#i didnt realize i was trans for a long time because it seemed like other trans people had it all figured out | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

am-i-the-asshole-official · 3 months

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Am I an asshole for making fun of someone’s name and interests but then apologizing? I (16M) recently became friends with some people in my lunch hour. They are Z (17NB), M (18NB) and K (17M). M is dating A (18FTM), who i have met twice and had maybe two brief convos with, and he seemed sweet at the time. However, A is friends with the whole group, so they all know him and talk about him. We have joked in the past about the fact that A has the same nickname as one of my other friends. For the sake of fake names, lets say the nickname is Alex. I refer to my friend as Alex and Z,M, and K all call their friend Alex too. However, one day i called my friend by his full name- again, fake name, but lets say- Alexander. M makes fun of my friends name, saying its a bad name. In retaliation I jokingly say ‘your partners name is worse!’. A’s full name is a different spelling of a rather nice name, for this lets say its Alexyus (like Alexis). I mention that i like the name alexis, just say “but who spells it with a y!”. I also add, “plus theyre literally a dsmp and homestuck fan!”. OKAY BEAR WITH ME! i will fully accept and admit that thus far i have been an asshole. It wasnt okay for M to make fun of my friends name, but it also wasnt okay for me to make fun of their partner.

Anyways- no one seemed too upset by it in the moment, but later when i got home i received messages from M, K, and A. M’s had some odd sort of long copy pasta which basically said i hope you suffer, but it felt like a joke to me so just responded withh “i aint reading all that”. K’s message was wild tho- he said “i was just hoping you would kill yourself, overdose, hang yourself, or even just cut ur wrists. what is wrong with you, you fing freak!”. which is… wow! After i read the message i saw him edit it to add a “/jay” (meaning joking) at the end, but the original message had no indication of it being a joke. However, i accepted it as a joke because…. Why would he tell me to kill myself lol…. Anyways, A’s message was polite and formal, asking to talk about something i said earlier at lunch (A isnt in our lunch, he wasnt there when i made the comment about his name, but i assume M or K told him). I respond equally politely and we had a good conversation about it, i realized that it wasnt at all my place to make thats jokes or poke fun at A in that way, and i apologized. A said it was all good and honestly i was impressed with their forgiveness and maturity. I hoped A and i could become potential friends in the future, even. I was still peeved that K literally told me to commit suicide, but whatever yknow. The next few days at lunch were awkward but my other friend, Z, and me mostly just didnt talk to M and K. At some point my other friend, who i told about this, mentioned to K kinda offhandedly like “yo it was kinda fucked up u told (me) to kill himself..” and K informed us that he actually didnt send the message, it was A on his phone. M corroborated this story and then we left, but i was honestly so shocked.

Now i dislike and feel uncomfortable around M, K and A (although not Z, who agreed that what the rest of them did was not okay), because to me it feels like they all were okay and agreement of the message. But ultimately i’m really conflicted- it was definitely wrong of me to make fun of A (even if it was not meant to be serious, i dont know A well enough to joke like that), but i feel like telling me to kms is unjustified. Maybe it all is stupid drama tho, and i should just let it go?

*** i forgot to add- if its worth noting, since A is trans, he chose his own name, and mentioned that was one of the reasons he was specifically upset. Should i have not made fun of his name because i know he chose it himself? (Idk if it matters but my friend alexander is also trans and chose his name too. Also i love him and his name to death so maybe thats why i was specifically defensive of it.) but anyways:

Am i the asshole? Are we all assholes?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #suicide cw

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unikron-kitten-kat · 10 months

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are your request open??? if so what about a short little scenario of a trans ftm s/o coming out to slenderman and then lots of reasurring and loving!!

Ahxudbejeh wait no bcs one of my paired ocs for Slenderman is trans ftm-

Slenderman didnt even know until the first time Zackary let Slender see him neked-

When you came out to him, there was a long silence.

He had cocked his head, like a confused dog.

"You're.... What??"

"I.. I'm trans.."

His head tilts the other way.

"What is a... Trans??"

It clicks in your head finally. Though, you suppose it makes sense, being as old as he is coupled with the fact he is a recluse, it would have been highly likely the Slenderman doesn't know about the LGBTQ+ community.

You hesitate for a second, trying to find the right words.

"A trans person is someone who was born one gender, but that gender felt so wrong for them to be, so they try and become the other gender."

"So... You are a.. Woman.. Who needs to be a Man?"

"I suppose you could say it like that. I didn't realize you wouldn't understand what Trans meant," you pause then continue", because a good majority of the others here are either gay or bi I thought you knew about the Trans aspect of it.."

He tilts is head again.

"I do not understand what you are talking about."

"Oh.. Well, being gay is when a man likes other men, and lesbian is just the girl version for that. Bi is when someone likes both genders."

He hums. Then asks, "Why did you seem afraid to tell me?"

You inhale deeply. "Because, in the society I was born into isn't always so accepting. I was pretty much ostracized from my family when I came out to them.. And the same happened to one of my friends who came out as gay to his family.."

He buzzed before speaking again, "Well I don't see how the way you feel should affect our relationship, bärchen.."

Tears nearly welled in your eyes as he picked you up.

He chuckled as he picked you up, "Come here my little Darling."

"If you are so easily enthralled with a being the rest of your people find demonic and monsterous, I don't see why I can't return the favor?"

The lump in your throat makes it hard to speak, so all you could do really was smother your face into Slenderman's chest, hugging him tightly.

"Are you satisfied with your wardrobe, liebchen? Or should we go shopping, or speak with Trender?"

You muffled an "Iunno" sound while shrugging your shoulders. You really just wanted to snuggle.

So that's what you two did, until lunch time. Slenderman opted to go out. There was a new resturant rising up in Hell, and he wanted to try it out.

Getting yourself dressed in an outfit of nicer appearance, you froze finding Slenderman at your door, face completely red, and tentacles stiff.

"Y.. You good, Slendy?"

He seemed to snap out of it, clearing his throat and stumbling heavily over his words.

"Y-yes, I am fi-fine, h..handsome. I'll.. Uh.. Its... Re.. Really warm. I'm really w-warm."

He pulled his collar from his skin and hastily left.

You looked down to your outfit. Suit. It was form fitting, but not to the point of choking your body. (Oh. So Slenderman is the simp now?)

You blushed when it suddenly clicked he was flustered over you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mayyyybbee B^

Mayyybeee..

MAYBE I'll make a part two with a lunch scene B>

Maybe...

#creepypasta #slenderman #slenderman x reader #slenderman x male reader #slenderman x male!reader #slenderman x malereader #slenderman x trans y/n #ftm reader #creepypasta x malereader #creepypasta x male!reader #creepypasta x male reader

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polyamorouspunk · 2 months

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Fully agree with you on the trans thing. It’s something I struggled with for a LONG time that I didnt *want* to be fully 100% trans. Like I fit in with trans people, I was transmasc, but I never felt *trans*. If that makes any sense??

People used to tell me all the time that I had to be trans if I checked xyz boxes. And I hated it. Now, years later, I’ve made it to a point that I just *am*. And it took me SO LONG to realize that was even an option. To just be myself without putting a label on it. I dont need to be fully cis or fully trans. Im just a little bit of everything and fully me.

It still confuses my queer friends. That I just *do not* care and dont put any importance on it. So its nice to see someone else with that opinion. Thank you

Yes!

Listen like I do not care if people reblog my posts and disagree with me. Like that’s you’re right as an individual. But what I don’t like is when I make a post talking about my identity and someone “corrects” me on it.

The problem with the push to be super inclusive, sometimes, is that people stop making it about who *wants* to be a part and who doesn’t.

I know people who are gay men who have 0 interest in being part of the LGBTQ+ community. Gay men who are like I’m not queer I’m not part of the community I’m just gay but I’m not identifying with the community in any way.

I know people who have described their “gender” to me almost verbatim the way that trans people have described to me their gender and have told me they do not consider themselves trans in any way, and it kind of sucks because I’m like… I know that if I were someone else they might put that label on that person even if that person doesn’t want it?

I’ve had people ON THIS BLOG send me asks telling me I am not trans and other people send me asks saying I’m not cis. Like lmao it’s so fucking funny pick one you guys. I gotta be one or the other- SIKE no I don’t. I’ve had people dump me over saying “I’m both cis and trans” which in hindsight seems kinda ableist because that was actually when I started IDing as plural so like. The idea you can’t be both is like. You know there are people with different experiences than you right. Like some common enough to be in textbooks. Not like some “out there” concepts like if you can grasp the concept of DID you can understand how perhaps to some degree a person can be different than their literal AGAB without being trans. Just for one example.

Sometimes I also fail to realize this but. When you reblog someone’s post, or comment on it, or send them an ask, etc… you are coming into THEIR space. I mean it very much went through my mind to be like “just ignore it” but I was like someone is coming onto MY post where I try and validate MY gender experiences and telling me people like ME are quite literally exactly what I’m talking about where I’m like actually I’m valid if I’m a little trans and outright saying “YOU AREN’T A LITTLE TRANS UWU” like. Hi it’s you you’re the problem you’re the people I’m validating myself to. Like I don’t care how politely and nicely you try and dress it up with inclusive language do not put me into a box I do not want to be put in because you think “that I have to be trans because I check xyz boxes” yeah literally. I know fully cis people who check “xyz boxes” and I ain’t out here telling them that actually they’re trans and valid for it. Like bro if you tell me you’re cis who am I to disagree.

In the near future you’ll never hear the words “I’m transgender” come out of my mouth directly. I might post it on here or say irl that I “dabble in transgenderism” but I do not outright say irl in person that I am transgender not because I’m “dealing with internalized transphobia” and “not ready to fully accept myself to be transgender in the real world instead of just offline” like no I just don’t ID as “transgender” period. Or you know what maybe I am but also who are you to say that’s what I am? How are you helping exactly? How is acting like I can’t “really accept myself for who I truly am” helping me any? Idk. Just because you have good intentions doesn’t make it better than the people who have bad intentions. Both are issues. Both are problematic.

Learn to go “actually it’s not my fucking business if someone is trans or cis or neither” and “they can call themselves whatever they want” and that includes NOT wanting to be included.

#bro like even Nimona says in the movie ‘I’m not a girl I’m just Nimona’#like I’m not a transgender person I’m just me #punk gets mail #personal

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dayvan · 1 year

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About people on this site hating transmen, I wanted to say I'm transfem (although extremely closeted) (red state, and not independent...) but like I delayed coming to that realization for a longer time than I should have because it seemed like every time I looked at a popular transfem blogger on this site they just hated transmen so it kind of pushed me away because I didn't feel that way... It really bothers me because I have a lot of transmasc mutuals (and finally found non-infighting wonderful transfem mutuals as well) and I love all them, and am genuinely really bothered by the infighting that just... I don't understand the purpose of or what it accomplishes other than making us easier targets... Anyways from this #girl <3 you transmen and mascs!

WE LOVE YOU TOO!!! and i totally get where youre coming from, its a good thing you didnt let it completely stop you because i cannot stress enough how this infighting bullshit is EXTREMELY online

I've had trans women and transfeminine people in my life for years, including childhood friends, and not once has this been something that created any tension between me and them or between them and their other transmasculine friends. i started taking very long recurring breaks from tumblr circa 2018 and when i came back and actually started engaging with other users again i noticed that tumblr developed an immense bubble/echo chamber problem since then, specifically with jaded trans and gay people.

i definitely think a lot of the downright extreme discourse opinions we're seeing are a result of too much time spent surrounded by the same group of very similar people constantly patting each others asses over escalating resentful 'takes' that they posted for validation in the first place. it's a vicious cycle that encourages more and more resentment and bitterness..

i don't think these people are inherently bad or malicious, i think they're misguided and stuck in a feedback loop with an antisocial coping mechanism. if i could talk to them now i would urge them to go outside more and look at people in their eyes more often, even if the people they see aren't necessarily queer. just being exposed to other people in the real world and their multifaceted lives can do a lot to keep you from always assuming the worst about others, and it's a nice reminder that you're not the protagonist of life or gay people.

#thank you for the sweet ask <3 #with enough genuine kindness and unbridled love we can fix tumblr's antisocial irony poisoning addiction. i believe it

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aftonfamilyvalues · 2 years

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This is a huge ramble of me mostly tooting my own horn so feel free to ignore, but I honestly do my best work as a crypto. I’d love to be out and proud about it, but I’d lose my job and that’s the primary way I’m able to help other women the most. I’m good at finding ways to translate radfem ideas into more acceptable language, getting other women thinking about them without feeling like they’re committing a thought crime, and then slowly working through it until they start to use the words that actually apply to their experiences (female, woman, misogyny, etc) instead of the TRA terminology. I got my entire libfemmy gender studies class from “sex work is work!” to genuine critiques of the existence of prostitution. I got multiple women involved in my college’s trans org to come around on trans women in female sports, in female prisons, so on. TRAs are telling the truth when they whine about how us “cis bitches” and “nb afabs” and “straight” trans men are always one conversation away from going terf. The key is using trans inclusive language only as long as they do, setting up the conversation and letting their common sense fill in the gaps for what you can’t say. When in doubt, if you need to get a discussion on misogyny going, just say whatever the problem is must be even worse for trans women. The goofier you sound saying it, the better, because every woman you’re talking to will think “how the fuck would this particular issue affect them more than me.” Be a well meaning, safe feminist who knows her shit about the theory and how men work but seems to only get her knowledge on trans issues from the assumption that trans women truly are just like us, and the women around you will peak themselves trying to figure out how someone who’s so ideologically sound on every other issue could possibly think trans women are more oppressed by abortion bans than actual women. That’s the problem with a movement based on language policing and denying reality, all it takes is a good public speaker with some political savvy to play into it while actively leading people away. The one time I got accused of terf rhetoric because one guy got mad I’m openly anti porn, I had a dozen trans and pronoun in bio people going to bat for me. By the time four of them realized I actually was one, they all were too lol

exactly! i think a lot of women are in the dark about these sorts of issues. the whole "sex work" thing for example, theyve been told that these women WANT to do it! and porn? well they have this notion that its all consensual, it doesnt hurt anyone, its actors and actresses doing a job! but once you start to expose hoe cruel and fucked up it is, a lot of them come around. when that was me, my thought process was i didnt want anyone discriminated against, i didnt want anyone hurt, i just wanted people to be able to do what they wanted and live their lives how they wanted as long as it didnt hurt anyone. i still think that way but learning the truth about how these thing are harmful, it changed my outlook on these issues. i wish i could redo college with what i believe now, i can think of a few class discussions i would have completely flipped changed.

#ask

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animal-lover-forever · 2 months

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(Hi, I wrote this in advance and.. you can ignore this if you want. XD I'm sorry for using they/them on you I default to it when talking about someone.. that probably doesnt look good for me actually. I just kinda blanked on you being female so I apologize!! Also I felt like it was addressing more than just you, others who have been in similar situations aswell. So yeah.. sorry for it being long. "If I had more time to write it, I would've made it shorter" or something like that.)

Hi, I am a trans person, I am VERY much all for trans people and everything being accessible to trans people. I just want to say something. I use neopronouns myself too, and weird names in general.

What Dakota said was a MISUNDERSTANDING! If they said it like "man I wish there werent so many types of math to remember" or something like that IT WOULDNT BE MATHPHOBIC?? (That is a horrible example, but I am mathphobic[/j I just hate math] and it was the first thing i could thing of)

It's not them being transphobic. They may have been able to phrase it better, yes. But arent they a kid? And also they will respect your pronouns and your gender. They'll call you whatever you want, it's just a simple misunderstanding. If they slip up, it's just as simple as misremembering. Its HARD remembering a lot, I cant remember a lot of people's name, I cant remember a lot in general.

No, just because they may have forgot doesnt mean they "didnt put in enough effort" or "arent trying" or something. Guys, GROW UP! I'm serious. One misunderstanding isnt enough to go around claiming someone as transphobic WHEN THEY ARE FRIENDS WITH MANY LGBTQ+ PEOPLE AND DONT GIVE A CRAP!

They aren't transphobic. Leave them alone.

Thanks.

And yeah, I probably could have worded it differently. But that was the best I could do.

I often forget that what I say, will come out differently. As in, people will hear it one way, but what I'm thinking is totally different.

A lot of that comes down to my autism and ADHD. But mainly my autism.

I often have trouble saying what I mean. And that makes things hard. Because when I say something, people hear it, but not as I'm thinking. (I don't even know if this makes sense. But this does prove my point at least.)

I also tend to talk without thinking. And this doesn't really help my case.

I have said this once, but I'll say it again.

If I have said something offensive, it was most likely an accident. Sometimes I say offensive things without realizing it. Mostly because I didn't think it would be offensive. Or I worded it in a way that makes it seem like I'm being offensive, when I'm not trying to be.

If I ever say something offensive, just let me know. I probably didn't even know I did. So just let me know, and I'll correct myself. And try to remember for the future.

I do understand that I can cross lines by accident. Crossing lines without realizing, is something I've done my whole life. I try and try to not cross those invisible lines. But I always fail to do so.

When a line is invisible, I cross them. Why? Because I can't see them. A lot of those lines are visible to others. But they are not for me.

If you can show me that line, then I can do a better job at not crossing over them. But keep in mind that I'm slow to pick things up. So even if you try to explain, it still might take me awhile to finally see the line.

But just know that I try my best to see the lines. Despite the fact that most of them are invisible.

#people ask dakota #dakota rambles

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souryogurt64 · 1 year

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i hear people talking about Gerard Way Gender Wars but i feel like ive never actually seen any of the stuff people talk about. like i see posts saying things like Dont Assume Gerard Is Transfem and im like who the fuck is saying that??? i guess i didnt realize how isolated my little corner of the mcr fanbase is, its like theres this strange beast lurking just outside it that ive only heard tell of but never seen

I never see this stuff unless I go on my Tumblr For You Page and then I see the absolute weirdest posts about MCR I've ever seen and they always have like 934 notes.

A lot of the worst stuff with Gerard's gender happened in 2015ish because he did this interview with a member of Billie Joe Armstrong of Green Day's son's bandmate's zine where he said he "identified with transgenderism" among other things. This sparked a lot of discourse because people didn't even know if the interview was real, people thought the word "transgenderism" was offensive, and people didn't really know how to interpret what Gerard said.

He also cited Bowie as an influence on his gender in a Reddit AMA not long before that. Bowie had started recording music for the first time in 10 years shortly beforehand and then died not that long after the 2015 interview, and a lot of people on here were fighting very intensely over whether or not you were allowed to post about David Bowie and his death, and whether or not he was a pedophile. The predominant opinion seemed to be that posting about David Bowie got you blocked immediately and made you an apologist, and I think this cast a very negative cloud over what Gerard said.

I think a lot of people felt the need to pin a label on Gerard. Since then they have said they use both he/him and they/them which has settled the debate a bit, but back then Gerard's status as cis or not cis was more up for debate since he said they had "gone through gender identity issues on a smaller scale" (paraphrased slightly). Back then I think people were more confused on if he was saying he was trans/nb, or if he was saying he wasn't, and you had people hailing Gerard as a trans hero, but you also had people who were trans or otherwise LGBT upset that Gerard used an outdated term, and upset over the David Bowie thing, and those people kind of got into it, along with people getting into it over what exactly to label Gerard.

I think now on here it's people just fighting over Gerard's exact label

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young--cheeseburger · 11 months

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Mid-Year Self Reflection

I turn 24 next month and I've been depressed since I was 11-12 years old.

These past few months have been really eye opening and I've been learning more and more about myself and how I coped with the world for so long isnt healthy. Nor how I saw myself.

I knew I'm depressed but seeing the tangible depths of my depression come to bite me in the ass has really been eye opening.

Ever since I broke down in September-October of 2022, I've been in a state of mourning. As well as the most "unstable" I've been. Looking back at it, it was probably a long time coming.

Feeling like I failed college not only becauae its not easy to get into but also because I didnt put my 100% and then realizing that I can't do art as a full time job anyway really left me in a bad state because I covinced myself it was all I had. And it really felt like it was. Most likely being its something I genuniely enjoyed throughout everything, even me being depressed. Drawing was fun, being able to physically see myself improve was fun and wanting to get better at this skill that I had actually felt good. It felt really good. But I am also my own worst critic so that probably didnt help things either. And since its a medium that does require my emotions to put into it (even if its silly little drawings) I've cut myself off from those. Maybe not completely but I've been in this very stagnant state for a really long time.

Hell me saying that sentence says a lot to me. "Stagnant" is like a mental checkpoint for me since thats how I described my life in High School of all things.

There's a quote from Night In The Woods where Bea tells Mae "I stayed here and got older, and you went away and stayed the same." and it really hit me since Mae also had the opportunity to go to college and didnt change. Mae is a lot more "aimless" and wants to chill and hang around though. Meanwhile I give myself way too harsh standards and constantly fail to live up to them. (geez I wonder who I got that from) Both seem like ways to cope with becoming an adult the more I think about it.

Anyways.

I'm at least glad I have some awareness towards my problems and will always try to take responsibility for my actions when I can. Its because of these issues and a few other things that I lost a few friends along the way. Although its for the better really. I was taking a lot more than I can really give and I wasn't appreciative of friendships, nor the time given by them. And as we get older in life, the less time we're able to give. I don't wanna be someome whos holding anyone back or anything. And no friend should feel like they arent cared about.

I use apathy to cope with not feeling depressed but instead it turned off any other kind of emotion and it grew into me not feeling much of anything at all. No emotions to help guide choices, no emotions to share, no emotions to feel towards anything really. In my mind, if I stopped caring, things wouldnt hurt as much.

I usually didnt talk about emotions because I didnt want to dump on people but also because I kept invalidating my own feelings. A lot of people I know have been through so much worse and here I am. Still with a family, even though they throughly hate who I am as a trans man. I got hit a few times as a kid for making mistakes/disiplinary reasons but I had friends who's parents did so much worse. So who was I to complain in the face of all of that? I should be helping them get through it then worry about what I felt because my problems seemed minor in comparison.

Comparison, the same thing my parents did constantly when I was younger until I started being the one getting compared to. Because "I can do everything right" right? A perfect little mold even if I was a dying dog. Loyal, but at what cost?

"I'm sure theres people who care about me but I don't really care too much anymore. I That just means I am really weak. Useless even until the end. I want to die. The pain would only hurt for a little while before everything is over."

That was a consistent thought in my head for so long. And I've wanted to die for so long. But up to a few weeks ago, I had actual plans for doing it too. Several ways even.

It wasnt till an old friend told me that my ways of thinking were only making me feel worse. And when I told myself I'd listen for once, I did. Before walking out again because once again, I had taken someone's emotional labor for granted.

I realized now that, yeah people will always have it worse. And yeah I can totally do my part to make sure that the people I know, friends or strangers can at least feel better. But I have to realize that what happened to me hurt me too so I can finally let it go.

I want to move on with my life, I really do. It sucks not having a bunch of the adult skills I need (driving especially) but its never too late to learn. I have time and I need to start giving myself the time like I would for others. To stop being at odds with myself and try to be neutral with my existance, instead of not caring. To want to live, to hope, even if nothing is concrete. To be like water, instead of a brick.

Trying to say that last part with this capitalist hellscape in mind is hard but people like me have survived.

Maybe I can too.

#mopey dearest desmond #2023

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ghostbergara · 2 years

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Blue and maybe midnight for one ask game, 🔥 for the other

Have a nice day/good night!

aw thank you, right back at ya!

for 🔥 i think it actually changed quite a lot! so this might be long because im not good at making..words..short? (i dont speak english sdbjk)

I realized I was queer around when i was 12-13, i had always felt.. off? Different? I think in the same way i've heard a lot of other queer people describe. I also grew up in a very small conservative town and we moved when i was 12 so now thinking about it, that change in environment probably allowed me to figure myself out a little bit more. Now 12 might seem young to some people, but i honestly probably should have known sooner i was trans, actually i think i knew, i just didn't have the language. Before i knew my mom had talked a lot about how much will power can accomplice and i thought if i just wanted it hard enough i would wake up a boy (which obviously didn't work so i woke up disappointed every morning). I went as far as to pray??? to god??? i am NOT religious and i never was (which actually got a me in trouble in school a few times but thats another story) asking them to make me a boy (which unsurprisingly also didn't work). I think if i remember correctly i found out about trans-ness mainly from Sam Collins (who is a trans youtuber) which then led me in a spiral of googling and watching everything i could about being trans and how to know if you're trans. I even made a Pros and Cons list of reasons i was and wasn't trans??? (I cant find it anymore but the cons list only had one thing and i cant even remember what it was) Then after some time i sent a video by sam collins where he talks about being trans with his mom, to my dad! He was very supportive until he wasn't and thats also another story. He then told my mom for me and they ended up both being very unsupportive for a very long time.

ANYWAY im getting off track from the question. I didn't have much energy to focus on anything other than staying alive for a very very long time and in turn didnt have the energy to even think much about my identity (i was out as trans and so on). Now in recent years first of all my mom has become very supportive and im doing worlds better and ive finally gotten through the system and gotten hormones and later this year i have my first top surgery consultation. I've figured out my sexuality (or i though i had, i dont know, i like men and maybe more??? Im either gay or bi). Experienced tons of trans and homophobia and most importantly really feel like i've entered the community.

HERES WHERE I ACTUALLY ANSWER THE QUESTION

Now i think i feel more 'free'? Being queer definently makes me feel like i can really be who i want to be, like i'm not defined by stereotypes and stupid cis-straight 'rules' that i dont understand. I'm grateful for the experiences it's brought me, both positive and negative, because it's made me more empathetic and im better dressed for helping and talking with other queer and in some ways even just generally marginalized people. I'm also very aware of the impact i can have as a queer person, both on other queer people and on straight people. I tend to like to wear at least one thing that will mark me as queer in at least other queer peoples eyes because that for them often means safe and not alone. I know from first hand experience how scary it can be to be queer out in the world and if i can bring even the slightest relief to people i will. I certainly feel more at ease when theres other queer people around. When it comes to impact on straight people it's the way i know i can make them understand more and sometimes take the burden off a newly-out queer person by answering some of the questions they have instead of them asking that newly-out person. Of course i have also gotten the "I thought trans people were freaks until i met you, but you're just like normal" which while it sucks at least they hopefully in the future will be more open.

I feel like im more in a way. I have an impact on the world and a possibility to help others like me in a way that is so meaningful and i cherish that.

what colors am i?

LGBTQ+/Queer Themed Asks

#does that sound selfish?#i dont know #i just want to spread queer joy and acceptance where i can #im so sorry this is long and honestly most of it is not related to the question #i dont know why i felt like i needed to add all that context but heres half my life story i guess ahdkfk #and i like sharing my queer experiences #thank you for the ask!!#asks #baz answers

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rantsbycorey · 2 years

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the cancellation of DCs Legends of Tomorrow

so, i know dclot isn't a super popular fandom, and not a lot of people care about it being cancelled. but i LOVE this show, and the fact that it's been cancelled is hurting me right now. i mean, i have a whole pinterest board with sections dedicated to shifting there. i love the characters. i love the aesthetics. i love the diversity. i even love the stupid plotholes. this show is my comfort show. its my #1. my ride or die. its so easy to follow despite all the twists and turns and aliens and timetravel misshaps and new characters ( and dead ones ) and the 50 different villains every season. it corny, campy, and amazing all at the same time. and it being cancelled was obviously not the highlight of the end of my school year.

on april 29th, a ton of articles were posted, talking about how dclot was cancelled, and would not be renewed for an 8th season.

( from top left, to top right, to bottom left, to bottom right )

this show has been some of the only queer rep ive seen on tv, especially dealing with superheros. characters like sara and ava and supergirls' alex are the only queer role models ive had, well, ever. i grew up in a straight, white, jehovahs witness household. i never came out as trans or anything at all because i didnt know what i was at first. but when i started watching shows like dclot and supergirl, i realized i could be so much, and that i didnt need labels. i didnt even have to come out. no one had to know. as long as i was content with myself, truly, thats all that mattered. thats what the legends taught me.

now, im young, and i might now always be the way i am now, but i know, now, at this moment, i am who i am meant to be. everything i do from now on will be because of who i am and the choices i make. and i wont regret them. this is what is meant to happen.

ava and sara are like moms to me, being that ive been on my own for a while without my own mother. theyve taught me so much. and that its okay to be who i want to be.

zari ( + z 2.0 ) taught me that not everything is always going to be the way it was before. everything changes eventually.

behrad taught me that sometimes its okay to hide away and not talk about your feelings. things can get hard and being public about how you are feeling isnt always an easy choice. there are always alternatives.

but john constantine taught me that you need to open up eventually. you cant hide out forever. youll always have people there for you, even if you dont think you do.

nate taught me that you can love who you want. it doesnt matter what other people say, even if your s/o is from a different timeline 🤪

astra taught me not to hide your flaws, but to flaunt them. no one's better than you are, and you should be proud of that.

ray taught me that there is something to be optimistic in every situation. theres always a smile to bring and a joke to crack.

amaya taught me to always stay true to your roots and trust your family over everyone.

charlie taught me to be rash and not give a f🖕🏻 what anyone else thinks. be yourself and love yourself.

mick and leonard taught me to never betray your friends and to always look out for them.

nora taught me that its okay to be different and to not follow in the footsteps of those before you. your not a perfect replica of your mom or dad, and thats more than okay.

jax and stein taught me that its safe to let go and start anew. its healthy. encouraged, actually.

spooner taught me that nothing is as it seems. but just because everything has secrets, doesnt mean that everything is problematic.

gideon, gary, and mona taught me that being weird and non-conforming with societies stereotypes is OK.

and finally, rip taught me that risking things is a part of life. you have to make sacrifices, no matter how big they may seem.

all i wanted was a season 8 to clear things up. what happens to the legends in time prison? whats gonna happen with booster gold? where did these time police spawn from because i do NOT remember there being police that gaurd time and space.

this entire show is so absolutely chaotic and crazy, but thats what makes it so good.

sara just found out shes prego with AVAS BABY. nate goes to live with zari in the totem. booster gold's "mike" fakes out the legends to take their ship before returning it to get the legends sent to time prison for doing time crimes. gwynn rescues alun from dying at his fixed point, which is insane.

like wtf.

i went through like 15 stages of grief on that last episode.

and now, what else?

the cancellation was my 26th reason.

im alone now. theres no hope for another season.

im going to miss the legends with my whole heart, and there will always be the show on netflix and illegal websites. i can always go back and watch my favourite episodes and seasons. idc how bad the cgi is, i will always watch those episodes on gorilla grodd and beebo.

i will always love you dclot. Legends Never Die.

#dclot #legends of tomorrow #dcs legends of tomorrow #legends never die #ranting #cancelled

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bungirl-orchiectomy · 2 years

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put the idea of being "trans enough" out of your head.

it will actually make you miserable, and if you're feeling like pure shit and freaking out about whether you're actually trans or not know this: you're only feeling that way because you WANT to be your desired gender.

not wanting to wear that skirt right now doesn't mean that you aren't a woman, not having genital dysphoria doesn't mean that you're not a man, and not caring if you have a perfectly flat chest doesn't change being non-binary. whats important is that you want to identify as masc or fem or both or neither. thats really the part that makes you trans. other than that its all about picking and choosing what parts of gender presentation makes you happiest or the most comfortable and that can change in the moment and you're allowed to not always be into presenting 100% like your gender even if thats the norm for you.

i just wanted to say this because early on when i started trying to present as feminine i didnt really like skirts as much as i thought i would. I still really like skirts i think that they're wonderful and fun to wear (i especially like how they can make my hips look wider than they actually are) but i really didn't feel like i liked them as much as a trans girl should, and i know that's kind of silly, but it's true and it made me feel sick for days. my mental health actually took a massive dive because of it to the point where i could barely do anything and felt incredibly stressed out, but that all went away in the span of a couple of minutes. all i had to do was remind myself that, no matter what, i would always be a woman for as long as i wanted to be a woman. i didn't have to be ecstatic every time i tried on a new pair of clothes to use she/her pronouns, and i didn't have to put on makeup every day to call myself mabel. that was so freeing, i didn't have to stress out about being woman enough i could just try things and find ways to make myself happy and more comfortable in my body.

i know this is a long post and i'm sorry for that but i feel like its important to say. looking back on it it seems obvious (and maybe kind of cheesy) but it really is something i struggled with before i fully came to terms with being trans and realized that this is who i am

i just want to make it a little easier for anyone coming after me to realize is all

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soft-boi-eli · 3 years

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Mcyts helping a trans masc after top surgry (part 2)

Tw:swearing, mentions of surgry, softness.

Karl

This sweet ass man.

You are just laying on your bed, well sitting really, when he came in.

He had a fuck ton of balloons. And a large box.

Karl seemed like a child on christmas.

Placing the balloons down he handed you the surprisingly light box.

He was gently bouncing as he waited for you to open it.

It shocked you how it even fit in the box.

It was a huge frog bed.

You realized with a pillow you would be able to sleep in it perfectly.

"I knew it was uncomfortable sleeping like that so I got something that should make it a bit more comfortable."-karl

You loved it.

Sadly you couldnt use it till those drains were out though.

He was right though that was definitely more comfortable then laying on a bed only.

He didnt think it through though. And got sad when he wasn't able to fully cuddle you.

But he found out that he could lay on your lap and legs.

You both enjoyed it.

Also he might be a bit squeamish when it came to your chest drains but he was helpful with them.

He helped you clean them and your wounds, he was very, very gentle.

He didnt want to hurt you.

"You know it's ok to do it a little harder. It wont hurt."-(y/n)

"But I dont want to hurt you. I know this doesn't hurt."-karl.

It was sweet. But got kinda annoying sometimes when he couldnt get something off. But he never got angry or frustrated. Just kept very gentle.

I imagine that when he was cleaning your new scars, Jimmy came to see if you got his balloons and if you doing good.

You two were in the living room bowl of warm soapy water, in a large plastic bowl, and karl gently wiping off all of the crust around the scars.

You fell asleep before karl finished and karl was finishing up when jimmy came in.

"Karl. They're alseep."-jimmy

"Yeah but this needs to be cleaned. It doesn't hurt them."-karl

Jimmy and karl literally just sat there till you woke up.

You thanked jimmy for the balloons and thanked karl for helping you clean those wounds.

Karl didnt mind though. Cause this sweet heart cares for you and just wants you to feel better and feel comfortable.

Quackity

He loves you and all but dont expect him to help with the surgical sight.

He'll do everything for you except clean your wounds and drain those drains.

He loves to hug you and kept you warm.

He would stream but you were always behing the green screen so no one would see you.

"Alex. Can you get me to book I left in the living room. I feel like shit still."-(y/n)

He was very quick to get it. And I mean he bolted out got it and brought it in the span of a minute. He gave you a light kiss on the forehead, and whispered.

"Anything for you mi amoir."-quackity.

You gave him a smile.

"Simp."-(y/n)

He gasped offended and looked at you.

"Well only for you though."-quackity.

I imagine as a get well gift quackity would get you something to remind you of him when he streams.

Large duck push.

He knew that his streams could last a long time so he decided it was best if you had a snuggle buddy to help you stay in position.

If the duck got dirty he was cleaned nearly immediately by quackity.

If the duck falls off the bed quackity gently yeets it onto the bed where you can reach.

He might of gotten jealous of the duck a few times. But he seemed to get over it when you went to hugging him instead. Sadly it wasnt that easy to but still none the less you gave him hugs too.

Dont neglect you quack boi.

He needs hugs like you do.

Give them to him. These are the only times you get cuddles. Other then that he is making food, getting you comfy, and fixing your pillows and shit like that.

He is now a maid.

Not sexually though. He just cleans the house, get you things you need, and makes food.

He is helpful.

Just not with the cleaning process of your wounds. And that's fine. He keeps you comfy and that's all that matters.

Also if your cold in the middle of hot ass summer and asking for more blankets he would look at you crazy. Like what the fuck?

But you have them lightly fluttered over you.

He wants you comfy. Even if that means you looking like your boiling alive in the middle of july.

If your happy he's happy. That's how it goes

Badboyhalo

Badboyhalo?

More like dadboyhalo.

He is not going to let you do anything.

Your surgical incisions? He's cleaning them.

Your drains? He's got you.

Your getting alot of soup and smoothies. He even joins in on your so called diet so you wont get jealous about what he has.

Rat is all over you. Sensing the pain you were having and cuddling you completely. Your laps is almost always taken by rat.

Badboyhalo doesn't really care if rat gets alot of attention by you. He just wants you to be comfortable.

But sometimes he gets sad that he cant fully lay with you.

But he enjoys just sitting with you and talking through the nights you cant really sleep.

He gets you a stuffed cat, you use it mainly as a pillow and sometimes hug it when bad is streaming.

"It reminded me of you when I saw it."-bad

Your heart melted.

He loved your reactions to the little sweet gesters he did. It brought him joy to know you were able to relax and trust him at this moment and time.

You get a free swearing pass. He knows you hurt really bad at times but he lightly says language when on stream.

You understood though. He had kids watching too.

You were grumpy one day, bad took rat because of a rat cam stream. And all you wanted was to be warmed up by something else then a blanket.

You were sittinging there looking at bad as he streamed.

You could technically get up and grab rat but he my tell you not to.

So you quietly patted your lap.

Rat immediately seemed to notice and run over to you, jumping onto the bed and laying in your lap.

You felt accomplished and tired so you fell asleep.

Rat leaving made the chat confused but bad explained that you were healing from a surgery.

Chat wished you a good recovery and told bad to go and comfort you. Even though you were asleep.

He tried to explain it but the donations kept yelling at him.

So he ended stream and laid next to you and rat.

This was comfortable.

Eret

Eret, they were a whole 'nother story.

This fabulous being is like a maid service in one.

They have two outfits they wore when you were upset.

A maid outfit and a butler outfit.

You just got home, you were in pain, sitting up and swaddled in blankets and Goose was trying to smother you at this point.

Eret was streaming and you were sitting there in the background, blankets, pain, and goose exsiting.

You didnt know eret was talking about you because you were falling asleep. Eret nor you expected what their followers did.

Her door was bombarded with packages addressed to you. Decorated with words about getting well soon, that they were proud of you, even some saying you were their rolemodle.

Eret decided to have a stream of you opening them.

Let's just say alot of them were food, candies, even foreign food and drinks. Someone made you a homemade blanket in the trans colors.

Best part about that blanket, it was heated.

You were using it immediately as you were freezing.

Eret just chuckled and rubbed your shoulder as you opened them.

Needless to say they are proud of you, happy that you were one huge step closer to who you were.

All they wanted was your happiness.

Niki

She's a sweetheart.

Need I say more?

Well I will because fuck you I can.

Constant cuddles, be it only her head in your lap, it is almost always happening.

When you have to take your pain meds she is instantly on it, do you want soup or a smoothie? You cant decide? She'll make it a surprise.

If you dont live with her then you're staying with her while you are recovering. She doesn't want you alone when you are in pain.

You'll be bedridden until she thinks you're okay.

If she deems you as not fit for doing something she's on it. Drop you glasses for reading/drawing/writing/typing. You bet your ass as soon as she heard that clack and you groan she's picked it up and it's on your lap.

Also makes sure you're good with streaming.

If you say your good with it that day it's a calm stream. There is no lore happening when you're healing everyone was fine with that due to the fact that niki would have to sit out and the lore was with her as well so that couldn't happen.

Will came to visit...

Saw you, took pity, and now you're stuck with two people showering you in affection and comfort.

You saw Wilbur as a brother. And wilbur saw you as his younger brother. So he literally felt the pain when he saw you wince.

Niki thought it was cute and comforted both of you.

Anyways she saw something before your surgery and decided that you needed it.

It would make you feel better.

It made you laugh.

You regretted laughing but loved the hoodie.

It fit so well and it was beautiful, you also were thinking about buying it one day because you could.

But niki beat you to it.

Wilbur didnt stop laughing.

I mean who blames him.

You literally just Yeeted your tits. And niki got you something that said yeet right on top of it.

It worked perfectly.

Also when niki's not cuddling you zuko is.

End of story, you're seriously stuck with cuddles no matter what. Be it from an animal or a human.

Wilbur wont cuddle you more of give you head pats.

Niki normally streamed with you there with her unless lore stream.

So when the second day after your surgery, she had streamed, and you weren't there her chat started asking questions. Wondering if you were good, if something happened.

That's when you raised from your dead sleep, zuko falling off your stomach, shirtless, just to go grab some sock as your toes felt like they would fall off.

Chat seemed relived but started questioning the binder and all that.

Niki explained that you got top surgery and that you were healing still.

"He's looking like he wants to die right now. Are you sure he's fully okay?"-dono

"Yeah I'm good. Just stubbed my toe as well."-you.

Niki was quick to rush over and help you back to the bed.

"Just sit down I'll get you your water hun."-niki

She was quick to fill your bottle up and place it next to you on the table next ot the bed.

She's such a big help not matter what honestly.

She loves you and will do anything for you.

I am sorry this took so long. Just had a very unstable mental state. Also sorry if they seem oc. I'm once more not on a good mental state and have been trying to work on this.

So yeah if I dont post in a bit I'm so sorry just stressing alot. Insomnia is kicking me so hard.

My grandma broke her foot, she's all good though.

And I have taken up most things in my house as I live with both my mother and grandmother still.

But yeah I apologize for the break just gonna try to let myself get better. It might take a bit. It might be quite short I dont know. I just need to get more sleep.

Eli is very tired now. Bye.

#karl x reader #niki x reader #eret x reader #quackity x reader #badboyhalo x reader #mcyt x reader #mcyt fluff

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nerves-nebula · 3 years

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not recognizing yourself

i have never been able to recognize/identify with myself in a mirror. I remember mentioning to a group of kids when I was like, what, 9?? about how I couldn’t recognize myself. At the time my theory was that it was simply because I “didnt look in the mirror a lot” and so never really connected with myself. This made sense and I didn’t want to mention that the reason I never looked in the mirror was because I never washed my hands or brushes my teeth cause nobody made me (oh look it’s that neglect I’m about to talk about!) but they all acted like I was weird (that’s why I remember that memory, it made me feel like shit)

I still don’t know why this is though. I was neglected all my life and some specifically terrible shit happened around when I was 9 I think, but then I learned about trans people and then a few years later I realized I don’t need to be “trans enough” and could just let myeslf be trans.

And to this day I can’t tell if I can’t recognize myself in a Gender sort of way, or if it’s trauma.

Because it’s been as long as I can remember, it seems like it might be an intrinsic part of me (point for Gender Shenanigans) but since I’ve been neglected and abused my whole life there’s no telling if it’s because of that.

And there’s the fact that I can’t imagine any gender-varient version of myself that I do identify with. My transition goals are more about what I appreciate in other people and want to emulate. When I think about what I would look like if I could look like anything, it isn’t human. BUT ONCE AGAIN idk if that’s a trauma thing, or a side effect of feeling completely isolated in a society where everyone seems really into this whole man-woman business. Because ideally I would want to look like something a bit monstrous, neither man nor woman, so is that trauma or is that The Big Transgender???

I can’t even imagine what it’s like to look at yourself and see yourself. How could the entire concept of oneself even be recognized and identified through a single persons face? It doesn’t make sense to me. idk.

#nnstuff #vent #personal #gender vent #neglect #trauma

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battle-of-alberta · 2 years

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Battle of Alberta Chapter 6: Cloud Minding pg. 5

Another story about the personified cities (and towns) of the wild rose province in a land known to some as Canada. Cloud Minding shifts the focus from the big cities to the more rural areas, where lives and livelihoods are drifting away from traditional industries towards tourism. Updates every other Friday, fingers crossed.

<< [ First ] < [ Previous ] - [ Next ] >

Again to clarify: Vulcan is nonbinary and uses they/them. Do I spend a lot of time dwelling on how this would have affected them over the past 100 years? In the province of the Severely Normal? yes. Do I have real answers? no.

But I think it’s important to not fall into the trap of assuming cities are inherently more queer-friendly than small towns? I have heard stories of people here who struggled when they came to the city for university and had an easier time being accepted in their home communities and I think about that a lot, although it was the opposite for me.

Drawing random background characters is so difficult I swear. But there will be more of them.

easter eggs

- yes even the Home Hardware in Vulcan is covered in trek references, I was poking around google streetview and thinking “wolf 359 why do i just naturally know that’s referencing the borg conflict in tng”

- I reference Adira and Gray but I haven’t seen Discovery yet and haven’t figured out how I’m going to be able to watch it so shh, no spoilers please! I think Adira is the only character mentioned who is canonically nonbinary (Soren coming close as a trans woman from a non binary species) but I think it’s helpful to have multiple representations of gender to draw on over the decades in any case.

- The small town Captain Kirk ah, Will be born in, is Riverside, Iowa. In the best of all the Trek movies he responds to “Are you from outer space?” with “I’m from Iowa, I only work in outer space.” (and oddly enough I spent some time in Iowa myself lol)

- Re: “the old folks had to get used to me before”: I’m not sure how folks felt when it started coming to light that the town avatar seemed to be ethnically Chinese (at least in part).

things I don’t miss:

- I went to school in rural AB from 2005-2010 when the word “gay” was flung viciously at anything or anyone one didn’t like and used just about interchangeably with “that sucks”. The homophobia was so explicit and prevalent, especially in places like mine where most people worked in the oil industry, that the teachers would assume that it was an insult first rather than a self identification and would automatically shut it down rather than explain why it was not to be used in that way. I had so much internalized homophobia from that time I still struggle with - and I realize in retrospect that I was read as queer by my classmates long before I knew myself and that... that is a weird feeling. I wonder if it’s changed.

- [also thinks about how i tried to get my friends into star trek and they didnt take it seriously because i guess it was pretty gay too] [just another situation in which i was humiliated and ashamed to share things i liked lol...]

things i do miss:

- shout out to the girl in grade 9 who gave me a valentine (and rolled your eyes at the boy who said “oOoO LoOoVerRs”) i hope you’re doing well wherever you are :)

#projectcanada cities #hws oc #hetalia oc #hetalia ask blog #hws ask blog #pc: vulcan #pc: drumheller #pc: st. paul #boab cloud minding #boab comic #digital art #clip studio paint #hapo art

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transtenzin · 4 years

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ok umm deleted my first post like a minute after posting because i started panicking and had to type it out again because i didn’t save anything like the dumbass i am, but here it is again 😭

so anyways

nonbinary tenzin!!!

(i’ll be using they/them pronouns for tenzin in this)

katara and aang are trans as well. katara’s a trans girl, and aang’s not a boy or a girl and that’s all you need to know–even if that much 🙄 so it’s not like tenzin and their siblings grow up not knowing that’s a Thing, because they are both very open about gender, especially aang, who encourages them to Think Some Thoughts about gender.

and tenzin tries.

oh boy, do they try lmaoo

tenzin thinks about gender. they don’t really get it tbh. and not in a comedic “what even is gender” meme kind of way, but like. genuinely. but at this point they’re kind of too embarrassed to seriously ask. katara and sokka make gender sound simple and clean-cut, while aang makes it sound like some sort of vague, weird concept, and tenzin’s siblings just kinda took their own interpretations of these and ran with them.

like, okay, sure. tenzin is seen as a boy by the people in the around them. there are certain expectations and assumptions around this perception/what it means. they don’t necessarily like all of them–which is its own can of worms when deciding why–if that is because they simply don’t like these conceptions, or if they don’t like them because they aren’t a guy, but like… picking that apart sounds stressful and complicated.

tenzin hasn’t brought it up with anyone because it’s kind of an awkward and embarrassing thing to admit, but they Super Do Not Like how their voice has gotten deeper. after a while they have realized it is not just the voice cracking thing going on that they don’t like, but just like. in general. everything is okay until they open their mouth 🙃

it’s not like, Every Conversation, but sometimes when they’re talking to someone and it’s a bit quiet, listening to their own voice makes their stomach drop. like that’s really what they sound like. fantastic. 🙃🙃🙃 (/s)

they think about this some but like… not liking their voice doesn’t necessarily mean anything?

kya’s a trans lesbian, and when kya comes out to their family tenzin finally gathers the courage and asks her how she knew. kya admits that it wasn’t like a single sudden realization or a point in life where she just Knew like most people seem to think there is. there were a lot of things that factored into it, but one of the main things wasn’t really how she felt with being misgendered as a boy, but the comfort she took in knowing that there were other things she could be perceived as instead, and other things she could be.

that’s the first time that someone’s ever explained to tenzin their self discovery with that much understanding. it’s a lot better than bumi’s “idk. if you know you know, you know” + generally being annoying about it every time tenzin tries to have a serious conversation (bumi is agender and when they’re like “but how do you know what your gender is” he’s like “you think i would know? rip to you all with genders but i’m different 😌”)

so after this conversation with her, tenzin is just like…. 👁👄👁 omg okay…. that actually makes some sense.

that gets him thinking more, but this time in a more specific direction. they still don’t know anything for sure though. tenzin Suspects they are not Exactly a boy, but other than that??? anyone’s guess is as good as theirs lmao. they try to take comfort in know there are ‘other things’ they could be, but mostly it just ends up stressing them out.

after tenzin and pema are together, tenzin has been thinking about it even more, and wants to talk to pema about it. like. tenzin has decided that there is a large possibility that they are not a man, and choosing a specific label just sounds so… permanent. they haven’t talked to kya or bumi or anyone about THEIR gender, specifically, because like… what’re they going to say? “hey actually i don’t think i’m a guy” “then what are you?” “idk good question”???

but tenzin has been questioning for a while now (like. a while a while LOL), and they want to trust pema with this.

(EDIT: also time to mention pema is a trans woman. i forgot to mention this for some reason)

one day pema says something along the lines of “ur my husband” and tenzin takes the opportunity and kind of just laughs like… what if i’m not… jk…. unless…? 😳😳

it’s not exactly how tenzin wanted to approach the subject ofc. pema grows kind of concerned when they’re like “well… actually… i might not be” and needs to clarify they still very much are pema’s spouse, but like… not husband, specifically. but yes, spouse. maybe?

tenzin is embarrassed at first to admit this because they’re like 40 years old. they just had their first kid. are they not a bit old for this?? (the answer is no, there is no age limit to this sort of thing.)

pema is happy to know and tenzin is happy to have told her because even if they’re still figuring it out at least there is someone who kind of Knows that there is a Possibility They Are Not Cis. and pema’s kind of like… idk… if you’ve been thinking about this for that long then i think there is More than a possibility that you Aren’t Cis. to which tenzin makes sure to emphasize they are still not 100% certain about anything.

pema’s like okay that’s fine but like… you know that you don’t have to be 100% certain to try on a label? labels are not things that have to be permanent. if in a few weeks you are just 70% certain that you’re nonbinary, you’re allowed to say you’re nonbinary. if some time later you find another label you’re more confident in, you can change to that. you don’t have to be absolutely 100% all the time to try stuff out.

tenzin surprised pikachu face

okay so… logically, they’ve known this. other people they know have done this, including their siblings. but otherwise? for themself? it honestly hadn’t crossed their mind that they’re allowed to just. say that they feel like x is a term for them, and then change their mind later.

but as simple as pema makes it sound, tenzin kind of internally cringes at the thought of having to say ‘so i told you i was x gender but now i think i’m x”. isn’t it enough of a hassle to do that all once, but again? just because they weren’t sure the first time??? ughhh

what if they ditched the whole thing altogether? throw the entire suitcase out. who needs a label 😌😌 aang kind of didn’t either

tenzin starts using any pronouns (like aang did, but aang wanted pronouns to be alternated, while tenzin hasn’t necessarily specified that) by the start of lok, but only with their family and korra.

aang also didnt use a label to describe his gender, and tenzin has been trying to be okay with doing the same.

in lok, hearing pema ask “were tenzin and their siblings this crazy when they were kids?” makes them happier than they can express. it’s like there’s little exclamation marks just going off in their head. like yes!!! that is them!! them!!! Euphoria ™ 💓❤💕💞💗💖💝

and then katara’s reply with “not tenzin, she was always rather serious” and tenzin almost forgets that they have to tell korra that they can’t stay and train her because that also makes them elated, although not quite to the extent that pema using “their” did.

after that they’re still going by any pronouns, but they’ve decided they have a preference for they/them.

when they’re back at air temple island, pema asks about other aspects of gender expression. which like lol tenzin has also been avoiding that thanks 💖 they’ve just been presenting as expected by everyone else–keeping their beard, wearing their usual robes, etc. they’re just like “i’m fine as i am ig” which is true. they’ve thought about changing up their appearance but like lol. they are also on the council and tenzin doesn’t need anything else adding an extra layer of stress on those meetings when everyone already seems inclined to not listen to them. which is also why they haven’t told anyone else about using any pronouns.

when season 2 comes around tenzin is still not satisfied with just Not Labeling their gender, but now that they aren’t on the council anymore, they can think about it more.

it’s just… they spent a long time figuring out what gender was, how they felt about their own gender, and while at the time just leaving it alone seemed simpler, it didn’t make them any happier. it really bugs them, actually, lmao.

at this point they are certain they are not a man, and highly doubt they are a woman either. in fact, they’re still not sure if they have a gender like, at all, but they are very hesitant to put a word to it.

they’ve become used to being referred to as a mix of he/they/she/xe/etc. around their family, although their use of he/him has decreased significantly and they mainly use they/them, so when they hear the air acolytes in the southern air temple consistently refer to them as “he”, they sort of have to pause a minute, and then decide to finally say something.

they’re asked then abt their gender and tenzin’s just like… um actually i’m just not putting a label to it atm you know haha ❤

it goes over pretty well but telling other people that makes them realize how much they actually do want to label it, despite how aang used to talk about not needing a word just for others to perceive her gender, and how everyone keeps telling them “that’s valid!”, etc. etc.

the scene in the spirit world with tenzin’s spiritual enlightenment is also about tenzin realizing that they are also free to explore their gender the way THEY want to, not the way everyone else did. even kya’s answer to “how did u know u were trans” doesn’t necessarily have to apply to how they did.

tbh after that tenzin stops caring. and not in an “my gender doesn’t matter to me anymore” way but “it does matter but now i will stop worrying about trying to do gender the ‘right way’“.

afterward they decide they think they are nonbinary. it’s a label that makes them happy, and it does cover what they’ve determined their gender might be. nonbinary is a broad term, and while they’re still not sure of the specifics, that’s okay. if they later discover they’re something else, that’s also okay. they can tell people they are nonbinary, and it’s fine if they have to tell them something different later. it’s not a hassle if it makes them feel happy being out.

tenzin’s family can still use any pronouns for them, but now everyone else is using only they/them for them.

tenzin’s okay with being called a husband/father/etc when coming from their family despite their initial talk with pema because they trust that they Get It and know that it’s not in a Cis Way, you know???

tenzin keeps their beard (unfortunately) and keeps shaving their head and stuff but they occasionally wear dresses with long swishy skirts and the euphoria!!!!! 😭😭 they love the cloak swishing you KNOW they’d love long swishy skirts too

this is actually the happiest tenzin can remember being with their gender and stuff. people are using they/any pronouns for them, they are wearing whatever they want, they are nonbinary, AND people know!!!

also time to mention jinora is transfem nonbinary, and she’s a bit nervous about shaving her head at first to get her tattoos. tenzin reassures jinora that her hair will grow back AND she will have her tattoos, which she’s wanted and has welllll since earned. they have a parent/daughter bonding moment over her distress about finally having grown her hair out as long as it was only to shave it all off.

and tenzin understands that her nervousness doesn’t mean she doesn’t want them–she asked tenzin about getting them way before that. they are hugely significant to her identity, too, just as they are to theirs. tenzin gets it, and keeps going out of their way to give jinora compliments and use her pronouns in front of her while her hair is still growing back.

and ingores that jinora does the same for them for a little while after they tell her they’re nonbinary. no they’re not crying over how sweet their daughter is you are 😭

tenzin is pretty much freely expressing their gender however they want and living their best life now 😌

nonbinary tenzin… ❤❤ we love to see it

also additional headcanons for other characters that didn’t make it in:

sokka is nonbinary and uses ne/nim pronouns

kai is transmasc nonbianry (he/him)

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