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therealvinelle · 3 years

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How do you believe Carlisle feels about Esme? How would their break up go? Would he ever cheat on her? I mean like emotionally?

He loves her.

I don’t doubt that his feelings for Esme are genuine, that he respects and cherishes her and wishes to spend his life with her. Esme, too, worships the man.

My complete lack of faith in this ship comes from the fact that they’re together for the wrong reasons and not compatible.

The Bad Beginning

Carlisle had spent centuries searching for likeminded, he never did. In the end he succumbs and starts creating his own, first Edward and then Esme, and to his joy they both agree to do the diet.

Esme’s transformation was entirely an impulse on his end. He saw this delightful, vivacious young woman he’d known ten years ago lie broken and dying in the morgue, a Jane Doe declared dead, she was all too easy to steal. She was too far gone for him to have time to think it over, and so he went «alright let’s do this. I imagine it seemed rather like God had sent her to that morgue specifically. We learn from Midnight Sun that romance wasn’t on his mind at all (even if it was, that wouldn’t make their marriage more functional) and he expected nothing of her. He bit her because he didn’t want Esme Platt to die.

Esme, of course, wakes up into this new life under surreal, heavenly circumstances. Her child is still dead - but here is the mythic, pedestaled Dr. Cullen, now her savior and more wonderful than ever. To back myself up with the books:

Esme had already been in love with Carlisle—much to his shock—but not through any mystical, magical means. She’d met Carlisle as a girl and, drawn to his gentleness, wit, and otherworldly beauty, formed an attachment that had haunted her for the rest of her human years. Life had not been kind to Esme, and so it was not surprising that this golden memory of a good man had never been supplanted in her heart. After the burning torment of transformation, when she’d awakened to the face of her long-cherished dream, her affections were entirely his. (Midnight Sun, chapter Bloodtype)

Carlisle, on his end, hadn’t had the idea at all until Edward said “Dude, she’s into you, go for it.”

I’d been on hand to caution Carlisle about her unforeseen reaction. He’d expected that she would be shocked by her transformation, traumatized by the pain, horrified by what she’d become, much as I had been. He’d expected to have to explain and apologize, to soothe and to atone. He knew there was a good chance that she would have preferred death, that she would despise him for the choice made without her knowledge or consent. So the fact that she had been immediately prepared to join this life—not really the life, but to join him—was not something he was ready for.

He’d never seen himself as a possible object of romantic love before that moment. It seemed contrary to what he was—a vampire, a monster. The knowledge I gave him changed the way he looked at Esme, the way he looked at himself.

More than that, it was very a powerful thing, choosing to save someone. It was not a decision any sane individual made lightly. (sic)

I’m not entirely void of authorial intent - I get that this was supposed to be romcom where the cute nerdy guy has no idea the girl is interested.

But, what I see is that after centuries of being alone, never finding anybody who shared his values, Carlisle finally has these two people who share his ideals, the only two in the world. He’s had countless friends, but it never worked out because of that damn diet. But, now he has these two people, and one of them is a beautiful, kind, wonderful woman who’s in love with him.

I imagine falling for Esme was easy. It was just so perfect, simply by being Carlisle Cullen he could make her happier than any other man, and given their shared diet, he wanted her by his side always, just as he did Edward. And this was it for him, really, to Carlisle Cullen Esme might as well be the only woman in the world because she’s the only one who'll share his lifestyle. He also felt responsible for her.

I don’t at all doubt their sincerity or affection for one another.

However, they did not fall for each other for each other’s sakes. Esme fell for the ideal since childhood, and Carlisle fell because she was perfect. Stick them in an AU and it won’t happen.

The Slippery Slope

Where they run into trouble is firstly that Esme doesn’t share these ideals, nor value human life for its own sake. Now, I’m not asking her to be a saint - but over the course of these books we had some lapses that I find pretty damning.

She wanted Edward back in Forks, when this would almost certainly mean the death of Bella Swan, simply because to Esme having Edward nearby > a person’s life. This wasn’t the case for Carlisle, he made it extremely clear he wanted Edward to leave.

During the “Kill Bella?” vote, she was in favor of whatever meant Edward would stay.

Carlisle, having failed to get anywhere with talking sense into Edward, sends him home to his mother for an intervention. What happens next is that Esme gives Edward her blessing to eat the delicious girl if he wants to. Now, we can’t know specifically the talk Carlisle and Esme had before this, but I can’t imagine it was this. Also, damn, what a miscommunication.

Esme simply doesn’t have a problem with the deaths of individual humans, and she will put her loved ones above all other things, even if it’s a minor inconvenience. Keeping Bella alive only becomes her priority after Edward makes it clear he wants this.

Now, Carlisle’s standards have been worn down over the centuries, he just wants his family to try not to eat people on purpose, that’s how low the bar is. Tragically for his marriage, Esme is stumbling over said bar.

The further trouble they run into is that I don’t think they’re very compatible people.

Esme means well, but she’s peculiar, to put it extremely nicely. Her ambition in life is to LARP the human life, right down to being a master chef of something her species can’t eat, which could be sweet if she did other things. She doesn’t, the closest she gets is designing homes for her family. There’s being single-minded, and then there’s Esme, who appears to have honed herself into someone who exists only to be the housewife.

This leads to bizarre behavior - for instance in Midnight Sun when Edward has realized he’s in love, he sits around laughing to himself like a lunatic while playing the piano. Something happens with Rosalie, who runs out of the house in humiliation. Esme, responding to all this, gives her infamous “the best and brightest of us all” pep talk.

It’s just such a weird scene, even accounting for the inhumanity of Twilight vampires this is weird.

Mostly, thought, it is Esme’s interests and desires in life that I find so at odds with Carlisle’s. She wants to be an improved human, living the shinier, better, life without actually embracing the inhumanity of vampirism, while Carlisle is doing the human thing because he wants to be a doctor and save lives. Before that, he was travelling the world, living with normal vampires, using his eternity to study and pursue meaning in life. Now, they end up in the same place, with similar goals - wanting to blend in with humans - but the motivation is the polar opposite.

Which in turn means that as the world turns and their lives inevitably change, the way they live will have to change. This will spell trouble.

There’s also me having a strong suspicion these two don’t have much of a physical relationship, if any. Meyer specifically referred to their relationship as spiritual, and that fits the vibe we get from them in the books. Quite notably, Rosalie and Emmett were impossible to be around when they were newlyweds, while Carlisle and Esme weren’t a problem at all.

Not to mention what Esme longed for all those years was very much an ideal of a man, which to me doesn’t immediately point to a very physical attraction.

The Penultimate Peril

Would he cheat on her, you ask. Answer is yes, they’re both cheating emotionally with Edward. No.

He’s with her because he wants to be, and feels responsible for her. More, developing the kinds of feelings necessary for an emotional affair isn’t really on the table for him, since everyone else in the world is either a. one of his kids or the Denali, b. an unrepentant man-eating demon. So, unless Tanya’s feeling frisky, Carlisle doesn’t have anybody to cheat with.

(I’m here defining an emotional affair, which as I understand it is a bit hard to define, as a romantic, but non-physical entanglement. The cheating party has to know their partner wouldn’t be cool with it for it to count in my eyes.)

As for physically cheating on her, nope. God no, not ever. Unless something really convoluted like the plot of Blue Moon unfolded, but that’s really more a case of Esme pimping out her husband to her daughter-in-law, so everyone’s to blame here.

The end

I think the breakup can happen in any number of ways, but I think either way it will be sudden.

These two aren’t going to go “you know, I think we’ve grown apart” because Esme would never acknowledge that nevermind walk up to Carlisle and say it, and if Carlisle realized things aren’t working he’d still want to stick it out for her sake.

I think it’ll be sudden, it’ll happen as the immovable object that is them is hit by an unstoppable force. One will go someplace the other can’t follow. Maybe when the Cullen coven splits down the middle, and they’re on each their own side of the chasm, or maybe some other cause entirely.

It’ll devastate them both, but given the people these two are, I think it’s inevitable.

#carlisle cullen #esme cullen #carlisle/esme #twilight #twilight meta #twilight renaissance #hope you all think the header theme was as funny as i did #a series of unfortunate events aka-#Anonymous #ask

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nashibirne · 3 years

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Hey lovely! Sorry I missed your milestone post! Firstly CONGRATS! You deserve it and so much more!!! 💖 As there's a milestone celebration in my house today, what about celebrating a milestone anniversary with Henry? I'm all up in my sappy romantic feels 🥺💖 LUV YA x

I'm still answering the asks I got for my milestone celebration 🥳 So today I have another prompt based one-shot for you!

Thank you so much for your ask, Lauren and for your sweet words! I hope you still crave a little fluffy romance because that's what I tried to put into words, but most of all I hope you're going to like and enjoy this and you find yourself represented in my story.

Nostalgia

Pairing: Henry Cavill x Lauren

Words: ~ 1.3 k

Summary: It's your wedding anniversary but you have to work and that sucks, doesn't it?

Warnings: RPF, fluff

UNBETA'ED! English is not my mother tongue, so expect bad grammar, wrong spelling, chaotic punctuation and clumsy language. All mistakes are mine…

Disclaimer/credits: I neither own Henry Cavill nor do I know him. This is pure fiction. Pics for the header from Pinterest

My Masterlist

And now... enjoy the ride!

******

It could have been a great day, a perfect day. A trip to Plymouth, a major task your boss entrusted you with, a really important article you were about to write for the lifestyle and culture ressort you'd joined only a few weeks ago as deputy editor. If only it hadn't been exactly this day, the day of your five years anniversary with your beloved husband.

You leaned back in your seat with a sigh, closing your eyes, the rattling sound of the train that was taking you to Devon soothing your nerves a little.

Henry had been nothing but understanding when you told him you would be away for your anniversary. He had been disappointed for sure, you were easily able to tell by the look in his eyes, but he was the most supportive partner you could ever imagine and so he was genuinely happy for you that you were given this great opportunity.

"It's going to be fun, darling. You'll spend a whole day in a theme park and get paid for it," he had said with a grin. "We can celebrate our anniversary the next day, it's not a problem."

Of course he was right, it was no big deal, whether you had a romantic anniversary dinner today or tomorrow made no real difference, but you couldn't help the feeling of missing something tonight.

You shook your head, scolding yourself for being so unprofessional and ungrateful. Get your act together, you thought and that's what you did. You did your job and it turned out soon that Henry was right, it was a fun day.

The theme park that was about to be opened the following weekend, was called Nostalgia and it was really great. Old-fashioned and high-tech at the same time, the magic of the-good-old-days combined with the thrill of modern rides. You and the other journalists who got invited to the exclusive pre-opening had such a good time, trying all the fairground attractions -the rollercoasters, tilt-a-whirls, a log flume, a beautiful vintage horse-carousel, different chairoplanes and a more funny than spooky ghost train. You watched some shows, from stunt action to musical performances, and enjoyed some delicious treats at the candy booths. The only downer was the fact that the huge, historic ferris-wheel hadn't been opened yet. It was so beautiful, a real eyecatcher, being the geographical center of the park as well as the visual highlight.

When you and your colleagues were waiting for the shuttle busses to bring you back to the train station at the end of this exciting day, you were already busy with writing the article in your head. Unfortunately you were interrupted, when the park director approached you, glancing at your name badge.

"Mrs Cavill, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you please accompany me?"

You looked at him with a frown.

"Is something wrong?"

"Nothing to worry about, just a tiny problem with your accreditation. A formality. We just need you to sign some paperwork, so if you'd follow me to my office…?"

"But the bus," you said in a weak attempt to avoid any complications.

"There's plenty of time," the man answered with a friendly smile. "Please." He gestured to you to follow him and you gave in with a sigh.

When the ferris wheel came into sight you stared at it in amazement. It was beautifully illuminated by thousands of little lights that created a very romantic atmosphere, and to your big surprise it was even slowly turning.

"I thought the ferris wheel hadn't been opened yet?"

The director turned to you with a conspiratorial smile.

"Well, we may have given a special permit to someone to use it exclusively tonight."

"Really?" You were confused by his words and he grinned, pointing at something. When your gaze followed the direction of his gesture you gasped, covering your mouth with your hands. Henry was standing by the entrance of the ferris wheel, wearing a tuxedo, his hair neatly done, his blue eyes shining bright, smiling lovingly at you.

It took you some seconds to recover from this welcome shock, but when you were able to breathe and think again, you started to run straight into the arms of your beloved husband. He hugged you tightly, lifting you off the ground with ease, before putting you down again to press a sweet kiss on your brown hair.

"Happy anniversary, darling."

His whispered words that resonated softly in your ear, sent pleasant shivers down your spine. You looked up, getting on your tiptoes to kiss him. Your lips met and the kiss was brief but deep and passionate, your tongues tasting desire and anticipation in each other's mouths.

"Happy anniversary, baby", you answered with an ecstatic smile, still equally surprised and confused, "but what are you doing here?"

"Whisking you away for a ride on the big wheel, of course," he said with a grin and you couldn't help but laugh out loud with happiness and excitement.

"How the heck did you manage to do that?" You hugged him, snuggling up against his broad chest, inhaling his scent that was so fresh and tangy. Henry wrapped his arms around your petite body, making you feel safe and sound.

"That has to remain my little secret, darling," he smirked and you chuckled at his attempt to wink at you.

"So hop on, my lady."

Henry bowed down before you, gesturing expansively in the direction of the gondola, being the dorky guy he just was and who you loved so much.

When you entered the little cab you were truly amazed. It was furnished with two upholstered benches and a small table, but what made your heart skip a beat and your eyes go wide was the fact that it was decorated with so much loving care. There was an elegant white cloth on the table, candles that illuminated the tiny space, crystal champagne flutes and a huge bottle of Moët & Chandon, strawberries, filled chocolates and the little truffles you liked so much.

You sat down and Henry took the seat beside you, wrapping his arm around your shoulder to pull you close.

"This is incredible, baby. Such a great surprise," you told him with a grateful smile, visibly touched.

"I'm glad you like it, baby girl."

He kissed you and you laughed out loud in unison, when the wheel started moving, causing the gondola to rock slowly, making you and Henry bump into each other.

Besides the jerky start the ride was very smooth and the wheel kept on turning slowly while you and Henry enjoyed the fantastic few over the park, the delicious treats and the sparkling champagne, cuddled up to each other, sharing uncountable loving glances and kisses.

Just when you thought the night couldn't get any better, the cab stopped at the peak and music started to play softly from invisible speakers. You realized immediately that it was Secret Garden by Bruce Springsteen. Your song. The song he had kissed you to for the first time. The song you had danced to on your wedding day, surrounded by your families and friends but still feeling like being the only two people on the planet. The song you had made love to so many times.

You beamed at your husband, unable to say anything, tears welling up in your blue eyes, Henry loved so much. You cupped his face with your small hands and kissed him tenderly, your lips expressing your happiness and gratitude better than a thousand words could have. After making out for a while, completely lost in the moment, Henry pulled away, leaving you breathless and aroused. He raked something out of his pocket and placed it on the table right in front of you, covering it with his hand.

"What's that?" You wanted to know. "Another surprise?"

"An additional one," he grinned, lifting his arm, revealing a plastic card.

"Is that a key card?"

"It is," Henry nodded. "The key to an exclusive suite in the best hotel in town. We'll go there tonight and we won't leave it all weekend."

"Really?" You teased him with a cheeky smile. "What are we going to do in there all this time?"

"I'll show you," he said with a smirk, slipping his hand under your skirt, sounding the bell for the smuttiest weekend you'd ever experienced.

**********

Taglist

@lunedelorient @inlovewithhisblueeyes @willkatfanfromasia @hell1129-blog @mis-lil-red @agniavateira @kebabgirl67 @omgkatinka @legendarywizarddetective @summersong69 @taebfada @xxxkatxo @artandotherdelights @notabronte @littlefreya @luclittlepond @eldarwen333 @meowpurrbooks @marantha @liliumdream @enchantedbytomandhenry @greensleeves888 @witcherfan @margauxmargaux07 @radaofrivia @m07belzen @a-little-counter-esperanto @starstruckkittyangel @mary-ann84 @sillyrabbit81 @emelinelovesjc @wheretheriversrunintothesea @lam0ureuxq @kingliam2019 @pandaxnienke @littleone65 @coloraturadiva @cynic-spirit @captainbucky-yt

#henry cavill #cavillry #henry cavill fandom #henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill fanfiction #henry cavill rpf #milestone celebration

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m4r13l3y · 3 years

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1.1k mutual appreciation post <3

Based of an anon ask i got about doing one of these and since i’ve just hit a milestone, this could be my celebration lol.

I’ve decided to do every. single. one. of my mutuals, even the ones i have never really interacted with personally, because i love you all, in some i didn’t know exactly what to say but i tried! Hopefully you guys can enjoy haha <3

This’ll be in alphabetical order under the cut !!! also none of these are proofread so forgive my grammar

if i missed you, i didn’t mean to at all!! i based off what my tumblr told me and i hope i didn’t miss any of you, but if i did please tell me so i can write you a paragraph <3

@acosmis-t - isa! You’ve always been, to me atleast, one of my more known mutuals who writes beautifully. You were incredibly sweet when i’d first dm’d you about proofreading a blurb i wrote for my celebration. I absolutely love your writing and your themes are always amazing, you’re a very very genuinely nice and sweet person and deserve all the good <3

@amourtentiaa - liaanneeee, you were one of my first mutuals, you were on my taglist and i remember looking at your page and absolutely loving it. i love your feed, your super cool way of editing the headers and how creative you are. It was soo refreshing to be able to speak to you about a situation that we both agreed on, you’re very honest and i respect you so much for that. Thank you for being so so cool, ily <3

@blue-writes-things - Blue :) (i don’t believe you’ve ever disclosed your name but if you have i’m so sorry) anyways, i absolutely adore your writing. I love your ‘fell in love with a heartbreaker’ series and i’m very excited for the next part, whenever they’d be released. We’ve never actually interacted but i would love to get to know you better!!

@carpediemboys - I followed you because of your text posts and i absolutely LOVE your user. Definitely my favorite movie but it makes me cry so so hard, thank you for interacting with my posts and reblogging those helpful tips for whenever i decide to move out of my house haha

@cunningambitousdetermined - I followed you when i had a pietro phase that lasted about three days hahah, your writing was amazing and i love how sweet you are whenever your posts or reblogs come up on my dash. You seem like such a sweet person and i’m very happy that we’re mutuals so that i know i’m surrounded by good people such as you :)

@cupids-crystals - LYDIA!! you are absolutely gorgeous. I love those makeup looks that you have done and posted. I 100% remember reading some of your fics and following you to see that you were already following me! i was so surprised because you write amazing, i love your luna theme so so much aswell as i love your writing. Keep being yourself, truly, because you’re amazing inside and out <3

@cupidsriot - JAS! ily, you are so amazing. helping me proofread my fics and also helping me come up with such cool concepts for them when i’m out of ideas. i thank you very much for helping me when everyone else was asleep hahaha, i also adore your writing so sometimes when i ask you to proofread i get nervous that you wont think it’s good </3. But you’re always so incredibly amazing and nice and as i said, ily!!!!!

@emmaev - omgomg!!! I followed you because you always interact with my posts, me, and just in general support me so much. Even before i followed you for those reasons, i always looked forward to any feedback that you had on my writing, ty for being super cool and always supporting me.

@eunoniaa - omg, i’m actually surprised to see that we’re mutuals LMFAO you’re so cool and your writing is impeccable, I enjoy seeing your posts on my dash and how active you are aswell as very funny. I adore your theme, i really do and it’s amazing just as your writing is.

@gxtitobxby - wow okay!! let me tell you, i was and still am completely shocked to see that we are mutuals because your writing is just... i can’t even think of a word because it’s so good. You had said that you got nervous posting angst but truly, you shouldn’t be because your writing is amazing angst or not. I also love the vibe that you give off in your blog with your super cool theme.

@hellounicorn - rheaaaa, i love your writing. Just as i did when i had dm’ed you ab it when you followed me, i am still very honored to be your mutual. I love the concepts that you come up with and the way you execute them is just- unbelievable. You’re amazing <3

@james-potters-animagus - Laina omg, we’ve never personally interacted but i remember you interacting with my celebrations. your writing is so good and as someone in love with james potter, i love the way you write him. it makes me fall in love with him more <3 i hope we get to become closer soon, love your writing !!

@miiamour - Mia, you’re absolutely beautiful and i remember when you’d posted your face reveal and how i immediately went to dm you. I would love to get to know you better because your blog, writing, and overall aura that you bring upon yourself is amazing <3

@pinkteapotwriting - ky, i love your writing and that’s all there is to it. I have probably read your ‘healing’ wolfstar blurb over five times and i cannot say i regret it. You’re amazing at writing and i cannot stress that enough, thank you for being my mutual and also being such a cool person.

@proserpina-magnus - Proserpina, you are so great. You always interact with my work and i can never thank you enough for that. You’re amazing and i’m so happy that we’re mutuals, you’re super cool and i love your writing!

@quindolyn - Quinn! Everyone, including myself, absolutely loves you and it’s not hard at all to see why. You are BEAUTIFUL and you’re just so sweet and such a person which anyone could talk to without feeling awkward or uncomfortable. Thank you for being so sweet when i had first dm’ed you aswell as interacting with my posts, i absolutely love your writing and the way you’re able to make everything look so realistic when one reads it. Ily so much thank you for being amazing <3

@reguluscore - SORIN. you were the first person to ever introduce me into what angst was, with your angst where james left the reader for lily, i remember being heartbroken for the rest of the day😭😭. BUT anyways you are an amazing writer and just- the way you write and express feelings through your fics is actually incredible because it feels so real. I am absolutely honored to have you as my mutual and ilysm

@rockinggirl06 - ri!! I followed you because you are so sweet and you know how to juggle which i will still be waiting for you to teach me!! You’re so encouraging to everyone and i’m so happy whenever i see your posts on my dash and you also might even convert me to fremione

@rowema-ravenclaw - em wow, honestly wow. you are an amazing writer. The way you wrote jegulus so amazing in your latest fic was incredible. I’m truly in awe that we are mutuals, that you like my writing because i absolutely love yours. You deserve so many and many more followers, i hope we can get closer soon<3

@shadesofvelma - velma!!! You were one of the first people to ever dm me about my writing and i’ll never forget that. you’re such a sweet and beautiful woman and ilysm. Thank you for being super sweet with me and also just being so fun and caring to everyone in this community. Your writing is amazing and so are you, so so much love to you. So much love but i will still be mad that you don’t find me intimidating 🙄🙄

@starless-starkov - JASS! you are... the nicest and most amazing mutual ever. Wether it’s by supporting my writing or supporting me when some weird anon had something rude to say, anyone who is your mutual is so lucky to have someone like you in their community, so so much love to you.

@thotbutpurple - el, you are genuinely so funny. I love seeing you and your anons on my dash aswell as your amazing writing which makes everyone, including myself, to come back and reread it. You are also so so so beautiful and you’re themes are amazing. Ily

@tugabooos - VEE!!! i cant, i love your writing and the concepts that you come up with, just like the dark sirius one which i know i still owe you. It was so cool and i promise to write it soon, just for you <3.

@wonderfilworld - mae, i remember you being THE FIRST person on my taglist and before i had known you were a writer i was always excited to see what your feedback towards my writing would be, you are also so beautiful which matches your amazing personality and i’m so so happy i found your blog, so much love to you.

@360iris - omg, i remember the first time we ever spoke was because of atyd. i hope you’ve finished it and i hope that you enjoyed it as much as i did, you are so sweet and i’m so glad that we’re mutuals. Your writing is freaking incredible and i love it aswell as i adore you, ilysm !!

i hope you all enjoyed the bit of appreciation that i gave you <3. i adore you all to bits and i’m honored that you guys have chosen me to be someone that you follow, i hope you all know that if you ever need anything or someone to talk to, i’m always here for you!!

#1.1k followers #mutual appreciation #i love you all so so so much #thank you for the support #reblogs are allowed

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sageblogsthings · 3 years

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to celebrate The Crimson Moon reaching 30k as of this morning, i thought that i would share the progression of the opening lines of the book, and talk a bit about how the book has grown and changed in the last year! on july 27th it will be exactly a year since i first started writing this and wow i’m not getting emotional you are aha whaaaat

*cough* anywayyysss!!

draft one: please oh god don't judge me

ok i'm not going to talk negatively about my past writing because it got me to where i am today but. [marge i am looking away meme] if you can't tell, i wrote this when i was going through the existential crisis phase of uni and just wanted to live in the woods, i say like i would not currently move to the woods in a heartbeat asdklfja

at the time that i wrote this i was really happy with it because the writing was fun and, as a result, easy! at this point i was just writing in my down time from uni, and i didn't know what the plot was or what my plans were for the book as a whole. because this was just something i did in my down time, i think my writing took on more of a conversational, stream-of-consciousness tone, and that's part of what made this draft (or start of a draft, i only got like 12k in i think) so easy to write. but eventually, as the plot started to come together and i started to gain more inspiration from sff writers as a whole, i realized that this book wasn't heading in the direction i wanted it to. it wasn't just something to do in my free time at that point, it had taken on a life of it's own. and thus, draft two began.

draft two: electric boogaloo

ngl these lines still slap and i love them. there are definitely things i would change, but these lines will be in the current draft of the book, albeit not in the first chapter and altered slightly. when i started this draft, i didn't have an outline but i had a very clear, cinematic image of how i wanted this chapter to go. i think having that before i started writing helped a looooot, both in terms of prose and just being able to convey aspects of the setting/character in the first paragraph. as i continued writing this draft though, i realized that some of the character arcs didn't make sense or were getting a bit messy, and that, based on the story i wanted to tell, it didn't make sense to start with Xalia. while there are six main pov characters in this book, Vanna really is the main character and i wanted that to be clear.

draft three: this time it's personal actually good

these are the current first lines of the book, and honestly my favorite so far! starting off with Vanna rather than Xalia definitely gives the book a different feel, and it's one that's more true to the vision i have for it. in my opinion, this opening does a much better job of setting up some of the book's themes, which admittedly i'm still figuring out lol. grief and loss are major components of all the character arcs, and are integral to the plot itself. switching to present tense has also been a LIFE CHANGER for me. it's funny because, on the second stab at this book, i kept slipping into present tense, but forcing myself back to past tense because i thought present tense sounded weird. turns out it only sounded weird because it was surrounded by past tense, and now that i've written 3 chapters in present tense i can solidly say that this is the way the book was meant to be written. it just feels like my book now, and i'm so happy with where it's headed!

i also made an outline for this draft of the book, and while i've already deviated from it somewhat to work out plot holes or increase ~foreshadowing~ in certain scenes, getting all of the events out of my head and onto paper has really allowed me to just write because i know that i have a document to refer back to if i get stuck on where the story is headed. making the outline also really pushed me to think about character backstories, most of which i had previously established, but now they've changed a lot to fit together more cohesively and integrate with the plot more clearly. i've also changed a lot of the character designs, and as a result of changing the appearances and backstories of a lot of the characters, i feel a lot closer to them and the story itself. the characters have well and truly taken on a life of their own, and now i'm kind of just along for the ride, telling their stories and loving every second of it!

ALSO!! the last big change with this draft, which i just implemented literally this morning and am so so sooooo excited about, is having first person referral, present tense mini-chapters/interludes! it gives the book a really unique sound and ties into the plot really nicely i think! i feel like the structure and form of the story are finally tying into the story itself and it's driving me insane a little bit askdfjka

as of right now i'm not ready to reveal who the pov and referral characters are in these chapters, because i'm debating between a couple ways of doing things and if i go one way that would end up being a pretty big spoiler! that being said, i got really hyped up about it earlier today and rambled in the spoilers section of my server so if you do want that sweet sweet spoilers content....join my server! ;)

also. i hope u all know that i almost deleted that first snippet about ten different times but transparency in writing and all that, i really do want to show how much this book has grown and changed! even if it's going to cause me immense psychic damage to type up the image description for this but i digress

i think that's all for now, and thank you so so much if you read all of that! the love and support this project has received and continues to receive absolutely blow me away, and i can't thank you enough for being part of the journey! <3

the crimson moon taglist (ask to be +/-)

image descriptions below the cut

[header image description]

the background is a dark castle with a checkerboard-patterned marble floor. the hallway fades into black, with the hint of a figure standing in the doorway. white text across the image reads "The Crimson Moon" in a large, all-caps font, and below that reads "wip update post" in thin, lowercase text.

[image description for excerpt one]

I lay on my back, gazing up at the sky. The weather was absolutely perfect. I could hear the crickets singing, the birds chirping, the brook babbling, all that good poetic shit.

I came out here often, just to get away and pretend like I wasn't a part of the fuck-all society I lived in. How could humans be so ignorant? We live in a world with this, I gestured expansively in my mind at the field around me, how can we not see how beautiful it is? How perfect it is? How imperfect we are by comparison?

[image description for excerpt two]

Xalia strode down the marble halls, the soft leather of her shoes meeting each tile with a cacophony of echoes. This was not the first, second, hundredth time that she had walked these passageways, and yet the chill she felt when contained within their depths never seemed to subside. The looming corridors and billowing curtains always seemed to hide sinister whispers that breathed down her neck and pricked at the tips of her ears. Perhaps it was the High Council, with their unnerving masks and owlish eyes, seeming to know and perceive all — or perhaps it was the knowledge that every time she stalked back towards the exit, she would carry the weight of another’s life on her shoulders, a life that she had to take.

[image description for excerpt three]

Vanna’s mother always tells them that grief is a sharp, biting thing; something that latches its teeth around your stomach until you double over with the weight of it. But for Vanna, that’s not quite right. There isn’t something hidden and tucked away behind the confines of their gut because there isn’t anything there at all. As they walk towards the town well — a spell book in one hand and emptiness in the other — they think that their mother got it wrong trying to describe grief in terms of presence. Grief, to them, can only be absence. The absence of light, the absence of a smile, and the absence of a palm which had curled so perfectly into theirs.

#kit writes #arnora #atlastracking #writeblr #wip update #whoowee this sure got long #i'm just very in my feelings about this wip okay <3 #yknow those stories that grow up as you do?....yeah

18 notes · View notes

prince-of-elsinore · 3 years

Text

I was tagged by @stanfordsweater for this getting to know you game. Thanks so much for the tag! 😊💕 There’s a clean copy at the end for people who want to do this.

1. why did you choose your url?

It was already my user name on AO3 (and maybe some other sites, can't recall) and I wanted consistency across platforms (since I joined tumblr for fandom). And here's the pretentious part: if you didn't know, it's a reference to Hamlet, which is one of my favorite written works ever. Elsinore is the name of the castle where it takes place, so the prince of Elsinore is Hamlet ^^;

2. any sideblogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them.

I have two, though I'm not gonna name them lol (they're not exactly secret but they're old news). When I first joined I wanted my main to be not totally fandom-dominated (whoops so much for that) so I made a side blog for my main fandom at the time (Hetalia), where I now reblog fanart every once in a blue moon. And I made another side blog for my fic. I still occasionally post on the fic blog but since my main is now basically completely spn anyway, I've just been posting my spn fic on main.

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

Since... 2012, I think? But not consistently. I hadn't used tumblr much in years before last fall and even considered deleting my blog multiple times, but spn ending (and the pandemic) brought me back stronger than ever ^^;

4. do you have a queue tag?

#q (i'm lazy and it's just quickest that way 🙈)

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

If only I could remember... Well, it was for fandom (mostly--also some history blogging) but I don't remember the specific impetus. As mentioned my main fandom was Hetalia at the time, and within that mostly German bros stuff. I also distinctly remember lurking on a lot of Sherlock blogs prior to joining 😬(my how tastes things change)

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

It's a Leyendecker illustration! I love his work so so much (so many dapper men, so much homoeroticism 👌). The piece is Easter-themed and I don't actually know why I chose it. This fop is a far cry from his usual suave dudes, but idk, I guess I liked how ott and fancy it is. It also matched the old flowery aesthetic of my blog before I changed the theme.

7. why did you choose your header?

Lol ok so that's a photo I took (on my first visit maybe?) at Sans Souci palace in Potsdam, Germany. It was the residence of Frederick the Great, King of Prussia, who--as anyone will know if they remember my blog days of yore--is my favorite historical figure! The glove is not mine. I found it like that :)

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

As I suspected, this one I made defending Jared's "controversial" comments post-finale. Sort of funny because I'm not even a Jared stan 🤷‍♂️

9. how many mutuals do you have?

No idea

10. how many followers do you have?

Just passed 550, which I know isn't many relatively speaking but wow I certainly never expected to see the day! I've gained about 300 followers since I started posting about spn, which utterly baffles me, but hey I'm glad if you guys are enjoying yourselves!

11. how many people do you follow?

Oh, wow, I just looked and it's over 1,000 😳 I guess b/c over the years I've gone on multiple following sprees and only unfollow if people really really annoy me or if I just get really tired of their content (I do continue to follow a lot of people who post about fandoms I'm not in). I feel like I usually see the same <50 blogs on my dash, though, so I'm guessing about 900 of the blogs I follow must be completely inactive lol.

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

Yes 🙃

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

Varies. Over the past months I would check it every hour or more, felt like (not v conducive to getting work done orz). Recently (due to being away from my computer more often, now that the semester and my old job are finished) only a couple times a day, mostly at night.

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

Hm, not really. Nothing more than a couple snarky or passive-aggressive asks, and not for years (aside from that anon anti hate I got sort of recently--my first ever! I would say I win that one by default, y'know, just for not being the person sending anon hate). I did get into a pretty drawn-out debate with a Dean stan about Dean's death and Jared's comments on it--see above--but I wouldn't classify it as an argument.

15. how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

Very Tired and skeptical

16. do you like tag games?

Yes they're great! Always make me smile (even if I don't participate I always appreciate the tag!) 😊

17. do you like ask games?

Yes, although I have to be careful about posting them because while I love getting asks in theory, getting them means I have to answer them! And I tend to be very slow at that because I want to put so much thought into it! (Send me asks any time, really! Might just take me forever to respond ^^;) ((Oh gosh this reminds me I still never finished some headcanon asks I got aaages ago. Maybe someday...))

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

I don't have a good sense of what constitutes tumblr famous. My fave blogs are all stars in my eyes 🤩😇

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

Haha no. Maybe with a few I just have a little cherished hope that they think I'm cool and smart 🥺

20. tags?

Hmm I pick @theregoestheneighbourhood, @doilycoffin, @decadent-prince, and @fallcolorspringrapid if you want to!!

clean copy:

1. why did you choose your url?

2. any sideblogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them.

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

4. do you have a queue tag?

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

7. why did you choose your header?

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

9. how many mutuals do you have?

10. how many followers do you have?

11. how many people do you follow?

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

15. how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

16. do you like tag games?

17. do you like ask games?

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

20. tags?

#that was fun thanks ava!#about me #tag game

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joezworld · 3 years

Text

Memories

A continuation of this

January 29, 2020

“Well, despite my extensive protestations, I cannot find any reason whatsoever to keep you here.” Anton, the head of the Crovan’s Gate diesel shop, said as he shut his toolbox with a petulant clang.

55 010 and Wendell looked at each other with no small amount of relief. Since the events of Christmas, the works had been beside themselves in trying to find a cause of 010′s existence as well as fixing the damage to Wendell’s chassis from when he fell off the jack stands on Christmas day.

A naturally superstitious man, Anton had refused to clear 010 for traffic until he went over her with a fine-toothed comb. This was a process that had taken over a month, and had insulted Wendell more than it had 010, as the Class 47 had believed that Anton was looking for a way to keep 010 out of traffic (he was), while the Deltic - who hadn’t been properly serviced since the late 1970′s - found the whole process very therapeutic.

All that being said, the pair were anxious to get out of the sheds and onto the main line once again - Wendell wanted to stretch his wheels properly, while 010 was deeply excited to see the bright future of the year 2020.

Anton left, shutting off the lights behind him. The two engines would have kept talking, but they’d honestly exhausted their conversational reserves after being together for over a month, so instead they fell asleep, dreaming of the world outside the sheds...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

December 26, 1981

Doncaster Station, Doncaster, South Yorkshire, England

55 010 sleepily opened one eye to the sounds of an argument. Some men were clustered around the Class 47 that was on the siding. They sounded like they were trying to figure out what to do with her.

One group was saying that she should be shoved onto the out of use lines, while the others were saying that doing that would take too long. The 47 seemed to be stuck in the middle, unsure of which side to take. At one point, he opened his mouth to agree with the shunting plan, before he stopped. A flurry of emotions passed across his face in an instant, before he shut his mouth, glared at the men he’d been about to agree with, and put his wheel down.

“I’m not going to miss my path and spend all day in passing loops just to put her away - look at all the switches you’d have to hand throw! It’d take ages!”

With that the other men now held a majority, so without much more discussion the 47 was coupled up to her, and the train set off for parts unknown.

“Where are we going?” She’d sleepily asked the 47 - who’d introduced himself as number 556 - as they rattled across the Pennines.

“Dunno,” He’d said quietly - they were coupled face-to-face, and she felt vaguely bad that he was driving backwards on her behalf. “Some coach depot I’ve never heard of - Titfield or Tidmouse or something like that.”

December 27, 1981

Tidmouth Station, Tidmouth, Tidmouth and South Haltraughshire, Sodor

47 556 and 55 010 eventually made it across the bridge and onto the Island very early on the morning of the 27th. It was a quiet little Island railway out here in the west country, and they met few trains on their way by.

A class 86 shouted hello from an electrified branch.

A old Hymek, somehow still in service, honked amiably as he passed with a goods train.

Even an old blue steam engine clattered by on a rail tour. This one looked at them funny, but the expected malice wasn’t there, merely confusion at the unusual double-header.

Eventually arriving at the big station at the end of the line, the two engines were met by a older gentleman in a top hat.

He introduced himself as the Controller for the region, and asked what they were doing here.

As 556 explained why he was also carrying a broken-down Deltic on his train, 010′s attention wandered to the rest of the station.

It was a beautiful design, like King's Cross, or Euston before they ruined it, but the roof of the trainshed was simply covered in soot - it was almost like they hadn’t cleaned it since before the end of steam.

Then there was a whistle from outside the platforms.

Both diesels goggled as a tender engine, painted an almost gaudy shade of bright blue with red lining, rolled into the station with a train of teak coaches.

At almost the same time, two more whistles were heard, and a train of GWR autocoaches complete with a Pannier Tank in the middle rattled in alongside a green saddle tank engine of indeterminate origin towing a pair of ancient compartment coaches.

“What is that?” 010 asked, shocked to see clean and well-maintained steam this far into the 1980s.

“Those are Gordon, Duck, and Percy.” Said the controller kindly.

“Are they all on rail tours?” Asked 556, causing the controller to laugh.

“No! They’re my engines! They work every day because they’re still useful.”

Neither diesel said anything. 556 was shocked that BR was allowing this to happen, but 010 suddenly felt a surge of hope. If they were still running steam here, maybe she could convince 556 to leave her here on his way home...

Something must have shown in her face - or maybe even 556′s, because the next thing the controller said was: “If I may, my railroad is currently experiencing a locomotive shortage. We have to keep relying on the other railway for temporary engines, but they aren’t the most reliable. Would either of you happen to know where I could find some strong, hardworking locomotives?”

They stabled 556 and 010 in the sheds with the steam engines over the New Year’s holiday. It was an almost out-of-body experience for 010, who was used to the cold and unfriendly atmosphere of Finsbury Park TMD, and had no idea how to deal with engines who, when told to treat her nicely, immediately made sure to include her in their singing of Auld Lang Syne.

A few weeks later, both engines had been successfully outshopped at the massive works complex in the west of the island. 556 had required little repairs, but had rolled out with a new coat of paint and a new name, Wendell, chosen after a friendly dog that hung around the works.

It took longer for 010. She had many, many worn out parts that required removal and repair, and her engines needed a full overhaul. During this time period, some of the female welding staff had spoken to her about needing to choose a name before one was chosen for her - apparently the Hymek she’d seen was named Bear, and she didn’t want that did she?

After a few days with books on baby names, a set of brass nameplates were bolted to her sides - they read “DAPHNE” in big letters.

While she was there, the workmen asked her what she wanted to be painted. When her request for a new coat of Rail Blue was met with groans, the men explained that they were bored of normal paint schemes and would paint anything she wanted.

Two weeks later she rolled out of the works feeling like a new engine. Her motors fired on all cylinders, her grease and oil was fresh, and her new paint sparkled in the sun. She’d always liked how Deltic - The Deltic, DP1 - had looked, and the men had grinned at each other when she told them about how the irritable prototype had spent most of his free time whining about not having stripes that went the whole way down his body.

Daphne found out why when she rolled into Tidmouth Shed that night. There was another express diesel on this island - a big Class 46 - and the similarities were striking. Both had similar designs, and had non-standard paint - the 46 was red, she was blue - with gold stripes down their sides. The 46 was named Delta - a very similar sounding name, and when she opened her eyes and took in Daphne and her nameplates, it took her all of two seconds to begin smiling broadly.

“You look like you could be my big sister!” She said.

Daphne, expecting some sort of hostility, wasn’t sure how to respond. “Well, all of my sisters are dead, so it would be nice to have one again.”

She began to backpedal when the 46 stopped smiling, but the look she gave was thoughtful instead of hurt. “Come to think of it, all of mine are probably dead too. Shall we make our own family then?”

And so it was.

A few weeks later, Daphne and Wendell finally met all but one of the other diesels on the region - a Class 28 named BoCo, Bear the Hymek, and Daisy, a deeply customized Class 101. According to Daisy, there was also a Class 01 named Mavis who worked on a private quarry at the end of her branch line.

“You know,” Daisy said after Delta finished introducing everyone. “Aside from having one of each power rating, I think all of us but Wendell would have been scrapped by now if we were on the mainland. I think we should do something to celebrate the fact that we aren’t dead.”

The other diesels agreed - word had already spread about Delta and Daphne’s nontraditional sisterhood - and they agreed to form a club: the Non-Standard Survivors Society.

“But, I’m not non-standard?” Wendell asked as they dispersed. “Am I?”

“No, but you are really cute,” Delta joked. “So we’ll give you a pass.”

Daisy chuckled as she headed for the platform. “I’ll have to remember that when I tell Mavis about this club she’s in now.”

Daphne was confused. “Cute? What do you mean cute?”

Wendell was similarly puzzled.

Bear and Delta looked at each other meaningfully. “You two have so much to learn...” The type 3 said as he backed into the station.

That didn’t make Daphne or Wendell feel any better!

1983

“You know,” Said Delta one morning in the newly-refurbished diesel shed. “We should have nicknames for the society.”

“My name is Bear,” Said Bear. “yours is a Greek letter. How much more nickname-y can we get?”

“The rest of us should get nicknames then. And I feel like I could get a great nickname, like Tiger Stripes!”

Daphne giggled as Bear growled under his breath. “And why, pray tell, are you Tiger Stripes?”

“Because I’m fierce like a tiger! And I have stripes like a tiger does! It also matches the animal theme we’re going with.” Either Delta could think at a mile a minute, or she had been considering these nicknames for a lot longer than she let on.

“A tiger does not have stripes like you do.”

“How do you know?”

“My name is Bear. I know about animals. I have to.”

“I figured it was so that we could be ‘Lions, Tigers, and Bears, oh my!’” Quipped Daphne. “I guess that makes me Lion Stripes then.”

Delta’s sputtering and spluttering made it very clear that she hadn’t thought of that, and Bear and Daphne roared with laughter.

Later that year

The Thin Clergyman’s son made another trip to Sodor to research for his next books.

Daphne, as an express engine, had been rather removed from the strife among the rank-and-file engines caused by the Thin Clergyman’s books, and had no idea why Delta wanted to hide from him.

After a “short” explanation that took almost an hour, Daphne was now furious.

While she did help Delta by hiding her deep inside an old carriage shed, she did not stay there herself; She was an engine of action, and would deal with the problem directly.

Two days later, the Clergyman’s Son approached her to ask her some questions.

“If my sister shows up in one of your books you won’t survive to write another.” She said darkly to the author, who retreated immediately!

The Clergyman’s Son’s next book focused about Diesels and James. Much to everyone’s amusement, Delta was nowhere to be found in it, despite her being being the biggest reason why James was more accepting of diesels.

Unsurprisingly, Daphne did not appear either, and everyone wondered if the story of the rude diesel who crashed through a wall was based on her in some way. Delta, on the other wheel, stayed uncharacteristically silent!

Wendell was most offended that they hadn’t even bothered to include his name in the book, and refused to speak to the Clergyman’s Son again!

1985

Bear and Wendell had both gotten very scruffy looking after several years without a repaint, and went into the works with the intent of coming out looking the same as they had before.

They had reckoned without Delta and Daphne, who had very kindly asked the paint shop workers to be imaginative on their friends.

Bear had rolled out first, looking furious about the deception, but rather pleased with his paint. The men had been inspired by some American locomotives, and he rolled out of the shop in a dark shade of green with metallic gold stripes down his sides. Any lingering discontent he had felt lasted until Henry saw him for the first time and dragged him away behind a shed without a word. Daphne tried to ask what was going on, but Delta, laughing too hard to even speak, had pulled her away to the station.

Wendell came out a few days later. Whatever the men had originally tried hadn’t been to his liking, he explained, and he’d asked them to try a different design from the same book that they’d pulled Bear’s paint scheme from. When he came into the sheds painted a glossy black with grey and white stripes, Daphne felt both of her crankshafts do a flip-flop.

Delta took one look at the slack jawed expression on her adopted sister’s face and sighed deeply. How had Jamie seen this coming before she did?

It took all of a week for Bear and Wendell to have nicknames foisted on them by the express sisters - Ursus and Cobra stripes, respectively. Delta explained that she liked the predatory animal theme that went with Lion and Tiger, while Daphne innocently pointed out that it had absolutely nothing to do with how much it annoyed Bear.

The nicknames did eventually stick though, in no small part because Henry had taken one look at how irritated Bear was and started calling him Ursus!

It took a month after that for Tiger Stripes to take pity on her sister and the piteous faces she made when she thought Wendell wasn’t looking, pulled a Flying Scotsman, and told her and Cobra Stripes exactly what those feelings meant. She was very unsurprised when Wendell revealed that he was also growing attracted to Daphne.

Henry and James both joked that one day, Bear or Delta would put one of them through a wall, but three weeks later, Daphne managed to put herself and Wendell into the parking lot behind Barrow Sheds.

1990

After realizing that Mavis and Daisy both technically had stripes painted on them (making them Wasp and Cougar stripes), the other diesels began to seriously peer pressure BoCo into getting repainted with stripes so they could complete the set.

He’d held out for many years, but after Daphne took a special train to the clay pits, there was suddenly pressure from within the Brendam Branch as well, and he folded like a house of cards in less than a week.

When he came back from the works, he was now green, gold, and white, but also red, if you counted the angry blush on his face.

“I asked them for Southern Railway Green with a gold stripe.” He seethed. “But clearly there was a misunderstanding.”

The howling from his compatriots was earthshakingly unsympathetic, but nobody could deny that he looked striking, and he was quickly dubbed Jaguar Stripes, even though - as he and Bear were quick to note - he did not look like a Jaguar at all.

1995

James asked Delta to marry him. The other engines were overjoyed, even if they BoCo and Daisy needed some catching up on how exactly that was possible.

Daisy groaned. “Mavis and I are going to have to have a talk, aren’t we?”

The other diesels - which by this point included James and Henry in an honorary capacity - hadn’t quite processed that when BoCo announced that if he was being honest, he and Edward were “so emotionally codependent that we’ve probably been married for twenty years without realizing it.”

Henry couldn’t take it any more and screeched with laughter at the conversational disparities - he’d just left the steam sheds, where the engines were still unaware that London had multiple termini, and were therefore having a rousing argument as to whether the impending fall of British Rail meant that London’s terminus station would magically return to being King’s Cross or Paddington instead of the current Euston.

1996

James and Delta were wed in a quiet ceremony behind the diesel shed - Siobhan, her fiancé Declan, and all the members of the “Non Standard Society” - including Mavis, who traveled down specially for the event - were present, with Daphne and Henry acting as bridesmaid and best man.

By design, the engines had arrived in pairs, with only BoCo “going stag”, as he hadn’t yet told Edward how he felt. The officiant - a kind looking man from the Arlesburgh judiciary - had taken one look at the rest of them and asked if he should be preparing for any other weddings in the near future. Daphne and Wendell were the only ones to say yes instinctively. (Much to each other’s surprise!) When Daphne looked over at Bear and Henry, they said with no small amount of irritation that it wasn’t legal yet for them to be wed. Similar grumblings then erupted from Mavis and Daisy, which briefly made the quiet ceremony very loud, as none of the other engines had been aware that either diesel was dating!

2000

Dull yellow smoke billowed out of Percy’s funnel as the men did a pressure test. Before Daphne or Wendell could do anything, they were enveloped by the choking cloud.

Daphne shut her eyes to avoid getting any of the strange metallic soot in her eyes, and when she opened them again, the works looked... different somehow.

A few of the new inspection pits were gone, while the diesel shop building had one less door than it should.

Daphne opened her mouth to ask Wendell what was going on, and then stopped dead in her tracks when a workman ran right through her.

Looking down at herself, she appeared to be fully transparent, floating above the rails like a ghost of Deltics past.

“Who are you?!” Wendell squeaked.

Daphne looked at him for a moment. His paint was a different colour than it had been a minute ago - Rail Blue instead of Black and Gray - and he seemed like he didn’t remember her at all.

“Cobra,” She said, not even thinking that this was not the time for nicknames. “It’s me, Lion. You know me.”

“I know exactly who you are.” He said frantically. “You’re the ghost of the engine I killed! It’s not Christmas! Begone with you!”

“What?!” Daphne was horrified. “Wendell, what on Earth are you talking about!? Nobody’s dead! How can you say that?!”

“Don’t you overreact here Lion!” Wendell snapped. “I should be the one screaming! Ignoring whatever it is you are, there are dinosaurs eating the ballast! That water tower has a face!”

Daphne suddenly understood that there was something in the yellow smoke that was making both of them see things that weren’t there. With that in mind, she spent most of the next few hours keeping Wendell calm until the hallucinations stopped, and he turned back into the black and gray diesel she’d fallen in love with.

A few weeks later, and Daphne asked Wendell about what he saw in the yellow smoke.

“I saw a bunch of brightly coloured horses singing about friendship. Why?”

“Just curious...” Daphne said as she realized that maybe her hallucinations had been much stronger than she thought!

Later That Same Year

A new high speed trainset arrived on Sodor. Their names were Pip and Emma.

They had been on the island once before in the early 80′s, but somehow none of the diesels had met them in anything other than passing.

After three nights on Sodor, Delta declared that she liked them and was “keeping them”, giving them no choice in the matter on the subject of express engine sisterhood. Daphne explained that Delta was less of an engine and more of a force of nature, to which Emma responded that she and Pip were ‘the Dragon Sisters’ and could take care of themselves.

Both Dragons realized that they had even less of a choice when Daphne's face lit up like a Christmas tree upon hearing that!

Learning that the duo already had animal-themed nicknames for themselves made it much easier for Lion and Tiger Stripes to press-gang their new sisters into the “Non-Standard Survivors Society”, and even easier to get them painted into the old Intercity “Swallow” paint scheme.

Even for express locomotives, the speed at which the two went from Pip and Emma to Dragon Stripes was remarkable.

Even later that same year

Donald screamed all the way to the Little Western, unable to shake the image of a unified force of Red Eyed, Soul Stealing, Mind Controlling, Memory Altering, Diesel Electric Monsters!

2001

Pip and Emma taught the other diesels how to breathe fire.

Being the sort of sisters that they were, Daphne, Emma, Pip, and Delta soon began hosting competitions to see who could shoot fire the furthest. This did not help Oliver’s mental state at all.

2004

The United Kingdom allowed same-sex couples to enter into a “civil union” on the 14th of March. The engines knew it wasn’t actual marriage, but it was more than they’d been allowed before, and Daisy and Mavis, and Henry and Bear were wed by The Magistrate that night, with Delta and James acting as best man and bride/groomsmaid in all the ceremonies.

Immediately afterwards, Daphne and Wendell - who had agreed not to be wed until their friends could - tied the knot as well.

The rest of the Society (BoCo, Pip, Emma) and Siobhan and her husband Declan cheered until they were hoarse.

The next morning, Stephen and Richard Hatt, as well as most of the steam engines, could not understand how every James, Henry, and every diesel on the island were somehow exhausted and happy at the same time.

Later that same year

Flying Scotsman showed up on what would turn out to be his last railtour before his overhaul. Not realizing what he’d started way back in 1979, he jokingly asked if Henry and Bear had ever done anything in regards to their relationship.

When they and seemingly every other diesel on the Island regaled him with wedding stories he almost burst a boiler tube!

2007

Pip managed to convince the paint shop staff to paint huge fire breathing dragons on herself and Emma for Christmas.

Within two weeks all the other diesels had their own respective animals painted somewhere on their bodies.

After a while, they all started to notice that the animals seemed to be in different places on different days... Daphne's Lion and Wendell's Cobra would even swap locomotives sometimes - not that they'd ever admit it!

After an even longer while they noticed that an identical Bear and Tiger had ended up on Henry and James - despite neither of them having gone near the paint shop in months!

Richard Hatt has asked why this happened, but nobody has yet said anything close to the truth. It may be because they don’t know themselves...

2017

A certain Class 5 diesel convinced her driver to hang some mistletoe over the turntable.

Everything was going well until Donald chuffed in unexpectedly and saw Henry and Bear under it.

A lot of explaining was required.

2020

Wendell loved Christmas, and had spent every year since the early 90′s covered in lights and pulling the N.W.R.’s holiday train. In more recent years Daphne also joined him, and they usually spent a few days in the first or second week of January getting the lights removed and their paint touched up.

This year, heavy traffic in early January meant that they couldn’t make it to the works until late on the 28th, and spent all of the next day getting de-lighted and touched up. They went to sleep eager to go to work the next morning...

-------------------------------------------------------------------

January 30, 2020

Wendell woke up with a start. What a dream that was! It felt so realistic, and...

55 010 was staring at him, eyes wide to the point of bulging out of her face.

“What?” He asked, trying to shake off the feeling of strangeness - in his dream, they were married, but engines can’t get married - can they?

“Wendell,” She said quietly, her voice shaking. “I just had the most amazing dream.”

“Really?” Maybe they could compare notes, Wendell wondered. Maybe in her dream they were all brightly coloured crime fighting action heroes.

“We were married.” She said after a moment.

Wendell felt the world go fuzzy around him. The last thirty-nine years of his life flashed before his eyes in some sort of visual stereo - one side sad and depressed, the other side...

“Daphne?!” He gasped as he returned to reality.

That was all the confirmation the big Deltic needed. “It wasn’t a dream!” She cried joyously.

“It was,” Wendell said, his brows furrowing under a sudden and massive headache. “But it wasn’t. How can it be both?”

“I don’t know and I don’t care.” Daphne/55 010 said, her voice laced with quiet joy. “I have sisters. I have a family. I have you.”

Wendell could feel his mind short circuiting. On one wheel, he was in his shed in the works. It was his home. He’d lived here since the 80′s!

On the other... He lived at the diesel shed in Tidmouth. He’d asked The Fat Controller in 1982 if he could stay there so he could be with his friends - with Daphne. His home was the road between Daphne and Bear in Tidmouth.

Bear. His eyes widened as he thought of the Hymek.

He didn’t know the diesel that well, but - he did. Did he? Was this all a shared dream between him and 010, or was Bear really Henry’s husband? Were Delta and James married? What about Daisy and Mavis? Was 010 actually Daphne? He didn’t know what was real or not anymore.

He looked back at Daphne/010. As much as he wanted to believe it was true - that he really did have thirty years of family and love - but as he looked over at the Deltic and down at his own buffers, he didn’t see the blue-and-gold or black-and-gray of Lion and Cobra Stripes, just the basic Rail Blue of two anonymous British Diesels.

Then...

As he looked at 010/Daphne, her dark blue paint started to muddy and shift before his eyes. Starting at her buffers and moving backwards, a ripple of colour began to work its way across her body. The rail blue and yellow warning panels faded away, leaving a trail of sky blue paint and metallic gold stripes. A roaring lion, standing atop a crushed double arrow, appeared below her cab window.

He would have watched the transformation in more detail, but a sudden and intense itching caused his him to look down at his own body. Where there had previously been blue and yellow was now a dark gloss black with grey stripes. The very hint of a snake's tail could be seen stretching around the corner of his bodywork.

It was over almost as quickly as it begun, and when the two diesels looked back up at each other, they didn’t see Wendell and 55 010, they saw:

“Lion?”

“Cobra?”

---

The drivers who went to take Wendell and 010 back to the works had no idea why the diesels were crying like babies, but assumed it was due to the outrageous paint schemes the works had elected to cover them in. They were in no mood for shenanigans, and coupled up the engines and left before the works staff could notice and ask questions.

In a remarkable parallel to the 1981 of their dreams, Wendell hauled an unpowered Daphne and a rake of coaches from the works down to Tidmouth in the predawn light of winter. They passed Abbey, who shouted hello from the electric branch, and passed Edward, who stared at their paint in utter bafflement.

The train arrived in Tidmouth, but there was no Fat Controller to meet them that day, so they left the coaches at the platform for The Limited and departed for the diesel shed.

Wendell felt another headache come on as he rolled up to the concrete-and-steel structure. With only Bear and Delta permanently in Tidmouth, The Fat Controller hadn’t built the shed until Pip and Emma arrived in 2000, knocking down an old brick warehouse to do so.

But, with Daphne and Wendell, that old brick building had been spruced up and expanded in the 80′s. Looking at the building, Wendell felt woozy as his mind layered an image of the cozy warehouse overtop of the sleek shed.

“There’s supposed to be windows there.” Daphne whispered as she looked at the blank wall of the shed.

Wendell grimaced as he looked up. That blank concrete wall was in no way special, but at the same time, the light that streamed in through bank of windows set into the brick had been the source of many arguments - nobody wanted to be the one in that road because the morning sun was at just the right angle to shine into the eyes of whoever was parked under them.

But that wall was blank specifically because the architects had realized that - in 1999.

But it was an old shed - from the 1920's, right?

Wendell grimaced and hoped that his mind would pick something and stick to it.

Arriving in the shed to the sound of Genesis drifting through the doors - dream or no dream, Henry had apparently still infected them with his prog rock obsession - the men first shunted Daphne onto one road before putting Wendell next to her, powering off off his motor and scarpering to the staff canteen and its coffee maker, leaving the two diesels outside.

Their presence was noticed after Bear’s voice drifted out of the shed with a command to turn off the voice activated speaker. In the silence, the quiet pinging of Wendell’s cooling engine was heard, drawing eyes to the outside.

“What the hell are you painted like that for?” Called BoCo from inside the sheds. “And who are you?” He asked Daphne.

“Hi Jaguar, it’s so good to see you.” Daphne evidently did not care that BoCo had no idea who she was.

“Good morning!” Said Wendell, trying to figure out how on earth he was going to explain this. “We had a doozy of a dream last night!”

The other diesels poked out of the doors to gawp at the oddly-painted engines.

Delta in particular looked like she wanted to say something, looking down at her own stripes before looking at Daphne’s.

“You look like you could be my big... sister...” She didn’t make it all the way through her sentence before her jaw dropped and her eyes glazed over. Wendell imagined that this is what he looked like earlier that morning.

“You...” Delta was on the verge of tears. “You were at my wedding. You all were!”

“Your what? You know this engine?” BoCo was more confused than ever.

“Yes! And so do you! We all do!”

“Delta, I have never... met...” BoCo stared in shock after his eyes glazed over for a long moment. “Oh soot and oil... Daphne?!”

And so it went through the other engines, who all suddenly remembered.

“How?!” Bear eventually managed. “How did this - what?”

He was cut off as his paint rippled and changed, an effect that quickly rolled across the other engines. From within the shed, Emma and Pip swore loudly as their NWExpress livery roiled and shifted from blue and yellow to black, white and red. BoCo grimaced as his BR green suddenly became a lot more American. Bear grinned unconsciously, suddenly remembering how well Henry had taken his stripes last time.

Within a few minutes, the disparate group of diesels were gone, replaced with the members of the Non-Standard Survivors Society.

Daphne, who watching this happen with no small amount of glee, squealed with happiness.

In the station, Henry and Daisy were congratulating Richard Hatt on his recent promotion to assistant controller of the railway. As they spoke, both engines kept one eye on the diesel shed in the distance - two new diesels in some absolutely ludicrous paint schemes were parked in front of the diesel shed, and a commotion was quietly audible, much to their consternation.

Richard eventually took notice of the new engines as well, and took a long moment to try and figure out why the original Deltic prototype was on his railway. A gasp drew him back to the engines on the platform, both of whom now looked like they’d seen a ghost.

“Are you all right?” he asked with concern.

Daisy, who was wide eyed and shaking on her suspension, was the first to react. “I’m married!” She shrieked before setting off for the junction almost before her signal dropped. Richard wasn’t sure, but as Daisy left, frantically blowing her horn to the diesels in the yard as she did so, she seemed to shimmer in the sun for a moment.

“What?” Richard asked. He thought he’d heard what Daisy had said, but was really hoping that he’d misheard her. He looked back at Henry, suddenly forced to remember that he had to give the engine a day off every March.

“I don’t think I could explain that to you if I had all day.” Henry said quietly.

Richard wanted to investigate the sudden faraway look in the engine’s eyes, but remembered what usually happened to him when he asked the engines personal questions.

As he left the platform, he noted with some amount of confusion the elegantly-painted bear that was on Henry’s cab side. It definitely hadn’t been there when he walked up.

He turned around to ask Henry about it, when James raced into the station, a wild look in his eyes.

“Henry!” He demanded. “What just happened to me?!” The pouncing Tiger painted on the side of his tender gave some idea as to the “what” he was talking about.

Richard turned and fled for his office. The pub didn’t open until noon, and he was not about to deal with any new earthshattering revelations sober.

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literaetures · 3 years

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i was tagged by the always lovely @keiraknightlcygf and i'm tagging: @startingthecase, @jammeke, @brontes, @faslaidir, and anyone who wants to do this tag! 💌

1. Why did you choose your url?

it was years ago when i just switched my major to english in undergrad and i was really excited about it and wanted to get hyped and fall in love with the subject that i cared about on here too and it just stuck ever since! but i'm always thinking about changing it and never taking the plunge....... maybe one day...... one day

2. Any side blogs?

yeah! i have a multifandom blog, a reference blog, and a gradblr and i barely use any of them but they're still there!

3. How long have you been on tumblr?

oof since 2011 and now it's 2021 and i remember making it in like? august? so 10 year anniversary is coming up! and i never thought i'd be in grad school.... still on this site.... but wow the passage of time!

4. Do you have a queue tag?

nope! i tried using my queue a few times but i really just prefer reblogging one or two or a million things at once and then disappearing

5. Why did you start this blog in the first place?

i moved blogs bc a bunch of irl people were following me on my original one and i just didn't feel comfortable reblogging what i wanted to so i moved and i'm always glad i did that!

6. Why did you choose your icon?

it's lizzie bennet from 2005 p&p with the cutest background and i love her your honor i don't think i'll ever change it!

7. Why did you choose your header?

i just reblogged a pretty art piece and i thought "i could make a mobile theme around this color scheme" and then i did which is how my normal thought process for mobile themes goes

8. How many mutuals do you have?

oh no clue— is that something you can track? i know loving mutuals is the Thing now but i just like everyone i follow tbh otherwise i wouldn't follow them

9. How many followers do you have?

more than i'd ever thought would follow me! and i'm eternally grateful and totally shocked every time i look at it! i'm actually about to hit a milestone soon so i'm even more shocked that anyone would want to follow me! thank you all for being here and always being so kind! 💛

10. How many do you follow?

622! i went through and unfollowed a few inactive blogs but i know it's quite a lot lmao i like having a fast dash and i watch a variety of media so i like having new recommendations of things to watch

11. Have you ever made a shitpost?

yeah and none of them are funny but they make me laugh in the moment!

12. How often do you use tumblr a day?

pretty often since it's the only social media i actively go on— any time want to scroll through something i go on here

13. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

i don't think so? i hope not! i really don't like hurting others or being mean or confrontation so i can't think of anything

14. How do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?

i really dislike them bc usually those comments are from other people and i feel like they either derail or detract from the op's point or just encourage a passive activism that remains in a performative realm rather than actively researching or wanting find out more about a certain topic or issue

15. Do you like tag games?

i do! i like the thought that someone would tag me and i think they're fun but i'm always bad at doing them bc they tend to disappear from my notes or i just get swamped with work and forget fjsnkfdsjnf

17. Which mutuals do you think are tumblr famous?

ooo no clue there might be some but i genuinely don't care bc if i follow you it's bc i like the things you reblog or post and that's what matters not how popular or "tumblr famous" you are which is why i like that you can't see how many followers someone has it takes a lot of the pressure off of you and you can just enjoy the things you reblog instead!

18. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

all of them i adore you all and wish nothing but good things to happen to you!

#personal #about me #thank you again for tagging me!#i never know who to tag i feel like everyone's forgotten about me and i haven't made friends on here in a while #but i hope the few of you i tagged don't mind! no pressure to do this btw!#also this got long so i threw it under a cut

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crytaeby · 3 years

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check in tag ✅

tagged by my deara @himbojin

1. why did you choose your url?

- i couldn’t come up with anything else in the beginning and now that i’ve had it so long it feels wrong to change it bfkdnd but i love it

2. any side blogs? if you have them name and them and why you have them.

- @yeoscoups ! for other kpop groups i like since i dont stan any other group enough to make it exclusively their content like this bts account

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

- since 2018

4. do you have a queue tag?

- i did but i don’t use anymore lmao it was dasi: queue queue queue

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

- i wasn’t allowed to have tumblr and i can’t remember how i knew there was bts content on here but that’s the only reason i started it bdjsjd

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

- i love them all so much i hate excluding so if it goes w my theme i’ll do an ot7 pic always

7. why did you choose your header?

- i made it 🥱 lmao and i chose it bc kim taehyung is beautiful and so was his concept

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

- this one 😌<3

9. how many mutuals do you have?

- noo idea and i couldn’t find anything to check for me

10. how many followers do you have?

- 907 🛐

11. how many people do you follow?

- 378 💜

12. have you ever made a shit post

- no i’m not funny

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

- “1hr and 1min” i am not as active as i use to be

14: did you have a fight/argument with a blog once? who won?

- i was once a middle man in between some writers i was friends w on here, but i wasn’t publicly involved in the ‘fight’

15: how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?

- is this like a ‘or something bad will happen’ reblog because absolutely not and it makes me upset

16: do you like tag games?

- yes i think they can be very fun and it’s nice to have interactions w people 😌

17: do you like ask games?

- yes!! i just don’t rb them because i don’t get ask bc i’m not an active creator / blog runner

18: which of your tumblr mutuals do you think is famous?

- i think i have quite a few but i would say the most is @/she or @/bangtanger ? idk there’s so many great people somehow following me back

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

- no. been there done that never again 💀

20. tags?

- @jinsgalaxy @bluengrey @luvsjoon @namjon @flowerkth @softlyjins @taemaknae @taesjpg @jeonsdear @eternal-bangtan [copied and pasted from a different tag game i did so pls feel free to ignore but hi hope you’re all doing good <3]

#tag game #h.ext

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morewyckedthanyou · 3 years

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I was tagged by @ylly22 - thank you! 😘

1. Why did you choose your url?

I'd been using variations of Wicked and Wycked online for years already and I wanted to keep the theme while also making it difficult for anyone I know in real life to find my tumblr unless I specifically allow it. I didn't really give it that much thought when I was making my account however, and then later on I was already kinda attached to my url so I never cared enough to change it to something shorter and nicer.

2. Any side blogs? If you have them, name them and why you have them

No side blogs, do I seem like I am organised enough to have any? No, we dump everything we hyperfixate on here and hope our followers don't hate us too much for it.

3. How long have you been on Tumblr?

Since early 2012 or so.

4. Do you have a queue tag?

I didn't always but these days I use "everything queues down here".

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

I was really into BBC Sherlock way back then and tumblr was the best site to find content about it. I also wanted to stay in touch with an internet friend I'd met on another site and she'd started mostly using tumblr, so that was another big reason.

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

I love men in drag. I love Brian May. Also, I really want to break free.

7. Why did you choose your header?

Because I'm obsessed about the 1990 IT miniseries and the Richie/Beverly/Eddie friendship is my very favourite. ❤️

8. What’s your post with the most notes?

This one:

https://morewyckedthanyou.tumblr.com/post/635782973363568640

9. How many mutuals do you have?

No idea actually, but not many? However, all of you are really cool. Like... way cooler than me.

10. How many followers do you have?

256. Most of which are inactive. Ghosts from the past, so to speak.

11. How many people do you follow?

73. But probably only max 20 of them actually post actively. Also I am actually very picky about who I follow these days.

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

I'm not clever or funny enough so nope.

13. How often do you use Tumblr each day?

It depends. Some days I use it a lot, some days less. Usually when I need a lot of distraction from the real world, tumblr it is, all day long.

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? Who won?

Years and years ago I remember someone giving me some shit about something fandom related? I simply blocked them because I don't want to waste my time on people who suck, lol.

15. How do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?

I'm very good at scrolling past them.

16. Do you like tag games?

Sure! Sometimes I'm just really lazy to actually tag people myself.

17. Do you like ask games?

Again, sure. But it may take time for me to answer asks because I always overthink my answers - just like I overthink everything tbh.

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?

Well, obviously the person who tagged me in this. My friend from real life @disdaidal too, because she's such a talented gif maker and has created content for many fandoms.

I'm sure many of you are tumblr famous, actually, and I have no idea why you're even following a nobody like me.

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

I don't really have crushes as such, period, so no.

20. Tags:

I think I'll tag some old friends and mutuals... and also some new mutuals who I'd like to get to know better.

@disdaidal, @catzy88, @icanhasnaow, @honkycats, @vonderbarr, @mrdrugzzzz, @dinneratsydneys, @nblesbianbenhanscom, @unicornsapplesandstuff and everyone else who wants to do this as well, of course. No pressure if you don't feel like doing this, though! 🥰

#i got tagged #personal #about me #tag games #long post

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your-world-with-nct · 3 years

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— 2020 has been a wild year for all of us and let me start this off by saying well done to us all for simply making it through this crazy ride - if surviving this year was your biggest achievement, that’s completely okay, and i am so proud of you for being here today !! despite the many, let’s say, mishaps, that have occurred this year, both nct and nctzens have been key in my 2020 and i couldn’t be more grateful for them, so i decided to make a little appreciation post of my own before the year ends 🥰

— to my followers ;

my petals !! i can’t believe i started off this year with around 300 followers and i’m now nearing 600 🙈 this account has grown so much this year and it’s all thanks to you. if you’ve ever come across my blog, liked or reblogged a piece of mine, sent me an ask, or pressed that follow button, i want you to know that i am so grateful for you and thank you for enjoying my works 🥺 hopefully 2021 will carry the same positive energy here on your-world-with-nct as it has this year and i’m hoping that you’ll be seeing a lot more fics in the near future 👀 once again, i love you petals <3

— to my dearest mutuals ;

@emistoomultifandom

em bubs !!! i know i could easily do this on any other app or even irl but i just wanted to thank you for making my year 🥺 my lockdown wouldn’t have been the same without us constantly texting and fangirling and our ty track/bfc reunion on my birthday was elite. and obviously this new school year has been an adventure and a half so far, with all the lunch time shenanigans, revision sessions, and exam stress, but i can’t wait for the rest of it 🙈 i am so grateful that i had you by my side during 2020 and i am eternally thankful that i’ll be able to go into the new year with you by my side once again 🧡💚💜

@misfitneo

bella - my first mutual, my tumblr mum - it feels like just yesterday that you wrote a beomgyu blurb for me after seeing my pink theme; now you’ve finished college and i’m applying to colleges 🙈i know we haven’t been able to talk as much recently but that doesn’t mean i appreciate your presence any less - i’m so proud of you for getting into med school and pursuing your dream 🥺🥺 i hope that this year treated you well, and that 2021 treats you even better 💞

@nsheeteeish

loml, almost birthday-twin, fellow leo and xiaojaem stan, fave writer - what do these things have in common? they all apply to v, or, yeet anon, if you remember the days where i ranted to you about my crush and you were a baby stay 😪 not only have you delivered such amazing content on ur writing and gif blogs, but you have provided so much comfort and joy to me whenever we message with dilay 🤧 i look forward to checking your blog every day for new posts and my twt and insta notifs in case you’ve sent me something or you’ve seen what i sent you 🙈 the fact that you think of me when you see certain things just warms my heart and you’re just such a caring person in general, thank you for being a part of my 2020 v, all the best wishes for your 2021 🖤

@cloudyangers

dilay !!! my resident yangqi and the person i think of straight away whenever i see yangyang 😚 i remember when you first requested that e2l chenle blurb back in 2019 and now the only chenle stan between us is v 😁 finding you on this app again after i forgot what ur skz blog’s url was, was just amazing and i don’t know what my tumblr experience would be like without me being able to reconnect with you 🥺 thank you for being able to make me laugh effortlessly with our lack of geography knowledge and our random antics, i will always look forward to seeing the username @cloudy_____ on my dash and screaming over renhyuckyang (+ sungchan 👀) with you for years to come 🤍

@nctsoftarchives

andi bb, my fellow dad!johnny stan 🥺 seeing you post a jaemin birthday blurb for me after your return to tumblr was so sweet and i can’t believe your first post after coming back was dedicated to me 🤧 i remember the day i first messaged you and you were gushing over how you were a big fan of mine and i said the same about you - we were just going back and forth about how much we love each other’s work 😌 you are such a talented writer and you are so full of love - wishing all the best for you in the coming new year babie 🥰

@jensungf

coming across leyna’s blog after reading that jsmr fic was the best decision, because not only have i befriended a brilliant writer, but also a jensung enthusiast who is just the kindest 🥺🥺 i think now would be a good time to tell you that despite jeno’s bias wrecking antics back in august, i actually bias jisung now 😃 i know we haven’t talked in a while, because of our busy schedules, but i hope you’re resting well and i hope that 2021 won’t be as hectic for you 💟

@doyoungcore

joyce, i know we only started talking recently but the serotonin boost both you and your works have given me this year is just incredible and i am so thankful for your warm personality on your blog and for your amazing fics 🤧 i started off as a silent reader who gushed about your writing in the tags but now i’m friends with such a talented writer and we just casually ramble about doie and jaems biases and writing struggles,,, wow 🤯 (btw took some of ur tips on editing headers 🙈) i hope that next year we can expand our friendship and that i can continue to give you the feedback you deserve 🥺💕

— favourite reads of the year ;

i have reblogged all of these to my main @/lovelycharm05 before, but i just wanted these masterpieces on here with everyone since these fics are so memorable and enjoyable to me <3 (beware there is lots of me gushing over how f&%#ing good all these writing techniques and plot devices are - can you tell i’m an eng lit nerd)

@nsheetee - moonlight café

obviously v released so many iconic pieces this year but this series was just *chef’s kiss* coffee shop au’s are the cutest to me because you can do so many different things with them, and you truly showcased that through each members’ part. although i am nahyuck biased (out of all the 00 liners), i have a soft spot for jeno’s part 🥺🤧 but that doesn’t mean i’m not obsessed with jealous jaems and cocky hyuck 🙈

@notnctu - to all the j’s i loved before

the very first work i ever read of yours, joyce 🥺🥺 i remember seeing an nct network reblog this and after reading through the summary of the series, i was enticed by the plot and i read most of your masterlist whilst waiting for the next parts 🤧 the main character’s relationship with each ‘j’ was unique to them and their interactions were just so sweet to read (except jaemin’s >:( why did my ult’s part have to be the angsty one 😤 jk jk i loved it anyways) special mention to ‘cupid’s arrow’, because that fic was an emotional rollercoaster and i loved that almost as much as i love bestfriend!jungwoo in the last part 😌

@misfitneo - lee haechan’s pride

it would be a sin if i didn’t include this in my top reads this year, pun intended 😌, especially since i have a weakness for mafia aus. i haven’t had the time to read mark or renjun’s parts yet, but from what i read in this fic, i’m sure theirs are just as good, if not better. the storybuilding and the development of the plot are so detailed and intricate and that is what i love in a fic. i already reviewed this on my main with a lengthy description of my favourite parts so i’m gonna keep this short and sweet - if you love haechan, mafia au’s, and enemies to lovers, you need to read this !!

@jensungf - passing clouds + only forever

these fics hit different now that i bias jisung 😭 ‘passing clouds’ was pure angst and as much as it hurt, it was written so beautifully and i loved it so much. ‘only forever’ healed the jisung shaped hole in my heart and made me fall in love with him all over again. the first love vibes he gives off is unbelievable and that innocence was presented perfectly in this 🤧 side note: never let jisung bake for you even if it’s as a peace offering 😖

@hyucksie - in the long run + second first kiss

although ‘sweet talk’ and ‘silent treatment’ are also contenders for some of my favourite fics of the year, these two have taken the cake 😌 the concept itself of time travel and mark and y/n seeing their future child was so creative and the mixed emotions that the characters experienced seeing their future were executed so well and the ending when their actual future selves remembered the day they time travelled 🥺🥺 not to mention the sequel doesn’t feel forced at all, the story flows well, and jealous mark is a cutie 🥰

@luvdsc - not clickbait

i’ve been following cat after i first read ‘i turned my best friend into an e-boy!! (and kissed him)’ and ever since then every piece of hers that i’ve read is simply breathtaking and so engaging. her style of writing is so unique and whenever i read anything of hers i feel so immersed in the fic. the dreamies as youtubers and tiktokers was such a cute concept to me and the little comment section at the end of each fic is probably my favourite part 😳 the way each member’s fic connects to the plot of another is perfect and their cameos in one another’s fic >>> (jisung telling y/n about the tiktok challenge in mark’s fic + cameraman jisung in chenle’s) i could keep talking abt this series for a lot longer but i’ll end it here, also i can’t wait for norensung’s parts 💞💞

@pwarkhans - the neo academy

i’ve probably mentioned my love for ‘the umbrella academy’ before but THIS !!! this series just made me love it even more 🙈 despite yangyang’s part being the only one that’s out, that and the prologue are interesting enough and seeing the 00 liners in this alternate universe is honestly amazing jxjwjxkw jaemin as three and hyuck as two is everything. the brothers’ relationship, especially in yangyang’s part, is so complicated yet so cute and i can’t wait for the rest of the members’ parts 💘

@yongtxt - vintage

when i first stumbled across this series, i was immediately intrigued by the plot, and not just because it was about rapper!mark and singer!y/n🧑‍🦯🧑‍🦯 the side characters (dreamies + doie and jisoo) were so funny and well-written and the plot >>>> i was so invested in the twists and turns of the story, the relief i felt when the conflict was finally resolved and we got our fav musician couple !!

@byunbaekby - apartment b23

i only found this series recently but wow am i invested in the plot already 😭😭 the conflict in the story is realistic and feels like something you could actually relate to. norenmin’s friendship/bond is so strong and evident through the story and the side characters are my babies (heejin, shuhua, lia - ily 🤧) i can’t wait for the rest of this series since i am a sucker for the perfect balance of angst, fluff, and crack in this 🥰

— favourite works of the year ;

unfortunately i haven’t had enough time to release any fics this year, and i’m hoping that that won’t be the case next year, but here are my top 5 favourite blurbs that i enjoyed writing and reading <3

1:48pm -> dad!johnny

one of the most popular blurbs on my blog to this day 🥺 honestly i get why, who doesn’t love dad!johnny? hyejoo is literally so adorable here and the family dynamics make me soft all over again whenever i reread this piece. also everyone’s reactions and replies to this are so heartwarming because everyone’s just whipped for the suh family 🙈

1:05pm -> soulmate!taeyong

i love soulmate au’s but something always irked me with the permanence of your soulmate like ,,, what if you end up falling out of love with them? then what? that inspired me to write my own take on soulmates, where they aren’t found, but made. taeyong’s character here is just so full of love and you know how much i love lovable boys 🤧 (ever wondered why i ult na jaemin...?)

12:13pm -> boyfriend!mark

7dream!!!! i don’t usually write domestic fluff even though it’s one of the genres i indulge in the most 😔 but when i do, i go all out because everyone needs to know how soft i am for my boys >:( mark’s love for the dreamies is so unique and i love their friendship so much, i had to write about it when i first heard about the 7dream announcement which i definitely did not cry at

11:40pm -> boyfriend!jeno

this was one of the first requests i ever got and i was just so touched than someone personally requested something from me AND it was jeno 🥺🥺 everytime i read the tags under this, everyone is just gushing over jeno and like,,, same 🙈 this type of fluff >>>

waking up with wayv -> wayv reaction

when em first requested this, i didn’t exactly know how to write something for each member without being too repetitive, but in the end, i loved the mini plots i wrote for them and it’s just one of my underappreciated faves 🥰

— favourite releases of the year ;

just a few of my favourite albums that got me through online school and revision sessions for offline school 🥲 ft. lots of nct + october albums bc that month was PACKED

nct 2020 - resonance pt1 + pt2

nct 127 - neozone: the final round

nct dream - ridin’

wayv - awaken the world

superm - super one

enhypen - border: day one

twice - eyes wide open

txt - minisode1: blue hour

seventeen - semicolon

stray kids - go live + in life

itzy - not shy

conan gray - kid krow

if you’ve managed to read all the way to the end, congrats for putting up with my lengthy and very sappy sentiment and sorry that you had to go through all of that 😭😭 thank you for being a part of my 2020, i hope that the new year allows us all to have a fresh start and brings us the opportunities we didn’t have this year. happiest new year to you all 🥳 (even tho it’s not 2021 yet when i’m posting this :))

#nobody tagged me in this but i saw loads of ppl doing it so i was like >:( i wanna do one #and by loads of ppl i mean joyce 🙈#this was a lot longer than i thought it would be but i have a lot to say lmao #end of the year wrap up #mutuals ✨

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spectre1 · 3 years

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tagged by the lovely @spotchka thank u plum!!

1. Why did you choose your url? i was trying to save a bunch of sw urls for my main blog lol and spectre1 was surprisingly free and stan kanan jarrus, that’s my bestie!

2. Any side blogs? this is a side blog👀 my main is @favouritecolours where i blog about all my other interests (art, poetry, other movies, more personal posts + updates), i also have an atla side blog @kataruh that i made a couple years ago but don’t really use as often. i also started a resources blog yesterday lol @selectivecolour which is just themes rn bcos i may or may not be thinking about starting a sw animation / rebels source blog

3. How long have you been on tumblr? sigh.. since i was like 13 unfortunately. i think i turned out okay all things considering but it’s just so crazy to think about

4. Do you have a queue tag? yes! it’s just #q and runs like twice while i’m asleep

5. Why did you start your blog? i rewatched the all of the movies and finally finished tcw during christmas break then watched rebels in like. a weekend after lol which kickstarted my star wars brain rot. i saved the url in like end of march/april ish then started posting here to not spam my main blog with too many star wars posts and then i started making gifs n other creations now here i am <3

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp? i used to have leia / hera icons and then i changed it to kanan bcos i thought it wld be cute if my icon and url matched. i also think it makes shitposts like this more funny hahaah

7. Why did you choose your header? um 👁👄👁 my header is not visible on this blog anymore but it was a picture of kanan and ezra on lothal picked it bcos i love them and the twin moons and the blue bg matched with my icon colour

8. What post of yours has the most notes? i am a jedi, like my father before me but with kanan and ezra which is one of my favourites that i’ve made and i like looking through the tags on that LMFAOO

9. How many mutuals do you have? idk besties how do u find out this information

10. How many followers do you have? 222 angel number isms <3

11. How many blogs do you follow? 139 i shld probably follow more fjkfg

12. Have you ever made a shit post? yes and whenever they get more than like. 30 notes im like hit post!!!!!!!!

13. How often do use Tumblr a day? more than i would like to honestly

14. Did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog? no i do use the block button very liberally tho <3

15. How do you feel about ‘you need to reblog’ posts? uhh i don’t think i’ve ever seen one of those on my dashboard but just reblog want u want i guess?? it’s ur blog lol

16. Do you like tag games? yes i think it is cute to think that my mutuals are thinking of me and want to know more about me heehee i don’t always do them though bcos i am either lazy or don’t think ppl care for what i have to say fhdfjk

17. Do you like ask games? yeah i don’t think i’ve ever done them on this blog but if im ever bored and have time i’ll do them!!

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous? uhhhh idk how to gauge what tumblr famous is bgkbmgkm but if we are mutuals ily u are famous in my eyes

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual? not in any serious way obviously but if we’re mutuals, i’m peeling u an orange and giving you a slice. i am making you a cup of warm tea. i am reblogging posts i think you wld like when i see you online in hopes that you see it

tagging @chellilonaaphra @burnhamandtilly @obiewan @milfventress and if u see this and wanna do it just say i tagged you lol, no pressure to do this tho!!!

#this was fun i love talking abt myself fdgjkdfg #personal

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fanfic-scribbles · 4 years

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Lunch Buddy: Chapter Twenty

Masterlist

<<Previous Chapter

Overall Story Facts:

Fandom: MCU Captain America/Avengers

Story Summary: Steve Rogers makes a friend. A prickly, generally people-averse friend, but they’ll both take what they can get.

Quick Facts: Romance – Steve Rogers/Reader – Female Reader

Story Warnings: Reader-insert that verges on OFC, written in 1st person past tense

Chapter 20: After Hours

Chapter Summary: Two intrepid idiots clear up a misunderstanding and get to the good bits.

Chapter Word Count: 3337

A/N: This chapter went places I did not expect, but the important part is that these dumb dorks are still pretty cute <3 So the next part of this story will be called “Dinner Date” and posting will happen…when it happens. Sorry. I’m in the mood to do some holiday-themed one-shots right now for some different characters, but time will tell whether any of those get finished before the first chapter (which I have already started). I do think I’m going to keep it on the same masterlist as the other LB stuff; it’ll just have its own header. Anyways. For now…please enjoy.

The ride home was…awkward.

Steve and I both sat in the back of a nicer-than-average town car and the cab was quiet enough, and the drive slow enough, that sounds of scattered celebration occasionally filtered in, easy to hear in the utter silence with my head so close to my window while Steve was very much pressed against his own. I didn’t know how to feel about it. While I didn’t exactly want to crawl into his lap while some poor schmuck drove us to my apartment…Steve looked out the window more often than he looked at me.

I put my hand on the seat and inched it towards him, keeping it close enough to me that if I needed to get into some quick denial I could, but Steve was sharp when he wanted to be and I was still wondering if that kiss was just convenience or maybe (maybe) something more. But the driver asked something, Steve snapped his attention to answer, and I shoved my fingers under my leg like I was protecting them from the cold. In a car that could probably control the climate down to the fifth decimal. And Steve went back to staring out the window.

He looked so focused. Was he prepping an apology– a gentle let-down? An “I’m sorry it’s not you it’s me?” An “I’m sorry but I was just excited and that went way too far?” An “I’m sorry but I thought I was into it before we kissed and now I’m very much not?” Was I a crap kisser? I cupped my hand around my mouth and nose and breathed, but I couldn’t get a good read on it. Still, after all that food and drinking I probably tasted terri–

Steve said my name and my neck cracked with how fast I looked at him. I then tried to crack the other side to make it seem like it was just terrible timing. Very smooth.

“You uh…” I fiddled with my hands and made no move to get out of the car. Steve didn’t move either, but I still didn’t know if that was good or not. I knew what I had to say, but spitting the words out was harder than it should have been. Eventually, though, I got there.

“Would you come up?”

“Can we talk?”

The sentences came at the same exact time and it took me a moment to realize what Steve had said. And that his words seemed…so much more not-fun than mine. But, to avoid any more stilted conversation in the company of a complete stranger, I nodded as fast as I could and said, “Yes,” far too desperately. Granted, the guy was a driver employed by Tony Stark and had probably seen worse, but I didn’t need all my nonsense spilling out over the same seat where someone else had probably…

My eyes trailed too long over Steve’s thighs and I scrambled to get out of the car. I stretched as soon as I was out in the cold air. Noise filtered down the street in spurts as parties continued on, and I hugged myself. My one nice jacket was not meant for me to be out in long, not in the middle of the night in January at least.

“Here.”

I saw my purse before I saw Steve holding it. I smacked my hand to my face. “Fucking idi– jeeze; thanks Steve,” I said and took it.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said and gripped my shoulder. His hand felt like a weight at first but then he squeezed and…lingered. For several seconds. And it felt like he was reluctant to let go, even though he literally only stepped a foot away to lean in the car window and tell the driver something. Was I projecting or was this going to go better than I feared? I still couldn’t risk looking him right in the eyes so I stole a peek while he was distracted. He looked…normal. I couldn’t tell anything but, well, he was talking to another person and I could only see half of his face, in the dark, so what did I expect?

When he started to stand again I faced the building and waited while the car drove off. I was starting to feel sick in a way I couldn’t blame on the alcohol, but at least the potential humiliation was relatively low as far as witnesses went. It was just me. And Steve.

“Come on,” he said and nudged me gently. “Let’s get you inside before you freeze.”

“Okay,” I said and led the way. Again, we were both completely silent. Of course, it was a two-way road, but I didn’t know what to say. “Hey, how about that kiss? Pretty great, right?” Except I didn’t know if he would agree. I liked the kiss, but we hadn’t talked or really done anything after it. What if it really was him just getting caught up in the moment? And I had followed along. Because I had desperately wanted it. And maybe he could tell and that was why it was awkward.

“Do you want some coffee?” I asked as soon as we got in, and after I hit the lights I went to the kitchen to make a pot whether or not he wanted to share.

“That sounds nice, thanks,” he said and headed over to the couch.

I stayed at the coffee pot and listened to it gurgle and bubble, taking in some comfort from the smell that arose as it started to drip into the pot. I wondered if I could get away with taking a moment to change into my pajamas or something more comfortable for the coming conversation, but that didn’t seem quite fair. If Steve had to be stuck in his formalwear, I could sit and suffer in mine too. Depending on how this conversation went, I would be spending a lot of time in my pajamas, eating too much and eschewing all human contact forever and always. I didn’t get to be dramatic very often, but I had burned myself enough times that it could still be considered a time-honored tradition.

“I’m sorry.”

I dropped the cup to the counter. It didn’t have far to go but that didn’t matter because– “Sorry for what?” I asked, hoping I was misunderstanding something.

“I’m sorry for kissing you like that.”

Oh. I squeezed my eyes shut tight. So he did mean…okay. Okay. Ouch, but okay. I got it. He said my name but I didn’t trust myself to respond; tears balled up in my throat and choked the little ‘but I’m not’ that was pointless to say.

He said my name again, right behind me this time. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

I let out a laugh that was more like a whimper but I still tried as hard as I could to hold it together. “Okay. I– I get it; you were just…excited, I guess?” God that sounded so fucking stupid I was so fucking stupid. “I don’t know. I’m sorry, I’m sorry I went with it, I’m sorry I wanted– maybe we could forget–”

“Oh– no! No; not– no, no, no,” he said and turned me around. I tried to hide my face but I couldn’t steal away completely from his concern. He gripped my arms. “That’s not what I meant; I’m not sorry I kissed you– I mean–” He let out a sigh like he was exasperated. “I’m saying this wrong. I don’t regret kissing you. What I’m sorry for is how it happened.”

I blinked back tears. I took a minute to think over what he said. I stared at him.

Then I shoved back from him. “You are such a dick sometimes!”

He looked bewildered. “What…”

“You scared the crap out of me!” I said. “You kissed me like that and then you barely touched me, even when you offered to ‘take me home,’ and you were silent for the whole ride. I thought you regretted it!”

“No. However,” he said and narrowed his eyes so slightly it was almost more of a squint. “You did the same thing. You barely touched me, didn’t say a word– I thought you were mad at me. I kissed you and I thought you kissed back, but afterwards you– and I thought you were mad that I sprung it on you. That I surprised you too badly and you didn’t know if you really wanted it.”

I took a second. Several seconds, actually, until I calmed down. “Fair,” I conceded. I had thought I was reacting to him but… “So I’m a dick too.”

“What a pair we are,” he said. He licked his lips and I had to avert my eyes. Unfortunately I averted them up into making eye contact. Shit. “So…you did kiss back.”

“Must not have done it too well if you sound so unsure about it,” I said, maybe a bit sourly, because I thought I had done pretty well. I hadn’t ever had a first kiss with someone turn into such a nice (if too quick) make-out. He said my name in warning and I sighed. “Yeah, I did.”

“So you…” He stopped, frowned, and was silent.

When he crinkled his nose I had to ask, “What?”

“There’s no way I can think to put this that doesn’t make me feel like I’m ten years old,” he said and rubbed the back of his head. “So you…like me too?”

I snorted. It was kind of funny. “You could even say I like like you too.”

He rolled his eyes and said my name again. I definitely like that. It felt like being back on steady ground after being knocked around in an earthquake. “I said what I meant and meant what I said,” I told him. “Now you.”

“I’d like to sit behind the playground with you too,” he said dryly.

I covered my mouth in mocking scandal. “Hold up there Steve, we just kissed once; how far do you expect to get in one night?”

He turned red. “What the hell are people doing on– oh.”

I, of course, laughed. But then he smiled and I felt off-kilter again. I swallowed another lump as it began to form. “So you…meant it?”

“Obviously,” he said like he was joking. He sounded so suddenly unsure though when he asked, “Right?” that I almost wanted to hug him.

“It just– it came out of nowhere and–” I took a deep breath and tried to steady myself in this whirlwind. “But I was so focused on myself; I was trying so hard not to show what…that I wanted. You. Like that.” I froze up, but I had said it; I’d said it. Out loud. To him.

I turned around, dumped some coffee in a cup, and immediately downed half of it. I’d been well sober for a while but maybe this would stave off the headache I could feel creeping in. After a moment I took out another cup, poured more coffee, and slid it over to him.

“Thanks,” he said and put his hand around the bug but didn’t bring it up to his mouth. “Was I out of line? It’s okay to tell me; I don’t want– …Whatever it is that you might want, I don’t want to lose you as a friend, so please. Talk to me.”

I looked up at the ceiling and then I looked at him. “I want you,” I said. “Exactly like you think. Or maybe you don’t think. But I want you, as more than a friend. I have wanted you but I couldn’t imagine you wanting me as anything else and whatever happened I could handle not having you as a–” I couldn’t even say ‘boyfriend’ I was that pathetic, “–romantically, but I didn’t want to lose you completely. I never– I never thought I would get to this point; I thought at worst I would have to say ‘hey I have a crush on you’ and at best you would let me down– gently, I hoped– and we would move on and I…I just, I never thought I would get to this point and I don’t know what to do! You want the same thing and now I’m so terrified of having the chance to fuck this up.”

“You won’t. We won’t,” Steve said and stepped forward, almost pressing up against me. “We’re two adults who can work through this. Together.”

That was more optimism than I was allowed in one night. “Have you met us?” I had to ask.

“Yeah,” he said, looking stupidly earnest. “I know we can because we wouldn’t be working on it on our own, and we already work through a lot together. My issues with being Captain America, your issues with people; my problems with being myself in a completely different time, your issues with opening up…your problems with admitting you’re wrong about really good, unusual snacks…”

“Oh my god, if this is about the crickets again then you are still so wrong.”

“They have chocolate on them; they can’t be bad.”

“I could probably coat a dirty penny in chocolate and you’d eat it,” I muttered. I couldn’t believe I had actually kissed that man. Yuck. (Except unfortunately not.)

Steve shrugged (because I was right and we both knew it) but he smiled at me. “You get the point though. Wasn’t it a risk just being friends in the first place?”

It wasn’t like romance had a monopoly on breaking hearts, true. However. “This is more, and bigger, for both of us,” I said. His smile went away. “I’m not– I know we both have issues. That’s a separate thing. I just…” I looked down at my hand on the counter. “Right now I wonder.”

“Wonder what?” Steve asked softly and put his arms around me.

“How could you want me, Steve?” But I returned the hug, pressed myself against him, and squeezed. “Sometimes I don’t even want me.”

“I could say the same thing,” Steve said and held me just as tight. Despite my misgivings, I never wanted to leave this. “For what it’s worth…I think we make a good team.”

I let out a little laugh. Just a little one, but damn him, I was starting to come up from my spiral. “I guess the couple who snarks about self-important businessmen together stays together,” I said. But I liked that. Couple. It made me feel warm. Or maybe that was Steve, ever-present and holding onto me like he truly didn’t want to let go. “If we’re going to be doing this, I’m going to really nag at you about jumping off buildings without parachutes.”

“It was a plane and it was one time.” He rubbed his hand across my back. “And you already yell at me for it.”

“Mm hm.” I was content to stay as I was, but when I dropped my head to rest it against him I found a whole other reason to be uneasy. Dirty countertops, dishes piled in the sink, and I knew the living room and my bedroom was a mass of clothes and jewelry and hastily-bought makeup. My place was an actual garbage pile and I had completely forgotten. No wonder he had ditched the couch right away– he couldn’t sit on it. I groaned and shoved my face into his chest.

“What’s wrong?”

“Well now that I’m mostly done freaking out about that, I’m about to start freaking out about my apartment looking like a disaster zone.”

Steve chuckled. “I hadn’t really noticed. I can close my eyes if it makes you feel better?”

I opened my mouth and then shut it while I considered that. I smiled. “Yeah, actually,” I said. “Shut your eyes.”

He blinked, but then he obeyed. I savored the moment because that was not a thing Steve Rogers did often, but I didn’t wait long. I moved in and up, and pressed my lips to his. And that was where I did linger. “Mm,” Steve ‘said’ and put his hand behind my head to keep me there. The joke was on him– I never wanted to leave. Slowly his mouth opened and so did mine, and as he slipped his tongue in, I pressed my body even closer to his, even though any more contact outside of metaphysical merging was impossible at that point. His hands moved, gripping at my back in different spots, but I felt a thrill when they moved to my sides.

I couldn’t believe I got to do this with Steve. I went from hopelessly infatuated to actually having him in the space of one night and it was real; the way his arm curved around my waist was real, the way his lips and tongue teased at mine was real, the…counter I sat on and that he pressed against to get to me was real, but I couldn’t remember how I got up there.

I let that go, and kissed him until I really had to pull back for air. I had a headache crashing in but I couldn’t remember ever feeling so good. Until Steve’s phone buzzed right next to me, making me jump from the slight vibrations carried through the counter. He spared a glance at it but it fell silent, so he came back to me. The phone buzzed again but he ignored it. Except that it kept… buzzing. And it was incredibly irritating– to the point where I was tempted to throw it into the living room– but that didn’t seem like a good idea considering the reasons Steve might be called.

I broke for air. Since I needed a little time to catch my breath I asked him, “Should you check that?” even while I fervently hoped the answer was “fuck no.”

He huffed but he reached over to grab for the phone without leaving me (good, since I had my legs loosely locked behind him) and I caught his muttered “I swear to God if the world is ending today I’m…” but the rest was unintelligible. That was fine. I had plenty of my own threats to substitute and they were probably better than his.

But Steve stared at the phone and turned red. Not angry red. Definitely not angry red. Red like ‘Lucy got caught behind the social studies room by the proctor’ red. And for a moment I was so delighted by the proposition I forgot I was maybe part of the reason he was so embarrassed. Even remembering that didn’t make his face any less enjoyable though. “What is it?”

He lifted his eyes to the ceiling like the long-suffering man he was and shut them in silent prayer. I snuck a peak at his phone while he did so and only saw the end of a very busy group message.

Sam: Yeah Steve, take the lady to dinner first

I burst out laughing and Steve chucked his phone behind him into the living room. It didn’t sound like it smashed into a thousand pieces, so hopefully it crash-landed into one of the piles of clothes. “My friends are assholes,” Steve muttered and moved back to me, setting his hands on my hips.

“You know, Sam has a point,” I said as Steve’s nose slid alongside mine.

“Oh yeah?” I could feel his smile against my lips just before he began to kiss and nip at them gently. “You want me to take you to dinner, sweetheart?”

It wasn’t quite serious, wasn’t quite a joke, and it made something in my chest swell wide and bright. “Not yet,” I said and pressed my forehead to his, unable to kiss him through the uncontrollable smile on my face. I was willing to try, though. I was willing to try lots of things. “But I’ll let you treat me to lunch.”

<<Previous Chapter

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers & reader #captain america fanfic #avengers fanfic #reader insert #lunch buddy

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rachelkaser · 3 years

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Stay Golden Sunday: The Custody Battle

Dorothy’s sister Gloria arrives and wants Sophia to come live with her. Rose and Blanche clash over a production of Macbeth.

Picture It...

Dorothy and Sophia are tidying ahead of the arrival of Gloria, Sophia’s other daughter and Dorothy’s little sister. Sophia subtly needles Dorothy for not having a date -- and fortuitously, Blanche enters and asks to borrow Dorothy’s jewelry for her own date. She’s going on a date with the director of the local community theater, who she’s hoping will soon cast her as Lady Macbeth. Sophia continues to nag Dorothy for not having a date. Dorothy gets angry at Sophia for her meddling, and demands space. Sophia leaves in a huff.

The next morning, Blanche is confident her tete-a-tete with the director will get her the part, though she and Rose are still going to the audition. Dorothy and Sophia are still annoyed at each other, but put it aside when Gloria arrives. Gloria, a wealthy widow, gives her mother and sister fabulous gifts. When Sophia guilts her over staying in a hotel, Dorothy offers to let Gloria share her (Dorothy’s) room.

DOROTHY: Hi! How was the audition? BLANCHE: Wonderful! I’m 99% sure I got the part. ROSE: Oh Blanche, there were so many good people there. BLANCHE: Trust me, I got this part in the sack. ROSE: She means in the bag. DOROTHY: No honey, she means in the sack.

That night, as Sophia and Gloria are out shopping, Blanche comes back from the audition convinced she got the part. She and Rose ask about Gloria’s relationship with Dorothy, and Dorothy confesses she’s always felt her parents favored Gloria. Blanche relates how she felt the same way about her parents and her sisters. Rose exposits about her idyllic family life, annoying the other girls enough that Blanche lets the kitchen door slam in her face.

Gloria and Dorothy settle down in bed together, with Gloria asking if Dorothy resents her for having money, a happy marriage and successful children -- none of which Dorothy has (and gee, nice of you to point it out, Gloria). Dorothy says she has grown beyond such sibling rivalry. Gloria continues to go on about her palatial home in California. Dorothy says she and Sophia would love to come out for a visit, and Gloria finally drops the bomb: She wants Sophia to come live with her, and Sophia agreed.

GLORIA: This reminds me of when we were little and you used to read me bedtime stories. DOROTHY: Oh yeah, yeah... the Bogeyman and the Little Girl... the Zombie in the Hamper... Cannibal Parents. I think between the ages of 5 and 7 you might have gotten two hours’ sleep.

Dorothy talks to Sophia about her plan to live with Gloria. Sophia avoids talking about what she wants, and says this way she can give Dorothy space. Dorothy doesn’t try to dissuade her, saying Gloria can give her a better life. Sophia looks very uncertain when Dorothy leaves.

In the kitchen, both Rose and Dorothy deliver bad news to Blanche. Rose says Blanche was cast as Witch #3, and Rose got the part of Lady Macbeth. Dorothy tells both that Sophia is leaving, and they’re heartbroken, insisting that they don’t want Sophia to leave. Dorothy forbids them from guilting Sophia, and leaves. Rose offers to let Blanche fill in for her as Lady Macbeth, but Blanche demurs gracefully.

BLANCHE: Well Rose, isn’t that sweet? And I do love you for it, honey, but I just couldn’t. I could never fit this trim little body in that big old tent of a dress they’re going to have to make for you.

After avoiding it for a few hours, Dorothy gives in and confronts Gloria, telling her it’s not fair of her to steal Sophia away when she’s already the favorite. Gloria reveals that she thinks Dorothy is the favorite, because Sophia respected and trusted her and constantly pointed out how much smarter and self-reliant she was to Gloria. Gloria admits she’s envious of how happy Dorothy’s life is compared with hers, and she wanted part of that. She says she knows Sophia doesn’t want to leave, and Dorothy goes to talk to their mother.

Dorothy demands that Sophia stay, and Sophia at first refuses but then agrees. She says she and Dorothy both need a little space from each other occasionally, but she’ll stay and look after the Girls. She breaks the news to Gloria, who understands. Sophia says she’s happy that both of her daughters love her and want her around so much.

SOPHIA: I love you. I love all my children. GLORIA: Even Phil? SOPHIA: Sure -- but don’t tell him, he’ll want to borrow money.

Later that night, the Girls are ecstatic that Sophia isn’t leaving. She brings them presents she was planning to give them when she thought she was moving. They open the presents and discover their own things, which Sophia purloined. After she leaves the kitchen, they wonder what else she might have taken and go to search her room. Rose cautiously exits last, worried about the door slamming in her face again.

“I think all my children are special... except Phil.”

I’ll be honest, there’s a reason for the gap between this review and the last one. Sure, Christmas and New Years (not to mention a busted keyboard) shifted my priorities a bit, but were this almost any other episode, I would have still gotten it out no matter what else was going on. But the truth is, I didn’t allot the necessary time to analyze this episode because... well, I didn’t want to. Because this episode is just not very good.

Remember when I said that Golden Girls had no truly bad episodes, but there were some that were noticeably lower-rung than others? This wasn’t the episode I had in mind when I said that (I’ll tell you which episode was when we get to it), but this is still a pretty good example of what I mean. It’s not particularly funny, has no meaningful message, doesn’t involve any character growth, and is confusingly written.

SOPHIA: I should have known you couldn’t make it without me. DOROTHY: You’re right, I can’t. And neither can Blanche. And neither can Rose. SOPHIA: Of course not Rose. The woman can hardly find her way to work!

I’d never given it much thought before I had to pick it apart for this blog. Now that I’ve watched it with a necessarily discerning eye, I couldn’t help but get this weird sense of flatness. Not badness, per se, just a total lack of good distinguishing features.

For example, I usually insert one of my favorite one-liners as the header text above my analysis section, and I had to really pick apart this episode to come up with any single line that gave me a little smile. That’s not to say that there aren’t funny exchanges in this episode, but no Girl is given a single stand-out line that’s still funny, divorced from context. I’m using an “except Phil” line because this is the first time we see Sophia use it as more of a catchphrase.

I don’t have any behind-the-scenes material that might explain why the episode feels so lacking. Maybe it’s because this is Terry Hughes’ first episode as director? There are definitely places where the script doesn’t feel nearly as tight as it could be -- the several minutes Rose spends reminiscing about her happy childhood don’t really do much besides fill time, except maybe set up for the “kitchen door face slam” gag.

ROSE: *reminiscing about her saccharine family Christmases* And then Daddy would tell us a story, and tuck us into our feather-- DOROTHY: Who was your father, Rose? Michael Landon?

If I had to put this down to a single element, I think it’d be the portrayal of Gloria. Sisterly rivalry is a recurring theme in this show . . . seriously, none of the Girls have good relationships with their sisters. We saw this already with Blanche and Virginia, but Dorothy and Gloria provide a slightly different take on it. Whereas Virginia and Blanche have been clashing their whole lives and are only just now starting to reconcile, Dorothy and Gloria have a warm and loving relationship with unaddressed resentment beneath the surface.

The difference is, Virginia gave the impression of being a three-dimensional character. There were subtleties to her, such as her inability to keep from rising to Blanche’s bait no matter how much she claimed to want a more peaceful relationship. That just doesn’t exist with Gloria, or at least not Gloria as she exists in this episode.

In fact, the writers don’t seem to have a clue what to do with Gloria. She’s explicitly stated to be distant from her mother and sister, never inviting them to her home in California and only calling three times a year and yet wants her mother to move in with her. She’s sometimes obliviously insensitive, and yet has enough self-awareness to shoot holes in Dorothy’s insecurities.

I’m not sure if I like the fact that the resolution of the rivalry is Gloria saying, “Actually, I’m envious of you and want part of your happiness for myself,” as opposed to, “I, too, wish to spend some of my mother’s last years with her.” It just doesn’t seem realistic that Gloria’s desire to spend time with Sophia is rooted in her feelings towards Dorothy. It seems more like the ending to a revenge fantasy than a proper wrap-up of the story.

BLANCHE: Now, when were little, every year my sisters had huge parties. With clowns and magicians and tons of presents. DOROTHY: And you didn’t? BLANCHE: Well not exactly. I mean, I did have parties and I had presents but... I never had a clown. *smiles* Not until I was... BLANCHE & DOROTHY: Much older.

It doesn’t help that the B-plot is a little undercooked. Blanche’s extreme desire for a part in “Mister William Shakespeare’s masterpiece” is funny enough, especially since she thinks her sexual performance is an adequate substitute for theatrical performance -- I mean, she’s Blanche. She probably thinks her sexual performance is enough to eclipse all other forms of performance anywhere, ever.

But what I don’t get about it is how Rose managed to snag the part of Lady Macbeth despite not wanting it. Granted, it’s been a long time since my community theater days, but I think you generally have to say which parts you’re auditioning for before you audition, so the director doesn’t cast someone who can’t commit the time to a big role. I could be wrong about that, though. I get that Rose not expressing any of her own interest in the play makes it extra funny when she actually gets the part, but it’s still a little confusing to me.

Still, I don’t want to end the review on a sour note, so I’ll say this: There’s not much in the way of a moral or character growth in this episode, but there is something to be said for Dorothy and Sophia coming to the conclusion that too much togetherness isn’t good for them. Given that we’re now going on a year in pandemic lockdown, I can’t help but think that’ll resonate with some of us.

Episode rating: 🍰🍰 (two cheesecake slices out of five)

Favorite Part of the Episode:

The exchange between Rose and Blanche over the casting of Lady Macbeth, culminating in Blanche brandishing a kitchen knife in the most darkly funny way possible:

#stay golden #golden girls #stay golden sunday #dorothy zbornak #rose nylund #sophia petrillo #blanche devereaux #macbeth #picture it #s01e12 #except phil

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theonceoverthinker · 5 years

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Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Theme Songs - Worst to Best

With the series winding down and only a few episodes to go, I wanted to look back at the shows four theme songs and share my thoughts. And given how there’s only four of them and lists are fun, let’s make it a worst to best list.

So enjoy...that!

4. You Do/You Don’t Want to be Crazy

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I’m sorry to start this list on a downer, but from the moment I first heard this song, I hated it and that has not changed one bit since it initially aired. Musically and lyrically, it’s ugly, not having a central beat of its own and changing five times in the span of thirty seconds. The four personas relate to Rebecca’s feelings vaguely at best and are more a reflection of society’s views on craziness, giving it an unavoidable distance from Rebecca that the other theme songs just don’t have. it’s too short to really take form in the way the show wants it too. But most importantly, while every other theme song reflects the feelings of Rebecca consistently as they pertain to the entire season, this song only reflects Rebecca during the season’s first four episodes. Following that, Rebecca’s stance on craziness is simply that she doesn’t want to be crazy, but because she takes her diagnosis as “crazy,” it’s something she has to deal with. And any positiveness that comes from her diagnosis is not understood in the show in the same way as it’s understood by the two personas who are for craziness. I will say this though: The sets, costumes, and visuals are fantastic, selling the respective tones they’re going for flawlessly. I just wish they weren’t in this song because they’re so detailed and cool! They all deserve their own numbers!

3. Meet Rebecca!

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Okay, now that that burst of negativity is out of the way, let’s get positive! I think the writers of this theme song really knew what they were doing here. Rebecca’s personality throughout not only the entire season, but in the series as a whole is infused in this song. The complexities of Rebecca’s character -- not just sweet, generous, snarky, sarcastic, but ultimately, like Rebecca herself, too hard to ultimately summarize with just a handful of words -- is both funny and makes for a good introduction to the character (Ultimately what a theme song hopes to accomplish). We see her insecurities as it shows how she’s compared to someone cooler and who seems to have her shit more together. And what I like the most about this theme song is its ending. Not only are other Rebecca’s lines hilarious and something that keeps the theme song fresh every time, but there’s something deeper to it as well. We see this ideal other Rebecca deconstructed from the ultimate cool girl ideal she is set up to be with every building episode while simultaneously through both the theme song and show proper making Rebecca a more complicated and nuance woman -- making her the actual “cool” one of the two. The costuming also shows this contrast -- Rebecca’s colors are a dark and brooding blue (Something normally classified as a cool color, showing a bit of subtlety for the changes that these women undergo as to their portrayals by the theme songs) while other Rebecca is wearing more of a conventionally cooler bright red dress) Finally, the music itself is great -- borrowing from sitcoms from the 80′s and 90′s. The use of horns as well as the introductory nature of the lyrics is a nice callback that completely works and paints the series as the more complex comedy that it is.

What are numbers 2 and 1? Go below the cut to find out because this is getting a lot longer than I expected!

2. I’m Just a Girl In Love

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This is another theme song that I didn’t like upon first hearing it, but that’s more the fault of me loving the original theme song and being given no warning that it would be changed every season. And over the course of the season, it grew on me and by the end of the season, I was regularly singing it and even made a cute video of Trent’s equivalent to the song with my puppy! But anyways, let’s talk about the song itself. This season is very much a spiral for Rebecca’s character and this song perfectly incorporates the uncomfortable feeling both the audience and her friends have because of it. The music is a callback to the old classical musicals that Rebecca loved growing up and to basically one episode ago. Betty Boop always comes to my mind because of the uses of pink, black, and red all throughout the number as well as the 20′s dresses. The lyrics are perfect in that they are a list of how NOT to handle love and they retain this amazing level of absurdity throughout the song. Additionally, I love the focus on the backup dancers during the final few lines of the song, showing a level of disbelief and possible panic on their faces as they sing a song they know isn’t true. AND I like the foreshadowing that comes from Rebecca literally breaking Josh’s heart through her spiral. But the most important point for me is how the theme song was incorporated into the show. While in the first season, that incorporation was played as a joke, that could not be more turned on its head for the second season. Those lyrics are more than just ones she created to cement her love of Josh, but are callbacks to excuses Rebecca’s mother made for her after it was revealed that Rebecca was a former arsonist, the biggest twist of the show by far. The lyrics to an already disturbing, albeit bouncy song become downright horrifying with this revelation and something we enjoyed to a large extent now kind of makes us sick, but in a really good and complicated way! And it makes going back to this song equally complicated and therefore leaves the longer lasting impact.

1. Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

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...So throughout numbers 4-2, even when I had bad things to say about the songs, I still HAD more to say about them that was more than meets the eye (pardon the reference).

Buuuuuutt here’s the thing: I don’t really have that for the initial theme song, or at least, not as much as I did for the previous two theme songs mentioned.

So why’s it number 1?

I really tried to justify to myself to put “I’m Just a Girl In Love” as the top spot. It definitely would’ve made me seem smarter for the points made about the number as a whole and would make this list seem more objective than my current choice.

Ultimately though, I couldn’t. But still, let me explain myself, if you will for why I love it.

“Crazy Ex-Girlfriend” (the song, not the show) is very much “what you see is what you get,” but what you see is pretty freakin’ great!

First, I love the visuals. I ADORE cartoons, the animation for the theme song is simplistic, but clean and fluid all the same. Greg, Josh, Daryl, Heather and Paula look cute in their cartoony designs. And hey! The visuals say a lot about Rebecca’s more simplistic viewpoint on the decision to uproot her life and move halfway across the country, so there’s a hot take for you! The cartoon visuals lack dimension, whereas Rebecca doesn’t, making her the only three-dimensional character in an otherwise two-dimensional world in her more subconscious opinion (I can’t see her consciously thinking that about her friends). It makes her journey to West Covina seem like more of a fairy tale or a sitcom than the big and somewhat consequential choice that it was and has the added bonus of deconstructing that lack of dimension throughout the season.

Second, I love the line “the situation’s a lot more nuanced than that.” I love the line so much that it’s my blog’s header! It’s all at once foreshadowing for the underlying deepness of Rebecca’s character pertaining to her past and insecurities, an excuse that she makes up for being confronted about a very simple yet gigantic life-altering decision made for awkward at best reasons, and a promise to the viewer that the series beyond just Rebecca herself is more nuanced than the title gives it credit for. Besides being a musical, I hear that people are drawn away from this series because of its title, and I think the writers of this song were deftly aware of that. So this singular line -- not sung -- is a plea for new viewers (Something this song can reasonably expect given that its in its first season) to give the show a chance to say more than it initially appears to. That’s honestly downright bold of a show to do and I admire that level of self-awareness on display!

Third and finally, I honestly just like the song. There’s a fun upbeat rhythm to it that I just love clapping along to. The lyrics are fast and get across the general idea of the series in an exciting way. It’s kind of like being on a short but sweet roller coaster. It starts out exciting with the buildup and drop (The story of how Rebecca got to West Covina) and then chugs along the rest of the track, but in a fun way (The lines about how Rebecca’s a crazy ex-girlfriend). it’s the song I sing along to the most and is nice to come back to as a seasoned viewer because -- hey, look how far we’ve come!

()()()()()()()()()()()

So that’s the list! What did you think? Let me know because I literally ALWAYS want to talk about this show and I can’t wait to see how it finishes out!

Anyway, nothing else to say but...BLAM!

#crazy ex girlfriend #cxg #rebecca bunch #rachel bloom #crazy ex-girlfriend #theme songs #worst to best #jenna ranks stuff

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