#i do genuinely believe that i cant help it
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In general I have not been engaging with this show in a fandom way but I gotta say Molly Cobb is absolutely my blorbo. My skrunkly problematic fave. Rotating her in my mind etc. one of my favourite ‘asshole’ characters of all time. I’m so glad they didn’t have her die of space cancer or in a fiery test vehicle crash and instead she got to round out a good decade of flying very large vehicles very fast by stalking around NASA with her fuckin. Seeing eye wolfhound and spending time in her brass tub with her weird husband (who I also love.) good for her.
#for all mankind#for all mankind spoilers#In all seriousness I genuinely kinda love all the women on this show#I’m on season 3 so idk what they do later but like. Margot Madison? God Forbid Women Do Anything etc. Aleida? My hero for real.#Tracy Stevens? Elevates her foils Gordo and Karen so well I cant even hate them much (although also season 1 Karen is so interesting to me)#DANIELLE POOLE? I think she’s great and also extremely interesting and the way her personality as a determined and optimistic and helpful#person reacts with being constantly devalued on so many levels is like. Quite believable. Genuinely I think she’s one of the best written#characters on the show.#Anyway.#my stuff#Also I KNOW Molly Cobb’s ending(?) is more complicated than that I actually thought it was also pretty interesting and well done ish but#This is NOT a serious post (except apparently in the tags for a sec) this is a post about my favourite abrasive daredevil and her cool dog#And her husband the painter who gives weed to housewives sometimes
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Hi Sarah!
I have a cephalopod question: do ceph’s ever lose their suckers, and if so are they able to grow new ones?
And a SciComm question: do you have any advice for someone who wants to grow their career in SciComm? It’s my dream career but it seems like opportunities are few and far between.
Is it “better” to pursue a degree in a specific science, or to focus more on the education/teaching side of things?
(although a huge shoutout to you and the other SciComm folks sharing your passions! I did manage to get a part-time internship and job at my local zoo in their education department, and I only had the courage to pursue those opportunities thanks to people like you! Didn’t think I’d get this far, and now I can’t wait to take it even farther; I’ve just got to figure out how to get there first!)
Do ceph’s ever lose their suckers, and if so are they able to grow new ones? I'm sure they do! The regeneration of some species has been studied but not all of them so there's likely some species that are a little better at it than others (for example, it's probably something a predator that attacks very strong fast animals needs than an animal that primarily eats bivalves).
Do you have any advice for someone who wants to grow their career in SciComm? The trouble with this is that my job is very very weird, and doesn't exist in the kind of structure where you apply for a job →you get the job → you have a stable job. It's more similar to the safety and job structure of being an artist, but with a nonprofit thrown into the mix. It's... complicated! And not necessarily stable! All that to say, how I got here is not going to work for everyone and I honestly sometimes cant believe it worked/works for me at all. It might stop working any second.
But whatever here's what I did. I practiced science communication on social media and locally in Connecticut (where I was at the time). I tried to consume a lot of science communication and consider what was working in those pieces, and thought about what I enjoyed doing within that whole huge ecosystem. There's one zillion ways to do science communication, and different approaches will hit different audiences. It's totally critical for a lot of different people to be doing science communication in a way that feels genuine to them, in their own voices, with whatever methods they like doing the most so that as a collective, we hit the broadest patch of people. No one science communication technique is perfect for every "audience" member, so the diversity of approaches is so so important. I don't think that gets said enough. So explore! See what you like, see what you get joy out of doing, see how people react to it. Producing science communication as you're practicing will build out a portfolio of work that you can point to when you graduate.
There are a lot of kinds of science communication jobs. There's the freelance/DIY approach like having a podcast like Alie Ward, or founding a nonprofit (this is very hard and i don't recommend doing this lol), or having a successful youtube channel/social media situation like Hank Green or doing TV like Emily Calandrelli/Bill Nye/Phil Torres. Then there's working for an existing science education nonprofit like Biobus or Science Friday or working for institutions like museums/zoos/aquaria, etc. Theres also a whole field in the university system called "extension" where you're taking the work happening at the university and connecting the surrounding population with that work. Each of those jobs, particularly the older institution-based ones have their own structures and will come with different advice on how to get into those jobs. I'm not really sure about those. Having that science communication portfolio will likely help for all of them though!
As far as what to do for school... I think the true but kinda complicated answer is that often what we do for school isn't directly related to what we end up doing. The skills we build while we're in school, and the connections we make are really what determines where we end up and what we end up doing. So... really take seriously the stuff you're doing that nobody's telling you to do. That's as important as class... and honestly, in my personal experience, it's way more important than what you do in class.
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"hey guys I'm working on an 'Acevi' comic I might post it soon" they say, knowing damn good and well they were working on a Whace comic at same time and will finish it faster.
... so guys guess what (cut bc I talk a ton )
This isn't super serious! Or in character! About half way through I kinda went "Oh wait this is Whace. This is inherently goofy" and made it goofy. This takes place somewhere before the killing game, but Ace has his cooler hair bc I said so.
Anyway without further delay: here you go
woa look at all those drawings (some done months ago). This looks like a M.A.P (multi animator project not the illegal kind) with how much my artstyle shifts around
Bouns sketch panels I thought were funny
Sadly didn't keep the bite :// also it was all way more high energy in the sketch phase. "why do you live me" and "you're weird but in a funny" are iconic
Also the 1st (and only good) background on it's own bc I found it nice looking
Idk why they have lockers in college.
Was thinking about waiting to release this bc I felt kinda shitty for teasing the. Kinda Acevi thing first. But whatever, I worked (kinda) hard, and I want people to see it.
The background audio is this piano cover of Creep by Radio Head
I elect to make Creep the official Whace song bc its so them fr. /... hj
#drdt#drdt fanart#ace markey#danganronpa despair time#whit young#whace#the best drdt ship fr!11!1!#i do genuinely believe that i cant help it#also like since i forgot to draw Charles walking away i guess he just hid in his locker ajd was listening the whole time#god this took so much work#ill work on the acevi thing. soon. its basically done already#FUCK I JUST CAUGHT A SPELLING MISTAKE#dies
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"Deep inside, Wilson believes that if he cares enough, he'll never have to die."
What the fuck were the House writers on
#how am i supposed to live laugh love in these conditions#this quote is attempted murder#i cant live like this#This also puts the scene were Wilson tells House he wishes he was more of an asshole into perspective#“i wish i had been more a selfish jerk” “youd still have cancer” “atleast id feel like i deserved it”#because wilson spent his whole life helping people because some part of him genuinely believed that he would live a very long good life#as long as he was doing good and helping people#but in the end none of it mattered and in his mind he wasted his entire life being overly good when he couldve just lived how he wanted#because in the end it didnt make any difference#brb sobbing#thats why when people act like wilson is the devil for saying that to house i lose 5 years of my life#house md#house#greg house#james wilson#gregory house#hilson#hate crimes md#hatecrimes md#wilson#housemd
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im going crazy
#hannibal#hannibal nbc#hannigram#mads mikkelsen#hannibal lecter#hugh dancy#will graham#fuck hannigram#im going crazy#send help#how do i tag this#like genuinely#im so mad i hate them#i cant believe they both tried to kill each other after this#why are the gays so disfunctional#gay people can never be normal about thier love
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WOAH, HE'S BIGENDER? I DIDN'T KNOW THAT!
#hey. hey. im just saying. he LITERALLY 'transed his gender' in a diagetic bit in orange. and if that wasnt enough.#in blue he disguised himself as squid jenny specifically with larry's powers (the only thing hes done with them on screen)#got caught by his god-assigned roles-obsessed caretaker. and was given the label of being something intrinsically unescapably deceitful.#while 'pretending' to be trans girl.#like. if i wasnt pretty sure it was all an accident i might even call the allegory here slightly heavy-handed.#with the nccts emphasizing a theme of 'youre not just what people say you are#you can be more than one thing at the same time' with crim#i think crimson can have boygirl swag. some bigender pizzazz. i think he deserves it.#is it REALLY a cpu kerfuffle arc without a subversive narratively relevant gender-transing.#am i supposed to believe the spirit of deviance himself is cis? get fucking real. grow up. /silly#also a lil crimtoinette in there. just for flavor. because i cant help myself.#also sidenote the nccts have given him this cute lil tendency#to tip his hat down to hide his face when hes trying to be Genuine or Thoughtful or Poignant. and i enjoy that little touch#i maybe like this guy a little too much. hes most of what ive drawn for months.#but what do you want from me. i read him as a queercoded villain deconstructed at the metanarrative level.#am i just supposed to be normal about that.#me and zia talked about this in dms and discovered. we came to a lot of the same conclusions. completely independently. lmao
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omg wait it's a year since i had my top surgey! absolutely wild. i'm not going to get too effusive (proceeds to get too effusive) BUT i'm still so happy about it. every day. it feels like it's been this way forever, and at the same time the joy hasn't stopped. i thought it would be a one-and-done blast of dysphoria-ending, after which i'd feel neutral (and if that had been the case it would have been worth it!) but instead, with everything transition-related, this keeps on happening to me: i was aiming for neutral, because my brain was so weighed down that anything beyond that didn't occur to me as a possibility. and instead i get continual happiness and contentment and freedom in myself, which is something i hadn't even thought to hope for. so that's cool
#genuinely cant believe it's only been a year#anyway this is not an exaggeration sometimes when i'm getting dressed i cant help doing a little happy stim at the mirror. still. bc#There I Am!#the being able to not think abt it is also a blessing like it's freed up so much space in my brain#but i was expecting that. i wasnt expecting that a year down the line i'd still be smiling this much about it#raising a glass to gandalf big naturals. cheers#gay belligerence
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this is my full arc with Berdly (so far)
High school. Late or middle high school I don't know; my perception of time is fucked. Deltarune chapter 2 just came out and it's all the rage and I want to get the fuck away from it because it's all anyone fucking talks about and I could care less about it (I hate things that get popular). I played Deltarune chapter 1 and part of chapter 2 around this time to see what the buzz was about. I found chapter 1 to be pretty mediocre, and didn't really get the story. Chapter 2 didn't interest me and I thought it was kind of dumb.
my dumb ginger friend loves this stupid game and he won't shut up about this stupid Berdly character who like, wants people to like him for his intelligence and you can kill him in the game or something and if you type his name into google images and scroll down a little bit a really gross piece of uhh we'll just say typical furry art shows up and it made me feel really sick to my stomach. I still stole the idea for wanting to be liked for being smart and stowed it away in my brain so I could rip it off later because I have not a creative bone in my body.
I sort of forget about Deltarune for a while and harbor nothing but pretty negative feelings about it probably because my stupid ginger friend likes it and I feel zero respect for him or really any of the target audience of Deltarune and having somewhat of a "ding dong your opinion is wrong and mine is right because I said so" complex because I want to look better than everyone else because deep down I know I'm probably worse than everyone including the people I see as less than me because I hate myself a lot yay self esteem issues yipeee being a teenager rules!
I end up maturing a little as I become more of an adult, and become less of a jackass. Still have little remnants of the jackassness in me but I'm not a full on one anymore and I sort of like get how things work now and like.... I'm lss of a jerk than ur average person ok. Because of this, I end up deciding to give Deltarune another chance.
I start with chapter 2's snowgrave route since it sounds the most interesting to me. I kind of like Berdly and find him cute.
I kill him.
feel kind of bad
Go back and play chapter 1 and then the normal route of chapter 2.
wait a minute.
i really like Berdly.
he's really cute. and funny and like.
fucking shit he's kind of relatable
You know what I'm giving him the present; I'd feel awful if I gave it to anyone else
Awww! He's so happy!
Aww poor Berdly his backstory is kind of sad. I can't believe this game lets you kill him. Man and everyone else is so mean to him. Queen doesn't care about him, Susie's taunting him for how he's acting which, yeah, ok, he's annoying, but does he really deserve that? fucking bitch-
Berdly breaks his fucking arm.
Fuck.
Start the entirity of chapter 2 over again using my chapter 1 data and try to prevent Berdly from breaking his arm.
Successfully prevent Berdly from breaking his arm. We are bffs now. Yippee!
Begin to look at fan content.
Wow this art shipping him with Kris is so fucking cringe. Shit sucks.
Wow this art shipping him with Kris is kind of charming. Shit doesn't suck?
Wow I'm drawing it.
Wow I wrote seventy something pages of fanfiction that were inspired by how much I like Berdly as a character and am dedicating several months of my life possibly years to refining this script, storyboarding it and turning it into an actual comic that won't suck balls.
Kill me
#berdly#deltarune#hyperfixation#help#I said “typical furry art” in reference to a gross fan art but I don't hate furries so don't get the wrong idea#that being said the furry community does HAVE their reputation for a reason#some of the shit they do is genuinely horrific.#like that berdly fan art.#a lot of it is WORSE than that berdly fan art :)#then again any fanbase has those problems#like weebs#rant over i cant believe i ranted in the tags#kill me#krerdly#krispy chicken#deargodhelpmerant#in the tags
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god im so excited for the Barbie movie today. I might be a bit tense while seeing my triggers on screen but honestly I’ve been doing so so so well handling my ptsd the last few weeks and I'm very proud of myself!!!!!
there’s a few triggers I’ve been actively working on reclaiming and I KNOW I’m going to be okay watching the movie bc I am not letting anybody take this from me. I know I’m gonna wanna see it more than once. I even bought myself a cute pink skirt for it ;w;
#I’m gonna wear pink glitter in my hair too for opening night#woof#like i know im gonna be rly tense but i have been doing SO much better than i was just a month ago#if anything ill just be incredibly tense at first. but i genuinely think ill relax more as the movie progresses#bc ive been using grounding techniques for months and ive been working so goddamn hard to reclaim pink#WHICH IS SUCH HUGE PROGRESS FOR ME to think back to january when i couldnt look at pink at ALL#and i think seeing pink literally every single second for 2 hours straight in the barbie movie#is gonna also help my brain be like 'oh hey everything is fine' help it to become desensitized#bc ive been doing exposure therapy and im doing so much better than i was even just one month ago!!!!!!!#barbie is my girlfriend. and ken is my boyfriend. and i have two hands they can hold#god!!! you know how many barbies im gonna kiss!!!!! SO MANY#this is MY movie i have been so fucking excited to see!! its my number one favorite thing ive been looking forward to!!!!#i have wanted to see this! so! fucking! badly! and fuck anybody who tried to ruin that for me#i dont want ptsd to control my life#i feel like im riding a bull and gripping it by the horns while its trying to kick me off while im yelling Not Today Bitch#thats what trying to reclaim triggers feels like#but i can fucking feel it working i can feel myself getting better with some of these triggers i cant believe it#and i think just a year from now most of these triggers wont be severe anymore#which is my goal. i dont even need them to be cured completely i just want to function normally#cannot tell u how fucking unreal it is to have so many triggers that are like. normal everyday stuff#colors. clothes. phrases. transformers. im taking ALL of that shit back#STARTING WITH PINK ONE OF MY FAVORITE GODDAMN COLORS 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖#THE EMOJI LOOKS RED ON DESKTOP BUT THAT IS OKAY.
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How can I be offline more even when I’m depressed? I can’t go on walks or hang out with anyone so I need help and I’ve seen you do good with your tumblr breaks and getting outside
Honestly the only reason i can go offline the way i do is because i tell everyone i wont be online until i do such and such (in my case its typically writing a substack post) and because i made myself a little rule, im obligated to follow it if that makes sense ..... idk it works really well for my specific neuroses to have precise rules around screen use because im the type of person who needs to follow the rules i make myself or i lose it. So thats not much help unless your brain is wired like mine BUT for getting outside i usually have like a reward system of sorts??? Once again hinges on my love of making little rules for myself i guess but going outside means i get a cig and/or a drink (not the healthiest of motivations lol but its better than nothing).... if u cant go for walks i suggest also just finding a place to sit and hang out!!! Parks in ur area or even just outside wherever you live r good places for this.... if u have the pleasure of having a stoop to sit on i recommend sitting on it with some headphones and a book or podcast or whatevers up ur alley..... if u dont want to be talked to or looked at (me too <3) then doing this at night is pretty awesome. The more ur offline the easier it gets btw like ik everyone says that but fr the fomo disappears pretty quick. Good luck i love you stay gold
#idk if u were following me this summer but i picked specific days of the week to be online (weds+sat) and only was online then#which worked pretty well as opposed to going cold turkey. i cant rlly help as far as things to do bc i genuinely enjoy staring at the walls#i believe in u though i hope ur eating to the best of ur ability and staying hydrated <3 and always remember.#five minutes outside is better than not going out at all and an hour off the phone is better than not going offline at all!!! mwah ily#asks#anon!#hollyws
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various witch stuff of the day or whatever the heck
#witch hat tag#orufrey#uhh yeah just getting some stuff out of the way haha i like the first one tho. i drew something that scares me#iguin must have been involved in qifrey's thing somehow. The Lidless eye..the sight of the world..i mean i think [redacted]#and he'll be [redacted] and [redacted] will be forced to... [redacted]???!?!!?#I want to keep my theories to myself.......or do i. not being a fandom person (other than dropping my art and leaving) means i just..#combust inside by myself with ideas and FEARS FOR THAT MAN.....CAN SOMEONE HELP HIM IM SO WORRIED IM SO...#CAN YOU LET SOMEONE HELP YOU#apparently tetia's expression in the last one is hard to understand =.= she's emotional bc she cant believe they remembered#the twin hat idea. and that she's so happy. i was thinking about how she was probably qif's first pupil so there must have been a time#where it was just her qif and oru... i DO think she is hinted strongly to be trans but even if not her mystery background is probably so sad#why would qifrey even become a teacher? his goal was the brimhats. but he keeps being distracted by kids with problem pasts so#he must have only been drawn to help tetia out of a deep sympathy. it seems at that point he and oru had drifted apart#did oru decide to be his watchful eye hearing about that or did qifrey ask him? he thought that qif had given up on brimhat stuff so..#*mumble mumble* lately i also keep remembering oru saying something UNREAL in kitchen like 'we're finally living under the same roof' ????#you can't just say that. what on earth. i..... whatever. i haven't even processed like 20% of my potential emotions about them#i feel so weirdly emotional today. i stopped thinking about witch hat for zuka even tho im SO hyperfixated it is genuinely PAINFUL to stop#i stopped just long enough to watch gatsby raku.... my haachan#i'm so grateful right now that i dont have any big issues in my life rn so i can get worried about manga men and sad about actors retiring#today at least i am extremely grateful. living and being alive is so so so so weird. i hope we all make it
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To me ideal kidnap situation would Kevin and Neil (in a semi non violent aiming for the ramson scenario). Neil who has actual torture experience and does not shut up vs Kevin who is trying to get a good grade at being kidnapped. The kidnappers will be lucky if the police arrives before Andrew does.
i adore you people i truly do where else am i going to get an ask that starts so earnestly with “to me the ideal kidnap situation is…” SERIOUSLY. i feel like anyone who has motivation to kidnap kevin would probably not have it to kidnap neil just because the way i see it who kevin’s at risk of getting kidnapped by is stalkers or raven cultists (either fans or athletes themselves) who would ultimately not really care much for neil. BUT after neil’s dad kicks the bucket and neil tells the fbi everything he knows i do think neil would be put under an IMMENSE target for being a tattletale, and that would be a genuine concern of the moriyamas because his death would be an investment lost
to me the ideal (and funniest) situation is someone trying to kidnap neil and accidentally taking kevin along without recognizing him. can you imagine? you’re here for some fucked up kid of the butcher who put your entire livelihood as a criminal in danger and you happen to accidentally take a FAMOUS ATHLETE along. you were already wrong thinking no one would notice neil’s disappearance and now you have to deal with kevin day’s face blasted on the news everywhere because he went missing. like it’s seriously ridiculous. i think this kidnapper would probably just kill them and be done with it if i’m honest but since we’re having fun i will say that this person will dream of carcerary life if they ever encounter andrew minyard. kevin and neil get saved by moriyama agents eventually but kevin is never getting out of his house again
#i cant stress this enough being kidnapped has got to be one of kevins biggest fears#because its not just being Taken Away its being Locked Away its being stripped bare of any and all external help its having no one else to#lean on#do you get it.#yes kevin already has been human trafficked once but a second time would really mess him up#i sincerely believe any fics where kevin gets kidnapped need to be followed by 28293 therapy scenes because he’s never living that doen#like he would become so paranoid and so afraid and so genuinely obsessive about never allowing it to happen again#AND NO ONE WOULD HAVE A GOOD TIME HONESTLY#but would i read such a fic? yes. of course#i wanna see neil being like its okay andrew it was normal and no one got hurt Really bad :)#while kevin is like. in the medical sense of shock. making plans in his head to change his entire life#around having this never happening again if he can help it#i want to see kevin agoraphobic and terrified and deeply obsessive. For my funnies#asks#kevin#neil
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tbf leaning into my perfectionism has only made me make better art and being lazy and low effort with it uh gets...lazy and low effort results. now do 99% of things ever get done? no. but that one percent is better than the wide swarths of garbage I was able to finish for years
#“make bad art'' well the arts bad so shats the point#i guess ''make art to the best your abilities and try really hard but have fun and not make#it an act of self torture or source of self flagellation'' isnt a good one liner for quippy posts#i also do like hate myself and my art less i used to cry and want to burn my sketchbooks LOL that has to do w being a kid but also.#self confidence comes from good results youre genuinely proud of#im not someone who believes in. inherent self worth for myself LOL dramatic n not 100% true but like I cant pretend to believe something#out of nothing just for feelgood factor self help positivity quotes r the worst and make me feel worse bcs i am. a scrooge#train til failure but for art
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growing up as a child with severe hallucinations was wild.. the whole time you're becoming a person and adjusting to reality and learning how the world works but you're thrown a secret curveball that no one else knows about or can warn you about because no one else can see it happening. and should you express any signs of genuine distress or confusion over something imaginary, it's called "over active imagination" or "imaginary friends" and its all cute to adults until theyre losing sleep at night because the kid is too scared to sleep alone- but even sleeping between mom and dad still doesnt feel safe because every night feels like a horror movie where only you can see the monsters that want you dead. but its not real! and you have to listen to mom and dad when they say that! but they dont get it! no one ever gets it! it doesnt go away when you close your eyes! the visions get horrific and grotesque even by adult standards but no one listens! just go back to bed it was just a nightmare :) but the truth was you never fall asleep first.
#and its even worse like. expressing these things as an older child too#having adults be like 'oh i believe you!' and you feel relief finally#only to have that adult say 'youre being haunted by spirits!'#like you have no idea how damaging that was to hear as a young schizophrenic#i genuinely believed i was haunted. i genuinely believed evil spirits wanted to kill me via dreams#i fully believed that was real and possible and happening!#im lucky ive grounded myself as an adult but i still struggle with#the most random delusions. hallucinations of voices and sometimes figures#im lucky i can tell when its real and when its not. when it cant be.#but for how long? how long do i have before i cant help but believe its real?#and i know in this post im mostly talking about the night terror aspect#but it gets so frustrating when people just reduce it down to just that too#like these didnt only exist at night- thats just when it was scary#broad daylight with a clear head its easier to be like- oh that just isnt scary#and as i'd get older i had to train myself to just not react and ignore things that genuinely scared me#i think thats why i liked horror movies so much as a kid.#dont even bother me the type shit i got goin on.#probably didnt help tho..
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sometimes I think about how I was legitimately the most hated and bullied kid in my entire class, and probably entire school. I knew this as a fact. there was nothing I could do about it. not just by the kids either, but the teachers/staff as well. all because I was autistic and unable to speak and they didn't want to treat me decently. and I ask why. (rhetorically of course, because I know all the excuses given as answers)
being an autistic kid and knowing damn well this is true, that you're the most hated person in the entire building with not a single person on your side, knowing you're the main target for everyone's aggression every day, is....truly something. you know. like carrying the weight of everyone's hatred and negativity on your back alone, being their punching bag, internalizing their hatred for then. from ages 4 to 18. nonstop. never getting better. never knowing why. not being able to stop it. never getting any help. on your own and alone. blamed for it all.
yet i'm simply told to "get over it/stop caring" and get blamed for it fucking me up and having a lasting effect. lmao ok. let me just forget more than half my life existed at this point and magically get better! thanks!
#those assholes are lucky I didn't have the heartless soul to take revenge on them or something.#instead it just became internalized trauma 🙃#lee rambles#autistic#autism#actually autistic#school trauma#what would they have done if i lost my shit and lashed out at them????#the most i was ever able to do was take a plastic knife and stab an apple at lunch while glaring at a table of the kids#that scared them enough to leave me alone for a few days. then theh forgot and back at it again#why is it always the victim's fault and the bullies win? even years after the fact. why cant my brain “get over it” like people tell me :/#and yes i was able to get a therapist. no it hasnt helped yet. i do all the coping stuff she suggests already#basically distractions and whatnot. no it hasnt cured me.#she always tells me i have good coping mechanisms. im doing a good job. i deal with things reallt well. ok why am i still a mess 🙃#its almost as if theres no cure and only pretending#what am i rambling about. this sounds like an emotional rant but i genuinely feel nothingness atm. just reminiscing how fucked up it all was#why were things like that allowed to be put onto one single child and why did they never get any help or justice and are blamed#s i g h s#also ive always felt like no one believed me when i said i was the most hated and bullied kid at school. it is 100% true lmao unfortunately
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we. as a community. are severally lacking in anything about richard and asbel trying to kill each other.
EDIT: these tags have become less and less about asbel and richard killing each other. i am so sorry. do not ask me to speak about anything ever this is exactly what happens every time.
#.text#ohhh i could fix them. are you listening to me?#i genuinely did enjoy graces (<- hasnt actually finished it yet) and i love it DEARLY but i NEED to overhaul everything#could you imagine? asbel's entire character is about wanting to save people. he wants to save everyone he can#he wants to save sophie. he wants to save richard. but nothing really comes from that#what if he had to learn he cant save people alone? he told richard at the beginning that he couldnt shoulder everything.#thats what asbel is there for. to help richard shoulder his burdens. but asbel never had to learn the same.#he always saw it as his Own duty to save others - its HIS duty to save sophie. its HIS duty to save richard.#there are no consequences to this- he doesnt run himself into the ground#or end up hurting his friends. he doesnt run off alone and have them chase him. proving that they are there to help him#shoulder the same burdens he helps richard with. sophie doesnt get worse for this and neither does richard.#what if he had to learn that there were different ways to save people? he had used direct action constantly. every single time.#but what if he had to face the fact that thats not what everyone wants let alone needs? if he were to learn that some people#can be saved by saving themself. or that some people can be saved just by speaking to them rather than#having their problems fixed for them. what then? or if he were to meet someone who just. couldnt be saved.#i do think richard should live at the end -- i really do like that. BUT.#i think asbel should have had a chance to learn that maybe the only way to save richard was to kill him.#maybe this happens -- i dont know yet. i stopped right before the ending i believe. but i dont think it does.#he is the one to constantly. constantly. try to help others. and seek ways to help others. he doesnt know his place in the world#but when he can help someone find theirs. or help someone make sure they Stay here. he feels like he has one.#that his existence. him being saved. was not a mistake. and that he is meant to be here.#but i think i would have liked to see him learn that in some cases. some very tragic cases. there is salvation in death.#plus i think. it wouldve been nice to have someone tell asbel that sometimes people Cant get help. sometimes#the only way they can be saved is if they save themselves. because it means so Much. so many different things#it happens to sophie and richard and i feel like it should have happened to asbel too. its evident he does not care about#himself as much as he should. he has not forgiven himself for something that happened as a child. and he doesnt forgive himself for#things out of his control too. he carries the weight of the world on his shoulders -- except that weight is self imposed. and it is going#to kill him one of these days. it Should. there shoulf be consequences.#i dont knoww i just think the themes of the game kind of miss because of how little theyre actually implimented throughout the game#even though i enjoyed it SOOOO much genuinely. i really did.
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