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#how to play the piano wrong
houseofgeeks · 7 months
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apollo-cackling · 11 months
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as a canadian piano girlie seeing "rcm" everywhere in disco elysium was so jarring shakjdlfha
#my rambles#'royal conservatory of mu- no wait wrong one'#disco elysium#piano#it's fitting tho bc both suck 👍#reprinting your entire syllabus every 7 years with minimal changes just so all your music teachers have to buy the new ones?#same with theory too except it's worse bc they actually need to buy those#sucha scam#sec lemme actually google the 2022 syllabus changes to make sure I'm not talking out of my backside#wtf river flows in you used to be level 9?#it's level 8 now but even then ????#thing is literally so easy#now I have a long history of overestimating how easy a piece is#(my brother's learning piano recently and I have learnt that my idea of a beginner pianist is like. at least 3 levels above that :skull)#but like#that piece is so simple?? one melody line one left hand line little to no chords on either#I'd've thought it'd be level 7 max#now it may not take higher than that for someone to play it *well*#I don't particularly like the piece but it does need to play with a certain lightness to sound good#and you might not know how to shape it well in level 7#but like on a pure technique level#level 7 max I'd've thought#wait post maybe cancelled a piece I thought I played for level 7 was actually level 8#ehhh but that's a fugal piece it looks simple but ends up being harder#idk is there anything that I'm missing that makes river flows in you that much harder than I realise?#do level 7 pianists not have as good a sense for where their hands are without looking?#what'm I missing#anyway yea checked the diff between the 2015 syllabus and the 2022 one and... yea seems scammy#there's some I feel like will be good changes but those don't seem to warrant a whole new syllabus and reprints of everything yk
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8rujaa · 2 years
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i think i’m autistic… it has sent me into a major depressive episode not because I’m sad i might be, but because i’m sad that no one including myself realized… literally 100% of my being feels so validated when i realized it could be. i never even considered i could be autistic until i discovered what “masking” was. I’ve realized, everything I do is a mask, and the reason it’s difficult for me to live and coexist with my partners sometimes, even though i love them and wouldn’t want to be away from them, is because i’m masking 100% of the time trying not to seem cold or rude or unaffectionate bc i’m hyperaware of how i can come off…..
#all the sensory issues… the obsession with pink…. the obsession with routines…… the obsession with music and singing#all the little quirks i’ve been embarrassed about …#the reasons i can’t keep jobs…..#the reason why i was my happiest and most functional when i lived BY MYSELF and literally just painted or played piano for hours#like my bedrooms have always looked like sensory rooms.#i hate bright lights but i literally have like 10 different lamps in my room rn#the reason I hate going out and why i hate parties etc#the reason I can’t lie#the reason i wasn’t able to continue my education#like…. i’m understanding everything now#even the possibility of my mother also being autistic when i’ve always thought she was cold and obsessive and mentally ill#i see it in her too now#she’s put me through so much… and even if she is… the fact that she was abusive still stands… but i think finding out and getting assessed#i think it would help me forgive her… because i was such a. difficult child to raise.#i literally went missing and ran away so many times how did no one pick up on the fact that i might be austic#like these all seem like minimal reasons… but when i tell you that at my core i’ve always felt like an alien#i had a video come up on my feed a few months back about how it kind of shows up differently in women bc we have the ability to mask#and i was like hm that’s interesting but scrolled past#and the more i looked up things like ‘why do i do this’ autism would always come up somehow#and i feel like i’ve been really in denial#but because it resonated… i kept reading about it#i kept learning and researching because everything i found was pointing to the fact that it could be autism#and i am not anti self diagnosing at all. but i didn’t want to be the type of people that take something so general and broad that just#just because i related to (one) thing i was automatically autistic#so i kept learning and researching in hopes of find either something else that could be affecting my mental health#in hopes of kind of proving myself wrong and i was being paranoid#but the more i find the more it explains everything. literally everything. and i’m sad. i’m sad that i’ve hated myself so so so so much…#i think there’s a new sense of self understanding…. and a lot of self guilt being let go…#brain vomit
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fat-fem-and-asian · 2 years
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if I had a nickel for every time I started a show because I genuinely thought there was a lesbian relationship between two female leads only to find out one of them is married and the other one gets a male love interest I would have two nickels which is honestly pretty low considering
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officerdougeiffel · 1 year
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having a music special interest but being shit at playing any instruments is like. actual torture
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noxtivagus · 1 year
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yoko shimomura i love her style so much
#🌙.rambles#shimomura w ffxv & kh is just. oh my god that#no wait this is so funny to me bcs i really just Cried for a bit n now i'm listening to music while eating a lot of chocolate 😭#random but brookside has always been my fav chocolate ever since i first ate it like years ago n no other chocolate compares to it for me#wait shimomura w the alchemist code! for whom the alchemist exists 🥺#goddamn i grew up playing a ton of gacha. like gacha strategy games n gacha uh.. otome.. 💀#oh man i love shimomura's compositions so much#apocalypsis noctis & forza finale & noctis & nachtflugel & melancholia & dearly beloved & apocalypsis magnatus & vector to the heavens#& moonlit melodies n. oh my god there's rlly so much !!!!#i'd say like.. i don't know how to describe it well right now but it's rather elegant in a way?#is it very obvious i really like orchestra#as much as i love piano uh. violin is tied w it as my fav instrument bcs it just sounds so elegant i love it so much#random i'm really just talking abt osts in general but gbf 'illuminated world' & ffxiv 'insanity' pls i love them so much#going off-topic from shimomura but yasunori nishiki w octopath n granblue n. 🥹🫶🏼#some of my favs r cyrus the scholar &. hdflajsdfj yk the break ver. of octopath songs!!!!#n then gbf.. the path of duty & weisser drache &#yk when i first listened to the path of duty it immediately reminded me of octopath's ost 😭#peacemaker's wings it immediately reminded me of uematsu n look he did contribute to it#I THINK AT LEAST.. I'M BASING ALL THESE OFF SPOTIFY I'M SO SORRY IF I'M WRONG#tsutomu narita ilyvm for gbf's ost!!!! n. oh nah if i talk abt soken i won't stop n uematsu too oh my god#keiichi okabe too ily. n the other nier composers i think i'm sorry i don't remember their names as well ><#i have no idea how all these ppl r all irl but i love all their music so much#listening to all these osts just make me so happy they comfort me sm fr i love video games so much :<<#nier automata my fav osts r voice of no return & grandma (destruction) & a beautiful song & emil (despair) & fortress of lies &#weight of the world ofc. n then gestalt/replicant there's uh grandma & song of the ancients / devola & dispossession & yonah & kaine#& emil & his/this dream & the dark colossus destroys all & shadowlord & ashes of dreams ofc!!!!#oh man i love music boxes sm.#THERE'S SM SONG I DIDN'T LIST BUT THERE'S SO MUCH 😭😭#other games n series like chrono & zelda & fe & soulsborne & persona & the witcher &. IM FORGETTING SO MUCH BUT <33#WAIT I FORGOT I CHANGED FROM BEING INVISIBLE IN DISCORD;;;;;
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not-quitenormal · 2 years
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*bong rip* burn the witch by queens of the stone age should have a piano cover.
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ectogeranium · 8 months
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being autistic comes with the ability to clock characters who are also autistic coded almost immediately after your first encounter with them.
anyways, Vann from The Minus Man is one of us.
rejoice.
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inkskinned · 7 months
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in the time loop the only way out is to leave her there but you don't ever leave her there, never in the roughly one thousand years you have been in the same day. it is probably like "50 first dates" but you haven't stooped so low as to watch "50 first dates" yet. (but who is to say what another thousand years of the same media will bring to you, maybe you will develop a new taste).
you spent about 200 of these years sulking in a bathtub or on the couch or staring at the seaside. 300 of them have been spent slowly mapping the geographical distance you can actually get before the time loop restarts. you have a list of favorite places: one library in Western Massachusetts called "The Bookmill", which has weird hours and has never raised an eyebrow to you arriving out-of-breath and panting, asking to see a specific book on a specific shelf. There is one beach without a name in North Carolina; it is an accident of geography and ownership title disputes - and it is pristine, untouched, warm and cozy. you've taken her on a lot of picnics there. Acadia National Park. One specific birdhouse in the mountains.
you were stuck in the time loop with the money you entered it with: not enough to rent a private jet. you've robbed a bank a few times, you don't like the way it ends. maybe next century you'll get the hang of it. you don't like the look on her face when you say hang on i have to stop at the bank.
you just have to leave her, and you can go back to being a person again. you took 5 years just catching a flight and sitting in the Grand Canyon. if there's one thing you regret more than anything, it's that you hadn't gotten your passport renewed before this fucking time loop. maybe you should spend some time learning forgery - but also, like, you look like an english teacher. nobody is going to be cool about you asking to see their paper printing machines.
the world is very big. that is one of the things groundhog day gets wrong. there are no consequences, so you have literally all the time (or none of the time?) in the world. in groundhog day, he does a lot of very cool things, but in reality - your muscle memory never gets better. you can't necessarily learn how to play piano or sculpt ice, because your hands never remember the practice. but hey - maybe you'll try violin next. drums. synth.
you can open any door and walk into any conversation. money isn't really an object. you can try every meal off every menu, forever. take her on helicopter tours and into every museum and on every event that is happening right-now at-this-moment. parades and funerals and calligraphy classes.
but you are somewhat trapped by the limitations of your body. if you were reading a book, you still need to get up and go back to the library and find that book again when the day resets. (thank god for the internet). it still takes like 2 hours to board a plane, and then takeoff and landing and traffic. you've gotten off to run around on the freeway. one of the little thankful things: since your brain isn't actually developing (it's a muscle too), the days thankfully don't feel shorter to you. that would be agony.
all you have to do to leave the timeloop is let that man get away with it. that's all. in every version of yourself - forever - you have stopped him.
the problem is that this experience has convinced you of the existence of the human soul. after all, how else are you forming memories? your very cells reset. information has to be transferred somehow. and if timeloops are real, you can convince yourself other magic exists. so you have two choices here: this hell, or the next. there might be a millennia where you have been worn down to the point you can accept fate's decision. this is just not one of them. ironically - she is the one thing you have left.
and besides! if you can't always find something new in your partner, aren't you failing them? there is something new about her, every day with the same morning. every brutal day with the same orange sunset.
after all, you wanted to live with her in heaven, in eternity, and, well - isn't this second-best.
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prettyflyforawhitelie · 2 months
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Hazbin Hotel x Sick!Reader
A/N: Hey guys! I wanted to do some more x reader headcanons just because they’re so fun! I love the idea of the characters caring for you when you’re sick, it’s just so cute. I hope you enjoy it!
Pairing: Hazbin Hotel x Reader
Warnings: None (if you don't count tooth-rotting fluff) 
Characters: Alastor, Charlie, Vaggie, Angel Dust, Husk, Sir Pentious, Lucifer
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🦌📻Alastor📻🦌:
Essentially hides you away in his room: wants more than anything to take care of you, but refuses to expose this “softer” side of him to anyone else. If anybody knew that you were the Radio Demon’s only weakness, not only would that put him in danger, but you as well.
Will prepare any food that your heart desires - his mother brought him up to be an excellent cook! His recommended feel-good food is his mother’s jambalaya, but you absolutely love when he makes etouffee!
If anybody dares to try and disturb your well-needed sleep, he broadcast their screams to remind them just why the hotel has a radio tower… 
Will suggest that you take advantage of the bayou-side of his room for the fresh air, but of course will not force you to do anything against your complete comfort.
The best thing that he knows to do is what his mother did to him whenever he was sick: Sit in bed with him and tell him Creole folk tales. They always enamored him, and just the fact that he was allowing you to see this personal side of him made you feel better. 
At the end of the day, Alastor would take advantage of the beautiful setting that the dark bayou side of his room provided and conjure up a lovely scene of fireflies, all while softly playing his piano and singing his favorite songs to guide you to sleep (You are the only person he will let hear his singing). While Alastor may seem heartless from afar, you wouldn’t trade this demon for all of the money in the world.
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🗝️😈Charlie😈🗝️:
Would definitely notice that you were sick before you did and insisted that you get plenty of bedrest. When you refused, insisting that you were ok, she would monitor you until you finally accepted that you were sick and let her take care of you. She would say, “I’m not saying I told you so, buuuuuut…”
Takes care of you to the point where some tasks of the hotel were neglected, but to be honest, it was a win-win for everyone in the hotel. She was happy that you were being taken care of, and everyone else was happy that they didn’t have to participate in trust exercises. 
She would crack open her book of the story of Hell - it always calms her down during an extermination, so hopefully it could calm you down as you try to sleep. 
If she absolutely had to leave the hotel to do/get something, she would most definitely buy a little keepsake and bring it back for you.
She would use her love for singing to lull you to sleep, singing sweet lullabies that her mother used to sing to her as a child.
You have to constantly remind her to take care of herself as well, as she will literally remain at your bedside, not caring to eat or sleep, until you get better. She often gets so caught up in caring for others that she forgets to care for herself! You tell her that it would genuinely make you feel better to see her taking care of herself as well.
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🪽⚔️Vaggie⚔️🪽:
Gets more defensive over you than usual, which honestly scares everyone. Nobody wants to so much as speak to you wrong in fear of Vaggie literally attacking them. Having Vaggie around is the definition of scary dog privileges. 
She’s honestly extremely dramatic when it comes to you getting sick, which may seem ridiculous, but think about it: she was thrown away by her “family” in heaven, and now you’re the only person that she truly has. You confide in her, you allow her to let her guard down. If she lost you, she doesn’t know how she could even exist. So whether you have a cold or something more serious, she will automatically jump to the worst conclusions and get worried as Hell.
As tough as she seems, Vaggie loves to cuddle. She will literally lay in bed with you all day, not caring if she gets sick as well. You’re the only person that she can be vulnerable with, and if you have to be in bed all day, you better bet she’ll be right there next to you. 
Her love language is absolutely telling you about all the things that she would do to defend you. She will go into immense detail about the things that she would do for you, and you will always listen in awe. She has been through so much, and this is the only way that she knows how to express her true love for you. 
The last thing she wants is for somebody to feel abandoned in their struggle like she did when she fell from Heaven, especially you. She will make sure that you know how much you are valued and loved, not just by her, but by everyone at the hotel.
When you’re finally ready to get out of bed and start participating in hotel duties again, she monitors you the whole time to make sure that you’re not over-exerting yourself.
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🕷️💖Angel Dust💖🕷️:
Is very upset and on edge - Valentino forces him to work everyday, no matter the circumstances, and not being at the hotel to care for you or at least watch over you makes him feel horrible. 
Basically forces you to sleep as much as you can, even better if it’s in his room so he can see that you’re okay immediately when he gets home.
Encourages you to cuddle with Fat Nuggets - he’s essentially a cute and cuddly heating pad. (He actually gives Fat Nuggets this adorable pep talk about how he needs to take good care of you while “dad” is at work)
He wholeheartedly believes in the power of comedy, so he essentially treats your bedrest as a stand-up comedy show for him to perform in order to make you laugh. He’ll tell stupid jokes, put together horrible dances, or even just hide in places and scare you in hopes that making you laugh will help you forget how bad you feel. 
Loves talking to you after work. You’re essentially the only person that he takes off his hypersexual mask around, and he knows that he can be himself around you, that you would never judge him. So, sometimes he will get home to find you already asleep and get in bed with you, holding you tight, whispering all of the things that he wanted to tell you about today, hoping that at least some of his words wiggle their way into your dreams. 
Loves sappy rom com movies and will 100% force you to watch them with him. He claims it’s because the “good vibes” of the romance will make you feel better, but to be honest, he just wants someone to watch his dumb movies with.
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♦️🥃Husk🥃♥️:
Will blame himself for your sickness, claiming that he shouldn’t have let you drink so much over the past couple of days (He literally cannot comprehend the idea that people can be sick NOT from being hungover lol).
When you insist that it’s not his fault, he’ll ease up. He’ll use some of his bartending skills to make some sort of juice mocktail for you and will definitely sneak in some vitamin C to heal you faster.
Everyone - specifically Angel - will wonder why the fuck the bar hasn’t been stocked in days (It’s because Husk has been chilling in bed/taking care of you nonstop).
This is the only time that he will completely surrender to the idea of being one big stuffed animal to cuddle with. I mean, he’s warm, soft, and he purrs! What’s more therapeutic than that?
This is also a great time to get uninterrupted talking time with Husk. He’s a great listener, so you’ve always opened up to him, but it took him a while to open up to you too. He had told you that you were one of the only people that he trusted enough to confide in, but always seemed to air on the side of caution when sharing his personal struggles because it always seemed that someone would just pop up at the bar asking for a drink whenever it happened. This was one of the few times that the two of you could be completely open and vulnerable with each other without the risk of outside judgment. 
Given the fact that he was such a gambler, Husk has a knack for all sorts of card games. If you get too bored, just give him a deck of cards and the possibilities for entertainment are endless. Want him to teach you how to play poker or rummy? Done. Want him to embarrass himself while he tries to relearn some card tricks that he used to flaunt? Done and done.
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🐍⚙️Sir Pentious⚙️🐍:
The second you told him you were sick, he would waste no time in finding one of his many inventions that could help you in some way. He definitely has some complex medical screening device hidden somewhere that he could use… he just has to remember where he put it. 
If you complain about being sore, he will insist that you snuggle up next to him. Because he’s a cold-blooded reptile, his body is one big ice pack! On the other end, if you feel yourself coming down with some feverish chills, he has you covered! His bedroom ceiling is essentially one huge heat lamp, so feel free to chill under there, too!
Has assigned himself as your personal nurse and will provide anything that your heart desires. If it for some reason cannot be found within the hotel, he will travel to any ring of Hell necessary to make sure that you are well taken care of. This man is DETERMINED.
You can tell that he’s taking this seriously because he actually neglects his “evil duties” for a couple of days. The airship isn’t even mentioned until you heal (unless, of course, you feel that taking a ride on the airship would make you feel better. Then, of course he will set it up for you!).
Despite literally voicing his complete and utter devotion to your every flight of fancy, this man is still as awkward as ever. He will still struggle to ask you if you want to cuddle, quite literally fluttering around the subject until you bring it up for him. 
At the end of the day, though, Sir Pentious is probably the sweetest sinner you could’ve ended up with as your caretaker. He may be awkward, but boy, does he love you!
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👹👼Lucifer👼👹:
While you are resting in bed, he will conjure up the most delightful images of anything you request (his favorite, though, is a group of ducklings waddling through a golden lake together 🫶)
Being the King of Hell, he has so many interesting stories to tell you if you’re willing to listen. He will gladly tell you stories as you lay in bed with him, slowly lulling you to sleep. (His daughter clearly got her love of storytelling from him).
He loves that you trust him enough to let him take care of you - he doesn’t often have people around, let alone people that he truly loves. Just your presence in his room truly fills him with so much joy.
He didn’t want to annoy you with his ramblings about his many rubber ducks so he was ecstatic when you asked him to give you a tour of all of them. This man was telling you each and every duck’s name, backstory, etc. and honestly, it was adorable. When he quickly glazed over one of the ducks anxiously, you asked why. He then shyly revealed that it was, in fact, a rubber duck that looked just like you. 
His love language is definitely gift-giving. This rubber duck would lead to him showing the many, MANY gifts he has created for you in his free time. He always has a ton of downtime, so making gifts for people is his favorite hobby. These gifts include, but aren’t limited to: various duck items, binded storybooks, music boxes, paintings, etc. This man is TALENTED, to say the least. He just hopes that looking at these will distract you enough from being sick. 
Also, his room is by far the comfiest to sleep in while you’re sick… the mood lighting that is naturally provided from his glowing light shows is simply unmatched.
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libraryofgage · 10 months
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I realized Steve is absolutely that kid whose parents put him through piano lessons solely so they could have another way to show off at parties and shit. And then that thought morphed into a little Steddie plot bunny and here we are lol:
Steve doesn't know it's the last time he'll sit at the grand piano, the last time he'll press down its keys and let music fill the empty room before bleeding out into the empty house.
He doesn't know that when his parents next come home, his mother will notice how horribly out of tune the instrument is. He doesn't know that it will be sent off somewhere for repair (his parents won't tell him where, no matter how he asks, and he'll never quite understand why) and lost to him. He doesn't know his parents won't bother buying another one; it was only ever there to impress party guests when Steve sat down and played some Bach. Without those parties, company or otherwise, there's no point in getting another one: both the piano and Steve will have outlived their usefulness.
He doesn't know that he'll be storing away his sheet music, carefully placed into folders and in a waterproof box for safekeeping. He doesn't know that he'll soon become too consumed by high school and dating and monsters to idly write down notes on a staff. He doesn't know that when he's swinging a nail-ridden bat in the future (to destroy monsters, sure, but destruction is destruction, right?) he'll ache with the pain of missing the act of creation as a means of stress relief.
He doesn't know any of that, so Steve sits down at the grand piano with a soft smile, gently trailing his fingers over the keys before lining them up in the Middle C-position. He runs through a few warm-ups, letting muscle memory take him away, so he doesn't have to think. Without another thought, he seamlessly transitions into idly playing, bits and pieces of everything he remembers and songs he's heard blending together.
Mozart's Air morphs into Beethoven's Fur Elise into Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody. It doesn't all sound good together, but that's not the point when Steve plays by himself. All that matters is letting his brain shut off for a bit, letting the notes and echoes mingle together to create something new and joyful.
After two hours on the piano, his wrists are aching; he always forgets to hold them in the proper position when he plays alone. But it's a good ache, one that reminds him of the music still dancing around in his brain.
Steve takes a deep breath and slowly releases it, feeling the last of his tension dissipate. He lets his hands linger on the piano for a little longer before standing and leaving the room, tragically unaware of his imminent and unavoidable loss.
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Steve is sprawled across an old couch in Gareth's garage, reading Eddie's well-loved copy of Lord of the Rings. He'd promised to at least give it a go, and he had to admit he was looking forward to finally understanding some of the references Hellfire Club and the kids make. His progress is slow, but he's almost halfway through after two weeks of work. Reading while Corroded Coffin practices helps; the background noise of their music is perfect, letting him ignore all other sounds and focus.
Of course, that's provided they actually play continuously instead of starting the same song over and over only for Eddie to stop them halfway through. When it happens for the sixth time, Eddie growls in frustration, tugging harshly at a lock of hair. "It still sounds wrong!" he cries, dropping into a crouch while cradling his guitar close.
"Stopping us halfway through isn't helping," Gareth points out, idly twirling a drumstick as he watches Eddie's lament.
"Do you know what's wrong yet?" Asher asks.
Steve can longer focus on Lord of the Rings. Instead, he places the book on his chest and looks at the band to watch how this plays out. Eddie scowls and looks up at Asher. "Unfortunately, Ashy Baby, no."
Jeff, meanwhile, has locked eyes with Steve. And because Jeff knows the perfect way to get Eddie off their asses is to get him on Steve's instead, he says, "Why don't you ask Harrington what he thinks?"
Eddie whips around to look at Steve, eyes wide and hopeful. He doesn't even bother standing from his crouch, instead waddling his way over to Steve and testing his ability to hold back laughter at the sheer ridiculousness of the sight. "Stevie, baby, sweetheart, lover boy, please tell me that wonderful brain of yours has an idea so your favorite boyfriend can finish this rocking song."
"You're my only boyfriend."
"Which automatically makes me your favorite," Eddie points out, grinning as he leans closer. With Steve still laying down, Eddie's the perfect height in his crouch to kiss him. He lingers for a few seconds before pulling away, and Steve knows his own smile matches the dopiness of Eddie's.
"Have you considered adding a piano?" Steve asks.
"None of us know how to play," Asher says, and Steve would look at him if Eddie's face and hair and shoulders and everything weren't filling his entire line of sight.
Without thinking, Steve hums and says, "I do."
"Do what?" Eddie asks.
"Know how to play piano."
There's a silence that follows his sentence, one that makes Steve's stomach lurch as he wonders if he's maybe fucked up the shaky peace and friendship he's finally managed to build with the other members of Corroded Coffin. He doesn't know how his words might have done it, but he's scrambling to somehow take them back when Eddie slaps a hand over his mouth, the bands of his rings pressing against Steve's lips.
"Gareth, you still got that keyboard?" he asks, keeping his eyes locked on Steve. There's a light dancing in them like he's just discovered magic is real, like Steve has amazed him beyond imagination.
With a grunt, Gareth gets up from his drums and steps into his house. The rest of them stay in silence while waiting, Eddie refusing to remove his hand no matter how much Steve licks his palm. When he finally gives up and just glares at Eddie, his boyfriend grins brightly back.
"It's a little dusty, but it'll work fine," Gareth says when he comes back, and Eddie finally moves his hand and body, allowing Steve to see Gareth setting up a keyboard a few feet away from his drums.
"Okay, sweetheart," Eddie says, taking the book from Steve and carefully setting it aside before pulling him off the couch, "you've heard the song enough. Play what's missing."
Steve hesitates before walking over to the keyboard. Eddie sticks to him like a shadow, sliding his arms around Steve from behind once he's standing in front of the white and black keys. An odd nervousness churns in Steve, tugging at his spine and making his palms clammy, but he knows it would be much worse without Eddie there. If he had to play in front of the band without feeling like anyone was on his side, he'd probably just throw up instead.
"It, uh, it's been a while," he says quietly, easily falling into the muscle memory of tracing the keys and finding Middle C and dancing his fingers through warm-ups despite his words.
Eddie squeezes him tighter as Jeff asks, "Since you've played? Why?"
Memories of his grand piano rise in Steve unbidden, overwhelming him in a rush of longing for the instrument itself and the relaxation of playing. "My parents paid for lessons and had me play at company parties. They, uh, sent it off to be tuned, but it got damaged, and they didn't get another one."
"That sucks, Stevie," Eddie murmurs, soft and reassuring and Steve suddenly feels far more confident.
He looks up at Jeff. "Can you start playing again?" he asks, flashing a grateful smile when Jeff nods and starts strumming the song's opening notes.
Steve listens closely, breathing in the tune he's heard so many times and letting it take hold. He doesn't allow himself to actually think, letting Jeff's guitar and Eddie's arms and hair and scent drown out everything else. Before he knows it, he's playing a hesitant tune that grows with confidence as he follows the song laid out before him. He's always a measure behind, chasing the guitar's echoing notes as they fade.
He and Jeff make it through the whole song without Eddie telling them to stop. When the final notes of guitar and piano echo together, the latter still chasing the former even at the end, Steve is shaking with excitement and anxiety and grief and joy.
He lets out a slow breath, feeling tension he didn't even realize had lingered for so long finally draining from his shoulders and dissipating. Steve can also feel Eddie's face pressed against his neck, a smile searing into his skin as Eddie squeezes him even tighter.
"I love you so fucking much, Stevie, that's exactly what was missing," Eddie says, his words the only warning he gives before pulling Steve away from the keyboard and off his feet and spinning him around. His surprised yelp quickly morphs into laughter that still lingers even after Eddie has set him down again.
Gareth and Jeff and Asher have already started discussing how the other parts of the song might change with the addition of a keyboard, but Steve is too busy turning in Eddie's arms and kissing his smile away to pay them any mind. He can worry about inevitably being roped into the band's practices later, after he and Eddie are breathless and flushed and smiling bright.
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teaboot · 1 year
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While I'm happy that the word "gaslighting" is more known than it used to be, and that people at large are learning to recognize what it looks like, I feel like we need to be careful not to turn it into something soft and casual we throw around off the cuff without meaning.
Being gaslit is psychological abuse that fucks you up very badly, very slowly, at such a gradual pace that you don't usually know it's happening until it's already re-wired your brain.
If you're unfamiliar with the term, "to gaslight" is to intentionally persuade someone that they cannot trust their own perceptions of reality. It's a destabilizing form of manipulation that leaves you constantly anxious, off-balanced, confused, and dependant on others.
This is done by lying about events that have happened or about things that are happening, invalidating feelings and observations, and either denying, refusing to acknowledge, or deflecting away from hard facts.
As someone who has experienced gaslighting as a form of abuse, this is what I remember from when I didn't know anything was off:
"Oh, I must have forgotten what really happened."
"I'm just not seeing it from their point of view."
"Everyone has their ups and downs. This is normal."
"I guess I wasn't thinking about what I was doing."
"I must have been wrong."
This is what I remember from when I first started realizing something was weird:
"How come every time I'm convinced they did something wrong, they just talk to me a few minutes, and I end up asking for their forgiveness? What has me so convinced I was right in the first moment?"
"I should start writing things down when they happen, so I can go back and check later when I'm confused."
"If every relationship like ours (familial, romantic, platonic) works this way, how come I never hear about it, or read about it, or see it anywhere else?"
Getting out and adjusting to the real world is hard, too, and comes with rapid swings of unfounded guilt, shame, fear, anxiety, and self-deprication that are completely unfounded in reality.
You've been conditioned to believe that you are entirely helpless and unable to think for yourself, possibly "crazy" or otherwise fundamentally impaired, and that there is a singular source of guidance that knows exactly what is right, and all of a sudden that pillar of support has vanished.
The immediate "after" that I recall looks like:
Constant uncertainty. Because nobody is there to tell you what's real and what isn't, you approach every situation thinking at it from all angles. Every question has fifty possible answers and most of them are wrong and you don't know which. If you choose wrong, the world will end.
A sense of helplessness. You feel that nothing you do is correct, and it's easier to make no choices at all- or you make wild, reckless, impulsive choices, because you feel you have nothing to lose.
Memory loss. I don't understand this one, but it's not like memoriescare being erased, but more like... you're so used to treating your memories as dreams or imaginations that you reflexively dismiss anything you recall as fake, and you can't believe anything you recall because you don't think it was real. Your abusers voice is in your head, wiping things away and telling you that you did the wrong thing. And you believe them, because they're the only constant you can rely on.
Missing the abuser, or the abusive dynamic. Because you know now that it wasn't healthy, but at least you knew where you stood. As long as you said the right things and acted the right way, agreed and obeyed and did as they expected, you felt like thevworld made sense. Now you have to figure out which parts of you really are broken, and which parts are working fine in a really weird way, and it's like tuning a piano when you've never played one before.
The long term "after"- for which I can only speak for myself- looks like:
Having to double-check, triple-check, and continue checking hard evidence of an event before responding in an active way.
Consulting with trusted friends to verify that your observations are legitimate and that your perceptions are valid. Following up with them to see if someone is really angry at you, or if you're just projecting anger onto them because it's what makes sense to your old pattern.
Obsessive collection of "evidence"- saving pictures, writing detailed journals, making recordings and video, never deleting emails or old texts, because you still don't quite trust yourself all the way and you're afraid that someone will cause you to doubt yourself again.
Continued self-doubt and being "gullible": I have straight up seen people flip me off to my face in front of witnesses and then immediately tell me, "No, I was just waving", and my first instinct is to believe them. For a few seconds, I *really do* believe them. Your brain is so trained to latch onto what people tell you to believe that its really, really hard to hold onto information that you already have.
Learning to take ownership over your own actions. (I didn't mess up because I'm "crazy", I messed up because I'm a person and people do that.)
Instinctively seeking approval. (Takes a lot of work to remind myself that I don't exit to make people happy, and that some people suck ass, and I can tell them to piss off.)
I don't intend to invalidate anyone currently struggling with this- if you feel that something is wrong, it probably is. That's the thought that got me out. Trust that feeling that something isn't right.
I just want people who don't know what to look for to know what gaslighting *actually* looks and feels like, so they don't just roll their eyes and think, "Oh, that word doesnt apply to me- I'm not some snowflake".
('Cause we all saw what happened with "triggered", right?)
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coolasabowtie · 2 years
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imagine thinking that being a writer of easy piano sheet music gave you the right to transcribe O Holy Night in 4/4.  imagine the audacity, the gall; the absolute arrogance you must have in your own abilities if you think piano students can’t comprehend counting to six
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funficwriter · 8 months
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Fontaine Characters with Violinist Reader!
A/N: This disappearing thing of mine is annoying, I'm trying to stop it. However, I finally got a bit of spare time to play Genshin and I am so, so in love with Fontaine. I think it's gonna be a wonderful arc. I haven't felt this much jubilation since Liyue or Inazuma!
Warnings; None, really.
Lyney, Lynette, Neuvillette, Navia, Furina, Wriothesley (no particular order)
Lyney
First off, this boy is no stranger to performing, an activity he loves. Naturally, he's going to be most interested in fellow performers, including you!
If you're the type to get anxious before, or even during a performance, say goodbye to that with him. He'll guide you through plenty of destressing rituals to help you relax beforehand.
(This included, but wasn't limited to; Taking deep breaths, doing tongue twisters, asking you to play meme songs on your violin, or tickling your sides because 'laughing is a great way to be loose'.)
Even during, should you freeze up and he's in the audience, he'll do a quick but loud magic trick to get everyone's eyes off you. Even one that makes him look like a fool, so long as you have time to put yourself together.
He'd LOVE to have you on stage with him! He adores your music and would ask you to sync it up with dramatic moments in his magic.
If you compose you own stuff, he's pretty much your biggest fan. The guy who never misses a concert. The loudest clapper. The biggest braggart.
"That gorgeous, graceful violinist we had the pleasure of watching? What if I told you that they're coupled up with an equally electric performer? That is, me~."
Lynette
It's easy to think that her brother outdoes her in terms of being your fan, but quietness hides a lot. If you think she doesn't care as much, you're so, so wrong.
She learned several music skills just to be closer to you, including sight-reading. BTW, she's got a killer voice and loves to sing out your compositions. Sometimes it helps you come up with alternative movements within them.
She can also play piano, to a good level of accompaniment. With time, one would think she is also a music assistant; It's not uncommon for her to be on your stage.
Lynette is VERY attentive to your instrument. Does it need rosin? A new bow, perhaps a re-hair? You just say the word, and she'll happily take it to the repair workshop if you have no time.
"By the way, Y/N prefers real horse hair, the thinnest you have. Don't worry. They're talented enough to thrive on it.".
She makes it a point to let you know how much she loves what you do: "All other music in Fontaine pales in its beauty next to yours. Please, keep playing.".
Neuvillette
You play the violin? (he crosses his legs and assumes his royal position). So when are you going to get married? Will you be okay playing a few pieces, even while being the spouse? /Half-joking, tbh.
For him to say that he is the lover of a music pioneer as important as you... Will never not be a moment of joy for him.
First off, what a sugar daddy. I hope you made a list of the expensive violins you wanted but couldn't afford. Because now, it's yours, never mind the Mora. Your very case may as well be coated with gold.
He won't die on this hill, but he would love it if you could play a bit during the parties he hosts. He loves live music to begin with, but after hearing you, it feels like no other pro could hope to sound as good as you.
(And side note, he likes how mesmerized everyone is with you lol)
If you're the type to remember your patron's personal preferences, and compose/play in accordance to that, just for him? Put hearts in his eyes. He's no longer joking about the wedding thing.
While he loves showing you off, he'll never force you if you're shy/nervous. If anything, he would also feel very special if he got to heard songs not out yet, compositions just for him...
"Perhaps this is Lady Furina's way of rewarding me for my years of service. Bless our Archon for giving me such a talented, show and heart-stopping partner.".
Navia
She likes that the Spina del Rosula is represented by passionate, talented people!
If you like sweets, I say just join her team. It's guaranteed pastries after each request lol.
Her detective work is cool, but can get a bit drab after a while. She likes asking you to play some violin ambiance, partly because it makes her feel cool, and partly because your music changes the atmosphere for much better.
Navia is a woman of decorum, but she'll often have trouble staying still during your concerts. It doesn't matter if there are rules to how loud a woman can cheer, she's happy for you and will make sure you know that.
She becomes even more proactive than usual. If a concert of yours falls on the same time as her work, she'll scour the ends of Teyvat for its solution, so she can see you.
With time, she might request you to play pieces that her father loved. Once they're brought back to life, through your own strings, she can't help but be a little emotional. She must have done something wonderful to have you.
"How beautiful, how poignant as you, my dear Y/N! This calls for macaroons! Which flavor would you like today?".
Furina
"Yes, Neuvillette, I know they perform and all, but why can't I keep them to myself! They're so darn great, I want that everyday!"
Of course, she's not gonna stop you, but beware; I feel like Furina would almost turn you into her own personal violinist lol.
She'd keep requesting your presence over her other personal entertainment and somewhat bombard you with song requests. Buuut if you're looking for a varied repertoire, she's your gal!
One reason she requests so much is because she so impressed with how you not only fulfill them all, you do it so creatively and beautifully. You don't just follow the note as it is... Once you're acquainted with what she likes, you modify the tune a bit to be more her taste.
She's so cute when she claps; The way her hands go so fast and she's about to get up from the seat, the huge eye and smile... Why, you might start reconsidering her offer.
"Bravooooo, Y/N!! Bravo! That was everything, I can't go on without an encore!"
If the tune is more happy-go-lucky, she will get up and dance along. Will also do it in circles around you because she's your little orb :3
Wriothesley
"Forgive me for intruding... But I was overhearing, and your playing is terrific. Electrifying. Do you happen to perform on Saturday nights? That's when I can leave the Fortress for a bit.".
Of all your fans, Wrio is one of the quieter ones, but not so much that no one knows it. For one, he's a Duke, he's bound to enjoy good music. And heavens knows he needs some fun in his life.
Here's a fun thing (ngl this is what I was excited to write): At first, it doesn't sound like he can make it to your recital. You see him on his desk, surrounded by paper mountains that only ever seem to grow. He doesn't want to make you sad, but his remark lets you know that he's not coming: "Would it kill some of these people to tone it down for a bit so I can go see my partner perform?".
So imagine your shock when you step on stage, and see him on the first row, sitting tall and handsome, shit-eating grin on his face and waving. You really bought it for a moment.
"Hehe... Did you really think I can't even make a bit of time to see Fontaine's best violinist in action? You actually bought that?".
I HC that he has insomnia, and has tried any things to cure it, but to no avail. It's rumored in Fontaine that his is incurable, but little do they know about how he lays down next to your sitting form. Little do they know of the soft lullabies you composed just for him, or how peacefully he dreams afterwards 💜
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khaleesiofalicante · 9 months
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AN INCOMPLETE LIST: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HRH PRINCE HENRY OF WALES:
1. The sound of your laugh when I piss you off. (@magsalecs)
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2. The way you smell underneath your fancy cologne, like clean linens but somehow also fresh grass (what kind of magic is this?). (@alexshenry)
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3. That thing you do where you stick out your chin to try to look tough. (@tylerposey)
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4. How your hands look when you play piano. (@nostalgiaisabitchhuh)
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5. All the things I understand about myself now because of you. (@userstede)
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6. How you think Return of the Jedi is the best Star Wars (wrong) because deep down you're a gigantic, sappy, embarrassing romantic who just wants the happily ever after. (@magsalecs)
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7. Your ability to recite Keats. (@magsalecs)
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8. Your ability to recite Bernadette's "Don't let it drag you down" monologue from Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. (@darwinsfinchesx)
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9. How hard you try. (@sheisraging)
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10. How hard you've always tried. (@stevenrogered)
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11. How determined you are to keep trying. (@simon-eriksson)
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12. That when your shoulders cover mine, nothing else in the entire stupid world matters. (@magsalecs)
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13. The goddamn issue of Le Monde you brought back to London with you and kept and have on your nightstand (yes, I saw it). (@sheisraging)
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14. The way you look when you first wake up. (@magsalecs)
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15. Your shoulder-to-waist ratio. (@gay-bucky-barnes)
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16. Your huge, generous, ridiculous, indestructible heart. (@thomasbrodiesandwich)
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17. Your equally huge dick. (@tylerposey)
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18. The face you just made when you read that last one. (@uglygreenjacket)
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19. The way you look when you first wake up (I know I already said this, but I really, really love it). (@magsalecs)
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20. The fact that you loved me all along. (@magsalecs)
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— I can't match you for prose, but what I can do is write you a list.
Red, White, and Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston (2019) and Matthew Lopez (2023)
Credit to all the gif makers and editors, the real heroes of the fandom.
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rashomonss · 8 months
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Learning To Adapt
context: readjusting dealt with MC, learning to adapt features how each of the brothers try to adjust to life after you disappeared, let me know if y’all want a dateables version! again some, short and somewhat angsty headcanons, enjoy!
come back to me
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Your room is always visited every day by Lucifer. His visits are early in the morning and they usually consist of checking and cleaning your room for even the slightest speck of dirt or dust.
When you come back he doesn’t want a messy room on your to-do list. That and just being in your room gives him a little peace of mind, that a part of you is still here with him. Even if you aren’t actually there to reassure him you’re okay.
Lucifer will make the mistake of buying you something while he’s out shopping and it’s only when he returns does he realize his mistake. Because of this a box of things intended for you is collecting dust in the corner of his room
The piano is another thing that collects dust in the house. With you not there what reason does he have to play it? Even the thought of actually playing it makes him walk out of the room.
Of course, like usual his coping mechanism throughout this time period is to drown himself in work to the point of collapsing. Nothing new here. If anything he needs to show his brothers that he can keep it together; for they’re sake and his.
Mammon checks his pact mark in the mirror every day when he gets up. That’s the first thing he will do when he’s fully awake. Once you left and it started to fade all hell broke loose Due to this he constantly freaks out about it now.
He won’t let anyone touch him if they’re in the vicinity of his pact mark. Mammon actually moves away quite quickly, worried that the slightest touch might make it fade for good.
Any piece of clothing you stole from him, he decides to take it back and wear it. It smells like you and it’s the only way he actually stays calm, if not be warned of violent outbursts every once and awhile.
Much to his brother’s surprise he actually doesn’t hole himself up in his room. He instead picked up a few jobs and took the liberty of taking care of his brothers when Lucifer was too exhausted. Though at times he felt even more exhausted than Lucifer.
Mammon spends the most time in your room out of all of the brothers. Sometimes he’ll ignore his room for days and just stay in yours till Lucifer kicks him out. Though he just goes right back when the oldest leaves.
Levi constantly checks in and logs into your accounts for any games you have. He wants to make sure you don’t miss anything. A new event came out? Don’t worry he’ll speed run it and get everything for you. A new skin came out? Don’t worry you have it now.
He becomes so immersed in making sure you have a good ranking in a game or you get all the things he’ll believe you’ll want instead of actually taking care of himself. So when Lucifer and Mammon finally pull him away he collapses from sheer exhaustion.
He doesn’t leave his room per usual, the only other room he heads to if he gets up is yours. However, he walks in and then proceeds to hole himself up in there too until his brothers drag him out.
Lothan has been summoned many times when his brothers tick him off so the house is always a bit damp now.
Levi takes this time to finish the cosplays you both were working on, however, as he’s in the middle of sewing yours many emotions come on all at once and he becomes angry with you for leaving him.
He does understand that you didn’t have a choice and it’s not your fault at all, but he still becomes upset about the current situation and rips the costume. Once his breakdown is over he then cries at the destruction he’s caused.
Satan finds himself more irritated with everything these days. One wrong word from a lesser demon and he’s in his demon form causing a rampage across the Devildom.
Or one snarky remark from his brothers and a whole wall at the house of lamentation is suddenly is gone.
This man is irritated with everyone and everything. The only thing he finds comfort in now is the cats you both would feed in the alleys of some Devildom streets. However each time he goes to feed the cats, his wrath will boil up and he goes on a rampage due to the memories of you and him.
Not worry because he won’t finish any books you two were currently reading, instead, all those books get stacked neatly in your room for when you get back.
All the cleaning progress you made in his room went to waste because of how many times he’s had angry tantrums in his room.
The thought of cleaning his things does cross his mind, but then it makes him think of you and he decides against it, soon throwing more books around in a fit or rage.
He’s having trouble processing that your gone. After all this is his first time “losing” someone so dear to him, so give him time.
Asmo finds himself using everything he had to drag himself out of bed. He still does his regular routines but they take much longer now because he can’t find any purpose behind them anymore.
At first he went out and partied till he dropped or had to get picked up by Lucifer or Mammon. However while he was at a certain club, a demon had asked him where you were, since you both go clubbing together. And upon hearing the question Asmo literally broke down in the club, and hadn’t gone back since.
He’ll still wait by each classroom door to go pick you up. Asmo always made it a point to walk you to every class even if his was on the other side of RAD so he’ll still continue to wait for you due to it being such a habit for him.
However as soon as he sees the last student exit and there’s no sign of you he then remembers that your not there. Sighing he heads to class by himself, not particularly concerned if he’s late anymore.
Asmo tries his hardest to delude himself that Solomon will bring you back soon, each time he wakes up he wishes that this whole ordeal was just a horrible dream.
Whenever dinner comes around at the House of Lamentation each brother is forced to eat, per Lucifer’s demands. However as each of them put food on their plates, a separate plate of food is set at the end of the table in your spot along with silverware and a drink.
Throughout dinner, the food doesn’t go touched by anyone and once they all finish eating Beel takes the plate wraps it, then places it in the fridge with the rest of your leftover dinners.
They soon take up most of the fridge room but Beel forbids anyone from throwing them out. Including Lucifer.
No one is allowed to touch anything that had your name on it, Beel makes sure of that. Every single snack or dessert you had in the fridge or pantry is still there for when you come back. It doesn’t matter if it expired or not Beel refuses to throw them out.
Beel often floods a corner of the pantry with snacks you favored, and again doesn’t allow anyone to touch them. Every time he goes shopping he’ll buy you something as well, it’s become a problem for Lucifer since not many things fit in the pantry anymore so Beel can only be on grocery duty now if someone is with him.
When he has trouble sleeping Beel will look up to his ceiling and speak to himself as if he were speaking to you. He hopes you’ll reunite soon so he can tell you just how much he misses you and loves you. He’s dying to hear you say you love him.
Belphie curses you in his sleep. The youngest demon brother believes if he just sleeps throughout this whole period he won’t have to deal with the fact your not here.
Instead he tries to escape to his dreams, but in turn he finds you there greeting him with a smile. It hurts to see your smile.
Due to this he’ll often wake up in a cold sweat or to Beel shaking him awake out of concern. He then sighs and decides against sleeping for awhile. Which doesn’t turn out to be good for him in the long run.
Dark circles become more and more prominent as he goes some days without sleep. Belphie never took loss well, in fact he hated the whole thought of not being able to see you asleep next to him when he did awake.
He refuses to go to the planetarium for awhile due to being reminded of you. In the beginning he also stayed clear of your room too. However as the days pasted if his older brothers didn’t occupy the room he’d try to get a nap in your bed. It was difficult though.
There was a period of time he locked himself in the attic with a hope that maybe you’d come find him again in the spot you both first met. Much to his dismay Lucifer and Mammon found him and dragged the grumpy youngest back to his room.
part 2.
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