#how in the fuck can any of that be my fault or-- MUCH more importantly-- my problem???
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#hmmmm.#so as a rule i say thank you when i go out. a lot. bc i was told once that saying thank you instead of im sorry#would make ppl feel less uncomfortable so i swapped the phrases out.#similarly i was told once that compliments make ppl happy&also if im specifically looking for Good Things#i will find them-- as opposed to letting my head do whatever it wants bc given the extremely violent intrusive+obsessive thoughts#directing it towards Good Things works out for everyone if ppl enjoy compliments.#im also like. extremely aware that these facts-- along w my fervent occasionally manic insistence on being Nice when interacting w ppl#(bc i thought we all were told as kids to treat others the way we wanted to be treated??? lmao.)#-- all add up to make me seem insincere at times or to some ppl. i. dont care. LMAO.#its too exhausting to care. like ppl find whatever they want to find&if ppl are so set on my being a certain way#so much so that my being a nice person can only be explained by nefarious intent (to acheive. what. kindness from others? lmao.)#how in the fuck can any of that be my fault or-- MUCH more importantly-- my problem???#however lately its like ppl have been getting like. Offended. by the impulses. which is becoming... boring. for me. lmao.#bc it isnt like i dont mean it when im extensively polite&complimentary-- i mean everything i say bc even when anxiously filling silence#i dont like wasting my time on like. lying for no reason lmao.#its more so that if it becomes a hinderance to be myself ill go the route that benefits me which is the one of least resistance#&i will ALSO mean it when i make someone cry w exactly the same amount of effort lmao#bc proving a point-- even if its proving someone elses point-- correct is extremely easy either way lmao.#its weird to me that ppl would think seeing good in something means that seeing bad in it isnt possible lmao#the same way its extremely confusing to me that ppl would think kindness&abject cruelty cant like. coexist lmao.#i feel accepting that on a micro level would help ppl accept it on a macro level.#either way i know it would save me some time in having to deal w ppl biting off more than they can chew#before realizing that i will rip chunks out of them&lick the tears up like a dog if they insist on tempting me like one LMAO.#at the very least it might help more ppl appreciate the fact that regardless of how vivid the fantasies#i have yet to hit anyone repeatedly w a baseball bat to relieve some stress.#... lmao.
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omg i have one!! can u do like a soft one where wanda is like crushing hard on r but r completely oblivious bc she’s never been w someone romantically? and then wanda has that moment where she just confesses and it’s all dramatic like in the movies???? <33
LAST MOMENTS
PAIRINGS: Wanda Maximoff x reader
WORD COUNT: 1,670
WARNINGS: angst, heartbreak, depression, mentions of suicide, coma’s, confessions, happy ending, think that’s all :)
NO ONE IS PERMITTED TO STEAL, COPY, OR REBLOG MY WORK AS THEIR OWN!!
It was a cold night in the middle of Winter, your clock reading 12:46 AM, when you got the news. You never usually got calls, especially not at this time, so you were instantly plagued with worry.
Turns out you were right to fear as the woman on the phone who informed you of her role as a doctor at a nearby hospital was the one informing you of the tragic events. Your best friend Wanda had gotten involved in drunk driving and drove her car into a tree. The engine was burning and all she wanted to do was plummet into the warmth that she found to be death.
But a small part of her was still begging for life, a true life that held more meaning than just survival. You were the only promising thing left in her life, but she knew that was more likely to disappear with her growing feelings for you. She didn’t mean for it to happen, it’s not like she wanted it to either, but you were just different.
You weren’t like any ex or fling she had, you were her person and you had been for years now. She wasn’t going to risk losing you by expressing the deep love and passion she held for you, her best friend.
You rushed to the hospital, not bothering to change into something other than your pajamas, even if you felt goosebumps covering your skin. It was cold, freezing, but your mind couldn’t process that. All you knew was that you felt sick, you needed to make sure she was okay. If she wasn’t, you didn’t know how you’d live with yourself.
“Wanda Maximoff, what room is she?” The receptionist took in your disheveled features and quickly granted you the knowledge of her room number, only to then inform you that you weren’t allowed to see her just yet. You wanted to cry, to yell, but nothing came out. Her calls for your attention went deaf to your ears as you slowly took a seat, resting your head in your hands and nearly ripping your hair follicles out.
Minutes felt like hours, and hours felt like days before you were granted permission to see her. She was still asleep as you begged her silently to awaken, but there was no response. And that continued for days.
Every day you’d leave for work, visit the hospital, and return home to get dressed and shower. You lacked every important aspect of your life, sleep, eating, but most importantly, Wanda. You didn’t care how long you went before you’d pass out or die of pure hunger, you couldn’t do a thing without her. She was your reason to keep going, what else was left if she wasn’t?
Then it became months, four to be exact. Your other friends would urge you to get some rest when noticing your eye bags and the lack of concentration you held at work. But you denied it, assuring them that you were fine and had to go, little did they know you were once again returning to your spot on the hospital chair beside Wanda’s bed.
The doctors were starting to lose hope and so were you, no matter how much you tried to convince yourself that she would be okay. This wasn’t normal for this type of injury, the medical workers estimated that the longest she’d be in this coma was two weeks, and she was way passed that date. But you still refused to leave her side in hopes that it wasn’t all for nothing.
“Ms. Y/L/N, I know this must be hard for you to hear-”
“Hard? Really? That’s it? My best fucking friend has been stuck in that bed unresponsive for months and you’ve done nothing about it!” You yelled in the woman’s face, taking out every ounce of anger you held. It wasn’t necessarily her fault, but it was not like she was doing much to help her, not that there was anything she could do.
“I’m going to need you to calm down, Ma’am.” She calmly asserted, only frustrating you further
“How the fuck do you expect me to calm down when you’re telling me you want to kill her?” You were unreasonable at this point, but love did such cruelty to a person.
“That’s not what we’re saying, Miss. All I’m trying to tell you is that if she does not wake up we’ll have no choice but to pull the plug.” She spoke as if it meant nothing, like the life of one of the best people you knew had no meaning to her.
“She’ll wake up, I know it.” The nurse sighed and nodded with a tight-lipped smile before leaving the room, letting you be alone with the redhead.
“Please, Wanda, please wake up, I need you. I don’t think I can live without you.” You held her hand tightly, hoping for some sort of movement but receiving none. It haunted you through your nightmares and daydreams, there was no escape to the harsh reality. But you weren’t giving up on her, not yet.
Another month passed as your hope continued to fade along with your body. You were barely alive, every day your exhaustion and pity for yourself grew. You didn’t know how you were able to keep your job or your apartment that you never went to. Your boss had recognized your issues and gave you multiple weeks off at different points which you were beyond grateful for. You haven’t slept in your own bed since that night, it was either the one at Wanda’s flat or the uncomfortable seat they gave you here.
You were coming home from work, taking a quick shower, and grabbing a granola bar before quickly driving back to your newfound home. The lady at the desk knew you by name, that’s what happened when you came here daily. It was sad really, how you gave up your entire life because of the tragedy. But you knew you’d choose to ruin yourself for her over and over if you had the choice.
But this time was different, you still held your head low as you waltzed into the room, it was too hard to even look at her state. But when you heard a whisper of your name, your head shot up, and everything held in your hands dropped as you spotted her, she was awake.
“Wanda…” You ran over to her at record speeds, wrapping your arms around her tightly as you cried into her shoulder. You were so scared this was yet another dream that you couldn’t decipher as a nightmare or just another loss of hope.
“You’re awake.” You stated the obvious, the staff leaving the room to let you two be. You were almost jealous that they got to witness the moment she woke up.
“I was asking everyone where you were, I was so scared that you finally left.” The news shattered you and the way she spoke with such uncertainty only worsened it. You pulled back, grasping both of her tear-stained cheeks in your hands and rubbing softly with your thumb, She leaned into the feeling, a small smile quirking at her lips from the act.
“I could never give up on you, Wands, never.” She told you everything, how she was able to hear every word you spoke to her while she was asleep, and how it pained her to know how much trouble she caused you. Looking at your face, you looked horrible. You were still beautiful in her eyes, you always would be, but you looked so unhealthy, so different. She didn’t even know who was staring back at her.
You used to be a ball of joy wherever you went, radiating with happiness that could make anyone smile. But now? Now you looked as if you had been tortured for years, yet you were the torturer.
“I’m sorry-”
“No, no, don’t apologize, alright? You’re gonna be okay.” You quickly cut her off, trying your best to muster out a smile for her sake.
“But are you?” The question caught you off guard. Not once had someone asked if you were truly okay during this period of your life, most already knew the answer. Hell, you hadn’t even bothered to ask yourself that, you were too focused on if she would be okay. You were too worried about her to worry about you, something only pure love could cause. It was crazy how something that was described to be so magical could leave you barely standing.
“I have you, why wouldn’t I be?” She wiped the tears that had forced their way out of you. You tried holding back, but there was no stopping it now.
“Fuck, I’m- I’m sorry.” You challenged yourself to look away and hide, but she eased you back in her direction. There was no shame with her, there never was and that’s what you loved most about her.
“It’s my fault you’ve become so…different.” She acknowledged, blinking away the blur that started to appear in her eyes.
“No, it’s mine. You made a stupid decision but my reaction isn’t your fault.” She nodded, trying to move herself on the bed so you could sit with her. She just wanted to rest, and you would finally be able to do so knowing she would still be there when you woke up.
“I love you, Y/N.” She had repeated the phrase many times, but the both of you could feel the difference this time. There was more sincerity, more meaning to it. It wasn’t what you’d tell your family or closest friends,
“I love you more.” You uttered, staring at her lips as she did the same. You felt your lips brush against her soft ones and sucked a deep breath in, your eyes fluttering shut as you sank into the feeling. When you both pulled away after the difficulty to breathe increased, there were smiles planted on both of your faces.
“Not possible.”
#wanda maximoff oneshot#Wanda maximoff#wanda maximoff smut#wanda maximoff x you#wanda maximoff comfort#wanda maximoff imagine#wanda maximoff fic#wanda maximoff fanfiction#wanda maximoff x reader#wanda maximoff x reader angst#wanda maximoff x female reader#wanda maximoff x gender neutral reader#wanda maximoff x reader fluff#wanda maximoff x reader smut
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Ranking all of the Milgram Birthday Outfits on a scale of 1/10 because it's 3AM over here and I have to do school things at 6
(Inspired by this video)
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Already off to an incredibly strong start, because as we know, Haruka is perfect and can do no wrong. Dog? Little sister? Who's that? Sounds like a myth honesty.
Alright, jokes and Haruka bias aside, very nice ! Relatively plain all things considered, but that's quite fitting for Haruka (I mean, have you seen how this kid dresses normally? I'm somewhat surprised that he didn't go for a full white look. Wonder if Muu helped him out when choosing his pieces)
I also love the color blue, so bonus points for that. (shut up I know I just said I would ignore biases)
Overall, I give Haruka Sakurai a 8/10 !! Lookin' good, buddy !
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Yuno looks so pretty and the outfit is SO cute !! I love the frilliness of the shirt, the pleated skirt is really cute and in general I love the shades of pink chosen for this outfit, and those SHOEEEES girl where did you get those give me name and address. I honestly have no complaints at all
I give Yuno Kashiki a 10/10 !! Absolutely gorgeous girl !!
(Also it's unfortunate we're only ranking the outfits and not the cakes, because the decision to give Yuno a fucking staircase cake was genius)
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...Mannn, I wish I could say I liked this outfit so badly. The outfit itself is alright, if a bit basic, and Fuuta looks very handsome ! But I can't help but feel like black would've been a better choice for him than dark brown. And Fuuta...my guy...WHY those shoes? I could've maybe forgiven the outfit colors if you didn't decide to pair them with shiny gold...sneakers? What the hell even are those? Get better shoes, man.
Overall, I'm giving Fuuta Kajiyama a 4/10. I like the outfit it'self (minus the shoes), but the coloring brings it down a lot for me.
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Christ, no wonder Muu got model deals ! Look at this queen right here !! She looks absolutely gorgeous, the dress is beautiful and I love the Beauty And The Beast inspiration. The earrings being inspired by an hourglass is a very cool detail, and the heels look great as well ! I genuinely don't think I have any faults with this one
Muu Kusunoki gets a 10/10 ! Nice job dressing to impress !
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One chance Mr. Kirisaki, one cha-- Ahem. As I was saying, Shidou looks amazing in this outfit !! I'm usually not a fan of there being so much white on it's own (I sound like a certain horror fanatic, sheesh.) But Shidou reallly rocks it, and the purple accents are very nice in comparison !! I also really like the shoes for some reason. Shidou is being added to the list also consisting of Muu and Yuno where I need to see who their shoemaker is
For Shidou Kirisaki, I give a 9/10 !! Very pretty man.
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Mahiru looks very pretty here ! I love the poofy hair accessory, and the birdcage earrings are a very nice touch. That being said however...the dress is a bit too plain for me. I cannot help but feel like something is missing here that would make the overall outfit look way better. A sash maybe?
Despite that though, Mahiru Shiina gets a 6/10 !! Looking ready for a date !
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Ooooh...Kazui stans forgive me, but I'm pretty indifferent to this outfit. It's not bad mind you ! Kazui looks very handsome in it, and I like the blue chosen for his tie. But it's the same problem with Mahiru where I feel like it's a bit too plain and could've used something more, like a pattern on his vest or pants. Also though his shoes aren't the atrocity that is Fuuta's, I feel like a black or even a dark blue akin to Haruka would've looked a lot better in comparison to the rest of his outfit.
Kazui Mukuhara is granted a 5/10. Not the best, not the worst. Sorry old man.
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AHHH SHE LOOKS SO CUTE !! It's like if the frilliness from Yuno's outfit was upped to twenty ! Amane's dress is adorable and looks very comfortable as well, I want a bigger sized version for myself. I also really like her big bow, as well as the blue shoes. But most importantly, Amane seems to be genuinely happy wearing it, and as a fandom, Amane's happienss takes priority.
Amane Momose, you'll be getting a 9/10 from me ! Good on ya, kid !
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Ahhh, he's so cute ! Look at how polite he looks ! The blazer is nice, and also blue. Blue bias. And the boots absolutely fucking SLAY. The way his hair is styled looks very nice as well ! I also think this is the closest we have gotten to official art of Mikoto smiling genuinely, and I personally think we need more. And more. And more.
Mikoto Kayano gets a 10/10 !! Very cute boy !
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Ma'am, I politely and respectfully ask you to break my neck mercilessly-- Ahem. As I was saying. KOTOKO LOOKS FUCKING AMAZING !! The undershirt oh my god the FUCKING UNDERSHIRT !! Absolutely adore it so much. The colors are all very pleasing to the eye, the skirt is very cute, and the heels look cool as hell !! But Kotoko also looks cool as hell in anything, so is this really fair?
Kotoko Yuzuriha has obtained a 10/10 ! Absolutely gorgeous.
#haru chats about milgram#milgram#milgram project#haruka sakurai#sakurai haruka#milgram haruka#yuno kashiki#kashiki yuno#milgram yuno#fuuta kajiyama#kajiyama fuuta#milgram fuuta#muu kusunoki#kusunoki muu#milgram muu#shidou kirisaki#kirisaki shidou#milgram shidou#mahiru shiina#shiina mahiru#milgram mahiru#kazui mukuhara#mukuhara kazui#milgram kazui#amane momose#momose amane#milgram amane#mikoto kayano#kayano mikoto#milgram mikoto
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Here's the thing. I don't think Tom actually knows that Shiv sacrificed Logan's approval to try and keep him out of prison because actually telling him that would require far too much vulnerability on her part. It would be an admission of the kind of love that could be used against her and so is fundamentally unsafe. However. "It's not my fault you couldn't get his approval" is still an insane line because it's both so insightful and so fucking stupid at the same time. Yeah he completely understands that this whole thing is about the Roy kids getting Logan's approval and yet somehow does NOT understand that "getting Logan's approval" is a fundamentally different thing for them than it is for him because Logan's not his actual literal father. He knows that the struggle for Logan's approval is one of the core issues at the heart of his marriage and yet it doesn't occur to him that Logan may have intentionally driven a wedge between Tom and Shiv because no one is allowed to love anyone else more than they love Logan.
And most importantly. Tom understands the game perfectly well and yet is still operating under the delusion that the game is in any way fair. Which gets to a really key thing about Tom, which is that Tom has fully bought into the idea that capitalism is a meritocracy. If you're successful it's because you've worked harder and played the game better than everyone else. That's why he tags the kid out in episode 1 - you can't have a million dollars you didn't earn by getting a real home run. It's why handing off the work of shredding the documents is "giving someone an opportunity to shine". It's why he assumes everyone else at ATN is just parroting values they think are lucrative, much like he is, and that they don't actually believe what they're saying. It's why Tom insists that it's someone else's fault he fucked up the congressional hearings. It's why he offers to go to prison instead of going to the DOJ. Because capitalism is a game and if you play the game right you pass go and get your $200 and then eventually you win. As he rises through the ranks the game gets dirtier and dirtier than he expected, but it's still a game and the rule is that if you get Logan's approval you win.
And that's why he can sit there and calmly say "It's not my fault you didn't get his approval" like this is at all a sane or rational thing to say to your wife about her father. Because all he did was play the game and he played it better than Shiv, and now he's reaping the rewards and she isn't, and this is how the world works because the world is a meritocracy and he shouldn't be held personally responsible for that. And he's so fixated on the idea that the world is still, somehow, a meritocracy, that he's utterly blinded not just to his own privilege but to Logan's caprice and it simply does not occur to him that Shiv could have lost Logan's approval through absolutely no fault of her own - and it absolutely does not occur to him that the same thing could happen to him
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This and shidou and date night need i say more?
—𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄'𝐒 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐀𝐍 𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐓'𝐒
cw. SMUT. MDNI! fem! reader. exнιвιтισиιѕм (the tiddies are out). fιngєяιng. pet names (babydoll + baby). one (1) cheeky ass slap. implied nιρρℓe play. implied violence. window fυ¢кιng. it's shidou — he's horrible and fucked in the head! // this man does truly nasty delulu things to my brain chemistry.
oh my GOD you better hope and pray that shidou doesn’t find out how easily he could just have that sexy little dress off your figure in a matter of seconds with a clever twist of his fingers because he will use it to his advantage. shamelessly. in public. he does not care.
he distracts you thoroughly by pawing at the meat of your thighs with his greedy fingers where the silver chains dangle, only to untie the flimsy black straps resting at the back of your neck when you least except it, exposing your bare chest to the cool air outside and everyone else watching in your proximity, but most importantly, exposing you to him. he doesn’t get to leer at your gorgeous pair of tits for long, however, as you scramble to quickly cover some of your modesty with your hands, a horrified gasp falling from your lips as the front of your dress continues to uselessly pool around your waist.
and shidou, like the absolute scummy bastard he is, has the audacity to whine in protest, mind far away from thinking of how to help you cover up and more leaning towards prying your fingers away from your breasts so he can see your pretty, peddled nipples again, maybe lean down and even suck on them a lil’, he’s generous like that.
“ryusei, what the actual fuck? we’re in public, you fucking cockroach!” you snarl, your eyes blazing like the gates of hell. the sight makes shidou’s cock stir in his pants. how he adores it when you get mouthy with him.
“aw, c’mon, babydoll. i haven’t seen your tits since this mornin’, you can’t fault me for wanting another looksie. i even stood before ya so the others wouldn’t see. aren’t i a gentleman?”
his grin is sharp and feral like the slash of a scythe as shidou licks his lips, like the air tastes sugary just from soaking in your embarrassment and heated cheeks. he means every word he says.
you resist the urge to tell him you want to castrate him for sport. knowing him, it’d just make him hornier.
“you’re seriously fucked in the head,” you spit at him instead, squaring your shoulders and spinning around to locate the bathroom and fix yourself up with as much dignity as you can muster in your vulnerable state.
“babydollll,” he giggles after you, all lulls and foreboding. “don’t be like that! ya should’a double knotted.”
to stick it to him, you make sure to quadruple knot the straps of your dress lest he gets any more brilliant ideas of undressing you for everyone to fucking see — a decision shidou makes you regret a couple hours later when he drags you back to his sky-rise penthouse, shoving you up against his floor to ceiling, crystal clear windows, rucking your dress up to sink his thick, unforgiving fingers into your tight heat until your knees buckle from the onslaught of pleasure.
“ryu-seiii,” you hiccup, completely out of it but hungry for more of his punishing touch. “please, uh, i need more, touch me more.”
shidou has the tells of your body mapped out and committed to memory, knows that by now your cute, puffy nipples that you denied him from looking at and feeling up earlier to his twisted heart’s content must be sore and aching for his attention, so he coos at you, void of any sympathy, reminding you this could have all been avoided if you would have just showed your breasts to him earlier like the good little angel you usually were for him.
it’s not like he would’ve let anyone escape without two bulging black eyes if they dared to stare at what was his.
“you know i’d love to play with your tits, babydoll. but i just can’t reach ‘em ‘cause of y’re naughty—” shidou brings his palm down on your exposed asscheeks, your yelp at the sting of his slap drowned out by the lewd squelching of your arousal as he pumps three fingers in and out of you like he hates you. “—little dress of yours. shouldn’t’ve made so many knots, hm? if you untie your handy-work i might reconsider thoouugghh.”
your trembling fingers scramble to the back of your neck again, almost clawing at the neat, sturdy knots you made only hours before out of retaliation, desperate for your sadistic boyfriend to pinch and and abuse your nipples just the way you like it until the flesh is raw and tender.
but when the dress finally slips off you yet again, shidou only pushes you more harshly against the glass, squishing the fat of your breasts into the cold, hard planes, chuckling cruelly as you thrash helplessly in his iron hold while he shimmies out of his pants.
“no, ryu, please, you promised. you promised to play with me mmmf—”
as much as he adores you being mouthy, as shidou shoves his fingers coated with your slick into your mouth until he hears you gag, he thinks it’s time you learned a lesson.
“sshhh, baby. you’ve already been bad today, so be good f’me now, yeah? time to put on a real show.”
then he’s bottoming out in your sloppy cunt in one brutal thrust, fucking you within an inch if your life as you writhe and sob on his suffocating fingers until your mixed juices trickle down your legs and soak into the expensive carpet, putting on a show to any lucky by-walker who happens to peer up at your debauched lovemaking.
because shidou does love you. so much. just like the cockroach you called him — ugly, incessant, and indestructible.
#—ping! new message from (oh-miniso)#yeah i am NOT OKAY over this 😵💫😵💫😵💫#blue lock smut#shidou ryusei smut#shidou x reader#bllk smut#blue lock x reader#shidou smut#shidou ryusei x reader#—riv.fic!#—bllk.thirsts!
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My Overall Thoughts and Opinions on Min Hee Jin vs HYBE Situation
D.I.S.C.L.A.I.M.E.R I AM NOT SIDING WITH ANY PARTY IN THIS SITUATION! JUST SHARING THOUGHTS!!
It’s been a rough week for bunnies! Tokkiville has been getting invaded and ravished by so many people!
Firstly, I would like to begin with sharing my outmost remorse to the nwjns girlies! No member of they group has to be treated this way by BOTH parties. I know they currently stressed out but I really hope they know that they will be okay. Yes, there will be tons of changes in all aspects of their career but they have no choice thanks to the slave contract they signed with HYBE. See all the information MHJ put out about the girls not debuting pisses me off the most… imagine, your daughters left home to go train for god knows how long for their dreams having a 100% chance of just being crushed, even I as a CEO and parents would angered by this. Im unsure if the members had already known this but if not, imagine how they feel right now?
Secondly, Min Hee Jin, for her, she has her problems… i mean you did see the two tarot readings and Astro chart observations lol. Seeing people getting made at her bring ILL’IT into this situation makes no sense, do you not want someone who has obviously been copied to not call out the situation?! She’s not saying it’s the girls fault, she’s calling out the managers and directors for lacking creativity and uniqueness. Literally all of ADOR’s staff were mad pissed, I mean i would be too. Look even nwjns members said the same thing here. Once again, Min Hee Jin HAS her problems but right now she is fighting with the literal devil, one of thee richest businessman in Korea. She no longer wanted to be in HYBE and obviously with her capitalist tendencies, she wanted to take over HYBE too! Min Hee Jin is not wrong for not wanting to share her ideas with company because they’re obviously using her for their own benefits… SHE HAS THE RIGHT TO DISAGREE AND FIGHT FOR HERSELF, HER COMPANY ANDD MOST IMPORTANTLY THE NEWJEANS MEMBERS.
even Min Hee Jin said herself that she’s just a regular person who graduated from an art school and now she’s going head for head with Bang Si Hyuk? She truly has the guts and I applaud her for that.
Thirdly, kpop stans. Once again I just want everyone to shut their mouths and started practice their vocab because these people can not read. Why would you bring in groups that weren’t even supposed to be involved in the first place? Like just log off man.
Lastly, Bang Si Hyuk, this one hag. All I have to say about this hypocrite is that he’s weird. Imagine shading a whole ass group and telling Min Hee Jin she’s “enjoying it a little too much.” That fuckhead, I’m telling you congratulating a group under your company is not that much of a big deal. Him not wanting other companies branching out of hybe instead wanting all of them to be under HIS name and labels?!?! I don’t want to share more thoughts because i genuinely hate this hag and I am looking forward to more dirt on him coming out.
Also… why would Bang Si Hyuk allow a whole ass Pro-Israelist under his company andd GEFFEN too, a whole ass known pedophile and sex trafficker?! You can see all the controversies and articles about their actions and how people dislike them but you’re over hear taking down Min Hee Jin for what fucking reason?! Make it, make fucking sense man!!
People asking why she’s crying/swearing?! Are you being fr… once again I understand it’s all her mess too but personally I would be crying if I knew the amount of money I’d be losing, my hard work being copied, and losing the only group I worked so hard for to create. People complaining about nwjns members comforting Min Hee Jin… unless you’re Minji, what do you want the rest of the members to do… celebrate, throw a party, dance and be joyful over losing the one person who helped make them who they are today?
Their music, choreographies, PR management, events, album covers and just overall everything that nwjns identifies with being associated with Min Hee Jin being thrown away like it’s nothing? I would comfort that person too because why not and I understand where the worry from these girls comes from…
imagine you’re all unique and different from the rest of the industry then all of a sudden you wake up one day and now you’re going to be like the rest of the industry with the recycled concepts, terrible mediocre lyrics that have NOOOO correlation to the concept and being forced to have those “high notes.” I would be crying myself to sleep too.
I know Min Hee Jin said this issue is not rooted in misogyny, I need her to wake tf upppp! Imagine a whole ass middle aged/ boomer KOREAN man seeing YOU, a creative and hardworking FEMALE CEO debuting a group of young FEMALES that is excelling soooo well domestically and internationally. Getting daesungs, stream after stream, compliments, praise love and support world wide.
It’s pretty obvious where it’s all rooted from but it’s fine, one day the truth will eventually come to light 😌🤲🏽!
it’s already come to light, so I just need people to wakeeeee uppppppppppp!!!!!!!
Anyways! Live, laugh, love NEWJEANS 🐰✨
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Hey Doc, any advice on how to determine at what point something crosses the line from me struggling with nueroconforming communication and becomes discrimination?
Context:
I'm out trans at work but have not disclosed my autism. I am constantly getting tone-policed and told I don't communicate well. I keep implementing feedback and communicating as clearly as I can with the criteria I am given, and I keep getting ignored.
When I'm blunt I'm told I am being harsh and need to be softer. When I'm soft I'm told I need to be more blunt to get my point across. When I'm detailed in asking for something I'm told I need to be more brief if I want people to actually read my requests. When I'm brief my requests are ignored entirely and unless I produce screenshots or email chains I'm told I never asked at all. ETC. No matter what I get ignored until the minor issue I was flagging becomes a huge emergency, and then I am asked why I did not say anything sooner.
While this pattern of being ignored has happened to me many times at past workplaces, there were never complaints about my communication skills when I was closeted and boymoding, people just admitted they ignored me and it was their fault. However this is with a new company than the one I worked at before I was out so I'm having a hard time telling if I'm being fucked with for being trans or if this is just the "normal" 'tism office experience but the blame is being shifted to me at this new place. I want to take feedback and learn to be a clearer communicator but starting to feel like my communication is not the issue.
Note: this is not a sexism thing because I have two coworkers and one supervisor who are cis women that do not have this problem, everyone listens to them.
Thanks so much, been pulling my hair out over this for a year now and feel like I'm going crazy.
This is a very, very common experience for trans femme people -- and it is absolutely caused by transmisogyny. I have noticed that trans women truly cannot win. When they explain information carefully to try and educate others, they are accused of being condescending, inaccessible, and difficult to understand. When they cease trying to be heard by people who willfully refuse to hear them, they get criticized for not being approachable or a team player. They're penalized for assertiveness, being told that it's too masculine, and then if they're passive, they get completely ignored.
You are not crazy. You are not making the wrong choice or communicating poorly. You are being targeted by a pervasive systemic bias, and there's probably very little that you could do to make it not happen to you.
A friend of mine once told me that when they were in kind of an awkward-feeling phase of their transition, people suddenly stopped laughing at their jokes. Cashiers, coworkers, random acquaintances at parties, and other people they had easily charmed in the past would suddenly react as if they were not there. Instead of even acknowledging their remarks, my friend was met with a completely neutral stone-faced expression.
For my friend, this phase eventually dissipated and their transition progressed and they arrived at a place where they felt more comfortable and other people found them easier to read by binary, cissexist norms. They still had to deal with sexism in their highly male-dominated workplace, but after a certain point, they became an acknowledgeable human again.
This wasn't about passing as cis, not exactly anyway, because my friend actually never passed as cis ever in their life, not even before their transition. But it was about legibility and their social positioning as a trans femme. When their transition was obviously a thing that was happening but which cis people didn't know how to read or respect, my friend dealt with the full force of transphobic prejudice, and it did ebb a bit once they arrived at a place where they were both more comfortable in themselves, and (probably more importantly, unfortunately) other people were more comfortable with them. The best way I can explain it, from what they told me, was that it was a combination of transmisogyny and hatred of nonbinary and gender-nonconforming people.
It was horrific and unfair that they had to pass through that, and of course many nonbinary and trans femme people live in that area of dehumanization and isolation for all of their lives. But I felt that was a worthwhile anecdote to add, because in some ways it has some parallels to what is happening to you. It might be that gradually people start treating you better, in line with more everyday workplace sexism, as I've witnessed many trans femme people eventually get professionally slotted into a more collectively accepted feminine role after being disrespected for many months or even years. But it does not always happen either, and even when it does, it was after enduring a ton of abuse and learning how tentative people's acceptance always really was -- and there's no unknowing that and unliving it once you have.
I think the workplace culture that you're in is treating you in an unacceptable way, and that you've already tried far more than you should have to in trying to make yourself legible to them. I don't have high hopes that anything you do could have the power to shift this toxically transmisogynistic culture. It's not how you are communicating, it's not how you look, it's not because you're Autistic, it's not because you're a woman -- it's because they are transmisogynistic and are penalizing you for their discomfort and lack of communication skills.
You can, I think, absolve yourself of any feelings of responsibility for managing how other people react to you. Hope can sometimes be a poison that we keep drinking over and over again, believing that we have control over whether or not it will harm us. It's okay to accept instead that nothing good will come of drawing from that well, and choosing not to imbibe it.
The choice for you, then, is how best to survive in an environment where you are treated this way. What can you do to document that you are performing the work as asked? Can you request examples or templates of 'correctly' done work, or explanations, so that you can point out that you are meeting expectations as they have been outlined? Are there people at work who have been treated unfairly too, whom you can communicate with?
(Transmisogyny, I have noticed, often parallels anti-Blackness in certain mechanisms that it uses. Many Black people are accused of being "confusing" to understand when they try to explain basic experiences of bias, or are seen as too "hostile" in similar ways, particularly Black women, and sometimes community can be built along those or other lines. If you have a union, I would certainly consider speaking to union leadership about this if you trust them. Be careful in how you go about agitating against pervasive problems like these at work -- the messenger is frequently punished. But, you might find some solace and some possibility of a culture change in the long-term if it is fought for alongside comrades rather than alone.)
Realistically, you will probably need to build an escape route for yourself. Whether that's by psychologically detaching from your workplace as much as possible, letting them fail for having not listened to you, and finding your belonging elsewhere, or whether that's by finding another job or quitting is for you to decide. I wish the options were better, but I think taking honest stock of what the problem is and accepting that it's not a social dynamic that you have the power to correct can be clarifying, at least. I hope people with similar experiences will sound off in the comments with advice or validation.
Best of luck, and I'm so sorry this is happening. Please keep me updated on what ends up working best for you.
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This whole goddamn taekook vs jikook 💿🐎 is so exhausting. Honestly.
Was I a bit saddened when Jeongguk didn't mention Jimin? Yeah. But for the wrong reasons because my brain was hard wired into thinking "taekookers are gonna run a mile with it".
It's fucked up. But more importantly, it's not Jeongguk's fault - it's purely a me/army problem.
The fact that everyone in army has some kind of version of the members that's mostly fabricated, isn't something they can control.
They are most likely aware of all the hate they get online, especially if it gets really bad. That it gets really bad for Jimin a whole lot, from within army even, can't be unknown to them. But it's not on Jeongguk to change himself on the off-chance it's gonna reduce hate. Most likely that wouldn't work either. Tkkers, akgaes and Solos will hate on BTS every chance they get.
BTS are whole people, individuals that think differently and experience things differently. To reduce them down to their interactions with others is insanely harmful, but it has been normalised. From what I've seen, a lot of shippers (both taekookers and jikookers) reduce the maknae line to what they do and with whom. I did it too, when I immediately thought sadly about the letter when it's the first proper sign of life we've gotten from our golden maknae in ages.
So, as much as I'm f.e. looking forward to the travel show, I'd also advise shippers in particular to watch actual uncut ot7 content. ITS, BV, concerts and behind the scenes - there's a decade worth of videos. Yes, everyone believes in hybe having a narrative to push, so I don't expect people to actually do this honestly, but it might decode some of the army-internal brainwashing.
Hi lovely,
First of allllll
I’m here for what you are throwing down!
It’s not a THEM (the members) problem it’s an US problem.
How does it make sense that ‘fans’ be it solos, shippers, whatever, get mad when people we’ve never met talk about a member who they’ve ate, slept, breathed, played and worked with for 10+ years? How does it make sense to be angry over them interacting, touching, mentioning each other because of what the shippers will say? You damn right it’s exhausting😪.
⬆️An example 😓 They literally had phones in their faces from all sides and so many think pieces about their interactions VS ⬇️
I can’t point the finger without three pointing back at me, cos like you said I too have had moments when I’m like ‘those mf’s are gonna have a field day with this…’ as my first thought?! What’s wrong with me??? I get it when real OT7 say shippers & solos (when talking about those that actually are and not the ones they like to label to dismiss valid thoughts) ruin everything, cos as soon as content and good news drops there’s always gotta be some bullshit alongside it, from any subsection 😪
They HAVE to be aware but kudos to them, they keep it moving, they’re so strong to have millions of strangers on multiple platforms speaking on them like they know them, but still have so much love in their hearts to continue engaging because they know the some isn’t the all.
With every drama and battle online it actually deepens my love and awe of these regular guys, with talent hard worked for, still trying hard to show their goodness to their supporters, not throwing in the towel for their peace. They’re everything 😍
I’m glad people like you are making it your mission to not reduce them to their duos, ships and solo fandoms, but still supporting them as TALENTED INDIVIDUALS. I’m trying too💪. I want to be conscious in appreciating them for them, their talents, their individuality AND their bonds, ALL OF THEIR BONDS.
Obviously I bias some bonds more than others, it’s human nature🙈
We definitely need to keep pushing about original content, we need to keep pushing about original sources not just clips and cuts and edits, we definitely need to keep pushing about doing our googles!
We need to not close our eyes to the other interactions, it’s not scary! It helps us appreciate Jikook’s bond more and appreciate them as members, friends & brothers of the others.
Because no matter what people believe those 7 MEN love each other down.
It helps us be able to filter the bullshit when we do come across misinformation and defamation of character. It helps our confidence in knowing we’re stanning and supporting the right ones.
I’m super geeked for the show coming from Jikook too…whenever it comes 😩 Heck we’re starved, so I’ll start small, I’m desperate for a ‘keep warm, don’t catch a cold’ message from Jiminie even though he’s doing his best in keeping in contact, why are we so thirsty 😅
Thank you for writing in and speaking my heart! 😉
💜
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Define Me | Neymar x OC [6]
Summary: Famous Singer and Actress, Gabriella Hamill, travels to Qatar after being invited on live television by her favorite player, Lionel Messi. Despite the invitation, Ella tries to avoid the cameras and hide in plain side, wanting to enjoy the games without the chaos that comes with being in Public places and it all seems to be going well until she meets Neymar Jr. in this bad boy meets good girl story, the definition of good and bad is lost between the lines and redefined by the past and future.
« Previous chapter
Chapter 6: regretful by definition
Chapter summary: I'll let this one be a surprise 👀
Writer's note: as always please reblog and most importantly comment so i know y'all are still reading and i can write most chapters. There are probably only four left in the series btw.
Taglist: @xngelsau @sirensanction @reneyahh @thegrinch101 @geekwritersworld @chaotic-taco-collector-blog @blondedjoys @maneaterss @inthemoonlightblue @iluvneyney @woozarts @missamericana69 @bjoriis @marialikescherries @measimp @morganadpl @neymarloverxxx
Ask anyone in the business and they’d tell you that Peter Evans and Gabriella Hamill were the IT Couple of Hollywood. Long time friends before they were actually a thing and when they became a thing the internet went wild. Both at their high of their careers, with Peter taking over Marvel Studios and Lily with her own TV show and a fresh Oscar win. America’s sweetheart was dating Captain America himself and they seemed more in love than anyone and It was true they were. Paradise lasted for a year before it turned to the typical one-sided relationship in which both partners go on and on about their wants and their needs but neither of them seems to listen meanwhile the pressure of the media was always there, pressuring them to get married, to start a family to become a Hollywood royalty. Peter wanted that, she didn’t.
“Peter, I’ve told you before- I can’t do this!” she yelled, while making her way to the kitchen, trying to avoid him but he followed behind her like an angry dog.
“There’s difference between can’t and wont Ella!”
She turned aggressively back at him, pointing with her finger “I was honest with you from the start! I told you I didn’t want kids, not for a long time-“
“That was two fucking years ago, relationships evolve!”
“There has not been a day in this fucking relationship that you haven’t pressured me about it!” she said louder. “All your fucking jokes on interviews, talking about how much you want to be a dad, throwing shots at me whenever- it is in fact exhausting-“
Their fights would usually end nowhere good but at least most of them were at home, where no one else could hear them or record, meanwhile they’d play the happy couple on the carpet. Until it exploded in their face.
January 7, 2020 – One Day Before A Concert, Greece
“I’m tired of you pretending that we are fine, we are not fine Peter!” she screamed in between her sobs.
“Maybe it’s because you were fucking your fucking guitarist a moment ago-“ he mumbled, standing in front of the wide window from were he could see Acropolis. The hotel room was small, so small that it could easily turn into a war zone in just a few seconds. Gabriella watched him with her eyes wide open.
“You think I’d do that to you?” she asked, her voice cracking. She wiped her tears with the back of her hand. “no” she shook her head “You’re just looking for a reason to blame this on me, so you won’t blame yourself- its what you’ve always done!”
He turned to face her, his expression blank, his t shirt wrinkled. “It’s not my fault you can’t have any kids, it’s yours, isn’t it?”
To that she didn’t respond but if there was a sound to describe her heart breaking it would be the cold sigh that escaped her lips. She had never felt this pain in her chest before, the man she loved most in the world stabbing her with words she had only ever trusted him with. A part of her wanted to find an excuse, to blame it on the drinks he had before he came to her hotel room but another was sick of the gas lighting and the manipulation and being distracted like that.
“How dare you?” she whispered. He avoided her eyes, looked anywhere but her. He rubbed his face while she got closer. She hit him on the chest, slapped him repeatedly until he grabbed both of her hands and dropped them. He walked away from her, grabbed his jacket from the bed and put it on. Gabriella watched him leave and when he opened the door, she grabbed the nearest glass she could find and threw it at him on the hall, yelling every curse word she could think of. Everything else from that night was a blur, she knew people had seen her in the hallway in the hotel. She locked herself in her room, drank every bottle of alcohol she could find and woke up in the shower, while Maggie was throwing water in her face. Broken glasses and broken bottles covered the floors, which she must have stepped on and fallen on repeatedly because she had was bleeding from multiple scars. Next time she opened her eyes, she was in a hospital room, everyone wondering what the hell had happened to America’s sweetheart.
It wasn’t long before she fell back in her old habits, painkillers and sometimes heavy drugs. That addiction had started when she was 20. Only Maggie and Chris knew why, only Maggie kept the secret because on November 1st, just a few days before the election the whole world found out about the “Abortion of the America’s sweetheart”. She never thought she could be used as a political weapon, until she watched republicans yelling on TV about how the “democratic” actress and rolemodel would ruin their daughter’s future. She didn’t think she could ever love anyone after that until now.
But he didn’t kiss him. Although his lips hovered over hers for what felt like hours, she didn’t kiss him. She walked out of the car and walked back home, keeping her head down as she thought about kissing him and what it would mean. Ask her why she didn’t and she wouldn’t give you a straight answer because the truth is she didn’t know. She didn’t even wait for him to come after her like they did in movies and grab her in the most romantic way before putting his lips on hers. She was a lonely, scared, defensive idiot that couldn’t allow herself to fall in love with anyone and she really thought she had succeeded for the last 2 years in doing that. She really hadn’t fallen in love with anyone, anyone she’d kiss would be a fling, burnt out by noon and yet Neymar was a fire, and she hadn’t even kissed him yet.
She laid on her bed, staring at the ceiling. At some point she fell asleep and her mind started wandering in her darkest memories, reminding her of all the reasons she didn’t kiss him, all the reasons of her disappearance. When she woke up in the morning she had her coffee alone on the balcony, she didn’t even open her phone to see how the game with France ended. Maggie didn’t even try to begin a conversation; she knew better than that. And the whole day seemed to be going as silent and as that until she heard the doorbell and it was weird because every inch of her body wanted to be Neymar. She opened the door hopeful and was met by the kind smile of Antonella. Holding a bowl of Ice Cream on her hands. “Mama said it can freeze away any worry.” Gabriella couldn’t help but smile and let her in, leading her outside on the balcony where they both sat, eating from the same bowl.
“Did you see the game?” asked Antonella, taking a full bite of ice cream.
“No, I was too busy regretting all my life choices” she said, swallowing the ice cream.
“It’s fine the English seemed to be doing the same thing-“
Gabriella left down her spoon, surprised “England lost?”
“Hmm” nodded Antonella “France is on the semi finals.”
“France against Portugal then?”
“Oh no!” Antonella said quickly raising her finger “Morocco”
Now she was in real shock, she laughed, covering her mouth “Are you kidding?”
“Nope.” She smiled “Hakimi showed Ronaldo how it’s done.”
Gabriella shook her hand and reached for the phone on her pocket, finally opening it. All the texts that had been sent overnight while she had it shut down, reached her, beep after beep and she ignored them all until he name popped on her screen. Her expression fell, her eyes closing.
“Estas Bien?” Asked Antonella. Gabriella left her phone on the table and leaned back on her chair, letting out a deep huff “No, no I am not.” She said quickly “Think I’ll spent today regretting all my life choices as well.”
“You could do that.” Antonella reached for bowl, digging in her spoon until she was satisfied “or you could make some new choices.” She added, eating from her spoon.
Gabriella glanced up, raising her eyebrows “What is that a Spanish saying or something?”
“I mean I could say it in Spanish if it makes you feel better.”
Gabriella sat better on her chair, looking at Antonella like a kid. She hesitated but then- “Can you please?” she asked. She wanted to hear the language, she wanted to pretend it was her mother across from her for a while. Gabriella smiled and pulled the chair closer to Gabriella, reaching for her cheek. “puedes pensar en las elecciones pasadas o puedes ir y hacer nuevas y buenas elecciones.” She leaned closer as she said it and perhaps it was an automatic response but Gabriella threw herself on her and hugged her as tight as she could, hiding her face in her hair. “está bien chiquitín! ¡no te preocupes” whispered Antonella, rubbing her back while she sobbed in her arms. “Hey- hey, ¡Oye! Mírame.” She asked, and Gabriella obeyed, looking up to her. Antonella wiped her tears away quickly “Fue él quien me dijo que viniera a verte. Estaba muy preocupado.” Gabriella knew she was referring to Neymar. He's the one that called her to come, something along those lines. Antonella was quick to translate it to English “He called me and told me he was worried because you weren’t answering” Gabriella felt immediately bad, she sniffed back her sobs. “Leo had an advice too.”
“Leo knows about this?” she asked, feeling embarrassed.
“Of course, he does. He wanted to come but he had training.”
“What’s his advice then?”
“cuando tienes el balón, marcas. Sólo pasan unos segundos antes de que llegue alguien, te lo robe y te placen mientras lo haces.”
Gabriella smiled. She got a few words, something about scoring when you have the ball otherwise you will get tackled and broken before you even know it. “It’s always about football with him, isn’t?” she laughed in between her sobs. Antonella nodded, smiling.
“You learn to get used to it.” She said and hugged her again, holding her close to her chest.
NEYMAR’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Outside it was raining. Inside Kylian Mbappe was making most of the noise, yelling at the screen whenever he’d miss a chance while playing fifa. “Hey! Wake up!” he yelled looking at Neymar, who was barely playing. Kylian paused the game, throwing the control on the couch and then grabbing a pillow and throwing it on his friend’s face.
“HEY!” Neymar yelled back at him “what the fuck?” he asked, holding on the pillow.
“You wanna focus on the game?”
“What does it matter, it’s just a game isn’t it?” he mumbled, throwing his controller on the table.
“Is this about brazil loosing?”
“What else would it be about?”
“I don’t know mystery girl aka Gabriella Hamill possibly.”
“No.” Neymar answered quickly, leaning back at the couch. He could feel Kylian staring and it was in fact getting annoying “Maybe it’s both.”
“Maybe.” Kylian mocked, laughing. Neymar got up and headed straight for the table with the drinks.
“I think I’ll leave tomorrow. Head back to brazil-“he said while pouring a drink for himself. Kylian watched him from over the couch, shifting his body to look at him.
“You just rented this apartment.”
“They’ll get their money. It’s fine. I wanna go back home…”
“Or get away” mumbled Kylian under his breath, sifting his body to look back at the screen.
“What does that mean?”
“Come on Ney. You always run away when things are hard, it’s your thing, either that or you get it out on the referees.” He laughed, Neymar got an ice cube from the bowl and threw it at him.
“HEY!” He yelled rubbing his head and looking back at Neymar who sat back to where he was sitting before, taking a sip from his fresh drink. “Didn’t even make me one?”
“Shut up.” Mumbled Neymar as a thunder sounded from outside the house. Just a few seconds later, the door bell rang, startling both of them. If someone had recorded their reaction it would have gone viral, Neymar jumped so abruptly he spilled his drink on the floor and Kylian cuddled himself on the corner of the couch. Kylian kicked Neymar.
“Don’t open the goddamn door. I’ve seen horror movies starting like that-“
Neymar took a few breaths to relax and completely ignored his friend. He got up and walked to the door. Looking at the camera screen, first. He couldn’t believe his eyes. He opened the door quickly, her small figure standing in front of him. Covered just by her hoodie which was completely wet by now, he stared down at her, now knowing how to act or what to do.
“hey.” She whispered, coughing.
“Hi.” He responded. The tension between them raising until-
“Bonjour!” jumped in Kylian, getting Gabriella’s attention who let out a small laugh when she saw him. She covered her mouth quickly.
“Bonjour Kylian.” She said from behind her hand. Neymar smiled at the way she was blushing.
“Are you going to invite her in dude?” he asked, reminding Neymar his manners. Neymar motioned for Ella to get in and closed the door. “Ms. Hamill, enchante” he said sitting up on the couch.
“Comment ca va Kylian?” she asked, while Neymar unzipped and took of her wet hoodie leaving her with just her t-shirt.
“Tu parle francais?” he asked surpised and got up to walk closer to her.
“I’ll get you another one.” Said Neymar quickly, running to his bedroom to get another hoodie. Meanwhile Kylian seemed to be enjoying the awkwardness.
“En peu.” She answered his question, narrowing her eyes “felicitations pour la victoire!” she added, smiling up at him. Neymar sprinted back to her with one of his hoodies, helping her wear it. After that he just kept staring at her and she at him, while Kylian was staring at both of them.
“Kylian.” Neymar addressed him without even looking at him.
“Hm?”
“Get the fuck out.”
“it’s raining.” He smiled, looking at Gabriella now.
“thankfully you’re not made out of sugar.” He answered quickly.
“What if I get hit by a thunder.”
“Kylian.” Repeated Neymar, this time more as a warning.
“Yes of course.” He nodded and ran to get his shoes, putting them on quickly and returning to where his was before. He took hold of Gabriella’s hand and kissed it, smirking at her. “You be good kids.” He added before leaving them alone.
When he shut the door both of them seemed to relax.
“You want a drink?” asked Neymar, moving to the table with the drinks.
“Yes please.” She asnwered, following behind him, slowly. All while he was pouring the drinks, she was staring at his hands, tracing the tattoos on his skin, the ones she could see, with her eyes. She was still staring when he turned back to her to hand her drink and she made sure to touch skin as he took the glass in her own hands. Her gaze slowly lifted to land on him. There was something about her eyes, he hadn’t noticed before, lust. The way she looked at him like she was promising a future, like she was begging for one. She got closer and Neymar actually felt his heard beating faster, he was anxious. He was never anxious. She let her glass down on the table, there was so much silence he heard the glass settling on the silver, like a warning. He took another sip while he watched her and he would have taken another one if she hadn’t reached for his glass, taking it away from him, leaving it next to hers while her eyes remained on his. Then she held on his shit, pulling him down to her.
“I stopped you last night.” She said in a whisper. He was stepped closer, his confidence returning, he gently rubbed his nose against hers. “Would you accept my apology?” she asked, their lips inches apart. He smirked.
“Depends. What do I get in return?”
She looked back and forth between his eyes and his lips, her face serious, sexy, her expression hypnotizing. “Me.”
He crashed his lips on hers without sparing even a second. Taking in her taste, her smell, everything she could give him in that moment and if you asked her, she’d tell you that she would give him anything, anything he wanted as long as he asked her for it. He lifted her up in his arms, almost like he wanted to make sure she was real and not just a fantasy. His kisses trailed down to her chin and then her neck as she leaned her head back, she he’d have better access, a soft moan escaping along with her breath. That was enough to give him all the confidence he needed for the whole night. “me” she said to him and he would take all of her as if her life depended on it. He carried her to his room, laid her on his bed as he took of his shirt, showing her every single tattoo all over his body. He hovered above her, balancing his arms on the bed. He started from her neck, leaving a mark on her skin as a reminder in the morning and then her ear, biting it slightly.
She grabbed his face in her hands, pulling him down to kiss her lips instead because that’s what she wanted most, to taste him, to keep kissing him until her lips were dry and she had no air left in her lungs. He pulled of his hoodie from her and just a second later, he took off her t-shirt, kissed her breast while she let fingers get lost in his curls. She reached under his chin, to make him look up at her. He smirked again, leaning his head down to her ear.
“Apology accepted.” He whispered and made sure that night he’d take exactly what she promised him… her.
dw the steamy part is not over, just wanted to let you look forward for the next chapter. As always please please comment, it's very important to keep my going. I love you all xx comment what you like so far. How do you think this will end? Will they just be happy for the next 4 chapters? Or is there another storm coming 👀👀
#neymar one shot#neymar imagines#neymar jr#neymar x reader#neymar#neymajr#neymessi#football writing#football imagine#football requests#mbappe imagines#kylian mbappe#mbappe x reader
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I'm taking a break from my essay, so I thought I would go over my opinions of Fiona.
The thing is, most of the time I understand her. I understand her wanting Debbie and the others to stop relying on her so much, I understand her leaving, I understand why she tried to convince Debbie to get an abortion and most importantly I understand why she wanted to avoid blame for Liam's coke incident. I'm not saying any of it is right, but I get her.
I'll go over my main points with her, good and bad.
The stuff I defend her on:
she supported Lip thru his alcoholism and he did not do the same for her, instead yelling and blaming her when if anyone, he should understand
she tries to convince Debbie to get an abortion because she fully knows Debbie is not emotionally mature enough to handle a baby (no hate, no 15 year old is) and doesn't want to have to deal with it, which is fair because she's accustomed to dealing with kids that aren't hers. I have friends who have to essentially parent their siblings, and I know they would definitely stay away if any of them decided to have kids of their own.
she tries to convince lip to go to college or at least stay in school because he can, despite how he's so adamant against it. despite how it means she has even more burden over the children
she leaves because she needs her own life (there's more on this later, don't worry)
However, I'm against her on these:
Fiona, babe, stop using being a Gallagher as an excuse for everything you do it's getting tiring. "I'm a Gallagher" I KNOW.
Fiona, if you dole out advice left right and centre to all your siblings, take some as well. she should have heeded people's advice about all the property stuff, she should have been more careful, but at the end of the day people make mistakes.
Fiona, take responsibility for your shit. You were Liam's legal guardian, I know she didn't intend to, but it was her responsibility to look after him. It's her fault. If Frank or Monica did the same by accident, I have no doubt she would blame them
Tell me, why does she hate the Milkoviches so much. Actively hating on Mandy, when she's just as much of a slag??? Not hating on slags, I am a proud one myself. But don't hate on others, don't be so fucking rude when Mandy simply wanted a place to feel safe. Also, I don't accept her Mickey-hate AT ALL. she didn't know him, told him he needed to admit Ian to a psych ward because that's what she knew, when realistically there can be other, better ways to help those with mental illness. Psych hospitals are for those at risk to themselves and others, but Ian hadn't become a risk until he stole Yevgeny (we don't know enough about whether he was suicidal or not). Also, let's not forget Molly. I can't comment on whether Molly was actually trans or not, because it's suggested that her mother just forced her to be a girl. Even so, no fucking need for the amount of transphobia.
Finally, she was Liam's legal guardian. For all her talk about how Ian's like Monica, she abandoned him which is a 'full on Monica move' to quote Fiona. She agreed that she would take care of him until he was an adult, and didn't make sure someone else would take over if she left. Also, she could have taken him with her.
Anyway, very mixed feelings about Fiona. I'm never sure how to feel about her, because like I say half the time I understand her. I get why she didn't want to admit to being responsible for the coke thing, because it made her feel guilty and worse, it made her feel like her parents. I def prefer her pre-season 4
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Tremaines & Mims
For Dead Beauty AU, aka look at me making up the symptoms of (strychnine) poisoning as I go cos I don’t feel like research ♥
When Harry exits the Hell Hall his feet are too heavy and his mind is swimming in all the wrong directions: Ivy’s fault, naturally. The mix of alcohol and whatever poison she gave him.
He swallows heavily and bangs his hook to the metal gate, just because he fucking can. He hopes that bitch is suffering as much as he is.
On completely unrelated note, he really would like to know how she got Claudine fucking Frollo, please and thank you. That girl has problems, alright, and he’s the one saying it.
Y’know, maybe she decided if she’s going to hell, she might as well go with a blast, and Harry can approve of that.
If he had his flask, he’d drink to that sentiment, even.
Alas, he just starts walking towards the Tremaines – hey, it’s closer, and he doesn’t exactly fancy arguing with his older sister about his methods of delivering demands, thank you. Besides, Harriet is just a fucking hypocrite.
He’s pretty sure she slept with Diego the last time she was vaguely in the vicinity of Hell Hall.
More importantly, he still wants his haircut.
He drags his feet as he sneers into the shadows, twists his wrist around to stretch it – the light twirls on his hook – cranes his neck around to stretch it too.
Curiously, that seems to send a street rat or two running.
Harry smirks at that.
It shouldn’t be too long to the Tremaines now, but he could just swear the bloody streets keep stretching under his feet. He kicks on something at the ground, mutters curses under his breath. Two children run by him and he sneers at them to mind their way; his vision goes blank for a moment.
This is fine.
Tremaines’ is right there.
He breaks open the door, swatting his hook at the irritating decoration above it. He doesn’t manage to tear it down. Shame.
It is an eyesore.
He collapses at the nearest chair.
He’d say he hopes Anthony went out already, but frankly, he doesn’t care enough.
„Dulcia, darling!“ he calls out, „You promised me the haircut?“
She appears behind him, placing a hand on his shoulder and sighing: „Whatever is wrong with you, Hook – my dear cousin is right there, and his mood didn’t get any better.“
She tugs at his hair rather harshly, which he registers mostly because he’s looking in the mirror.
„Also, what the hell do you want me to do with this?“
„Oh, I don’t care,“ he lifts his hand to make a dismissive gesture and lets it fall when he discovers how heavy it is, „Just do your worst. I want Harriet to know I’ve been there.“
Dulcia laughs: „Why, that almost sounds like a dare–“
Harry discovers his lips are too numb to form an answer.
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(2/2)
And the clearest example is how he’s aware of Way’s feelings for him, has been for a while, but not only is he very dismissive of them (picture their hallway conversation when Way is clearly emotional and upset and for the first time actually addresses the elephant in the room (which takes a lot of courage), only for Babe to be all ‘yeah I know – ugh did you have to actually say it out loud?? - but, like…Charlie! Now let me caress your shoulder while I reassure you we’re still best buds!’ or the way he reacts like it’s all a bit tiresome whenever someone else brings it up) - Babe makes a conscious choice to NOT discuss it with Way, and more importantly to NOT draw any boundaries tween them. At best he’s just being extremely careless with Way’s feelings, especially when he jokes about them being bfs, but at worst, one could argue that his flirtatiousness is in fact an intentional manipulation of said feelings in order to keep Way where he wants him, which is at his beck and call. Babe doesn’t care to look any deeper because there’s nothing in it for him – as long as he has Way by his side, adoring him, he’s satisfied. Any awkward niggling thoughts about how actually this probably isn’t a healthy dynamic and this guy needs to get a life outside of me and in retrospect it’s a little strange that I know literally nothing about him get pushed aside in order to maintain that status quo.
Now, unlike half the characters in this show, I’m capable of self-reflection: I know that I could extend some of the sympathy I have for Way due to his shitty past (and present) to Babe, and speculate that Babe’s selfishness, his need to keep Way with him even if it’s detrimental to Way’s wellbeing, is merely a consequence of his own shitty past, his fear of being alone; that his inability to deal with this situation is a result of his own emotional maladjustment at Tony’s hands. That’s all very likely to be true. BUT! Babe has the whole internet ready to kill for him, so sorry but he doesn’t need me to do the same! What can I say - I feel obligated to stick up for the underdog, no matter how much of a fucked up wrong’un said underdog might be! (Of course there’s also the entirely plausible possibility that all this is just the fault of shoddy writing - as long as characters keep repeating that this really is a deep and wholesome and 100% reciprocated friendship then we the audience are duty-bound to believe it!)
In conclusion (if you got this far - apologies!): Way is a pathetic but tragic character who didn’t deserve the hand he was dealt (but does deserve lifelong therapy), whose motivations are much more complex and heart-wrenching than many seem able/willing to recognise/acknowledge. Babe is selfish and a shitty friend, but that is perhaps understandable given his experiences. SA (and mind-fucking your friend) is NEVER excusable, no matter how awful your life or how bad your daddy issues; neither is it EVER the fault of the victim. All of these things can be true at the same time, and it wouldn’t hurt to remember that.
Your Honour, I rest my case!
P. S. Internet, please don't be mad at me! Everyone's of course entitled to their own opinion (variety is the spice of life and all that!) and the remaining eps might totally destroy this interpretation, but at the end of the day, it's just a show, and I'm just a socially anxious contrarian overthinker with a penchant for well-acted morally dubious pretty boys!
i think i tend to be more positive/look for the more favourable explanation and so my opinion on the hallway conversation (which: hurty) is that babe is extreeeemely unprepared to talk about feelings. which is funny because his friendship with way reads as very intense to me, and they’re pretty dramatic with their words too? but it’s clear babe has no experience in this area, both talking about it and feeling it, and it shows precisely in how careless he is with way’s feelings. and again, the jokes about being bfs babe i will hunt you down you cannot be this dense! please! but also i don’t think he would see anything unhealthy in how powerful way’s attachment to him is because i think, up until charlie showed up, they both acted like that with each other. (my poor way…)
don’t apologise! this has taken me five million hours to reply to but it has been worth every. second. and honestly while as i’ve just said i don’t totally agree with your interpretation of babe and his actions and feelings towards way i do think you make great points and can see why you’re interpreting something in a different way than i do. also i love to read what people are thinking. meta is my favourite thing in the world, so unless it’s something horrifying to me i am going to enjoy it lol
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VegasPete Communication + Double Meanings
Call it the asexual gaze it is, but I was a lot more interested in the double meanings of VP's conversations than any sexual tension in this episode. Let's take a break from The Horny and think about what Pete has been trying to express about abuse well before he mentioned his own father. And I want you to keep in mind that Pete knows Vegas doesn't put an ounce of trust in words, so it's not just the dialogue we're looking at here - it's every action Pete's taking.
I put an explanation of this at the end, but please go into this post thinking about Vegas's torture of Pete as a reflection of his own experiences with his father. You can read that explanation first if you want, or not at all.
Let's start with Pete's response to Vegas talking to his hedgehog.
P: "Is he crazy?" [read: I know you're talking to me]
V, to his hedgehog: "When you're free, tell him how to be a good pet." A guide for Pete - Vegas communicating that if Pete is good, he'll be treated nicely. Note that earlier Vegas actually apologized to the hedgehog for making a ruckus with Pete - so he is giving him example of a reward. Importantly: These align with the guidelines Vegas' father has set for him. Be good. Do what I say. Mess up and you'll get punished.
P: "Whom is he talking to, me or the hedgehog?" [read: Let me tell you why I think you're crazy - because I'm not a fucking hedgehog] This is also Pete expressing that he wants to have a conversation - a shift from their previous interactions.
V: "Why didn't you eat?" [read: Why didn't you do what I told you? Why did you defy me?] This is not a question that Vegas is looking to have answered. It's challenge. A fight that Vegas wants to start. (Trying not to belabor this point too much, but again, think back to Vegas's dad's "What are you doing?" "Do you know what you're doing?" "What did I tell you?" and especially his "How dare you disobey my order?")
P: "I'm not eating." This is a fun one, because it's meant to be taken exactly at face value. Pete says this very slowly, very deliberately, and with careful eye-contact. Look:
Remember what I said about Pete communicating through actions in addition to words. Every bit of him is shouting "Listen to me! I need you to understand what I'm saying!" But he's conveying complete calmness - and control over his own actions, without threatening Vegas's control in any way.
V: "Do you think you can choose?" [read: You think you can choose not to follow my orders? You have no power here.]
P: "I'm not choosing. I'm just not eating." [read: I'm not fighting you. You want to hurt me and I am just here. It's not my choice and it's not my fault.] And if we think ahead, if we think about the context, he's telling Vegas: "Your father's abuse is not your fault."
Again, note the body language, the continued eye-contact. Coming from Pete! Who in almost every interaction prior to his capture has done his utmost to avoid Vegas's eyes. It's deliberate.
I love it I love it I love it because as a survivor of abuse himself, Pete is showing Vegas, with himself as an example, how to reframe his trauma. Okay, I have more to say so let's keep going.
V: "You know what an untamed pet would get?" [read: Think about the consequences - the punishment. That's your choice.] This is cool, because Vegas hasn't caught on yet I actually don't think Pete expected him to, personally, but that can be up for debate. The intriguing thing is that this dialogue shows that Vegas think Pete hasn't caught on yet, he thinks Pete hasn't understood and he's clarifying for him, but really Vegas is the one who's not understanding. I'm losing my mind this is so good.
P: "Well, I don't like it. I'm not hungry." [read: I hear what you're saying and you're wrong. I'm not choosing this. I don't want it and I'm not fighting you. I'm just not hungry.] Pete's still making eye contact here. His speech starts to speed up, too. Pete has hardly flinched at torture prior to this so I'm not inclined to think that it's fear doing that - I think it's more of this deliberate communication. He's reinforcing his words with his actions. Maybe he's a bit scared, but I'm convinced he's at the very least exaggerating. He needs Vegas to understand that he's being honest - he doesn't want this (and no matter what Vegas's dad has told him about choosing to fail and get punished, Vegas didn't that either). Check Pete's facial expression here, too. We know this man can fake a smile:
V: "I'm gonna hurt you so you'll remember." [I'll train you, the way I've been taught, to do what I want you to do.] But notice the phrasing here. Assuming the translation's good, Vegas's thought process is already changing. He's given up on the idea of Pete learning - which makes sense, because his father's punishments didn't teach Vegas anything other than fear. What he got out of them were memories.
And we're nearing the end here, so bear with me. The last line of dialogue is coming up, but first, the punishment itself:
Pete starts yelling immediately. Thrashing around. He looks angry. Maybe he's worn down and tired out, just releasing some pent up frustrations, but what a contrast from his demeanor throughout the whole conversation. He's not playing with Vegas, he's not trying to fight him and he's not trying to please him. He's taken himself out of the game.
And the last bit of dialogue from this scene that I think we're all familiar with:
V: "You're no fun at all." And Vegas is feeling the effects of Pete's actions. Pete has taken the power out of it all.
This is reinforced by the next scene where Pete tries to escape and doesn't bring a single weapon with him. There are weapons on display in that room. And Vegas knew he would escape - was it a test?
Pete does not want to fight Vegas, he's proving it with his actions again. I almost wonder if Pete thought of it as a test as well, but I don't know, that might be taking it a step to far.
Okay I'm bringing us back one more time. To before all of this. To right before. To the very tiny snippet of conversation we (and Pete!!) heard of Vegas' phone call with his dad.
V: "What am I supposed to do, Papa?"
And that's at the fucking root of it all, isn't it? What is Vegas supposed to do, when he's given his best and his dad hates him anyway. It's heartbreaking. It's also immediately followed by Pete staring at Vegas:
Because that little phone conversation was a key. To us, the audience, to interpret this scene - but also, I'd venture very hesitantly, for Pete. This immediately precedes all the careful conversation that he had with Vegas and because of the timing of it all, and the way Pete kinda froze and stared. It was calculated. Very quickly calculated and enacted. Maybe Pete was just using it as a way to get out - maybe he saw that Vegas had a problem and decided to offer him a solution for his own sake only. I wouldn't blame him. But it could also be that Pete realized Vegas is about ready for a change. Readiness for change is huge - it's everything. You cannot change a person if they do not want to change themselves. But here's Vegas, having already defied his father by taking Pete, now acknowledging and vocalizing that what his father is saying doesn't make sense. He's ready to change.
I fucking love this show. I'm bad at making friends y'all but if anyone wants to chat KP, please don't hesitate. Clearly I have too much to say. My asks and messages are open, always :)
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I think of Vegas's torture of Pete as a reflection of his own experiences with his father. Vegas held a lot of envy towards Pete. Right off the bat Vegas knew Kinn would check on Pete, and he knew Kinn would do it thoroughly (re: telling Grandma to lie to Kinn about Pete's whereabouts). This is Kinn, Vegas's family, who has shunned Vegas* all his life, going all out for a bodyguard. And on top of that, Vegas knows that Pete has made mistakes. A sore spot, for someone who gets punished whenever he "ruins" his dad's plans. Vegas looks at Pete and sees the main family's Good Good Boy who has a tattoo about the virtue of honesty, who does nothing but smile and mess up, who seems naive as anything... but who laughs in his face when tortured.
How does this tie in to Vegas's abuse at the hands of his father? It puts the power in Vegas's hands. Not because he's inherently bad and wants to abuse people, but because he's spent his life feeling powerless, especially in comparison to Kinn. If he went into this thinking that Pete was a naive little toy - and Kinn's toy at that - Vegas wanted to break Pete the way he'd been broken by his father. We'll see more evidence of this when we get into it as well.
*I just had this additional thought that it's not uncommon for victims of child abuse - or any abuse - to feel angry that they weren't helped by those around them. I know there's competition between Kinn and Vegas inherently, but I do wonder if Vegas's rage runs deeper due to way he's been isolated. Abusers tend to isolate their victims intentionally, and I wouldn't blame Kinn for this as an outsider, but I actually think it's unlikely that Vegas wouldn't have felt that to a certain extent.
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Related Posts
Follow-up VP Communication Post
Metaphor Done Right: Childhood’s End in KinnPorsche
Pete’s Escape as a Final Test
#kinnporsche meta#vegaspete#vegas theerapanyakul#vegas x pete#kinnporche the series#pete saengtham#bible sumettikul#build jakapan#biblebuild#kp meta#kinnporsche episode 11#kinn porsche the series#winnie's words
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My campus wants to be more accessible. That's a stated goal. Create an accessible environment. They've got like 3 departments for it. So when heavy doors and broken automatic buttons started becoming a problem, I started making lists and asking questions, and reaching out. It took a year to find the right person to talk to.
This is not entirely the collages fault (but it's part of a larger issues I'm building up to). I was sent in a reasonable direction fairly early on, but I got sick, and tired, and stressed with work, and school, and managing my disabilities and trying to keep myself out of the hospital. So this fell by the wayside. Eventually, at the end of my second semester, I sent the list to a professor who sent it to admin.
It didn't feel like enough. I'm one person, who only goes to a few classrooms, in a few buildings, who only walks though a few doors. Of the hundreds of locations on campus, I only see a few. I'd asked as meny people as I could, if they'd noticed broken doors, or inaccessible locations, but we can only do so much. Most hadn't noticed more than me.
So I tried to pay attention I tried to make notes of any issues I saw. I joined a group for second year students this year. One mentioned that an event on campus wasn't wheelchair accessible at all. So I decided to find someone to talk to about it. I asked arround. I was bounced arround. Talk to this group. No that one. Here's an email. That ones better. Meet with me on this date. Where's the office even located??
Then I finally found it. The event coranator was nice. We discussed accessibility and the unique challenges of the event. It was heald in a field becuase holding it on the concrete was too hot, but that made it hard for wheelchair users, how could we fix it?
I mentioned a few things I'd resurched, and we discussed acesablity, but I felt out of my depth. Like with the doors, I'm just one person. I spoke on my experience, I spoke to what I'd heard other students say, I spoke about what I'd seen or noticed, I spoke about things that might be issues for some students. About suggestions and what challenges they may bring, about ideas that might not even be feasible. I learned too, that they were trying, and knew some of the issues I brought up, that this is hard but some things may not occur to either me or them.
It struck me as i left thst meeting, that I don't know what I'm doing. How can it? I'm one person, who goes through only a handful of doors, I don't know what's accessible for everyone. I'm doing my damned fucking best to advocate for accessibility but how do I do that when I only know what that looks like for me? The worst part was that I had another meeting with another group about this topic scheduled and I didn't know what to say.
I mentioned before, there are three groups on campus that handle accessibility, there's more probably, but there's 3 big ones. My next meeting was with one of them, planning on how to work on campus accessibility. In my frustration I wondered if they talk to the other groups, or the event planning section, or academic advising, or the student services people who I was sent with to deal with the doors over a year ago. Do they even communicate? More importantly if I'm struggling to know how to handle accessibility becuase I can't talk to everyone, and I'm a werido who sends emails to random people untill I find someone, most students are going to be lost.
So I discussed accessibility as it relates to communication on campus. To be honest I have no idea if I've had an impact but I hope I have. I also don't know if this was the right choice, just the one I made. I'm hoping improving communication will allow other students with disabilities to speak up without having to jump though every single hoop, and that way their issues arnt ignored, or swept away in the chaos. I don't know.
(I'd love advice)
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Rainy Days
Might Guy loves rainy days. They’re perfect for training, they’re beautiful, and they’re calming. On top of that, the village tends to be less busy on rainy days, so he can get things like grocery shopping done without too much of a hassle.
He wakes up on a day when the thunderstorms outside are particularly bad, alone in his and Kakashi’s queen-sized bed. He’s disappointed to find that his boyfriend isn’t by his side to cuddle up to. However, Guy knows that Kakashi likes to go out early to scour bookstores, train, take his students on missions, and visit the stone memorial monument. So, he doesn’t think anything of it and instead takes the morning to get a good workout and a shower in. After that, he goes to the grocery store and heads home to cook breakfast.
By then, it’s past ten thirty. With not so much as a note or an appearance by Kakashi, Guy starts to become concerned about his lover’s whereabouts. Just then, he hears the front door slam open. He’s in the middle of scrambling eggs, flipping protein pancakes, and steeping tea, so he doesn’t rush to greet Kakashi, but he does turn around and speak upon hearing Kakashi enter the kitchen.
“Rival, I missed you! You must have woken up really early to beat me out of the house. Where have you been? Was your morning good? How’d you sleep?” Guy asks with a grin. That grin falls the moment he gets a good look at Kakashi, though. Kakashi is covered head to toe in rain and the look in his visible eye is… Haunting, to say the least. Kakashi doesn’t even glance at him. “Rival?”
“Hm?” Kakashi blinks as if Guy’s voice just snapped him out of a trance. Still, he won’t meet Guy’s gaze. “Oh, sorry, I was just… Out. Doing things. You know how it is.”
“Kakashi, where were you? No- more importantly- are you… Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, thank you,” Kakashi lies through his teeth and exits the room.
Guy waits to hear their bedroom door lock, but instead, Kakashi comes back a few minutes later with a sleeveless tank and a pair of boxers on. Guy hears the washer starting, so he assumes that Kakashi tosses his wet clothes in there. Kakashi fixes his mask over his face and adjusts his headband before sitting at the kitchen table.
“Would you like some breakfast?” Guy offers as he finishes making the food. “I made pancakes and eggs.”
“I’ll pass, but if you could get me some of the tea that’s on the stove…” Kakashi trails off. “It smells like jasmine. Just don’t add sugar.”
Silence takes over. Guy turns off the stove, pours both of them a cup of tea, and makes a plate of food for himself. Then, he sets one of the cups in front of Kakashi.
“Here,” Guy says and sits down across from his rival with his own cup of tea and his breakfast.
“Thank you,” Kakashi murmurs and pulls his mask down so he can sip on the hot drink.
“You seem like you’re deep in thought today, rival,” Guy starts, prying, though he’s sure he can already guess what this is about. For whatever reason, Kakashi always gets particularly depressed about his former teammates and sensei whenever storm season rolls around. Still, the ravenette tries to frame it playfully so as to not sour the mood any more- on the off chance that it’s something minor that he can distract Kakashi from. “What, are you trying to come up with an idea for our next contest? Or did you read a new book?”
“No,” Kakashi shakes his head, then follows it up with a statement that hits Guy like a fucking truck. “It was storming just like this when I killed Rin.”
At that, Guy’s brow furrows. It takes everything in him not to slam a fist into the kitchen table.
“Don’t phrase it like you killed her on purpose, Kakashi! You didn’t kill Rin… You know that she chose-”
“Don’t phrase it like it isn’t my fault. She died by my hand- I should’ve known she’d try to do something like that, and I should’ve been able to prevent it, but… I killed her,” Kakashi clasps the cup of tea in his hands and pulls his mask down to sip at it. He looks totally dejected, his expression showing everything even with his left eye covered by his headband. “Back then, it just wouldn’t stop raining. I’ve always hated Kirigakure, and since that day, I’ve hated the summers here because they so strongly resemble this nightmare that I can’t escape.”
Suddenly, Guy’s appetite shrivels to nothing. The eggs and pancakes turn ice cold. Like Kakashi, he opts to sip on his tea rather than eating.
“You know, if I’m remembering correctly, Rin loved this time of year,” Guy murmurs. As tempting as it is, he knows better than to argue with Kakashi about whether or not all of the traumatic things that have happened to him were his fault or not. It never goes anywhere productive and all it results in is making Kakashi more upset, so he changes the subject to something more optimistic. “Her and I were never really close, but I remember when you guys were younger, she’d drag you and Obito into the rain to play in it- even after you graduated from the academy! Storm season was her favorite.”
A flash of lightning tears through the sky outside. Both men can see it through the kitchen window. Guy doesn’t miss how Kakashi tenses at the booms of thunder that follow.
“That’s true,” Kakashi folds his arms over the table and rests his head on them. Guy notices that the bags under his eyes are a little more prominent than usual. “But now it’s been ruined for me… I can’t enjoy it for her, as much as I’d love to.”
“Do you always think about them like this on rainy days?”
“There isn’t a day that passes that I don’t think about them, Guy, but I suppose the gloomy weather does make it worse than usual. It was raining like this during Minato and Kushina’s funeral service as well… Ah, I’m just glad I don’t have to see my team today. I couldn’t even imagine trying to interact with them like this.”
“I don’t know, Kakashi, seeing them may be a much needed distraction,” Guy softly argues. “Maybe they’d cheer you up? Or at least get your mind off of it-”
“No, they wouldn’t. They only ever make these days worse for me. Looking at Naruto and Sakura hurts my soul to the point that I purposefully don’t train them the way I should be because they remind me so much of Obito and Rin, and I can’t bear to be around them. Then, there’s Sasuke… Don’t even get me started on him. He’s like how I was back then but so much worse. I’m…”
“What is it?”
“I’m sorry you have to deal with me when I’m like this,” Kakashi apologizes. Guy frowns at that. “I don’t know why you entertain it. If I were you, I’d leave.”
“It’s because I love you,” Guy says back without so much as a pause. He reaches across the table to take one of Kakashi’s hands in his own, and at that, Kakashi’s visible eye widens. “And because I know you’d do the same for me. I would never just leave you. Is there anything that would make you feel better? A contest for distraction? Eggplant miso soup? We could watch that new Icha Icha movie together, or would you rather we go pick up some flowers and visit the monument together?”
“I spent all morning there,” Kakashi responds. That explains why he’s been gone since four in the morning and only just now returned, soaked head to toe in rain water. “Why else do you think I came back a bit ago drenched in rain?”
“I understand if you don’t want advice right now, but have you considered going and seeing Rin’s family? It may give you some closure. I’m sure they’d agree that it’s not your fault.”
“I tried going over there to offer my condolences and apologies after she passed, and her father basically told me that I’d taken his entire life away by murdering his daughter…” Kakashi explains, to which Guy winces. He never knew that had happened. Kakashi has never talked about it, though it’s obvious why that is the case. Guy quickly regrets saying anything. “Then her mother told me that she wished it had been me who died at Kannabi bridge instead of Obito, because Obito would have actually protected Rin, unlike me.”
“Oh… That’s… Heavy.”
“Yeah,” Kakashi nods, then slams down the rest of his tea like a shot.
Unsure of what else to do, Guy stands up, walks around the table to where Kakashi is, and wraps his arms around the younger man’s slumped form.
“Kakashi… I’m so sorry.”
“I don’t want to hear that,” Kakashi whispers, frustrated.
“Then what do you want to hear?” Guy questions and pulls away to stare down at his lover.
“Nothing. I just… I can’t handle talking right now. It’s making my head hurt,” Kakashi raises his hand enough to pinch the bridge of his nose between his thumb and his pointer finger.
“We don’t have to talk, but what can I do to help you? I hate seeing you so upset.”
“Stop trying to fix it, please. No one will ever be able to fix everything that’s happened to me, I just… Need you to continue being here like you have been.”
“I can do that,” Guy sighs and reaches down to remove Kakashi’s forehead protector. He sets the metal and cloth garment on the table, then runs a hand through Kakashi’s hair. Kakashi leans into the touch. “Just let me know if you need anything else.”
“Alright… Can we go to bed?” Kakashi asks and reaches up. “I think I need to lie down.”
“Sure,” Guy nods and picks his lover up with little effort to bring them both to the bedroom.
It’s pouring outside. Guy has another training session to complete and the kitchen to clean, but with Kakashi so warm and so vulnerable on this rainy day, he supposes all of that can wait. Kakashi is much more important to him.
So, they enter the bedroom. Guy sets Kakashi down on the bed as gently as he can and moves to lie down next to him. Immediately, Kakashi pulls the covers over their bodies and curls up to Guy’s chest.
“Thanks,” Kakashi whispers. “And again… Sorry for making you deal with this.”
“Don’t apologize,” Guy whispers back, leaning down to press a kiss against Kakashi’s forehead. “We all have our rainy days sometimes, rival.”
“That’s so cheesy of you to say,” Kakashi scoffs and rolls his eyes. A small smile graces his lips. “But thank you. I appreciate the sentiment.”
Another boom of thunder echoes through the sky and through their bedroom. Kakashi flinches and clutches the folds of Guy’s shirt in his hands, burying his face in the ravenette’s chest.
“Are you scared of the thunder, rival? I never thought I’d see you scared of anything,” Guy lightly teases, to which Kakashi pouts up at him.
“I’m scared of a lot of things, you know.”
“And I’ll always be here to protect you from them… No matter what.”
“Yeah?” Kakashi chuckles. “I actually like the sound of that… Why don’t we get some shut eye? Since we don’t have any missions or anything to do today.”
“Alright, but you should know that we’re having an eating contest as soon as we wake up since we both skipped out on breakfast!”
“Fine, fine… I love you,” Kakashi says, eyes fluttering shut.
“And I you,” Guy reciprocates and allows his eyes to fall shut as well.
Then, lulled by the sound of the falling rain, both men fall asleep in each other’s arms and only wake up once the rainfall ends.
#kakagai#kakaguy#kakashi hatake#might guy#maito gai#naruto#naruto fanfiction#naruto shippuden fanfiction#naruto shippuden#tw trauma#tw ptsd#tw death mention#fluff#oneshot#oneshots#drabble#drabbles
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Okay so I needed to prepare that Ferris Wheel Scene rant because this is REALLY, REALLY a very important scene for me, both in the story of the game and in my opinion.
Let’s start with a bit of context : I’m trying not to acknowledge what the wiki or such says about ages. I have always seen (and always will) N as 18 and the protag as 16. There are several reasons, starting with the significance of the rivalry. I will try to not make ages count that much but that may come up at a moment.
Screenshots are not mine. I took them from a youtube video because my own game is in french and since I’m ranting in english, well, it would be easier.
So. We are in Nimbasa City. Two grunts were trying to steal the Pokemon Pension’s residents from the host, but fortunately we were here and we gave’em a good ass-whooping. They ran away in the amusement park, and I don’t know how the game forces you to go and catch them because I usually follow right away.
But in the park, no grunts : Just N, who notices us right away and asks us if we are searching for Team Plasma. Before telling us to follow him.
The boy is not exactly good at communication and if you play the game for the first time while in your late teen years or just at an age where you can read signs, that comes off really fishy. How does he know ? We never fought the Team in front of him. We could just be wanting to have fun, and not being the one who just beat up said grunts.
But hey, he’s being helpful, and at this point he’s just a trainer not that much older coming off with really good points in his argument, so why not following him ?
That we do (because the story told us so), and N guides us to the bottom of the park without letting us look around (for a very obvious reason). We stop at the Ferris Wheel, and he says they’re not here, and that maybe we could see them better at the top of the Ferris wheel.
Before adding that he loves ferris wheels like the huge math nerd he is but that is irrelevant.
So we go in there and BOOM !
Revelation.
The Trainer that we thought was just a sympatizer is, in fact, the boss of the whole fucking organisation. That explains, if we didn’t notice at first, why the Team tries to steal the dragon skull at Nacrene right after N talks about the legendary dragon Zekrom/Reshiram. Obviously that was his (or Ghetsis’) idea.
And with that exact sentence, the kind-of rivalry we had with him up until that point went to a whole other level.
He went from “Trainer with different opinions that we try to understand” to “Big boss of the enemy that we obviously can’t reason with since his grunts are using VIOLENCE to get what they want”.
At this point we don’t know the whole problem with Team Plasma so there is safe to assume that the protagonist suddenly took him way more seriously.
Let’s continue. He said that Ghetsis asked him for help saving Pokemon. So we learn he’s not exactly the one in charge, but seeing how grunts talk about their king, doesn’t change much.
The ferris wheel ride ends up with his question. “How many Pokemon exists in this world, I wonder... ?”. So, going right into the philosophy matters. Obviously, being the protagonist doesn’t allow us to answer to this, but we can consider the revelation went calmly, even though this is a very serious discussion.
We get down in silence. And who rush at the speed of light right on us ?
Man, those grunts are loyal to a fault.
And we probably went past them in our “search”, seeing where they come from, which kinda help me say with certainty N just wanted to tell us he was the king of Team Plasma.
Man found an excuse to lure us away and most importantly reveal his true identity, and at this point we can say this is certain we are not just any trainer in his eyes, as would be Cheren, even if he met N at the same moment. So, why did he decide to tell us ? What was the trigger of this ?
I’ll get to it later.
N reassures the grunts (obviously, we’re not hostile towards him, we just went in the fucking ferris wheel at his demand) and tells them he will keep us here while they run away. Very self-sacrificing of him, which is a trait he possesses, but there is probably another intent. After all, we never met without fighting up to this point. And the only danger I represent for these grunts is beating them up a second time, since there is no gym leader around and literally no one that can capture them.
The grunts run away without insisting, and N (finally) can focus on us. He tells us right away he can’t win, and he knows it (obviously), but still starts the fight.
I noted that the dialogue is way more agressive in English (in French, there is a lot of suspension points and he says “In the future I have seen, I can’t win against you... just... help my men escape.... Let’s go...” which kinda feeds more my claims that his true motivation is not the sake of Team Plasma) but he still dives into the fight head-on.
(Little tangent here : N changes Pokemon every fight, making him unpredictable. This is explained later in a memory in BW2 telling us he releases his Pokemon regularly, thanking them for their help. I can’t help seeing a parallel between that behaviour and mine, with my final team very early in the game (usually my last Pokemon caught is a Vanipeti at the middle of the game), and the one of all the other trainers we fight regularly, who keep the same team over and over. That kind of makes us even more opposites. Enf of the tangent because it is not the subject)
During the fight, there is THIS, which is a very important question that N asks right before losing his last pokemon. Do we see different futures ? Or, do we have different visions of the world that we want to see ?
And when we win, there it is.
The proof that he was trying to understand what we are. While fighting. N, buddy, is this chara dev I see ?
So we win the fight, obviously again, and N isn’t at all surprised. He predicted this, after all. The grunts ran away, I have no reason to go after them at this point, so he reached his goal and could go away right now. But he doesn’t.
What does he do ?
He tells us that he must change the future. Something that we know at this point, he was pretty clear in our two differents interactions. And for that, he must surpass the Champion.
N’s dialogue at this point and the one at the end of the game are actually the only ones presented like this. Feeling like he is facing us. This emphasizes the importance and the tension of the scene : There is story in the making right now.
And N doesn’t tell us that he will surpass the Champion. He tells us something else.
He litteraly encourages us to countinue our journey, collect all the gym badges, go at the Pokemon League, and, instead of Alder, fight him.
He tells us to try and stop him.
The French version adds a very pretty “if you can” that is quite litteraly a challenge. A very serious challenge, but a challenge nonetheless.
He tells us afterwards that if we don’t have enough motivation to stay with our Pokemon forever, we won’t be able to stop him, and THEN only he leaves. After throwing in our faces the biggest challenge of our lives.
So there we have it. The Trainer that we thought just has different opinions became right here, right now our biggest rival. It would have been so easy to just observe our journey if he wanted to study the link between us and our Pokemon, but no, he got out in light, revealed himself as the king of Team Plasma to me (and the whole Unova region since we have no reason to hide that information) and challenged us.
He who wanted a world where Pokemon could roam free and far away from humans challenged us to a POKEMON BATTLE (something that is way more significant now that we know he is not just simply asking himself how Pokemon live among trainers) and told us that if we wanted to stay with our Pokemon, we would have to fight him. At the top of the world.
He just became our biggest rival.
And he made us his biggest rival.
#hel is talking#pokemon black and white#pokemon bw#n pokemon#natural harmonia gropius#ferris wheel scene pokemon#i am not normal about this game at all
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