…Sometimes, Joel isn’t sure it’s worth it.

It being– well. Him. Which, bloody hell, that just sounds depressing, innit? He’s not– he’s fine, really, in all the ways that matter. Good looking, smart, humble. What’s not to love. He’s fine, great even, so there’s no need for any worrying. No need for that at all.

He just wonders, you know? Everyone does. (Probably.)

But also, he’s phrasing it weird. It’s not that he questions himself, it’s more like… Hm. 

Let’s use a metaphor, all smart-like. Joel thinks of himself as a lot of things: The howling, blood-hungry chase of wolves, the business end of a knife. That razor-sharp feeling of teeth sinking into flesh. A forest fire out of control.

(Yeah, yeah. He’s got issues, whatever.)

That’s not the point. The point is this:

Joel’s more of a hunter than the hunted. At least, that’s what he likes to think– don’t even argue. He knows he’s unhinged, revels in it, thrives in it. Hard to put out a fire without getting burned.

And that. That’s the thing.

Because Joel thinks that sometimes he burns too bright. Like a flame– no, like the sun. A point of pride on a good day, something to hide on the worse ones. Fire doesn’t get to keep things. It burns what it touches, spits out the remains. Charred and blackened and what-have-you.

The thing is he can’t make a home without smelling the faint scent of smoke, ash lingering in the air that makes him cough and wrinkle his nose. He builds a foundation, lays down the plans, thinking maybe, this time–

He’s always wrong. Stupid, stupid. He’s always blummin’ wrong.

The thing about Joel is he’s never held something that didn’t crumble into ash. The thing about Joel is that he doesn’t know when that’s gonna end.

So is it worth it, then? To be his? 

He knows the tight grip of loneliness, the heavy chains of solitude. He knows what it’s like to curl up on the floor with his dogs— don’t you dare laugh— his back screaming at him for the night spent on a cold floor. Loneliness is as familiar to him as bloodlust, but he’d rather rip out his teeth than admit it, swallow his own tongue.

(A thought comes, and it’s stupid– no, really. It’s stupid. Stop asking.)

(Why do people think the moon’s lonely? Joel wonders, a scowl on his lips. The moon’s got like, loads of friends. The stars are right there.)

(You get too close to the sun and your wings melt.)

(Joel tugs at a piece of loose string, and he thinks that maybe the sun just wants a friend.)

(…See, he told you it was stupid.)

Joel doesn’t want to be alone. Alone alone, not regular alone. Nobody does, okay? Sue him, it drove him mad.

Whatever. Whatever.

Joel doesn’t want to be alone, not again, not ever. But he gets close to people and it’s like he can just see them burn, wax pouring down their backs and plummeting to their deaths. He gets close, gets attached, and suddenly everything’s burning all over again, and all he can do is laugh and try to put it out as it sizzles at his fingertips.

Until everyone he loves is swallowed by the sea.

(Maybe a submarine, he thinks, eyes-wide and half-crazed. Maybe that’ll be safe, he should try that next game. He should.)

(Maybe’s better than nothing.)

So yeah, Joel wonders if it’s worth it, having anything at all. He wonders if it’s worth the effort, wonders if it’d hurt less to have nothing to lose– though he already knows the answer, and for goodness sake, he wishes it were different.

Joel sighs. This whole thinking thing is exhausting.

To be his is to burn. To reach out is to doom them. But Joel’s too selfish– too much, too bright, too hungry– not to do it anyway.

…Dammit, this got depressing anyway.

Joel swallows through the lump in his throat, and he reminds himself to breathe.

He’ll keep trying, is what he thinks in the end. He’ll keep trying. ‘Cuz what else can he do? Mope, cry about it? What other choice does he have?

Maybe one day he’ll make something, and he won’t have to see it be destroyed. Maybe one day he’ll go out peacefully.

Maybe one day people will stop making their wings out of stupid, meltable wax–

Yeah, okay. He’s getting sick of this metaphor too.

But like– he can’t help but think, you know, about that fall. About Icarus, and how he laughed as he fell into the sea. People say he was happy, even in the face of death, even as his wings burned and turned into soot.

A joy worth losing. A friend worth dying for. A home worth its destruction.

Tentatively, he lets himself think: That maybe, at the very least, that’s what it means to be his.

The thought makes him relax. (If only for now.)

…He hopes so. He really, really does.

#pastelartchallenge on twitter from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nf2Nsbh12Mo&t=1s

Didn’t do the first one cuz I recognized who it was nearly right away and didn’t feel like doing a from memory challenge lolol

The second one was really fun to follow along with, I based her crop top off a vampire squid cuz I thought that’d be cute. Also I discovered octopus have a sideways eyes! So I put something like that on the bows and in her eyes. I made her hair two twintails cuz they mention the hair has a bow “kinda like Miku” and twintails is what I got from that lolol. I also made the top of the ponytail into that round up-do cuz it kinda looks like the bulbous part of an octopus head.

I think she turned out really really cute!! I hope you like it!!

Borzoi in da tub he’s so clean!!

do we have any sick!trouble and luke taking care of everything for her??(including her hehe🤭) if not then i’d like to think she would probably try to push herself through the day making sure camp doesn’t get set on fire bc older sister core! + dionysus probably dgaf 🤷🏻‍♀️ and maybe only luke noticing that she’s breaking out in a cold sweat and her movements a little more sluggish than usual but shes stubborn af so she refuses to rest

🐥

also ur works are crushing me jo they’re soo good😭💗

🐥🐥🐥🐥🐥

luke castellan x dionysus!reader

a/n: no trouble tags fuck it we ball! no edits either lmfao fluff :) can be a standalone just know reader is camp mom and Luke calls her trouble/slight cabin 12 mentions but not important (partners in crime series if you wanna check it out)

wc: 860

Luke doesn’t think he’s ever seen you be quiet.

Your voice is synonymous with the harmony of Camp Half-Blood in all of its forms: early morning announcements over the loudspeaker that serve as a wake-up call for campers to be ready for cabin inspections, hollow outcries to keep certain deviants in line (the Stolls and your brothers are a deadly force to be reckoned with), comforting words like kisses for scraped knees for the little ones, down to the gentle blanket of your singing at lights out. Luke also just knows by now that you love to have the last word—gods forbid someone else beat you at something you’re good at. Words always come easy when it comes to you (abilities of sons of Hermes aside) he finds out—but he can’t think of what can convince you to go back to bed today, especially with a temperature of 100.7 F.

He’s been circling you like a hawk this whole morning, not chastising (because clogged sinuses and all you’d probably fight him to your last breath), but rather helping out where he can. He swiftly double-checks counselor assignments once your puffy eyes leave the page, steers you away from walking straight into the fires of the forge instead of the exit at the armory, and waves off any bystanders who dare to get caught in the crosshairs of your bullheadedness.

In times like these, Luke’s almost grateful to be his father’s son (still a hard no, but you get the point). Doing these tasks undetected and mostly through a sleight of hand is better than worrying you even if he’s already at his wit's end; you’re quick in your own right too, body and brain separated today yet working on autopilot through a foggy sick-riddled mind. He hates leaving you like this even for a moment despite your protests of being able to handle yourself, but the two of you are spread thin today with all the work to do.

Luke finds you later after his workshop with your head against the cool stone of the climbing wall. You sniff into your sleeve, a wet sound stifled by the worn-down orange uniform you all wear, though yours looks as exhausted as you are, eyes closed and motionless even with lava slowly trickling from the top.

“Trouble? Are you okay babe? Grover fell off the wall already, you should… restart the mechanism,” he mutters, a big hand clasping at the nape of your neck like someone grabbing a kitten by its scruff.

“He’ll be fine, he’s a big boy,” you mumble with your face still attached to the rocks. “I’ve seen him climb over the Ares table for the last donut at lunchtime, molten lava and boulders should be a piece of cake.”

“At least cake is less painful and more delicious,” the satyr groans, hairs singed down to his hooves. Luke sighs, helping Grover back onto his feet for a well-deserved break.

“Babe…If you don’t move, sooner or later the lava’s gonna smother you.”

He shakes your arm since the controls are wedged between your body and the wall but it’s as if your body is bolted to the floor. A dissonant noise crawls out of your throat, “Dunno, kinda sounds nice. Maybe it’ll clear my sinuses.”

“Maybe it’s time to admit you’re sick.”

Even if he can’t see your face he knows there’s a scowl carved across it, “M’not sick. Just some allergies. I don’t get sick, Lu. Being sick is for the weak!” Lava continues to slide down the wall like molasses, inching you closer to a fate of fire— and your boyfriend watches you try to welcome it with weary arms.

“If you’re not sick, then I’m the best singer at Camp Half-Blood,” Luke drones as he crosses his arms. He can hear Percy laugh from the sidelines at that, silenced quickly by a glare.

“Now that would really clear her sinuses—even better if he dresses up for Theatrics again,” the son of Poseidon sniggers until a stray boulder comes barrelling towards where he and Grover are sitting. Everything’s suddenly less funny.

“It was one time, Jackson, and I wasn’t…” Luke sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose, “Trouble was just mending a costume.”

“It’s okay Luke, not everyone can pull off a corset.”

“Grover, another word out of you man and I’ll make sure your legs are permanently hairless,” Luke grits, finally tired of the chit-chat and more focused on getting you to rest. In one quick movement, he sweeps you off your feet and over his shoulder while his other hand slams on the button to reset the gears of the climbing wall. A delayed reaction falters from your throat, something of a yelp and an exhale.

“Luke! Put me down!”

But he’s already off in the direction of Cabin 12 to get you settled under the covers for at least the rest of the day until you’re up and kicking again. Your protests are scratchy but loud as he takes you away from the two kids and it's as if everything is right in the world again.

“Remind me not to get a girlfriend that stubborn one day,” Percy mumbles, bumping shoulders with his best friend.

CANT HOLD IT IN ANY LONGER!!! i’m utterly obsessed with the curtis brothers.

idk if u do this, but if u can, the curtis brothers with a reader who’s super down bad for them? they make it so clear, too. constantly doing everything for them, making food, buying snacks, just utterly everything. compliments, holding their hand religiously … yk.

୧ ׅ𖥔 ۫ you know i’m a fool for you. ⋄ 𓍯

…IN WHICH! you think the curtis brothers are the only men on the planet.

tags/warnings: swearing(on my end/once during dialogue.) reader being slightly overprotective or insane, mentions of reader getting hit on, mentions of reader leaving lip stick stains, me not knowing what to write for darry.

ೃauthor notes⁀➷ i’m using ny other accounts layout bc i can’t be bothered rn. also i’m here to feed y’all i’ve noticed the outsiders x reader tag is lowkey dry asl.

Ponyboy Curtis:

WOAH HE CAN’T HANDLE ALLAT😭

like actually. he is TWEAKING AT ALL TIMES! when you first like started complimenting him, showering him in kisses, giggling n’ shit—he thought it was a one time thing.

ponyboy just thought he’d have to thug that shit out once a week or something. he was, in-fact, pleasantly surprised when you continued to do it.

“you’re so-mwah-cute! i wish-mwah-i could-mwah-hold you forever!”

“y/n…😣”

he’s so flustered omfg like actually he’s beet red LMFAOOO. if you were to put your fingers to his forehead it’d be so hot. like ponyboy’s avoiding eye contact, his lips are tightened, etc.

if he were to stay the night at your place—you make him all types of food. like, food he’d never heard of. or food he’d dream about after eating bologna for a week,

“for me? …really?”

“mhm! c’mon, don’t let it get cold now.”

ponyboy is DIGGING RIGHT THE FUCK IN. okay he is SCARFING THAT DOWN. after he’d be a little embarrassed of how quickly he ate but like you just took it as a good thing.

thinks you’re the best cook ever tbh. gordan ramsey has nothing on you type levels.

going on a walk with him to go grocery shopping for the curtis house with your hands intertwined and letting ponyboy ramble about this annoying substitute he had!!! IT’S REAL!!! ALL OF IT!!!

“n’ then he tried to tell me my answer was wrong when i studied last night—I EVEN ASKED MY FRIENDS. so, i know it was right. i just think mr. johnson had a personal vendetta against me.”

“smh…i could do slash his tires if you’d like♡!”

“what”

“nothing.”

AWHHH PONYBOY FOLLOWING YOU AROUND THE STORE LIKE A LOST PUPPY BECAUSE HE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT TO BUY LMFAO

he’d like holding your sleeve or the hem of your shirt as you walk around, looking more awkward above all else.

uwahh showering ponyboy in compliments late at night when it’s just the two of you, twirling his hair as you hold him closer!!!

“you’re hair is so pretty. it’s so soft…i dunno why you put grease in it. if i was you—i’d never let anyone touch it.”

“i don’t. i only let you.”

“…REALLY??🥰🥰😚😚”

ur friends are soooo sick of you talking about ponyboy LMFAOOOO like actually. every time you go, ‘omfg did i tell you guys, he-‘ they know to just let you mindlessly ramble.

“and then ponyboy read to me ‘til i fell asleep! he’s so sweet—i dunno how he’s real!”

“i dunno how you’re so whipped.”

“he must be the funniest motherfucker on the planet if y/n’s this obsessed.”

Sodapop Curtis

OHHH Y’ALL ARE AT A CONSTANT WAR TO SEE WHO’S GONNA BEAT THE OTHER AT BEING THE BETTER PARTNER LMFAOOO

HE’S usually the whipped one in the relationship…he felt both extremely lucky and threatened when you started attacking him with kisses…

“you’re so handsome. i’m just the luckiest person on earth—ain’t i?”

“…yeah…🤨”

“why’d you say it like that?😞”

“cause I’M the luckiest person on the earth…I’M supposed to be tellin’ you this…”

but as time goes on—he does take the loss and accepts you’re better at him. for now. it’s only a matter of seconds until sodapop thinks of something insane to show his love for you.

anyways! IMAGINE COOKING WITH HIM OHHHH NY GODDDDD /?:&$:&: he just mainly stands there and looks pretty as he asks what you’re doing but SHHH. HE’S MORAL SUPPORT.

“…what?”

“i’m chopping onions for the flavour, honey.”

“you don’t like onions, though?”

“i don’t like the crunch rather than the flavou—YOU REMEMBERED I DON’T LIKE ONIONS??☹️☹️”

“of course i would!”

gladly holds ur hand 24/7. i’m not kidding. you two are like super magnets. HEHEHE IMAGINE HIM DRIVING WITH ONE HAND ON THE WHEEL AND HIS OTHER HAND HOLDING YOURS!!/!2!

you do take him grocery shopping. only sometimes, though. he only buys junk food rather than actual food.

“can i get these? please?”

“you already have two bags of chips in the cart, soda.”

“okay..😣”

“SIGH…get them.”

“HURRAY!”

knows you can’t say no to him and that’s like the only time he uses it to his advantage.

soc’s do hit on you under the premise of ‘showing you how a real man is supposed to spoil a lady like you.’ HOWEVER, you look at them like they’re aliens.

“hey, baby. what’re you doin’ around here?”

“…EW.”

“???”

they’re shocked above all else as they see you turn away from them and quickly walk away without looking back. AND WOOO SODA IS SO PROUD.

Darry Curtis

the gang acts like you two are constantly fighting whenever you start to look at darry with that sparkle in your eyes.

“guys, PLEASE! YOU’RE BREAKING UP THE FAMILY! STOP ARGUING!”

“what the hell are you on about, soda?”

“you’re scaring pony!” “don’t bring me into this.”

“mind you’re own business, soda.”

AJDIEHJR DARRY HAVING A HAND AROUND YOUR WAIST AS YOU MUTTER SWEET NOTHINGS BETWEEN KISSINGS>>>

you two are a POWER COUPLE IN THE GROCERY STORE! EVEN IF YOU REFUSE TO LET HIM PAY AND HE GETS POUTTY! EVEN IF HE DOESN’T TAKE COMPLIMENTS WELL!

“y/n, please. these are for my house.”

“so?? my wallet was out first.”

“that doesn’t mean anything. baby, i’m telling you, i’m paying.”

“too late, i already handed the cashier the money.”

you cook and clean for the curtis’ to take something off of darry’s back out of the kindness in your heart and totally not because you want him to pay more attention to you!! NEVER!!

but you do enjoy the fact that darry has more time to sit down and pay attention to you! and darry really likes the extra time he has!!

“you didn’t have to.”

“yes i did! you’ve been so stressed out, it’s the least i could do for you.”

“you’re such a treat, y’know.”

“mh. only f’you.”

you FORCE him to hold your hand. sometimes he forgets that he’s supposed to hold your hand in public so do NOT BE AFRAID TO GRAB IT YOURSELF.

but once you do, darry is the last person to let go. maybe to wrap an arm around your hip—BUT THAT’S IT.

teehee leaving lipstick stains on his white t-shirt accidentally🫶🫶!! it’s all so real to me!! sure, darry’s a little annoyed but it’s okay! he can never be mad at you!

I sure do be feeling a lot of bad things about my relationship with art these days lmfao, and I really don't know how to fix them and overcome them anymore.

It's like... there's such conflict about like... if you complain about the nature of social media people either are like YEAH!! or there's this weird thing I'm seeing now where people are getting mad at people bringing up the importance of reblogs as like attention seeking begging and shit like?? LIKES ARE NICE, I LOVE LIKES but like reblogs are how people actually SEE your stuff?

A like is like ah nice, scrolls past, a reblog is like MAN I WANNA LOOK AT THIS LATER or like it MEANT something to someone. But people act like that's so wrong artists are bummed out over engagement with shit lmao?? We're just selfish little hogs or something.

Or there's like this long standing thing about artists being bothered they don't know what to draw to get that engagement and people are like "DRAW FOR YOURSELF!!" like bitch, I been doing that because tumblr and twitter fucking drove that nail in lobotomy style - and it's making me sad because I feel like the more I like a piece, the SADDER I am when no one else engages with it or it's like 25 people??

Felix use to get alarming notes at times, now it's like feh, nothing? So, I tried drawing for fandoms I was passionate in - which got me a lot of people I care for, but also a lot of needless drama I hated and didn't ask for and that caused a LOT OF ISSUES when I even TRIED to stay out of it LMAO good LORD.

Even doing the Xig blog lately, I've been like okay I'm gonna stick with it because a WEIRD AMOUNT OF PEOPLE engaged with that poll I posted and I was like okay, that's a substantial amount of people who want that content, and even on the blog itself THAT poll was like OH. OKAY?? Because honestly, I feel like I'm on a weird blocklist or something or people don't like my art in the fandom so it's a weird place to be for me :))!! But I know people send me really sweet messages sometimes or sometimes I get amazingly sweet tag comments or people REALLY like an answer to something and it tickles their brain and that makes me happy but like??

I spend hours on that shit and it barely hits 100 unless it's a meme post usually and I dunno, I feel selfish all the time for being bummed about that. I'll spend days on some of them and be like SO PROUD and then just - the low engagement I'm like man, am I wasting my time? AM I STUPID? AM I TOO OLD TO BE HERE NOW, TRYING TO MAKE SOMEONE HAPPY? IS MY ART BAD? IS IT?? DO I JUST SUCK??? AM I NOT SELF AWARE??

It's weird how I see so many times people like my style or whatever, and like I know people still stick around for it, and I see so many artists post such GRAB BAGS of fandoms and stay strong in engagement and I just always feel like I'm doing something wrong or bad lmao?? Not supposed to talk about your feelings anymore, but also supposed to be engaging and personal on this here hellsite lmao??

I've been doodling shit at work and just feel tired all the time because I don't even want to finish anything anymore. I thumbnail mini comics that are like 5-10 pages of things that I think would be nice to do, I thumbnail out the backgrounds, thumbnail out bigger samples of poses and stuff and feel a little excited about how nice I could make it, and I just... know the energy put into it wouldn't be worth it because it'll be something I finish and am excited to post and no one will care.

Okay not no one, but like who is really gonna put fucking hours and hours of work into something that's gonna fall flat on it's face. I do that enough already! I over the last few years have posted so much stuff I was actually proud of and just felt....stupid for being happy and no one engaging with it. And then feeling more stupid and GUILTY because I'm upset about it?? LMAO LIKE WHAT KIND OF EMOTIONAL GARBAGE IS THAT?? And I'm barely online these days too beyond randomly scrolling shit to see what my friends that I barely feel relevant to talk to are doing in their lives nfjgkh I've lost all personalableness... that's not a word but we keep goin' lmao

It's like boy howdy, this kinda like ennui gets met with the whole ooooh two cakes and ohhhh but it'll be someone's favorite and blah blah - PBBT PBBTTT PBTTTT I GET IT!! But like, I'm sorry, I need more validation that I'm not wasting my fucking time. Because that's kind of all I feel these days is that I'm just wasting my time... which is sad. But ya'know some asshole will also be like "so stop" like thanks, thanks kiddo. That's the kind of shit I need I guess. Just stop. Just give up!

It's like, keep struggling, or just stop. Both options kinda fucking blow. But I've also tried to just stop caring about numbers and engagement - but I've noticed all my friends have slowly stopped posting art too. Busy and tired.

I wanna be excited to post art again, man. I miss when I'd post Marvel shit and actually have hilarious engagement and made friends and had fun conversations.

I miss when I'd post a Xig post and I'd see a tag and end up having a conversation in someone's ask box back and forth because I made some little easter egg or HC they were really into and were curious about more.

I dunno :)) bitching for no reason I guess. Shuts up and draws my stupid little pictures.

I feel like the only reason I keep doing art anymore is because I'm grasping some thread of hoping social media flops over again an engagement booms again LMAO - and also like, I have 3 patrons that ya'know. I'M FUCKING TRYING TO KEEP DESPERATELY LMAO.... Patreon pays for my fucking vet bills at this point and I'm obnoxiously thankful for those people but just fuck idk.

I'm doing everything wrong anymore it feels like but whatever!!

Maybe I just don't try hard enough lmao. Just not meant to be an online artist anymore. After 20 years, I'm still fighting this hard for mild engagement? What kind of fuck up, am I lmao holy shit.

Get To Know Me

hiya i was tagged in two diff versions of this by my lovely pals @firenati0n and @bigassbowlingballhead thank you!! i am Lazy so i have compiled them both into one massive post. enjoy!?

Last song: Gimme a Minute by PVRIS

Last film: the dark knight!!! (excellent movie. i am not even a batman guy, im just a heath ledger guy)

Currently reading: i am reading an ARC of "I Want You More" by swan huntley (excellent so far!!) and also i'm slowly working my way through house of leaves

Currently watching: percy jackson!!!!! most beloved <3

Currently consuming: um!!! coke zero (perpetually)

Currently craving: it's like 1AM but i could probably go for some pasta rn

__

Were you named after anyone? no i was not!

When was the last time you cried? god i dunno. a couple months ago maybe?? (i probably should have cried more recently, there was cause for it lol but i am Bad at crying)

Do you have kids? lmfao. no!

What sports do you play/have you played? this may surprise nobody, but: hockey. i also played soccer growing up and i did horseback riding if that counts (this is how i have broken so many bones)

Do you use sarcasm? oh, frequently. constantly, one might say!

What’s the first thing you notice about people? i actually... don't know?? hair, i guess

What’s your eye color? green!!!!!!

Scary movies or happy endings? why not both <3

Any talents? oh i am so talented!!!! (lying) i mean... writing, i guess? that's the only thing i know how to do

Where were you born? canada, babyyy

What are your hobbies? read, write, scroll on tumblr <3 walk dogs <3 i like to drive, does that count as a hobby?? oh i also occasionally paint

Do you have any pets? yuh

How tall are you? like five foot eight

Favorite subject in school? guess. (its english)

Dream job? to echo roop, i dont dream of labour (lmao!) but i would love to be an editor!! publishing industry i am coming for u

__

i am not tagging any pals simply because i have created my own frankensteinian hybrid of this tag game and i don't want to inflict it on anybody else <3 but feel free to participate if it calls to you!

Word Search Tag Game!

I got tagged by @theluckywizard to find five words in my fics and share a snippet from each.

Gasp: from A Fool's Errand, about Thalia and Cullen's failed attempt at getting busy on his desk lmfao

“Right. Um. Hang on.” He rolled to the left, exposing the seam at his side where the two plates of metal fastened with a comically high number of leather straps. Thalia gasped as his weight shifted, pinning her even harder against the desk. The hard mahogany wood dug painfully into her lower back. “Can you reach that?”  “Sure,” Thalia lied, trying not to wince. She wriggled beneath him, struggling to free an additional arm. “Could you stop leaning on my shoulder, please?” 

Blood: from Two Songs; Truth, Sadness, Sacrifice, about a night on the town in Kirkwall gone wrong for Cullen and Samson (featuring THE BOOT KNIFE)

Cullen slammed into him, knocking the boy’s cap off. A second later, he had Quno by the hair, standing behind him with the dagger to his neck. Quno let out a truncated squeal that Cullen silenced by pressing the blade closer to his scrawny throat.  “You’ll consider Samson’s debt paid,” Cullen rasped, “or else—” “Fucking—” Quno held up his arm, another ball of magic swirling in his hand, but Cullen concentrated on the lyrium in his blood and summoned a dispelling force. The spell went out with a hiss, like a torch dropped in a bucket of water.  Only then did Quno understand. Cullen felt the boy’s body tense with terror. “You— you’re a fucking Templar?” 

Gently: from It's Never Sunny in Barovia, my unhinged Curse of Strahd crossover WIP that no one asked for, featuring Metrion from Curse of Strahd: Twice Bitten which everyone should listen to so I'm not flying this blorbo flag alone

Thalia tries to protest, but he cuts her off. “No, no, maybe you’re right, a little bit. Or a lot. I dunno. Fuck. I never wanted to be in this place. It’ll wear you down, break you, faster’n you can run. We been told the devil knows our every move, that it’s all a game to him. That we’ll stay alive as long as we keep things interesting. But I dunno if painting your face would make much of a difference in the long run, if he’s got an eye on ya.”  Metrion sounds mournful, apologetic, as if trying to break bad news as gently as he can. Thalia reaches out, with a pang of sympathy, and touches his elbow through his long overcoat. He freezes, dares to meet her gaze only briefly before averting it again.  “Strahd must have a weakness,” Thalia says. “Everyone does.” How can she explain to him that she once stood down a man who would be god? What’s one more vampiric tyrant, in the face of someone like Corypheus? 

Sky: from Chapter 1 of Through a Glass, Darkly:

The sky hung low like a threat. It pulsated emerald green, punctuated by swirling dark clouds and detritus. His mouth tasted of ashes. The courtyard was choked with dead grass and fallen rock. Cullen blinked at it dumbly. His eyes hurt, even in the dim light. The near-total darkness of his cell had been all he’d known for weeks beyond count. 

Sharp: from the in-progress next chapter of Through a Glass, Darkly:

Some time later, Thalia returned to her tent, a bitter aftertaste lingering in her mouth. She felt a bit off-kilter, but relieved. Blackwall sat where she’d left him, his whetstone sliding along the edge of his blade in long, slow strokes. His eyes were on the fire.  Irritation stirred in Thalia’s chest. “That must be the sharpest sword known to man by now.”  His eyes snapped to her; his hand paused. Thalia felt a strange pang to behold him like this. Terrible memories churned in her mind: Blackwall’s sudden disappearance, his impassioned speech on the gallows in Val Royeaux, the way he’d looked at her through the bars of his cell. This is why I told you we couldn’t be together, he said, with perfect loathing, while her heart rent in two.

Tagging it forward to:

@bluewren | @monocytogenes | @inquisimer | @exalted-dawn-drabbles | @demarogue | @kiastirling-fanfic | anyone who wants to play!

Words for you to find: broken, tooth, stroll, civilization, satisfied.

☼ new positivity game ☼ tag your fave people on this website and say something nice about each of them ❥

HIII ANON! yes yes i love to spread love and positivity

i’ve had this sitting in my inbox for a couple of days until i wasn’t working and/or exhausted so now it’s got my full attention. time to dive right the fuck in. get ready to be loved on folks

(i just got halfway through this post and realised how long it’s gonna be lmfao whoops. all the compliments are under the cut ♥️ i have a whole lot of love to give.)

i’m gonna start this with @tisziny. everyone has to know by now how much they mean to me. so supportive and kind and wonderful. always the first person in line to offer help or advice, or the first to say something nice. silly and hilarious, but so warm and open as well. my day wouldn’t be complete without talking to them now. and i wouldn’t have gotten this far in the fic writing scene without their unrestrained support and enthusiasm. i owe them a great debt (it’s my heart and they already have it). my sweetest cheese ♥️

@skysofrey do NOT. get me started on Kaitlin. i will genuinely cry. i will weep. she’s so funny and sweet and nice and pretty. and so unabashedly supportive and so fuckin’ funny. oh my god. do you ever just th…. surjwbueeh just think about your friends (or your wife 6 times over) and hehdiw… idiewj start weeping????? she’s so cool. like she’s way out of my league but we’re gonna set the world record for most times married you watch. i’ll show you all

@blakbonnet ohggg. Meow. you’re so so funny and so evil to me. but i forgive you because i love you so dearly. so creative and talented and wonderful. ill even overlook the beard situation for you. we can’t all be perfect (like me) but you come pretty damn close. can’t wait to settle down in a mansion and adopt like 7 dogs with you love 💕

@stedebonnets ARA!!!!!! everyone look. ara without a word of exaggeration is one of THEE NICEST people I have ever had the absolute pleasure of knowing. puts everyone else first, cares so so much about the people around her. will sometimes just drop into my inbox and say the sweetest most genuine thing and it reminds me that there is in fact goodness on this barren and hideous planet. the world would be a kinder place if there were more people like Ara around. it’s you me and Arthur against the world Ara and we’re gonna MAKE IT!!!!

@bunnyandthejets Bun. ougyggghh it’s Bun Time. I love you forever and ever and ever. unbelievably hilarious and so so kind. every time i see you in my notifs or in my inbox my heart does a whole song and dance. you’ve made me laugh more times than I can count and I am so so grateful for your endless support. if Big John was real you’d be his favourite <3

@vampirebutterflies ASTER!!! my favourite queer in crime!!! absolute darling angel from heaven. still waiting for our planetarium date babe. the way i kept seeing you being fuckin hilarious and sexy in my notes and went THATS IT!!!!!!! WE HAVE TO BE FRIENDS FOREVER and then made a blood pact with you. to the grave babe mwah <3

@epersonae so so kind and so supportive and delightful. been here since day one, cheering me on and being so open and sincere. there are few in the world as good and as kind as you. such a skilled and thoughtful writer as well!!! writes some of the most wonderful fic I’ve ever read and if you’re not here for Hungry for love, ready to drown what are you even doing

@xoxoemynn ohghhhh you’re just so full of love marianne. so full of love and light and beans and i am obsessed with you. so friendly and thoughtful and so NICE!!!! i dunno what we did to deserve you for real. it takes practice to be as sweet as you are and my friend you are a master of your craft <3

@blackbeardskneebrace miles. my beloved angel miles. you’re so so skilled (one of the most impressive artists on All Of The Internet) and so thoughtful and sweet and sincere. you’re way too cool and funny and smart for me but here we are. i would fight god for you bud. i’d win btw i have insane person rage <3

@leatherdaddyteach oh MANNNN don’t get me started on Joey. sexiest most wonderful mfer in these whole entire woods. hilarious and kind with also the most elite taste in music (not even my opinion that’s just objective fact babe mwah) also we are kissing right on the mouth. i’d give you all my teeth if i could. like i don’t need them babe they’re yours now

@chocolatepot cassidy is one of those people who are just effortlessly kind and thoughtful. so ready to share everyone’s creative endeavours and also persists in being an absolutely incredible writer. i’ve said it once i’ll say it again but More Nicer is one of my favourite one shots. it’s so so cute and i think about it every day.

@wearfinethingsalltoowell Joy my beloved. so nice and thoughtful and sweet. a fellow olu enjoyer to the maximum and a fellow Team Bared Until We Die. We got each other’s backs out here in the trenches. i forgive you for all the times your angst posts have made me cry <3 (no i don’t i hold a grudge. think of my organs)

@nofeelingisfinall Zed my darling my dear my angel. you’re so sexy and smart and kind and 💍 what if we smooch forever. you make my heart go so fast (bc i’m in love with you). another person with yummy delicious music taste and also your web weavings make me cry and weep. like i love you why must you hurt me. i just want peace

@sassygwaine adrian you are so so nice and sweet. like when i picture you i picture a forest that’s full of greenery and life after a little bit of rain ya know? that’s the kind of person you are. so full of love and sincerity and also you’re hilarious and smart and always correct. i’m building us a blanket fort. the door’s the blue cushion

@flightoftheconnie fr you’re way too cool for me. i know this down to my bones. but idc, you me and kaitlin are getting married come spring. let’s run away together and hijack some cars and rob some banks and then make out. i’ll kill all your enemies for you send me a list of names and it’ll be done. mwah <3

@snake-snack-stede oh man. outtghhffg man. Olivia. you’re seriously one of the most creative and delightful people on this shit-hole app. every single post you make is pure gold. don’t get me started on your tags. like being that effortlessly funny is such a skill and you’ve mastered it. but also you are so so kind and sweet too. i’m convinced you could rule the world and i think you’d do it perfectly. i have a huge crush on you btw can you tell?

@jellybeanium124 another person with a godly sense of humour. how dare you all be funnier than me. nina you’re so nice and also you’ve never been wrong ever. all of your takes are objectively correct. how does it feel being cooler and sexier than the rest of us?

@awkward-fallen-angel ohhh heather you’re so sweet!!! and super creative as well!!! always super happy to have a little chat you’re always so enthusiastic and excited about the things you love and care about. so much love for you my dear friend

@sherlockig hi alexz!!!! a stede bonnet lover first and a person second. you’re such an absolute delight, and you’re always cheering on and supporting your friends which i really admire. certified hot as well. come here i gotta give you a smooch

@cheersmequeers kate!!! hi hi!!! you’re so genuine and fun and nice, and i’m always so so happy to see you in my notifs. you’ve got so much love in your heart and i think that’s beautiful. a thousand smooches for you <3

if i've forgotten anyone (and I'm sure I probably have) then pls punch me in the head :) put me straight in the bin fr. just know that even if you aren't on this list that I am very in love with you and I think we should fuck nasty <3

tagged by @x-eins yaaaaaaaaay!!!

1. Are you named after anyone?

Not really, but? my cousin’s middle name is Erin and I guess my parents “asked her” if it was ok - but she was like, 2 at the time, so it was more of a cute gesture than anything deeper lol.

2. When was the last time you cried?

I actually can’t recall...I came really CLOSE to crying last Saturday but it was more tearing up than actual crying.

3. Do you have kids? / recommend a song?

Hikari no Disco by Capsule!

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

It depends lol - I try to mitigate my sarcasm because I don’t want to come off rudely but I use cute jokey sarcasm with friends a lot and if someone IS annoying me I will be very sarcastic under my breath lol

5. What sports do you play/have played?

I was an Irish dancer from kindergarten through high school - that was MY sport, I never did anything else competitively!

6. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Their general face area?

7. Eye color?

Brown!

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Booooth....scary movies with happy endings being IDEAL.

9. Any special talents?

Idk lmfao - I have talents but I dunno if any of them are “special” in the way that I think this question means? I can sing and bake and draw pretty decently all around, I think that’s enough.

10. Where were you born / what made you make a tumblr account?

I can’t remember, I think a friend had one and I wanted to follow them, it’s been like over 10 years at this point the purpose has been lost 2 time sdjfgnlsdg

11. What are your hobbies?

drawing, baking, video games, walking, listening to music/singing, taking walks

12. Do you have any pets?

My baby boy Yutakaaaaaaaaaa my beloved SON (he is a black cat I love him)

13. How tall are you?

150cm/4′11′’ lmao shortie over here

14. Favorite subject in school?

Science! I think science is super interesting and love biology especially...I just don’t like being tested on stuff jsdfgnlsfg

15. Dream job?

honestly something similar to what I’m doing rn that pays better lmfao I don’t derive fulfillment from my job, I just want to be able to make a living wage so I can do the stuff that really matters to me

I taaaaag YOU if u see this u should do it uvu

!!!2, 15, 28, 31, 49, 50!!!

2. Go to your AO3 “Works” page, to the sidebar with all the filters, and click the drop-down arrow for “Additional Tags.” What are your top 3-5 most used tags? Do you think they accurately represent your writing habits?

oh this is FUN! sure, my top five are:

established relationship

selectively mute Red (pokémon)

Mute Red (pokémon)

blow jobs

Plot what plot/porn without plot

and I gotta say, partner, if those five tags don’t describe the Minnie experience and just how committed I am to writing red pokémon getting all the blow jobs he can handle, I don’t know what else can!!

but for reals, I DO love writing blow jobs A LOT and I love red a lot. so. AND I LOVE ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP!!! im not surprised that’s NUMBER ONE BABEEYYY

15. What’s your favorite AU that you’ve written?

aw man this is tough… I actually think my favorite AU hasn’t been written yet! but as for ones that are written I think… wow, I just love Bet the Farm a lot!! AND THERE’S SHEEP IN THAT AU, HOW COULD I SAY ANYTHING ELSE?? but Countryside is really close it’s like RIGHT THERE

28. Does anyone read your fics before you post them? If so, who?

lmao no, I literally just slap that shit on ao3, whatever happens in the final stages of editing and posting are between me and satan himself

31. What’s your ideal fic length to write?

I think I have several ideal fic lengths! It depends on the idea. I will give an outline.

simple one-shot: 3 – 7k

complex one-shot: 10 – 22k

chapter update: 15 – 25k

mini-series: 35k

By mini-series I mean…basically like a group of complex one-shots that’s like a mini chaptered fic. Like four or five chapters broken up real nice and easily digestible. Unfortunately, I always go over my ideal fic length because I have no self-control and I won’t shut up. But this is basically what I try for.

49. What are you currently working on? Share a few lines if you’re up for it!

I’m working on a couple of things. I’ll share something from GABA 7, which is a big chaptered fic and is my absolute favorite because I put all my headcanons in there.

50. Answer any question of your choice, or talk about anything you want to talk about!

lmfao and now I conveniently forget everything I’ve ever wanted to talk about.

I dunno, I’ve been thinking about the entire writing process lately and how fucking much it is at times. Like every time you open that document and write A word…or a sentence or a paragraph…and you come back and look at it and you hate it or you love it…I think it takes a lot of strength to write.

like it’s just so challenging!! to put words together. it’s not simple at all. and you get stuck in your own head a lot. but you keep going because no one else is going to write this shit for you. I think it takes a lot out of you, but it’s worth it because you put something out into the world that someone’s going to read and enjoy, even if you don’t know it.

I think we often forget, as writers, that people may not leave comments or say something to us directly, but they can love our work from afar. and that’s with any content creator but like. I especially want to say it about writers, because y’know, people kinda downplay writing like ‘anyone can write’ which is so fucking false idk who started that shit, but I would like a word.

idk do you ever think deeply about your hobbies and like…how much time you put into them? and you’re not mad, you’re just thinking about it. I love writing so much but I truly hate that period of when you’re nearly done with something and you hate it. literally the worst part of writing right after having to come up with titles/summaries.

thank you for sending all these questions ixan I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!

oh lmfao edited to add. the thirty tags are maxed out but i have to work in the wordplay of: call this post-it notes

speaking of [happening to think about, then for a separate reason talk about, the film “stand by me,” an adaptation of the stephen king short story “the body”] last night, & tumblr ads reminding me, i did turn around after listening to the podcast ep extensive, research enhanced analysis / discussion of specifically the book like hey yeah yknow what. i’ll watch the It films; not the miniseries / the one with tim curry, which i saw the first half of but wasn’t really inspired to commit to the latter half. and you Know like yeah i’m truly interested in the choice to build on [stephen king kicking his legs like “whaaat are some Problems kids could have.....um being a girl.....being jewish.....having a stutter.....”] with “what if someone was gay or some shit” like yeah right on, which idk that steve ever wrote into any vaguely primary characters even though it’s markedly made textually relevant. and the cultural alignment for kleinsen enjoyers is still very funny. i forgot about even the arm cast business till halfway through. even the [break it again] joke kind of manifested lmao

anyways the point is i’m like, my two primary modes of [this experience] being expressed via [mad men meme In The Cinema seriously considering the material] and [the shot of that guy in the alternate titanic ending where he’s like ahahahaha throwing his head back and the camera is overhead zooming out a little bit] and the like Oh Hey. This Is All Coming Together? kind of [that madman cinema meme] moment hit in The Second Part because it’s like, it’s Remarkable for a stephen king story to have Adults Who Are Friends. which is where it can be cross referenced with Stand By Me, which is about kids who are friends, but Framed by like, this story is written in the future by the main kid, who wanted to be a writer & now is, mostly about his friendship with this one other kid who was like “hey man you can & should be a writer. believe” and that classic [stephen king High Concept stories] central plot impetus / definition which is “the one where some kids go on a trek to find/see a dead body” and then ending with Adult Main Kid with that classic / standout remark “i never had any friends like the ones i had when i was twelve. god, does anyone?” which is included even in the film via seeing him type it out on bulkier ye old computer terminals while his kid is now twelvish i guess and talking to a friend. after also musing on like, yeah that bestie who hyped me up the most and who i saved in turn, with a gun, tragically died. iunno where those other two kids in the group are, living kind of underwhelming lives out there probably but whatever. lmfao like man i dunno write them a letter, call them, you could do a little digging here and get in touch. but yeah it’s not gonna be Exactly The Same as when you were kids, nor exactly the same as it was when things aligned to have a brief but dramatic adventure, nor when you Could just all spontaneously decide you wanna go walking & camping to find a body & then just up & do that. but like, you can consciously make & maintain friendships i prommy my man lol. like “it’s great when things align so you Happen to have these friends when you’re twelve and you all like offer each other emotional support and can understand each other like nobody else can. but then you Will all just drift apart” like, i mean, will you. you can have friendships beyond what you just Happen to have / hope that the magic alignments will just continue falling into place for you so that those friendships still exist

and probably part of it is that it’s really mostly About the two kids who are friends even though there’s four of them, i.e. the protagonist & the moral support bestie, as well as the fact that this is a short story so there’s presumably only so much time to focus on characters at all really or delve into any setup and bg lore and whatever all else, i dunno. but thinking how it’s like, oh hey, in It it’s kind of its own serendipitous alignment of elements there to be like, here’s a group of adults where it’s peak relevant that they’re friends, for once. because afaik that really just doesn’t happen in sking stories, like, yeah adults kind of have friends but it’s Not Very Deep / it’s just kind of convenience about working together moving plots along & it’s like yeah uh i don’t fucking know i guess we see each other / hang out for dinners or post dinner drinks together or join forces about whatever fucked up shit and just talk about that, mostly....and probably people are just dropping off like flies eventually, the protagonist man of that [sooo many protags who are just some fuckin middle aged guy who’s a writer] type, and it’s also in part just because like, characters don’t really matter that much / have to be particularly distinct / Are Disposable when plenty of the point is to go “was that fucked up or what?” about whatever’s happening, so yknow you go “there was once just some fuckin guy, i dunno, he probably has a wife he’s paternalistically protective of but maybe also resents and maybe a kid or two or something, whatever....” like, being the main character doesn’t really matter, it’s just this avatar through which we are told a story of some fucked up shit and to whomst any fucked up shit can even happen, being other characters also really doesn’t matter

so it’s like huh, stand by me / the body as obviously this Ode To Twelve Year Olds’ Friendship And How Your Emotional Support Of Each Other Defines The Entire Path Of Your Life Though Mostly For The Main Character, Everyone Else Fucked Off Or Whatever like right yeah, but with that difference of how like clearly as an adult this isn’t gonna be about this guy going like “hey yeah where are those still living scamps today,” he’s reminiscing only, he’s talking about how he now doesn’t have any friends like the ones he had when he was twelve....then what changes in It is like, hmm how are these adults where the fact they’re friends actually is peak relevant? how does one remain friends with even Any childhood friends there huh. and then the fact it works out like that is like aha, well it’s because they don’t lmfao. that everyone happens to scatter to the winds at some point when it maybe will eventually rear its head amongst even their own adult guardians like hey, yknow, maybe let’s not live in murderville. or coincidence. whatever. where the point is that like oh also, everyone just magically forgets the goings on as kids including the existence of their friends, but is about to be reminded of them / remember all that, for a specific external reason rather than [adults are like hey let me try getting in touch with that mf] and already plot and magic is relevant to all of this. they’re not going to have gotten together for the shittiest high school reunion if not for the connection of Friendship, this is about adults but it’s about that childhood plotline still, so Twelve Year Olds’ Friendships still stands / is relevant, so we can even fathom these adults having a connection, b/c yes they Didn’t have it as they got older there, but now they’re jumping back into it actually, b/c magic, and because also this is Directly About (Childhood) Trauma which was also like, hey damn, even outside the stephen king oeuvre & its tendencies (solid & wretched), this is also transcending grievances i so often have with Horror, as someone who likes horror and doesn’t like horror but likes horror but doesn’t like it, and just like. questionable employment of [you Are bothering to focus on Character, and their emotional arcs being entirely relevant to the story here] when sometimes it’s like, do you need a story? the strength of horror shorts to just go “was that fucked up or what.” do you need the characters with the emotional arc relevance at all, or is it just a little avatar walking around with enough vague motivation to have / see / make fucked up shit happen? are they particularly characterized to play into some Metaphor, what’s that metaphor, is it shit, is the execution of it shit. and oftentimes Trauma is just like, idk, it’s like well here’s this person’s Weakness, and it being horror that’s more likely to make it into a Fatal Flaw, like way to have trauma you dumbass, if you were so weak as to fail to just get over it already / Overcome it, you just might be killed for it

annoying, shallow and hackneyed, insulting, etc, and it’s also like, the Individual Focused emotional journey like and here this character who’s been weakly propped up by the Stronger people supporting them will have to go through the crucible of being alone, facing down their Issue like their trauma, and getting through it in this big dramatic one and done way so they can finally stop being a pussy and an obstacle to others. or else fuck it up & die. and it’s like do you know how this works lmfao (no) why shouldn’t the support help. why should it Have to go away. why shouldn’t everyone be crowdsourcing their emotional support amongst their group lmao and never needing to “overcome” it Forever, alone. and that’s at least mostly what gets to go on in It lmfao, like, so obviously this is About Childhood Trauma. whereas It = any of the forces that make people act in ways that create, facilitate, or simply passively allow trauma. (or just some shit that really fucks shit up sometimes i guess.) and you have kids who get caught Alone getting got. but then you have a larger group of some twelvish year olds who are like alright fuck this then, and that’s enough to get through it, the same way that naturally in the less magical / more literal realm of their lives, that friend group & joining forces & providing this like actually (relatively) safe and supportive environment amongst themselves is what protects them & makes everyone a lot more of a force to be reckoned with than they are when out / caught on their own. and it just doesn’t happen to be about choosing to write about like, and then all these kids got picked off one by one anyways, despite their efforts, f. which like i guess it could be, but when the Point is so Directly about the emotional support some kids get from each other / that they Are crowdsourcing protection re: their individual vulnerabilities, that wouldn’t really emphasize that Point so much if regardless of the [having a friend group] everyone was fucked anyways. or the fact that like, again, this is About trauma and what can create it and how that can persist and all, the Magic Rules are about the emotional component of it all, when it’s like, oh this just so happens to be a magic murder entity that’s picking off kids but also prefers to torment them and/or like idk takes the route of going “oh you’re gonna hate this” and hooks up their consciousness via usb cable to the zillionth dimension void & then sips their life force through a crazy straw, or, as it would be to clown entities, a normal straw, and i dunno, that if the usb is unplugged vs eternal living death then the torment juice can give people the interdimensional premonition / telepathy across space & probably time shine(tm) like good for them i guess. call that hypervigilance?

and then that like, into the Adults timeline, not only is there this cheat like woops a stephen king story where adults are friends b/c they’ve reconnected the usb cables where the [friends like the ones i had when i was twelve] has now become immediately relevant and active again, i was like, mad man cinema contemplation meme a bit confused going into the second half until i realized some particular fact of the plot And it was slowly like....we’re kind of goofin huh, is this Being Funnier? b/c i mean, the first one wasn’t not ever funny or like otherwise not super solemn & heavy, and also i’m just Used to horror to the point it’s not gonna like bother me probably, i was watching alone and turned off the lights b/c i couldn’t adjust my screen’s lighting levels & the overhead light in here was gonna create glare via the mirror behind me, and i didn’t think anything of it at any point, i had to also be like “@ me, okay stop saying ‘me’ the moment you realize anything [A Scary Moment] is transpiring for no especial reason,” and yknow, it’s like a roller coaster to me, or i’d say like being tickled except actually i hate that one & will start physically fighting lol, where it’s like yeah aaaaaa but it’s fun & i’m Humored really, i’m experiencing the [horror & comedy are two sides of the same coin], when i’m startled or going like oooh that was, to be sure, creepy, it’s still like, ahaha, i’m figuratively tickled, going :] at the screen, i especially liked the same [ooh hehe yeah that’s eerie] type of moments in both halves like yeah very [your standard marble hornets enjoyer] of me....but anyways so then it did take me an extra few moments maybe in the second half like oh is this Markedly More Humorous? oh it is, then....sort of unexpected but then it immediately makes sense and was Fascinating like, oh, this is so In Conversation With the first movie and with the Overall Story here lmao. like, we are illustrating the Perspective Shift, the [kids timeline] is still relevant and defines everything that’s going on, but they Are adults now and That itself is relevant. b/c otherwise it’s like, it Is just the same situation played over again lmfao like damn we were the [kids fight & defeat a murder sewer clown monster] and now we’re the [adults fight & defeat a murder sewer clown monster]. and Of Course It Makes Sense for there to be overall more Drama for the kids, who are more so just living & immersed in their normal lives in that storyline, and of course, Are Kids, where like anything “was that fucked up or what” that’d happen would be more intense & threatening, and sure applying that perspective like, not only “yeah i’m just experiencing some media, but if that was really happening in life that’d be fucked up, if it was happening for real to me, i’d be like, whoa uh oh holy shit aaaa” lmao, and then an Additional layer of “and if i was twelve” like “yeah aaaa oh shit” way compounded by that, naturally. 

but then i’m Also like, listen, i’d be more like halfway through my 27 yr time jump but i’m the adult with cptsd lmao and so i’m Madmen In The Theatreing because of this angle as well, and intrigued, positively, by the uptick in levity about everything. wherein it’s like okay, it’s sure Also true that like, undo the [and if you were twelve] angle, but The Same kind of fucked up shit happening would of course still be like well this sucks, and is startling, to Anyone who’s an adult, right. But Also like, again the way it’s relevant to touch base with the [kids] timeline, because that’s Defining Everything, this isn’t just “and they’re adults which means everyone’s just tougher than they were when they were kids” and That’s That, it’s like, these are adults who were these specific kids with specific experiences vulnerable to and exposed to bonus trauma, and now this is a “time to jump back in to a head on confrontation with that” plotline but As A Group again rather than this being just the story of like any individuals, or just the main kid/guy, who is now to be sure the [the middle aged writer guy of a stephen king story] lmfao, congrats....and you had [repressed memories but like, magically extensively encompassing] as the device here to as what allows for this outlier scenario of like “but how can adults possibly maintain friendships formed organically in their youth? well, they didn’t lol. but now they’re back.” and the past Has to be relevant and freshly Active because again, this Is directly about trauma lol, not just about whatever broader thing and anyone might secretly have this Hangup or two that’ll get them got. and they all Know this lol, this may be some exclusive knowledge more broadly, but this is Not a secret amongst this group of adults like ah yes my marinating issues that nobody suspects i have....which is a bonus to [even though they’re adults in a stephen king story they don’t all or even mostly have to die] and then like, as i am trying to get around to, that it’d be Different being just any adult approaching this as a new situation to them vs being an adult With Trauma(tm) lol like. the way that one might go “well, this would suck for anyone, but i have a different vulnerability b/c [cptsd involving this shit]” but Then Also the resilience that nobody should have to have and it’s technically a “strength” even though then actually people interpret their [lack of honed ability through direct life experience to cope indefinitely with traumatic experiences] as the strength, a la “wow why’s that person put up with that, i wouldn’t stand for it b/c isn’t it So Clearly Bad & Unpleasant?” victim blaming mentality and people “used” to that shit “putting up with” said shit, which other people would throw up their hands like Wow Just No and walk away from. which in turn isn’t a “weakness” lmao like, there’s no moral judgments to being someone w/trauma or someone without it. that people shouldn’t Have to have cptsd or Resilience, of course, but then that they do. i’m certainly relating to like, yeah it’s Magic Rules / Exaggeration the way that only people young enough can detect & deal with this shit directly, the first time around, and then that they still have access to it as adults presumably b/c of that exposure as kids and because [the childhood trauma doesn’t just Go Away b/c you grew up, even though Also people just think that it ought to or like wow so immature or wow you’re Letting it affect you too strongly still, huh] etc. and anyways, relating to like, yeah enjoyed the way some adults would just be cool & generally supportive, but i also only had so much access to such adults, all Through parents or via school where it’s like, yeah but all the adults there have to Make Sure You’re Behaving Properly in various ways that lead to [punitive] ends and if anyone’s being like particularly supportive / understanding that’s a personal individual choice & they’re probably going Above & Beyond. kind of impressed how useless, and actively unhelpful / counterproductive, any adults were later on when i was dealing with it all the more / had it coming to a head in ways lol, didn’t have an epic friend group i hung out with at twelve or ever who Knew Me that well or i shared anything with or got lifechanging emotional support from, but there Were occasions of like, yeah these peers get it, huh. and now with the perspex of [cptsd having adult] it’s like, yeah, i’d have repeated dreams of parents showing up & i start physically fighting them off with like a shovel and shit lmfao. even now when i rarely have dreams ft. like a more general monster / menacing figure, like i did last night, go figure, Dream Me is always like Oh Okay and immediately physically charges them unarmed lmfao. (also had a dream cameo where some guy on a home computer who was making up like building / engineering schematics? was a Wrole like omg hey buddy. unfortunately a limited interaction, that plot got quickly waylaid by the one where i launch myself at some entity. booo) i can be like “ah, here goes the adrenal response” mostly only noticing sometimes when it’s like, my physical tension has gone to the point of [i can notice my legs/knees shaking], i can also Not Notice It / not think of it b/c you know, it’s like this is truly mundane / everyday shit, in the Relative / Comparative way that it can be. it can be stealth mission time to do some ordinary shit like you live in a survival horror game. it can also go “yeah i could very easily see how if, say, there was this manifestation of trauma / the shit that causes/facilitates/sustains/allows it, i’d go sicko mode on that shit just immediate physical attack” lmao. i know if i’m startled it’s like, that can be a) ordinary, and/or b) unpleasant, and probably c) immediately followed by my being ready to go sicko mode, possibly being a bit pissed off lol. like i can’t even be worried like oh no it’s nighttime what if something was menacing. like yeah that’d be scary and suck, i might get got, i’d also immediately be pissed off like fucking try me you asshole. and it’s like, again the way comedy is A Framework, it’s not what happens when a situation is Lighthearted, Unserious, Frivolous, etc. the like, obvious fact like wow people who are funny can be sad? can have had some fucked up, Serious experiences? can even joke about that? like yeah of course humor can be Deliberately Employed To Cope, including to even communicate about shit, where you’re cueing hard like, i’m not necessarily collapsing under the weight of this right now but it’s a reality and when i’m telling you about it with Humor it’s not in turn asking for you to fix it or even do anything about it at all except be listening to / comprehending the info i’m giving you. and that even looking back on shit can be funny To You because it’s just like, sure Elevated and can be a bit absurd. so it’s like oh yeah of course it’d be funnier, in a way characters are aware of & actively interacting with lmfao. like of course any adult would be like “jesus christ. yikes. aaaa” lol while also being more inclined and able to tackle bullshit right off, but Also being specifically an adult with the [this is your childhood trauma] can be like, yes i’m both still affected by and vulnerable to this shit, but i’m Also less vulnerable than some rando might be, actually, and prepared to / more used to this, and able to go “jesus christ yikes aaaa lmfaooo ahaha” about it. like, i feel that lol. 

paragraph break just because that one was getting Extra long: oh and also the matter of Genre Awareness, that this isn’t just some fucked up shit that happens to be scary and fuck your shit up, but this is expressly an antagonist coming after you with the intention to be scary to you, and you Know that, you are aware you’re in a Horror Genre situation lmao, so meta, surely helpful. and sure sometimes i felt the like comedy vs horror; comedy vs drama sometimes didn’t transition perfectly like, my kind of feeling ambivalent at this one point like uhhh is this scene more straightforwardly dramatic? hmm i guess it was. well anyways. but that’s fine, meanwhile continually delighted even to realize like, here we are going over this all again but with this Shifted Perspective / Framework, we’re clearly goofin a bit. and like how i can clap & cheer like ooh yeah that was creepy lmfao, i got Got comedically like idfk dozen times or what all. ahehe....not to mention the [i Am going insane. society] experience of scrungy expression spit take coughing laughter when overlaying [titanic guy going HaHaHaHaHaHaHa XD as the camera lifts away from overhead] upon [mad man serious contemplation of cinema png] while experiencing like wow the gay Text is more textual than i though, more extensive, turns out i had some things to go into entirely afresh without going “oh yeah, i remember what i osmosis’d about this” to then go :0 =0 about, or that i didn’t quite get Everything through osmosising that i did recall, to then spit take about and become titanic guy fifty times over. i Am a bit joker mode, you really just have to be. and laughing about [when stephen king and PPL go “you know this type of guy” and we all go “yeah i guess. i know Of them [possible knowing looks amongst ourselves, or to the camera]” and then they go “you know how they’re—” and then our answers of “maybe like gay or some shit” overlaps with their “just another heterosexual amongst all the rest of us, unless we’re gay, but we’re talking about how all the protagonists we write are cishet i guess?” like. haha. what an alignment, good for everyone in the overlap....oh and i was like ahahaha when the podcast discussion of The Book Specifically nevertheless had one guy knowing the lore already that the stephen king cameo here as Some Secondhand / Pawn Shop Type Place Owner Guy was someone who, in stephe’s (not a typo, making stephe as = steven happen, with particular enunciation of the ph vs v) own written text as the description of That Guy in the book, is like, this gay caricature who is like wearing some mesh or i think they said it said “fishnet” shirt and like clearly reading this gay porn mag. because how else would someone be gay lmfao? how else would you Know you’ve encountered one of them?? lmfao like, a) i also agree with the podcasters who are like, stephe’s a coward for not staying true to that specific description he wrote when cameo’ing as that person, and b) like, people are gay, stephe....but classic matters of [running down a hallway going Noooo and knocking shit down behind you while being chased by [the way stephen king writes about [take your pick] and/or just like, what do you think is going on in life re: [take your pick] exactly, stephen king, i swear] lol)

anyways This has turned into [gif of the guy emphatically pointing at a laptop and also at some unseen listener to this Serious Monologue] because i have endless things to say about anything. the point it it’s like, well hey i think that was remarkably successful re: choosing to have Characters with Emotional Arcs tied to a Metaphor in this horror media, when usually i’m like, the execution of this is so shit that it’s like, just don’t have characters lol, don’t try to make it a metaphor (although you know, difficult for it not to be tied to anything irl, so don’t be unaware of how it Could be), if it’s gonna be this kind of a mess. the fact that like, you can’t have [trauma] be a character weakness fatal flaw that gets them got b/c they weren’t individually Strong Enough, b/c this is All About a) having & interacting with that [trauma] first and foremost and b) how having a group of relationships affects that (helpfully). my pleasant surprise about how like yeah of course you can’t just make the exact same movie again but i wasn’t necessarily expecting a noticeably more outright comedic angle for round two, but duly kinda delighted by it, and that felt very Appropriate and Verisimilitudinous for the new angle of And You’re Completely Grown. that stephen king Rarely writes about relevant friendships and all the more rarely to never writes about relevant friendships between Adults but whoops, that happened here, b/c there was a magical workaround where “drifting apart” was not entirely congruous to the real life literal actual way that’d happen, and b/c the way this is about childhood trauma means that the Rest of that childhood is relevant to adulthood / adult identities, and he ends up with “god, does anyone?” being answered by “yeah, sometimes” lol. and yeah being a deh enjoyer / being haunted byer / analyzer means anytime something is About the connections someone, say a young person for one, might make and how that can be relevant to All Their Issues, i’m sitting up & taking notes like oh ya don’t say. that stephen king shit overall is like, well this is Interesting and i could talk all day but i’m also like, personally more ambivalent and bound to run over like hey stephe i’m shoving you around, bitch. until we form an unlikely, begrudging alliance to instead go after stanley kubrick, then boo the the shining movie, but whatever. the the shining book ending, one of the few things i particularly remember from actually reading that one, is true like, stephen king endings tending to be a hot mess that maybe aren’t super successful but here we are and it was like, why’d it get so goofy all of a sudden lmfao like i’m telling you with the schrodinger’s boiler that’s old and temperamental and if you don’t maintain it it’ll blow up probably, and that the way things end in the book is the [middle aged dime a dozen writer man protag] being possessed by a hotel is like oh fuck me lmfao, not the boiler i can’t maintain myself even though i’m possessing a hotel, it hasn’t been maintained, and then as always in any of these stories things go off the rails and yakety sax starts to play while after hanna barbera cartoon scrambling in place for a second, your haunted hotel avatar starts sprinting to the basement or wherever it was but Too Late, it blows up and the hotel dies kind of. and that’s kinda fun and funny lol but yknow, put it back in. beating up kubrick aside, i’ve seen all of? nigh all of? wasn’t paying much attention. the movie and it’s like oh okay whatever. but as with like [anything stephen king] and my not even being born till the 90s, it’s like, i can’t possibly experience this afresh, we can all agree that surely this is the best known stephen king work b/w book & film adaptation, even among biggies that really just permeate pop culture overall, who can know what i’d think if these things were New and pre [own significant influence on relevant genres / mediums] or also i was a younger reader/viewer at the times as people could often be. but i was like....expression where you scrunch your face up and look to the side like “are you seeing this” bemusement like...this is. fine i guess? it’s not really scary lmfao. and regardless, resurrecting kubrick to beat him up. but on that note it’s also funny that god knows why i ever mentioned the hypothetical of watching the shining once in passing to my mom, it would’ve been humorous / not in earnest b/c no way would i have been suggesting we watch that or even that i had watched it necessarily, so i Think i must’ve just been informing her of some things that were on tv at that moment with some goofy but technically accurate suggestions like that one, and she is a bit indignant like clearly disapproving of the general idea because, as she says, she doesn’t think it’s Right to tell kids they should ever be afraid of their parents. but between “but like. they go axe murder possessed by a hotel mode here, wherein i think it’s very appropriate?” and [someone who watches It and keeps looking into the camera one zillion times / is fascinated by the fact it’s like oh wow, any horror talking about What If You Had Trauma that isn’t like fundamentally misguided throughout and probably egregiously insulting about it] i take a perfectly comedically timed pause and then we freeze frame on my doing a spit take Laugh into my own drink. not actually in the real moment lol, i just Say Nothing and file that one away lmfao

oh and as a little postscript here i want to shoutout my going “just like Watch Your Step in goosebumps the musical the phantom of the auditorium” where it’s like, schrodinger’s warning about how a kid could just up and accidentally die via this trapdoor or like anywhere anytime, but you don’t really realize that b/c you’re kids, but I’m Telling You. and like, he’s right in general to be sure, you can just die, as well as unknowingly right of course like oops yeah some kid did just up and suddenly die via this trapdoor, grimly. and that’s Stand By Me / The Body handshake emoji It, like of course that mortality is ever relevant particularly in horror, but that also it’s like, kids realizing the reality and Proximity of that, like You Can Die, this could be you or could’ve been you. [horror, and it’s middle schoolers] wins again

Why Tumblr Sexyman Zim? I don't know how long have you been in the fandom, but there are people who call themselves (the) zimps. Like @mizzztery , @izzydrawsforfun (and there is also someone else, but I forgot their name), you probably should ask them. LOL

Honestly, I dunno what I expected, of course there are zimps- btw, I've entered the fandom when ETF came out and recently joined again for the funnies. I DID see them in the tags sometime.

But I mean, it was just the shock factor, be thirsty for whatever you want I guess, I also simp for weirdos lmfao.

I'll just leave that entry there. It's not like it's the weirdest entry in the sexypedia. The song touch-tone telephone is there for some reason.

But I DO would like to know why do these ppl simp for Zim lmao. Besides, I am bored and like chatting so-

Edit: the first one doesn't allow minors so yeah, it's a no-no for me haha

I'm giving myself some little at home literary workshops (thoughtful rambling about my own writing under the cut, idk)

I dunno if anyone else feels this way, but I think writing in a fandom that - and no shade here, I'm just being objective - has a pretty low bar in terms of fic quality has made me a little bit complacent or given me this false idea that I'm a better writer than I am. Not that I thought I was the best writer in the world to begin with or anything, but I think regularly sifting through the piles of steaming garbage that makes up such a huge portion of the tags on ao3 (and this might be a mcyt thing in general, or it might be because I only read one ship and said ship is in fucking dire straits, idk) has made me feel a little too comfortable or something. Recently I've discovered a few authors that are like - genuinely good at the craft, and I've realised like... holy shit. I am so MEDIOCRE LMFAO. And I don't mean it in an emo oh I'm never writing again woe is me kinda way, that's not really my style; it's in an 'i'm inspired to improve' kind of way. Like sure, I can write in the basic sense. I can create an idea and see it through and get the basic point across; I feel very confident in punctuation and grammar etc. I feel very very at home in writing dialogue that shit comes as easy as breathing. Characterization also comes super easy to me; I find it easy to grasp what a character is about and the way they think and how to predict what they would do or say in any given situation, but everything else outside of those two things?! Mid. Just so painfully mid. My description skills are so flimsy, symbolism and metaphor are virtually foreign concepts to me - I feel like I write really *simply*, and I think the stuff I do write is good! Like it's good in the simplest form, it is, but it's still just... *simple*, and that frustrates me. I know it's enjoyable, I know it's *nice*. But I don't want it to just be nice!! I want people to walk away from my work like, awestruck. I want people to be so immersed and taken back in the same way that I feel reading some of the stuff I have in the last few months. I think I'm in this weird place where I realize I have potential and I have some of the tools and ingredients to *get there* at some point in the future if I really work on it, but I'm also a little lost I'm like how the fuck do you get from point A to point B. I'm such a 'I want a clear route cut out for me and explained to me' kinda person so when I'm left floundering to figure out how to improve by myself I'm like ... where the hell do I start. I wish I'd read more growing up (I did a little as a kid but then by my early teens I'd basically stopped) - I think I'd probably be further along if I had. Kicking my younger self, stupid boy. I dunno I dunno, I'm very inspired I feel restless. I know the answer is just practice but I want to be there NOW D:< I've been doing a little studying and reading some stuff and just thinking how the fuck did you come up with that what the fuck. I just feel like I write so simply, I dunno how else to explain it. I do too much telling and not enough showing and I probably over explain things the same way I do in real life speaking (anxiety havers rise up) but I also write from characters perspectives that I think would also do that, so I don't wanna tip it too far away from that and make it feel unnatural somehow, but I also don't want it to be so BASIC I don't even know if I'm making sense anymore I'm just frustrated but almost in a good way. I think you have to feel that way to make any actual improvements. Hmmmmmmmmm.

It's like in my head I think and see in images and movie scenes and I THINK?? (Maybe I'm a narcissist) that those images and movies are fucking genius, like I'm a genius in my brain, but when you hand me some sort of writing device and ask me to get those movies in my head on to paper???? I plop my ass on the floor and start drawing nonsensically on the walls like a toddler. Okay maybe it's not that bad, but in *comparison* to the stuff in my head - it is. Source : just trust me guys It's weird being very self aware but struggling to know what to do about it. Hmm. Idk, idk. Ignore my ass. HMMMM. Much to think about..

(hi, it’s me again pretending as if i didn’t go on an unannounced hiatus).

yes, i’m back...for now. i’m not sure for how long. as i’m too busy these days, but i wanted to specifically make this post because it’s been bothering me for a while now. someone mentioned this in the woosan tag as well, but it’s...

non-atiny’s(and some anti-shipping atiny) who constantly feel the need to expose woosan as some cleverly put together ship that was carefully manufactured by the company. i’ve seen so many titles on youtube and posts on twitter saying how:

“woosan is obvious fanservice” and “woosan; a prime example of queerbating in kpop” 

i’ve never seen a ship be so criticized for being ‘out there’ and ‘in your face’. i’ve made a post on fanservice before but this post will mainly be focused on why i think it’s completely unfair, dishonest, homophobic, and antagonistic to view their relationship as manufactured and fake. and before you go, ‘i’m sure they’re good friends but all that other stuff is clearly done by the company.’ and don’t get me wrong, bc kq is very much aware of the ships and do try to profit off of fanservice...like every other company. but the clearest indicator of this not being MOSTLY all fanservice is something i’ve mentioned many times before.

1. the rest of the ships in ateez not being anywhere near the intimacy and skinship as woosan.

2. body language. 

3. the members THEMSELVES explaining their dynamics.

4. kq not FORCING ships.

ever since predebut and debut there’s ALWAYS been three main ships in ateez. seongjoong, yungi, and ofc woosan. 

as you could see, woosan was definitely thee most popular ship. however, i do believe their popularity grew over time because during the early era i’m sure seongjoong dominated, even on fanfic sites they dominate the amount of fanfics written about them. however, woosan’s clear comfort and intimacy with each other made them more popular among atiny’s and even non atiny’s they even had some taekookers saying their ship was realer and that’s saying something xD. 

something people really, no i mean REALLY need to understand is...doing fanservice does not invalidate an entire relationship. 

there are plenty of celeb couples who enjoy publicly dating and showing affection. 

then comes the argument of well, “if they were real they wouldn’t be so obvious about it.”

this statement bothers me because, people who believe that showing too much skinship is fanservice but then they’ll turn around and say at the same time it’s just culture???

it’s fair to see them doing their fake love dance routine and going THAT’S FANSERVICE. but looking at those moments and going ‘nah, their entire friendship gotta be fanservice.’ is delusional to me, as u like to call us shippers. 

even if you do not ship them romantically, it’s odd to me that people see two same-sex idols expressing comfortability, intimacy and skinship together and feel like if they’re too open about it or if it looks too gay then it’s....fake? even tho fans love to say it’s just apart of their culture. but if it gets too gay, then it’s fanservice. 

i can’t. xD

just because they’re completely comfortable with being intimate doesn’t mean they’re being forced to act that way...it literally just means they ARE that way. 

i constantly put emphasis on being comfortable with skinship and intimacy bc, to me that’s just not something the company can force. body language is a reaction from your true emotions and your inner most thoughts. IT IS THE FOUNDATION TO FIGURING OUT WHAT A PERSON TRULY FEELS INSIDE AS THEIR EMOTIONS WILL ALWAYS TRANSLATE THROUGH THEIR BODY. if u are uncomfortable it will be revealed through body language. and i know a ton of seongjoong shippers are gonna hate me for this, but they are a prime example of this. trust me i’m not here to start a ship war, i am purely just using them as an example of discomfort in body language. 

body language is something a company cannot control.

seongjoong show definite signs of being uncomfortable with intimacy, heck shippers use that one moment seonghwa expressed sadness bc hj hugged the other members and not him as a shipping moment lol. but even when they do hug it looks uncomfortable. my guess is bc hj is not good at expressing his feelings and isn’t a touchy person. and even tho seonghwa is comfortable with skinship, it’s understandable that it can become uncomfortable for him bc of the things i mentioned before as well as the power dynamics and age difference between them.

and here i am going to be stoned bc, i have more to say about seongjoong(don’t kill me). 

bc something the company also can’t control is what OR who the members hang out with OUTSIDE of group activities. so that’s why i’m also mentioning that i also don’t think seongjoong is as close as shippers think they are as...seonghwa mostly hangs out with woosan. and it is almost always mentioned how often woosan hang out together off camera. even early on. woosan hung out so much that it literally came to a point where yeosang felt like his bestfriend was taken from him. 

can we mention again how happy that makes san? and let’s not forget the moment woo said seonghwa was into him, but san was like. ‘you’re into me tho’ and they BOTH tried to gloss over that.

wooyoung: wHaT dO u mEaN? 

lol. people love to say how much san’s whipped for woo, but woo’s probably even more whipped. 

here’s more evidence of woosan enjoying each others company off camera. https://woogurl.tumblr.com/post/614348590729625600/nobody-wooyoung-san-and-i-bass-boosted#notes. 

we can even talk about a more recent moment. the ateez debate about mint chocolate. dunno what’s with these kpop idols debating about mint choco ‘cause bts did it too. lol. anyway, they ended up talking about the group dynamics. and how woosan again are always together. 

i-i’m sorry, but does moment remind y’all of a past moment? LMFAO. seonghwa’s feeling yeosang’s pain. 

seonghwa’s just like woosan says they’re tired of each other but can’t detach themselves. and here’s more evidence that the company isn’t forcing them. for those who thinks kq has some masterplan when it comes to promoting ships.

when they talk about their dynamics, jongho says he feels left out but hj exposes him and says, ‘we’ve tried to pair him with someone but he(jongho) just doesn’t do it’

so this just solidifies my statement from earlier, if the members don’t wanna promote a ship. they ain’t gonna do it. we got one or two vlives from twoho and das it. lmfao. don’t get me wrong. i’m sure jongho get along well with yunho as well as the other members, but promoting any of the other ships in ateez like woosan isn’t gonna work well. ‘cause the rest of the members don’t have the same dynamics. woosan are comfortable with skinship and being intimate with each other and the other members just are not.

another piece of evidence is the members tired reaction whenever woosan is mentioned. lmfao. 

this was so dramatic omg. but the members reactions are very telling of woosan’s relationship off screen. if woosan was just fanservice i do not believe the members would react the way they do, maybe share some knowing glances at each other like. ‘pfft, they think woosan’s real’ but their reactions are always big or very indicative of something bigger happening behind the scenes. lol. 

i’m not gonna go into too much details, bc the members reactions to woosan are an entirely different post(i got so many posts to make. xD).

Lastly Wooyoung’s Tatto. I know right? He’s very committed to fanservice guys. 

Amicus ad Aras is something that woosan made to signify their friendship, and the fact woo got a tattoo on his body of it means a lot. not to mention woo himself taking initiative to find something that represented their relationship. 

i feel like i need to reiterate that the meaning of this tattoo was to define his relationship to san specifically so it applies to san specifically. woo has many MANY friends AS WELL as bestfriends yet he got a tattoo that can only be truly applied to san and no one else. 

u can continue saying theyy’re just good friends doing fanservice, but it’s obv that woo has many good friends. so the next question u gotta answer is what separates san from the others.

Thank you for the tag @moonlight-prose !

No pressure tags: @dusted-souls @wordsnwhiskey @mishasminion360 and anyone else that would like!

1. How many works do you have on Tumblr?

20-ish?.

2. What are your top 5 fics by notes?

Tipsy (Bucky Barnes x F!Reader)

Trust (Bucky Barnes x F!Reader)

Floriography (Bucky Barnes x F!Reader)

Slow Like Honey (Bucky Barnes x F!Reader)

Warm Me Up (Bucky Barnes x F!Reader)

(at least I think these are the top...)

3. What’s your total Tumblr word count?

I have .41,990 on ao3, but I don’t have everything on there. It’s mostly my Bucky stuff.

4. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Yes! I always appreciate them, even if it’s a gif reply or tag reply. Its great when people take that time!

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

I tend to write happier things. Even if there’s angst along the way, I want there to be a happy ending.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Again, I tend to write happy. I dunno if I have anything with a truly angsty ending.

7. Do you write crossovers?

Not really. I read some, but not something I’ve attempted myself!

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not really. I got an anon after I posted Tipsy, so I assume that’s what it was about. It was pretty fucking funny, though. Nothing actually left on a fic.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

LMAO. I mean, 3 out of 5 of my top fics by notes contain smut... and I have a Sex Club Owner Oberyn Martell fic... so....

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I’m aware of.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Again, not that I’m aware of.

12. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Finn and Poe! I’m also very on board with Bucky and Sarah. I’m still sad the da Vinci and Zoroaster never actually set sail. 

13. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I’ve been so terrible with writing lately, I’m beginning to wonder if I’ll ever finish anything. I think the one in greatest danger, though, is my Marcus Pike follow up.

14. What are your writing strengths?

I think I’m pretty good with character. Like, I love how I write Bucky and my Oberyn. I think I’m pretty decent with dialog considering I’m SHIT at conversation in real life.

15.  What are your writing weaknesses?

Description and feelings. I can imagine something in my head then I try and write it down and it’s not as poetic or picturesque as I’d like it to be. I tend to be more straight forward. And feelings, I am awful at vulnerability, even fictional, so it takes me ages to get through certain things.

16. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

It’s not something I’ve done, but I love when it’s included and done well! I think really looking into translations other than online translators or dictionaries is important. Talking to people that speak the language and are willing to help is a great step.

17. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter? Lmfao I was probably in jr high and that was so long ago...

18. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

I really love Dangerous Woman. I love my Oberyn. And For the Record is very very near and dear to me.