#honestly these are just my thoughts on the katya situation I have a lot more thoughts on the whole
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Would you be able to go into the katya stuff if you dont mind ?? Im not sure if its being released after this so im just curious what exactly happened
Okay so clearly after all of the speculation and hostility in the fandom recently, some people are interested to learn how exactly Trixie Mattel: Moving Parts portrays Katya. I was at the premiere at Tribeca, and I’m happy to give you a brief overview of what was shown and my opinions on it.
FROM THIS POINT ON THERE ARE SPOILERS FOR TRIXIE MATTEL: MOVING PARTS! SCROLL PAST NOW IF YOU DON’T WANT ANY SPOILERS!
So while this is a film about Brian Firkus, the lynchpin of the whole film (the underpinning that holds the story together) is really Trixie & Katya’s relationship. Which is perfectly reasonable! They are a huge part of each other’s lives, and they just happened to be filming this documentary while all of Katya’s health issues were going on. To completely strike what happened from the record would, frankly, probably mean they couldn’t use a lot of the footage they had- to the point where I really think it could’ve scrapped whole chunks of the movie.
One of the first things they show in the film is Katya gifting Trixie with dolls that look like the two of them; it really portrays their friendship in a lovely light. Trixie also talks about how much she loves Katya and loves working with her, and about how everyone got to see their friendship develop over the course of filming UNHhhh. For those of us who know what’s coming, this obviously produces a lot of anxiety. But I have to tell you: that is just good filmmaking. To create a level of suspense like that is almost Greek Tragedy-eqsue with its dramatic irony.
The next part I’m going to talk about is one of the parts everyone is worried about: Katya’s last day on set at the Trixie & Katya Show. You can tell she’s unwell; she has a very short temper and very little patience for anything happening around her. But she also says “What I need is to quit, but she [Trixie] is my friend and I won’t do that to her.” Even though Katya is clearly unwell, the perspective of the film also paints her as sympathetic. Trixie’s reactions to what’s happening really does indicate that Katya is not in her right mind, and it’s not her fault. Obviously it hurt Trixie, for multiple reasons: one of her best friends is unwell, it seems like an important relationship in her life- and we learn that she doesn’t have a lot of them- is unraveling, and in addition to that, what’s happening could potentially permanently damage her career. The fact that she handles all of those issues with such humility and grace, while still trying to be understanding towards and a good friend to Katya really, REALLY speaks to her character.
The part that is most unflattering to Katya are the text messages she sends to Trixie after the premiere of All Stars 3. She says some incredibly nasty things about Trixie. She is downright mean. For those of us who know Katya though, that is just a clear indicator of how sick she was. I think we all know Katya in her right mind would not send someone- let alone one of her best friends- messages like that. But yeah, I can see how someone might feel hostile towards Katya after seeing what she did. But again, this is a thing that happened. It’s not made up for the sake of the film, and it’s not anyone slandering Katya’s name; it’s a real thing that really happened, and the only difference is that now you know about it. And again, I would like to remind everyone that this is a film about Trixie, not about Katya. So while you do walk away from the scene feeling sad for Katya (because obviously no one wants her to be unravelling like that), you mainly feel bad for Trixie. She clearly doesn’t deserve any of the ire Katya is throwing at her, as we’ve seen her trying to be a good friend. And that is what is expected! This is a film about Trixie, you know? Of course she’s the protagonist!
Overall, through the whole arc of the film that focuses on the dissolution of Trixie & Katya’s friendship the theme is really that Trixie wishes Katya was better, because she misses her friend. That’s the take away. Not that Katya is evil or anything, but that Trixie misses her friend. So do I think the film portrays Katya in a negative light? No. I think it shows the things she did- and they were not good things by any means- but, 1. It doesn’t blame her for her mental illness or addiction, and 2. It isn’t focused on the things that Katya did, but the way that it affected Trixie.
By the end of the film, we see that Trixie and Katya are friends again. It shows them having some funny- and at times tender- interactions backstage at Trixie’s LA Moving Parts show. Katya mentions that she’s better now, and we wrap up the film with Trixie & Katya back together again, and ready to take on the world. In terms of the storyline, it does feel like there’s a bit missing, because it goes from Trixie & Katya not being friends- and the uncertainty in the air over that- to suddenly they’re friends again with no explanation. From a story standpoint, I wish they would’ve included something about how they started on the road to recovering their friendship, rather than just jumping to it recovered.
Personally, I think the reason some fans are so freaked out about the way Katya is portrayed in the film is because they hold her up as this beacon of perfection. She’s mentally ill, but she’s still so funny and personable. She’s an addict, but she doesn’t appear to struggle- or if she does, she turns it into comedy. I think she’s what a lot of people who view themselves as broken hope they can be. But she’s not perfect. She is capable of hurting people. She’s capable of making horrible decisions, and getting sick, and relapsing, and ruining friendships, and honestly that is just the reality of it. We’re all capable of things like that! But you don’t love Katya because she’s perfect, you love her because she’s real. So if you’re angry in the name of your love for her that her reality is being shown, it’s possible that you love the idea of Katya, and you love what she represents, but you might not love the man himself. Just some food for thought.
Can you imagine if Katya heard everyone freaking out about the film portraying her in a bad light? The kind of pressure that’d put on her, to feel like her fans will only like her or support her provided she doesn’t slip up? Certainly that is not conducive to being supportive of her. Personally, I think holding celebrities to a level of perfection is just unfair. I think we as a fandom need to accept that sometimes Katya may not be well, and sometimes she might make mistakes, and it’s okay to acknowledge the things that have happened, and to still continue to love her.
One thing I can tell you for certain is that Trixie is NOT exploiting or taking advantage of Katya. From a purely legal standpoint, the filmmakers would have had to get Katya’s written consent to have her in the film. Katya quite literally would have had to sign off on it. Additionally, Trixie said that Katya had already seen the film. Katya was already aware of what was going to be shown. People seem to forget that Katya is a grown-ass man with autonomy, and that it wouldn’t have gone ahead without her foreknowledge. And after watching the film, I can say with certainty that Trixie absolutely wouldn’t have kept in anything that Katya didn’t okay; she’s too good and too thoughtful of a person to do something like that.
Another major thing people are forgetting, it seems, is that this is not a movie about Katya! This is about Trixie! There is a part in the movie where she says something along the lines of: “No one will want me without Katya.” It absolutely breaks my heart to think that Trixie has no idea how much we love her on her own, how much she means to us, how funny and talented she is by herself, and how much worth she has by herself. And the fact that all anyone wants to talk about is Katya- regarding Trixie’s movie- really irks me. Because she’s basically being proven right.
My last big point I’d like to make is directly related to something Trixie says in the film. She talks about how she gave all of those vague answers about Katya because it wasn’t her story to share, and she didn’t want to make the issue about herself when it clearly wasn’t. She points out that other queens were like, “we all struggle with things! Personally, I’ve dealt with [blank]!” And while the other queens were trying to demonstrate that Katya wasn’t alone, what they were really doing was making it about themselves. I can’t help but see a parallel in the fans that are angry over Katya’s portrayal in this film; the issue is about Katya, and Katya is clearly fine with it, so when you’re freaking out over it, aren’t you really just making it about yourself?
So, there are a plethora of reasons I think people should stop sending hate Trixie’s way because of this movie:
1. This is Trixie’s story. This is really what happened over the past year. To cut half of it out would be doing a disservice to Trixie and to the filmmakers.
2. The filmmakers had final say. They shot all the footage and edited it all together. Trixie really had no part in the creation of this movie aside from being the subject of it, and it’s not fair to throw hate her way for something she had very little control over; that’s like being mad at an actor for a decision the showrunners made.
3. To cut out the parts where Katya is unwell would be a disservice to Katya, because it says “we only want you when you’re perfect.”
4. Maybe someone who is struggling with addiction or who has a loved one struggling with addiction needs to see something like this! No one is being helped by just sweeping all the ugly parts under the rug.
5. Both of them have seen the movie, knew what was going to be shown, and were clearly okay with it because it went ahead and made the final cut.
6. It’s not anyone else’s business how either Trixie or Katya live their lives, or what they choose to share with their public.
7. Katya is not painted as some kind of monster. She’s painted as someone who is mentally unwell, sometimes sympathetic, sometimes not, but ultimately as a flawed human being, who does in fact get a redemption arc!
8. This is a movie about Trixie, not about Katya, and I think people need to respect that and stop shifting the focus.
In conclusion, what I walked away from this movie with was that, yes, it was very sad and at times disturbing to see Katya so hurt and broken. But more than anything, I walked away with an appreciation for Brian Firkus. For how selfless, and caring, and giving, and hardworking the man behind Trixie is. If you get a chance to see Trixie Mattel: Moving Parts I highly recommend you do so; I hope you’ll be just as in awe of Trixie as I am.
#I tried to be as clear as possible but let me know if you want further thoughts or clarifications!#honestly these are just my thoughts on the katya situation I have a lot more thoughts on the whole#specifically about how incredibly thoughtful and generous trixie is an her whole family dynamic#yes I did spend about two hours writing this- how was your Saturday night?#trixie mattel#trixie mattel: moving parts#brian firkus#katya zamolodchikova#brian mccook#long post#analysis#review#spoilers
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Alright now that I've talked a bit about his province it's time to talk about the man himself. We should all be aware of the few bits of canon info we got about Rufus, but here's my own general thoughts about his character and the relationships he has with his family.
Rufus is 13 years older than Lambert and wasn't exactly thrilled when his parents decided to make Lambert heir instead because of him possessing a crest while Rufus didn't. Rufus understands logically why Crests are useful for rulers to have (the legitimacy they offer along with a powerful Relic if a ruler needs to defend the state is useful and he won't deny that) but doesn't believe a Crest necessarily makes one automatically a good ruler. Recognizing early on the faults in Faerghus' system of governance, and feeling like he has something to prove, Rufus was hell bent on leaving his mark on Faerghus whether he's king or not.
Rufus is actually an incredibly intelligent politician who studied not only the governing systems of old, but also tried to learn as much as he could about foreign governments so he could reform Faerghus. He's been reform minded since he was a teenager. Even spent a good portion of Lambert's formative years impressing his ideas onto his younger brother, until Lambert knew enough to start coming up with his own ideas and debating solutions with Rufus. While the brothers were never the closest, Rufus implicitly trusted Lambert because his brother was just willing to trust and listen to him and that meant a lot to Rufus. He did more than his fair share of criticizing his younger brother, but at least he knew Lambert could find appreciation in that.
As Grand Duke of Itha, Rufus had a certain view on wealth and how a government should be structured.
He firmly believes that wealth should be used to glorify the state through great public works and that a well educated populace along with a well fed and protected populace led to the greatest societies. He still lived large and made it known, but he had a more patriotic attitude towards his wealth and believed he had a moral obligation to spend it on Faerghus' greatness. Under his rule, Castell Itha went from a cultural backwater in Faerghus to having one of the largest public libraries (something that would be replicated in Fhirdiad with Lambert turning the Fhirdiad College of Sorcery's library into a royal one open to the public) in Fodlan and having better urban planning than many cities in the Empire. He personally encouraged the creation of great works of art, poetry, and new magical techniques all for the good of Faerghus. He believed that Faerghus could be a cultural powerhouse and he was going to make it so by Sothis.
Rufus' aspirations weren't just limited to Itha either as he was of the opinion that Faerghus' incredibly decentralized governance style was holding the Kingdom back from greatness. Ever since Loog, the Kingdom had been an almost confederation of various states who paid homage to House Blaiddyd and the royal court but devolved so much power on internal matters they were functionally independent. The Kingdom's codes of chivalry were mostly developed and lauded by the crown as a way to retain some centralized authority and respect, but the various states in Faerghus could pretty much beef with each other as they pleased. Nowhere worse was this problem than in the northern reaches of Faerghus. Because much of the north has sided with Loog there was never any consolidation, so the north was made up of hundreds of duchies, counties, baronies, etc that could give the Holy Roman Empire a run for its money.
Rufus saw all of this as a blight on the Kingdom and made it his life's mission to fix it when he became Grand Duke. Lambert and him were working towards a goal of essentially a federalized monarchy with a strong centralized government. It's the entire reason he started to consolidate power and take out anyone who dared to get in his way. He also has a very 'my way or the highway' outlook on the other noble houses and wouldn't hesitate to screw them over if they don't fall into lines or prove to him that they're incapable of leadership.
Rufus can also be incredibly petty and spiteful if he feels he's been offended in some way. House Galatea is the big example of this. Galatea had been having financial problems for decades before hand, and the Count spurning Rufus on his betrothal request for peaceful inclusion in the Grand Duchy he considered a grave insult. Rufus didn't incite the rebellion as some claim but he did capitalize on it because he wanted to show how weak Galatea was and undermine the Count's authority. A more bloody example came when a smaller noble house in his domain tried to kill Rufus and his heir to take the riches for themselves. While they failed on both counts, Rufus decided to purge the entire family and their supporters with having the ringleaders tried and executed leaving the rest to flee for the Alliance.
The only House he begrudgingly respects is House Fraldarius because he does consider Rodrigue to be a capable leader and they do somewhat get along. They encountered each other a lot and, while Rogrigue is critical of Rufus' certain proclivities, they were able to be amicable to one another. He dislikes how many nobles fled to House Fraldarius due to the perceived aggression on the Grand Duchy's part. But for him, as long as Rodrigue was on Lambert's side with the reform measures he can share power in the north. He and Margrave Gautier have always disliked each other for numerous reasons, but the two don't clash over territory so they can tolerate each other's presence.
Rufus is also a mixed bag of being extremely charismatic, but pretty much only becomes so to woo people or get what he wants. In all other aspects of his life Rufus was domineering and stubborn with his beliefs and in his social life. He was and still is extremely piss poor at handling emotions and this includes his own. He could also be cold and ruthless when it came to pursuing his goals and was willing to do shitty things to get results.
Speaking of doing shitty things yes the man is a prolific womanizer, and every single relationship he has with the women in his life and his children is unique. He does frequent brothels and has done so since he was in his late teens. He courts heiresses to incorporate their houses into his territory or for purely political gain. Many of the children he has had may very not consider him a father at all simply because he's never been in their lives for whatever reason. At bare minimum he makes sure his mistresses and his bastards have at least a comfortable living situation, but that's about it. Rufus is obviously not incapable of loving people or considering his children family, he just doesn't a lot of the time while he never wishes ill upon them. There are a few instances where this was not the case and he was much closer to his mistresses and children, but they were honestly few and far between.
Since I mentioned his family other than Lambert and Dimitri it’s OC time.
Rufus and Emyr
Darya Artemi was probably one of the few women Rufus ever truly fell and love with. He initially approached her in the same way he had heiresses in the past with just intentions of courting her along with her soon to be lands, but somewhere along the line he genuinely did fall for her. When Emyr was born and it was discovered he had a Major Crest Rufus jumped on the opportunity to make him the heir. They never did legally marry, but she was Duchess Consort in everything but legality. Darya was mostly fine with having an open relationship with Rufus as long as he was around for her and their children.
Rufus as a parent is just as domineering as in every other aspect of his life. He could be caring but extremely strict as well and pushed for perfection in everything Emyr did. He wanted his son to be the perfect heir for the province he was building, and be like him in many aspects. Emyr did love his father and wanted to live up to every expectation.
When Darya died, Rufus experienced one of the first major depressive episodes in his life. He pulled away from his children, threw himself into work and all of his vices, and became even harder on Emyr than he was previously. If her death wasn't enough, some of his mistresses felt an opportunity to get ahead and tried to fill the void or even remove Emyr on a few occasions. The houses never really leveled out again and both Emyr and Rufus clung to the perceived stability they had before Darya's death to their relationship's detriment. They never could come close to breaching those vulnerable waters.
When Emyr ran away with Katya, it came after years of strife between him and his father that did permanently damage their relationship. Rufus was devastated when he lost Emyr and Katya along with a good portion of his family. He grew even more depressed, lost control of the court entirely, and never could form anywhere close to a good relationship with his nephew. He lost a good number of relationships during the four years before his death in friends and family. He spent the last years of his life guilt ridden, dogged by horrible rumors, and trying to keep together a country which was begging to rip itself a part.
For Emyr's part, he never did wish for his father to die in the way he did. In some ways he did love Rufus even after everything. Emyr is like his father in many ways and terrified of becoming him in many others.
TL;DR: Rufus is complicated.
#fe3h#fire emblem three houses#fe3h oc#rufus blaiddyd#emyr artemi blaiddyd#fire emblem#rufus analysis#oh he is my beloathed#a good ruler until he lost control of everything#and pretty complicated personality wise#he's got his good and his bad parts#blaiddyd bastards#a lot of this IS for my own personal writing and so obviously a lot of it is very embellished#but feel free to take any aspect of this if it jives
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Midnight Striga: Fairy Tail/Owl House Crossover Episode 1 Part 3
Hey, once again, Crossover time, with your host, me! Everybody clap your hands!!!
Lightning crashed, and thunder rumbled outside the ominous spire of stone and lost hope that was the Conformatorium. As Luz took in the sight before her, she turned a flat stare towards the smirking Witch next to her. “What was that you said about this place being super fun?”
Ignoring Eda’s chuckle, Luz panned her vision across the area, giving herself a rough idea of the layout for the building, before her eye caught on a poster tacked to a nearby wall. Walking up to it, she yanked it down to see an artistic representation of Eda and King, complete with Bounty. She let out a low whistle at the figure. “Wow, these guys really got the hots for you.”
“Yeah, but they’ve never caught me.” Eda preened with pride, deftly stuffing the flyer into her hair. “King’s got some moves of his own when it comes to giving people the slip.”
“Yeah! Just try and catch me when I’m greased,” King cheered, eager to talk about his skills. “I’m a squirmy little fella!”
“Heh, I’ll take your word for it.” Luz grinned.
Eda smirked, gesturing for Luz and King to come in closer. “Alright, I’ll make a distraction to keep Wrath and his goons preoccupied. You two will make your way to the Vault from above.” She paused to conjure up a platform, the transport they would use to ascend. “I’ll do my best to keep Wrath and the Guards from getting to you, but for that to work, I’ll need you guys to keep your heads down in there. Can I count on you?” She turned a solemn face towards Luz at her question.
Luz made a small show of mulling it over, before grinning brightly. “Don’t worry about it. This isn’t my first time sneaking around somewhere I’m not supposed to be, after all.”
“Ugh, enough with the emotions, let’s just go already!” King complained, eager to get inside.
With a huff of amusement, Luz leapt onto the platform, scooping up King with an indignant squawk, before signalling Eda to send them up. As Luz rose through the air, she calmed the giddy excitement bubbling up inside, letting her face and emotions go blank. She needed to focus, to prepare herself for the fight her instincts were SCREAMING was coming their way.
As the platform reached its apex, just short of the window they needed to get to, Luz dully noted, she once more picked up King, this time with only a slight grumble of protest, and launched them both upwards. As they soared through the window, Luz caught herself in a three-point landing, fist planted in front of her chest, legs spread to catch her weight, a practically superhero-esque look… and then King slammed into the ground next to her with a grunt.
Chuckling sheepishly, Luz pulled the small demon up. As they walked towards their goal, Luz couldn’t help but marvel at the interior; this place may have been an evil den of corrupt tyranny, but she couldn’t deny the place was stylish, in a “step out of line and get wasted” sort of way. One thing that bothered her, though, was how empty it was. Luz had been around the block more than once, and she was fully aware of how much crime could get up to in any civilization, especially one that cared more about preserving things a certain way than helping the people, so the sheer barrenness of the cells was… unsettling to see.
Finally, she broke the silence. “Hey King, where are all the prisoners?”
“Weh? I don’t know. Why do you ask?” King replied. He wouldn’t openly admit it, but he was kind of weirded out by how empty this place was himself.
Luz’s curious look gained a more serious edge. “Because, no prison, whether the prisoners deserve to be in it or not, should be this level of empty unless it’s abandoned.” Luz’s scanning of the surroundings gained a hint of nervousness at that point. “I just can’t shake the feeling that something bad goes on here. You know, besides the whole “imprisoning for failure to submit to societal norms” thing.” Her frank bluntness would’ve been funny, if the situation hadn’t been so grim.
King glanced around, now feeling far more nervous about being here. “Now that you mention it, a lot of people get dragged here, but you don’t really hear much about them afterwards…”
“Hey kid, how did you get out of your cell?”
Turning their heads in surprise, both King and Luz were mildly surprised to find actual prisoners ahead of them. The one who had called out, a Witch-girl with dusky skin, two prominent canines that bordered on fangs, and an almost sleepy look to her, was beckoning them closer. It made sense, no one liked being in prison, and Luz’s gut wasn’t giving her any warnings about her. So, with that in mind, Luz sidled up to the bars.
Luz cleared her throat. “Not a prisoner actually, also, not technically a criminal.” She ignored King’s shout of ‘Not Yet Your Not!’ “Mind if I ask how you all ended up in a dump like this?” Okay, maybe it was cheesy, but Luz wasn’t gonna not ask how a group ended up in prison; what other time would she get the opportunity?
The prisoner chuckled, a bitter sound, the type you hear from someone who doesn’t really expect to be happy ever again and is just going through the motions. “Never thought someone would have the time or desire to ask me that. I got stuffed in here for writing stories about food falling in love with each other.” She held up a notebook with an image of two vegetables kissing on the open page. “And I know you didn’t ask, but the name’s Katya. You’re the first person to actually care about me in a long while.”
“Same with the rest of us.” Commented the prisoner next to the now-named Katya, a pale-blue fellow with multiple eyes. “I got put in here for eating my own eyes.” He then demonstrated, preempting Luz’s question, popping out one of his eyes, swallowing it whole, and then regrowing it perfectly. It was as fascinating as it was disturbing.
A muffled thumping came from the last occupied cell. Turning to it, Luz saw a small, white, ball-shaped creature that seemed to be a head with arms and legs sticking out of it. A cloth gag was tied tight over what Luz assumed was its mouth, the thumping coming from the creature slamming against things as it furiously clawed and yanked at the gag.
Turning a questioning stare to the others, Luz asked, “What’s going with that one?”
Katya snorted, a tired humor in her eyes. “Yeah, she’s big on conspiracy theories. She ended up annoying the guards so much they gagged her to keep her quiet. Which I thought was kinda lame, she had some fun stuff to say. Also, she really dislikes the government, which probably didn’t help her either.”
Luz was furious. No, scratch that, she was beyond furious. She was so angry, all she could show was calm. King could physically feel the rage seeping off of her. Speaking in a voice so coldly furious, Luz bit out. “So, what you’re telling me, is that you guys haven’t actually committed any crimes, and got thrown in here for being different?”
Katya let out a sad sigh. “Pretty much kid. Wrath really likes throwing anyone he considers “unsuitable” for society in here. And we happen to fit his definition of unsuitable.” She gave a soft grin towards the still irate human. “But hey, at least we got the chance to tell someone, right? Not many get that chance.”
Luz hyper-focused on that last part, instantly trying to process that statement alongside her concerns from earlier. “What do you mean by that?”
Katya gave an ominous stare. “A lot of people come into this place, but it isn’t much of a prison. It’s more a waystop before they get shipped off to the Emperor’s Castle; whatever goes on in there, we don’t know, but some people come out, utterly broken… and others don’t come back at all. Because so few people are actually here at any time, there aren’t many guards, but considering how tough Wrath himself is, it doesn’t make much of a difference.”
Luz's blood ran cold. The details may have been sparse, but what little she had been given painted a rather… ugly picture. There was no way she could leave these guys here. Glancing around, she spotted the lever that would release the cells (she honestly wondered how she missed it at first), and started tugging on it. At the slight motion of the heavy piece of metal, Luz was torn between frustration at how slow-going it was, and satisfaction at being able to move it at all. Just as she felt she was making progress, she paused, the sharp rumbling of heavy footfalls approaching in their direction.
“What are you fools yammering about?”
The voice that spoke was sinister, rumbling, and had a grating edge to it that set every nerve in Luz’s body on fire. Just as the figure was about to enter visual range, Luz gave a leap, clinging to the shadow-cloaked walls above. The amazement the prisoners felt at watching her feat was quickly squashed as the source of the voice pulled into view. A hulking, muscular figure, what little of his body could be seen having a purple tone to it. His body was clad in a white tunic, a triangular badge displayed proudly across his chest; the plague doctor-like mask sent chills up Luz’s spine. There was no doubts, this was the infamous Warden Wrath.
The Warden loomed over his prisoners, an almost palpable ruthlessness bleeding off of him. Glancing down, he spotted what he assumed was the topic of their discussion. “Ah.” He pulled up what Luz could see was a copy of that same wanted poster of Eda she had seen before. “The Owl Lady.” He brutally crushed the paper in his grip. “She escaped me before, but soon, she will be within my grasp.”
Alarm bells began ringing in Luz’s head, and as she looked down and saw King, hidden in the dark corners of one of the cells, the blind panic in his eyes made it clear he felt that fear too. Suddenly a sharp gasp drew their attention. “Aiw!!! I can bweathe again!!” It was the last prisoner, having finally managed to work the gag off of her face. Refocusing on the present, the tiny inmate began a tirade at the sight of Wrath. “The voices of independence cannot be silenced!! We will suwvive, we will enduwe, we will cast off ouw oppwessows!! We will neveh be afwaid of you, you big old cweep!!!”
Speech impediment aside, Luz couldn’t help but feel impressed at the courage it took to speak your true feelings, even in such a bleak situation. That admiration turned to dread, however, when she saw the Warden move towards the lever to the cells. While he didn’t see her, she could feel the air hum around him as he easily lifted what she struggled to even budge.
As the doors to the cells opened, the smallest prisoner gasped in delight. “Hooway, I’m fwee!” Eager to take advantage of her apparent freedom, the conspiracy theorist took off like a bullet, only to be effortlessly snagged by Wrath. As Wrath ruthlessly pulped the prisoner in his hand, the resulting squeak more menacing than humorous as he laughed over it, he calmly stated something that would forever infuriate Luz, even years later: “Remember, there is no place for you in society if you can’t fit in.”
As Wrath wandered off, to where Luz didn’t care, still clutching and tormenting the small prisoner, Luz leapt down as silently as she could, King rushing to join her. As she opened her mouth, hoping to say something, Katya raised a hand to stop her. The light that had been in her and the other prisoner’s eyes? It was gone, that little spark of hope had been snuffed out. Still, Katya tried to pull off a smile. “Just go kid. Go and enjoy freedom for us.”
Luz and King traded sad looks, before walking off. King, he didn’t know what to do with this. He was used to feeling unstoppable, weakened form notwithstanding, so feeling… bad for someone was new to him; he didn’t like it. Luz, she was angry, furious, apoplectic, basically every word you could use to describe being angry she was feeling right now. Before everything happened, she was used to feeling like an outsider, like people didn’t want to be around her because she was different from everybody else, but even at her lowest, she was never made to feel as if being herself, that being weird, was unacceptable on par with the worst of crimes. Luz knew one thing; when this heist was over, she was going to bring this place crashing to the ground.
As Luz and King mulled over their conflicted emotions, Eda ran up, a mischievous grin stretched across her face. “Alright gang, the Warden’s distracted tormenting some tiny creature and- what’s with the long faces?” Her grin wiped itself away at the depressed aura surrounding the two.
Luz turned a nervous eye towards Eda. “Hey, Eda? How often do people get sent to this place?”
Eda blinked, a little confused at the question. “Fairly regularly, at least once a week I���d say. Why do you ask?”
Luz gulped, not liking what she was about to say. “Well, how often do people come back out? And, if people come here so often, why are there so few prisoners?”
Eda paused, considering the question. As the possible answer, or answers, dawned on her, she grew grim, face pale. “Okay, yeah, that’s something I hadn’t thought about before. We need to get that crown, and get out of here as soon as possible.”
Luz nodded, a look of concentration upon her face. “Yeah. We overheard the Warden earlier, and the way he was talking? I think this may be a trap to lure you here.”
Eda blinked at that, then facepalmed. “Ugh! I can’t believe I didn’t think of that! Well, we better make this quick then.”
King piped up at that. “Then we better get going! The sooner we get my crown, the sooner Wrath stops being our problem!” With that said, he stomped towards a pair of very impressive doors.
#the owl house#owl house au#fairy tail#fairy tail au#owl house crossover#fairy tail crossover#luz noceda#eda clawthorne#king the owl house#katya the owl house#tiny nose the owl house#warden wrath
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Ive noticed people seem to admire ivan a lot and when they say “oh i relate to him” its their inner desire to find themselves in him somehow, to have his depth and complex world.
Remember in the beginning of the book ivan was more passive and wasnt introduced like the other two brothers were. He was the typical smart guy whos edgy and serious and all. And thats it until later on in the book. “See, i dont seem like much neither however i am complex like he is too. I am more than what i seem to be/what people give me credit for.”
But he is actually the hardest person to relate to. Like sure you can support his opinions and all, but ive seen people who say “oh im just like ivan” and arent but hes who they want to be. Its very interesting. He is really unique.
Also he deserved much better than katya
hey anon first of all thank you for the ask!!
second of all............ im gonna say it from the get-go, im not sure im entirely with you here but lets talk.
so first of all, i definitely agree that ivan is the most lowkey of the brothers when first introduced, ive talked about that before and ive also joked about dostoevsky perfectly illustrating middle child syndrome there lmao so im on board with you, not the biggest impression at first, but he comes back and makes up for it big time in my opinion (ive said it before but despite him not being my favorite character, a lot of my favorite chapters of the book are ivan-centric ones) and i have to say... i cant bring myself to agree with the portrait you paint of him. sure i have called him edgy and whatnot before, and joke about it, but to me its more of a persona, an image? he might look smart and edgy, but i think once you’ve gone through pro and contra, it’s really hard to still pin him down as that. he’s not being your typical idk reddit atheist or whatever, im not gonna get into that specifically but returning the ticket etc etc, he has some fundamental moral disagreements that make him imo, the opposite of edgy. one of his big arguments is that if suffering is necessary thats one thing, but why have children be a part in it? he goes on so much about how its unacceptable for him that children must suffer, that they are not only allowed to suffer, but that they have to, and you know how it goes theres more than one chapter centering around that. and like to me, someone who cares so deeply about something like that i just cant in 100% good faith call edgy. there’s also the quote where he talks about how the sticky little leaves and the blue sky are so dear to him, and he literally says “i will be drunk with my own tenderness” and i just think.... if after that chapter you still think of ivan as a cold, serious, edgelord type, you really should reread it, because ivan is so deeply caring and human, and i think book V really is the turning point in showing us that.
ANYWAY lmao that went on a bit longer than planned but i just believe that like... it’s really easy to misread ivan, while after all he is simply 23 years old and confused and desperately searching for answers, and answers that will stand his moral test. unlike his brother, he can’t just thrive off faith, despite the fact that personally i feel like he wishes he could, but that’s where you get more of the “rational” mind feel to him, but that doesnt make him all edge and no point.
as for if he’s easy or not to relate to..... personally i cannot dictate that. ive said lately that being 23 myself, the passages on youth and youth carrying you through everything but feeling like it might all come crashing down in your thirties is extremely relatable to me. as someone who has some gripes with my own faith, some of his questionings are very relatable. and people can relate to his personality too, personally i do not as much, and being the first born of 3 siblings, i cannot relate to the middle child thing he has going on either, but im sure some people can. there’s many ways to relate to a character. that being said i do agree that maybe some people say theyre just like him while they want to be like him, im not doubting that this exists so yeah i’ll give that to you, but i dont think its necessarily bad. i think you can be like Oh i relate to his mindset, to this situation of his, and kinda. hope to absorb through osmosis what he does lmao
anyway not to drag this on forever, but at the end of the day i just think, ivan is SO much more than just an intellectual with his complex little opinion. just like his brothers, he has scars from a tumultuous childhood and the thing that plagues them all, which is: are you doomed to be a karamazov, is there no escape to it? he might seem externally more stable, but i think the more the book goes on the clearer it gets. ivan is not an entirely rational being, he IS very complex and deep for sure, and to me he’s also deeply human, with questions that i think a lot of people found themselves asking as well, and yeah idk how somehow along the way this became the Defending Ivan Karamazov Manifesto lmao but as i say.... just because i dont personally mention him as often as the other two, i still have so much deep love for him. also as for your last statement i honestly wont get into it because thats kinda besides the point and im still finding myself picking at ivan and katya’s relationship in each of my rereads i will say that it is a fascinating one to me though
SO? sorry i went on for SO LONG lmao i didnt plan on to but here we are, and i just want to say, this is really not to be read with a hostile tone or anything i think everyone can have their interpretation of the character but personally i just find it a little reductive to say he has nothing going on for him (”thats it”) while he has some of the most memorable and thought-inducing chapters imo, but yeah if i didnt scare you away youre always free to come back i just love discussing that book!!! and thank u again for the ask it was nice to get to talk about ivan for once lmao
#asks#anon#anonymous#im not even gonna check how many words ive written there im embarrassed lowkey#xz#Anonymous#OKAY this is an afterthought but anon if u had presented me with the same thesis BUT with alyosha instead#as in like.... ppl WISH they were alyosha but dont *RELATE* to him bc theyre not him they just wish they were#i wouldve been A LOT more inclined to agree with you so? like i get where youre coming from i just dont think its applicable to ivan to me
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❝ But before I go, remember one thing, promise me one thing: be brave when you’re afraid. ❞ CHANCE PERDOMO? No, that’s actually ALBUS POTTER. A SEVENTH YEAR student, this SLYTHERIN student is sided with MCGONAGALL’S ARMY. HE identifies as a CIS-MAN and is a HALFBLOOD who is known to be CYNICAL, HYPOCRITICAL, and WORRISOME but also AMBITIOUS, CHARISMATIC, and FRIENDLY. [ Albus is adopted. ]
DEATH TW. so albus was adopted by the potters when he was only one. his birth parents, a halfblood couple from london, were murdered in their home one night when al was just a baby; the result of a past affair gone wrong. whether he was left alive because he was merely a child or because the murderer didn’t realize he was asleep upstairs remains unclear, but he was the only one still alive when the team of aurors arrived, among them harry potter. unfortunately, albus had no other living relatives that could take him in, and his situation hitting close to home for harry, he and ginny made the decision to adopt him. END DEATH TW.
albus full name is albus remus potter here sorry not sorry i don’t make the rules, albus is bad enough as it is!!! the world may be a disaster rn but at least we can have one (1) improvement!!!!!
so yeah, al grew up with the potters from a young age, and is just so grateful to have been adopted by them. while he has sometimes wondered what his birth parents were like and what his life would have looked like had they lived — really, who wouldn’t? — al loves the life he’s been given and wouldn’t change it for the world. he’s never once had to doubt the love of his family — it’s clear in their every action — and the same can be said for al. he loves them more than anything in the world, and really would do anything for them.
when it came time for al to go to hogwarts, he was quite nervous about his sorting, but quickly found that slytherin really was the right fit for him. he’s ambitious, resourceful and holds a great deal of self-preservation, and his house helped him hone in on his skills and develop them.
he has always been a really hard-working student and often one of the top in his classes, so that plus his helpful and friendly nature made him a good fit for prefect in his fifth year, and eventually became head student this year. he is really proud of himself for that but jfhdg the current climate at the school sure makes it harder to enjoy it!
just trying to like. tread carefully rn and follow the rules as much as possible and be as good of a head student as he can be, because he’s aware that it’s probably just a matter of time before he is replaced by someone who is more keen with the death eater cause, and he’s just. god he does not want to lose his position because at least now he has much better resources and abilities to look out for the younger students, and he’s worried that whoever would replace him might not have their best interest at heart. i mean tbh even in a normal verse al would be a great head student and take it very seriously and not give in to favouritism or other poor practices but now he’s like…. even more careful ig??
if he’s sacked, it won’t be for anything he’s done, he’s determined to make sure that’s the case at least
DEATH TW, PARENTAL DEATH TW. i don’t..... want to talk about harry!! i don’t want to do this!! al is obviously completely devastated. he’s just. god. he was so close to harry and he loved him so much and now he’s gone and al just can’t. i mean now enough time has passed that it’s.... real and he can’t deny it, but when he first found out that was definitely his first thought. that this wasn’t real, it was a mistake, they couldn’t have gotten his dad, it’s harry, and minerva, and kingsley, and how do you get all three of them? but now he’s just. heartbroken honestly
nr 1 ginny weasley defence squad over here. losing harry made al realize how much he’s taken his parents for granted? not in terms of like --- ignoring them or not appreciating them enough throughout his life, because he always has, but he never imagined he would lose them? he always thought they would be there? but now harry is gone and it’s just ginny left and al is absolutely terrified, he is so scared something will happen to her too. he doesn’t share that with anyone, really, especially his mum, she has enough on her plate, but he wishes she could just be with them at hogwarts so he could look out for her because he cannot stand the thought of losing her. he just can’t and he’s so afraid. END DEATH TW, PARENTAL DEATH TW.
i think al still doesn’t really understand that bravery doesn’t mean that you feel no fear, just that you try to do what’s right despite it, so like — al is brave, in my opinion, he just struggles to identify it in himself. he can see it so easily in his friends and family, but when he looks at himself he just considers himself a coward which tbh… isn’t even true. but yeah, he joined mcgonagall’s army the moment it was formed and tries to do what he can to help out, both with strategising and missions, whatever they could need from a second tier. but yeah that’s like.... idk the thought of helping out more, like being a leader or something like his sister and best friend katya is, would never have struck him because that’s for brave people and he doesn’t consider himself one? does that make sense outside my head gfdjhsgk
we love insecurity in war verses! besides that he’s pretty confident tho but that’s like. his Big Insecurity you feel
growing up, al was quite an observant child and quickly became interested in politics and the way the world worked. somewhat cynical, he couldn’t help but notice the flaws in the system more so than the things they got right, and felt that he had to do something to make the world a little bit better than it was when he entered it; just do whatever he could. his family have been subjected to countless powerpoint presentations about things he would improve and correct because he is a certified nerd™ hfjkdhkj
would play the sims a lot as a kid to show how he would build a society fjhsdk
his goal is one day to become minister for magic so he can work on improving life in wizarding uk for its citizens but i mean he’s gotta try to survive this war first! we’ll see if he succeeds
al is a fucking NERD and everyone who has met him knows it, but he still thinks of himself as a Bad Boy™. viv has to put up with So Much dating him icb
al honestly.... doesn’t really get how he ended up with such a cool girlfriend but he loves her SO much and he’s not gonna do anything to screw that up gdshjfj
when describing the potters as different types of lights, jane said al was a guiding lighthouse, looking out for the people in the night, and that really is the best description of him
but yeah, to sum him up, he’s got that Potter Sass™ and can be a pain sometimes, but he’s quite friendly and charismatic and he’s got a good head on his shoulders
oh and his pinterest can be found right here
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Kate Vashchenko, and how to stay alive. - ZA-AU Pt. 3
Verse: Zombie Apocalypse AU
Pairing: Jurnex
Warnings: chose not to apply warnings for plot reasons, sorry
Characters/Parties: N. A. Jurow, John Kennex
Word Count: 1414
Ao3
As soon as Jurow saw what was going on, she yanked open the window and removed the safety of her rifle. She stabilised the firearm on the windowsill, drawing bead on whatever was going on down there, while breaking her own ‘no guns are fired near the house’ rule.
Kennex put on his leg and got up, he had to see what was happening. Anastasiya took a step back, to not be in the way of her sister’s sniping.
Down in the street, a woman was running from a group of undead. One of them was about to grab her, but Jurow exhaled and fired, striking him down. The shell fell onto the carpet. The woman who was running, yelled as she realised that she was shot at.
Jurow straight aimed at the next closest. Exhale, fire.
The woman ran faster, heading towards the ladder, her way of escape.
Jurow waited for a clear shot and then took down three more in quick succession. Walkers down the street had heard the the loud noise and were now shuffling over to the house.
Jurow was not giving a damn at the moment, she had to make it. As soon as the woman was climbing and out of reach for the zombies, Jurow pulled back, making space for the woman and then helping her to come inside.
The woman said something in a language, Kennex didn’t understand, except the “Nata” at the beginning. The new person was out of breath and crying, totally done. She probably didn’t work in law enforcement, she was not used to this amount of stress.
“You stupid idiot!” Jurow screamed to the woman’s face. “Don’t do ever do this again. Now we have all the freaks waiting down there to feed on us! Did they bite you? Scratch you? Touch you?”
Kennex watched Jurow check her over.
“No Nata, I’m fine, I swear.”
“You are absolutely not fine.”
Then the newcomer noticed Kennex. “Who is your new friend?”
“Someone from work, I found him at the hospital. His name is John Kennex,” she turned to Kennex, who was just standing there, in front of Anastasiya, in all this mess. “John, that’s my flatmate, Yekaterina Vashchenko.”
Kennex nodded.
Jurows switched back to Russian, telling Vashchenko to go to the kitchen, to have a coffee and some rest, that she would be right there but now had to make extra sure that the undead stayed outside and that the building was really safe. Jurow hugged her and then let her go downstairs.
“You OK?” she asked Kennex.
He nodded. “I’m alright this far, but when we are at introductions now. Can you tell me what is the matter with your sister?’
Jurow thought for a second, not sure what he meant. “She is deaf. She can only hear very low frequencies,” she explained while she secured the window again, leaving possibility to peek down.
“She’s really good at reading lips though. She knows English.”
Jurow leaneded to her sister. »Thanks for telling me about Katya,« Jurow signed.
Anastasiya only nodded and gestured an »Always«.
“I’ll now go and check the building. I’ll be right back with you.”
She left the rifle in the living room this time. She started on the ground floor, she had barricaded all the windows and the door. She checked if the cover was intact so no light from the inside would travel outside. Besides zombies, other humans could really be a danger. And she had get used to the fact that everyone should be treated as a threat unless proven otherwise.
Kennex had finished his food and felt a lot better already. I tried not to think about his colleagues and if they were alright. They most likely were not. And what about the people at the “Delta-Raid” how Jurow called it. How many did they lose?
Jurow turned off the light in the living room and they were back to romantic candle light. Kennex seemed to be less pale.
“Do you want to sleep? I can draw out the sofa if you want?” Jurow asked and opened the velcro of her vest, she was getting rid of all the gear that was left. Except her handgun, she always kept it close.
If he had a gun he would probably do the same. He really wished he had one.
He watched how Jurow went over to the window to have a small glance outside.
The pack was still down there, some of them had turned around and wandered up and down the street.
Jurow closed the cover again.
***
That night Kennex didn’t sleep well, it made him nervous to be surrounded by strangers and he kept having nightmares.
Jurow too looked tired and not really enthusiastic, when she came to check on him first thing in the morning. “How are you feeling?” she asked.
“Better than yesterday. Didn’t sleep well and I’m hungry, though.”
“I’ll make food for us all, you can join me downstairs.”
She lead him down the stairs and along the hall into the kitchen, it was dark in the house, since all the windows were blocked. She lit a few more candles.
She used a propane camping cooker to heat water and then poured over instant noodles. Kennex watched her, staying quiet. He really loved noodles but his lack of sleep and the returning dark thoughts made it hard.
“Chopsticks or a fork?” she asked as she had prepped the four bowls.
“Chopsticks, please,” he answered not looking up.
“Hey, what’s wrong,” she asked as she sat down next to him. She too had grabbed chopsticks.
“I don’t know. I just don’t want to do this anymore. I realised what this all means,” he gestured around, “all my friends are probably dead. There is nothing that is worth living for.”
“I know how you are feeling, and if it wasn’t for the genius and my sister, I would have killed myself already. But the two need someone to keep the in check, someone to protect them and go out into the city to get supplies, when what we bunkered runs short.”
He nodded, “I understand. Have you met others? Other humans?”
“They wanted to leave the city, they want to head to San Francisco, they said they had a refugee camp there,” she shrugged.
“What do you think off this idea?”
“I don’t think we three can make it there.”
“I’m sure you will find a way,” he started to dig into his.
A door was opened on this floor, Vashchenko came up the hallway and entered the kitchen.
“You better, tavarisch?” asked Jurow.
“A bit. Are you still mad at me?”
“Not really, I know that it has scared you enough, so you never do it again. Why did you go outside?”
“I wanted to get chokolade and have some fun. I got bored and I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now.”
“But you got what you needed? And did you have fun?”
“Yes and no. I now see that you were right about the status out there. I thought it couldn’t be that bad. But then I saw them feast on an old man,” Vashchenko made a disgusted face.
“Just don’t do it again, okay?”
Vashchenko nodded.
“Can you tell Nastia that food is ready?” she gestured »food« along.
“Yes,” Vashchenko turned around and went down the hall and upstairs.
Kennex had watched quietly. “Are you two–” he paused, looking for the right word.
“–a couple? No, just friends. I looked after her when she was new in the United States.”
“I see,” Kennex nodded.
“Do you think we can go to your place today?”
“We don’t have much of a choice. I’ll manage and if not I trust you to solve the situation if needed.”
“We’ll have a look at the map and make a plan. We should head out early, you never know how long things take.”
Jurows sister and Vashchenko came down the stairs, Anastasia straight wanted to hug her older sister.
After a while she pulled away.
»It’s alright, Nastya, eat.« Jurow paused. “I’ll head out with Kennex today,” she said while signing along as she went. “I’m not sure how long we will need but we should be back at dawn. We’ll take a radio with us. And Katya if you should feel like you need fresh air, maybe go sit on the roof for a bit.”
Vashchenko looked called out and saw away slightly embarrassed.
Tagging: @grumpymedbae @donsdawn @sternenfall96
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Things To Look Forward To and Be Grateful For
First week of college has passed and honestly it’s exciting but I can also sense just how overwhelming it’s going to be if I don’t stay on top of things. This week has been like a trial period to see which activity works best at which time. I found that going to classes is actually very fun and I look forward to them, I just find it a bit of a struggle to participate in in-class activities with other people. But I have to adapt to this situation and find a way to work with what I’ve got.
Another thing that I’ve been pondering over this past week is that I’m considering taking another semester: just to do my thesis. It’s a bit crazy since I’ve had….three failed thesis eras. The main reason why it came to mind again is because I know I most likely will pursue a completely different field after I graduate (I’m considering Sport Science or Mechanical Engineering), that is if I do decide to pursue it at all.
And I thought to myself, “If there’s a future where I might take another education, I will have to do a thesis sooner or later. But that future may or may not happen, depending on whether I do feel like pursuing a completely new degree. And if that doesn’t happen, might as well make my big break in academics while I still have the student status, right?” After all, I’m not in any rush. I only felt like I should rush graduation because the norm in Indonesia is that you’re expected to study in uni for 4 years or less, or else you’re kind of a loser and failure.
I also know that I’m truly passionate about figure skating and all its aspects. Especially the technicalities. My problem with my previous thesis is that I don’t relate at all to the topic and was just trying to get things done. I didn’t feel like my work actually makes a difference and I truly just don’t care if my field of research even gets developed at all. I just think that maybe if somehow I can do something related to figure skating, I would be passionate about it because my work would make a difference, at least to me and my training personally.
So that’s about school so far. I feel like I can get through this. I can.
About skating, turns out I was wrong, training only once a week actually is drastically more optimal than my usual pre-uni schedule. I’m not losing my progress, in fact I’m improving so much more. My time on the rink becomes more productive as I try to get the most out of the one day. The rest of the week I fill with off-ice training and studying more about the workings of figure skating. I love it. Things are working well for me in that area.
I’m gonna have to switch to new skates soon, though. My current skates are so broken to a point where I notice that that’s the reason I haven’t been able to lean as deep as I wanted on my outside edges because there’s absolutely no ankle support. I thought it would only be an issue once I’m learning jumps and rotations, etc. I might have to get them sooner than I expected.
On the bright side, I’ve already booked them. They’re these gorgeous Risport Royal and it’s in this elegant beige, which not a lot of skaters in my rink opt for. I’ve only seen one person wearing beige boots, that is my lovely coach who has the exact same model. They’re a bit pricey, but the seller told me I could pay in installments and I’m so, so grateful for it. Once I paid for them in full, I’m going to take care of them as best as I can to make them last a long time! I would need a proper skate bag, over the boot leggings, and soakers. Oh by the way, Kak Katya was so nice and handmade a pair of soakers for me for a crazy cheap price compared to what you would get online! How nice is everyone!!
What I love about figure skating and my home rink especially is how much everyone seems to support me, specifically. Like, everyone is rooting for me. I feel welcomed, supported, and seen. I feel like I belong there and in this field. Amen.
I am so happy, excited, and grateful for my life right now. It is slowly becoming what I envisioned it to be. There are other small things that occasionally come to my worry, like anything relationship related or some health issues I have that is my weight and recently enough, a scarring on my eye. For my weight issue, that is something I can definitely and have to actively work on. I’ve seen the improvement I can make and I can do that again. For my eye, the doctor said it is most likely just scarring due to an infection I had a year ago. There is also the possibility of it being degeneration, however very unlikely due to the irregular pattern. For now, there is nothing to worry about. But it truly gave me a scare and I was prepared for the worst and it truly was a slap in my face that I may not have been very grateful and been taking good care of what I was given. Before I started figure skating, I never gave much thought about my legs and now I’m so grateful that I have healthy, functioning legs so that I can skate. But maybe I haven’t been giving equal attention to all the parts God has given me. I need to take care of myself. Like, truly take care of my body. I’m so grateful that God made me a perfectly healthy, beautiful human being. I have nothing to complain about and so much to take care of while I have it.
Aside from that, there were also some existential crisis moments that happened throughout the first month of 2022. Moments that made me feel so hopeless about the future and made me just want to focus on the essentials. Moments that made me almost spiral into the deep dark abyss of my mind that 2020 me often frequents. I have to keep telling myself that for the time being, it’s not real and even if it’s real, there’s nothing I can do but live my best life. I truly have no knowledge of the future. However, what we believe is what we will surround ourselves with. And I have to believe that I have so much to live for. That the future is bright and fulfilling for me, that is if I make the most of it.
I need to dream and I need to believe. I need to be brave. InsyaAllah.
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Past vs Future final
N/A: FUCK Marvel and I write what I want, btw, I think the only thing Rachel and Kurt have in common is that they both like Kitty. Never form a relationship if the only thing in common you have with your s/o is to say how awesome the third party is.
@djinmer4 @briefladynighttheone @zoetekohana @pudimazul269 @ohmygillygoshoppler @lcitty-lcat @jaytalkedmeintoit @girls-are-weird
The day finally arrives. Ororo, Mrs Pryde and Stevie Hunter are all together gushing about the bride, their past and how time flies ("it was yesterday that I was hush into the hospital to deliver her" "It was yesterday I introduced her to the X-men" "she was just a small spunk girl with a crop saying Bitch, time flies fast") and the bride in itself can´t help by smile, rolls her eyes and (fake) complaining about such topics.
"Guys, I´m just getting married...I still have that crop" Kitty told them brightly looking at herself, then tears fall from her eyes, "I going to marry" her mouth cover her painted lips. Happiness is overcome herself(the anxiety was engulfed by the fact that in a few minutes she will be Mrs Wagner)
Ororo goes to Kitty to help the young woman(still, in her eyes. Their eyes, Kitty is always their little girl) she cleans the tears that now stained the makeover, Mrs Pryde and Stevie Hunter help to redo the makeover patiently as the woman(their little Kitty) are calm down.
" You are going to marry the man you love," Mrs Pryde said " I was the same when I married your father, I couldn´t wait for being Mrs Pryde, and now my little girl is going to marry"
Kitty replied with a big smile on her face. The makeover is completed once again. "Knowing Kurt, I´m sure he already put a service if anyone wants to random marry after our wedding is over"
"Yes, he called that friend of his and your father called the rabbi if someone wants to marry today...then nothing will stop them" Mrs Pryde explained and Kitty smile grins so bright, today is the happiest day of her life. Not the ending, just the beginning of a new adventure.
Meanwhile, in the men section, the groom and the other men are talking about the big day, Kurt Wagner for his part is asking for the hundredth time if his mother is in the reception(she loves to cause trouble)
"Elf, relax" Logan order in his big dad mood", she is not here and if she does show up we can deal with her " his claws leave little to the imagination as what Logan is truly talking about.
Kurt has torn feelings. He knows Mystique is not a mother (not even in name) yet...this woman gives life to him and ...Kurt would love to have his family(a normal one) to congratulate him on his biggest day. Well, at least, he has Rogue(and his friend on the X-men)
Remy, Logan, Scott, Hank and practically every X-men are talking about the new chapter on Kurt´s life, marriage, the blue elf is overjoyed (he will be married to Kitty soon, they will be the Mr and Mrs Wagner) all is put in a halt when Peter Rasputin enter in the men section wanting to talk with Kurt.
For a moment, no one dares to leave, the tension is thick in the room now. Everyone remembers the fiasco of Peter and Kitty weeding and the Russian man may want revenge.
Kurt didn´t seem concern in the slightest. And to prove this he asks for the others to leave. Logan wasn´t very keen on the idea, but Kurt insists they need to talk alone.
Once grant the wish, the Russian and the German man are looking at each other, the tension got even thicker.
"Should I talk first or you want to go?" Kurt sassy back in good humour, Peter didn´t reciprocate the feeling.
"You...are going to marry her? my Katya?" the Russian man speak in disbelief lacing his voice and Kurt´s golden eyes analyse his form(Peter went drinking a lot)
"One, she is not yours, soon she will be my wife and I like to think that my wife...is not an object for you to lust" Kurt fixed his tie and tuxedo and walks freely (no fear, no judgment and no shame)
"She was mine" The Russian man reply a bit confused and Kurt is glad to fix the confusion.
"When you look at 13 years old and think she is mine...that is not a healthy relationship when you say to now grow woman that it was her fault that you couldn´t control yourself, because it is the 13 years girl fault that you fall for her and feel lust, not the other way around, is not a good sign, my friend" Kurt explained patiently like he does with his students.
"But you are older too" Peter replied in bewilderment.
"Oh, 3 years is nothing compared with an 18 years old lusting over 13 years, right my friend" his smile remains on his face " your relationship with Katzchen" the word Katzchen was uttered on purpose " is toxic relationship and you won´t go forward in the future if you continue to hold on with this idea"
Kurt is facing the taller man, no fear, no shame and no judgment.
"I and Katzchen know each other, we saw our darkest moment and still remain together, our bond only gets strong over the years, " Kurt said calmly not " a relationship is based on trust, respect and love"
"I...thought you and Rachel" Peter speak slowly.
"What we had in common was Kitty," Kurt jokes" Rachel is a real lesbian, my dear friend, the only thing we can talk about is Kitty" Kurt scratch his neck in good humour at the joke that went by one Peter´s ear to another.
"...I...What I do, Kurt," Peter said falling on the ground, suddenly he is not taller anymore.
"Simple, you move on, my friend," Kurt said in a collect tone " let go of such tragic and toxic past, just move on"
Peter is mulling over to the situation.
"Do you love her? Do you really love Katzchen?" the word Katzchen sounds alien in his Russian accent.
"Yes, I love her deeply," Kurt answer honestly.
" Promise you will take her out of my hand, you will take care of her, right? She is troublesome and I need to know you will take care of her" Peter said a bit soberer.
Kurt narrowed his eyes to the tall man on the ground and speak kindly.
"She was not a thing to be given, but, rest assure my Russian friend, I´ll take care of Katzchen" Kurt promised in an earnest voice.
"Thank you, Kurt, thank you," Peter said and finally leave the men section. The wedding then begins, Kurt waiting in the alter, nervous and happy at the same time.
Kitty appears with her father and mother walking her through the alter, the wedding is a mix of Jewish and Christian traditions, the Prydes give their only daughter away to Kurt Wagner and now it seems everything is alright with the world.
" I do," Kurt said
"I do," Kitty said
And finally, they kissed and are officially Mr Wagner and Mrs Wagner, everyone clapped in joy. Peter is ready to let go of the past and move on, Jubilee and Chamber ending proposing each other(in a more discrete way than Rogue and Remy did)
And what many don´t know is that Raven Darkholme is really in the ceremony( the perfume did hide her scent, but only for a little while) the X-men keep an eye on her, Rogue is not going to let Mystique to ruin the big day.
" Isn´t a nice day for a wedding...Why I wasn´t invited to your wedding?" Mystique inquiry to her daughter who has none of her (supposed) plans.
"Well, you invite yourself anyway, so why are you complaining...why are you here?" Rogue asked
"Oh, I want to see my son getting married, dear, is my duty as a mother"
"Also, it was your duty as mother raise us," Rogue said ready to fight Mystique, but...today is the day of her little brother. Taking a deep breath she said in a low voice " don´t do anything, today, mother...today is the day for Kurt and Kitty if you ruined I ´ll kick your ass"
#kurtty#kurt wagner#kitty pryde#nightcrawler#shadowcat#kurtty weeding#we deserve it#rachel is really really gay#marvel is marvel#anti marvel#mystique is a shitty mother but hey she is at least there to see the big day#she will do something to ruin the day
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They Call Me Idol - 4
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Jennie sat by the window of the coffee suite Blackpink was sharing with Big Bang currently. Big Bang booked the cafe as a way to stay close to the hospital and to see who was going in and out. She sighed and looked back at her group, Jisoo handing her a cup of coffee. “🍥 you would think she's the president, so many people coming to her. So who cares? Did you know Jiyong was robbed too? Did he get this much attention?”
“In Korea he did.” Rose said. She had been uncomfortable this whole time. She hated having to be on one side or the other. She still liked you a lot while also loving her own group, she hated having pinned both against each other. “She's more international.”
“Like us.” Lisa mumbled and daesung pushed her playfully. “But I bet it was a suicide attempt, I mean come on she had only GD and now he's with you so I bet that whole robbery story was concocted and she's just a drunk. We all knew that.”
“Don’t talk about her like that.” Taeyang said getting up feeling sick hearing that. Lisa rolled her eyes,
“I bet it was that, she likes attention.”
“Thats true; remember when Jungkook was flirting with you at MAMA?” Jisoo asked “And she was upset the whole night. She's jealous.”
“But why torture him like that? He just wants to set the story he's with me and make sure she's okay, but they are heartless in there. They don’t want to tell anyone anything, Its so cruel.”
“It’s their business wether to tell anyone or not.” TOP said drinking his coffee deep in thought. “Although I know I can get him in - only him- if I can talk to Kalyn. However with Maximus here I won't be able to do that. I need to find a way to speak to her in private.”
“Do whatever you have to do,” GD said walking out of the bathroom walking towards the window. “Follow her she's leaving. Oh max is going.” he turns back focusing on the girls “Rose go distract Max.”
“Me?!” She stood up confused “I - Um - how? I- I can’t what would I say? Listen Jiyong, I'd be absolutely no help, I only met him twice I doubt he'd even remember who I was.”
“You're not asking him out on a date Rose, you’re distracting him long enough to get Kalyn alone. Seunghyung don’t waste this opportunity.” He ordered practically picking up rose and tossing her towards Maximus.
Rose for a minute didn't move until GD pushed her again. “Kay!” She breathed out relieved when I turned around and jogged over to me. “Hey, I was wondering if I can ... um.. is she okay?”
“Yeah; do you want to see her now? I mean the room is a little crowded.”
“Yes actually” Rose said forgetting about Gd’s orders and honestly just wanting to be able to see you. She was the closest with you in blackpink and took it the hardest when you left and unlike the other girls still supported you. I looked over at Yugyeom about to tell him to take her when Max volunteered seeing a big package move past him with your name on it.
“I’ll go with her.” Max said kissing my cheek “be careful, if you need anything at all, call okay?” He whispered and I nodded and kept walking while Rose was brought upstairs.
----
Changkyun, Yugyeom and I arrived at your hotel room only then did I see the mess the robbers left behind and it broke my heart. Everything was thrown carelessly around, broken, and ripped up. No care was given to the things that held no material meaning. The sloth I got you had been ripped up, the stuffing thrown around the room, you drawers all over the floor, the clothes stomped on and even some of your jewelry was in pieces around the room. “Are you okay?” Changkyun asked putting his hand on my shoulder. When I nodded We walked in, the boys searching each room while I stood in the living room not wanting to see the rest of the suite.
The princess ring Edward had gotten you lay flattened on the floor, they must've stepped on it, the entire tiara flattened rather then round and when Yugyeom brought me your jewelry box, it was in shambles. Everything of value gone and anything they couldn’t sell they broke. I had been holding in a lot of emotions during this whole thing. I tried not to think about the death looming over your shoulder, or the fact that because of people sick twisted love for seeing celebrities fail no one helped you, or that you were targeted and this could have happened to Katya too. It all seemed to crash down on me and I didn’t even realize I was crying until Changkyun pulled me into him. “It’s going to be okay baby. It’s all going to be okay, I promise. I’m here for you and I’ll make sure you’re alright no matter what, okay?” I couldn’t stop the sobs that left my body. Yugyeom tried to help me but didn’t know exactly what to do so instead he finished recording all that was stolen.
When he was nearly done he noticed Seunghyun leaning in the doorway and narrowed his eyes at him in an attempt to mask his nervousness. “What are you doing here?” Seunghyun said nothing instead motioned to me on the couch. Changkyun turned back and shook his head. Seunghyun nodded letting the two younger boys know he wasn’t leaving without speaking to me, however neither maknae were moving.
So TOP moved towards me, Changkyun shooting up to stop him bringing my attention to him. “I don’t want to argue, I just wanted to talk.” Seunghyun said glaring at Changkyun wondering when and why he became so protective. Changkyun looked at me waiting for the slightest nod to kick TOP out but it never came.
“Okay.” I said wiping my eyes on my sleeve. I looked at the other boys “Give us a moment please.”
“Are you sure?” Changkyun asked quickly and I nodded.
“Yes.”
“We’ll be over there if you need us.” Yugyeom said already texting Jackson what was happening. They made themselves comfortable in the bedroom the door still ajar so they could hear.
“🍡can we speak in Japanese?” Seunghyun asked “🍡I don't want them to hear what I have to say.” I nodded “🍡Thank you, first I want to say, im sorry this is happening you know if you need anything im here. and I wish you would have called me.”
“🍡It happened quickly, I couldn’t call anyone. did you know her mom didn’t even visit? she knows. I managed to call her and she sent flowers, flowers! her daughter is in a coma and she sends flowers! She's in the city!” Seunghyun shakes his head.
“🍡She's not meant to be a parent.” I nodded “I’m happy she has you at least.” he wipes a stray tear from my cheek. “💥You do good in situations like this, you helped me more then I could ever repay you.” I shrugged leaning back on the couch not wanting to relive the trauma inducing situation with TOP’s suicide attempt and my desperation to get from NY to Seoul as quick as I could. “🍡I’m sorry you have to do this again, I never wanted to do that to you.”
He called me right before he tried doing it, the hopelessness and broken voice still haunted my darkest thoughts and I constantly blamed myself for not answering it, even though he admitted that he wasn’t thinking straight and his call was mad when I was fast asleep at 4 in the morning my time. He said he loved me and he was sorry he had to leave but he’ll see me in the next life and I spent over $4,000 in an attempt to get to him as soon as I could, only for his mom not to allow me access to him only taking that back when I stayed outside his hospital room for the three days he was in a coma. It was the worst experience ever, not sure wether he was going to live or die and that last message replaying over and over in my head.
“🍡Its different; she didn’t do it on purpose.”
“🍡I know but still seeing her like that, I know its not easy for you.” he said taking my hand in his and I sighed. “Which is why you should let gd see her, and before you stop me-” he paused like I was about to stop him and was surprised when I didn’t “🍡I remember the converstion we had in the hospital about how scared you were; how scared I made you and I wanted to die because of that.”
“🍡I remember.”
“🍡Thats how Gd feels; he's so scared for Adi but he's not willing to say that, He just wants to see her, asleep or not just please. Once and when she wakes up and if she says no ill make sure he stays away.” The silence that filled the air was long as I thought about what he was saying. It was true, what if you woke up and got upset when I refused him up there or what if something happened to you and he couldn’t even say anything to try and make it better? The doctor said you could hear everything as you slept what if whatever he said made the heartbreak easier?
“🍡I would have to do it with the room empty so he wouldn’t have much time.” TOP nodded “🍡But okay just for a little and when I say its done then its done.”
“Okay.” He smiled and I nodded “are you okay, do you want me to get you something.”
“I’ll be fine.” I said standing up calling for the other boys “I have to go.”
-
“This pasta is so nasty.” Makayla made a face while eating the cafeteria pasta and walking back up to the room with Jinyoung.
“Honestly I’m going to order uber, what do you want-”
“Jinyoung!” He heard the soft lilting voice of a woman and turned around seeing Astrid Jeong herself.
“Astrid!” He smiled having Makayla hold the cold pasta he was eating while he greeted the woman. “How are you? Wheres your brother?”
“He’s sitting over there with Nathaniel .” She said motioning behind her “Poor thing has been checking his phone every three seconds waiting for it to turn on, it died and he's been so worried and with all the new security here they don’t want to give out her information without someone from upstairs coming to get us.” He looked over seeing and reaching in his pocket along with another man he didn’t recognize, must be Nathaniel.
“Oh im sorry Astrid my phone was upstairs.”
“Don’t worry about it.” She smiled and called to her brothers. they followed Jinyoung upstairs as he got them caught up and introduced them around the room as Adi’s Chinese future family.
GD who was pleading on the phone with woo, heard it.
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Body-Swap AU (I guess?) - anon submission
People have been talking about the idea of Sid and Geno switching bodies but like… what about if it’s been a really long time since G and Ovi have hung out, and after a Pens/Caps game ends in a shootout (so, they’re both in good enough of a mood to be around each other), they decide to go out for drinks. It’s weird, that they’ve gotten oddly distant over the years, but still, they have a good time.
Eventually, each of them comments on how good the other has it: Geno very cryptically says that Ovi’s lucky to not have a complicated love life, and have all of the prestige of currently being Russia’s Best Hockey Player; Alex says that Geno should enjoy his multiple Stanley Cup wins, and not having all of the responsibility that comes with captaining a possibly cursed hockey team, and dealing with Other ThingsTM on top of it. All this discussion, by the way, happens within earshot of the bartender – a portly man, with a nametag reading “Stanley,” who smiles wryly at the conversation. So, the two go their separate ways, and that’s that.
All’s well, until the next morning, when Alex wakes up in Geno’s bed, next to a topless woman he’s never met in his life, and G wakes up in Ovi’s hotel room, where Evgeny Kuznetsov lobs a pillow at his face.
Geno leaves a quick, panicked voice mail for Alex, but boards a flight to D.C. with the other Caps before he can respond. The rest of the day goes on like that – both of them too busy trying to figure out what the fuck is going on to talk, however, they both send the other texts that more or less say “wtf” and “in the meantime, there’s some stuff you don’t know about… PLEASE DON’T FREAK OUT.”
Geno gets lost driving to Ovi’s house, and once he actually gets there, he’s promptly greeted by Ovi’s five large dogs, and… a woman. She looks like she’s in her late forties, and she’s putting on her coat, so G can’t really tell if she’s Alex’s girlfriend or cleaning lady or what, so he awkwardly kisses her cheek, and she gives him an odd look before saying, “Well… everybody behaved themselves while you were gone. Nicky’s upstairs, by the way.” Okay, so, dogsitter? Probably? Geno nods his head in thanks, while filing away “Nicky” as the woman Ovi’s actually seeing. But then, he gets up the stairs, follows the sound of voices, and sees the guy he’s only ever known as stoic Capitals’ centerman Nicklas Backstrom blowing raspberries onto a giggling baby’s belly, and spends a good ten seconds trying to piece together what the shit is happening when a very small boy comes sprinting towards his legs, shouting, in Russian, “Daddy! I overheard Katya talking to Papa, and she said that Novalie’s poops were solid!”
Ovi has two children. And is maybe married. To Nicky. Who is Nicklas Backstrom.
It’s a lot to take in.
Meanwhile, Alex is also trying to navigate Geno’s life: nearly missing the Pens’ morning skate, praying the naked girl in Geno’s bed is someone he vaguely trusts who isn’t going to steal everything while he’s gone, and fighting the urge to just… spit in everyone’s water, or something else petty but virtually harmless.
He also has to act totally normal when Crosby skates up to him, and starts, “I turned in kind of early last night, since you said you had plans. So, I didn’t see your texts until this morning.” His tone is kind of hushed and awkward, and Alex isn’t sure if this is just how Crosby is, in all of his day-to-day, socially-stunted glory, or if he’s purposefully being weird. Either way, he continues, “…But, I could come over after practice. If you still want to. You know-” at that moment, one of the younger Pens glide up behind them, and Sidney finishes, “-hang out, talk about the game, all that.” Ovi says sure, glad Crosby didn’t suggest they go to his own house, because like hell is he figuring that out, and then gets through practice the best he can.
While he gets a few looks for being unusually quiet, nobody confronts him about it, and he gets back to Geno’s house in one piece. Glancing at Geno’s phone, he sees a text from a “Sofia” – presumably the naked girl – saying “had a great time last night. sorry i couldn’t wait for you to get back for round 2. let me know the next time you want me ;) ” and a few missed calls from “Sasha,” which he’s just a few taps from returning, when he hears a door open. He jumps at the noise, but it’s just Crosby.
Alex can talk hockey with Sidney Crosby for a few hours. This is nothing.
But then, one moment, Crosby’s setting his keys on the counter, and the next, his tongue is down Alex’s throat.
Geno’s throat.
Whatever.
Alex’s brain goes into shock for at least five full seconds, before he damn near hurls himself backwards. Crosby’s looking at him like he’s gotten a penalty called against him, and he’s waiting for an explanation of what it was. “I’m really hungry,” is what Ovi ends up blurting out. Sidney blinks, his stare not losing that intense, analytical quality to them. Miserably, Alex’s mind takes that as his cue to think of Nicky’s deep green, mystifyingly owlish stare, and something in his heart twists sharply at the thought of his family. Either way, he soldiers on, “I skipped breakfast this morning, and didn’t realize until now. Sorry.”
Sidney’s still staring at him, but answers, “Alright.” Then the silence settles in, before he adds, unsure, “I… I got last night’s tape from Sully. If you wanted to make sandwiches, we could… go over the game. Kinda like when we were both out… way back when.” Alex nods his head, just because the situation is so uncomfortable already.
Eventually, Geno and Alex are able to get each other on the phone.
There’s a lot of yelling, initially.
From G, it’s primarily, “SO YOU NEVER THOUGHT THE FACT THAT YOU MARRIED YOUR LINEMATE AND ADOPTED TWO KIDS WAS SOMETHING YOU SHOULD MAYBE MENTION?” and Ovi’s response is basically, “DON’T YOU DARE, ZHENYA. SIDNEY GODDAMN CROSBY IS ONE OUT OF MAYBE FIVE PEOPLE WHO ARE YOUR REGULAR BOOTY CALLS.”
They go about life to the best of their ability while trying to figure out how to switch back, but it’s hard. They’re both great hockey players, but their teams aren’t innate to each other. Ovi has no way to gauge what the team or even Pittsburgh wants from him until he’s seemingly fucked up, navigating all the people in G’s life is exhausting – dealing with Crosby is a nightmare – and even with all of that to deal with, he feels so fucking lonely at the end of it all. Geno has no fucking idea how to give the intermission speeches the Caps expect from him, how to legitimately take care of two small children, or how to read Backstrom, which is as much of a problem when they’re at home as when they’re on the ice.
Sidney may briefly use his Captain voice to tell Alex, “If you’ve decided you don’t like hooking up with guys – or, with me, I guess – that’s completely fine, your choice. I’m not gonna be weird about it, but don’t bring it on the ice,” after they get blown out of the water by the Flyers, of all teams, but it’s Nicky who corners Geno after the Caps lose in regulation to the Coyotes. He pulls them out of the locker room and into an unoccupied training room, crosses his arms, and demands, “Alexander, you promised you’d never lie to me, for as long as we’re both together. So, tell me, honestly, what the fuck is wrong with you?”
Geno thinks back to the one time Bonino came off of the ice after taking a face-off against Backstrom. Bones said, exactly, “Backstrom’s got serious murder eyes.”
God, “murder eyes” doesn’t even begin to describe it.
“I could tell you the truth, but even I would call it bullshit if it not my life.”
“Try me.”
Geno does his best to explain the situation, as he and Ovi understand it, and just when Backstrom looks ready to serve him divorce papers, he actually gets Ovi on the phone to corroborate the story.
He does, and at one point, he’s like, “Backy, wait! I’ll tell you something only your husband would know about – like, fuck… Oh! Like the time the trainers made you get a butt x-ray because we weren’t out to team yet, and you say huge bruise on your ass from falling down stairs, not-” at which point, Nicky cuts him off, blushing violently and turning to Geno (as Ovi) and saying, “You would tell him that just to sell whatever shit joke you’re trying to pull?” But Alex jumps back in, shouting, “Wait, wait! Please! Nicky, I promise, I prove it!” And there’s a beat of silence, before Ovi begins again, “The first night we get married, when we stay in nice little Swedish cottage on the water, neither of us came. And you and I both swore to never tell anybody else on earth about it. Neither of us came because in the middle of sex, I was still thinking about my parents refusing to be at ceremony, and then, I just can’t stop crying. I pull out, but you smooth out my hair, kiss tears from my cheeks, tell me you always love me, they still love me, and that they understand some day.”
There’s a painful, quiet pause, before Nicklas takes the phone from Geno, and cautiously, but gently says into the receiver, “I will always love you, Alex,” before his eyes flicker back to Geno, and he adds, “-but we definitely need to figure out how to switch the two of you back. Soon.”
They get Sid on board with the whole turn of events too, since it seems like Geno and Ovi are gonna need help from both sides of the problem.
Later, when it’s just Geno and Ovi on the phone again, since they’re both in the mood to be a little more emotionally-forthcoming with each other, Ovi requests an explanation on whatever Geno’s doing with Sid. And four other people. And G’s answer is that he and Sid used to just hang out and like to be around each other, but one night, after a few too many, Sid rather explicitly shared some other things he’d also like to do with Geno, and since then, it’s kind of been a “friends-that-don’t-really-talk-too-much-anymore-but-there-are-benefits” kind of thing. And G’s pretty sure Sid likes it that way. Formal, businesslike, teammates being teammates who fuck sometimes. The other people are because he gets bored (which Ovi translates to “lonely”) when not playing hockey or doing stuff with Sid.
Anyways, Geno gets advice from Ovi and Nicky about getting serious with Sid, and understanding what he actually wants, even if he won’t always say, while Geno and Sid help Ovi work through dealing with the different expectations people have of him, and realize that, while he and Nicky can communicate without saying a word, Nicky probably likes Ovi’s romantic gestures and declarations of love a lot more than he sometimes lets on.
Two weeks pass, and finally, everyone has an off-day, and they meet up to perform some weird-ass and kind of frightening ritual Sid found on the internet to summon the ghost of Lord Stanley to fix all of this. They set everything up in the Hockey Hall of Fame, and no one stops them because, well, fuck, they’re them. However, before they can start burning something or do anything else that could possibly lead to accidental demon-summoning, a janitor with a nametag reading “Stanley” walks by them, whistling something that sounds suspiciously like “Takin’ Care of Business” by Bachman Turner Overdrive.
And just like that, it’s the next day, and everybody wakes up in their own bodies, in their own beds.
That day, when Geno asks Sid to come over, they cuddle on G’s couch, watch a hilarious rom-com Ovi suggested, eat popcorn and reeses cups (despite Sid’s statement of “I swear, I’m stopping after three”), and then just talk for a few hours. It becomes a pretty regular thing, and once they throw sex in the mix, they start cuddling after that, too.
And god, did Ovi miss being a dad. Every chance he gets, he’s reading books to Ilya, or making dumb faces to get Novalie to giggle, or preparing formula while Nicky gets lunch onto unbreakable and child-safe plates. It’s awesome. However, after a day of making Halloween cookies, he might take advantage of his Captain privileges to drop the kids off at Dima’s for the night. He takes Nicky out to a really nice dinner, buys the wine that makes Nicky’s cheeks flush in that really charming way they do, and when they split dessert, Nicky’s definitely doing that mystifying thing with his eyes, and Ovi’s over the moon.
“Nicky,” he starts, “-every moment of every day, I think about how you’re most stunning human being I ever lay eyes on. You know that, da?”
Nicky smiles, small and a little bashful, while reaching for Alex’s hand across the table. “Yes. And you know that I’ll never find anyone to be as strikingly handsome as you?”
Ovi’s grinning a lot, happily, as he answers, “Yeah, Nicky. I know.”
“Good.”
“So, since our little ones are entertaining Dima’s family,” Ovi glances up, impishly hopeful, “-you know how much I love hear you, baby. You gonna be loud for me once I get you back home?”
Nicky raises a brow at him archly, “If you can make me be,” he answers, a smile tugging on the corners of his mouth.
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Do something with Sombra! Sombra/Zarya or Sombra/Katya or Sombra/Symmetra or just Sombra being Sombra and booping someone!
Okay, I totally forgot the booping part. Whoops.
Friends with Benefits - Katya x Sombra - SFW (sorry)
[AO3] | [FF.net]
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Katya should have expected that woman would be back verysoon. ‘Sombra’, was it? Whatever her name was, Katya should have known. Peoplelike that didn’t stay away from people like her for very long.
When she returned, she'd cause another security breach,Katya assumed. Maybe alarms, drama, chaos—that seemed like the sort ofsituation Sombra liked to manufacture. She clearly had a flair for drama, afterall.
What Katya didn’texpect was to wander into her office late at night after most of her staff hadgone home and find herself suddenly face to face with—
God! That woman,who was sitting poised on Katya’s executive table, legs casually crossed,shaking a Chinese Baoding Ball beside her ear and listening to it chime. “Huh,”she said, examining the ball. “Are these really all that relaxing? I alwayswondered.”
Katya’s breath caught in her throat. “You.”
“Yup,” Sombra said, pushing herself off the desk and doing alittle bow. “Me. Did you miss me? I bet you missed me. I’d miss me, and I betit gets pretty boring around here…”
Sombra had the look of someone who was allergic to ‘boring’.Katya, on the other hand, had come to welcome ‘boring’. It meant peace and stability;those short periods of time where Katya could get a full night’s rest and notworry about Russia or her daughter’s future. She didn’t say as much: as if she’dshare something so private with thiswoman. “What do you want?”
Sombra put the Chinese Baoding Ball back in its nest,theatrically shrugging. “Oh, I don’t know? World peace? A different haircolour? Actually, come to think of it, amiga, I’m pretty hungry right now, youknow it’s a long flight here…” When Katya looked less than impressed, Sombradropped the theatrics. “Actually, I did some research on my brand new friendand found some very, very interesting reading material on her, so I thought I’dcome pay her a visit. You know, see how she is.”
That seemed unlikely. “If you’re here to threaten me again, don’tbother. Just tell me what you want.”
Sombra scoffed. “Geez, you’re not even going to tell me howyou are? You’re not even going to ask how Iam?” She was grinning. “A good friend would ask me how I am.”
That grin gratedKatya. These power games grated her. She didn’t know if part of the wholeblackmail arrangement was that she was expected to play Sombra’s little gamesas well—and if it was, she didn’t know how she was going to manage it. She didthe best she could. “I think you know how I am,” she said clearly. “I think youknow how far back your agents sent our mech program. We’ll be months behind ourdeployment date. And every day we don’t deploy, we lose another farm. Another town.More people to the Omnic extremists.”
Sombra looked unmoved. “Hey, but at least the board willkeep you appointed as CEO, right? ‘Katya Volskaya, Saviour of Russia’? Can’t beSaviour of Russia if Russia doesn’t need to be saved, and no one needs mechsfrom Volskaya Industries if there isn’t a war. You won’t even need to bribeanyone.”
Did she really just— Well, she was right, but—“How dare you. Russia is my home.”
Sombra gave her a tired look. “Spare me the rhetoric, I’veseen all your emails. Talon and me, we did you a big favour.” She took a step towards Katya. “And I’m about to doyou another big favour, too.”
Katya wasn’t sure she wanted to know, so she didn’t ask.
“I know there’s a guy who’s been breathing down your neckabout the program, right? Isn’t he related to the president somehow? Secondcousin? Niece’s friend? I forget the details.” Katya had a feeling Sombra hadn’tforgotten the details at all: she meant the president’s son. “Anyway, word on the street is that he’s after a corporateposition here. Chairman, right? Someone who’d have a lot of power over you. That’s what people are saying.”
Katya didn’t know where this was going, so she opted tolisten. The president’s son and her did notsee eye-to-eye, he was far more militant and Katya was and she knew he was interested in being ‘Saviour ofRussia’ so he could use that reputation to get elected himself, one day. Frankly,it worried her.
“Anyway,” Sombra continued. “Let’s just say I found outabout a little thing he had going on at university. Did you know he was dating anOmnic girl for three whole years? The horror, right? I can’t believe he managedkeep it hidden for so long.” She didn’t sound very horrified.
Katya wasn’t, either. Well, perhaps a little horrified aboutthis woman’s apparent lack of scruples. But—Russiawould be horrified, and that was Sombra’s point. These photos could destroy himjust like the ones Sombra had of her could destroy her. “Is that true?”
Sombra gave her a sideways grin and a big nod, and showedher some photos in the air. “All true, my friend, all true, and all here.” Shetook a memory stick out of her pocket, slipped it into Katya’s breast pocket,and patted the pocket once. “I’m sure they’ll come in handy if you need to usethem one day.”
Katya… wasn’t so sure how to feel. On one hand, she wasdisgusted that Sombra thought that she, Katya, would put someone else in thesame position she herself had been put in. On the other hand… if it was achoice between using the photos in defence of her country, or not using themand letting a megalomaniacal, egotistical maniac take centre stage….
Well, it was a tough choice. She almost wished she’d neverhave to make it. But she knew what she’d decide.
And… on realising that… suddenly, Sombra’s decision toblackmail her became a lot less evil and a lot more… well, she didn’t know whatSombra wanted, did she? Maybe she hadpeople she was protecting? Still, there were unanswered questions—the wholething made her incredibly uneasy. “Why are you doing this?”
Sombra looked blankly at her. “Doing that?”
“Helping me. You could have just used these photos yourselfto do exactly the same thing to him as you are to me.”
That, Sombra laughed at. “You know, I did think of that!”she said candidly. “But you’re way cuter than he is. And you’re definitely lesscrazy than he is, so…” She shrugged. “Easy choice. And besides, Katya—I cancall you that, right? Katya?—we’re friends.”
This whole ‘friends’ thing made her uneasy, too. More games.“My friends don’t usually blackmailme.”
“Not openly,” Sombra told her easily. She took another step towards her. “But, see,I’m not like your other friends, Katya. I’m waybetter.”
Katya was wholly unconvinced, and she couldn’t shake thatdeep uneasiness. “My real friendswould never—”
“—Pfft. How many peopledo you think are the Saviour of Russia’s friend because they like her as aperson, amiga? Be serious. They’re all about what they can get out of you:believe me, I’ve read all their messages. The only difference with me is that I’mupfront about it: I like you because I can get information out of you,” shesaid easily, without any hesitation at all. Then, she paused, thinking. “Also,you didn’t flinch when I held a gun at you before, either, and that’s sort ofcool, if you ask—”
“Do you have a point?”
“Yeesh,” Sombra said. “I was only trying to say the wholegun-thing was totally badass, that’s all. Anyway, my point from before is that,amiga, you’ve seen what I can do. Now imagine how useful I could be if I was your friend, too. That’s a pretty…shall we say, attractive proposition,right?”
There was something… about that choice of words. There wasalso something about how close she was standing, come to think of it. Sheassumed it was a cultural thing, but—
Sombra was looking directly at her. “I have another attractiveproposition for you, too, Katya.” She let the words hang in the air for amoment. “As I was saying before, I came across some very, very interestinginformation about your time in the army. You had a friend, there, I think? Eva,wasn’t it? I think you were close to her. Very close.”
Katya’s blood ran cold. She knew exactly what Sombra was referring to—even if she’d almost forgottenabout it herself.
“It’s sad you lost touch with this Eva, I guess? But Iunderstand why you don’t talk to her anymore, Katya. After all, Russia doesn’tlook kindly on those sort of… friendships, does it?”
Katya felt sick. This woman was dangerous. “What do you want, Sombra?”
Sombra shrugged. She was always so casual. “Nothing inparticular, amiga, I was just going to say that you and I have a lot more incommon than you may—”
More in common than—was she trying to say that she was alsoa—
Katya sharply turned her head to look directly into Sombra’seyes. Is that what this visit wasabout? More blackmail?! “Are yougoing to blackmail me to sleep with you as well? Is that it?”
Sombra actually looked genuinely surprised, and perhaps evena little insulted. “Are you for real?” she said, as if expecting further blackmailfrom her was ludicrous. “Honestly, what sort of person do you take me for? Iwas just hoping that now we’re being honest with each other, that we could getto know each other a little better, maybe bond over the things we share, but,yeah, anyway….” she said, sliding off the table. “Perhaps it’s best if I justleave you with the photos of the president’s son for now.”
Not trusting Sombra for a single solitary second, Katya’seyes followed her as she calmly and deliberately walked all the way to thedoor. She stood there for a moment, pausing to give Katya a deep, wicked grinover her shoulder. “Besides, amiga,” she said, “I won’t have to blackmail you to sleep with me.Eventually, you’ll be asking for it.”
Still giving Katya the wicked grin, she mouthed ‘adiós’,fanned her fingers in a wave, and then instead of using the door, she vanishedinto thin air.
#somskaya#sombra#katya#sombra really needs to work on sounding less threatening when she's trying to make friends#my writing#overwatch#caviaartifex
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SidGeno 12ish Days of Christmas - Day 2
I Saw Daddy Kissing - ao3 link
(I know i forgot to post this yesterday but I did write it and it was on ao3 so technically I didn’t miss a day lol)
Sidney was in pure shock at what his daughter had just told him, he had to have misheard her. It was early and she had just woken up, maybe she was just telling him about one of her dreams. “Could you say that one more time for me sweetheart?”
“I said, I saw daddy kissing someone else!” his daughter loudly whispered, obviously upset about the matter but not wanting to wake the whole house with the news. Sidney was usually the first one up in the house while Geno continued to sleep in and would only wake up once he smelt breakfast being made, likewise Katya tended to wake up and either go play or sit with Sidney while her younger brother Kolya would continue to sleep and usually make his way down the stairs trailing behind Geno.
“Sweetie are you sure that’s what you saw? Maybe you were dreaming?” She had to have seen wrong, Geno would never cheat on him, and even he did he wouldn’t be stupid enough to bring him into the house, right?
“Yes, I’m sure!” Sidney could tell she was getting frustrated but he wasn’t exactly faring any better, “I saw it the other night, I heard the door open and so I went and looked and daddy was downstairs! With…with another man…and-and they kissed! And then he laughed and then daddy was shushing him and I ran to my room!” Katya was panting a little, clearly angry about the whole situation and confused, and honestly, Sidney was no better. He didn’t want to believe it but Katya wasn’t one to make up lies, especially about something as serious as this, and she did have a tendency to get up at night and go get a glass of water so maybe she really did see something? Maybe?
Sidney knew he had to calm her down though before he even began thinking about this, he would corner Geno later and ask him. How he would exactly bring up the topic of “hey I think you might be cheating on me, our seven-year-old daughter is my source,” was another story. Especially since the kids were on winter break and they didn’t have a lot of time just the two of them right now, and he really didn’t want to start a possible screaming match in the house right before Christmas.
“Katya come here” Sidney said as he pulled her into his arms, trying to reassure her that her dad wasn’t actually cheating on the other, “shh it’s okay, I’m sure you were just dreaming, daddy loves me and he loves you and Kolya too okay, don’t worry.”
Katya gave a small nod but didn’t seem fully convinced. She hopped out of Sidney’s arms and went to go sit at the counter while Sidney finished making breakfast. A pensive look was stuck on her face and if Sidney wasn’t silently freaking out, he would laugh at how serious her little seven-year old face was.
As Sidney was nearly done making breakfast, Geno and Kolya began to walk down the stairs, or rather Geno walked, Kolya was carried. Sidney thought it was a testament to just how lazy someone could be that even though Kolya was six years old, he still made Geno carry him down the stairs in the morning. Geno would complain that he was getting too heavy and was too old to be carried, but would eventually give in every morning. Sidney teased Geno about it though saying that he had no room to judge because he had definitely seen a picture of an at least seven-year-old Geno being carried by his mom.
“Morning princess, morning Sid” Geno yawned as he walked to the living room where he continued to drop Kolya onto the couch, making him bounce on the cushions. “breakfast almost ready?”
“You know you could actually get up earlier for once and make breakfast for me instead” Sidney teased, knowing that trying to get Geno up early was like trying to move a mountain.
“Yes, but then who carry Kolya downstairs? He too heavy for your weak arms to carry, might drop him.” Geno said, sticking his tongue out at Sid, making Kolya giggle.
“He could always walk down himself you know” Sidney replied as he began plating everyone’s food.
“I can’t, my legs are still sleeping, I’d have to crawl down the stairs, papa,” Kolya piped in, looking desperately at Geno trying to signal for help to get out of this conversation.
“See Sid, very dangerous, don’t want him to crawl down stairs, don’t want you to drop, should stick to routine yes? Know you love routines,” Geno said to Sidney with a wink.
Sidney rolled his eyes and tried to hide his smile but knew he was doing a lousy job. He loved moments like these where they could all sit together and be a family, now that both he and Geno were retired and the kids were on break, it was the perfect time. Or it was, until Sidney looked over to Katya and noticed she still had a brooding look on her face and hadn’t even looked at Geno. Sidney needed to deal with whatever she saw fast, he didn’t want Katya thinking bad thoughts about her dad. He frowned at the thought of the situation and the even the slightest possibility of it being true, what would he do if Katya was right?
“Breakfast is ready” Sidney said, turning his face away from everyone else and schooling his expression, he could keep it together through the morning and then talk to Geno later while the kids were playing.
As the four of them sat down to eat, it was quieter than usual. Katya and Kolya had been talking about Christmas more often than not lately and their excitement over Santa Claus and what cookies they should put out for him and what kind of milk and if they should leave snacks for his elf or reindeer and if they should build gingerbread houses to put the cookies by or get a fancy plate, but today Katya was quiet, which made her brother quiet also.
Geno turned to Sid and gave him a questioning look; Sidney tried to give him what he hoped was a convincing shrug to pretend that he didn’t know either, but Geno only gave him a more confused look and turned back to look at the kids.
“So, you two excited about Christmas? Figure out what cookies you going to leave for Santa? Leave snacks for reindeer?”
Kolya looked up at Geno and was about to answer when Katya slammed her hands down onto the table, she shot Sidney a quick look, which Sidney instantly knew wasn’t good, and began yelling. “Daddy I saw you! I saw you the other night! I saw you down stairs! You kissed someone else! It wasn’t Papa I know it wasn’t!” Katya was practically on top of the table as she was on her knees on the chair and leaning forward with her hands slammed down in front of her.
Kolya was looking between all three of them, a look of shock and fear on his face.
Well there goes Sidney’s hopes of not causing a scene in the house. He looked over to Geno who looked equally as shocked and worried, which was not a good sign to Sidney. He wasn’t really sure what to say in this situation but luckily Geno piped in. “Katya, I not kiss anyone else, I only ever kiss papa, why you think I kiss someone else?”
“I saw you! Two days ago, you were kissing…you were kissing Santa Claus!” Katya yelled, almost to tears now, while Sidney was nothing but confused. Santa Claus? How was Geno kissing Santa Claus? That had to be a dream, right? But Geno was looking at Sidney now with a wide-eyed expression clearly trying to signal for help but Sidney was at a loss for words, was it not a dream then? Sidney had no idea what was happening.
Geno sighed and put his face in his hand. “Me and papa be right back, Katya, Kolya, I promise I not kiss anyone but papa okay,” Geno said as reassuringly as he could as he also yanked Sidney out of his seat and back into the kitchen.
“Sidney, you not remember?” Geno said, looking slightly amused but mostly annoyed over this whole situation.
“Remember what? You kissing someone dressed as Santa apparently?” Sidney didn’t actually believe any of that though, he sounded crazy but Geno wasn’t readily denying it either so he wasn’t really sure what to believe.
“Sidney, you Santa Claus!” Geno said, throwing his hands into the air and leaning his forehead against the fridge, “remember, when you come back from Mario’s.”
Sidney had gone over to Mario’s the other day in the evening to talk about post-retirement options that included working for the Penguins organization, and also to borrow a Santa Claus costume. Mario had told him that his retirement break had only been a little over a year and he didn’t need to rush to get back into the hockey world, but telling Sidney that was like telling a fish not to rush into water. The two hashed out some options and afterwards began reminiscing about playing with the team, about raising their kids, about growing old; Sidney wouldn’t trade his family or his life with Geno even for another Stanley Cup season, but that didn’t mean he didn’t miss playing. What started as a quick pop into the Lemieux house to discuss job options and pick up a costume, turned into Sidney still not being able to hold his liquor and getting drunk at Mario’s house like a kid again and needing him to drop him off at home, in the Santa costume. Drunk Sidney thought he needed to make sure it fit and even drunker Sidney thought it would be hilarious to sneak up on Geno at home in the costume.
Except Mario had already called Geno and told him he was bringing him a drunk “Sidney Claus” and so was already waiting for him downstairs. When Sidney got inside, Geno teased him that it was like looking into the future but that he’d still find him cute, even if he grew a big white beard. And Sidney just had to kiss Geno for saying that, right? So, he laughed about the beard getting caught between them while Geno was trying to shush him and that must’ve been what Katya saw—shit.
“Shit. I’m Santa, you were cheating on me, with me. What do we do Geno! What do we tell them!” Sidney was freaking out now, which was worse, letting the kids think their dad maybe kissed Santa just once, or telling them Santa doesn’t exist and it was just their dad?
“We can’t tell them Santa not exist, they still so little, still believe” Geno said, and Sidney felt the same way, he didn’t want to crush their dreams about Santa, especially since pretty soon they’d stop believing and Sidney wanted just a few more years of them getting excited about him.
“Well we can’t exactly let them think you were just going around kissing him either,” Sidney said, earning him an unimpressed glare from Geno, “why would he even be here earlier, how do we even explain that?” Sidney felt like this morning was just getting more and more complicated.
At that comment though Geno looked at Sidney with a wide smile on his face, “I got it!” He grabbed Sidney by the arm and went back to the dining table where Katya and Kolya were whispering to each other and then both of them pointed their little angry faces at Geno. Geno thought it was adorable and sort of nice to see how protective of their papa they were, but not when it was directed right at him.
“Katya, you right, I was kissing someone, but I was kissing Papa, he was in Santa outfit,” Geno said. Sidney gave him a shocked and heartbroken look, how could he just tell them, what about their letters to Santa, the cookies, the reindeer, all dashed away.
Katya and Kolya were sporting similar looks as Sidney. Katya questioned Geno first, “does that mean that Santa…” she couldn’t finish her sentence though as her lower lip began to wobble a little.
Sidney didn’t know what to do and his heart was breaking more and more by the second but then Geno took a deep breath and “Yes, it mean Santa is real, and papa was trying to steal his cookies. That why I was downstairs to stop him.”
The two children gasped, “What! Papa! You can’t steal Santa’s cookies! He’ll put you on the naughty list!” Kolya said, which the thought of made the two begin laughing and the tension melted away from their faces.
It felt like a weight had been lifted off Sidney, but he couldn’t believe Geno pinned this all on him, he looked over to see Geno holding back a smirk while Sidney leveled him with an unamused look, but he too couldn’t hide his smile that well.
“I guess it was a good thing daddy was down there to stop me, huh?” Sidney said, smiling down at his children who were still laughing and his heart felt so filled with love for them and their little family, he couldn’t believe how lucky he was.
“I don’t know, I think you might still be on naughty list, not get any presents” Geno said, pulling Sidney over to him and giving him a quick kiss.
“It’s alright, I already have everything I need right here.”
#sidgeno#sidgeno fic#hockey fic#hockey rpf#christmas fic#sidney crosby#evgeni malkin#pens#pittsburgh penguins#kass writing
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im a normie so i decided to do this ‘85 truths’ thing i did like,,, 3 whole years ago just to see how shits changed (plus i like talking abt myself fgjkdfgdfh)
last beverage
water fdgjfgdfg i dont rly...... drink anything else.............
last phone call
uhhhhh probably to my mom or smth
last text
to my dad asking if he can get mcdonalds dfgjdfjgdfg
last song
plastic love by our girl mariya takeuchi
last time i cried
i think it was on july 4th?? unless i cried after that and just forgot about it
have you ever:
dated someone twice?
lol nah
been cheated on?
no but i think one of my exes cheated on someone to be with me ??? as far as i know but i cant confirm bc i dont talk 2 her anymore lol
kissed someone and regretted it?
cant exactly regret stuff that you never do
lost someone special?
to death, no, but in general? probably
been depressed?
imma keep it real witchu chief,,, idk fgjkdfgfg
list your three favourite colours
salmon pink
wine red
turquoise
in the last year, have you:
made a new friend?
oh fuck lots of em yeah
fallen out of love?
........... presumably
laughed until you cried?
yeah dfgjdfgfg
met someone who changed you?
definitely
found out who your true friends are?
more or less
found out someone was talking about you?
yeah
kissed a stranger?
nah
drank hard liquor?
im 15
lost glasses/contacts?
i dont need glasses / contacts fdgjkfg
had sex on a first date?
im 15
broken someone’s heart?
yeah
been arrested?
nah
turned someone down?
no ones asked
cried when someone died?
i honestly cant remember if i did or not
fallen for a friend?
yeah :-////
random
do you have any pets?
2 cats!!!
do you want to change your name?
i mean i like the name dorian ive had it for 2 years but i do want to legally change my birthname to dorian lol
what did you do for your last birthday party?
i jus invited friends to my house to do whatever
what time did you wake up this morning?
,,,, i woke up at 8:40 then decided i was too tired to do anything and slept for 3 more hours
what were you doing at midnight last night?
thirsting over greed the avaricious dfgjdfg
something you cant wait for?
going on t eventually
last time you saw your mother?
yesterday
one thing you wish you could change about your life?
i just want to get top surgery lol
what are you listening to right now?
the wolf by siames
have you ever talked to a guy named Tom?
probably once at school lol
what’s getting on your nerves?
the uncertainty of my future
most viewed webpage?
either tumblr or youtube
pet name?
i mean,,,,,,,, my parents call me dosya which is just a cute version of dorian and i like being called baby boy but shhhhh
relationship status?
single owo
zodiac sign?
cap sun aqua moon libra rising
college?
i mean im not in college but when i go i wanna go 2 some art college in montreal
hair colour?
chestnut brown i think
long or short?
short
height?
5′2″ or 5′3″?? idk
do you have a crush on someone?
ive been trying to subdue the one ive had for my own sake but there might be inklings of it still there
what do you like about yourself?
im cute bitch
tattoos?
nah im afraid of the commitment
right of left handed?
right uwu
first piercing?
i was too scared to get piercings when i was a kid so i dont have any FGJKDFGDFJG
first best friend?
some girl named katya that my parents knew the parents of. idk what shes up to now tho
first sports you joined?
i played soccer in like 1st grade?? i dont think i was good tho fdhdfg
first vacation ?
i think we went to san diego
first pair of sneakers?
im not cis i dont keep track of that
eating?
nothing rn
drinking?
water uwu
about to
try to beat the watcher knight in hollow knight for the 50th time
listening to
smoke and guns by mr. natewantstobattle bc i went on a spiritual journey lst night going back to his youtube page to see if he still uploaded and finding out he was like. a legit musician
waiting for
honestly? idk
want kids?
kinda but im scared i wont be able to handle it
get married?
sure
career?
i wanna be a comic artist or a character designer
which is better
lips or eyes?
lips bc lips are kissable and eyes are not
hugs or kisses?
hugs are nicer bc u dont have 2 be romantic w someone to get a hug
shorter or taller?
taller bc its virtually impossible to find ppl shorter than me
older or younger?
older, but still around my age
romantic or spontaneous?
romantic
nice stomach or arms?
this is a really hard choice but arms bc ya boy likes being carried
loud or sensitive?
depends on the situation ig. i think i like loud more bc i just wanna go apeshit with a bro sometimes
hook-up or relationship?
relationship
trouble maker or hesitant?
,,, idk
do you believe in
yourself?
yeah most of the time
miracles?
very slightly. i think fate and shit is there for you when youre at rock bottom and that could count as a miracle ig
love at first sight?
nah. you can click with someone rly well immediately but i dont think sight factors that much into true love
heaven?
i would but i dont wanna get my hopes up too much
santa claus?
nah
5 random facts
i constantly forget which side of my face my mole is on
im rly tired rn and i dont know how i manage to be tired like that when i slept 8 hours last night
when i was a kid i thought adults didnt sleep bc i never saw my parents go to bed before me
im the next level of gays not knowing how to drive bc i cant ride a bike
i used to be a markiplier stan and ngl i still think hes cute :-/
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Back in Black (Trixya) - fueledbymemes
AN: hey! i saw this ask for someone to write a fic like this, so i just did?? this is my first fic submission, so let me know if you all like it! ~ word count: 7552
Trixie only felt like this around Katya. She only got the butterflies in her stomach, the hot face, and sweaty hands when she entered that damned study hall room. She had no idea how to treat the situation on anybody’s terms, so she just sat in the back and observed Katya’s personality.
Not saying that Trixie has no idea who Katya is, they’ve only just talked a handful of times. Trixie is far too scared to try to have an actual conversation with her. Plus her anxiety is way too high to even attempt at something like that.
That’s why when Katya walked in, Trixie’s breath hitched as she looked at the girl. Her raven colored hair perfectly matched with her black, ripped jeans and jacket.
This has been Trixie’s life for the past four months. It’s all she ever did and all she ever thought about doing.
She sighed, knowing that she couldn’t stare at Katya the whole period since she actually had homework today. Trixie got out her algebra binder to do the study guide packet for the upcoming test in two weeks. She always got her homework done early so she can have as many free days in study hall as she could. Although, that doesn’t mean she didn’t catch a few glances at her between pages.
After the bell rang, Trixie put away her stuff in a hurry. She looked up and watched Katya leave the room, immediately feeling her face warm up when they made eye contact for a very brief second. Trixie went straight to the bathroom to check up on her hair and makeup.
As always, her blonde curled hair and fleeky makeup was done to absolute perfection. She turned slightly in the mirror to make sure her outfit was okay as well. She wore creamish-yellow shorts and a light pink blouse that complimented her thick body perfectly. It was the one thing that Trixie liked. Nowadays, people thrived off of thick or curvy bodies on girls, and Trixie was the perfect example of that. The only annoying thing about it was any and every straight guy.
Trixie left the bathroom and walked to her next class by herself. The rest of the day was boring and useless. Her mind was stuck on Katya as usual, and she only got happy if she saw her in the hallway in-between classes.
~~~
By the end of the week, Trixie is surprised to say that she hasn’t talked to Katya once. Once she left the study hall room, she looked down at her outfit. She had on a pink mini-skirt and a white, off shoulder, long-sleeved shirt, then an oversized light blue jean jacket to top it off.
Trixie ranted to her best friend, Kim as they walked home together. At least it was Friday. “Kim, I don’t understand. I’m a good person, and I always look cute- or at least I always try to look cute. Why can’t I catch Katya’s eye?” She asked, huffing.
Kim chuckled, looking at her outfit. “Well, would you like me to give you the ‘cutsey friendly’ answer, or the probable truth?” She asked. Trixie crossed her arms, “I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean, but I want the truth.” She reasoned.
“It’s probably because you dress like a Barbie doll. You’re basically if Barbie were a thick lesbian.” Kim told her, and Trixie scoffed out a laugh. “Okay, well at least I don’t look like I’m dressing like a twelve year old.” She reasoned, but Kim shook her head. “You have the style that every twelve year old wants.”
Trixie sighed, “Are you saying that Katya finds me childish?” She asked, but Kim immediately shook her head. “No, no. What I’m saying is that you need to observe what Katya’s friend group looks like. They all dress in dark clothes, not pink. They get black coffee, not pink drinks. They hang out at skate parks, not alone at home. They read, they don’t draw. You get what I’m saying, Trix?”
Trixie nodded, looking up to see that they were stopped in front of her driveway. “Alright, thanks for the insight, Kim.” She said, hugging her friend before running down her driveway excitedly, wanting to raid her closet for anything she could find that matched Katya’s style.
Long story short, Trixie found a handful of good articles of clothing in her closet, then went out shopping with her mom later that night to get some actual good outfits.
~~~
That Monday, Trixie showed up at school with black, high waisted jeans and a black crop top that stopped above her belly button. She had a dark red flannel around her waist and black vans on her feet. Her hair was straightened instead of curled, and she wore dark red lipstick rather than pink lip gloss.
The skinny jeans fit her in the way that would make people wonder how her parents left her leave the house like that, and her bright blue eyes were lined with her usual winged eyeliner. Her highlight was poppin and everything about her was irresistible.
When she first walked in, Trixie went to the bathroom to do an outfit check and almost did a double take. She almost wasn’t sure she was still the same person. She knew she looked like a whole snack, and she would hold her head up in pride.
That day in study hall, Trixie sat in the back as usual and pulled out a copy of “The Perks of Being a Wallflower” by Stephen Chbosky. She had her assignments done ahead of time as usual, which meant she had enough time to read some damn book.
Trixie was so focused on her new character, she didn’t even realize that Katya sat beside her. When the bell rang, Trixie looked up to the direction that her crush usually sat in as a force of habit, but got worried when she saw she wasn’t in the seat. Trixie immediately looked around the room, jumping when she saw that Katya was sitting next to her instead.
Katya chuckled softly when she saw Trixie jump. “Sorry to scare you.” She said honestly. “I just wanted a change in environment for the day, and you’re always alone back here.” Katya pointed out, glancing up and down at Trixie. Trixie felt her face get hot, she just went along with it. “Oh, okay.” She said, the only thing she can think of as a response.
Katya nodded and picked up her own book, starting to read it. Trixie watched her for a few moments before sighing, picking up her own book to read.
Trixie would’ve noticed Katya shut her book and look at her, but she was too busy reading the damned book. Katya just smiled in amusement, she turned to face Trixie and rest her cheek on her hand as she looked over. “Trixie.” She spoke, hoping that’d get her attention.
Trixie jumped slightly, but not enough for it to be noticeable. She just looked over at Katya, hoping her face wasn’t too red for that to be noticeable either. “Yeah?”
Katya smiled a bit, still just amused by Trixie. “You’re wearing black today,” Katya pointed out. “There has never been a day that I’ve seen you wear all dark colors, let alone all black. Plus you straightened your hair. You almost never do that.” She pointed out again.
Trixie just shrugged. She got even more flustered just thinking about how Katya would even think about noticing any of these things. She cleared her throat before speaking up, “I don’t get what you’re trying to do here.” She told Katya honestly. But Katya just shrugged in return, “Neither do I.” She said back, turning away from Trixie to focus on her own book.
~~~
“No, you literally don’t understand. We’ve had longer conversations before, and she’s sat by me like three other times before. The only thing special about it was that she pointed out my outfit. Pointed out, Kim. Not complemented.” Trixie was on a call with her best friend, ranting to her about how today went. “The only people I caught the attention of was any and all fuckboys in the school with the classic line, ‘you just haven’t been with the right guy yet.’ This was useless and a waste of money, even if I did look hot, I’d rather go back to my cutesey outfits.”
Kim shook her head, even if Trixie wasn’t able to see it. “Trixie, take a deep breath, alright? You’re overreacting over literally nothing. It’s Monday, and it was the first time you dressed like that. Just tell the guys to fuck off like usual.” Kim told her.
Trixie sighed, “Alright, whatever. I’m doing my homework then going to bed.” She said, they both said their goodbyes before hanging up. Trixie stood up and put the clothes back in her closet before getting out her backpack to do her homework. It was gonna be a long, boring night.
~~~
Trixie woke up at 5:30 AM as usual, which gave her enough time to get a shower, do her hair, her makeup, pick out an outfit, and go to Starbucks.
Trixie spent the most time in the bathroom, and after getting her shower, she dried her hair with a blow dryer. Since her hair had a lot of volume and was long, it took nearly fifteen minutes for it all to be perfectly dry.
Afterwards, she plugged in her straightener and quickly did her makeup to pass the time. Since she didn’t really do anything different other than lip color. She just did a modern day natural makeup. Nude eyeshadow, winged liner, mascara, light contour, and highlight.
Trixie picked up the flat iron and ran it through her hair to make sure it would be perfectly straight. Luckily, she was patient when it came to her morning routine, so she never rushed.
Once done, Trixie unplugged the straightener and walked out of her bathroom and to her closet. She picked out an outfit and went to her bathroom to change from her night clothes to new clothes.
Trixie walked out of the bathroom to look at the outfit, wanting to make sure it looked good on her. Even though nearly everything she wore perfectly complimented her body. Today she had black ripped jeans with black fishnets underneath. She had a black and grey shirt with a small alien head on the pocket of it.
She nodded to herself, pleased with the aesthetic of the outfit. Trixie put her phone in the back pocket of her jeans, walking over to grab her bag and keys. After putting on a pair of black converse, she went downstairs, shutting the door behind her. She yelled goodbye to her mom and got to her car, driving to Starbucks.
She ordered a regular black coffee, and waited patiently as she watched them pour her cup. When Trixie looked at the cup, she chuckled to herself at the name spelled wrong, the cup read 'Tricksy.’ Well, close enough.
When she turned around to leave the coffee place, she accidentally bumped into someone. Trixie immediately apologized, and her eyes widened when she saw it was Adore Delano, who was one of Katya’s closest friends. No, Katya’s closest friend.
Adore apologized as well, but nearly did a double take as she looked at Trixie. “Damn, I almost didn’t see who you were.” She said, almost shocked. The two were in choir together, so they talked more often than Trixie talks to Katya. “I wouldn’t be surprised if you literally make people cum in their pants just by looking at you. Like, goddamn. You look like you’re in my clique.”
Trixie giggled at Adore’s choice of words. “I doubt that’s even possible, but thanks, I think? It’s just a bit of a social experiment if you think about it from my perspective, it’s not gonna last too long.”
Adore just smiled at her, “Well, it was a compliment. But seriously, good luck trying to reject so many people at once. See you later!” Adore said and waved, walking up to get in the line. Trixie smiled to herself as she left, kinda hopeful for today.
~~~
Trixie walked into the study hall room and sat in the back, fixing her hair to be out of her hair from out of her face. The taste of plain black coffee was still in her mouth, and it wasn’t the most enjoyable taste that she’s had. She’d rather a frappe or something other than regular hot coffee.
Instead of reading right away, Trixie waited to see Katya walk in the room. Although, she sat in her regular seat by her friends rather than in the back again. Katya didn’t even glance at Trixie.
Trixie was a bit taken aback by this, but it was nothing to cry over. She was a mature girl, and she wasn’t gonna get upset over her crush pretending she didn’t exist.
She sighed, getting out the book she had in her bag and reading it. Trixie didn’t know what she did wrong, but she was probably overreacting. When the bell rang, Trixie watched Katya leave as usual, except this time, Katya didn’t look at her.
~~~
By the end of the week, Trixie was turning into a mess as the days went on. The last time she talked to Katya was on Monday, and Kim’s plan was completely irrelevant. Trixie wasn’t giving up though, so she tried a second week.
It was the middle of the week. Trixie was wearing a black skater skirt, a midnight blue crop top, and a black leather jacket. She had no idea why she was still trying, but she told herself that if it didn’t work by the end of the month, then she’d just give up with it.
She got her coffee at Starbucks, the misspelled name that she had almost every morning. Trixie waved to Adore as she did every morning, and left the small shop with the coffee in her hands.
When Trixie got to the school, she was on time like she was everyday. She stood against the lockers as she waited for the bell to ring for school to start. She would’ve sat on the staircase, but her dress was too short for that.
While she was waiting, Trixie read her book to indicate that she did not want to be talked to or that she wasn’t planning on talking to anybody. That didn’t stop most guys though, and today’s guy of the day is Heath (it’s a made up name, nobody in the drag world).
He walked beside Trixie and tried to put his arm around her waist. She jumped and stepped back, looking him in the eye. “Not cool, dude.” She said honestly, rolling her eyes and going back to attempting to reading her book.
Heath chuckled, taking a step closer again. “What’s 'not cool’ is your attitude. I’m sure you didn’t mean that, huh, baby girl?” He said, trying again with her by attempting to put her hair behind her ear.
Trixie huffed, pushing his hand away and putting her book and coffee on the ground after marking her spot in the book. “I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t mean it, okay? Just piss off, I’m not interested.” She said, crossing her arms to show that he wasn’t allowed to touch her through body language.
“You haven’t even given me a chance, baby girl. You’re actually like I’m going to slit your neck or some shit.” Heath reasoned, getting offended about it over nothing.
“Not interested in guys, including you. Don’t call me that either, if you try to get in my pants again, you’re probably gonna get kicked on the balls.” Trixie said honestly, keeping her pride high so Heath knew she wasn’t joking around.
“Tough crowd..” was all Heath said before walking away, obviously disappointed. Trixie knew that she shouldn’t have to tell guys off on a daily routine, but it happened anyways.
Trixie kneeled down to pick up her book, just in time for the bell to ring. She walked to her locker to get all the stuff for her morning classes. She sat down in her desk once she got to first period, keeping to herself as usual.
She took a sip of the coffee, thankful that the teacher lets the kids have food in the classroom since it was the beginning of the day. Trixie pulled out the book, putting a strand of hair behind her ears so it wouldn’t be in her face when she was trying to read.
Trixie crossed her legs as she sat, humming to herself as she swung one of her legs as a force of habit. She took another sip of her coffee, setting it down at the corner of her desk. At least Trixie was starting to get used to the strongness of regular coffee, but that didn’t mean she liked it.
When the teacher walked in, Trixie averted her attention to the front of the classroom. She sighed to herself, closing the book willingly as she looked up at the teacher.
Trixie was starting to feel as if she were blank, like if she was a robot. She hated not being able to add some fun colors to her life again. She knew she looked damn hot, but it wasn’t worth giving up so much for.
Kim would only tell her that miracles just don’t happen overnight and that she needs to learn how to be patient about it. That’s the thing, though. Katya hasn’t talked to her in almost two weeks now, her plan was going nowhere. Trixie was getting attention from nearly everyone in the school- just not Katya.
Trixie let her mind wander for the rest of the class rather than letting herself pay attention. She’d much rather think about anything and everything wrong with herself at the moment than listen to the science of the periodic table.
~~~
Trixie walked into the study hall room, immediately thinking about how the fuck she was going to catch Katya’s eye. It was unusual, they at least made awkward eye contact a few times a day. Let alone Katya asking for homework answers every few days.
Trixie didn’t understand, she looked like the definition of irresistible and she has for the past week and a half. She didn’t know what she was doing wrong, but she didn’t stop trying to think about what she was doing wrong.
She yawned tiredly, resting her head on her hand as she got out that damn book to read, just wanting to make sure that she’d keep herself busy somehow.
Katya walked in as the late bell rang, she seemed to be out of breath, but when Trixie looked up to glance at her, Katya had a mischievous grin on her face.
The study hall teacher looked up from his desk, obviously seeing that Katya was nearly late. He stood up and walked over to Katya’s desk and crossed his arms, looking at her. “Miss Zamo, may I ask why you were late?” He asked.
Katya looked up at him, obviously not phased. The grin was still on her lips and didn’t fade. “Well you see,” Katya started, taking off her leather jacket as she kept the eye contact. “I wasn’t late, I came in before the bell stopped ringing.” She told him with confidence, sitting back in the desk.
The teacher luckily had a slight sense of humor, which was why he chuckled at Katya’s reply. “Fine then, you got me there. May I ask why you were almost late?” He reworded.
Katya shrugged, crossing her arms as the smile never left her lips. “I was taking care of someone. Specifically, I was setting a guy straight.” She said honestly. The teacher raised an eyebrow as Katya’s comment. “Was it in a way that would get you in trouble?” He asked.
Katya chuckled, shaking her head. “God, no. I don’t handle things physically, I handle things verbally. He thought it would be cute to violate a girls’ personal space and well being this morning, and I made sure he knew that it wasn’t as cute as he thought. And now he’s gonna apologize for his stunt or else I’m gonna blackmail him.”
The teacher nodded, not really minding. “As long as you’re staying out of trouble.” He said and walked back to his desk.
Trixie raised an eyebrow at Katya’s statement, and she didn’t take her eyes off of her. Although, she didn’t see it coming when Katya turned around to look at Trixie, winking at her with the usual smile before turning back around.
Trixie blushed darkly, looking down and letting her mind wander, but before she could think too far, her eyes went to her phone since the screen lit up with a text notification.
Heath: sorry about earlier, i didn’t think i went that far. i’ll be more respectful and considerate.
That’s when Trixie knew; Katya is around when she doesn’t even know it.
~~~
For the rest of the week, it was dry as fuck. The only thing that happened was what all happened on Wednesday, but just as thought, for the rest of the week, nothing ever happened. It was almost like after something happens, Katya steps back from reality and ghosts Trixie hardcore.
Well, it meant Trixie and Kim’s plan was somewhat working, so she’d probably do it for a little bit longer than expected. That was okay for Trixie though, if it meant that any day has a potential for Katya to talk to her, she’s down to do anything and everything.
Although, ever since Katya stood up for her, Trixie can say that she’s been catcalled less. Of course it still happens, why wouldn’t it happen when she’s in a school with horny, straight, teen boys. She was definitely used to it, but it was nice to get a little bit of a break.
Trixie walked into the school, and anyone could easily be able to tell that she was tired as hell. She yawned tiredly as she walked over to Kim, not in the mood to stand by herself today.
Trixie was about to say hi, but before she could open her mouth to speak, Kim beat her to it. “Oh my God, Trixie. You look like you’re fucking dead, what the hell happened to you?” She asked immediately.
Trixie just shrugged, shaking her head. “I was up 'till like 4:45 in the morning. I don’t know what happened, I was organizing my closet so I could have outfit combinations for this week, then I did my homework since I was really behind from not doing it in study hall. After that, I went to go into my mom’s room so she could give me another book because I finished reading the other one all night.”
“Trixie, you’re so stupid, you know that? You’re telling me that you got less than an hour of sleep last night?” Kim asked, crossing her arms.
Trixie just nodded again, going down to sit on the floor. “I mean, at least I still got a shower and did my makeup. I could look a lot worse. Plus I didn’t waste time with an outfit since I picked out the layout for this week.” She mumbled out, pulling her knees to her chest so she can put down her head.
Kim kneeled down and picked up Trixie’s head, shaking her head no. “Trix, you’re gonna get foundation stains on your jeans. They’re black, remember?”
Trixie huffed and pushed Kim’s hand away, looking at her with an unreadable face. “I put on setting spray, it would’ve been fine, smart one.” She said, just wanting to sleep. It was gonna be a rough day already.
~~~
Trixie made it through her first two classes without falling asleep, she was walking to her third now, and nearly fell over a few times on the way there.
Adore was in this class with her, but she was known to be late. That’s why Trixie wasn’t phased when she didn’t see Adore anywhere after she sat down. The class started right away after the bell rang, which hurt Trixie’s head more than it did help.
Trixie’s eyes just became more blurry by the minute, and she started to close her eyes longer every time she would blink. After a few seconds, she jumped up at the sound of the classroom door opening, seeing it was Adore.
She just strided down the aisle of desks and sat down in her own. Even though the teacher was giving her a death glare, Adore didn’t give a fuck as she casually carried on with her life.
After the class settled down after a minute, the teacher went back to her lecture about who gives a shit. Trixie went back to starting out into nothingness as she felt her eyes get heavier and heavier, and before she knew it, she accidentally fell asleep in class.
After the fourty-five minutes of class, Trixie once again jumped awake. Except this time, it was to the sound of the bell ringing. She got her stuff and stood up to leave, before getting called out by the teacher. “Trixie, Adore; come up to my desk.”
Trixie glanced back to see Adore gathering her stuff as well and walking to the teachers’ desk at the same time and they both waited to get spoken to, that is, until Adore got patient and impatiently said, “What do you want?”
The teacher turned around and raised an eyebrow at the attitude in Adore’s voice. “Adore, you have detention next week for coming in late and for the attitude. Trixie, I’m a bit disappointed in you, you’re one of the best students in the class. I’m gonna have to give you a detention too, so you and Adore need to stay after on Tuesday next week.”
With a sigh, Trixie nodded and left the classroom. Adore followed beside her, “At least you won’t be alone though, right?” She said, trying to make Trixie feel better. Trixie just shrugged it off, “I mean, I guess you have a point.”
Trixie broke off into the study hall room and sat down in her usual seat, taking off the black leather jacket she had on today. Since it was a study hall, Trixie didn’t have to worry about staying awake in the slightest.
~~~
Trixie was stressed and felt like she could easily snap at any moment. Last week was rough, Katya didn’t do anything. Monday was the same, and today wouldn’t be any different since she had to stay after for a detention.
Trixie slept through her first alarm, and woke up fifteen minutes late, which made her entire morning routine fucked up. She rushed through everything but somehow ended up to only be four minutes off instead of fifteen.
She glanced in the mirror before leaving, making sure her outfit was good enough. She wore dark red, ripped jeans with fishnets underneath and black converse. For the upside, she had a white tank top and the leather jacket.
Once Trixie double checked, she rushed downstairs and went to get coffee. To make her morning even better, the line was longer than usual, which made her an extra three minutes behind schedule.
On her way out of the Starbucks, she ran into someone and spilt some of her black coffee on her white shirt. Trixie bit her tongue to refrain from showing that the hot liquid really did burn. She apologized to the person and put the lid back on her drink as she walked out of the cafe.
Trixie got to her car and put the drink in her cup holder, then reaching over to the glove box to get napkins so she can at least attempt to clean up the mess. She sighed at the failed attempt and picked up her coffee cup to take a drink. At least they spelled her name right.
Before leaving the parking lot, Trixie tried to zip up the jacket to hide the obvious, dark stain on her tank top. She cursed to herself when she couldn’t get the zipper all the way up since the leather wouldn’t stretch enough for her to zip past her chest.
She just said 'fuck it’ and drove to the school from the Starbucks after undoing the jacket zipper. Once Trixie pulled into the school parking lot, she saw Adore getting out of her own car with Katya getting out of the passenger seat.
Trixie huffed and decided to take the risk. Trixie knew that Adore always carried around extra clothes since she was prepared for literally anything and everything. She sighed, not believing she was about to face her crush like this as she walked towards the two girls.
“Hey Adore, can I ask for a quick and effortless favor?” Trixie asked, watching as Adore and Katya had a cigarette outside of the car.
Adore was about to answer before Katya spoke up instead. “Damn, girl. What the fuck happened to you?” She asked, hinting at the very obvious stain on her shirt. Trixie felt her face heat up, this was the first time Katya ever talked to her for more than two weeks. Adore nudged Katya to hint her to keep her mouth shut, but Katya just smirked. Adore rolled her eyes, “Sorry about Katya, what’s the favor?” Adore asked.
“Well, I hella spilt like half of my coffee on me this morning and my jacket won’t zip up all the way since my tits are too big and basically, I’m just a mess right now. So, I was wondering if you had an extra shirt that I could wear.” Trixie explained.
Adore frowned sympathetically and shook her head, “I took everything home last night so I could wash them. I’m sorry,” Adore said and looked at her. Trixie just smiled and shook her head, “No, it’s fine. I can ask Kim, she’ll proba-” Trixie explained but got cut off mid sentence. “I have a hoodie.”
Both Adore and Trixie’s eyes looked at Katya who spoke up. Adore smirked and kept her mouth shut as she dropped her cigarette and stepped on it to put it out. Katya ignored Adore and looked at Trixie, “Hold on, I’m gonna get it.” She announced and went to the passenger seat of the car to get a simple black hoodie, doing the same to her cigarette on the way there.
Katya walked back to the other two, handing Trixie the hoodie. Trixie took it and smiled, “Thank you, Katya.” She said genuinely, getting a small smile in return from Katya. “Of course, love.”
They all started to walk inside the school together, and since she was in a bit of a hurry, Trixie just put the hoodie over the jacket without taking it off. It was snug and fit on her, which meant it was meant to be oversized on Katya.
Once they got in the school, Trixie headed to the bathroom, but she turned around when she heard footsteps following behind her. “Mind if I come?” Katya asked, and Trixie’s face turned a shade or two darker as she blushed. “You can tag along.”
Trixie walked into the school’s bathroom, and Katya walked in with her. Katya hopped on the sink counter and looked at Trixie curiously. “I never knew you drank black coffee.” She said.
Trixie took off the hoodie and just shrugged, “I don’t, but I have for the past few weeks. Why you ask?” Trixie responded and set the hoodie down on the counter beside Katya.
Katya just shrugged in return. “I mean, I was just curious.” She stated then let the silence take over for a moment or so before speaking up again. “Are you going through an identity crisis or something? I don’t get why you literally changed yourself so drastically.”
Trixie blushed a bit and took off the jacket, handing it to Katya so she can hold onto it while she cleans up. “It’s a long story, I’d rather not explain it in detail. Basically, my friend and I thought that I should change up my style and preferences to get my crush’s attention. It kinda backfired though, it hasn’t really done any help.”
Katya hummed in thought as she swung her legs from the counter, looking down as she talked. “I mean, why would you want to do something like that just for another person? I don’t get it.” Katya stated, almost as if it was obvious.
Trixie looked at her and looked back down. She walked passed to pick up the black hoodie. “It would make me more interesting and catch her eye.” She said simply and walked into a stall. She took off the tank top and replaced it with the hoodie quickly, walking back out.
“Well, I think that’s a load of bullshit. Whether you believe it or not, you’re admirable without this whole getup. I think if you want to catch your crush’s attention, you should just be your usual self. Whoever it is probably didn’t realize what they had until you changed yourself. Or you can just keep lying to yourself.” Katya said and glanced at Trixie.
Trixie walked to the sink and washed the shirt with the shitty school soap and warm water. “Since when did you talk this much?” Trixie asked with a chuckle, trying to avoid Katya’s statement and her gaze so she wouldn’t be able to catch the blush on her face.
Katya chuckled and continued to swing her feet from the counter, “I talk a lot around people I’m close with.” She stated and brought up a hand to tuck her medium length blonde hair behind her ear.
Trixie chuckled and looked up at Katya in disbelief before going back to focus on desperately trying to get the stain out of the shirt, even though it wasn’t working as much as she hoped she did. “Katya, I’m not close with you. We’ve talked a few times since we’re in the same study hall.” Trixie pointed out.
Katya felt herself smirk as she looked to the side, getting a bit confident. “Well, I forgot to mention that I tend to talk a lot when I’m around really cute girls as well.” She said and looked back at Trixie, unapologetically eyeing her up and down. “Anyways, I gotta blast. I’ll see you in study hall.” She announced and hopped off of the counter and leaving the bathroom after setting down Trixie’s jacket. “Keep the hoodie if you want.”
Trixie’s face burned hot as she felt butterflies in her stomach. “O-okay,” she stuttered out, turning around as she watched Katya leave the bathroom. Trixie turned to face the mirror, her eyes still wide. “What the fuck,” she mumbled to herself. She picked up the jacket and walked out of the bathroom to find Kim.
Trixie found Kim and went up to her, “Kim, we need to talk, like right now.” She said in a hurry. Kim looked at her like how a mom were looking at her kid when she was about to yell at them for walking off in the store; stern but secretly worried. “Trixie, what the hell. You’re later than you usually are. Where did you even come from?”
“No time,” Trixie said before continuing her sentence. “Listen, something happened between Katya and I. When I went to get coffee this morning, I spilled it all over me. Then, when I got to the school parking lot, I saw Adore and Katya. I almost didn’t, but I had to go up to Adore and ask to see if she had a spare shirt since she always has half her closet in her car. Anyways, when she said no, Katya-”
Suddenly, Trixie got cut off by the bell ringing for school to start. Trixie muttered a quick 'fuck’ under her breath and looked at Kim. “I’ll text you it when I get to study hall.” She said and walked off to her locker.
~~~
Trixie walked into the study hall room and sat in the back, pulling out a book to read but just watch for Katya to walk in instead. Out of all the mixed signals she’s been getting from Katya, Trixie is just a bit more hopeful that she feels the same way.
Katya walked in and immediately locked eyes with Trixie as she did, giving a smile before sitting down in her own desk, doing her own thing.
Trixie felt herself smile happily before looking down at her book. After staring at it for about twenty seconds, she thought about what Katya told her earlier about how she should not be a fake version of herself. Trixie hummed and put down the book, getting out her homework she got from earlier classes and worked on that instead.
When Katya looked back at Trixie, she smiled to herself when she was back to doing her usual thing. She turned back around and went back to reading her book before Trixie would notice her stare.
Maybe Trixie’s luck wasn’t as bad today as she thought.
~~~
Trixie walked into the detention room, only to see that Adore has saved her a seat. Trixie smiled at her and sat down, adjusting her clothes after doing so. She sat back in her seat and sighed dramatically, acting impatient since she really wanted to talk to Adore.
After the fourty-five minutes of the detention was over, Trixie immediately spoke up before Adore said anything. “Hey, can I talk to you about something real quick?” She asked and stood up to walk with Adore out of the school.
“Sure, what’s up?” Adore asked and picked up her bag while walking beside her. Trixie blushed before talking, taking a deep breath. “Can you just tell me who Katya likes? I get a lot of mixed signals and I’m really confused. I just, like her a lot and I wanna know.” Trixie explained.
Adore chuckled and looked at Trixie like she was dumb for asking the question. “Alright, well if you wanna know. She had a small crush on you since last year, though it got a bit more serious a few months ago. When you changed up your style, she didn’t realize how much she liked the genuine you and that’s why she didn’t talk to you as much. She told me that when you end your 'social experiment’ of that, then she’d be around you more. Katya thought you looked sexy as fuck for sure, but she could tell it wasn’t the genuine you.”
Trixie blushed and felt her heart flutter, “Awww, I wish I would’ve known that sooner.” She said and put her hand over her heart. “Alright, I gotta go home so I can finish my homework and wash off my makeup.” Trixie said and waved bye to Adore, “See you tomorrow!”
Trixie ran to her car excitedly and unlocked it, sitting down and taking a moment to catch her breath before squealing excitedly. Her horrible day from this morning was now the best day of her life.
~~~
Trixie stopped at the bathroom to check her appearance quickly before walking into the study hall room. She was back to her normal self, finally. Her curly hair was done to perfection. Her outfit was a soft pink dress with a decorative white belt around her waist to exaggerate her hips and white thigh-highs.
She rushed into the study hall room, relieved to see she was the first one there. Trixie confidently walked over to Katya’s seat, where she almost always sat, and decided to sit there like she owned it. She crossed her legs and arms, slightly reclining in the seat.
Once Katya walked in the room to see Trixie both in her usual apparel and sitting in her seat like she owned the damn school, she gave an amused smile, walking over to Trixie. “You know that I sit there, princess. Right?”
Trixie looked up at her and smiled, blowing a bubble with her gum to add the cockiness and sass. “Yeah, I know. What ever shall you do?” Trixie asked.
Katya chucked and raised an eyebrow at Trixie, “Damn, you got attitude today. How about this, we’ll make a deal. If you give me my seat back, you get to take something of mine. Money, objects, clothes, makeup. Whatever your heart desires.”
Trixie’s eyes lit up and she smiled. “That just sounds like stealing with your permission.” She said and got up, letting Katya take her seat. Before she could get passed her, Trixie stopped her and shook her head. She leaned in so she could kiss Katya, her eyes fluttering shut when she felt their lips connect.
Katya was for sure taken by surprise, but she went with it. She kissed back and closed her eyes as well, bringing up her hand to hold Trixie’s face softly as they shared a kiss.
Once the late bell rang a few minutes later, Trixie pulled away and looked at Katya innocently. “Looks like I stole a kiss. Your move is next, love.” Trixie said and blew a kiss before walking back to her own seat to do homework like usual.
Katya turned around and watched Trixie go back to her own seat in literal awe. It took her a few seconds before she actually sat down in her seat. “What the hell just happened?” She mumbled to herself.
~~~
At the end of the day, Trixie walked to her locker so she could go home. She definitely felt happier today, which was all that was important. When she opened her locker, a note fell out and Trixie kneeled down to pick it up so she could read it.
'meet me at the park after school. take your time princess, i wouldn’t want you to feel rushed. xoxo -katya’
Trixie smiled to herself and folded back up the note, putting it in her bag before closing her locker shut. She pulled out her phone and quickly texted her mom to tell her that she’d be home late.
She walked out of the school and got in her car. Trixie started her car and started to drive to the park, which luckily, was less than a mile away from the school.
Once Trixie pulled into the park, she saw Katya alone, sitting on a bench. She smiled to herself at the sight, parking her car. Since the elementary schools and day-care centers still have kids, the park was pretty emptied out.
Trixie got out of the car and walked over to the bench where Katya was sitting. Katya’s eyes lit up when she saw Trixie sit next to her, “You look lovely.” She commented and sat up straighter.
Trixie chuckled softly, “Thanks. So, am I allowed to ask why you told me to come here?” She asked curiously, but Katya smiled with anticipation. “That’s for me to know and for you to find out, princess.”
Trixie liked the way it sounded when Katya called her princess. She tilted her head to the side slightly with an amused smile, “Since when did you give me pet names?” She asked.
Katya smirked slightly at the question, “I always did, I just never did to your face.” She answered. Trixie giggled in return, shaking her head.
The two got along great, they spend two hours just talking and getting to know one another. Both of them have never felt so lively around one person, but they also appreciated it. Kinda as if it were meant to be.
By late afternoon, they agreed on leaving. Katya walked Trixie to her car and stopped so they can say goodbye. “Thank you for an amazing afternoon. Seriously, I don’t think I’ve laughed that much with one person during the timespan of like two hours.” Trixie said and kissed Katya’s cheek sweetly.
Katya smiled happily as she looked at Trixie. “Like you said, my move is next.” Katya said and pulled out a small box, handing it to Trixie with a smile. “Open it.”
Trixie looked at Katya with a raised eyebrow, “I’m not marrying you, Katya.” She said jokingly and opened the box, seeing a rose gold necklace with a heart charm. It suited Trixie perfectly. “Awww, you’re so sweet! Thank you!” She said and immediately hugged Katya.
Katya hugged her back and pulled away to look at Trixie, “There’s a paper on the lid of the box, you should read what it says.” She suggested and tried to hide her smile.
Trixie looked at the box again and removed the lid so she could be able to read whatever was on the top of the box.
'trixie mattel, my sweet princess. will you please be my girlfriend?’
Trixie’s heart literally melted as she read the paper. “You’re so cheesy, get better ideas.” She said with a loving giggle, kissing Katya quickly. “Yes, I’ll be your girlfriend.” She said with a smile.
Katya smiled happily, wrapping her arms around Trixie’s waist and got close to her face, but not close enough to let their lips touch. “Looks like I made the winning move. Checkmate.” Katya said before bringing Trixie in for another kiss.
#back in black#fueledbymemes#trixya#fluff#Drama#trixie mattel#katya zamolodchikova#adore delano#kim chi#rpdr fanfiction#submission#lesbian au#high school au
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Kieran Cassidy
"Fookin' me arse up early today."
Katya Jaeger
Still heavily under the influence of that which she had partaken in the night before, a needle with her name on it on the bedside table, she looked towards him as he fucked around on the board. Watching him in awe, a weak smile there to her features, she reached over for a bottle of liquor as she continued a path of self medicating to kill the memories that had been flooding back to her as of late. “Kier,” she offered, finding that smile to his face. “Show me how?”
Kieran Cassidy
"Show yeh' how? Show yeh' 'ow when yeh' ain't bogged off yer' bollocks." He began, knowing she didn't have any but all the same. "Gotta' protect that cute face o'yers..."
Katya Jaeger
“My bullocks?” She asked, too out of it to laugh, yet the intention was there just the same. “Mmm... cute face. You think I have a cute face? I think you have a cuter face.”
Kieran Cassidy
"Bollocks." He returned as he skidded the board up on his back foot. Lifting the board as his front foot moved to the edge, attempting to flip it mid air but his foot missed. Slamming to the ground as his other foot forced the board upwards and between his thighs. Slamming him just right to cause the man to drop. Clutching the crotch of his jeans and breathless from the pain.
Katya Jaeger
Watching him as he continued to fuck around, it seemed as though he moved in slow motion there before her eyes. As he dropped, gripping himself, she lifted up from where she laid, attempting to find her footing on unstable legs. “Fuck, Kier. What you do that for?” She asked, her hand remaining there st the bedside table as she took a slow step forward to try to help him, yet couldn’t quite help herself.
Kieran Cassidy
There was literally nothing she could do and if he could manage, he would have told her just to stay there but he was preoccupied. Knees lifted as he rolled from side to side. Both hands still cupping himself. "Fuuu." Not able to get the last letters out as the pain ensued.
Katya Jaeger
Pausing there at the table, she knew another step would surely have her finding the floor as well, yet there was no concern for herself when it came to him as they would find time and time again. “Goddamnit,” she complained, taking that step away from the table, easing herself to the floor there beside him where a shaky hand reached for his shoulder, trying to be there for him as she knew he would for her, yet lacking the knowledge of just how to help him. “That looks like it hurts,” she commented honestly, a given, yet she couldn’t stop the words from coming forth the moment she thought them.
Kieran Cassidy
Not even able to hear her until her hand found him and he was rolling onto his stomach or atleast his knees. Back still arched as one hand found the ground. Lifting up his upper body as his hand remained between his legs. Forehead to the ground as he finally got some relief.
Katya Jaeger
As he turned over, her hand was finding his back as she sat on the floor beside him, not entirely sure how she got there, yet the magnetism was there and as strong as it ever had been, wishing she could pick him up and hold him the way he would her. “Maybe we should put that away for the day,” she offered, just a suggestion as she struggled seeing him in pain.
Kieran Cassidy
"Fuck." He breathed out, leaning up on his knees as one hand stayed there to him. Rubbing himself better. "I think I'm a woman now." Still out of breath.
Katya Jaeger
A soft laugh fell from her lips as her hand drew back as he sat up. “You’ll have to explain to me just how to pleasure a woman then,” she teased, leaning over where her head rested against his thigh.
Kieran Cassidy
Groaning at her as that was potentially the last thing he wanted to think about as he laid flat on the floor in defeat. Still not able to move his own hand.
Katya Jaeger
Hearing that groan, she knew all too well what it meant, though a laugh finally made its way past her lips. “I’ll still fuck you,” she promised, finding it comical as her laugh seemed to continue on.
Kieran Cassidy
"Stooop." Commanding with a whine as he wanted nothing to do with the mere suggestion.
Katya Jaeger
“What’s that thing you do with your tongue?” She asked, a smirk there to her lips as she laid over beside him on the floor. “Okay, okay. I won’t be pleasuring a woman. But a very manly man,” she promised, resting her head to his chest. “Are you going to still be able to give me children one day, about fifteen years from now?” She teased.
Kieran Cassidy
"Bleedin' hell." As she persisted, he was to be full of complaints. Feeling her at her chest as she continued on about kids. Shaking his head. "Oh, na. Ye'll 'ave to be consultin' with yer' other boyfriend for all that."
Katya Jaeger
“I don’t have another fucking boyfriend,” she complained, not even liking the suggestion. “I have one. Just one. And I’ve had him now for... six years,” she explained, though they weren’t official then, but everyone had known she was his even then. “You wouldn’t want to have kids with me some day?” She asked, not really sure that she had it in her to be a mom or that their lifestyle would ever be conducive to such things, but taking the opportunity there on the floor just the same.
Kieran Cassidy
"I can't now. I only 'ave but one testicle now." He reminded her as his hand finally lifted from himself.
Katya Jaeger
Smirking at his summary of the situation, she remained there at his chest. “Good thing that I’m perfectly happy with it being just the two of us for the rest of our lives, huh?”
Kieran Cassidy
"Yeh' know I'm required ta' produce me some Irish sprogs, aye?" He asked, the elephant in the room that he'd attempt to throw in casually.
Katya Jaeger
Lifting her chin to meet his eyes, her hand found the side of his face. “I would give you babies,” she promised, as there was nothing she wouldn’t give the man, finding herself slowly sobering up to the seriousness of the topic at hand.
Kieran Cassidy
Hearing her promise, he'd smirk gently. "I know yeh' would, ye'd give me anyt'in I asked f'er...problem 'eez, I can't change yer' blood..."
Katya Jaeger
Any bit of her that wasn’t sober was suddenly entirely so. “So... you...” she began, putting it together there as she felt the sting deep within her in that moment. Falling silent a moment later as she couldn’t even begin to process this information.
Kieran Cassidy
"I'm expected t'er, yeah." He stated honestly as he looked at the dilation in her eyes as his fingertip traced her chin. "Ye' ha'e pure blood and yer' expected t'er spread it. H'ae more pure-blooded sprogs, teach 'em the language and keep the line on movin'. Only 40 percent of The republic o'Eire admits t'er speakin' Irish on a regular basis an' somewhere around 2 percent use it as their first language. 'Eet sounds stupid but growin' up, I was taught that yeh' can do a lot o'fucked up t'ings in this word but the o'ly way t'er really ruin 'eet all is t'er not sire pure blooded kids. Yeh' can 'ave some regular ones but yeh' need t'er 'ave pure blooded babies."
Katya Jaeger
Listening to every word he spoke, they only cut deeper as she knew her blood would not do. The moisture that welled in the corners of her eyes did so from heartbreak as well as a touch of exhaustion as it had been weeks now that she had struggled sleeping, facing her reality every time she closed her eyes. Now, that reality was complicated further as she listened to him go on, seemingly passionate on the subject. She wanted to bid her head and agree, but instead, she would just appear entirely frozen.
Kieran Cassidy
Lost in his own thoughts until he caught the moisture in her eyes. Reaching out where his thumb would find her cheekbone. "None o'that now. It isn't too awful, innit?"
Katya Jaeger
It was every bit awful and she didn’t even know how to say it. She had taken things as they came throughout their relationship, only ever doing something truly of her own accord when she bought the house they now sat on the floor of their room in. Everything else had been taken easily. This though. This left her feeling things she didn’t know how to express. A single tear made it down her cheek as she had every desire to be with him eternally, to have his children, to spend her life with him, only to hear how he was /required/ to procreate with someone that wasn’t her. She couldn’t tell him it was okay. It would have been a lie. But she couldn’t say much of anything else as she felt the pain of her heart ripping within her chest.
Kieran Cassidy
"Hey now..." he began as he watched that single tear expelled. Brushing it free from her as quickly as it had come. Knowing this didn't have to be what she thought of it. He wasn't not allowed to have children with another woman, he merely had a duty to his blood. "I'll 'ave as many mutts with yeh' as we can manage." He'd remind her.
Katya Jaeger
Feeling his hand there to her face, it was done. Her tears would fall and there would be nothing she could do to restrain them. Hearing him speak, she took a jagged breath, her eyes finding his through a film of moisture. “You’ll have mutts with me and full blooded babies with someone else?” She asked, clarifying as she pressed pause on the shattering of her heart, begging it to stay whole long enough to hear him out.
Kieran Cassidy
Looking at her as she asked her question knowing he couldn't answer that one truthfully. Not sure where the emotion came from here as he simply pressed his forehead to hers. "Can't t'ink about it like that. It's business."
Katya Jaeger
With his answer, the pause no longer applied. In a space where she had hoped he would say that she meant more, she heard that his line meant more, something she couldn’t provide him. Not another word would pass her lips as the tears fell hard against her cheeks. Turning her head from his, she’d seek comfort in the curve of his neck, not quite sure how it was she had been with him for six years without knowing this, never knowing that right on the cusp of a future that she was to hear this now, so late in the game, when her every emotion was wrapped in him.
Kieran Cassidy
Feeling her to the curve of his neck, his arms wrapped around her. They both had shit on both sides that was difficult to accept. Something's merely weren't spoken about on either end and this was his cross and his baggage. Gently attempting to comfort her though he didn't see what she saw in that moment.
Katya Jaeger
“Even if there was a gun to my head, I wouldn’t do this to you. Not to further my line. I fucking love you and that’s all that matters to me. I don’t want this, Kier. I can’t bear the thought of another woman having your child, much less you being with her to create it. But just her raising it. What is ours. Her blood and yours and...” the emotion flowed freely as the tears took their full hold. Nothing had ever come easy to her and she had allowed herself to be foolish enough to think this was the one thing the world could never take or taint, while she felt the physical pain of it ripping her heart to shreds. If ever he doubted how she felt, the proof was here and now.
Kieran Cassidy
"Yeh' don't understand, I-" falling short as she simply wouldn't despite his best at convincing her. She wouldn't get it and it would become his fault. Drawing at her tears. "I just never t'ought I'd be alive long 'nough to face the task."
Katya Jaeger
As he spoke, she was trying, harder than he would ever realize. She felt so much and so strongly that she felt overwhelmed by it all. Drawing back from the curve of his neck, her face was in ruins. She kept her head hung low, thinking death must feel better than this.
Kieran Cassidy
Watching her as she drew from his neck. The mere look of her hurt him to his very core. "'Ow can I make this better?" He'd finally ask.
Katya Jaeger
Hearing him ask her how to make it better, she wanted to scream out at the top of her lungs. Instead, there was silence. Eery, absolute, silence. Her eyes closed tight as she bit firmly to her own lower tier, containing it all for as long as she could. “Slit both of my wrists, and wait a little too long to call for help. For I would rather die, slowly, and painfully, than to see this ever come to pass.” Her words were barely above a whisper, dripping with the pain she felt throughout her, knowing that there was no life after this, taking her own life in her hands and placing it into his, as even the most painful assault she had ever experienced, and all of the years of torture she felt, could not begin to compare with how deeply this went for her.
Kieran Cassidy
Hearing her speak, her words seemed to creep him out to his core as there was something a little too realistic about them. Like she had applied thoughts to this. Drawing his hands back from her as he merely watched her with no idea whether to yell at her or to hold her.
Katya Jaeger
As he withdrew from her, she no longer felt the man around her, as though he was letting her go at the honest confession to her lips. Allowing her eyes to open slowly, she lifted her head to meet his eyes. Her tears collected in quick waves against her eyes before falling in heavy streaks down each of her cheeks. The make up from the day before smudged down her face and there in her eyes was absolute honesty. She was trembling there before him as the state of shock of the entire situation settled in on her, feeling everything inside of her dying a second death. Perhaps it was a third. From the time she was a small child, everything was ripped from her time and time again. As she looked to him, she felt the very same way all over again, having been a fool enough to think that something of this magnitude would never touch her again.
Kieran Cassidy
"So thats what would have yeh' leavin' me then..." he reported as he watched her, still surprised that /this/ would be it. Whether leaving him all together or leaving him in this life.
Katya Jaeger
Where silence had stolen her, she met his eyes, hearing his conclusion to it all. Her tears continued to roll down her face as she looked to him. “How did you think I would feel about this? Did you honestly believe I would just say sure? Go ahead? Fuck a little Irish broad, give her your full blooded child? I’ll just sit by and wait? Kieran... even if you told me it would be IVF, it’s your child. It’s a part of you. It’s a part of you that I’ve foolishly thought for six years was mine. Two days ago, you asked me whose you were and I said you were mine. Mine. That child... the child that I can’t give you all because of my blood... Fuck...” she complained as the tears were coming too strong as she finally spoke out, shaking her head as it was all too much. Feeling the pain radiate through her body at just the suggestion that he would give that to someone else, knowing she was worthless to him in that manner, felt as though there was a dagger through her heart that was being slowly twisted little by little. Rising to her feet from where she had been on the floor, she was finding the bottle on the bedside table, attempting to take a drink from it, but the tremble in her hand had the bottle falling from her hand, hitting the bedside table where it turned on its side, the contents spilling against the piece of furniture, off the edge, and pooling at her feet. “Fuck. Just fuck!” Reaching to the bottle, she picked it up, throwing it to the other side of the room where it smashed against the wall before she dropped down at the side of the bed, sitting in the liquid without the ability to care as she drew her knees up to her chest, her face pressed to her knees where her tears and face would no longer be within his view.
Kieran Cassidy
As she went on about her tangent, it only spelled out one thing. He was right. This was her breaking point. Exhaling as she took her seat there across the room from him. Standing up where he'd walk to the area directly before her and the broken bottle. Leaning down where he'd find a particularly jagged piece of glass. Rotating it in his fingers.
Katya Jaeger
As he picked up a piece of the glass, her face remained there at her knees, not aware of what he was doing as she cried against her own knees. “Please tell me you aren’t really going to. Please tell me that it’s all as I thought and that you love me. Tell me it’s me and you and our children. Please, Kier. Please,” she begged, lifting her head a moment later where she found him toying with the glass. “You have all of me. Just tell me it’s enough,” she pleaded through her tears, her face further fucked than it had been a moment before as she made no attempt to hide from him just how deep this had cut.
Kieran Cassidy
Hearing her notch it up as a lack of love, she'd meet the look on his face head up as her head lifted. "Yeh' ve always been 'nough. This was written long before either you or I." He'd remind her, as if that meant that he didn't love her then she'd have her proof. Yet, he'd have his own as well. Fingers taking to the glass as he held out his forearm. Pressing the glass into his skin where he carved out the four distinct letters of her nickname underneath the ink of his tattoos.
Katya Jaeger
She had never taken it for a lack of love as she knew the man loved her. She understood the concept of what it was he thought he was held to. She just couldn’t understand how it was that it would be held higher than this. How he could consider it. And what he thought she was to feel on it. Her heart was broken entirely and every moment would only prove to break it further. As he took the glass to his arm, she would instantly think he was to do to himself what she had asked him to do to her. As he made the first cut, she held her breath, watching through hazy eyes as he carved her name there against his flesh as she realized he was not attempting to end his own life, even as she felt her own already was. Never having begged the man for anything, she would hear his dismissal of her request, leaving her to know different than that which he claimed. If she was enough, this wouldn’t be happening. If she was enough, he wouldn’t uphold something that he knew was killing her. If ever her love for him had been doubted, it was there on display before him as the mere suggestion of this had shattered her entirely. Bringing her hand out to press against his arm, his blood staining the palm of her hand, her tears still would not cease as they seemed to come harder now as she saw and felt the blood that would not mix well enough with her own to keep the sanctity of what they had. “I’m not,” she whispered through those tears, knowing the truth more so now than ever.
Kieran Cassidy
"'Ey 'ave given up everything f'er yeh." He'd remind her, as for her to tell him that he thought her less than was a direct insult to all the sacrifice he had made. "I've left me home, me entire life, me family, me blood. I follow yeh' around the world f'er with a bunch of people I can't stand and can't stand me t'er play music that 'ey don't like. With yer' record label that would have me offed if they could get away with it. With band mates that 'ate me in a country 'ey don't understand. I've turned me back on me blood by even bein' here. 'Ey follow yeh' around like a damn lapdog and I don't complain when I'm doin' it. I know my place amongst t'ings. An inconvenience. I'm yer' side effect. Somet'in that'll be praised when 'ey go away. From the moment yeh've walked into me life, I've given and you've taken. Me bed, me food, me booze, me feckin' drugs." He'd remind her especially, eyes finding hers as the heat within him swelled. "And yeh' want to look at me and tell me that there's a feckin' price on my head and it's one yer' not willin' t'er pay. That yeh' can venture to question where yeh' are in my priorities when I've had but one this entire feckin' time...all I have is me feckin' blood. All I have is this." Removing her blood stained palm where the stigmata was placed.
Katya Jaeger
As he spoke, she trembled hearing the words he'd say, in absolute shock. She had never made him come to this country, nor had she made him stay. When he found her, he was already there, he was already living the exact same life that they were living now. Even the band was made up of mostly the same guys that were on that same tour bus with him when he found her. She wasn't sure how it was that she was being held to this, to any of this. As he went on, speaking about since she walked into his life, all she's done is take, she bit hard against her lower tier as her free hand tightened against the side of her own thigh. Shocked that he could bring up a time since he met her when the entire circumstance of when they met was off limits. As he spoke, it became clearer and clearer to her that as he claimed to be an inconvenience that he really wasn't and never had been, the truth of the matter was that she was his inconvenience, yet never had she thought so until now, until he went on and on about all he had done for her, yet it sounded as though he'd gained nothing by being with her, and the one thing he really wanted or needed in life, her blood wouldn't provide. As he spoke, she heard him prove her point, having hoped he would turn this around and prove her wrong, but he proved it right before he moved her hand. His blood. All he had, per his own words, was his blood. As he moved her hand, her name bled against his skin. "From the moment I walked into your life..." she began, unable to go any further than that. To say another word was to either defend herself in the accusations he made there, holding her to a recollection of their life together that didn't add up to how she'd describe it ever, or would result in her sounding like some selfish cunt for not wanting him to father a child with someone else and somehow being wrong for it, or both. Instead, she'd rise to her feet, her jeans soaked in booze. She'd say not another word as his had cut too deep and she was presently bleeding out from the inside, as she had been since the moment he took a conversation that could have been something incredible for the both of them, where there were talks of their future and the possibility of the two of them having children, and turned it into his informing her six years late that he'd be killing her by fathering a child that was not her own, because he 'had to', and then being mad when she wasn't completely okay with it. She loved him, with all that she had, and for that alone, she'd close her lips and not allow her mouth to be the one doing damage here. When he asked her what he could do to make it better, she answered him. But now, as he acted as though this was the most minute thing he could ever ask her for, she had not another thing to say as it would only end in her taking up a piece of that glass and ending it all right then and there. On her feet, she walked past him, through the bedroom doorway to the hallway, making her way down the staircase with his blood remaining on the palm of her hand.
Kieran Cassidy
Still kneeling as she walked past him, lips drawn in nearly a smirk yet it was anything but as she walked away from him. Listening to her walk before she'd trail off. Listening to the silence as he felt the heat of his blood dripping through his fingertips. She was mistaking his words and then walking away from him. All he had been meaning to say was that he did the things he did and all those things stated because he loved her and because she was enough. Not him trying to get one up on her and prove his point. Yet, the man lived through those expectations. He was always just this. Selfish, loving himself more. He got tired of trying to explain himself and so he'd allow it as the shift was made. She was no longer the one to see behind the curtain. Standing up where he walked to the closet. Opening as he found his book bag, drawing it free as he walked to the dresser. Grabbing a change of clothes, his cigarettes and a handful of cash before zipping it up. Tossing it onto his back as the man walked to the bedroom window. Accessing blindly that he could clear such a jump, drawing it open as he sat to the window frame. Forgetting one last thing. Drawing his phone out of the pocket, he tossed it to the floor. All attempt to be found left just there while the trail of blood illustrated his exit as he jumped from the window and landed evenly to the back of the house.
Katya Jaeger
As she made her way downstairs, she would walk into the bathroom where she started the bathwater. Undressing herself entirely, she left the door opened, not ever bothering to close them in their home. Opening the drawer, she would find within the razor blade that she knew was there waiting for her as it always was. She had to find some way to release everything within her, only this time she'd release it all. Once the bath water was drawn, she'd step within, sitting down in the water with that blade still there between her fingers. Bringing it against her wrist, she let the blade barely kiss her skin, pressing more firmly with just the point of the blade. The only thing that had been made clear to her in that room was that he was going to do what he thought he had to do, regardless of the fact that he was watching his long time girlfriend dying right there before him, pleading with him for the first time since the day he met her not to do this. But this was how it should have been that night just the same. She had been raped for three years, night after night, living a hell that she finally could not take any longer. Her inability to turn off herself that last night had made it to where she was faced to endure it all, bringing with it three years of memories that had been pushed to the forefront of her mind all at once. She had been worthless since she was a small child and was made to know it. Now, she felt just as worthless as she did then, and it was at the words of the man she had remained alive for. The man that had taken her in and never made her feel as though she was costing him anything. But now, she had heard his take on their last six years. She had heard him say he needed but this one thing that she couldn't give him as he acted as though she should have just been alright with it, though she knew he had to know she never would be. It was insane that he had reserved this one part of himself for all of those years and waited until now to tell her what his plans would be. She wouldn't live to see it come to pass, as she had told him, and as she pressed against her own wrist with that blade, she'd do so knowing it wasn't her hand guiding that blade, but his words pushing it deeper there into her flesh as he'd made her feel just as, if not more, worthless than she'd always known that she was.
Kieran Cassidy
As he landed outside of the house with a hollow thud, his sudden presence scaring their cat in the window sunbathing. The hairless sphinx rising on all fours and arching his back, scratching at the screen for his attention. The man had always been weak for Noodle yet knew this was the best place for him. "She'll take good care of yeh, aye?" Speaking to him as he approached the window, finger pressing to the front of his paw pads from the other side. The cat would meow impatiently, not hearing it as he wanted him. "Get yeh' yer' raw venison for supper an' those wee weasel toys yeh' like so much." Exhaling softly as the adrenaline was fading and he needed to move before he was stopped. Falling silent as his blooded hand passed down his face. The white shirt now stained with the thick drop before the silence allowed him to hear the running water. Pausing all thoughts as he remembered her words and he jumped to that back door. Finding it to be locked as he cursed to himself. Approaching the back window where the impatient cat sat. Fishing out his pocket knife where he cut the screen open. Unknowingly triggering the alarm as he pulled himself through the screen and back into the house. Quickly following the sound of the water as he ran to that bathroom. Stopping just outside of it as he pressed his ear to the wood and his fist. "Open the door, Kate." He called loudly, wrapping his knuckles to the wood as he tossed his book bag to the floor.
Katya Jaeger
Silence. Everything was pure and complete silence. It was there, in that space, that she had once gone to often. It was the ability to create that kind of silence that had gotten her through three horrific years that to this day, she refused to speak of. Unknowingly, she had somehow heard it all and it had all flooded back to her in the end, and yet this time, she knew there would be no flooding back. There would be no memory. There would be no more pain. She wouldn't need drugs to sleep and she wouldn't be constantly taking from him any longer. The one thing that he needed was the one thing she couldn't give him. What she once thought had saved her from death had only delayed it, making it ten times harder to press that blade into her flesh. Her tears had not stopped in what seemed like an eternity, since the beginning of that conversation upstairs on their bedroom floor. Her eyes were blood shot and her hand trembling as she used her wrist to steady the blade. The alarm sounded within the house, but she couldn't hear it. She couldn't hear anything. She had long ago perfected this ability, though she'd not used it in six years now. Pressing the point of that blade against her wrist, she leaned her head back as she gave into the pain that she felt within, knowing it would be so easy to drag the blade down her wrist and be done with it all. The memories. The sleepless nights. The thing that Kieran needed that she wouldn't be able to give him. She wouldn't hear him banging. Nor would she hear his request for the door to be opened. But she would hear her name. Spoken there in his voice, it was enough to draw her out of the silence to the chaos that flowed through the house. She stared over to the bathroom door through cloudy eyes as she held that blade to her wrist. Lowering the blade from her skin, leaving a stream of blood from the single point of the blade that had touched her, she stood up and reached for the door while remaining within the tub, opening it to him. Standing there before him, entirely bare where the date that he saved her was etched against her porcelain flesh. The blood of his arm that had tainted her hand had drawn red streaks through her blonde hair. The blade remained in her hand as she looked to him while those tears ran down her face, the prior day's make up completely smudged down to her cheeks.
Kieran Cassidy
As the door opened, his hand was already within to grab her wrist. Prepared for something worse all together as his palm locked on her. Applying a thick pressure as he found the room and reached for a towel. Drawing that towel over her wrist as his eyes found hers. His free hand finding the back of her neck as he drew her towards him. Wordlessly and firmly pressing his lips to hers as even if this was it, he wouldn't permit her the pleasure of thinking that he did not love her.
Katya Jaeger
Feeling his hand find her wrist, she held the blade there in the other as brought a towel to her arm. Meeting his eyes as his hand found the back of her neck, pulling her into him where his lips were to her own. The intensity of it all raced through her all at once. Still standing there within the tub, she dropped the blade from her hand, her foot stepping over it, pressing it to the surface of the tub as her lips pressed firmly back to his. Her free hand drew up, finding the back of his neck where he'd find her touch to be that of her clinging to him, pleading with him even now not to do this to them as it could all be undone so easily if he chose to. Her tears would not cease, even within the hold of that kiss as she felt herself bleeding from within, with a broken heart that threatened to stop beating if he confirmed that he would be following through with what he thought to be his legacy without her. This would stand as the true test of their love as it would take breaking that love to do what he said he was supposed to do, and yet there before them was the opportunity for him to turn from what he was supposed to do, yet it would take accepting the blood she didn't have. It would take accepting a future with a woman of Russian and German decent. It would take him loving her more than he loved himself as she consistently did the same as she never saw anything about herself worth loving outside of him. Expecting him to draw back from the kiss, she'd hold onto it for so long as she could, fearing it to be her last for if this was to continue, she knew she would not.
Kieran Cassidy
Feeling her to the back of his neck as she drew into him or atleast as that tub would allow. There were too many working parts to this, too many miscommunications. Especially if she was going to have a meltdown every time the subject was broached. Holding back to her as his hand remained tight to the back of her neck. Hand reaching out for her side though his grip loose considering where the two stood.
Katya Jaeger
Feeling his hand to her side, her hand tightened at the back of his neck. Knowing he could make it all just stop, she drew back from that kiss if only to draw in a sharp breath as she had yet to stop crying, nor was she sure if she ever would at this point. "If I really am what you say... enough for you, then tell me... that all of this was just... to tell me that you are supposed to, but you aren't going to... That it's us... That it's just us... and our children. That you don't... need to have one... with someone else. That me and our would be children... are enough for you." Pleading with him once again, sudden deep breaths interrupted her words spoken there against his lips. Knowing only he could stop this, she'd give him the platform to do so, knowing the alternative resided there beneath her feet as she would not and could not live through another moment if she wasn't enough for him, and could not be made to feel guilty for wanting no more than any other person alive wanted, a place that was their own, a place where she wouldn't have to think of him elsewhere, a place that she had always thought was hers, but now wasn't so sure, and needed him just as much in this moment as she had on the night of November 30, 2010. Standing before him entirely bare and broken, with his blood there through blonde hair, giving him the power to put her back together, yet knowing it was likely that he would speak words that would only solidify her state as completely shattered indefinitely.
Kieran Cassidy
Feeling her draw back from him in favor of words when it had been words which did this to them in the first place. "It's always been you. It's always been us." He reminded her as his hands found her wrists, holding them there before her. Neither agreeing nor disagreeing as he was simply trying to bring her off the ledge. Looking down towards the bath plunger. "C'ome on outta there." He requested with a gentle pull.
Katya Jaeger
It would be so easy for him to draw her from that space any time he wanted to, and yet he'd ask her to do it at her own will. His reminder had warmed her, allowing her to feel alive for a moment once again, knowing his words had the power to do that just as they had the night they met. The similarity of that night to this were haunting to the woman as she felt the blade exist beneath her foot. Meeting his eyes as he encouraged her to come with him, she couldn't do it until she was sure. For six years, she'd thought one thing only to find out this night that it was something else and she wouldn't go forward another moment in that darkness and uncertainty when there was something hanging there between them. "Kieran, I need... you to tell me... what happens from here... Are you going to attempt... to have a child with someone... other than me? Are you going to...? Or are we... and /our/ children... going to be enough for you?" she asked, the tears coming just as strongly now as they had been a moment before as the woman was nearly exhausted of tears.
Kieran Cassidy
As she wouldn't give, his hands released her wrists. Stepping forward to wrap around her. Taking careful grip of the woman as he pulled her from the tub and to her feet before he reached for a fresh towel to wrap her in. Seeing it around her shoulders and to the front of her as she'd speak. "These invisible children o'ours or anyone else don't matter much if neither of us are there to 'ave 'em." He'd remind her, literally walking the ledge with her.
Katya Jaeger
Before he would answer her, she felt him using his strength to pull the woman from the tub entirely, leaving that blade within the tub as he wrapped her in a towel. She was fragile, both in body as well as in mind, as she had always been since she was a small child. The abuse took its toll on her in ways that would never be fully undone, and in a moment like this, her frailty was more noticeable than any other time as her life could escape her so easily. Hearing his reminder, it still did not suitably calm her. It did not assure her of anything, but it left room for her to believe that he was still going to pursue these pure children that she couldn't give him. Tears flowed from her as she hung her head in complete defeat. "If we are... to be enough..., if our would be children are to be enough..., then it's done. We are here.... But if they aren't, if I'm not..., then I can't. I can't have... only a part of you... I would never expect you... to have just a part of me... or to be missing even... a single part of me... You have all... of me... and I just want to know that... all of me and all of you belong to... one another. I want... all of you, Kieran... You've told me so many times... that you wanted all of me... and I've given it all to you.... I just want all of you... in return." Feeling herself weak there in his hold as he brought that towel around her, she cried the words into his chest, knowing there was but one way off this ledge and no other amount of reminders were going to do it if there was still this piece floating out there somewhere, waiting to slice her wide open.
Kieran Cassidy
"Yeh've always 'ad all o'me." He reminded her, as all he could hear in her words was that she didn't want to be with him. Which would be her call to make for it but she wouldn't die for him. He wouldn't allow it. At this point, it wasn't even about children or not having them. It was her limitation on him. Feeling her to his chest as he'd lean down to flush the water in the tub. Arms slipping around her gently.
Katya Jaeger
Hearing his reminder as his arms came around her, she pressed her face there against his chest. He was her home, the only home she'd ever really had, and in there she would find that familiar comfort that she so needed in that moment. Loving him had never been challenging. She was only seventeen when the two met and he'd been her first and only love. She'd live her life for him and him alone. She would put one foot in front of the other, facing down the nightmares that now even plagued her when her eyes were opened, for him. If not for him, she had never had another reason to be alive and it remained to be true even now. Hearing those words spoken from his lips, she couldn't be sure if this was his way of telling her that the other was just what he was supposed to do and not what he was going to do. Telling him what she needed from him in that moment and then hearing him respond the way he did, would be enough that she'd remain there in his hold without trying to pull away. "But will I always?" she asked him, as that was the key here. The key was those other children that he was supposed to create. The key was him having children whose blood did not have her own. The key was that she had always had all of him, but his words upstairs had made it as though she would not always have all of him, and yet he'd always have all of her. "Will you give someone else your child?" she asked plainly, not bringing to it what she wanted, as he already knew how this was breaking her thoroughly. Her question came forth with the wave of emotion and tears that it carried with him, as it came down to a simple yes or no that would determine everything, as she could not live her life with any part of him missing from her.
Kieran Cassidy
"If 'eet should come t'er pass and 'ey'd like t'er go 'ome." He answered carefully, as god knows he wanted to but he knew the price. Nothing in this life was free and now she had taken this and made it a hundred times more difficult. There would be opposition, there would be attempts. How was he to ever feel stable in her and them as she had stated their mortality? It was all too much and he just needed to focus and get her out of that damn bathroom.
Katya Jaeger
As he answered her, it would be in those words that she'd seem to understand that it wasn't to happen if he was with her. There, that reassurance would be all she would need to lift her head from his chest and look up at him. All of that pain was against her features entirely as she drew one arm up from between them to rest her hand at the side of his face. She couldn't bear the thought of him belonging in any way to any other person and though many would have potentially just agreed to it for the sake of preservation, her love for him went deep within her veins, so much so that the very thought of such a thing had taken her to the very end of her life only to be brought back by the man who dominated her everything. It would take time to unhear the things he had said to her and the way he had made her feel upstairs, as those things had been just as damaging as the subject at hand. But as her hand found the side of his face, she would commit to trying to undo them. To trying to forget they were ever said. To allowing herself the place to feel worth something again, although it was going to take time.
Kieran Cassidy
Feeling her to the side of his face, he was far from happy with her. Just because he was there didn't mean much except that he accounted for her life far more than his own feelings. All while knowing that he wouldn't be allowed to be upset as this was her life and her relationship and he just lived in it each day. Eyes drifting to hers for that moment before his arms drew from her, guiding her towards the door.
Katya Jaeger
Feeling him pull from her to guide her for the door, her hand slowly fell from the side of his face as he drew away. If she had known how he felt about her in that moment, there would be no doubt that she'd be back in that tub without wasting another moment breathing, but he'd not said another word. Feeling the relief of the situation being put to rest and the assurances that he had offered her, she'd take that step with him, though the blood in her hair, the alcohol against her skin from the soaked jeans she had pulled off, and the condition of her face alone dictated a shower was needed. He was bloodied and surely needed the same. And yet they would walk out of the downstairs bathroom at his guiding, all while knowing that he had the power to undo her or put her back together, as she was but a pawn in this life just as she had been throughout. Going at his willing. Taking a step forward off of the ledge, though with her mental state the way it had been the last few weeks, faced to relive events of the past in her sleep and in her wake, the ledge never was too far away.
Kieran Cassidy
Having no doubt that she needed a shower, it wouldn't be there in that one as he'd guide her back towards the bedroom to get showered up there. Wordlessly guiding her where he wanted her as it all really didn't matter for him at that moment. There was no point in starting and risking further destructive. Kept captive and silent by her mental state as he guided her back up the same steps she had walked away from him with.
Katya Jaeger
As he guided her up the stairs she had left not so long before, she would do so slightly better, though the healing process to come off of this would take far longer than just those minutes in the downstairs bathroom. From here, she'd have to live her life with him knowing that one day, his home and his potential pure blooded children would become more important than her and whatever children they might have together. She'd have to constantly silence demons on a playing field he would never have to face, adding it to the demons that already gripped her firmly at all times as the memories of her own assaults were never more than second away. Wishing there were some way to part her lips and give him a glimpse at just what it was that haunted her endlessly, facing a life she'd never chosen for herself, but was forced into. As they found their room, she would follow him into the bathroom, still wrapped in a towel. The moment they were there within the pristine bathroom, she turned into him, her eyes drawing up to his. With a jagged breath there at her lips, the tears slowly fell from her eyes as those tears were coming to an end slowly, tapering off, though she wasn't entirely sure if she was simply running out or if he really and truly was putting an end to her pain for the day. "I never heard I love you until you said it to me," she whispered, a confession she wasn't sure he'd ever known before. "I heard that I was worthless and I heard that I was good for nothing more than being a paid whore. I heard that no man would ever want me." Her words would seem to be out of no where, but in the course of everything that had transpired today, she would speak to him, finally opening up about the mental abuse she had endured since she was a small child. The gateway was opening up there, and the things she would say in the coming minutes would be the hardest words she'd ever formed, but her silence had gone on for long enough and there, she'd find that it was more important than ever for him to understand this woman that had been with him for so many years now. Words that no other would ever hear from her lips.
Kieran Cassidy
"An' a man not wantin' yeh doesn't deny yer' worth." He'd remind her, as even if he wasn't there circumstantially, she still had plenty. All that she could ever ask for and her worth was seen with each performance. Seeing her up the steps into the bedroom and bathroom as he walked to the shower. Running warm water for her before he'd turn to help her from her towel.
Katya Jaeger
As he started the shower, she’d hear his thoughts on what she said. It was one of those things that she would say to others freely, but there was something deep within her that would always hear that man’s voice in the back of her mind. Lifting her hand against his throat, she tightened her grip as she looked up at him. “He would grab me here when I said I wouldn’t work. His fingers touched at the back of my neck as his grip tightened. He’d lean in real close, his eyes to mine. I would hold out as long as I could, refusing to give in, but ultimately he would win every time. I would find out what my worth was for the night soon enough. I was never to have a set price. It was negotiable and in that, my value changed constantly. Sometimes I was worth forty bucks. Others I was worth seventy-five. But even then, it was all returned to him. I wasn’t allowed to cry. When I would return to his truck, I was to gather my things and go shower if I’d like. But once I laid down, I wasn’t to wake him by crying in my bunk. If so, he promised he would make it so that I earned every noise I made. I never quite knew what he meant, so I would assure that I never cried in the bunk. I...” she paused, getting into the things that were difficult for her to say to him, yet needing them to be said, needing him to know what it was that haunted her now in her sleep and in her wake. “I hear him. Constantly. If it is quiet for too long and sometimes when it is too loud. He continues to scold me. I can feel his hand here at my throat. Even now, it’s here. It’s always fucking here.” Feeling a tension against her own throat, she released her hand from his, bringing it there to her own instead. Wishing it would stop, but it had all only just begun. “It used to be in my sleep, but now it’s all of the time. All of it is all of the time. I can’t get away. I am stuck spending eternity with him and his constant reminder of just what I’m worth and not to come back to that truck with any less than five hundred. Do you know how many men I would have to let fuck me to bring that much in? How many ways I would have to let them violate me? I learned early on, when I was fourteen, that if I let them do disgusting or highly painful things, I would be paid more, and then I would be able to just sleep sooner.”
Kieran Cassidy
Hearing her continue on and even grip the back of his neck to illustrate. She was quickly dipping into the territory of things he didn't want to hear before she was right in it. Briefly closing his eyes as he exhaled through the feeling it created as it was one thing to know it and another to hear it. Hearing her conclude if only for the moment, he was parting the shower curtain for her in time for her to slip within.
Katya Jaeger
She didn't want to hear any of it either, but she heard it all constantly. She never had a break anymore and every breath that she took was one more than she knew she should have ever had. "I learned how to turn off myself. I created an entirely different person in my mind and would be as though she was doing it all, and not me. That way I could lay down and go to sleep afterwards. It almost worked. Right up until it didn't, that night that you met me." Her words were leaving her lips more slowly now as the weight of them became evident as she moved with him towards the shower that was opened for her. Bringing her hand down from her own throat, she brought it to the hem of his, not getting into the shower without him as he clearly needed one as well and she'd want him close as she continued on. Pulling his shirt up and over his head as she spoke, her hands found the button of his jeans, unfastening and lowering them as she continued on. "The one night I returned there to the truck, I was forty dollars short. He was outraged as he clenched my throat. Someone was walking by the truck and I thought surely they would call for help or try to help themselves, but they just kept on walking because you don't bother yourself with what happens in the two feet surrounding anyone else's rig. It's like it's their house and fellow drivers know better. I had gone to every truck that was parked in instead of out. I had done all that they wanted, but I just wasn't worth as much that night. So he took the forty dollars from me by force. He pushed me against the dash board, forcing me to look out at how close help was as he fucked me, all the while daring me to cry. I thought for certain I was to die that night," she confessed as her hands found his boxers, lowering them. Her voice was barely above a whisper as her tears found the corners of her eyes once again. "He was supposed to be my father figure. The state gave me to him and his wife. The next morning, I woke up to find blood in my bunk where he had ripped me. He took the cost of my laundry from me in the same manner again, and then he made me sit across from him at breakfast inside the restaurant, the same restaurant I had looked out the windshield towards the night before. He made me prepare his coffee and call him father and sit. To sit on the uncomfortable plastic seat of the booth, swollen and beaten. My inner thighs were black and blue from him and I know for a fact I needed to be in a hospital at that point. But instead, I ate my toast and didn't let a single tear fall from my eyes as drivers walked by us. Some of them had pity in their eyes as they had no doubt what I was. Others smirked as they walked by as they had me the night before. They would grab their cock with a promise that if we were there the following night, I'd have them again," she concluded for the moment as she brought her hands to his now that he was completely undressed as well, taking that step into the shower where she'd continue on further until she had nothing more to say. The gates were opened and she was finally telling him everything that she dealt with constantly now as there was no escape from the three years of hell created by that man and the things that she'd never be able to unhear or unsee. Her own worth at the constant core of it all.
Kieran Cassidy
He wanted to scream at her as she went on. He didn't want to know. He couldn't know. He'd stop being able to view her like that should he know as she'd find him then doubting each touch. He didn't want her shower, he wanted to see her to it and to bed and deal with himself later. Drawing his hands from hers as he shook his head. Releasing her for her own shower wordlessly as he drew the curtain from her. Reaching down to collect the bloodied towels as he walked into the other room to find fresh towels. Piling the dirtied ones to the corner of the room.
Katya Jaeger
As he pulled away from her, walking away from all she was saying, she felt her stomach tense up. She'd been working up to this for years, to having the courage of telling him, of showing him what it was that she was now enduring constantly, only to watch him walk away from her. As the shower curtain was shut, she sunk to the floor of the shower, her face finding her knees as she made herself small there against the floor. Only able to hope that he would be returning a moment later, she'd wait. The woman was broken and he'd always known it, yet she knew he never did know just how broken she was. Now that she was finally showing him, she could only hope that he would return to the shower that she couldn't bring herself to take. She held her breath as her tears fell against her skin. It wasn't easy to talk about these things, which was why it had taken her so many years to do so, but now with them begun, she had to get them all out. She had to say it all. She felt enough shame in it all that she struggled now, thinking he would only look down on her for all of it, the same way those men in the truck stop would look at her through pity filled eyes, as they too walked away.
Kieran Cassidy
Finding the last clean towel in the whole damn house as he returned to the bathroom. Placing it on the towel rack as he found his boxers and jeans on the floor. Drawing them back on as the once confident creature who could wander a tour bus and hotel rooms entirely bare ass no longer felt so confident in himself. Hiding in his clothes like the rest of the world as he walked to the medicine cabinet, drawing it open as his eyes searched for razor blades. Finding a few of the razors that he slid to the side that he'd keep in his own possession before he was disposing of the rest.
Katya Jaeger
Hearing him there in the bathroom, she reached over, drawing back the shower curtain just enough to see him pulling his boxers and jeans back into place. Knowing for certain then that he wouldn't be coming back to her, not to hear her out, nor to help her with that shower, she let her hand draw back from the curtain, allowing it closed without ever making a sound. She was good at being quiet as she cried, an art she mastered in those three years of hell, though she'd hoped she'd never have to call on such skills ever again. There, she would, if for no other reason than but to save him, all the while knowing she was a lost cause.
Kieran Cassidy
Mind running a mile a minute as he discarded anything and everything she could use against herself with no concern for it all really. Emptying the medicine cabinet for sharp materials before he'd draw back to the shower curtain. Sliding it open where he'd think he'd have momentarily lost her before he spotted her there on the bottom of the shower. "Kate..." he stated, unable to figure out what he had done this time.
Katya Jaeger
Lifting her head at the sound of his voice, her eyes were damp once again, proving to her that she hadn't run out of tears earlier, but her tears had stopped because he had stopped them. "Yeah?" she asked softly, appearing externally just as broken as she was internally. No attempt had been made to wash the blood from her wrist or his blood from the palm of her hand and the streaks of red through her blonde hair. She hadn't moved from where he left her, finding it nearly impossible to do with the thoughts running through her mind. "I'm okay," she lied, offering a less than convincing nod of her head, not wanting him to worry, though there was every reason to. She'd once been good at lying. She did it constantly. And with enough practice once again, she'd more than likely find herself good at it once again.
Kieran Cassidy
"Yeah, yer' fuckin' grand." Muttering out the most words he had stated in a half hour yet still had somehow managed to fuck it up as he reached out for the razor deposited in the shower as well. Hand finding it to toss it into the trash before he'd step within the shower. Still in his jeans but it wouldn't matter much as he stood before her. Guiding her head back gently as his fingers found her chin to see her hair under the stream as it became evident that he'd have to do this for them.
Katya Jaeger
As he took her razor, it would become clear what he was doing there, surely now viewing his girlfriend as a suicidal mess, as if that wasn't what all of the drugs had been about all along. Numbing everything. Putting an end to it all. Without much regard for if it would one day kill her. As he came into the shower fully clothed, she felt his hand to her chin, pushing her head back for the water where she would look up at him, shaking her head softly. "You don't have to do this," she stated quietly, keeping her knees pulled there to her chest.
Kieran Cassidy
Hearing her mention that he didn't have to do what he very clearly had to as even not talking as she spoke and going to get her a towel had rendered her back to this. "Lean yer' head back." Careful to not just move her as he so often did. Fingers still to her chin to see the water close to her hairline to saturate her hair.
Katya Jaeger
Hearing his request, she'd lean her head back further, still sitting against the floor of the shower as he tended to her. Biting against her lower tier, she was reduced to this once more because of her own mental state and her fear of how he must view her now, though she had yet to even get to the worst of it all. The wound was now open and bleeding and she needed to get it all out, and yet she wasn't sure he wanted her to go on. "Do you want me to tell you the rest?" she asked, as it was all there in the forefront of her mind, playing on repeat, but she wouldn't say another word on it if he didn't want to know her truth. She knew it wouldn't be easy for the man to hear, but she also knew that he deserved to know just why she had been the way she had been over the last few weeks, all of the things that were coming forth in her mind, the things that she used to be able to medicate away that just wouldn't go away anymore.
Kieran Cassidy
"Yeh' tell me what yeh' want to tell me." He told her with ease as it was that simple. He wouldn't ask for it nor would he deny it reserving his rights for reactions contrary to popular belief though he was concentrated on her now. Seeing the blood running through her hair as his hand reached for her shampoo bottle as he planned to go all the way with this.
Katya Jaeger
Hearing him agree to let her talk if she wanted to, she felt his hands there through her hair, working to wash his own blood from her blonde lengths. "How do you feel about everything else I've said though?" she asked, not wanting to make him struggle to look at her and if she'd already done that, she'd have a difficult time continuing on. She wanted him to understand. She wanted him to know what it was that haunted her constantly. That woke her from her sleep, trembling there in his hold. What now stole her thoughts when the world got too quiet and the drugs wore off.
Kieran Cassidy
"'Et don't matter." He'd remind her, as he was just the asshole here to wash her hair and keep her alive. She had shown she was not ready for his feelings in addition to her own. Pouring a thick mass of shampoo into his hands that he began to work through her roots.
Katya Jaeger
"It does matter, Kier," she reminded him in return. "It's all that matters," she went on to say as those tears fell from her eyes. Lifting her hands to the sides of his neck, she leaned her head back further to allow her to meet his eyes as he worked the shampoo through her hair. "I want to know what you are feeling about what I've said. I've said a lot and there's a lot more, but I can't keep going without knowing what you are already feeling."
Kieran Cassidy
"Et doesn't." That much was clear as she clearly had more to say in the matter. Hearing her mention him having feelings on it, he'd shake his head. "It isn't my story to judge..." applying the shampoo through to the end of her hair. Finding it crazy how much of it the woman had. "So yeh' get t'rough what yeh' wanna tell me and we work out the end bits later."
Katya Jaeger
Hearing his response as he worked through her hair, he couldn't have possibly said it any better as it was there that she'd feel the support of the man entirely as she tried to make her way through her own hell, doing so with him for the first time in their relationship. Speaking of hells that she had never before had the courage to face down in such a manner, knowing he deserved to know what it was that haunted her on a nearly constant basis now. "When I met you," she began, abandoning her original thoughts and taking a different route with it all as this was what was important and the rest were just stories that she was sure he could reason on his own. "I still considered myself a virgin," she confessed. "It wouldn't make much sense to anyone and I'd never said so out loud, but you were the only person that I'd ever consented to be with. I was fourteen when I was taken on the road with the monster. What he made me do out there, to 'earn my keep'... it was terrible, no lie. But I think what was the worst part for me was that I spent the four years before that thinking he was the greatest man alive. He was always gone. But when he came home, he saved me from the hell that he left us in. I never thought he knew how terrible Sara was. Me and my brothers, well, not my real brothers, but my brothers there were on our own. Sara would only come out of her room when she had to. The rest of the time, I was mothering the boys. I was raising them the best I could and I was only ten myself. But when Nathaniel would come home... Sara would be a mom and he would be a dad. He never came home without bringing us presents and showering us with attention the entire time he was there. We would do things together as a family and it was those times that I'd hold on to. So when he took me out on the road with him, I went willingly, thinking it would be the greatest adventure of my life. I believed him to be one person when all along, he was someone else entirely. I was counting on him and he let me down. He let me down in the worst of ways. I'll never understand how you can go from one thing to the other so quickly. It's why it took me so long with you. It's why I didn't say I loved you the first time I felt it because I was too afraid that you'd hurt me in the end or turn out to be someone that I thought you weren't. It's why I need consistency and why I crave hearing that you love me the way that I do. I always had this fear that with the way that we met, that you'd never be able to see me any different than you did that night. The first time that we kissed, it took me by surprise. I wanted to. I had wanted to for so long, but I wasn't sure you saw me for who I was then or if you saw a beaten seventeen year old that begged for your help in a truck stop. When you kissed me, it was clear to me that you didn't see me that way at all. I had been forced to kiss hundreds of men, but you were the first one I ever wanted to be kissed by. You were the first that I ever wanted to kiss. I felt it in the pit of my stomach any time that we were alone, but I was afraid that it was just me. I was eighteen years old and had never had what I'd consider to be my first kiss. For the last few years, it's all only hit me in my sleep. Only when I was without defense. But now, it's coming on more frequently. It's hitting me when I'm awake. It's there, ready to rise up at any time and it's driving me mad. The last show we did, in Kentucky, I swore I saw him. Nathaniel. It's why I froze on stage for a minute. Everyone thought my feed was bad in my ears. But it wasn't. I'm seeing him everywhere and I'm starting to think that it's not my mind playing tricks on me. I saw him for the first time when we were in Denver. I thought it was just a hallucination, but I don't think it was," she explained, jumping from one topic to the next as he worked through her hair, confessing to him what months of this had looked like, making her way through it all with still so much more to say, to tell him, but finding what was important and trying to put away the rest for now.
Kieran Cassidy
Hearing her give him the more PG version worked better for the man. Previously, she was entirely correct but the language was reserved to the two of them purely because he too viewed her as the virgin she claimed to be. Seeing her all the same. As she continued to speak, the man saw through her hair thoroughly. Washing off his hands before guiding her chin back to see off the water as things began to piece themselves together. Or more accurately, she did it to for him. "What 'arm can he do yeh' now if not just f'er the sight o'him?"
Katya Jaeger
As he finished with her hair, she would move at his willing, allowing him to tend to her as she gave up just why it was all there at the surface now. One her hair was done, she lifted her hands to the back of his neck, pulling against him to rise to her feet. “I don’t know,” she confessed as the thought wasn’t lost on her. His presence gripped her at her core, bringing up years of pain that she had suppressed to the point of believing she was past it all, just to be reminded of what a broken being lived inside of her. She hit the drugs harder now than she had in the months after Kieran first saved her, finding it all to be too much and in the middle of a strenuous, long tour, no one could afford her breaking down. Now, they had a month off, and finally maybe she could deal with some of it, but to do so, he needed to know what was wrong with her and why it was there now. “He’s watching me, Kier. He’s following us. He’s a threat. I just don’t know what it is that he wants now. I didn’t press charges. I simply disappeared. But now? Now he knows where I am and where to find me. The truth is... I’m scared.” There, she had given the root of it all to him, revealing the vulnerability that laid within her, the thing she was most afraid of. As she spoke of the man, she tensed entirely, unable to bear his name or the vision of his face without regressing to the battered and abused little girl that she had been years ago.
Kieran Cassidy
Still in his jeans that had protected her from being face to head with him at his most unflattering angle yet. Hearing her confession that she didn't know, that much was evident. "He ain't gonna find yeh." He answered simply, as she was hiding in plain sight now. "He can't do anythin' now but feck with y'er 'ead. Your debt is paid and yer' a grown woman." He'd remind her as he reached for her conditioner to start this process all over again.
Katya Jaeger
Standing there before him, she'd hear his reassurance and give up a soft nod of her head, knowing she wanted more than anything to have him leave her alone for good. There was no doubt that he'd already found her, as she'd seen him at no less than two shows, but that didn't mean he hadn't been at more. Feeling him adding the conditioner to her hair, she found herself looking up to him, all at once realizing it had been a long time since the man had done something like this for her. With her hand still there to the back of his neck where she had drawn herself up from the floor, she pressed her lips suddenly there to his with a pull to the back of his neck. Somewhere between him arriving in that shower and now, she wouldn't realize it, but she wasn't crying anymore. With everything laid out in front of him, the relief it would bring for him to know what it was she saw and why she saw it, it led her there to his kiss that she'd struggled to maintain previously, and yet now she would press fully to his lips without a moment of hesitation. Feeling the pull to him and answering it all at once as every word he had offered her there within those shower walls had given her the support and comfort she needed more than she could ever say.
Kieran Cassidy
Feeling her draw his still conditioner covered hands to her lower back as her lips remained to his. Allowing his hands to draw slick down her lower back before his hand was distributing the fluid on his hands against her ass and down to her thighs. Assuring her skin was nice and greased before he'd smirk to her lips. Uttering softly to her mouth with a not so subtle laugh. "Yer' arse is nice an' slick."
Katya Jaeger
Feeling his hands glide easily against her skin, she would draw in closer to him as his hands took down her thighs before he was speaking there to her lips, prompting what would stand as her first smile in hours. Drawing back, she'd find that laugh to his lips as her hand found the side of his face, the traces of his smirk still there to the corners of his mouth. Admiring the sight for a long moment, she'd bring her own hands against her ass, stealing that which he had distributed against her to bring it against the side of his face. A laugh stole her own lips as she bit gently at her lower tier, not even able to fake innocence in that moment as her smile stole the bite from her lower lip. "Better not be picking me up again then," she warned as her ass and the backs of her thighs being slippery would no doubt mean disaster. "I'll take that kiss again though," she whispered honestly, leaning in towards him.
Kieran Cassidy
Still having to laugh even as she applied the conditioner to his face. Still find it funny all the while as he shook his head at the suggestion of picking her up as he'd promptly drop her. The visual itself making him laugh at the most inappropriate times. Trying to seal his lips from his teeth to kiss her but unable allowing her the option to kiss his teeth or wait.
Katya Jaeger
As he attempted that kiss, yet couldn't manage, it would be the one and only time that she wouldn't mind waiting as the man laughed once again. The sound and sight of his would prompt her own, knowing exactly what it was he was finding so funny in that moment. "Kier..." she offered through her own laugh as her hands took to either side of his face. Finding her toes, she'd press her lips to the side of his neck, away from that conditioner against his skin as she attempted to tempt him back to her lips once again. "You done yet?" she teased there to the side of his neck.
Kieran Cassidy
"But I bet yer' arse is shiny too." He ventured, another laugh finding him at the suggestion as he attempted to look down and see even with her there to his neck.
Katya Jaeger
Feeling him drawing over her, she'd know instantly that he was checking, prompting a laugh there to her own lips as she shook her head. "Oh for fuck's sake," she teased, releasing her hold on him to turn there in front of him, giving him the full view of her shiny, slick ass. Glancing back over her own shoulder towards him, her eyes implored him. "Are you quite done now?" she asked, her laugh never quite ceasing.
Kieran Cassidy
Leaning his back into the wall as she turned around and the sight of her making him laugh harder. Unable to help or stop himself now as his hands found his knees. Allowing himself to lean to himself through it all.
Katya Jaeger
As he backed there against the wall, she'd simply shake her head before she was turning back around. "Laughing at my ass," she offered, shaking her head as she stepped between his knees where he leaned. Bringing a single finger beneath his chin in a motion he might ordinarily take with her, guiding his head up.
Kieran Cassidy
Feeling her to his chin, he lifted at her guidance as she stole one of his own moves. Laughter finally subsiding as dark eyes would seek out hers. His nickname "Kieran the Black" owing to his coloring as many would not believe him to be an Irishman with the looks of him. Yet, to know him was to know his nature made him just that
Katya Jaeger
As his laughter ceased at the feeling of her finger there to his chin, she'd find the move to have just as much power coming from her as it did from him, prompting a gentle smirk to steal the corners of her mouth. Meeting his eyes, she drew a slow breath, forever taken back in those moments just as she would be here and now. Nearly asking him if she could kiss him now, she'd bite to her own lower tier, not allowing herself to ask questions when she had him just so, knowing he'd never, and therefore she would not either. Instead, she leaned in, taking what she wanted, offering her own to him, pressing her lips firmly to his.
Kieran Cassidy
Feeling her lips find his, pressing back to her as the look on her face betrayed her intentions. Wanting to kiss him, seeing if she would. Pressing back to her lips just the same.
Katya Jaeger
She'd never be so good at that maneuver the way he was, the way he could command the room and all of the emotions in it to a screeching halt with simply bringing a single finger beneath her chin. But here, in her first and only attempt, she wouldn't take it as a loss as he pressed his lips back to hers. There between his knees, as his back remained pressed to the shower wall, her free hand found the side of his neck as the other remained beneath his chin for a lingering moment before it was finding his upper arm where she'd insist on his grip at the guiding of her hand against his arm.
Kieran Cassidy
Feeling her to the side of his neck while still at his chin. Feeling her to his arm pulling it around her as it did so. Palm to her lower back as he guided her back towards that stream of water.
Katya Jaeger
As he rose from the wall, she had only begun to imagine he wouldn't stay still for long. Taking those steps back with his arm there around her, guiding her every step of the way. Her lips remained fused to his as her hand drifted from the side of his neck to the back of his head where she'd keep her hold firm on the man, not letting her kiss falter even in the transition.
Kieran Cassidy
Feeling her refusing to let up from his lips even as they got closer to the showerhead. Getting there when suddenly there was a loud knock on the outside door. Intrusive, impatient. Drawing back from hers as his brows drew before quickly understanding. "Fuck." He stated, quickly pulling himself from that shower soaking wet and in his jeans as he walked towards the front door.
Katya Jaeger
And all at once, he was gone. Leaving her breathless there in the shower from a kiss that was certainly not lacking in intensity as he raced for the door. She couldn't begin to know who could be at that door, but her entire body tensed instantly as it had each and every time there was any disturbance or unexpected sound since the first time she saw Nathaniel at a show. It was a natural reaction as her anxiety had been turned up by the resurfacing of the man. "Kier, who is it?" she called out, unable to think to just lean her head back and rinse her hair when every instinct within her said to be by his side as it was the only place that was truly safe.
Kieran Cassidy
"The alarm." He answered simply, only able to tell her that he had triggered it as he got to the front door. Opening it as he stood behind where two officers stood on the other side. Explaining that he had accidentally jumped the alarm, the officers wanted no parts of the man wearing soaked jeans and covered in water, soap and his own blood. Asking to see the homeowner to confirm everything was okay as he'd nod gently. "Kate! Grab a robe and 'urry on out 'ere, will ya'?" He called loudly from the front door.
Katya Jaeger
Hearing him call out to her, she'd not know what was going on at the door, as just the words 'the alarm' wasn't enough for her to understand. With conditioner still there in her hair, she cut off the water and drew a towel around herself. Reaching for a robe, she'd make her way out of the shower, not knowing what to expect on the other end. Walking barefooted down the stairs, make up still smudged against her face, though at least there was no longer blood in her hair, she'd join him downstairs at the front door. "Officers," she offered, drawing in a breath as she looked from them to Kieran and back again. Hearing them ask if she was the home owner, she shook her head no. "He is," she confirmed as the house had been bought for him for his birthday, though she wasn't sure if she'd ever let him know explicitly that it was in his name until this moment. "We just moved in a couple of weeks ago," she'd confess, already trying to remember where she'd put the paperwork in case they needed to prove it was theirs.
Kieran Cassidy
"'Ey t'ink yeh' are..." he'd confess, as that hardly sounded right. That she just /gave/ him a house yet the sight of the two was hardly surprising for a couple with such a reputation. A modern day Sid and Nancy at best yet she'd be the one doing the standing. "'Ey 'ad locked meself out and she was 'en the shower..." he explained. "Didn't even know our alarms 'ad been installed so I cut t'rough the back window and climbed in. Nicked meself on a table after runnin' t'rough the sprinkler. Just another one of those days." He'd explain, attempting to see them on through this one.
Katya Jaeger
Hearing his recollection of events, she wasn't quite sure when all of that had happened, but she wouldn't dare contradict him in this moment. The officer looked to her and the condition of her face alone that would scream that the story wasn't actually true, yet she'd nod her head in simple agreement. "Everything is fine, Officer," she assured, her hand finding Kieran's lower back as she leaned into him, offering the police officer a gentle smile. Reluctantly, the officer would agree, only stating that he'd like to make a pass around the exterior of the home, to which Kate looked up at Kieran with a nod of her head as her own agreement, but it was his call ultimately.
Kieran Cassidy
As the woman leaned into him, he'd note to himself that she needed to still wash her own damn care but it was one thing or another as the officer made his offer. The house was nothing to be ashamed of fortunately. Still rather clean for the time being as his arm would wrap around her.
Katya Jaeger
Having come to the door quickly, as per his request, the conditioner remained there in her hair as she offered the officer a warm smile, feeling Kieran's arm draw there around her. Inside of the home, they'd be in trouble, more trouble than either of them cared to deal with, but as the officers stuck to the outside, she knew all would be alright. Shutting the door, she flipped the lock, turning around to meet Kieran's eyes, a smirk there to her features as her hands were finding his sides. "If we're quite done with interruptions," she began, showing she was hell bent on getting them back to where they had been as her lips found the center of his chest while her hands gripped the fabric of his jeans there to his hips.
Kieran Cassidy
Watching her as she flipped the lock, hands to his sides a moment later. Her lips to his chest as she gripped to his jeans. Listening out for the men around the house. "Wait a bit, they'll be c'omin' back." He ventured. "But if ye' wanna go back in..."
Katya Jaeger
Hearing him ask her to wait a bit, a smirk came to her features, not sure she had ever heard those words at his lips before. Her hands gripped at the damp fabric of his jeans, ready to get them off of him as she stood before him in her robe, conditioner still there in her hair. Humming to the notion that he wanted her to wait as it was completely foreign to the woman. “And if I should like to busy myself in the mean time?” She asked, her hand finding the front of his jeans, easing within where she would find his flesh but a moment later, wrapping her hand around him where her hand would manage in the space to stroke his length as her lips found his chest once more.
Kieran Cassidy
Hearing her question before her hand was already slipping within. Knowing that without a doubt that the shielding of the windows wasn't what it should be and one waywards glance within from one of the cops would have earned them the sight of the ages. Feeling her grip to him all the same before he'd focus on her words. A shrug of his shoulders at her question.
Katya Jaeger
Feeling the shrug of his shoulders, she looked up towards him, her hand still there against him. “You don’t know if you want me to keep myself busy...?” She asked, finding no familiar draw of his breath at the contact of her hand. In fact, she found no reaction from him at all aside from that shrug, none of which had her feeling like he wanted her there in that capacity at the moment. Endlessly sensitive to such things, she eased her hand back from within his jeans, giving up a gentle nod of her head as she stepped back and now waited. Either for the officers to leave or return, or for Kieran to show her that he wanted her in the same capacity.
Kieran Cassidy
"No, I meant that..." growling low to himself as he'd mutter a few profanities. Having dug himself out of the dog house for all about 5 minutes as she drew her hand clear from him. Eyes glancing out to watch the officers round the other side of the house. Not finding anything too odd clearly as they drew to the driveway. Watching as they got into the car and were soon out of there leading the two back to their own devices.
Katya Jaeger
“I understood,” she promised as there was no dog house and she was simply being mindful of that shrug he had offered her. Hearing the shutting of car doors had a soft smirk to her features as she looked up towards him. “All clear,” she offered, giving him the go ahead there as her eyes set up to his.
Kieran Cassidy
Having meant that he clearly didn't mind if she kept herself busy and thus the shrug. He heard her offering. Feeling awkward not only in his skin but infront of her for maybe the first time as he'd nod gently. Eyes traveling the path on which they had come. "Off with yeh." He'd note as his hand gestured her route.
Katya Jaeger
As he suggested she take the damp route she had taken previously, she reached out to grip the front of his jeans. With the laundry room so close to where they were now, it made sense to abandon them there. “Off with these,” she returned, a nod there to her head as she suggested they return as equals, letting her robe fall from her shoulders a moment later.
Kieran Cassidy
Hearing her insistence, he'd reach for the button and zipper of his jeans. Drawing the right denim only made tighter by the water down his legs before going for his boxers as well to slip down down his ankles to a wet pile on the floor.
Katya Jaeger
As he undressed for her, she couldn’t recall the last time he had, finding it all the more attractive to see him bare himself for her. Biting at her lower tier, she stepped forward the moment he had shed his last layer for her. Her hand found him once again as her free hand found the back of his neck, pulling herself into him as bare skin found bare skin, her lips capturing his a moment later. This was her home entirely, just as he had assured her that she was his. Both in their most natural form. Her hand gripped strongly to the back of his neck as the sound of cars on gravel noted the officers departure.
Kieran Cassidy
Still straightening as she found his neck, feeling her to him before her lips found him. Knowing what he knew now, their dynamic would most likely shift a bit. Relying on her to be more aggressive or showing of what she wanted as he couldn't allow himself to do those sorts of things now. Feeling her pull to him as the cars withdrew where his lips returned to hers as well as the sweep of his arms.
Katya Jaeger
She was exactly the same as he had known her to be for the last six years. She hadn’t changed in the last few hours and these things she spoke of were not hers, but someone else’s. She had faced so much guilt and shame for it all that it had been through her own grasp at the reins of her own sexuality that she had found herself with him years before. Feeling him reciprocate her kiss, her hand stroked his length as she pressed him against the wall in the hallway. Somehow she knew that what she had told him had the ability to shift things here, yet her actions would prove that she was still the same, he just better knew her struggle. Only having given him the smallest glimpse, there was so much more. He never had quite known just what battles raged for her, but now, she could only hope he would see her as a woman that clawed her way back to life with him. Her thread may have been weak for reasons that most others would have quit entirely, but she was a fighter. She was his fighter. And she had no doubt in her mind that had it not been for him, she would have taken her own life six years prior. The last few months had been harder as it all came back. The protection her alter was to provide her had failed, and yet even with those demons rising within her, he was the only place she would ever feel truly safe. “I love you,” she spoke there to his lips as she kept him pressed to that wall, her eyes drawing up to his as she allowed the smallest space there between there lips.
Kieran Cassidy
Inhaling as she gripped at him and pushed him back to the wall where his weight would shift there. Lips back to hers all before she would dis attach in the small corridor between the two. Hearing her speak as his eyes would briefly lower to find hers. "Tá mo chroí istigh ionat."
Katya Jaeger
Hearing him speaks words that she knew to be the reciprocation to her own words, she'd offer him the truest smile there as she pressed herself to his chest. Breathing him in with her lips not a full centimeter from his lips, she'd pause there a long moment before she was pressing her lips firmly and suddenly to his once again. Trust had been vital for her with him from the very beginning and in so, she had learned from that very first night that the man wouldn't ever hurt her. Here, she'd trust him easily as her arms drew up and around his neck as she lifted herself to her toes, allowing barely any of her weight to find her own feet as she gave herself to him and his capable hold.
Kieran Cassidy
Drawing her into him closer as she leaned into him, supporting their slight weight on his back heels as he'd lean slightly forward. Lips back to hers. Not quite sure she ever got the exact translation to those words but curious minds would find they went much further than her own sentiment.
Katya Jaeger
As he leaned forward to her, her grip around his neck would only tighten as she lifted herself into him further. Feeling the return of his lips there to her own, one of her hands found the back of his head where she'd hold onto him with all that she had, just as she had held to him consistently for the last six years. This man was her very breath and as her lips parted to his, her tongue drifting through the part of her lips to trace against his, she'd seek to steal his breath for her own as she drew one leg up against his side.
Kieran Cassidy
Feeling her tongue to the part of his lips as he opened with ease to her. Feeling the draw of her leg as his hands swept down her sides. Still needing to get to that damn shower one way or another as he took a step forward against her. Not to offset her balance but merely to find himself closer to her.
Katya Jaeger
As he drew off the wall enough to take that step forward, she had one leg hitched up against his side. A tightening of her hold at the back of his neck would allow for her to draw up her other leg as well, trusting in his hold as her tongue drifted over his. Breathing in through his lungs, he could now do as he pleased as far as getting them to the shower upstairs, but she'd made her station known as she held tightly to him as his taste invaded her and warmed her thoroughly.
Kieran Cassidy
Feeling her leg hitching to allow him complete hold of her. Having been warned in the shower that they couldn't do this yet there she was instigating it. Assuring he had a good grip on her midsection rather than the back of her legs like usual as his arms wrapped around her. Playfully squeezing her entirely too tight as his lips drew from hers. Needing his eyes to pull it off.
Katya Jaeger
Trusting those few minutes she'd had in the shower without him as he'd answered the door would be enough that the residue from the conditioner would no longer exist against her ass, she'd leave it to him to figure out, knowing that he'd allow no harm to come to her ever. As his arm drew tight around her, she drew back from his kiss at his grip, a laugh there to her lips as she turned her head to the side to find the side of his neck while he managed those stairs. "You taste like home," she whispered honestly, her lips finding his skin a moment later as it didn't much matter to her where they were, so long as they were together.
Kieran Cassidy
"Yeah? Say it now." Playfully challenging her to even try to breathe as he gripped her tight again yet she usually managed to pull it off. Arms releasing a moment later though threatening to do it each time she spoke as he felt her to his skin and the man was carefully taking to the base of the stairs.
Katya Jaeger
"You..." she began, feeling him tighten his hold on her, stopping her from being able to speak. "You..." she'd begin again, only to find the same before she gave up, knowing he knew what she was saying there as they had only recently told one another that they were one another's home, relying on that alone to speak for her as her lips returned to his neck once more where he seemed to want her more than he wanted her words.
Kieran Cassidy
Smirking softly at it was amusing for whatever reason, feeling her to his neck as he wouldn't be able to play around with her unless he didn't already know this and he did. Giving up on the squeeze game for the moment as he took up the steps. Careful of each individual one.
Katya Jaeger
As he started to the stairs, she'd feel the shift as she pressed her lips just below his ear. Nipping against the curve of his ear before her breath would find the same space, attempting again to state the obvious. "I want you. Right now," she whispered, though it was inopportune at best, and yet most every time was really, not that it ever stopped her or them.
Kieran Cassidy
"Before o'after yeh' get the conditioner out o'yer' hair?" The two had to look worse for wear. Binging, lacking sleep, fighting, fucking and repeat. Still, he wouldn't care one way or another as he got to the top of the steps and headed towards the room as her answer would change his direction.
Katya Jaeger
"I don't fucking care," she stated honestly as the conditioner in her hair was the last thing she was thinking about as she drew back from the side of his neck to meet his eyes. No longer caring if he needed to be able to see to navigate the still new to them home, her lips pressed firmly to his once again, leaving it to him to decide when and where, as she had done her part to telling him what she wanted there and trusted him to work out the details.
Kieran Cassidy
Thinking the woman was definitely comfortable with him by now as she stated she didn't care even with the shit in her hair. "Eh, I'll let yeh' wash the conditioner and me jizz off yeh' later." He'd tease, ever the gentleman as he pressed his lips back to hers. Getting to that doorway where his eyes would be forced to stay open even with her glued to his lips as he got them to the edge of their bed.
Katya Jaeger
Hearing his decision on the matter, she truly didn't care. He'd seen her at her best and at her worst and accepted her in all forms she'd come to him within, therefore there was nothing for her to feel uncomfortable about. As he found the edge of the bed, she was taking up a firm bite at his lower tier as her eyes drew to his once more, not remaining in that kiss once they were there within the room. Not bothering to attempt to let go of him in any way, a smirk stole the corners of her features. "I'll let /you/ wash the conditioner and jizz off me later," she corrected as she had no intentions of separating from him for any amount of time here.
Kieran Cassidy
Arms unraveling from her, she'd sustain herself by herself now as the bed was directly behind her to catch her fall. Hearing her declaration in return. He'd shake his head. "I'll be off to me sandwich and nap by then." He'd teasingly remind her as his hands passed down the tension of the sides of her thighs.
Katya Jaeger
"Oh no you won't," she'd argue, entirely predictably so. "I'm going to have you on this bed and then I'm going to have you again in that shower. You won't be hungry for a sandwich after you've eaten what I have for you," she promised, a smirk to her lips as she drew her hands to either side of his face, allowing just her legs to maintain herself there at his waist. Feeling his hands against her skin, she let her own find the upper curve of his shoulders. "No sleep," she whispered, as sleep was a dangerous place that she wouldn't be soon visiting. "Just you, inside of me," she promised as her lips once again found his.
Kieran Cassidy
Very quickly she was pulling them out of the talking zone. A man who was normally the loudest mouth in the room left to listen for once as she drew back to him. His lips taking to the very base of his throat. Humming his agreement before their lips would refuse. Still not sure how he was navigating so blindly with her after what she had told him yet she was still the same as she had always been and in that, he found his security.
Katya Jaeger
As his lips found hers once more, her grip at his shoulders tightened as she pressed her upper body firmly to his while her legs remained wrapped entirely around him. Bringing one hand there to the back of his head, her fingers separated to slip through short strands of hair where she'd grip firmly, pulling him back from her lips as she met his eyes at the quickly severed kiss. "I want to play," she confessed as she drew in, nipping at his lower tier, showing she every bit was the same woman he knew in this regard as she drew against his lower lip, keeping it within her hold.
Kieran Cassidy
"Play with me t'en, baby." He'd manage to get out before he felt her to his bottom lip, feeling her through his hair. Smiling as much as he could manage with her to his bottom lip yet the brightness of his enamel seem all the same. Enjoying the concept and the touch all the same. Feeling her to his shoulders as his hands found her hips.
Katya Jaeger
Feeling his hands there to her hips, she drew her free arm there around his neck as she unwrapped her legs from around him, allowing her feet to find the edge of the bed. Keeping that bite to his lower tier as her arm drew out from around him, her hand following the curve of his upper arm to locate that hand of his while her hand remained tight at the back of his head. Guiding his hand there between her thighs as she stood to the edge of the bed, she would keep her grip at his wrist as she led him to her, though promising to draw him back whenever she wanted to as her lips fused fully to his once more.
Kieran Cassidy
Feeling her kneeling there before him as she found his hand. The guidance of her hand there. Yet, stopping her right there as he hummed to her lips. "Stand up on the bed." He'd order to her as his lips returned to hers, setting what he wanted but unable to let her follow through.
Katya Jaeger
As he stopped her, she'd hear his request in the midst of their kiss, she'd easily oblige as her hands both found the back of his neck once more, giving up that hold she had kept on his wrist. Using him to pull against, she would attempt to keep that kiss as she found her way to stand up on the bed, creating a space where she was now taller than he was that had her smirking into the kiss as she leaned down into him.
Kieran Cassidy
Feeling her pushing into the bed while he remained there to his feet. She'd have a drastic height different to look forward to. Being the smaller one this time as she guided his hand between her thighs. The encouragement wanted though each action familiar as he had taught her how to love and be loved by him in such a manner. Now she'd repeat it all back to him as his fingers swept against the heat of the woman in one slow and methodical graze of his fingertips.
Katya Jaeger
As she found her place there over him, her lips pressed firmly to his, she felt his hand there where she had led him a moment before, his fingertips sweeping against her in an effort that made her kiss fall weak against his lips. There would always be that part of her that wanted to rush, but he had taught her long before to take their time here and now it would be second nature to the woman to simply enjoy the sensations he offered her. Biting firmly against his lower tier, her eyes remained closed as her hand gripped the back of his neck, fully prepared to draw him into her flesh, yet for the moment, she'd savor that lower tier she held captive.
Kieran Cassidy
With his hand bracing the woman's hip, it would be no secret here what he wanted and what would come next. Feeling her to his bottom lip once again as he'd hum lowly in firm approval. His other hand remaining between her legs. Giving a firmer sweep over the heat of her that would no doubt distract her efforts.
Katya Jaeger
Feeling that more focused sweep of his fingertips against her, she'd release his lower tier once again, her hand tightening at the back of his neck. Pulling against him, she'd guide him forward, giving up her flesh to him as she offered the side of her neck first to him, though where he would go from there was all up to him entirely. Her fingers drew within his hair, not daring to pull him away from where she had guided him as the playing field had shifted for the moment. Allowing her head to lean back softly, her eyes closed as she gave into the feeling of the man, enjoying the intimacy that she had ever only known at his hand.
Kieran Cassidy
His free hand found the other side of her neck she had not offered up. Holding her there as he took happily to the offering. Pressing his lips firmly to her skin and over her jugular. Feeling her pulse under his lips as he'd push further down to her throat.
Katya Jaeger
Her own hand remained to the back of his head as she felt him there to her skin, adorning her flesh with the grace of his lips as her own lips parted to the feeling. "I love the way you love me," she whispered honestly, her breath heavy as her hand tightened within the short lengths of his hair. Surrendering entirely to him as her body was there for his liking, however he liked in that moment and he'd hear no argument or complaint from the woman as she knew all too well by now that it was always best to let him have his way with her, as it had yet to leave her wanting for anything.
Kieran Cassidy
"Just getting started." He reminded softly to her, in both this encounter and this life as a whole. While he didn't believe the two would live to see ripe old ages, he knew the two still had some good years left in them. His fingers between her legs venturing forward to the head of her clit. Rotating his fingers to her as he took down the front of her throat.
Katya Jaeger
As his fingers drifted, she'd hear his reminder that would have her walls tensing at just the sheer promise. Feeling his lips to the column of her throat, she leaned her head back, conditioner ridden locks falling against her lower back as her hand tensed to the back of his head. The first rotation of his fingers against her were met with a soft whine there at her lips, one that promised him that he held her fullest attention in the moment.
Kieran Cassidy
As she leaned her head back, he'd chase his tongue down the column of her throat and down to her chest. Seeing his opportunity and going for it as his lips slipped under her collarbone. Pressing over her chest and her breast as his free hand found the small of her back. Fingers smoothly rotating to her all the while.
Katya Jaeger
Standing before him on the bed gave him ample access to her all at once. As he took full advantage, she would make no efforts to stop him as every brush of his lips, each pass of his tongue, each rotation of his fingers had her weak before him. Her hand tensed to the back of his head as he passed over her breast, sensitive to the touch as that familiar desire took hold of her. Biting firmly to her own lower tier, she drew her head back up only to lower in front of her. Pressing her own lips to the top of his head as she wrapped her arms around his neck, needing the stability from him as she fell victim to the rotations of his fingers there to her clit. “Going to soak your fingers if you keep it up,” she promised softly.
Kieran Cassidy
"Now yeh' have to." He'd tease as she was under obligation after that statement. Feeling her around his neck though it wouldn't be for long. Fingers pressing over her consistently and smoothly as his lips brushed the flesh of her nipple. Drawing his tongue free from his mouth to sweep the area around her before his mouth would reach her. Applying such a thick attention to detail, you'd swear the man was prepared to mold her form into clay. Yet, his medium was words. The same words he had left and littered on her body in her own eyeliner pencil not so long before.
Katya Jaeger
His words brought a thick sigh from her lips as she felt him back to her breast once again. The sweep of his tongue had her hand grasping to the back of his neck as the combination of his mouth at her breast and his fingers to her clit had her coming undone for him slowly. “Fuck, Kier...” she complained, a whine at her lips as her head leaned back once again, her back arching in his hold as he became entirely responsible for her stability in that moment, feeling the weakness in her knees as well as a slight tremble in her thighs.
Kieran Cassidy
Having been told before that women had several pleasure points besides from just the obvious that could cause orgasm, he hadn't believed it until her. Having the ability to play with her had made all the difference. To experiment and toy around instead of just getting down to the business. There laid the proof of that as he felt the instability in her though he had challenged her to stand. Drawing his tongue over the tip of her nipple before a firm suction would replace that touch. Drawing back only to cross the threshold of her chest to repeat the same steps.
Katya Jaeger
The wash that came over her as he alternated the softer caress of his tongue with the full suction of his mouth was met with the slight jarring in her body as he was quickly getting to her just as he drifted over to the other side. Her hand at the back of his neck tensed as she felt him take to her as she pressed herself there into the hold, gripping the back of his neck as she encouraged him to remain there another moment longer. “Fuck, yes...” she whined as she felt her inner walls tense with her release building within her, helpless against the stimulation of his fingers to her, but the addition of his mouth making it impossible to withstand. “Baby, please,” she begged, pleading with him to get her there, knowing he always would, but the request fell from her lips just the same.
Kieran Cassidy
Hearing her beg him for what he could give her was always a welcomed sound in his book. Knowing and trusting in him to be able to do so as he applied a thick suction to her peak. Tongue massaging over her all the while as his fingers increased their rotations. Pressurized rotations increasing for added stimulation as she gripped at him and his free hand gripped her hip in return.
Katya Jaeger
The full attention of the man catering to what he knew to be the right combination to getting her there had her head becoming lighter as she fought to remain standing there before him. Trusting his hold entirely as she felt the full effects of her release upon her. Her breath was heavy and jagged as her hand gripped the back of his neck. A soft whine falling from her lips as her walls collapsed. Feeling those strong constrictions of her walls before the sudden release of pressure within, her body trembled there in his hold. “Fuck...” she complained as she gave in entirely, feeling the warmth of her release flow through her as the scent made itself known but a moment later.
Kieran Cassidy
As she came hard for him, he felt her coating his fingers but a moment later as his lips drew down the center of her chest. Still drawing more from her as he'd allow his lips to venture lower and not missing a beat. While she might have came, he was still hardly done with her as his lips trailed down her stomach where he'd press his lips over the expanse of her abdomen. Only wishing he could undo each foul memory of hers with each press of his lips. He'd kiss her for days. He'd show her the gentle touch of his hands in all the ways he knew how.
Katya Jaeger
As his kiss drifted down her stomach, her touch became soft before disappearing from him entirely. Attempting to find her breath once more, she opened her eyes to look down towards the man that put everything into her. Feeling her inner walls still at his command, contracting in sharp pulses even now, she let her eyes fall closed once more. These were the things she had learned from him entirely. The art of intimacy. The beauty of being with one that you love. How to not only give, but to receive. When he first found her, the first time they found theirselves in a space such as this, all she knew was how to give. She hadn’t understood his touch. But at his guidance, he would mold her as he healed her, showing her how much more there was than just fucking.
Kieran Cassidy
Eyes up to hers, she was in for it now. Truly and utterly to be taken as his pleasure as his knees found the bed before her. Like a man in prayer or begging forgiveness for all she had been done in this life. His lips trailing down her stomach and down further just under her pubic bone. Wishing he could make it all go away from her as he pressed to his knees before her like an unworthy sinner. Humbling himself there as his lips continued to press against her. A kiss for each wrong as he furthered still under her pubic bone. The sight of where she had been mistreated as of his lips and adoration could ever make up for it all.
Katya Jaeger
As his knees found the edge of the bed, she took a step back, allowing him the space to join her there. Expecting him to take her down to her back or pull her over him or turn her around, she anticipated anything but what he did as he remained to his knees, pressing his lips to her in a reverent fashion. Drawing a slow breath, she seemed to understand. Bringing her hand there to the top of his head, her fingers ran through his hair as she looked down towards him. There was no doubt in her mind what the man would do to help her as he had been holding her broken pieces in his hands since the day they met in that Texas truck stop. She wouldn’t say a single word for a long moment, where normally she would have some demand or request at her lips. Instead, she would give him this space and time, knowing what she had told him previously, expecting that it may change the dynamic here, yet she felt his love for her in his attempt to heal her years later. Wanting to tell him that he already had time and time again, it was different in this moment. Knowing something in general and hearing specifics were two different things and she would feel it there as he took the humbled position before her. Breathing out a slow breath, her touch was soft as she let him have this time. “I love you, Kier,” she whispered softly, knowing she had told him downstairs, and yet the words felt entirely natural in that moment as she looked down towards him.
Kieran Cassidy
Hearing her words as he remained there. Caught up in that moment as his hand moved from between her legs. Pressing his lips further to her pubic bone once more as he pressed his head gently to her abdomen. The moisture in his eyes coming and going that quick as she could have missed it if she wasn't paying attention briefly. His cheeks pressed to her skin that briefly before his lips descended further down her. Guiding one of her legs over his shoulder to allow him access to her.
Katya Jaeger
There was nothing that would be missed in that moment as she was fully in tune to him. The realization of that moisture in his eyes was something that had her heart stop for a moment. Feeling him there to her stomach, her hand passed through his hair as her other hand found the side of his face. A moment later, she felt him guiding her leg there over his shoulder, drawing past his own feelings in that moment as he sought her out. “Kier...” she whispered, her voice breaking under the single syllable of his nickname. She needed his eyes. She needed to be sure he was okay and that he wanted this in this moment. There had been something there in the man and she couldn’t bear the thought of just what he might be thinking or feeling then and there. “Baby, look at me,” she requested, her voice gentle and soft as she looked down towards him.
Kieran Cassidy
Nose pressed to her pubic bone as she caught on. Hearing his name while he really wished she'd just let it go. It was what it was at that point as he heard the break of her voice. Just the overwhelming sadness he felt accompanied by the love he had for her broke his heart. Knowing what he knew now without speculation. It was a grief he wasn't sure he'd ever be able to explain. Creeping right up through him and breaking him for that moment. Hearing her request as his lips pressed back to her skin. "I'm fine." He spoke honestly, glancing up to her briefly and clearly not super receptive to the concept of allowing himself to go here infront of her.
Katya Jaeger
Hearing his assurance that he was alright, his eyes said something else entirely. It gripped at her to see him hurting, leaving her wanting to fix it somehow, yet this would be one of those things she had never had the power to fix or God knew she would have. Only able to hope he would realize that he saved her from it, that he made it all stop without it being her life that was taken. She drew a slow breath as her hand find the side of his face. She had been touched only by him in six years and his hands had remolded the woman. He held her broken pieces in his hands and put her back together when no one else on the face of the planet cared. “Me too,” she whispered, assuring him just as he attempted to assure her, yet hers was entirely true.
Kieran Cassidy
Even if he didn't look fine, he'd be fine. He had to be as he allowed his eyes from her. Lips finding the inside of the thigh pressed over his shoulder as he trailed upwards against her. Lips parting for his tongue where he took his first vigilant sweep of where his fingers had previously occupied as he drew his head further between her thighs.
Katya Jaeger
As he returned to her, she would have to trust that he truly was okay here, all the while knowing what it was to press forward as she had done so a million times over. Feeling him press his lips to her inner thigh before he was finding her, her fingers separated there in his hair as he demanded her attention entirely. A sharp inhale was there at her lips as he made it clear she was not to think another moment in the matter. As his tongue swept her, no doubt collecting her release that still clung there to her, her eyes closed and her hand tensed, proving he had effectively turned off her mind all at once.
Kieran Cassidy
Feeling her response as he pushed off all doubt. Maybe later he'd tell her what caught him but now, to explain that he hurt for her for the way he loved her simply would not do. He didn't do emotions or have them openly atleast as she well knew. Like getting blood from a rock as he had to know by now as his tongue trailed over her. Doing what the two knew how to do all too naturally. Distract.
Katya Jaeger
Feeling him there to her, her leg up over his shoulder, she wouldn’t stand a chance at backing away to focus on anything else as he demanded her entire focus with the feeling of his tongue there to her. Inhaling sharply, a soft whine would follow as her hand gripped the hair to the back of his head. “Fuck, Baby,” she whispered, her eyes closed and her head leaned back as she attempted to keep herself standing there before him. Tempted to push him to his back, to take her place with either knee pressed to either side of his head, she would refrain. This was him and what he needed to do here and she would not dare alter it in that moment. Her foot pressed firmly against his back as her body molded to him, the weakness evident in her stance as she bit firmly to her own lower tier.
Kieran Cassidy
He had done what he wanted with her here. The notion had been met. She got it. She had the right to engage him however she saw fit once more as his tongue swept up to the bead of her clit. Teasing the tip of his tongue smoothly to her.
Katya Jaeger
Feeling him zero in on her clit once more, a heated sigh fell from her lips as she held her own position. Her knees grew weaker by the moment as she lost her own battle. “Lay back,” she whispered, wanting him to find his back however he saw fit as she needed that relief, and wanted to shift positions. She had been receiving this entire time at his design, but now she would want both. To give and receive. To pleasure him as he did her as well.
Kieran Cassidy
Hearing her whisper as his eyes drew up to her. Hearing her get her way back about her as he'd smirk softly. Rotating his tongue over her one last time before he'd draw back to allow himself to lay down beside her feet as he'd lay back. Hand to her calf just to keep that contact.
Katya Jaeger
As he took one more pass at her, she'd give him the opportunity for more than just that momentarily, but somehow she knew it was just to get her to gasp once again beneath his touch, forcing her to lose her focus for a moment as he laid back. Feeling his hand there against her, she stood over him, looking down at the man who didn't seem so tall from where he now laid. Finding her own knees beside him, her hand would find him instantly, stroking his length several times over as though this was all she wanted in that moment. As she drew her hand at his length, she brought one knee to the other side of his head, positioning herself there over him where she could take to him as she liked and she could return herself to him once more. Lowering her hips there over him, her own mouth drew against him, her lips parting to take him slowly within the warm confines of her own mouth as her hand worked continually there at the base of his cock.
Kieran Cassidy
Watching her before she lowered against her knees where his senses would turn to touch. The grip of her hand to the heat of him before she drew her knees over him. Waiting impatiently as his hands found the backs of her thighs as his head lifted from the bed. A gentle groan leaving him at the contact of her mouth around him while his tongue reseed the the area he had previously been working at.
Katya Jaeger
Giving of herself to him was something that had taken time years before as it was one of those things the woman simply did not know how to do, but had learned just how incredible it could be at the gentle guiding of the man's hands that now gripped at her thighs. Feeling him return to her as she took him within the confines of her own mouth, she'd feel that groan of him against her, prompting a deep hum from the woman, sending those vibrations directly against him as she stroked the base of his cock. Taking more of him within her mouth, her hips shifted back against his point of contact, one hand pressing to the bed as the other kept a firm motion against him.
Kieran Cassidy
Inhaling evenly as she pressed deeper against him as his tongue swept her once again. Drawing up against her where his tongue was working against her clit. Mocking the rotations of his fingers with his tongue as his hands took up the sides of her thighs.
Katya Jaeger
Feeling him there against her, finding her clit once more where he'd narrow in his concentration, she drew a deep breath there against his cock as her hand shifted from the bed to his thigh where she'd grip against him firmly as she took him to the back of her throat where she'd tease him with the idea that she'd press past that threshold, yet drew back instead only to repeat the same step again.
Kieran Cassidy
It was often said that this position rarely worked as one person got distracted. Today, it would be him. Feeling her taking him to the base of her throat as he'd reach to use his fingers. Reaching up where his fingertip would tease over her opening before guiding himself within her as his tongue took steady laps of her.
Katya Jaeger
Feeling his hand slipping between her parted thighs, she felt him there as he guided a single digit within her walls as she took him again to the back of her throat. The focus of the man was incredible in every situation they would find themselves in as he would prove here. Drawing up off his cock in a slow motion, suckling against him on the draw, her hand passed up his length before her lips would find him once again. Taking him fully to the back of her throat this time, she forced him through the threshold where her throat would instantly close around him, allowing herself to gag against him several times over before she'd draw back to do it again, assuring more depth with each pass.
-October 7, 2017
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The Reason I Stopped Writing About My Emotions In My Journal
Earlier this year, back in March, I was having a serious case of I-don’t-want-to-write-anything. Call it “writer’s block”, but there was something deeper going on in my heart. I was tired of writing my feelings, my thoughts, and my struggles in my life. I was spending hours writing about my day, and for what? I couldn’t see the point anymore so I stopped.
Pencil down. Journal closed. I was done.
A part of me felt that by writing down my feelings, I was only putting fuel to the fire and it wasn’t helping me overcome anything. My problems did not belong on paper, they belonged in God’s hands.
God is not a God of the emotions but the God of truth.
-Dietrich Bonhoeffer
At times, it felt like I spent more time writing to God in my journal than actually praying to Him and listening to Him. My journal was heavy, full of emotion because I had been going through a lot these past few years but I didn’t know if writing it all down brought me closer to God or closer to myself.
When I was really sick, I wrote everything I felt, the pain, the confusion, and at times, the frustration at my body for not being stronger. When my ex would do something to upset me, I wrote it all down and vented in these pages. When I was overwhelmed, I went to my journal, and tried to figure out what was going on in my heart by writing it down.
I’m emotional, I admit it and that’s completely okay but there were times when writing how I felt was only validating my emotions, rather than helping me to overcome them and find the truth in my situation. Sometimes, it did help to journal but for the most part, many times I didn’t feel free after writing, only more burdened after talking in-depth about my problems.
This wasn’t doing me good. It was like having a friend that only listened and all I did was complain to her about my life. My poor journal!
Honestly, I think when we go through a lot in our life, we tend to look at our circumstance more from our view than God’s view. Journaling was supposed to help me get God’s view and talk to Him. I don’t think it did though. It just took my time. Hours, Princesses, I used to write for hours! I was so tired of it. Seriously, my hand was starting to get some callouses.
I had to ask myself, who was I going to when times were tough? Straight to the journal to write it all down or straight to God?
In my heart, I wanted to live a life of worship. I wanted to always focus on God and less on my circumstances. I wanted to praise God for already having the solution, for being there with me, and for the beauty in my life. I wanted to talk more about what Jesus was doing. And I wanted to spend my time doing better things than writing to this fake friend of mine.
I didn’t want to journal anymore.
So I stopped. For months.
Journaling had become a handicap I wasn’t even aware of. When I stopped writing, I had to find a different way to process my emotions, something else to lean on. I started praying more, going on walks and listening to God. I read the bible more. And talked to my REAL friends.
When I was upset or frustrated, I didn’t take out my journal, I went to my knees.
I found this to be so much better because I was talking directly with my Father and with people who prayed with me. God was helping me to see things differently, to know myself better, find peace in Him and see His perspective and that is what I had been wanting all along. I didn’t need a journal to get closer to God, I just needed to go to Him. It has been such a freeing time because I have been processing in a much healthier way than before.
Still, though it has been good I stopped writing to process my emotions, there is a lot that God did that I have not written.
One day there was this tug at my heart. It was subtle, gentle, a still voice to my soul. I knew this feeling. It was the Holy Spirit telling me it was time to write again.
What would I say? I’ve only ever written one way and I did not want to go there again. God knew, I did not want to write. I really didn’t want to.
A New Chapter
It was June 15, I was in bed and I couldn’t sleep. My mind was going over all God did that day and I wanted to write it down but it had been so long I didn’t know where to start. It took me some time, but finally at 3am I grabbed my journal and said, “Forget this. I don’t have to write like before. I’m just going to do one page and write what He did. That’s it.” And here is how this new chapter for me began:
What God Did Today
1. Helped me stay calm during a blood test today.
2. Put me on my my friend’s mom’s heart and she donated towards my mission trip.
3. Let my tummy not hurt this morning.
4. Gave me words to pray for my friend, who just had a miscarriage.
5. Let mom and I have favor and resources to get all the blood work done today.
6. Helped me to finish my work on a website.
7. Guided me to pick out a random book in my bookshelf, I flipped through it, and a phrase stood out to me. It was something I needed to hear today, “I just kept trying not to get in the way of what God was doing.”
It’s a start. Writing what I’m thankful for. Maybe it’ll help me to write more if I start here…
– Katya
Princesses, it was simple. I spent five minutes (ONLY five minutes) and wrote 1-2 sentences of what God did that day.
The next day, I did the same thing. I didn’t vent, I didn’t share why I was frustrated or sad or whatever, I just wrote facts. If it was praiseworthy, I would document it. If I was processing emotions, I decided to talk directly to God about it, pray, read my Word and listen to Him. No more writing about it.
“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”
Philippians 4:8
It’s September now and I’ve been doing this every day since then. Can I tell you girls how beautiful God is? What began as a writer’s block has turned into this incredible journey between God and I. In these pages, I’ve remembered to stay grateful, to give Him glory, in the little and the big. Sometimes, I find myself writing 15 and 20 things God did today. It feels so good to tell of what He has done and it feels so good to really talk to God directly.
I feel like my weeping into the pages is now over, and it’s a time of joy and praise.
In saying that, I still believe all I wrote in my past journals were good. I don’t regret it. I needed to write what I did in the season I was in – there were times it was therapy for my soul – but my journal is now different. It’s special. It’s actually something I would like to pass on to my kids and my grandchildren, for them to know the goodness of God in my life, even on the worst of days. I want them to know He is still good, no matter how it hurts, no matter what we see, no matter what we feel. He is still God.
“For his anger is but for a moment, and his favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.”
Psalm 30:5
You Do You, Girl
Princesses, this is my story. Don’t get me wrong, I am not against journaling, but this is the season I’m in and I wanted to share it with you. If I can challenge you today it would be to find out what it is that God wants for your life, and do it and not feel guilty or ashamed for walking that out. For me, it was a journal, for you it could be something completely different. You do you, girl!
God showed me a way in which I was living burdened and how to live a life of praise, but the way I journal now is different than a lot of my friends. Many people I know love to journal everything they are going through, I think that’s great for them, but in this season it’s not for me and that’s completely okay.
We aren’t all going to do things the same way because God has a particular path for each of us. It’s beautiful and we should never feel guilty for being different or judge others for not doing things the way we do them. I may be a toe and you may be an arm, but we both have a purpose. Don’t try to be like me. Be like you. Find out what God wants you to do today, where He is challenging you in your walk with Him, and let go and let Him lead.
Princesses, let us worship the Lord today. Let us keep our ears open to His voice and our eyes open to His beauty. I’ve been learning there is never a day that God is not worthy to be praised. No matter what is going on in your world, He is not the one to let go of, if anything, He is the one you need to get through it. He loves you, friend. I hope you know that today.
With love,
Katya
p.s. This post was so random, right? But I was just about to jounal and had written, “What God Has Done” and I suddenly felt so strongly to share my story with you girls. I hope someone out there is encouraged by it. Anyway, I need to go finish writing now! Talk to you soon.
The Reason I Stopped Writing About My Emotions In My Journal was originally published on To All You Princesses
#bible#Blog for Christian Girls#blog for girls#body of Christ#Christian post#free#God#grateful#intentions#Jesus#journal#journaling#journaling emotions#loved#praise#thankful#Understanding why to journal#What God Has Done#worship#writer's block#writing#youdoyou#To All You Princesses#Christianity#Christian Blog#Christian Blog for Girls#Identity in Christ#Holy Spirit
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