’s sake.”

“I couldn’t care less that you talked to her, Harry. It’s the fact that you didn’t tell me you’d be out later than you said, went to a club, talked to her, the girl that broke your fucking heart, and I found out from a friend. And when I asked you about it, you lied. Do you see how fucking bad that looks?”

“Why don’t yeh ask Clara what she saw, hmm? Since you’re so keen on taking her word for it. She’s gonna tell you that nothing. Happened. I’m truly sorry I didn’t tell yeh I’d be out late. Didn’t think I’d be gone that long and just got carried away.”

Y/N was fighting tears now. He was talking in circles, unwilling to see her side and acknowledge that he’d done wrong.

“That’s what you’ve been saying for the past month, Harry. You’re always getting carried away with work and leaving me to take care of her. I can’t tell you how many times Tallulah’s asked why you’re always missing dinner and why you don’t go take her to her ice skating lessons or help her wash her hair anymore. She misses you. So do I. And then you go and do this. I know you’re busy this time of year but I also know you’re doing more than you’re being asked of, so don’t pull that shit with me. Would it kill you to come home every now and then and at least eat some pasta with your fucking daughter?”

Harry’s brows were furrowed together, eyes dark and half-shut in what was the beginning of a drunken rage. For a split second, Y/N saw a flicker of sadness within the deep green of his irises, but it disappeared as quickly as it came.

“Yeh say that like she’s a burden. ‘S that it? You’re mad that you have t’ babysit?”

“Harry,” Y/N warned him.

He was treading territory that would be hard to back away from once he took the first step.

“What? If it was that big of a fuckin’ deal, you could have told me that you don’t like keeping after her.”

“Jesus, it’s not!”

She was yelling now, unable to keep her emotions from getting the best of her. She looked after Tallulah like she was the one that had given birth to the four year old that slept peacefully on the couch, cuddling her stuffed elephant in place of her father.

“You know that I love her and that I’d do anything for her, but it’s different when you leave me alone with her all of the time. She needs you, Har. More than she needs me, and you’re acting like your job is more important than her. You have to be there for her, Harry.”

A nasty scoff left Harry’s chest that would haunt Y/N forever. She’d never forget what he said next.

“Right. Thanks for the parenting tip. Last time I checked you weren’t her fucking mu-”

“Yeh gonna freeze t’ death out here, ya know?”

The same voice that plagued her head pulled her out of reliving the events that landed her here, on a snow-covered patio, just as the first of what she knew were going to be many tears rolled down her face.

Y/N whipped her head around, frowning when she realized that Sarah and Mitch had lied to her and that they definitely had invited both of them to the Christmas party.

“Should have known those two were up to something,” was all she replied, quickly swiping the single, stray tear that stung her cheek as it touched the cold air.

“Jesus, you’re shivering. Here,” Harry began shrugging off his coat, ready to offer it to Y/N to keep her from catching pnuemonia.

She hadn’t realized just how cold she was. Her lips felt like they were going to crack at any moment, and she was almost certain it would take upwards of an hour for her to feel her toes again.

“Harry-” Y/N started, her voice sounding soft and defeated.

“Please don’t be stupid, Y/N. You’re gonna get sick.”

He spoke to her in the way that he would Tallulah when she refused to let him brush her hair after a bath, sternly insisting that she’d wake up with painful knots in her head if she didn’t let him run a comb through it. There was something comforting about it, but also something so incredibly sad about it all at the same time.

Reluctantly and without looking him directly in the eyes, she took the long, fur-lined coat from his hands, almost flinching when she accidentally touched pinkies with him. The coat was well-loved, ridden with his scent and most likely permanently stained with a little bit of spit up from when Tallulah was a baby. It smelled like home, Y/N thought.

There was a long pause between them, neither knowing what to say or where to even start. Y/N found herself missing Harry even more now that he was standing right next to her, brawny arms leaning against the frozen railing.

“How’s Lulah?” she asked, able to find her voice amongst the anxiety prodding every inch of her body.

Harry nodded as if to say she was alright, then cleared his throat.

“Good. Misses you.”

He wanted to tell her that he missed her, too. A whole fucking lot. But he was trying to prolong having that conversation in fear that it wouldn’t end the way he’d planned it in his head and she’d walk away from him forever.

“She asks about you every day. ‘Bout when you’re comin’ home. Said she doesn’t like how quiet it is without your music playing in the kitchen.”

She was crying now. Fat, wet, silent tears in the opposite of Harry’s direction so he couldn’t see. She missed hearing Tallulah’s raspy voice asking her question after question about where eggs come from and why anyone would dare take away someone’s babies the way farmers do with mummy chickens.

“I know you’re not ready to talk,” Harry began.

“But do yeh think you could at least come home? It doesn’t feel right without you there.”

Y/N did what she could could manage the tears streaming down her face like a waterfall, hoping Harry would think her face was just cold as she aggressively rubbed her cheeks with her fists.

She was ready to give in, seeing him in person immediately shattering any bit of strength to stay away from him that she had left. Maybe she’d find some clarity if she stopped sleeping on a pull-out sofa that did absolutely nothing for her already-bad back and went back to where she’d lived for over a year with the two people she felt like she’d spent a lifetime loving.

Slowly, her eyes went to meet his. She saw how tired he looked, for lack of a better word. Even though it was dark, the light from the snow accentuated the deep circles under his eyes. His hair looked like it hadnt been washed in days, the way it used to look when Tallulah was a baby that cried at all hours of the night. His posture was, to be quite honest, shittier than it normally was. Y/N knows it hasn’t been that long since she’d been gone, but she could almost swear he looked skinnier than the last time she’d seen him, given that the hollows of his cheeks looked concave and scrawny.

Just as she parted her surely-blue lips, ready to tell him everything she’d wanted to tell him for the past two weeks, the ringing of Harry’s cell phone caused them both to jump.

“Fuck,” Harry muttered under his breath.

“’M sorry. It’s mum. She’s got Lulah. Give me just one second.”

His eyes were pleading, almost like he was silently begging her not to run off if that’s what she was thinking of doing. Y/N’s ears perked up at the mention of his mother. She wondered if she knew about any of this. Surely she did, as Harry tends to confide in her for just about everything.

She was trying not to be nosy, but it appeared that Anne was speaking quite loudly, so it was a bit hard for her not to. She couldn’t make out exactly what she was saying, but she did hear one word. It was clear as day, and she knew immediately that something was wrong.

Raspberries.

Y/N’s head whipped around in Harry’s direction, and she saw the way his face was void of all color and his chest had started to heave.

“That’s never happened before. Did you give her the antihistamine?....What’s she sayin’?....Jesus Christ, mum. You have to calm down. Just go ahead and take her. I’ll meet yeh there. They’ll probably just have t’ give her a shot or somethin’....Mum, it’s alright. You didn’t know. Just get her in the car, please. I’ll be there in twenty.”

Harry clicked his phone off and shoved it in his back pocket, a sense of urgency taking over him.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N. I’ve got t-”

“What happened?”

Y/N was just as worried as Harry was, feeling sick to her stomach that something clearly awful had happened to her.

“Mum’s watching Rosie, too. Lulah got into the bag Gem packed for her and ate somethin’ with raspberries in it. Said her throat feels scratchy, which is-”

“That’s not normal,” Y/N stated, being keenly aware of how Tallulah only ever tends to break out in a slight rash every time she eats the bright pink fruit.

“Yeah,” Harry replied.

“Y/N, I have t’ go. But I really want to talk t’ you. You don’t have t’ say anything back. Just hear me out, yeah? Please don’t disappear on me again.”

She wasn’t listening to him, only worried about the little girl with too many allergies and a keen interest in anything sweet.

“Can I go with you?”

Her voice was quiet, as if she were afraid of Harry telling her that she wasn’t allowed to see his daughter. She knew it was his decision and that she had to respect it, but all she wanted to do was hold her tiny body in her arms and tell her how much she missed her and that she was going to be alright.

Harry stuttered a bit, clearly not expecting her to ask him such a thing. Part of him was happy that she was willingly offering to be near him, but he supposes it’s only got to do with her worry for his daughter.

“I, erm, uh, yeah. Of course. Let’s go. Mum’s taking her t’ the hospital over by her house.”

He ushered her back into the warm apartment and back out the front door towards his car. They couldn’t even be bothered to acknowledge the stares thrown their way.

The car ride was quiet. Harry had left the radio off during his drive to Mitch and Sarah’s, too busy rehearsing what he was going to say to Y/N if she actually let him talk to her. Y/N sat with her knees to her chest, but opted not to turn away from him. That was a good sign, Harry thought. The heat was on, but Y/N was still freezing. She supposes Harry was right about her getting sick.

“Could you drive a little faster?” Y/N asked after some time, fiddling with the cuff of her jeans.

“No,” Harry retorted.

“It’s snowing, Y/N. Don’t need all three of us t’ end up in the hospital.”

She had half the nerve to roll her eyes at him, but she knew he was right.

“Hey,” Harry called out to her.

He started to reach over the center console for her hand out of habit, but felt his heart sink into his stomach when he remembered the state of their relationship and slowly retracted it. He thought she didn’t notice, but she did.

“She’s gonna be fine. Mum said she wasn’t even crying. Probably just needs a few shots t’ make the swelling go down.”

Y/N nodded instead of responding, sinking further into the seat but keeping her eyes on the snowy road ahead of her.

Silence took over again as they trecked through the snow towards Tallulah, with tension so thick it felt suffocating. From the corner of her eye, she saw a pair of Tallulah’s winter gloves tucked into one of the cup holders and she wanted to cry again.

But instead of doing that, she laid her palm face-up on the console, waiting for Harry’s eyes to catch them. When they did, he hesitated, flickering between her hand and her face. She still wasn’t looking directly at him, but he knew she knew he was looking at her.

He tested her first, lying his hand next to hers, but not touching. She didn’t pull her hand away, and he swears when he looked down, he saw her hand inch towards his as if she were coaxing him. Harry thinks this might be the last time he gets to touch her if she decides that she can’t forgive him for what he said, so he goes for it.

He laces his fingers with hers, feeling an overwhelming sense of relief take over his head and his heart when he finally got to feel her skin against his after what felt like centuries. She doesn’t wrap her fingers around his like he did to hers, her hand still lying limp against the arm rest, but he’s okay with that.

It isn’t until they’re pulling into the hospital that Y/N gives Harry’s hand a squeeze.

They were getting there. At least Harry hoped.

Y/N is physically unable to keep herself from smiling when she hears Tallulah practically squeal her name the second she steps into the room she’d been given. Her voice was deeper than usual, most definitely due to the accident that landed her here in the first place. Tallulah all but jumped out of her bed to greet her with a hug, which Y/N accepted without a second thought as she wrapped her arms around the small girl and sat with her on the bed, most likely staining Harry’s coat with the emollient cream they’d coated her rash with at the hospital. As if that coat could take any more beatings.

Harry watched from the corner, feeling somewhat out of place for whatever reason. He knew he owed Y/N an apology for what he said to her that night, and at that moment he felt like he owed Tallulah one, too. How could he say those things to her? How could he let his arrogance get the best of him and ruin the best thing that’s ever happened to him?

Anne briefed him while Tallulah had her mini-reunion with Y/N, letting him know they’d given her a few shots and could go home as soon as the swelling in her throat had gone down. She wouldn’t stop apologizing to Harry for causing her grandbaby harm, but Harry assured her for the twentieth time that accidents happen and that it certainly could have been worse. Anne soon sensed the tension between Harry and who she hoped would be her daughter-in-law one day, and told Harry she’d better get going because she’d left Rosie with the neighbor. Her eyes urged Harry to fix this shit at all costs because she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to him, and Harry was not one to disobey his mother.

“Are you coming home?” Harry heard Tallulah ask Y/N.

He locked eyes with her for a split-second.

“Yeah,” Y/N sighed.

Harry felt his heart jump as he was now paying extra attention to the woman holding his daughter like she was the most precious thing on earth.

“Gotta make sure you get tucked into bed alright.”

And then it sunk.

“Will you be there when I wake up?” Tallulah asked with eerily familiar green eyes peering up at Y/N from her lap.

This time it was her heart that sunk.

“I....don’t know, Lulah. We’ll see,” she whispered, feeling tears pool in her eyes once again.

Y/N hid her face in Tallulah’s hair, for fear that Harry would see her.

“How’s Carrot, hmm? ‘S he doing good?” Y/N blurts out in diversion, hoping Tallulah would be more interested in talking about the fish Y/N had won her at a carnival a few years ago than where she stood with her and Harry.

Tallulah talked her ear off, filling her in on everything she’d missed while she was gone. She tells Y/N that their kale plant in the garden was huge now, seemingly sprouting overnight. She also tells Y/N that Rosie can walk now, or at least can wobble a few steps before falling down on her bum.

Harry watches as Y/N pretends like everything Tallulah is telling her is the most interesting news she’s ever heard. That’s what parents do, and that’s exactly what Harry had shouted at Y/N that she wasn’t. He had fucked up in the worst way and only fate could tell him whether or not he’d be able to fix it.

It was Harry’s turn to cry now, pretending to rub exhaustion out of his eyes rather than tears. Much like earlier when he’d instinctively reached for her hand, he’d hoped she didn’t see it.

She did.

Y/N kept her promise to Tallulah and tucked her into bed after she was discharged and sent home with a steroid pack and rash cream. She willed away the wave of nausea she felt walking into the house she’d shared with Harry after all of this time, telling herself that she just needed to make sure Tallulah knew she was at least there to tuck her in. She took turns with Harry, each of them running their fingers through her curls and telling her to have sweet dreams and that they hoped she felt better in the morning. Tallulah insisted that she was fine and wanted to stay up and talk to Y/N about what she thought Santa was doing right now and if he was going to bring her the glittery nail polish that she’d asked him for, but the sleepiness in her eyes told a different story.

“Do you want me t’ call Sarah and have her take you back to your car?” Harry asked when they returned to the living room where they’d entered.

“Figured we ought to have that talk,” she said, unable to meet his eyes for the umpteenth time that night.

“Yeah,” Harry replied in a tone that almost sounds like relief.

“We can definitely do that.”

The pair find their way to the couch, sitting faced towards each other, but not touching. It’s awkward and it makes Y/N want to fall apart because this is her Harry and she’s in her own home, yet it didn’t quite feel it.

“You hurt my feelings,” is all she says, picking at a loose thread on the sofa.

“I know I did,” Harry began.

“I can’t take any of that back, but I want you t’ know how sorry I am, Y/N. None of that shit was true. I should have told you I was gonna be out late. Shouldn’t have even gone out with them, t’ be honest. I couldn’t even tell yeh why I lied when you asked if I saw her there. Just didn’t want you t’ get the wrong idea, I guess.”

“Harry, I already told you that I didn’t care that you-”

“I know yeh did,” Harry interjected, “But I want you t’ know that I’d never even think about doing something like that t’ you. You’re quite literally the best thing that’s ever happened t’ me. Sometimes I don’t even think you’re real. I wouldn’t have made it without you. Neither would Lulah. And that...”

He pauses, trying not to burst into tears right in front of her. Y/N sees his jaw tensing, something Tallulah does when she’s attempting to calm herself down after throwing a fit. She isn’t sure why, but she begins to feel at ease the longer he talks. Maybe it’s just hearing the sound of his voice after so long or maybe it’s because he’s telling her what she’s been wanting to hear, what she was once afraid that she’d never be able to.

“That shit I said about you not being Lulah’s mum. That’s a load. I know you know that. You are her mum, whether she knows that or not. I’m sure she does... I know she does. You’ve been there for everything. You never complain when it gets hard. Yeh could’ve been doing anything else besides helping my sorry ass take care of her, but you didn’t. ‘M not sure if I’m doin’ a good job of convincing you to stay, wouldn’t blame you if yeh didn’t want to, but I really hope that you do. If you don’t, I still want yeh t’ know that you’re her mum. You’ve done things for her that she doesn’t even realize. She loves you so much, Y/N. And so do I. You’re the love of my life. Always will be. I don’t think there’s anybody else out there that makes me feel the way you do. You’re it for me and I need you t’ know that.”

He’s blubbering now, not caring that she sees the salty streaks subconsciously flowing from his dark and gloomy eyes. He felt it coming. She was going to leave. She was going to finish packing tonight and walk out of his life and he wouldn’t get to spend the rest of his life showing her how much he loved her.

That’s when he feels a hand on his shoulder. It’s light, but it’s meant to be comforting.

“Can it be my turn now?” her voice laced with tears as well.

Clearly it was a night for crying.

Harry nods, because that’s all he can do.

“I was frustrated, that night. I don’t think I should have made as big of deal out of you staying out so la-”

“No. You should have. I was being an ars-”

“Harry,” she pleads, “Let me finish, please.”

He lets out a shaky, “Okay,” and she continues.

“It’s not a big deal when you go out with your friends. You’ve just been so....absent lately and that was what set me off. When Clara called me that night it was just so, embarrassing I guess? I didn’t know what to say to her, and it obviously didn’t look good. But I know you wouldn’t do that to me. You’re a good person and a good dad, Harry. I hope you know that, even if you don’t feel like it right now. And the Lulah thing...that hurt. A lot. I know you’re stubborn and hate admitting that you’re wrong, so I’m going to let that speak for itself, but I’ve never once regretted anything that I’ve done with you two. I knew it would be different being with you, but I’ve never thought of any of this as a sacrifice or a burden. You guys make me so happy. I don’t think you’ll ever understand how much of a privilege this has felt like to me, to be able to watch her grow up and be a part of it. She is the most magical thing that’s ever happened to me. And so are you.”

Harry’s staring at her, still crying, sillhouette lit up by the lights on the Christmas tree behind her that’s decorated with the ornaments she made with his daughter on that dreadful night. He doesn’t want to hurt Lulah’s feelings, but he makes a mental note to throw them away the second he’s able to so he doesn’t have to think about this ever again.

“I love you, Harry. Please don’t ever lie to me again. Even if it’s about how many minutes you are away from the grocery store. I can’t take it. And I can’t stand to feel so far away from you like this. It’s....gross. And I hate it.”

He perks up at what she’s just said, wondering if she’s saying what he thinks she’s saying.

“You’re staying?” he sounds hoarse and both him and Y/N know he’ll wake up in the morning with a headache from how much he’d been crying.

“Don’t think I have it in me to leave, bubs.”

There’s the slightest hint of a smile on her lips, and Harry’s pulling her into his chest. She holds him as he weeps silently into her neck. The cloud of sadness that had held her captive like a nightmare rushed out of her body so quickly that she couldn’t quite process it. All she felt now were Harry’s arms holding her close and his blubbering into her hair about how he was sorry over and over again.

“I know you are,” Y/N cooed, scratching his scalp in the way that she knew calmed him down.

“‘M gonna keep sayin’ it until you believe me,” he whimpered.

“I do believe you, Harry. I promise. We’re gonna be alright.”

That seemed to steady him a bit as he collected himself. He still held her as his shaking breaths began to even out. He wouldn’t dream of letting her go ever again.

“We’re gonna be alright,” Harry repeated to her, his voice almost inaudible had Y/N not been as close to him as she possibly could have been.

She pulls back to brush the stray curls from his forehead, where she pressed her lips gently to his temple as if he was so delicate that he might shatter if she used anymore force.

This time it was Y/N that saw his face surrounded by the multi-colored lights strung around the fir tree they’d picked from the farm just days before they thought their world was ending. He was beautiful, from the crown of his hair to the tips of his toes, inside and out, she thought. Maybe he didn’t feel like it at the moment, but Y/N made a promise to herself that she’d spend the rest of her life proving to him that he was.

#harry styles x reader #harry styles imagine #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles one shot #harry styles angst #harry styles writing #dad!harry #dad!harry styles #dad!harry x reader #dad!harry styles x reader

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anxiouslyfred · 3 years

Text

Created Holidays

for @dukexietyweek‘s final prompt of holidays

Summary: Remus used to create random holidays and get all the Dark sides celebrating them, but even though he tried to do the same when known, the holidays have stopped except for the ones on a normal calendar.

Today Virgil is going to change that, with Shelob’s birthday

Warnings: spiders, telling offs

/\/\

One thing Virgil had missed since being accepted and welcomed with open arms as soon as Remus was known to Thomas was the holidays, the celebrations, whichever you wanted to call them. It wasn't that the Known sides didn't celebrate things, but that everything was on a calender, predictable and in order. There were no mornings when you could come down to a bizarre breakfast and banners declaring 'Shelob's Birthday' or 'Cheese Rolling Day', or any manner of things Remus decided needed to be celebrated from films, stories, or random news articles Thomas might read.

He'd loved it when there was a 'Frozen day' weeks after the family movie night they'd shared, because it felt like the holiday were coming back. Except after 2 months Remus had stopped them all over again. He'd reduced them at first until they had just gone, and Virgil had no clue what could be influencing or controlling his friend to this extent.

Perhaps they weren't holidays with the traditions and history that Christmas or Halloween came with, but they were fun, and just a way Remus got his family to spend time together. That had been for a few years something Thomas wanted, that Patton had always been trying to encourage. Themed games and meals would only help with that, even if it came randomly rather than planned for weeks if not months in advance.

Still, Virgil knew something must have been said or done to stop Remus bringing his holidays out for everyone to share in. Whether or not he still held them in the imagination or his room was something Virgil kind of wanted to find out.

More than finding out though, he wanted them back, and if Remus wasn't going to do it, then Virgil damn well would. They deserved to bring their family time out from the hidden spaces of Thomas's mind and into the common areas, not matter what the light sides wanted.

With that in mind he began to plan, and felt some dark joy in deciding which holiday he'd like to bring back for them all. Patton would forgive him for it, surely?

/VR\

The first thing to make any of the other Sides suspect there was something different about the day was Patton's scream followed shortly after by his door being slammed.

It woke most of them up, and got the ones already awake quickly leaving their room to figure out what was happening, only to freeze in their doorways.

Virgil had only added a few spiderwebs and strands of silly string along the hallway, but in increasing density going down the stairs. It was only in the main common area that his decorations really took over, but before anyone other than Patton had seen them a delighted scream was ringing out.

“Shelob's Birthday!” Remus couldn't have moved faster if he was shot from the gun, but at least he stopped without throwing Virgil to the floor when tackling him into a hug. “Can't believe we haven't celebrated Shelob's birthday in so long. Better make this the best one ever. Hobbitsy Tacos and Limbus Bread for all.”

Virgil grinned, going to reply before a cough got his attention from the stairs.

“Remus, as I've stated before, there is not time enough in our lives to indulge in your-” Logan cuts himself off when Virgil starts hissing, eyeshadow darkening and growing down his cheeks.

“You don't have time for a family day, Logan? Yet when Patton suggests or simply decides to make a big dinner and insist on a family meal you drop everything for it unless there's a specific deadline to meet.” Virgil ground out, arms tightening around Remus, and moving them both onto the sofa.

Logan adjusts his tie, shifting uncomfortably in his spot. “That is not what this is. This is a nonsensical situation that has no reason to be celebrated beyond a whim of-”

“-Me! I did this because frankly following a strict calendar of celebrations is too many traditions and not enough family. Remus has always known how to bring our little family of Dark Sides into something fun to do with holidays and I was wondering why that had stopped when he was more than willing to include you all as well.” Virgil wished in that moment he could silence the others as effectively as Janus could, but talking over them to lecture their horrid behaviour would work.

Roman popped up then, seemingly having delayed reacting to the screams from 10 minutes before. “What the heckity heck, guys! A Prince needs his beauty sleep, and Remus I've told you a million, nigh a zillion times before that these-”

“That what? That you and Logan are the assholes responsible for Remus stopping trying to bring his family together? That you're the reason our random holidays stopped being created? Are you taking the blame for that, or should the next one play on your fears rather than one of the characters I loved reading about?” Virgil turned his glare to the other Creativity even as Remus pulled away to grab Janus and start cooking in the kitchen.

Neither Logan or Roman seemed willing to argue their points with Virgil combatting them so easily, clearly in defence of Remus. They share a glance though, silently frowning at the decorations around the room and remembering what had roused them that morning.

“Before you try to say I'm excluding Patton because of the nature of the event, I've already sent an apology to his room, as well as an explanation of what's happening; Specifically that I'm trying to bring something Remus loved to share with all of us back.” Virgil huffed out, catching the look. “Bad enough that you already try to treat him like a disease that shouldn't be listened to, you had to try and take away his version of family holidays as well.”

There are arms back around his waist before he could decide on whether they needed to apologise or just stay for the rest of the day. Remus nuzzled into his neck before twisting around Virgil to look at his face. “Games now?” He asked.

“Yep, games time now. What should we play to properly celebrate Shelob's Birthday?” Virgil smiles, posture completely relaxing as he turned away from Logan and Roman, leaning towards the coffee table expecting some type of game to be summoned to it.

Remus leaps over the back of the sofa, but remains wrapped around Virgil as an Operation game forms on the table, with the character looking distinctly dwarven. Janus is soon to join them, staring at Roman and Logan expectantly, although just what he's expecting they can't decide.

“Sit. Play. Some of these should be right up your alley, Roman. Everything is Lord of the Rings and fantasy or pure spider themed.” Virgil orders after a second.

/VR\

Through the day's games and snacks, Virgil had pulled Remus onto his lap, suggesting things they could do from previous times they'd celebrated Shelob's Birthday. They remained like that through attempts at cats cradle, passing the patterns made between their hands, and barely shifted apart when Janus declared the meal was done and brought out a pie that looked like it had spaghetti for the lid.

After the lecture from the morning neither Logan or Roman wanted to bring up the intimacy enough to ask about it though. As it stood they focused on doing a few things to include Patton in the day even while he was remaining in his room, too unsettled by the decorations to actually join in. It seemed to be the right choice to make since Virgil's warning and protective glares reduced as they carried on joining in with the holiday.

It was when they were all just relaxing after Janus over-ruled Remus's latest game suggestion that Logan finally had to ask, “So why did you decorate to such an extreme? I know you wanted to have Remus creating nonsensical family holidays again, but he has never decorated since becoming known more than a banner, and a few strings of decorations.”

“If there's one thing you need to know about Remus, it's that when he's accepted others have rejected a suggestion it takes nothing less extreme than a battering ram and a cheerleading squad to convince him otherwise.” Virgil snorted, shaking his head. “And there was no freaking way I was doing something that noisy, but decorations that are impossible to ignore? Well I saw how you all reacted to my room and I'm pretty good at it.”

“You used Patton's scream not only to get everyone's attention and figure out which of us convinced Remus to stop but also to make the point you enjoyed them.” Logan observed after a moment thinking through his words.

Virgil rolled his eyes, “Der.”

“And he's gonna help me make wonderfully unnerving decorations for my next holiday, aren't you, Aragog?” Remus piped up, wriggling back so his hair was tickling Virgil's chin.

“We better decide what it is early then, make sure I decorate for the right holiday.” Virgil replied, nuzzling his head down for a split second before getting dragged off upstairs. “Thanks for a great holiday. I guess we're heading to sleep now.” He called back at them, laughing as his arm was both yanked and bounced ahead of him.

There wasn't much planning done when they made it to Remus's room though, since the easy affection Virgil had finally allowed himself to show was now being reciprocated with wild lips meeting his, and bodies pushing each other against the door.

“Holiday planning can wait, We've got a better date.” Remus rhymed, beaming when Virgil just nodded.

At the end of the day, Virgil liked the fact they had the random family holidays back, but even more than that he loved his new boyfriend.

#dukexiety #dukexietyweek2021 #remus sanders #virgil sanders #protective virgil #logan sanders #roman sanders #janus mention #patton mention #made up holidays #cw spiders?

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pulaasul · 3 years

Text

Apologies

A/N: Credits to @redlyncentral and @cadetcama for providing my co writer the necessary corrections and creative juices for the story.

After opening night, Ricky confronts Gina about her treatment towards him, ever since Carlos's Quinceañero. Gina opens up to Ricky.

FFN I Ao3

--------

Days have passed since opening night. East High's Drama department has just finished dismantling their props and sets from their final showing of their production of 'Beauty and the Beast'. Everyone was heading to the school's pool to celebrate a successful three-night showing of their musical.

Gina was in front of her locker, storing up some things that she won't need at Ashlyn's, while EJ was in the nearby bathroom.

"Gina, c-can we talk?"

EJ made his presence known by leaning on the side of the lockers but he did not approach his girlfriend or the boy who approached her.

"Okay." Gina stoically answered.

"Like… Talk-talk?" Ricky tried again.

"Meet me at the bomb shelter in two minutes," Gina provided. "We can talk there privately, everyone's already at the pool"

Ricky simply nodded and immediately headed towards the rehearsal room.

"Are you sure about this?" EJ approached his girlfriend as soon as Ricky left.

"I have to tell him why at some point, he needs to know what he had done to hurt me."

"Do you want me there with you?"

"No, I can handle this." Gina shook her head. "Just wait for me here, or you can go on ahead to the pool and wait for me there."

"I'll wait here for you." EJ nodded.

---------

"You want to talk?"

"Right," Ricky nodded as he stood up to face Gina. "Can I ask what changed between you and me?"

"Changed? Nothing changed between us, Ricky." Gina shook her head. "Why would you think that?"

"I don't know," Ricky sighed. "Before this, you've been giving me one-word responses if you don't outright ignore me," He answered.

"Are you really that oblivious?" Gina questioned.

"E-excuse me?"

"You are excused." Came Gina's automatic reply.

"P-please, Gina, can you please tell me if I did something wrong?" Ricky begged. "I'm tired of trying to puzzle out everyone's thoughts and feelings." He sighed. "Please, do me a favor and lay it out straight to me?"

"That's fair," Gina agreed. "Okay, Ricky, what you did during Carlos's Quinceañero was not cool. You hurt me a lot when you asked me about Nini, Ricky."

"H-how did I hurt you?" Ricky gulped as he tried to rack his brain during that time, but he came up with nothing.

"Tell me, Ricky, were you aware of the gravity of my words during our HSM opening night?" Gina asked.

"That was a lo-"

"Yes, it was a love confession, I confessed my feelings to you, Ricky." Gina cut the boy off. "It was bad enough that half of your attention was on Nini but I accepted that you both were back and happy together, I didn't want to be in between the two of you."

"What did I do that hurt you so much then?"

"The fact that you casually threw in the 'if we were dating' line." Gina bluntly replied. "I can't believe that you, of all people, would say that to me, when you know what I did months ago."

"Tha-"

"I gave you a chance to leave the conversation, Ricky, I gave you plenty of chances, but you still pushed it."

"But I thought, you were okay with me confiding in you? You granted Big Red's question about Nini."

"Tell me, Ricky, does Big Red know of what happened during that night?"

"Of course, not!" Ricky was quick to reply. "The only one who knows is Nini, even then I don't think she quite knew of what you really meant."

"And for that, I thank you," Gina expressed her gratitude. "But that doesn't change the fact that I was hurt by your actions." She shook her head. "The reason I gave the okay to Big Red asking me about what you want to text to Nini during the snowstorm was because of the simple fact that Big Red was there."

"Huh?"

"Big Red did not know about that night, frankly only EJ and Ashlyn knew what happened." Gina shared. "I didn't want him to suspect something going on between us, to avoid any uncomfortable questions, I gave the okay to continue."

"I-"

"You thought, because of that, you can confide in me with everything that has to do with Nini." Gina summarized Ricky's thoughts.

With Gina laying everything down, Ricky finally realized that he made a huge mistake. He knew he was selfish when he went behind Nini's back to get her into the show, he didn't think that his selfishness hurt one more person, in the form of Gina.

"I-"

"I'm sorry, Ricky, I don't think I can forgive you anytime soon," Gina admitted. "What you did to me hurt a lot, maybe in time I can, but not now."

"I…I see." Ricky looked at his shoes. "For what it's worth, Gina, I'm sorry for hurting you in that way."

Gina simply nodded.

Ricky turned around and left the rehearsal room.

As soon as Ricky was out of the room, EJ went inside and immediately engulfed his girlfriend in a hug.

"Let it out, just let it out."

Gina buried herself more on EJ's chest as she cried. Ricky was really the first friend she made during her time in East High and for it to end this way, it hurt so much.

"You know, he tried asking for my permission or blessing to talk to you," EJ shared. "His exact words were, 'Would you be mad if I talked to Gina?'"

"W-why would he do that?" Gina sniffled as she looked at her boyfriend. "What did you tell him?"

"I told him no, I won't." EJ answered honestly. "The last time I got angry with someone for texting my girlfriend, it ended with me broken-hearted."

"Aww EJ, you do learn." Gina teased. "The question still remains, why would he do that?"

"I have some inkling of an answer but I don't really know for sure." EJ admitted.

"Why do you think?" Gina urged as she wiped her tears from her face.

"I think it has something to do with Nini," EJ admitted. "It's no secret that Ricky tried to break Nini and I up, in hindsight, he felt he was justified because all he knew was that they were just on a break and didn't break up."

"But she thought it was a break-up," Gina interrupted. "Those two are very bad at communicating their feelings." She sighed.

"You can say that again." EJ agreed.

"So?"

"So, when Ricky sent Nini a voice message, I confronted and told him to stay away, I think that's where he got the idea from." EJ admitted.

"If you hadn't told Ricky to stay away from Nini, you wouldn't have been found out." Gina informed.

"True, and I probably won't have my confidence crushed by Nini's incredible ghosting abilities." EJ chuckled.

"Wait, she ghosted you?" Gina exclaimed.

"After ignoring my texts, calls, and voice messages, even got Kourtney to lie for her, she blocked my number and my social media accounts," EJ informed. "It felt like she was literally breaking my ribcage and went for my heart."

"I don't know if I should call that petty or something else?" Gina admitted.

"Definitely something else." EJ chuckled.

"Eej, why does it hurt?" Gina sighed as she slumped on a nearby chair.

"Because he was the first friend you made here in East," EJ answered. "You didn't think that he could hurt you much more than just seeing him with Nini."

"But I'm used to moving around, I should be used to this," Gina tried to counter. "I should be used to this." She repeated.

"No one can really get used to this, Gi." EJ shook his head as he knelt on one knee in front of her. "You felt like Ricky betrayed you, that's why it hurt so much."

"How do you know so much?"

EJ fished a book from his bag and gave it to his girlfriend.

"I've been reading that book as my pastime." EJ admitted.

"Do you even sleep?" Gina exclaimed. "You have so many clubs, so many sports, and you're the senior class treasurer to top it off!"

"I'm just good with managing my time," EJ shrugged. "Ashlyn and I are."

"It does help that the both of you are intelligent."

"I won't go that far, I can't find words to rhyme with sorry." EJ shook his head.

"Vary? Starry?" Gina listed.

"Clearly, you know more than I do." EJ chuckled.

Gina chuckled alongside her boyfriend.

"So are we good to join everyone by the pool?" EJ asked.

"How you managed the principal to let us use the pool to celebrate will forever remain a mystery to me, I've overheard other clubs groaning that we can use the pool."

"It probably has to do with the fact that I did not cheat at Waterpolo during tournaments," EJ answered. "No one probably knows, but after those self-exposing videos I posted on Instagram, I was banned to play the sport for months as the tournament officials investigated my claims."

"Why would you do that?" Gina was full-on grinning.

"It felt freeing at the time," EJ shrugged. "In any case, what I meant in those videos was whenever the school had us play against our teammates."

"You, EJ Caswell, are one bizarre person."

"That, and my father is on the school board." EJ chuckled. "I still got an earful from both my parents and Ashlyn's parents." He shivered.

"Thank you for Everything, EeJ." Gina smiled as she stood up.

"It's what boyfriends do." EJ grinned. "Be there for their girlfriends."

"Aww, that's awfully sweet of you."

“Hey, it’s what boyfriends are for, being awfully sweet.”

#ricky bowen #ej caswell #gina porter #portwell #hsmtmts #apologies #story

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oh-mother-of-darkness · 4 years

Text

Hello. I am, as you know, an American. I turned eighteen in 2014, voted in my first presidential election in 2016, and voted in my second presidential election last week via early voting in the state of Texas.

I’m reflecting right now on the difference between those experiences. This is going to be a very self-indulgent essay.

The 2016 election was in my third and final year of undergrad at Texas A&M University. At the time, I was living with a roommate who grew up in a town of 2,000, all of them members of her church. I loved her very much, but she was the most sheltered person I’ve ever met.

I was only a few years ahead of her. My home growing up was deeply liberal about many of the things that counted, but deeply conservative on equally important things. For me, leaving for college was a radicalization speed-run.

I, a good Memphis girl, moved to Texas and encountered for the first time in my life white homogeny and everything that comes with it. I made most of my friends at A&M through a Christian orientation camp that I attended, then worked at. I went to school at a history department that was overwhelmingly male and war-obsessed.

My second semester, I was randomly sorted into a writing seminar on the American Civil War and Reconstruction. There were eight other students in that class, all of them Texans. By day two I had gotten into a open fight with one of my classmates after he used the phrases “one of the humane parts of slavery” and “the secession declarations are moving and beautiful appeals, if you read them,” and “well I’m not going to criticize my own state.”

We got into at least one yelling match per week from that point forward. It was a formative experience for me-- not just him but the seven other students that took his side every time because they just couldn’t conceptualize anything outside of their own experiences, and frankly, I couldn’t either.

It rocked my world to be surrounded by people who told me, among other things, that their high schools flew the Confederate battle flag or Lee was their all time role-model (because he actually didn’t want to secede! He didn’t believe in it, but Virginia did, so he put his own qualms aside and served his country, and that’s what we all have to do). I ran a survey once by knocking on every door in a dorm hall and asking the two people inside why the Civil War happened.

I feel like you can guess the most common answer I got. Only two said slavery. Six didn’t know what the Civil War was.

The last week of the semester, my class read a collection of recorded oral accounts of freed slaves during Reconstruction. My nemesis told me that he “didn’t realize black people actually had it bad.” At the same time, I was struggling with my sexuality, my relationship to my religion, my relationship with my parents, and a handful of newly-diagnosed but long-existing mental illnesses. I wasn’t having fun.

Over the next three years, I tried my hardest to humanize the people that said disgusting things about minorities, poverty, and me personally. I barely won on that one, and I’m actually really proud that I did, even if it took me a few years. I can trace the biggest change in me directly to my nemesis from the history department, the kid that made me so mad that I started arguing back. I was too scared to do that before.

By 2016, I was in full existential spin-out-- a very suddenly liberal kid fighting my whole family, all of my classmates, and most of my friends in an explosive political climate, the first I had ever participated in.

I voted by Tennessee absentee ballot in 2016. On election night, I ordered takeout for me and my roommate, who I knew had voted red. Confident, like pretty much everybody, that Clinton would win, I was trying to show her that I didn’t hate her. She went to bed after dinner, also so certain that Clinton would win that she didn’t bother to stay up.

I sat in front of my laptop sewing a birthday present for a friend (Kenza, actually), while the votes came in. I wasn’t super alarmed when the map turned red. I just figured the blue states hadn’t finished counting yet.

The map didn’t get any bluer. By 1am, I knew what was about to happen. They called it an hour later, while I was sobbing on my floor. I threw up in the bathroom out of pure anxiety. I got two anonymous messages telling me the asker was going to commit suicide. Neither of them responded to my replies. I don’t actually know what happened to them.

I remember riding the bus to class the next morning and distinctly seeing that most of the racial minorities there had swollen eyes from crying. The girl with the pride stickers all over her laptop didn’t show up that day, and I’m kind of glad she didn’t, considering the way some of our classmates in the back were loudly talking about “the gays.” Hope she’s okay.

My roommate came home completely unaware that Clinton lost. I was crying in my room when that happened. I remember showing her a demographic map of who voted which way. She got visibly upset when she figured out what races how. I think she really did feel guilty.

That Thanksgiving, one of my cousins tweeted, “I can’t wait to go argue with my liberal cousin today. The wins. Keep. Coming,” an hour before he walked into my house. Inauguration day was January 20, 2017. I decided to go to law school a week later, the day the president signed the Muslim ban. That’s when I figured out for the first time just how much power the courts have. The last three years have only enforced that.

I got angrier and angrier during law school, egged on by a few friends but more than anything just... finally conscious of exactly how the American system works and exactly who’s behind it. I still live in Texas, farther west now, and I’m working my first legal job. I’m going to be a licensed attorney next week.

I went back and forth for months about how this election was going to shake out. I knew there wasn’t going to be an overwhelming red majority this time, but my big fear was an election close enough that the Supreme Court could take it. That fear doubled last month, at RBG’s death.

I was hoping for a blue enough victory on election night that there wouldn’t be a week of uncertainty, but that was unlikely, and it didn’t happen. I obsessively refreshed my election map all of Wednesday and Thursday, aware that at least some states would flip after mail-in ballots came in, but unsure which would.

Again, my great fear was a blue victory held down by only one state. Given (I would say “any” chance here, but I don’t mean “any” chance because genuinely jurisdiction or facts or legal merit don’t matter to the Supreme Court) an opportunity to make one (1) decision that hands over a red election, please know that a conservative supermajority would take it. I cannot emphasize enough how true that is and how important it is for all of us to grasp that.

Watching Georgia flip was one of the best experiences of my life, and it’s a little hard for me to articulate why, but I’m going to give it a shot here. I’m southern. I’m from the South, and for this conversation it’s really important that I’m from Memphis, a black city and a center of black music and culture.

When people think about the South, they think of the white South, and on some level, they should. It is absolutely essential to understand the white South in order to understand American history. Let me be 100% clear here. That is not a good thing. American majority history is not good. We are not a good country.

It’s near-impossible to understand why that’s true without knowing exactly what happened in the white South and exactly what is still happening there now. With that, however, is another truth that most folks don’t get.

The SouthTM is white and needs to die. The South as it actually exists is partially white yes, but it is also everyone else that lives here, particularly black folks. Southern culture is black, not white. Georgia flipped because the people that have always, always been there finally got to crack apart the conservative machine holding the South hostage.

That’s amazing. It’s fucking mind-blowing. I watched it happen at 3:30 in the morning days after Election Day, and holy shit holy shit, Georgia flipped. Atlanta won. Holy fucking shit.

I would be terrified right now if only Georgia flipped, because SCOTUS would have found a way to throw out a few thousand votes. Inevitable. Absolutely certain on that one.

With a few states of buffer, I don’t think that’s going to happen. I really do think it’s over.

I came home after work on Friday and immediately went to sleep because I hadn’t really done that since Tuesday. I woke up at noon today, checked the map, checked my messages, and saw what happened while I was gone. After that, I went back to bed until 5:30pm. I’m really just getting up now, after most of 24 hours asleep.

I don’t know if I would say that I’m happy right now, but I am overwhelmingly relieved. I’m under no illusions that a Biden victory will solve everything, but I also do think this is a real thing to celebrate. I’ll take suggestions on how to celebrate right now, actually, since I’m finally awake.

I’ll be angry forever, I think, but this is a good thing, and I’d like to enjoy it. If you’re happy right now, hey, tell me about it. I’ll be thrilled with you. I want to hear it. Congrats to all of us. Love y’all.

#that's me rambling thanks and gig em #there are some things to tag here huh #uspol #politics #suicide #this would be a good time to remind everybody that i am white #so take that into account re: Georgia #personal i guess #not comics sorry

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dangerouscommiesubversive · 3 years

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Gai/Juggler/Naomi, 1

1. "Do you want me to stop?"

This story contains the line, “Juggler, I didn’t know you were into dads,” which was satisfying to write on an emotional level.

Naomi’s apartment hasn’t gotten any larger--the SSP’s making more money, but not that much more. It isn’t often a problem, since Gai and Juggler are rarely in town at the same time, except that sometimes they are in town at the same time, and not only is her apartment too small for both of them, so is her bed. Frankly, when she’s feeling especially restless it’s barely big enough for her.

They’ve got a hotel room. A suite, actually, which Naomi suspects might be bigger than her entire apartment. And Naomi’s phone is off, and there’s leftovers from their takeout dinner on the coffee table in the other room, and it’s all really nice.

Except.

Naomi frowns down at Juggler. “Do you want me to stop?”

Juggler makes a sort of choking noise. “No, I don’t--why would I--no. Why are you even asking that?”

“Well, you seem really...distant? Distracted? And not to be full of myself, but I’d rather you pay attention to me when we’re having sex.”

“She has a point, you know,” Gai mumbles from where he’s drowsing next to Juggler’s shoulder. “Rude not to pay attention to someone when you’re having sex with them.”

“I’m--you--we haven’t even gotten to--what makes you think I’m not paying attention?”

“No idea.” Naomi shrugs. “It’s just a vibe. And don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I want to stop, but if you’re not into it then I’m definitely not going to keep going.”

Juggler stares up at her in mute agony for a moment before letting out a deeply frustrated groan and banging his head back into the pillow. “All right, yes, I admit it, I’m distracted.”

She beams at him. “See, was that so hard?” It takes a moment to shift around so that she’s curled up against his side, opposite Gai, but it’s very comfortable. “Are you going to tell me what’s distracting you, or is this one of those things that you’re just going to be weird and mysterious about until I go crazy?”

A few incoherent irritated noises, and then a sigh of acquiescence. “So I’ve been thinking about getting a job.”

This has Naomi sitting up, and Gai as well, both of them gaping down at Juggler as Naomi says, “What kind of job?” and Gai says, “A job where?”

“I’m tempted to say that it’s none of your business, if you’re both going to interrogate me.” Juggler’s eyes flick from one of them to the other. He does look slightly cornered, and Naomi bites her lip and backs off, dropping back onto the bed again. “But I thought you ought to know, since I might not be around very much for a while. Or reachable at all.”

“Wait, why not reachable?” Naomi frowns. “Is it on another planet or something?”

“Another universe.”

There’s a long pause, and then Gai says, sounding very faintly suspicious, “I hope you’re not planning on bothering that host of Zero’s.”

Naomi blinks. “Zero’s what?”

Gai flashes her a smile. “Host. A human he bonded with while he was recovering from an injury.” He raises an eyebrow at Juggler. “Leito is married, you know. He’s got a daughter to take care of.”

Juggler rolls his eyes. “And that should concern me why?”

More blinking on Naomi’s part. “Juggler, I didn’t know you were into dads. And I mean, if he was working with Zero...is he a big buff guy or something? Like, one of those really loud guys with a buzz cut who tells bad jokes all the time?”

They both stare at her, and then Juggler breaks into hysterical giggles. Gai isn’t quite smiling. “No, he’s, ah. If I recall, he’s skinny and nervous and he has some kind of job in sales. He was...sort of weirdly attached to Juggler, though.”

“What happens in Okinawa stays in Okinawa,” Juggler says with an exaggerated primness that completely fails to counteract his poorly-suppressed laughter. “And to answer your actual question, no, it’s not in Geed’s universe at all, which is sort of a pity now that I think of it, maybe I should go look Leito up. Wouldn’t that be a fun surprise for him.”

“Heyyy, ok, I definitely want to know all about this dad you're into, but you haven’t told us what job it is, I want to know.” Naomi pokes him in the ribs.

He shies away ticklishly, which of course only bumps him into Gai’s chest. “You're not giving me any incentive to tell you."

"You know she won't stop poking you until you tell her, Juggler."

"Yes, and when I do tell her, she won't believe me." And they're both staring down at him again, back to suspicion and vague alarm, so he pauses dramatically before saying, "I've found a group of obnoxiously enthusiastic humans who build giant robots for fighting kaiju and I'm going to see if I can keep them from getting themselves killed." Another dramatic pause. "Unfortunately I'm going to have to cut my hair for the position."

Naomi lets out a dismayed cry of, "Your hair--" before cutting herself off with, "You're officially a good guy now! You admit it!"

His eyes go wide. "I admit no such thing."

"I don't know, Juggler." Gai frowns thoughtfully. "That sounds pretty heroic to me."

"If you're going to bully me than I'm leaving." As punctuation, he sits up and starts moving to climb off the end of the bed, but Naomi pounces on him, knocking him onto his back again as he grunts in protest. This is followed by a complete failure to knock her off him, since Gai’s rolled over on top of him as well. He stares up at them. “All right, what’s supposed to be happening here, if it’s going to be happening on top of me then I want an explanation.”

“We’re celebrating you being an official good guy,” Naomi says, kissing him.

“What she said,” Gai says, also kissing him.

Juggler scowls. “Would you stop calling me that, I have a reputation to maintain.” A pause. “But all right, I admit that I may be considering non-evil career paths, can we stop talking about that and get to the fun part?”

#kurenai gai #jugglus juggler #yumeno naomi #fanfiction #askrikkaiandhyotei

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chrisjake-cp · 3 years

Text

History 3 Trapped Filming Diary (full English translation) - Days 41-50

Masterpost here.

I don’t own the book so I can’t post my scans of the pictures that came with it. So I included some other pictures of the scenes that were being filmed. These pics belong to LINE TV or Choco Media, or I’ve taken screenshots from the episodes or the behind-the-scenes.

Read days 41-50 under the cut.

Day 41

On this day of shooting it happened to be Christmas, and the crew, waiting for the evening shooting process, enjoyed a Christmas gift exchange. Shaofei gave out a book; according to him it was a very inspirational book. A crew member who does hair and make-overs nearby opened it and laughed jokingly: “What kind of ‘inspiration’ do you mean?”, causing Shaofei’s thoughts to immediately go into another direction to the point of him not even being able to say it out loud (I can tell you: he was very bashful!). The whole crew also acknowledged that the most creative gift was a big bunch of green onions⁕ from Sanxing. When this present was opened the whole crew burst out in crazy laughter, but it need also be said that this was a most memorable gift.

⁕ Sanxing is famous for its spring onions! They even have a little museum dedicated to green onions there.

Also, what kind of book did Jake gift someone? 👀

Day 42

The day after Christmas, Boss Tang arrived at work, and the first thing he did was accept his gift from the Christmas gift exchange from the day before. So what did Boss Tang receive?

*ding ding* The answer is 20 Christmas trees and a bottle of “Indian Spiritual Oil”⁕ At the appearance of this gift, everyone nearby immediately laughed loudly, and I also silently expressed my heartfelt wishes for Tang Yi’s and Meng Shaofei’s happiness.

For today’s scenes, basically the whole ‘world’ had to be there: Unit 3, Tang Yi, A De, Hong Ye, Daoyi and Jingtang were all present, so the set was really lively. What was shot that day were the scenes after Hongye and Shaofei were injured in the parking lot. In order to increase the conflictual character of these scenes, the director assigned each actor their own, individual combination. What was interesting is that during rehearsals, the cameramen all quickly approached the actors like a large quantity of reporters. A De said smiling that the group of people was so large that it looked like an oncoming tank and he could only silently take the ‘card position’⁕ each time.

⁕ This oil is basically like viagra...but topical instead of taking a pill....It’s a natural plant oil but it contains some anaesthetics which will irritate the skin a bit (making your you-know-what more erect as it grows hot) and the anaesthetics will also cause you to last longer. Ahem. Let’s all imagine Chris receiving this gift. 😂

⁕ The card position comes from a basketball or football game. It means that during the game, when the ball is in the air, the player accurately judges the effective landing point of the ball, takes the lead in the opponent's position, and blocks the opponent out of the best position to gain control. Here it means that Stanley just chose the best position to gain control/the upper hand in the scene.

Day 43

Today we continued to shoot the hospital scenes. Shaofei said smiling that today was another aptly-named day of “earning money while lying down,” as he was lying down from the first scene in the morning to the last scene in the evening. After several consecutive days of intensive shooting, the hospital scenes were back in Taoyuan. Shaofei said he had been getting out of bed at 4am in the morning for several days in a row, and that day was no exception. So during the moments when he wasn’t in the shots, he could openly but stealthily catch up on some sleep in the bed, which made everyone present pretty envious.

Zhaozi just gets better the more he acts. Just look at his slightly wrinkled brows.

Day 44

In the last episode, Zhaozi took Tang Yi to see Shaofei [in the hospital] for the last time. Tang Yi, who had carelessly pulled the trigger and accidentally shot Shaofei was already handcuffed. He told Shaofei he would hand He Hang as well as Zhou Guanzhi over to the police. Zhou Guanzhi was the enemy who killed his father. In these past four years, Tang Yi’s biggest goal was to single-handedly murder his father’s killer. For Tang Yi to now agree to let Zhou Guanzhi live and to hand him over to the police, meant Tang Yi had made the ultimate concession.

Because he had persisted in his revenge, he had caused his lover to be hospitalized with a gunshot. Since meeting Tang Yi, Shaofei had been assaulted in big and small ways, and suffered injuries because of him. Tang Yi discovered that his stubbornly insisting on having his own way was a big factor in Shaofei getting hurt. If this continued, Shaofei would one day be ‘killed’ by Tang Yi. Kept apart by handcuffs, kissing your lover like that; what kind of plot could be more cruel than that?

Tang Yi, even while being handcuffed, was very witty/playful. He didn’t forget to stick his tongue out to the camera.

Day 45

Long time no see! I believe that people who have watched <Right Or Wrong< should not be too unfamiliar with Dr. Jintang’s “uncle-in-law” Jiang Zhaopeng. He is Qiu Zhiyu whom we haven’t seen for a while. Before filming, these two cultivated their understanding of their lines by videochatting [i.e. they practiced their lines] (and also cultivated the signals between both of their phones). One of the most frightening things in filming is the screen of a cellphone. Apart from this scene, the drama shows many different mobile phone screens; every time a call had to be made, or when a LINE conversation happened, etc. Only, whether or not the signal would be good, is an element that no one can control. If the signal is not good, phone calls won’t go through, or the moment when the phone rings doesn’t match the plot. Sometimes it can take a good number of takes, not to mention that this scene needed a video call. If the signal would not be good, the video and the sound might have been chopped. But we had a close call and the signal in the hospital was very stable, allowing us to be able to smoothly complete the take.

Zijian, who portrays Jiang Jintang, has a lively and witty personality. He would often say crazy things that amused the crew. In the evening, we filmed that Shaofei followed Tang Yi to the hospital to see Jintang [the massage scene]. Jintang wanted to angrily quarrel with Meng Shaofei, because he didn’t expect them to arrive together. His red face, his hard breathing and his stammering made all the staff on the scene instantly almost collapse from laughter. Even Shaofei, who was doing the scene with him, and Tang Yi, who was lying down behind them, couldn’t keep in their laughter.

At another rehearsal, Jintang was planning to jump on Tang Yi’s back, but because he hadn’t well coordinated his position, Boss Tang’s knees hit Jintang straight in his ‘important parts’. The staff who were on the scene jokingly told him to jump on the spot, and he actually did it. This was also a ‘pain in the balls.’⁕

⁕ Same expression was used in day 37. It’s more literal here. You can see this happening in the behind-the-scenes.

Day 46

Today we filmed father and son Chen Wenhao and Tang Yi meeting in front of Lizhen’s grave. The weather at the cemetery site was very unstable. Sometimes an uninterrupted drizzle floated by, and at other times wind and rain became quite strong. Occasionally, the sun would stealthily sneak out from the clouds to join in on the fun, adding many changes to the shooting. But the two actors were not in the slightest affected by these elements. As if their surroundings were all congealed together, the two looked at each other and cried really heart-wrenchingly. Afterwards, Chengyang [Chris] also frankly admitted that for this scene his mood was very complex, and it was very hard on him. Tang Yi stood in front of his biological mother’s tomb, and his biological father, whom he once thought to be her killer, walked up to him. At that moment, that kind of “crying” already wasn't just tears simply shed from sadness anymore.

When he heard the gunshot as he exited the graveyard without even looking back, Chris said that his heart was really hurting so much that he almost couldn’t go on.

A big thank you to teacher Jiakui, who plays Wenhao, to give [Chris] ample ability, and to push him beyond the limits of what he could do. What is even more special, is that today was, coincidentally, also Chris’ birthday. To shoot such a meaningful scene on his birthday and falling apart crying like that, really must have left a deep impression on him.

Day 47

The day when the entire Unit 3 team got together, happened to be the very last day of 2018. Today’s MVP was Junwei [played by Ethan Liu]. Everyone most likely knows about the meeting between Unit 3 and the international criminal police division where Junwei was tasked with reporting duties.

That day Junwei was constantly drilling and rehearsing, because all his lines needed to be correctly and fluently spoken for that role to be acted out well. One of the biggest causes for stress is that when you start failing takes, the whole crew and all the actors are just waiting. One can imagine that that is a very big pressure.

Originally everyone joked and said that before noon they would surely be able to go home to celebrate the New Year, but in the end, it took until in the afternoon for the first scene to finish smoothly and everyone on Unit 3 could begin to plan how they would spend New Year’s Eve. But our poor Captain and Shaofei had to stay behind to continue the next scene. Shaofei felt wronged and said to Zhaozi: “Where is the morality in him [the captain] being so happy?”

Day 48

Outside it was drizzling, but inside, the room was brimming with nervous energy as Tang Yi took Jack to negotiate with Old Ke, while Shaofei from his side and Unit 3 rushed inside as an important step and wiped out the place.⁕

While waiting for their scenes, each of the Unit 3 were doing their own activities. First Shaofei looked for a quiet place in the room and silently sat reading the script for the future scenes. With his usual style, he would use differently coloured pens to write down dialogue that belongs to Jake and Shaofei.⁕ Zhaozi, in turn, would be lying on the very big bed inside the room, and would both be talking to Junwei, having a pillow fight with Jack and taking selfies with his cellphone.

And how did Tang Yi spend the time waiting for his next scene? The answer is that he had rolled himself up in a quilt and fell into a deep sleep. No matter if Shaofei would loudly yell, “Where is Tang Yi?” outside the room, Tang Yi slept through it all.

⁕ The very first scenes of the whole show, when Shaofei and his team barges through the door! Some of the very first words we ever hear coming out of Shaofei’s mouth are “Where is Tang Yi?” MY HEART. This show is so well-made.

⁕ There’s an example of what Jake’s script looked like in the “HIStory 3: Trapped The Making of...” book. ankdlgdndkgn it’s the hospital balcony scene. The thing that he writes in black, between the two red exclamation marks... “This is the show’s first kiss!!! (Vixen Andy doesn’t count).” WHY IS HE SO CUTE?

Day 49

For shooting the scenes at the exterior of the police station, we borrowed the Xizhi branch police building. That Xizhi branch building which only opened in 2017, is very new and very beautiful. The interior was also very spacious, so we had plenty of room to use.

On that day there happened to be a major traffic incident in that jurisdiction area, and both clerical and field police officers were busy bustling about. Even news reporting vehicles were driving in and out. We were able to witness the police officers' work that we usually don’t have opportunity to see. Thanks to all the protectors of the people for their hard work.

Today’s Xizhi police station was bustling and lively. Thanks as well to the fans of Director Qingrong who, during the afternoon tea time, came to visit the set and brought snacks like donuts and coffee. In the afternoon the weather turned cold and it started to drizzle. But the fans braved the wind and the rain and came anyway, and even gave handwritten cards to the actors and the director, which was really sweet.

Day 50

Day 2 at the police station. Today’s weather was nothing like yesterday’s “sunny and cloudy with an occasional shower”. Today the sun was shining very brightly, and the temperatures soared straight to 30 degrees. It was the perfect weather to play a song called “I love summer.”

We shot the scene where three members of Unit 3 talked with Jack at the door. They had to walk outside from inside the police station and each time they had to redo the take, everyone went back into the building with a look of total unwillingness. They opened their eyes widely and took a very deep breath, and with a blank look in their eyes they wiped their sweat and used a small fan to keep cool. Phew, foreheads were filled with beads of sweat, and everyone’s clothes were also soaked with sweat.

In the afternoon we filmed the scene from the last episode when Boss Tang goes to the police station to wait for Shaofei to get off work, when Jack also happened to ride his motorbike to pick up Zhaozi from work. At that time, the weather was still very sunny. Boss Tang, who wanted to sit on his car’s hood to wait for Shaofei, suddenly yelled out. Apparently the vicious sun had rendered the hood burning hot, which made boss Tang jump up in sudden fright.

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acraftedmistake · 3 years

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A Person Who Has Never Played MCSM Writes A Story About MCSM Chp. 14

HAHAAA BACK IN BUSINESS BABY!

Hope you enjoy this one!!

Jesse sat against the broken column by the shrine’s entrance, a breeze brushing against his face. He brought his eyes up, looking at the clear blue sky through the ravine’s crack and listening to the faint conversations coming from inside the shrine. There was nothing for him here.

No answers to Lukas’ whereabouts, nothing about what The Awakening was planning next, the only thing these past few gatherings have given him was discomfort.

Nell was usually the one to talk him into attending each Gathering, but she was sick today. This was his first time coming here alone, and hopefully his last. Being by himself made him even more aware of how everything felt… Off. Whenever members saw him walk in, they’d stop by his seat to say hi and talk about what’s going on, if he was enjoying his visits, simple small talk. However, something everyone seemed too comfortable with was how close they’d get to him. Jesse was never too big on people being near or putting their hands on him, the only exceptions being a quick handshake, a pat on the back from his friends, or Aiden messing with his hair to annoy him. Those were harmless and only lasted a moment. But whenever Jesse would step into the shrine, he'd see a few people’s faces light up as they’d walk over to him with arms open wide, ready to hug him as if they were best friends who hadn’t seen each other in years. They’d pull him close, place their hand on his shoulder as they spoke about their day, and refused to loosen their grip even when he asked. Some people would look genuinely hurt when he pulled away.

There would be nights where these Awakening individuals, Nell included, would spot Jesse on the streets. Those were the worst days. The way they’d look at him with big, bright smiles that stretched from ear to ear, walking up to him and asking if he was coming to this week’s Gathering made him feel terrible. He didn’t want to keep coming, he already felt like he was betraying his own friends, but he was afraid of how the members would react if he refused to return.

He knew the members meant well and were just trying to be nice, at least, that’s what he believed, but they’re all so unaware of how horrible their leaders actually are.

“No, they aren’t called ‘leaders’,” He remembered Nell telling him before one of the Gatherings, “they’re Visions! They look after us.”

Brenner and Mahlon, the ‘Visions’, the individuals who preached about helping others, the individuals who gave guidance to their members and offered their support during trying times were the same individuals who unleashed their horrific lava creation onto the world. They were the same people who took away lives and watched the world burn with no remorse.

They were terrible.

Jesse had watched the older, white haired Vision--the man who had screamed vile curses at him and his friends--happily play with children outside of the shrine. He’d sit on the grass and tell them stories about The Awakening and The Hero after the Gatherings were over. It was so surreal to witness.

The Visions might’ve fooled these misguided people, but they haven’t fooled Jesse. He was waiting for someone, the leaders, Cecil, anyone to slip up and reveal their next scheme, but nothing’s happened yet. If they haven’t hinted at anything these past few weeks who knows how long it’ll take them. Jesse can’t keep coming here forever. Aiden and Olivia had questioned why he’s been leaving the house more often, and who the blonde woman greeting him every now and then was. He knew the excuses: “I just need to clear my head” and “Someone I kinda know” will only last him so long.

Today was going to be his last visit. There was nothing for him here.

“Is all well?” Jesse heard an older man ask. He brought his head up. Standing over him was one of the Visions. Mahlon. The Vision’s head was tilted down slightly, his foggy eye focused more on the broken column rather than the boy below.

“Yeah--Yes, Vision… Sir.” When Jesse spoke the Vision lowered his head more, ‘staring’ more in the direction from where Jesse’s voice came.

“No need to be so formal.” The old man chuckled, “You can call me by my name.” Mahlon said as he sat besides Jesse.

“You’re Jesse, if I remember correctly? Our newest member?” Mahlon asked.

“Right.” Jesse said through gritted teeth, his body stiff as a board. He tried to lean away from Mahlon. Just the thought of being associated with these people made him sick.

“And how are you liking it here?” Mahlon spoke gently, his voice was slightly hoarse.

Jesse answered with a lie, “It’s nice here.” He was afraid of locking eyes with Mahlon. He was half expecting the man’s blindness to be another deceiving trick, but anytime Jesse glanced at him, he saw a genuine look of curiosity on Mahlon’s face, like he wanted to hear more.

The mixture of Mahlon’s pleasant expression and Jesse’s fear of upsetting him prompted him to keep lying. He lied about the new friends he’s made here, how each Gathering had connected with him, and how much their words meant to him. As he kept lying, Mahlon kept smiling. Jesse couldn’t take his eyes off of Mahlon’s burn scar. Most of the old man’s face had been taken over by this fleshy-pink scar that stretched from the bottom left of his face all the way to the top right in a somewhat diagonal manner. The only remaining visible parts of his white, porcelain skin was a small portion where his right eye was, his mouth--where his long, thin white beard covered bits of the scar--and the upper left part of his forehead. Jesse had also noticed that only one of Mahlon’s eyes could open properly while the left one was melted shut. Jesse, admittingly, felt terrible that he couldn’t take his attention away from Mahlon’s distortions. It’s disrespectful--well, it’s not like the old man would ever know where he’s staring, but it was disrespectful nonetheless. The only other feature that would occasionally distract Jesse from the face was Mahlon’s long, white hair which flowed like a candle’s fire in the wind.

Jesse’s kind words sparked a rambling from the old man. Mahlon began talking about everyone’s first visit, how their family welcomes anyone with open arms, the variety of celebrations they’ll have throughout the year to look forward to… These were more words to ‘help’ Jesse feel more ‘comfortable’ here, no doubt. As Mahlon spoke, he’d gesture with his hands. The long sleeves of his robe would flow along with his movements. His attire was similar to Brenner’s. Both wore robes that were a deep shade of red. The ends of the sleeves and the bottom of the robe itself were aligned with a golden yellow. Unlike Brenner’s, however, where the bottom of his robe--and the collar around his neck--had a small, triangle slit, Mahlon had none. Instead, he had a hood that was quite difficult to spot due to his thick hair covering it. Another element Mahlon’s robe had that Brenner lacked was a thick, V-shaped golden line around his waist that could be mistaken as a belt. If Jesse really concentrated on the golden parts of the robe he could make out a variety of tiny symbols--mostly being odd shapes and dashes--on them. Their color was only slightly darker than the yellow they were sewn into, making them easy to miss.

In all honesty, the robe was elegant. It was clear so much time and effort was put into making sure this wonderful robe fit this horrible man. Someone so vile doesn’t deserve to wear something so graceful.

“So what is troubling you?” Mahlon asked. “If you’ve been enjoying your time here, then why sit out here all alone?”

“How’d you even know I was out here?” Jesse tilted his head slowly, curious and a little disturbed.

“Cecil, the lad. He told me.”

Cecil. Of course. What else has he been telling the Visions? He’s probably been keeping them updated every time Jesse so much as scratched his head, but now wasn’t the time to get upset. Jesse needed to make an excuse. Any excuse, as long as it was believable.

“I’ve been...” Jesse swallowed, “Thinking about a friend I lost.”

That was meant to be a lie, but it struck Jesse that it’s been nearly a year since Lukas had gone missing. He started to feel queasy.

Mahlon’s smile faded and was replaced by a look of sorrow, “I see.” He said in a whisper.

There was a moment of silence. Jesse hugged his knees, and Mahlon faced forward and stroked his beard.

Mahlon turned to Jesse again and spoke carefully, “I’m terribly sorry about your friend.”

“Don’t be,” Jesse had to force his next words out, “it wasn’t your fault.”

“If I may,” Mahlon said, “I had also lost someone close to me.”

“You did?” The sinking feeling in Jesse’s stomach grew.

“Yes, he was our Sense before you came along.” Mahlon began, “He had been a wonderful friend of mine since I was a boy, and I fondly remember the excitement I felt when I heard the news that he had been selected as my and Brenner’s Sense. We were all overjoyed. Even after our ceremony, where we were expected to remain resilient leaders, it truly felt like nothing had changed between us. We were three friends who worked together and achieved our dreams. Frankly, the whole experience felt like a dream.” He let out a pleasant laugh as he rested his head on his hands. “Antonin and Brenner made the last ten years of being a Vision possibly the greatest years of my life.” There was a sparkle of joy in Mahlon’s eye, “You’d be surprised how short a decade feels when you’re my age. Oh, it all went by so fast.”

Mahlon’s mouth twitched and he let out a sigh, “And perhaps I should have been wiser; spend an extra few minutes talking to him during breakfast, join him when he was training with Brenner, ramble with him in the library for a moment longer. I was so certain time was on my side. I truly thought that nothing bad could have ever happened to him.”

Jesse listened to Mahlon, and how his voice would get lower the longer he went on. It'd crack and shake at certain points of his recollection, and that bit of light in his eye began to fade. A part of Jesse wanted to feel bad, the other wondered just how blind Mahlon was.

Antonin, this ‘wonderful’ man, surely couldn’t have been the same man who was running towards Jesse and his friends the night they were fighting the lava beast. The image of the man’s black hair flying in the air as he was rushing to them, his sword held high, his red cloak torn, and nothing but hatred in his eyes as he screamed bloody murder at them under the smoke-filled sky was fresh in Jesse’s mind. Maybe Mahlon never saw this horrible side of his friend. Maybe he refused to see it.

And then there was that word, “Sense”. Jesse had heard Radar mention the word in the past when referencing The Awakening, he’s also heard that word in passing conversations in the shrine. He remembered Nell telling him all about their ‘community’ one day before a Gathering started, and they soon got on the topic of Cecil. “...He’s also a leader,” Nell had said, “...but he mostly protects the Visions. He’s like their own personal guard.” Jesse could hardly contain his disbelief. He couldn’t believe someone like Cecil was now another leader of the Awakening.

‘What a downgrade.’ Jesse thought to himself. To think the Awakening’s past Sense--a broad madman who was dead set on killing Jesse’s friends when the world was falling apart--had been replaced by some skinny, sickly pale blondie who used to flee from a fight when things became a little overwhelming. Even Cecil’s attire felt less-than compared to the Visions’ and Antonin’s. His red cloak went a bit past his waste and had a golden collar with a small, yellow button keeping the cloak together. There were no fancy symbols on it either--at least none which Jesse could see. It was jarring to see such an uptight, boastful man wear something so… Plain.

“Oh look at me, acting like he’s died long ago.” Mahlon chuckled sadly, “It’s only been a year; minutes for me.”

“You’re a fine boy,” Mahlon fixed his posture and faced Jesse’s direction again, “I’m absolutely certain your friend was just as wonderful a person as you.”

“Thank--” Jesse quickly hid his voice crack with a cough, “Thank you. He was… He was the best.”

“Our bodies may die on this earth,” Mahlon slowly rose, “but our spirits live on in The Hero’s hands.” Mahlon offered his hand to Jesse, “Will you be joining our Gathering today?”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Olivia woke up. She didn’t remember falling asleep. She did remember talking with Jess about what happened last night. They were on the bed, both worried about what was happening and about each other. Guess she just… dozed off. She felt well rested at least, that’s always important. What time was it though?

She sat up and ran her hand through her tangled hair before getting out of bed. Olivia dragged her feet across the guest room’s floor to the window and opened the curtains just a sliver. She peaked through the crack, hoping to see the sun and get a vague idea of what hour it was, but instead she was greeted with light gray clouds completely covering the sky. She didn’t see anyone roaming the streets, so hopefully it was still morning. That’s technically evening for Aiden and the others, isn’t it?

She still wasn’t used to this time difference. She didn’t want to get used to it. Her sleep schedule was already weird enough, she could only imagine how horrific it would get if she got adjusted to the hours here. And being active at night… The idea didn’t sound appealing to her at all. She thought back to the times she pulled all-nighters on projects, getting headaches from the bright redstone lamps shining down on her because the Sun had set and needing to leave the comfort of her own home and storm over to the nearest cave to find whatever material she ran out of before mobs would hunt her down. Those nights were the most infuriating, and she shuddered at the thought of living every single day like that. That’d be a life full of inconveniences.

“Hm…” Olivia looked around the guest room. Where was Jess? She would’ve definitely spotted him by now, or he would’ve given her a loud ‘Good Morning!’ from behind that’d always scare the socks off of her back when they used to live in the treehouse together.

The only place she could think of was downstairs. Maybe he’s having breakfast already.

Olivia quietly left her room, making sure to open and close the door carefully so she wouldn’t awaken anyone nearby. As she made her way down the stairs, she heard a faint conversation grow louder.

When she finally reached the end, she peeked over the wall and saw Jess and Aiden sitting together on the couch working on the flint and steel. They still didn’t seem too thrilled with each other, but it was much better than the anger and shouting from last night.

“Morning guys.” Olivia said as she began walking over.

Jess waved at her, “Morning!”

Aiden gave her a stiff “Hey.”, while he continued to focus on the tool.

“Is that the appropriate thing to say?” She asked Aiden, “Can I say ‘Good Morning’? Or do you have a special phrase for this specific time?” She sat down beside Jess, sinking into the couch cushion.

“ ‘Morning’’s uncommon, but it’s fine.” Aiden replied, “Most people usually say ‘Good day’ or somethin’ like that.”

She nodded then leaned closer to the table where the items and notes were placed, “Any progress?” She shifted around, trying to get a bit more comfortable, but felt grainy, sand-like particles stuck to her feet. She glanced at the floor to see redstone powder scattered everywhere. It clinged onto the ends of the couch and got stuck in between the cracks of the wooden boards. That powder was an uncomfortable feeling on the feet and a pain to clean up.

“It was kinda rocky at first, but we’ve figured out the notes with Radar’s help!” Jess started. While he wanted to show Olivia what they’ve accomplished, Aiden was still holding onto the flint and steel with one hand, and reading a page of notes in the other, so he decided to let Aiden be. “We coated the fire striker with redstone powder. It actually stuck to the metal pretty well, but we’re still being careful whenever we place it down. We also figured out we need to make this weird mish-mash of a gold and netherrack base? Mold? Something to fit the flint in--” Jess went on to describe their plans on how they were going to create a mold out of such odd materials when suddenly Aiden interrupted.

“Olivia,” He finally spoke up, “I--I’m sorry about last night.” He gripped the flint and steel so tightly he was afraid it was going to break. “I should’ve controlled myself better--I shouldn’t have told Jesse about you. I shouldn’t have even mentioned you.” He shot up from the couch and was fidgeting with the tool now. He kept running his free hand through his hair, not caring about the red powder getting tangled up with the strands. “I put you and Jess in danger when I just wanted to help. I know--” He swallowed, “I know you’re not from this universe, you’re not really my friends, but I still want to protect you. I wanna help get you outta this mess I started.”

Olivia stopped and stared at him for a moment, surprised by this sudden apology. She slowly clasped her hands together and blinked. “Aiden…” She said quietly, “It’s okay. I forgive you.” She didn’t realize how comforting that apology was. Even if the situation was looming over them, things felt a little better.

“We’ll figure a way out of this together.” Jess added in. “And uh…” He glanced at Olivia then at Aiden, “Yeah, I’m sorry about how I acted yesterday too.”

“No, you two don’t have anything to be sorry for.” Aiden pointed at Jess as he placed the tool on top of the papers.

“But I could’ve handled things better.” Jess mumbled and went silent for a moment. “Aiden, I know you want to protect us, but we’re able to help. We don’t need to be locked in here and supervised like children. We’ve saved the world--multiple worlds--multiple times. We can help! Heck, I’m the mayor of an entire town!” He exclaimed.

“I sometimes forget about that unfortunate fact.” Olivia commented, a little smirk on her face.

Jess turned around with his eyebrows raised high. He actually looks a bit offended by her joke. “And what do you mean by ‘unfortunate’?”

“Like I could forget the time you tried to decorate Beacon Town with lava-falls for Halloween.” She kept that playful but devious expression on. She propped one leg up and rested her arm on her knee, “You nearly burnt down a good third of the buildings.”

“I put it out!” Jess felt his face turn a light shade of pink. “Plus I was following Ivor’s advice! So the Halloween Incident was technically his fault!”

“Oh sure, blame the senior citizen.” Olivia chuckled. Aiden snickered along. Jess turned even more red as he tried to think of a witty comeback, but all he could do was give her a light shove then turn away, folding his arms and pouting like a little kid as he struggled to hold back his own laughter.

“Alright, but seriously.” Aiden was finally relaxed, “I was just worked up when I said that. We can take you two outta the house and wherever you need to be as long as you hide your faces well enough.” He went to the kitchen, “I’m gonna make myself some coffee. You two want any?” He looked back at Jess and Olivia.

“Yes please!” Olivia said.

Jess shook his head, “I’m alright, thanks though.”

Aiden took out a small saucepan and placed it under the sink. He turned the faucet on and kept an eye on the water’s level.

“Actually…” Jess perked up, “Speaking of lava, what did that lava monster you guys fought look like? I’ve been thinking about it ever since you’ve brought it up.”

“Now that you mention it,” Olivia said, patting down her frizzy hair, “I’ve been pretty interested as well.”

“Oh jeez.” Aiden sighed as he turned off the water and brought the pan to the stove. He turned the heat to medium high, the knob making faint clicking sounds with each number he passed. “Man, we could only stare at that thing for a couple of seconds or our eyes would’ve melted off.” As the water slowly began to heat up, Aiden turned to a higher cabinet and swung it open.

“I knew it had a couple of eyes and a bunch of arms.” He pushed aside a few items and stopped when he spotted a small, crinkled, light blue bag.

“How many?” Olivia asked.

“Hero if I know.” Aiden let out a laugh, “More than five. It’d drag itself around with them, one arm would merge into another, and then when that thing brought one of it’s limbs back into the air--” He raised one of his arms over his head attempting to recreate the motion, “--you could see the arm split up into two or three more. And when it’s claws would hit the ground it’d send rocks and magma flying everywhere.” He splayed his fingers out, “I know a good chunk of forests burnt down, and some houses in nearby towns too, unfortunately. The library almost got hit too!” He explained while he opened and closed multiple drawers, trying to look for something.

“And the sound. Sweet Hero, the sound. It’s one of those things I’ll probably never forget. I sometimes hear it in my dreams.” He finally spotted what he was searching for--a tablespoon--and closed the drawer. He opened his bag of coffee, scooped up a hefty spoonful of powder, and added it into the pan, getting a bit of the powder on the kitchen counter. “So it’d start off real low, right? Almost sounds like a rumble, but then it’d open it’s mouth more and more until it’d let out this roar that left us deaf for nearly a minute!” He added a few more tablespoons into the water and began mixing the contents together, “Hadrian told us the sound was enough to shake the buildings, and that it’s body was so bright they thought it was day! He and Mevia used to travel the world a ton and they told us they’ve never seen anything like that creature before.”

“That’s insane.” Olivia’s eyes were wide. “That thing sounds just as dangerous as Ivor’s Witherstorm.”

“Tell me about it.” Jess was thinking about what such a beast would look like. Multiple eyes, a giant mouth, enough strength to shake the earth with each step it took. He could only imagine how horrendous the damage must’ve been, the smoke that filled the air with the fires it caused, the ashes flying everywhere, it was probably hot enough to melt a person’s skin off if they were unfortunate enough to stand too close.

“Now,” Aiden said as he tossed the tablespoon into the sink, “how bout that Witherstorm of yours? What was that like?”

Jess thought it was only fair to share their tale now. He went into detail about how the Witherstorm happened in the first place, how it kept following them and destroying everything in it’s path, how they had to travel across the world to create a weapon strong enough to destroy it, only for that plan to fail and leading to Jess having to kill it from the inside. This soon led to Jess going off about Ivor and The Order of the Stone, the Ender Dragon, and how Jess and his friends discovered the truth about them. Every now and then when Jess would mention the names of people he’s met, he’d ask Aiden if he’s ever interacted with them in this universe. Aiden needed their physical appearance to be described to get a good idea of them, but most of his answers were usually: “Don’t know them.” or a “I think we might’ve met ‘em?”. The only names Aiden seemed familiar with were Isa, Harper, and Otto. There was a big maybe on Gabriel and Soren.

“Hadrian and Mevia might’ve known them, honestly.” Aiden said at one point, “They’ve met a ton of people when they were ramblers.”

As Jess and Olivia kept going back and forth talking about the Admins, White Pumpkin, and everything else they’ve experienced, Aiden would listen along and chime in with similar situations he and his friends went through. His reactions were definitely mixed when he learned about their Cassie Rose and what she’s done. There’d be points where all he could do was laugh over how bizarre the situation sounded, and other instances where he couldn’t react at all because of how… Unstable Jess and Olivia’s Cassie Rose seemed. Aiden eventually came back into the living room with two cups of fresh, hot coffee in his hands. He sat beside Jess and placed one of the cups on the table for Olivia. She gave him a quiet thank you as they both continued to listen to Jess’ stories.

Jess was sharing his experiences out of order, but he was finally telling Aiden about Hadrian and Mevia. How they ran these twisted games and how he thought Lukas and Petra were killed right before his eyes--when suddenly Aiden jerked forward and choked on his coffee.

He hurriedly placed his cup down--spilling a bit of his drink--and broke into a coughing fit. Jess patted his back a couple of times to try and help him.

“You--your friends with Lukas in your universe?” Aiden asked between coughs.

“Yeah,” Jess answered, “I thought we--” He froze. Oh no. They never… Did they never tell Aiden that they knew Lukas in their universe? Or maybe they did--but did they never mention that they were all friends?

“And he’s alive?” Aiden said, his voice a touch raspy from the strain.

“Yes--absolutely! He’s still in one piece! We met cause of the Witherstorm and got real close throughout all those adventures.” Jess was speaking so fast, “Argh, I’m sorry, I thought I told you this.” How could he forget to tell Aiden something as major as this? Especially after Aiden had told him all about the struggles he and his friends went through after their Lukas went missing.

“No, don’t be. I probably--” Aiden stopped to cough again, “I probably forgot. I sorta remember you mentioning I kinda sucked in your universe.” He grinned. There was a sad look in his eyes. “But are Lukas and I… Are we friends there?”

Jess didn’t answer for a second. In that second he thought back to Sky City; the hatred and disgust in Lukas’ eyes whenever he had to face or even acknowledge Aiden. He thought about the many letters their Aiden had sent over that Lukas threw away. He remembered Lukas’ curious expression contorting to pure anger when Jess had mentioned Aiden wanting redemption. He doesn’t--

“Oh, absolutely!” Olivia lied. “Sure you guys hit a couple of rough patches here and there, especially after the whole Sky City incident, but you two made up!”

Jess went along, “You two live pretty far away from each other, but I know you and Lukas like to hang out at this one restaurant at least once a month to catch up.”

“The Shulker Spices?” Olivia made up the restaurant’s name on the spot.

Jess snapped his finger, “Yeah, that one! Great stuff.”

“That’s good to hear… That’s probably the best thing I’ve heard in a while.” The soft smile on Aiden’s face faltered for a moment. Sure, he looked relieved, but Jess felt terrible. He hated flat out lying like this, but there was no way he was going to crush Aiden with the truth, and it’s not like he’ll ever know. They did the right thing. Even if it doesn’t feel like it.

Aiden’s body loosened and he let out a long sigh. “It’s been rough ever since he went missing.” He admitted, “Jess, you got a lotta good things back in your universe. Your friends are all still there, you’ve been able to take down any problems comin’ at you… I bet the people there must love ya.”

“But… Your friends love you too, don’t they?” Jess asked, gently placing his hand on Aiden’s back.

“Yeah--I didn’t mean to--of course they do!” Aiden quickly lifted his head back up, “And… You know…” His face got a little red, “I love ‘em too.”

Aiden went to grab his coffee to have another sip, “But you two need to get back to your universe. Once Rose comes back we can finish that flint and steel and get you two home.”

“Cassie’s still gone?” Olivia sounded concerned.

“She’ll be alright.” Aiden said, gesturing with his mug. “I know she can handle herself in extreme places like the Nether, but if she doesn’t come back by the end of tomorrow, we’ll have to hunt her down.”

The three sat on the couch, motionless for a minute, and couldn’t really think of anything else to talk about, so Jess and Olivia decided to finally make themselves breakfast. Jess helped himself to a couple of eggs; preparing a pan to scramble them in while Olivia mostly searched throughout the kitchen for ideas. She didn’t know what she was craving, she just knew she was hungry. As she scanned the contents of the pantry, something struck her.

“Sort of on the topic of questions, or--well, things about other universes…” She fumbled with her words as she reached inside to grab a small container of oatmeal, “I was wondering if there’d be anyway to, uh, see my place of death--my grave. If--if I have one.” She immediately held her breath after asking that question. She knew this was undoubtedly a personal thing to ask, but she’s been wanting to know for some time. She didn’t know when to ask before, and--and this felt like her only chance. She glanced at Aiden to see if he had heard her. He was staring right back at her, frozen in place with his coffee inches away from his face. His mouth was stuck open like he was in disbelief over what Olivia had just asked. Olivia even caught a glimpse of Jess being just as off guard by her question.

“I--We don’t--” Olivia stammered. She quickly turned away from the boys and tried to hide her face behind the pantry door, “We don’t have to! I understand if you don’t want to!” She said, “It might be dangerous to go outside anyways, I don’t mind if you describe it instead--”

“Is that what you wanna do?” Aiden asked, the energy of his voice absent compared to what it sounded like minutes ago. He set his cup aside and headed to the kitchen. To Olivia.

“Only if you think it’s safe.” Olivia’s voice was shaky. Maybe she shouldn’t have asked. She shouldn’t have asked.

“If we go together,” Jess spoke up, “and hide ourselves, we should be alright.” He wanted to try and be supportive, but even he wasn’t too sure about this.

“Right.” Aiden said, focusing on Olivia. He folded his arms, “We’d have to do it soon. Today might be your only chance. If that’s where you want to go, I’ll take you there.”

#mcsm #minecraft story mode #mcsm olivia #mcsm aiden #mcsm jesse #mcsm mahlon #APWHNPMCSMWASAMCSM #UH super quick rambles but thank u to all the people who have been patient with this story!!#i was always real used to makin chapters like 10.000 words or more . especially when i was in the zone #and i always tried to put some big ol event to make things interesting #that i kinda gave myself this weird pressure that every chapter HAD to be like that or it'd be boring #or if i didn't reach this certain word amount i'd 'failed'#n writing just kinda became intimidating and i didn't know how to approach it for a while #things got better after some time gfdsfesdfgsf #just took some time to move away from those stupid standards i had set up for myself rip #but now!!!!!#writing again!!!!#thank u for tuning into tags and hope u enjoy story!!

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gundhams-pandemonium · 3 years

Text

The Dating Game

@fandom-goddd and @bakablyat

[Chapter One of my Shinsai Salmon Mode fic, Dm me for the Ao3 link. Nothing Explicit BUT some implied V3 spoilers]

"... A dating game?" He echoed the bear's words as he lay on his dorm room's bed. It was already strange to wake up in a locker, introduce himself to fifteen other people, and have a mechanical bear talk about how the 'original program changed' and this was 'a different mode'.

[Something about a killing game... Shuichi would rather not think about that too hard]

It was quite frankly... a mess. He should probably get to talking to people if he expected to find love. At the same time, how was someone supposed to find love in ten days?

[However there was an undeniable feeling and even partial truth that he knew these people. Like when Momota (who instituted on being called Kaito), someone he supposedly never met, called him 'sidekick' and it just felt right. Or how Akumatsu, the girl he woke up in the same classroom as, commented she was proud he took off his hat... it was odd to be with familiar strangers]

A knock at his door brought him to his senses. He opened, cautiously peering out until he saw the enthusiastic Piano Player.

"Hey! Shuichi!" She gave him a motivated greeting, her smile wide.

"Oh, hello Akumatsu," He returned her smile, though his not nearly as big.

"You know you can call me Kaede, but nevermind that. So, come on tell me, who do you have your eyes set on," She gave a teasing poke to his shoulder. He only stepped back, face flushed red.

"E-eyes on?" She hadn't already begun this 'dating game', did she?

"Mhmm," All of sudden her eyes went wide "You have started talking to the others, right?"

"Umm, No But- Hey!" He was grabbed and now being dragged out of his room.

"Nope, come on! Let's find you someone nice to hang out with," Soon he was released and following behind her.

He really was being dragged into this, huh?

"Hmmm, I see Kaito is with Maki. Kiibo is over there talking with Rantaro while Kokichi is spying on them. Himiko is being fought over by Angie and Tenko. Well, at least they look like they're having fun," Kaede talked about his 'potential suitors' (her words not his), her arms crossed as she carefully considered everyone. The detective only looked over at whomever she was talking about and began to feel tension in his chest. "Ooo maybe- wait no Tsumugi is taking a rest in her room last I knew. We were running in the gym, to try something new for the both of us, and I think I wore her out".

"Um, I don't want to be seen as being too pushy but maybe we can hang out?" At least comparatively she seemed very approachable, and he already felt semi-comfortable talking with her.

"I would love to! But... well actually, I'm about to go spend some time with Kirumi. However, Miu wanted something to eat first and I wanted to see how you were doing so it worked out. But, I don't think we'd have enough time to 'hang out' 'hang out', make sense?"

"Yeah, that does..." A little disappointing, but he wasn't going to be upset at her. Really, he should be thankful she's making an effort for him otherwise he'd probably still be contemplating in his room.

"Hey! Anyone not busy!" She called out and Shuichi really wished he had his hat to hide under. "Well that didn't work- wait! Shinguji, are you with anyone right now?" Her energy knew no bounds as she spun on her heels and headed toward her attended 'target' dragging the other teen behind her.

She was speaking to the long haired teen who'd been sitting quietly on the bench; from what the detective could recall his full name was Korekiyo Shinguji, and his title was the Ultimate Anthropologist. He was a bit strange, but he had no obvious qualms with him.

Korekiyo's eyes looked up from the book he held in his hands and glided from Kaede to lock with Shuichi's. His golden eyes piercing, and though he couldn't see due to the black zippered mask on his face he could imagine a smirk to go along with it. As if the detective was something to study-

He blinked his thought away, not sure exactly where they came from. Afterall, he'd hardly had a conversation with him. How could he guess if he was smiling much less what his thoughts were.

[At the same time, the idea in his head remained. And though it wasn't up and fore front it hadn't fully left him]

"With anyone? " He repeated, turning back to her.

[How.. How long were they looking at each other? Was it not really long at all? Was it in his head?]

"Yeah, for the game we're currently in," She replied, hands on her hips.

"Kehehe, no. I'd been reading, and when I wasn't I was just watching all around. This place is truly beautiful isn't it?"

The pianist in reply bit her lip, and Shuichi couldn't help feel the response was slightly... strange. Well, all people were different. Just because someone talks differently then how you expected didn't mean they were bad or anything.

"It is a nice day out, and you know who you can enjoy the day with! Shuichi," She splayed her arms out like the woman showing a prize on a quiz show. And before Shuichi could tell her anything else she raced off.

Well, she gave him no other choice. At least, despite his odd demeanor, he didn't seem cruel or crude [There were many crude people he decided against... dating]. Actually, sitting and reading a book was quite a common thing that he liked to do himself.

[He could hear Kiyo reading aloud. A text he couldn't focus on due to getting lost in his voice. Another odd, sudden, thought that he pushed back with anything else of this nature that appeared in his mind]

" I believe your friend just 'set you up' with me" The anthropologist brought a hand up to his chin, resting his palm against it.

"D-dont phrase it like that! Makes it sound so sinister..."

"Oh, really? Kehehehe..." His laugh trailed off.

Great, they were sitting awkwardly in silence. Not something you'd do just trying to meet someone, and especially not someone you were attempting to speed date.

"So, what book are you reading?" Certainly this was a good starting point.

"The Necronomicon," Or not.

"The... what?"

"Kehehe," He laughed. Oh, he was joking? With how serious he sounded he didn't even realise.

Then he turned the book around, for the title to be showcased. It read "The Necronomicon". His mind blanked, was he supposed to laugh too? Was he to question this book? Would he be offended by his shock?

"Not that I believe this book to be factual..." Oh thank- " While spirits are real, you can not just bring the dead to life. Though, it Is amusing in a way to read."

Shuichi felt like he was getting hit by a pillow only to turn around and to get a swift kick to the gut. It wasn't necessarily painful to talk to him, but he couldn't keep up with these constant surprises that blindsided him.

"Where did you find it?" That can't be too outrageous, nor have him completely confused by the answer.

"My dorm room. Monokuma, which refers to itself as headmaster, told me it was a reward. Though for what he did not specify. Curious don't you think? I've never met before yet he implies he knows me well and that I'm deserving of this for something I've done in the past. If it is a present due to my talent... Well I don't see why since my Ultimate Lab is enough."

Once again they fell into silence, though this one was more thought provoking. An intermission, so to speak, to pull the clues together and to start bouncing theories off each other.

"Maybe, it's not that we've been here before but that they've tracked us? After all, I walked past Kaede's Ultimate Lab and it was completely customized to her. And they took us from various places..." Shuichi said, already feeling ridiculous. This probably wasn't what the guy was aiming for, to make actual theories. They were just here for a simple conversation and now he was making him ponder their odd (and slightly horrifying) situation.

"They did kidnap us all for a purpose, and made sure we are Ultimates... They did mention this was like a reality show? Perhaps us being Ultimates, and teenagers, is supposed to draw in the viewers. Make them believe this is something extraordinarily ordinary. Ridiculous really, romance is romance and human romance has beauty in all forms. Whether it be the start of one, the end, or even the middle it holds a plethora of emotions; romance is celebrated in all cultures in some way, whether it be marriage or otherwise. Did you know about the Celtic wedding tradition that later was adopted into Christian ones? You see, they used to throw rice at the newlyweds. It is still done today, albeit rarely due to it affecting birds. The rice was to symbolize growth, expansion really, of the family. So... beautiful. Food has always been so precious but love triumphs that."

The anthropologist rambled on, and he couldn't help but feel enraptured by each word. It was fascinating, and to hear someone he first thought wasn't talkative at all... well it lifted a weight off his shoulder that he would have to lead the conversation.

"You seem to know a lot about romance. Do you read romance novels?"

"Know a lot... ah, you have misunderstood. This is simply what I've gathered from careful observation and analysis. Not from novels, though, if from any books they'd be nonfiction. Those are my prefered choices after all," he looked at the book he'd brought with "And I'd hardly call this a usual book for me... do you like to read, Saihara?"

"Oh yeah, I read from a lot of different genres. Though, as cheesy as this sounds I prefer detective novels. If it's a good one I like to try and put the clues together before the protagonist can,"

"Very cliche as you put it. But what is expected of a detective, you must constantly be prepared,"

"I'd really hardly call myself a detective, I just enjoy puzzle solving. For example, I couldn't solve a murder case in real life or anything but a book I could... I only solved one missing persons case, it was originally my Uncle's and..." Shuichi could already feel a wave of shame and guilt come over him; he didn't deserve this "Ultimate" he was just a glorified puzzle-solver. He ruined someone's life and now he was living in a dream-like world where his only goal was to find love.

"There is nothing wrong with preferring puzzles, nor nothing wrong with only solving one case. You have a talent, and if that is evident in the academy then it doesn't matter what you've done and rather what you will do,".

Shuichi wasn't sure he wanted to do much of anything more with being a detective but... well he appreciated the kindness in the other's words.

"... Observation," Korekiyo stated, as if it made sense on its own.

"Huh?"

"You would make a good anthropologist, or at least it may interest you slightly. It is all about observing, and to solve something you must do some observation," Though his eyes were looking at him, they seemed not to see him. As if looking beyond him "Would you be opposed to being taught about the subject?"

He froze at the question. That was... quite a sudden leap? Although, looking at his fellow classmate, it was as if that is what had been on his mind the whole time. He didn't have anything against learning, knowledge was something he always enjoyed, yet he felt something stop him from immediately saying yes.

Why did his hands suddenly feel so sweaty, and why did his mind buzz with sudden anxiety? He would never deny that social situations were not his strong suit, but something like this hadn't happened before.

Swallowing his fear (and the dryness in his throat), he responded.

[This next choice will affect the rest of your route...]

[Accept ] <-----

[Reject] <------

[Accept] ✅

"Well, you are an expert on the subject! I think learning more on it could be interesting, especially if-"

"Excellent!" Korekiyo blurt out, and for the first time Shuichi saw his emotions shine. It was a sudden burst of energy, one he quickly composed himself to cover up "...this evening, after meal-time, meet me in the library. Preferably around seven and no later than nine. The books will, hopefully, be more informational than the one in my room. I will see you later, Saihara. Be prepared for your eyes to be opened upon seeing the beauty of humanity."

Without another word, or a response, the anthropologist left him.

He certainly got himself into a commitment...

It was lunch, and Kaede proposed they sit together.

"Do you wanna sit with Kirumi? Oh, unless your, uhh, date didn't go well?" Shuichi asked, the bouncy girl shook her head.

“We were fine! But she's serving everyone food, and I wanted to sit with you. Y'know," She gave a wink and a smile "I was wondering how you and Korekiyo hit it off."

"You make it sound so... official," His face reddened and she laughed "I think it went well? We're going to meet in the library at seven," He explained, trying to pull at a hat that wasn't there.

[He couldn't remember ever taking it off... but he also remembers it being in his room...]

"Oh? Really? That's so exciting! See, a date!"

"Well, we all are going on dates... that's the point of this all," He mumbled out.

"But he wants to talk to you more, that's promising! Unless..." her voice trailed off "Do you like him Shuichi? If not then obviously you don't have to-"

"I-its nothing like that!" He cut her off, immediately feeling regret doing so "It's... I'm not sure what to think of him? I've only known him for a few hours. He seems nice, but what if...what if he's just a friend type?"

"Well, I guess you'll have to find out!" She gave her companion a pat on the back. "Don't stress too much, this situation may be strange but it isn't the worst. Keep your head up high, and get to know some people. Even if you are nothing more than platonic, it will be worth meeting him, right?"

"... You're right! Thanks Kaede."

"No problem! Now let's get something to eat!"

"Perfect timing, Saihara," He stepped into the library, the smell of mold already hitting his nose. It was a dirty,dingy place, it couldn't even be argued that it was old in the "cute aesthetic way". His eyes scanned, seeing the piles upon piles of books that were stacked not only on the shelves but the floor.

Korekiyo was sitting in the corner, a small table and a pile of books beside him.

He wondered, silently, if the stuffiness of the area even bothered him slightly.

" How many books is that?" Shuichi sat down across from his, drumming his fingers on the table.

"Hm, just twelve. But they are merely for reference or in case you want to study a topic further. I prefer explaining things myself," His golden irises didn't even seem to dim in the dingy room, as if they were glowing "But where to start?"

He felt more in a college lecture, than on a date. If lectures were between two people, that is. Maybe more of a study group... well it certainly didn't feel romantic. Somehow, that eased his worries. This was to get to know each other, he didn't have to prepare himself for hand holding nor kisses right away.

" Well, I know that anthropology is the study of people, but how about you give me your definition?" This would certainly get him talking.

"Hm, that certainly is a good place to start. Anthropology studies the thoughts behind traditions and customs. It delves into the topic of folklore, and the way differnt tales from all over have similarities. Or even how the same story has differences. It is all based on how people interrupt as well as putting one's own feelings into the tales. It's not just with folklore, though certain anthropologists only study folklore, you would be able to do the same with customs. Anthropology is a truly human study through and through, so your definition isn't wrong just lacking in the specific details, " One would find it hard to read someone's expression when half thier face was covered, But where he lacked his hands flowed in joy. It wasn't overtly distracting, otherwise his point would be null and void, instead in tune with how he spoke. " Anthropology is everywhere, and is constantly changing, which is why my studies will never be fully done. It is why I must observe and research continuously- It may be hard to some but it is merely routine for me."

Hearing him talk about something so passionately piqued his interest. He'd never thought of anthropology as a topic of interest besides mild, but if Kiyo was leading the discussion he sure he wouldn't mind.

The conversation continued to flow; with Kiyo's long rambles and Shuichi asking questions which would either continue the topic in more detail or the conversation to move to a different part of the vast subject.

"Shuichi, have you ever traveled before?"

"Traveled? What do you mean?" That came out of virtually nowhere; though he was discussing field work in different countries, he hadn't suspected being asked himself.

"Taken trips, whether they be on your own or with others. Or, do you tend to stay in one place?" Shuichi was about to explain before a noise cut off his sentence.

"Ding, Dong, Bing, Bong," An almost chilling chime played on the speakers.

[All he could remember was blood splattered on the shelfs, and pooled on the library floor. The victim lay- Wait, what? He wasn't a homicide detective...]

"It is 10 pm, officially nighttime," Monokuma's announcement rang through, the Monkubs chiming in once and a while to add on with little remarks.

"Hm, I suppose we should leave and retire for the night... we shall resume tomorrow, at the same time? "

Tomorrow as well? Well, he could hardly refuse, and he was still curious about the topic.

"That sounds good; well I'll see you then, it was really interesting talking about anthropology with you," He gave a smile, and the other looked pleased.

They went their separate ways, and Shuichi was pleasantly surprised with the outcome of the "date". Whether he'd become friends... or... either way he could see his relationship growing positively.

[End of Day One]

#danganronpa #shinsai #v3 killing harmony #shuichi saihara #korekiyo shinguji

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inslo · 3 years

Text

A few updates. Some good some bad.

I’ve been continuing with therapy. I’m not sure it’s been helpful or not yet, but the schedule was also thrown off by a dentist appointment that got rescheduled due to short staffing and my hygienist being in leave. My last appointment (this week), the therapist was struggling to understand why I need therapy. He suggested that I felt that on Christmas I’m standing outside in the freezing cold looking in on my family and friends having a warm Christmas celebration without me. I said, “Yes, that is almost exactly I how I feel. Except it’s not my family it’s other peoples families.” I then went on to describe that I need to go in for a Colonoscopy soon and they recommend someone stay with you for 24-hours after the test and that you get a ride to and from the health clinic. My dad won’t be available so I don’t know who will stay with me. I’m sure I can beg someone to give me a ride to or from the health clinic, but who will stay with me? I’m sure I’ll figure it out, but it’s a real struggle that would be so much easier if I had some sort of a significant other. The therapist then asked, “Do you feel forgotten about?” I replied, “Yes.” Then he immediately asked, “You want to be cared for?” I said, “Yes. Not in the sense of having someone dress and bathe me, but yes.” ….and that is where that appointment left off.

With It’s Just Lunch (IJL)…I had my worst date ever two Monday’s ago with ‘Mary’. I’ve had some really bad dates, but this one is definitely near the top. I didn’t like my date within two minutes of meeting her at the IJL per-arranged restaurant. The moment she sat down, she said she thought the restaurant was too crowded, didn’t feel safe from COVID and wanted to go find someplace to eat outside (in 50’F weather). I had worn only a light long sleeve shirt and light sport coat…just enough to survive a trip back and forth from my truck, but no warm coat and no warm hat. So I told her that I wasn’t prepared for outdoor dining. She then complained that IJL is refusing to set her up on outside dinner dates and they told her that she could ask to do outdoor dining when we meet. So she said, (and I quote), “Well, I guess if I get COVID and spread it to my children, oh well.”. Nearly immediately after that conversation we talked about where we lived, she then complained that we live too far apart, about a 30-minute drive and that she kept asking IJL to match her with people closer. Ok, valid complaint, but when I’ve felt that I never said it to my dates face. ….THEN things started getting really interesting. I had told her that my brother and sister-in-law tried foster/adoption and were placed with a 15-year old boy from the inner city. Mary interrupted and said (and I quote) “Inner City. That’s ‘code’ for black”. I said, “Um, I’ve never heard that before…and this boy was actually from [street names] the worst area of the city.” She asked if I met the boy and what I thought of him to which I said, “He was very nice, I wish they would not have given up on him so easy.” Then a while later I was trying to explain to her why my brother didn’t like where he lived [big city suburb] and where I used to live and she rudely interrupted me saying “I think people are moving out of [big city suburb] because the blacks are moving in.” By this point I was getting very frustrated with Mary and blasted out that the reason I moved out of that area “had nothing to do with colored people.” Her mouth dropped to the floor because she couldn’t believe I said the phrase ‘colored people’. She then walked out without even saying goodbye. Well frankly, I didn’t say that phrase intentionally, I was so frustrated with her, it was more the order that the words came out. I had to call my East Indian BFF (who is frankly a far more darker skin color than Mary who is Hispanic) to help digest what had just had happened. She said she would not have been offended by my word order, but while that phrase is not considered derogatory like the ‘N’ word, it is ‘preferred’ to say ‘People of Color’. Little did I know that order of words mattered so much. But thankfully I avoided any further dates with someone so inconsiderate, deranged, and judgmental. (The actual reason I moved out of the area…frankly the ‘people of color’ that lived in my old neighborhood were nicer and better behaved than the white people. I knew a lot of very inconsiderate white people there who were dealing drugs from their home, spending hours every evening tuning the exhaust on their Harley’s, speeding up and down a 25mph non-thru street at 55+mph, leaving their barking dogs out all night long and so on. That, taxes and house/property size had the most to do with me leaving. )

On another matter, immediately after the last date IJL set me up on (described above) I put IJL on hold for now for, for the reason that I’ve been spending time with ‘Madeline’. She is half Thai and lived in Thailand for the first few years of her life. (She is also much darker in skin color than Mary). Unfortunately, I have concerns with her being a flight risk like my last girlfriend, but so far they don’t seem as strong as hers did up front. (She has recently been applying for jobs on the east coast and in Alaska, but also applying to grad school at local colleges.) But I want to see where it goes. I met her at a Meetup.com event, not through IJL.

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makeste · 4 years

Note

I’ve just realised it’s been over a year since you last listed your top 10 characters! Has anything changed since then?

a lot has changed! actually, every single ranking has changed from last time except for one (which you can probably guess, lol).

1. Bakugou (previous rank: 1)

yes, believe it or not, Bakugou is still my favorite. I’ll understand if you all need a moment to recuperate from the shock of this.

2. Deku (previous rank: 4)

hi, so. I really love Deku a lot. I think he is a great character and there’s a lot of subtlety and complexity to him that he doesn’t always get credit for. he is loving and kind, but he’s not a pushover. he has moments of deer-in-headlights anxiety when he’s in the spotlight or talking to celebrities (or girls), but then he’ll go and launch into a five-hour speech if someone mentions a topic he’s interested in. he’s very much aware of the huge burden that’s been placed on his shoulders, and is struggling to figure out how to become his own person (which is fucking hard, you guys; how many sixteen-year-olds do you know who have a solid, firm idea of who they are as a person and what it is about themselves that makes them unique individuals?) while still living up to All Might’s legacy. he’s smart and determined and capable of extraordinary things, but second-guesses himself and has a tendency to overthink everything he does. he is interesting!! and he doesn’t always get credit for being interesting! but he is! anyways Deku ilu.

3. Aizawa (previous rank: 2)

still the best. still so tired. the manga is tripling down lately on highlighting how awesome he is. childhood angst and guilt and trauma?? yes. kicking lots of ass?? hell yes. being outrageously sexy with his floating wavy hair and glowy red eyes and spending almost this entire arc in Eraser Mode while Horikoshi hopes to god no one remembers how he made it a Whole Thing after USJ that Aizawa supposedly couldn’t hold his quirk for long periods like that anymore?? oh, you bet. who is even gonna complain about it. you?? I sure am not. and last but not least, being the greatest dad in the world who’s willing to stab god in the face in order to stay alive to protect his children and continue to watch them grow?? fam. you goddamn know that is a YES WITH CAPITAL LETTERS. how can one character honestly be so great. how can he even contain it. he’s so powerful.

4. Todoroki (previous rank: 5/6)

Ochako slid all the way off my top ten list and I feel so bad about it. but she hasn’t had the spotlight for a long time, and meanwhile Shouto has had what feels like ARC AFTER ARC of being awesome and doing awesome things like becoming Bakugou’s Undisputed Best Friend, having the longest and purest canon romantic relationship in the series (I am of course talking about him/soba), and playing a key role in one of the most beautifully executed family arcs I have ever seen, with his conflicted feelings about his father that are so layered that THEIR LAYERS HAVE LAYERS. and meanwhile his quirk kicks as much ass as ever. remember that one time Shouto almost burned Tetsutetsu alive. remember that other time he fucking annihilated Ending (“GIVE ME BACK MY BROTHER”)?! and meanwhile he remains the goodest and purest child in the entire series, making sure Mt. Lady’s heart is okay, and offering his two friends internships without a second’s hesitation because THAT’S WHAT FRIENDS DO. it’s just what they do you guys.

5. Hawks (previous rank: n/a! welcome to the top ten kiddo.)

OH NO I LOVE A MURDERER WHAT A STUNNING INDICTMENT OF ME. send me off to jail. anyway so I have always liked Hawks, but the latest arc has sent him skyrocketing up through the ranks of my heart. not because of the murder thing, but... okay well but actually, it is because of the murder thing though. NOT BECAUSE I’M HAPPY HE KILLED A GUY WE ALL LOVED, jesus, but because of how well Horikoshi portrayed his struggle over it. he didn’t want to do it!! but he ended up having to in the end, and he paid one hell of a heavy price for it. and listen, but if you give me a character who is smart, who is compassionate, and who is one of the most mentally and physically capable characters we’ve seen in the series and yet simultaneously does not have even the slightest ounce of regard or self-preservation for his own mental health? a character who is tired, who is willing to make sacrifices up to and including the ultimate sacrifice for what he believes is the greater good? a character who is achingly alone and isolated in so much of what he has to go through, who doesn’t dare drop his guard ever, who’s not able or willing to share his burdens with anyone else? if you give me a character like that, and then ask me not to love him, it’s like. I am very sorry but I truly have no say in it at this point. he’s adopted. I’m sorry it’s the law.

6. Tomura (previous rank: n/a)

OH NO I LOVE TWO MURDERERS WHAT EVEN IS WRONG WITH ME. hahaha. so in between the time of now and when I last did a character ranking, Tomura had a flashback! and it was very traumatic! he was little and sweet and his dad was a dick and there was a lot of blood and gore and a dog died!! and then AFO was all “HELLO IT’S ME COME TO SWOOP IN AND ADOPT YOU AND ENCOURAGE YOU TO KILL STUFF AND ALSO HERE ARE YOUR DEAD FAMILY’S SEVERED BODY PARTS TO ADORN YOURSELF WITH SO YOU NEVER STOP FEELING MISERABLE.” and everyone sitting there reading was all, “well I’ll just come out and say it, I can sort of understand why he became a murderer now,” and we all agreed that yes, it did indeed make a great deal of sense, when you put it that way. anyway, so obviously you can’t not feel empathy toward the kid after all that, even if he is going around killing A WHOLE LOT MORE people now, and has basically gone batshit insane actually. I remain steadfast in my conviction that Tomura is not the actual final villain -- AFO is. and call me crazy, but in spite of everything, I still think this kid has a shot at redemption. it won’t be pretty, and it’ll be a long, long path, and he might not ever fully make it all the way, but he’s someone who’s been manipulated and used as a puppet his entire life, and I want him to have the chance to finally break free from that. hopefully he’ll get it.

7. Mirko (previous rank: n/a)

so previously this section just said “MIRKO!!!!!”, which I honestly think sums it up pretty well. I honestly can’t think of any other character who has come along and just slapped me straight across the face with their sheer awesomeness as much as her, though. every time she’s onscreen/on the page my face is just a huge grin the entire time. she is fearless. like, she’s the type of person who actually does laugh in the face of danger -- like that’s not just an expression, she will LITERALLY LAUGH. she is Peter Pan with a dagger to his throat, smiling and saying “to die would be an awfully big adventure.” she is someone who’s found her purpose in life and is thriving. Mirko has no time for your existential angst; she’s too busy kicking ass every minute of every hour of every day. I love her so, so much. thank you so much Horikoshi for being obsessed with her and making her the biggest badass in the whole series.

8. All Might (previous rank: 3)

I still adore him! he just has had next to nothing to do for what seems like forever, so the other characters who are still getting steady development are kind of just sneaking past him one by one. but he is still the absolute best. he cares so much. so, so, so, so much. he’s not always the most natural when it comes to being a teacher or a mentor, and he stumbles and makes mistakes, but he loves his kids. he cares about them so fiercely. and that’s far and away the most important thing, and it’s not even close. and he’s also just so endlessly self-sacrificing and constantly putting everyone else before himself, and it’s insane. he’s someone who is just constantly thinking, “how can I do more, how can I help more, what else can I do to try and make the world better” even as he stumbles along with half a lung, and struggles with his feelings of inadequacy and helplessness and feeling like it’s just still not enough. I want to give All Might the biggest hug in the world and tell him that it’s all right, that he did good, that the kids are going to be all right. when Aizawa told him “you being alive is enough” I almost had a breakdown tbh. anyway if I keep going I’m gonna talk myself into moving him back up the list and then I’ll have to rearrange this whole thing lol so suffice it to say, fuck yeah All Might.

9. Momo (previous rank: 7)

when is Momo gonna do more stuff, Horikoshi?? huh??! he does realize that whenever she does stuff it’s always amazing?? so why is she not just constantly doing amazing, awesome stuff all the time?? I don’t know, and frankly I’ve had just about enough of this. let Momo do stuff 2020. but I won’t talk about this anymore for now because I haven’t ready any chapter 278 spoilers and I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

(ETA: I HAVE READ CHAPTER 278 NOW AND ALL I CAN SAY IS YESSSSS!!! MOMO!!!! also I swear to god I genuinely had not seen any spoilers when I was writing this post lol, it was a total coincidence. I’m glad the “let Momo do stuff 2020″ campaign was so immediately successful though.)

10. Kaminari (previous rank: 8)

last but not least, my five-and-a-half-year-old traitor son, Kaminari Denki. he is just such a shining beam of light and life and goodness and chaos. there is this amazingly buoyant energy whenever he’s on the page that just fills me with love for him. I constantly just want to ruffle his hair, just, all the damn time. he is everybody’s friend, he loves them all so much, and he fearlessly calls Bakugou “Kacchan” heedless of the repercussions (OF WHICH THERE WERE NONE!!), and he sincerely tells Jirou that he’s in awe of her musical talents, and he wrecked his fingers learning to play guitar for her but he was happy to do it, and he was afraid to fight in the big ALL THE VILLAINS VS ALL THE HEROES battle because DUH!?! but he still did it anyway because he had to protect his friends. and his quirk and its side effects are constantly used for comic relief and not taken seriously at all (even though it’s actually insanely powerful holy shit), but he doesn’t care because he’s happy to make his friends happy. he’ll willingly be the butt of the joke if it means he gets to see them laugh. he just has such a big heart, and in all seriousness, if you think he’s the traitor I just don’t even know what to say to you.

so that’s it! Tokoyami, Ochako, Shinsou, Iida, and Sero would probably be the next five, with Endeavor, Toga, Mina, Jirou, and Mirio rounding out the top twenty. maybe not in that exact order but it’s close enough. really there are only like three characters in the series I actually truly dislike, so I’m honestly glad “top ten” is the general standard otherwise I’d be here all night running through them all lol.

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judylicious · 3 years

Text

And When He Smiles I Swear I Can’t Breathe

Alan Rubin x fem!Reader

Word count: 1,445

Fandom: Blues Brothers

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Blues Brothers characters or movies. This refers to Alan Rubin as a character in the movie, not the real Alan (although he obvsly played himself but you know what I mean)

I’d like to add that I made everyone of the band a few years younger (so the age gap between the reader and Alan isn’t that big), so he’s approx. in his early 30s.

Sophia & Lisa are two OCs created by two lovely people within the fandom.

Warnings: swearing, racist remarks !!! (they do NOT reflect my own opinion)

Chapter V

When the trumpet player noticed Charlotte he was speechless with amazement. “Alan?” “Charlotte?” They almost said simultaneously. They both stared into each others faces until both had a smile on their lips. “Wait- Frank Ellington is your father?” “You know him?”, the young woman chuckled. He’s rather present in the newspaper.” And before Charlotte could ask him about his job at the restaurant, they felt the gaze of Charlotte’s family. The were too far away to hear or probably didn’t even notice the two had a chat. They were waiting for Alan to show them to their table. The maître d reacted quickly and did what the guests expected him to do. The handsome man handed the family the menu and couldn’t help himself but steal a few glances from Charlotte, who only managed to smile back sheepishly. She had been so angry the other night, seeing that woman in his lap but as soon as he smiled at her she would forget everything around her again every time.

A few minutes later everyone of the waiters still seemed busy so Alan grasped the opportunity to be near Charlotte and took their orders. Mr. Ellington ordered a bottle of the finest champagne for the family’s celebration and a martini for himself as well. “Dad, do you think this is wise?”, Charlotte asked in a low tone. “Do you think it’s wise to order dessert?”, he said in a strict tone, looking down at her. “Why don’t we let the lady order what she likes, Sir.”, Alan said with a fake smile but Charlotte’s father didn’t spend any attention to his remark. She wanted to cry, that was how embarrassed she felt. Not only that Alan heard the snark about her weight but also that he stood up for her made her feel even worse.

After Alan had left the table the head of the family grabbed his daughter’s arm with a strong grip, pulling her a few inches towards him. “Don’t you embarrass me like this ever again.” He hissed, tightening his grip on her. “Sorry.” “What was that?!” “I’m sorry, father.”, Charlotte repeated a bit louder. Alan turned his back witnessing the situation and wanted to intervene but he also didn’t like to make a scene.

The family enjoyed their first course quietly until they were served the main course. “This Bouillabaisse is a disaster.”, Charlotte’s father nagged, almost spitting it out, flushing away the “horrible” taste by chugging his fourth martini. He looked around to find a waiter and spotted Alan a few tables a way, checking if everything was in order. “Waiter? Sir? Please?” Alan quickly walked over to the family. “Yes, Sir, how are your salads?” “The salads are fine. It’s just that, well this Bouillabaisse, it’s a culinary Hindenburg.” “I’m sincerely sorry, Sir, what seems to be wrong with it?” “The fish is utterly dry, the chilli note is way too strong and frankly I think your chef omitted the saffron.” “Dad, I can see the saffron from over here and I’m sure the fish’s just fine.”, Charlotte rolled her eyes and was about to pick up some of the fish on her father’s plate with her fork but he slashed at her hand. “May I bring you a freshly made one, Sir, or anything else?” “No, I don’t think so.” “How about a drink of your choice to come on the house, Sir?” “Just take this crap away from me, will you!”, he said furiously and handed Alan the plate forceful but rammed it into the maître d, the whole dish spilling on his shirt and suit coat. “Dad what you’re doing?”, Charlotte exclaimed embarrassed. “It’s not my fault this man doesn’t know how to do his bloody job!” “Frank, stop swearing!” But Sylvia turned silent as soon as her husband shot her an angry look. “It’s fine, Sir. Those things happen.” “Of course these things happen to YOU. Don’t even see why you’ve been appointed head waiter.” “DAD!” “No, seriously look at this clown. Trying to hide he’s born in the jewish gutter by working in an upper class restaurant.” Alan swallowed and Charlotte couldn’t even look at him. She felt deeply ashamed of her father’s behaviour. She just sat there, starring apathetically into her lap, praying this would end as soon as possible. “Sir, I will see what I can do about your Bouillabaisse.”, he gave Frank a polite nod and headed with the plate to the kitchen. “Will you excuse me.”, Charlotte said getting up from her chair. “Where do you think you’re you going?!”, her father clutching at her arm again tightly. “I have to powder my nose!”, she said perky and freed herself from her father.

On her way Charlotte past the men’s room and saw Alan inside, standing in front of the mirror, frustrated, rubbing a tissue on his shirt. She assured herself no one saw her when she took a step inside and Alan saw her reflection in the mirror. “I’m awfully sorry for all that. My dad, he’s…” “A very pleasant man.”, Alan chuckled. “Sometimes he is. But as soon as the alcohol gets to him…” “This ain’t your fault.” She smiled in response. “Wait, let me help you with this.”, she said in a soft tone and took one of the cotton towels, soaked it with warm water and carefully dabbed the stain. Both kept quiet for a while as she was taking care of his shirt. She could feel his breath against her skin and it was only now when she realised how close he was. She slowly moved her glance from the stain on his shirt to his beautiful and soothing eyes, which were staring intensely into hers. She could look into them forever, sink into them for the rest of her life. He was about to say something, when his lips moved and caught Charlotte’s eye. They were slightly apart, which enhanced the shape of his luscious lips. In one hand the towel, the other lying on his strong chest, she felt how his hands wandered to her lower back. Both their breathes became more intense, Charlotte felt her chest tightened up and her heart pounding like mad. Alan slowly bringing his face closer to hers, when suddenly a man entered the rest room and Alan and Charlotte instantly lost hold of one another. The man cleared his throat. “I believe this to be the men’s room.” “Sorry.”, Charlotte mumbled embarrassed and left the room, Alan followed her. “I should probably change into a new shirt. I’ll catch you later.” “Alan?”, she grabbed his arm. “The other night when I ran away.”, Charlotte started but Alan interrupted her. “That woman, she was completely drunk, she cringed to me like limpet as soon as we walked in. Jake and the bartender helped to get her off of me and we called a taxi to take her home.” “I’m so sorry I left. I- I don’t have any right, I mean I’m overcautious when it comes to men I like, surrounded by other woman and-“ “Sophia and Lisa told me about your ex.” “But still I don’t have any right to be jealous nor tell you with whom you should surround yourself. We didn’t even went on a date and I totally overreacted-“ “Let’s change that!” “Me overreacting?” “No.”, he scoffed. “Us not being on a date yet. Well, and perhaps we can also change the other thing.”, he grinned sarcastically. “Charlotte Ellington, would you do me the honour to take you out?” “You’re out of your mind.”, she laughed. “It would be my pleasure.”, she replied, trying to talk in posh way. “How about dinner Friday night?” “Sounds lovely.” “Great, I pick you up at 8.” He smiled at her, causing her almost to digress again. “I better go or my parents think I’ve fallen into the loo.”, she joked and got back to her table.

Her sudden change of mood didn’t stay unnoticed by her family. “What are you so chipper about?” “Me? Nothing, got my period.” She knocked on the table. “Not pregnant.” Causing her sister to almost spit out her water laughing. “Yes, very amusing you, two.”, Sylvia shook her head at the girls and before Frank had a chance to raise his voice she laid her hand on his arm. “Why don’t we all get a grip on ourself and try to enjoy what’s left of this evening, shall we?” And it worked surprisingly well, since no one actually talked much and Alan gave their table a wide berth, of course not without eyeing up Charlotte and exchanging a few looks and smiles with her.

chapter 1

chapter 2

chapter 3

chapter 4

chapter 5

#blues brothers fanfiction #blues brothers #blues brothers fandom #Alan Rubin x fem!Reader #Alan Rubin x Reader #Alan Rubin #Mr.Fabulous

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