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mushroominawaterbottle · 1 month

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Pookies beloveds do you jnow that cats the musical is the best thing ever created and all the songs are so good and the entire point of the musical is that they are a community and despite it being really weird and having a cat orgy it also has amazing set design, even if it all just happens in the same place and in that one scene when Alonzo kicks a ball and it hits Mr Mistoffeles it was actually an accident and he was meant to catch it and in the 2015 brazilian adaptation in Rio de Janeiro, Rum Tum Tugger holds Mr Mistoffeles' jacket for him so he can dance and also the guy who plays him does a little voice crack while singing and sometimes i repeat it to stim and also do you know that the guy who plays Old Deuteronomy voices that one guy in the Nightmare before Christmas and i headcannon that Victoria is deaf because she is a white cat with blue eyes and its really common for them to be deaf and also i dressed up as Mr Mistoffeles to go to school when i was like 14 and also i think that the 2019 version was really bad not only because of the cgi but because they fundamentally misunderstood the enture story because it makes absolutely no sense that Victoria is the protagonist, the whole point of the thing is that there is no protagonist and that all of them have i am songs instead of i want songs and also the decision to remove Jemima and Demeter and Cassandra and Jellilorum and Etcetera and Electra and leaving only Bombalurina was a horrible idea and making her evil is just fucking up her character, she just think that Macavity is hot she doenst agree with him and also having him sing his own song was so fucking stupid and he was there all the time wich makes no sense because they say in the song that tahy can never find Macavity and he is a ginger cat so why the fuck is he brown, the only person who did a good job was the guy who played Skimbleshanks and thats because he is a trained dancer and not a random celebrity, also they made fun of Bustoffer Jones wich is stupid because in the musical all the cats respect him because he eats everyday and having all the cats singing their own songs was horrible, it took away all of the meaning of all of them being a group, also them making Mr Mistoffeles sing and be all shy was the worts thing ever, Rum Tum Tugger singing his song was to show that he cared about him and trusted him to bring Old Deuteronomy back safely and also he decends from the sky in a sparkling jacket and shoots lightning from his hands, that was a discervice to his characther and dont even talk aboyt beautiful ghosts because this song took away the entire meaning off memory, Grizabella wants to go back to the past so bad that she is willing to do anything for it wich is why she is the chosen for the Jellicle choice and gets to be reborn , the important thing wasnt that it was Victoria who held her hand, the important thing was that no one stopped her, meaning that she had been accepted back in, wich is why in the movie her charactherisation is shit because she would never back away from touch, touch is all she wants, touch means that she is loved and is part of the Jellicles. Also there is way too little dance in the movie. Cats is a ballet. You cant take this out of it. What the fuck do you mean the Mr Mistoffeles song is 1 minute long and he doenst even dance. Where are the piruettes you cunt. Also all the male cats having crushes on Victoria is incredibly out of characther. And they took away my girl Demeter. She had fucking PTSD and it made the viewer understand how evil Macavity trully was and also she sang beautifully and erasing her interactions with Munkustrap was a crime. They fucking had Gus sing his own song instead of Jellilorum wich is stupid because it showed that they cared about him even when he is too old to dance. And Mungojerrie and Rumpleteaser didnt even had their dance routine.

#its my favourite musical and i already ranted about it to everyone i know so yeah #cats the musical #the autism is autisming and all that #cats 1998

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qsmp-slime · 2 years

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parvis still has thoughts

its just like. in physical public we are Terrified of talking to people. im not sure what it is, its just the idea of being Physically near when we meet someone. might just be the Autism Brain with our horrible lack of social cues and shit cus like thats the thing

we just. do not grasp allistic standards of conversation. we know whats GENERALLY appropriate, yeah, but we do not at all get the nuance of shit and its horrible trying to figure out when you Know the other person can See You.

online, though? fuck no !! its not that we dint CARE abt our online presence or we dont feel there woukd be consequences, its more just that Everyone online is much more relaxed and loose than you might be irl. especially on this hellsite !! like yeah some people take it way too fair and just lose a sense of decency, but that just means in the end you jnow exactly who to avoid when it happens.

the people we've met on tumblr have genuinely been some of the nicest and fondest friendships we've had. largely because we just got lucky enough to meet some of the Loveliest people !! but i dont think we'd have ever gotten the courage to talk to the people we have if it wasnt for the whole standard of "proper communication" sort of going out the window.

obviuously, resepct peoples boundaries and read the room as best you can. but, like.. very few people are really going to care in the end if you seem weird or odd for how you speak or being overly excitable and stuff. even then, if you really want to make friends here, then just.. find the people that make you feel that sort of.. "loss" of social expectancy and tell them hi. ask them small questions, maybe share facts, talk about an interest if you know you share one. the worst that'll happen is they wont want to talk. the best thatll happen is youll meet some genuinely amazing people.

just take care of yourself! respect other people, do your best. i promise it wont be that terrifying the whole time.

#parvis.txt #life tips from your local blood mage <3

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faxine · 6 months

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hey how do you keep track of ur medical information Genuinely its so hard to try to fill out disability info because i dont jnow and i dont remember everything or when everything happened gggghh help me

#disability #esp if u also have memory problems and other things that make it hard to keep track PLEASE HELP ME GIVE ME TIPS #adhd #memory problems #dissociative amnesia #ptsd #chronic fatigue #chronic pain #depression #HELPP

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blackvail22 · 10 months

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she was in my dream last night.

i havent dreamt about her in a really long time... i havent really thought about her either

it was quite odd. in real life, shes an asshole. she has the loudest voice in the room, saying something self-deprecating 90% of the time, and the other 10% is full of her talking shit about someone. in my dream, though... something makes me miss her.

she showed up at my doorstep with a bag full of stuff. it was full of all the art i made her, all of the letters i wrote her. i finally have got it back... i was always afraid that she threw them out or ruined them in a fit of rage. even though i dont really like many of my paintings, the ones i gave her, i was the most proud of them. i also made her a collage, and i even created a book-safe for her. i would spend hours at night writing letters for her, pouring out my heart and soul. when i saw all the sutff, i started crying. in the dream, i never once looked at her. the only thing i remember looking at is her long, frizzy, curly brown hair. thats all i really remember of the dream besides walking on the side of a highway and knowing how to drive (but not knowing how to park?).

anyway i love this song

on another side note, im wishhh i healed from my surgery already. im so fucking tired of my throat hurting, it hurting when i yawn (and feel weird afterwards bcos of my stitches), not being able to eat properly, not being able to talk, my ears hurting!!!!!

im so tired of complaining about this!!! i want everything yo be normal and to never need another surgery for this again but ooo ill be surprised in 9 DAYS when he tells me all about the disease i had (AND DIDNT FUCKING JNOW ABOUT)!

im exhausted. im tired. i dont want to spend another minute more than i need to in my moms room. im tired of how my dad is talking to me (makes me sick) and honestly, im losing my goddamn mind.

i dont really want to go to work anymore. my new coworker makes me dread my job now. and theres something about my recovery that makes me feel like i wont be able to go back to work when i told her i could (happens every surgery ive had, even my knee scope) and shes obviously gonna schedule me that week BUT HOW AM I GONNA CALL OFF IF SHE SCHEDULES ME 7-8 HOUR DAYS 4 DAYS IN A ROW? HOW IS SHE GONNA FIND SOMEONE TO COVER THAT????? AND IM DREADING THE PHONE CALL ILL HAVE TO MAKE ESP IF I CANT FUCKING TALK STILL (i can its just very tense and i choke on every word lmao) BECAUSE HOW AM I GONNA BE LIKE (strained) "hey! its *cough* [my name]. i *cough*--exuse me--am una- unable to come in .... for another f-*cough* few days. i cant talk.... and my doc...tor told me to rest...for a few days...." LIKE HELL THE FUCK NO

i feel like i constantly have acid in my throat. the smell of certain foods makes me sick, the smell of my moms cigarette smoke gives me a headache and nausea that doesnt go away (its 1am, my mom went to sleep at 9 and smoked before then. i still feel like i just inhaled the smoke) i have sharp pains in my side constantly, as well as the right side of my chest. I DONT FEEL GOOD AT ALL. all of my problems could be because i havent really been eating but its because i really cant? i drink water... yeah, i drink water when i remember to. (my body is probably in shock because i usually eat a lot and now im not/barely eating now LOL idek if that can happen but yeah.)

imma stop ranting now. i just wish this next week could fly by and i had a wfh job

#Spotify

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ourfag · 1 year

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maan i jnow ppl wanna see stede n ed get back together s2e1 i do too a littlw bit nbut honestly. ok. ed (the person) has a lytlle bit of an external agency problem. and not in like a “he’s ineffectual and things happen to him rather than because of him” way (this would be more a character issue than a person issue) but hes just fuckin surrounded by people who like. hes constructed this persona thats so strong that peopke in his life keep manifesting the inertia thay this persona has produced? like ed for the first time in a long time veers away hard from the trajectory of his persona and says “hey actually i know blackbeard would kill stede bonnet but i dont wanna do that. i dont want stede to die” and izzy says “well too bad he’s gonna die whether you want it or not” and then qhen yhat goes south he sends cj in and ed tells him “ive actually mellowed a bit from when you knew me” and then cj (more cunning than a lot of ppl give him credit for honestly) says “oh? we’ll see abt that lol” and then once ed’s off the revenge cj goes “yeah i got you out of there on purpose due to a scheme you weren’t involved in, youre welcome btw” and when ed goes “what??? no!!! no i don’t agree with the scheme and i am going to do the thing i want to do right now in accordance with ghe values i hold as who i am today” cj goes “seriously? lol whats wrong with you” and then exactly 1 episode later stede effects the absolute nadir of his relationship with ed BY!!! deciding (subconsciously or not) that he knows better than ed what’s good for him! just like izzy and cj did! which is all to say that i think stede being respectful of ed’s agency is important as a defining feature of their dynamic but more relevant to the point i want ed to be the most important figure in extricating himself from the life he’s boxed himself back into. i don’t think his ability to see his intrinsic self as something worth being on its own needs to depend on knowing he is loved by stede and i dont think stede coming back is the key to solving the blackbeard redux era. i have to go to work now. please don’t order extra stuff from amazon between black friday and christmas its like a heironymous bosch painting in that warehouse rn

#dont @ me im nt a media analysist. i dont even know what that is

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amortentia-06 · 2 years

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uncohesive first listen thoughts of indigo:

holy ahit wild flower is so good

toujeen is oerect on ut im in love

THE ENTIRE VIBE ITS SO FUCKING BRIGHT BUT LIKE FEELINGS??? ALSO MV SO PRETTY

YUH with Erykah Badu

SO GOOD

THE GUY TALKING

I WANNA BE HUMAN BEFOEE I DO ART HE's SO UGHHH

ERYKAH IN THE CHORUS YESS IT WORKS SO WELL

OK OK STILL LIFE WITH paak next

Sax intro slay

oooo paak at the start love that very vibey

RAPPINF FR THE GROWING BACK BUOLDING TO CHORUS

Anderson eatinf down on the chorus this is such a bibe i wanna get up an moon dance oh em gee

EVERYDAYS MY DAY ONE BROTHER

THEYRE TALIING

SHIT HAPPENS

ITS GONNA BE WHAT ITS GONNA BE THIS IS SO CUTE THEYRE BESTIES

Slayed

ALL SAY WITH TABLO AR LAST

FUCK THE ALGORITHM HE SAID FK THE ALGORITHM I NEED A TRANSLATION I NEED CONTEXT WHAT IS IT

HES OKAY HES FINE WHAT IS HE OKAY FINE WITH

ALL DAYAYAYAY ALL DAYAYAY ALL DAYYAYAYA ALL DAY ALL DAYYAYAY

YES TABLO EAT HES SO GOOD

SOCIALECONOMICS IMPACT I NEED A TRANSLATION

IMMA BE OK IMMA BE THAT WAY

FORGTFUL W KIM SAWOL

HES SINGING

WITH A GUITAR BACKGROUND

ACOUSTIC NAMJOON OMG OMG

he sounds so soft and heartfelt😭

WHISTLING OMG IS IT HIM WHISTLING I LOVE THAT

omg kim sawol

her voice is so taeyeon

soft and kinda high but she has the prefecf feel for the song

omg they're singing tgt😀😀the harmonies are thwwrw

ugh ads

ok so far wild flower is number 1

onto song 4 which is closer wirh paul blanco and mahalia

ok starting with mahalia her voice is so pretty

closer than we've ever been

i feel the most in the nightime

NAMJOON ENGLISH I LOVE THIS

SOUNDS LIKE A LOVE SONG A LIL BIT

HE FEELS LIKE HES LOSING HIS GRIP

mahalia's voice is so pretty oh my god very rnb feel but its so perfect

paul blanco next yessss he sounds like krnb artists

this song is so groovy like i love the background chords an everything

girl im seeing tweets about change pt 2 in scared i might have a heart attack

ok rm paul and mahalia are so good tgt this song is #1 too

YALL

CHANGE

YOU CANT LOVE SOMEONE LIKE I DO

THIS IS

LIKE A DISS TRACK TO AN EX

OR THE INDUSTRY

FUCK THE INTERVIEWS FROM HEARS AGO WTF

OK WAIF LONELY ITS THE ONLY SONG WITH JUst him

ok this is cute very heartbeat type chorus build

HES FUCKING LONELY

HES POURING OUT HIS HEART

HE WANTS TO GO BACK HOME HE HATES THE BUILDING HE DOESNT JNOW

DOD HE writeTHIS ON TOUR I FEEL LIKE THAT WOULD MAKE SENSE

ONLY 3 LEFT OH EM HEE

Wait no i already listened to wildfflower

HECTIC WITH COLDE

edm-ish

HE HAS AN NME INTERVIEW OUT

ok just listening not many thoughts its good tho ofc ofc

i feel like this could be about the state of fame too like how much he has to work

girl- colde's voice is so nice he suits it so well joon did good picking his feats like this is all immaculate

ok joon was so right when he talked about the nature of shorter songs and their popilarity in the industry bc even tho im thorougly enjoyinf all these songs, i keep wondering why theyre not done yet like i dont want them to be over but im so used to it like omg

FUCK RIGHR EAIRPOD DIED

ok its fine no. 2

ooo starrinf with parkjiyoon

her voice is so gentle and musical like its flowing i wish THE OTHER AIRPOD HADNT FUCKING DIED

this is so gentle but i can fell hes feeling things

bro its 11:40 i cant only listen to this once

theyre singinf tgt its so gooodddd these female singers and him are so good

NO LOOKING BACK NO UR SO RIGHT

ok wait this order is

DONT LOOK BACK NO MORE

BC THE WHOLE ALBUM WAS LOOKING BACK BUT NOT ITS DONE

HES A HENUIHS IM JDJDKDKD

ITS FONE

HOLY SHIT

OK OK

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nicohischier · 2 years

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WHAT HAPPENED IN BSD?

#where tf is the manga at TF?#what happened that chuuya went from being the vessel of a god to being a fucking vampire now???? APPARENTLY???????#this is what happens when i stop reading the manga and just occasionally dip into the tag when it trends #god… confusion is me #bsd spoilers #MAYBE? I DONT JNOW?#not hockey

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derekmorganscrocs · 3 years

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Nancy Drew 2x12

(FOR REAL THIS TIME!)

THOUGHTS WHILE WATCHING

SPOILERS AHEAD!

Pls poor grant getting neglected 😩

Nick rly just hired him as soon as he could huh? Not that I blame him or anything. ACE NAMED THE DEEP FRYER RUTH OMG SO CUTE. I love that he names everything “you’re removing the flavour layer” THE WHAT NOW?! ACE WHAT- “your last restaurant closed due to lack of flavour” OW OKAY AGGRESSIVE MUCH?

Ace I like AC/DC too!!! Sorry I’m having a moment here.

SO GRANT IS HIS MIDDLE NAME? OK FRANK. (Sorry I’m sooooo rooting for the hardy boys to come in). Poor ace only being the link to nancy 😭

Pls the way Nancy’s like “Yeah... I get the life of lies thing.” SO CASUAL FOR WHAT- GIRL

“Stone Age of the 90s” WHAT NANCY-

FANSON!!! WOAH THERE BUCKAROO THAT SMOOCH HAPPENED FAST WOAH THERE EASY GOES FANSON THATS A LOT OF SMOOCHING. HANDS HANDS HAND PLACEMENT 👀 I SEE U NICK WOWZA. yuh I have a crush on every character what about it? Huh?

OH M G. ODETTE LEAVING LOVE LETTERS TO BESS WAIT STOP- if there was no body timeshare I’d be here for it. SHES WRITING BACK AW

THATS ACES MOM OMG RED ALERT RED ALERT!!! WAIT I KINDA LOVE HER ALREADY 😭 grant is shook. OH GRANT IS KINDA CUTE

NANCY DONT DO IT GIRL NONONO DO NOT BE A GRANDCHILD BE A DREW. NANCY DREW NOT NANCY HUDSON. GRANDCHILD MOMENT? NO.

BROTHER MOMENT! That is not Florence.

OH SISTER MOMENT! “It’s bath time boyz” OMG PLS I SNORTED. omg bess about to get caught no 😩 FANSON CALL!! oh no nick dont get murdered pls.

Carson radiates wholesome helpful dad energy and I love him. Do I spy chemistry??? Maybe a lil?

“Is this a thing?” Nancy yes it is girl they need to figure each other out! They’re the hardy boys to be 😫

“Ace run!” Oh so grant can just go fuck himself I guess! Jkjk i know she grabbed grant lmao. BoyScout Ace returns!!! Oh heroic grant letting nancy go first omg, so sweet! I still think he’s frank, that’s a frank thing to do. “Trust me, I’m your brother” I SAY HARDY BOYS! Srsly though that was adorable. “Which ninja turtle?” ACE THE MAN JUST ALMOST DIED GIVE HIM A BREAK

Nicks phone must be tapped or something?? Idk but that’s a lot of red flowers.

NANCY’s THUMBS UP PLS! BAHHAHAHA I CANT they’re covered in dirt. “Ace don’t break my tv” mr. d, Ace is the least likely to break your tv come on, besides he’ll fix it if he did lmao OH NO THE DAD- COME THRU THOM!!!

Back to nick now, oh but we’re all her now okay. YEAH OBVS THE COP AND WITNESS RELATION IS FORBIDDEN I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THOM BUT HOLY CARP DUDE ABUSE OF POWER???

I love the sister times!! SHE KNOWS ODETTE? SHE HELPS ME WITH MY FRENCH HOMEWORK? PLS I LOVE MOM!ODETTE!!

YES THOM COME THRU!! Lyrics are good, DATE IS BETTER! Ace is boutta get kidnapped. Sir pls don’t steal my bf!!

He stole my bf.

Oh ok rly you could’ve called richboyryan but you called GRANDMA? WHY?

GEORGE IS FINDING OUT? GEORGE FOUND OUT! OH NO. Pls not george roasting bess’ writing lmaoo UH ODETTED WHAT? MAAM MADAME PLS STOP.

OH NO ACE IS ON A LEDGE- PLS NO STOP. who is he?? The actor looks familiar lmaooo SHIT NO- ACE DONT DIE BABE PLS. IM SO SCARED RN THAT DUDE IS SCARY AS HELL. OH THANK GOD. oh okay wow that was a big hug- ACE PLS I CANnOT.

this is gonna be a rough 2nd half of the season for ace. NO NO GRANT U HAVE TO STAY. YOU NEED TO STAY AND BE FRANK. FRICK YOU FOR GETTING MY HOPES UP AND LEAVING. oh no Ace is gonna hate that nancy owes Celia for him. Oh nancy and ace are gonna be pissy @ each other now 🖐😭 pls I like them as besties.

SISTERS FOR LIFEEEE I LOVE THEM! She sabotaged the clams omfg I love her! Aw nick is excited too STOP I CANT TAKE THIS IM LONELY AND FANSON IS CUTE. what did Ryan do. RYAN WTF DID YOU DO- Ryan doesn’t even know what he did lmao or is he lying lmao OMG R WE GONNA GET PRISON RYAN?

FLORENCE 😫 ILY BB!! OMG SON REVEAL!!! YAY. THOM already knows pls. STOP IM CRYING NO THOM IS CRYING IM SOBBING HE JNOWS SIGN LANGUAGE STOP THE MUSIC I CANT HANDLE THIS NO SO CUTE “that’s my brother” I AM SPIRALLING I CANT HANDLE THIS NO STOP OMG GRANT DONT LEAVE PLS I JUST WANTED FRANK HARDY-

oh come on nancy. REALLY I KNEW IT WAS GONNA HAPPEN BUT RLY?! JFC COME ON DUDE

Okay so lastly I need to say I respect the nace and their shippers and I know the ship is probably inevitable, but I’m not the biggest fan of that ship so if we could keep nace to a minimum on my page that would be greatly appreciated!! Much love ❤️

ALSO WHEN ACE WAS OVER THE RAILING THERE AND HIS HAIR WAS LIKE IN HIS EYES WITH THE MIDDLE PART? HOT. I LOVED ACE’S S1 HAIR AND THIS MIDDLE PART IS JUST MWAH. Bringing me back to the good ol’ days when Lucy was our biggest problem 😫

Oh and lastly for real, lastly: I love all of them: Ace, Nick, Grant, Owen (rip), Riley Smith (Ryan kinda sucks lol), Carson on the dl 👀 THEYRE HOT OKAY? And the ladies too WOW they’re all so pretty and I am in loveeeee with George

Not many thoughts from my sister, just a lot of gasping @ grant and she also says he should be frank hardy. She also thinks prison Ryan would be interesting btw

#nancy drew #nancy drew cw #ned nickerson #ace nancy drew #bess marvin #george fan #george fayne #nick nancy drew #ryan hudson #carson drew

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kisskissimgay-blog · 7 years

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a note to people who know me irl: if i'm not paying attention or whatever and i end up jumping or flinching when you address me, please don't apologize because tbh i do not want to acknowledge that it just happened. like, don't apologize, or tell me you didn't mean to, or that you're not gonna hurt me--i know that. i'm just jumpy, i don't know why, it's fine i hate it being brought to attention tho so like. don't worry abt it. just say what you were gonna say and move on i do not want to talk about how literally any unexpected noise or voice near me makes me flinch or startle really bad, because it's dumb and i don't know why it's so exaggerated so like don't worry about it. i'm fine. i'll probably be a little out of it at first as my stupid brain catches up that nothing's happening, but i'm fine

#this lady made a big deal of apologizing when she startled me #like seriously #pls dont #i dont want to talk about it its dumbe #and it makes me look ridiculoud and id #rather pretend it didnr happen at all #me #personal #anxiety #or something #i dont jnow why it happens and why so exrreme #its dumb

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strifegrade · 4 years

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hey about your more recent post, you dont need to use black issues as a mouthpiece, especially piggybacking off of an old popular post. It seems like its in extremely bad taste. to call lynching a 'poc issue' mostly serves to dencenter black voices around a topic that is theirs to talk about. it ignores the antiblackness within every non black race. the hypervisibility of black violence isnt a privelage but make your own post next time

I’m sorry i didnt mean to disrespect i had just gone through a history course talkign about it and i wanted to show that the threat also impacts latine people because as a hispanic of color I’m scared too and I didn’t want to take away from your point and I’m sorry about that it was meant to be solidarity not a mouthoiece I’m sorry i didnt mean to do a bad thing

My intention wasn’t to absolve nonblacks but to show that hispanics of color are also affected. I didn’t even jnow about it until i went through a college history course that almost no one takes anyways.

I meant to sort of tack it as an add on and it’s important to mention that hispanics aren’t only nonblacks.

That being said I’m not trying to say I didn’t do something wrong, and I’m sorry I really am. I’m just scared too.

Addressing this, @punkkeroppi I want to express that I wasn’t trying to derail the conversation. I tacked on the latine thing because it was something I learned and I ended up info dumping because I’m scared too. This matter stretches to latine communities of color and I’m scared because that includes me. I understand now that it is misconstrued to be me derailing but please believe me when I say that wasn’t my intention

But i do recognize that that is what happened nevertheless and I’m sorry about that. Moreover, I’m not sure what you mean by calling op mean names?

I believe you’re talking about this. And I need to make it known that this wasn’t towards OP AT ALL. This was a general fuck you to people who were going to doubt what I was talking about and wanting to forget that these things happened. People wanna believe they’d be on the right side of history when they constrain to their bigoted beliefs and I was angry that there are people who do so. This wasn’t towards OP.

I’m going to own up to derailing. It wasn’t my intention but that’s what I did and I am sorry about that. Thank you for pointing it out.

Nevertheless, I didn’t want to delete the post because I felt that it would be me trying to erase what I did without addressing it or trying to act like I never did wrong. I’ve messaged OP and explained to them and I mentioned this and am now waiting on a response on if it would be best for me to delete my post or keep it up. I just don’t know as someone nonblack if this is what I should do.

EDIT: i just took it down

#not writing #text #important #very important #lynch #lynching #racism #I’m sorry i really am i didn’t realize what i was doing #and I’m still kind of confused but i believe this is what i should be doing #apologizing and owning up to it #i really hope i can put this behind me in the sense of getting better from it and not making the same mistake again

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bonnaconblitz · 6 years

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#hi my names emily and i dont have a platform to vent on anymore #so i do it in thebtags of my tumblr posts!#i feel like i make the wrong moves when tryjng to cheer my friends up #it was a vent post but u know it was about me #and i dont knowbwhat to do #like im just a burdwn all thebtime??#and i jnow this and try so hard to make people happy by being happy myself butbi cant seem to get this socializing thing down??#like i dont mean to be an asshole #i dont mean to be inconsiderate #no one tells me when i am #abd when i dear about ut its on vagye posts and througg other people #and i just want people to be truthfyl #i dont have bas intentions i sewar #i just feel like a toxic persin #and i dont know what to dk #how am i hurting peopls Nd not realiising jt #am i really that inconsiderate #i dont jnow when this happens #i really dknt why dln theg tell me #then j can change

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wakasagayhime · 6 years

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hey everyone.

not sure if you remember when in late 2016 multiple hate threads were made on 4chan targeting me and my art, threatening me and telling me to kill myself, but yeah, that happened. And I discovered another one tonight that was made a few months ago.

the replies are enthusiastic about sending a "lynch mob" after me. every reply almost picks up after where the last threads left off. as you may know, the previous incident left me extremely hurt and traumatized, so seeing this happen all over again made me panic. i was even on the verge of trying to drown myself in a pond.

im safe now but i dont jnow how much longer i can take this. i'm overwhelmed with self hatred and stress right now. i cant sleep because it's all I can think about, now seeing nothing but those new posts flashing through my head. its torturing me. and i know none of them feel any remorse. i know they all want me to disappear, to die.

i dont know if i can keep being an artist. Its painful. every time i have to be reminded of what happened back then it hurts enough as it is, but a whole second round just a few months ago? those are fresh wounds. i cant take any of this. I'm not strong enough for this. some people out there really hate me and want to see me suffer, they love to gang up on me and make me want to die, it makes them happy, and just knowing that makes my skin crawl. I dont know if i have the strength to continue like this.

I know if i gave in and deleted my blog and stopped drawing i would just be giving them what they want, but they keep tearing me down and I dont think im capable of anything anymore no matter how much other people tell me they like my art. They even know i tried to kill myself back in December and still continue to make fun of that and me.

maybe it would be for the best. maybe this just isn't for me anymore if it's going to keep resulting in things like this.

#glub glub #tldr i want to deactivate everything and leave this shit behind bc hate threads abt me keep popping up on 4chan and i cant take it anymore

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daughterofsinsloth · 6 years

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Hello. I saw your post about giving recommendations of skk fics and I seriously love them! Thank you ❤️ Is it okay to ask you if you know any skk fics that are complete multi-chapter? I had been trying to search them but I most see one shots and abandoned multi-chapters.

Hello hello anon-chan!!! thank you so very much about your comment!! It means a lot! :) Mmm… I jnow what you mean! I have a lot of favorite fics that are uncompleted! But let’s have some fate that they will be upload! 💪💪

Here some soukoku multi-chapter fics!

i won’t lie (i knew you belonged here) by mountainlaurels:

(AU/9 chpts) this one is my very first fic and the one that actually got me inyo skk. the writer has done a great great job bringing you to their wolrd. here we are on modern setting but abilities are still on. Chuuya works at a flower shop and Dazai at the cafe across the street. their interctions are slow and natural. you cant help but ship them. the other bsd characters are all in and they are treated respectifully and well done as if they are the mains. i really like the story and how it grows to the finale.its well writen and the feelings are overwhelming! this has a spanish translation from the writer.

Intoxicated by setosdarkness:

(AU/21 chpts) a really really great fic! nothing less from setosdarkness! definatly read her other works that are currently on-going. they are awesome and cinematic-like. really welldone and well-written. the plot is a bit tricky but it keeps you on edge. you get into the characters and when you will finish it, you will be suprized. its a mafia!AU and everyone plays. its a well build game. you are gonna love it. there is also smut in it, but its part of the game too. the hole thing is a game that you cant helped it but fell willingly into it and you will be satisfied with it.

Find Something Worth Dying For (And Learn How to Live) by kibasix:

(17 chpts) read the name of the writer.. no thats it. thats my analysis. KIBASIX! we are talking about one of the best writers, in my opinion. I cant even explain how perfect this fic is! this fic here?! I cried my eyes out! i was waiting the next chapter like kids wait Santa. simply immersive. it was an absolutely agonized journey. it was like a dance between the feels and the rightness of their world. its chapter was more majestic than the last and the next was more painful than the last. the writer’s words get imprinted in your heart and mind and you cant help but want to read more, feel more, see more. it has a cinematic feel. it starts from the very beginning and we see skk relationship how it evolved and how it suttered like you are seeing it live. a sad poem in a form of a fic. the characters are practically singing their emotions out, only to be ignored by their life. and yet the fate laughs at them as she entangle them together. I can talk for hours how they write each of the character like a living being, forgeting none, and how they give each one a right place and the spotlight they deserve! an amazing work that leaves you full and empty in the same time. this one has a smak 4 chpts sequel “

Sparks Like A Match (Burns Like A Wildfire)

“ and another sequel that is yet to come (I believe in you kibasix-sama!). also check their other works, both multi and one-shot!

Noir by Adargo:

(20 chpts) another gem. another feel train. noir is the color of skk and this fic is the sorry song of their lives. a corrupted fic that leaves you craving for more. here we read with the shadow of Corruption on our back and the characters live under it. its one of the character lives under their own corruption and try to get out only to have an odd feeling at the end. it could be more chpts or only this this and the feeling will be the same. we never leave corruption, just learn to live with it in this noir world. although I would love to see more, when you finish it you can only mutter a “wow” and then never live properly again. rips your heart out and fixs it momentaly to rip it again later. you live and breath with the characters and in the end you breath a new air, a better one for me. this epitomy of angst heals you so amazingly. as the characters go a step foward you take one too and from then one your heart has a different weight. a truly and without doubt exceptional work.

A Hearts Desire by Kaokita:

(AU/6 chpts) a beautiful fic. prostitute!Chuuya opens to us a world that we see journalist!Dazai to bark in and challenge Chuuya in a “bet of felling in love". a proud chuuya is always present but here it compinate with a kinda impulsive chuuya, exposed to Dazai's hungry feeling for actual feels. here we are talking about the dark world of the underground were a no less dark but bright light (dazai) comes to shake the everyday life of our protagonist. its well written and well build. doesnt leave you with a complain and brings you to another world. really enjoyable to read. spoiler oda and chuuya having seeeeeex

Forgettable Significance by Witheryvine:

(32 chpts) after the anime, the feels start. if you thought that dancing with angst was easy, then you havent read this own. betreyal and love complicate each other and come to you to cry with them. a really interesting work and stunning. it is overwhelming but you want it to be. there are things that are needed to be said, words that have to come to the light and the writer not only do that perfectically but also gives you more to heal yourself and breath. it takes a lot to take back someone who meant the world for you and throw you away, yet! the writer has done such a nice jod giving as the feelings, thoughts and fears that you cant help but be one with it. the style of writing helps the fic to encrave into you and honestly i havent see many write it so good.

You Won’t Lose Me (So Don’t Leave Me Behind) by hybridempress:

(14 chpts) now it will be a terrible mistake to leave this out!from bottom to the top its a must read. an emotional roller coster with the best of fluff. emotions well hidden are suddenly out. too fast changes leave you breathless and the characters have to take fast decisions, act fast and start to live from the zero. a phychological rebirth thats requares a lot of courage to abandon everything so you can chase after an old wild dream in a form of a man, new to you but as old as time to your heart. along with sequel of it “

You Have a Heartbeat (You’re Real, You’re Here, You’re Human)

” by mostladylikeladythateverladied they create a perfectly must read at all cost fic that gives you the most satisfying feeling of “ah thats how it should be done”. skk are a complicate pair but the writers give them to you bare to see and feel with them to all your might. p.s. that amazing scenes with sskk at the sequel cured my heart!

Sorrow Already Spoiled by Soukokuhell:

(AU/16 chpts) an awesome fic is here once again. this AU is really well written and well build around two people way too hurt, who find love and healing together. trying to move foward but with the past to hunt them down. love and fear are walking together here. the angst is getting healed by the characters emotions and the lovemaking is great! with each chapter the characters are getting healed and at the finale you get to breath again. the fluff is in the love and devotion they have for one another.

All Aboard by Asmicarus:

(8 chpts)an action fic with a lot of feels. chuuya is suffering again and dazai is an asshole but you can see that there is much more behind them. Dazai’s manipulating nature comes out to play and although it fools everyone, Chuuya manage to sutter it to the ground with a few words. the remark is 10000000% what we all need and what Dazai needs to hear. he pretends to be human but chuuya leave him naked to the bone. from here the story takes another turn to dazai realizing what is happening and what he needs and chuuya finaly decides to take what he deserve.

Silver and Shining by ShesAParadox:

(25 chpts) okay thats a fic that i havent read in a long time, but i remember it still in this day how good impression it left me. the protagonist is fate and the puppets are skk, but not like any other fic. here there are a little things they can do.as their lives unfold and hardships are presented to them continuously, it becomes apparent that they are both the best and worst thing to have appeared in each other’s lives. the well written text gives you piece by piece their thoughts and mind, fears and love from the first meeting are amazingly describe and it leaves you complete. it happends what it should happen.

Underwater by meupclose:

(11 chpts) one hell of a fic. here is hopeless chaise with mori as the hunter and dazai as the prey. chuuya is the ‘innocent’ love one of dazai who has been called to play the savior. oda feels rip you apart, every character battles with inner and out demons and dazai is having a crisis. yet! the writer never fails to right a complicated masterpiece where life and death are playing chess. the fluff and smut take the fic to another level as a celebration of life and mori is practically playing death himself. a foolish man who wants to be a god and dazai is the child here who is desperate to live. chuuya steals the spotlight and lead to the end. its an excellent work of a mad song with the most logical story in a world that rules are made to be broken.

from my prievious fic rec please read “own no doubt”, “shared gravity” and insomnia_productions.

Why most of them are angst-like I dont know and Im sorry dear anon-chan. Im terribly sorry! kinda.. nonetheless they are all amazing and you should read them!!!

thank you very much for your ask! I hope that my reccomendations were good and you enjoy reading them! Tell me what you think~~ have a wonderful day anon-chan!!!!bye bye :)

#fic rec #highly recommended #bungou stray dogs #soukoku

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caitay-blog · 3 years

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i posted a photo and he asked me why im trying to be cute.

other people tell me how beautiful, gorgeous, “stunning” i am and it doesnt matter, i resent them for it. This guy the other day was complimenting my intelligence, my brain... all the things i want to hear... but not from the right person.

He says “why are you trying to be cute?” And i want to say why the fuck do you think. because i want you to fucking miss every inch of me.

But the second he responds im trapped. I replied, “hmmm”. I dont want to give in but as soon as he said it i smiled. I said to myself all morning, prior to him commenting, that all i have to do is say no ONCE to put it in motion... to prove to myself that I’ll be ok, ill be better, if i refuse him... if i stop accepting the unacceptable. but now i know he’s thinking about me and all i can think about is wanting to have him again.

I dont accept bullshit from ANYONE else, i dont care who they are... but from him... it doesnt matter. And why the fuck not?! He’s not special.

I posted “trust in time, especially when time says no”. Its taken this long because it’s never going to happen. Time has said no, but i cant trust it... its the addict in me. So sure that this time it will be different. It won’t be. It won’t be.

It won’t be.

I will fall in love with the moments we have together and be utterly crushed the time following knowing that he isnt thinking about me, he isnt ruminating over it and clinging to the time we share together.

We accept the love we think we deserve.

Why is this SO HARD?!! Why?!?!,!:!:!:!2&2&/&;&$,3

I want him to miss me, to yearn for me, to cry over me. I want him to fall in love with me. But i have felt so insecure lately, questioning how he must think im so pathetic for all of this, obsessing over knowing how weak i am. And i dont have to be. I could say no, and i would be okay, and i would feel stronger for it. It would build me up and allow me to prove to myself that yeah, i can do this, but also that i am worthy of something...someone better. That if he wants me he has to change. How amazing it would feel to say “if you want me, you have to be better.” And leave it at that.

All day i was thinking of how much better i could be, i would feel, if i could just be stronger. And its just a matter if mere words. If i could say no, that i could walk away from him and our friends and be OKAY.

R would do ANYTHING to have me, which is so funny because a year ago HE was telling R that he didnt jnow what to do because he was catching feelings. And now its a real jerry springer situation with me in love with him, and his best friend in love with me. If he went to R now and told him that, R would tell him how wonderful i am... but he won’t. He wont. I know the situation so much better now. Nothing changes if nothing changes.

God, help me.

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