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#how to influence other people
kevinwaynejohnson · 1 year
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How to Go from Nobody to Somebody: Unlocking the Secrets of Becoming a Person of Influence
In this video, we're going to explore the concept of becoming a person of influence. We'll discuss the different types of influence and how to develop the skills necessary to become a person of influence.
If you want to be successful in life, then you need to learn how to become a person of influence. This video will teach you the skills you need to reach your goals and make a real difference in the world!
Keynote address at the 2021 Black CEO National Conference, February 2021 (virtual)
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inkskinned · 1 year
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you wanted to be a good friend, because you loved your friends, but the truth was that everyone else somehow had a pamphlet on being normal that you never received. most of the time you learn by trial-and-error. you are terrified of the next big mistake you make, because it seems like the rules are completely arbitrary.
you've learned to keep the prickly parts of your personality in a stormcloud under your bed - as if they're a second version of you; one that will make your friends hate you. it feels feral, burning, ugly.
instead, you have assembled habits based on the statistical likelihood of pleasing others. you're a good listener, which is to say - if you do speak up, you might end up saying the wrong thing and scaring off someone, but people tend to like someone-who-listens. or you've got no true desires or goals, because people like it when you're passive, mutable. you're "not easy to fluster" which is to say - your emotions are fundamentally uninteresting to others around you; so you've learned to control them to a degree that you can no longer really feel them happening.
you have long suspected something is wrong with you, but most of the time, googling doesn't help. you are so-used to helping-yourself, alone and with no handbook. the reek of your real self feels more like a horrible joke - you wake up, and, despite all your preparations, suddenly the whole house is full of smoke. the real you is someone waiting to ruin your other-life, the one where you're normal and happy. the real-self is unpredictable, angry.
your real self snarls when people infantilize the whole situation. because if you were really suffering, everyone seems to think you'd be completely unable to cope. but you already learned the rules, so you do know how to cope, and you have fucking been coping. it's not black-and-white. it's not that you are healed during the other times - it's just that you're able to fucking try. and honestly, whenever you show symptoms, it's a really fucking bad sign.
because the symptoms you have are ugly and unmanageable for others. your symptoms aren't waifish white girl things. they're annoying and complicated. they will be the subject of so many pretentious instagram reels. if they cared about you, they'd just show up on time. you care, a lot, so deeply it burns you. you like to picture a world where the comments read if they loved you, they'd never need glasses to see. but since that's a rule you've seen repeated - "one must never be late or you are a bad friend" - you constantly worry about being late and leave agonizingly early. there are no words for how you feel when you're still late; no matter how hard you were trying.
so you have to make up for it. you have to make up for that little horrible real you that you keep locked in a cabinet. you are bad at answering emails so every project you make has to be perfect. you are weird and sensitive so you have to learn to be funny and interesting. you are an inconvenience to others, so you become as smooth as possible, buffing out all the rough parts.
all this. all this. so people can pass their hands over you and just tell you just the once -how good you are. you're a good friend. you're loveable.
#spilled ink#woke up at 530 to write this lmafo#me in a cold sweat:#how do i be normal#edit in the tags:#hey so i've seen y'all talk about like ... wondering if ur ''allowed'' to relate#like if this is about X specific diagnosis#and when i first posted it i really almost labelled it ''please don't assume this is about a specific condition''#because as an artist i am often walking this line of discussing a symptom or discussing my conditions etc#and sometimes yes ! i do want to talk about an experience that is specific to who i am and my condition#but sometimes the effort of the post is about the EXPERIENCE rather than the diagnosis#because yes i am not neurotypical and as a result that influences my work but it is ALSO true that there are many reasons#why someone might experience this particular vague horrible feeling that you are... almost being CHASED by what you ''really'' are.#that you're outrunning your symptoms... that you're not really normal you're just sort of a mockery of a person#.... that's a really isolating and horrible way to feel no matter why you are feeling it. and the nature of this PARTICULAR post is that#it is inherently talking ABOUT that sense of isolation & of feeling not-deserving & of minimizing your own experiences to make urself#palatable for society in a way that others find easy-to-deal-with....#this post is about a certain experience such that my impression is there's a higher likelihood that those who relate#would have more difficulty thinking they ''deserve'' to relate - that it doesn't REALLY belong to them#bc often we are the kind of people who are SO used to being alienated and set aside and ''different'' that we AUTOMATICALLY assume#that things are not ''for'' us... they never have been why would it start now#we are the kinds of people to be ... ''too normal for X diagnosis but too symptomatic to be normal''#[or as this post points out... so good at ''coping''/masking/hiding it that we essentially conform to whatever shape we're poured into]#but i have witnessed others already say in the tags ''thought this was about me but it's about X so it can't be''#and im like ... of course it was about you.#art is not a resource that is diminished by greater appreciation .#you reflect in whatever mirror fits your frame. not just the ones in your bedroom. not just the ones i specifically give you.#there will be - and often are - times that i will talk about my specific conditions... but if you're reading this#regardless of why you're here... we are here together. holding hands through space and time. and i love you for carrying it#and i know you're exhausted. i am too. but i understand. and i see you.
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essektheylyss · 2 days
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You know what's hilarious, if Ludinus was indeed a young man being traumatized by the end of the Calamity. Deirta Thelyss is almost certainly older than he is.
This is not relevant but I think Essek should bring this up, just to be a bitch about it.
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canisalbus · 4 months
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If I remember correctly you created Machete around 2007-2008. But when did you create Vasco? (I'm sorry of this has been asked before, I couldn't find anything)
First finished pictures of Vasco are from 2018, but even before that I had been thinking it would be interesting if Machete had had one (1) romantic relationship in his youth before he was ordained. I just didn't have a name and design for him yet.
In the earliest sketches of Vasco, he first looked a little bit like a bordercollie, then like a spaniel or a setter. He had a darker color palette as well, sort of chestnut brown with white markings, but combined with the overpowering whiteness of Machete he looked kind of impassionate and drab, so I kept making him warmer and lighter until he became the golden boy he is today. The name came later, I just thought Vasco sounded friendly and charismatic. (Also the old finnish word 'vaski' means brass and bronze, and even if it's a tedious connection and doesn't factor into their canon at all, it felt too fitting to me personally and I had to go with it).
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jade-of-mourning · 3 months
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sorry sometimes i think about mako and my heart hurts so much. this kid raised himself and his brother on the streets in homelessness and utter poverty from eight through fifteen, promptly after seeing the violent death of his mother and father. he turned to the triple threats because they couldn't survive as a pair of wretched kids without any adult support, and the environment forced him to turn into the exact character that killed his parents in a terrible twist of irony. and after sheer-fucking-luck hits and they aren't homeless anymore, their livelihood wavers on the outcome of what's a literally game to everyone but them; and after things are finally starting to look up and their team is going places and things just might be okay, his gradually stabilizing world unceremoniously expands and everything goes to shit.
and the city that chewed him up and spat him back out, ruined him as a child and took away his ability to stay afloat in a true sense of normalcy as an adult — when it's on the verge of destruction and falling to pieces before his eyes, he gives himself to save it with the full expectation to die. he went from the kid who didn't and couldn't care about anything outside of himself and his brother, to finding redemption for his younger self in his police work despite its injustice against him, to willingly sacrificing himself to a world that had never loved him.
he's a desperate people pleaser, socially and emotionally stunted for the adult he had to be as a kid, unable to navigate interpersonal relationships easily yet still trying his damned hardest. he's intensely and entirely devoted to the things that matter to him and for so long it was only him, bolin, and ensuring their survival — yet by the end, that devotion has expanded to protecting the rest of the world. he starts out entirely self-reliant and ends in trusting the people he cares about to know their own needs, to be able to take care of themselves, to be okay without him despite having spent so much of his life defined by his role in others' well-being.
just. what the fuck i'm such a big fan of this fictional guy and i'm unashamed about it at this point. also let him cry please (if you won't i'll do it i'll let him cry)
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bonefall · 5 months
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it is healing to come onto this blog and see basic respect for diasbility after being in other corners of the fandom and reading the words “snowkit could never be a warrior because he wouldnt know what anything is. he wouldnt even know what a clan is because nobody could explain it to him” said in full seriousness
Im..... That statement is so ableist I cannot even imagine the worldview you'd need to have in order to come up with that.
They really think the only way anyone learns anything is through verbal-speaking-words-noises? No one has ever observed something before? Not even once?
This is beyond touching grass, this person just fell out of the fucking Jurassic Period when all they had was ferns and stegosaurs.
I just...
OH YES. I remember my first day of Society Lessons as a hearing person, where the everything was explained to me. Via Audiobook. FIRST they spoke and said, "you are standing on the ground." It was a life changing revelation, and the world began to spin.
But it did not stop.
THEN they said, "there are fingers on your hands." The sensation of flesh and bone crackling into existence is indescribable, but I did not yet know pain, until they told me, "that hurts." I began screaming immediately.
And yet... it continued.
They explained so much. Chairs. Tables. Walls. The sky. Frogs. Ionizing radiation. Breathing. I was told all of it, in one sitting, and only then did I understand. Only when my ears were bursting with normal hearing knowledges, did they begin... my final test.
A strange wall-chair-finger emerged from the sky-of-the-wall, stood on the ground several times, until it was in front of me. A second one came behind it, this one slimmer. The audiobook gave these things names;
Human. Father. Mother. Door. Walking. It was completely impossible to know what these things were until that very moment.
I watch a human dip a hook into water and produce a fish, and I recall my Society Lessons where they called that "fishing." I am decked in the face by a nefarious hooligan, and I have only the audiobook to thank when I know I have been "punched" by a "bad guy." It was only the magic of verbal-speaking-words-noise that made me understand that there are "other people" and that they "do stuff."
Sometimes, even, in "groups."
Before the Society Lessons Audiobook, I knew nothing. I was pure, innocent, uncorrupted by concepts such as "parents" and "door." I am grateful every day that there is no such concept as "being shown things" or "simple logical reasoning" or "looking."
Blessed be those amongst us who escape the horrors of the Society Lessons Audiobook. I pray that you never learn what anything is. Be free! Free as a bird, which also knows nothing and famously cannot learn. 🤗
DEAF/HOH FOLLOWERS I'm losing my mind do you want me to bump a 'Hearing Disabilities Herb Guide' to the top of my priorities? Something you can use to bludgeon whackadoodles like that. This is ridiculous
Obviously not a MEDICINE guide but like; common causes of hearing disability in clan cats. Accommodations for hearing loss vs congenital deafness. Actual difficulties of not having that sense Clan-by-Clan. Debunking of misconceptions like... not being able to learn APPARENTLY.
#bone babble#Fennelposting#Obviously the answer is 'theyre incapable of THINKING' but like... they do know snow has a line right#In the book. He figured out. A word. Through observation.#He says 's'all right' because he knows it calms ppl down#He did not need to hear the magic words 'You can make noises at others to influence them'#Like a fucking tutorial tip#Im going to start keeping a JOURNAL of ''times people have been weird about snowkit specifically''#Ableism#cw ableism#I could also link to the pawspeak thing so it's all in one place#I wrote this last night and put it in the queue and I laid awake thinking of this...#What do they think happens when someone goes to another country where things aren't written/spoken in a language they know?#Do they think they wouldn't be able to figure out anything? Do they think the tourist would just perish#Would they collapse in the streets of Berlin sobbing?#Happened to me. Went to England and they called it a Car Boot Sale instead of a Flea Market and I died to death#AND if I did make that guide please tell me if there's any other weird misconceptions you need to see in it#I know that ONE of them is going to have to be that. like. deaf people make noise.#theyre actually quite loud because they don't know they're making noise#and people with hearing loss do not suddenly forget how to speak.#and people born deaf dont talk like cavemen#cw body horror#tw body horror#EDIT: OOPS sorry I have such an astonishingly tolerance for body horror I did not realize that counted as body horror
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worstloki · 1 month
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there is a difference between being born to a throne, maliciously vying for a throne, stealing a throne, and having a throne thrust upon you when you are already in the midst of an identity crisis. And I fear Loki's place in the line of succession has people unable to differentiate between any of these
#you can't really argue he planned the extent of Thor's downfall#that was all Odin#Loki didn't force Thor to invade Jotunheim he isn't even the one who gave Thor the idea -- Thor did that all on his own!#that he was doing waswasa @ thor didn't help but wasn't really crime worthy on its own#Thor himself took time convincing the other warriors to be okay with the trip despite the treason and danger involved#like. what. Thor can't differentiate good advice from bad and is emotionally volatile and reckless and that's Loki's fault?#THOR was the one who got them past Heimdall too#the entire ordeal inadvertently showed off the favouritism Thor was receiving in comparison to Loki#even though Loki was the one supposedly so easily influencing Thor to such an extent#call Thor a puppet the way he--wait. no. that sounds weird. uhhhhh#you get the point#people will claim Loki was all up in there rearranging Thor's mental processes to cause his downfall#when really it was Loki doing the bare minimum instigation and watching things only devolve from there#because Thor WAS reckless and immature ?? and he WAS quick to anger and enjoyed exerting his power with violence ??#Loki didn't STEAL THE THRONE FROM THOR he literally just is implied to undermine the coronation#that's not even confirmed but we assume it's true that he let the frost giants in near the casket etc.#Loki has his own actual crimes that he did against Thor and hugging his bro's arm and saying 'you're soooooo strong and correct' was not on#even if you manage to argue Loki was cheering Thor on for the invasion (he wasn't) it was clearly to dob Thor in with Odin#which he did when he had some guard inform Odin#that Odin's chosen punishment was for Thor's disobedience aside stop blaming Loki for the damage ODIN inflicted on him#focus on Loki making up lies to Thor about how Odin died instead like at least Loki DID SOMETHING for that#you can even ascribe as evil a motive as you want there bc Loki was slipping fr#twirling his hair and telling Thor he's smarter about the realm's safety than the king was on the normal scale#you want to talk morals go look at how eager Thor was to invade mass destroy and massacre in the other realm#and expected Odin to 'finish them off! together!' bc he was power high on whatever bloodlust pheromones battle apparently imitates for him#sigh. this is why you can't have nice things Thor. no Loki you're barely any better. sit down. have a cookie.
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smrtnik07 · 8 months
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nintendont2502 · 2 months
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thinking about how for both jade and dirk, their only face to face interactions with other people were either dreaming on their respective moons, or "people" they lived with that either were or will become part of them (bec + hal respectively). thinking about how prospit and bec for jade were supportive while derse and hal for dirk were hostile. thinking about a lot of things
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mostlymaudlin · 9 months
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one of my favorite things about carry on fandom (at least as it has existed since i joined in 2021) is that no one gets hung up on like... writing expertise or fics being "out of character." this is especially impressive because there is SO MUCH character analysis that goes on in this fandom, and yet it never translates to dunking on interpretations of characters that ppl disagree with. there's just genuine joy over the face that people are out here writing and sharing and putting their own twists on stories.
in general, everyone is just so encouraging abt art, and that's such a wonderful environment for people who are new to writing/sharing their writing. and for people who are not new but still feel nervous about putting themselves out there. it's really special! i think it's similar for visual art too
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carsonjonesfiance · 2 months
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And I love how gay unemployed 20 somethings on think that a vast interconnected network involving the US government, independent media, Verizon, etc, conspired to delete a couple dozen blogs on a dying blogging platform is somehow more likely than a gay unemployed twenty something disillusioned with American politics unknowingly following a sockpuppet account or two back in 2016.
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uncanny-tranny · 8 months
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Realizing you can never please anybody can be a devastating loss... until you internalize exactly what that means.
When you sacrifice so much of yourself for others, you forget that you leave yourself behind. Not being able to please everybody means you can start learning how to fully embody who you are instead of juggling everybody else's baggage, trying to make something work out.
You might feel devastated about this, thinking you're terrible for not pleasing everybody. The truth is, it was impossible from the start, and learning who you are is infinitely rewarding
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phantoms-lair · 1 month
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Izuku 1/2 - better name pending -Snip
"You haven't used your quirk." Izuku looked up from the snack he got at the vendors. "The first two events of the Sports Festival are over." Todoroki stated. "You could have handled the obstacle course with ease with your wings, no one would have been able to touch you. Instead you handicapped yourself."
"This is not a criticism I need to hear from someone who's only been using half their quirk the entire year." Izuku pointed out.
"It's not a criticism, I just wanted to know if...if we're doing it for the same reason." There was an edge of desperation in his voice. An almost need that somebody would understand.
"It's not just that I'm not using it." Izuku unscrewed the the cap of his water and pour some on his exposed arm, where it beaded up unnaturally. "I've made it so I can't. There was a time when these water-based transformation quirks were a lot more common, so they developed a type of waterproof soap to prevent accidents." "Why?' Todoroki breathed.
"Because," Izuku seemed to falter for a second before steeling himself. "I love my quirk. I love how useful it can be in being a hero. But I am NOT my quirk. My potential, my capacity to help, to grow, to achieve, those things are me and not a magical transformation. So many people see a hero and their potential as as nothing more than their quirk and they're wrong." Izuku ended his impromptu speech with a snarl.
Todoroki sat down hard. Blood pounded in his ears as Midoriya's words repeated themselves again and again in his ears I am not my quirk.
Because his quirk was all he'd even been. He'd been born for it, his siblings had been born in their attempts to make what would be his quirk. His childhood, his training, everything he'd ever been was because of his quirk, and the bastard that gave him half of it.
I am not my quirk
They're wrong
"Todoroki, are you okay?"
"Do you really believe there's more to me than my quirk?"
Izuku was quiet for a moment. "Todoroki, who do I need to have Sensei beat up?"
Sheer confusion brought him back to his sense for a bit. "What?" "If I beat them up I'm going to get expelled. Sensei, he -he really doesn't care." "He doesn't care about going toe to toe with the number 2 pro hero?" Todoroki asked skeptically. To his surprise, Midoriya grinned. "Well, the last pro hero was a hugely disappointing fight, so this would probably be a treat."
"Who was the last hero?"
"Not gonna name names, but someone who thought me being quirkless meant I should be abused and be thankful for the opportunity to serve my betters."
That was sick. "I hope your Sensei kicked his ass." Izuku grinned. It wasn't a nice grin. "He did." Then his grin faltered. "I was a late bloomer. Eight years old." "Did things get better?" Todoraki asked. "Almost immediately." Izuku said bitterly. "But that was almost worse because, things didn't really change, I just wasn't someone less evolved, so how they treated me was wrong. But...that's not why it was wrong and the next quirkless person or person with an unactivated quirk would be treated just how I was. So I want to change the idea that quirks are what's important. I'm going to do my best to win the sports festival quirkless. I'll show everyone just what the quirkless can do!"
Todoroki's hands gripped his knees. "My father, Endeavor - the number two hero. He bought my mother because he wanted her quirk. He wanted to create a strong enough quirk to unseat All Might. It took him four tries to succeed. He doesn't really care about my siblings, just me - his masterpiece." "And your mother?" Izuku was almost afraid to ask.
"She's been in a mental hospital since I was small."
"Consider his ass kicked." Izuku took a swing of his water. "Todoroki...I completely support you not using your fire today, but you're going to have to use it in hero work eventually. So," Izuku grinned. "How would you feel about using it in a way impossible for Endeavor?"
"Impossible for Endeavor?" Todoroki tilted his head like a confused cat. "For all his faults as a human being, he's a master of the flame."
Izuku snorted. "Master? His abilities are no fire, yes fire, and unreasonable amount of fire. What I'm talking about is being a rescue hero."
Todoroki let out a small laugh at Izuku's description of Endeavor's capabilities. The first Izuku had ever heard him make. "What do you mean a rescue hero? I'm clearly most suited for combat."
"And according to the people growing up the only thing I was suitable for was a training tool for actual quirked people to practice their quirks on, so fuck was people say we're 'suited' for'." Izuku paled. "Please don't tell my Mom I said that. But your quirk would be perfect for rescue work."
"How so?"
"You can make fire at will. You could keep people warm in an avalanche - and your ice could do the opposite in an overheating situation. You could be light in a cave in or night rescue. You could combine your fire and ice to make fresh water, or use your fire to cook. Your ice could act as supports to prevent further collapse, kind of like Rock Lock's quirk. You would be an AMAZING rescue hero. And all of it would be using both sides of your quirk to help and comfort rather than just attack. And that's kinda of what I meant by something Endeavor wasn't capable of. He's sort of a combat monster, for a given value, but that's all he is."
That was...that was a lot of things no one had ever told him before. He was told since his quirk appeared that he was going to be the best hero, and to do that he needed to take down villains. But to Midoriya, he had potential outside of combat. To help those that needed it the most without causing harm. That the fire he hated so much could be used as a gentle warmth.
Midoriya was right. That was impossible for his father.
"A rescue hero. I...I think I like that. Thank you for you guidance."
"We both have something to prove." Midoriya he'd out his water bottle like a toast. "Let's mess with their conceptions."
Todoroki grinned and tapped his own water bottle to Midoriya's. "Let's"
~
"Your sensei is BATTLE GRANNY!!!!!!!"
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lastoneout · 1 year
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this is my entire stance on the "american food is bad" discourse summed up
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prince-liest · 11 months
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I’m reading Witch King by Martha Wells, and now that I have read more than one (1) series by this author, I have been suddenly brained with a two-by-four sharpied over with “realizing that I really enjoy novels by Martha Wells because they live in the specific niche created by the intersection of casually and thoroughly queer casts and non-romance storylines”
I am as ever a sucker for non-human main characters struggling with their very human feelings, which is why I jumped on Witch King the moment I saw “the author of Murderbot wrote another book with a main character that’s non-human,” but I live in this dichotomy where I can really enjoy reading queer romances but I don’t really identify with non-ace characters (which is not actually something I figured out how to differentiate until I was Last Week Years Old). so there are lots of books out there that I enjoy reading but it’s comparatively rare for me to read something that feels like it was written For Me and Martha Wells does that very well
anyway, give me more ace it-pronouns human-spliced robot main characters and people-eating demons who consider rank over gender when finding new bodies to inhabit
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akimojo · 2 months
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i just saw someone call ffxiii overrated like? what?? it's literally one of the most hated games in the franchise wym "overrated" 😭
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