#i can't even remember why I did this last year...
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The Big Damn Kiss
Buckle up, my fellow Good Omens Ineffable Mystery Puzzlers, Crackpotters, and Assorted Brainrotters, because I learned something HUGE yesterday.
This will be a bit of a long post, because I want to show you exactly how I got where I am. I want you to understand. I want to put all the naysayers to bed (ha! But I'm still gonna try), and settle this once and for all.
I know (almost) exactly what Crowley gave to Aziraphale during the kiss.
DO NOT TAKE ANY OF MY THEORIES TO NEIL! PLEASE!
Okay? Okay. Thanks. Shall we begin?
Ahem.
Firstly, whether you believe me or not, I am 100% certain that Crowley did, indeed, give something to Aziraphale in his mouth during The Kiss. I've covered that in the link previous. Okay? Okay.
I did not know what it was. I've now heard theories that it was a bullet (nope), a ball bearing (nope), hellfire (nope), and no one, NO ONE has suggested what I see. (If you have, hello! Talk to me!)
Here's our first foreshadowing Clue:
And here's our next foreshadowing Clue:
And the next:
And our last Clue:
With me so far? Well, that first GIF is a bit off, I couldn't find one of Crowley actually spitting out the flies. But he does. When Beelzebub first drags him to Hell, he actually goes "Pleaugh!" and spits out four or five flies.
Moving right along, we come to Crowley in Heaven with Muriel, looking at the trial. We learn two important things here:
One, Gabriel doesn't have a desk.
Two, Muriel does. Where they keep the records. And it's a bit lonely. Every few hundred years, someone comes and asks for something. Muriel can't access the sensitive ones, you have to be pretty high up. A throne, dominion, or higher. Like, maybe Supreme Archangel?
So if Gabriel doesn't have a desk, whose desk is he at when he's getting ready to leave Heaven? Of course I can't find a damn picture of Gabriel at the desk, but it's Muriel's. Where they keep the RECORDS.
Gabriel puts his memory into the fly, then gets on the elevator to go to Earth.
Now, when Gabriel opens the fly with his memories inside, we find out that it's a container. Bigger on the inside. You can put thing(S) in it. The bit we see of him remembering is shot in two parts, one where he's flying down a red tunnel, one where he's flying down a blue. If you slow this scene down and watch, you can see that he is NOT looking at just his own memories. There is more going on here, more that he was not present for. @embracing-the-ineffable put up a great meta about that here. Go look!
Now I figured Gabriel must have taken something else. Something important. Something useful. Something he meant to give to Aziraphale, except he forgot.
I also figured he must have left whatever it was in the fly when he took his memories out. Crowley must have realized while watching the trial footage that Gabriel also grabbed something else. I don't know when Crowley grabs the fly, but he does. And that is what he gives to Aziraphale in the kiss. Why? Well.
I had no idea what Gabriel took until I started working on the chiastic structure of season 2. I'm not done with that analysis yet, but let me show you one thing that I have found so far:
(The numbers are just to try and help me navigate the story and its events without time stamps)
My note #357 of what happens isn't quite right, but when I saw the only two times Aziraphale says "I forgive you" are towards the beginning of Season 2 and towards the end, I realized I had something.
Rephrase line 357: Crowley's kiss is forgiven IN EXCHANGE FOR RECORDS.
(Not that I think Crowley's kiss needs to be forgiven. It's just what Aziraphale says, and had to say at that moment, because the Metatron was listening in.)
What does Heaven in Good Omens remind us of most of all?
A big corporate entity. And what do powerful people do when they get fired from a big corporate entity? They download all their emails while they're cleaning out their desks. Damning emails. Emails that can be used to black mail or even destroy big corporate entities. Or, ya know, maybe they swipe some sensitive RECORDS?
Oh yes.
Records that Gabriel meant to give to Aziraphale, but he forgot. Records that Crowley realized Gabriel had put in the fly. The fly that Crowley grabbed once Gabriel had his memory out. The fly that he gave to Aziraphale when he kissed him. The fly that no longer held Gabriel's memory, but did still contain those damning records.
Here's Aziraphale reading the records:
Here's Aziraphale being horrified and outraged by what he's reading:
And here's Aziraphale realizing he has got some GOOD DIRT on Heaven. Maybe enough to bring them down:
That's it folks. I have no idea what the records actually say, and maybe we're not meant to know until season 3, but whatever it is, it's GOOD.
That's my story, and by God Herself, I'm sticking to it.
#good omens#good omens 2#crowley#good omens meta#aziraphale#ineffable husbands#aziracrow#good omens analysis#good omens fan theory#ineffable mystery#aziraphale elevator#corporate heaven#the big damn kiss#the kiss#good omens muriel#good omens gabriel#good omens beelzebub
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Step Daddy
"You really need to get over your stepdad man." My friend tells me, concerned.
"Look, I'll try this one last thing and if it doesn't work then I'll give it up." I respond. "Did you bring the sunglasses?"
"Yes, but just remember he's like 25 years older than you. He's probably not going to be into you, even after this." He says as he hands me a pair of old pilot shades.
I told him I could let it go, but I can't. I'm just putting all my eggs into this basket, the sunglasses. Apparently they're supposed to transform someone who wears them mentally and physically to match my type. He already is my type, but I guess I wouldn't mind him bulking up a bit and growing some hair. It would be sexy if he got more charming, but he's already charming as it is. I guess there's only one way to find out.
I wait on the living room couch watching tv. He always gets home from work at the same time, so I know he'll be here any minute. I sit and stare at my reflection in the glasses. Am I really ready to change this man's life so drastically. My friend said no one else would take notice of the change, so it'll be like nothing happened. As I'm thinking over it, I hear the roar of his engine from the driveway. I try to calm down, but I can feel my body vibrate from the nerves. The door flies open.
"Hey buddy, hows it goin?" He asks me with his hot southern accent.
"Not bad. By the way, I found these sunglasses lying around, and assumed they were yours." I try to play it cool as I lie to his face.
"Oh, thanks. But these aren't mine." He responds.
"Well you might as well keep em, they don't fit me anyway." I try to convince him to take them without seeming too pushy.
"Well alright, thanks kid." He swipes the glasses and throws them on.
That was easier than I thought. As soon as he put them on, he stopped moving. His jaw slacked as if there was not a thought running through his mind. It started slow, his button up started to look a little bit tighter. His once flat chest started to push against his shirt and the shape of a belly started to show. Then it started to speed up. His chest started to pulse, growing in size with each one. They grew until the button on his collar popped off, then another button popped, then another and another. His juicy pecs flopped down after being released from his shirt. His stomach was next. His midsection widened and his stomach grew into a respectable beer belly, straining against his shirt. It wasn't long before more buttons began to pop, until his shirt was completely open. His arms also looked like they doubled in size, filling out his sleeves with thick muscles.
Next his legs start to look like they're gonna burst out of his dress pants. I can hear the rips ripple through his pants as his thighs grow inside of them. His ass fills out all the space in his pants and proceeds to rip open his fly and snap his belt in half. I can tell his underwear is barely staying in one piece as a large bulge formed in between his legs.
Finally his face begins to change. His once skinny face fills out with fat, giving him a rounder look. I can see that hair is falling out of his hat until he is left completely bald under there. Though in return his clean shaven face grows a bushy beard. But the hair doesn't stop there. It continues down his chest and to his belly, and presumably the rest of his body. He finally regains control of his body. He sighs as he stretched out his arms and cracks his knuckles before looking right at me.
"Come here, son." He says in a deep buttery voice.
A shock travels through my spine as I think he might know what I've done to him.
"What'd I say boy!" He raises his voice.
I jump a bit before I walk closer to him. I realize how imposing he is up close. He must have gotten taller because he seems well over six feet tall now, and at least 250 pounds.
"Daddy had a stressful day, why don't you help him release some tension." He says as he pushes me to my knees.
I blush, this is everything I wanted from this, it just happened so much faster than I thought.
"Don't be shy, boy. This will be our little secret." He says as he pulls his underwear down.
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☆A Party To Remember☆
Summary: When your boyfriend is late picking you up for a party, you find your own ride there and the night takes an unexpected turn.
Pairing: Fratboy!Matt x Reader
Warnings: Lots of cussing, unprotected sex (please wrap it before you tap it!), p in v, spanking (?), Dirty talk, degrading if you squint
Author's note: This is my first ever fic so if it's bad please ignore it I'm sorry if you don't like it, anyways I love you tumblr Sturniolo Fandom! Hope you enjoy
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The time on my phone read 7:45. Fuck I'm gonna be late. I dug through my vanity drawers looking for my signature lipstick. Of course it's at the bottom. I mentally groaned at the mess I made of my room while trying to get ready. I applied the lipstick with a 'pop' of my lips and did a once over in the mirror.
I headed down my stairs and shot a text to my boyfriend, Jace, that I was heading out since he was my uber for the night. I locked the door on my way out and to my surprise (not) his car wasn't outside..again.
'Hey I'm ready for Jessica's party, where are you?'
I waited for 5 minutes on a text back and started to lose my patience. I decided to call him.
"You better pick up, bastard." I spit. He's always late for everything and never has a good enough reason why. I let the phone ring a couple times before hanging up and calling my best friend Maddie in a haste.
The phone barely rang before I heard a gruffy voice on the other line.
"Hey Y/n it's Nick. Where are you girl you're missing all the fun."
"Yeah yeah I know, stupid ass Jace is late again."
"Oh shit he was your ride? I thought you broke it off with him?"
"I did but we made up last week."
"Oh...well I hate to break it to you Y/n but he's not late..he's all over the birthday girl right now."
"WHAT?!" I hissed. "He left me here to be with Jessica are you fucking kidding me?!"
"I know", Nick sighed, "I don't even know why Matt fucks with her knowing she's been passed around worse than a blunt."
"Because your brother is just as bad as she is." I seethed.
Matthew Sturniolo was the biggest playboy in the whole college campus, and lucky me I fell for his charm. We dated for almost a year before I found out I wasn't the only girl visiting his bed if you know what I mean. I really thought I could change a fuckboy, silly me.
"And that's a story for another time Y/n. Look Maddie and I will come get you. We haven't started drinking just yet."
"Okay thank you Nick really. You know you're my favorite sturniolo." I praised.
"Yeah yeah, we're coming see you soon." Nick chuckled.
The phone clicked with a beep before my screen went black. They'd be here fairly soon considering the party is just a couple blocks down but your girl can't walk in heels to save her life.
Now back to the bigger problem at hand, I sent Jace one last message.
'You're a fucking dick.'
I hugged my jacket closer to my skimpily clothed body searching for warmth. Soon enough Nick came and picked me up in Maddie's car with her jamming out in the passenger seat to Genie in a Bottle. I giggled before climbing into the backseat.
-------------At the party----------------
I was downing vodka shots back to back while Nick and Maddie left a while ago to go dance. Jessica was grinding on, my now ex boyfriend, Jace in the corner of the dimly lit room to shitty rap music that was being played in the background. I couldn't take my eyes off them as I was drinking my anger away into the bitter shots I was slamming down my throat, first Matt now Jace too? Desperate bitch.
Well that was until none other than the fuckboy himself walked into the kitchen.
"Well hello Y/n long time no see hm?" Matt said cockily.
"Yeah what a pleasure it is." I said sarcastically.
"Always is. Now I'm no expert on faces but isn't that your boy toy out there getting dry fucked by Jessica?" He said gesturing to the blonde that was throwing herself onto Jace.
"Yeah and isn't that your whore who's doing it? Better get your bitches in line Matty baby, its kind of embarrassing for you." I rolled my eyes at him.
"Now you know I can satisfy, darling," he said with a wink.
Jace locked eyes with me as he started kissing on Jessica's neck. And the LAST thing I'm going to let Jace do is think he won.
I grabbed Matt by the scruff of his hair an slammed his lips on mine. He let out a whimper in shock but hesitantly started kissing back. I could feel Jace staring, so I grabbed Matt by the hand and whispered in his ear.
"Let's take this upstairs Matty." Hate fuck my ex, that seems like pretty good payback.
I dragged him by his hand up the stairs at a quick pace with him fumbling to keep up with me. Jace watched with a dumbfounded expression until we both disappeared into the many bodies fondling each other on the stairwell.
With Matt still holding my hand I found an empty bedroom. I opened the door and shoved him inside. Once the door was closed I locked it and let out an exasperated sigh.
Matt looked at me and said, "So what was all that about?" He quirked an eyebrow up.
"That motherfucker doesn't get to have the last laugh, I do." I ran my hands down my face starting to feel tipsy.
"Well we're both locked in this bedroom, and I've got to say Y/n, you look hot." He inched closer to me with a smirk.
I opened my eyes to him standing right in front of me, cornering me to the door. My face felt hot as I shivered in excitement. Seeing him this close to me all over again, God I missed this. He put one of his hands on my hip and the other tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.
"Why don't we make him really jealous hm?" He whispered. His breath hit my lips and my core fluttered. I may hate this man but God was he hot.
"Convince me." My voice came out barely audible. He shot me a boyish grin and touched his lips to my ear. "You know I missed you babygirl." He gripped my hip harder. "Missed hearing you whine my name and those pretty little noises you make." He growled, getting desperate by the minute.
"Will you please let me ruin that pretty little cunt baby?" He hissed grinding his painfully hard erection into my clothed core.
I whined at the friction and couldn't do anything but nod. "Need you to use your words love." He stated firmly.
"Y-yes Matt, please I want you." I whined pathetically. Honestly the truth is I did miss him but I wouldn't let a soul hear me say that. So I'll settle for him fucking me tonight.
He licked a trail down my neck and started sucking on my sweet spot making me moan into it. In some sick twisted way this is my way for getting back at Jace, yes, but also getting my lick back at Jessica because it was no secret she wanted Matt but he made it very clear all he wanted from her was sex, so therefore she was always jealous of me. So now I get him all to myself all over again.
He picked me up by my ass making me wrap my legs around him while he was still sucking on my neck. He sat on the edge of the bed with me in his lap. I ran my fingers through his hair to the nape of his neck and pulled him away from mine. I slammed my lips back onto his.
I licked his lip asking for entry in which he happily obliged. I ran my tongue along his and bit his bottom lip only for my tongue to dive back in. He moaned into the kiss and started bucking his hips up, showing me how needy he was.
I broke away from the kiss long enough to take his shirt off and went back in for more. I kissed down his jaw to his torse working my way down to his pants. I unbuttoned them and signaled for him to raise his bottom half. I slid both his pants and boxers down to the middle of his thighs and sucked at his hip bone.
"Fuck baby, please." He pleaded, his blue irises almost completely taken over by his blown out pupils. He looked so pretty laying underneath me like this.
"Fine." I huffed. I kissed his tip, making his dick jump at the contact before sitting up and straddling him. I took my shirt off, my tits bouncing at the motion. He quickly grabbed them and put one in his mouth, tongue swirling around the bud with his other hand fondling the other. I let out the most pathetic moan at the notion.
He slid my shorts and panties to the side in one quick move while continuing the assault on my nipples. He swiped a finger through my dripping folds.
"M-matt I need you." I sighed in pleasure. He pulled my nipple with a 'pop'.
"Shhh baby I've got you." He raised me up and put me on my back on the bed quickly getting on top of me. He looked at me for reassurance and I nodded my head.
He smirked and lined his tip up with my entrance slowly grinding his hips into mine, hitting every spot only he knew how to.
I sighed in ecstasy, seeing stars behind my eyelids.
He grunted once he fully bottomed out in me. Plopping his head into the crook of my neck waiting for me to get accustomed to his size.
"Tell me when you're ready baby girl." He whispered while peppering kisses on my jaw.
I gave him his answer by jutting my hips up into his making him go even deeper. He moaned and started to slide in and out of me at a rapid rate. I decided it'd be fun to tease him so I did something I knew would piss him off. "Oh my God Jace you feel soo good!" I moaned.
He stilled his movements and rose his head up to look down at me. "What the FUCK did you just say to me Y/n." He spit. I just smirked at him in response. "If you want to act like a slut I'll fucking treat you like one." He seethed.
He pulled all the way out and flipped me over onto my back. Before I knew what was happening he pulled my hips up and forced my head into the pillow before slamming back into me harder and faster than before. I started moaning uncontrollably and clenching around him.
"How could you ever call me that bastard's name when you fit around me like this. He'd never fuck you like this, slut. Only I can." He growled. "What's my name, Y/n." He asked as I felt a harsh smack on my ass. I whimpered at the contact.
"Oh my God, Matt, please I'm s-so..so close baby." I could barely comprehend what he was saying.
"Who's pussy does this belong to? Hm slut?" He pulled my hair making me arch my back. He went impossibly deeper, making me scream. "It's yours Matt! It's always been yours!" I wailed, tears threatening to spill from my eyes.
"Good girl," he pushed my head back into the pillow, continuing the assault on my sore cunt. I gasped for breath before I felt my release building up in the pit of my stomach. My legs shaking was a sign for him that I was close. He spanked me again stilling his movements once more. "Come on baby if you want to cum you're gonna have to fuck yourself on my cock." He challenged with his hands digging into the flesh of my hips. I started rocking back onto him at a fast pace, desperately chasing my high.
He reached across me, running the pads of his fingers across my puffy clit. That's what did me in.
"Shitt I'm cumming, Matt!" I whined as the coil in my stomach suddenly burst, white clouding my eyelids as I squeezed them shut, tears flowing out uncontrollably. Still rocking back into him to ride out my high. Matt rubbed my hair and shushed me, "It's okay baby I'm here." He cooed.
I wailed into the pillow as I got overstimulated, pulling off him. That didn't last long though before Matt grabbed my hips pulling me back onto him. "I was nice enough to let you cum don't you think I deserve to?" He uttered before rutting his hips into mine and bottoming out once more. His pace was animalistic almost. He leaned over and grabbed my neck to have a better angle. Making me a bawling mess due to the mix of pain and pleasure.
His hips started to stutter as he grunted in my ear. "Your pretty pussy takes me so well, Y/n baby. Don't know why I ever let it go." Matt said before letting out a string of curses and a mantra of 'I love yous' as his hips faltered. Hot spurts of cum flooded my walls. He pulled out with an exhausted sigh, making me frown at the empty feeling. A very fucked out Matt laid beside me letting out small pants.
As I come to, I realize the fact he said I love you and I become enraged. I roll over to face him and shove his shoulder. "You don't love me and you never did otherwise you wouldn't have fucking cheated on me!" I yell while getting up.
"Woah what the actual FUCK are you talking about Y/n? Cheated on you?!" He he says in a dumbfounded tone. Watching me rush to put my clothes back on.
"I heard about the women you brought to bed when we were together!" I cried. "This was such a mistake oh my god." He rose up putting his boxers back on.
"Who told you that? What women Y/n?" He said genuinely confused and concerned, fully standing up now.
"I overheard Jessica telling one of her girlfriends last semester in the food court about how you fucked her!"
As I said it out loud the more stupid I felt. That bitch was lying.
"Y/n baby, you know she was jealous of what we had, of course she'd try to break us up. Is that why you left me?!" Matt asked running a hand along my cheek causing a tear to trickle out of my eye.
"I guess I was scared of getting hurt so I left before you could confirm it," I looked down in shame. He picked my chin up, kissing me.
"I'm sorry you felt that way my love. But I've lived my life far too long without you, give me another chance to prove you're the only girl for me?" Matt asked with a hopeful gleam in his eye. I kissed him once more.
"Of course Matty." I giggled.
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Please tell me what you think and what I need to work on!! Thank you for your time! Hope you all enjoyed.
#sturniolo triplets#chris sturniolo#matt sturniolo#nick sturniolo#smut#sturniolo smut#matt stuniolo fanfic#matt sturniolo smut#sexy content
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My central thesis has always been that the Harkles wanted everything the Wales have and more. I know I remember reading that she cried after hearing William was made Prince of Wales. Right from the get go, her PR was all "Meghan is way better suited to be royal". Then there were all the Commonwealth flowers on her bridal veil and their insistence that they move into Windsor Castle. Now I don't believe everthing Neil Sean says, but his latest video mentions that Megxit was an ultimatum to get Windsor. As that is the traditional home of the Monarch, I feel as though they were attempting a coup.
Then there is the thought that Harry believes that the Dutchy of Cornwall should be split and he should eventually be made co-King or King of the Commonwealth. Let the Wales have that tiny island while they are jetted and feted around the world.
Here's my question for you. Did Meghan and Sparry REALLY believe they could leapfrog over the Wales??? I know her jealousy and envy of Catherine is bunny boiler level and he absolutely eviscerated his brother in Waagh. Has this been their plan all along?? Death by a thousand cuts for the Wales to force them to resign their place in the LOS or that they could somehow convince Charles to make Harry the heir??
I'd like to know where you think the delusions stem from. It wouldn't be the first time in history that younger brother has attempted to remove old brother from the throne.
Sincerely appreciate your blog and all the work you put into it. I'm always learning something new.
I'm pretty sure that was exactly their plan: they wanted to use their popularity to force The Queen to name them as her successors. I don't remember where I read this or when, but allegedly Harry sent "documentation" to someone - to whom specifically I can't recall, but options are The Queen, Charles, William, and/or grey suits - providing evidence for claims that he and Meghan were more popular than any of the others and deserved more than what they were getting.
And if they couldn't get the actual crown, they were going to do their damnedest to try and get a co-kingship with William. That's where Meghan's obsession with the Commonwealth came from; she had been told (again, I don't know by whom - all signs point to Harry exaggerating to keep her interested or maybe Charles spitballing ideas during his 'Magnificent Six' planning circa 2012) that William would rule Britannia and Harry would rule the Commonwealth.
I think that's why Meghan went all in on 'racist Kate.' Not only did she want to knock Kate out of the spotlight, she wanted to do enough damage that Commonwealth/realm nations would threaten to quit and The Queen would capitulate by offering to install Harry and Meghan as new leaders. This actually had a chance of working; it's been said quite often during her last years and since her passing that The Queen saw the Commonwealth as her greatest legacy and there was speculation that she would have done anything she could have to keep it in tact. And had Meghan played her cards right, she and Harry probably could have ended up becoming the main ambassadors of and for the Commonwealth, like a Commonwealth version of the UN Secretary-General.
But where the plan failed, obviously, was that it required blaming Kate for problems and issues that don't exist. Because remember, in 2021 when Meghan was making these claims, we'd just gone through the huge global reckoning that was Black Lives Matter and the agreement during/after BLM was "call racist people out on their BS. Put them on blast. Don't let them get away with it anymore." So not only would Meghan have been perfectly justified to name names, cite events, bring receipits, air the real dirty laundry and everyone would've been so much more supportive of it. But she didn't. Instead she played coy and said something like "I'm protecting them even though they don't deserve it."
Girl, please. That was Meghan's one chance to go justifiably scorched earth and air out all the dirty laundry and she fumbled hard.
Anyway. Let's get this train back on track. Where do the delusions come from? Traumatic childhoods courtesy of Mommies Dearest.
We all know Harry's story with Diana. She was a young, fun, free spirited loving mom larger than life with a neediness that she depended on her children to fill, rather than her own husband or other adults her age, so Harry grew to find satisfaction in supporting and providing her what she needed. He probably saw, and understood, the way Diana received what she wanted by exaggerating what she needed and following it up with excluding or isolating herself until whoever came chasing after her to give her what she wanted. And ultimately this led her (and Harry) down a path that ended up killing her; she exaggerated the relationship with Dodi to get attention from Hasnat or the BRF, then isolated herself in France to force whoever (Hasnat? Charles Wales? Charles Spencer?) to come chase after her. We know how that ends.
That's where Harry's delusions, IMO, come from. He saw how it well it worked (mostly) for Diana - exaggerate her needs/wants, then run and hide until she gets it - so he does it too. He probably started doing it right after she died, when no one knew what to do or how to handle him so they kept indulging in everything he wanted, so those wants kept manifesting bigger and bigger. And I think the way we see the BRF treating Harry is what would have happened to Diana had she lived; eventually the public would sour on her (this was already happening, by the way), which would then enable the BRF to grey rock her, devenomizing her in effect, and move on without Diana having too much of an influence on their day-to-day.
It's sort of similar for Meghan. We don't know specifically what happened (the way we do with Harry and Diana), but we know that Doria was a young, fun, free-spirited mother herself married to an older husband who had other priorities (eg kids from his first marriage). Unlike Diana, Doria probably didn't want the responsibilities of motherhood (which is the vibe Meghan and Thomas have given about Doria during Meghan's childhood) and left. And like the BRF, Thomas may have also overcompensated Doria's absence in Meghan's life by giving her everything she asked for, which made her asks get bigger and bigger and when Thomas couldn't deliver, she threatened to leave him...like Doria did and Thomas, erstwhile girldad he was, just kept throwing more and more at Meghan to keep her happy. Her delusions come from preying on other individuals' trauma to ensure she gets what she wants. The bigger her wants (ie the more grandiose her delusions), the harder she manipulates other people's trauma to make sure she gets what she wants. Which is kinda the opposite of Harry and Diana; they create the trauma to get people to do what they want, whereas Meghan exploits it to get people to do what she wants. Both are skills they learned after being abandoned (metaphorically and literally) by their mothers.
And all of Meghan's PR about "young mother," I think it's more insidious than that. Yes, it's a very overt evocation of Diana's narrative. Yes, it's a judgement against Kate. But it is also digs at Doria. "See? Motherhood is hard but I'm prioritizing my kid. How dare you to have left me" kind of spiteful digs meant to shame her for whatever happened that caused her to disappear. Meghan is the kind of person who must always have the last word, so I wouldn't be surprised if she's been targeting or belitting Doria about not knowing certain things about Archie/Lili because she wasn't around when Meghan was that age.
So...yeah.
I've realized now that this is the third or fourth Wednesday in a row that I write these super long analytical/in this essay I will posts. I guess Wednesdays are my thinking days...
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Sleepless nights
Pairing: High lord! Eris x Fem! Reader
Warnings: Nothing much, maybe a little bit suggestive towards the end
Summary: High lord of the autumn court helps you sleep
Masterlist
After the war, nightmares plagued your sleep every night. You can't remember the last time you slept the whole night, always waking up because of the terrors that followed you every time you dared to close your eyes. No sleep tonic is helping you. Not even your high lord powers could protect you. Leaving you desperate and hopeless for anything that can help you.
Madja recommended taking your mind off by busying yourself with work, so you don't have the time to think about anything else. That's why you're currently sitting on bed in autumn court, your room not far away from the high lords. As an administrative of night court, you travelled there to strengthen the relationship between the two courts. The sudden death of Beron forced Eris to take his place sooner than expected. Lucily, it wasn't drastic for the plans of your court.
It's not like you cared about them that much, but you sweared to be loyal, and you will be loyal to your court till the day of your death.
After half an hour of restless tossing, you decided to go on a walk around the house. Not expecting to meet someone at such an hour, you threw a light silk robe over your shoulders. Quietly slipping away from your room, you mindlessly started walking - letting your body guide you away from the room.
"Still awake, princess?" You swiftly turned started that someone was awake now. Focusing on the person your shoulders visibly releaxed and you let out signt you didn't even know you were holding in. "You scared me, Eris," coming closer to him, you couldn't help but admire his beauty. He had a strong and sharp jaw, which made you wonder if it would cut you when caressing it. His eyes burned with fire that burned brightly even after surviving things that you could never imagine. "I'm sorry if I woke you up." He probably was tired after a long day of duties, and you woke him up. Feeling guilty you averted your eyes from him.
"It's quite alright, I wasn't sleeping anyway," daring to look into his eyes to examine him even further. You could see the dark purple circles under his eyes. "You're not the only one who struggles, don't worry," his hand fixed stray strand of your hair that escaped the braid you put it in. It felt so natural, and you couldn't help but melt into his touch, never feeling more comfortable than right now. "You can sleep in my bed if you would like to." Pointing with his chin in the direction of his bedroom.
You wanted to refuse him. Sleeping with him in the same bed was highly inappropriate. This is still a work trip, and you don't think Rhysand would be happy if he knew about it. But Eris warm was attracting you like moth to light, it wrapped around you in cosy warm cocoon. "Only if you don't mind my snoring," Eris laughed at your joke. "I won't mind your snoring, only if you don't mind me stealing your blanket." Opening door to his room and guiding you inside with his hand on your lower back.
You quickly lay in his bed with blanket to your chin, hoping that the dark will shield your reddened cheeks from his burning gaze. Having a crush on the male for years now didn't help your situation in a bit. Your cheeks are getting red the longer you are in his room, in his bed thinking about his strong frame that will lay next to you. What if he wraps his arms around you? What if he's feeling the same as you, and this is his flirting strategy?
Eris laid next to you, laying on his side facing you, looking deeply into your eyes. "You're beautiful." If you weren't focused just on him, you wouldn't probably even hear it. But you're glad you did, finally mustering enough courage to do the thing you been thinking of for such a long time now. You gently cupped his cheek in your hand, looking deeply in his eyes. You kissed him. Your chest explodes with feeling you never felt before making you feel everything yet nothing at the same time.
"Took you long enough, princess"
Unhurriedly parting your lips from him, you gasped for air. "Y-you're my mate," realisation making you push Eris on his back and straddle his lap. His hands took hold of your waist, caressing you softly. One of his hands moved to the back of your head, pushing you closer to him. Kissing you with more intensity than you ever been kissed before.
Eris kissed you like there is no tomorrow, not letting you go until you were gasping for air, wishing for more. You parted from him, looking deeply into his eyes. The high lord under you just smirked while playing with your hair.
#a court of thorns and roses#acotar#acotar x reader#acotar x you#acotar fluff#eris vanserra#high lord eris#eris vanserra x reader#eris acotar#eris x reader#eris vandaddy#eris x y/n#eris x you#eris fluff#acotar eris
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Harrow the Ninth, Thoughts part 3
Finished the book! Harrow wasn't even insane, everyone was just gaslighting her. Gideon the First WAS attacking her. Ianthe was lying all the time, because Harrow told her to do so. Augustine and Mercy were lying to keep their cover, Johnny G. was lying because he also didn't know anything, even Harrow was lying to herself.
I understand, why both Lyctors had to kill John. But the consequences of what they'll do is insane. Obliterate 9 planets. Kill, likely Billions of People, Again. Who's to say killing off all life in a planet post ressurection won't make another Ressurection Beast to wreck havoc in the Universe. In an awful way, Mercy and Augustine are recreating the sin that John did. With likely the same consequences.
I can't agree with killing the Emperor, yes he deserves to die, but the price of doing so would have been too steep. I'd lock him in a tomb, and have him empower Dominicus for eternity. Killing John, and Dominicus in turn leads the nine houses to be put under the control of Augustine or Mercy, and through that connection, the Blood of Eden.
We don't even know who tf the Blood of Eden is! For all we know they're Fanatics and Zealots. With a name like that I'd bet money on them hyper religious freaks and Zealots. Probably some Brotherhood of Steel, Adeptus Mechanicus style cult. Likely the type to uncritically worship Nostalgia and the Past.
I'd stick with John honestly. Maybe John Gohn could be better one day, and I HOPE he was telling the truth about his regrets. If he didn't, well fuck him then. Warhammer 40k had the right idea for God Emperors. Turn the bastard into a living battery. I think, a part of Jod was hoping the 8 in GtN, would crack the formula. Maybe that's why he was hoping they would take it slow, do it with years of study and preparation. So, I can't really hate Ianthe for what she did. Or maybe, I just fell for Jaius Gaius sad wet cat act.
Also, Harrow and Gideon definitely opened the stupid tomb. Gideon found Harrow in the Tomb. So Alecto was definitely released. Maybe, partially? But she's still out there, somewhere. Maybe the girl living with Camilla. Who knows
I am, so very very happy I got my prediction about the Sleeper right. Once I realized Gideon was alive and consciousness inside Harrow, there was only one suspect. Gideon's Mom. Where else was a friggin Haz Suit ever mentioned except the one her Mom was found in. Considering Palamedes mentioned that you bring your last memory with you when you died, of course her Mom remembered being in a Haz Suit
#the locked tomb#tlt#harrow the ninth#htn#harrowhark nonagesimus#gideon nav#john gaius#ianthe tridentarius
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WIBTA if I asked my girlfriend to get me a replacement mask?
So I and my girlfriend (both adults) are in a long-distance relationship and live on different continents but visit each other for periods of weeks to months at a time. As background context, my girlfriend is notoriously bad with money - she's owed me over $1500 for half a year now after I covered some big expenses for her when she was unable to save in time, though I've told her there's no particular deadline for giving it back and to just do it when she's able, but she's also borrowed money from her parents, she's paying off a credit card debt, and despite having a full-time job she seems completely unable to save anything substantial and is constantly buying things.
We both like a certain musician, and this shared interest in the musician is actually how we met in the first place and bonded. They've dropped some merch in the past, and it always sold out within 5-10 minutes, and they're borderline impossible to get now unless you a) are lucky enough to find another fan who's giving theirs away, which is super rare because of how hard they are to replace, or b) are willing to fork out thousands of dollars for a resold one on some dodgy site somewhere. One of the merch items I got from one of those drops was a facemask, and my girlfriend has a matching one - I can't remember if it was something I bought for her, since I did that with some merch if I got there in time, or one she bought herself. It became a huge comfort item for me - I'm both autistic and have avoidant personality disorder, so I'm almost always in some kind of mask to hide my face, and this one being connected to a special interest as well as comfortable and a perfect size (and goes with all my clothes!) made me super happy. Last time she visited, we joked around about having identical masks but that it was easy to tell which one was hers because it had makeup stains all over the inside.
As she packed to leave, I mentioned that I couldn't find my mask anywhere and asked if she'd picked mine up as well as hers by accident, so she dug through her bags and said she didn't have it, only hers. I was kinda disappointed but I figured it'd turn up sooner or later so I accepted it, and she flew back home.
A few days later, she let me know she'd unpacked and discovered she actually did have both our masks. I asked her to send it back to me, and she said she would.
Fast forward a few months, I'd asked a few more times, and she always said she would soon. Eventually, when I asked one time, she told me she'd lost it. Her mother had tidied her entire room and she no longer had any idea where either of our masks were. I was kind of frustrated so I asked why she couldn't have just sent it over when I initially asked, and she snapped back that she couldn't afford it, which doesn't make much sense to me because she definitely does have enough to send over a flat envelope, which a fabric face mask would easily fit in just like a letter.
It's been a few months since then and I've been looking and looking for any kind of replacement, but all I can find are knock-off versions that are made from different materials or don't look the same. I did see one resold for like $20 ages ago, so it definitely happens, but it's so rare.
WIBTA if I told my girlfriend I'm expecting her to replace the one she lost even if it's putting more financial pressure on her? I feel really dumb for getting so upset about a mask, but it was one of my favourite belongings and it's genuinely upsetting that it was taken and lost.
To get out ahead of any comment saying it, I have full 100% faith that she did not do it intentionally and she didn't sell it or anything like that. She wouldn't have even thought about the possibility of doing that and I absolutely believe it was an accident and she just grabbed both masks or had been holding onto mine for me and forgotten it was in a bag etc.
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In Memory of Mom
Danny meets a strange, Spanish-speaking ghost wandering around Casper High. His Spanish isn't great, but he's pretty sure she's looking for her daughter.
For the Prompt: Danny encounters a strange spanish-only speaking ghost looking for Paulina Sanchez. Being a first year Spanish student, he only recognizes the words "mi hija" and hesitantly leads her to Paulina. It's Día de los Muertos, but because Paulina has been trying to fit in at school, and her papa remarried and doesn't want to make his new wife uncomfortable, they've fallen out of the habit of setting up the ofrenda and marigolds, leaving their mom/wife unable to find her way home. Paulina can't see or hear her, but Phantom can [From @dreamwraith]
Disclaimer: I am white, and I do not speak Spanish. It is with deepest regret that I must admit to using Google translate for the Spanish dialogue in this fic. If you notice any errors in the Spanish, or regarding Día de Muertos (which there might very well be, though I did do my research), please feel free to correct me. I can only do my best, and always appreciate the opportunity to do better.
Read also on AO3
[Warnings for past character death, and mentions of culture death]
Danny typically liked to have more than one day to recover after fighting Fright Knight every Halloween. Not to mention the numerous other ghosts who always had to come out on that stupid holiday to cause as much trouble as possible during the period of time when the barrier between the human world and the Ghost Zone was at it's thinnest.
Of course, Danny never got more than one day, but he would have liked to.
Luckily the ghost that showed during lunch period on November second didn't seem to be causing any trouble. In fact, it didn't seem like she was powerful enough to cause trouble, even if she wanted to. No one besides Danny even seemed to notice her, which at least meant she wouldn't be able to cause any serious damage, even if she tried.
She was speaking Spanish as she walked through the halls of Casper High, and turning her head this way and that as if she was looking for something, or someone.
"¿La has visto? ¿Mi hija? ¿Dónde está mi hija? ¿La has visto?" she called out.
Now, Danny was only a first year Spanish student, and furthermore... he missed a lot of classes, so he wasn't sure exactly what she was saying, but he did recognize the words 'mi hija', 'my daughter'. The last time he'd been to Spanish class, Señora Gutierrez had been teaching family terms. Madre, padre, hermana, hermano, hija, hijo, tío, abuela, that kind of thing.
Subtly, he followed her until she walked into a hallway where there weren't any people, and then, with no one to look at him like he was crazy for talking to the air, he spoke to her.
"Excuse me, are you looking for your daughter?" Danny asked.
"¡sí mi hija!" the woman replied excitedly. "¿La conoces? ¿La has visto?"
Danny knew 'sí', that was 'yes', the most basic of basic Spanish. 'sí' and... and... okay, so Danny couldn't remember what 'no' was in Spanish, but he remembered 'sí'. Ancients, he was really gonna have to start showing up to that class more if he wanted to get the foreign language credits he needed to graduate.
"Uh... tu hija," Danny said, completely confident that he was already screwing up the grammar, "¿que es la nombre?"
"No es muy fluido en español, ¿verdad?" The ghost laughed. "Su nombre es Paulina."
"Paulina?" Danny didn't understand any of the rest of what she said, so he focused on the last bit. "Paulina Sanchez?"
"¡Sí!" she confirmed, enthusiastically. "Mi hija. Paulina Sánchez. ¿Tu la conoce?"
Danny nodded, although he'd kinda fallen off the sentence after 'sí'. "Why are you looking for her?"
"Es el Dia de Muertos," she said. "Quiero verla, pero no encuentro la ofrenda."
Danny had no idea to respond to that. The only word he recognized from all of that was 'la', but he couldn't glean a whole sentence from a single 'the', so he just looked at her with an expression that was half a forced, awkward smile and half a grimace.
"Ummmm..."
Was it safe to lead an unknown ghost to an unsuspecting human? Objectively no. Most especially not when the unsuspecting human was the girl Danny had a massive crush on. But... on the other hand, this particular ghost seemed pretty harmless, and she said she was Paulina's mother. So... maybe it was okay?
"How about I'll take you to her," Danny suggested.
The ghost that claimed to be Paulina's mother nodded excitedly and said something else in Spanish that Danny had no hope of translating.
Danny led her to the outdoor table where the A-listers always sat, but Paulina wasn't there. After a little bit of prowling the quad, he found her, at an out of the way table no one ever sat at because the the school custodian always ignored it and it was disgusting.
Paulina had laid her jacket over the bench to sit on, and unfolded a few paper napkins over the surface of the table. She had a handful of sugar cubes, and was poking one with a toothpick for some reason. She hadn't noticed him yet.
As much as he would have liked to go over to her as Danny Fenton and be the hero who let her talk to her mom again, he figured it would probably be suspicious if people knew he could see ghosts others couldn't. A but reluctantly, he looked around to make sure no one could see and transformed into Danny Phantom. The ghost, Paulina's mom, applauded him, like he'd just done a magic trick. To her, it might have seemed that way.
"Thanks," he said, a little sarcastically, and floated over to talk to Paulina.
"Excuse me, Paulina Sanchez?" Danny asked, as if he wasn't sure whether he knew her name or not. "There's a ghost here who wants to speak to you."
Paulina looked up and looked around, then turned back to Danny and raised a perfect eyebrow. She put down the sugar cube she was poking at, and Danny noticed that on her other side, there were two other sugar cubes sculpted into the shape of a skull.
"You mean you?" she asked. "Look, normally, I'd be thrilled, but today isn't really—"
"Oh, no, not me," Danny said. "She has long hair, wearing a nice knee-length dress.... It's kinda hard to describe ghosts in a way that makes them recognizable to people who knew them in life, 'cause colors tend to be different between life-and-death but uh... you and her have the same nose, actually. She says your her daughter? I don't speak Spanish, but I managed to figure out that much."
When he stopped talking, Pauling gave him a flat look.
"Are you messing with me?"
"No," Danny insisted. "She's not a very powerful ghost, so she can't stay in the visible range, but she's here. She wants to talk to you."
"Mamá?" Paulina asked hesitantly. "¿Estás aquí?"
"Sí, hija mía, estoy aquí," Mrs. Sanchez replied. "Estoy muy feliz de verte de nuevo."
Paulina didn't respond for a long moment, apparently waiting. Then, finally, she said, "I don't hear anything."
"I was worried you might say that," Danny said. "I'm gonna have to speak Spanish if you guys want to talk to each other, aren't I?" he sighed deeply. "Alright fine. Apologies in advance because I am gonna absolutely butcher the pronunciations."
"Hija," Mrs. Sanchez said, "volví a verte, pero no había camino para mí. ¿Por qué?"
Danny repeated the words to the best of his ability.
Paulina took a moment to parse them out, with a puzzled expression before finally saying, "Papá se volvió a casar. Su nueva esposa es gringa, así que no le hicimos un ofrenda en casa para que no se sintiera incómoda."
Danny didn't know what any of that meant, obviously, and was grateful he only had to repeat after Paulina's mom, because Paulina herself spoke Spanish very quickly and there was absolutely no way he wouldn't trip over his tongue mimicking her.
"Pero estoy aquí, debe haber una ofrenda."
Danny mimicked her again.
Paulina looked a little embarrassed. "Sí... yo... hice uno en mi casillero para ti. No quería que no pudieras cruzar."
Her mother gasped. Danny really wished he knew what was going on.
"¿Me mostrarás?"
Paulina's expression lit up when Danny repeated that, and she stood, gathering up her jacket and her sugar cubes.
"Vamos," she said. "I mean, follow me."
She led the way through the empty halls and Danny and her mom followed.
"What were you guys talking about?" Danny asked, then immediately realized what he was asking and quickly backtracked. "I mean, never mind, it's probably personal. I was just curious. You don't have to answer that."
"No, it's okay," Paulina said. "See, my mom passed when I was seven, and every year, me and my dad set up an ofrenda for Day of the Dead with her picture so she could visit us. We moved here from Mexico when I was ten, but we kept up the tradition.
"Last winter, though, Dad married my step-mom, and she's white, and doesn't know anything about Mexican traditions or holidays. Dad doesn't want to make her uncomfortable, so ever since they got married, we stopped celebrating most of what we used to back in Mexico, so we didn't put up an ofrenda this year, and Mom was asking why she couldn't find it, so I explained."
"Oh... that's... kinda sad," Danny said. "You just had to give up all your culture because your dad remarried?"
Paulina shrugged. "We had to give up a lot of it already, when we moved to America anyway," she said, as if that made it less sad and not more. "At least Sandra's nice, she's just... a little out of her depth sometimes."
"So... where are you taking us?"
Finally, she stopped in front of her locker and turned the dial with her combination.
"I didn't want mom to not be able to visit me, so... I sort of made my own ofrenda in my locker," Paulina explained sheepishly.
The door swung open to reveal the inside. There was a small magnetic shelf stuck on the back of the locker. On it, there was a small electric candle, some kind of orange flower, a pair of black lace gloves, and a heart-shaped locket. The locket was open and propped up so the picture inside was visible. It was the ghost Danny was trying to help.
Paulina reached in an put a few of the sculpted sugar cubes on the shelf next to the locket. The tiny sugar skulls were perfectly to scale with the tiny picture, but absolutely dwarfed by the flower.
The ghost put her hands to her heart and looked absolutely touched by the tiny display.
"Those were her favorite gloves," Paulina explained. "She always wore them when Dad took her dancing."
"What's the flower?" Danny asked.
"It's a marigold," she replied. "Cempasúchil, in Spanish. They're a traditional decoration for the ofrenda. You're also supposed to leave a trail of their petals from the grave to the ofrenda, but... Mom's grave is in Mexico, and the ofrenda is in my locker so...."
"Ay, esto es hermoso," the ghost said. "Gracias. Amo mucho esto. Te quiero mi hija."
Danny had been to distracted to properly listen, so he wasn't sure how to repeat her words.
"Uh... she says she likes it."
The ghost gave him a look and a light slap that passed right through him.
"A lot, she likes it a lot."
"¡Y te amo!" she added insistently.
"Y te amo, she says," Danny repeated.
"Thank you, Phantom," Paulina said. She leaned forward and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "This means a lot to me."
Danny knew his cheeks were turning bright green, and he cleared his throat awkwardly to make sure his voice wouldn't crack.
"Uh, yeah, no problem," he said. "Don't mention it."
It was then that the bell rang signalling the end of lunch, and Paulina grabbed a couple of books from her locker and headed to class. Her mom followed, even though Paulina couldn't see her.
Danny had to get to class, too. He had Spanish class after lunch, and Ancients knew he didn't need to be missing any more of those.
In class, Señora Gutierrez talked about Dia de los Muertos, and for once, Danny actually sort of knew what she was talking about, thanks to Paulina. Maybe he should ask her to tutor him.
#dp#danny phantom#danny fenton#paulina sanchez#paulina sanchez's mom#dia de los muertos#fic#things i wrote#phic phight#phic phight 24#spanish
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What a plot twist you were. [x]
#Like. The narrator introduces jc to us as the antagonist#Then we got to know him. Not who people think he's. But who he really is#And we saw jc giving wwx a piggyback. Giving him soup. Rescuing him. Putting himself between wwx and any danger (madam yu/wen soldiers)#And even the staged fight. It's yk. Staged#jc wanted to protect wwx at any cost. But wwx wasn't willing to compromise. But jc did#The fight was wwx's idea. Because jc is an enabler (just like jfm and jyl)#jc is ready to bend for his loved ones sake#The point is. Every action jc takes. Is in the name of his loves ones' safety. And surprise. wwx is one of the people jc really cares about#Even after wwx' return. Aside a broken cup. jc isn't doing much to stop wwx or anything. We know that jl was able to free wwx from Zidian#only because jc - Zidian's primary master- wanted it!#And jc fling himself into danger countless times to save wwx even though wwx can't sit still with him for a hot minute#What I wanted to say it's that the jc is presented to us - the mean ungrateful man- is very different from the real jc -#the indulgent uncle who rolls his eyes at his nephew antics. the brother who buries the hatchet for his sister's happiness.#the uncle who kinda wants to help wn to get up from the floor because he was an ass to jc but he helped jl and that's what matters to jc#the sect leader who let two women speak freely their mind in a patriarchy society#People better than me have already said this. shit I can't remember my point lmao#Like. jc is presented as an antagonist but what this man wanted was an apology and an explanation#This post is a mix of a rant I wrote last year (ha) after seeing a bad take. About what I don't remember lmaoo. And me wanting#to make gifs of wzc in this scene. Why does he look so good. It should be illegal. Seriously#jiang cheng#*mgifs
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do you ever think about how buck was able to pull and lift eddie to safety, while eddie wasn’t able to either pull or lift buck? like I know the physics were different and eddie would be able to pull and lift buck under the same circumstances that buck did it, it was just impossible to lift him up onto the ladder in contrast to doing the standing lift buck did to get him into the firetruck but still WHAT A FUCKED UP PARALLEL to incorporate both pulling and lifting again *screams into hands* (also to have both of those instances in the shooting be the only times eddie is making noises of pain, which while horrifying to hear were also indicators that eddie is still very much alive to feel it, while buck was just quiet and dead, but that’s another kind of fucked up)
#9-1-1#buddie#nobody does parallels like 911#yes I am still stuck on the lightning strike#and the visuals and the parallels#and eddie's desperation as he tried to pull buck up#he must have known from years and years of experience (and an innocent but intimate familiarity with buck's body) that he wouldn't#be able to pull him up like that#and yet#our base instinct is still to pull our loved ones in close because proximity does help with protecting someone#offers your own body as a last resort to shield them so OF COURSE it's instinct to pull buck close#but eddie can't#he can't even do that when buck did it for him#(also eddie screaming in pain when buck pulled him and lifted him is one of the reasons why I have trouble believing that eddie doesn't#remember it because I would imagine that that pain cut through the hazziness and confusion and burned the impressions into his memory right#next to buck's blood spattered face but aslkdfjasjkl obvs there's no proof for that)#either way I am convinced eddie knows that buck pulled him to safety and he couldn't#anyways#hello yes#I am having a parallel breakdown on this fine sunday morning
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I either need to accept that I am just a way stronger person than this friend and can handle way more while still being able to engage with the world as a person, or recognize excuses as excuses, accept that I am not valued and be done or. Maybe both. Idk. It might be somewhere between the two. I am just sick of regular life stuff rendering him unable to spend any time with me, and of him being unable to bear any of the details of my life, when I would move mountains to rekindle our friendship. Though I'm starting to wonder if I still would.
#faer personal files#i just. really didn't want officiating his wedding to be our last hurrah of friendship even though i did kind of feel it coming#also i'm really sick of being infantilized for my chronic fatigue i am a grown adult and i know what i'm capable of#ugh. maybe i'm just being awful and not understanding in which case i'm too much of a rancid person to be his friend i guess#but i don't think that's the case#idk i'll never forget when i couldn't see this dude for a year even masked up outside for covid but when another of our old friends came up#from her job doing COVID RELATED CROWD CONTROL FOR THE FUCKING ARMY he went on a hike with her mask off#and i think that says a lot about what our friendship's been for years honestly. if he can't bear my company idk why i try#if i'm just an interesting prop for conversations and occasions but not a friend. i can't accept that#i am an interesting prop for conversations. the disabled genderfluid bisexual genius who lost everything bc of said disability#but i didn't lose everything i just have to fucking rebuild on new ground. and i am doing that. i whine on occasion but i am so strong#and i do know how to interact with people without traumadumping i haven't on him in YEARS but his concept of me crystalized at age 21#or something like that i guess. idk it just breaks my heart#bc for a long time he was my person. he was the only person who knew the authentic me. more even than my sisters at times.#and yeah that was a little unhealthy but at the time he craved that!!!#and then i grew up and stopped needing him like that around the same time he stopped wanting that and it should have been fucking fine#but like. even senior year of college when i was sick it was already starting to fall apart#like i remember being on a small hike once being exhausted and jokingly being like you gotta carry me back and then being like#no really i might actually need an arm to lean on by the end of this walk if i'm gonna make it back to the car i really don't know if i can#and he said no bc he didn't want to look straight. who the fuck CARES??? i could barely walk i was stumbling my way back annoying him going#too slow. fuck. and that really has been what our friendship has been for years. the minute my house wasn't the most convenient place it wa#more or less dead idk why i keep dragging this horse around#idk why i keep letting him break my heart like this it's so stupid he's never gonna care about me like he did when i was quick and brillian#but never quite as smart as him in his view. fuck him. i'm smarter. just bc i was a little gullible or paranoid at times bc of the#FUCKING CPTSD doesn't mean i was dumber than him. the fuck??? there's something wrong with me i swear idk why i hang on#anyway i'm irritated. but i'm also reluctant to throw away somebody who's seen me through key points in my life. so.
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soo crazy to me how in the last year with minghao, dokyeom, hoshi, joshua, junhui, and now woozi (idk if i'm missing someone) y'all are way too ready and eager to automatically throw them under the bus over something some random person (usually antis) said online and then like a day or two later when everyone comes to the consensus that it wasn't actually that big of a deal or even wrong/bad in the first place (which you could've figured out yourself from the beginning by just doing like. 30 seconds of research and exercising your critical thinking skills) everyone just moves on like nothing happened and goes back to being a fan/stanning them or whatever like you weren't just going with the crowd and shit-talking them 12 hours ago
#not even going to get into how so many problems arise from no understanding of korean/asian culture#and relying on half-assed and sometimes just straight up wrong translations#like cool you don't have to know everything about a culture or be fluent in a language but#that also means you probably shouldn't be speaking on certain things at all much less without even trying to look into it a bit more#anyways..yeah i'm sorry maybe i'm delusional but i definitely am going to default to trusting my idols#and then figuring out for myself if i really think they did something that bad or “cancel” worthy#before i'm about to believe some random twitter/tumblr/tiktok user and just go with whatever they tell me to think about something#and most of y'all don't apologize or clarify anything. just move on right after hurling the most abhorrent accusations against these people#who are people too in case anyone forgot#but then an idol kills themselves and everybody boohoo's and cries and acts like they just can't believe how this happened again#like it's you. you're why#and i can only speak on the last year of course bc that's how long i've been an actual carat and kept up with them to this extent#i'm sure other stupid stuff has happened before that too with other members#i just think if you're so ready to toss away your idols without giving them like any benefit of the doubt whatsoever you just need to go#i hate when i see this stuff too bc i'm usually only seeing the korean side of stuff and most of these things are such a non-issue here#bc people know better (not saying there aren't some crazy fans everywhere but)#then i see some dumb shit on tumblr dot com that either only has links to some dumb twitter thread#or i have to search for on twitter because again. i do not see stuff from int'l fans unless i am forced to or look it up intentionally#and just saying the timing of these things is always so calculated by antis and y'all fall for it every single time#this is all i have to say bc i just remembered the whole thing abt ppl trying to say hao was being fatphobic or something dumb#and then i remembered everything else and it just made me mad all over again lol#if anyone disagrees with any of this feel free to block me🥰
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i know it's a first world fuckin problem, but i'm really friggin upset rn cause the underwear i got is too small
#espy talks#i havent gotten new underwear in maybe 5 years#and all the ones i have have holes in em and the elastic is falling apart#which is why i broke down and decided to get underwear today#it's a big fuckin deal for me to spend money on myself#cause i really hate doing it#and even more than that i hate WASTING money#which i did today#cause i was overwhelmed and i thought 'i dunno i think i remember mom got me a large last time?'#and i SAW the extra large and was like 'i don't wanna get something TOO big'#shoulda known a large meant 'ohhhh a large for SKINNY people'#i got 10 friggin pairs in this pack i can't return cause it was in plastic packaging i had to rip open to use a pair#i miss my mom. this probably wouldn'tve happened if she was here cause she woulda known which to get#she certainly would know what to do with 10 pairs of undersized underwear
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...i'm starting to wonder if i wasn't actually pretty often failed by the adults in my life as a young kid tbh.
#i'm always doubtful where to put the blame#in a morally neutral causality kind of way to be clear#because like. i dont know. if i was the adult. confronted to the opaque behavior of a child. would i have done better?#but also i can't help but think#why the fuck did they make me skip a grade (last grade of primary on top of that) when i was notorious for never doing my homework#and was incredibly inconsistent across topics#like i sucked at math. like ''needs to count on fingers to do a simple addition or substraction'' sucking at math.#like i never learned any multiplication tables sucking at math#like i never got how to pose divisions and still can't at age 18 because logicomathematics are completely counterintuitive to me#and just. the work was never done to make me Get It. my work or teachers' work who knows. but perhaps skipping a grade wasnt the solution#or like#apparently when i was three years old the pediatrician suspected smth was up with me#either autism directly or ''generally suspicious child'' we're not clear on that#but he told my parents. and everybody said ''we better test that'' and then. nothing. idk.#they filled a parental report of behaviors questionnaire for... adhd i think? autism maybe. and that's it. never fucking heard about it.#god. i just remembered my mom saying proudly they almost never put me in the nursery as a kid.#always either with a parent or family or a nanny.#and perhaps mother. you could have foreseen that a kid with no siblings no pets no kid neighbors no playdates. would end up socially fucked#i remember the teachers scolding late students and showing us that we were supposed to be in bed by 9:30 or something#and internally i was like BUDDY AT 9PM WE'RE HALFWAY THROUGH DINNER#MOM'S BEEN HOME FOR LESS THAN AN HOUR#and shit. i don't know. i was scared of the dark as a child. to the point that even with the compromise#of keeping the door ajar and lights in the hallway (which i had to fucking advocate for btw)#i still slept curled up in the bathroom on a towel sometimes when it got too scary#and i would cry and scream before going to bed. i would beg my mom for sleeping pills from a young age.#i would often find myself in the morning sleeping with my face smushed between the pages of the book i literally fell asleep on#because i read until my eyes gave out#and a couple years later when i got a 3ds i'd play at night and if my dad caught me he'd storm into my room and i'd hide under the comforte#and he'd punch a couple times and whisper-yell at me not to do that and go to sleep#it took until i was about 15yo for me to see a sleep specialist
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Would it have hurt less if at the end of everything I was lowered into those rose bushes, to my bloody painful end, I miss her everyday, would it have been different.
#sorry this is about Doll Girl from my brain#sorry every few months I'll have like a psyche-breaking dream that doesn't leave my brain#I'm alri I was overdue for my next one really. That's why my brain gave me two hehe!#not so hehe tho. genuinely scariest shit I've ever experienced in 2 hours of sleep and I had to go out and pretend that I was okay#asdfjdfjdf#man my last one was like#October???? last year??#I had a big big slew of horrible dreams October time I remember complaining about it#but yeah my last one was the one where I broke my ribcage and could feel it when I breathed#So I couldn't breathe properly for a whole day irl because of it ehe...and then the dream itself just stuck in my head#it's so weird this time tho aha...because they're usually just dreams that are awful to me per usual but in a more psyche-edge way#I've never had someone so nice and gentle and kind in a dream like this before. I did not even care about The Situation#I need to get her out of the situation she's in. I need to show her the beauty of the world#I need her to eat delicious food and sleep such restful sleeps and know she's gonna wake up and be able to do it all again#but i can't because SHES NOT REAL!!! GWAHHHH#Hold on I can make a semi funny joke here#uhhh#the executioners assistant is a cute doll girl and she want's to start a QPR with me???#a webcomic by. my fufkcing brain#okay right I got that one out I need to go to bed or smth#I need to be in bed with my laptop I need to let her know I love her so so much#sorry. I'll make a different post for that one#dsjdsjds#Android Dream Journals#Android.txt
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Some people really just do not understand the concept of legal precedent do they? I feel like a solid 30-40% of the awful takes I see on this site could be avoided if people knew the most basic shit about their own legal systems.
#“why can't we just do x horrible thing to these bad people instead?”#“why can't we allow a violation of bodily autonomy in this one very specific circumstance?"#even if that were ethical (which it isn't) that doesn't change the fact that YOU ARE SETTING A LEGAL CASE PRECEDENT#THAT CAN BE USED AS AN ARGUMENT IN ANY TRIAL GOING FORWARD and WILL be weaponised against a marginalised group#did anyone hear about that one case in the usa where a lady wanted to design websites for peoples weddings#but wanted to exclude gay couples from her services and she had to take it to trial because it violated discrimination laws?#it seems ridiculous right? what she's going after clearly violates The U.S constitution AND Nevada's public accommodations law#WRONG. a lot went on in that case because it lasted like 7 years but#her legal team managed to find legal precedent of queer people being excluded from an event#(i think it was like a religious gathering or a parade or something I don't remember)#that gave them a leg up in the case and eventually they won#now why do we care that this nobody graphic designer won't design a website for your wedding? you can just hire someone else right#WRONG AGAIN. because now THIS case is setting even stronger legal precedent for people being excluded from services on basis of sexuality#and if you can discriminate based on sexuality then why not for other reasons like gender or race or religion#I could go on and on about the horrible possibilities opened up just by this one case but...you get the point#I'm not even usamerican!!! I just have to pay attention to shit that happens there because I have to#sigh. anyway. I'll shut up now#red talks
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