#i NEED them to give me life advice
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Over the years, I've gotten a lot of cis people messaging me about how they should go about dating or courting somebody who's trans, and I always felt like my responses would almost... disappoint them because there isn't this magic secret to dating us.
Cis people, if you want to date us, just date us. We're human beings, we're not wild animals to tame! I promise you can have a healthy relationship with a trans person without needing to feel like the world will end if you mess up.
Trans people who date cis people often want to feel secure in your acceptance of them. You don't have to talk about our transness for hours on end to prove that you accept your loved one. You don't have to put on a display and cabaret about how Much You Accept Us. Just be a person around us, and let us be people, too!
I almost want to disappoint cis people by reminding them of this. Some of the best relationships I've had with cis people have been ones where my transness is acknowledged, sure, but it's acknowledged in the same way that my left-handedness is. It's not a joke to them, it isn't something to be horrified about, but it's also something that they don't objectify me for.
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#mtf#nonbinary#watching a video about this topic and it just reminded me of this#like there have been plenty of cis people who have come to me for advice and while i appreciate the thoughtfulness (don't get me wrong!)...#...part of me just feels like... they see trans people as needing to be Tamed in some way or Appeased...#...like they see us as people but it's more like they see us as Trans People and not... people...#...and maybe i'm looking too deep into it. maybe i'm jaded but that's sometimes how it can feel with some people...#...like my besties that i talk to fully accepted me...#...though it is funny when they forget i'm... not a trans woman or (with other friends) that i'm... not a cis man#(maybe i just give off ambiguous vibes irl and online because it's happened irl and with my online buddies)#adding once again: i don't think ALL cis people who ask this are doing so in bad faith#cis people i'm glad you are vulnerable about not being sure about how to go about transness...#...however i don't always think it's the best move to go to a stranger about your interest in a trans person in your life...#...simply because: 1. transness isn't a monolith and...#...2. it feels awkward because you aren't going to *them* to have this conversation that will ultimately affect *them*...#...because your relationship with a trans person will likely /not/ affect a trans stranger...
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something about the way guilt is portrayed in beyond evil. guilt as a state, guilt as a place you're condemned to. 'i will go to hell' 'life is hell' 'you shouldn't even set foot in that hell' but it's not really the hell we think of, not in the traditional sense. hell is where you're supposed to be sent to suffer and repent forever but all of them go there willingly. (that's why han kihwan will never end up there as juwon wants because he feels no remorse over his actions) they choose to stay and let it scorch the life out of them until all that's left is someone hollow and brittle, real person buried beneath the surface in a grave they themselves dug. in that way it's not lee changjin or the water that killed nam sangbae. it's guilt. that's what doomed him in the end. that hell of his own making he never managed to escape. and as he drowned, he probably thought he deserved that too. jeongje's still there until the end but so much of him died long ago. he's a ghost haunting himself. he tells juwon 'if you don't get out quickly, every breath, every moment of your life becomes a nightmare' if you stay that hell alone long enough, that's what happens. at a certain point you can't wake up anymore. you forget how to leave
#there are these parallels between nsb jj and jw#how both of them give him advice that comes from experience#'don't do this you'll regret it' 'don't do this there's no coming back from it' and both times he doesn't listen and ends up just like them#jw's almost a ghost in the beginning like jj but ds and manyang yank him back to life#and then ds doesn't let jw become another nsb he refuses to let him stay in that hell alone he says as much#i think ds learned how to claw his way out a long time ago#what he says in ep14#'wouldn't regret be a luxury for me'#a luxury#he understands that guilt at its most extreme is ultimately self serving#because it keeps you in this woe me state where you become so obsessed with your own failure that everything else gets drowned out by it#ds does the opposite he decenters himself in his mind focuses on the pain of others instead of his own#'this is how he makes himself happy' this is how he survives#he knows that wallowing in guilt won't do any good won't change anything what's done is done he accepts it#he says 'if i could go back i WOULD do the same thing again because that's all he could ever do#he did what he thought was right at the time now he has to live with it#nsb can't figure that out can't accept his mistakes can't move on from them so he's stuck in the past#he dies stuck in the past#'you want to cry aloud for your mistakes but to tell the truth the world doesn't need any more of that sound' you know?#that i think is the point in the end#but does that ever fuck you up how jj nsb and jw (for a while) are driven by guilt but ds always acts out of love#he has so much of it despite everything#and juwon only surivives because he starts acting out of love and care and devotion instead of shame and remorse#beyond evil
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god i really forgot that every business management professor specifically is the most unpleasant human being alive for no good reason. i have two business classes with like econ and accounting professors respectively and those look fine and then oh my god if i have to go back to this class with this professor i think i might actually kill myself
#red rambles#she's not. *mean*. she is. um. fucking. i think condescendiing is the word#she made us do a kahoot in class on questions we didn't know explicitly because she knew we didn't know them. i hate kahoots#she went through the syllabus like we were children which. fine whatever every professor does that it's why i hate the first class#but she also kept going off topic to give us life advice. never give me life advice ill fucking kill you#im really not sure what else was my fucking problem but i genuinely felt like i was being psychologically tortured#also i have done one of the several assignments for the class already and they're babyshit but its going to be one of my most#busywork heavy classes and she wants us doing discussion questions every fucking week#and i have to download yet another fucking app for her class#and i need it for my degree plan but oh my GOD. i need to get the fuck out of it#im gonna try and find a different session of the class taught by a different professor and switch in#do you know how much i have to hate a class if im willing to eat two entire finished homework assignments to get out of it#eta. i take it with this professor or i take it with a different professor i know and already know i cant stand#who is also going to work us like dogs unlike this prof who is going to apparently treat us like we are 14 years old#i guess its not college if i'm not being forced to experience psychological torment for an hour and a half every couple days lol#ill just have to like eat something before that class and do my best to fortify myself before i go in and turn evil
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#I feel a little like I’m losing my passion for plants#not that I don’t still LOVE my plants#but like I don’t need to spend hours on the weekends messing with them anymore#I have so many other things I’m doing that make me happy#I don’t have a hole in my life to fill with plants#there isn’t as much NEED there anymore#and I kind of….. don’t mind#Bridger and I are happy and I love my job#we love to hang out together and basically spend all day on the weekends and all evening every day talking#and playing games and snuggling and having fun and listening to records#I feel so much more fulfilled than I did when I was lonely in school#like I’m so much more ‘well then fuck you too!’ when people say stupid shit when I give advice on social media#I used to feel the need to explain everything and I spent a lot of time moderating the plant group#and i really wanted my book to become a huge thing#but now it’s kind of like….. I tinker around with stuff when I feel like it#I will get on the plant group once every few weeks instead of every few hours#I’m just living life man
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vent in tags
#hmmm. maybe the fact that i had to save three people from killing themselves repeatedly when i was in middle/high school#fucked up how i deal with conflicts nowadays. my advice feels so bad and im so quick to back down and also be aggressive and mean and rude#the fact that one of them explicitly blamed me for her beginning to self harm when i was like. 14#and another just told me repeatedly about how many suicide attempts shed made and how it felt to self harm#when she knew i was also suicidal and self harming#i feel. so fucking responsible. for everything. all the time#and i cant even be mad at them because i feel so shitty even thinking about people who i know could be dead from suicide by now#im too scared to check online because. what if i fucked it up so badly that someone died#i was FOURTEEN and they had no one else. we were in a RICH kids school where the fuck were all the adults#oh i need to go consume some happy media immediately before i start spiralling#prin posts#prin preaches#vent post#if i have ever fucked up giving you advice on anything even slightly important i am so sorry#suicide mention tw#self harm tw#my whole life before like a year ago is a foggy blur but these incidents fucking stick out to me man#i could be responsible for three people being dead and im too much of a fucking coward to go check
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also just a little fyi before i go to sleep. um people are allowed to complain about their lives and vent online when ever, how ever, or how often they please and they should be able to without receiving paragraphs of unsolicited advice. especially if they’re complaining about how their brain simply works (and usually not in their favor). like don’t just give them random advice just because you don’t think complaining/venting is gonna help anything. it does. it can make people feel better just getting to write out the shit going on in their head and get it off their chest. like if it makes them feel better by doing so then why have a problem with it.
#like the more i think about this#the more it bothers me#this happened on my other acc the other day#i’ve already responded to them#and it didn’t bother me at first#but again the more i think about it now the more it bothers me#cause like#why send that much just to tell me i need to stop complaining#also just why give advice when you don’t know if the person wants it#like said advice i was given was literally shit i’ve been told my entire fucking life#like i didn’t need a reminder#of ‘try harder and stop complaining’ basically
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how tf did me facetiming someone i matched with on tinder turn into them giving me unsolicited advice about giving people your full attention after i already let them know that i recently got diagnosed as adhd and it’s hard for me to focus on just one thing/person and then them telling me that “based on my behavior” they think i’m autistic like ?? didn’t ask, we literally started messaging each other like a day ago, even if i am autistic (which wouldn’t be a bad thing if i am) when has it ever been socially acceptable to tell someone you JUST MET that you think they’ve got some kind of mental disorder/illness/disability/etc.
my friends have mentioned that i might be autistic and that’s fine bc i’ve spent a lot of time with them and they actually know me and i take their perspective of me very seriously because they’re the people who see me 100% unfiltered and have known me whenever i’ve been completely unmedicated. i trust their word.
this person from tinder, however, i have sent like maybe 20-30 messages to where we talked about nanowrimo and i was like omg it’d be so cool to meet someone who also writes, whether it’s as friends or as more, i would love that—only for our facetime call to be less than 20 minutes long and for them to try and diagnose me as autistic just because i, after ALREADY TELLING THEM that i have adhd and after them asking about meds and me telling them that i haven’t taken my adhd meds today because i didn’t have work and also i’ve taken multiple naps today which has made my head even more foggy and made it even harder than usual to focus, found it difficult to focus.
like. i wasn’t unresponsive. i wasn’t ignoring them. i was listening and i was responding, i just also was looking between my phone and my laptop screen.
which okay i understand that maybe i’m just frustrated because of the “based on your behavior” comment because an 18 minute facetime call does not give someone enough interaction time to try and fucking diagnose me as anything, and maybe this is more of a we just didn’t vibe and that’s fine, i don’t think they’re like a bad person or anything and if nothing else i’m glad the mismatched vibes were felt before deciding to meet up or anything, but also.
eighteen minutes. literally eighteen minutes and they fucking “based on your behavior i think you’re autistic” and “here’s some advice, when meeting new people you should give them your full attention”
FUCK that.
#idk maybe they’re also autistic and thought it was supposed to be helpful? and again i dont think they’re a bad person#and esp if they are some kind of neurodivergent they might not have realized how that comment could come across#so i’m trying not to take it too personally bc 1. i dont rlly know them 2. they dont rlly know me and 3. it has no heavy impact on my life#but also like idk it just was weird and even if they didnt intend to comment to come across like that#i can still be uncomfortable and upset about it#anyways moving on this is why i barely ever open tinder in the first place lmaooo#aricomplains#also like they probably arent all that wrong to be fair#i know it can come across as rude to not put ur full focus on someone esp someone you’ve just met and that is something i want to work on#it just felt weird that i literally explained i have adhd and its hard to focus and i promised them its nothing personal if i struggle#to focus on them while talking and like AFTER i said that they tried to give me that ‘advice’ like i hadnt already addressed it#idk i understand how my actions might have come across as rude or something but if someone told me they had adhd and struggled to focus#i would immediately know not to take it personally if they’re like fidgeting or on their phone while i talk or smth#which i also get is not something everyone has to do too like no one is required to react the same and#blah i’m overthinking this i need to stop#basically: i understand how my part in the ft call might have come across and i addressed it and tried to focus as much as i could#and if they took my lack of focus as rude i understand why and i also understand my ability to focus on people’s something i need to work on#but also the way they approached it rubbed me wrong and those comments made me uncomfortable and upset#but again i started talking to them yesterday and have no obligation to talk to them again so#take this as a lesson and a reminder of why i need to keep working on my ability to focus on people better when talking to them#and also take this as a reminder as to the kind of people i want to spend time with and thats not people who give passive aggressive advice#or try to diagnose someone they JUST met#and then take those lessons and reminders with me as i move on#ok im done now im gonna unmatch w them on tinder and also maybe just delete tinder entirely bc i barely use it anyway and would rather#try to meet people in more authentic ways#honestly my hope is that now that i’m spending like 3 days a week at the library in between shifts#i might meet another library-going sapphic and that would be VERY lovely 🥰
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Every time a tarot reading for me says divine timing/universe has a plan I'm like dhjdjd
OK universe you can just say you don't wanna tell me and don't think it's any of my fucking business even though it's My Life shdhjd ToT
#tarot#rant#i know its random like horoscopes randomly sayung shit and if it gives u helpful stuff to xontemplate#and helps u think thing thru great! if not then let it go!#but also like?! youd be fucking shocked by the coincidence that is me#without fail getting wheel/magician/surprise/moon cards over and over and ONLY them#universe said im noT FUCKING TELLING YOU ANY ADVICE.#universe says over ans over i know ur cards are cute but luck aint giving u variety#i get cards to Randomly Consider and its always:unknown. itll be a surprise. u make ur own future. THANKS YEAH I KNEW#life is by definition UNKNOWN AND BASED ON MY ACTIONS i aint got no new random qords to contemplate!!#i finally got a different reading with a friend lmao and guess what?!!!#instead of any advice or any future considerations. cards/friends interpretation was ONLY#hey u mejo u have trauma. ur trauma versions of you are ALSO you and u need to integrate them and be kind to them#which like. yeah thats always true. i didnt need cards to say my own intwrnal state for years#but it was funny INSTEAD of any shit about random future guesses or advice on things to do?#my cards were just like lmao do some more self therapy! thats always a good idea right!#which to be fair. i did think it was a good idea so now im doing more true self exploration#but like. thats for my own quality of life and treatinf myself better and taking better care of self#thats still NOTHING to do with events/advice for future events lmao#i Love tarot and pretty cards but mostly only read for others#cause for me my fucking cards just say: lmao why did u ask? im not telling u. go live life and find out bitch
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screaming cus I love rendog i love rendog i love rendog i love rendog. ouppy. deserves all the love in the world.
#random thoughts#im about to be unhinged in these tags beware#i cant for the life of me remember where i heard it from or if i just came up with it on my own but#i remember some conversation about the healthiness of escapist media#and like how some ppl insist on escapism being inherently bad because its almost like a shield from reality that lets you not confront#your actual issues#but the important thing abt escapism to me at least is its ability to let you come out of the other side stronger irl#even if you don't realise in the moment that it's helping you#it's like when a kid watches like naruto or something and it inspires them to never give up but in a more sneaky adult way#and just being a young adult coming out of covid is so full of uncertainty about the future#and just like#even tho they're funny minecraft ppl who I 100% watch for the funnies#there's something abt seeing these 40 year olds living their best life and having fun despite having to deal with adult life#there's like a specific charm to these episodes where the hermits are just being human#AND REN STOP APOLOGISING FOR IT#and something about it is just like yeah#I think I'll be okay#ren is so so so so so.#i hope he doesn't feel the need to be strong for us all the time.. his advice is amazing#stupid friggin dog ears minecraft man made me cry I am an Adult#hermitblr
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idk if anyone still following me is even active anymore or will see this, but apologies for how inactive i’ve been. i was planning to start posting more when the dteam meetup happened, but in early september my dad passed away. it was really sudden and unexpected, he was still pretty young. and even now i’m still dealing with everything that comes with the loss of a loved one. so since then i have been on a deliberate hiatus, and quite honestly i’m not sure when i’ll be ready to come back, it may be months yet. i just figured i should probably say something in case anyone was wondering where i disappeared to.
that being said, i am also aware of what’s happened recently, namely the allegations against dream, and that there’s been a bit of a mass exodus in fandom. as for where i stand, i will continue to consume and enjoy dteam and dnf content until something both concrete (aka irrefutable) and actually illegal surfaces. until then my opinion on the more questionable alleged interactions that took place will remain critical in the absence of sufficient proof or information.
#in case it wasn't clear enough#i'm not judging either side right now#quite honestly with what's going on in my life rn i can't be half assed to care about it#but good for dream for finally lawyering up#i feel bad for both parties tbh bc lawsuits are incredibly stressful#i hope they both get the help they need both legally and emotionally#as for me i'm dealing with my own struggles so i'm not going to immerse myself in fandom drama#and if anyone sends me anons about it they're going straight to the trash#anyway#hope you're all doing well#and a little piece of advice from someone who can no longer apply their own#spend as much quality time with your loved ones while you still can#give them a call or a text#tell them you love them#life is scarily fleeting so make the most of it
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something very rotten abt how a friend can become a chore and an obligation who you extend care for and go through the motions of friendship for bc of what they used to mean to you through no fault of their own. and they still feel very warmly for you but unbeknownst to them you can't return the feeling anymore. truly one of the worst things in life
#hashtag personal i guess#had a friend stay over for a few nights bc they needed to go to a multiple day thing in the area#and i have never felt less enthusiastic abt having someone over. i did the bare minimum of being a host#was gone almost the entire few days bc of work and other obligations and i was glad for it#bc every minute being home was grating.#every minute is listening to trauma or doubts or worries and giving pep talks and inspirational speeches#and generally being annoyed abt their conduct and view on life. which is unfair#bc i know they have so many difficulties w/ their mental health#but it's been neigh on three years of me and my internet friend being this other friend's primary line of support#it's exhausting. and my friend is so kind and she gives to people arounf them so much.#but every conversation for three years has mostly been abt. their issues. and i feel more like a parent than a peer at this point#> having to give life advice and talk them out of irrational thoughts and fears and trying to inspire self confidence and help with anxiety#it's not sustainable. for me or my other friend who's part of the support system. but what can you do#i should feel guilty but at this point im just. so done with it i only rarely feel it anymore#nigh* not neigh 💀#curry rambles
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word of advice, hyuk! you should take your shirt off around patrick more often- it really gets his heart pumping if you know what i mean 😊 ( i have a job so that it keeps me from embarrassing hyurick on the daily JFKSLDJFKLSDJ but also feel free to skip this if it doesn't sit right with you alex!! )
@ofgentleresolve ♚ from x.
♔ ———–
Advice shared catches him off-guard. Here he is, thinking that guidance was going to be about the usual: ‘you should smile more’, ‘you should take a break’, ‘you should wear colorful clothes sometime, you’ll look less gloomy’, ‘you should wipe that scowl off your face, at least for a few minutes’ --- the list goes on and on; suggestions he never follows just because others say so. But no, this isn’t about the sourness of his face or the choices he makes in clothes; this isn’t about his attitude or restlessness. This is about...Patrick?
“What?”
He heard them, alright. He’s just delaying his answer by vaguely acting like he didn’t catch the whole swing. It’s a good thing he hadn’t taken a sip of his sweet iced Americano yet, otherwise he would’ve been coughing and spluttering all over the place.
Taking his shirt off. Why? Patrick has seen him like that before, hasn’t he? More than once, since that’s the way Hyuk sleeps: shirtless. Actually, the last time his dear friend saw him without clothes on his torso was when he ----- wait a minute.
When Patrick stayed for a week for work purposes.
When he choked on his tea and kept looking down.
When Hyuk...kissed him on the cheek.
Was that the reason why Patrick initially refused to look at him? The reason behind warm cheeks and stutter; bashfulness and the need for him to run and attempt to make breakfast? Because Hyuk didn’t have any clothes on from the waist up?
He unconsciously begins to gnaw on his bottom lip.
‘It really gets his heart pumping, if you know what I mean’.
Does that mean Patrick likes...what rests under his shirt?
The way he’s built? Is he attracted to this?
If so, does Patrick know Hyuk’s attracted to him, too?
Maybe he’s been able to tell --- his best friend’s undeniably observant.
The detective’s starting to remember the moment he accidentally hit his head when rearranging his brushes; how his heart started beating wildly against his chest just by looking at Patrick unfolding and buttoning his sleeves. Moves that used to be nothing now are more than something. He remembers, too, how Patrick’s hand smoothly caught his own; how he squeezed and wouldn’t let it go (thankfully, because he adores feeling his touch, no matter where it might land).
Eyes blankly stare at the swirls of cream that are still waiting to disappear under layers of coffee. What if this was revealed during that time? Confessed, that Patrick likes the sight of him shirtless? That the view gets his heart pumping? What if instead of keeping his hand there, hovering on air, he used it to lead Patrick’s palm under his shirt? So he could know what patterns Patrick would draw on his skin, so he could feel his caress --- would it be as careful and gentle as it usually is, or---
Oh, God. Cheeks threaten to get warm; he starts to feel a little hot under that turtleneck and jacket of his. He shouldn’t think about this at all; Hyuk wanting to scold his own head for being this audacious with its thoughts. Besides, it’s not like...it could ever happen. Why would it? It’s too bold of a notion, isn’t it? Even if it’s somewhat noticeable that something else seems to be stirring besides their long-lasting friendship, he just...well, he doesn’t want to jump into swift conclusions or assume.
He snaps out of it.
Or tries to.
“What is that kind of advice, huh? Why would he---how do you even know this?”
Now he has the sudden urge to add more ice cubes to his coffee.
“Word of advice for you: mind your own business, leave me alone--”
It’s all he can muster, before bringing the cold drink to his lips and drinking most of it in one sitting.
———– ♔
#ofgentleresolve#♔ || answered.#♔ || answers.#♔ || the puzzle of our friendship is the most comforting (patrick).#the man was too stunned to use full bitterness against you IWUEDHKDEHIUEDHASKHDUWIEHD#ALSO HYUK MY SON WHAT ARE THOSE THOUGHTS I'M (WHEEZE)#Hyuk having the hots and getting embarrassed I--EWIUDHWIEUDH#but not him saving this word of advice in the corners of his head#y'know as the good detective Hyuk is --- perhaps he should test this theory and see if it's true#Because the last time it happened Hyuk thought Patrick was just getting sick when he sensed warmth on his skin LMAO#BUT FERRE!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SENDING THIS IN ;WWW;#I HOPE THE REPLY'S OKAY?? BUT IF IT CAUSES DISCOMFORT OR SOMETHING ABSOLUTELY LET ME KNOW AND I CAN MAKE ALL THE CHANGES NEEDED!!!#EMBARRASSED!HYURICK GIVES ME LIFE 😂#But also not them having those 'it's not like it'll happen' moments/thoughts IWHDIWUEHD PLS---pining at its best IWHEDIUWHED#I'm also chuckling at how...Hyuk could've just...#shut the whole thing down#considering how he tends to be---#but instead he kept thinking about it IUWHEDKASHDWUIEDHUIEHD#THANK YOU AGAIN FOR SENDING THIS IN AND PLS HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY!!! CARE YOU HEAPS <3!!!#♔ || queue.
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why is your life like a soap opera my god
Omg i didnt know people were even reading my life updates 😭😭😭 but yeah my lifes on mad manoeuvre here
If you want the latest tea: basically, was seeing the guy called Ewan. He’s a third year, but we had a lot in common, and one time he said “i think it’s really attractive when you talk about the beatles” and i was like “😮”. Really liked him, but now he’s kind of ghosting me (which i dont understand but Okay :/). Or he might not be? We were gonna hang out on Wednesday but his ex-gf, whose been following him around for about 2 months now, just showed up at his house, so he cancelled.
#also i went out last night and pulled two guys within a span of 5 minutes#not gonna see either of them again tho cause 1. i dont like them that much and 2. i was just being a dickhead cause i was sad about ewan :(#but yeah#my life fr do be a soap opera 😭😭😭#thats the tea#thanks for the interest anon lmaoo#feel free to give me Advice#i fucking NEED it#a day in (my) life#asks#anon
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help 😀
#I feel like I managed to accustom my friends when it comes to my mum’s weird restrictions and reactions because I tell them pretty much#everything that happens in our relationship and usually ask them for advice#but the one thing that frustrates me is that my boyfriend has no idea how bad things are and thankfully doesn’t understand what it’s like to#have a parent that controls the way you dress/wear your makeup and hair and dictates what you’re supposed to do for a living because they#want you to have a comfortable life and not go through extreme poverty like they did (I know her intentions are the best but she just#doesn’t know how to act in a way that I can comprehend fully…I love her with all my heart and it would literally kill me to have to cut ties#and I’m currently freaking out because I still haven’t told her I’m dating someone who’s not the ideal type she thinks would be a good fit#for me and it’s destroying me because I’ve never felt this good and have never been treated with so much care and respect and I’ve never had#so much reassurance that I’m loved and this relationship is just something I’m not willing to give up on or have it be taken away from me#but at the same time I NEED to tell her because how am I supposed to keep lying about which friends I’m going out with and not be able to#freely spend quality time with the person I love without stressing about time and being scared she’s gonna call or ask for pictures or#I’m planning on telling her but I’m SO terrified to lose him and also scared he’s gonna make my life a living heel and think I’m lying#about every little thing I do in the future and stop me from seeing him or having a phone or idk????#things are way too unpredictable in this house and have always been and I HATE that
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🎮 HEY I WANNA MAKE A GAME! 🎮
Yeah I getcha. I was once like you. Pure and naive. Great news. I AM STILL PURE AND NAIVE, GAME DEV IS FUN! But where to start?
To start, here are a couple of entry level softwares you can use! source: I just made a game called In Stars and Time and people are asking me how to start making vidy gaems. Now, without further ado:
SOFTWARES AND ENGINES FOR PEOPLE WHO DON'T KNOW HOW TO CODE!!!
Ren'py (and also a link to it if you click here do it):
THE visual novel software. Comic artists, look no further
✨Pros: It's free! It's simple! It has great documentation! It has a bunch of plugins and UI stuff and assets for you to buy! It can be used even if you have LITERALLY no programming experience! (You'll just need to read the doc a bunch) You can also port your game to a BUNCH of consoles!
✨Cons: None really <3
Some games to look at: Doki Doki Literature Club, Bad End Theater, Butterfly Soup
Twine:
Great for text-based games! GREAT FOR WRITERS WHO DONT WANNA DRAW!!!!!!!!! (but you can draw if you want)
✨Pros: It's free! It's simple! It's versatile! It has great documentation! It can be used even if you have LITERALLY no programming experience! (You'll just need to read the doc a bunch)
✨Cons: You can add pictures, but it's a pain.
Some games to look at: The Uncle Who Works For Nintendo, Queers In love At The End of The World, Escape Velocity
Bitsy:
Little topdown games!
✨Pros: It's free! It's simple! It's (somewhat) intuitive! It has great documentation! It can be used even if you have LITERALLY no programming experience! You can make everything in it, from text to sprites to code! Those games sure are small!
✨Cons: Those games sure are small. This is to make THE simplest game. Barely any animation for your sprites, can barely fit a line of text in there. But honestly, the restrictions are refreshing!
Some games to look at: honestly I haven't played that many bitsy games because i am a fake gamer. The picture above is from Under A Star Called Sun though and that looks so pretty
RPGMaker:
To make RPGs! LIKE ME!!!!!
NOTE: I recommend getting the latest version if you can, but all have their pros and cons. You can get a better idea by looking at this post.
✨Pros: Literally everything you need to make an RPG. Has a tutorial inside the software itself that will teach you the basics. Pretty simple to understand, even if you have no coding experience! Also I made a post helping you out with RPGMaker right here!
✨Cons: Some stuff can be hard to figure out. Also, the latest version is expensive. Get it on sale!
Some games to look at: Yume Nikki, Hylics, In Stars and Time (hehe. I made it)
engine.lol:
collage worlds! it is relatively new so I don't know much about it, but it seems fascinating. picture is from Garden!
NOTE: There's a bunch of smaller engines to find out there. Just yesterday I found out there's an Idle Game Maker made by the Cookie Clicker creator. Isn't life wonderful?
✨more advice under the cut. this is Long ok✨
ENGINES I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT AND THEY SEEM HARD BUT ALSO GIVE IT A TRY I GUESS!!!! :
Unity and Unreal: I don't know anything about those! That looks hard to learn! But indie devs use them! It seems expensive! Follow your dreams though! Don't ask me how!
GameMaker: Wuh I just don't know anything about it either! I just know it's now free if your game is non-commercial (aka, you're not selling it), and Undertale was made on it! It seems good! You probably need some coding experience though!!!
Godot: Man I know even less about this one. Heard good things though!
BUNCHA RANDOM ADVICE!!!!
-Make something small first! Try making simple: a character is in a room, and exits the room. The character can look around, decide to take an item with them, can leave, and maybe the door is locked and you have to find the key. Figuring out how to code something like that, whether it is as a fully text-based game or as an RPGMaker map, should be a good start to figure out how your software of choice works!
-After that, if you have an idea, try first to make the simplest version of that idea. For my timeloop RPG, my simplest version was two rooms: first room you can walk in, second room with the King, where a cutscene automatically plays and the battle starts, you immediately die, and loop back to the first room, with the text from this point on reflecting this change. I think I also added a loop counter. This helped me figure out the most important thing: Can This Game Be Made? After that, the rest is just fun stuff.
So if you want to make a dating sim, try and figure out how to add choices, and how to have affection points go up and down depending on your choices! If you want to make a platformer, figure out how to make your character move and jump and how to create a simple level! If you just want to make a kinetic visual novel with no choices, figure out how to add text, and how to add portraits! You'll be surprised at how powerful you'll feel after having figured even those simple things out.
-If you have a programming problem or just get confused, never underestimate the power of asking Google! You most likely won't be the only person asking this question, and you will learn some useful tips! If you are powerful enough, you can even… Ask people??? On forums??? Not me though.
-Yeah I know you probably want to make Your Big Idea RIGHT NOW but please. Make a smaller prototype first. You need to get that experience. Trust me.
-If you are not a womanthing of many skills like me, you might realize you need help. Maybe you need an artist, or a programmer. So! Game jams on itch.io are a great way to get to work and meet other game devs that have different strengths! Or ask around! Maybe your artist friend secretly always wanted to draw for a game. Ask! Collaborate! Have fun!!!
I hope that was useful! If it was. Maybe. You'd like to buy me a coffee. Or maybe you could check out my comics and games. Or just my new critically acclaimed game In Stars and Time. If you want. Ok bye
#reference#gamedev#indie dev#game dev#tutorial#video game#ACTUAL GAME DEVS DO NOT INTERACT!!!1!!!!!#this is for people who are afraid of coding. do not come at me and say 'actually godot is easy if you just--' I JUST WILL NOT.#long post
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#messages from knave#im making breakfast and im gonna list my observations from three years of weird living situations#younger siblings of big age gaps will see most interactions as a form of soft combat until trained out of it#but when actual clmbat happens they're used to not having any sway so they don't actually know how to act in arguments#siblings with codependent relationships have their own internal langauge that they apply to others. not sure if they realize they do it#but they'll hold you to the same rules they've mentally created for each other without explaining them#siblings of ALL stripes will approach situations with a set idea of how communication works. and even if it's not a logical way to communica#they'll expect you to also communicate in that way. and if you can't or refuse they'll shut down and communication stalls completely because#they can't fathom doing it any other way except the way they and their siblings socialized each other to do it#siblings with adversarial relationships don't take outside advice and will take attempts to give advice as manipulative. not their fault#oldest siblings are the most conflict averse people on the planet. oldest sinlings say#'is anyone gonna balloon this situation out of proportion by avoiding it for as long as possible' and not wait for an answer#siblings who were regularly appointed as hall monitors will see any interaction with you as transactional#a hallmark of a dysfunctional sibljng relationship is someone who thinks telling you NO is worse than going through a situation they do not#wanna be in. and then they'll complain about it endlessly#and then they'll be like 'i don't want favours from my parents because they'll hold it over me' and never make the connection on their own#people cannot anticipate your needs with their minds. they are sometimes going to ask you to be a part of things you don't wanna#you're NEVER gonna be able to live in a world where people will stop asking you to be a part of things that's not feasible#had one say once 'people should just know not to ask me along for plans I can't get to people should know not to invite me'#and you know dude that's just now how stuff works. there's a difference between 'x cant drive so they can't help me move my dresser' and#'i know xs work schedule so i shouldnt infomr them of group plansnon the off chance they could make it so they don't feel left out'#people with hyper competitive siblings can't fathom that other people won't know how to do stuff. i don't just mean athletes but siblings#with that scarcity mindsetnin general like they can't handle people not having the same knowledge base they have. it's a survival thing#and NO having a life of suffering doesn't make you correct all the time has literally anyone else watched heathers#youngest siblings always have the most deranged dating stories and the oldest in a set of age gap siblings always has the WORST taste in men#< that's directed at my sister and no one else that's a personal diss not a real observation#only children have one thing. theyre SUPER weird about splitting the grocery bill#food is NOT communal to only children I've learned firsthand. Also they'll be perfectly fine sharing anything else BUT food usually#weed. loans. bathroom supplies. dishes. ect. but NOT food#meanwhile sibljngs are a little TOO comfortable chowing down on stuff they didn't buy. bad roommates are bad roommates
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