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#i dont even know if the sound has changed
j4ygyu · 2 days
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🫐 - jake! maybe about reader having some hardships during her pregnancy but baby daddy jake would be ready to do anything for her comfort !!
rejecting his kisses | sjy
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pairing: husband!jake x wife!reader
genre: fluff bro what else i write 😭😭
synopsis: reader is growing sensitive day by day to touches and snaps at jake, jake being a mature husband handles the situation well.
everything felt so much more overwhelming, jake kept a family dinner and everyone was over, his members and his family. 
“how are my babies doing?” jake said as he nuzzled his nose in your neck as you moved back in annoyance. 
oh he noticed it but shrugged it off, maybe it was just a silly reaction right?
the sound of everyone talking at the same time in their own conversation rings around in your ears making it hard for you to keep up with everything jake had his hands on you the whole day, hugging you from behind, talking to his friends and family with a hand on your bump, rubbing your nose agaisnt his, kissing your cheeks, lips and forehead. yeah sounds cute but not when you’re feeling everything a little too much. 
what is going on. 
it was so bad that you had to shut your room door so loud and settle on the bed, 
there you were, pregnant and finally on your thrid trimester with your annoying husband being extra touchy anywhere he could find you at.
rubbing your temples you sat on the bed, grabbed the water from the beside table and starting chugging it down. 
meanwhile, jake who already spotted your absensce in the living room came in “bub?” you heard his voice and your brain gave a reaction not again. 
he walks in as you don’t even dare to look at him in the eye, your eyes closed as you take deep breath. 
“did i do something” he leans over to your face while staring deep “no..” u say as he hums in question he sits beside you, wrapping his arm around your shoulder “are you oka-“ you cut him off,
“no- just no- please okay? please just get your hands off of me please jake. stay away from me i am not feeling all your touches just leave me the fuck alone.” you say raising your voice. 
the next thing you see is tears in jake’s eyes as he looks away from you trying to hold them in. 
“i am sorry.” 
a moment of complete silence goes by as you rest your head on the headboard.
you notice him avoiding your looks and turning to the other side, hesitant to ask you if you need anything again.
“did i do something wrong?” he asks out of curiosity “i won’t touch you if—“
“no i dont know.. i am sorry i dont feel like getting touched i dont know.. i don’t know why i am being like this i don’t know” as you’re saying he turns around and comes closer to you.
attentively listening as he brings a hand to tug your hair strand back.
“hey no no it’s fine, its completely fine yeah, this is super normal for pregnant women to feel..” he says as tears start spilling from your eyes because of how understanding he is. 
jake has always put your perspective before his, always understanding everything you did, always finding a reason for your actions and letting you express yourself, god you think what did you do to deserve him. 
“b-but jake” you say as he holds your face in his hands and squishes your cheeks trying to calm you down.
“at this stage you’ve grown more sensitive. to touches to words to noises to everything” he says bringing his hands back to himself, “isn’t it?” 
you nod in agreement as he adds “so don’t ever blame yourself about all this okay? i love you just how it is. nothing will ever change that” 
you look at him and take his hand and place it on your belly, he makes sure to keep it exactly where you kept and not rub it because of muscle memory 
he pauses and lets out a little laugh as he feels the baby kicking where his arm is placed “just try not to be as aggressive as you were okay?” you nod once again as he kisses your cheeks wiping your tears off his lips. 
“baby doesn’t like hearing mum and dad argue does it?” he says as he feels another kick to his palm as you both laugh out of surprise. 
it makes you giggle, mood swings are crazy.
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aezuria · 3 days
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*ੈ✎ two lovers entwined, pass me by
"and heaven knows i'm miserable now" —the smiths
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content: leo valdez x roman! reader
╰┈▸ back cover: what if leo gets a little too tired of being the seventh wheel, wait- ninth wheel? (and meets a girl who is a d1 hater)
╰┈▸ warnings: leo and yn dont hate hate couples its a joke okay (unless its not a joke anymore pls give them love-) cursing, maybe ooc reyna? NOT canon compliant, a bit of angst but overall its silly
librarian's annotations: this is now my fav work if u guys dont like it then dont tell me pls 😣
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leo was tired. sick and tired of everyone's public displays of affection! can they at least have the decency to romance each other in the privacy of their own rooms!? he did not build ten of them for no reason! there was absolutely no way they needed to suck face at the dining table. like, right in front of his food!?
okay, he was being a bit dramatic. the most everyone was willing to do in public was hold hands. and maybe share a kiss. but that was a kiss too much! and wasn't reyna supposed to off doing (cool) praetor shit!? ever since her and jason made up, leo has not been able to catch a break! can they stop eyefucking each other already!? (they are simply staring into one another's eyes)
"guys." leo swept his gaze over the dining table. he was seated at the end, giving him an unwarranted view of everyone paired up. apparently, love is also deaf, since no one turned their head to him.
"guys!" leo raised his voice. would he be heard over the sound of their unspoken conversations? heads finally spun to look at him, as if they just remembered he was there.
"can you guys like, eat? or do this-" he gestured widely. "elsewhere? and by elsewhere i mean not in front of me."
they all managed to give him the exact same look that was a mix of embarrassment at being called out, and something that said "poor leo, he's so single!" oh come on! jason made it even worse by putting a—what was supposed to be—comforting hand on his arm. "it's okay, leo. i'm sure you'll find someone one day."
this was not funny at all. and leo would know; he's the funniest guy ever! he snatched his arm away with an utterly aghast expression. "ew! get your pity off of me!" he shuddered, playing up the theatrics and wiped his forearm over jason, giving him his couple-cooties back.
the blond reeled back, laughing at his best friend's antics. "what was that for!?"
"don't act like you don't know!" he sneered accusingly.
nights were always the worst for leo. they were quiet, and not the calm, peaceful quiet when he would stay out and watch the sun set, the time before his happiness came to an end. it was an empty quiet, devoid of the laughter he caused, his thoughts become louder to fill up the silence.
(it was night when his mother died, when he had burned down the warehouse. when he had killed her. it was night when he awoke to the front door slamming, the sounds of drunken yells and glass splintering were backing instruments in an interlude of impending misery as he waits for the sun to shine once again. it was night when he ran away, with nothing more than his heavy heart and some left over change.)
leo's thoughts ran rampant with the feelings he kept in a glass box. always there, always seen, very fragile yet rarely opened. sometimes he would shake it a little too hard, and it would come crashing down like a bottle of alcohol, spilling insecurities instead of wine.
tonight was one of those times.
he doesn't know what brought it on. well, he lied; it was the sight of everyone at dinner, looking happy and complete without him. but he was used to it. it shouldn't have bothered him this much. but the more he let it stew, the more it hurt. leo loved his friends, sure, but he couldn't help but have a little bit of resentment at how easy it was for them to make up, make out. hell, even piper got a girlfriend, a mortal one at that! between traveling and fighting monsters, he didn't even know that was possible. what about him was so unlovable?
as he tossed and turned to shake off the voices in his head, he knew that this would be another sleepless night.
today was going to be a good day; leo could feel it in his gut. the skies were clear, there were no monsters coming to wake them up, and the engine was running smoothly. he had time to work on his little projects all day today! he hummed a tune as he walked to the engine room, or his work room for today, and spun a wrench in his hand. maybe he had a little skip to his saunter, a pep in his step. something about today was just so-
his gut lied to him. (maybe he was hungry?) the wrench clattered to the ground as he came to an abrupt stop. "oh. my. gods." leo paused between every word to further emphasize his disdain.
the sight was scandalous, completely and irrevocably scandalous. like, i-need-to-wash-my-brain-out scandalous. and leo was so not being dramatic this time.
percy and annabeth flinched away from each other in a half-asleep fumble, trying to act as if they had not just been caressing each other's bodies mere moments ago. (okay, maybe he was being dramatic again) this wasn't even a romantic place to do that! and leo would know, he's such a romantic guy. what was the purpose of his hard work of making bedrooms if they were just going to sneak off and desecrate his beloved engine room!?
"frank catching you two once wasn't enough?" leo huffed and bent down to pick up his dropped tool. "now i have to see the two of you fraternizing in my domain!?"
"that's not even the proper word-" annabeth had tried to hold back, but the urge to correct him was too much.
"i don't care! shoo!"
leo was so done. his perfect day had been ruined first thing in the morning! now it was late, he was tired, and he was finally heading back to his room to get some much needed rest after holing himself up all day working on random knick-knacks. a soft noise caught his attention. it was dim, the lights low since him and annabeth wanted to save electricity. he felt the familiar dread in his stomach. there was absolutely no way this could be happening.
"we shouldn't do this here..." wait, was that reyna?
"i know.. but i'm gonna miss you when you leave." no. no. NO. the direction the two very very familiar voices were coming from was right in front of the hallway to his bedroom. "please?"
leo was torn. he didn't want to walk in on them, but he couldn't spend another night in the engine room! he wanted his comfy bed right now!
he slapped a hand over his eyes and stepped heavily on the wooden floorboards, giving them a much needed warning. he heard the sound of fabric and shuffling, a satisfied smirk gracing his face.
"are you guys decent?" leo asked, still squeezing his eyes shut under his hand.
jason huffed, no doubt red in the face. "it's not like we weren't in the first place."
leo dared to open his eyes, finding that not only was his face red, but there were bruises starting to dapple his neck. ew. he did not want to think about how that came to be. "uh huh. well go and canoodle somewhere not in front of my room, please and thank you."
"canoodle?"
"reyna i told you, i don't wanna go!" you grumbled akin to a toddler, despite your status as the centurion of the first cohort. you took off your armor, dropping it to the ground haphazardly. "i don't need to see you and mister perfect canoodling in front of me!"
the praetor snorted and shook her head. "'canoodling?' you're the second person i've heard use that word this week." she paused, a thoughtful expression passing over her face. "you guys would get along well, i think. anyways, i'm not asking as a friend, i'm ordering you as praetor."
oh that was so unbelievably low! "what!? reynaa!" you stretched out the end of her name in an embarrassingly childish whine. good thing it was just the two of you here, otherwise no one would let you live it down. "i thought they were supposed to be going soon anyway!?"
"you heard me. and no, they're staying for a couple more nights. something about the engine being broken again?" she shrugged, an amused glimmer breaking through her usually serious front. "besides, we have a lot to discuss about the whole gaea thing, and who better to bring than you? you're my right hand woman."
you tried to hide a smile at her words, but sweet-talk always won you over. "ugh, fine. i guess i'll go."
something was up. you knew that from the moment she asked you to "wear something other than purple for once." who even owned anything but purple!? heck, you didn't even know reyna had different clothes outside of uniform! was that even allowed? you'd only ever seen her wear the same shirt as you, and a toga if the event accounted for it.
you sifted through your wardrobe, digging through masses of violet and coming up blank. oh well, guess its uniform time again. not that you minded all that much.
"you are changing." reyna shook her head, giving you a disappointed look only a mother could offer. this wasn't even a big deal! what was so wrong with your shirt? you rather liked purple!
"but why!? what better way to represent rome than this?" you gestured to your clothing. "aren't we talking business? also this is like the only shirt i have."
"because-"
"you just wanna look all pretty for your boyfriend." you cut her off, faking a gag. "doesn't mean i have to look pretty."
her shoulders tensed and you drew back, already anticipating her near-fatal blow.
"reyna? you know i was just kidding- OW!"
"-wait this is so my color actually." you checked yourself in her mirror. who knew reyna had fashion sense? although not much was required for a simple shirt and jeans.
she nodded and got to her feet. "suits you well. consider it my apology."
"huh? apology for what? for hitting me? aww you're so-"
"no. for what's about to happen to you." a solemn expression took over her face. she was well aware of your exaggerated hatred for couples. maybe you were just a bitter single, but she wasn't about to tell you that. she hoped you would soon be taken (not literally) and stop harassing her for her romantic escapades.
that was ominous. should you be scared for your life? "what the hell does that even mean?"
oh. now you knew exactly what it meant. as the two of you boarded the argo ii, she was immediately swept into a bone-crushing hug by jason, as if he couldn't bear to let her go ever again. you almost threw up at the sight. how could your beloved best friend be reduced to a lovesick schoolgirl at the touch of a man!? a man that had forgotten her! (and remembered, and apologized, and confessed his love- okay, you were starting to see her side quite clearly)
you turned your head away entirely, not wanting to see all that. but everywhere you looked, a new couple seemed to pop up. it was like your worst nightmare come to life. percy and annabeth? piper and some girl? frank and hazel? holding hands? since when were they a thing!? sweet hazel and shy frank? they were—admittedly—adorable, but still!
your only respite was leo looking just as exasperated as you. he must have it way worse; he had to live here with all of them. you shuddered. you were glad you weren't in his place right now.
you stood awkwardly to the side as they reunited. do they do this all the time? and everyone's just cool with it? maybe they can relate, with their taken-ness and all. ugh.
leo peeked at you curiously from the corner of his eye. your expression was as clear as day, face scrunched up in disdain as he traced your gaze to the practically infinite amount of couples onboard. he nodded internally, knowing exactly how you were feeling. but hey, he couldn't just let a pretty girl like you stay unhappy on his ship, not if he could help it!
"hey there," leo said smoothly, or as smooth as he could be after he had almost tripped on the crack between the floorboards. "i'm leo."
finally! someone had the decency to entertain you. "i know you! you're the guy that made octavian throw a hissy fit for firing at new rome!" shit, was that a weird thing to say for a first time interaction? too late now.
the brunette cringed at the mention of his possession. "uh, that's not what most people know me by, but yeah..?"
"oh? and what do most people know you by?" consider yourself intrigued.
leo perked up at your question, having been given an amazing opportunity to charm you. "well obviously it's my rugged good looks, and ingenious inventions, and-"
"we're starting dinner now!" jason called out from the dining table, before recieving an elbow to the gut from reyna and a harsh whisper from piper.
you were lost in your thoughts, zoning out as everyone spoke around you. leo's actually kinda... a tiny part of you popped the idea into your head. he was kinda, indeed. gods, i hate couples. a much larger portion of your mind seemed to yell. do you, or do you just hate being single? you asked yourself. huh. well it's probably-
a cough to your left caught your attention. it was leo. when his brown eyes met yours, you couldn't see a trace of that same boy who was described a traitor and a freak for firing at new rome. maybe something really did possess him.
"wanna know how i built this ship?" he asked excitedly. it was clear that the argo ii was his pride and joy.
"yeah!" you grinned, his cheerfulness rubbing off on you. who cares if he fired on new rome anymore? that was so last tuesday.
"so first, i had this cool metal dragon..."
unbeknownst to you, annabeth whispered across the table to reyna. "i think it's working?"
so, the dinner wasn't anything about business. you did learn a ton from leo though! that was business enough wasn't it? still, you couldn't help the pang of guilt that came with not getting anything work-related done. it was practically in your genes as a roman.
"y/n! you should stay the night!" hazel encouraged from the sofa across you. she was met with choruses of yeahs! and you shoulds! by the other girls, including reyna.
"oh!" you laughed awkwardly, trying to think of a way to politely turn them down. as much as you would love to stay and get to know them, you had a job to do. even if that job was getting all the legionnaires in your cohort to bed by curfew. (like seriously, the amount of times you've had to reel in couples you caught sneaking out was crazy. maybe that's where your hatred came from.) "i'd love to, but i have... centurion duties and all that."
"but reyna has praetor duties and she's staying," annabeth argued. her gray eyes shone with an intensity you only saw on the battlefield. what was going on?
that was new information to you. "you're staying?" you questioned your friend, who looked away with a hint of embarrassment.
"jason's leaving soon," she coughed. after being apart for so long, you could hardly blame her for wanting a little more time with him. "but that's besides the point. you should stay."
you crossed your arms, trying to come up with another excuse. "uh, i don't have clothes to change into?" it was a weak attempt, but you hoped it would work.
"i can lend you some," hazel piped up from the side, obviously eager to make you stay.
aw. she was always so nice. but you had a feeling there was an underlying motive you just couldn't figure out.
you tried again. "i don't think there's a spare room for me to sleep in."
"there's an empty one by leo," piper pointed out.
well, that was it. they refuted all your claims and left you no choice but to stay. you heaved a sigh and relented. "fine."
you weren't sure how it happened, but you ended up with leo again. so much for girls night. but you couldn't complain, leo was good company. he never let the silence stew between you guys for too long, always switching between one topic to the next, until somehow, you were both talking shit about your pathetic love lives and the insufferable ones of those around you.
"you wouldn't believe how many times i've caught these people! i swear, they can never keep it in their pants for more than two seconds! it's like, trauma at this point!" you rolled your eyes, absolutely abhorring the new legionnaires in your cohort.
leo laughed, a sound that made your heart skip a beat. he looked over his shoulder, before leaning in as if telling you a secret. "like two days ago, i caught jason and reyna making out! he had hickies all over his neck!"
you gasped at the scandalous behavior of the two most serious people you knew. "what!? no way..."
the curly-haired boy nodded vehemently. "yes way! it was so gross."
eventually, it was time for the both of you to say your goodnights. leo led you to your room, giving you a cheeky wink before he retreated into his own. you shut the door, and threw yourself into bed.
maybe it was the unfamiliar environment, maybe it was the fact that you were way up in the air, or maybe it was leo running circles around your mind. whatever the reason was, you couldn't sleep. or maybe you chose not to, just to have an excuse to see the stars. the time when they were out was the only time you'd allow yourself a break.
you crept out of the room, careful not to make noise as you made your way out onto the deck. the air was crisp, a gentle bite against your skin. it seemed that the god of the sky was on your side tonight, for the clouds were nowhere to be seen, only the full moon of artemis and the familiar stars shone. you made yourself comfy on the floor, leaning back against the railing as you took a deep breath.
it would be another night of no sleep for leo, that much he could tell. he groaned into his pillow. he couldn't tell if it was the new crush already forming on you, or his angst from a few days before. regardless, his nervous energy made him get up and pace the room, fidgeting with a screw he found on the floor. with footsteps light, he traveled the small area, before something told him to get some fresh air. he obliged. it was better than being in his stuffy room.
as he went up the stairs to the upper level, he caught sight of a figure in the distance. leo's curiosity spiked. he walked closer, the image of you coming into view. your eyes locked on his, a soft smile gracing your face at seeing him. "hey."
"hey." leo dipped his head in greeting, and sat down beside you. "mind if i sit here?"
you shook your head and returned your gaze to the starry night sky, a comfortable silence settling between you two, with only the tapping of leo's fingers against the floor filling the air. it was different, being alone with him. he seemed different. he was quieter, more mellow.
"i hate nights." leo blurted out, breaking the peace you two had shared.
"really?" you asked softly. he braced himself with the condescending remark that was sure to come after, but it never came. instead he received a genuine interest from you. "why's that?"
the boy felt his heart beat a little faster. was he really going to tell you, a girl he barely knew, his whole life story? perhaps it was the late hour that made him want to spill everything out. or the feeling that stirred whenever he looked at you, like magnets attracting. and so he did.
and you listened without any interruption, never followed up with that remark he was waiting for, never gave him the pity he hated. instead, you followed up with your own story.
"i love nights. for me, it's the only time i really feel free. when everyone else is asleep, and it's just you and the stars. away from all the rules." you looked up. they seemed so close from here, way up in the floating ship. they twinkled like glitter, flashing heys and hellos and nice to see you agains. it was beautiful.
leo admired you the way you did the stars. they reflected off your eyes and made your irises shine, the same way fire casted a diffused glow on everything around it. maybe nights weren't so bad after all, if every one of them would be spent with you.
and when you leaned against him to rest your head on his shoulder, whispering secrets into his ear? oh, caligula would have blushed. (leo knows he sure did)
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"operation get leo a girlfriend, complete!"
"i thought we were calling it operation get y/n a boyfriend?"
"whatever. operation leoy/n is a success!"
"...you know we can hear you guys, right?"
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Was having a conversation with a friend about how Badly Helluva boss effed up its Premise.
Only having 5/15 (or 8/16 if you include the pilot and the episode s i marked as "kinda") as actually being what the show was supposed to be... IMP, a group of hitmen assassin demons going to the human realm to kill humans.
If a THIRD up to a HALF of your episodes (especially the "big" and "impressive" eps DON'T EVEN BELONG IN THE SHOW, that shows a MASSIVE writing and world building issue in your story.)
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i remember being so exited for Helluva due to the pilot. I myself am A MASSIVE geek for action comedy episodic cartoons. One that has a twinge of violence and swearing and somewhat offensive humour? Are you kidding!?? That sounds great! And i loved the series while it was JUST that. I loved it when it was what it PROMISED. Until it decided to become a stolas romance drama tragedy sob story, gay man noncon fetishy melodrama that had NOTHING to do with... I.MP.?? like. One episode from the 5 is from season 2. ONE. Almost every episode is more interested in shipping material THAN ACTUALLY HAVING A COOL SHOW ABOUT ASSASSINS. i feel scammed, for caring about this stupid show. And these characters. And god awful world building. Cause what we were given is not what they had offered.
Had we wanted a shipping material melodrama (which i know a lot do love) make THAT the pilot. Make THAT season 1. Dont throw the fans that liked what you offered under the bus for catering to the shippers.
I thinks its pathetic, as an artist myself. Changing your visions, characters and world-building with every episode to cater to a group of fans rather than your own vision for a show.
But hey thats just me! Thats how i feel about it lol
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lunarharp · 9 months
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if i just told you i love you would this world change
#witch hat tag#orufrey#these kinda suck lol i feel like i cant draw right now *irritated sigh* BUT I FEEL EMOTIONS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#if you are gay go watch good omens season 2 right now. NO YOU DONT KNOW THO!!!!!!!!!#i know being this affected by good omens is probably cringe. I dont care any more. the last 1 minute of good omens season 2 was#some of the most affecting acting i've ever seen in my life. sometimes someone acts with the force as if their entire career led to that#like during the credits part the very end im not even talking about before that. holy god#aziraphale i know everything about you. i know what you are feeling right now. i can see everything on your face. we're going to make it#ER.... NOT THAT THIS HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS POST. IT'S NOT SPOILERS !!!!!!!!!!!!!#I JUST FEEL THOROUGHLY CHANGED !!!!!!!!!!! SHIT GETS REAL FROM NOW ON.. LIKE IN GENERAL! IN MY LIFE!#tormented gay love tormented gay love TORMENTED GAY LOVE TORMENTED GAY LOVE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#btw the first 3 images were drawn earlier with an entirely different feeling and an entirely different mood.#Why do you keep pulling away from me?#It is because i love you that i do this#the lyrics from one of my japanese orufrey songs (A SONG THAT THE CREATOR LISTENS TO!!!!) led to feelings#“あなたが知らない私を残さず見ててほしいの” but i'm not translating it cause it just sounds weird. if with his eyes oru's asking “WHY don't you want#to let me in? to see all of you?“ those lyrics are like ”I actually want you to see every last bit of the parts of me you don't know“#oru you have no idea how much i want to lay bare my whole soul for you#maybe it's an alternate version of chapter 40. to me#i need to draw something really fucking good or i'm not going to forgive myself. i will not rest in this life#until i have made the orufrey that fully satisfies me nor until i have seen what the manga is leading to#NO STORY MEANS ANYTHING WITHOUT TORMENTED GAY LOVE AT THE HEART OF IT. THATS THE HEART OF THIS WORLD!!!!!#........... so Hi im normal :) haha *goes and finally makes breakfast*
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reel-fear · 8 months
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👀👀👀 Hey Bendy fandom~
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widevibratobitch · 2 months
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moments like this when im really glad im a sad little cynic who always considers the worst possible outcome and never lets herself truly get comfortable and trust the good things in her life to stay there and builds her life around trying to soften the blows of the eventual disappointments just waiting around the corner lol never leaving my edgy teenager era peace and love
#i mean if the alternative is whatever the fuck is going on with my best friend rn then hooooo boy#cancelling therapy immediately i never want to change i wanna keep my trust issues forever and ever if its gonna save me from THIS#is he a dick? kinda. yeah. and a coward because if dude was sure he didnt want it since AUGUST and didnt have the guts to end it till now#actually he didnt end it. she was the one who finally snapped. but we seriously fought twice before because she just woudlnt listen#when i said that girl this isnt gonna work and you trust him too much and you're attachment styles are incompatible as hell#your*#but nvm. the least you could do when a 7 years younger girl who's clearly obsessed with you is breaking up with you#cause she just cant take it anymore. and you can see she's still in love with you because you've been lying to her for half a year.#imo the least you could do at that point is just. dont tell her that jfc. just say you're sorry it didnt work out etc etc#dont fucking tell her you stopped being in love with her in fucking august#and just 'didnt know how to end it' and lied when she asked if everything's alright#like my god. yes ig this would never have happened if she hadn't trusted him so completely and expected love to fix her whole life#but jesus dude. she's not even 23 she has a right to be naive. you're almost 30. you DONT get to be a man child anymore#christ. okay.#anyway i wish i could help her but telling her to 'trust less' and 'never truly rely on other people' sounds horrible and cringe and edgy af#but i genuinely dont have any other advice#like babygirl im sorry but your bestie is a piece of human garbage and she's doing the best she can but her best is Not Much alas
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truckstoptigers · 5 months
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can my stepdad please stop showing me sexual jokes/skits on fb & stop invading my space when he does it i always take a step back and sometimes he gets mad about it but he knows i don't like either of these things & continues to do them & i'm not even allowed to say anything because then i'm just being "too sensitive" and I "need to learn to take a joke" and to "not get so offended all the time"
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tarantula-hawk-wasp · 5 months
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hands and knees begging myself to be responsible tonight bc i have so much to do but i can feel in my heart irresponsible brain is going to win and im gonna end up drawing and making myself more behind and stressed but like i spent 8 hours researching and writing art history texts at my internship do i fucking want to research for my history class tonight even tho i should so i can let the professor know if my topic is viable? no i want to draw. and like even research aside i need to do dishes and laundry and pack
#which frustratingly the relevant articles are from a journal our school doesn't subscribe to and like i could just ask her to change my topi#but like if i wait until after thanksgiving that is pushing it too close UGH#i hate school#i hate how busy i am right now ugh i was on the phone with my dad and he was like you sound really unhappy and i was like well thing is i#am and like i just have to slog through the rest of this semester but it is a hard slog#call my schedule oatmeal the way its fucking GRUELING#they werent lying that 25hrs a week internship but 1hr walking there and back 5 days a week (so 30 hours time) is a fucking LOT on top of#classes and teaching like im physically sore im tired and burnt out im behind on grading#i love the work im doing at the internship and i love teaching it is just challenging to balance both#and like i knew grad school would be hard and I knew this semester would be hard and i can get through it and i will get through it#i dont even like complaining about it bc like i signed up for this knowingly and i knew what i was committing to and the internship is so s#so helpful for me career wise and i really enjoy it and like my classes are also important career wise#im just constantly treading water but im drowning a little#every like mental health problem i have is being exacerbated#i feel like i have two parts of my brain like rational logical brain that knows what i need to do to get the tasks done and then wild#impulsive fun brain that just wants to goof off and that part of my brain has the steering wheel most of the time and i have to wrestle it#away to get work done anytime im not like in an office#which like yes that is a metaphorical way to describe executive dysfunction but i have not had time to try to get any diagnoses even tho#we've been suspicious for 6 years now
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angxlcream · 1 year
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making friends is so exhausting
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danothan · 2 years
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personally, i don’t find much appeal in having someone supposedly knowing me better than i know myself. i romanticize the idea of learning together, the idea that you will never be able to fully know someone bc we’re always evolving. i love relationships where ppl can discover new things abt each other and themselves no matter how long they’ve known each other. there’s a stillness/restriction in other ppl assuming that just makes the fantasy of someone understanding me feel less empathetic and more accusatory, if that makes sense
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youjustwaitsunshine · 2 years
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getting better at being kind to myself every day
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#working hard on accepting that i can just say when i dont know something#like my instant reaction when someone asks me 'do you know []' is always to say yes even if i have no idea#because i dont want to look stupid and like i dont know stuff#but people don't think that! i dont think someone is stupid for not knowing something that i do! so why would they!#actively working on being more vulnerable. asking for help. asking for clarification. admitting i don't know that show.#sounds a bit stupid but admitting to myself that im like that because im afraid to get hurt/made fun off and trying to change it#is actually a good step for me i think#ive already become comfortable with sharing what i love and know about and it has made me a happier person#and hasn't made people like me less. on the contrary probably. it makes it so much easier to engage in actual conversation#so now it's time for me to work on the opposite. saying that i dont know something at all not even a little. it's a bit daunting ngl.#it's easier to do it on the internet but looking at someone and admitting you have no idea? terrifying#anyways this was brought to you by a coworker of mine not knowing how to open the garage and calling herself stupid +#and another coworker telling her that she doesn't want her saying that and that not knowing something doesn't make her stupid#that coworker almost became a teacher and you can totally tell. shes very based. actually most if not all of my coworkers are.#anyways. pettersson and findus for your consideration. maybe sometime i will draw seb in that style because i grew uo with those books
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thedevotionaltour · 10 months
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life is really beautiful when you feel like a person again and not a living corpse. like you understand what it's like when people say they're happy to be alive. like i feel like the first time in so long i really feel close to really feeling that way. like even when my life sucks to know that i will be able to still be truly happy to be alive and know i will eventually be able to pick myself up. im sure i've felt it before but it's been so long it feels like for the first time in my entire life i'm truly happy to be alive and know what that means. and will this feeling go up and down of course. but it's like. to not feel like a painfully kept alive corpse and to actually feel like a person. is really nice. it's really really nice. and i want to hold onto the moments where i feel that so i can remind myself i have felt this way before and i will get to feel it again even when stuff is really bad. eventually I'll get to feel this way again. i really hold it close.
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camptw1nk · 1 year
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hm.
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wheresmulder · 2 years
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This is way too personal for tumblr but I think I wanna leave my fiancé lmfao
#even typing this gives me anxiety lmao#ive never experienced 'cold feet' before but im guessing this is it#we were talking and they casually brought up getting the license soon and my whole body went cold#like. it felt like the beginning of a panic attack but it went away after a second so yeah lol im uhh not doing great#this sounds so ridiculous like why is this happening and why now all of a sudden literally out of nowhere#i dont know if i want to marry him. after all this time. what the fuck is happening to me the thought of being married used to feel like#security? but in that moment i felt like i was suffocating like in a literal physical sense like my throat closed up#and now every time ive thought about getting married since then my stomach immediately hurts#like i feel sick rn#this is insane to me#nothing has changed#what the fuck is this#they're my best friend as fucking trite as it sounds#i dont even want to leave him????????? i just#this all sounds so fucking stupid. i love them but the idea of making it legally binding has me in tears AND FOR WHAT ima fucking#ima fucking anarchist idgaf about the government or their paperwork so why does this suddenly feel like the worst decision i could make#im afraid if i talk to them if i tell him how i feel and how scared i am it will hurt him so much#the worst part is i think i know what im rly afraid of#and its like. its so bad i cant even post about it anonymously on the internet#i think im actually a rly bad person#i cant do this like i feel fucking paralyzed and everyone is treating me weird bc they know im freaking out#and i know theyre all talking about me trying to decide whats wrong and what to do#but i cant fucking tell them bc then they'll know#my sister my mom my friends even my brother in law is like 👀 and hes fucking oblivious so obvs my sister is talking to him about me#joe has no clue tho#i told him im spending the day w my friend so he wouldnt reach out but im hiding in my room tryin to decide#if this is rly just cold feet or what bc it seems a little fucking extreme like is this what ppl talk about#i wish it was cold feet#it's not#personal
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nevermorse · 2 years
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/vent:
fucking hate talking about the pretty/ugly divide with pretty girls. they always have the best intentions i know this but the rest of us aren't conventionally attractive or pretty the way you are & they refuse to acknowledge that & it's nauseating because you know they don't truly believe it but they keep saying "noo omg ur soo pretty & cute blah blah". like no, i'm not, & it's okay most day but just please stop saying lies out of pity or whatever it is?
#like can't you be objective for one second ffs#if i was all that how come i don't get any attention from strangers? or whatever else but how come no one is into me lol#this sounds so needy & whiney but i'm actually serious. you think ugly girlies get hit on in hospitals? or in town walking around?#even excluding the irl scenarios#like when was the last time someone hit me up on twt or insta (where i occasionally post pics & i look good in them too)#never thats when#& this fucks up my image so much because i now hold 2 contradictory ideas:#1. i understand that im pretty in my own way & to those who look or are actually into my whole thing#2. i also believe that since this has been happening my whole life then every piece of attention i get/will get is going to eventually end#it's always a lie i can't believe anyone who says things like that to me#i know people have a tendency to hate the way they look & nitpick every single detail#but jesus fucking christ if you saw any ANY picture of my face taken by someone else that's not me#you'd understand#i'm not exaggerating either#they think their social inconveniences count as them being ugly? or if they dont wear makeup that theyre ugly?#like i wore all types of makeup & i always fuckign always look like absolute shit#& they all look like goddesses with makeup & still look great without it too#i dont think im jealous#but i wish i could change my face#i wish i could be someone more than a girl best friend to someone#fucking shit fuck#ihml#vent#ugly
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tklpilled · 2 years
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sorry i cant shut up about how i hate him i have to cancel out all the people who do like him /j
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