#i feel like ive transcended frustration | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

numerologica · 2 days

Note

debunking some 12th house placements / stelliums in composite houses? usually ive seen people here say there’s usually an expiry date with those placements but vedic astro has a different say!

First and foremost: I don't know much about vedic astrology as my personal education is based on western/hellenistic, so I can't tell what vedic astrology has to say with 12H Placements/Stelliums in Composite, but I definitely can tell you what my education & experience taught me.

(¹) Difference Between Western and Vedic Astrology - Saurav Chaturvedi

(²) What's Hellenistic Astrology - Chris Brennan

● WHAT'S A COMPOSITE CHART?

⎯ A Composite Chart is basically the fusion of two [or 3+ at times] charts together, and it indicates the general energy of a relationship, without taking into account the individuals as synastry does.

⎯ Unlike Synastry that indicates the dynamics of interaction between two [or 3+ at times] people and their general compatibility, Composite Charts kind of show the outcomes of this interaction, it's like a third component to the relationship.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

read this: the Composite Chart by the astrologer Liz Greene.

" When we are looking at a composite chart, we are not exploring what two people activate in each other or feel about each other. We are interpreting the energy field they generate between them. The composite chart is like a child, a third entity which carries the genetic imprints of both parents but combines these imprints in an entirely new way and exists independently of either of them. "

~ Liz Greene, The Composite Chart

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

● WHAT'S THE 12H ABOUT?

(³) The 12th House - AstroTwins

All I'm writing below is based on these books from professional, experienced and reliable astrologers: Hellenistic Astrology by Chris Brennan, The Twelve Houses by Howard Sasportas, Ancient Astrology by Demetra George and The Contemporary Astrologer's Handbook by Sue Tompkins.

⎯ it is about the unconscious, behind the scenes activity, secrets, spirituality, hiding, secret enemies, hidden things, mystery, mysticism, psychic abilities, restricted spaces such as hospitals and jails, grief, healing, enlightenment, transcendence, dreams, confusion and at times even illusion, altered perception of things/reality, hypnosis, magic, self-undoing/self-destruction/self-healing, addiction, sacrifice, dependency over things/people, escapism, the holistic world, enigmas, sorrowful experiences, things that don't seem real, seclusion, loneliness, confinement, charity.

doesn't matter how romanticized these placements may be by tiktok/pop astrologers, it is astrologically and realistically more correct to say that 12H Placements in Composite Charts especially Stelliums could be a bit hard to handle due to the complex nature of the 12H and also potentially the complex nature of the planets involved (ex. Mars/Pluto/Saturn/Uranus). Is this relationship destined to be a disaster? Not necessarily. Is it destined to fail? Not necessarily.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

[ ⚠ ] DISCLAIMER : the entire chart must be analyzed as well, always.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

● POSSIBLE EFFECTS of 12H PLACEMENTS/STELLIUMS in COMPOSITE

⎯ Having a secret relationship or having a lot of secrets while in a relationship

⎯ Being very devoted to each other to the point of having a mystical/spiritual relationship

⎯ Being overly sacrificing, both or one of the partners involved may give more than take and find him/her/themselves frustrated because of it

⎯ Refusing to see your partner's flaws or face your relationship problems for the sake of keeping the "perfect and unconditional love"

⎯ Having an idealised view of each other, or one having an idealised view of the other partner. This can result either in deep admiration or a toxic "I put you on a pedestal" thing

⎯ Having a lot of unresolved karma together, maybe from past relationships or past situations

⎯ Cheating (I know it's a hard pill to swallow but it can happen), due to secrets/idealisation of the partner to the point of possibly overlooking his/her/their behaviour and actions.

⎯ Being "addicted" to one another, both positively or negatively

⎯ Healing together, having a religious relationship where you both practice the same form of spiritual activities or religion

⎯ Deep, intimate and exclusively private bond with someone who's able to see your darkest side, your "hidden world", almost telepathic connection

⎯ Issues with communicating or communicating emotions

⎯ Feeling alone, restricted or imprisoned in the relationship

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

MASTERLIST

#numerologica #astrology #western astrology #astro community #astroblr #astrology blog #birth chart #natal chart #composite chart #synastry #debunking #debunking observations #12th house #12th house placements #12th house composite #12th house composite chart #composite

26 notes · View notes

afaramir · 30 days

Text

wip whenever

tagged by @emyn-arnens thank u as always my friend!! when they said whenever i REALLY meant whenever. its 3:14am and i am awake because i am wildly jetlagged. well here is some of my (extremely EXTREMELY unedited, like, in the real document there are still bracketed sentences to replace the verbiage unedited) plane writing from today. the six page faramir and elrond i know what you are conversation ive been mentioning in posts all evening.

"you are wise, young one, past the measure of your life. nay-" he forestalls the frustrated breath that faramir does not take with a lifted hand, his smile tinged with an old, distant bitterness. "you tire already of hearing yourself compared to the eldar. you know you are not quite edain, but to not be one thing does not make you the other." "yes," faramir breathes out, and is startled by the relief stark in his own voice. he knows he should be honoured by the comparison; the implication that he has transcended his mortality, enough to seem as wise and fair as those wondrous beings - but the feeling it awakens in him is closer to the one he feels too many days in gondor. set apart, and not entirely in a way that he likes.

tagging the usual gang @potatoesandsunshine @bossuets @blanketed-in-stars

#.txt #faramir goes to rivendell au #tag game #straight up i had so much fun writing this #to the guy next to me that i was CONVINCED was reading over my shoulder the whole time. i hope you liked it at least.

4 notes · View notes

cuntyko · 2 years

Text

no one loves kanye more than this bipolar, fatherless, misunderstood, loser

I think im like the most annoying fan of Ye to ever exist, partially because I won't let anyone forget that I was born in the same week as his firstborn. Not child, album. So in that respect I have a decent excuse. I get to bitch and whine cause guess who created directed le childhood right.... circa 2004 ye didn't know he would be illustrating the life of a baby that popped out a week after his first drop and now my father figureless self gets to flex that about...

its not like I have much else to have pride in.. speaking of im not gonna be talking about Kanye in regards to talent but in regards to pride. See ever since his divorce ive seen words thrown about with him, clinical word that are being used all willy nilly. and as a child of a man that are actually these clinical terms I feel the need to clear up the misconceptions regarding the word narcissist, or narcissistic personality disorder,,, this man don't have it... his wife or ex thats who you need to check.. but she's a woman and therefore not really perceived as a threat... just like amber heard but anyways for those with experience with a narcissist its alarmingly obvious spotting one because you're looking for things in an order. First you can't have a narcissist unless you see a blatant disregard for those that are not themselves... a lack of empathy a lack of patience for situations that if they were in they would expect everyone to drop everything and help THEM. theres a coldness to a narcissist its not that they say I love you but theres like no warmth when they say it... no genuine emotion they say these things like they are a chore or part of a check list. Grandiosity comes in when its is used as treats for good behavior or to guilt into good behavior.... and if you just see his interactions with his kids you can clearly see theres like a genuine smile on his face just like when you would see him interact w his mom back in le day this man clearly feels love as an emotion I don't wanna hear anything else on the subject a narcisist cus that man clear loves beyond himself.

I find myself defending Kanye in the same respect as I defend Lana del rey, like if you don't get it off the riff you're gonna intemperate their shit as something way different.... ugh they are like my dream collab plz I would die to see that... but with people like that whom transcend the label singer and are instead whole rounded artist. Every time I see a commentary vid not understanding these artists frustration to transcend the boxes they were put in I get it too fr. put yourself in their shoes being told you're good but not good enough for the whole seat at the table... Kanye got an underground mentality and roots that he's never left behind and I find that a lot with artist that started their career w a whole lotta friction and push back. its crazy the little respect that we as a society treat real talent with. The Kardashians are an amazing example just look at how they treat all the men in their lives so bad ones of em is not even a man anymore and they still ice her out like she isn't the most accomplished person there.

Its like no one gives this man the respect he deserves because he has faults... idk thats crazy... ye is like a total revolutionary walking no cap still man still a human but like on a whole 'nother level .... idc hot girls love Kanye

#girlblogger #girl blog #kanye #yeezy apologist #ye

2 notes · View notes

healthchallange · 1 month

Text

Onlinekurs "Die MET-Glücksformel"

I. Introduction to Die MET-Glücksformel A. What is Die MET-Glücksformel? B. Importance of Onlinekurs in Modern Learning

II. Understanding the Science Behind MET-Glücksformel A. Origins and Development B. Psychological Principles Involved

III. Exploring the Components of MET-Glücksformel A. Mindfulness Techniques B. Emotional Regulation Strategies C. Thought Restructuring Exercises

IV. Benefits of Incorporating MET-Glücksformel into Daily Life A. Improved Emotional Well-being B. Enhanced Resilience C. Better Stress Management

V. How Onlinekurs Facilitate Learning MET-Glücksformel A. Accessibility and Convenience B. Interactive Learning Modules C. Community Support and Feedback

VI. Tips for Maximizing the Effectiveness of Onlinekurs Die MET-Glücksformel A. Establishing a Regular Practice Routine B. Setting Realistic Goals C. Seeking Guidance from Instructors

VII. Success Stories and Testimonials A. Personal Accounts of Transformation B. Impact on Various Aspects of Life

VIII. Potential Challenges and How to Overcome Them A. Initial Resistance to Change B. Managing Frustration and Setbacks

IX. Conclusion: Embracing Die MET-Glücksformel Through Onlinekurs.

you can this also can this product Onlinekurs "Die MET

Article:

In the fast-paced world we live in, finding happiness and maintaining emotional well-being can often seem like an elusive goal. However, with the advent of innovative learning platforms like Die MET-Glücksformel, also known as The MET Happiness Formula, achieving inner peace and contentment is becoming more attainable than ever before. In this article, we'll delve into the intricacies of Die MET-Glücksformel and explore how online courses are revolutionizing the way we approach personal growth and happiness.

Introduction to Die MET-Glücksformel

What exactly is Die MET-Glücksformel, and why is it garnering so much attention in the realm of self-improvement? Die MET-Glücksformel is a comprehensive program designed to enhance emotional well-being and foster resilience through a combination of mindfulness techniques, emotional regulation strategies, and thought restructuring exercises. It offers individuals a roadmap to navigate life's challenges with grace and equanimity. Moreover, the rise of online courses has made Die MET-Glücksformel more accessible to a global audience, transcending geographical barriers and time constraints.

you can this also can this productOnlinekurs "Die MET

Understanding the Science Behind MET-Glücksformel

To truly appreciate the efficacy of Die MET-Glücksformel, it's essential to grasp its underlying principles and scientific foundations. Originating from the fields of positive psychology and cognitive-behavioral therapy, Die MET-Glücksformel draws upon decades of research on human emotions and behavior. By understanding the intricate interplay between thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, individuals can gain insights into their own psychological processes and learn to cultivate a more positive mindset.

Exploring the Components of MET-Glücksformel

Die MET-Glücksformel comprises three core components, each targeting different facets of emotional well-being. Mindfulness techniques, such as meditation and deep breathing exercises, help individuals cultivate present-moment awareness and reduce the impact of negative thoughts and emotions. Emotional regulation strategies empower individuals to manage their feelings more effectively, thereby enhancing resilience and emotional stability. Thought restructuring exercises challenge automatic negative thinking patterns and promote a more balanced perspective on life's challenges.

Benefits of Incorporating MET-Glücksformel into Daily Life

The benefits of incorporating Die MET-Glücksformel into one's daily life are manifold. By developing greater self-awareness and emotional intelligence, individuals can experience improved mental health and overall well-being. Studies have shown that practicing mindfulness and emotional regulation techniques can lead to reduced stress levels, enhanced mood, and greater satisfaction with life. Moreover, by cultivating resilience and coping skills, individuals are better equipped to navigate adversity and bounce back from setbacks with resilience and grace.

you can this also can this product Onlinekurs "Die MET

How Onlinekurs Facilitate Learning MET-Glücksformel

The emergence of online courses has revolutionized the way we approach personal development and self-improvement. Onlinekurs Die MET-Glücksformel offers individuals the flexibility and convenience to learn at their own pace, from the comfort of their homes. Interactive learning modules engage learners through multimedia content, quizzes, and exercises, ensuring a dynamic and immersive learning experience. Furthermore, online courses provide a sense of community and support, allowing participants to connect with like-minded individuals and receive feedback from instructors.

Tips for Maximizing the Effectiveness of Onlinekurs Die MET-Glücksformel

While online courses offer a wealth of resources and support, maximizing their effectiveness requires commitment and dedication. Establishing a regular practice routine is essential for integrating Die MET-Glücksformel techniques into daily life and reaping the full benefits of the program. Setting realistic goals helps individuals stay motivated and track their progress over time. Additionally, seeking guidance from instructors and fellow participants can provide invaluable insights and support along the journey to emotional well-being.

you can this also can this product Onlinekurs "Die MET

Success Stories and Testimonials

The transformative impact of Die MET-Glücksformel is perhaps best illustrated through the personal accounts of individuals who have embraced the program. From overcoming chronic stress and anxiety to experiencing newfound levels of happiness and fulfillment, the testimonials of Die MET-Glücksformel participants serve as a testament to the program's efficacy. Whether it's improving relationships, advancing in careers, or simply finding inner peace, Die MET-Glücksformel has empowered countless individuals to lead happier and more fulfilling lives.

Potential Challenges and How to Overcome Them

While Die MET-Glücksformel offers a powerful framework for personal growth and happiness, it's not without its challenges. Initial resistance to change and unfamiliarity with mindfulness practices may pose obstacles for some individuals. However, by approaching the journey with an open mind and a willingness to learn, participants can overcome these barriers and unlock their full potential. Moreover, acknowledging and accepting setbacks as part of the learning process can help individuals stay resilient and committed to their goals.

you can this also can this product Onlinekurs "Die MET

Conclusion: Embracing Die MET-Glücksformel Through Onlinekurs

In conclusion, Die MET-Glücksformel offers a transformative path to emotional well-being and personal growth. By harnessing the power of mindfulness, emotional regulation, and thought restructuring, individuals can cultivate greater resilience, happiness, and fulfillment in their lives. With the advent of online courses, Die MET-Glücksformel is more accessible and impactful than ever before, empowering individuals to embark on a journey of self-discovery and transformation. Whether you're seeking relief from stress and anxiety or simply striving for a greater sense of purpose and joy, Onlinekurs Die MET-Glücksformel holds the key to unlocking your true potential.

#healthcare #fitness #succession #wally darling

0 notes

celestialpotat0 · 1 year

Text

ballet saves the day

Things I miss about high school: -friends would write angsty xanga posts and i wouldn't feel so alone in my feelings -AIM. a set period of time (usually while doing homework/studying) when i'd log on and chat with my friends about nothing of substance and then i'd log off and could choose when nobody would be able to contact me

Happiness is something I make and choose. It's not something I can find or something that just happens. I need to keep reminding myself that.

I just wanted to take a moment to say that ballet tonight was what I needed. If you couldn't already tell, i write in here and memorialize the fulfilled moments, almost in desperation to cling onto that feeling of fulfillment that frankly feels so damn fleeting these days. i cant help but feel again, like i did back in that spring of 2018, that there's something missing.

that feeling had very distinctly gone away by the spring of 2019. i remember walking along the river in texas with my friend and somehow i got to talking about how truly happy i was, and i realized at that moment through the act of verbalizing it, that i was truly happy because i had learned in that year between 2018 to march 2019 (which was a volatile year that helped me grow immensely), that i could make my own happiness and not rely on anybody else for my happiness. i felt it to my core and i was so sure of it.

im scared now that im finding, 5 years later since 2018, that similar feeling creeping back that something's missing which is causing this underlying tinge of unhappiness. could it mean that what i thought was me making my own happiness independently of anybody else was actually NOT that? because life continued to be all rainbows and sunshine from march 2019 through 2021 so maybe i was never truly tested.

anyway, i felt happy today having the day off and spending it in this apartment that i love. there's so much pressure at work that having a day off with no pressure is in itself very happiness-inducing. i feel happy when i work out. and today in ballet it was therapeutic to move in a beautiful way. no matter what is going on outside of the studio, i put on my restrictive leotard and sweep my hair into a tight bun and im only thinking about how to create beauty with my body during those two hours. i feel like nothing can bring me down because no matter what shit is happening outside of the studio, in the studio i am in control of my lines and expression, and i can at least make those beautiful. it gives me hope that i can still rise above those bad things that happen to me because they are not going to stop me from dancing and celebrating and doing what i love.

on the flip side, i simultaneously get somewhat annoyed and frustrated at myself for not being able to move exactly how i want to move. why did my balance in passe with my right standing leg and left pirouette from fifth suck? why did i forget the barre choreo? why wasn't my turn clean and controlled? etc. but maybe i need to focus on being kinder to myself. i rehearsed the choreo throughout the week in my gym so i was prepared today. i didn't actively get worse at most of the stuff at the barre. ive been going consistently. hell, even just getting out my apartment and making it to class is something i should pat myself on the back for.

at the end of the day, i have been making progress compared to a year ago and i need to be patient with my progress as something that happens slowly and steadily over the very long term. and most importantly, i do it because it simply feels so great to move to music and transcend beyond a pedestrian state into the realm of artistic expression.

0 notes

codegemini · 3 years

Text

Tower Ascendance - Final

((Co-written with @argonas / @grakkar-gorefang / @thefugitivemango . @sylaess / @sylaesschasewind , and @sinafay-the-defiant and @avehi-the-adamant for character mention.))

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV |

~*~*~

“Put me down!!!”

Sinafay kicked and struggled against the crafty bonds Argonas had created, but to no avail. Her tail swings and kicks moved right through him, not hindering him in the slightest as he carried her far away from the tower. She grit her teeth, frustrated and angry.

“Ugh! How could you leave her there?! Why not grab HER and go?! I would have followed!”

Argonas marched on in silence, despite Sinafay’s protests. His countenance stone; a permanently etched frown. Inside, each of her words cut deeper and deeper. He didn’t want to leave Sylaess behind. But rarely did he ever get everything he wanted. He wouldn’t have had to fish his wife’s soul out of this terrible place if that were the case!

They egressed the tower safely enough, once Corrus had been defeated. A translocator ejected Argonas and his wife’s soul in a small alcove. An open-air cavern, really, hidden from sight of the various Mawsworn forces that flew about overhead. Finally… they were safe.

Relatively.

“Enough!” he grunted, curtly. “You know as well as I do that she would resist me! I… I made a choice!”

He set Sinafay down, before prying the spear from around her spectral form. He knew she was angry. Emotions ran high for both of them. And that was dangerous, in a place like this.

She clenched her fists at her side, baring her fangs in defiance. She opened her mouth to argue…

“I could not lose you again,” he added, with a huff, “Not in that place. Not ever again!”

“...”

Her rage subsided some, allowing reason to break through. She’d suppressed her emotions for so long, it became hard to control when they did emerge. And how could they not, given what they’d all just gone through? But deep down, she knew Argonas was right. Sylaess was every bit as stubborn as she was. It would have been a fight. He had to make a call.

“I…” she sighed, eyes lowering sheepishly, “Apologies.” She was silent for a moment, regaining her composure, “It is my fault we ended up in Torghast. She is… much more unstable than I remember. I found out she had no memory of me and… I assumed she was an agent of the Maw, playing mind games. I ran away from her and got caught. She followed me in. Refused to leave me...”

Argonas nodded. He understood. It wasn’t ideal, leaving Sylaess behind, but he knew she was strong… in her own way. She’d make it out of there on her own terms, after she accomplished whatever goal she had in mind. He didn’t want to think too much about that, though. Instead, he reached for Sinafay. He knew he couldn’t touch her, but… feeling close to her transcended the barrier of mortality between them.She moved in closer in response. Oh, how she craved his touch… She closed her eyes, attempting to remember what it felt like.

“She will endure. She always does, somehow.” he offered, in an attempt to comfort her, “But we need to leave this place. Avehi and my Soulbind should be just over this ledge. From there… we will finally get you out of the Maw!”

Again, he had the right of it. She sighed, and nodded her head before following “And not a moment too soon. I am eager to be held by you once more, my love.” She smiled tenderly up at him, “And to hear of your adventures! You seem to have been through much in the centuries I have been captive here…”

‘Centuries,’ Argonas thought to himself. ‘It certainly feels like that is how long it has been…’

“What is a Soulbind?”

“--Aah, a Soulbind is something the Kyrians-- denizens of one of the many afterlife realms-- perform on souls. They pair them up, and bind them in a symbiotic partnership.” he explained as best he could. “It is not unlike the sort of partnering up we Vindicators did on Draenor, during training. Working together towards a common goal. Though here in the Shadowlands, like most things, there is a much more spiritual element to it.”

He shrugged his shoulders, as he led her over the ridge-- watchful as they made their way further and further from the tower. Thankfully, their presence went largely unnoticed.

“The Kyrians provided me with the Soulkeeper we will utilize to convey your soul out of this place.” he elaborated as they walked. “They are honorable people-- except for the traitorous Forsworn. That last entity we fought in the Tower was one of their fallen. Rest assured, the pure Kyrians are not so malevolent.”

“It is surprising to hear that the Mawsworn come from such a benevolent place. I wonder what could have corrupted them so…”

She walked along at Argonas side, her own guard up as they traveled. She learned long ago to never feel safe in the Maw. Even now, leaving Torghast with Argonas felt too good to be true. Part of her feared it was a trick, but she dared to hope.

“Who ended up being your Soulbind?” She asked, “Anyone I know?”

Argonas’ hesitance was… noteworthy. He stalled, looking around searchingly as he evaded the question. Somehow, he knew Sinafay would react poorly to the answer.

“... No. No one you know.” he finally responded. “Just another, seeking to save lost souls here in the Maw.”

As if on queue, a figure emerged from around a bend in the path before the two Draenei. Brown skin, grey hair, tusks protruding from his lower jaw. An Orc! Axe drawn, it rushed for Argonas and Sinafay. Though… not exactly in a hostile manner.

Sinafay’s entire demeanor changed the instant the Orc came into view. She immediately bristled, baring her fangs and taking on a defensive position. Her fists clenched and tail swaying aggressively. Pointless, given that she had no way of engaging the Orc. She’d dropped the axe in the tower when Argonas had dragged her out. Still, the reaction was automatic.

“Argonas!” Grakkar called out! “You made it out!”

A mix of relief and irritation washed over Argonas as Grakkar approached. On one hand, he had stayed with Avehi-- their way out. She must’ve been close by. Additionally, he had the Soulkeeper that would enable him to get Sinafay’s soul out of the Maw once and for all! But on the other hand… he wasn’t ready to explain their unique relationship to his beloved mate. And based on her reaction, she wasn’t ready to hear it either.

“Grakkar! Where is Avehi?”

“Not far. There’s little time, though-- whatever you did in there upset a whole lot of Mawsworn! They’re coming from the Tower in droves!” Grakkar replied. “We gotta get out of here now!”

“Right. Quickly, the Soulkeeper!” Argonas ordered, extending his hand out.

Grakkar nodded, pulling a large crystal from his pack. He extended it out for Argonas to take, before finally looking at the soul that accompanied him.

It was… jarring. Extremely jarring! She looked just like his Sinafay! The same horns, the same hair, the same expression-- though, this soul was clearly angry. He knew they were technically the same person, but still! It stunned Grakkar for a moment, as he stared at her.

Sinafay looked from Grakkar to Argonas and back. Under what absurd circumstances was he forced to work with an Orc, of all creatures?! Their conversation wasn’t hostile at all, strangely enough. There was so much for her to catch up on!

Something that would have to wait until later, it seemed, as Grakkar handed the Soulkeeper to Argonas. Sinafay relaxed, though her tail still twitched in irritation at his presence.

And then it hit her.

“THAT is your Soulbind?!” She couldn’t help but shout.

“Keep it down!” Argonas huffed-- news that Mawsworn were descending onto this position put the Vindicator on edge! “Yes, Grakkar is my Soulbind. We came here seeking the same thing!”

“Pleased to, uh… meet you, Sina.” Grakkar added, waving awkwardly.

A nasty glare appeared to be the only response she would give.

“Enough, there is no time!” Argonas interjected! “Grakkar, clear the path between us and Avehi! I will get Sinafay into the Soulkeeper and follow you out of here!”

Grakkar grunted, but nodded in affirmation. He glanced once more at Sinafay, still shaken from seeing her in this place! In this state! He could feel part of the pain was exacerbated by his link with Argonas. The pain of the loss. The despair that followed. And the resolution in bringing her back, no matter the cost. In an instant, he felt as if he’d gone through the process of losing his Sinafay all at once! It set him aback, stunned. Raw.

“--Now, Grakkar!”

“--Hrm! Dabu!” he quickly snapped out of it, before turning and running back the way he came.

Argonas shook his head, before turning fully to Sinafay-- Soulkeeper in hand.

She just stood there, staring at him with her hands on her hips, brow raised and awaiting an explanation.

“I am… certain you have many more questions. And I promise, my love, I will tell you everything. But not here, not yet! Get into the Soulkeeper, and let us get you out of here! After that, we will have plenty of time to catch up!”

And as much as she wanted to press the issue, the sounds of battle nearby compounded Argonas’ words. They were out of time! And she had no intention of missing her chance at leaving the Maw. At least being in the crystal meant she didn’t have to spend time in the presence of an Orc...

Her features softened. She nodded.

“I will see you again soon, yes?”

A final smile to her husband before concentrating on the Soulkeeper. Her hand reached out and touched it. Instantly, her form dissipated into a ball of blue light. It swirled in front of Argonas for a moment, before finally entering the crystal.

The Vindicator held it aloft, inspecting it. It felt no different physically, but he could sense Sinafay’s soul had taken refuge inside it. There was an aura about it. A warmth he’d only felt in her presence.

He smiled.

But not for long-- Grakkar shouted, beckoning him out from the porous cliffs towards their escape route! He reacted quickly, securing the Soulkeeper and rejoining Grakkar and Avehi. There wasn’t much fighting, instead the trio fled the onslaught of Mawsworn, back to the safety of Oribos.

It was done! Sinafay’s soul was finally freed from the Maw!

~*~*~

#{Warcraft Verse} → “Either it brings tears to their eyes”#{Argonas} → “Only a few find the way”#{Sylaess} → “You’re thinking about something and it makes you forget to talk”#{Story Logs} → “The pleasance of our fairytale”

7 notes · View notes

themusicplayedherlife · 4 years

Text

WIP: Our Song

a/n: this is the actual prologue to the story that is only three chapters in. ive been working on this since 2017 and even made this lovely header. i will eventually finish this story, but first i have to finish some sugar and/or unrequited, until then, this story is being written slowly

October 12th

Stark Records

Manhattan, NY

Steve Rogers is a competent man; a man of many talents, he likes to think. A man that has transcended every generation of music and made it his own.

...Okay, maybe that statement is an exaggeration. To his credit, he took many courses on music throughout college and has produced and written music of all genres; and has gained a newfound understanding through learning and experiences. So, he is a competent man with many accomplishments, but why does it feel like he never has any of that in his corner whenever he sits across from his old pal and business partner, Tony Stark?

“Steve,” he starts, removing his dark shades with a deep sigh. “I'm worried. Everything you've been producing has been good, it has been--”

“But it’s not good enough. I know.” He does know, he’s constantly being told by the rest of the board. Their words are as annoying as a poorly written chorus.

Tony rubs his eyes with his thumb and index, a clear sign that he’s exhausted. Working in the music industry can do that to a person, drain their energy until they’re practically dead.

He remembers a time when it wasn’t like that. When they felt excitement every time they found the perfect chord, or the perfect lyric. When they’d be able to sit in front of their workstation and record and edit without a problem. But that was before the board got involved, before money began to be an issue.

He wonders if Tony remembers too.

“Look, the board isn’t happy.” Tony stops trying to wipe away his exhaustion—realizing it’s impossible—to look him in the eye. “I’m trying my best to keep them off your ass, but I don’t know how long I can keep doing that.” He leans forward, his elbows resting on his desk made out of glass. “If you can bring me one song, just one simple minded song that they will like, you can continue doing your emo ballads that you like so much.”

He knows Tony isn’t trying to be condescending, but his jaw still ticks. “And what if I fail?”

Tony makes a face, the kind of face that looks like he just bit into a piece of fruit and was completely disappointed to find it isn’t as sweet as he hoped. “You’re talented, Steve. If you weren’t, I wouldn’t have brought you on board all those years ago. I have faith that you can do it.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t.”

“Maybe.” Tony leans back, making the chair squeak loudly. “But I do. Why don’t you take the next couple of weeks off to work on new material, huh? Spend some time with your kid while you’re at it. I know you’ll find a spark of inspiration somewhere.”

October 13th

Hydra Records

Manhattan, NY

You sit. Tense. Unsure.

Brock taps his fingers against his desk, listening to the music playing from his speakers—your song. It’s catchy, the beat steady and rhythmic; the melody and harmony twirling and complementing each other well, and one of your best songs yet. You spent countless nights working on it; even risked getting noise complaints from your neighbors (and a scolding from Daisy) and landlord to make it the best it could be. The people you showed it to said it was amazing, the next summer hit, but Brock’s expression isn’t exactly agreeing with their lingering compliments.

“We got drunken hearts and we're dancing more than enough—“

The song ends prematurely with a click from Brock. You don’t have to wait for him to open his mouth to know what he’s about to say—he hates it. “I’ve heard better from you when we were in college, sweetheart.”

Sweetheart. There it is. That stupid condescending term of endearment he used on everyone he thought wasn’t worth his time. Including you.

Why did you date him again?

Your eyebrow raises involuntarily. “If you listened to the—“

“No need. If the chorus didn’t catch my attention, then there’s no point.” He disconnects your phone from his computer and hands it back to you with a barely concealed grin. “Don’t you think you’re way out of your element here, sweetheart?”

You clench your fists. You really shouldn’t be surprised at how demeaning and rude he’s being. Brock has always been this way, even back in college. Most people let it slide because of his charming smile and very manipulative reassurance, yourself (unfortunately) included. It took many nights of crying and many therapy sessions to realize the kind of toxic person he was—is. “Excuse me?”

“I heard your jingle for Shadow insurance,” he coos, as if praising a child. “You should really stick to the jingle business, sweetheart, you’re good at! Besides, full fledged songs don’t seem to be your forte. Leave the real music production to the real men.”

The urge to slam your closed fist into his face grows with every word that he vomits. “You know what?” You pick up your bag and stuff your phone into it as you rise from your seat with every intent to storm out of his office. “This was a mistake.”

“Oh, come on! Don’t get all defensive! Are you on your menstrual—“

Before he can finish his abhorrish question you accidentally swing your bag with enough force and span to knock down his coffee all over his keyboard. “Oh my—oops. My bad.”

Brock lets out a frustrated shout, calling in his overworked assistant to clean up his desk. They run into the room alarmed, wide eyes roaming around the room before settling on you and then his boss.

“What are you doing just standing there, you moron? Clean this up!”

They let out a strangled sound, jumping on their feet. “Yessir!”

In the chaos of Brock calling his assistant an idiot as they wipe his desk with some kind of cloth—“That’s my cashmere sweater, you idiot! Can’t you do anything right?”—you walk out of his office with your head held high and fists shaking with barely concealed anger.

#steve rogers x reader #wip #wip wednesday

15 notes · View notes

nonbinarywiki · 5 years

Note

idk if this is a good blog 2 send this to, but i will anyway bc i feel comfy enough with yall 2 send it here. hi! im ceres, and ive recently started id'ing as an nb-masc gay, but as of recently ive gotten really romantic with someone who identifies as a girl. it's really confusing & frustrating bc ive only felt attraction 4 guys but this girl ive known for years feels so right for me. is there any romantic label at all aside from bi for this? or is she just a special case?

Hi Ceres!

How about homoflexible? It basically means “gay but not always”, which sounds pretty close to what you’re experiencing!

In any case, it’s completely valid to identify as gay and then like a girl because gender and sexuality are weird and fluid, and will never be clean cut "one size fits all".

Matt, from the social overlord team, suggests that another possibility is that you're just more comfortable with yourself. He has a friend who's a trans guy and bi but doesn't like dating girls because dysphoria and the chance people might call him a lesbian. Maybe you are bi but previously weren't in a place you were comfy with dating girls! Or maybe there's just this one girl who's awesome and transcends your usual attraction, which is fine, and completely valid. Either way, do whatever makes you happiest!

Remember that we are the ones defining labels —don’t let labels define you! And not matter what you choose to label yourself as (if anything), keep smiling! :)

39 notes · View notes

porchwood · 5 years

Note

Hi just so I understand cause i keep waiting for it and it doesnt seem likely to happen have you kind of fallen out of love with wtm? and everlark in general tbh? cause ive been following you for a while now and you always had lil quotes and pictures and things that reminded you inspired you whatever it was about katniss and wtm and now alllll it is is gadge i followed you because personally i love what you did with everlark and im just wondering if thats gone and not foreseeable any time soon?

I’ve been thinking a lot about how to answer this… It’s afair question - to a point. If you’re more of a drop-in person (like me) thanlive-on-the-dash, coming back to find my blog awash in Gadge might have beenquite upsetting. There are several reasons for the current state of things:

1. Life has been driving me into the ground since December26, 2013. (Yes, going on six straight years.) If you were a WtM reader from thebeginning, you may recall that I was pretty energetic and prolific in 2012-2013.Oh, there were tough times, but nothing like what started on the aforementioneddate (a car accident where I was in the “bystander” vehicle and it still got totaled)and has continued relentlessly ever since. Sometimes adversity leads to greatcreativity and sometimes it turns you into a depressed, exhausted, reclusivelump, and the past 5+ years have seen periods of both from me. These past 18months have been exceptionally awful (and expensive), resulting in very littlewriting at all, about any pairing.

2. Writing WtM takes a lot out of me. I don’t know whether thisis common knowledge or not, but it’s the gospel truth. I love that world, Ilove that version of Everlark, but every chapter requires so much hard work, itmakes me tired just to think of it. Not to mention, over the past couple of chaptersEverlark have been pushing for more intimacy than the plot/timeline allows, andso I’ve been struggling with how I want to handle that. Do I fight them andstick to the plan? (I can’t advance the timeline for several reasons.) Do I tryto figure out a cheat for them? They’ve got minds of their own and have changedmy plans multiple times, but this is something they genuinely can’t have, and Ihave to fight them on it. ☹ Which is sad, frustrating, and exhausting.

3. I’m a multi-pairing shipper, and have been from about 3chapters into WtM. Which means that my Everlark fics almost always feature asecondary pairing (or more than one), and sometimes I’ll get a plot bunny for afic about a pairing other than Everlark. Most writers in the THG fandom exclusivelywrite their OTP, whatever the plot bunny, but I find that some plot bunnies don’tfit Everlark as well as they do another pairing. (This is why I’ll never write aBeauty and the Beast Everlark fic unless Katniss is the “Beast,” if you will.)

4. The Everlark fandom is…tricky. I’ve never fit in there. Idon’t write Everlark the way the majority of fans see them (except for Peetabeing “sweet,” I guess), I hated the movies (I refuse to see MJ 1 or 2), and I’vemanaged to really rub some people the wrong way over the years –unintentionally, and for a variety of reasons – all of which leaves me feeling kinda down about Everlark in general. Don’t misunderstand me: I love Everlarkand WtM, but it’s really isolating to be this sad little island of unpopularopinions and unwelcome side-ships. That’s the part I really wish I could makeyou understand. For six years I’ve had Christopher Plummer in my head saying, “You’llnever be one of them,” and he’s so, cruelly, right. I want to cry every time Ithink of Embracing the Season (my E-rated Everlark modern AU oneshot for Lovein Panem - lots of daring for me!) because I poured heart and soul into that andit still wasn’t the Everlark that people wanted.

5. About a year and a half ago (when Strawberry Time reallytook off of its own accord) I participated in Gadge Day 2017, working my buttoff to find and schedule (and tag) over 100 carefully chosen Gale/Madge/Gadge aestheticposts, and for lack of a better way to say it: it turned on my Gadge-dar. After that, thosekinds of posts just leapt out at me whenever I had a chance to scroll, and forseveral months I wasn’t sure what to do with that. With a little encouragementfrom @ghtlovesthg, I came up with #march madgeness – wherein I turned my Tumblrinto Madge/Gadge-land for one month, and it was a blast. (Side-stepping Gadgefor a moment: Madge is a highly underappreciated and underused character,especially in fic/on Tumblr and I love splashing the dash with Madge-love.) Thenext month I launched a run of pent-up Everlark posts (i.e., regularprogramming), but I missed my Madge, so I instituted #madge monday – one day aweek when I could splash the dash with Madge/Gadge. At every juncture I gavepeople tags to block if they didn’t want to see this content (though I stillget unfollows every time I post, alas). I participated in last summer’s THG Reread– on the fringe of it, but my posts (reblogs and meta) were strongly Everlark-focusedagain during that time. So there’s definitely still been Everlark on my blog,but if you’re just dropping in (or for that matter, glancing at my archive), you’regoing to see a majority of Madge/Gadge.

6. Frankly, Gadge is fun. It’s a completely different dynamicthan Everlark, with less pressure to create something transcendent, and whenthe chips are down, I’m more likely to work on something that isn’t my six-years-runningopus. This spring, in the midst of lots of awfulness, I finally wrote a piecethat I’ve had in my head for years – The Best Part of Waking Up – with a differentpairing featured in each drabble “chapter,” including Gadge, Luka/Johanna (whoI’ve been wanting to put out there for AGES) and Jack/Raisa. I haven’t beenable to write quickly in years, and I think I finished those three “chapters”in about two days, maybe three. I completed the Raisa drabble in a couple ofhours and I consider it one of the best things I’ve ever written. (Honestly, ifa pairing was going to topple Everlark in my heart, it would be Jack/Raisa, i.e.,Mr. Everdeen/Mrs. Mellark. I love them to distraction.) Once upon a time I could drabble/sprint Everlark too – notoften, but I could manage it. Maybe it’ll happen again someday, but for thetime being, when I write in quick eager bursts, it’s usually about aside-pairing.

7. Because I just need to say it: about a year ago, I set up a secondary Tumblr for almost all my side-interests and ships outside of THG. When I first joined Tumblr, porchwood was just a fun page where I posted whatever struck my fancy (pretty things, funny things, whatever I liked), and over the next few years, I honed it into a pretty “writer’s notebook” for WtM and my other THG fics (related quotes, aesthetic posts, writing check-ins, etc.). When Star Wars: The Force Awakens came out, I shared a handful of posts pertaining to a new ship (not a new direction for my blog or writing, just sharing my excitement) and it was made very clear to me that people didn’t want to see that content on my page. So when I started watching Voltron: Legendary Defender, I had a sneaking suspicion people wouldn’t want to hear about those ships either. So I started an entirely new Tumblr for that content, and every so often I accidentally post something to the wrong page, which I immediately correct in horror, but people still unfollow. Point being: this blog is THG (and a few personal life updates) ONLY, with a pretty consistent aesthetic. I hide literally everything else that I’m interested in so you don’t have to be bothered by it. Is it really so unacceptable for me to have side-ships (complementary to the main pairing, not threatening to them) in the same universe??

8. Believe it or not, I’ve been working on WtM all along,just not making any massive strides. I tried to chip away at the current chapterduring Camp Nanowrimo last July, and it was a disaster. I thought joining awriting group would be helpful, but I didn’t realize that Camp Nano is basicallya lot of writing sprints in which you try to churn out as many words aspossible, which you then report to your “cabin” – and that’s the onlyinteraction with your fellow writers. I can’t write like that anymore (seeabove) and especially not when it comes to WtM, so I got discouraged veryquickly and sort of drifted away. I reattempted Nano on my own in April and wrotealmost 15K words, but in that instance I was really just using the Nano platform toset and reach a goal (which I didn’t ☹ ); I wasn’t in a cabin and didn’t interact with anyother writers, except my friend @ghtlovesthg, who read the finished portion.

9. I want to finish this dang chapter so much, and frankly, theonly way that’s going to happen is if life gets a little better and I holemyself up with my laptop for hours on end for weeks at a time – and somemagical being comes to support/cheer/comfort me while I do so. It’s currentlysitting at about 25K and I anticipate it will need to be at least double that,which is beyond ridiculous, but that’s the nature of WtM. The chapters are asmany words as it takes.

TL, DR: I still love Everlark and I’m still working on WtM, but my life has been extremely difficult for a very long time and I don’t have a great Everlark lifeline. Gadge and all my other ships are fun, and most of the Gadge you see on my Tumblr is aesthetic stuff for themed days/months/occasions. Anything non-THG goes on my sideblog.

#queued #i'm sorry to be snappy #i understand the confusion #and i'm not happy that i'm not finishing wtm either #ask #gade #side-ships #anon

57 notes · View notes

mittensmorgul · 5 years

Note

Hi. I really enjoy your blog and thank you for being so positive. All the negativity about last night's ep bothers me. I would love to see Dean/Cas finally have that big moment, but it wouldnt make for good story telling if we got it so easily. I have felt since s12...we are getting real personal growth! I also feel something big is coming for Dean/Cas with how they have kept them apart and all the emotional baggage getting adressed. There has been no hug either and there is so much unsaid. ❤

Yeah, I mean... I watch the show with the full knowledge that no matter how important Dean and Cas’s relationship is, even to the actual structure of the narrative, the way they’re writing the story and the actual focus of the main plot... will never focus that directly on destiel. This doesn’t mean I think destiel isn’t A Thing they are writing, just that Who Dean Is As A Person and Who Cas Is As A Person both take narrative precedence over the potential for a textual romantic relationship going forward for them.

I have no idea how to say that without sounding negative about it or drawing wank on it, which is why I don’t usually attempt to state it so blatantly in public. But I am 100% not negative about this. I’m just speaking about it from a narrative structure perspective here, which I’ve been yelling FOR LITERAL YEARS bears a close resemblance to the structure of 1001 Nights, and the Scheherazade/Shahryar relationship. Their romance is NEVER in the foreground of the tale, and yet somehow the entirety of 1001 Nights IS THE OVERARCHING STRUCTURE OF THEIR ROMANCE. Other aspects of the story are more pressing (like Scheherazade having sacrificed herself in the attempt to stop other women from being killed every morning, but not actually wanting to die herself because She Is Smart and Has A Plan and showed up with a buttload of awesome stories to slowly guide her plan to fruition). All those stories she weaves, in the gaps between them, she and Shahryar slowly fall in love. It’s not something they confess out loud, but it is something they both gradually begin to feel and to understand. Their interpersonal side-plot grows slowly, over 1001 actual nights of storytelling and companionship, and it takes nearly THREE YEARS of constant nightly stories, never letting one story end at the wrong time (at daybreak, when Shahryar might choose to kill her, but always timing it JUST RIGHT so that he’d ask for another story to fill the hours until dawn... which would inevitably be interrupted on a cliffhanger with words unspoken still between them... interrupting moose, anyone? That would be Scheherazade’s sister, Dunyazade, who accompanied her on what was supposed to be Scheherazade’s literal last night on Earth, but whose prompting and strategic interruptions actually furthered the romantic tension growing between Scheherazade and Shahryar, preventing their story from coming to an end too soon).

So while Scheherazade and Shahryar and their slow fall into love with one another is literally fundamental to the entire narrative, there was no way for any of it to pay off before the end of the larger narrative, you know?

If Scheherazade can patiently continue spinning out her stories, setting her own eventual (hopeful!) personal happiness aside because she sees the bigger picture at stake, then I can certainly wait until the end of Supernatural, however long it continues until its story is finally done.

Does this mean I’m saying that romantic love confessions and a clear, undeniable canon romantic relationship will factor in to the ending of the series? Nope. I have no guarantees to offer. But it does mean that as long as the show keeps factoring the fundamental importance of their relationship into the larger overarching narrative, as well as their own personal character arcs, and continuing to poke at it both through narrative mirrors and textually laying Big Questions for them out on the table, then I’m gonna be Scheherazade about it.

Every episode begins (emotionally, for me) with the Dread Pirate Roberts having spared Westley’s life because of True Love, and telling him “I’ll most likely kill you in the morning.” But then he doesn’t... and he continues not killing him, because it was all about true love. (yes, I’m saying the Princess Bride is a twist on the 1001 Nights narrative, at least insofar as The Dread Pirate Roberts persona goes. I mean... the parallel goes a lot deeper than this, into so much more of the metaphorical journey, the Hero’s Journey to prove himself worthy to his True Love, the quest for justice when he doubts the strength of that love to transcend death, after it was literally stolen away from him... I mean, this parallel also runs deep).

So that’s where we are with destiel. I’m perfectly 100% happy with that. Because I’m content to engage with the narrative they are actually presenting, and not delusionally projecting my own desire for Dean and Cas to just be happy now onto it in a way that it just does not exist in canon, you know?

All that said, YES. How long has it been since we’ve had a simple, “Hello, Dean.” Or even a HUG between them... since 13.06? YIKES THAT IS A WHILE. And we didn’t even get to hear the Hello, Dean at the end of 13.05 that we all yelled at the TV to fill that silent gap when Dean answered the phone and it was Cas calling him.

I choose to believe that the show is following their own unofficial theme song in this regard, though. They’ll be able to be happy at the end of the road. “There’ll be peace when you are done.” And until then, they’ve got a lot of road to cover, and a long way to go, and a lot of extraneous baggage to deal with. But they’re getting there, because they’ve always been headed there, even when they weren’t entirely sure where “there” was, you know?

But now we know Dean DOES know, at least in a general way. He’s not longing for a life that isn’t his anymore. He doesn’t feel cheated out of the white picket fence, apple pie life anymore. He’s made his own family (which absolutely does include Cas), and he recognizes there’s still work for them to do, but Dean himself is good with that. He’s in a strangely healthier place than he’s ever been in his whole entire life, including 4-year-old him who never knew death and fire and tragedy.

And that’s absolutely something to carry forward, wherever the road may lead.

And that’s also why I’ll eternally be frustrated with fandom bitterness over the literal structure of the entire narrative. I mean, this is not gonna change. This is the main story they are telling, and how they’re telling it. I only hope that being able to get some perspective on that will help people keep all of this in mind and truly appreciate the beauty of it all. This is why I personally feel this has the potential to be the greatest love story ever told, because it’s so much more than just an angel falling from heaven and raising a man from hell, and then meeting in the middle. It’s about BOTH of them, their choices, their failures and successes, and this entire process of understanding who they are in the larger structure of the universe, and who they could potentially be to one another.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

#spn 14.13 #spn 300 #destiel #spn s14 spoilers #the scheherazade of supernatural #this is how stories work #and saying destiel isn't the central focus of the story isn't diminishing its presence in the larger narrative #sorry if i kinda ranted and rambled at you here but this is so important to me #aurenia heart

195 notes · View notes

jukaizek · 6 years

Text

TL;DR just found out about my neptune actually being in the 1st house instead of the 12th (kinda still a noob with this natal shit so i probably dk what im talking about😂)

//sorry for long post dump but idk how tf to cut this shit short in mobile and already ran out of pages in my journal ages ago so yay for public rambling. barely got any sleep so already forgot 90% of what i said-- can you spell regret//

for the longest time i was attached to the idea of having it in the 12th house because i wanted it to make sense. and its kinda ironic cause the more i read about the qualities of a 1st house neptunian, the more i realized why i even wanted my illusion to be part of my identity so badly-- i had no "real" identity to cling on to. just constantly lost. lost to who i really am as person. so much so that i unconsciously started chasing whatever image everyone else has been trying to project onto me. tried to be the ideal person they wanted to me to be, or thought i was. it was pretty easy since apparently 1st house nepts are impressionable and tend to absorb emotional tones of their surroundings. even their tastes and views get warped into the people they surrounded themselves the most with.

when i look at my chart and see the number, read about it countless of times, i didnt get any of my answers. i thought lucid dreaming 24/7 and having vivid dreams in general checked it off as accurate but i never really understood the rest of the stuff the descriptions had as well. i was unsure about all the "spiritual" bs and "being so out of touch with reality cause ive transcended this plane of existence" just never stuck to me. they never sounded right, as much as i wanted to have all of those qualities. i started having dreams where i feel like i was being warned about something to come-- and the dreams about my brother's accident was the final push that tipped me further into believing the "psychic" shit of that placement lmao. still, i wanna believe some part of that applies.

im trying to figure out how tf this confusion even happened in the first place. i used a bunch of birth chart calculators and half would say 1st house while the other the 12th. and the latter just happened to be the first version i recorded when i started out delving deeper into my natal chart.

now ive got mixed feelings about it. bummed cause ive spent so much time taking that shit too seriously that ive idealized the placement too much-- relying on it to manifest itself perfectly somehow instead of figuring it out internally. but happy that i learned more. and should probably stop doing the rest to my other placements from here on.

a lot of things make more sense to me now. like how both my saturn in 3rd and jupiter in 3rd gives me deep-rooted issues when it comes to communication/expressing my thoughts fluently. i was always so frustrated at how i couldnt get the exact shit i had on my mind out. insecure and jealous of other piscean mercury natives cause i couldnt apply the same placement in my chart as well as i thought i should have been able to. my lack of confidence turning a conversation i shouldve been naturally so passionate about to laconic ass interactions. its just so unnecessary. like why am i even fucking anxious about butchering my own self expression in the first place. coming out so off base that others would get the wrong idea? or maybe worse case, id offend people when i didnt mean to. so afraid of how it will come out that i cant even form a cohesive sentence in person. probably why it's so easy for neptune in the 1st people to be molded into other people's ideal personas in the first place. it feels safer to just submit-- driving my scorpio mars INSANE cause it just gives people the impression that "not having opinions" = idgaf about how they treat me. which is why im thankful for my aries sun (also in the 3rd--100%talkative child in a nut)to at least make up for that pussy mentality and just punch myself inside into submission until i forget my fears and just wallow in regret later 😂. gotta love that ego-seesaw stg

also explains why i seem to attract different types people like magnets for only so long until they finally realize how far off their first impression of me really was. or they're just straight up as confused as i am lmao. aqua dom/ uranus in the 1st / venus gemini doesnt help either cause of course my fickle ass cant resist switching shells and faces real quick or else i die out of boredom.

and neptune isnt even a major planet so idk why im getting so worked up about anything😂

anyways, gonna go back to reading about it some more cause i still cant believe my lazy ass somehow didnt figure to check it out more closely even when i first started having doubts about that placement years ago.

#neptune in the 1st #natal chart #long post #saturn in the 3rd #jupiter in the 3rd

5 notes · View notes

uncamellia-blog · 6 years

Note

± ♥ ( right back ‘atcha )

Send me ± for a headcanon about our characters:

music of the night // It’s her most telling composition – and one that might never be finished; she writes a little bit of her heart in it, she weaves a couple strands of her memories into it, and she works on it whenever she has half a mind to, but much like the woman it is about and for, it transcends beginnings and ends and simply is, and not a single soul on the earth will know it completely.

i. She’s two. This memory is blurry and damn near inaccessible, and she’s not entirely sure if it’s perfect recall or the result of someone else telling her that it did indeed happen, but the melody is unmistakeable. The memory (and melody) goes like this:

“Mommy, mommy,” she says, tucked into bed, mere seconds after Lacha has finished brushing her hair to resemble silk, and laid her down. “Sing me a bye,” she begs, pulling at her mother’s sleeve, big blue eyes blinking in the dim light.

“A lullaby,” Lacha corrects gently, fondly, brushing a few stray strands away from her forehead.

“Lullaby,” she imitates, closing one eye and twisting her mouth. “Please, mommy?”

Lacha concedes, and she almost lurches out of her bed with joy, but instead claps her hands together in a succession of rapid patters in the quiet of her room, and waits in anticipation, closing her eyes as her mother starts singing, soft, and simple, in a language that she doesn’t know yet. The melody’s entrancing and impossible to follow, and the memory fades out as she falls asleep.

ii.She’s three. This memory is a tad bit clearer: snow falls silently in the dead of night, and the moon stares down from a clouded sky. She’s looking out the window, head turned away from the door, entranced. Lacha turns the lights off with a whispered good night and turns to leave.

She turns her head around; she doesn’t want her mother to leave, not just yet. She cannot think of a reason to get her mother to stay: she’s in her nightgown, her hair is brushed, and she’s sleepy.

“Sing me a lullaby, mommy,” she whispers across the darkness of her room.

Lacha’s eyes glint with moonlight as she glances out the window and watches the snow, and she comes back.

The melody is different. The words remind her of freshly fallen snow glistening in vanilla moonlight, and her mother sings to bring the morning back.

iii.She’s six. The winds howl outside, and she shouldn’t cry or whine because princesses do nothing of the sort, but the trees bend, break, and moan outside, and the wind does not let up its wailing. She’s got her covers pulled up to her nose, but doesn’t feel any more secure because of it.

“Mommy,” she says, tone shaking, even as she tries to hide her tremors. “Can you please sing me a lullaby before you go?”

The lullaby her mother sings drowns out the horror, and the kiss laid upon her forehead bids her sweet dreams.

iv.She’s eleven, frowning at the mirror in a show of frustration that almost no one is privy to; she’s grown out of showing her discontent on her face, except in private. There’s a dip in her brow and her lips are pressed together tightly in her displeasure and she meets her own eyes in the mirror, and smooths out her face for a second, examining it, watching as the soft open of her mouth softens her whole face. She memorizes how it feels.

She gives up, back to pouting at her mirror, when her mother walks in, graceful, imperial, and powerful, though her gentle tone is at odds with her stride.

Her mother fixes her hair, gently combing through it, and she observes every second of it through her vanity mirror, shifting minutely to see if she can mimic the set of Lacha’s shoulders. It doesn’t work, and she instead chooses to relax into the melody that slips forth from her mother’s lips, smiling and humming her own counter melody. She’s just recently started getting really, frighteningly good at music, or so the royal tutor tells her, and this is when it all clicks; every single lullaby and fragmented melody from her mother starts to weave itself together.

Yes, this moment, with her hair being combed into regality, and the tiara set on top, seemingly jauntily and delicately; she shakes her head and nothing moves and she smiles as the music in her head swells. “Thanks, mom,” she says, grinning and moving in for a hug, wondering if she should start learning the trumpet – so brassy and triumphant is this moment that the piano alone cannot encompass it.

She’s still shorter than her mother, and there’s a gentle kiss to the side of her head before she’s wrapped in her mother’s embrace, a gentle, loving sentiment murmured into her frame. She lays her left hand on her mother and feels the tenderness of the moment twofold. Always. She thinks that might be a fitting title for her composition.

v.She’s thirteen, and fever-delirious; she’s caught some bug, or eaten something, either way, it’s uncomfortable and she thinks she’s crying a little as she lays in her bed. In snatches of lucidity, she can see her mother by her side before she lapses back into her fever dreams. When the fever breaks and she wakes up for longer than a couple seconds, she hears the hushed quality of her mother’s go-to lullaby, and she cracks a small smile, even though she feels like gaunt death.

She reaches her hand up, the left one, not quite coincidence but also not by design, just simply habit, and lays it upon her mother’s arm, feels the overwhelming worry, a break of relief, and then it’s all muted, because her mother has always been good at hiding what she feels.

She smiles either way, but her throat is too dry and cracked to hum along – her mother’s wild hand is still upon her, and her true desire must show how much she longs for a lullaby, because Lacha breaks a smile and continues humming.

vi.It’s moments like these that make it into her composition, which grows from a couple scribbled lines on a errant piece of scratch paper into a formal pile of papers and never shows signs of stopping. All the snatches of melody and music her mother has ever brought to her make their way into the composition, all superimposed on top of her own light narrative, usually in the higher register of notes – not too high, nor too low, but matched to the tone of her speaking voice.

Sometimes, she sings along to it. There are no words, just clear notes to pair with the piano, and she makes a note of whenever she’s singing.

vii.She finds her way back into her apartment after a fight with her mother – all controlled tones and measured words, not a beat out of place except for the feral beating of her heart as anger pumps through her veins and is forcibly subdued before it reaches the set of her mouth – and she sees the binder that holds her music on top of her piano, and rips out a page of her composition.

It crumples in her fist, and she goes to rewrite it, except all her notes run sharp and the music is angular and jagged instead of the consistent, even, tender tone of her usual musical narrative, and she cries for the loss of her music, and wonders how it is a princess who can feel all the emotions of anyone she chooses in the world has such a small range of feeling for herself. She does not pity herself. She only mourns the things in her that must die as she tries to be even half the woman her mother is.

She is not fit for the crown, not yet.

A small part of her wishes she never has to be fit for rule, but she shakes that thought quickly. The other alternative is death, and that is much worse to a girl who hasn’t had enough of the meager taste of life she’s had so far.

She wonders if this is what her mother feels like: stuck between the crown and death, even if she’s managed to dodge the sacrifice.

She returns the page she tore out of the binder so hastily, and smooths her hand over the wrinkles. Some of the notes originally on the page have been obscured or torn, and she plays the music on that page tentatively, missing notes and all.

It sounds hollow, but that seems fitting for the mood she’s in.

She dates the page.

viii.She hears of the rebellion brewing in her name and writes her conflict (dutiful daughter warring against selfish preservation) into notes, into the melody her mother has provided for the backdrop of her life.

She makes the decision to not inform her mother of the rebellion and dots a note.

She hopes it will not be the last note in this composition.

Send me ♥ for how my character feels about yours:

The composition is titled “for██ever”, the original dedication scratched out to merely become a vague sentiment, its creator infinitely scared that someone may see far too much of herself and her subject in the music.

But she fears needlessly – the music is so layered and complex that only those with formal training may scrutinize it and make sense of its ever shifting melodies and notes. The music grows and matures with its writer, and with every page comes another layer of subtext – the music itself cannot give away much of anything lest it is played out, but the effort and the heart sunk into it, the sheer number of pages, the compressed portions showing rewrites, and the wear of the paper showing frequent erasing in a manic attempt to get it right; well, even a fool could decipher the love that went into the making of it.

A fool can see the love; an empathetic man, the vulnerability; a sensible man, the labor; a wise man, the desire to immortality, and a musician, the narrative in flux.

#❛ what if she's golden?┊asks.#❛ i’ve been holding back for the fear that you might change your mind┊lacha.#private #// aw hell it got long

8 notes · View notes

ts-akhmim · 4 years

Text

Episode 6 | “His best Amanda Kimmel "Go girl, give us nothing!" impersonation” - Liam

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ryrU-tXQbMyAa2Sl_GFiJb61i6qUNY-x/view?usp=sharing

aj went home??!?!?! hello!? JAKE SURVIVED SO THERE IS A GOD

Who feels like shit? Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. And now I remember why I feuded with Jakey... he literally did what ever he wanted. Which is very inconvenient for the rest of us. I know he put my name down. Granted 3 minutes ago I was sure it was Dan but after briefly snapping at him I put it together. Dan, 7:21 PM Seriously I’m not mad about it ahha I can see how my words were taken. And then I definitely said this afternoon we hadn’t talked and that was why I thought you would be the vote on my end Yeah you were a target before AJ started throwing my name out. I own up to that 100% So now it's time to play voting detective... yaayyyyyyyyyyyy (em llik) This entire vote started off with Jakey and Dan. Dan claims that he didn't bring my name up, but it would be an ass pull for Jakey to come to me with Dan wanting me dead immediately after the immunity challenge and then suddenly manifest it. Jakey immediately comes to me and I immediately come to the Dumb Betches (tm). I want Dan out but it's just not realistic as the other side isn't as comfortable playing with a pure beauty team. Next day we form the Thots R Us alliance and Jakey and Scott plead their case for AJ to leave and we, like idiots, go for it. Dan continues to campaign for me. Devon gets into the mix at some point and tells Dan that AJ is voting for him. Dan changes his vote. Now according to Augusto around this point, Jakey mentioned the possibility of having an extra vote before completely shutting it down. Claiming it to be "unnecessary". I think this sparked the idea to tell AJ about the vote under the guise of "golly gee I don't wanna vote for Dan because honor and stuff so I'm voting for you". I assume it's around then he wrote my name down. Like a bitch. Sorry I'm trying to be less hateful and aggressive but man it's harrdddddddd. My guess is that he wanted a beauty out no matter what and figured he'd have better luck convincing the others to vote for me in a situation where an idol is played. He probably also wanted me and Dan to turn further against each other. Unfortunately for him, I spent all of my impulse control that day on not chewing Dan's head off and I snapped immediately afterwords and so some things were cleared up. It has to be Jakey not just because of all the things lining up and not just because it is in his character but I genuinely can't imagine anyone else doing so. - AJ and Amir are loyal hoes. Plus if one of them did something that absurd, it wouldn't exactly benefit them. It puts strain between our relationships with the other players and honestly I don't know why they'd waste a vote on me when if an idol is played they risk losing a beauty majority. - Devon doesn't seem like he would make any waves and seems to have taken a liking to me. Granted I'm less sure about him then the others but he did put most of the work in convincing Dan not to put my name down. Plus he doesn't seem to have anticipated AJ having an idol. - Scott, to do something like this would have been risky. I'm his primary connection to the beauty alliance, if AJ were to play an idol he would have risked losing an asset. - I truly think Dan isn't lying to me because he genuinely believed if he didn't vote for AJ he'd be fucked. He wasn't comfortable with where the votes lied, to throw a vote towards me would have been pretty dumb and insanely reckless. Jakey is the only person I can think of who would go out so out of his way for something like this. Chaos is more or less his calling card. Plus it would be in his best interest to keep around someone in his majority alliance and get rid of a beauty. And he probably thought that I was a better option considering past history or whatever. :/ So now we have to sacrifice Jakey to the survivor gods not because he wrote my name down but because I can't trust him to keep his shit together and vote with us. We were going to target Dan next and he probably won't be chill with that. He probably would prefer to aim for Devon or One of the beauties. And that well, wouldn't be in my best interest either. In the mean time, I'm just going to sit still and look pretty.

Ok, I need to make a quick apology. Talking to Autumn and Duncan has been the highlight of my game thus far. Autumn went to the same undergrad as me and Duncan is one of the most genuine guys I've ever met. I feel terrible for ever being doubtful of being on the same tribe as them. Because now I really think I have two more people that I feel I can trust and move with further, which (in the words of the perfect Mrs. Kim Spradlin) means I have options, and I think this can guarantee a spot for me at merge and a really good group to make some moves with that isn't as obvious to people. If we were to go to tribal, I think my target would be Connor which should be an easy vote given his general lack of activity on the tribe thus far, but I'm also not against the prospect of blindsiding Ali as I think there's a chance he has that Apis idol and I'm certain he has a few tricks up his sleeves.

okay soooo i have two LONG video confessionals uploading from the last two days but wow stuff is happening... so first off, the nuThoth tribe voted off... AJ?! which is so unexpected, that shakes up the game completely, like now it means the game is changed... it means the brawn four on this tribe sticking together is a really bad idea, and it just... everything has changed. i'm so so glad jake has survived, which keeps one good ally in on nuThoth. I'm still scared of Augusto/Amir/Kendall/Scott, but hopefully one will go if they go to tribal again? idek but yeah a lot of this will be repeated in my video, but god is a woman. and her name is autumn, i called with autumn for TWO HOURS yesterday and it was a transcendent experience, i literally love her so much. and it was such a good conversation, like i 100% overshared but it was great to kinda link up... i talked to her about adam (more on him later), she filled me in on the brain hot goss and she is of course someone i want to stick with. on this tribe, the two i feel best about are tj and autumn - tj i was SO mean to at the start but i actually get really good energy from him now? i really want to solidify something with him, i definitely want to stick wit him. jordan i think trusts me a lot but for some reason i continue to have anxiety about him (but he is a good shield in a merge situation). i for some reason get really good vibes from connor? i think i would love to talk to him more (will pm him today) - i think connor gives off good vibes and particularly since adam's conspiracy of a beauty illuminati is over i think i could trust him a lot? we haven't spoken much but he has really good ally potential imo. adam is a tricky one. for some reason i do NOT trust him. he is in EVERYONES pms peddling this same narrative and is just doing a lot? i think he is a real slippery player, and i feel like he is a fish who if we release into the ocean of a merge tribe we will never get back? i have such anxiety about him making it far so i'd love for him to go as soon as possible. its tough tho because now that a beauty majority voted off a beauty, i feel like the brawn four on this tribe need to do similar? so maybe i need to vote off liam? its just annoying because i trust liam, and i'd LOVE to get adam out but i dont see the numbers to pull that off. so i feel like we have to vote liam to give ourselves wiggle room as brawn players, but from there idk... because i want adam GONE grrrrrrrrrr its frustrating. hopefully we win this challenge, and the other tribe has another chance to get rid of someone... like the less decisions i have to make the better at this point i take it back jordan is so sweet, he is like a teddy bear... its just whether he is a care bear or lotso from toy story

i cant remember what my last confessional said so im just gonna start with last tribal: aj got voted out ........ of all the false beautys it had to be him the ONE who actually was nice to me and was the whistleblower on that main alliance? when i said it'd ironically beautiful to me to see one of the beautys voted out he was NOT any of the ones i was talking about then we get our next immunity and oh would you look at that... THREE people have to sit out meaning there's gonna surely be another chat with 5 people in it to say lets vote adam out AGAIN.......as soon as i saw this challenge my ptsd immediately was triggered and i was trying SO hard to sound like i wanted to be in one of the things even if i wouldnt have been good at it just so i could rest easy but it didnt really work out, in fact the highlight of the challenge was actually me and duncan and our contribution of sitting on the sidelines looking pretty while they all flopped but bless their hearts at least they tried, so now we're going back to tribal, and again i didnt compete in immunity which apparenly is cause for a target now so ... im HOPING that doesnt happen again, and if it does then i probably deserve to go home! i was kinda just.... not in the mood to talk to anyone much of yesterday or even today just because um.... i didnt want to dfakdfs mostly due to that dumb bitch DeDe Pressión just making me wanna do nothing but lay in bed and torture myself by watching more real survivor but i woke up today in a better mood, the moods they come and they go, much like me i love being elusive so hopefully people just dont think im like such dumb bitch who doesnt wanna talk or whatever, because believe it or not the gorls can be so hateful over you not being able to recite their whole life story back to them at the final triabl! they ripped me to shred my first season because i couldnt tell them so and so had a purple sheep back on the farm in late october 2007 like gorl plea .... so yeah ive been trying to talk to more people today to compensate, not sure where it will go, it did reassure me a bit that liam messaged me like RIGHT after the challenge and began already saying stuff about connor like ooh gorl michael_jackson_i_love_this_song.gif, but i just need to be careful because i dont want to seem like im the one controlling the vote, because odds are im gonna get made to look a fool and ill go home, or be left in the dark, but im gonna try to have slightly more faith in these people and hope they're buying what im selling, because it's pretty good stuff, i just want to feel like im the most expensive iphone in the store you know, like i want to be able to say im building relationships nonetheless and will make people come running to ME with information but who knows. I'm either playing decently and in a good spot right now, or im a fucking delusional schizophrenic so im hoping tribal reveals something like that one way or another. at least if i get voted off i can stop letting this game stress me the HELL out in the middle of a fucking pandemic

youtube

When AJ leaves and you can trust your new alliance with the beauties and Jakey https://media.tenor.com/images/b4c2f5c658c1d3ade7e506ee7ffe3c5e/tenor.gif When you win your first tribal immunity challenge of the season https://i.imgur.com/8xzlbRW.gif When you don’t have to see Alyssa and Jess at tribal https://media.giphy.com/media/6nuiJjOOQBBn2/giphy.gif My tribe when I get to go to bed early because I don’t have to stay up stressing about tribal https://media.vanityfair.com/photos/58c16a15208b4945c3920cf0/master/w_1600%2Cc_limit/nicole-kidman-seal-clap.gif

Second tribal of the game for me and I am feeling good once again. i see myself in a position where I dont think i am being targeted and I really just have room to grow and form my social relationships. I feel bad for connor cause I think he will be going home barring anything crazy happening. He was someone I wanted to work with going into this game, but ill be honest his social game is just abysmal he needs to talk to people more. I originally thought he was just not talking to me cause he assumed we were good but apparently everone feels like they cant have a convo with him. Its way too early for me to do something crazy and deviate so I think hes gonna be blindsided tonight. Maybe I want to lock down a final 2 with TJ soon im starting to trust him more and more and hopefully he feels the same way. Im pretty confident that were gonna merge at 12 because thats the first time my legacy advantage is coming into play but im not sharing that information, that power is as locked to the chest as can be I will not tell a soul all game about it, thats how you become a fan favourite game changer sierra dawn thomas and I will not be her, married to joe anglim what a thought. Im off focus, either way Ive talked a lot about feeling very rocky in this game so far and feeling like I havent found my footing, but Im getting a foundation built now and once I get going, theirs no stopping me.

Is it seriously only Day 14..? Ugh, this game drags on for so, so long. Tonight is gonna be deja vu of Kvaloya in which I once again send home Connor, hopefully unanimously again. I respond to his fucking messages, and he's doing his best Amanda Kimmel "go girl, give us nothing!" impersonation right now. It's ANNOYING. I can't work with someone who does this!

oh duncan. oh duncan duncan duncan. every single time we play together you underestimate me as a player and it is infuriating? so this time you don't want an alliance with me? that's fine... but don't think i wont find out. i'm literally my blood is boiling that he thinks he can get away with this... grr. but also i love autumn for telling me, it shows me i can trust her and we are gonna go the distance. anyway so i do think connor is going to leave tonight and me freaking out will only make it me instead... so i will go with it. but now im waiting to see what jordan and tj say... and to see if they tell me. i dont think tj will tell me, but i do think jordan BETTER. i'm defending him to autumn, so he owes me plus he says we are a duo so he better JKASLDFAF. so now? i feel like i need to trust adam and stop being so nervous to trust him... he is on the bottom with me and we need to flip this upside DOWN. if me/adam link up, that will be good... because im not down to be stuck on the bottom for more than a vote... being on the bottom is how to go home and that's not my thing

So now that the vote is looming, I think that we have it fully on Connor now. Duncan and I came up with the fake vote of Adam which Connor seemed to take? Although he's asking questions that seem fishy, so let's just hope he buys it. And Duncan and I made an alliance of me, him, Jordan, and Autumn which is perfect to have going into merge. I still need to figure out how best to integrate the two so that they can know Jakey is going to work with us but not enough so that they don't know that me/Jakey/Jordan also have an alliance together. But this is awesome going into the next round, and I'm just praying that we don't see an idol played, because that would be DISASTER!

the way i've called adam shady for days and days and now i trust him one of the most? wow a growth arc. i'm still heated about duncan. he is SOO likable and charismatic, and is someone who is genuinely always just fun to play with? so him being in this gamebot really dry state is so frustrating because ik if he just relaxed and let his natural personality out he would snap?! he is just so fixated on doing well this season that he is getting in his own way (at least imo, but this is coming from mr im not in an alliance so im bitter KJSAFD). so anyway now that duncan is not a viable ally anymore, i need to solidify the other connections... and i think adam and autumn are the move. adam is clearly just desperate for allies and while he is over-eager, i think he is earnest so ill stop being paranoid about him. autumn is just a queen and a goddess so im gonna stick with her too... liam is lovely too... i just want duncan OUTTTTTTTTTTT he will not get away with this, i am the meddling kid(s) who will ruin his plans... will duncan go to the end as the gamebot leader... well... https://gph.is/2dmg9hV

also can i just say i love tj?! like i sent duncan very similar messages about feeling like i've been out of it, and the difference in their responses is remarkable: tj: I think everyone understands that you haven't been 100% the last few days, so I doubt anyone is going to fault you for that. And everyone knows that it's a game, real life does come first. like... sweet, supportive without being patronising? validating duncan: and i don't think things have really kicked off over here yet, i think its going to be an "easy vote" but we'll see what happens duncan.... immediately to game, almost his own conversation... i'm... over it?

well we have tribal in just a few hours, and tonight it's gonna be pretty clear cut in the sense that, ill finally have answers because um it's either gonna be me or connor ive been doing my best to lead this smear campaign against him, only because he made the wrong move by coming for me first and continuing to lie to my face about it so at this point i wish i felt bad but i dont. I could be completely delusional but I do think it's working because people have come to ME first and said they want to vote connor, because of both what i was saying and because he just hasnt been talking to many people besides right after the challenge so like... people can see how transparent that is pls also because MULTIPLE people have approached me first today telling me he plans on voting me out so unless they're specializing in some hardcore reverse psychology...i think i have a shot at it being 7-1 connor but once again i literally could be being made out to be a whole ass goof and not even know. or even worst have got all the numbers on my side but then get idol'ed out fdhaskj both very likely scenarios because things never seem this easy in this game ive been trying my best to get to know people and i feel like im slowly connecting more with some of them, so i guess tonight at tribal will be a test on those relationships because all the people ive been talking to will either, believe me, trust me, and wanna play with me, or theyre gonna listen to connor and vote me out, and honestly if they vote me out over him then i completely deserve to go home because clearly im doing something wrong my biggest fear is im hoping i havent come off too strong trying to play by painting this narrative of the old hathor's and connor being so against me, because while yes obviously i want connor gone for my own reasons, the trick is i dont want people to think im leading a charge against him (even tho i absolutely am) because i dont want that kinda target on me but truly who the fuck knows, i could very well go home but idk. this game is like walking into a serial killer convention and trying to stay alive, that's how i feel like im putting my faith in the hands of killers, it's making a bitch shook so i guess we'll see but in a perfect world..... connor will leave....which may look bad because of old tribe lines, but im really trying to wor any magic i have to where me being the only beauty on this tribe would be beneficial for me to hopefully be sought after by any brawns or brains, but if you ask me old tribe lines are about to be nonexistent. even though there will be 4 brawns next round, ive been trying to connect to some of them in the hopes that theyll ditch any old alliance they have to work with me but only time will tell so um yeah keep me in your thoughts and prayers pls

Not gonna lie, I haven't done much of anything this round but I don't mind it! Sometimes I just wanna be a lazy bitch yknow? But yeah, Thoth FINALLY beat its 0 challenge wins curse and we won immunity which I am thankful for given tribal would've been extremely messy? With the Kendall vote last round (which I think was Jakey or Jakey telling Dan to do so), who knows what would've been the outcome! Yay for safety <3

hiiiii no video because i no longer want to do them. let the record show that i was the 1st to say adam's name, if he goes, i did that. if i go, i did that.

i didn't make a confessional this round and tribal is about to start! im going to expect connor to go but this would be a shitty last confessional if i go home tonight. I'm hoping to establish trust within this new tribe. Wish me luck! XOXO Gossip Girl. also my dog just ate the cake i left on the counter >.> thats why im late.

I can't give y'all a real confessional right now cause Cagayan has me screaming but I believe Connor is going home 7-1 and I gave the green light to an alliance I plan on turning on whew so see y'all soon

So basically, tribal happened, beauties lost a number unanimously, theres pros and cons to this. Pros: ppl think the idol left, beauty is less threatening, we show loyalty to more people and build relationships. Bad: someone lied. that kendall throw away vote was to ensure a beauty went home in case aj played an idol, and everyone claims it wasnt them, so someone on this tribe has a case of the LIE-ABETES. * anyway, here is Shit I learned today aka dirt on ppl: 🎃Devon - told me that dan was afraid of an all beauties thing 🎃Jakey - told me dan Ali him and Jordan were a majority - told me Ali has the idol - told me Ali is a rat who warned lovelis - called Adam annoying and ugly - said he wants Devon out next - thinks Devon voted kendall 🎃 scott - told me Devon screwed him over and got himself voted out on brains - told me autumn and Duncan are a duo 🎃 Dan - told jakey that he thinks the brains tribe voted kendall to divide beauty and brawn 🎃 kendall - hidden secret alliance with Jakey - hates dan 🎃 augusto - super close with Devon - wants to blindside Jakey - thinks Jakey is the kendall vote

#BackWithVengeance

1 note · View note

oceanas-lyric · 6 years

Text

a poem of growth

i fall for

and from

love.

Part One

four seasons dry-

forget that for now.

so much now has ended

wild daisies pulled from the earth

pulled from green earth still weeping

decorate the last elaborate centerpiece

of our livelihood

iris snapdragon lily

in a simple ceramic vase

molded from patient genuine hands

a sense of fingers still trembling in the art

we sit out on the veranda

in discount recliner rocking chairs

remembering trees- spruce used to line the streets

in abundance

families used to hide in houses

behind pine needle and cool shade

neighbors children would climb

chasing cats or rays of sun or first love

breaking limb and branch alike

now its rosebushes or lilacs

which are pretty come some amazing spring

but we know the spruce must remember

a past more remarkable than this

our communities our security within our walls

the security of our own naive history

the feelings that escaped our longevity

and i worry

what will escape us next

Part Two

white

and plains that stretch in sheets

of white

desolate street blocks cherub white

never ending

we are lost in an abyss of days without sunlight

inversions play us for fools

in unforgiving jests of ice

and gloom, a cruel puppeteer

dangling the sun along strings

we follow along in twenty below

willing ourselves to feel warmer

our slow procession home is a complex riddle

of road signs gridlock stoplights

ornaments of thoughts we will forget we ever had

everything that defines home

is grey

or blue

or wondering where the reds of rose lips

vanished

why a sadness must interrupt

now wishing on stars not even in the sky any longer

or someone truly beautiful who could keep our souls full

for another year

Part Three

four inches from flood evacuation

a foot and a half from a rebirth

this river is a barfly hopeless in its inebriate prayers

the next day will sympathize

the next day will show empathy

sandbags piled neatly along shore

build a wall to remind the river

the folks next door are not our neighbors

they are our knapweed

they were caught knapping

they are not from here

wildflowers sink and stretch

seeking the right kind of light

to dance in

the new life of spring surrenders

to the unusual weight of white

and weeps

and on stone trail or dirt roads winding up hillsides

you could take a halt from the race

peer into this broken social organization

ponder what makes you a good neighbor

or what keeps you from becoming one

Part Four

birch like broken glass

cuts bare feet dancing by campfire

under a crescent mistress moon

indeed, there is a growth

roots shoot up belly white

angelic into the bloodstain of day

a seed is a vitamin?

or at least enough reason why philosophical spruce remnants

call this era “an awakening” yet i,

feel at a loss

knowing i will never fully understand you

or roots

or growth

or maybe even myself

a ponderosa ascends

from sandstone ancient peaks

where sunlight was never welcomed

where soil never was

its a story that transcends the spectacle

we ought to plant the heart like a tree

with strong roots rich stories

a source for mystery and love

Part Five

four seasons dry

remember that now

feeling grossly old exaggerated lines

across contemplative forehead

identify years of malnourished roots

something has to intercede

come crash of thunder

or rain squall

or mud puddles of frustration

i will go barefoot once again

climbing granite for meditative peace

for solace and individual purpose

the beauty lost and found

somewhere in the great triumph and tragedy

of the gift we know as life

Part Six

i sit on porch swing stale night

breathing sticky humid comfortable sighs

staring for hours and streetcars and scavengers

and i worry

i worry i could become part of that trivial world

i may become critical and densely concerned

about a reality outside the walls ive created

i fall for

and from

love

not from the sky that asks you to dance

to this strange new song of love

windows open

i will be singing

by karl schmitz

#poets on tumblr #pardypoem #silent all these years #hell-bent and depressed poetry

1 note · View note

pathways2innerpeace · 5 years

Photo

The repetitive, regular tendencies or practices in daily functioning, those often eliciting our involuntary participation, are known as habits. They become an integral part of our lives as helpful, as well as limiting, entrenchments; the self-care habits that support the health of our physical form stand alongside the pesky, self-sabotage of stress-induced or reactive patterns that become the hard-to-relinquish ruts of daily life.

Habits manifest in all shapes and sizes and are often thought of as an observable behavior. Frequently, our existing habits occur automatically without our consistent or conscious participation, mostly because we lose the need for active focus. Take driving, for example. Once we learn to drive, the methodical thinking through every step to execute the mechanics of operating our vehicle becomes unnecessary. It just organically happens because a habit was formed.

We all have habits of various purpose, creation, and strength – some, borne out of a need for safety, others devised for ease, efficiency, or to fulfill rules or norms. Brushing and washing, for example, live alongside cleaning our room and tidying our home, as well as the larger community care of recycling and maintaining our dwellings and/or properties. Kept in balance, these habits serve to honor our physical temple and proverbial home. Both witness the Divinity within us and all things by loving ourselves, others, and Mother Earth.

As we move beyond our perfunctory and reflexive world to engage in self-reflection, personal growth, and spiritual development, the life of many habits comes to the fore. Some may be easily seen, while others remain an elusive part of our day-to-day operations and reactions and are a bit trickier to detect. Many have their roots in thought or emotional patterns, like the knee-jerk reaction to a perceived negative comment or our slide into self-criticism when we feel we’ve done something wrong.

Taking a closer look at the vast array of habits in our life, their origin is one aspect all hold in common; we can trace our habits’ literal birth from the womb of our beliefs – a belief about ourselves and/or our world. Returning to driving, for example, the proverbial fuel for this American activity lies in the belief in independence, a teenage rite of passage and an alignment with societal norms. Looking deeper into the habits within habits, we might also discover nervous navigation, road rage, or a compulsion to speed fed by corresponding beliefs in danger, others’ wrongdoing, or hurrying through life.

So how can we work with the habits we’ve developed, especially addressing those that don’t serve our highest good? Traveling on the road to discovery and change, we can free ourselves from old habits through examination and relinquishment. Other interventions require intentional re-patterning. Calling, for example, on the Japanese practice of datsuzoku – the freedom from habit, daily routine, or the ordinary – opens us to the new by transcending convention and our personal ruts. Applied, it is the choice to “do something differently”, to break the steps of our routine, or think out of the box in an innovative way and move past our typical ways of operating.

Working at a deeper level we can examine the belief that created our habit in the first place, asking if the habit serves us or we’re serving it. As beliefs that find voice through the patterns of our limiting attitudes become discovered, we can intentionally allow them to fall away because we see how they block us from living freely in alignment with our True Nature. And while releasing these kinds of beliefs moves us forward on our path, the accompanying patterns and habits often remain scored into our psyche like a well-traveled hiking trail until we re-pattern or completely release them, too. In other words, as we liberate ourselves from constraining beliefs, it’s often the habits and patterns that remain intact to plague us, feeling as if they pull our mind and heart back to the ways we left behind, though not nearly as potently as when the attached belief remains active. As we invest energy into new, healthy behaviors instead of our outdated habits, the heavily worn trail of these entrenched neural patterns grows grass again to blend once more with the mossy forest floor of our psyche. Removing all energy from old habits or merely acknowledging any diversion as a tug in the “old direction”, we also practice datsuzoku to move forward on new and exciting paths.

Changing habits, because of their nature and ours, often feels challenging and uncomfortable. But know that discomfort serves as a marker to demonstrate our progress, a sign that we are just where we need to be, even in the midst of change. So hang in there! Remember that habits take approximately eighteen months to form, so their dissolution and/or re-patterning takes time, too.

Listed below is a partial inventory of behavioral, thought, and emotional habits. Those that appear helpful, sustaining, or growth-enhancing remain alongside those that may not serve our highest good. While incomplete, this list shines first light on that which we tend to ignore or do automatically, demonstrating that nearly any behavior, thought pattern, or emotional recurrence may indicate a habit needing our conscious attention. Because we tend to categorically label patterns or habits as “good” or “bad” influenced by our judgment-driven world, in the journeys to come, let’s broaden our scope and instead consider how each habit may be serving our highest good. Are they growth-promoting, health-based patterns, which demonstrate our self-love? Or are they a call to examine what is unhealthy or inhibiting – a notification to shed light on the work yet to be done? For a deeper look, we revisit this topic in Letting Go in Volume IV.

Here lies the opportunity to witness whatever the Universe calls us to observe, re-balance, or shed to be the master of our world, lovingly caring for ourselves on this big, beautiful rock floating in an infinite sky.

Healthy eating

Word choice

Emotional self-care

Caffeine addiction

Swearing

Staying centered

Praying

“Seeing” a silver lining

Loving attitude

Meditating

Positive thinking

Reacting dramatically

Driving a car

Assuming “bad” outcomes

Consistent irritation

Good hygiene

Being bossy

Feeling inferior

Deep breathing

Looking for “the culprit”

Blaming others

Smoking

Complaining

Worrying

Hurrying

Apologizing

Defaulting to frustration

Physically isolating

Overly independent

Shutting down

Nail biting

Needing to be right

Nervousness

Nose picking

Poor hygiene

Sadness

Scratching/picking skin

Feeling superior

Perfectionism

Doing, doing, doing

Cleaning

Feeling victimized

For journaling exercises linked to this chapter purchase Volume I of The Soul-Discovery Journalbook Series by visiting www.pathways2innerpeace.com.

Happy Journaling!

#journal self-help souldiscovery thesouldiscoveryjournalbook psycho-spiritual soul grow evolve mindfulness

0 notes