#idk im just im so proud of myself for surviving through this far its been really difficult and its still all difficult but yeah | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thewritingstar · 3 years

Text

Beautiful Revelations

Pairing: Gruvia (I know its been a hot ass min)

Fandom: Fairy Tail

tags: @shellielyzabeth @be-dazzled @nostalgicxslumber @unvalley @tigerfire54

Note: It has happened. I have written 200 fanfics and idk if I should be proud or slightly scared. (feel free to skip this omg why is it so long)

I want to say thank you to everyone who has read, liked, reblogged or interacted with me in any way. I have always had a feeling that no matter what I write, I wouldn’t matter. But every comment and sweet note left made me realize that even if its just a smile or enough to make someone hit the like button, I made a small difference or added something to the fandom. Most of my fics are quick drabbles full of spelling mistakes, random thoughts and love for the characters. I know I don’t write very long stories or finish my wips (why are we surprised) but even though Im not someone people look to as a big author, each of you have made me feel special. There have been many times, this year especially that I had decided to give up writing. “Im not good enough and no one will even notice” Thats what I told myself if I decided to just back away. But every so often I would look and see that someone new or old had read my work. Every time someone reads something I wrote, I go back and read it too. I look at all the tags and see every comment and I stop and smile and remember how much joy it brought me when I first posted.

When I first started writing, I thought that I wouldn’t have a place. Yet in a very short span of time, I was welcomed with open arms and people started to tune in regularly for my fics. I had been given many nicknames such as Gruvia goddess, angst queen, satan (yes I know the fic0 and well even Star.

During my darkest moments, my mind lingered to my writing and to my internet friends. without hesitation I could message someone and feel better and be given the reassure I need. I can't even begin to say how much it means to me that people actually enjoy my writing and even me as a person.

I thank each of you for giving me a joy that was considered a luxury at one point and allowing me to write whatever I wanted and you took it with love and made me happier than I have been in years. To all the people who made art or wrote me something, it means so much to me.

Im not saying that this fic is my greatest but I think it has a special place because It shows the growth over time. 200 fics is a lot and whether or not they were all good, it doesn't matter because I did that and I can say that im proud. Im sorry for all that sappy shit but I wouldn't be where I am without you all.

-Star <3

ps: im not dying or stop writing fics im just happy lol

---

“There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment.”

― Sarah Dessen, The Truth About Forever

---

It was the nights like these that she hated most. The cold would creep through the blankets and make her shiver as her eyelids hung heavy. She could be ready to rest, let the sweet dreams guide her but instead those dark intrusive thoughts toyed with her like a fly on a freshly woven web. They would sprout out of nowhere, tangled with thorns and hold her mind hostage as it injected its sickly venomized thoughts for the night.

She always wondered how she got this far. She was one of the highest members of Phantom Lord, her abilities had rarely been matched. If she desperately craved, she could walk down the hallways and strike fear into the other members, no one could touch her. Hierarchies became a custom here. Once you made it to the top after clawing your way with blood, sweat and probably more blood, you were a god. Yet she walked in and in the next few minutes she was at the table with the master, already receiving a promise that she was special, a delicate and useful ally for the guild.

Special. What a swollen lie that turned out to be.

Maybe that's why she never bothered to search for a light, something to cure the rain. For every life she had bruised or ended, she wanted to feel the pain that followed. She needed to know the consequence of her actions, to be held accountable for ruining another family or taking something from the innocent. Instead she was celebrated.

The days turned to months and she found herself years later not knowing what anything meant anymore. Life used to be black and white. She would walk the side of the kind and good and now she was treading through a swarm of a morally gray compound.

These restless nights, she loathed them but then again, suffering was something that came naturally to her. The only person to ever knock her down was herself.

She climbed out of bed, fuzzy slippers over her feet as she walked to the bathroom. Her headache had worsened and she stared into the mirror. She had looked at herself a thousand times but… have her eyes always been that blue? No, she was tired and her vision was fuzzy, she was fine. Cold water came to her hands as she turned on the facet and splashed her face. Everything was the same as it always was. Expect for today.

Her order was simple. Defeat whoever stood in her way and make sure the Phantom Lord got Lucy Heratfilia. Why did they want some mage? She didn’t know but she was never one to second guess her orders. To go against what she was told was a waste of time, she would have been dead by the end of the day if she did. She had once believed that they accepted her with open arms, that Phantom Lord truly cared about her well being. It was a lie. A bitter sweet lie she allowed to remain in her head.

Hundreds of opponents had come before her. She was accustomed to the way of a battle and had harnessed her skill at a young age. The pure power of the rain pushed her further. She had an unlimited amount of power around her, unlike others, they would run out of fuel. She began to crave that god-like power. Allow the storm to rage on, all she had was herself and the droplets that followed. She understood she was an outcast. Love was never an option, not for someone who brought gloom everywhere.

But this afternoon, fate was a funny thing. She walked onto that rooftop, winning was the only thing on her mind, but he was there. A man who didn’t back down, a man who saw her as an equal.

Her heart began to race. It was forgien and she wasn’t sure if she liked it. She had felt attraction before but this, this was different. Something as small as a single glance had already spun her mind into a muddled mess. It would have been better if she turned around, if he didn’t engage in the fight. Then maybe she wouldn’t be thinking of him like this.

Love at first sight. That wasn’t real. No one could possibly have that happen. What could drive someone's emotion so wild that they become attached to a person in such a short time? And yet it happened. He stood there waiting for the next move and she could only gaze at him with rose colored glasses.

An enemy. A traitor. That's what she would be if she dared to let him escape. She couldn’t hestatite, she never did and now she was frozen in her spot as ice magic danced around her. Peoples magic and abilities never intrigued her, but this, this was beyond anything she had seen.

The light reflecting off of the ice as her droplets froze before her eyes was breathtaking and she hardly noticed that she was losing the battle. She never thought rain could look, dare she say, beautiful? But in this state of its frozen glory, it was all she could think about. She envied those who never had to stay in the rain, a jealousy she didn’t want to admit had festered over the years and she gave up trying to despise the element. But before her was something much more than the state she was accustomed to. Ice. The solid purity of her own and she had wondered what it would be like to hold it in her hands.

She had water locked him, pulled out all of the stops and even with that, he stood again and again. He had screamed that the water was boiling, burning his skin but never before had the water gone above warm. It was usually ice cold on the tipping point of freezing but she could feel the warmth surrounding her.

It shocked her just the same. She had heard people talk about feeling the sun kiss their skin, the warmth spreading as they walked, this was the closest she had felt to that. This warm rush of water was beyond what she had known and yet even as it tinged her hands it felt good, it felt freeing, it felt right.

It burned in a way she had craved for so long. Something other than the fridgeness she had grown used too.

She stared at her reflection in her mirror, tears brimming her eyes. How could one person she just met bring her something she had never felt before? She shut the light out in the bathroom and walked back to her bed, passing her window, she stopped and turned.

Above in the sky was the moon. A soft white glow surrounded the orb that she had never seen before. It was breathtaking. A cosmic power the normal people of the world didn’t dare to worship now became a luxury. The sky was clear and she could see the stars, she could sense them all. How could she have lived her entire life never once seeing the moon and the sun? She had been cursed to live in the rain forever.

But he-he made it stop.

When he grabbed her arm, it was like time had stopped. As if everything she had ever known was washed away and all she could see was a bright light encasing him. She was content knowing her death was coming, there was hardly a reason for her to live. Perhaps she wasn't even living, just surviving day after gloomy day.

He pulled her to safety, her back against the roof as she panted heavily. Those clouds above her moved like a curtain for a show, parting just so that she could see the enchanting mystery she had always craved.

She had never known a blue sky till then. The brightness was almost unbearable as she stared into a sky she had never known. So many emotions flooded her head but it was clear as those ice crystals that her heart was beating for him. She was his enemy, they made that clear from the start but he hadn’t hesitated to save her. He showed a mercy she had never come across.

Another tear fell as she sat on her bed.

“He saved Juvia.” She whispered to herself. A horrific thought came to her. Would she have saved him? She didn’t want to know the outcome because deep down she believed she was good. Beneath the surface of unremosle power, there was that scared little girl who never had anyone to care for her.

The amount of days she sat in that orphanage alone sewing her dolls and praying that the rain stopped one way or another, it was as if she couldn’t remember it. He had done the impossible. He showed her the sky she hadn’t seen. He had shown her kindness.

A thought came to mind as she stood and packed her things. No more would she be known as “the rain woman”. No more would gloom be her only trait. She was determined to find something much more appealing than those bowing by fear. She wanted love. She wanted that warmth of the water constantly and the feeling of the sun on her skin. She understood it now. There was a power strong than her, stronger than any wizard that surrounded the other guild.

She had vowed to be done with love. Promised herself that no man could hurt her again. She was trembling at the thought of being vulnerable once more. The only time she felt warmth was the scorching burn of a fiery rejection and words that burned like lava. It was too much for someone to handle. So she pushed it down, locked the key and threw it as far as she could. The temptation though. The idea of letting her guard down for someone, someone she barely knew? How she fantasized of that moment. She had once believed that someone of her past had done that, but they were all the same. Ashamed of the rain, the rain she caused, the pain she brought.

And after their fight when she collected herself and tried to run back towards her guild, he stopped her.

“For what it's worth I think you’re an incredible wizard. You may not want to believe that your guild is dark and bad but, Fairy Tail is always open.” He had said it with such sincerity that she wasn’t sure if it were true.

“Juvia thinks your magic is just as powerful.” She had said before he gave her a smile and turned away to go back to his other guild mates.

And here she stood, a suitcases packed in the night and a note left on the desk. This guild didn’t deserve any words. Not when they feasted on her ability. Harvested those negative emotions and almost made her fall into the deep end.

She knew what they would say. They would call her a coward. A traitor and a worthless wizard, at first it was enough to stop her. Make her stay and perhaps bring back the clouds. However what he said stuck in her mind.

“I would rather die fighting than let your guild have Lucy! She is one of us and we don’t leave anyone behind.”

Without hesitation he made it clear that every member of the guild was valued no matter how long they had been there, they were a family. If something like that would have happened, if she were threatened, her guild would let her die without a second thought.

Never again would she allow someone to have a hold over her. She spent too many years sheltered by pain and deviation to go on like that.

She grabbed her bag and closed her door.

Juvia stood in front of the door. The morning would be better to do this but it was beyond dark outside and she didn’t want her intrusive thoughts pulling her back to her old guild. Softly she knocked, maybe hoping that he wouldn’t hear it and force her back to the isolation of fear.

The open clicked open and her eyes widened slightly as a sleepy Gray leaned against the door frame, shirtless and rubbing his eyes.

“Juvia?” He blinked and watched as her cheek puffed out in red. He looked down to see that he was only in his underwear and let out a yelp as he grabbed a blanket off the chair. “What are you doing here?”

“Um Juvia thought.” She paused and looked towards the ground. “Actually Juvia apologies for disturbing you.” Her back was to him and she began to walk away.

“Wait!” His hand caught hers and he pulled slightly. A jolt of warmth spread through her, burning her like a thousand suns as well as the chill of ice from his own temperature. She looked back at him, eyes wide and lips parted. “Juvia, please just tell me.”

“Such kindness.” She whispered to herself. Her heart rate sped up just like it did earlier and she swallowed a breath. “Juvia was wondering…why did you save her?”

His hand dropped her as if he were shocked that she would dare question his action.

“I wasn’t going to let you die. Enemies or not, I don’t think you deserved that fate. I don’t believe that you are this evil person your guild made you out to be. To be honest when you fell, you look like you didn’t care what happened and I guess I saw myself in you.”

“You saved Juvia because you know what it's like?”

“To feel lost and hopeless I guess.” He scratched the back of his neck nervously. “Sometimes it's hard thinking you deserve to live, that it would be better to harbor all the pain of your past. I don’t know everything about you but that look in your eyes. I couldn’t let you go knowing that there was a brighter future ahead.”

A tear dripped from her eye. Her smile was soft as hugged her arms to her body. “You knew Juvia would join the guild.”

“Well I wouldn’t say I knew, but I was hoping that you would. If you still want to, that is.”

“Juvia would be honored.” She bowed respectfully towards him.

Gray smiled and bowed back. His eyes faced the sky looking towards the moon. “Have you ever seen it?”

“Tonight would be the first. Juvia thinks the stars are remarkable.”

“Lucy knows alot about them, I think you two would be good friends.”

Juvia shook her head as regret twisted in her stomach. “Juvia accepts your kindness and compassion but she doesn’t know if the rest will. Juvia was her rival, she understands if everyone doesn’t see her as a friend.” She frowned slightly.

A laugh came from the ice mage's mouth. “That's the thing about Fairy Tail, no matter where you come from or what your past may have held, there's always going to be a friend waiting.”

Juvia nodded. “Thank you Gray. Juvia will talk to your guild master tomorrow.”

“Like I said before. You’re an incredible wizard, you’ll be just fine.” He winked.

“Have a nice night.”

“You too.”

She watched as he entered his house before turning around and walking towards her hotel. Her shoulders felt lighter and she held her head high for the first time. This was her step in the right direction, this was where her new life began.

Time had slowed and allowed her to pause. A beautiful revelation she never knew could exist came to mind as she just realized that she was in love.

---

She looked down at her leg in the mirror. The voices behind her had faded to the background as she became entranced with the mark of Fairy Tail.

“The blue suits you.” She turned to see Gray standing there with a smile as he was focused on her guild mark.

To say that she was grateful was an understatement. Her mask she wore like a crown had shattered. It unravels in his hands as the months went on and all that was left was the person she wanted to be. She could finally let go of her ghosts, her darkness and begin to forgive herself.

---

“What do you think?” He asked her as the white sky fell with snow.

Gray had told her of a special spot he used to go to when the first snow came. Past the forest was a clearing of grassy hills that would soon become a winter wonderland. Laid out on one of the hills was a blanket and a few lanterns.

She held her hand out and felt the tiny snowflakes collect on her hand. He sat behind her, one arm snaked around her waist while the other hand rose above hers and created a small flurry of snowflakes.

“Breathtaking.” She gushed. This was the first time she had seen snow fall. Her eyes followed the ice magic as it formed a heart and blew into the sky joining the other flurries. She turned so she could meet his eyes and his normal content face was replaced with a smile.

He leaned forward until their noses touched briefly. “Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?” He said and she only had a moment to process his words as his lips landed on hers and her eyes fluttered close.

Her hand went to his cheek as she leaned towards him, her energy matching his and all she could hear was the thumping of her heart. She would be embarrassed to say that she might have dreamt of this moment a little too much but it didn’t matter now. All she knew was that her beloved felt the same.

---

For once she was happy to hear a cry. That little whimper bubbling from the baby's mouth, her baby, she was in disbelief. Perfection was a rarity. No one was perfect, but the being with a tuft of dark blue hair and grey eyes would beg to differ. A child was never in her future. The thought came up randomly but the idea of raising a family wasn’t even a question.

During her missions in her old guild, she would walk past a family. She would see happy faces on everyone and would only be filled with envy and hatred. Disgusting was what it was. How could you love someone else when there was no love for you?

But times change. She would see others holding their child's hand and feel a warmth in her heart at how the children beamed up at their parents. She could sense the love all around them and would smile herself, hoping that it might become a reality for herself.

She would wake in the middle of the night, not from her demons but for her new reason to live. He would babble and tug at the locks of her hair and giggle when water magic danced before his young eyes.

---

It was nights like these that loved the most. The soft rays of moonlight casting shadows through her window as silk sheets wrapped around her bare form. She used to spend nights alone, only her pillow to catch her tears and now delicate fingers trail her backside as she listens to the thumping of his heart. His chest rises and falls as her own follows the rhythm. Her eyes flutter close as her tiredness grows untils it's interrupted by a cool press of lips under her ear.

A peaceful sigh leaves her lips as she tilts her head up to meet dark eyes gazing at her. Flushed cheeks was something she wore often and she lifted off of him to move further up and meet his lips with hers. He pulls her back to him, hating the emptiness between them and adores the way she shivers when his thumb traces her guild mark.

Their love was honest and raw. She had learned that nights like those in the past would haunt him as well. They would keep him up and plague his thoughts with images of death and destruction. But now, they lingered in the shadows, always there but something brighter and beautiful guarded them to peace and she focused on the way he breathed her name then the tears that dropped.

There was an overwhelming amount of happiness that she had gathered after all the years she spent in Fairy Tail. She found friendship and family bonds. Love in all forms that she cherished deeply. Her powers were seen as a gift to help others and lend a hand, not twisted into medled lies that she had spent so long untangling.

Her lips pulled from his slowly and their breaths settled between them. When she looked at Gray she found something more. She had freedom and rebirth. Forgiveness and lust wrapped into something more than love. Their bond was stronger than she could have ever dreamed and when he left kisses over her skin she wanted nothing more in life than to stay frozen in this moment.

He did the impossible. He opened a door, shined a light through her darkness and allowed her to accept the fact that she did deserve to live. She could cherish moments and keep them as her own without the threat of corruption. Her life was now her own to command and she did it with such grace and beauty that Gray couldn’t imagine her being any different.

“I love you.” He promised and there was no doubt in her mind that he meant it.

“I love you too.” She responded.

The beautiful truth was that she was finally at peace and loved herself.

---

I hope that you all enjoyed and thank you for being so lovely <3

#Gruvia #Gruvia fic #gray x Juvia #Juvia x Gray #Juvia ft #gray fullbuster #juvia loxar #fairy tail #fairy tail fic #thewritingstar

139 notes · View notes

ranposlittle · 4 years

Note

Hey! I have a request! Could you do a Poe x Shy Poet reader? The reader insecure of themselves and their work but one day decided to share their work with Poe , and how tries to make them feel better about their work? (If you need some poetry for the reader I’ve wrote some poems I can give you one! Even tho I’m also insecure about my work) Sfw but fluffy please!

Genre: SFW, Fluff

Tags: Confession, Comfort

A/N: Here it is, poe-is-bean! I hope the fluff is enough and you find it worth the looong wait. Thank you so much for sharing your own poems to me (theyre great) and I hope I did them some justice ;-; ENJOYYY~ ٩( ๑^ ꇴ^)۶

((EDIT!!! idk if the read more break can be seen on mobile but when i was editing, there's a break after the ask & idk how to fix it so im so sorry aaa))

***

The room is so empty

I can hear my own heartbeat

Day and Night

The sound of pencil on paper

It echos

I just want someone to talk to

Someone to hold me close

To make the room feel less empty

The words faded on the white paper as the ink on your pen ran out. You clicked your tongue and sighed as you look around the park you're sitting at. Just the cherry on top of your already dismal day, you thought.

It was a cloudy day but you squinted at the harsh light of the sun peeking slightly through the wispy clouds. You leaned back on the warm bench and closed your tired eyes. You slowly inhaled the delicious summer air but your chest feels as hollow as the tube of ink inside your pen.

"Karl! No!"

A voice suddenly rang from somewhere near and as you sluggishly open your eyes to peek, something heavy and fuzzy landed on your lap, causing you to shriek and jump from your seat. Your heart raced from the surprise, but as you quickly realized that it was just a raccoon who got attracted by the leftover peanuts you have on your side, you heaved a sigh of relief.

"No! Stop that!" A man with messy hair and an outfit that's undoubtedly too hot for the weather rushed to you. His eyes are barely visible through his dark overgrown hair but it wasn't able to hide the handsome features beneath.

"It-it's okay," you said shyly, mentally hitting yourself for stuttering. "He can have it. I don't mind."

"I really do apologize," the unknown man said, his voice low and trembling. He scratch his temple in embarrassment. "Karl is just crazy for peanuts lately."

You just gave him a meek smile and fiddled with the notebook on your lap. You thought about how cute it is that he has a pet raccoon, how cute it is that he named it with such a humanly name, and how cute he is.

Wait, what.

Heat rushed from your body and up to your face, feeling foolish for having such a thought with someone you just met. You hunched to hide your face, fearing the stranger would see the blush covering your cheeks.

"Can I sit with you?" He asked, snapping you away from your thoughts. "M-my name is Edgar, by the way. Edgar Allan Poe."

Your eyes traveled up his slender form. Despite his dark clothing, his timid and humble appearance made it easier for you to let him enter into your space. He thanked you and asked for your name in return. And just like that, your otherwise usual and grey day became colorful like the evening sky as you sat there beside him, familiarizing yourselves with each other while the innocent racoon eat the rest of the stale peanuts on the bench.

Is this a dream?

Is it real?

He was so close

Yet so far

We sat together for hours

The time was ours

But now it’s not

It slipped away

So quickly

Birds chirped around you as you looked up from your writing, searching through your surroundings and hoping to see the stranger once again. The more hours that passed, the more that you're starting to believe that it was just all somehow a vivid hallucination. You sighed in defeat and eyed another blank spot on your notebook. You thought about writing another poem about how sometimes, it's better to stay in an illusion than face reality because at least in your daydreams, wonderful things happen.

You pressed the tip of your pen on the paper to write the first letter of your work when all of a sudden, the ink bled all over the page, causing you to spat a curse under your breath. You quickly handled the situation, making sure that your clothes and the rest of your notbeook isn't affected by another one of your daily misfortunes. You groaned and pulled out the wipes out of your bag, aggressively wiping the stubborn ink blots on your hand.

"Um, are you okay, (Y/N)?"

You glared up to the quiet voice that called out your name. The tightness of your facial muscles from frowning slowly loosening up as you recognize the figure in front of you.

Poe's tall physique shaded you from the blazing sun and from where you are sitting, he looked just like a dream; a mirage that manifested out of your imagination and into your reality.

"I'm... I'm okay," you mumbled. Your heart thumped heavily against your ribcages as you remain frozen, your wide eyes glued to him as if you're scared that he'll disappear if you blink.

He flashed you a bright smile and gingerly sat beside you. Poe eyed the notebook on your lap and saw the familiar structure of the words on it.

"You write poems?" He asked with excitement evident on his voice, pulling you back to the ground. As Poe reached out to have a closer look with the item, you swiftly pulled away.

"Don't!" You exclaimed. The volume of your voice made nearby passerbys turn their heads on your direction and Karl critter on Poe's shoulder as if by surprise, too.

Poe was taken aback by your reaction as well but being a creator himself, he quickly understand that there is a certain reservation an artist have with its works. He understands the insecurity of being not good enough or questioning yourself as to why are you even trying when there's always someone out there that can do better than you. He knows the feeling very well.

"I'm sorry," he said calmly. "I know an artist's works are always very personal. I shouldn't have intruded."

Guilt spilled all over you and spread a bitter taste on your mouth. "I'm sorry, too," you sighed after a while. "I'm just not ready to show it to anyone yet. It's not your fault."

"I understand. I am a writer myself," Poe said with a gentle smile. "However, if the time has come when you've finally found the courage within you to be proud of yourself and your creations as an extension of yourself, it'll be my pleasure if you'll have me as the first person that would ever lay eyes on it."

Poe's words echoed to the deepest parts of your being. You felt bare to the bones, like everything that you've tried so hard to hide is just somehow exposed for him to see. Gone was his timid character and he's now exuding confidence; a sense of sureness in everything that can only come to people who has been through the ringer and survived to be an inspiration. Your eyes glistened to see another layer of his natural mystique unfold in front of you. Right then, you were filled with the hunger to know more, to uncover more, and to see more of his fascinating self.

Karl climbed down from Poe's shoulder, searched for something on his layered clothes and ran to your lap with an object wedged between his pointy mouth.

"It's a gift," Poe explained when Karl dropped an expensive looking pen in front of you. "I hope you never stop creating, despite of life's minor inconveniences."

"Would you meet me here again tomorrow?" You asked without you even realizing that you were speaking aloud and feeling the weight of your question only after it's done.

Poe tensed up on his seat. Your question was unexpected and it made his own heart raced for a reason he can't quite explain. However, seeing your eyes looking more alive than when he first met you delighted him and he gave you a humble smile.

"Karl has an appointment with the vet tomorrow," he said with his usual gentle voice. "But we can meet at the cafe nearby after."

Your heart soared way above the cloudless sky that day as a big smile stretched your lips and you felt like you haven't smiled like this for a while now. You accepted his invitation and noted the place and time on your notebook. For the first time in a long time, you felt thankful. You thank yourself for being able to push the words out, albeit almost unconsciously, and you thanked life. Despite the mishaps and blunders it brings you everyday, it gave you the opportunity to meet someone. A someone who made you look at everything in beautiful colors you don't even see before. You view everything so differently now; everything including yourself.

Months have passed since that fateful day and you still can vividly remember how your world shifted from then on like it was just yesterday. You meet Poe with any spare time you have and with every moment you spent with him, you got to know all of the layers of his being and in return, he got to know yours. You felt like you're rediscovering yourself as you open up to him. You felt freer. As time went on, a certain feeling crept up on you. It was a strange but awfully familiar feeling that sits inside your chest, like an everlasting bonfire that warms you up from inside out.

The paperback cover of the notebook crunched as you gripped on it tightly. Your mind is foggy with nervousness and immediately doubting if you've made the right decision to finally show him your poems. You shifted on the same bench you sat the first time that you've met and you waited for Poe, all kinds of imaginary scenarios playing in your head in the meantime.

"Hey, (Y/N)!"

You finally heard his familiar voice, a sound that no music can compare to. He was cheerily waving at you, you waved back and nervously greeted him. You laid peanuts on the bench for Karl and he happily hopped off of Poe's back to get on his treats.

"So, you've finally found your courage, huh?" He said before sitting down on his usual spot beside you. "I'm really proud of you, (Y/N). I know it wasn't easy. This is a big step for you and I want to thank you for choosing me."

Your anxiety dissipated in a snap. The flames on your heart grew bigger and brighter with his encouraging words. This tender moment solified your suspicion; you're absolutely, undoubtedly, sincerely in love with him.

"No, Poe," you replied, "I should be the one thanking you. You're the one who showed me that I have that courage inside me in the first place. I can't even begin to explain how you've changed my life."

"Well, that's what art is for, isn't it? To help us express what our words can't," Poe said, his warm smile never leaving his lips. "Besides, my words wouldn't mean anything if you didn't made the decision yourself. It's all you, (Y/N). Give yourself more credit, won't you?"

You beamed at him, the fluttering feeling on your chest continue to grow and filled every part of your being where you used to feel hollow. Your fears disappeared and you handed him your notebook like you're handing him your heart. Poe reached out for it, handling it as gently as you would a china doll.

You sighed contently and gaze at the clear sky above you as you let Poe flip through the pages of your notebook like you're letting him flip through the pages of your life. Every experience you've went through, every emotions, every secret thoughts and desires and everything that lead up to the person you are now; all of them contained in a single book.

Karl muched on the last peanut you laid out for him as Poe reached the last poem.

Love, what a beautiful thing

It makes my heart flutter

No matter how much I mutter

I always stutter

Those simple words

It races when he’s near

And falls when he’s far

Why can’t I tell him?

Poe's concealed eyes widened and his racing heartbeat vibrated on his whole body. He knows it's an absurd thought to assume the poem is about him but somehow, he was certain that it was. He thought that perhaps it's just wishful thinking brought by his delirious affection he's been hiding from you for a time now.

"You're really promising, (Y/N)," his voice wobbled as he said your name and he cleared his throat as he tried to give you a more constructive feedback. "I can really feel the emotions on your works. Every artist has their own way of making art and you shouldn't feel insecure with how you choose to express yourself. Art isn't about pleasing other people, it's only about you. If you're confident with yourself and your work, other people will reflect that. All you have to do is to stay true to yourself. And as far as I know, you are capable of making more beautiful poems, because you're beautiful."

The distant sounds of people and animals in the busy park rang as the both of you froze on your spots, equally taken aback by Poe's compliment.

"I–I–I mean, you're a great person, that's all," Poe stammered, full of worry for his well-kept secret.

You turned your blushing face away from him and chewed on your lips. Thoughts on whether you should finally admit to him your feelings rushed through your mind. Karl, finished with his snack, climbed on your lap and looked at you as if he's conveying a message. You know that he's probably just asking if you have any more peanuts for him but at that moment, you took it as an encouragement for you to tell him about the nagging feeling inside you that occupies every corner of your mind.

"The last poem," you told Poe while looking at the ground, "I wrote it for you."

Poe once again picked up the notebook, turned it on the last entry and re-read it. He felt like he's being choked out of air as he drowned on the exuberant joy he's feeling as he realized what you meant. His head whipped at your direction, looking at your fidgeting form and felt an urge.

He moved closer to you and gently called out your name. When you turn your head to face him, he reached out and touched your cheek. His finger traced along your jawline and ended on your chin. Although his eyes are barely visible, you can see the solemnity of his gaze and your heart skipped a beat.

"I feel the same way, (Y/N)," Poe confessed as his thumb caressed your lower lip.

You were happy. You were happier than you've ever been in your entire life and yet, your eyes strained as tears threatened to fall. You smiled at Poe and slowly closed your eyes, giving him the permission his gentle touches are asking.

Poe's lips closed in on yours and the rest of the world was quiet as you return his kiss, letting your feelings unravel and tangle against each other. Everything felt right, like every puzzle piece has been put in their place and the picture is complete. You felt the satisfaction, the pleasure, the joy and the pride. You finally understood why there are so many stories, poems, songs and artworks about love. It's just one of those things that can only be truly explained through art. One thing is certain in your head now: love, it is truly such a beautiful thing.

#bsd poe #edgar allan poe bsd #bungou stray dogs x reader #bungou stray dogs imagines #bungo sd #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bsd imagines #bsd headcanons #bsd scenarios #bsd hcs #poemw #bungou stray dogs scenarios

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figuringouthowtobehere · 3 years

Text

please dont reblog this

i dont have many ppl to talk to. so here i am, screaming into the void that is my tumblr again.

im mostly posting this because im alone. im really really fucking alone. and im hoping i might, idfk, make a solid, trustable connection from tumblr??? idfk. im alone in the world.

please dont reblog this

cw family issues, su*cidality, abandonment, abuse, childhood abuse, trauma, being alone in the world

i have no one to go to. my entire life since i was a baby all ive ever been able to do is survive at the skin of my teeth. and here i am, 20, breathing, trying so fucking hard to live and, idk if im succeeding. im doing my film shit which is cool but. im alone. im on my own. im alone in the world. i never had parents. like, obviously i had parents, but they were never parents, dyou know what i mean? like the people who genetically made me were around but they were abusing me or just being awful or refusing to listen to me about what i needed from them, from their parenthood.

i had a conversation with my mom yesterday (after two days of not being able to get a hold of her and really really needing to) and i was basically just like ‘why cant you be my mom’ and she was like ‘i am your mom’ and i was like ‘well, yeah, but youre not--you cant--you dont mother me. and you dont mother me in the ways i need you to.’ and she was like ‘what does that look like to you?’ and i said ‘someone who i can turn to, always, someone who has my back no matter what, someone who respects me and what i need and who listens to me and trusts my experience and, yeah, someone who i can turn to always’ and she said ‘i mean i can talk with you on the phone, i can tell you what i think you should do, i can try to give you advice from my experience, but as far as someone having your back 24/7 always, i cant do that’ and we ended up talking about how im an adult now - and she was talking about it in the sense of ‘youre a grown man now, you dont need your mom like that anymore’ - and im like ‘ya, i am basically a grown man but i still need my mom. i still need parents.’ and i think im gonna end up cutting contact with her again because its too hard to simultaneously grieve her not being the mom i need and also talk to her. if im not talking to her then i can deal with the idea that i dont have a mother, that i dont have parents and i probably never will.

ive never really had people. i never really had friends when i was a child and i dont really have friends now. maybe its cause im trans, maybe its cause im autistic, maybe its cause im mixed, i dont know, but generally people in the world dont like me or it takes them a long time to not hate me. it doesnt matter why right now the point is i never had people (like, a support system) and i dont now.

so yeah im pretty seriously thinking about killing myself (or, trying to anyway). i dont wanna die but ive spent my whole life trying to just. be a person. and find contentment. and everything in my life ends up going awful or causing me a lot of trouble at some point or another. ive come to expect it. whenever anything happens in my life im just like ‘when will this go wrong. how long will it take this time.’ and im alone. im just fucking on my own. and i know theres lots of people who are and have been more alone than i am/have been and i admire these people so fucking much like GO YOU!! YOUFUCKING DID IT!!! HELL YEAH! im so proud of u. for real, i have so much respect for all yall reading this who have made it through shit and made it through being alone in the world. you fucking got this. youre doing it. good fucking job!!!!! ✨ but then. idk ig it doesnt take away from this being incredibly fucking difficult for me. pretty much everything in my life was fucked from birth to age 18 and now over half of everything in my life is fucked. which is better, for sure, but its still. ive never had a chance. idk it just seems to me like it doesnt matter. i can try and try and do all the therapies and take all the psych meds a psychiatrist might give me and i can meditate all the time. it just seems like im Doomed. (WOW i sound dumb and childish) like ik logically this is probably incorrect, that im not actually just.. doomed but thats how it feels. whenever a good thing happens im just waiting for it to collapse on me. and usually it does in way or another. generally not because of anything ive done or havent done, it just ends up being shit.

and then. ive never had anyone. i dont have anyone. im alone in the world. like its not that im ignoring people i do have or choosing to omit them from my mind right now. i have a singular friend in the place where i live; my other two friends both live in the states. i live with someone who was a support for me until like last ... july or so, i think, who now makes me feel like shit (they arent being malicious its just a bunch of issues in our relationship. theres more on that in stuff ive posted before, if you feel like digging through my posts for a while go ahead and youll find more on that) and i have like 5% (out of 100%) trust for them. i have a therapist who i see once a week and ik shes invested in me, but thats her job. and i cant just call her whenever i want. i have several people for film stuff but theyre either just casual pals and then colleagues or just colleagues. i know a lot of people, who dont really show any investment in me as a person or their relationship with me and who i dont really click well with. and thats it.

and im so. im so in love with Film. all of it. (not The Film Industry obviously.) im so fucking in love with it. the only real concrete reason that i wont end up killing myself in the next like month or two is because Film. and i just. need. people. i need parents. or something. fuck.

i think part of this is probably the long-term ramifications of ongoing childhood sexual, physical, and psychological abuse and never really having good, consistent support cause id be surprised if that didnt fuck with my brain (and, yk, untreated severe childhood brain damage from tbis beginning at less than a year old). but it doesnt really matter does it. ive been through the shit time and again and its not like anyone has appeared and been like ‘hello, i see you never had parents, this is who i am, would you like to get to know each other for a while and maybe i could be your mom?’ cause thats literally what i need. i need parents. like i know theres a thing of ‘if you didnt have parents then you cant undo that damage’ but like idk. if someone has a bunch of unhealed broken bones that got broken years ago that are now causing them a lot of pain you wouldnt just be like ‘sorry, i see youre in trouble from this shit, but because it happened years ago theres nothing we can do’ cause there is??? i forget how i was gonna say this before but like. i didnt have parents. with the ‘parents’ i had its a scientific anomaly i lived past age three. i refuse to believe that having Good Parents and a Good Support System now would do nothing for me. cause it would.

im also facing impending homelessness due to a) welfare/disability programs not giving you enough to live off and b) not having a roommate/not having support systems/not having people. so that doesnt help.

i dont know how to do this. im on my own. im doing all i can. ive reached out to everyone i feel like i could reach out to and. im on my own.

help. i guess. idk what that means but im, once again, at an incredibly fucking AWFUL point in my life and i need help. i doubt anyone will be able to but. if youre able to then. idk. do something. ik that i sound desperate and pitiful and i literally dont care at all because i literally am desperate for support and i literally am at - ANOTHER - extremely low point in my life and its pitiful. im cringing at myself actually posting this because its like ‘you think youre actually find what you need via a tumblr post? where are you? cause thats not real life dude’ but i dont fucking have people to talk to (as you have already understood 🙃) and im tired and tired and tired and tired.

if you took the time to read this i thank you and i hope ur day is going vvv well

please dont reblog this!!

#childhood abuse tw #tw #tw alone in the world #suicide tw #please dont reblog this #no rb #homelessness tw

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hellbabyfromhell · 4 years

Text

i was writing a small thing and then it became big... just my thoughts about my life as of today.

the asks people sent when i told my whole stupid story about my dumb ass life were really very kind and sweet.... i read through them sometimes.... im not trying to Fish for anything when i say this but like... idk the situation i was in made it really hard for me to leave without feeling bad, and they’d thought up every way to in some way make me guilty even though objectively there wa literally nothing..... idk just, me personally i take every bad emotion a person i care about is feeling or might possibly be feeling or may feel at a future time and i soak it in like a sponge.... so they knew if they made me feel bad enough it’d make me stay.....i guess i kind of already made a post about this but some people sent asks about having gotten through situations like this, and people generally like.... expressed pride in me... lame but ever since i disconnected from everyone i ever knew before my dad died excluding maiya and online friends..... i guess what im saying is ever since my dad died and i lost that familial feeling of living in dc because i had to move, and i was far from anything i knew... i felt so, so so weak and frail, and living in my old situation was crushing me up into a tiny ball.... i feel stupid saying it but it feels good when people are proud of me ; _ ; and im proud of me too.... i really felt so small, and i was like genuinely despondent and ready to die, but i realized like.... with all the crazy ass shit that had happened to me, it would have been so easy to just Die..... and for 2 years i was barely present, but i like....survived.... and really, that was a bad time. i used to scoff when people would say i was strong for that, because i’d think: “what’s so strong about not dying...” because it felt like a suspended plan frankly (grimace emoji im typing) but i also decided that i would try as HARD as possible to NEVER act like teen me again. because right up until my dad died, i was a brat who was unwilling to take in feedback.... i wasn’t Bad or anything (questionable) but i’d go to therapy and goof off because i was very flippant about it in a passive aggressive way.... like, CLEARLY this STUPID BULLSHIT wont help me so ill be REALLY sarcastic about it! im cool! i kind of realized it after my dad died but LITERALLY i never did ANYTHING to help myself! like, i’d get really sad, but i’d make no real effort to change that, and i thought it was ANGST and MALAISE and ENNUI, and it was that, but it was also my unwillingness to step into uncharted territory: developing myself as a person consciously lol. at therapy i never took anything in and was too busy trying to make light of my situation that nothing ever got done, and i realized i never took any advice anyway.... like, when people say “try meditation”..... like Duh thats a stupid reply but also like.... Have you? i hadnt until recently.... and guess what! it didnt work at all! but i am like willing to try literally anything (within reason) and i want to ACCEPT everything just like....

i was SO ADAMANT about rejecting like...... idk Norms?????? as a teen , i really dont know what my aim was but it wasn’t working and i was making people annoyed because i’d whine and whine over my problems but never do anything to fix it, and i’d go and say “NOBODY CARES ABOUT ME!!!” with like 5 people messaging me. idk just, life was handing me little tools with which to improve and better myself and i refused. i was a fool at therapy and i was annoying and SOOOOO depressed but weirdly comfortable with it simply out of unwillingness to change my habits.....you know? and after my dad died, like... everything i previously felt was just......i just realized how incredibly petty it all was? NOT t say im not petty now, but i was like GOD DAMN i was suicidal.... over that? like i was really crying and freaking out over THIS? my two years of like PTSD cocoon smoothed it out to the point that it almost just feels like i was thinking for a really, really long time, and only came to when i felt the answer coming on. i’m not saying i don’t still grapple with self pity and stuff but i kind of blinked and absorbed the WORLD for the first time...... i really wasn’t living life yet. i was 19 which is Older than 18 and i lived with my dad and his gf and i was fresh out of high school doing a little community college.... like i was walking around dc and having a grand old time going to the cliff and the woods and then id go home and talk about how badly i wanted to die..... i just like.... i decided that i CANNOT waste any more of my time acting like that because i wasted my most precious time, time with my dad, acting like a crybaby. i’m just disgusted thinking about how many opportunities i had to be happy and have a good time that i DECIDED not to take. and i can’t even really explain why still, but i just know i can never ever be like that ever again oh god the bird is tweeting its mornign sorry im back... just SORRY that was my roundabout way of saying like... i guess i have changed and like a LOT, and i DO feel strong... so thank you for caring about y progress!! AHH!!

#it gets a little depressing sorry but im okay just thinking.#and appreciating u and appreciating the good in my life

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thefloatingstone · 5 years

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A weeked at a hotel is quiet and alone.

A long walk or a going to a movie that starts after dark helps.

A four hour or longer bath where you sit in the water helps. Even if it doesnt helps it helps. And you smell good at the end of it which is nice even when you lack appreciation for nice things currently.

Do new things - feeling trapped or in a rut or the need to escape can be alleviated by feeling like youre making some sort of progress or have control over something in your life.

Sleeping more doesn’t help. Sleeping less doesnt help. Both are enough of a change/ strain on your body that they make you think they are but really they just increase problems and make the days pass quicker or slower.

Make goals. Meet goals. Cant get to goals make smaller goals to get there.

Focus on the things you can do and help and control and if you can’t do anything about it aknowledge it and let it go.

Hydrate. Youre not doing it enough, no one is.

Eat regularly, just like you should sleep regularly and for 9 hours - your body and therefore your mind functions better on a schedual.

It may not help but i can garrentee you not doing these things makes it harder than it needs to be.

Can also play games or read or watch shows until it passes, if it passes but thats just a… Temporary solution not an actual fix action.

But sometimes you don’t need a fix action you need a distraction to be immersed in and thats okay.

Get someone to talk to. Professionally.

Friends and family can help but we’re all not really great at healthy coping - and we know what works for us or what we’ve learned but we can’t always give you personalized tips that will help YOU get through your dips.

Clean/ reorganize your room - this just makes you feels self satisfied if youre lucky and if you arent well theres a little less mess and your mind feels less cluttered if you make even a little progress. Your environment can add to the strain.

Open a window idk why fresh air helps.

Candle with a scent you like - light it. Pet fire keeps you company.

Bake. Idk why but it helps, doesnt matter what youre making but if it makes a mess for you to clean up while you wait for it to be done its a win.

Plus baked goods are nice to have and eat or give away which makes you happy… Especially since half the time you dont feel the need to eat whatever youve baked.

Blast music. Loudly. Especially dark depressing shit or especially lively rebelling shit.

Or just play classical piano in the background because it helps…. Filter. Which is nice.

It gets better. Even if it turns out to be something youll struggle with it gets better because youll learn to manage it and it can’t take away the good even if it tells you it can.

Youve survived every horrible thing thats happened to you. Youll get through this too keep that in mind.

Also watch what youre telling yourself. Something as simple as telling yourself not “i can’t deal with this -emotional pain/situation - ” but “i dont want to deal with this” can in time make it easier to get past it because youre not bogged down in trying to… Reject how you feel.

Youre allowed to feel this way. Like. You may not want to but. You do so youve got to accept it on some level in order to beable to get past rejecting reality and figure out how best to approach it.

Emotions arent unreasonable. Like. Logically you’ll say they are but youre not depressed or whatever for no reason. Either theres something effecting you or your brain chemistry is off either way there is no “i shouldnt feel this way”

So like. Really dont talk down to yourself. Or if you do at least try to tack on something like “alright try again” or idk something positive or at least foward thinking.

And remeber you’re not alone.

Reach out. Message people. Sit on silent calls and share dead air with others. You may ache like a raw nerve or feel left out or ignored or a hundred other things but just. Attempting to be apart of your friends life or just hearing another person can do a world of difference. If not… In the moment than later it def gives you something to build on.

And youre not… A bother. Youre not… Responsible for making decisions about other peoples emotional wellbeing. Theyve got to tell you ‘hey i dont/ cant talk about this right now lets just bs about whatever instead". You need help or a distraction or anything ask the people you care about.

Youre not alone and isolating… Usually makes things worse.

Like alone time can help but isolatings a different ballgame entirely and youll know which youre doing.

Hell just posting on here and asking for tips is great and Im proud of you.

Sorry if that or any of this sounds condescending - im just. Summarizing shit ive learned and tried and had to talk myself into because i really thought my mental health was bullshit and i shouldnt need help with basic things.

But people do. Like. We’re not made to fuction the way we do and we’re not taught a lot of really simple things and how they effect us or the difference between coping healthly and not.

… Fuctioning can only get you so far so long, you’ve got to actually take care of yourself you know? I mean dont beat yourself up because taking care of yourself doesn’t line up with what you think that should mean is all.

Sorry to bug and do hope you get to feeling better soon.

This is an incredibly in-depth and helpful message. Thank you so very very much for taking the time to write it out for me. I’m posting this to prevent it from getting buried

Also, again, I want to thank everyone for sending me responses and messages about this. I’m sorry I’m not replying to all of them individually, but I am reading all of them <3 a lot of you are saying the same things like taking a walk or doing some light exercise, drinking water (I haven’t been doing that enough today) and things like that. As I said, I can’t do exercise tonight since it’s late, but I’ll try and take a walk tomorrow if the weather is good. And I’ll try and get some water in me.

I’m afraid talking to someone professional isn’t really possible right now, but hearing I can just go once makes me feel a little better. I’ve never realised I don’t have to try and afford an ongoing therapy thing. I can’t do it right now, but I’ll see if I can figure something out at some point in a few months if I can.

But thank you again for your help, guys. And although I feel bad for asking... but I’d really appreciate if you guys could continue to give it. Not because I want instant gratification or anything, but just because I don’t have much support elsewhere, and I want to get past this.

and thank you for being patient with me. I’m trying, I really am.

#C-Puff answers #Depression #Self care #submission

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dykedteach · 5 years

Text

okay here we go, episode 2 second watch

(I think this is my longest liveblog I’ve done, but then again I feel like this is the most emotional a tv episode has made me since I finished Black Sails so like?)

so uhhh they’re really gonna hide all the valuable people in the crypts huh, they’re really following through on that

“women and children first” to DIE??? I M EAN

i’ve been thinking about this non stop since i first watched the ep and my growing dread is nigh unstoppable, if i had any doubts that the winterfell dead might rise, their whole repeated thing of “everyone will be safe down there” shot them straight down

i’m lowkey annoyed we missed out on what would have been an incredibly awkward introduction scene between jaime and literally everyone, but i’m glad his “trial” didn’t drag out

i want sam’s opinion on dany’s bloodthirst vis a vis avenging her father BC LIKE????

“i’d do it all again” honey be QUIET

L O Y A L T Y

loyalty

l o yal t e a

lmao daenerys’ look of anger and disgust at brienne hopping to jaime’s defense alone makes me want her dead tbh

sansa being a better strategist, ruler, negotiator, and peacekeeper than both of her parents combined, is my weakness tbh

also He R aRmOuR drESs !!!!! what a LOOK!

d: “what does the warden of the north say about it?” j: [has dissociated solidly through the past six hours, is only now just realising it’s daylight and he’s in the great hall] uhhhhhhhhhhhh cool i guess?

tyrion finally breathing after daenerys lets jaime live is ridiculously endearing, i love the brothers’ relationship so much

baeworm death-glaring jaime is also ridiculously endearing tbh

i dig the gendarya love theme, i do i do i do

everyone keeps saying that the fact they had sex means one of them will die next ep but honestly? out of all the non jonerys pairings (missandei/greyworm, sam/gilly, jaime/brienne) i think they’re most likely to live through the battle, and the fact they have their own theme makes me doubt as well that they’ll end next episode

that poor guy who got in the way of arya and gendry’s dragonglass throwing foreplay, so close yikes

i can’t believe that out of everyone who bran has been weird to, jaime was the one to take his weird shit best

“how do you know there is an afterwards?” sd;kjlas

djkasljdak;lsd

asjd;lsakdla;sd

bran

bran stop

please be fuckin w us bran

this brotherly love scene is great and it hurts me to think it might be their last solo scene

although the way they keep talking about how sure they are they’ll die....idk? and with bronn on the way with his crossbow? to have both, or either, die at winterfell with the battle seems a waste. plus, one of them needs to be the valonqar so?

i’d be satisfied seeing a dead tyrion rip cersei apart though, i’ll admit that

JAIME GAZING AT BRIENNE INSTEAD OF LISTENING TO HIS BROTHER

pod has come so far in his fighting i love him so much i love brienne’s proud mama expression hes. he’s 100% going to die. for sure.

“we have never had a conversation that’s lasted this long without you insulting me, not once” KJASDKLASJDKALSJDALKSD

“i came to winterfell because...” Y OU LOVE HER DUMBASS

i still ship jorah with dany more than jon, fight me

i love the confirmation that all the bad blood between them is under the bridge, i love that he convinced her to make peace with tyrion and sansa, i love that he’s made peace with tyrion taking up his position, made peace with his house, with his relationship with his father...........

he’s absolutely toast and i hate it.

he’s going to die for dany with one last “khaleesi” and it’s going to break my heart

“we have other things in common” yeah you both have jon in your immediate family trees lmao

i’m confused by the “someone taller” comment, who’s she talking about? everyone else hurt her or betrayed her at some point. is it barristan? is it baeworm? it should be baeworm

ok so. i don’t need or want sansa to end up with anyone.

that said

if it had to be a man

my heart almost jumped out of my chest when she and theon hugged, i didn’t expect her to get this emotional at all, shit i didn’t expect MYSELF to get this emotional

HER TEARS

THEY BOTH NEED HUGS IM GLAD THEY GET HUGS

soup dad can’t die i forbid it

let’s talk about gilly for a second, how far she’s come, from a scared abused girl to a strong, caring, confident woman and mother, i’m so emotional please protect her

DAVOS ADOPTING CHILDREN LEFT RIGHT AND CENTRE

THE SHIREEN THEME PLAYING OVER THAT BIT IM ASJDKASDJ

i’m super surprised edd and beric survived the hearth, i thought there would be more of a fight there

LITTLE CROW

i know people crack ship them, but like, they’d almost be better suited than jon and daenerys

while i adore the idea of theon making amends for taking winterfell from bran by defending winterfell and protecting bran from the night king, i know in my heart that all it’s going to result in is a very dead theon (and probably a dead bran)

why do i feel like while well intentioned, having dragons near the godswood is.....a mistake

i’d love for bran and tyrion to both survive, i’d love to see them talk more as equals because they’re so similar intellectually (i know they had scenes when bran was a kid, but that doesn’t count)

missandei and greyworm are too good and pure for this earth, i want them to leave, i want them to go to naath and never come back, i want them to find a little house by the water and eat fruits and find missandei’s family and take in some stray children, some street cats to lay lazily on the stones of their porch, maybe missandei teaches the children of their village every morning under the rising sun, maybe greyworm becomes a tradesman, makes shoes or ale or binds books for the locals, they grow old and content together and the children they took into their home, now grown adults with their own children, bury them side by side underneath carved stones, i want them more than almost anyone to have a happy ever after because if anyone deserves it it’s those two

but there are dreams that cannot be

and greyworm is almost certain to die next episode

maybe missandei too, but i’m not sure

until then, i will live in my fantasy.

i love my nights watch boys, i love that they talk about grenn and pyp, i miss those lads

sam being the playful, banter-full, confident guy he is, i love him so much i’m so happy for him he better fucking survive (and maybe become lord of horn hill who knows? he has a wife and a son so ?

honestly the idea of tywin knowing jaime and tyrion are defending winterfell is so wonderful

ha ha h ah ah ah h a i love tyrion and jaime so much that i. i forget. temporarily. about tyrion’s first wife

brienne stopping pod from drinking and then tyrion just.......fuckin pouring a large one out for the lad

please, let him drink, it’ll be his last

davos is such an old man i love him

jaime looking between brienne and tormund with amusement is the best thing ever

davos’ concern over ten year old tormund hopping into bed with a giant is incredible. dad mode. always on dad mode.

hound’s not gonna die yet, not until cleganebowl, he’s safe next ep for sure. so he’s allowed to be a grumpy old git for a bit

beric is straight up gonna die tho

“might as well be at a bloody wedding” g o d i dont like that foreshadowing

beric is so cheery and amicable im gonna miss him

i’m so glad that they gave arya agency, and a sweet, un-sexploited, in-character sex scene, there’s so few really good sex scenes in this show and i’m glad she got one of them

(no matter how long i spent the first time around watching through my fingers and cringing, i KNOW she’s an adult and maisie is an adult but god she’s still such a kid in my eyes)

as soon as the gloves started coming off i screamed

he is a sweet sweet boy and i wouldn’t want my murdering badass fave to be with anyone else

i appreciate them showing her scars as part of it, i can’t quite put my finger on why but it was nice to see that

i feel like once i get over the weirdness of like, “hey that’s arya”, it’s probably one of the hotter sex scenes in the series? just for passion and use of consent and stuff

i can’t even begin to elaborate on how perfect brienne’s scene is

it’s immediately one of my favourite scenes in the whole show, i honestly don’t have the words

it’s better than any marriage vows that have been taken in the whole series, and to see brienne proud and happy is just...incredible.

the mormont scene i wanted!!!

this is such a touching scene between two of my faves, i want jorah and sam to be pals forever but i know its just....not happening

the fact that sam starts in the crypt but i know he ends up on the battlefield is....concerning to say the least

god. that song. that song is everything

im too in my feelings to care about jonerys, sorry

i can genuinely believe that jon loves her, and doesn’t care about the iron throne or any titles really for that matter. but the other way around? i’m not so sure.

ok so my survival list: dany, jon, sansa, tyrion

everyone else is at risk please pray for me

oh also i bought the download of Jenny and already cried to it three times this evening, so the credits are making it a round four

#laura watches game of thrones #this took me...two hours? to compile?

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lazy-kitsune · 3 years

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10.02.2021

It's been awhile. It is currently 11:19pm. My last hour in my 20's. I am happy that my mom and stepdad came to visit and that I was able to get time off work. I am also happy that I got to see my brother... I miss him so much, and how close we used to be. I hope we can see each other more often. I'm feeling a bit emotional at the moment. I was excited for my birthday leading up to this moment, but right now I am feeling very sad. 30 seems like such a big number. A big milestone. I am grateful to have made it this far because there are many moments in my 20s where I thought I could not make it. It was rough. But I made it through, EVERY SINGLE TIME. I don't give myself enough credit. I do wish my dad was still here though... I have survived many breakups, fights with family, with my mom and stepdad, with my brother. Moved out with my brother and boyfriend, got engaged, and now live at a new place with my fiance. I switched from many jobs, and had many experiences. Made and lost many friends. I survived a shooting on vacation. I graduated college. I made many mistakes. and still ever learning. I am an learner of life but it's so damn hard sometimes...I started Esthetician school. Something completely different than what I have been studying but I think it was time for something new. Fuck yeah, its scary but I gotta do what I wanna do for once. I hope my 30's im very succesful, and have my own home, maybe kids, idk, my own successful businesses and be my own boss, and financially free. I want to live on my own terms, and work on my own terms. I want to be confident and brave and not care what people think. I want to be able to live freely. I want to be more proud of myself for things I have accomplished. I want peace. I want to be able to give back. I want to travel. I will get there. I know it. I want it so bad. I need to love myself more and give myself more credit. Just know I am proud of you. You have made it this far. Your life is just getting started. I guess the good thing is that I dont feel old. I still feel like I'm early or mid 20s. No more doubting myself. No more acting small. I want to be the best I can be, emotionally, physically, mentally. I cant wait to see what's in store. I love you...

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wannaonescenarios · 6 years

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rest.

this is going to get kind of long so i’ll try my best to shorten it.

maybe you have an idea from the title and im pretty sure people have followed me for a while probably saw this coming, but i am most likely leaving this blog.

i was initially going to compile a document full of my unfinished works and go but i feel like explaining myself because i couldn’t find it in me to leave without saying anything. honestly, i saw it coming and maybe you guys did too. the gaps between when i published my works and empty promises. not only that, but school has been kicking my ass and its probably not a valid excuse lol because other writers produced some vvvv great works while juggling with other activities and im amazed because they are constantly releasing stuff and here i am with constant writers block lol

with that aside, i just don’t feel the same happiness liked i used too. in the summer, i was so excited with this blog, and every note or reblog i got made me extremely happy. of course, notes and reblogs don’t mean much to me but i can’t help but get happy when i see people like my work. but now, i guess, its not the same.

now, i write whenever and i force myself too. i feel bad that i have all these requests in my inbox and i force myself to write because it’s just going to sit there and never be written lol. but posting something that i forced myself to write only makes me dislike writing even more if that makes sense haha.

and,,,another thing it has to do with this is mental health wise lol. this year started out great but it slowly went downhill and even now, i still find myself unhappy because of what is happening around me. i don’t know when ill get out of this, but i hope its soon.

i don’t know if i’ll comeback, maybe in a few months ill come back and be like ‘’siKEEE you thought you’ve seen the last of me’’ but honestly,,i don’t see myself doing that. but if i do, i guess it won’t be on here.

anyways, ik i have lots of stuff unfinished so ill probably compile that in a doc and leave it up for view if anyone wants to see what i wrote and if it made it or not lol. but if you’re curious, send me an ask and ill answer anything really. ask me why im leaving. ask me why i lost inspiration idk. ill probably answer most things.

moving on, feel free to ignore this but i want to address some people before i upload the doc and leave. also,,ill probably add more when my heads clear lol

@wannaonestars my fave!! the og!!! queenie, i’ll miss you very much. you mean a lot to me and im very glad that i met you!! you make me very happy and even though we don’t talk as much anymore, im so glad to have these memories with you and talked as much as we could. i hope senior year is going okay for you!! you can survive college prep, i believe in you!! also, i love scrolling through our old messages because it brings back all these memories of summer and im just??? crying but it’s totally fine :))) i love you lots, and i hope to read more of your writing hopefully!!

@singingmyreverie im sorry i never reply,,,you deserve way better than a shitty friend i am lol but im very thankful that i met you and im sosos thankful to have a caring friend like you. you make me happy and really happy!! i love looking back at our convos, and even though we suck at replying to each other lol, im glad that we even managed to talk despite the time gaps lol. thank you for being here.

@wanna-one-scenarios !!! my fellow girl group stan,,im so sorry i never reply. i love talking to you about gfriend (aka my ult bias group) and im forever thankful that we managed to talk even though i suck at replying lol im so glad to find someone who loves girl groups as much as i do, and ill never forget your tinder profile ‘rowley’ smh !!!!!1!!1 i still have your wanna one album,, that i’ll one day send LOL

@jjeehoon my man,, i never reply to you and im so sorry. even tho you ‘stan’ seongwoo, we all know u stan jihoon smh!!! i love when you talk to me about hello counselor bc thats my fav show!! and i never watched that one w daniel im so sorry,,but maybe one day!! also, im still looking forward with that witch au,,you better pull through LOL but thank you,,, an og!! im so glad to have talked to you and im so glad to see your account grow to what it is today.

@imagineproduce101 carina,,,i’ll miss you lots. and ik we don’t really talk at all lol but im super glad to meet you through the gc!! i get so happy seeing your blog grow to what it is today. i remember reading your oneshots like that woojin one about prom and asking for help in the gc nffknk i also remember contacting you outside the gc because i was so shy jnfsdfjnf and im just super happy to see how far you’ve grown,,with tons of followers now?? like wtf u go carina,,,im sososo proud of you!! even though we don’t talk at all, i’ll be supporting you!! thank you for giving me help when i need it, and i hope you’re super successful from now on!!

@onlyjihoons !!! zelia!! a cutie!!! im so glad to have write you,, and i’ve always meant to reply but i feel like its too late,, i hope it is TT but thank for!! i’ll really miss reading your writings and im super glad to have met you!! i remember when you told me when you went to a w1 fanmeeting and im still smiling remembering that. thank you for bringing so much happiness and hopefully it isn’t too late to reply to your kk message,,im such a bad friend TTT thank you agian.

#please read!!!!#personal #update #.me

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survivor-kuwait · 5 years

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Episode 8 - “These bitches really do be getting on my nerves” - Chloe

rip stevie :( in the aftermath of that tribal that legit just felt like one massive personal attack i decided to go do some homework bc something felt off to me!! madison was out there whining about OMG BEING IN THE WARZONE THE WHOLE TIME BOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO and yet lmao she's either been "excused" or gotten a strike for deadass just not doing the challenges. the jig is uP! i think it's fairly obvious people are just using the warzone as a way to build relationships and i mean who can blame them, but her whole pity party at these tribals needs to stop. my mood towards her has definitely soured in the last hour lol i'm over it fam. also i've been talking to ian since the tribal to get some tea since tommy is legitimately useless. i'll like ask him what happened at tribal and he literally just goes "oh i just heard his name from everyone" shrug emoi LIKE!! WOULD IT KILL YOU TO FIND SOME MORE TEA OUT... anyways i find out from ian that cullan apparently brought up that they should target timmy for challenge prowess, to which ian said he shot down due to that being a slippery slope which soon leads to him. if that's true i'm v glad that that got shot down bc that's, in my mind, a shot fired at me. GIRRRRRL, like just leave me alone i shouldn't be fucking persecuted bc half of you guys are throwing challenges and i've actually been doing them. that doesn't mean shit.

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I was able to get 217 seconds on the slide puzzle. Would I get any better? 🤷‍♂️ I dont think so. I have my graduation today so hopefully this score is enough.

not gonna lie I compleeeeetely COMPLETELY forgot about the chall until this morning when I was walking to class and my dumbass is at class and work and class again until 10 pm today so I don’t rlly have a MOUSE on me..... cut to me desperately and embarrassingly texting my classmates asking them to bring a mouse to class for me nnnn this is not gonna go well. maybe it’ll be good for me to go to war zone anyways I guess

Hi sisters! Last vote was super easy. It was like “Stevie k?” “K.” But also even though I feel like I’m a big part of the decision making process for every vote, I never get less nervous that everyone is lying to me! Strategic playing, or crippling trust issues? You decide.

These bitches really do be getting on my nerves

Its almost graduation time and im sooo nervous and excited. It would be nice to not be in warzone tonight. Please survivor gods help me.

Well this is a crucial immunity. After being out of the war zone for 2 in a row I feel at this point I am a little outside the people who have been there so many times. I think I have some strong bonds with some players but I do not that a couple have it out for me. Namely Madison and Jacob, which at this point I fed they should be over the whole Renee vote but that’s their prerogative.

Sooooo Final 15 baby! Honestly Im so proud of this time around on my TS journey cause Im actually liking the individual competition portion of this game. Its like the merge part of any Survivor game but with a "tribal competition" aspect. Meaning that I only have to worry about me, myself, and I and I love that. I just need to show that Im the bad bitch that is in control and take this game by the fucking reins and show it who's boss. Aint no way Im gonna get 15th, 14th or 12th again madam. No way.

Reinke

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I survived, yeet. Kait survived, yeet. Ian went in, f*ck. Maynor went in, f*ck. Chloe went in, f*ck. Adrian went in...yeet.

Hello! I am safe again, 2nd time in a row? Idk. I do like Kait but I don't entirely trust her. I think I can use her for a bit as she'll believe she's using me. If I have the chance to get her out before or early merge, I will. Thomas is the most boring person in this game. I have yet to meet Timmy but I doubt anyone can beat Thomas in this feat. Talking to him is like talking to a wall. A white wall too. Also, he has no manners, demands favours and doesn't say please or thank you... The second I have the chance, he's gone. Nehe should've stayed, not him. Otherwise, Ian and I are working on some kind of power together for battleship. I really do like Ian. I hope we can make it far together, he's my number 2 after Owen. Together, we have the Topaz Idol and a potential save vote and a potential new power. Maynor and I have been socializing and friendly, I want him gone sooner than later but he's not a priority. He isn't great in comps generally. Still love Trace and I do trust him to an extent. I dislike Stephen, would like to see him leave relatively soon. I don't trust him at all. On the other side, Matt is going to tribal and him and I have built quite a bit of trust previously, I hope he makes it. I'm happy Cullan and Owen and Adrian are safe as I trust all 3 to certain extents. I would like Timmy to go due to his comp prowess and due to the fact we have yet to interact, but he's immune, again. I hope Chloe makes it out okay. I also hope Devon makes it out alive. I love that guy. I think Devon, Chloe, Trace and Ian can work together though! Matt could join with them as him and Devon were big parts of the Renee vote. Madison and Maynor, who were both left out of that vote, could see their way out which is A-okay by me. Jacob was also left out of this vote but I think Ian won't target him, just my two cents. I see Jacob as a better ally for me down the road compared to Madison or Maynor. That being said, I like many people in this game. I think my social game is strong. I do need to be careful with my words as some may catch on. And I may find myself at tribal with 7 ppl I like. I have my hierarchy of allies in my mind and I know who's at the bottom of my totem poll, I just hope I can get those who aren't even on it out first. I'm also a comp threat. Usually, I can lurk in the shadows more easily but with the dynamic and my low level of comfort with risk, competition prowess combined with my social game, though flashy, is what I'm betting on to keep myself safe. Owen and Kait and Timmy's competition prowess outshines mine and people peg Madison as the socialite who throws/does not complete comps to be in warzone. As long as there are some who play flashier than me, I'll be okay. Until next time!

I found a Rock Saver with the help of Corey, chill but I'm more than happy to send that over to him the second I'm back from warzone. That is such a situational power and there aren't really alliances yet to risk rocks for, but when there are it will be within Corey and I's power to use. Again, I'll play the idol to survive if I need to, but I'll do everything I can to prevent having to play it at f16, the jury doesn't care about what happens in the premerge portion of the game.

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It's going to be Jacob or Madison this round. Idol or bust, Cancer will take a hit, because fuck cancer. I'm done with the waiting for someone to take out players who have been just chilling in the Warzone, I'm done with the throwing challenges, I'm done with the deceit. The Warzone is not redemption island, you can't feed me a fish and send me on my way to build your jury presence. Madison is sans her warzone buddies, she's vulnerable besides Jacob. Let's go!

I may be in the war zone rn but Ian is here and I have fuckin missed that boi so yanno pros and cons

I so so so do not want to be here at Warzone again. This vote is probably the most complicated thus far because at this point I need a lot of things to go a very specific way in order for people to not realize I’m in the middle. Devon trusts me and wants to go with Ian’s plan to vote our Madison or Jacob and Madison and Maynor want to vote Ian which I would also like. However at this point I need to make everyone happy and the odds of doing that are so slim. I just have to convince Maynor wnd Madison to vote Jacob or Devon to vote Ian and neither one is the path of least resistance. I’m on the path of MOST resistance and by path I mean 1 inch wide tightrope suspended over hungry sharks.

I was not that surprised when I got voted out. I did not expect it because voting out Stephen did in fact seem like a plausible option and i felt that between him and myself it was kinda similar. It was believable that he would be voted off, but I totally understand why I was voted off. The interesting part about it to me is I think I was the least connected person in the game and I can see how that can get dangerous in merge because those people can flip a lot, but right now I thought it might've been a good opportunity to gain me as a number. I think this tribal was my first interaction with Trace and Ian. I did like them and I liked talking to them and I think I had potential to work with them if the plan of voting me out wasn't already in place. There were a few people I did not talk to that round because i didn't think I should've had to reach out to EVERYONE in order to talk to them. I just think there are alliances that have formed that i am not a part of because the decision-making for these votes is kinda weird and I don't always understand the motives. So to me an alliance i am not a part of makes the most sense. I was very excited about the lagoon though. I am hoping I get a chance to come back because that would be lit. I just need to stick it out through these votes and I am hoping Renee is connected to at least one of the other three so we can stay. Kinda glad Nehe is gone. I think he was bad for my game

Devon has been a godsend so far today, I talked to him last night about wanting Jacob or Madison out and he has up and ran with it. Devon being the face on this vote? Yes please, I don't want to blow back on me if it flips.

I actually have people working with me and talking to me this round? 😮😮😮 crazy that maybe these people have finally stopped trying to get me fucking out

Trying to talk to cullan rn and I can’t decide if it’s more or less difficult than talking to Thomas. He’s sent like three one word answers now.... Me: you doing anything exciting this weekend!? Cullan: Graduating. Ummmm ok hoe sounds real exciting hskshdjd like elaborate? Oh well I’m not answering. I tried to reach out bc my social game is ass rn but I’m not putting myself thru that today!!!! I miss Kait :( and I want to talk to corey :(((( grrrr they the real ones. And matt. Have yet to have a stimulating conversation with literally anyone else in this game. Wait ok actually I do like Timmy and madison SJSU’s je but madison busy too and Timmy sends LONG messages. Why can’t I have an in BETWEEN!!

I'm definitely going to see at least one vote tonight, I'm nervous about it because if people flip on me instead of voting Jacob I'll be dead to rights because I will not play my idol unless another idol is played. My thought process is that if I need my idol to save myself from a majority vote tonight then I wasn't bound to go far in this game anyway. I'll take my ball(advantages) and go home. 5 people told me they are voting Jacob, Matt told me Jacob is voting for me, if I'm being fed bullshit by everyone then that's just how the cookie crumbles.

Today has been quiet but people have brought up that Jacob and Madison are a strong duo. Matt was able to put the target on Jacob. It could be a 4-4 tie but Matt Madison n I might just go with majority and vote Jacob.

As per usual, I have no idea if I made a confessional about this or not. I can’t believe I won immunity, like I didn’t even have computer access. And i got 3rd so i had some margin to be safe (granted Adrian got 4th with one second more than me but still). That was the first time I did the puzzle because my other times were worse. If I was doing it on a computer my time would’ve been so much better so idk what happened with everyone else. And today Owen messaged me saying he feels kind of fucked because he hasn’t been to tribal in ages, which might be true but also he can probably win a lot of immunities come merge and people like him. I’m happy to work with him right now because we both have a lot of challenge wins but honestly I want him to go earlier on in merge because he is good at getting quick social connections.

oof mama, what a round this is panning out to be. First of all, I felt personally victimized by that challenge. The Ard tribe is full of some SERIOUS competitors, and that's the reason that I will most likely continue to show up at these stupid war zones until we merge. Fucking Kait has made it this far without going to the war zone at all, which is putting SUCH A LARGE target on her back. bUt whatever, it's just frustrating being on a tribe of people that probably do online puzzles for fun. So this round is interesting. After last round's unanimous vote, I feel a lot more comfortable working with certain people in the game. Ian has kind of solidified his spot as my number one in this game (more to come about that too). He came to me and was like we NEED to make a move against Madison/Jacob. He said he knows that Madison is a challenge threat, but is purposely trying to lose the challenges so that she can make connections with people in the war zone. Though he had made some points, I really don't think Madison is that smart to figure out how to do that. I really just think she is busy/not prioritizing and keeps showing up here. She seems pretty innocuous. That being said, she has become a bit of a social threat, slipping by all of these rounds without having to really do much. BUT, I do trust her and don't want her to be sent packing quite yet. Jacob, her star sign partner, on the other hand, can go. He doesn't talk at all, and when he doesn't they're boring one word answers. So I had pretty much set my heart on Jacob even though he is on our tribe, making my chances higher of showing up here if we keep doing the war zone format. To make matters more interesting, I talked a bit more to Matt this round and he told me that Madison and Jacob were gunning for Ian this round. Madison claims she is good with voting for Jacob, but everyone else says they seem to be a strong pair. I went straight to Ian with this and then he TOLD ME HE HAD AN IDOL. Honestly I am so happy to know he has it and not someone against me, because that's going to be some great information to have later on down the road. I think he is really paranoid, but at this point I just really cannot tell who is lying and telling the truth. I am hoping that people are being truthful and going to actually vote for Jacob, but I am trying to figure out who exactly has been saying Ian's name. It's ultimately going to be up to him whether he wants to play the idol this round but oof, if I were him, I'd be sweating. SO we shall see, but lord knows I'm shaking in my loafers!

#survivorstarzone #episodes

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survivorwakea · 5 years

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Episode 5: “my scumbag ass did the unthinkable and dirtbagged myself to safety” - Adam

AHHHHH I DID IT my scumbag ass did the unthinkable and dirtbagged myself to safety, I’m not proud of what I had to do or how I behaved when Taylor got eliminated but in all honesty that was all I knew I could do to get me through.

So okay let me explain my mindset, I was a goner I felt fucked and my back was most certainly against the damn wall. Nobody was answering me and nobody was even trying to talk to me, I knew that Thomas and Chloe are tight as fuck so I needed Tom to think that Taylor was going for Chloe so he would feel that he needed to protect her. All the red flags were there for Chloe and she knew it was m I could see it in her face that she didn’t believe me at all when I was framing Taylor. She knew that I had made it and I honestly did the dumbest thing ever by snapping and celebrating cause it was live to the cast and being all new to live tribals I wasn’t thinking at all

Okay so after a very explosive tribal council one that I will honestly learn a lot from for future games 😂😂 a swap happens and I was hoping that I could be swapped with like Elmo but I got out with Zack and Ian oh and Chloe... she loves me I swear.

I think I just need to work on just staying calm and cool to try and claw back from that very unneeded aggressiveness just gotta grind this challenge out and get a W

I’m on a tribe with Asya. This is gonna go SO well😒

Im still reeling from that fucking tribal. Im so mad at myself for voting out Taylor and letting Adam fucking manipulate me. Im sick of men, Im sick of their shit. Men have no place in my life right now, theyre all lying cheating fucking scumbags and I would rather cut my tongue out before I ever have to talk to another man again

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So, this has been an interesting 24 hours. We swapped tribes again, and as it turns out, the two people who were probably beefing the most at tribal, Adam and Chloe -- they both end up on my tribe. It's a bit frustrating, because I like them both. And if we lose this challenge and have to go to tribal, and they end up opposite each other, I'm worried about picking sides. In fact, I'm worried, period, about this damn tribal. 5 people equals not many places to hide. Yikes.

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I’ve been crying about it. I fucking suck, we just established that.

Well it's another loss! I feel like Denise Stapley xD. Anyways, I was put all alone on my new tribe but since I wanted to strangle Adam after what he did it's a good thing, but then I realize poor Chloe is with him I hope he gets it after that last vote. As for this vote, I think of Joey and his third grade picture of a flag that says Kane instead of Milu makes him the easy target. But it is still early, something may change. I'm glad to be back with Asya and both Bodhi and Jared are really cool. I feel I have options.

No. Fuck this. I'm absolutely sick of going to tribal. No. I'm not happy at all. I'm pretty sure I'm cursed right now and all I want to do is sleep. Also Adam is back in my DMs being like lol I still wanna work with u. No thank u to that either. Adam plus tribal makes Chloe not very happy

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Well I’m going to another tribal council, I’m getting sick of these but I think if I survive this one their is a possibility merge is next so I think me and tribals will just stay being friends. Poor Chloe and Tommy though they legit have been to every single tribal where I’ve been to every one BUT one.

My plan here is to try and vote Justin with Ian and Zack and hopefully the three of us can Hold the majority this round and take him out so that way moving forward I still slightly gave chloe who I believe is starting to come around again. I think she is finally starting to understand that the only reason I did what I did was being I was getting voted out and desperate times call for desperate measures and I think she gets that.

I’m going to tell her about my plans to vote Justin in a little bit I just hope that she agrees to it calmly and we can just have a simple 4-1 and call it a day.

hey yawlls this round was wild... so basically we swapped AGAIN and I'm with ben, johnny, anabel and lily, so overall a very solid group of people.

I'm rlly happy that I'm on the tribe with Ben because we share a lot of same thoughts about the game and I think that we are somewhat of a duo? I mean there's no bond or agreement between us but still! Really happy to have him here bc I trust him a lot, maybe more than I should.

Then we also have Johnny. He's the obvious threat of the game. He loves challenges and he is pretty darn strong socially too. I was very happy when he approached me with a ride or die deal. It's rlly good for my game at least for now because in order for me to reach far in this game I need to work with a lot of threatening people, if I vote all the out, it won't be a good look for me. Johnny also revealed a lot about who he knows before the game (i kinda knew of a lot of the info though bc i follow a lot of different orgs oops sidfashfd). But yeah! I think this round could start a beautiful partnership between us, I doubt that it will last until the end but it's great that it's a thing at least for now

Next up is Anabel. She is a sweetheart and I see a genuine opportunity to work with her in this game. She's innocent queen so far and I think she'd be loyal to her alliances, however I am also aware that she has crackhead tendencies so I just can't take her loyalty for granted. I rlly like talking to her tho so I think the more I talk to her the less likely it is for her to try to make a move one me? We'll see I guess but I just don't wanna blindly trust her.

Lastly, Lily. Ugh, a busy queen. I am very happy that we won the challenge because if not, there's high chance of her getting voted out of the game. She isn't as connected as the rest of us. The reason why I went so hard for the challenge was because I don't think its smart for my game to vote her out. I REALLY don't see her flipping on me and if she were to do it, I think she'd tell me about it which is the exact reason I want her to be in the game cuz I know I'm gnna need ppl who are v loyal to me. I also have worked a lot on trying to build a bond with her on a gameplay level too and so far so good, I'd say!

I think my position in this tribe is vvvvv good because of the randomly formed group of me Johnny and Anabel (although nobody talks in there, I take it as their sign of I want to work with you). Johnny also has the Ku advantage and while he says that it's nothing, I am not sure if I believe that. I doubt its an idol but I have a feeling that it could be something to help him in the game, yanno? I think that eventually he's gonna tell me though, yanno? Idk this is my random thoughts of the game. It's a blessing to be at confirmed F13 but there's long way to gooooo and I'm kinda here for it. My predictions for the boots on the other tribes are Joey and Adam but we'll see what happens !

Just won another challenge. Kinda wanted to go to tribal for this one so I could solidify some bonds with ppl but oh well. It could be worse. I could be going home this round lmao

THIS. ROUND. WILL. BE. THE. DEATH. OF. ME! i feel like this round is gonna throw a major wrench in my game for the upcoming days because it's gonna show some people that i'm not as loyal as i say i am. adam and ian think i'm in an alliance with them and that is NOT the case! i feel more loyal to chloe and justin and think i can advantage further in the game with those two. adam and ian think we're all gonna be voting to evict justin, but when adam gets 3 of the votes and winds up going home, i don't think it's gonna be pretty. ian is gonna see that i was never loyal to him but WHATEVER! i had to do what i had to do and i had to lie to them to protect my own self this round! i didn't want them to flip the name around on me, because you never know what could happen in a game like survivor! so yes. me chloe and justin are in a serious alliance and we all plan on evicting adam. adam and ian think i'm in a serious alliance with them and are gonna be evicting justin. so.. this is gonna be another tribal council for the books of celestial i feel like.. so lets get ready and prepare for war! bring it gays.

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i honestly can't help but think the worse. yes, i trust chloe and justin 100% but.. justin seems to be stressed since adam and ian wanna vote him out. so justin can easily turn this around on me and tell adam and ian everything if he is LITERALLY worried about leaving. and chloe can just turn around and tell ian and adam what i'm doing if chloe wants me out. so yes. i trust them, but my mind can't stop thinking the worse. if chloe and/ or justin think i'm a threat in this game, they can turn this all around on me and vote me out since i'm doing the most here and lying my ass off to adam and ian and in an alliance chat with them right now. i'm worried, but i'm just gonna pray this all works out.

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https://youtu.be/P9aV81hAjZY

https://youtu.be/0hB313P66RE

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Adam is voted out 3-2. Thomas is voted out 4-1 at double tribal.

#episode #sailaway

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survivorazores · 7 years

Text

Ep. 6 - “I'm saltier than my kitchen floor after that endurance challenge“ - Francie

After 5 wild rounds of strategy, the cracked Espirito tribe and comparably calmer Salao tribe were mixed together in a tribe swap.

The target on me is bigger than ever so I'm gonna have to pray and pray for a good twist right now. I cannot believe that worked out, Ruthie played that off SO well like damn she is a good actress they all genuinely believed she was going home!! I can't believe it holy shit. I am L I V I N G

Literally the second Ricky came back on I was like, "welp will can vote raf and get away with it." And then he did!! I just want one tribal to go well. I have to repair my situation with Mo now so thats fun. Hopefully he'll buy my pitch that I was just doing it to protect Will, which could make him see that Will was a threat after all.. But idk a twist sounds good.

WILL AND I DID THAT! oh my gosh he is my PERSON I want to go to FTC with him, he's playing so good and he is like the ONE person in this game I feel like I can be completely open and honest with about stuff and I just really hope that he and I make it far and that we stay on the same tribe IF there is a swap! I really do think that I'm in a good place still, I know I need to watch out for Amanda and Bryce because they were blindsided but honestly they should be more mad at Will than at me right now so it's all good. ;)

A tribe swap happens

https://survivorazores.tumblr.com/post/163701256193/announcement

https://survivorazores.tumblr.com/post/163702189018/tribal-immunity-6

WHAT IS HAPPENING

Looks like we actually correctly guessed a tribe swap this time hey! And look at that it worked out in my favor, Amanda wants to stick with me even though I just lied to her face, Emily has been someone I've wanted to work with since day 1 of one world, and Abbey is just... an icon, a legend. I have a really good feeling about this tbh.

I wish I was on a tribe with amanda and emily... But welp. At least I have the people I have never voted with on my tribe :)!! We do have 4 people tho so I hope our old tribe sticks together because It would be real bad for the OG espresso to have an even bigger number defecit. I need to bond with Mo/Ruthie/Ricky and hope we are tight and hopefully pull in one more number. Rip Raf :(

This is coming from the person that has the red sign by their name at all times but EXXXXXXCUSE me, Michael's little dot was green and it turned to yellow right when i messaged him. RUDE. Michael if you're reading this I hope we got close but that was RUDE!!!! :P

Raffy got voted out and I'm really sad about it. I felt isolated and alone because of the clear split and I knew that it would be me next because I was the next biggest target to them. Surprise! I get swapped with Emily!!! I'm sad that Bryce isn't with us, though. I'm happy that our tribals won't be influenced by the other tribe anymore, though. I'm also happy because most of the people from Salao are on our tribe, which will mean probably less messy tribals. This can also mean we will hopefully win more immunities! I don't want to have to use my idol any time soon.

yeah, this is what I was dreading. this has thrown a wrench in our old alliances and is forcing us to make new ones, obviously. I'm worried about existing bonds that were formed pre-swap and even pre-One World. former Salão members are at a numbers disadvantage within the new Espirito tribe so now we're trying to figure out how to play this new hand of cards. I have an existing connection with Bryce from that one partner challenge and I hope I can strengthen this bond and gain him as an ally

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGL4JxVAvh8

Amanda L is messy I'm so happy that we won and our tribe didn't go to tribal now everyone still trusts me, I didn't like her plan of voting off Nayeli because I love michale and I don't want him to get mad at me but she kept on badgering me and I had to agree, it's kinda annoying tho to be honest, Amanda is a nice person but she's overplaying too much you know? Also I love Emily so much we have such fun calls

i'm going back to bed for a little while longer, I just wanted to say that I miss Will, I'm worried that he and Amanda are going to get picked off, Gwen is on that tribe and Gwen is the crazy that went right instead of left and I just don't want Will to go home. It SUCKS not being able to talk to my ride or die right now. I think I'm in a really good spot right now though, I'm hoping that my old tribe stays strong and also Amanda suggested that me, her, ashley and francie who is super cool make an all girls alliance and I'm just so there for that, that's going to be AWESOME! I'm going to 100% tell Ricky everything and keep him safe, I feel like I should look out for Mo too but I don't want to be that person that tries to keep her entire old tribe safe in the all girls alliance

I just want to say taht im so proud of my baby (my video) IT WAS SOOOO CUTE AND FUNNNY!!!! i literally made that video hilarious omg aiongosaingoisdngoisd anyways im so thankful for michael for adding shit on and nayeli editing that AMAZINGLY!!!! but also now im trying to get good with emily and some other tribemate maybe amanda g?????? idk i need more allies!

i came up with the idea to have a lesbian alliance and I'm making emily get amanda to come get it together with her and ill try adding abbey later but omg iconic..... IOIFSBIOFISOFBIBFSUIB HAS THIS EVER HAPPENED???? my alliance is still nayeli n michael... but this could be more interesting

BYE RAFFY! KARMA IS A BITCH

That was crazy night I know Rafael was somewhat crackd but I did like him. Now it's time to crack down on this challenge. I think our group is good. The best of what's left seems to be here for most part. There are a few people I would like to make merge to work with in other tribe so maybe they can take out the crackd ones. I feel secure I think that we'll make smart decisions should we go to tribal

soo practically with all that information I'm think I'm pretty comfy in this game bc 1. i have a strong alliance with michael n nayeli 2. also with ali & amanda 3. now with emily by initiating us to resolve our tundra/toph drama 4. getting amanda in a lesbian alliance with me and emily now i plan on getting out will bc he's 1. a guy 2. no in any of those alliances and it'd be better for me to have more options open bc i wouldn't mind flipping for my lesbians if i need that

I know yay more confessions. idc about raffy so I'm happy he's out thank god i don't have to bother getting him out and trying to make lame ass excuses why he should lol. anyways i am however SUPER excited to that were 5 people out of the way and I've manage to go through only 1 tribal where i practically initiated getting out aundra with michael n nayeli and forming an alliance with amanda around that. anyways my game plan atm is to win more of these immunities bc I'm not going to be on anyones bad side by making funny jokes and being nice and helpful! I'm pretty set until merge and thats kinda what I'm trying to do with this new alliance with emily to get 4v3 and win a majority if we go to tribal. and hopefully i can survive like that for a while and then also come back with michael and amanda hopefully.

ok also if I'm being super fucking honest.... I'm still mad at amanda for being kinda boring in the film challenge bc I MADE ALL THOSE FUNNY IDEAS!!! but that won't sever my alliance at all with her. also idk how to talk to ali i got stuck with him bc of michael and idk how I'm going to speak to him :////

I'm glad to have made it this far, but I am really worried for myself after this tribe swap. I'm afraid the other tribe knows I'm a threat and want to take me Out

anyone else extremely happy to see only ONE woman leave this cast I'm loving it!!! I'm gonna laugh toward the end bc i know there will be like two all girls alliances conflicting with one another iangoisdngiodsnigdsiosdnodgs.

I'm very nervous about the results for immunity. I've never played this game and therefore didn't realize how many things these people had in common. I hope if we do go to tribal, my lack in answers won't hinder my chances in staying here

If I have go to tribal again I might just... I don't even know I just don't wanna think about that right now

I'm so scared!!! I went balls out on that chart - I probably put in like 30% of the pairs. I want to cry!!! I just want to be safe I don't want to have to scramble. Tomorrow is opening night for my show and I need a day off!!! Ugh I'm scared. And I worked really hard. We all did. I hope Salão can pull this out!!!

Normally I'm super nervous for results but it's so nice having tribe that actually talks. I haven't even realized that's it's been like half an hour. These are my peeps now keys win and solidify our bonding

The Salao tribe wins immunity

https://survivorazores.tumblr.com/post/163736442118/results-6

I'm not gonna like broadcast the fact that we probably won because I went in last minute and added a few more facts but... holy shit? We won? I'm so happy?

I'm so happy that we won immunity!!!! I finally have a day to relax, especially with One World being over. I don't get to worry about the other tribe's affairs and I just get to lay low, make my social game better, and relax

I CANT WIN A CHALLENGE DSFJFDSHJFKKDSHFJKDS. I'm really denise huh... So its a 4 vs 4 split based on tribal lines although ashley was an og espresso so maybe she'll be with me. I think I have a good relationship with Francie so maybe that'll save me from being salad's target. Time to prepare to be shook one more time!

What the HECK why did we lose by two points, I'm so frustrated. I'm glad I have the all girls alliance to fall back on and now I just have to figure... everything else... out too!

Espirito has been at tribal 3 times in a row now. I'm really conflicted because I feel like Ricky wasn't there at all to help, and that might put a target on his back and I don't think I can do anything about it sadly. But I think I helped, and I was pretty active in chat, but I don't know what Amanda Lynn is thinking because she's the power player, I may be going home next.

I have a lot to say about this loss. This 2 point loss. But I'm so tired. We are 10 days into this game and I'm drained. Currently, I need to put my trust in Ricky, and I'm so nervous about doing that. We had a long conversation on call that I'm too drained to discuss and we pretty much said we were nervous seeing the other on the cast bc we haven't talked for a year since Hawaii but we really just want to but that hell season behind us and work together. So I need to just trust him. I don't have another choice on that. 2 points. I could have found 2 more things. I'm so mad.

I can't believe we lost by two points. Two points. Anyway. I'm hoping that Amanda and I will get Ruthie and Ashley to vote with us since we're in an alliance. If we get Michael on our side as a former Salão member then we can have the majority this vote and use that to our advantage.

We won!!!! I'm so happy we won because I love everyone in the tribe and I really didn't want to vote anyone out just yet. And I worked super hard on that challenge. Yay!!! Now there's time to chill and bond rather than scramble and worry. I think my favorite part about the whole thing is that we won by two points. It was so close. I love it.

After this two point loss I'm saltier than my kitchen floor after that endurance challenge.

Here are two confessions because I think I forgot to send this one nakanwkwn One: http://youtu.be/giwY7r8bqLA Two: http://youtu.be/pEnc7w3e048

I'm nervous about this tribal, this may be it for me.

No one is really having a clear idea of what is going on at this tribal, is this how all the Espirito tribals have been???

Oh henny, not miss Michael flipping this vote.

Amanda and I called last night and we were planning on voting Ashley out. We've changed our minds since then and are going after Ricky because other tribe members are more likely to vote for him than Ash. Not only that but Ricky appears to have a strong social game which would be a threat should he make merge so its best to vote him out now. With us former Salão members, and a few others, we have the numbers to take him out tonight provided everyone keeps their word.

I love how I put a sense of doubt in people's minds about Ricky last night and this morning the vote has switched from Ashley to Ricky. These people are all unknowingly following my beat and I'm just chilling.

Okay... I know that at least half of my confessionals are just me complaining that I don't trust Ricky and being in this game with him makes me nervous. And that's still true. But yesterday, we went on call, and we had a good conversation. And I'm not gonna go into detail because that was just for us but like, we agreed to work together. And then Mo comes to me like, "I want to vote Ricky out because he isn't pulling his weight in challenges and I just want to get to merge and you can help me do that" blah blah blah. But like, Ricky trusts Mo and he wants Ashley out and all this stuff so I steer Mo away from Ricky and get him on the Ashley train and be like, we can get Ricky next time bc we would only need 4 votes then, blah blah and he agrees. Well then I talk to Michael Francie. And they bring up valid points. Ashley has been targeted and it would be easy to get her out later. Ricky has been a target every tribal and yet he is still here. He's got a good social game. Its the same thing that happened in Hawaii. Voting Ricky out makes sense. More sense than voting Ashley out. But.... I cannot believe I am having a moral dilemma about voting him out. I think I just feel bad because we just like, got on good terms and I feel like he really trusts me, and I do like him as a person outside the game. But literally everyone (except Ruthie) has brought his name up. Everyone wants him out. I don't want to put a target on me to try and save him if my whole tribe wants this to happen. I'm also torn because like, Abbey was aligned with him. He is a number for her. I don't want her to be mad at me either. Ugh, I hate this. Ricky is gonna think I'm just a manipulator and everything we said yesterday means nothing, and that's not true. He's not gonna know that until these confessionals come out and even then he might not read them. It's truly not a personal move. It's strictly a game move. I just hope this doesn't backfire in later rounds...

No idea what will happen tonite but I'm hoping I get through it. If I go I'll be so upset cause I really want to be here and give my all. I'm playing my best unlike these crackd people that are playing messy games. I'm hoping with the swap we have enough smart people to do the right thing.

I really hope Amanda isn't lying to me, I need to survive this and make merge so I can be back with Will and Abbey. I would love that foursome to be a thing. I can't even imagine what's going on over there. All I know is Fuck Ali Tanveer

People may think Amanda is calling the shots, but she literally is carrying out all my dirty work for me this tribal.

So think the vote is Ricky but hes pushing on Ashley or maybe me. I really regret not being able to be as active today because this is scary...

s t r e s s e d

the swap was ugly and i want to get voted out. i literally hate talking to people bc they're boring sometimes (sorrynotsorry). i hope michaels doing okay now that he's on the other tribe.

Me voting Ricky out? Why am I about to start crying? This is one of the hardest votes I've had to make in my entire Survivor career, Ricky doesn't deserve this but I want to show my all girl alliance that I'm loyal af and that... idk, that we aren't aligned I guess, but this is still so hard and I feel so bad and I want to like warn him or something but I KNOW he doesn't have the idol. I want to go one round where I'm not looked at like a loon or something though but this just sucks all the way around, I feel so bad for Ricky and I feel like if we ever end up together again Will is going to be SO mad at me. I trust Ashley, Amanda and Francie but it's not the same as it was with Will, like I don't feel like I can talk about people idk, I'm just scared that they have an alliance with michael without me or something.

This is the Rick-key to my success.

https://survivorazores.tumblr.com/post/163772076838/tribal-6-espirito

Ricky becomes the sixth boot of Survivor Athena: Azores

#imthegreatergood #episodes

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celestialallstars · 5 years

Text

Episode 11: “The odds are against me but I’m gonna make it....” - Loris

FUCK YOU MATT. FUCK YOU JACK. FUCK YOU STEPHEN. FUCK THIS CAST. YALL LYING ASS HOES SUCK MY FUCKING NIPPLES

Right now, I've got a mixture of feelings. On one end, I guess the tribal showed were some people's loyalties lie, but on the other I couldn't help but feel like it was a bit much. Like everybody in this game has literally lied and like I don't know, I understood Jack and Matt's frustration but it was a big yikes to see it get so tense and everyone get worked up. Like had my laptop not shut off, I would have likely snapped tonight and I think I'm seeing the good and the bad of things right now and it's just...a mess. Not to mention the 8 man alliance couldn't get it together until the 11th hour.

Fuck. Fucking fuck. Matt is finally gone, and this time we pulled it all off to keep him until Jared fucking pulled out an idol. How did he even know it was gonna be Chloe anyways? Man. I can't help but wonder if he wouldn't have played it had Matt and I shut our mouths but I think he would've anyways. I couldn't help myself, I couldn't let him lie again in public about that I had to expose him. Now he's got no idol, he's got few allies (I think), he's totally vulnerable and I pray to god we get him in the next 2 rounds.

It just occurred to me that I had a part in the chaos tonight. Stephen was already worried about the vote, but if I don't talk to Jack/Mitch then none of the last minute plan to vote Chloe happens I feel or gains as much momentum, then half the craziness that happened tonight at tribal does not happen at all....I saved Steph but at the cost of seemingly having Jared cost his game.

________________________________________________________________

I'm really drained at the moment between the school stuff and this game and now Jared claims my name was around for this round, or at least it was Bryce's plan. It did not phase me because I already wanted to go against Bryce/Zach but now it at least gives me another reason. AS of all of the craziness, my gut told me to try and stick it out with Michael/Chloe. I believe that between Rhys/Bryce/Zach's sketchiness, Jack just being himself, and Loris, I'd rather just try things out with the others. At this point, I'm kind of over a lot of the BS that people keep trying to sell. Having that said, I firmly believe that things need to get outted tomorrow unless we attempt a full on blindside.

I keep checking my messages as though someone wants to talk to me. Spoiler alert: they don’t.

Sooooo YESTERDAY WAS A DAY!

It started off so simple, Matt seemed to be the target for the majority alliance and Michael/Chloe didn't seem very interested in keeping him around. So I came up with a scheme that I think may have tied into someone else's scheme. But I didn't know it at the time. ANYWAYYYYY...

Matt's going home, but I don't want to vote him. Why? Because I wanna strengthen my relationship with Jack, so I approach both of them to talk about things and figure out who they're voting for. Matt was very antagonistic and I figured out this is because he heard I was saying his name, which was true! I get them to say a name they'd rather have taken out, and it's Chloe. Sure. Me and Chloe barely talk tbh. So I essentially go around getting pissy about wanting to vote Chloe instead of Matt to my alliance because I need to sell it anddddddd........

They... Want to vote her out? SKDJSKDKSKSKSKSKAKSK

Ummmm this wasn't the plan! Everyone except Loris and Jared want to do it. Okay. Whatever. I'm too deep in now to flip back, sorry Chloe!

THEN JARED PLAYS THE IDOL SKSKDKDMSKSKSKSKSSM

Ok but why didn't you use that idol to save Mitch hm?

Sketchy bitch.

Soooo I hear afterwards that Zach and Bryce had a chat with Jack and Matt and apparently they might have wanted to vote Chloe anyway????? But then why let the vote be Matt for the entire day? When we all would've voted Chloe if they just said her name originally? And now Jared also has a chat with Chloe and Michael? Worst allies ever.

Idk Zach and Bryce are sketchy and I've known that since the Mitch vote. Maybe they should watch their backs in the near future ......

First off I was SO happy for Loris! It would have been nice to immunity, but I know with all of the distracting things I had for the day that I did good with the few hours I had. This makes me wonder if it will continue a trend I see in a lot of orgs where I begin to place in the top 4 a lot in the late game. Only time shall tell. Going into this tribal, I for once feel great. Making a new alliance with Loris/Michael/Chloe/Jared all the while keeping Stephen in the loop. I'll still smile and wave in the 13th, three kings, literally any other chat but as far as I'm concerned, I'm ridding my hands of that. Hope its not too early to feel good (it is)

________________________________________________________________

So I did some thinking and for a bit I had a feeling me or Bryce would get 10th. This was just because Karth came in 20th and Kori in 15th, which had to mean one of us would come in 10th and the other in 5th. Time to see how accurate this prophecy is

Day 25......... gross. So disregarding the challenge because yikes the whole game seems to be flipped on and the best part is that I don’t put myself forward as a target and Jared and Chloe are seen as this tight duo so I expect them to be targeted over myself. However chris and loris both expressed disappointment in how the game has been progressing and Bryce and zach both came to me to strategise so hopefully I’m in some sort of power position in the game however chris has pulled this before where he’s so sad he didn’t get his way and so disappointed and nothing has changed so right now my focus is on how to get myself forward in the game with hopefully more to come and Bryce will hopefully be eliminated this round.

Soooooo I had to abstain from the challenge for work but that's okay. I don't think I'm the target anyway.

The biggest news is that Jared has added onto his old group of Chloe and Michael to create a new majority. One that is planning to overthrow the old one in the near future. Based on what Chris has told me, the additions are himself and Loris.

The issue is, based on what Jared has told me, that Loris wants to wait one more round before locking things down. I see why he'd want to do this. Jack could easily slip through the cracks of the impending majority vs. majority war and that puts him within reach of an easy win at FTC in my opinion.

Jack might actually go home unanimously if things keep up like this. It'd be sad, because I just really started putting work into my relationship with him recently, but it really doesn't seem worth it when, even if I save him, I'll likely be targeting him within 2 or 3 rounds anyway. Cyrena? More like, sayonara.

Of course, if last vote is any indication, this can all change in a couple of minutes! So who the fuck knows. There's still 3 hours until tribal and if I can convince the 5 in power to pull their move now I wouldn't mind it at all.

hi!! ok so like... I won immunity??? and it was a creative challenge???? I’m so shocked and proud of myself I rlly tried to snap and things went wrong but I still SNAPPED!!! and now I made single digits oh my god!!! like... 9th or above I’m so happy with but of course I’m gonna win anyways. so. I suggested an alliance with me chloe Chris michael Jared to Chris and Jared and now it’s a real thing and like.. we just need to get people to vote jack for themselves and then we can run the game perry add. That could be a serve. I genuinely feel like I’m in a rather good spot this game I don’t think anyone should want to vote me out except stephen maybe?? jack is hard to read because I’m not sure he talks To that many people ... idk... also oh my god so I just need to survive 3 more tribals and then I can play my legacy.... and like I’ll be so proud of myself if I get to do that. both seasons I find the legacy in round one(?) and I manage to hold onto it until the final six both times ?? like.. the odds are against me but Im gonna make it....

girl idk. i feel in danger because of lack of talk. everyone wants jack out. id prefer chloe. the only votes we can get are bryce, rhys, jack and myself. loris is dumb. HE WONT idk. jareds legit playin super well and good for him but ppl needa wake up and start knockin off his +1’s so hes easier to take out in the future. but who cares. these people are gonna end up lettin like jared or chris win .. and good. i suppose they deserve it.

im just super tired. partly due to this game but partly because of irl factors... so i just cant go chaotic. its so fun but soooo draining, and its hard when everyone leaks things and jared wants to be dumb and idol. it wasnt dumb. im petty. its real dumb.

im just trying to get ppl on my side but it seems so hard NNNN so . we’ll see

My names going round again 🤠

Ever since I played the idol on Chloe (which was indeed an in the moment decision), I feel a lot better about my spot in the game.

I revealed basically everything to Chris. There was very little that I left out. I told him about the F2 with Bryce, and my motivations behind every decision so far.

Sometimes overbearing trust comes out of overbearing promises. I still need someone to have my back no matter what, so being open with Chris was necessary. I still will try my best to keep Bryce in the game. I need them to war with each other because it will be a long term buffer for me. In terms of F3 plans, I'm not sure. I have options between Chris, Rhys, Chloe, Michael, Stephen, and Loris. I wouldn't mind staying true and taking Bryce as far as I can, but eventually his number will be up and I think that will be better for my chances to win anyways.

Today I finally pulled the trigger and Chris and I put together this 5some of him, Chloe, Michael, Loris, and myself called "starpower."

I will have to be cheeky with Chris to stay in a better spot than him, because he doesn't have strict promises with Bryce as far as I know.

Tonight Jack will go home which was Loris' call. I think it's fine because either way next round Stephen will want a big target out and he needs me to make it happen. I want that target to be on Zach, because I think Zach is the current frontrunner to win, and I think voting him will suit Stephen.

With that being said, it will take a smooth game from hear on out to not be a total goat. I'll try my best.

Feeling very strange about this vote. It's another sort of last minute vote, we've all kind of agreed to do a hard reset and vote Chloe again, but now that I've seen one idol play I can't help but feel like there's another coming, and this time it'd directed towards me potentially. I think I'm gonna propose possibly splitting votes just to cover our bases, because I do feel like Jared and Chloe are now gonna want to target me for no reason other than it's convenient.

If someone idols Jack tonight I’m gonna scream 🤡

So, I wanted Chloe gone this round, because I'm scared she will just float through this game and take a spot at the end. Which is exactly what is happening this vote. People want Jack instead so here we go. Haven't been too active so couldn't have gotten the numbers. Sad times.

Hi so the vote seems to be on jack which is a little bit anti climatic because everyone was like let’s make a move and then boom jack goes like I thot we were going after bryce zach or rhys but I guess not? Anyway I hope im not being played by bitches right now and people stick to their words. Or at least vote jared/Chloe out

________________________________________________________________

The thing that makes me most nervous going into tribal is that it makes strategic sense for Stephen not to vote with us and instead vote out Jared who’s a far bigger threat than Jack but hopefully the fear of a tie will mean that he makes it 6 and I hope he realises that I’m ok with going against Jared sksksksksk.

THIS game is so sad liek nothing i want happens ppl are just not wanting to do what i want and thats so unlike my first season KJFHDASKJ i just want total control and someone to run the game with but jared is so annoying and is trying to work with the ppl who will vote him out bc hes such a big threat like girl pls just let me have my way and i wont cut u at 4th! im still fuming over the idol play like who does he think he is playing it without letting me know thats all i ask i literally feel pathetic trying to work with him when he clearly has chris/loris/chloe interests ahead of me

________________________________________________________________

Jack is voted out 8-1-1. He becomes the third member of our jury.

Watch Jack’s exit interview take place below:

youtube

#shinebright #episode

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s3venpounds · 5 years

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1-64. 65 What is the worst thing you have ever done to a friend?

65 questionsssssssssss yeeeeeeeeee boiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii letsss fucking goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo thanks for the ask btw! also sorry for late reply

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

honestly sometimes, the whole “ life is a simulation” got me kinda scared ya never know

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

1. because im not afraid of the dark im afraid of what can be in it that im not aware of

3. The person you would never want to meet?

idk. cuz if i say someone i hate then i can’t physically meet them to punch them

4. What is your favorite word?

love

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

idk whichever lives for millions of years i wanna be like those giant ass trees that you see in animes that are like whole cities wide

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

should i finally cut my hair? or do i perservere

7. What shirt are you wearing?

my ed sheeran concert shirt

8. What do you label yourself as?

someone with the capacity of good but chooses to be an asshole

9. Bright room or dark room?

bright room

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

seeing if my new friends were playing games so i can join

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

12. Who told you they loved you last?

off the top of my head? my mom pretty sure.

13. Your worst enemy?

myself, my fears, hesitation and past mistakes?

14. What is your current desktop picture?

its a picture of hinata shoyo from Haikyuu!! doing a spike with wings on his back!

15. Do you like someone?

yes.

16. The last song you listened to?

Jacob Lee Slip

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

trump

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

trump. and i want like brass knuckles when i punch.

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

probably a volleyball coach/ trainer or a professional volleyball player to just drill basics into me and make me a better player. (that or just gal gadot to like help me clean up my life and give me life advice)

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

i guess my energy? its a fucking mess though cuz sometimes i get tired after like 4 minutes of activity but then sometimes i get like a second wind and i just go for hours

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

i mean there was that snapchat trend of every guy making a female version of themselves so i guess theres that. i would definitely try anything i could. periods, cramps, catcalls, masturbating anything i could so i truly understand what women have to go through every day of their lives

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

im a very open person so most of my obscure talents are known but i am kinda proud of how i can name pokemon by just hearing their cries limited to like the first 3 generations tho lmao

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

what happens after we die

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

i wanna make the most bougie sandwich in the world. I want abelone, puffin, black truffle, caviar, just all that super high end shit

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

save it. im going on a trip somewhere out of the city and i could use the extra pocket money

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

venice italy. no question.

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

oh shit booze! i love me some booze! i guess it would have to be like smirnoff kissed caramel vodka, or this one whiskey i saw a video of irish people drinking american whiskeys

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

dont be a fucking dickhead idk. i can’t make concrete rules cuz theres loopholes

29. What is your favorite expletive?

definitely fuck just because i say it more than actual normal words

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

haha “loved ones” lmao. oh uhhh my letters from D.O when we were kids. that or my journal

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

my dads abuse. oh wait no then thats free forgiveness for him lmao no uhhh one of my past relationships. it was a mess and i still struggle a little with it

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

Venice italy. that or greece or rome idk. i really like their aesthetic with small white houses, small walkways and all that

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

Steve irwin or Robin williams. or just to make a couple people near me happy, Kyle Fundytus

34. What was your last dream about?

uhhh I kissed the person I’m currently interested in. not just a normal dream too I felt everything. it was crazy. Felt, their hands, warmth, lips, body against mine and even their skin it was just magical.

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

boyfriend? honestly? idk. i’d like to think that i am but from what I know apparently im not

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

yes and no? i guess? i had one of those shots you give to enfants when their family is moving to a new country and i still have the scar so possibly? i mean technically any baby born in a hospital has been admitted to one lmao

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

YES AND SOME OLDER KIDS BROKE IT DOWN AND USED IT AS A BENCH . I fought them and got sent tot he principals office

38. What is the color of your socks?

im not wearing any.... but i do have a favourite pair of green ones that have a print of pringles sour cream n onion on it!

39. What type of music do you like?

Jazz, big band, kpop, RNB, rap, rock, swing music, electro...? sort of?

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

i can’t choose, I love both and have fond memories of both

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

Vanilaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa maybe some caramel in it

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

uhh i dont know much about football but i can say i would support my local team edmonton eskimos

43. Do you have any scars?

a ton! i love em! its like the sentimental stuff i keep in my closet but on my body and i always trace my finger over them whenever im just in the mood to reminisce

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

im not currently taking the courses i need to get my dream job but i’d love to be a power ranger either the stunt double or the cheesy actor. that or a school councilor

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

how dependant i am on others. i hate it. if i was alone i dont think i’d survive. i need other people

46. Are you reliable?

I like to think that i am though again, you’d have to ask my friends

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

Did you find her?

48. Do you hold grudges?

hell.yes. if you couldnt tell i reallllllllllly hate my dad. like really.

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

whatever animals it takes to make dragons a thing again

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

I would have to say when this random stranger came up to me to complain about the transit system because the one in vancouver was so much better apparently. dude went on a 20 minute rant and i just drowned him out with music and pretended to “pause” my music while nodding like i understood

51. Are you a good liar?

not sure. I think i am considering my parents dont know half the shit i did AHEHEHEHE

52. How long could you go without talking?

couple days. long as i got my music.

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

god there was this one christmas where my parents gave me like a stereotypical suburban kid hair cut where the whole head is like flattened with hair gel the at the forehead its just a tall wall of spiked hair. BUT HERES THE KICKER. they dyed half the wall red and half green for christmas. god it was awful

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

does cheesecake cupcakes count?

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

ive been told i can do a good russian one, chinese too

56. What do you like on your toast?

nutella omg. fresh toast with gooey nutella? god its so good

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

uhmmm some secret stuff for a friends personal project

58. What would be you dream car?

Dodge Viper

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

I love singing in the shower when no ones home. I can only sing when no ones home cuz the walls in this house are thin AS FUCK.

60. Do you believe in aliens?

i believe we’re not the only ones out here but due to how we’re literally killing our own kind and planet for no good reason they choose to ignore us

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

yep! all the time! whenever i get my hands on the local paper i read my horoscope while i wait on the train or if theres a horoscope thing on tumblr!

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

X idk x is just cool

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

dragons are you kidding me? dragons are dinosaurs that can fly. AND BREATHE FIRE

64. What do you think about babies?

I dont think im a good father figure but spending time with kids is a pretty okay time for me long as its not long term lmao

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

What is the worst thing you have ever done to a friend?

I punched them full force in the stomach for calling me emo. it was a bad day but lo and behold that person became my best friend loooooooooooool

#ask me shit #this was fun #do some moreeeeeeeee

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