#i also did a new set of line edits on the first chapter so it is much cleaner
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bury your albatross in a shallow grave
chapter 2/6
A breeze drifts through the foliage, and Zoro squints against the glaring sunlight overhead. He doesn’t recognize anything—not even the climate—and after a moment he closes his eye again, heaving a sigh that draws out into an aggravated kind of groan, because sure, fantastic, incredible. No swords, no crew, no memory. Typical day on a new island, then.
Suddenly, a dark blur drops down from above, landing in a crouch, and all of Zoro's muscles tense. He hadn't sensed anyone else, so how—
A blond kid no more than ten years old stands in front of him, adjusting a worn tophat with one hand and gripping a long, lethal-looking metal pipe with the other. He's dressed well—in a dirty but clearly expensive suit, each piece of which is a slightly different shade of blue—and he looks pissed.
“Don’t move!” the kid shouts, swinging his weapon in a clear threat. “Who are you, and what the hell did you do with my little brother?”
pairing: monkey d. luffy/roronoa zoro
word count: 28131/?
ao3 tags: monkey d. luffy & nami & roronoa zoro; asl; kuina; childhood trauma; spoilers through the end of wano; nakamaship/crew as family
#op fanfic#opfanfic#one piece fanfiction#asl brothers#zolu#sorry this took so long! hopefully it will make sense why (stupidity)#plus this chapter is about 15.3k words#i also did a new set of line edits on the first chapter so it is much cleaner#anyway uhhh happy wednesday. fic be upon ye#gyro.rtf
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The Summoning
summary: so now you’re fucking your roommate on the regular, what could possibly go wrong? It’s just for the camera, right?
an: You guys!! I’m so so happy with the feedback if received for the first chapter of this fic, I want to give you guys as much camgirl!Ellie as I possibly can. So, as before, let’s keep this short and sweet so we can get into it, love you so so so much (also shout out to everyone’s comments and asks on what they wanted to see for this chapter! Yoi all helped me sm! You all know who you are hehe)
warnings: smut!! 18+, MDNI, camgirl!ellie, roommate!ellie, biker!Ellie (there’s lots of tropes in this one lol), JELOUS!ELLIE, mentions of an older woman but it’s so brief, mentions of alternate love interest, face sitting, fingering, filming of intercourse, use of strap, mentions of the word cock, ANGST!, slight fluff??, lmk if I missed anything!
You can read part 1 here!, and part 3 here!
A soft puff of air blew past your lips as you finished organizing the last shelf of records, your eyes looking down at the remainder vinyls that most definitely wouldn’t fit into any of the space you had.
God you hated the holidays.
Well you didn’t, you loved the colder months. It was so cozy, and welcoming, however you hated it as a retail worker. With the changing of the seasons came your manager with boxes of new vintage records that he explained were in high demand for the customers coming in and out of the city, all of which you had to change out and organize from the last collection you’d had for the summer time.
So the holidays were fine, just not when you were working.
Not to mention, the only thing plaguing your mind these days was a specific brunette who had quite the tongue on her.
After that night, Ellie had you rewatch the video, making sure you were okay with it, and it was okay to post. It was weird, because you’d never really seen yourself that way. You never moan too loud, or put on too much of a show during sex, it just was what it was, and it wasn’t ever really done with an audience in mind. But seeing yourself in Ellie’s lap, her strong hands running up and down your body, working on your pussy like a fucking pro, you had to admit.
You looked damn fucking good on camera.
And you weren’t the only one that thought so. After you gave Ellie the okay to post and edit the video, the response was amazing. Gone where the comments asking where Ellie’s usually girl was, missing the chemistry they had, her whiny moans and pretty body, all of which were replaced by a sea of comments and donations coming in, all on your behalf. They asked Ellie to please keep you around, putting in suggestions of what they wanted to see next, what they wanted to see her do to you, next.
Ellie wasn’t wrong, the crowd fucking loved you.
So? You filmed another video. And another, and another, and another, until you and Ellie had created nearly an entire box set of home movies for her adoring fans, all of which had become your adoring fans practically over night.
And fuck, did Ellie know what she was doing.
Sure, you’d had your fair share of good sex in the past. Your ex was pretty good with her hands, and there was that one girl you were seeing for a few months, she was okay with her strap.
But Ellie? Jesus Christ, you quickly caught onto why Julia acted the way she did after Ellie was done with her.
It was all you could think about, the way that Ellie treated your body when you were filming. The way she never failed to pay attention to every part of you before herself, the way she kissed you, the way her hands ran down your body, the way she simply knew how to pleasure a woman.
And it wasn’t like there was any real harm in any of it, right? In helping your roommate with her line of work? That’s what it was after all. You helped Ellie make her content, and she fucked you until you could barely think straight.
In simpler terms, Ellie knew how to fuck, and she knew how to fuck good. Filming with her only further proved that.
Your eyes scanned the record store once more, a stack of records in your hands as you tried looking for another place where these god forsaken vinyls could go. You were close to simply shoving them underneath the cash register, calling it a night and going home before the drunk tourists eager to visit the city got in your way of getting to your bus stop.
You spotted a spot on top of one of the shelves, which made you huff softly in annoyance. You usually avoided it since you couldn’t reach it, vowing to never put yourself out of your way for a bunch of records no one will want to buy, but there weren’t many and you figured you already had them out, so might as well finish what you started.
As you struggled to push the records up into the tall shelf, you heard the little ding at the front door of your shop over the soft music that you had playing. You couldn’t even bother to turn around, knowing it was most definitely some drunk idiot trying to buy a last minute gift for someone.
“Sorry…we’re…fuck…we’re closed” you huffed out as you struggled even further, the tips of your fingers finally pushing one of the records up and sliding it into place. You didn’t even realize you didn’t hear the usual apology paired with the bell ringing again, signaling that the person had left.
It wasn’t until you felt a hand push into the sliver of skin that was slightly exposed between your jeans and your top, making you shriek loudly and recoil from the persons touch. Once you turned around, you were prepared to smash the stack of records you had over the idiots head who thought it was okay to come in and touch random girls while they worked.
But you only came face to face with those gorgeous green eyes that you seemed to constantly see, even when she wasn’t around.
You let out a soft gasp, reaching forward and landing a not so friendly punch on her leather clad arms, a soft huff leaving your lips as you watched your roommate snort softly at you, trying to stifle a laugh.
“What the hell is wrong with you, Ellie?? I could’ve dropped these” you whine, looking down at the disheveled records before you turned around, going back to trying to pushing them back into their spot.
Ellie sighed softly as she came down from her laughing fit, setting her helmet down on the row of records next to her as she leaned against it. “Shouldn’t you be locking the door once you’re closed? Sounds like a safety hazard to me” she hummed out, clearly trying to get under your skin.
You could practically hear that stupid fucking smirk on her lips, which makes you roll your eyes, even if she was right.
“I had a customer before I started putting these away…I’ll lock up once I’m finished” you explained, still struggling with the second record you had, which makes Ellie chuckle softly.
She pushed herself off of the row she was leaned up against before she stood behind you, her chest pressing against your back, one of her hands resting on your hip, giving it a gentle squeeze, before she reached up with ease and pushed the record in with ease.
You let out a soft huff softly, looking down at her hand on your waist before you turn around, looking up at her and narrowing your eyes at the girl. “Is that really necessary?” You question as you gesture to her hand, which only makes her shrug before bringing her hand down and giving your ass a firm squeeze, “not at all. Gimme those and go grab your stuff, I’m taking you home” she explained before she promptly took the records and put them away on the shelf for you.
You simply stare at her in disbelief, watching as she put away the records with ease. She looked over at you, nodding her head towards the back where she knew you kept your stuff while you were working. “Go on. I don’t wanna get stuck in traffic” she explained, which makes you roll your eyes at her before you stomp off to go and grab your things.
Damn her for being so fucking hot.
Soon, you had your jacket on and your bag was slung over your shoulder. When you walked out to the store front to shut off the lights and the music, Ellie was scrolling through her phone, leaned up against the cashier, seemingly waiting for you. She gave you a soft smile when she noticed you were there, pushing her phone into her pocket. “Ready?” She asked, moving to grab her helmet.
You nodded, returning the soft smile before you grabbed the keys, nodding your head towards the door. “Ready” you confirm.
She followed behind you, waiting for you as you locked up the store before leading her out.
You shivered slightly when you both step out into the cold air, watching as the lights of the city illuminate the street, welcoming everyone who was in need of a night out. You just wanted to get home.
You watched as Ellie walked in front of you, setting her helmet down before she opened up her seat to grab her spare and handing it to you before she put hers on and swung her leg over her bike to get on.
Usually, Ellie didn’t pick you up from work. She was most likely busy filming with Julia, finishing up far too late to meet you at work. Sometimes, she’d be in the area and she’d pick you up, but that wasn’t something that happened quite often for you two.
But, ever since you took Julia’s place, Ellie had been picking you up a lot more often.
You took the helmet from her, putting it on your head before you got onto Ellie’s bike, wrapping your arms around her waist and resting your head along her leather clad back. You heard a soft chuckle muffled by her helmet, her head turning to the side a bit as she felt you cuddle into her from behind.
"Don't need to tell you to hold on tight, do I?" She teased, which earns a soft pinch to her side from you.
Before you know it, Ellie is turning on the engine to her bike, revving it a bit, and you two are speeding down the streets of the city towards your apartment.
The feeling of the cold breeze kissing your exposed skin as Ellie drove you both down the streets made your blood pump. It was fucking stupid, but drives home with her had a way of truly making you feel alive for a bit.
You’d never tell her that, though. It would blow her head up way too much.
Ellie had a tendency to show off in many aspects of her life. One of those manifested whenever she was on her bike. She’d rev her engine when she saw a group of pretty girls, tattooed hands gripping the handles of her bike as she watched them swoon over her. She’d get a kick out of it whenever they’d squeal over her, trying their best to call her back, an attempt at trying to get her to turn around and give them more attention.
You thought it was stupid. It was just Ellie on a bike after all.
Ellie stopped once she reached a red light, her back straightening out a bit as she rested one of her hands on her thighs, patting a mindlessly rhythm into her jean clad leg as she waited for it to turn green so you could both get moving again. Your hands loosened a bit on her waist as you waited as well.
You noticed from the corner of your eye a car pulling up next to you. It’s a sleek black 1969 dodge charger, the lights of the city bouncing off of the shiny paint. It isn’t too flashy, but enough so that anyone can appreciate. You can’t help but gawk a bit at the beautiful car, not at all noticing the window slowly rolling down.
You hear a whistle, which catches both yours and Ellie’s attention. In the car, is an older woman. You took not of her features, noticing how pretty she was, long hair tucked up into a bun, body adorned in what you could only assume was an expensive suit. You notice her lips tugged beneath her teeth as her dark eyes bore holes into your direction, and you can only assume she’s gawking at Ellie, as one usually does when she’s out on her bike. As you look closer, you realize she isn’t looking at Ellie.
She’s looking at you.
And you can’t even deny that your chest doesn’t warm up, because she’s clearly extremely beautiful. Her strong, ring clad hands gripping the steering wheel as her eyes travel down your body. You didn’t think that when you tugged on your favorite pair of jeans and your old brown jacket that same morning that you’d be getting attention from anyone, let alone from a fucking rich milf in the middle of the road.
But you aren’t the only one to notice, because you feel Ellie shift forward, her own hands going back to grip the handle bars of her bike, her head never leaving the direction of the woman who’s shamelessly undressing you with her eyes. You gasp softly underneath your own helmet when the feeling of Ellie revving her bike catches you off guard, ripping you away from the trance the woman has you in. You turn your head to look at Ellie, hands tightening a bit around her waist to prepare your take off.
But Ellie’s head never leaves the woman.
This catches the woman’s attention, and she merely chuckles softly before she sticks her hand out her window and gives Ellie a slight wave, as if to silently tell her she’d back off. The light turns green, and while you think that’s the end of it, you catch a glimpse of the woman sending a wink your way before she zooms off, which prompts Ellie to do soon after, just as fast, knuckles turning white as she gripped her handle bars.
If you weren’t holding on tight enough to Ellie, you’d probably have gone flying.
When you both get home, you decide not to question the very bizarre interaction you both had with that woman, figuring it was just Ellie being Ellie, and there wasn’t really anything to it anyways.
At least, that’s what you told yourself.
It makes it even stranger that when you both walk through the door, Ellie doesn’t show a single sign of annoyance, which makes you feel like you’re hallucinating even more than you were before. She’s walking into the apartment, tugging off her jacket and tossing it on a nearby chair, and grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge before plopping down onto the couch.
So yeah, you’re probably just tired.
You let out a soft hum as you tug off your own jacket before hanging it up, grabbing Ellie’s and hanging it up as well. She had a bad habit of shedding her layers off as soon as she got through the door.
You stand before Ellie in the living room, her legs spread as she babysits a bottle of water, eyes never leaving yours. You watch as she pats her lap quietly, which forces you to give her a look of disbelief.
Usually, you’d have a witty remark for that sort of gesture from Ellie, which would often times be paired with a pillow to her face. But there’s simply something about the way her legs are spread out on the couch, looking so fucking inviting, that makes you quietly follow her orders, and straddle her lap.
Now, most intimacy was supposed to be saved for the camera, it was an unspoken rule of filming with Ellie, or it was a rule you set for yourself. Apart from warming up before filming, letting Ellie get you nice and wet for her before you got on camera with her, there wasn’t really a reason to have any sort of intimacy with her. Things were supposed to go back to normal when you weren’t on camera, back to how things were as roommates.
But, you’d be lying if you said that’s how it was. You and Ellie had always had an affectionate relationship, one that never went without cuddling, caressing, even crashing in your bed from time to time when she couldn’t sleep. You were no stranger to Ellie’s strong hands on your body, because that was just Ellie. She had a thing for gripping and groping, always wanting her hands to be occupied with something whenever you were near, you assumed that’s how she was with everyone.
There just seemed to be something about getting regularly fucked by Ellie that made the intimacy take a different level, a different course that made things feel…different.
And of course, there’s no harm in that. You watched Ellie kiss Julia goodnight every time she left the house, always taking an extra few minutes to hold her when they were done. If they could do it, why couldn’t you two do it?
Ellie let out a soft hum of approval when you straddled her lap, disregarding the water bottle so that both her hands were free to grip your hips, pulling you closer to her. Your hands went around her neck, toying with the hair at the nape of her neck as she pressed her face against your neck, giving your skin a deep inhale.
“Missed you today…” she mumbled softly against your skin, which makes you roll your eyes playfully, yet still keeping her close. “You saw me this morning before I left” you argue softly, which only earns a soft whine from Ellie, you can feel her lips form a pout against your throat before she presses soft kisses to it.
“So? Still missed you” she explained, her voice low as she spoke. You can’t help but giggle softly, staring down at the girl as she litters your throat with soft kisses.
But this feels way too fucking intimate, even for you and Ellie.
You clear your throat, tugging her hair back a bit to force her to look at you, which makes Ellie groan softly, half in annoyance, and half in pleasure. She loved it whenever you did what you wanted with her.
“We filming tonight?” You ask quickly, a sorry attempt at trying to interrupt this soppy little scene you and her are having.
You see a flash of something ripple through Ellie’s green eyes, something you can’t quite put your finger on, because she’s changing her expression much too quickly, giving you and eager nod as her hands go from gently caressing you, to gripping your ass tightly. This makes you whine softly in her lap.
“Eager to have me…aren’t you baby” she chuckles softly, the shift in her personality clear as her eyes quickly darken with lust. You swallow nervously, always feeling small in front of Ellie whenever she looked at you that way. You feel the way she slowly begins grinding your hips down into her lap, strong hands gripping you and moving you as she pleased. You can only nod, your lips forming a gentle pout before a gentle sigh leaves them.
“Always…” you moan out softly, which makes her smirk up at you proudly. You’d gotten so good at voicing what you wanted these past few weeks, it made warmth pool at Ellie’s core.
She gives your ass a firm spank before she nodded her head towards her room. “Go get the camera, baby” she ordered gently, that delicious tone of dominance lacing her words, you quickly followed her instructions, getting up from her lap and going to her room to get the equipment.
That was another thing, with your new presence in Ellie’s work, came a change of scenery in her videos.
Ellie usually kept her videos and streams exclusive to her bedroom, having the common courtesy to not fuck all over your shared apartment. But now that it was just you two, there was a new sense of freedom when it came to filming with you. It happened one day when Ellie was finger fucking your pussy on the couch, and had the bright idea to grab her camera, because it was just too fucking good to not hit record on.
Once again, another example of intimacy outside of filming.
You returned with all of the filming equipment, never knowing what Ellie had planned for a shoot, so instead opting to bring everything so she could choose from.
Ellie smirks softly as she sits up from her spot on the couch, eyes low and filled with lush as you walk back into the living room. You lift up her camera and her tripod, a confused frown on your lips as you look between the two. “M’not sure what you wanted to film, so I brought both. I can always go back and-“ she’s quickly cutting you off, standing up from the couch and slowly making her way to you before she takes both out of your hands gently, and sets them down on your coffee table.
“We can focus on that, later…I need to make sure you’re ready..” she purred out, making you swallow back a whimper.
Her hands go down to yours, gently gripping your arms before she pushes them to rest around her neck, her own hands wrapping around your waist and pulling you flush to her body.
‘Making sure you were ready’ was just Ellie’s way of saying she wanted a moment with you off camera.
You simply give her a nod, your head already tilting forward as you lean in to press a kiss to her soft lips. Ellie groans in approval, her head tilting to the side a bit as soon as you were pressed against her, deepening the kiss. Her nimble fingers slide down to your ass, giving it a firm squeeze while also using the leverage to pull you closer, pressing your chest firmly against hers. This make you gasp, and as always, she uses that opportunity to slip her tongue into your mouth.
Ellie smirks into the kiss, her tongue exploring your mouth as her hands massage your ass through your jeans.
“Been needy for me, baby? I’ve been needy for you…” she confessed between the feverish kiss. It was slow, and dirty, and so fucking erotic, it had your panties soaked already.
All you could do was nod, desperately pushing your lips back against hers as you tugged at her shirt. “Thought about you all day…” you said mindlessly, which makes Ellie chuckle softly against you.
“Yeah? God…me fuckin too…kept thinking about your pretty cunt all day…fucked my self so many times to the thought of you…” she groaned out. Her words make you moan a bit louder.
You’re so fucked out already, that you can barely register what it is that she just confessed to you.
Ellie hums softly as she breaks the kiss, looking down at you as you stare up at her with lust filled eyes and a needy pout. She tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear, her own swollen lip tugged between her teeth.
“Bet you loved when that woman was staring at you…didn’t you.”
This catches you off guard.
Your eyes widen a bit, shocked over the fact that Ellie was even bringing it up to you, especially when all you wanted was her hands on your cunt, not the image of another woman in your head.
You don’t know why, but your first response is to quickly shake your head.
“What? She wasn’t…I didn’t notice her staring” you try, eyes wide like a deer caught in the headlights. Ellie chuckles softly as she watches you, catching your chin between her thumb and pointer finger as she angles your face up a bit more to stare up at her.
“It’s okay baby…she was very pretty…” she agreed, giving a slow nod before she clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth, head cocking to the side in a teasing manner before she hummed out softly.
“You think she could make you feel as good as I do?” She questioned, blown out pupils surrounded by a sliver of green staring down into your own.
And again, you’re quickly shaking your head, because you know for a fact that there is probably only a handful of people on this planet that can fuck you as good as Ellie can, and that’s being generous to the general population. Ellie fucks good, and anyone who gets to experience that is fucking lucky.
They’re also ruined for anyone else who comes after her.
“Fuck…you know no one can…come on El…need you so bad…” you whine softly, giving Ellie a whiny little pout as you tug at her shirt further, feeling like you’ll explode if you don’t have her hands on you in the next few seconds. Ellie simply chuckles, watching as you whine and pout for her, a sorry attempt at trying to find your way out of the conversation.
“You’re damn right they can’t…such a good girl…” she praises, which makes you whine softly.
Ellie hums softly as she stares down at your body, giving your waist a gentle tap. “Stay here.” She ordered softly before she moved over to set up the camera.
You watch as she sets up the tripod, making it level with the couch, low enough so that it stops right where the back of the couch ends, so that it doesn’t catch your kitchen in the background. She turns it on before she goes behind it, bending down a bit to make sure the angle is good before she nods to herself before she moved to sit down on the couch much like she was earlier, legs spread wide, her dark jeans stretching over her toned thighs. Her arms stretched along the back of the couch, dark eyes boring holes as she watched you.
“Strip” she ordered.
Fuck.
You immediately began slowly stripping for her. Staring with your t shirt, then with your jeans, leaving you in your bra and panties for a moment before you removed those as well, until you were fully naked in front of Ellie, her eyes eating you up like a hungry animal.
“So fuckin pretty…Jesus…” she groaned softly underneath her breath, letting you simply stand there, naked for her, under the dim lighting of your cozy living room.
After a moment passed, she nodded her head towards the camera. “Start recording, and then come over here.” She instructed once again, and she didn’t need to tell you twice.
You slowly walked over to the camera. On the screen, you could see Ellie on the camera, only her body visible, looking so fucking strong and confident. You knew from the angle of the camera alone, that Ellie’s viewers were in for a treat with this one.
And so were you.
When you hit record, you made your way over to Ellie slowly. She hummed softly, eyes staring up at you as you stood over her before she looked down at her lap, as if silently telling you to take a seat. You straddled her lap, the rough material of her jeans on your naked body making you hiss softly.
Ellie hummed, her large hands roaming your body the second you were on her lap. “Fuck…look at you baby..came home to all this?” Her words make you frown in confusion for only a moment, yet you quickly catch onto the fantasy that she’s trying to sell to her viewers.
You give a soft giggle, nodding as you lean in to press a soft kiss to her temple. “Missed you so much…wanted to surprise you..” you purr out softly, a soft whine leaving your lips once Ellie began to slowly grind you down on her lap as she was earlier, yet this time it makes you huff softly, the rough material of her jeans dragging along your sensitive core.
“Aren’t I lucky…coming home to my pretty girl like this…fuck…you’ve been on my mind all fucking day…” she groaned out, her eyebrows furrowing as she looked down at your naked body, a soft hiss leaving her lips as she let her hand come in between you both, catching your slippery clit against her thumb. She watches your facial expression change, a soft moan leaving your lips as you rest your hands on either one of her shoulders, looking down at her hand toying with you.
“So wet already…stand up for me baby” she hummed out softly as she gave your hip a gentle pat. You listened, standing up from her lap, which allowed her to lay down onto the couch, one of her knees bent up as the other leg laid down. She gestured you over to her.
“Come sit on my face princess” she ordered.
Her words alone made you whine, and you wasted no time straddled her face, either side of your legs shielding her face from the camera.
As soon as you were settled, her tongue was out, inviting you down to take a seat as you rested a bit of your wait onto it, your pussy pressing against the warm muscle. You moan out loudly, back arching as you slowly began rocking your hips back and forth on Ellie’s flattened tongue.
The apartment was soon filled with the sounds of your moans, and Ellie’s tongue lapping away at your soaked cunt. It was times like this that Ellie had to depend on you to carry out the vocals, seeing as her mouth was a bit…occupied.
“F-feels so good…missed you so much today…” you moan out shyly, testing the waters with your voice a bit. Ellie groaned below you, her own hips bucking upwards, grinding into nothing as she gave you a quiet gesture to keep going.
You whined, giving her a slow nod as you kept going.
“You look so pretty…fuck…I love your tongue so much…” you moan out again, which earns another moan from Ellie, sending vibrations onto your sopping cunt. You moan loudly again, one of her hands coming up from around your thigh, to snake up your body and toy with your boobs, massaging the skin, pinching your nipples, her hips still bucking up into nothing with need.
You notice, turning around a bit and catching the way her hips bucked up with need. You whimper softly, reaching a hand behind you to undo her jeans before you push them down her pants, her own clit throbbing against your fingers as you begin rubbing her, watching as her eyes roll back when you begin doing this.
“Feels good? Fuck…you’re so fucking wet…fuuuckk…wanna…wanna cum with you…please” you practically beg, your arm already becoming sore from the uncomfortable position, yet you still paid the upmost attention to her poor needy pussy.
Ellie always prioritized your pleasure, it was time you do the same.
Ellie moaned and groaned against your pussy, her tongue speeding up the closer she got, her pussy grinding into your fingers desperately. You arched your back, eyebrows furrowed as you let your head fall back, the pleasure becoming too much.
You knew she was close, the grip on your thighs was almost deadly, and you were too. It wasn’t long before her hips were sputtering, her arousal soaking your fingers as she came. This alone was enough to make you shriek with pleasure, nearly falling back as your arm nearly gave out from behind you, but Ellie’s strong arms were already on your hips to keep you up, pulling you further up as she lapped at your core, helping you ride out your orgasm.
The thing you hated about filming with Ellie the most? You couldn’t even scream her name when she made you cum.
You breathed hard, your exhausted pussy shying away from Ellie’s tongue as you stared down at her, body back in its upright position, her gorgeous green eyes staring up at yours, cheeks red as she gave your pussy kitty licks.
“You should stay out late more often..” you tease, which earns a soft giggle from both of you.
Ellie gives your pussy one last kiss before she pushes you down her body so you’re straddling her waist, her eyes low and hazy as she stares up at you, gently massaging the skin of your thighs.
You always enjoyed the aftermath with her, the silence that came with it, the come down was almost as good as the sex itself. You were both so fucked out, so utterly satisfied, the warmth that overtook you was almost unbearable. You could stay there forever if you truly wanted to.
But alas, it never lasted long enough.
You felt the familiar tap on your thighs, a silent reminder that Ellie had to indeed get up and stop the camera recording. You roll off of her with wobbly thighs, cuddling into the couch and grabbing a nearby blanket to shield your body from the cold air of your apartment.
You watch with sleepy eyes as Ellie gets up, buttoning up her jeans and turning off the camera before pulling it front the tripod to look back at the footage, making sure it was all recorded correctly.
You hear your moans echoing from the device, which makes you whine softly. You always hated hearing yourself, no matter how hot you and Ellie looked. Ellie chuckles softly, shaking her head as she watched the video for a moment longer before she shut off the camera.
“That improv of yours was pretty damn good…they’re gonna like that” she added, making you giggle softly before giving her a shrug. “I always like playing with your pussy” your words make Ellie groan, and she’s suddenly giving you a look of warning, a smirk playing on her lips to match.
“Don’t play with something you can’t handle sweetheart” she warned you, and you can’t help but roll your eyes, despite the fire you feel from that look alone.
“Please, you wouldn’t know how to fuck me even if you had the chance” you challenge her.
Oh yeah, that was another thing. Ellie still hadn’t properly fucked you yet.
You huffed softly as you tugged yet another top off of your body. You’d tried on nearly every article of clothing you had in your closet, yet it just wasn’t fucking working. It was times like this, that you simply wanted to burn all of your clothes and never leave your house again.
You were currently getting ready for a date, a girl you’d met at the record store had ended up asking you out on a date while you were showing her to the new age rock section that the store carried.
The first thing that went through your mind when the girl asked, wasn’t how pretty she was, or how nice her fingers looked wrapped around the edge of the thin vinyls in her hand.
No, none of that went through your head. The only thing that went through your head when the girl asked you out was Ellie.
And that scared you.
Because it’s Ellie for gods sake. The girl you’ve been living with for almost three years now, the girl who you watched eat dry cereal from the box instead of making herself a proper meal, the girl who you’ve watched genuinely find family guy funny…
The girl who’d been playing your body like a fucking guitar for almost a month now.
You realized, you needed this date.
So you agreed, giving the girl your number and telling her to text you so you guys could set up a date.
The guilt was eating you alive, because while Ellie would be fucking you with a dildo, her lips firmly on yours, you knew in the back of your head you had a girl waiting to see you at the end of the week.
And it was conflicting because did you even have to tell Ellie? Would it be stupid if you did? Would it be wrong if you didn’t? It was still just Ellie, after all. Sure, she’d seen you naked now, and she’d made you cum more times than you could count, and you her, but she was still your friend. She was still your normal roommate, your Ellie. And there was nothing really holding you back from going on dates.
Right?
You chalked up all your guilt by convincing yourself that Ellie was probably talking to other girls too, actively searching for a girlfriend, or even a permanent filming partner while you temporarily filled that spot.
Because while you guys never formally spoke about it, that’s all you were, temporary.
It worked out perfectly, because Ellie had gone out for the night, texting you and telling you she had some stuff to do, errands to run. It gave you the place all to yourself to get ready. You would’ve felt extremely stupid sneaking out of your own apartment to avoid any awkward interactions with Ellie. Even though you weren’t even sure if it would even be awkward.
You ended up settling on a little black dress, a pair of black boots and a leather bomber jacket, an outfit you had long since ran dry with how many times you wore, but you looked good, and you weren’t going to to stray away from that.
You fluffed out your hair after you finished up your makeup, spraying on your favorite perfume before you grabbed your phone, sending record store girl a quick text, letting her know that you’d be leaving your house now to meet her at the bar that you two had agreed on going to for your first date.
You couldn’t ignore the sour taste in your mouth, and the aching feeling in your belly as you looked around your room, making your final rounds before you left. There was something about the entire ordeal that just felt…dirty. The fact that you were sneaking around, hiding something that you felt needed to be hidden…
Leaving Ellie for the night.
All of it made you feel ill, and the fact that you felt that way made you feel even worse.
But regardless of it all, Ellie was out and it was all in your head. Ellie probably wouldn’t even care if you went out with a girl! She’d be happy for you, she’d send you out of the apartment with an encouraging slap on your ass before telling you to wrap it up before you-
Suddenly, you could hear Ellie opening up the door from the other side of your apartment door. You feel like you’ll freeze up and die in that very moment.
She walks into the house humming a tune you can’t quite find, probably some song that had been stuck in her head. She has her helmet tucked under her arm, and a brown paper bag with the logo of your favorite take out spot slung along her long fingers. She doesn’t notice you at first, because she’s too busy cursing under her breath as she tries to get herself inside, a low groan leaving her lips a she tosses her keys into the entrance bowl, kicking the door shut behind her.
“Babe? You home? I brought dinner” she calls out.
You feel sick to your fucking stomach.
Because it feels too domestic, too romantic, too fucking far for you and Ellie for her to be calling out for you that way, to be ordering your favorite dinner and bringing it home for you. You aren’t even entirely sure what prompted her to do this, and you don’t know who you’re more annoyed with, her for doing it, or you for not being honest with her.
You’re too caught up in your thoughts, because you barely realize that Ellie’s eyes are finally on yours, a confused frown as she stares at you up and down, clearly readying yourself to leave the apartment.
“You…look so pretty. Are we going somewhere?” She questions slowly, her sentence slipping into a tone of worry, as if she’d forgotten about something that you planned for the both of you, her big green eyes frantically searching yours.
You can’t fucking do this anymore.
You inhale deeply, shaking your head as you clear your throat, your fingers tugging at the bottom of your dress as you try to find your voice, find your words to break it to Ellie.
“I um….I have a date tonight” you mumble out softly, barely loud enough for Ellie to hear, hoping that she doesn’t and some miracle snatches this ridiculous conversation away so you don’t have to experience it.
But she does hear you.
Her face goes from worried to annoyed almost instantly, her brows knitted together as her lips form a confused frown. “A date? With who?” She spits out, and the tone is too accusing for you. It makes you wince slightly, your lips forming a frown of your own as you let out a soft sigh.
“Girl I met at the record store” you sigh out, and you hate this, because it feels so far from what you and Ellie are. It feels to reminiscent of a jealous girlfriend cornering you, confused as to why you’d ever leave her when she was there waiting for you, why on earth would you pass her up for anyone else when she gives you everything anyways?
The energy you can feel radiating off of Ellie is the same thing you felt when that woman was looking at you on the road. It feels hostile, and possessive, it feels like she has some claim on you that you aren’t even fully aware of, and it’s the reason you decided to go on the date in the first place, because regardless of not fully knowing what it is that’s happened between you and Ellie.
You know it isn’t good.
Ellie moves to drop the food onto the coffee table, a bit too harshly in your opinion. Her strong hand goes up to run through her brown hair, one hand on her hip as she stares at the floor for a moment. You should’ve just taken that as an opportunity to leave, to avoid all of this. But you don’t.
“It’s…it’s Friday night. We’re supposed to film. We film every Friday” she argues.
Fuck.
You chew your maroon tinted bottom lip, feeling like a kid who’s done something bad and is now facing the repercussions of a disappointed parent. You feel small, and stupid, and you can’t believe you forgot about it. There had been such a blur between the schedule you had with Ellie, with far too many moments of making out with her on the couch, or her fingers finding their way into your pants whenever you were watching a movie together, that the intimacy in your brain was becoming confused with the intimacy that was needed for the camera and the camera only.
And in that moment, you realize that this needs to end.
Because maybe you and Ellie can go back to normal, maybe you can forget about this and she can find someone who is better at this stuff than you are. It’s too confusing, and it’s putting you in a bad position of thinking too deep into things while also missing the bigger picture, and you’re fucking exhausted.
You inhale deeply, opening your mouth to speak, to tell her that this isn’t what you want anymore, that this isn’t for you anymore. You have it all mapped out, how you’re going to finally tell her that this simply can’t go on anymore.
But suddenly, your phone goes off.
You frown, looking down at the glowing device in your hands. It’s a text from record store girl, she’s telling you how she just left her house, and how excited she is to see you tonight. This catches Ellie’s attention too.
She looks down at your phone, her angry and annoyed expression still present on her face.
“Is that her?” She asks. You let out a soft sigh, shaking your head as you try pushing your phone in your jacket pocket. “Ellie I…when I get back I really think we should talk about-“ she quickly cuts you off, her voice a bit louder than it was when she first asked.
“I said…is that her?” Her words are slower, clearer, as if she wants you to hear every goddamn syllable that leaves her mouth. You know she isn’t fucking around, and you simply inhale deeply, taking your phone out of your pocket and looking at the message that was still lingering at the bottom of your Lock Screen.
“Yeah…it is….” You admit, ignoring how fucking stupid you feel for telling Ellie this. You should have left, you should have ignored her and gone on your date and had a good time so you could come home and tell her that she needed to find a new filming partner, because you weren’t cut out for this shit anymore.
She begins taking slow strides towards you, the closer she gets, the more you can smell her cologne. It makes you swallow back a whine, because her scent is the single most euphoric thing to you right now. It haunts you in your sleep, and it makes your mouth water whenever she’s on top of you.
Soon, she’s right in front of you, her green eyes staring down at your outfit, taking in everything that you have on, how pretty your hair and makeup is. Her slender fingers come up to tug at your jacket slightly, a soft puff of air exiting her nose before she speaks. “What’d she tell you? That she’s on her way? So excited to see you?” She questions, her voice low and taunting as her nimble fingers dance along your jacket, ghosting along the fabric of your dress.
“Fuckin idiot…she’s on her way to some shitty bar and I’ve got her girl practically shaking for me..” she hummed out softly.
And it was true. Ellie had hardly touched you, yet your fists were balled at your side, body practically begging for her as her skilled fingers barely gave you what you wanted. The second she was in front of you, your brain was clouded with her, with all the things you wanted from her, all the things you knew she could do to you.
“Had so much planned for us tonight, baby…wanted to finally show you off live..wanted to take care of that pretty body of yours…and you were getting all dolled up for some asshole who probably wouldn’t know how to make you cum even if she got the chance” she explains, her voice low, minty breath fanning across your face, making you whine softly.
“You’ve never dress like this for me before…” she groans out, and it makes your eyes widen a bit. Before you can open your mouth and say anything back, her skinny fingers are grabbing your chin and angling your face up to fully look at her, her green eyes staring down into yours as she licked her bottom lip slowly.
“God I can’t stand you sometimes..” she sighed out softly before she pressed her mouth against yours in a needy kiss. Your hands instantly wrap around her neck, keeping her close as her own arms wrap around your waist, pulling you flush against her body.
It’s as if any and all moral high ground that you had was gone, replaced by only thoughts of Ellie. You let her fill you up, breath life into you as her warm tongue explored your mouth, dominated the kiss and took you on a wild fucking ride that only consisted of a single kiss from her.
Soon, she’s breaking the kiss, and it makes you whine and chase her lips. She chuckles softly, the sound dark and taunting as she stares down at your needy eyes and swollen lips. “Now you’re chasing me…poor thing…” she tuts out, clearly mocking you with a pouty tone.
She slips her hand into your jacket pocket, taking out your phone and looking at the message. She rolls her eyes, pushing the phone in between you two.
“You’re gonna call her, and you’re gonna tell her you aren’t coming” she demands. Your eyes go wide, looking up at Ellie before you quickly shake your head. “What? No! Ellie I can’t! I…can’t I just text her?” Even your own words shock you a bit, because are you seriously staying with Ellie when there was a perfectly willing girl waiting for you at a bar down the street?
If Ellie said so, then yeah. Yeah you were.
Ellie shrugged before she unlocked your phone, having learned your password way back when you two first moved in together. “Fine. I’ll call her” she nodded, her fingers scrolling through your phone to find the girls contact. This makes your eyes go wider, and you quickly snatch your phone from Ellie’s hand, because you know that Ellie will be shameless with it, and it’ll make you look way worse than you already do by flaking so last minute.
“No! No…fine…I’ll do it. Just…please be quiet, Ellie” you plead, giving her a look of warning before you sigh softly, looking down at your phone for a moment before you click the girl contact, set it to call, and put your phone to your ear.
Ellie smiles proudly, pearly teeth gleaming as her hands give your hips a firm squeeze. “That’s my fuckin girl…” she praises. Her words makes your insides flutter, core tightening around nothing as you wait for the girl to answer, a gentle pout on your lips despite the fact that your arms were still wrapped around Ellie, and she still had your body pressed against hers.
After a few rings, she finally answers. Her voice is bright and bubbly and you want to kick yourself for doing this to someone so fucking sweet.
“Hey….look…I’m really sorry but I think I’m going to have to-“ your words are cut off by Ellie’s lips pressing against your neck, wet mouth working against your skin, bitting and sucking, sure to leave marks in the morning. It makes you gasp softly..
Because Ellie never left marks.
It wasn’t something that ever really bothered you. It helped in all honesty, you didn’t really want to be walking around littered in Ellie’s hickies, it would’ve resulted in too many questions from your coworkers and friends, and you really didn’t want to deal with that. It was just an unspoken rule, Ellie didn’t mark you, and you didn’t mark her. That was too far along the lines of being a couple for you.
But clearly, that had all changed tonight.
There was a sense of possessiveness that you could feel when she did it. Teeth and tongue sucking and biting at your soft skin, eager to claim you in any way that she possibly could. Between the feeling of it, and the fact that she was doing it, it made it hard to talk, your eyes rolling back into your head as you bit back a whimper, covering it up with a couch as you tried finding the words in your fuzzy head to speak to the girl.
Ellie smirked against your throat as she listened to you struggle, listened to the muffled words of the confused girl on the other line try to understand what it was you were saying.
You tugged at Ellie’s hair slightly, yet still kept her close as she mouthed your neck. “I…I can’t…look I’m really not feeling well..I…mph…I can’t come out tonight. I’m sorry” you quickly ramble out, knowing you were too close to moaning out Ellie’s name to keep this going on any longer. Before you were able to hear what the girl had to say on the other line, you hang up, turn your phone off and toss it onto the couch.
You moan softly, tilting your head to the side to give Ellie better access to your neck. “I can’t believe you fucking did that…” you moan out as you began shrugging your jacket off, tossing it somewhere in the living room. You felt too hot, too fucking needy, everything was just too much and you struggled to wrap your head around what exactly was even happening.
“Me? I didn’t do anything…you’re the one that cancelled on the poor girl” Ellie teased gently, which earns a swat to her arm from your end.
You sigh softly, tugging her hair back so that she’s pulled away from your neck. You waste no time in crashing your lips against hers, your tongue pushing into her mouth with need as you kiss her feverishly. Ellie groans into the kiss, her hands going down to give your ass a firm squeeze. “Eager are we?” She grunts against your lips.
You huff softly, ignoring her words as you begin pushing her backwards towards her room, your lips never leaving the sloppy kiss. It’s so fucking erotic, and messy, and needy, and there’s so much filling it that you can both clearly feel. You decide to ignore it.
“I decided to stay with you…you better make this worth it” you groan out softly, which only earns a smirk from Ellie as she stares down at you, her heart fluttering at the way you pushed her around, did with her as you pleased.
“I always do, baby” she chuckled softly, and all you want to do is wipe that smug fucking smirk off her beautiful face.
Once you’re in her bedroom, you press your palms against her chest, shoving her back to lay on her bed. She lets out a soft moan, clearly happy with the way that you’re handling her.
You tug your dress up a bit as you move to straddle her, her hands instantly moving to grip your thighs. She lets out a soft hiss, her lust filled eyes eating up the way your dress hugs your curves, pushes up your boobs. For a moment, you see a hint of something flash through her eyes as she watches you, taking in the dress that you wore for a date, wore for someone else.
You don’t ignore it this time, because it’s clearly jealously.
You don’t know whether or not you should say something, or kiss her, or do anything else to get your mind off of it, but you don’t have to. Because as soon as you’re settled down on her lap, you can feel a foreign bulge pressing into your clothed core, and it makes your eyes widen and Ellie smirks and rolls her hips up to grind it into you, and then you realize what the surprise that Ellie had was.
Ellie was finally going to fuck you tonight.
And not with her fingers, or with a sex toy, it would be with her strap. She was going to fuck you, something you’d already assumed wasn’t going to happen between the two of you.
She must have noticed the shocked look on your face, because she chuckles as she continues grinding her cock into you, making you whine softly as you press you hands on her hips to give yourself leverage as you roll your hips to meet her movements.
“Feel that baby? It’s all yours…went out and brought a brand new one just for you…” she explained, revealing what it was that she’d been out doing while you were getting ready for your date.
She was buying new toys to fuck you with, and picking up dinner for after.
You felt like you were dreaming.
All you can do is moan in response, eagerly undoing Ellie’s jeans, wanting nothing more than to feel her fill you up, fucking into you deliciously, giving you what you’d always wanted.
Ellie is quick to grab your wrists, pulling them away from her jeans. “Ahh, not so fast, princess….we’re gonna do this the right way” she hums out softly. You can’t help but pout, a soft huff leaving your lips as you open your mouth to complain, but Ellie is already sitting up, gently pushing you back to lay on her bed properly as she crawls over you.
She hums softly, staring down at your body for a moment, silently taking you in before she pushes your dress up, pressing a soft kiss to your lips as her hands find its spot cupping your clothed pussy.
“Hmm….so wet already…I’m gonna have so much fun taking you, baby…” she groaned against your lips, swallowing up your moans as her slender fingers pressed against your clit, rubbing you slowly, forcing the cotton material of your pantries to go translucent as your arousal soaked them almost entirely.
And your head is spinning as she kisses you, because she’s being so slow, so gentle, treating your body with so much care. And it’s not unlike Ellie to do this, but you just assumed this would have gone differently. You expected her to be rough, fucking into you while telling you how no one could ever fuck her like she does…
But she’s not. She’s so gentle, and soft, and it’s making your heart do dances it’s never done before..
Ellie lets out a soft sigh as she tugs your panties to the side, feeling your velvety folds better now without the fabric constricting her. She rubs you slowly, building you up, getting your sopping little pussy all warmed up for her cock. Soon, her hands leave your core, and she pulls you up to tug your dress off before laying you back down, and tugging off your panties as well, leaving you entirely naked before her.
Ellie hisses softly under her breath as she eyes you, sitting back on her legs as she begins tugging off her own shirt, before she crawls off the bed to tug her jeans off, leaving her completely naked as well, eyes never leaving your body.
“You’re so fucking beautiful…” she mumbles out softly before she crawls back onto you, pressing her naked chest against yours. The feeling makes you moan loudly into her mouth as she kisses you, because you’ve never felt Ellie like this. You’ve never had her body pressed up against yours this way, and it feels like the single most intimate thing you’ve ever felt in your entire life.
Ellie’s hand goes down to her cock, gripping the base before she brings it to your core, running it along your sopping wet folds, against your clit before she slowly feeds you her length, earning a whiny moan from you.
Ellie quickly nods as she kisses you softly, one of her hands giving your waist a squeeze. “I know baby…I know it’s big…you can take me…I know you can” she praises you, and it makes you moan softly into her mouth as she rubs your clit, pushing further into your weeping cunt.
“Ellie…fuck…more…need more” you moan against her, the empty feeling still present as she waits for you to tell her it’s okay to keep going. She groans softly, pushing more of her length into you until she bottoms out completely, her thighs flushed against yours as she waits for you to adjust to her size.
You roll your hips slowly, already feeling yourself leaking around the length, and you give her a nod, staring into her green eyes as your hips buck up into her. “Need you, El…need more of you..” you moan out softly.
And Ellie feels like her head is spinning when you say that.
Her strong hand goes down, gripping your thigh as she slowly fucks into you, moaning as her clit bumps against the back of the strap with her movements.
Her eyes never leaves you, watches as your face contorts in pleasure, moaning loudly for her, arching your back when the tip of her cock rubs against your velvety walls, watching as you fall apart on her length.
Her thrusts are slow, and calculated and she’s staring down at all of you as she fucks into you. You suddenly feel her long fingers wrap around your cheeks, pulling you to look up at her because frankly, you’re having a hard time looking anywhere.
“Eyes on me, baby…need to see you right now…f-fuck…that’s my good fucking girl…taking me so well” she praises, and it makes you moan loudly with her. You grab her wrist, watching as she fucks into you faster, both of you getting closer and closer to what you’ve been needing for who knows how fucking long.
Suddenly, Ellie’s hand leaves your face and instead, grabs your hand, bringing it above your head as she interlocks your fingers. Her gaze is so intense, and the grip on your hand is so tight, you feel tears prickling at the ends of your eyes because whatever the hell is happening is too goddamn intense, it’s taking over you completely, and it’s making it all too much.
“Ellie…Ellie I…I…” you choke out between little moans and whines, your eyes growing glossy as you stare up at her, and Ellie is already nodding despite your lack of words, because she understands, she feels it too, and you don’t even have to say it.
“Come on baby…give it to me…fuck…cum with my angel…please” she’s practically begging, her own moans cutting off her words as she fucks you faster, the grip on your hand almost lethal as she stares down at you, tugging her bottom lip into her mouth.
And you feel it, how could you not? Your orgasm washes over you almost painfully, making you close your eyes shut as your back arches, squeezing Ellie’s hand as you cum hard on her cock. It’s too much, too intimate, too fucking intense, and you feel like you’ll explode just from the feeling of it.
Ellie has no other choice but to smash her lips against yours when she sees it, she can practically feel the way you grip her cock with your pussy and it’s the catalyst that sends her into her own sea of pleasure, euphoria swallowing her up and almost drowning her as she kisses you with everything she’s feeling, pouring it all out into you as her hips slowly fuck into you, riding out both yours and her orgasm.
The come down is hard, because she’s on top of you, and it’s quiet apart from the heavy breathing between you and hear, and her head is resting on her chest…
And all Ellie can think about, is how utterly fucked she is..
Because she’s in love with you
#ellie williams#ellie williams smut#ellie williams x y/n#ellie williams x female reader#ellie williams x you#ellie tlou#ellie x y/n#ellie the last of us#ellie x you
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Your Beauty Never Ever Scared Me
Dbf!Joel Miller x College!Reader
A/n: Listen… I don’t have any excuse for ditching my other three active series except for tiktok made me do it… That, and the CLM series by @macfrog has ascended me to a new level of crazy and I just needed an outlet for it somewhere. Another shoutout to @theatrelove3000 who keeps putting up with my dbf joel shenanigans, they are indeed insane.
Warnings: girl this whole concept should be a warning but anyways… age gap, some fluff, light smut, uncomfortable situations with readers father… probably some editing mistakes bc ya girl is tired ok its 2am
Please be kind to this chapter, I actually like it, despite the horrors.
Decided on the song ‘Mary On A Cross‘ by Ghost for this one bc it fits ig.
MASTERLIST
Age gap is approximately 15 years or so, reader is over 21 and joel is about 37
"I think I'd probably only slow'ya down," you chuckled, looking to Sarah who seemed to read the displeasure off your face from your dad's offer. "I'm studyin' to be an archeologist, dad. I don't know nothin' about framin' and all that house buildin'..."
Maybe it had been your dad's idea, but he wasn't the one who planted it into his own head. Joel subtly turned to you and cooly uttered a response.
"You could work on interior stuff with me."
It had been almost three days.
You looked out the window to the front of your house repeatedly to try and remember it clearly. The drive home, the kiss, and how abruptly it ended with a promise to see each other around. You thought about it so often you almost wondered if it happened the way you perceived it, if any details had been skewed in your mind simply because you wanted to keep it there, fresh, untouched. Maybe he thought of it differently... but maybe he didn't.
"Did you bring home the stuff I asked ya?" Your dad came into the kitchen with a smile, embracing you with a side hug and turning to help you unpack the groceries.
"Course' I did, Pa," you handed him the bag with the six-pack of bud and the other one full of snacks.
It was the first Rangers game night, and as per tradition, that meant the company of the next-door neighbors. It had been a while since you'd been around to enjoy it, but now that you were back, there were quite a few more reasons why you were on edge to now participate. It would look weird if you came up with an excuse not to be there, and you knew that. You also knrw that you'd gotten into a rather complicated entanglement with your father's closest friend, and weren't sure what the outcome really was.
Had that driveway light not spooked you both apart, and had that little black stray cat not made an appearance, how far would it have gone? Things were pretty heated, but even still. Would he have said something? Maybe along the lines of 'I've known you since you were sixteen, and this isn't appropriate at all.'
You didn't have time to think about it, you were set to work on helping your dad cook dinner for the soon-arriving neighbors. Dinner and a baseball game, once a relaxing and enjoyable time to bond with your dad, now turned into an anxiety fest where you were convinced you'd have to walk on pins and needles around every topic.
"So," your dad piped up from his silence at the stove, stirring the pot of chili he'd been prepping. "Joel told me he gave you a ride 'few nights back."
You knew it was harmless, and that he wasn't asking for any reason, other than that he was probably curious. You hadn't seen Joel in a while, not since two Christmases ago. Your dad had driven up to Dallas to spend both Thanksgiving and Christmas with you last year, and you didn't come home for summer break given an internship opportunity. You must have seemed different to the man in some way. All grown up.
"Yeah, gave me a ride n' saved me at the bar," you chuckled, trying to seem playful and unsuspicious about the encounter.
He seemed to be confused, his brows furrowed and a funny look on his face.
"Whad'ya mean he saved ya?" he of course was continuing to speak all the while dumping his favorite spices into the pot of chili, looking across here and now to keep engaged.
"Just scared off some weirdo who couldn't take no for an answer," you let a sweet and genuine smile fall across your features, but didn't let it get out of hand. Your relationship with your father was airtight, and he could read you pretty damn well. You weren't going to give anything away, not with what was potentially on the line.
"Glad he was there," he replied with a chuckle, sending you a soft glance. "Never thought you'd have grown up so fast, now I gotta carry a shotgun whenever we go places. Fend off the wild beasts."
His jokes were only so funny now, because in this situation, you knew he wouldn't hesitate to shoot Joel if he found out what had happened. All in the nature of protecting you, but it made you sad to think of the situation that way. Joel wasn't just another weirdo following you around at a bar.
"It's only because I'm so pretty," you did your best to respond lightheartedly, making a quip that would soothe the silence. "And I believe that's yours and Mama's fault, givin' me the genes and what not."
You'd finished chopping a nice garden salad by the time the doorbell rang. You ran upstairs to change your shirt to the Jersey your dad bought you for your birthday, claiming it was good luck for the team. Truth be told, you didn't wanna be downstairs when Joel and Sarah got here.
Sarah was here, too. Her, you could easily handle. You were almost hoping that she would be in a rather talkative mood, that way the attention could be swayed to her inconspicuously. You doubted Joel would even try to talk to you, anyway.
"Lovebug, come on down, Millers are here!" Your dad shouted up, even though he saw you run upstairs right when the doorbell rang to change your shirt.
"I'm comin', hold on," you replied sassily while heading for the staircase.
You got to the bottom and had to take a breath before turning the corner into the entryway. Joel stood there with a sweet smile to you, and you tried your best to hold back the one you wore. It was too bright, too happy to see him. All despite your nerves.
You were quickly embraced by Sarah, whom you paid immediate attention to.
"My lordy, girl," you held up your hand by your shoulder to show the height difference, "last time I saw you, you must've been this tall."
"Dad tells me I'm growing like a weed," she tossed a finger over her shoulder to where he was standing, and you gave him a small glance and a smile.
"Us daughters do have a tendency to grow up," you laughed, slinging an arm around Sarah and pulling her along to the kitchen as your dad and Joel did the same behind you.
Why had you been so anxious? Joel is happy to see you. He makes causal conversation with your dad, but he catches your eye every chance he gets. His expression doesn't change, except for the tug of his lips in a smile that's barely there. Joel doesn't smile too often, except apparently when you and Sarah are around.
It doesn't take long for everyone to get situated with their food at the table, playful banter between Joel and your father filling the air as you made less rambunctious chatter with Sarah.
She's doing pretty well since last you saw her. She was always a bright girl, but as she grew it became more apparent that she would probably excel further than anyone in her graduating class. You were sitting across from a future valedictorian, you were sure.
You'd tried to ask her about her out of school interests before your dad interrupted with a question.
"How about you, lovebug?" He watched your eyes flick over to him with a turn of your head. He added context, given you hadn't been listening to them earlier. "Are you gonna look for a summer job?"
You really should, if you're being honest. There's not much work in your aspiring profession located here, but you weren't as lucrative as you used to be, given your educational expenses.
"I've thought about it," you tilted your head back and forth, and your dad seemed to need more from your answer. "I need to earn some cash before I get back to Dallas, but I'm not really sure where to apply."
Sarah seemed to know where this was going before you did. She'd been around the last time your dad was begging Joel to find some help for the contracting team they worked with. But surely your dad doesn't expect you to build houses, does he? Your dream job is to dig holes in the ground, not fill them in and put homes on top.
"We got some spaces to fill, you should come work with us 'few months. The pay's good and you don't have to stay on long, probably just till the end of July."
You gave him a look, and he instantly knew you weren't interested, but you figured you'd try and justify your reasoning. It was an argument either way.
"I think I'd probably only slow'ya down," you chuckled, looking to Sarah who seemed to read the displeasure off your face from your dad's offer. "I'm studyin' to be an archeologist, dad. I don't know nothin' about framin' and all that house buildin'..."
Maybe it had been your dad's idea, but he wasn't the one who planted it into his own head. Joel subtly turned to you and cooly uttered a response.
"You could work on interior stuff with me."
Did he just-?
"S'not much more fun than what your dad's been doin,' but at least it's out of the sun, and easier to learn."
You were almost dumbfounded. Your dad offering you a job that potentially could give you heat stroke with your lack of experience seemed like the worst idea in the world... but working on interior projects? With Joel of all people? Well, that didn't sound so bad.
You didn't want your dad to catch on, of course. Being so protestant of his suggestion, but then falling right into it as soon as Joel was the one to offer would be a dead giveaway to some sort of favoritism to his best buddy. It simply wouldn't look right.
"What kinda interior stuff?"
He smirked. The motherfucker was smirking. He knew you'd changed your mind, but couldn't exactly just come out with it. He understood, but it was still slightly amusing to him.
"Flooring, cabinets, countertops... 's things like that," he explained, knowing you really didn't care what all it entailed. He was still happy to play along. "S'not as fun as archeology, but it pays alright."
You nodded, acting as though you were turning the thoughts over in your head.
"Well, if you're sure I won't mess it up, I'd be happy to try it out," was your final response. You figured it left some leeway in case your father became suspicious, but gave a good enough answer to end the conversation on.
"That's my girl," your dad clapped a hand on your shoulder in excitement. Truth be told he would very much enjoy your presence on a work site. "I'll go ahead and call Eddie in the morning, let 'im know I found someone to replace Charlie for interiors."
It was said more to Joel, you figured, because you didn't really know who either of those people were. He'd nodded to your dad, taking a sip of his beer and then looking back to you. You smiled sweetly, nobody catching it but the one it was meant for.
"Game's gonna start soon," Joel spoke aloud, drawing everyone's eye to the clock over the stove.
Sarah cleared her throat before jumping in on the conversation.
"About that," she looked to her dad with the same puppy dog eyes she used to use against you. He was just as poor at saying no to her when she pulled those bad boys out. "Sammy texted me to ask if it's okay to stay over at her place tonight?"
Joel sighed. He knew that no matter the attempts he made for her to like baseball, it wasn't her thing. It was summer vacation, and he had no reason to say no, so he didn't.
"Is she coming to pick you up?" He began, fishing his keys out of his pocket to drive her if need be. The girl lived five minutes away, he'd be back only a few minutes after the game started, but he didn't really want to leave.
"I can ask her," she pulled her phone back out of her jeans, opened her screen, and checked her messages.
"No need, I can take you," your voice rang out, standing from the table and taking your bowl to the sink. It was a genuine offer, but it was also to get out of the house and process what just happened with the job situation.
Joel was the first one to stand up with you.
"You don't have to-"
"It's fine," you cut him off, leaving no room for discussion. It was lucky he liked you, otherwise, Joel Miller might have put up quite the argument for such a small dilemma. As was his way, of course. He huffed, but accepted he had been overruled.
"Thanks, then." It was mumbled, but there was gratitude in it.
"We gotta hop over to ours real quick and grab my stuff," Sarah told you, waiting for you to return from the kitchen before beginning to head out through the front door. You'd grabbed your keys off where they hung on the wall before going behind her.
"I'll be back soon," you called over your shoulder into the house, and got a chirped 'alright' reply from your dad.
You walked out passed your driveway, seeing the light flicker on as you both went passed the censor on the ground.
"Y'know, I didn't think you'd have caved so fast on that job thing." She had piped up once you were almost to her porch. You found it only slightly funny that she chose the exact topic which had been swirling in your mind since it happened.
"Not sure I really wanna do it, but your dad made it sound better than every time my dad's talked about it, guess he just convinced me," you chuckled, playing it off in a way that she absolutely was about to use against you.
"That's another thing," she turned to you as she backed into the house through the door, only turning once she was inside. "Since when are you friends with my dad?"
She said it in a joking tone, but having known a few things she didn't about interactions that occurred between you and her father, you felt constricted to answer seriously. Probably with a lie if need be.
"I've always gotten along with your dad," you gave her a confused look, accompanied after by a playful smile.
She grabbed her backpack and opened it, checking to make sure she'd taken all the school stuff out before starting to shove things in, her charger, headphones, etc.
"Yeah but... you're just all young and cool and stuff," she shrugged, turning around to walk towards the staircase. "My dad is all old and boring and only talks about baseball."
"Thirty-seven isn't old, babe. My dad is two years from fifty, and I don't even think he's old, yet. Boring? Maybe..." you reasoned, hearing her laugh before she sprinted up the stairs, giving you time to think of some answers before she asked any more questions. Had she really caught onto you that fast? You didn't think you'd acted noticeably. If Sarah was able to see it, then maybe your dad did, too. You needed to be more careful, in that case.
Sarah returned a few minutes later, her backpack now stuffed and her pillow under her arm. You nodded out the door and headed back to your driveway to open the door for her, seeing as though her hands were full.
-
The drive after Sarah had been dropped off felt so much longer. Maybe it was just your thoughts, or maybe you consciously drove slower to avoid getting home too quickly. Your dad was waiting, but above that, Joel was there, too. Probably sitting back on the leather couch, relaxing with his feet kicked out on the floor. He usually leaned onto the armrest with his elbow, and held his face against the hand it supported. You'd noticed it years ago. He only ever spoke up when your dad did, usually in reply to him.
He was content simply watching the game in the presence of a friend. It was endearing.
When you pulled into the driveway, you had come up with an excuse to not remain downstairs for the duration of the game. It was too risky, and you weren't apparently as good with self-control as you'd thought you were.
You went inside and hung up your keys on the hook, immediately passing the living room on the way to the stairs.
"Hey, lovebug, you missed the top of the first," your dad called. He knew you liked baseball, so if you were to lie and say you didn't want to watch, he'd know something was up.
"Y'know, pa, I think I'm just gonna watch it upstairs, I forgot I still got some stuff to unpack," you peaked your head into the room to respond, and saw that Joel, just as you had pictured, was sitting in his most usual position on the couch, feet out on the floor, arm up with a hand holding the side of his face.
"Can't you do it later?" Your dad pleaded, but you knew, seeing as how your father occupied the recliner, you would have no where else to sit but on the floor or next to Joel. You didn't trust yourself with that.
"I could, but I might fall asleep if I wait too long."
He sighed, throwing an arm in your direction and shooing you away. He wasn't annoyed, but he'd admit he missed watching these games with you. It had been like a tradition, but if Sarah wasn't here either, he wasn't gonna make you stick around.
"Sure you don't wanna stick around? We could use your lucky jersey down here," Joel piped up, lifting his face from his hand and giving you a pair of soft eyes. That was exactly the reason you would not be staying. He didn't even realize how much he affected you, but you'd make sure he did at some point. Maybe you could just tease him a little.
"You're right, it would be a shame to take the lucky jersey with me."
You walked behind your dad's chair, out of his sight, and tauntingly stripped the jersey over your head, revealing the tight black tank top beneath it, just like that night at the bar. Joel's jaw clenched and his eyes turned darker, even under the bright light of the flatscreen in the living room. You never took your eyes away from his as you slung him the jersey.
"Hey pa, can I get you anything from the kitchen before I go upstairs?" You leaned over the back of his recliner, looking at him upside down. He chuckled and shook his head, trying to move your hair from obstructing his vision.
"We're all good, lovebug," he spoke in addition to his physical response, his laughter dying down as you stood back up. "Come on down if you change your mind."
"I'll probably be down later," you spewed a half-lie. You weren't sure if you would be or not, especially if Joel was still lurking in the living room.
You gave those brown eyes one last look before heading straight upstairs.
You grabbed your remote and flicked on the TV. It was already on the right channel, so you tossed the remote aside onto your bed and flopped back into it. You didn’t actually have anything left to unpack, but they would never have known.
Your phone buzzed beside you, and you lifted the screen to your face to see a text from an unsaved number:
Missin you down here…
You’d never put Joel in your contacts, because in highschool, your friends thought it was weird to even text or call him regularly, but you had his number for years, always just as a backup. You’d known it by heart, now, and nearly had it memorized back then, too, for the times you needed his help.
I’d come back if there was an open seat.
A bit sassy of a response, maybe, but you were hoping he’d understand the hidden meaning behind it… Although, Joel didn’t usually pick up on those things very easily.
Open seat right next to me
Yeah, that’s why I’m up here…
You huffed, realizing it wouldn’t be that easy. The three little dots indicating his next response was on the way slightly nerved you. Maybe he took the last text you sent the wrong way. You didn’t mean it to sound badly.
What’s that supposed to mean?
Means that I can’t keep my hands to myself.
You quickly rectified the situation, although you might have gone too far. He was taking far too long to answer, now. The little dots that before nerved you would now be your saving grace if it meant he would just fucking respond, already. You dropped the phone on your chest, raising up and down in a scattered rhythm while you wiped your hands over your face. Your phone vibrated over your shirt and you immediately opened it.
I can’t either. Stay up there.
You breathed out a sigh of relief. He was thinking the same things you were, and likely was under more stress for it, given he sat right across from your dad, responding to his comments about the game here and there. Your dad had no idea what was happening right under his nose.
Wasn’t thinking about leavin.
This little back and forth went on, the majority of the game, in fact. It was more-so about the plays then on, because you didn’t have anyone to talk to up here.
Joel thought it a bit funny, your dad would say something oddly specific about one of the players, and then you’d text him right after saying the exact same thing. You’d been a product of watching baseball with your old man for just about ever.
“I’m thinking about gettin’ some tickets over the summer for a game or two. They’re always cheaper in them group packages, you n’ Sarah should come along,” your dad was barely paying any attention to the words he spoke, but they came flowing out anyway, clear and cool. “Could be fun.”
Joel knew that there was only so much group interaction he could handle with you, and you with him. It stands to why you’re upstairs, an he’s down here, fist wrapped tightly around your lucky jersey. All out of your father’s sight, of course.
“It could be. Don’t think Sarah’s much for baseball anymore, though.”
He’d hoped that your dad would drop it. Halfway through his third beer, he hoped the man was a little more than tipsy, and maybe didn’t even mean the words he was saying.
“Doesn’t mean you can’t still tag along,” your dad was definitely still sober enough to keep it up, although the way he spoke became slower. Maybe he was getting sleepy.
“I’ll think about it.”
His response was followed by a hum, then a lull of silence that endured the rest of the game. He sat all the while and thought about his predicament a bit more.
He couldn’t stop thinking about you. It was insane… like you’d leeched yourself to the inner workings of his mind and he wouldn’t be able to pull you off without hurting himself, too. You were just upstairs, and had been texting him. You were within his vicinity, and yet… so unreachable.
He’d wished for you to be down here, or for him to be up there with you. Obviously, that wouldn’t go too well with the man sitting next to him, but he’d be asleep soon. If he could just touch you again, just kiss you one more time, maybe his cravings would be satisfied and he could go about his days… but what would happen if he kept feeling the addictive urge to do more? What if he was never satiated enough to quit you?
The game was called, and you’d texted him a small ‘victory’ at seeing the Rangers had won.
It was wrong, and the presence of his friend beside him was a constant reminder that you were his kid, and he would have a final say. Even though you were an adult, he understood this was completely taboo, and you should be off with guys your own age... but he’s made up his mind about the thoughts spinning in his head.
He didn’t respond, though. Your dad stood up out of his chair, his arms stretching outwards with a loud yawn as he took a few steps forwards, clapping his hand down on Joel’s shoulder.
“I hate to kick you out…” your father joked, a low and tired chuckle under his words.
“It’s alright, I got some stuff to sort out anyway.”
They started making their way towards the door when light but fast footsteps could be heard coming down the stairs.
Joel turned quickly, a smile on his lips and in his eyes when he saw you trying to catch your breath after sprinting down here.
“Leavin’ already?”
They both laughed heartily. As if Joel hadn’t been here almost three hours, most of which you spent upstairs. Your heart was beating far too fast for your liking, but there didn’t seem to be a way to stop it. Now that you were present again, in the room with him, you didn’t know what else to do.
“Your dad’s half asleep as it is, if I stay any longer I’ll send ‘im into hibernation,” Joel’s response made you giggle softly, although you withheld most of the laughter, because in all honestly, it wasn’t that funny, and you needed to learn to control yourself.
“He’ll be over next week, we’ll talk about gettin’ you into that job.”
You nodded, turning back to Joel as your dad opened the front door. What were you supposed to do? You couldn’t hug him, could you? That’s too much… maybe just wave, or maybe-
He held his hand out… for you to shake it. A hand-shake. Yeah, sure, fine.
You shook it, but he pulled you in half way, tapping your back once and then letting go.
He just bro hugged you. This man just-
He turned and did the same to your dad, giving you one last glimpse as he stepped out the door. Your dad closed it behind him and you were almost clean out of words to say. That had to have been the strangest interaction you’ve had.
“I’m beat, love-bug. I’m gonna head to bed,” he slung an arm around your neck and kissed the top of your head before turning and going down the hall to the stairs. “Don’t be up too late.”
“I won’t, just got a few things to do.”
You waited approximately ten more seconds before running to the garage door, going as quickly and as quietly as you could through to your front yard. Joel was still on his porch when you got out there, but was about to go inside.
You ran out to the sidewalk in font of his house and called out to him, all the while still barefoot.
“Hey Miller,” you crossed your arms, watching him turn around and lean in one direction. “Did you just bro-hug me? Or did I imagine that?”
He stepped closer to the edge of the porch, leaning against one of the wooden beams closest to him.
You slowly walked up to him, tilting your head to side as you observed his stance. he looked rather good. Hair tousled, body adorning a black t-shirt and some dark jeans. He was a sight, even in the dark light of the neighborhood.
“I reckon I oughta’ try again?”
"Seems like the fair thing to do."
“You’re takin’ your sweet time, baby,” he irked, grabbing gently under your elbow and pulling you up onto to porch once you were close enough.
You smiled to him, and wrapped your arms round his neck, over his broad shoulders. He pulled you close, tucking a head into your shoulder. The anxiousness you felt before fell apart, the rapid beating of your heart slowed, because you were comfortable. You felt immense peace in his arms like you’ve never felt before.
He backed away too soon, but still kept you relatively close to him.
“Was that better?”
“Yeah, I’d say so.”
There was a moment of silence, of contemplation, but it wasn’t stiff, and it wasn’t awkward. It was just there, a nice and pleasant quiet, and you standing still with Joel Miller on his porch.
“You wanna come inside a while?”
Sarah wasn’t home, and wouldn’t be till morning. Your dad was probably passed out in bed by now, leaving the opportunity completely open. You had nothing to lose, no risk to be had.
“Yeah, I think I will.”
He didn’t let you go, he just walked you both backwards until he was able to reach the door, reaching with one hand to open it before stepping slightly to the side to allow you entrance first.
“Ever the gentlemen,” you smiled, walking inside before he followed you in.
“Gotta make up for all that nonsense earlier,” he closed the door, taking your hand and walking to the kitchen. He pulled out a stool at his counter and let your hand fall to your side as he made his way to the fridge.
He pulled out two beers and uncapped them with the tool hanging on the side of his fridge. You think you remember your dad buying it for his birthday one year. You can remember sitting in this exact seat many times before, actually. Never alone, though. Never just you and Joel, and nobody else near.
He slid you one beer an you smiled at him in thanks, taking a sip.
“Last time you had one of these, I didn’t know if you liked it or not,” he gestured to his own bottle, drinking some and setting it down on the counter.
“I don’t know, I think it’s growing on me.”
He looked straight to you, leaning both hands on the edge of the counter. You leaned forward, mimicking his more stern face of features before he said anything else.
“I didn’t wanna say so with your dad around, but you look awful pretty tonight,” he spoke the compliment smoothly, but he had to drop his head after he said it. Seemed that giving you compliments alone in the night was something of a struggle for him, since he was blushing still even when he looked back to you.
“I seem to be feelin’ a lot prettier as of late whenever I’m around you. Think you’re just good for my self esteem,” you paused, leaning back onto the stool to take a drink of your beer. “That, or it's just nice to be complimented by a handsome guy like yourself.”
He didn’t seem to believe you. His scoff was loud and heard immediately after your compliment returned to him.
“You think I’m handsome?”
He’d always thought he was average. Maybe even slightly below. As he got older, that notion grew until he felt that maybe he was beyond trying for a woman on behalf of his looks. Perhaps there were women from time to time that would agree to a date, but there were none since Sarah’s mom who actually stuck around, not until you… but you were different as far as relationships go, because technically, you shouldn’t even be considering one with him.
“Absolutely, I do. Why wouldn’t I?” You were curious, because he was clearly attractive. Maybe you’d spent too much time around the more traditionally preferred young men in dallas, but something about Joel intrigued you that never did with anyone else. Maybe it was the forbidden aspect of what you two were doing, but before that, it was something else. He was rough and rugged, and good looking in a mature way that the boys your age couldn’t mimic if they tried. Those dark brown eyes with little crows feet at the edges every time he smiled were a dead give away to his age, but it was so appealing somehow.
“Don’t know. Guess I’m just old,” he spoke, trying to hide the insecurities that phrasing brought about. He was too old for you, he shouldn’t be sitting here with you you alone and calling you pretty, and yet…
“Maybe that’s a good thing. Too many boys my age are still very immature these days.” And it was very much true. Too young, too immature, and too stupid to see what’s in front of them and really appreciate it. Older men have a tendency to take care of the things they have, because they know that with time they can lose them.
“That so?”
“Mhm.”
“They don’t even realize what their missin’ out on, do they?”
You shook your head in reply. Nope. Not a single one of the younger guys you’ve dated has treated you with the care you know he could. He’s always treated you with care, before… why would that change now?
“They probably figure there’s a million girls linin’ up after me that they can take a shot at,” you raised your eyebrows and drank some more. Maybe it was just a thought of some past experiences, but this beer was tasting better and better to you.
“I pity them,” he said nonchalantly, without really thinking about it.
“Who, the girls? I mean, I kinda feel bad, but other times, I think we all know what we’re getting ourselves into n’ we just try to ignore the red flags.”
It was meant as a joke, but he was being genuinely serious.
“No, the guys. I pity ‘em.”
“Oh, do you?”
“I do,” he nodded, thinking of the right words to say. “They lost you, didn’t they? Biggest mistake of their lives and they didn’t even know. Pity ‘em just for that.”
You didn’t know what to say. You figured the wide smile you wore was doing a fine enough job, but he wasn’t looking like he had anything else to voice yet.
“You think I’m somethin’ special, Joel Miller?”
He set his bottle down on the counter and walked around it to stand right in front of your barstool. He took both your hands and pulled them to his chest, just holding them there and looking to you with the sweetest expression you’ve ever seen from him. He’s so different than what you remember in your earlier years. He used to be so stoic and serious. Sometimes even a little grumpy. Guess time changes things.
“I wouldn’t be gettin’ myself into sum’ this crazy if I thought anything else,” he mumbled it almost, but he definitely meant it. His words rang true in every aspect of the implications they made. This was crazy, it was very unlikely in the first place, but even still, it was happening. Neither of you backed down, neither of you said no.
“If it helps, I happen to think you’re pretty damn special, too.”
He didn’t respond, just leaned closer towards you, nudging his nose against yours, before letting your lips meet in a kiss. it washed rushed and hazy like the last time. It wasn’t forceful or fast or anything of that sort. It was gentle, and it was meaningful. All the years he’d known you, but never like this. You knew this attraction was new, but it was still real. You wondered how many women pined after him over the years, only for you to now gage his attention when clearly no one else did. The man’s been single since Sarah’s mom left, and otherwise, you didn’t know him to be much of a ‘dating around’ kinda guy. Standing here with him, now, you felt such excitement in knowing he’d pursue you, the off limits woman, over anyone else. It was a true victory, or at least you thought so, sitting on a stool in his kitchen while he kissed you softly, his thumbs going over the backs of your hands that still lingered in his.
When the kiss broke, you inhaled deeply, the scent of him so close to you, surrounding you. He was like a warm blanket you just pulled out of the dryer. He was comforting, and soft, and his skin was currently hot to the touch. You could only hope that you had something to do with that.
“Baby,” he breathed, hands letting go of yours and finding a new home at your waist. You left your hands on his chest, feeling his heart rate fluctuating. “Gotta know something before this goes any further…”
You hummed in response, still trying to even your breath intake. He backed away a few inches to be able to look you in the eyes correctly. He’d spent enough time with you in the past to know if you were telling the truth, and he was going to use it just this once to his advantage.
“What we’re doin’, you sure you’re okay with it?” He knew better than to jump into this without clarification. “Don’t want you feelin’ pressured if you’re not.”
“I want this,” you spoke softly, just loud enough that he could hear. “Promise.”
You had thought you’d been the instigator to this, if memory serves you correctly. Even still, you know now that whatever happens, he won’t take it somewhere you don’t want it to go. This show of good faith was something you could put trust in him over. He’s a good one, you always knew that.
And again his lips were on yours, differently this time. It was a bit more hasty and fervent like the first time, but there was still something different from then that you couldn’t quite decipher.
You absent-mindedly opened your legs and he instantly came between them, letting your bodies become flush with one another. His hands ran up and down your sides, every once and a while dipping to your hips and somewhere below on your thighs.
There was a heat between them that you didn’t realize was there until he came so close to touching it. He never actually did, though, and you were both endeared by and upset about it. He was the one making that heat spread, he can’t just leave it there… but he’s testing his limits, and you think it’s respectful that he is.
He doesn’t want to cross any lines… as if this entire entanglement has not already done that. This situation in every sense of the definition, has crossed the line. Him hugging you that tightly on his porch, him inviting you in after dark when it’s only you and him alone, having a beer with some very personal conversation, and now making out with you in his kitchen. They all crossed the line of what should happen between a man and his best friend’s daughter.
“Tell me to stop,” he mumbled against your mouth, almost as if reading your mind. His hand on your thigh drifted between your legs, just barely caressing the heated pool sitting there, waiting for him. It was still very reserved, and you had to buck against his hand for more friction, but at least it was something.
The taste of him somehow made it worse, the feeling growing inside you without an end in sight. The arousal was evident, but you weren’t sure he would be able to do anything about it, yet. You could tell it was weighing on his mind, what was okay for him to do, and what wasn’t. You would beg him if you had to, you just needed more.
He had an idea, one that could allow both of you to explore this dynamic easier, and one that could potentially keep him from overstepping like he was afraid to.
He removed his hands only for a minute, bringing yours up and over his shoulders before he settled his back down below your ass.
“Hold on,” he told you, lifting you from the seat and walking until he got to the living room. From there, he let the space guide him until the back of his knees hit the edge of the couch. He sat almost abruptly, and when you relaxed your weight onto him, you felt the stirring between his legs as well. You moaned into his mouth at the mere size and feeling of it, beginning to slowly grind down onto him. He encouraged your movements, and used his hands to guide your hips as you went, back and forth, getting into a rhythm.
“That’s it, baby,” he praised, tearing himself away for a moment to expel his breath from his lungs at the new feeling. Your head fell against his, and suddenly it was the movement of your lower half taking you over.
He let his hands move over your body a bit more freely, now, but still careful not to make any harsh movements, or grab in places he felt he shouldn’t linger too long. He knew you wanted this, but something inside him questioned how comfortable you really felt… that was until you started doing the same, roaming his body with your delicate touch, making him feel like the most important man in the world. You could have sworn you marked the exact moment he snapped, rolling his hips upwards into yours shamelessly. It was so deliciously addicting, the feeling of his body pleasing yours, and vice versa. His rough and sturdy hands, though still gentle, ravished any part of you available to him.
The air between you was hot and thick, and you could swear that by breathing it in, you were drawing even more arousal into your body.
The motions kept going until there was a quickening of pace brought on by you both simultaneously. You couldn’t mark a distinction of when it increased, you just knew that the speed you were going wasn’t where you started. All you could think of was that your spend was fast approaching, and you wondered if his was, too.
“Gettin’ close,” you murmured, barely able to get the words out for the moans that slipped passed your lips. “M’gonna…”
He heard you, and understood. Truth be told, he’d started getting hard since that moment on the porch, so this was just nothing but sweet relief to him. He kept on, trying to meet you at your finish.
“Let go , baby.”
You had no qualms about being told twice when it came to him. You gave it up easily, the muscles in your body contracting when you felt the wash of utter ease through every inch of you. He tensed beneath you, but relaxed with a groan of relief right after, and you could feel his length twitch in his jeans.
You just dry-humped Joel Miller on his couch. Like a horny teenager. What the fuck.
The dawn of realization was cut short by his hand softly coercing the back of your neck, bring your lips back for him to claim as he did earlier. Soft, and gentle, no rush, no heat. Just that feeling between you both that started this mess.… and it was indeed a mess.
“You wanna stay over?”
-
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@justanothersadperson93 @moonchild-warrior @hopplessilse @brittmd115 @michilandcof @untamedheart81 @just-someone-broken @joelalorian @xybil @yvonneeeee
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#joel miller x reader#joel miller smut#joel x reader#joel the last of us#dbf!joel miller x reader#dbf! joel miller#joel miller age gap#pedro pascal fluff#pedro pascal smut#pedro pascal x reader#pedro pascal
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24 Tomarrymort Recs for 2022 (One-Shot Edition)
A thank-you to the Tomarrymort community, inspired by @sitp-recs's wonderful rec lists!
Criteria for this list: one-shot, complete, published in 2022. I tried to include a wide array of tropes and themes and ratings, but of course I haven't read everything published on AO3 in the past year, so please always feel free to drop fic suggestions in my Ask box! I aimed for 22 fics (for 2022) but found too many unforgettable fics in my bookmarks, so 24 it is.
(Standard rec list disclaimers apply: please mind the tags; this is not intended as the ultimate reclist, only a reflection of my own tastes + what I had time to read this year; recs are arranged alphabetically by fic title.)
Multi-chaptered fics and WIPs will get their own posts, but for now, please enjoy these wonderful one-shots that were all written in the last year and remind me of how multifaceted and talented our little corner of the fandom is! These amazing authors made me gasp and cry and laugh and heavy breathe (sometimes all within the same fic).
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Tomarrymort Recs (One-Shot Edition)
Alive Really Isn't Your Color by @meles-merrivale (T, 6k)
A beautifully written, bittersweet take on Harry's life after the war and what it means to fall in love with someone you're supposed to hate and who's supposed to be dead. There's so many stunning, evocative lines from this fic that I could quote, but I'll leave you with this one: "How did Harry ever think Voldemort didn’t understand emotion? The man feels everything, feels it with his whole body, twisting his face and coiling his magic and tearing apart the world with the force of it."
contrapasso by hanamichi (E, 13k)
This was GRIPPING from beginning to end. The author does an incredible job with showcasing Harry's struggling emotional state after the war, and his grief is just so palpable. Harry and Voldemort's dynamic is gorgeous here.
From Every Ruin by @officialsporkintheroad (M, 5k)
Time loops beloved! This was such a clever take on the classic graveyard encounter, and there's nothing more that I love seeing than Harry losing it with every successive time loop.
Gaunt by @wixen-writes-tomarry (M, 8k)
A sense of uneasiness pervades this fic — lots of haunting prose and elements of psychological horror — it made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. A must-read if you like alternate takes on Harry encountering another one of Tom's horcruxes (in this case, the ring horcrux).
In Your Image by @perhaps-sunlight (T, 11k)
An AU loosely based on the Portrait of Dorian Gray, with Tom as a painter who's found immortality and eternal youth by stealing his victims' souls away and what happens when he sets his eyes on Harry— very suspenseful and gripping throughout, and I love how it cleverly weaves in elements of canon that were very fun to recognize!
knock it off by TheOnceandFutureQueenofTarts (E, 3k)
Harry having a masochistic streak is a characterization that I adore, and this fic does an amazing job delving into this aspect of his psychosexual development that by the time he meets the locket horcrux, it all goes downhill from there. It's also so funny and written in a snappy way, I laughed out loud at the ending.
Love at First Sight by @dividawrites (E, 5k)
One of the funniest things I've ever read in this ship — every single line of Harry's desperate pleading to Voldemort had me howling. And it wouldn't be a Divida fic without super hot smut at the end (featuring! actual! hemipenes!!) The best take on creature inheritance trope I've read.
My Decorated Horcrux by @youknowmevj (E, 4k)
I love Voldemort wins AUs; it's fascinating to explore the dynamic that he'd have with Harry in his new regime, and oh, does this fic deliver! Voldemort adorning Harry and showing him off is always a treat, plus Harry remaining his defiant self — so many fun elements in this PWP.
on the other side by @philolust (E, 3k)
One of the most haunting things I've read this year. Voldemort's POV is surprisingly heartbreaking; actually, the whole fic is heartbreaking. I don't want to give too much away, but this is an EXCELLENT take on the trapped-in-a-room trope.
On the rejection of love by Baryshnikov (T, 2k)
A really interesting exploration of Tom being aroace and what that means in terms of being in a relationship with Harry. I love this author's series on aroace Tom overall; it was hard to pick a favorite!
paradise / circus by but_seriously (E, 5k)
Snappy banter and really hot smut in this PWP, a perfect generation mashup that showcases a great depiction of how Harry doesn't actually hate Tom as much as he claims 😊
Personal Assistant by @phantomato (E, 10k)
This one is an absolute masterpiece, an incredible study in suspense. It's a really unique take on a universe where Voldemort never comes back after his initial downfall on Oct 31, 1981, and features a very realistic depiction on who Harry grows to be if he didn't have the formative childhood adventures that we saw in the books. There's an incredibly skillfully crafted mystery at the heart of this story, and when it all comes together in the end, I screamed and gasped and immediately reread it looking for clues that Phantomato had layered in all throughout.
saw you in a dream by @duplicitywrites (E, 2k)
Dream sex with Voldemort! The writing is so ethereal and floaty and poetic, packed full of intensely sensual phrases like, "Its shadowy form sinks deeper into Harry's body, soothing him. Harry can feel it everywhere, like ice through his veins, like they’re two halves of the same whole." It's the perfect dream sex sequence fic 💖
Sola Fide by @crowcrowcrowthing (M, 8k)
So very atmospheric and a fascinating depiction of ritual magic and Voldemort as an actual god! AUs are a really great way to explore what makes the core of a character — that even if it's the characters thrust in different circumstances, you can still tell who they are at their core, and this fic does a fantastic job of reimagining Harry and Voldemort meeting under different circumstances.
Something New by @itsevanffs (E, 2k)
A fresh (and super hot!) take on A/B/O dynamics, featuring both Alpha Harry and Alpha Tom, with both of them overriding their natural instincts in different ways in order to be with each other. The control, the restraint, the desperation, the taboo-ness of what they're doing within their society — all amazing elements that have made this into one of my favorite A/B/O dynamics that I've read. Alpha/Alpha is so underrated! (Also, not a tag that can be filtered yet on AO3, for some reason).
such a heavenly way to die by driftingsea (M, 7k)
This was SO clever and funny, and an amazing play on Harry being MoD. I don't want to give too much away, but let's just say this fic perfectly captures how murder is the ultimate Tomarry love language.
take this kiss (upon the brow) by @audair (T, 2k)
Incredibly beautiful and poetic prose. The mysterious backstory behind the Tomarry established relationship had me on the edge of my seat. This is one I'll reread over and over again for the haunting and atmospheric prose.
The gift by @metalomagnetic (E, 1.6k)
The perfect follow-up to 'Either must die' told from Voldemort's POV — surprisingly sweet and, not surprisingly, very sexy. As always, Metalo's fics pack a huge emotional punch; this one accomplishes it in just 1600 words — every single sentence is emotionally significant and not a single word is wasted - a must-read if you've read EMD.
the monster you (don't) see by Lils_White (E, 2k)
Harry pining for Voldemort after the war. A lovely, haunting, perfect depiction of dream sex, where you've left wondering what is a dream and what is real.
The Ties That Bind by @mosiva (E, 8k)
Mosiva writes an amazing Harry and Tom dynamic, as well as consistently delivers on great smut, and Tom here is a gem. This fic showcases Tom at his manipulative (sexiest) best, and the progression of Harry growing more drawn to Tom feels very natural and unrushed. Also, did I mention how hot the smut is? The author has other chaptered works that are worth checking out as well, if you like this dynamic!
The Train Station at Forever by @vdoshu (T, 1k)
This is one of the most deeply emotional takes I've seen on the endless reincarnation cycles theme (usually due to Harry being MoD and Voldemort being tied to Harry's soul). In just 1000 words, Doshu does an amazing job of capturing the angst and torment of Harry and Tom achieving "immortality" in this manner, and left me in shivers.
We Still Have Time by @duplicitywrites (T, 9k)
This was SO BEAUTIFUL and SO SAD, an incredible depiction of holding onto someone you love even after death, and I can't even think about this fic without wanting to weep. One of the most heartwrenching things I've read in all of fanfic, in all of my years reading fanfic. I very rarely cry reading fics, and god, I cry every time I've reread this fic. This is duplicity angst at its finest.
Wrath of the Lamb by @penmanner (M, 6k)
One of the most unique takes I've seen on Harry time-traveling to Tom's time in the 1940s. Something goes wrong, and Harry has amnesia but still a sense of purpose. The author's writing is gorgeous and poetic and does an amazing job of illustrating how disorienting Harry's experience is. I absolutely LOVE the amnesia trope, and this fic does it amazing justice.
you, me, a room we made by @kkeikatt (E, 9k)
This PWP was a delight to read. Voldemort and Harry trapped in a room together and the best option is to fuck each other? YES. Sign me up. The smut is extended and memorable and oh so glorious.
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#tomarry#harrymort#tomarrymort#tomarry recs#tomarrymort recs#hp fic recs#2022 reads#2022 recs#one-shot recs#ao3 recs#fanfic recs#harrymort recs
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Razor’s Edge
Part Four || Part Five || Part Six || Part Seven
Summary; Reader moves to Woodsboro for her senior year of high school. This story take place in the setting of the Scream 4 movie. This story is dedicated to all of the girls living through the current Rory Culkin revival. I love and see you. <3
Also available to be read on AO3 here
It's imperative for me to mention MAJOR trigger warnings for this story; blood, violence, sexual content, alcohol usage, and mentions of abusive situations and suicide. I will add and edit tw's as needed.
WC; 5499
Notes; no major notes for this chapter! hope you enjoy reading <3 much much love!!
(Not Beta Read)
You woke the next morning to about a dozen missed calls and text messages.
You sat up instantly, wiping the sleep from your eyes. Kirby had texted you nearly 10 times on her own.
“Are you okay?” “Please let me know if you’re safe.”
Your eyes widened as you scanned through her messages. She must have heard about the fight, you felt absolutely terrible, truly hoped it didn’t ruin the rest of the party.
You even had a text message from Jill. Hers held a surprising sentiment to Kirby’s original one.
You found that you also had a missed call from Charlie. He was the first one you decided to respond to. Maybe he could shed some light onto what was unfolding.
The phone rang a few times before Charlie picked up the other line.
“Are you feeling okay today?” Charlie spoke, his voice broke a bit at his words.
“I’m okay. How are you feeling?” You responded, nodding to yourself.
“I could be far worse, he hardly had the chance to touch me.”
“Well, that’s good then.” You responded softly.
The line was silent for a moment.
“Have you heard the news?” Charlie asked. News? Oh God, you hoped he wasn’t in any trouble.
“No, what’s going on Charlie?” You picked at your lip, anxiously waiting for a response. Your head was pounding, you weren’t sure if your nerves, or the alcohol from the night before, were making you so completely sick to your stomach.
Charlie stumbled over his own words for a moment before giving you a proper answer.
“This morning… The police found two students dead. Everyone is saying they were murdered.” He spoke just loud enough to be heard.
You choked back your own shock. Nothing could’ve prepared you for this sort of news. How was this possible? Did you know the students? The thought made your heart sink.
“Do they know-?” You began.
“No, they haven’t released much information. I don’t think they have any suspects yet, too soon to tell.” Charlie was quick to cut you off.
You sighed. The news of this was quick to sober you from your impending hangover.
You spoke a bit more, only briefly, before ending the call.
Irina found you in your bedroom a few moments later, relaying the same information.
“I’m supposed to leave for another work seminar on Monday and wouldn’t be returning until the following week. But I’m not going, I can’t leave you here…” Her words trailed off a bit at the end. She was nervously picking at a loose thread on your duvet cover, something she never did.
You reached up carefully to her hand, urging her to face you again. “No, go. Please, I’ll be okay. I promise.”
“It’s all just so much like times before,” you could see the tears well in her eyes. You immediately knew what she was speaking about. This possibility that this was all connected to the murders that had taken place in Woodboro in 1996 had already crossed your mind. You refused to let yourself dwell on it.
“Go, I’ll be okay. We don’t know anything for certain yet.” You tried your best to reassure her. You secretly wished she’d stay, but you didn’t want this to interfere with anything pertaining to her career.
“Okay,” she nodded, standing up. She stopped in your doorway, turning to face you one more time. “Just, if things get worse in any way. I’ll come home. I promise.”
“Okay.” You replied softly.
You made sure to keep your doors and windows locked that night before bed.
You said your goodbyes to Irina that Monday morning before school, reassuring her that things would be okay.
You arrived at school, welcomed by a bleak sight unfolding in front of you.
News vans were parked as close to the curb as they could be. Students stood around the entrance of the building with sullen and grim expressions. It was horrible, truly a terrible sight.
You wished you could’ve just sat back in your car and made the decision to drive home, lock yourself in your house and bedroom. You had to press on though.
You did your very best to pull your emotions together, keep it all inside for the time being. You pushed your way through news crews and hoards of students, careful to avoid the path of any cameras.
“This all happened the day Sidney Prescott decided to return to Woodsboro.” You heard one of the female newscasters speak behind you.
The pit in your stomach grew at her words.
How could this all be happening? Were you safe? Would Charlie or Kirby be safe? The dread was quick to consume you.
You sat quickly in your first period class, nudging Jill to turn and face you.
“Thank you for checking in on me.” You stated.
She turned to face you sharply, looking you over. “Well Sidney Prescott is my aunt, you know? Of course I’d be worried about anyone close to me.”
You were taken back a bit by her answer. Close to her? You never believed you were, to be completely honest. It still meant something to you though, that she believed you were. You were also surprised to find out that Sidney was her aunt, you hadn’t made that connection before.You couldn’t imagine what she must be feeling during all of this.
“Oh, I truly hope that you and your aunt are able to stay safe.” You answered as earnestly as possible.
She gave you a half smile, giving you a once over again before turning to rejoin her conversation with Kirby.
This was all too inconceivable, too terrible.
You just wanted Charlie, counted the minutes until you knew you’d see him again. You’d be safe with him.
As the clock ran on, more speculation and details came to light. The two girls who were murdered were named Marnie Cooper and Jenny Randall. Your heart sunk impossibly lower as you realized you knew both girls, even if only in passing in the classes you shared.
They were both stabbed, brutally murdered.
It grew increasingly difficult to not connect their murders to previous patterns of torment that plagued Woodsboro’s history.
You stared mindlessly out the window, watching the newscasters gather again outside. You almost entirely missed the bell that rang, releasing students for lunch.
The dread was eating you up from the inside out. Would Charlie be okay? Kirby and Irina? Would you?
How could you possibly know? What could you possibly do?
You had nowhere to run, nowhere to go. You were quick to decide you’d never flee, even if the option were present. You could never bring yourself to leave your loved ones behind.
Your body worked itself up and onward, moving you through muscle memory out towards the exit of the building. Your mind was somewhere, off very far away.
A hand slid across your back to rest on your shoulder. The sudden touch made you jump.
You snapped your head to the left sharply. You were met by Charlie. He was walking along with you, saying something to Robbie who was on the other side of him. You hadn’t even noticed them near you.
“You scared me, Charlie.” You huffed, exhaling the breath that you seemed to have been holding since learning the news that morning.
Charlie turned to look at you then, his expression fell for a second as his eyes darted across your face.
“Shit, I’m sorry.” He replied sincerely. His hand slipped from your shoulder for a moment. You were quick to grab his wrist, letting him wrap around you again.
You tried your best to relax your expression a bit more. “Just on edge, it’s okay. I should’ve been paying better attention.”
He studied you for another moment before nodding, pulling you closer into him.
Robbie cleared his throat awkwardly. You and Charlie both turned back to face him after seemingly forgetting there was a third party still nearby.
Your lips twitched upwards into a half smile as you took in the sight of the clunky glasses Robbie now wore.
“New glasses?” You asked, gesturing up at Robbie.
He nodded in response. His hands fumbled around a bit as he took them off and handed them over to you to examine.
You flipped them around, noticing a small camera attached awkwardly to one of the frames.
Robbie mumbled out an explanation for the new gadget. “…and if these murders are connected to the original Stab murders, I want to be the one to catch any real life footage. Ya’ know? Make my own movie.”
You could feel Charlie instantly stiffen up and roll his shoulders back beside you.
Your expression dropped as you handed the glasses back over.
“That’s morbid Robbie.” You replied, shaking your head.
Before he could respond, you felt your phone ring in your back pocket. You pulled it out, looking over the caller ID. Irina’s name flashed on the screen. She was surely just calling to let you know she’d made it to her destination and to check up on you again.
You excused yourself from the group, telling Charlie you’d see him back in class.
The rest of your lunch break passed by as well as it could have after your quick conversation with Irina. You did your best to avoid the spectacle in front of and around the school. It was more difficult to ignore the whispers and constant conversations passed between students about the killings.
In your last period class an announcement played over the speakers. “All extracurricular activities will be disbanded after school today.” The statement was repeated once more before going off the air.
You sighed, sinking further in your seat. There’d be no film club after class today. You peaked slightly behind you to try and catch Charlie’s attention. He was intently scribbling what appeared to be a mess of things on a loose piece of lined paper.
You hadn’t truly realized until that moment just how badly you didn’t want to have to go home and be all alone.
You reached for your phone, composing a text message to Charlie under your desk. “Come over later?”
You sent the message, setting the phone down in your lap.
A loud text tone ringer sounded in the nearly silent classroom. All heads turned to face Charlie who was now fumbling with his phone to switch off the source of the sound.
“Walker, phones on silent please.” The teacher spoke sternly from behind their desk.
You snapped your head back forward, biting back a smile.
A few moments later you felt your phone buzz silently in your lap.
“Yeah, 5pm?” Charlie’s message read.
“Works for me. Sorry about the noise.” You replied.
“Swear you must’ve done it on purpose.” He responded.
You turned back slightly to face him. He had a small smile across his lips as he looked you over.
You smiled back, melting a bit into your seat.
The rest of the school day wrapped up shortly after.
As you returned home, you double and triple checked that your windows and doors were locked. It was only a short amount of time before 5pm. You rushed downstairs once you heard a knock on the door.
Charlie stood on the porch, one hand in his pocket the other was held down casually at his side.
“Come on.” You smiled, motioning him through the door.
Once up in your bedroom you held out your arms to him. He returned the gesture, holding you close against himself.
You inhaled deeply, taking in the familiar scent of him. You walked backwards carefully until you hit your bed frame, you both promptly fell back into bed.
“Thank you for coming over.” You said softly, fixing yourself on his chest.
He kissed the top of your head, “Of course, thank you for having me over.”
You hummed and nodded, playfully reaching over him for the television remote. He picked it up off your nightstand and handed it to you.
You scrolled through the cable channels until landing on daytime production of the original Halloween. You didn’t mind that it had already played halfway through. You had seen the movie twice in its entirety by now.
It was nice and quiet for a few moments. Neither of you really paid any attention to what was being played on the television. It was time to decompress. If even just for a moment, you were able to set aside the horrible thoughts that had been racing through your mind during the entirety of the day.
You had exchanged small talk and conversations about the movie as it played through. It wasn’t until the end credits rolled that you sat up and fixed yourself in bed. The sun had long begun to set. You felt wracked with exhaustion, your mind was beginning to run all over again.
You tried to hold back a yawn when Charlie spoke up.
“Hey, I can leave, let you get some sleep.” He spoke softly, sitting up beside you.
You fervently shook your head no. “No, please don’t go. I don’t want to be alone.” Your lips twitched downward.
He studied your face for a moment, not wanting to overstep. He hadn't spent the night with you since the first time you were alone with him. But, the thought of spending the night completely alone terrified you. You felt the current situation extenuated the circumstances.
He sucked in a breath, nodding. “Of course.” He promptly adjusted himself so that you could lay back down on his chest.
He mindlessly ran his fingers over your face and through your hair as you spoke to him.
“I’m terrified, Charlie.” You said just above a whisper.
“Don’t be, doll.” He replied earnestly.
“How could I not be?” You continued. “I’m so scared. What if something were to happen to you or me? And beyond the murders… What happens with Anderson when he returns to school? As if we didn’t already have so much to worry about…”
Charlie halted his movements. You looked up at him, something was so clearly troubling him. You knew he couldn’t really secure yours or his own safety. Still, just having the reassurance from him meant the world to you.
He composed himself again. “I promise you, I’ll take care of it.” He responded, holding out his pinky to swear.
You returned his smile, pulling on your bravest front as well before returning the gesture, hooking your pinky finger within his own.
That night was spent safely and soundly in his arms amidst a mess of heavy limbs and blankets. Your bedroom window was opened a fraction of the way, allowing the early fall breeze into your room.
There was nowhere safer to you than with him by your side. You couldn’t explain it, it was just an intimate and visceral feeling.
The next night was spent that way as well. The following school day had happened about the same way the last had gone by. There was an unsteady and nervous blanket that had covered the town of Woodsboro and you were not immune to the impending feeling of dread. Still no suspects, only very minimal details were slowly released.
Anderson had also still not shown his face that entire Tuesday. You had hated yourself for even looking for him in the crowded hallways at school but you just couldn’t help it. You wished that whatever confrontation that was sure to come from him would just be over with and done already.
It wasn’t until the next day on Wednesday when he finally showed face. He was badly bruised, poorly attempting to conceal a large black eye. You noticed him first while passing between your first and second period. He noticed you shortly after. Your breath caught in your through as your eyes connected. He held such malcontent and anger in his expression. It made your skin absolutely crawl.
You made sure to stay in extra close proximity to Charlie that day.
When Charlie arrived after school at your home for the third day in a row, you made sure to tell him about your interaction with Scotty.
“Did he say anything to you?” Charlie asked.
“No, no. He just looked at me. But,” You shook your head, your face falling towards the ground.
Charlie reached a hand over on your thigh, waiting patiently for you to continue.
“I don’t know. It’s silly to even be worried about it. It’s just, there’s so much going on.” You continued, looking up to meet his eyes again.
Charlie wrapped you gently in his arms, kissing the top of your head.
“It will be alright,” He replied. “I love you.”
You smiled then, nodding. “I love you, too.”
As the sun began to set, you slowly became more sure of yourself. There was no point in worrying so much about things that were entirely out of your control. You had a much welcomed distraction in front of you to keep the thoughts at bay.
It was a bit past 7pm, you were growing hungry and restless.
“Would you like to come downstairs while I make dinner?” You asked, looking over at Charlie.
“Yeah, of course.” He answered.
You climbed over him out of bed, making the split decision to change into something more comfortable.
You threw on an oversized shirt and slid out of the pants you wore leaving you in nothing but your panties underneath. You took careful and slow actions in your movements, taking time to show your body as innocently as you could as you heard Charlie clear his throat and stand up behind you.
You motioned over your shoulder at him to follow you downstairs, his eyes drifted over your legs and upwards to meet your gaze.
You still found his shyness endearing. After all this time, you could still make him squirm so easily.
Dinner was prepared quickly, something simple you had learned to make from your aunt.
There was a labored silence that swept through the kitchen and dining room as you let him help you prepare the meal. You stole touches and long glances when you could, he did the same.
By the time you had both sat down to eat, a familiar tension had set in between the two of you.
You sat closely to him, kicking your feet up into his lap. He sucked in a sharp breath, nearly dropping his fork onto the table as you adjusted yourself into a more comfortable position.
It was so simple, yet entirely perfect. You imagined you’d be happy like this, doing this same thing over and over again with him.
By the time you had cleared the table and gotten the kitchen back in order with his help, a knot in your stomach had begun to grow.
Something about seeing him in such a domesticated position made your heart swell and your internal temperature rise.
You got ready for bed quickly, he followed suit.
As you changed the record over on your player, you couldn’t help but let your mind wander to that first night you had spent with him alone.
There wouldn’t be a better distraction, a better way to relieve the stress from the past few days, than with his hands against your body. You could give yourself this. Besides, it was hard to not notice the way he had grown more handsy with you in his sleep.
You heard him kick out of his jeans and undress down to his boxers, wearing what he usually wore to bed.
You knew he wouldn’t initiate anything, knew he was too nervous to try. But if you just have him a push-
You dropped the needle onto the record before turning to face him. He was already in bed, the duvet was pulled up just past his waist. He had a smile on his face that met his eyes, his hand was held out to you to help you into bed.
He just looked so stunning like this.
You inhaled deeply, reaching out your hand to him. You carefully climbed into bed, halting your movements once you were straddling his waist.
His eyes widened a bit as he tried to make out the intentions behind your expression.
You steadied yourself, hooking your fingers under the hem of your shirt before promptly pulling it over your head and dropping it down onto the floor.
“Fuck…” He murmured. His eyes traced over the frame of your body as his hands carefully slid up the curves of your waist.
The heat of his hands and the calluses that laced through his palms and fingers made you shiver under his touch.
You dropped your head down, moving your hair behind your ears as his hands cupped around your breasts.
You met his lips harshly, letting your hands rest on either side of his shoulders.
He doubled your neediness, bucking up his hips and kicking down the duvet until you rested flush against the growing bulge of his boxers.
You rolled your hips back, drinking in the whimpering mess that fell from his lips.
You pulled back slightly, pouting your lips. “I want you Charlie.”
“Yeah?” He questioned, searching for your lips again.
You rolled your hips again, letting your fingers slide through his hair. “Mhm.” You replied, sucking in his bottom lip.
His eyes shut tightly before reopening, his expression was dark, nearly tearing into you.
“How bad do you want me?” His voice was rough, and strained. His right hand came up to hold around the back of your neck, willing you to look at him directly.
You smiled at him as sweetly as possible. You wanted to show him- would show him, just how badly you wanted him..
Your lips worked to kiss a steady trail down his neck and chest, making sure to stop and suck at the spots you knew he liked the most.
Your fingers carefully and slowly slid his boxers down his hips until he took over, hastily kicking out of them.
The full length of him still somehow surprised you, regardless of the clear memory you had of that first night you had seen him.
You couldn’t bring yourself to waste anymore time. You quickly took him into your hand, letting your thumb trace his tip. You collected the precum that had already begun to spill out of him.
He shuddered and groaned as you took him into your mouth, letting your hand work around the parts of him you couldn’t push down your throat.
He quickly began to fall apart, you watched him carefully as his steady breathing grew labored and uneven. The sounds that came out of him were so entirely beautiful. His chorus of praise quickened your movements. You pushed him down your throat even further until you were choking and sputtering around him.
His hips raised in an unsteady pattern. His movements only quickened as the tears and spit ran down your face.
“You look so perfect like this doll.” He sighed out. His words made your heart swell. You just wanted to do a good job for him, show him how much you loved him.
He quickly wrapped his arms around your chest and back, pulling you up and under himself so that your head rested comfortably on the pillow at your head board.
You whined in response, you hadn’t had the chance to make him finish yet.
The sudden quickness and strength of his actions caught you slightly off guard. You had no time to process it though, he was already down at your waist, sliding your panties down your hips, leaving a trail of kisses down your legs as he took them completely off.
His lips and tongue were at your entrance and against your clit in an instant. You cried out, arching your back up into him. He gripped your frame steadily, holding you down perfectly for him. His shoulders kept your legs open as wide for him as possible.
It didn’t take long until your eyes welled with tears again, you were seeing stars. The entire room spun around you.
It somehow felt so much better than the first time. You figured it was certainly because you both had to be so much more comfortable with one another.
You had nearly begun to come undone against him when his tongue slowed its movements. You could feel the fingers of his free hand slide carefully through your folds before gently pushing past your entrance.
You cried out his name, letting your hands wildly mess and pull at his hair.
He groaned as you began to shutter and tighten around him.
You felt so incredibly full, it was almost too much- too blinding. Yet, you needed more of him, it didn’t matter if it hurt you, you wanted more of him inside of you, needed him to move faster- tear through you.
As though he could read your thoughts, he slipped another finger inside of you, his tongue worked in quicker paced circles.
The additional pressure sent you crashing over the edge. The tears began to fall down your face as your legs shook uncontrollably. He didn’t stop his movements until your cum dripped down your legs and his face and you were begging him to slow down.
He sat up, making his way up the bed to kiss you again. A wide smirk was plastered across his lips.
You kissed him fervently, lapping up the taste of you against his mouth. The fire was quick to build inside of you again.
You just needed more, wanted more of him so desperately.
You were mindless, drunk on him alone.
You reached down as he held himself above you. You carefully wrapped your fingers around his cock, urging him closer.
You were ready to take the next step, needed to desperately.
He let out a sudden string of expletives, nearly dropping down onto his forearms, as you slid the head of his cock through the folds of your slick cunt.
Your eyes were wide as you looked up at him. You held an expression of innocence in your expression, you knew this all must be driving him mad.
“Are you sure?” His face looked so serious for a moment as he studied your expression.
“Yes, please Charlie. I need it.” You practically begged.
“Christ,” He hazily mumbled out as he met your lips again.
He sat back, better adjusting him in front of you. You could tell he was trying to give him a second to compose himself a bit more.
You smiled up at him, giving him an ounce more reassurance. Maybe you needed a bit more as well.
“I- I don’t have a condom.” His face fell for a second at the sudden realization.
You laughed, pulling his hands forward to rest on either side of your shoulders. You arched upwards, tracing a few kisses up his arms before dropping back into the bed.
“I’m on the pill, Charlie. It’s okay, promise.” You replied. Although you had really only started it quite recently, you were certain it must all be working by now.
He nodded, dropping down to kiss you again. He let his arm slide down to take himself in his hand. The muscles in his stomach flexed and contracted as he lined himself up at your entrance.
“I’ll go slow, princess.” He spoke just above a whisper.
You bit your lip and nodded up at him.
Time seemed to impossibly stop as he held your gaze.
You sucked in a sharp breath as he began to slowly push forward. Your mouths fell open in unison as he reached about a third of himself inside of you.
The initial pressure was nearly blinding. The string of moans and whimpers that spilled from both of your mouths fell on your nearly deaf ears.
He steadied himself, dipping his head down to carefully trail soft kisses across your jaw. He stayed that way until your labored breathing grew a bit more steady as you willed yourself to adjust around the size of him.
“More, please.” You choked out. You nodded your head as he looked you over, making sure that you were okay.
He pushed forward in the same tortuously slow pace until you could feel his waist flush against you.
“Is this okay? Are you doing okay?” He could hardly get the words out of himself.
“Mhm,” you sighed out. You relaxed your body as best you could. He rocked carefully in and out of you, helping you relax further into the bed.
The pain slowly melted away, the pressure morphed into a biting pleasure that built from deep within you. It was so different from anything you had felt before. You just needed to feel more of it, wanted him to feel just as good.
“You feel so good, so fucking wet for me.” Charlie sighed as his movements grew quicker and more drawn out.
You met his eyes, him in this state above you nearly had you ready to come undone for him again. You wanted to draw out this moment as long as you possibly could. It was perfect- entirely too perfect.
You arched yourself up into him, the new position led him to hit a different place inside of you. You cried out, nails dragging deeply up his stomach.
“Just like that, please. You’re doing so good for me.” You babbled out. Your eyes screwed back inside your head as his movements grew more erratic and sloppy.
Your praise willed him to find that same spot again. He quickly wrapped his arm around your right thigh before pulling your leg up over his shoulder.
You cried out at the new depth. You met his eyes again, your line of sight was blinded by tears. It was so beautifully painful. He was biting down hard on his pointer finger in an attempt to hold himself together. You could tell he was so incredibly close.
From this new position, Charlie was able to hit the spot you needed over and over again.
You reached around him, leaving scratches down his back that would surely welt over. Neither of you cared. Charlie reacted so well to the pain.
“Fuck, please cum for me. I can’t- I’m going to,” Charlie pleaded.
His words were the catalyst that sent you coming undone under him. The pure pleasure came from deep within you. It was more perfect than anything you had experienced before. You felt it spread within you, from the top of your head to your hands and feet that were alternating between digging into the mattress and grasping into Charlie. Every nerve ending in your body was shot at once.
Your thoughts spun as your eyes blurred further and ears rang out around you. It was only him that could anchor you back to earth.
He fucked you through your high until you were a tearful, babbling mess. The only word that could properly come from your mouth was his own name.
Your vision cleared as you watched him take his turn and fall apart in front of you. You ran your fingers up his arms as his movements stuttered and halted. You could feel the warmth spill from him inside of you. The new feeling almost sent you coming again around him. The sounds that came from him were better than any music you could wish to hear.
It was almost as if you saw the rest of your life with him at that very moment. The look in his eyes as he nearly collapsed down on top of you told you he experienced the exact same thing.
You grabbed him in your arms, kissing him along the top of his head. He lazily wrapped his arms underneath you, pulling you even closer.
You both stayed there in silence for another moment, him still deep inside of you as you pulsed and fluttered around him.
“I love you so much.” He breathed out as the air regained a steady movement in and out of you both.
You pulled his face up to meet your eyes. “I love you even more.” You replied, smiling down at him.
He huffed out a labored laugh, rolling off of you into his back.
He stood up a moment later on unsteady legs, going to grab the towel that hung in your room.
“Not possible.” He smirked as he made his way back to the bed.
He took great care in cleaning you up first before getting himself together. He threw the towel into your laundry hamper before climbing back into bed.
Your eyes felt impossibly heavier than your body as he helped pull you onto his chest.
He prayed a gentle string of praises and ‘I love you’s’ until your eyes fluttered closed and you began to drift off into a deep and much needed peaceful night of sleep.
You were safe at his side. There was truly nowhere else in the world you’d rather be.
#fanfiction#fanfic#charlie walker#charlie walker fanfic#charlie walker fanfiction#charlie walker x reader#charlie walker x y/n#scream 4 fanfic#charlie walker smut#fanfiction author#razor’s edge#rory culkin fanfic#rory culkin fanfiction
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THE FOOL
p. pascal x f!oc
Masterlist | Playlist
Summary: Naela wonders if her dream is worth her efforts. She's 25 now, and she's seen dozens of people's careers take off years before hers. Why can't she catch a break?
Words: 2.4k
Warnings: A lil childhood trauma thrown in there, loneliness, a quarter-life crisis. I'll make up for it, dw. Not edited bc I do what I want lol.
Taglist: @marvel-sw-lover , @lokislittle , @red-red-rogue
comment to be added to the taglist!
CHAPTER ONE -- HALF TRUTH
The beautiful in-between, the calm before the storm, or as Naela liked to call it, pure hell. The days, weeks, sometimes months she waited for her manager to call her with a verdict. She busied herself with her second job (the only one making her money) and other auditions in this period, but there was always a sense of existential-level dread that hung over her like a dark cloud everywhere she went. She could zone out for as long as her environment would let her, either daydreaming about getting the role or reminding herself of what she could've done better.
She was doing just that when she felt her phone buzzing on the leather booth next to her. She knew it could only be two people, her boyfriend or her manager. She recalled her last audition, a nameless Netflix show where, if she were to miraculously get the part, she would be a key character to the story. Tons of lines, a romance sub-plot, and even some character development. She also hated to admit it, but she really hoped it wasn’t her boyfriend.
It’s not that she didn’t love him, she did, but she loved acting so much more. They’d been together for close to three years. She had met him in her senior year at UCLA and they were a match ever since.
Sure enough, it was her manager, Mike's, name on her screen. Every single time he called, it left her breathless for a second. A familiar tightness in her chest and empty expression returned. She answered and hesitantly put the phone to her ear.
"Hello--"
"Naela!" She pulled her phone away, letting her eardrums recover. "Naela! Naela Rivera!"
"What? Why are you yelling?" She questioned him in a hushed tone, not wanting to attract attention on her break.
"You got the part! You're gonna be on a Netflix show!"
She was silent for a moment, then laughed, "What?" He must be joking.
"I'm serious! The Casting Director just called, the show is called Narcos, and you fly out to Columbia in two weeks." Silence again.
"I have work--"
"Hello?? So quit! You'll be shooting for six months anyway. Listen, I'll let you process this but I already told them yes. I'll send everything over." She blinked away the surprise on her face and nodded.
"O-okay, yeah, thanks..." She heard the line disconnect, but she held her phone up to her ear, still stunned, frozen.
God...this was everything she's ever wanted. She instantly thought of her fourteen-year-old self walking dogs, running lemonade stands, and babysitting every chance she got to save up. Then her at fifteen, getting her first job under the table and putting every bill they gave her in a jar. Then her at eighteen, spending so much of it to move to Los Angeles. Lastly, her now, at twenty-five...working forty-hour weeks, auditions on her days off and sometimes having to choose between an audition fee or food. On top of that, fighting with her boyfriend when she told him about her breakout role. Apparently she chose the job to spite him, knowing she’d be able to cheat on him with the illusion of it being part of her job. Eventually she convinced him that it was just a job and that she loved him, but all she kept thinking was how he should be happy for her. She wondered what her future self looked like.
The next two weeks were a blur of signing contracts, packing, setting up a direct deposit with her landlord, calling her family to tell them the news and mentally preparing herself when the madness ceased just a few days before her flight.
Even then it still didn't feel real when she got to the airport, stepped on the plane, or when she finally landed in Columbia. If the temperature change wasn't enough, the live tropical plants that decorated the airport definitely made her realize she was far from home. To Naela's surprise, and her dread, Mike was waiting for her outside of the terminal. Glasses, linen button up, slacks and all. He jogged over to her, his arms open for a hug. she reluctantly reciprocated, side-hugging him back.
"Oh, Naela, so glad to be here for you. This place is paradise! Have you seen the lounge yet?"
She gave him a tired smile, "No, I just got off the plane--"
"Right, right, getting ahead of myself. Go get yourself a juice or something, I'll go get your bags." He jogged off to baggage claim, that same chipper smile on his face. Naela stood there for a moment, confused. He wasn't normally so excited or helpful. She shook her head and turned to start towards the lounge, which looked a little crowded with chatting patrons. She weaved through the couches and tables to get to the juice bar with an array of selections and fresh fruit toppings. Naela, taking advantage of all the options, made a cocktail of pinapple juice, frozen mango, lemon, and orange. Taking one sip lifted a small weight off of her shoulders. Her first taste of paradise and fucking making it after all those years. A proud smile shown lightly through her jet-lag RBF.
The moment was short-lived, however, when Mike found her, her two large suitcases rolling behind him and her heavy duffle slung over his shoulder. He instantly dropped the patterned bag at her feet, his chest heaving a bit.
"Had no idea your bags were this heavy..." Naela repressed a chuckle as she saw her manager struggle and humble himself.
"I got it, thanks," she replied cheekily, taking both suitcases in her hands and carrying her duffle with ease. He looked shocked for a moment, then led her towards the exit. She smiled to herself as his back was turned.
Once they were outside, it was still just as crowded, but much, much, hotter. The humidity alone was bad enough but the early afternoon sun was brutal. She was sweating already, even under the shade of the building. She reluctantly took off her hoodie, which she was sure left her hair frizzy, just adding to the look. She wiped away the beads of moisture forming on her face, making her realize her deodorant was packed away in her suitcase. Luckily, she didn't have to suffer for long, the shuttle with the film company text on the side pulled into the drive after just a few minutes. Mike instantly opened the door and sat himself down in the farthest seat.
The driver, however, got out to help Naela put her bags in the trunk, at which point, four other men gathered around the shuttle to do the same. She didn't even notice them waiting with her, but she did now. Two of them were dressed more comfortably, like her, and the other two looked more polished, and professional. She immediately made the connection, more actors and their mangers.
Once her luggage was tucked away, she joined Mike in the air-conditioned van, not saying a word. The inside of the car was incredibly clean, it looked brand new and smelled that way too.
The next passenger to climb inside was older than Naela for sure. Some scruffy stubble shaped his cheekbones and sharp jaw perfectly, and he had the same curly, frizzy hair Naela had. He wasted no time sitting himself right next to her and giving her a polite smile.
"Hey, I'm Pedro," he introduced himself, a little breathless from the heat. He extended his muscular hand for her to take. She instantly look it and smiled brightly back at him.
"Naela." She added, feeling his hand totally engulf hers.
"You have a beautiful name, Naela. Nice to meet you." Other people were still getting into the car, and she could hardly focus, due in part to his confidence.
"Thank you--" Another man reached over from the row of seats in front of them and offered his hand as well.
"Boyd Holbrook. I've already met Pedro, but not you." Wow. Was every actor going to be this attractive? She already felt out of place by the second one.
"Naela. Nice to meet you." She shook his hand just as she did Pedro's. Boyd's were a bit softer, but hers were still small in comparison. He nodded, smiling and turned around to face the driver again, who was just starting the van.
The drive to the studio was mostly silent, very bumpy, but luckily not very long. When she saw all the trailed lined up outside of the warehouse, it finally sunk in. The biggest set she'd ever been on, and she was one of the stars. Everyone went their separate ways after getting out of the shuttle, and Mike led her to her trailer. Her very own trailer. It even had her name on the door. Once she got inside, she set her luggage down and looked around in awe.
"Okay, Naela! This is your home for the next six months." She didn't respond as she spotted the back bedroom, instantly going in to check it out.
"Don't forget the cast dinner at six, okay?" He called to her once she disappeared behind the curtain partition.
"Okay!" She answered. At times like these, she wondered if she really needed a manager that badly. She looked around a bit more, unpacked some things, then started getting ready. Only after she turned on the AC, though.
By five-thirty, she was ready. She put on a red two-piece sundress with sleeves that hung off her shoulders. That particular shade of red she loved; she was always told it complimented her tan skin. She refreshed her dry curls and put on some comfortable nude heels. She couldn't bare putting makeup on with the heat, so she just brushed through her brows and put a light layer of mascara on her lashes.
She knew she was early, but she also knew it couldn't hurt to get to know some of her castmates beforehand. She told herself she didn't have anyone specific in mind. To her surprise, however, she found mostly every seat filled when she arrived at the patio.
Most people didn't look up when she rounded the corner, but as soon as Pedro saw her, he started waving her over.
"Naela! Your seat is here." She was sure everyone could see her blush, everyone's eyes on her as she joined them at the table.
"Ah, there's my Lucia! The Golden Trio is all here." The director added. Wait. The Golden Trio?
He sat at the very end of the table, Boyd on one side and her and Pedro on the other. He outstretched his hand. No...that means Pedro is...Javi? She recalled the scenes she performed at the casting call with a character named Javi. From what she gathered, their characters were friends with benefits.
Out of politeness, she obliged and met his hand with hers. "Thank you, sir," was all she could think to say. Once she sat next to Pedro, she finally allowed herself to take in the scenery. Lush fruit trees grew over the courtyard and a grand fountain stood tall in the center.
"Exhausted yet?" Pedro muttered, leaning toward her.
She chuckled, "I don't think I've ever been so tired. I slept on the plane, too."
"I know, somehow sleeping made me more tired," He laughed in response, then continued, "Do you like your trailer? Definitely not what I'm used to."
She shook her head, "No, me neither. It's making my apartment look bad." They laughed again in unison. Unnoticed by Naela, Boyd was smirking over at Pedro, shaking his head too.
The extra twenty minutes they had before the dinner went by fast along with the flow of their conversation, which never stopped, aside from some interjections by Boyd and Joanna. It was honestly refreshing for her. Before they knew it, the table was being set with colorful fruits and vegetables, arepas and other appetizers, an entire roast pig for the main course, and cholado for dessert. Normally Naela would be put off by the entire pig in front of her, but she hadn't eaten a full meal in the 36 hours it took to get there.
After giving each other a few quiet moments to eat, Pedro was the first to start up the conversation again with "So Naela," he washed down his last bite with a fruity cabernet, "Tell me about your family."
She took a deep breath, "I grew up in San Antonio. It's just me, my mom and my brother, Sebastian. He helps my mom run her restaurant.”
"You guys must be close. No boyfriend, then?" he mused.
"Yes, actually. He’s Josh." she laughed. "What about you?"
"It's just me and my siblings now." His response wasn't wounded, it was more accepting than anything.
"I'm sorry," she replied instinctively. "I don't know if I could recover from that. You were right about my family being close." She chuckled painfully.
"Thank you. They make it better...they really do." He took another greedy sip from his wine glass. "I had a feeling you were Lucia," he added.
"Is that so?" she replied sheepishly, trying to hide the blush creeping onto her cheeks again by looking down at the table.
"Mhm," he hummed confidently. "Listen, if at any point theres something that makes you uncomfortable, please tell me." He leaned in closer, making sure to look her in the eye as he said this.
She nodded, "Thank you, Pedro. I appreciate that." She wasn't sure if it was the wine or the company, but she could tell by the flushed feeling she had that her entire face was red. If Pedro noticed, he didn't say anything.
They continued talking as they waited for everyone to finish. Once conversation lulled and everyone was feeling even more tired from such a filling meal, the director stood at the end of the table to announce, “Alright, everyone...go get some sleep. Table reading is inside, tomorrow at 7 AM. It's gonna be a long day of reading but you'll live." A few actors chuckled but most did not. Naela stretched as she stood, she felt like she'd been sitting forever.
"Goodnight, Naela." Pedro stood too, and Naela had to fallow his eyes upward to maintain eye contact. She could feel a pit in her stomach form. Hm, didn't realize he was that tall.
"Night, Pedro..." She hesitated, smiled tiredly up at him, then finally turned to go back to her trailer. His eyes lingered for just a bit too long as she walked away, but eventually Boyd snapped him out of it by patting his back and saying his goodbyes as well.
It felt so fucking good to get ready for bed that night. She was in her comfortable clothes again at last and she was clean. She dimmed the lights and decided to scroll on social media for a bit. She came across an ad for Game of Thrones, and remembered Pedro had mentioned being in the previous seasons.
Needless to say, her curiosity got the best of her and she looked up "got pedro pascal scenes".
Holy shit.
This job just keeps getting harder and harder.
reblog if you made it to the end!
#pedropascaledit#pedro#pedro pascal smut#pedro pascal x reader#pedro pascal x oc#pedro pascal fanfic#pedro pascal fanfiction#pedro pascal#pedro pascal characters#pedrito#javier peña#javier pena#javier pena narcos#narcos#pedroispunk#pascalispunk#daddy pascal#pedro pascal fandom
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I do not know if it was you, or another blogger that made a character analysis of Gojo that made me like the character and discover more about him through the manga.
While I never read the manga before or watched the anime, I had been exposed to it by my friends and some BNHA bloggers. Back then, I found Gojo to be overhyped (discount Kakashi) while liking the animation(?) style, bit still no interest.
BNHA and its Endeavour Redemption arc in the doing was tiring me to the point that I stopped reading it and manga altogether. For mayne six months or so, until now, at least. I randomly found your blog last week , and it got me a new hyper fixation 😃. You got me to start reading JJK (Megan cos playing also helps).
I bought Number 0 and Number 1 of the mangas. Only to remember midway in Number 0 that Walmart Kakashi will be snapped in two like a Kit Kat🥲. I saw that leak in one of the BNHA blogs, and I didn't mind it back then since I wasn't in the fandom, but Lord, now it sucks.
Anyways, all this long rant to say that I like reading your posts.
Gojo, rest in pain, I guess?
Probably was someone else, I don't write much analysis posts about Gojo. I think once or twice I did, I can't recall. Probably reblogged one though you saw!
I don't know, they're really just two different characters to me. Also... I was never really an active reader or watcher of Naruto like that (just very familiar) so when I first saw Gojo, Kakashi didn't register to me at all.
Like, I did not get similar vibes at all. And it actually annoys me that people will be like "He copied Kakashi's flow"! Kakashi ain't the only white haired, face covering character out there with magical eyes, y'all stop. 😆
Even funnier when, by this point, Gojo has probably been unmasked more than he has been wearing something on his face and switches up what he puts on his face. Kakashi been wearing the same mask for...? Also, didn't it take years for Kakashi's whole face to be shown or something? Took like seven episodes for Gojo to show that face.
**
I always been a fan of Megan's music and then when I found out she was into anime I was like "YYYYYEEEEEAAAAH". She cosplayed as Miruko one Halloween and it made my year. I am a former believer that Miruko would vibe to her music.
Just seeing other Black women being unapologetic fans of anime (or anything) does wonders for me and I hate it when people act as if it's such a foreign idea to understand. Honey, we can have interests, too, like everyone else. It's normal.
**
I always try to be careful about spoilers for anything I'm into. Like, I can talk about a chapter that happened two years ago, but I'll still mark as a spoiler because I know some people don't read Mangas or even if they do haven't caught up to that specific part.
That actually what set me off when Usher cosplayed as Gojo because he literally put "rest in peace, Gojo" or something along those lines and the amount of people who weren't even aware of 236... like bro, come on.
I knew it just had to be a marketing tactic because I know damn well Usher ain't seen JJK a day in his life and how convenient it is he comes out with that cosplay around the time when "Daddy's Home" becomes a fairly popular song used in Gojo's edits. I can't go watching one video on YouTube without hearing that song play when Gojo pops up. And even if he has... WHY WOULD YOU TAG IT LIKE THAT?!
Oh, but Megan definitely doesn't know any of the characters she be cosplaying, alright... okay... 🙄
I'm just going off on a whole tangent here, I apologize for that. I've been sick for like three days and just woke up from a nap. 😅
**
Also, thank you! Glad you enjoy my posts!! Anytime anyone says they like reading my posts, I still get shocked. They're really are just random thoughts I been having and really I'm still learning grasping the characters and story myself. And this is just for any. I don't even for them to get read, let alone for anyone to actually agree with me. I guess because, at the end of the day, I really just needed to throw a thought out there before I lose it or keep rethinking about it over and over.
#kiya answers#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#gojo satoru#satoru gojo#megan thee stallion
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Alpha Readers for Murder in Heliopolis!
Hello, everyone!
So, as you may already know, Murder in Heliopolis, my solarpunk thriller/murder mystery, is going to be my main project for 2024. I already know that there are a few edits that will need to be done, but I'd also like to have a round of alpha readers take a look at it and let me know their thoughts so I can maybe keep in mind other things I hadn't previously considered.
In particular, I want to know a little more about:
Characters: Which characters you liked/disliked, which characters you felt were underdeveloped, which characters/decisions made sense and which didn't, etc.
Settings: Descriptions that were good/bad, settings that felt interesting/boring, settings you wished you got to learn a little more about, etc.
Plot: Pacing and progression - did it feel good, slow, too fast, or inconsistent? (Disregard the ending; I know that was a bit abrupt and it will be one of the first elements I'll be changing.)
Anything else that sticks out to you - things you liked/disliked, for example, or things that didn't make sense to you at all.
Since this is pre-edit, and since the whole draft is published on Royal Road, I'm not going to be doing a sign-up sheet, and I'm keeping the process a bit loose. What I'm doing instead is I'll be adding Qs for alpha readers at the end of each chapter, in hopes that my alpha readers can either comment on each chapter or send me their feedback in a private message on RR.
(If you don't want to make an RR account, we can find another way - commenting on a specific post on my blog, reblogging a post here on tumblr with your notes, something along those lines?)
As I get a new draft done, I'll set up a call for beta readers, and that one will be a little more organized, with sign-up sheets and all that good stuff. Alpha readers will get priority.
If that sounds like something you'd be willing to do, check out Murder in Heliopolis and please let me know your thoughts!
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How I Outline/Plot: Including Author Resources for Developing Characters and Self Publishing
First and foremost, everything I’ve included in this doc that references resources (such as the plot outline below), is also available for free on the authors’ respective websites. I just wanted to recreate the template Scrivener file I use when starting a new project as I’ve collected everything in one master file.
MASTER TEMPLATE GOOGLE DOC: https://tinyurl.com/boltemp
I recently posted the chapter count for my upcoming Mafia MM romance I'm writing for NaNoWriMo this year and was asked how I plot by @duckyreads
Below, I've included screenshots of the first couple beats of my process and how much detail I usually include when outlining. The template I'm working from is an edited one of Romancing the Beat by Gwen Hayes, who offers her beat sheet for free on her site and in a Scrivener Template.
Using Romancing the Beat, I first went through and made a separate page for each story beat for my protagonist, Zac. I can't do just normal three act structure as it's too vague for me. I need Too Much to work with, then I can whittle it down later. I then did the same for the love interest and Mafia boss, Joe. (name might be changed idk yet.)
The colored dots represent which act of the story I'm in. Light pink= Act 1: Set Up, Dark Pink= Act 2: Falling, Blue= Act 3: Retreating, and Purple= Act 4: Shake it Off.
I also want to note that even though the epilogue is written in for both characters' POV, I'm only writing it once, from Zac's POV. So not every single beat necessarily translates directly into its own chapter. A few from Joe's POV are definitely combined more than once.
So Chapter 1, Scene 1: Zac's sister Riley has made him a dating profile and set him up on a date with who will soon be revealed as a crime lord.
I'm repetitive, because I've gone back in at different points and added little notes here and there. But my basic points I want to convey right off the bat: Zac is a hot mess who drinks to excess at times, has a sister who loves him but he is always putting her in a hard position, and has issues with money and violence from his childhood.
I also like to include some dialogue or rough snippets for scenes because it helps make the scene feel more concrete to me. I don't always do this though.
This is Chapter 1, Scene 2. Very short and to the point. (This was something I originally started writing as a fic btw.)
This is Chapter 2, Scene 1 and is the first from Joe's perspective.
It's plotty compared to the first chapter. I haven't done any nitty gritty location research yet so I put stuff I don't know yet in asterisks or brackets or in something like "XXX", because XXX is easy to find and change with ctrl+f > replace.
This is from Chapter 3, Scene 1. Just vibes.
This is from Chapter 4, Scene 2, from Joe's POV after the date.
This is what I ended up with. I'm sure as I work through it, the chapter count will go down. I don't really want my romance book to be so long, but I saw recently that 50 Shades is apparently over 500 pgs, which is wild to me. I'm also doing alternating POV, so it'll be switching between my protag and the love interest.
My outlining/plotting steps:
Decide on genre and type of story structure I want to use.
Decide on my protagonist and lay out a new page/note for every story beat of whatever structure I'm using.
Go in order or jump around and write a little per beat based on how I want a scene to go. For me, feeling is more important than knowing exactly what's going to happen. I'm not naturally a plotter, so I still like to not be constrained when I'm actually writing. (ie I'm not adhering to some rigid word count per chapter.) And if I changed something or added a thing while writing, I go back to the outline after and add it in so it all lines up and I don't forget something I did.
If a beat doesn't fit its own chapter, I make it a scene. It's also okay for multiple beats to happen in one chapter too.
Do the same for any other POVs involved in the story. Try to make each character have their own arc as well, no matter how small.
Really my main advice is go with your gut first because you can always add on or retract later. Write what you want (with some awareness of genre tropes/audience wants if you're trying to write to market to some extent). All book publishing is fickle and mean a lot of the time. And honestly unless you're one of the few who gets picked up by traditional publishers and offered an amazing deal, you'll be expected to pay for all the things you'd be paying for with self publishing, except with fewer rights to your own work. I'd rather pay and manage my own website, ads, and ARC readers and retain total rights to my own creations than give my rights to a publisher who might hold my book up for years, and still expect me to fund my own advertising, book tours etc.
And besides, if you self publish, there is no rule you can't have another book (and then even your backlog) traditionally published later on. You can have both.
#self publishing#writing#indie authors#boltedfruit writes#guess that's a tag#boltedfruit fic#I get heated about how trad authors are treated especially new ones
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Daily Blog June 21, 2023
Hi! Welcome to my first day of fandom blogging! I'm very excited about doing this and hope you'll join in on the conversation and really hope that you might start one of your own!!! So on that note, lets get going.
What I'm reading:
I'm currently re-reading The Changeling by @annerbhp. It's a canon rewrite of sort, with a big twist. Here's the summary: Ginny is sorted into Slytherin. It takes her seven years to figure out why. It's 182K from Ginny's POV. It does follow canon to a point. I read this about 6 months ago and I still think about it when writing Drarry. I now have to give Ginny a positive break-up with Harry. LOL No dissing her because she's such a badass in this story. While it's listed as Harry/Ginny, it really is mostly a Ginny story for the main story. There's follow on stories after this one that are fab too.
It starts with Year 1 and the house sorting. Ginny is surprisingly sorted into Slytherin. She at first thinks its a joke done by her twin brothers, but then reality sets in. Most of her family is devastated and she feels completely isolated. This is a Ginny you'll recognize from canon and then so much more. If you longed for more Slytherin background and lore than canon gave us, this you will love. And if you think Slytherin is dominated by the males...well this will give you a headcanon that you won't forget.
What I'm writing:
The Azkaban Letters, which I'm so far behind on I want to cry. It's a 2007 WIP I started right before HPDH came out. So it's canon divergent after HBP. I did edit the first 7 to be more in line with canon and post canon. My issue is I have too much in my head and too many ideas to get down on paper...er on the computer. When I stopped writing it in 2007, I had posted the first 7 chapters on The Hex Files. It came over to AO3 during the transfer and has been staring at me in the face since then. I'm now up to 16 chapters, which sounds like a lot, but there's 4 sections to the story and I'm in the middle of section 2. sigh.
Tumblr Posts of Interest:
@xanthippe74 on her blog has reposted her 2020 fic, Follow the Water in honor of summer solstice. If you have not read this fic, you are in for such a treat. Perfect summer fic. Give her post a reblog and fic some love!
@julcheninred posted on her blog yesterday that it was the 5th anniversary of Draw Drarry badly. I so love her block H/D art, and so happy we've had five years of her sharing them with us. Make sure to reblog to share the Drarry fun!
3. HDMpreg2023 has posted the reveals on A03. TWENTY fics in all. I only got to read about 1/3 of them, but whoa there are some serious gems. (If I find the Tumblr post for this, I'll add it.)
4. @lcdrarry has also posted their reveals! My apologies to the fest and authors/artists. I've only read a few this round but plan on diving into the treasure trove of Drarry. This was a new fest for me to watch when I came back to fandom. While I don't watch many movies or watch tv much anymore, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to follow/understand the stories as well as I should. I was wrong. Most I have found I could enjoy without knowing the source.
Tumblr Drarry Fic/Art Resource:
I'm guessing most of you follow @drarryspecificrecsdaily, but in case not, you should definitely follow! They post Drarry completed fics which have been posted on AO3 for the current day. I have found some amazing gems from this resource. Fics I haven't seen discussed or recced anywhere else and authors I haven't been blessed reading before.
Okay, that's it for Day 1! Hope you found something interesting. I'll be switching around the categories on a daily basis. Tomorrow, I'll be adding in Fic Rec from the way past. Feel free to comment. :)
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20 Questions More
A deeper and more detailed version of the 20 questions for AO3 fanfic writers. Thanks @fabulousglitch for the tag!!
1) How do you keep getting ideas for your ship/fandom?
The blorbos won't leave me alone.
2) Which authors inspire you in your fandom, and why are they so freakishly good?
There are too many to count. I was introduced to Supergirl through fanfic and the canon I know to be true has been built on the backs of hundreds of contributors. It wouldn't do anyone justice if I started a list because 1. it would become a monolith of names and 2. I would definitely miss one(s). If you're in this fandom, you've likely inspired me, and that counts both for written, gif-ed, and drawn works.
3) Aside from the characters of your main ship, who are the characters you love to write?
Alex, but I don't always get it right.
4) Are there pairings or tropes you know for sure you'd never write about? Which ones?
There is a lot I probably wouldn't do, but I also for sure never expected to write an F1 au, so...
5) What is your writing process and why is it cursed?
I can either sit down and crush 1-3k words or sit down and tweak the same seven sentences for two hours. There is rarely an in between.
6) What is your favorite part of your writing process?
Editing. Oh boy do I LOVE editing. Those opportunities for finessing and fine-tuning and tweaking are *mwah*
7) What’s the weirdest thing you’ve had to research for a fic?
This isn't weird but is more recent: I did a deep dive into star constellations for a throwaway line in 'new kind of romance'
8) Is there a particular writing rule you struggle with (grammar, spelling, tense, reality in general)?
This is a nonanswer, but I would love to expand my vocabulary. The thesaurus is my writing buddy, but there are very real moments where I pout and scowl and glare at the ceiling because I can't think of the word that I'm feeling.
9) What was your hardest scene to write so far and why?
Any sort of conflict/confession/confrontation is always really hard for me, but they're also maybe my favorite things to write. I want the characters to hash things out and be honest and vulnerable, and I think tackling big emotions is a delicate balance. I never want to sound too forceful, but I don't want to leave things unsaid, but I don't want anyone to do anything out of character, but i don't want to yadda yadda...
10) Have your characters ever done something you didn’t expect, changing your plot completely?
see: 'crisis of indulgence'
11) If you could converse with any of the characters, who would it be and why?
Lena; I think she'd be a lot of fun to debate/argue with (respectfully).
12) What are some of the tropes or themes that you find yourself returning to in your writing?
(so far) always a happy ending. the readers and these characters deserve it.
13) What's your most important resource as a writer?
Living experiences (which takes time!). I don't think I could write heartbreak without having experienced that guttural feeling of loss in the same way I don't think I could write about failure or anger or insecurity or love or laughter. I think reading and the act of writing every day are incredibly resourceful, but the act of my lived experiences and those feelings is something I draw from in everything I write.
14) Can you share some of your strategies for editing and revising your work?
I edit as I go which doesn't work for everyone; however, a super fun thing I've picked up in recent works is this: when going to do a final edit of a <insert: chapter, one-shot, etc>, I read the last few paragraphs first. That sets me up to know exactly what the chapter is aiming for: feelings, motivations, plot, etc. I then use that as the anchor for how I tweak/edit/add small details to the rest of the chapter during my final read-through. I find it helps flesh out the larger story with smaller details.
15) Which is worse: making the summary, picking the tags, or the anxiety when you post your fic?
none of the above really since nothing about posting is carved in stone. tags and summaries can always be tweaked.
16) How do you define success for your fanfic - hits? Kudos? Comments? Bookmarks? Or just if you like it?
If it's finished. Bonus points if people get something out of it, but the act of having written something feels like the biggest success.
17) Do you have a playlist for your favorite character/ship?
Not really. I have go-to soundtracks for 'writing vibes' but nothing project/ship dedicated. (though 'like we're made of glass' was definitely inspired by very specific songs)
18) If fan art was going to be made from your work, which fic would you pick and which fan artist would you like to create it?
Again there are too many jaw-droppingly talented artists in this fandom to choose just one. It would of course be a wild crazy honor to see a work inspired by one of my fics, but there's already so much in this fandom to be inspired by that it doesn't feel like a loss.
19) How many WIPs do you currently have?
*sighs* for supercorp? there are a few (five). but the one that has most of my creative down time is a supercorp wicked au i have wanted to write for years but only have the faintest wisps of an outline for.
20) What's your advice to new fanfic writers?
Do it, do it, do it!
But also, one of my favorite pieces of advice for ANY creative venture is from Marc Dalessio who made this super cool 'creative process' graph in 2010 and included this line to summarize it: The ability to see improves before technical skill, and we often have difficulty assessing honestly exactly how our work looks.
It helps during those ruts when I look at everything I've recently written/drawn/created and scrunch up my nose in snobbish disgust because it just means I'm growing in some new way and not that anything I'm doing is inherently bad.
- - - - -
tagging (respectfully and without pressure) @sideguitars @fazedlight @inkedroplets if you want some rapid-fire q's thrown your way. but also anyone who wants to take a swing, i'd be jazzed to read the different answers
#figured i'd fill this buddy out since i've got post-new romances time on my hands#fabulousglitch#ask game?#qs with quinn#ask me things!
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Hey! Was just in the midst of rereading "Lily" and I had a question about your rewriting process:
Was it hard having to replace all the "Harry Potter" elements? Are things REALLY different from "Lily" the fic, or is it just the basics? Is there still a school for magic?
The most important one, tho, is: Did you change Lily's name? I hope not lol
On another note, REALLY excited for the published book! Which actually brings another question, I looked at the word count, and I don't think you can make all of "Lily" one book, so is it gonna be a trilogy, cuz I remember once you said that there are three main arcs, or is it just gonna be a series?
Sorry about all these questions!
Feels weird answering this without having released anything to the wild yet but why not.
And no worries about the question, it's great to know people are still interested/interested at all. That fic is kind of... my ridiculous pet project gone wild that consumed my account for too many years.
Was it Hard Replacing Things?
Yes.
This was the main trouble/what took so damn long. The main story and characters (Lily and her journey and all of that) aren't really reliant on the HP framework, which why it was possible to convert at all, but it's dependent on there being known archetypes and tropes. I like to think I pull it off with a very stereotypical high fantasy setting but a lot had to change, while serving the interests of the story and characters, and also making internal sense.
That meant a lot of sitting down and thinking about the new world, how it works, and the new cast of secondary characters.
Are Things Really Different?
Yes and no.
The overarching point of the story is the same and the main characters go through the same major emotional arcs. The actual plotlines though are vastly different, the world is different, and the secondary characters are different (well, some are reminiscent of the fic but get way more speaking lines/some changes to personalities and others are new).
Basically, I had to write new content for most of it (but the beginning was sadly similar enough that we got the whole pulling down debacle that I still have to wait and see where that lands).
Some things are still the same in that there's still a prophecy, still a case of Lily having been dumped somewhere else for convenient reasons of convenience, and so on.
Is There a Magic School
Sort of.
It's Sir Not Appearing in Book One but does get quite a few name drops.
Is Lily's Name Changed?
She's still Lily and Ellie to start with but she has another name as well and the surname and middle name are different. I was too attached to Lily as a name to drop it by this point.
How Many Fucking Books Is It?
You're right in that it's a long story.
Fuck, it's a long story.
What I've got now for this to be published book is the first arc, roughly the equivalent of chapters 1-25 in the fic version for those following along (same major arc going on). In Lily I'd say while there's three major arcs it'd probably break down best into 4-5 books (though don't quote me, I'm bad at doing this stuff until I sit down to actually write it).
Once I finally get done with this editing business of book 1, book 2 is pretty well scoped out, I have a solid idea what book 3 would be, and then... could be one to two more as I have to sit down and really think about those (that's a future me problem).
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The Birds That Fly At Dusk 2023 Revised vs 2020 edition differences
Only one post for this because there's far fewer changes here than in Stars, just 3 scenes and a few of the epigraphs, and the changes that are here are much more minor changes too, but some stuff that really gave me a big !!!!! to compare.
Once again, new revision changes in bold and deleted old version bits in red
First, in chapter 7, "Will this angel ever stop talking?":
Revised version:
“— Still can’t believe They of all people couldn’t imagine how to fix how flaming sad Lucifer was for so long! A couple of times I even tried to tell Them like, hey girl, I mean not really girl because You have no idea what a gender is, but girl all the same—"
Something else. Anything else. That river, flowing so gentle. The feel of clay in her fingers. Softness. Softness under her feet…
“—girl, there are some flaws in how You’ve set things up. And They were just kind of like, shrugging with Their mirrors and fire like what’s better? I guess I thought that was rhetorical, you know how it is with Them and words, though of course you know me, or you’re getting to know me, so I did try to answer anyway but I guess my thoughts just weren’t as impressive an answer for Them as what Lucifer did, you know how it is with Them and arguments.”
The previous version read like this:
“— Still can’t believe They didn't notice how flaming sad Lucifer was for so long! A couple of times I even tried to tell Them like, hey God, my man, I mean not really man because You have no idea what a gender is, but man all the same—"
Something else. Anything else. That river, flowing so gentle. The feel of clay in her fingers. Softness. Softness under her feet…
“—man, there are some flaws in how You’ve set things up. And They … well, the way They are, They basically only responded by just being fire, you know how it is.
INSANE how massive a difference just a few lines makes!!!! The insufferable dehumanization (de-personing?) and 6,000-year-long stagnant incuriosity about another thinking being that Jibril displays in the first version mostly vanishes, replaced by the poignant and knotty small tragedies of miscommunication in hindsight, and more interesting/evocative, stuff to chew on. foreshadowing Lives of course, but also just generally affording G-d the dignity of personality (desire for arguments pushing against them, unsentimentality, impressedness at dramatic and prideful actions rather than useless verbal platitudes) and internal experience, and plans that change and progress linearly when They learn something they didn't know before. And the change from 'man' to 'girl' -- just a little clever jarring of expectations that defamiliarizes from the pickle juice of dominant culture.
Second, in chapter 12, "One way to change":
The interaction between Yairen and g-d is subtly different:
“Their wheels are twisting oddly, Their wings pointing to another thousand mirrors, blinding in their fire-upon-fire reflections—though not blinding enough, Yairēn can still see her room just fine—there’s people, there have been so many, saying Them and touching Them and dancing Them. Dancing? She doesn’t see how anyone could dance a person but here God is showing her images of those who have, their legs catching fire or crisping or both, the burn of Them in each cell, the nerves lit and—
And that’s what she’s supposed to do, then? That’s what They’re telling her?
She stands—she doesn’t know when she fell—and… and laughs, hoarsely. Because this is one more thing she can’t do, isn’t it?
A different wing-twitch of irritation as if this burning, shining, searing person is hiding Their face from her.
If that’s not what They meant, then what is? Tell me, she begs, show me how to let You make me better. Or haven’t They already? She should what, stamp her legs—no, that feels wrong, it’s all wrong somehow—
And there's wing-pressure and fire-twitches and then there’s… words. Words from God, who almost never thinks in words.
Make… you? Make? You? Make? You? Make you?
[...]
“Make…? Being, being, being, They are-are-are—are remembering the creation-of-expansion-of the universe and it’s—and it’s singing-so-loud-it’s-screaming like a thousand points of light all at once and she’s holding her head but her eyes work and her ears work so this isn’t her becoming Holy, this is an explanation, but of what—yes, They made that, that’s what she said—just like They made those Holies, right? Made like… being, wanting, bursting, exploding, being… yes, that’s—
They shake Their head though of course They do not have a head—at least not one that contains anything other than wings and eyes, so many eyes—all shaking, eyes and flames twitching until those flame-twitches become words, words it feels like They can reach easily because they’ve been said so many times, words quoting Them: I the flame know not…
But that’s why I’m telling You!
But it’s like hitting a hard wall, Their wings crossing Their wings crossing Their wings into a thousand X’s meaning no—
What is she not understanding?
And another thought, an infinity of flame filled with chimes that feel like the meaning of two specific words, over and over again, I am, I am, I am—and how those chimes, that flame, that person, can be… brought? Called? Opened? They are, They are, and maybe They're trying to say that that’s… all it is? That somehow she was asking for more?
A nothing-person and still presumptuous about what she deserves, she can’t help but laugh—
A rush of wrongness and anger, wings beating out a long tumult of images that finally resolve into more words, clear as if They’ve also had to say these ones before: not-Me, not-Me.”
This is also really cool, in the emphasis on the difficulty of communication, and the subtlety of the way g-d understands holies and dislikes Yairen's inaccurate request, but most of all what hit me in a surprising hurt is the -- implied to have been repeated many times -- statement by g-d that They are being misunderstood and are having words and ideas put in Their mouth.
Third, in chapter 25, "Planning to stick around":
“You’re not completely wrong, but then, some of us never did play much to begin with, so they never got good. Speaking of Lucifer, though… I almost regret that xe fell before some of the really cool games got invented, xe was always a great opponent. It’s too bad, too, that seeing what xe once was still bothers xyr so much. Even just a chat is basically impossible, even if I made something like that manifestation I gave Celyet and gave it to xyr and talked from really, really far away—how could I be absolutely sure that a bit of God didn’t wander in, into anything I make? Then again it’s not like xe even answers letters from me, so.” Jibril sighs. “Maybe someday.”
HOW COULD I BE ABSOLUTELY SURE THAT A BIT OF GOD DIDN'T WANDER INTO ANYTHING I MAKE!!!!!!!!!???????????????????
Okay and now the epigraph changes:
Chapter 6, the epigraph about the messenger roles of angels has been deleted and changed to:
“We must stop assuming the moral superiority of demons. They may be innocent victims, and they may have done countless good works, but they are still only human.
—Ārpela Rel-sä, principal of Ākal-ne Northmost Secondary School, attended by some demons”
I FUCKING. LOVE DEFAMILIARIZATION. there's a similar casual one in the revision of Stalking that tickles me to an insane degree. Obviously 'demons' are those morally superior child-rescuers who run orphanages in the woods. duh!
Chapter 8: there is an entirely new epigraph that, because i guess the author likes to overachieve, a full ghazal about genesis chapter 1 from the pov of the navigationally-impaired spacefaring angel Mikha'il (previously written as michael, the english rather than arabic form of the name):
In the beginning who asked, I am?, just invited to be?
You, expert here, told me there was me, You, excited to be.
Even today we scream in wonder: where did You reach, with what,
to call us all, so brightly not-You, here, incited to be?
So distinct, I and You: such made distance clear. Time, You defined
as the gap between I and am; so You, delighted to be.
We were tongues to speak the concept of tongues, breath to make the air.
To leave the sky caused the sky (and ground, once alighted) to be.
I am became name became what’s yours? Mikha’il, I said, but
You overflowed each name You chose, You, You recited: to be!
—the angel Mikha’il, And It Was Good”
It's more pat than the more uh, ambiguous jewish and japanese buddhist/taoist inspired poetry in Stars but also an ideal islamic ghazal form, LMAO.
chapter 17: an epigraph from later in the book is moved to earlier, and expanded:
“A soul is easily shown to be infinite in at least complexity. But then there is the world, which each soul interacts with, and in the world, each other soul living at the same time. What is, then, the sum of infinite complexity interacting with infinite complexity—interacting with any of hundreds of millions of such other infinite complexities? And what, then, is the sum of each of these infinities changing each other as they interact? A mirror catches the light and reflects each other mirror which reflects each other mirror which reflects each—what becomes of the light?
—Metinian the Old, Signposts”
this purely epistolary "Metinian the Old" figure has no autobiography, but the couple of times they've popped up in epigraphs seems to echo a buddhist type of worldview, emphasized by the fact this appears to be a clear reference to the brahma net metaphor (but additionally interesting due to the way it seems to clash on the face of it with the conception of souls laid out in Stars and Birds so far, and certainly with common in-universe cultural understanding).
chapter 19: the epigraph about Lilith's motives has been replaced by another, better epigraph about Lilith's movitves:
Interviewer: Why did you do it?
Lilith: I wanted to.
Interviewer: Because you wanted to help the children with no one to turn to, or because creating the first city wasn’t enough, or because becoming a more regular type of Holy wouldn't be enough, or…?
Lilith: Yes.
—Excerpt from the radio special Lilith Tells All!, with the demon Rihat Lilim interpreting for Lilith
(the 'i wanted to' echo of Tamar in in Stars is T_T)
#the birds that fly at dusk#sehhinah#i might. fix this up a bit better later. have been procrastinating a long time on it though so trying to get it out.#sehhinah revisions tag
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6, 22, 23, 30, 35, 48 for the fanfic asks?
Thank you!!
Fanfiction Writing Asks
6. What’s the last line you wrote?
From what should be the last chapter of A Love Once New, once I actually get it written up:
“Eh. I was fourteen. Heard it had alcohol in it.” he said, “Doesn’t get you drunk, though, just gets you sick as all hell. Without the healing factor I’da probably gone to the hospital.”
(he's talking about vanilla extract lol)
22. Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process? How do you come up with titles?
If it's a oneshot, it's usually after I've finished writing it. For a longfic, I'll usually write the first 3 chapters before I start posting it, and I come up with the title just before posting it. I'm not great with titles (though I'm trying to get better) so I don't really have a system - unless I'm going with song titles, which I do with a couple of my fics - and I just try to come up with whatever I can to get it posted lol
23. Is writing the beginning, middle, or end of the story easiest? Hardest?
The middle is usually the easiest, once I get rolling into the plot and can actually start writing the scenes I want to write. The ending is the hardest, partially because there's always more scenes I could write and it's hard to know when to end it, and partially because I struggle to pace out an ending without it either dragging on or feeling choppy.
30. How much do you edit your fics? Do you edit as you write or wait until you finish the first draft?
I usually edit as I write - I start each writing session by rereading what I've already written and making tweaks. Then I give it one final scan as I'm getting it uploaded to AO3/tumblr (mostly bc I have to manually input my italics and things into AO3).
35. What’s your favorite fic you’ve posted?
Aw man, I love them all for different reasons!! I think Desert Song has some of the most unique character interactions, and I think Quinn is one of my most dynamic OCs. Taking Flight and WWFA? have some of my best stylistic writing, especially with the descriptions of magic. Heartstrings also has really fun emotional descriptions and character interactions, and some of my favorite dialogue. Smoke and Mirrors is about recovery and finding home, and I still adore its friends-to-lovers arc. Bolts and Blasters is a really fun slowburn and has strong themes of expectation vs. choice. Catch and Release deals with grief, and has some of the best fight scenes I've ever written. Eris' fics are fun because of their dynamic with Rick, and Nikoletta's I love because of the themes of physical and emotional healing.
That probably just sounds like I'm bragging on myself, and maybe I am a little, but I really do set out for something different in each of my fics and I think I strike on different strengths with every single one. I really can't choose!
48. Who is your favorite character to write for? Has this changed since you’ve started writing for that fandom?
Agh man, this one is also impossible to choose between!! One of my favorite things in writing is character analysis and exploring different dynamics, so I love these characters all for different reasons too! I could ramble on again like I did in the last question, because I really do have something to love about every character I write for...
But for the sake of making a choice, I'll say this: Quinn is the most fun OC to write since she's such a total wild card, and Warren/Angel will always be my number one canon character to write for because he has such an interesting story and a lot of emotional depth to explore. Abner Krill has also become a recent favorite, since he's also got a lot of emotional trauma and depth to explore.
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The return of the update. I’ll need to fix Poppin’s head one day.
This is the main thing that got me back on Poppin & Jupa. Flirtsy is an ibbix doll living in an underground toy kingdom that’s part of Chapter 5. She’s not an important character, just a shop keeper, but I like her design and this felt like a small enough thing to complete.
I kept up with chapter 5 by doing sprite art for all the planned enemies for that area. Didn’t get a chance to code them yet, but I have the attacks planned out now. There’s like 7 total in this chapter, making it the second most new enemy types for a chapter. But we’ll see if that holds up in the future.
That also included designing a bunch of other ibbix dolls besides Flirtsy. It’s definitely overkill, but I really like these stupid things, so I’ll probably follow through with them.
The work extended to assets for planned obstacles/game elements too. For example, a ball pit that functions similar to snow, reducing your speed/jump height.
And a music box you’d wind with the Drill, that would activate elements in a level temporarily.
Concept sprite for a miniboss, Dueldelle!
But really, most work was extremely boring and monotonous. I decided to bite the bullet and carry over all of the dialogue and cutscene system changes from Escape From Fragaria Park to Poppin & Jupa.
What that means is that how text is loaded is completely different and every line of dialogue had to be copied over and replaced with a script calling it instead. I did this for all of chapter 1 and chapter 2. I did start some pause menu stuff, but that will take a long time to get all the UI elements configured as well.
It also included stuff like how text is colored, which initially led to crap like this gif here. I’ve had to fix that too.
This was all so I can have a consistent process between the two projects, as well as making it easier to view the whole story and make edits without digging into instances, and making it possible for translations... y’know, assuming that I ever finish this in the first place, let alone amass interest in foreign places. Oh well.
Has discussing what I plan to do next month ever worked well? Not really, like this month alone I was planning to code all the enemies and got sidetracked with the dialogue. This month my planning has geared towards Chapter 2 yet again: I really hate tiling, set dressing, and backgrounds, so I should really just commit and start getting more of it out the way. Once I get sick of it, I can always move back to Chapter 5.
- Cleave
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3, 77 :333
YAAAAA FENTOMY ILYYY
77. Do you have a favourite scene you've written from Your jeep. Your teeth. The coffee that you bought me.?
omg ummmmmm... i think it's this scene from chapter 3 about Mav's mom (whom I made up, she is not 'canon') idk i was just really proud of like.. the imagery? i think that's the word. I was also proud of how much this short scene tells you about Flo Mitchell as a character and as Mav's mom.
Pete had watched as his mother parked haphazardly, crooked, and partially on the dead grass on their front lawn. He watched her fling open the car door and slam it shut, clearly on some mission toward the front door. The flag next to the door hung static and still, like a dead animal strung up on a line waiting to be slashed and skinned, waiting to be picked apart and eaten, waiting for its entire life to come full circle and rot in some hunters stomach, waiting for its own bones to be thrown out and picked apart by the maggots.
The flag hung dead, unsentient, while Pete’s mother– she was anything but. She walked up to the flag, shoes clacking on the cracked pavement, her arms swaying at her sides. She unhooked the flag from its stand, her hair billowing in the sudden wind. It turned alive as soon as she touched it, flowy and slippery, squirming and wriggling through her fingers. Flo balled up her fists in the fabric to stop the movement, the life that erupted from it transferring from her to the flag.
As she walked back to the car, the flag slithered and moved with the waves created by Flo Mitchell. Then Pete watched as she opened the back door and threw the flag into the back seat. It lay there, dead and unmoving once again, sprawled out against the leather, the stripes overlapping and the stars crumpled and muddled.
Flo picked up Pete from the passenger seat and cradled him against her side as they walked up to their new house.
Pete yawned, “Why did you do that–? To the flag?”
His mother only steered her head forward, eyes serious and focused, “That flag keeps your daddy away from me– from us–” She looked up to the setting sun, the sky all orange and yellow, “Why should I fly the thing that keeps him away– that puts him in danger?”
Flo Mitchell supremacy!! Anti-war queen and Tammy Wynette fan! She's just like me....
3. Describe the creative process of writing a chapter/fic.
i thought you'd never ask (this is going to be long sorry (im saying this as if it's not already long))!!
i cannot, for the life of me, work directly from the computer. I am a "traditional artist" (whatever that even means) at heart, meaning that I have to do everything on paper </3. So for the first idea of Your jeep. Your teeth. The coffee that you bought me. i mapped it out very loosely in my silly little notebook.
(i blocked out spoilers (maybe) for future chapters...) check out my terrible handwriting! and check out how different the plot was! What was i thinking? "Mav bumps into Ice with Bradley after visiting Carole" yeah... sure. But once i had that loose idea i started writing in that same notebook and things kind of went from there.
And then i realized that i should probably plan out the chapters on paper so there's some consistency. so that leads to the little list-like mind maps that i make--
This is from before i learned TOP GUN moved to Nevada (sigh). In these list-like mind maps is where i come up with some of the important dialogue that needs to happen between characters ("I don't need to see a fucking shrink, Kazansky") and it was in these that the plot really began to change from that first mind map. I've made these mind maps for every chapter that needs to happen for the story.
Then after the mind map, I actually begin to write all the scenes out. after i physically write them out, i type it all up in google docs (sigh). AND THEN i copy and paste it all paragraph by paragraph into Grammarly (free edition i am not paying for that) and edit it all. And then i do it again. and then one more time. and then i post it. im crazy.
Thank u for putting in the ask!!! ily fentomy!!! i love talking about my fanfic (as you have so kindly suffered through these past weeks, thank you.) <333
#sorry this is so long idk i was having fun#apologizing for having fun is so last year ugh#top gun 1986#top gun#top gun fanfiction#fanfic writing#writing ask game#writing ask#tammy wynette i love you plz come back to me#icemav#maverick#iceman#pete maverick mitchell#tom iceman kazansky#icemav fanfic#sigh#military propaganda#military propaganda movie makes my brain go brrrrrrrr#YIPPEE!#stopthatfool writes
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