another year of progress! since my birthday is right before the new year, i always associate my personal growth with my previous age. i think i’m happy with how I grew as a 20-year-old...more than just improving my anatomy and style, i’m learning to be more comfortable existing outside of my own head. i like looking at other people’s art summaries, so i thought i’d post mine (even if i’m pretty fucking embarrassed to look at my old pieces.......lol)

in 2023, i want to do more environments, get more comfortable with painting different body types, post my writing, and feel less awkward talking about myself. along with my academic and career goals of course :P

here’s to the new year! 🎉

summary: u piss in the woods wit flirty and annoying ellie

cw: peeing in the woods? she teases u, thats literally it.. its fluffy um also i didnt know how to word it but whenever u see '_its' just say the first letter of ur name or first syllable wtv sounds better 2 u :3

a/n: this is my first big writing thing ever please excuse its shittyness if u can 😞🙏 its also really bad so actually dont even read this im just having a moment of weakness where i post. anyways MINORS/AGELESS BLOGS DNI!!!!

you and ellie were searching for a place for you to pee. the woods were scary, you couldn't go alone! (”el come with me? i know you don't have to pee just what if a bear gets me?”) and there was no way you could just pee anywhere either.. (”right there?! what if an ant crawls up my ass or a thorn pokes me? no lets keep looking.”) that's how you two found yourselves walking through the forest you were originally just patrolling through, to find the perfect place for you.

“god why can't you just squat and go.” ellie groaned, looking at her foot in the puddle of mudd she just stepped in. you didn't respond, pushing your finger into her back to signal her to keep walking. she complied with your silent request, continuing to navigate through the trees to find something her picky friend might approve of. her eyes lit up at what she thought might satisfy you, taking a step towards it.

“oh how about th-” she was cut off by her foot sinking into what seemed like a poorly built groundhog's nest, as it crumbled under her weight. her entire leg sank into it and she let out a groan at the less-than-ideal position she found herself in.

you gasped and yelled out, “bellie!” as soon as she fell, grabbing her arm to stop her fall which proved to be pointless as the fall wasn't nearly as far as you thought it would be. ellie stopped caring as soon as the word fell out of your mouth. She looked up at you and smiled, squinting at the sun in her eyes and letting out a weak laugh. You frowned, letting her arm out of your grip.

god she has never looked more attractive in her life.

“what'd you call me?” ellie asked, reaching for you again when you started to turn around and walk away.

“nothing,” you responded curtly, narrowly avoiding her grabbing hands. “i'm gonna pee now.” you mumbled, squatting behind a bush.

“did you call me belly?” she asked, lifting herself out of the hole and dusting herself off.

it took you a while to respond out of embarrassment but finally, “it was an accident.” you said meekly. ellie snorted.

“what if i started calling you tits?” she suggested, turning around when you got up and pulled your backpack back on.

“it wasn't like the body part, it was like ellie with a b.” you grumbled, already tired of this conversation. it truly was a slip of the tongue! well, maybe you came up with the nickname in your head because of ellie's sweet tooth but still! ellie nodded, acting like she understood.

“aah so i should call you _its then.” she said, throwing her arm around your shoulders. you almost stopped in your tracks. as the two of you got closer with time, ellie had become more physically affectionate towards you but she had never given you a nickname. this had you confused because why was your heart beating so fast over a nickname derived from the word tits? why did your face feel so hot? why was ellie’s skin or your own making her feel so antsy now?

it was usual for you to not say much but what wasn't was for you to not push ellie away or make a face at her or groan. she looked for your face and grinned.

“you alright _its? you're feelin’ kinda hot.” she said, fanning you with her free hand. you whined and bat her hands away.

“yea i am hot.” you shove her arm off your shoulder and walk ahead of her to genuinely cool off, even if her raspy laughter from behind you made it hard.

Ok a rant about Cerri bomb and how much I HATE her

In the addict music video she was a very supportive friend of Angel and I loved her in the pilot! I wish we got that supportive best friend to Angel in the final product, but unfortunately she is a woman in a vivziepop show.

She’s AWFUL now I can’t stand her, the way she tried to make Angel relapse was so weird like pilot cherri wouldn’t do that! I also really dislike her design it has to be one of my personal least favourites (not the bottom though nothing is worse than alastors design to me) she isn’t enjoyable to watch anymore she had potential if she’d only been introduced earlier! Imagine if she was introduced in episode 4 and played the supportive friend she was originally supposed to be!

And GOD I hate her ship with pentious, it was SO RUSHED, so poorly done and the ship isn’t very “so cute and in love!!” When you remember she showed literally NO interest in him until Angel brought up that he has 2 dicks, and this is supposed to be a romantic relationship we CARE about.

Cherri didn’t need a romantic relationship she needed CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT we needed to get to know her! If you’ve only seen the show and no other Hazbin media at all (which shouldn’t be required you should be able to get all your info FROM THE SHOW) you’d barely know anything about her character or who she is. I wish we got pilot cherri bomb, and that she got a design update, and that her and pent’s relationship was either taken slower or didn’t happen at all

You silly little creature you, you have me writing in my notes app instead of Tumblr because I’m about to go crazy!

Cherri Bomb. More like Cherri what the hell happened

Anyway I’m gonna tackle this one thing at a time, and also forgive me if I word something weird I just woke up an hour ago at the time of writing this.

First thing, design: I personally quite like her design since it very loosely reminds me of Iris from Ruby Gloom with ofc the one eye, the very rowdy personality and kind of the hair, but those are very broad design choices and its just me remembering some random girl I thought was silly but like Iris did it better.

Okay now second thing and then we go into literally everything else: My blog has been an angry pit of despair for everything in Episode 6 as of recent so let’s tap into that again 🤏 just a little. I am going to give my classic centrist opinion and say I don’t mind Cherri Bomb all that much but I absolutely get why people dislike her, and I mean this in the kinda way as people who dislike… Idk Fukuchi from BSD. WILD jump in fandoms but gimme a second. I can’t 100% say that Cherri Bomb in the pilot was better than the series since we have no idea if maybe for some reason she was intended to be like that offscreen, but judging by the pilot and “Addict” alone, it’s very unlikely. I could see her maybe being a bad influence at times and being like “Loosen up dude we’re in hell and its Friday” or something (idk if they have Friday in hell but everyday is probably Monday 🥁) but overall I feel like she’d end up apologising for it. However on the other side of things, I can understand why Cherri did that in Episode 6. Of course not to say this is okay, but Cherri is still very clearly not in the “redemption” mindset. She’s happy the way she is and is really only focused on certain aspects of issues. We see her comfort Angel in “Addict” but thats basically the extent of it. Cherri’s definition of “self-care” seems to be less of actually taking care of yourself and more like just letting go and having fun instead which really only gives a momentary fix to the issue, much like how substances can be abused. Do you kinda see what im getting at? Cherri offering Angel drugs while he’s trying not to relapse is not okay, full stop. But her reasoning as to why makes a bit of sense for her purpose in the show which is honestly not much, since, as you said, she is a woman in a Vivziepop show.

To my knowledge Cherri is like 30-ish years younger than Angel Dust in Hell experience so she’s likely not reached a point where she’s gotten tired of how things work, as well as the fact we don’t really have much of an idea on her backstory aside from that random shot in “Addict” of that guy in a puddle??? But generally she seems to be in a better position than Angel is, so there isn’t really any reason for her to want to change, yknow? I will say I do like exploring characters that are good friends while still being bad influences at times, but I’m going to be honest I feel like thats really not what Angel needs right now. I wouldn’t be as pissy about it if she did end up apologising afterwards (I’m just gonna headcanon she did for my sanity) but even then as Angel’s friend we don’t know like… anything about her. I would’ve really liked to get some kind of callback to the pilot where Cherri mentions she thought Angel was dead until the random Sir Pentious turf war, and maybe we could see her actually being worried about Angel again instead of those 3 frames in “Addict”, but Hazbin is rushed and I guess we don’t have time for that. And also YES it would’ve been great to see her in Episode 4 and actually doing something but again, Vivziepop is boring.

Going forward I would really like to see Cherri, if not become a patron, at least try to be a better friend and sure if she wants to keep doing stuff she can keep doing it, but just don’t encourage other people to relapse. It is very simple.

SIR PENTIOUS! About Sir Pentious, this is going to be incredibly short. I don’t hate the ship but also I’m not really crazy about any of the Hazbin Hotel ships? I also don’t really hate any except for the genuinely horrid ones but thats basic sense. I absolutely agree with you, Cherri does not need a romantic interest. Romance doesn’t always = growth and growth should not always = romance. She needs some genuine character TLC and I hope to god she gets some in season 2. We’ve only seen a few minutes of her so I have yet to give a firm opinion, but as of now I’m just hoping they do something actually interesting with her instead of just alluding to Sir Pentious ship. Also the penis thing. 1. What was that, and 2. It made me and my friends briefly pause to sex Sir Pentious and come to the conclusion he is likely transgender/hj

TLDR; Please give us a fun Cherri Bomb again. ☹️

hi i have returned opinions on secret life so far? (also any idea why bigb’s secret animation was different to everyone else’s?) :D

hi hi i have so many Thoughts that i will definitely miss Something but. lots of things. spoilers for ep1 under the cut obvs.

why is every ship getting crumbs. literally all of them. what is wrong with everyone wtf. (except treebark. treebark girlies stay losing)

new mechanic is insanely hype and i am going a little bit feral over it. i've been wanting a UHC-style season for a long time and this seems a great way to kind of. entertainment-fy it i suppose? cus as much as i wanted straight up UHC i can totally understand why players like joel or skizz or scar would struggle hard in that sort of ruleset and it wouldn't be very fun to watch as a result.

i'm a bit.. tentative about the more acknowledgment of the Lore this time around? On one hand i love it and i think it's incredibly cool but on the other hand i know well that lore can eat a series alive if let out of control. Especially when fans start getting pushy about their theories and disappointed when inevitably things aren't as explained or thoroughly confirmed or straight up forgotten. (<-- fnaf fan. i have seen it. it is horrible)

that being said i have trust in grian specifically to handle it well and not go off the deep end with it cus a good chunk of the viewers don't know/care for the lore and if it becomes a Big Thing then a lot of people are gonna end up feeling alienated and confused.

i LOVED Bigb's episode and i think it's like. the ideal way to incorporate lore into a series like this. the way you can Feel that something is off rather than it being explicitly shown. you can choose to write it off or dig deeper. it's good juice. I've mentioned this before but I'll say it again -- Bigb is easily one of the strongest roleplayers on the entire server and his editing REALLY sells it hard. He really melts into what's happening rather than getting up on a platform and shouting THIS PART IS IMPORTANT. LOOK AT ME. which i really appreciate as a kind-of honorary former theatre kid.

but yeah tl;dr i think lore/fan theories should be left to the fandom mainly otherwise it starts getting weird. that being said i trust the life series ppl and can't wait to see what's going on with this season.

now if i may be unhinged myself. i def agree with the theory that Something is up with Bigb's task and maybe whatever gave it to him is trying to mess with the game.

Bigb and Mumbo specifically I felt were acting.. a little OOC the whole episode? Bigb was very much on purpose i think and i reckon mumbo's just excited to be back lol but its fun to think about

the task system has a lot of potential for. fanfic symbolism fuel. i mentioned this on my spam blog i think but something something about the way the players' tasks almost seem to. mock them? a little bit?

like pearl's being to "earn" people's hearts after she failed to make any connections throughout double life and has been somewhat isolated the whole series. bdubs being known for his efficient and beautiful builds being told to make something ugly and useless. scott being implicitly called a parasite with his history of teaming and latching onto one specific person each season. etc. etc.

the teams this time around are looking interesting and i think it's worth noting how it almost feels like.. the opposite of limlife a bit? with how slow and cautious everyone has to play. it seems like over half the server haven't really even joined up with anyone yet which is intriguing. (im personally praying for a scar/jimmy team up. just cus scott said they wouldn't make it lol)

which is great for me cus i loved limlife but the chaoticness of everything did kind of. make deaths less impactful i think? if i see another sky bridge i might scream

im very. of two minds about the scott and impulse team up. because if you dig through my blog you'll see i have kind of a history of being unhinged about those two and their parallels. but i have the sneaking suspicion that their actual dynamic will be like nothing i had in mind lmao

overall i am very excited but trying to control my expectations

also um MUMBO AND LIZZIE ARE BACK AND GEM IS IN THE SERIES AND MUMBO AND LIZZIE AND THUBS ETHUBS ETHUBS ETHUBS ETHUBS--

12, the whole gang. would love to hear every head canon you have tbh!!

oh gosh thats gonna be a lot. im gonna be excluding anything that would make this blog more personal or less tame than i want it to be but you really arent missing much there

well. first and foremost UNFORTUNATELY its a hc that im a joyce kelly truther. shes so unbelievably transfem to me at this point its hard to see her as much else. genuinely forget its not canon sometimes. oops

i also must say all of @pariskim's joyceverse tag is canon in my mind and i really recommend you go through it even if you dont see joyce the same way i do, genuinely some of my favorite fan content to consume period. yes i am also sending you over there to become a joyce truther. go.

honestly if mac and dennis could be responsible pet owners (theyll never be.) i think theyd LOVE having a snake. i know theyd go for a ball python because theyre more stereotypically "snake" than some other pet trade species, but frankly i think theyd do best with a hognose. theyre pretty social (with humans. dont keep hognoses together in a tank) idiots with huge attitude and they look god damn adorable. hognoses would also be great for them because they tend to be more food motivated! its also good for snakes to just take them out and like. set them on your bed n just chill or talk with em for an hour or so. thatd be great for mac.

i personally think that mac will only hook up with you as a fellow man if you a) can pass as older than him or b) look like dennis. yeag i think he, consciously or not, goes for people that have similar traits to dennis, physically or personality wise. if dennis let himself accept that he cares a bit too much about who mac is dating, that little fact would single-handedly make macdennis canon. dennis would tell mac to just date him if he wanted to date him so badly

not entirely a headcanon but i imagine almost all of the gang besides maybe frank has methods for getting dennis to regulate his diet a bit more instead of eating like 1 meal a day. i think mac can get dennis to eat or drink just about anything by just giving it to him in conversation. he'll just let dennis talk his ear off and continually hand him chips or fruit or even drinks or nearly any drug at all. having a small bite or drink or hit during conversation is such a reinforced habit that its natural to the both of them now.

i think dee does it by purposefully playing into her status of being "below" dennis. she'll complain about being too weak to open a peanut shell or something and he'll snatch it and do it to prove hes better and out of habit maybe has a little bite. though i imagine if theyre inebriated in any way its as easy as genuinely just feeding it to him. dennis will never admit it, because he hates his sister, but he trusts her.

joyce i think can get dennis to eat just by getting alone with him. she provides a bubble of decompression and a lack of worry for him. its also insanely easy for her to just offer dennis a huff of whatever inhalant shes been having fun with that day and i imagine that makes things easier as well

i think you could pretty easily get mac into nerd shit. just have some pretty boy be a little nerdy. get him to watch star trek itd be life changing for him even if i think a good amount of it would fly over his head at times. ttrpgs and roleplaying in general i think would be big for him

also bringing back my hc of him joining the philadelphia gay mens chorus ohhhhhh my god i need him to sing more i need him to embrace his love of singing

unngh thats not all of em but i my brains starting to lag a bit here. ill happily rb this post with more and make it a sorta masterpost for hcs eventually

hi im gonna call myself R for the sake of being anon!

and so, i’m R. i’m 16. and i realized really recently im a butch (or baby butch, if thats the right term??) ive been finding comfort in many butches blogs and ive been able to see myself in so many of these posts, but you and cowboyjen68 have especially stood out to me. you both have created such immensely safe spaces for people of all ages and identities within the lesbian community and i just want to say im really grateful. i know not all your reposts and content is geared towards minors necessarily so i try to avoid the stuff that isnt for my agegroup, but with all the butch positivity and posts about finding love for yourself as a butch and just. being who you are. its so beautiful. im so appreciative for people like you. thank you for doing what you do and thank you for being so open about being butch.

- R. he/him.

this is an incredibly sweet message to recieve thank you so much and i am so happy you're on a journey of self descovery and that you're finding some spaces which speaks to you and it is such an honour to be one of them and also to be mentioned in the same breath as @cowboyjen68!

Especially since you're just 16 I want to say that even though finding yourself in the term butch (or other) can be really helpful, it is still not a stand in for things like self acceptance, self confidence, and the likes. Identity is a life long project, and "finding your ture self" is a concept too abstract and theoretical to properly engage with I find. If you focus on being grounded in yourself, becoming properly comfortable in your own skin, building self confidence (but be careful with "fake it till you make it"), being genuine in your being and interests and traits. All of these will help you immensealy, both with your own hapiness and satisfaction, and with how you move through the world, especially as a butch. Your skin won't necessarily become thicker by it, but it will become more repellant, and the opinions of others matter less when you stand grounded in yourself. I have myself also found that when people can sense that I am confident and grounded in my masculinity they give me less shit for it also.

Also while this is a personal blog it is in the end a very curated one. I made it after lurking around butch blogs on here, where i saw a lot of explicit sexual content or similar, which is good and okay but not necessarily what I was looking for or found most interesting. Sometimes you have to make yourself what you want to see, and I don't think I put things on my blog which is more mature than what you can see in galleries or museums, or what at least I myself was exposed to by school. I cannot speak for the ops of all the posts I reblog of course, but even if it isn't specifically geared towards minors per se I am not uncomfortable with you following or interacting with this blog.

I want to finish off by saying that when I was young and less confident and less happy with my masculinity and non conformity (and homosexuality but that one sat deep to realise) one of the things which kept me going was the knowledge that if I endured and kept honest and visible and open with who and how I am, this difficult path might be just a bit easier for the next to follow (and somewhere along the road I found my confidence!)

i am sorry if this sounds like i'm sending this in bad faith i know it sounds a bit rude but i swear i'm not trying to be. i'm genuinely curious about your reasoning behind this. (im a dorlene fan myself and idc about rosekiller).

don't you think it's a bit hypocritical shipping dorlene but saying you hate rosekiller bc they're nobodies in canon? i mean, arguably we have more canon info on barty than any of the other three together. or is there more to it that i'm missing?

lol no worries i will do my best 2 answer <3

so, a hypocrite/hypocrisy is essentially telling people that u think they should behave in a certain way/conform to a certain moral standard when u urself do not. if i was telling people, "you shouldn't enjoy shipping characters when there's very little canon info about them," and then i shipped dorlene, that would be hypocritical. but i'm always very clear that i'm not trying to enforce any standards on what people should or shouldn't ship, and that when i'm ranting about ships i hate it is simply my own personal preference + me having fun being a hater on my silly little tumblr blog, y'know? like, i usually throw in a little disclaimer somewhere going "ship what u want, it doesn't matter, i just don't like this ship, etc etc," just bc i know people get weird about their ships in this fandom and it just. genuinely does not matter 2 me if there are people out there in the world shipping rosekiller. like u do ur thing! just....do it far away from me lol.

also, i mean. although all those characters don't have much canon information, there are pretty significant differences in the canon information we do have about them. i usually just don't really get into this as a reason bc i don't want it to sound like i'm moralizing, becase, again, i genuinely do not care and do not think it's like...morally bad if someone wants to ship rosekiller. but! for the sake of explaining why i, personally, love dorlene + hate rosekiller, here are some differences:

in canon, the only thing we know about evan is that he's a death eater who blew off part of moody's nose (? i think. or was it his eye?) before moody killed him. that backstory holds....zero interest to me. i don't find it compelling. and if ur just plucking the name out of that and erasing all canon backstory...well. i also do not find that compelling.

similarly, while barty crouch jr. has more canon info than any of these other three characters, everything we know about him is that he is a very avid death eater and clear villain. personally, i'm not that interested in exploring his character! i think there's certainly potential for a story about how he got to that point, sure, but....idk. i'm not really interested in it. and i'm even less interested if, again, we're just erasing all that canon info and making him an oc....like, sure, go ahead and do that if u want. i just don't want to!

marlene's canon backstory is that she was a member of the order whose entire family was murdered. dorcas's backstory is that she was a member of the order who voldemort killed himself. what got me interested in them as characters was the headcanon that tied those backstories together, that dorcas went hunting for revenge after marlene's death and ultimately voldemort had to take her out because she did so much damage. i thought that was interesting! i found it compelling! it planted a seed in my brain that grew an entire massive story, and now i will love those characters forever simply because i spent so much time playing paper dolls with them in my head.

also, if ur handing me two blank-slate pairs of characters to ship, and one says GAY and one says LESBIAN and the rest is all fill in the blanks....well call me crazy boys but i'm gonna pick lesbian every time i think. that's just the way we roll over here at rollercoasterwords.tumblr.com <3

i know this is probably useless information but i just wanted to let you know that your twdg headcanons/scenarios/reactions etc. are the reason i was able to find out i was trans (genderfluid they/them).

so thanks for helping me figure that out lol. i couldn’t be any happier being non binary, im really glad i came across your blog.

and if you’re still taking requests / writing for twdg, can you write some reactions / headcanons of you coming out to them as genderfluid? (if you haven’t already)

stop are you for real???? literally crying rn omg this is the best thing ever. I’m so happy for you and proud of you. you are so loved and accepted!!!

here you go, my friend :’) I’m gonna do a handful of my fav characters across the series

Lee: Lee turned, devoting his full attention to Y/N. “What’s going on? Are you okay?” Y/N was refusing to make eye contact and was fiddling with the hem of their shirt - something they only did when they were stressed. Naturally, Lee was worried. “I have something important I need to tell you.” Lee leaned against the kitchen counter, arms crossed, open and ready to listen. Y/N squeezed their eyes closed. “I’m genderfluid.” They paused, waiting for any type of reaction, before opening their eyes and meeting Lee’s stare. “I’m non-binary. They/them.” They cleared their throat. “I just wanted you to know.” Lee smiled, kneeling down to their height and pulling them into his arms. “Thank you for telling  me.” Was all he said. It was all he needed to say. It was all Y/N wanted him to say. Y/N closed their eyes and wrapped their arms around him, squeezing him tightly. 

Luke: Luke was in the kitchen, attempting to make a small cup of coffee. Y/N walked in and smiled. “Good morning,” “It would be if I can finally get a cup,” Luke said passively. Their system was far more difficult than it used to be pre-apocalypse. “I miss the coffee maker days. Way less work.” Y/N smirked, leaning against the counter near him, watching as his coffee slowly began to brew in the water he was boiling. “If you want a cup, you might have to wait ‘til next year.” The two chuckled happily, Y/N shifting nervously in their spot. “Look, I didn’t come here for coffee. I came here to tell you something.” Luke looked away from his current project. “What’s going on? You okay?” “Yeah, I am.” They answered quickly, rubbing their hands together as a means of fidgeting. They sighed and looked around, ensuring it was just the two of them for them to speak. “I’m genderfluid. Non-binary.” They shifted on their feet, but maintained direct eye-contact. “I just wanted people close to me to know who I really am.” Luke paused for a moment, then smiled warmly. Without a word, he swept them into his arms and hugged them, holding the back of their head close. “Thank you for trusting me with something so important to you.” Y/N’s eyes were wide. They had hoped for acceptance, but this? This was beyond kind. Beyond sweet. It was so….Luke. They were beyond thankful. As they pulled away, Luke squeezed their shoulders. “And look at that. Now my coffee’s done. Another reason I have to thank you.” Y/N smiled, hugged their arms to their chest, thrilled at how kidney he had not only taken the news, but reassured rhythm as well.

Javier: Javier was busy taking stock of the rations Richmond had. He was chewing on the  inside of his cheek, attempting to do the math to see how many portions each person in Richmond could get to keep them on track for storing food for the winter. In the middle of a calculator, Y/;N wandered up. “How’s it going?” Javi groaned. “Painfully. Care to help?” he passed them the clipboard and Y/N took it, smirking to themselves. “I can, but I kinda need to tell you something first.” Javi crossed his arms, smiling. “If you’re taking over the math, you can tell me anything.” Y/N chuckled, slightly nervously. “Well, uh,” they said, beginning to feel sheepish. “I’m, uh, non-binary.” Javi blinked, staring back at them. “Okay,” he said softly, nodding understandingly. “You're not shocked?” Y/N asked, releasing the tight hold they had on the clipboard and allowing her fingers and chest to relax. “No,” he said with a shrug. “I care about you being happy.” He smiled warmly, allowing his hands to rest on both of Y/.N’s shoulders. “If you’re happy, so am I. And I think you’ve been looking happier than ever these days.” Y/N smiled, chest warm, shocked that he even noticed. “You feel more like yourself. I've loved seeing that.” Y/N turned away, smiling to themselves, trying to blink back happy tears.

Kate: Kate smiled and took a seat, wanting Y/N to see how her attention was directed to them. “What’s up?” She asked, hands folded on her lap. Y/N took a deep breath, eyes directed to the ground, squeezing their fingers together in their lap. “I’m non-binary.” They said, plainly and factually. Finally, they looked up, their stare meeting Kate's. Genderfluid. I don’t identify with one set gender.” Kate hesitated, then nodded and smiled. “Okay,” she said softly. It was as though it wasn’t a big deal to Kate, but not dismissively. As thought was natural. Normal, even. Kate leaned in, wrapping her arms around a confused and stunned Y/N. “Thank you for trusting me with the real you,” she said softly, closing her eyes in bliss to hold back her happy tears. For so long she had wanted a relationship like this with Y/N - she wanted them to trust her - and she finally had confirmation that they did. “I love you no matter what.” She hushed. She could feel Y/N’s happy tears hit her shoulder as she stoked the back of their head lovingly.

Gabe: Gabe turned, smiling as Y/N sat down beside him. The sun had finally set, and the two of them were the only ones remaining at the bonfire, charged with waiting until it finally died out before going to bed. “I have something I need to tell you.” Y/N said, voice soft and low. The night felt so quiet, they felt as though they needed to whisper. Gabe nodded, poking a stick at the flames in front of them. “What’s that?” Y/N took a deep breath, but knew they weren’t going to hesitate. They would start to second guess themselves too much. “I’m genderfluid.” There was a beat of silence as Gabe turned to them. “Non-binary.” They furthered. Gabe smiled, shrugging his shoulders. “What? Did you think I wouldn’t be okay with that?” He chuckled to himself, tossing his stick fully into the fire. “Thanks for telling me.” He said softly and genuinely. Y/N smiled, thankful for his reaction. It was exactly what they needed to hear.

Louis: Louis was in the middle of fiddling aground on the piano, scribbling down notes on the scrap piece of paper in front of him. “Hey, can I talk to you for a second?” “Yeah, sure.” Louis said passively, scribbling even faster before he forgot what notes he had just played. “It’s important.” Suddenly, Louis froze and turned, his hand still holding his pencil. He quickly abandoned it against the piano and slid over, patting for them to join him. “Are you okay?” Y/N sat down. “Is everything okay?” He asked again. Y/N took a deep breath. “I need to tell you something important and Iwant you to not be weird about it.” Louis raised a brow. While he was known to joke, he wouldn’t ever tease them about something seemingly so important. “I’m non-binary. Gender-fluid. I don’t identify as a boy or a girl. I’m somewhere in-between. Kind of.” They were beginning to ramble, but before they could fall too deeply into it, they looked up from their quivering hands and saw Louis, smiling tenderly at them. “What?” Y/N finally asked. Louis chuckled softly. “Nothing. I’m just glad that you trust me with something so special.” Carefully, he put one of his hands over their shaking ones. “You’re okay. You’re accepted here with us. With me.” It was the perfect thing to say, but Y/N didn’t have the words to express that to him in the moment. Instead, they gave a teary smile, their chest warm.

Violet: Violet was lounging on the roof, staring at the stars, her hands propped behind her head. “Can’t sleep?” Y/N asked from the entrance to the roof. Violet turned, smiling, then shrugged without moving from her relaxed position. “Kind of. You?” “Kind of.” Y’/N responded. In reality, there was so much on their mind it was hard for them to think of sleep. They wandered up and sat beside Violet, kicking their arms out behind them and leaning onto them, glancing up at the bright night sky. “It's nice to stargaze without city lights,” Violet mentioned in passing. Y/N hummed in agreement, then averting their eyes to the ground below their swinging feet. “Violet?” Violet hummed in response, as if giving them a non-verbal ‘go ahead’. “I need to tell you something.” Violet turned to them, eyes intrigued. She said nothing, just stared and waited. Y/N could feel her eyes boring holes into the side of their skull. “I’m genderfluid.” They said, It was all they said. It was all they needed to say. Violet smiled, using her elbow to gently nudge Y/N. “What? Did you think I wouldn’t be accepting or something?” Violet chuckled/, finally sitting upright. She tossed an arm over their shoulders, giving them a faint side-hug. “Thanks for telling me. I feel honored.”

Mitch: Mitch was whittling a knife out of boredom, sitting on the Ericson front steps as he waited for his watching shift. He was to stand on the lookout tower for the night, but had to wait until the sun was fully set before he could trade off with Ruby. “Hey,” Y/N said, nervously stuffing their hands into their jacket pockets behind him. “You busy?” Mitch scoffed. “Please.” With a smile, Y/N sat down and joined him. “What’s up?” “Well,” Y/N sighed. Mitch tensed. That was never a good sign. “There’s something I really want to tell you.” Mitch was never good at this type of confrontation; a kind that could be emotional or difficult for one or both parties. He turned to look at them without saying a word, clutching his knife and stick tightly - nervously - in his palms. “I want you to know that I’m non-binary.” They nodded to themselves, as if saying it out loud confirmed it for them as well. “Genderfluid.” They continued. Mitch’s shoulders relaxed, the panic he had washing away. “Oh,” he said softly. Y/N turned to look at him, a fleeting look of pain in their eyes, before it vanished. Mitch smiled and turned back to his stick. “I thought you were going to deliver bad news. Not cool news.” Y/N smiled, nudging his shoulder teasingly, chuckling to themselves.

𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘮 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 💌☕️♡

a couple ments :>

hello it’s mei :] 

tldr: im back in uni and will be less active, i’ll be blocking blogs i suspect are bots soon, i made a taglist signup here!

i wanted to mention some things, starting with the fact that i’m back in uni so posts and my activity will be sporadic and a lot less frequent :< my predictions for my workload this sem were right and i am + will be very busy with class 😭

i also wanted to say that some time in the future (at least a couple weeks from now) i’m going to be going through and blocking any accounts that i may suspect are bots (i saw some other blogs talking about that and i don’t wanna accidentally help bots/scams or something 😭) so please make sure you have some customization on your blog (pfp/header/blog colors/description/name line/reblogs, etc.) to avoid being blocked! 

and lastly i made a taglist! (thank you @seokmingiggles :>) you can fill out this form here and tell me what content/groups/members you’d like to be notified for to join :] if google forms don’t work for you that’s okay! just send me an ask/dm with the group and/or members and types of content (drabbles, fics, events or all) you want to be tagged in, as well as if there’s anything you don’t wanna be notified for

i do have a summer fair drabble queued for this week but i’m gonna go offline for schoolwork so i apologize for the out of date taglist and if i can’t/don’t tag you in it even if/though you indicated for that member + genre :< after that post i will be able to update it for the future + tag so my apologies for this time! 

thank you for reading this far and i hope you’re taking care! 

YEAH the new person saying the endo community is a cult is so weird like heh?? im gonna try to paraphrase their comments so you can get the gist of what they say without anyone going to attack them since they are a cult survivor and i can understand why they think that endogenics are a cult, but... it's just projection imo

they see the term sysmed as terrible and say using it is a cult tactic because it compares sysmeds to transmeds (even though if u think about it for 3 seconds it's like hold on, maybe there IS a connection between between two groups of people who think the only way to experience there personhood-related thing is through suffering. who knew!)

they think being pro-endos are brainwashed and programmed to believe a certain "niche" way of thinking, which is really really silly when the "way of thinking" is "hey maybe there are other ways of being more than one person other than trauma"

theres one exerpt of a post comparing plurality to scientology and saying that endogenics think that plurality makes you a better person compared to singlets / that dissociation/identity disturbances/internal voices aren't disordered at all / are not symptoms at all. when that is factually entirely incorrect, they can be symptoms of problems and no system is better than any singlet just by being more than one person

"they actively target the mentally ill and instill fear towards them seeking treatment" as if sysmeds aren't the ones making us feel more fake and less deserving of disordered-system resources

also them repeating the idea that people think alters arent real people but soulbonds/endogenic headmates are real people, which isn't true (many alters are real people and some endogenic headmates may just be parts / not full people)

also them claiming that most endogenics are white, middle class americans with religious/christian trauma??? they used screenshots from SAS to "prove" their point which is really strange- (and also making fun of people "bastardizing other cultures" right after... like maybe, some of the people who are "bastardizing" cultures might just be engaging in their own culture? or be engaging in something so disconnected from the original concept like tulpamancy, that many non-actively-syscourse-engaging buddhists dont care and don't mind lol)

also also them reblogging from sweet-sloths-sys making fun of someone asking for money, which is the literal ONLY "pro-endo" that i've seen act like that. it's embarrassing. like we blocked that "pro endo" the moment we saw them they are just as bad as any sysmed we've seen lol no one whom i know is pro-endo agrees with their bullshit

them saying endogenics have MADD and not plurality??? what the fuck lol

and more but im getting a headache scrolling through their blog lol

and yk maybe i am looking too hard into it but when we've had moments when we were fixated on cults (especially this one youtuber who talks about a certain cult a lot), comparing that to people going "hey maybe my perspective on life isnt the only perspective, science doesnt always account for personal perspective" and supporting endogenic systems is... weird.

yeah, sure there are a LOT of cult-like behaviors in certain endogenic groups, but to call the entire thing a cult is very strange, and honestly downplays the actual cult behaviors in the sub-groups which should be talked about.

but me saying "hey maybe plurality isn't inherently a disordered experience" isn't fucking cult-behavior! at least compare this shit to the BITE model or SOMETHING lol

Thanks for the rundown!

they think being pro-endos are brainwashed and programmed to believe a certain "niche" way of thinking, which is really really silly when the "way of thinking" is "hey maybe there are other ways of being more than one person other than trauma"

Another thing that bothers me about this is that by this logic, any belief that's not mainstream could be considered a cult. That includes a ton of smaller religions. It could even include the MOGAI community, since xenogenders are still pretty niche themselves.

And I too am SO curious where their endogenic demographics come from! It sounds like they just made them up.

them saying endogenics have MADD and not plurality??? what the fuck lol

I've seen this take several times, and it's just total medical misinformation.

If you have daydream characters with a will of their own who takeover your body, those aren't just daydream characters. Switching is not a normal symptom of MADD. (Although MADD is often related to plurality.)

can i say i think you might be blaming jk too much for this? jk's part is entirely problem-free. idk i honestly think the only problematic thing for jk himself is him not really getting that jack's part isn't just sexual, like he asked for him to make it, it's also problematic. in his interviews, he seems to view the song as being about 'wanting to be with someone you love'. i don't think his own perspective includes jack's, which involved fucking a whole lot of people and is just there to add more explicitness, as jk's own perspective involves dedication to just one person.

they would have to record the song, then ask harlow to write his verse and stick it in. they would have asked for him to be sexual, which is what his lyrics were. from my experience, someone from the east who learned about problematic stuff by interacting with western culture would honestly trust a western artist to not write something problematic.

jk in these songs is not doing anything unfeminist honestly. he's dedicated to pleasing one girl in both songs. both have consent involved, and the second one straight up says, "if you're ready, if you'll let me"

i'm sorry for saying all this in your asks, i just thought from your previous posts that you might get it when others might not.

like I agree but the meaning is pretty clear if you watch the music video? and did you see the tiktok(?) where jk and jack dance/act to that part and jungkook counts one, two, three four with his fingers. like I think if I put out a song in my name, in a language I'm not fluent in, I would want to know the meaning of the lyrics, instead of evading responsibility just because "I didnt know" right? like the music video is a big part of the problem for me. and that pretty much transcends language.

"from my experience, someone from the east who learned about problematic stuff by interacting with western culture would honestly trust a western artist to not write something problematic." im sorry but idk if I get what you mean by this? genuinely btw ofc! im not taking any offense to your ask just to be clear yeah definitely agree that the lyrics from his side arent problematic they're just about sex and giving a girl an orgasm basically. but in the context of the mv and jack Harlows part I feel more icky about it. I dont know if you know this about me but I am a raging misandrist? so men in general are walking on a thin line with me. if theyre going to sing about sex (I prefer when they dont – in fact I prefer when people dont sing about sex like this in general, call me a prude I really dont care so. altho I do have many sexual songs on my "jungkook cover this" playlist but theyre mainly about well theyre different and usually by Kim Petras..) and especially (this is just a personal preference) idont like hearing about heterosexual sex. and like obviously this isnt problematic in its nature (or is it? I havent read enough feminist theory sorry) it's just personally im not gonna dig it like jungkook isnt doing anything wrong singing about these things obviously! im just being a hater on my own blog, not everything I say is valid criticism! just my own feelings about things! I think men should be castrated for less than this in general like those are just my feelings

that said I dislike the trend of jungkooks music in general and on a feminist level, wasnt his last mv about begging a girl to have sex with him? like yeah it was endearing because he was submissive about it the whole time but now this, i dont like it.

dont apologize its totally OK, thanks for the ask! im hard on him because my expectations are so high!

hi dokter (i think i spelled it right? sorry;;). im gonna sound like an asshole and i feel horrible about that but, i feel like a lot of people fake DID and multiple personality disorders. I know that i shouldnt fake claim people and such but, ive been on discord servers and theres a random channel dedicated to alters finding out who they are and then they always know how to set themselves up with a bot mechanic and switch between people rapidly. im a jerk for this, but genuinely in my head there is no logical explanation for how they have amnesia but know and understand discord completely. or how people will have fictives that are nothing like the source, just genuinely nothing like the character. its present in a lot of teenagers that struggle with mental illness and escapism, i think its less of a knowingly faking thing and more of a misdiagnosing themselves and truly WISHING there were more people there and they could share a body with dream. I feel like i do a fair amount of research, and looking into DID leaves me confused sometimes with how a lot of people online display their symptoms. why do alters all share an account and sign it? how do they all know the password? how do they all know how to operate it? (referring to tiktok because so much DID content comes from there, all with teenagers and young adults. i have yet to see someone over the age of like, 23 talking about DID. Not saying that just cause youre young you cant be blank, but i feel like its worth noting.) i guess i consider myself a kind person, and i dont care about what people do if it doesnt harm anyone. but this DOES harm people. i think its mostly people self diagnosing because they identify mood swings, different interests, and a yearning to be closer to their favorite fictional character or not be alone. so they truly do believe that this character is possessing them, even when its truly them changing their voice, putting on different clothes, adding an accent, and such. when people fake an illness, they dont fully understand what its like to have it and act in a way that is not accurate. isnt this the kind of thing that leads to stigmatization? to people completely changing their definition of DID since all they have seen is kids faking and acting like their favorite minecraft youtuber? i dont know. i feel bad since i hear from people with DID that they do feel this way, they feel like people now have a warped view of the disorder from people faking it online. Im not speaking for everyones experiences, maybe some dont care maybe some think its a coping mechanism, i have no idea. im sorry i went off on such a rant. i really like kats blog, she's helped a lot in ways. one last asshole note. A part of me is crying out that youre just kat typing while speaking her true and harsher thoughts under a different name, like an alter ego. im sorry, i know she wouldnt do that and im sure thats not what you are. i just had to ask, to clarify i guess (Even though i more just. stated it. sorry;;). i am probably not very nice in your eyes now, i dont mean to be the mental illness gatekeeper or anything but when you can very clearly tell so many are faking something serious its hard to just, go along with it. p.s. since youre a dokter who shares kats mind, how did you get all the education to be a psychiatrist? i feel like kat alone could be one, since she is very well educated and good at that stuff. is that why? or another reason. jsut genuinely curious;;.

None of us are psych professionals and none of us are claiming to have DID. Like sure there is a general issue of misdiagnosis causing the spread of misinformation which is to some degree harmful, but when I am explicitly stating that I don't have DID, how do you then read that as me faking DID? How is my experience inherently fake just because it isn't corresponding with the clinical experience of DID? Why is having the clinical disorder DID the only way my experience could be valid and real? Why is anything besides the clinical diagnosis DID fake in your eyes? Please spell that part out for me

hi again!! i sent you an ask about luis and the merchant a few days ago

thanks so much for such a detailed answer omg, i got so so excited over it!!

tbh i never noticed that his stuff actually looks cleaner in the merchant's room, but !!! omg it's such a tiny tiny detail, but the fact that luis actually took time to take care of these things because they're meaningful to him and probably remind him of his grandfather/his childhood !!!!!! excuse me while i go cry in the corner

and literally crying about the fact that luis used every opportunity, all the time that he had, to work on the medicine, because he just wanted to help them so much and do better 😭😭

and i never noticed the chess board, but you're so right, omg i love the thought that luis possibly played chess and drank with the merchant. good for him!!!!

there's something else i want to say, but i think im gonna send it in a separate ask in just a few minutes bcs im not sure if there're any limits for asks, but i don't want it to be too long and be cut off

OUGH THANK YOU for sending in such a long and detailed ask are you kidding me!!!!!!! I created this entire blog for literally the sole purpose of overanalysing EVERY tiny detail of Luis’ character and trying to piece together the missing pieces of his life, so finding new information makes me absolutely ECSTATIC!!!! ESPECIALLY when other people are just as enthusiastic about it as I am, it really honestly truly makes my entire day!!!!!!

BUT ARGH YES RIGHT???? Luis is clearly a SUPER sentimental person- like beyond the obvious acts of kindness we see him perform, he does a LOT to hold onto his family heritage (carry’s around his Grandfather’s Red9, goes by his Maternal middle and surname etc etc) which really just adds SO MUCH to his character especially when taking his culture and it’s history into account!!!!! Little details like that absolutely drive me nuts!!

AND YEAH. Y E A H !!!!!!! Like I already elaborated on it in the last ask I answered but he was working on that cure for EVERY SECOND he had!!!!!! That’s why I always raise my eyebrows at people who try to imply that Luis had a very quick and sudden change of heart when he met Leon/he was an entirely selfish person before we meet him BUUUUUUT HEEEYYY THATS JUST AN OPINION A GAAAAME OPINION

There are just SO S O MANY little details that Capcom poured their entire heart and soul into for Luis and I’m SO happy they did

I’ll answer your next ask in the morning when my brain is less fried (this week has been SO BUSY for my oh my GOD) but again!!!! Thank you SO much for sending in an ask in the first place!!!!!!! <<<33

alright, here comes the long ass super personal and sentimental post absolutely nobody asked for (you’re welcome)

i watched episode 1 of bad buddy the day it aired (1 year ago today!) out of sheer luck. i dont even remember how i discovered it, but my initial thought was: “im bored. it’s 11pm and i dont want to go to sleep. this trailer looked fun. oh it came out today? sure what the fuck.” and i watched it in bed, on my phone. completely fucking unaware of what was about to happen to me and my life - and this honestly amuses me so much when i think about it because let me tell you...

i am NOT one to watch romance for romance’s sake. i really couldnt care less for it tbh. i’m not what i’d call a shipper at all (though i used to be, and if you remember my blog back then i owe you financial compensation bc tbh that whole spectacle exhausted me ANYWAY-). 

romance is just something ive always preferred as a side dish to plot, bc i only tend to like it when it’s super well done, and ive never found any of it very realistic. this was actually pretty unfortunate for past me bc fun fact, i am a little bit of a hopeless romantic, and romcoms are my guilty pleasure. the problem is i also dont like any of them enough to care about them after ive satisfied my initial “i want to watch something cheesy and cute” urge. i’d seen a few other bl’s over the years but only bc i was bored or wanted to watch something gay, and none of them had ever stuck in my mind after i finished them. i actively avoided those fandom spaces so i definitely wasn’t keeping up with what was new. 

(now listen, i have very specific thoughts on bl itself, but im not gonna get into that here (and actually miscellar said yesterday that the bl difference between 2020 and 2022 is unrecognizable and that basically sums it up so i dont have to lmao <3)).

- and ep1 of bad buddy is pretty typical bl! i adore this about it tbh because i was completely unprepared for everything the show was about to pull. my initial reaction was that it was something fun to look forward to every week.

so then-

I dont!! i dont even know how to explain it! ive tried too many times!

but it really is That Bitch, and truly feels like something i’d been waiting my whole life to see. a romantic comedy that was incredibly realistic in the sense of being overwhelmingly human, and also overwhelmingly queer. it’s so effortlessly fucking funny, while simultaneously a very (very very very) layered and emotional story. i will sing its praises to the end of time. it is quite literally the most well crafted show i’ve ever seen, and every time i rewatch it, or go back and reread old meta, im reminded that im not insane believing that. it just literally is that good. it’s such a simple story done so. extremely. well. it’s so ordinary, and that makes it extraordinary, and that was the intention from the start.

but i also have to say, one of the best things about having this show, is getting to be apart of the amazing community i found here loving it alongside me. bc i avoid fandoms. i stick to the places and the people/mutuals i know. i drift through edit tags more than i follow individual blogs. i block people like lightning. i have always had anons and replies off and i enjoy my privacy!!!

and i have talked to more people and made more friends and have had more fun this past year than i ever have before on this site. 

it took me until after bb finished airing to start following people back, but by then i knew which blogs posted what and what i’d want to see more of on my dash - and there are still many many people im not following, or who arent following me, that i talk to! i love each of you so very much, and i want to do a couple special shoutouts, if thats okay. ♥️

SO, in no particular orderrrrrr:

@mrdumpling nuria you were the very first bl-centric blog to follow me, and as such gave me a little bit of a heart attack that day, because i knew you were a popular blog and i Was Not Ready For Attention lol. but im so glad you did! ik we don’t talk often, but i love lurking on your blog and following what you’re interested in, and most especially, sharing this show with you. to say your edits are beautiful is an understatement! i always love to see what you make!! 🧡

@actually-yikes SORA I MISS YOUUUUUU!!! 🌹 i love talking to you, i love bonding over warrior pran with you, i love the edits you make. i think you’re very funny and delightful. seriously. ...im kind of at a loss for words here bc you’re one of the blogs i went to the most while bb was airing, and the first person i followed after it ended. i really just think you’re wonderful, and idk how else to say it! ily!!!💕💕

@miscellar you have some of the best takes ive ever read, and you somehow seem to read my mind and write (in much better words than i ever could!) exactly what im feeling on so many different topics. i love reading your analysis, your criticism, and just in general whatever you have to say. you impress me very much tbh and im always a bit amazed whenever you talk to me. i love sharing meta with you! 💚

@pranparakul KATIIIEEE when you’re not on my dash i miss you. even if you’ve got posts in your queue ill be like 🥺 where’s katie? is she having a good day today? literally it doesnt matter what you post abt, bc your enthusiasm for whatever it is always makes me so happy. keep doing you <3♥️🌸💗💕💜🌸❣💗💜♥️💕

@snimeat GEI. okay we dont talk OFTEN but when we do we talk a LOT. your excitement is sooooooooooooo contagious and it always matches mine and i feel SO SEEN. i think your edits have such a mystical vibe to them...they always make me feel very wistful (in a very good way). luv u 💛

@pranpats Kit!!! your gifs are GORGEOUS. and you are one of the sweetest people on this site. you always say such lovely things in the tags, and i love occasionally coming to talk to you about gifmaking things. you are such a warm presence on my dash! 💜

and of COURSE @grapejuicegay - kk i think we speedran our friendship in the last 6 weeks. idk how we never really talked before, now that i know we were BOTH lurking on each other’s blogs this whole year. i don’t even know what to say that i haven’t already said in our dms. i fucking love talking to you. there are some people you just click with and im so glad you’re one of them. 💙💌💗💖💜💙💕💛♥️🌹💌💖💙💕

there are so many more of you i want to mention here!! and if you read this far please know im probably also thinking of you, and i want you all to know that i have loved every minute watching and sharing this show with you.

im constantly blown away by everyone’s kindness and how welcoming all of you are. this is truly my favorite place to be online. thank you for all the tags on my gifs and meta. thank you for being so warm.

im so happy this little show means as much to all of you as it does to me. happy one year everybody. 🎆🥂💚❤

My favorite color is green. I play violin, though not very well. I love dogs, and volunteer at an animal shelter. I'm into sci fi and my favorite author is Ursula K. LeGuin.  I also like Batman comics.

And I also happen to be a FTM transgender man.  What you folks would call a TIF.

Ever since I was 10, before i even knew why, I hated my body. For years of my life, I had daydreams of taking a kitchen knife to my chest and cutting off the breasts. I tried to kill myself twice.

That changed 3 years ago.  I realized I was trans and bought myself a binder.

When it's on, I feel relief. I dont think of the kitchen knife. I'm not too depressed to get out of bed.

But after 8 hours, I have to take it off.

I plan on getting top surgery so this relief can stay.

I should note- this isn't about sexism or anything of the sort. Both my parents were outspoken feminists, and I've been fortunate enough to always live in progressive areas.

This is about people. And if transitioning can keep people like me from killing themselves? I'm all for it.

you seem to be engaging in good faith, so im gonna take you serious and not just be a dick. but man, this is my blog where i have fun and post memes. i hate doing this and am annoyed u sent this at all. theres so many radfem blogs that love discourse and im sooo lukewarm, im radfem-adjacent at best. im a fandom blogger at heart bro. who tf are you lol

first of all i do not care about your life story. youre like "please please see me as a person, we kweer transes are real people, i hope you can understand that even though youre a horrible evil t*rf. im reaching out to u because i believe theres still good in ur heart uwu" you people r annoyinggg

its not like i lack empathy, i was dysphoric and suicidal for a whole decade of my life and mostly surrounded myself with people who felt the same. what changed for me is realizing that my internal feelings about the gender-flavor of my soul didnt mean a goddamn thing and werent worth dwelling on. im a person and my body is female. at first i still wanted to change myself. i switched to id-ing as transmed, i was ready to acknowledge that i was born a girl at least but i knew so strongly that i wanted to pass as male and that it would make me more comfortable in my body. i was completely sure i was a man.

now ofc body dysmorphia is different for everyone but i really think no matter how fucked up your brain gets about how you naturally look, changing your body with medical intervention isnt the best answer. theres so many side effects and complications with each transition step. taking T in a female body can really fuck you up medically. keep yourself informed about what youre doing and think about if theres less expensive and drastic ways to go about fixing what makes you uncomfortable about the way you're perceived. and not to be insensitive, but if you have a history of s*xual assault, that can also be a very real reason for disconnect from your secondary sexual characteristics and ive met enough people that struggle with that sort of ptsd that manifests as wanting to trans their gender that i would rly think about where the desire to become male comes from. it could be a lot of things, and it can feel so real and valid dont get me wrong—but could fade away with time and/or therapy, leaving you reverse-dysphoric about your changed body

committing to being a transsexual while young is a tricky thing. i trust youve already thought it through but goddamn i promise you everything in life changes so much all the time. maybe this wont for you! but it might!!! it did for me and thats terrifying!!!!! identifying as trans is very much the current "its not a phase mom!" thing that teenagers do and you cant convince me otherwise btw. this isnt to say genuine trans people arent real and dont exist. and medically transitioned people definitely do, bc its exploded in popularity. but most of yall are a joke to anyone with a brain sorry lol most people are humoring you guys but would never admit it. this is a fate i wouldnt wish on anyone. being trans is cringe. or it will be soon, trust me

tldr i desisted from being trans myself after a full decade of self-id, various pronouns, etc. so i know where youre coming from. then when i started anxiety medication it helped boost me out of that spiral, which if u havent gotten medicated for other underlying issues i suggest you look into before jumping into hormones/surgery. ive heard that ocd can make u obsess about breasts and want them gone and stuff like that. body dysmorphia in any flavor is a bitch! im wishing you the best anon

also, read some self help literature instead of just fiction. i recommend 7 habits of highly effective people by steven covey. i read this for college and it fr made me a more functional person when i was still FtM and deeply depressed

edit: for the record im not gender conforming to femininity now. i see that misconception a lot, and forget that most ppl dont know what radfem types actually believe. i dress however i want, i just am not delusional about how i want people to address me. im just a lesbian 🫶

Tw: mentions of death, war, murder, child abuse, slavery, lil blood think thats all but anything i missed feel free to tell me

Note: not very knowledgeable with the witcher fandom but i tried to investagate what i could, but even so ill probsbly get stuff wrong so my apologies here. Also good with writting so sorry if it sounds shitty XD

POV: u found out whose been stealing ur food

Ana from Nilfgaardian: Backstory

Ana's life was filled by nothing but human's torment and survival. She only 3 years old when she was found with her mother's corpse and letter saying that whoever finded her to please took care of her. Samuel one of the prisioners in the group took the child as his own, felt pity to let it die in the middle of the forest like her mother.

And so for the next 3 years Ana would grew up being taught the best way to stay alive is to stay quiet and obey. Ana's only family was a grop of criminals but they loved her and took care of her as their own. But even so, child or no the guards wouldnt care less, once you become a prisioner you're treated like one...

They knew she wouldn't last long in this hell of a place....

When the heard the rumors of a witcher close to these walls, they decided to help her to escape, witchers protected people so if she could find the witcher she could find protection.

She met the group later on, they found her eating their food behind the bushes, she tried to run off and they were gonna let her go if she hadn't fainted duo to exhaustion. The decided to take her in until they could find someone who could take care of her. (Spoilers that day hasnt come 😃)

(They gotted clothes for her cuz c'mon she was barefoot the poor thing :/)

Interactions with the group:

Avdol: He was the first one who she got the closets with his calm aura made her trust him, he likes to read her and share stories of their past hunts, he also tends to spoonfeed her a lot. Litteraly calls him mama XD (doesnt really mind, he thinks its cute)

Kakyion: The quiet duo. They mostly enjoy eachothers company, likes to play with his hair and observe him and avdol when they making potions (she sometimes gets handsy but backs off when told to)

Polnareff: she like his music, she sometimes ask him to sing her to sleep (specialy after having a nightmare) he like to tease her sometimes (which ends up her biting him lol) also because she so quiet she tends to scare him off HAHA

Alex & Yanyu: She loves them :3. Very affectionate with them and likes to sleep on Yanyu's lap. Although Alex gets a lil nosy sometimes so she just cover her ears to let her know shes being too loud (i feel like she tends to raise her voice without meaning to like me xddd)

Jotaro: Another one whose she's very affectionate with. Was scared of him at first but she gets very attached to him later on. Calls him papa (says he doesnt like it but he actually MELTS at the name) stays close to him the most and likes to put flowers in his hair. Loves being carried by him 💕

Ana: Da-ddy?

Jotaro: Do I look like-

Ana: :(

Jotaro:..........Fine

Ana: Papa! :D

He's like those dads that didnt want the dog at first, but treats them like their kid the next day lol

Joseph: He babies her the most and likes to tell her stories of his old adventures, he tells him about holly sometimes (mostly when jota isnt close) uses her as shirld whenever he pisses jota cuz he knows how soft he's become on ana (jota denise it but we all know how it is 🙄)

Overall they all love her very much and will fight anyone who hurts the child

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Note: Witcher jjba au belongs to the wonderful @ahoge-fish pls go and check it out on their blog! Cuz its thanks to them im just as hooked as i am to this fandom now ksksksksks

Also hope i didnt make the characters to ooc here (im sorry if i did)