#hopefully this is like… actually helpful idk what im doing
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dude ur art is so so cool. do u have any tips 4 drawing in mspaint (im pretty sure u use mspaint?) i use it too and the way u use the 1 pixel brush is so impressive
tysm!! i have a lot of fun making it :D
I do use an mspaint, but with an emulator cause i’m a mac user (jspaint.app)!
and uhmm as for tips,
- I like to sketch in saturated colors to get neat undertones when i go over it. I forget to do this a lot though haha. But it usually shows up less well the cleaner your sketch is
- To get that scratchy look i almost exclusively use the 1 pixel / pencil brush along with flood fills, You might be tempted to use the bigger ones for thicker outlines but i way prefer how going over it a couple times with a smaller one looks. Helps with the faux pressure sensitivity look too.
- I also like to do some dithering and screentone by hand for the good texture :) ( You can see the former very clearly on the davepeta and roxy one lol) i try not to leave too many blocks of color wholly untextured.
Thats all i got lol
i could throw together a step by step if anyone would be interested in that
#coyote chat#hopefully this is like… actually helpful idk what im doing#would you believe me if i told you the pitch erinep drawing is the second thing i ever drew in this style lol#im still refining it#i also listen to lots of breakcore/nightcore while drawing like this that might bleed into it somehow#sorry this took a couple days i wanted it to be nice
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insomnia? do u mean my true crime podcast time
#u know bc now I can convince my brain I slept a little bc I had my eyes closed for like 2h while listening to it#it’s like u can almost gaslight it into thinking that that podcast was actually dreaming bc we for sure were asleep yes#also this sucks bc it’s ahead of its schedule; I can’t sleep during summers so like what is this then#the climate change is affecting my insomnia cycle damnit#real unfortunate tho if it keeps going for longer (just been like 2ish weeks now) bc I got a thesis plus other shit to do#(also to anyone who’s unclear on the subject; yes I have slept during these 2ish weeks I'm not dying i'm just hella tired bc it’s not good#refreshing long sleeps bc mf it takes like 5 hours to fall asleep)#(except today bc it’s 7am and I’m giving up on it & hopefully will have a nap sometime during the day idk)#(im tired and getting increasingly more stressed abt becoming more tired and then not having the energy to do things that I fully neeed to#get done and how the stress just yes helps ah nice)#(sorry for ranting in thr tags; weird state of mind here bc of aforementioned)#march 2024#2024
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actually finished this a while ago but i havent gotten around to sharing it .. but this is shri'iia's act 1 costume hihi... scuffed fancy drow armor that's based around the ingame set except it's more heavy armor than light/medium. the pose looks so awkward rn but im planning to do a set with her costume progression so it'll make sense later <3
#bg3 tav#drow tav#oc: shri'iia.#mine.#just sharing this now bc i havent been posting lately.... just been saur busy 😔#and the bg3 brain rot doesnt help lol#but i have some stuff in the works!! esp this jb thing im pretty excited abt ... but its pretty big (in my standards anyway) so its#going to take a while but hopefully i can share it soon......... bc i do like it lol#but anyway for this armor i actually like it??? its giving in game and im into it#my only issue is that it looks /too/ ornate for like act one.. but tbf this was her fit when she got kidnapped so it does make sense??#and its giving paladin which was the point.. but im like hmm maybe its too finely detailed maybe thats why im nitpicking it#i still think her cloth piece in the middle should have some pattern but idk what to add lol
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#it went!!! idk lately my pain treshhold has been so low bc im in pain all the time#so i just dont wnna be in pain anymore... he said that now it'll still hurt for a few days T-T#but he wasnt exactly sure what it was but i had.. a cavity??#im not rlly sure abt the english terms for all of this but the tooth is dying lol#but instead of immediately killing it nd getting a root fill he said that we should give the tooth a chance#so he fixed what he could fix#i hate dentist treatments bc of all the air nd water nd my anxiety i need to swallow constantly#but this time i actually told them abt it nd he was very helpful sksks#he even said 'ok now take a break nd swallow' so i didnt need to be so anxious#nd it was a relief bc he wasnt bad at all. he was actually rlly nice nd easy to talk to phewww#it cost abt $80 so i can manage to be without that until next week!!!!#so yeah it went much better than i had anticipated so im happy abt that#but yeah the problem still isnt 100% fixed yet so im still not relieved#he said i had a cavity in my other tooth as well but that we needed to check that at another time#im so frustrated bc i brush my teeth 2/day i use mouthwash i floss....#and for the last 7 months i havent even had any sugar!!!!! like why did this still happen.. o.o#oh nd he also said that i probably clench my teeth nd yeah i do that a lot more than i've realized#your teeth arent supposed to be touching!! never!! only when u eat#my teeth.... are touching pretty much all day omg. bc im so tense nd anxious#he said that he couldnt be sure bc he didnt have enough info to go on but that could have contributed to this#well well... i did it nd went even if i didnt want to#hopefully my tooth will be better now. nd i have another appt in may to see what i could get done further#if financial aid for it gets approved tho it might not#but yeah.. god dental pain nd issues is my no. 1 fear bc im poor nd i cant afford it
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#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog#didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move#across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s#so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help#with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the#location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright#colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird#like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the#southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December#it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but#i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and#jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen#im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and#the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier#for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy#but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked#up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents#r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes#better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book#like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭#so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-]#unrelated
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i also find ink sans perception of others sooo interesting. cause I don't see it as like evil or anything. he views others in a very similar way we creators do. Its not like impassionate or uncaring. He gets giddy and excited like we do. I think an "au fangirl" is the best way to describe it. (i swore comyet described him as that once but I can't remember). hes like... a interdimensional cheerleader.
He just connects with others like you would your favorite character. Sure, you like them, maybe you like them alot! but you probably don't see them as like...as human as you right? I don't think he gets enjoyment or likes their suffering. But them their suffering is the equivalent of what we see on tv show. So yeah he probably will care more for the fact that he literally ceases to have a personality without them. he doesn't like... care about them on the deep level or sees them as human (or skeletons? in this case).
I mean, why would he it view if differently? if you knew there's hundreds of versions of pretty much the same guy existed, would you? If you knew they were just a bunch of code, would you? That's not evil, its understandable im my opinion. How are you supposed to connect with others when you literally have always been an outcode? He's about as evil as we are, in that regard.
this is not to say other sanes perspectives are bad, just ink's is just as understandable as others? understandable doesn't mean good, im just saying it's a reasonable thought process given his life experiences.
honestly this yappage is sorta for me to understand his character as well. they say write what you know right?
#this may be something thats been talked about before#idk#toffeesbabbles#and im not saying it's evil what we do either#but no actually just saying our perspectives are similar#so i think its unfair to call him evil#ig#🤷#its also like...super late#so my brain is mush low-key#hopefully this makes sense#this was meant to only be a paragraph#but i couldn't help myself#also i always have to edit out the “i thinks”#eugh#ink sans
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hi sorry for not updating sooner but im gonna be on a lil mini hiatus. lifes been whack so ive been taking a few days to do fuck all and play MMO's while i process a lot of Things. i'm totally okay, just needing a lil rest for rn. miss y'all, love y'all, see y'all soon <3
#you ever sit and watch the sky for a while. and it always looks like the sky. but hours later its a vastly different color#you were looking at it the whole while and never noticed the slow change as it happened until it was verbatim#i feel like that in my brain rn. i didnt notice the shifting gradients#and im not in an awful place rn. but i do need a bit of introspection and like. being gentle to myself#how does that correlate to taking a break from shitposts? idk#im just trying to like. idk what im trying to do actually#but it seems to be helping! im doing better than i was#i just need a few more days of allowing myself to Feel Things before i become the Court Jester again#again im alright and ill see yall soon! hopefully ill have polls then
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girls will put an EXTENSIVE amount of thought and research into their next couple of planned fics and THIS IS THE THANKS THEY'LL GET FOR IT.
#aly.writing#i literally hate it here#the next 2 im working on i want to get ages solidly figured out and also itll just be helpful to give myself a timeline in general even-#-for stuff like boy best friends which'll be happening in the future#and the [redacted] fic which will be in the future also. and the other WIP which will be moreso in the past but ages are important#TECHNICALLY i shouldve done this for desiderium too to more accurately write characters like barbara and kaeya. because i wrote them at the#-age i consider them to be in my head frozen eternally instead of how old they'd be by the end of the traveler's journey which was-#-definitely a MISTAKE but hopefully/probably not a huge one? idk i definitely couldve done better but. i will going forward at least#kinda glad i decided to style the fic the way im styling it though#a) im gonna be forced to learn how to do Very Slightly Fancier things in ao3 to formet#b) i DO get to figure out ages and such just based on my own perception of the characters and itll be a good base timeline for what i write#actually fuck redacted im just gonna start tagging these as im talking about them so i dont have to go back and sort through later#30 seconds posting#aly grief fic#<- i can replace that tag w/ something better once i have a title for it rn i mostly just have the basics
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you know it's bad when you hit the 30 tag limit
#like shut up i wasn't done#i feel so unbearably hurt and betrayed like how can i be SO. unimportant to him so less of a priority that he's literally organising his#desk instead of talking to me taking five mins to talk to an agent book a ticket in tatkal#i told him i had to be back by 20 even before coming here on like 5th#and ive been reminding hin this everyday since after diwali#still he just. doesn't care?#and im his daughter? am i his daughter? does it even mean anything?????#ive never felt more alienated from my family than today#isn't it sad i don't even expect anything from mom all she does is tries to lighten the mood by making jokes#im so sick of her even the sight of her her voice makes me want to shout at her#i don't do it ofc but still#everyone is so selfish she's so selfish too she's always complaining about how i don't love her how i don't give her a chance#but that she'll stay away from all important thinhs that actually matter to me like what's the point of having a mother then??? i have my#siblings to listen to me i have my friends you i need u to be an adult and fucking help me in real terms#nvmind that path is just hopeless#anyway in tired of my small fucking life and my same small fucking problems and my own fucking self#everything would be okay if i just studied a little bit harder#idk ive been practicing saying it out loud that i can't study more than tui and after seven times i can say it out loud now#without crying or my voice watering#so hopefully it will go well#tho in my experience i never actually get to sya the stuff i practice to say to him because he dominates the convo so early so fast im#left speechless and shocked and on the verge of tears AGAUN#it's fine im calm now#but after crying headache ugh i did not miss u at all going back to storing all breakdowns in a bottle
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nooooo dont find omens in the otherwise explainable, you're so sexy ahahahaaa
#IM THE SPIDER!!! IN THE JAR!!! FUCK!!!!!#like I Get It but im not gonna do anything about it!! thus! spider!!!!#FUCK!!! i hear u i see u but i am choosing to look away. but i do see it. i Know!!!#i am making a Choice right now and that choice is to sit on my hands!!!!#we are NAWWWT making it through the winter if this is already happening dear fucking god i need something for this all#maybe i will confide in the counselor but i dont want to go to psych ward again sbdhfkdl i Can't Actually#because now im in charge of making sure mum doesnt fucking die while dad's at work#so if i end up in psych ward then nobody will be home to make sure mum doesnt just collapse or something fhfkfl#but i Need help fhfjsl fuck!! i hate how it all overlaps!!! i come last though so I'll figure it out#if u are seeing this do not worry about it but i will maybe tag these types of posts w smth so i dont accidentally set anyone else off#i would start journaling again instead of posting here but that quickly spirals into ''keeping notes hidden away from everyone''#which is uhm. well it feeds into everything#so i am unfortunately stuck posting here for now sorry everyone fhfkdl pls lmk if u need anything tagged and i will absolutely accommodate!#pippen needs 2nd breakfast#paranoia tw#delusion tw#idk !!! idk what this is !! i am not diagnosed with anything that can give me language for this !!!#but i figure maybe those will cover the bases hopefully!!
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emetophobia is so funny silly bcuz i will be scared of eating too much/eating at all bcuz i don't want to throw up & then be scared of not eating enough bcuz i again don't want to throw up. so im just scared. of everything
#emeto tw#diary#aaaaaaargh#today yesterday and the day before. i have been Sick and its Awful#like i thought the first time was because i had barely eaten the previous day but then????? it's still ?????? it comes back every morning#i haven't thrown up yet Today but i feel!!!! bad!! my stomach hurts a lot!!!!! & idk if eating would help but im scared of eating!!!#its also weird because i did in fact eat enough yesterday!!!! after i started feeling better!!! so what is this abt!!!!#although it's getting less awful every day at least bcuz the first day was BAD. i threw up like 6 times at least and didnt feel Any better#until like 7pm.#and i think i still felt awful for a while after but. awful i could just barely tolerate enough to do things#then yesterday it was only like 3 hours or so before i felt better enough & i think i only threw up twice?#& was able to feel normal after i ate !! :)#noww hopefully it will be even shorter but idk bcuz im still in the bad stage :(#ed tw#<-? not Actually but idk what else to tag for struggling w eating
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yeah so apart from a small assignment a professor gave me an extension for, i am all done this semester and thank goodness for it.
#wrote my last exam this morning and you know what? even if i fail i really did do my best given my circumstances#which were INSANE these last few months and constantly changing too#idk im just im so proud of myself for surviving through this far its been really difficult and its still all difficult but yeah#celebrate the victories you do get#attempting positivity and bright thinking is so hard after being so sad and bitter for such a long time but also refreshing#already today i got myself yummy treats and watched a movie under my blankets for fun and it was so nice to just watch the movie and#not have to check my phone to sew if i was needed or to get back to working on a deadline or some task#and i actually have time to play video games now and i always say ill play for 12 hours but i usually get a headache after like 3 hours bu#but the point is having fun i just want to have fun i have not had any fun in months im not exaggerating#everything really has just been so grim and bleak for me but hopefully dedicating some time to forcing myself into an activity will help#i really need to shift gears and focus on recovery now because i let things get so bad#yeah sometimes i experience hope and various types of positivity#ezra.txt
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comin in ere just rq to say tldr (final. real.) fuuta !! i want him to be voted innocent/forgiven bcs i hope he can. make peace with himself. i think he's truly a good guy at heart even if that doesn't excuse all that he did (i think he's. some sort of victim too and he deserved better. by this i mean like w his friends?? some sort of pressure and all. also the fact all the blame got put onto him which sucks but also with context, if that context is right, is rather deserved ngl. also i'm worried if he gets voted guilty bcs something bad will def happen)
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#⋯ ꒰ა milgram ໒꒱ *·˚#being a twitter user and chronically online did this to him /j#joking bcs yeah a bit of that maybe but i think the guy is kinda lonely. like. friends but there's the pressure from them too and all#yeah my thoughts are clearer now (phew!) i think i think too hard and too much but thinking so much was fun tbh#now i'm chill (listening to haruka's song on repeat as i try to do homework. keyword try)#he/milgram/viewers/es. the 'same'. and. agh. it is just so interesting and so so amazing to me (wow!)#but now i will try to chill (keyword try. it is 1 am i really should do my homework i hate chem)#i have more hw for the week still and then next week... i'll try to do my best and hopefully not get distracted#it's still kinda complicated bcs i want to vote 'what would be best overall' but yeah forgiving him aligns with that i think#as well as my own personal beliefs. so yeah#huh. i think i just thought way too much and confused myself (happens often bcs i try to understand all sides. oops!)#i like fuuta a lot. he reminds me of himself and that's another reason why i think forgiving him this time is for the best#and then ultimately forgiving him as well. but imo guilty first trial actually makes sense even if... at the same time idk#it kinda broke him uhh. made him unstable and all. yk the drama audio yeah. but it helped in making his beliefs better and all#i think milgram makes my brain go into overdrive. maybe even a bit too much#didn't realize how much time passed and i was just thinking and talking about milgram goddamn#hi more thoughts but yeah... he feels regret and i think hes starting to feel guilty. maybe? im not sure my head is sort of a mess again#maybe i just need to sleep. it is 5 am now. hmmm. but yeah hes definitely changed#he's heading towards improvment <3 !! fuuta innocent so true please#im still confused about whether the whole. Guilt thing#sometimes i forget what some words mean or use them as synonyms oops (metavoting and guilt oops!)
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🧸🧃⛈️
#so like late last night i started to get rlly panicky nd upset#bc it's v much looking like im gnna fail my english class. i need to be done next wednesday which means i need to work rlly hard#nd go to school extra to have a presentation nd do tests etc etc#nd im still in pain after surgery nd im rlly depressed bc of my physical health so i just dont think i can be strong nd make it this time#in my almost breakdown i wrote a self referral to the clinic/psych department for personality disorders....#it usually takes them around 2 days to answer you but this time at like 8am they sent me a message AND called me#(i think. im not certain it's them bc i havent checked the voice message or the reply lmaooo. but it should be them)#the thing abt having avpd is now im immediately stressed af nd i regret sending it. i donr wanna check their reply#also it might be bc i wrote a lot abt killing myseld etc etc nd now im worried theyre gnna be like girlie get checked in!!!! lol T-T#i just needed to be very clear nd act frsutrted nd desperate bc i have never gotten treatment in 10yrs nd im TIRED!!!!#my initial reaction is to avoid at all costs nd just pull my covers above my head nd pretend like i dont have to check their reply lol#i dont wannaaaaaa. i take it back i dont want help!!! its fine i dont wanna try or work hard let me rot#why did i do this!!!!! fml. anyway... i'll check later today bc since its early i can still use the excuse of sleepinf thru the days#many ppl working w mentally ill ppl understand that it's normal actually to switch the day around nd sleep during the days sksksk#but also i have no idea how many typos r in here bc im not wearing my glasses whoopsie#yeah.. anyway im gonna try to go back to sleep nd not think abt it#hopefully it wasnt even them calling 🤡 i know i HAVE to check later but not now i can take a few hours#then today i need to figure out if im gnna make one last attempt w my eng class or give up idk what to do
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#it is truly so wild to go from feeling miserable and hopeless all the time for... lets look at my excel sheet#the last 23 days. then to suddenly rocket up to smiling to myself all day. the world is so fucking beautiful#for no rational reason aside from what i have to assume is a chemical shift in my body#like is this what happy ppl feel like all the time? its truely so crazy. have i always been like this?#did i not notice this was a thing? like ive definitely noticed it in the last year but like ???#my suspicion is that it doesnt actually last long enough to b considered hypomania but like idk i should see a doctor probably lol#u would think being happy would make it easier to do things but i just keep forgetting to do them and just like spacing out lol bc rn i#feel chill. even tho i need to make a list of the shit i gotta do by Friday. bleh. but idk it makes being in thr lab so much nicer bc i#mean. i still dont give a fuck abt what im doing but im like fuck it this isnt gonna b my problem in like 2-3 months. even tho im sure ill#still have to write up everything. but idk. it also makes it easier to b like. ok so i kno what my problems r lets plan yo make things not#so horrible so u dont just live a miserable life and then like die having lived a life of fear. like its so crazy how much easier thst is#to do rn??? well see how long it lasts but yea v strange. wish i could control my fucking focus tho. like that would b great#its like the fucking painting of hypnose. my focus is like a lighthouse wildly swinging its light around until it sometimes blasts me in#the face. like not helpful. i need to b able to do things.#i guess the weird thing rn is thst while i feel happy. i also have this like simmering fear of irrational things. like when i used to live#in my parents basement and i was terrified of the dark rooms down there at night. like that kind of childish baseless fear#but like im in i tiny tiny apartment lol like bro what r u scared of??? silly silly silly#idk hopefully it holds out the whole rest of the week and then i can travel and see my parents like !!! yo !!! happy vibes :-D#that would b kinda unhinged lmao. i doubt itll last thst long. its already slipped from this morning so we shall see#unrelated
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i'm literally so dumb
#i ignored my leg pain while i still had insurance and then it got really bad and i kept ignoring it??#like yeah i can totes treat this at home#even tho i didn't know what was causing it#anyway i figured out its nerve pain im pretty sure#the femoral cutaneous nerve#ginseng is helping a bit for rn which i lucked into when i thought it was muscle pain and i was looking for over the counter muscle relaxan#apparently it helps with nerve pain tho#its the only thing making it bearable#anyway#this is nowhere near as scary as my eye problems so its a good time to figure it out ig#and the eye treatment isn't as expensive as a feared at least short term#so hopefully i can deal with whatever is causing this#i never had an injury but apparently endo can cause it possibly or something else compressing the nerve#i think a pinched nerve could do it but im p sure that would have cleared up in the past four years lol#actually now that i think abt it i did throw out my back rlly bad several years ago? so maybe there was an injury idk#i never thought abt back injury as the source of leg pain but apparently it is#hopefully a chiropractor can fix me 👍#and t#THEN i can finally chill#but tbh im not worried abt this bc im still relieved abt the other thing#the pain is wicked bad sometimes but i can still walk lol#and now that i figured out its serious i can get it dealt with#i suppose the pain level should have clued me in but i genuinely thought i was doing it to myself from stress#like hypertension or something lol
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