Habits of the Heart Ch 10

Warning: Language, Angst, lots of emotions, enter me rolling my eyes in cringe over using this damn trope so often in my old series. woof.

After Sonny’s little chat with Casey he did start to accept the fact that the two of you were sticking together. He could tell just how happy you were and didn’t want to have your relationship only be work related ‘cause he couldn’t let go of a grudge that you’d already dropped. As Casey started to move her things into your apartment, you encouraged him to come over more often, and the three of you started regular hangouts. He let go of the overprotective grip he had on you, reminding himself that you were a big girl and you could make decisions yourself, and you always had been. 

Once things had gotten serious again you’d made sure to disclose to the appropriate people, knowing that neither of you wanted any kind of dramatic blow up in the work place, or worse, the court room. Olivia had been supportive, thankful that you’d come to her instead of trying to hide it until it was a professional issue. It had been a series of months, the cold winter air vanishing in exchange for the warmth and blooming of mid spring, the city was bubbling with energy and the two of you were simply bursting with love.

SVU had been working on a case of sexual assaults tied to an initiation process of one of the major gangs in the city, you were surprised when it had been as quick to get to trial as it did. The final day of the trial ended up getting pushed from Wednesday to Friday, when you and Casey had fancier dinner plans, and you ended up having to take the stand. Both of these being leading factors to why you opted for one of your nicer blouses and a pencil skirt, and why you waited until the verdict was in, long past the time Carisi had left the courthouse. You were both glad and proud of Casey when the jury came back guilty on all accounts, giving her a soft smile  and a quick wink when she glanced back at you. 

Waiting for her to gather her things you moved towards her table, giving her a congratulations on the case, glancing around the court room before daring to leave a quick kiss on her cheek. She smiled in response, not really caring if there was anyone else around when she gave you a soft kiss, linking your hands together.

“You done for the day?” She questioned, you nodded.

“Liv gave me the rest of the day off…all yours baby…”

“Perfect. I’ve just got to make a quick stop at my office and we’re good to go.” You hummed in response, giving her a quick snuggle as the two of you moved from the courtroom. Hogan Place was literally only a block away and didn’t hinder your plans at all. You were slightly surprised there wasn’t a media circus on the courthouse steps waiting for statements from the A.D.A, though there had been a couple of much more high profile cases that week. You managed to escape without anyone noticing, Casey never dropping your hand from hers. You did however hear a voice yell out, 

“Miss Novak!” The tone was angry, as your head started to shoot towards the noise you realized it was simply a distraction, your eye catching the glint of metal in its path. Your hand flew to your gun, hand on the trigger faster than you even realized was possible, shoving Casey behind you as the shots rang out through the air. There was a smattering of screams across the staircase as people ducked for cover, the loudest coming from Casey as she watched you crumple in front of her, blood slowly soaking the pristine white of your crisp shirt. Gasping for air, your vision blurry your hand reached out to her, tugging against the sleeve of her blazer.

“Ge..get..down..” Her head flashed up, eyes full of tears, 

“He’s gone….Baby…baby please…please hold on…” She couldn’t even think about wiping her tears away, both hands pressed heavily against your leaking abdomen, shouting for someone to call an ambulance. She barely noticed Olivia appearing at her side, phone to her ear as she yelled into it for a bus. You felt your vision going black, the pain nearly unbearable, hand grasping against Casey, trying to gain her full attention, your words gurgling out.

“I..I..love you…” She let out a sob at that, there was no way she could lose you, not after all of this. Your lives had taken their different paths but they’d brought you back together, you’d solved your problems, forgiven each other for all of the mistakes you’d made. You were fully moved in together by now, she’d never felt as loved as she did when she was with you, you were her literal everything, she didn’t know if she could bare to exist without you. Casey was practically in hysterics when the paramedics arrived, quickly moving your unconscious form into the ambulance. Olivia did her best to calm her down, practically dragging her into her car, knowing she would be nothing but in the way if she tried to ride with you.

**

It was nearly four hours later when a nurse finally appeared in the waiting room with an update. Casey was an absolute wreck, she’d sobbed against Olivia until she had nothing left to cry out, her body trembling against the Captain, absolutely terrified of losing you. The rest of the squad had been notified, Carisi the first to make it to the ER, tears in his stormy blue eyes, asking if they knew anything, voice shaking as he took a seat next to Benson. The nurse said that it was pretty touch and go, you’d lost a lot of blood, the bullet had hit some important organs and the surgeon was still figuring out scans as to whether it would be better to leave it in or go in surgically to remove it, considering there was a risk of you bleeding out if they did that.

Olivia tightened her arms around Casey, Sonny gently rubbing her back, reminding her how incredibly strong you were, that you’d make it through this. He may have been half assuring himself, but it was something. When they got the next update they asked if the next of kin had been called, Casey felt her heart clench, she was your emergency contact, she was the only one you considered family. When she mentioned it the nurse moved to talk to her privately, asking if she had an opinion on what to be done. They could leave the bullet it and risk septic shock and infection, resulting in a very fast and unexpected death but if they took it out, they were taking your uterus with it, though that was a 90%  guaranteed survival. Casey felt a new set of tears spring into her eyes, but this time of relief, when the topic of kids had come up you both agreed you didn’t want them, she relayed that to the nurse, praying that you hadn’t changed your mind (not that there weren’t other options, but she didn’t want you to hate her when you woke up).

It was nearly another three hours when the nurse came out to speak to the squad again, Sonny had nearly fallen asleep against Casey’s shoulder, forgetting he was supposed to be the one doing the comforting. With a gentle smile, the nurse turned to Casey, mentioning that you’d been moved to recovery, were awake and asking for her. Leading you to her room, she shut the door behind her for privacy. You groaned lightly, head rolling on the elevated bed towards the noise,

“Case…” You questioned, she let out a sob, rushing against you, pulling you gingerly into her arms, tears falling down her cheeks that she didn’t think she had left in her by this point.

“Oh my God…you’re okay…you’re okay baby…” Her hand stroked through the back of your head, your arms wrapped tightly around her. You simply held each other in the dim of the hospital room, thankful to be together. 

“Wh..what happened?” You muttered, pulling slightly out of the hug, remaining in her embrace, hand moving to wipe her tears away, “We..we were outside the courthouse…I just remember firing and then…pain…” Your eyes searched hers, “Are you okay?” The fact that your voice wavered with concern for hers despite you being the one in the hospital bed made her heart swell even more.

“Baby I’m fine…you saved my life today…” She softly kissed your forehead, “And you’re one damn good shot, you got the bastard who came after me…” She smiled gently at that, grateful that your expression matched hers, “But..baby..has a nurse talked to you?” You shook your head, confused at her concern, “They…they either had to risk leaving the bullet in you, there was a high risk of complications if that happened…or…they remove it..along with your uterus..” Her voice was quiet, she could barely meet your eye, “I know we’d talked about it already but please..please don’t hate me..I told them to do whatever they could to save you.” You instinctively found your hand on your lower abdomen, feeling the stitches traced across it before you stroked Casey’s cheek.

“Baby… We already talked about it. We’re not going to have kids…and if we change our minds, we can adopt, not to mention you’ve still got a uterus…” You shared a small laugh at that, absorbing the moment of love between you, “I’m sorry I ruined our date night. I know you had something special planned…” 

“You’re not wrong there…” You didn’t miss the quick glance over towards her bag while she made the comment. You nudged her gently, 

“What, you got me something pretty?” Her glassy eyes met yours, a grin on her face, 

“I’d say so…Did you want to know?”

“Baby I almost died, whatever you had planned, I wanna know it all…” She leaned in, palm caressing your face as her lips met yours in the most loving kiss she’d ever given you. Casey reached across to her bag, digging through it for a minute before she retrieved a small blue box. Your breath hitched, you may have been a little out of it but you did not miss the fact that it was the date you’d originally gotten engaged all those years ago. “Case…” Your voice was barely above a whisper.

“I..I know things have been kind of crazy, or moving fast or whatever, but I love you Y/N, I always have and I always will. I understand if you want to have a long engagement or if you want to wait, but, I want nothing else. Will you marry me?” Moving a hand up to your mouth you choked out a cry, 

“Case..I took a fuckin’ bullet for you, what do you think the answer is?!” A gleeful smile broke out across her lips as she moved to kiss you again, the tears between you turning to joy as she placed the diamond on your finger. You honestly had no clue this was coming, you loved Casey more than you loved anyone else, and if it was possible, you loved her more now than you had before. It certainly had been a rocky road back together, but the universe knew that you belonged together, and it had waited until the absolute perfect and emotional moment to remind you of that. 

It was a few loving and caring moments of you and Casey celebrating before a gentle knock came on the door, Sonny appearing against the frame.

“Okay if I come in?” His voice was soft, his eyes forgiving and full of emotion, he was your partner, he was supposed to have your back. If you got shot, he should have been the one to take the perp down, but you’d managed to do that all yourself.

“Sonny..” You smiled, “Yeah…come on in…” Casey leaned back, giving him an opportunity to give you a deep hug, pulling your body against his, doing his best not to cry now that you were okay.

“I’m sorry Doll, I should’ve stayed, I—“ You cut him off, 

“Dominick, it wouldn’t have mattered, someone was going to get hurt no matter what. That’s part of our job. Besides, you’ve got a more important job coming up anyways.” He furrowed his brows, completely confused at your comment, shooting a glance at a smirking Casey before looking back at you. You simply held up your left hand, the diamond ring sparkling on your finger, “You’ll be my best man, right?”

That regular dopey grin broke out on his face, pulling you into an embrace as he said that he of course would, congratulating the two of you. Sonny had come a long way, understanding that love wasn’t always easy, it took a lot of time, a lot of struggles, but if life wanted you to be with someone, it had a weird way of bringing your paths together over and over again until you realized just how much you were meant to be. You and Casey Novak, you were absolutely fucking meant to be. 

**

Fin

Hoo boy, I'm behind on tagged stuff. (After this, I owe the last line I've written, the 8 tv shows, and who knows what else!) But this one was rather easy, even if formatting took me longer than I thought.

Tagged by the incredibly talented @onekisstotakewithme, whose stuff you should absolutely read because she's so good. (And prolific, too!) Thank you, Ally <3

Rules: share the first lines of ten of your most recent fanfics and tag ten people. If you have written fewer than ten, don’t be shy and share anyway.

I have eleven (for now? hopefully?) and I'll put them under a cut because this might get long for my mobile peeps. (I'm not the best at first lines. Or all that follow. I noticed a pattern, lol.)

Tagging anyone who wants to do it, of course! Feel free to ignore it if you don't want to do it, or if you've been already been tagged, etc. I probably missed some posts here and there. ♥️ @miabicicletta, @ballroompink, @holy-ships-x-red-lips, @district447, @eyes-onthehorizon

From most recent to oldest. They are all for The West Wing. Will I come out of this hating my writing even more? We'll see!

still you never took your hand from mine

The idea of writing a book by herself had always felt like this thing she wasn’t sure she wanted to do, at least not at that point in her life. 

The (in)famous memoir fic. CJ starts writing a memoir while pregnant with her first child.

haunted by the notion somewhere there's a love in flames

Filomena Ristorante was an enchanting establishment she hadn’t heard of until earlier this afternoon. 

Set during CJ and Danny's business dinner in S1. It's two chapters long!)

just your smile lit a 60-watt bulb in my house that was darkened for days

When the President summoned her to the Oval Office on Tuesday, the last thing C.J. was expecting was for him to invite her to their Thanksgiving festivities up in the Residence — that was, if she didn’t have plans already.

Thanksgiving 2006 in the Residence, with a dash of thanks and trivia. CJ/Danny, with Jed/Abbey, Josh/Donna, Charlie/Zoey

don't want you to go but I'll be okay

The flight back to Andrews Air Force Base had been pushed back until the morning for various reasons; not least of which had been avoiding a repeat of everyone’s protests on the way to Portland due to the late departure time.

C.J. finds some unexpected closure when she goes out for dinner during the Portland trip. (Yes, I'm copying some of the summary for some of these, lol.)

I'll be your friend in the daylight again

If C.J. was asked to name whatever meetings she had been a part of this week, she would fail.

C.J. and her complicated feelings about her NSC card resurface once Josh gets his during the Santos administration. (No, but I'm actually surprised by how accurate and succinct some of these summaries are.)

catch my pieces as they fall apart

His beautiful wife was sad and exhausted and likely sick, and Danny didn’t know how to take her pain away.

After her father passes away, C.J. grapples with grief and what her future might hold.

say it's here where our pieces fall in place

The sun over the plains was unforgiving on this late winter day.

A series of glimpses into C.J. and Danny’s lives, together and apart, from 1998 to 2008. It's 11 chapters!

we could be the way forward and I know I'll pay for it

The second the call with Hogan disconnected, she stopped walking around the secluded garden area and was hit with a cold breeze she wasn’t prepared for.

St. Augustine, FL; spring of 1998. C.J. wrestles with her burgeoning feelings for Danny when she runs into him outside a campaign event.

maybe everything's turning out how it should be

This wasn’t the same without Leo.

As a way to honor his late mentor, Josh brings back Leo’s Big Block of Cheese tradition during the Santos Administration. Unbeknownst to him, he ends up having a special crackpot meeting of his own. (This has implied CJ/Danny and Josh/Donna.)

all's well that ends well to end up with you

The sun was setting over the small mountain range in the distance, coloring the sky with a pink-orange hue that was breathtaking. 

C.J. and Danny find a moment of quiet in a hectic day and reflect about how they got to where they are. Their wedding. It's set after their wedding.

... and +1, because I felt bad leaving it behind

maybe we'll sleep here covered in star shine

At four in the morning, the sky was beautifully dark with just the slightest hint of the day that would soon start on the horizon. 

On a sleepless night, C.J. finds herself staring at the stars and reminiscing about her childhood.

Falling for Hogan's Heroes - Day 17: Fight

It was a boring spring day like any other so far. Newkirk was sitting outside the barracks, enjoying the sun’s warming rays. While it was warmer outside by now, the tunnels were still icy cold and he had been down there, sewing for hours. To be honest, he was already exhausted. Roll call this morning had been awful and then there had been another roll call because Klink had found out someone had stolen one of his pens. Who was stupid enough to steal something that obvious? They were always on his desk. Sure, they were pretty and shiny too, but there was no Klink wouldn’t realize it if one of them was gone.

“Newkirk!”

Immediately, Newkirk groaned annoyedly. He would recognize that voice any day because of the allergic reaction it caused him. That was Sergeant Haynes, an upper-class, pretentious twat who seemed to think he was a General with how bloated his ego was. Whenever Newkirk found himself confronted with him, just for a moment, he wished he had put more effort into his military career so that he could be on the same rank as Haynes, maybe even higher, and spit that in his face. Before Newkirk had even adjusted himself to be able to handle the upcoming situation, Hayne’s shadow was already standing over him.

“What is it?” he asked, looking up at Haynes’s ugly face.

“I wasn’t expecting you to be such a coward”, Haynes scoffed, his hands on his hips. “You’re always acting so tough, why not prove it?”

Again, this pretentious little… “What exactly are you tryin’ to say?” Newkirk grumbled.

He had an idea, but he just wanted to hear it come out of his mouth. To think he had promised Colonel Hogan not to get in any more fights… If Haynes continued like this, that wouldn’t last.

“You stole that pen, didn’t you?”

“I didn’t steal it. Only a tosser would steal something right in front o’ Klink’s nose.”

Haynes’ face contorted itself into a crude grin. “Of course, of course. You would never steal. - I’ve seen you do it, you criminal. You pick Schultz’s pockets every day. So forgive me if I don’t believe you.”

“I’ll forgive you once you stop talking rubbish”, Newkirk growled. “I didn’t steal the pen. Who says you didn’t steal it?”

“Because I have standards, unlike you, you lowlife Cockney!”

With that, Newkirk had sprung to his feet. That had been the last straw. Within less than a second, Haynes stumbled backwards, holding his nose and stomach. He looked like a dog that had been hit with a broomstick.

“You’re blockin’ the sunlight, ‘Aynes”, Newkirk hissed. “Sod off.”

Finally, Haynes listened and crawled back to where he had come from. But then, Newkirk heard another voice call his name.

“Newkirk, what did I say about fights?” Colonel Hogan sighed, approaching him from around the corner.

“Uh- That wasn’t a fight, sir”, Newkirk quickly blurted out.

“So? What was it?”

“An aggressive statement.”

SEPTEMBER 13-15, 2007

The Havasupai Falls Trip

Later that summer, Travis, Jodi, Dan, and Desiree planned a weekend trip to Havasupai, an isolated Indian reservation featuring spectacular waterfalls.

As they were preparing to leave for the trip, Travis and Jodi got into an argument. Jodi had overpacked her luggage and when Dan tried to take some items out of the bag, Jodi burst into tears and ran upstairs. Travis chased after her, and in the bathroom they argued loudly, until Dan came upstairs.

Eventually they all got in the car and left for the trip. For half an hour Jodi stared vacantly out the window, not saying a word. By the time they made it to Havasupai, however, they had made up.

That night they camped, sleeping in hammocks. The next morning, hiking around the plains, they came across a hidden oasis in the arid desert—the Havasupai Falls.

Located in a remote canyon of Havasupai, the spectacular waterfalls are called paradise on Earth. The tallest of the waterfalls is Mooney Falls, its water tumbling 190 feet into a large blue pool.

Staring up at the waterfalls, Travis was in awe. As he looked on, Jodi snapped photos of him from behind, the entire falls in view. Later they stripped off their clothes, changed into their swimsuits, and swam in the natural pool.

In one photo, Travis and Jodi were in their swimsuits at the base of the falls. The water foaming around them, Jodi was seated on Travis’s lap, both arms wrapped around his neck. In her left hand, she held Travis’s chin.

In the picture Jodi was smiling wide and bright. Travis, however, looked uncomfortable. The corners of Travis’s mouth were upturned slightly in a contrived grin.

While adventurous, these trips were costly. Jodi and Travis split their expenses, with Travis funding his portion with the money he had withdrawn from the equity of his house. Over the course of 2007, however, Travis noticed his business began to suffer. The more time Travis spent with Jodi, the less time Travis devoted to Prepaid Legal.

Soon, Travis’s wealth was depleted.

(Picture Perfect: The Jodi Arias Story by Shanna Hogan)

Unable to sever ties with his past, that September Travis and Jodi went to Havasupai Falls in Arizona, another region of stunning natural beauty near the Grand Canyon. They went with Dan and Desiree Freeman, the brother-and-sister team they had traveled with that past spring. This trip was also not without uncomfortable arguments, at least at the outset. In one antagonistic confrontation, Jodi had filled a backpack with ten pounds’ worth of beauty products, everything from lotions to hand sanitizer. Travis and Dan wanted to make it lighter, and as they started taking items out of the bag, Jodi began crying and ran upstairs, with Travis close at her heels. Dan described how the two barely talked to each other at the start of the trip, although within a half hour everyone was joking and happy again.

Of course, lost in all this was the fact that Travis was still dating Lisa. Finally, later that month, Lisa decided that she’d had enough. For a while Travis’s communications with other women had been concerning her, as it seemed either Jodi, Deanna, or both were always trying to get in touch with him. What made it worse, though, was that Travis was always responding. The behavior made her very uncomfortable. However, when Lisa learned from one of Travis’s former roommates that he had been cheating on her with Jodi, she knew enough was enough, ending things with him less than twenty-four hours after hearing about his infidelities. Lisa had been under the impression the two were exclusive, but Jodi made sure that didn’t happen.

(Exposed: The Secret Life of Jodi Arias by Jane Velez-Mitchell)

September 14, 2007 (Friday)

Jodi Arias Journal Entry

“… This trip [to Havasu Falls with Travis & the Freemans] this weekend is what life is about.  Although it’s led me to question other parts of my life and reflect on my past decisions.  As if I weren’t already carrying around enough regret.  Truthfully, I will swallow my pride right now and say that I miss Matt McCartney.  I miss his friendship and the good times.  When we weren’t busy arguing, we were laughing, joking, and enjoying the strange, yet human aspects of life.  I miss the way he appreciates the little things, like little animals, amphibians, or insects.  That aspect of his personality really jived w/my own.”

The next two witnesses were Desiree and Dan Freeman, the sister and brother friends who had taken two trips with Jodi and Travis, one day trip to Sedona and the Grand Canyon, the other a three-day trip to Havasupai Falls in the Grand Canyon region. Desiree testified first. She said Travis became quite enraged at Jodi on one occasion when they were all together, and seemed “over the top.” She even used the word “shocked” when Jennifer Willmott asked her how she felt witnessing the confrontation.

Desiree’s brother was next. In 2010, Dan Freeman had actually been considered as a witness for the prosecution as well as the defense, and he had even stopped watching the news about this case in the event he was called. At the time, he was caught in the middle, as he regarded both Travis and Jodi as friends. On the stand, he tried to stay completely objective. He testified that he had seen Jodi and Travis fight on more than one occasion, but nothing extraordinary. He and his sister accompanied Travis and Jodi on the September 13–15, 2007, trip to Havasupai Falls that started out with a fight between Jodi and Travis at Travis’s house. Sometimes, he got the distinct feeling that Travis didn’t want to be alone with Jodi, lest he lose his willpower and do something sexual he’d regret later. Dan reinforced that Travis was cozier with Jodi when fewer people were around.

(Exposed: The Secret Life of Jodi Arias by Jane Velez-Mitchell)

April 2007

Jodi’s own words from the police video [20:25]

JA: Yeah, ‘cos he was very resistant to prayer … with me…I mean, I think (unintelligible) I feel it may be because we were driving away the Spirit constantly, umm…or maybe he felt that by inviting the Spirit he would feel guilty about later on in the evening or… I don’t know what the deal was…or the excuse he used was because I’m a convert I need more practice saying prayers. He was like…so I’d say, Would you say a prayer? He’s like, Why don’t you say a prayer? I’m like, Why don’t you say a prayer? Why don’t you say a prayer? So we’d go back and forth, and… I don’t know…until… I don’t know… it was just… one time when I was on the trip to Havasupai we were all getting on the road and I think… it was with Dan Freeman and his sister, Desiree, and they were all like, “Jodi, will you say a prayer?” and I said, “Sure” and Travis was like… (giggles)… anyway… I didn’t want to argue with them so… umm…anyway, what was I saying? 

Jodi on the Stand

Nurmi continues, “So, Mr. Alexander expressed his anger in the fall of 2007 about you going on a date with Mr. Dixon, right?”. Jodi answers, “Yes, he found out the morning we were leaving for Havasupai”. Havasupai? Wasn’t that trip taken instead of attending the recap event that happened in September, 2007? Was she referring to a date with John Dixon that had happened months before, or a week before Havasupai?

Nurmi continues, “But it didn’t stop him from having sex with you or ejaculating on your face, right?”. Jodi answers, “No”. Hey, why is Nurmi allowed to deflect? Forget “ejaculating on your face”. We’ve heard it, and heard it, and heard it again. We want to know when Arias went on a date with John Dixon. From what I recall, it was long before the Freeman chaperoned Havasupai trip. Martinez says, “Objection, asked and answered”. He is overruled again.

Jodi, the wilted weed, says, “No, it didn’t stop him from that”. As I understand it, the face ejaculation episode happened months earlier. Why don’t dates matter here? I’m seriously confused, and I believe the judge is as well.

Nurmi says, “And it didn’t stop him from going to Havasupai with you, right?”. It could also be said that it didn’t stop her from going to Havasupai with him, but what difference does that make? I’m surprised that Travis Alexander was able to drive anywhere – Havasupai or otherwise. Nurmi makes it sound like the man had an ejaculatory condition that prevented him from being in public.

Nurmi asks, “Did it stop you from dating John Dixon again?”. Jodi answers, “Yes”. Well, of course it did. There was only one date. He may have “found out” because she told him, but I believe they have successfully avoided exposing the fact that there was never a second date with John Dixon. If there had been, where was the detailed agenda of the date? We always find out what Jodi did on her dates. Sushi, movie clips, sex, visits to the restroom, etc.

Happily off of the subject of John Dixon, Nurmi asks, “Did it stop you from dating anyone else?”. Did what stop her from dating anyone else? A bad mood? A stern voice under his breath. A wrist grab as she went to grab his hand in a crowded, dark room? Perhaps we are about to enter the world of choke outs and broken bones. He had better get there because he’s looking like an obese puppet master who needs to sit down, and his client looks like a badly chiseled marionette.

Jodi answers, “Um, I went on a couple more dates at the time”. Now wait a minute. Ten minutes ago she was able to recall one, and upon further reflection, two dates, she had gone on. Suddenly, there’s several more dates she went on “during that time period”. Let’s hear about the other dates.

Before Nurmi can speak, she adds that there were several more through the next year: one to two, to a few more, to several more. This is a carefully crafted, carefully unfolding lie. It’s taking place under oath in a court of law. There’s the seal of the State of Arizona, and there’s the American flag. I guess this means nothing to her, and from all appearances, it means nothing to Nurmi.

Nurmi asks, “Did you tell Travis, or did you try to keep those a secret?”. Jodi answers, “No, I learned to stop telling him anything about my social life regarding that. I didn’t tell him about John. He found out”. I wish John Dixon had been called as a witness. I will never believe there was a late fall date with John Dixon, unless he actually says there was.

Nurmi wants to know why Jodi didn’t cut the cord with the current “state of affairs”. Jodi answers, “Well, we’re focusing on the negatives, but there were things he did that made me feel like a million dollars, um…”. Nurmi interrupts, “Describe those things for us”.

Jodi says, “It was more the things he did for me at times. He would say little things that were sentimental, things that had meaning between us. He got me little gifts – things that weren’t expensive (details – we deserve details, after having to hear about his semen), it was the thought, and just the gestures that he did, and he still would allude to the fact that he wanted to marry me (despite the fact that she said it never came up unless he was joking), even though I don’t know if he was very serious (bingo)”.

Nurmi does a “come hither” gesture with his fingers and asks, “Kept telling you things you wanted to hear? (because every woman dismisses her beloved’s mocking laughter after the subject of marriage comes up)”. Jodi answers, “Yep. Yeah, he did”. Nurmi fans the flames, “He kept promising you…come on, come on, Jodi, maybe I’ll marry you some day?”. Jodi answers, “No, it wasn’t quite like that”. Nurmi asks, “How was it (she’s already told us how it was, but ask again, if you must)?”. Jodi answers, “If I did something that he liked, or pleased him in some sort of way, he would…like…something I said, or something I did, he would just look at me with this enigmatic smile and say, marry me, and it wasn’t like an actual proposal (she looks like a mother watching her 6 year old son hit a home run in little league – it’s a “that’s my boy” smile), you know, it was kind of a joke, but I took it as a compliment”. This would be Nurmi’s cue to say, “Was he ejaculating on your face while flashing the enigmatic smile and saying, ‘marry me’?”.

Nurmi asks, “Why, why would you take that as a compliment?”. Jodi replies, “Because he only said those things when I did something that would merit me being a good wife, potentially”. Well, it’s safe to say she failed that test with flying colors. He’s dead now.

Nurmi wants that last part repeated. Jodi complies, “Being a good wife, potentially. Like if I did something that might be in line with that, because that was my goal at the time, and that’s what I wanted to become”.

There’s another foundational truth that escapes amidst the flood of lies: being his wife was her goal, and that’s what she wanted to become.

Nurmi likes the wife talk. He asks, “Did you want to become his wife…Travis’ wife?”. Well, I hope so. He was ejaculating on her face, after all. Jodi answers, “That was my desire for a while until after Havasupai”. Nurmi continues, “What changed after Havasupai that made you change your mind and say, I don’t wanna marry this guy?”. Um, maybe the fact that he brought chaperones? Just a guess.

Jodi answers, “My feelings for him didn’t necessarily change, but in my mind, we had a very bad fight that morning, and he said some very ugly things to me, and it was a boundary we had never crossed before, and I couldn’t imagine marrying somebody who had ever said those things to me, or raising children with a man who, had, who…their father had said those things to their mother, kind of thing…that’s how I saw it”.

Well, she got further in the mental process than Travis ever did. I don’t believe he ever considered Jodi Arias, anal queen, to be the potential mother of his children. Secondly, for all of her family values and concern about the character of her fictitious offsprings’ father, she still had no problem squealing about how she liked to be debased by him months after she had allegedly reached the conclusion that she couldn’t breed with him. During that phone sex conversation in May, 2008, she also had no problem talking about the boring, vanilla Mormon husband she would actually end up with – while he ignored that particular subject on the other end of the phone.

Nurmi wants to know what “ugly things” Travis said. Juan Martinez immediately objects with “Hearsay”. Nurmi goes though his “truth of the matter asserted, it goes to the affect on the listener”. Judge Stephens says that it is time for the afternoon recess.

(Behind the Words: A Logical & Satirical Guide to the Impossible Defense of Jodi Arias by Kim Anne Whittemore)

Arcadia Lake - Spring One 🌺

We start the challenge in Spring.

As I was making her, I imagined that she was born into the rich lifestyle. She's spoiled, and this could be why she's in the middle of nowhere with no money and no house. :)

I imagine that digging for your own money to sell is quite embarrassing, particularly to those who are used to getting everything at the snap of a finger. But then add to the fact that she doesn't have a shower to wash away the stink. Thankfully for her, she found a statue that paid for a wall, shower, toilet and bed.

Then the welcome party came. While she was showering.

Wonderful. At least the women were hiding her... somewhat.

So, Arcadia meets Lily Do, Nery Turner, and Kaylynn Spitzig. Surprisingly, she was able to make quick friends with Lily. Un-surprisigingly, Nery and Kaylynn found her boring. Eventually, though, she was able to get Nery to warm up to her.

Arcadia was starting to get hungry, so I took her to the park to grill up some hotdogs.

After eating her hot dogs, she met Sinjin Couderc, Lyndsay Louie, and Andrea Hogan. Being a straight Romance sim, Arcadia locked onto Sinjin.

Unfortunately, she was getting tired and bitchy, so I made her go home to sleep next to her toilet.

Sleeping through the night until it was time to leave, Arcadia went to her first day of work.

She looks like she hates it. It's either because the car is so fucking dirty or because she has to work for her money. Maybe both.

Amazingly, despite her mood being tolerable, she was able to get a promotion! Not to mention, she brought home enough money to turn her little wall into a box!

She also brought home Andrea Hogan, and was able to make her first friend. 😊

They enjoyed gossiping about other sims. Arcadia let it slip that she was thinking about Sinjin. What she said about him, I'm not sure. But they seemed to think it was a little funny.

When Andrea went bird watching or catching butterflies, Arcadia kept digging for treasures. It was mostly bones and rocks, but she eventually found a t r e a s u r e c h e s t. Of course, this was cause for an immediate renovation of her shack.

I'm going to point out now, that I don't know where the pictures went of the building. That is why I have been taking screen shots with the clipping tool. That way, I won't have to worry about losing pictures anymore :')

Anyways, because of her promotion, it was about time to go back to work. Arcadia said good-bye to Andrea and went to take a quick nap. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough, and she was miserable a work. Thus...

But, hey, at least she was able to pay her first round of bills!

When she woke up, she was able to get a shower and some food before getting some sleep for her next shift, which, once again, saw her gain a promotion!

After another house renovation, she was able to have a proper fridge, a sink, a mirror, and a telephone 👀

With her new phone, she wanted to make friends with Lily Do. After two calls, she was able to achieve this want! Then she wanted to go on a date. After being rejected by Nery, Arcadia called Sinjin, who was more than happy to come over! But, like...

Man's got them demon eyes. It's fun to believe that he's an incubus, seeing as he is also a romance sim 😈

After getting to know each other a little bit, Arcadia asks Sinjin on a date to the park.

Things were wholesome until they woohooed right on the park bench. As for now, I'm trying to keep her from getting pregnant. We don't have enough money. But due to the 😽 being so damn good, SInjin gave us a fountain.

And thus, another home renovation. I will try to get a good screen shot when I continue in summer. Arcadia now has a bookcase, which means she will be able to improve her skills to get more promotions if she so wants. 😊

Pro Wrestling Illustrated: 1995 THE YEAR IN WRESTLING. March 1996

INSPIRATIONAL WRESTLER OF THE YEAR BARRY HORROWITZ: 22,361 votes

One year ago, Barry Horowitz was having a hard time inspiring even himself. Caught in the dreaded WWF shuffle. Horowitz was stuck at the very bottom of the rankings, and his prospects definitely did not look good. His chances of rising above prelim status in the WWF looked bleak.

Clearly, much has happened since then, enough to make our readers vote Horowitz Inspirational Wrestler of the Year.

“I'm so proud of Barry!” gushed Lisa Jourdan of Palo Alto, California. “He’s a winner. He’s really making a name for himself in the WWF now, and the way he did it is very inspiring to a lot of us who love a good underdog story.”

The good things started happening for Horowitz when Chris “Skip” Candido came to the WWF. Accompanied by his cohort Tammy “Sunny” Fytch, Skip decided to make Horowitz his first casualty in what he hoped would be a quick rise to the top. Barry didn’t cooperate, though, and scored a big upset over Skip at A TV taping on June 28. As Skip was doing pushups and showing off, Horowitz rolled him up and pinned him. He followed that up with another victory over Skip a few weeks later. For that match, Skip said all Horowitz had to do was last 10 minutes without getting pinned and he’d be the winner. Mission accomplished for Horowitz.

He proved the first two wins were no flukes when he pinned Skip at SummerSlam. In very dramatic fashion, at the most important card of the summer, Horowitz went from being one of the WWF’s biggest losers to one of its most celebrated and popular winners.

“What’s inspiring to me,” wrote Abdul Mohan of Tampa Florida, “is how Barry stayed around so long without giving up. When the chance came, he was ready to take advantage of it.”

Fans have rewarded Horowitz for his persistence by proudly sporting T-Shirts with his likeness on them and cheering him on as he attempts to prove that he belongs among the big boys. He’s now trying his hand at  tag team wrestling with Hakushi as his partner.

When Skip heard that Horowitz had won this award, he vowed his foe would not inspire anyone else at his–Skip’s–expense. If Horowitz keeps winning, you can be sure he’ll continue to be an inspiration to a lot of people.

RUNNERS-UP

SABU: 16,126 votes

First runner-up: In 1995, Sabu expanded the definition of the term “wrestling hurt.” He broke several vertebrae in an ECW match against Chris Benoit this spring, than wrestled two weeks later wearing a neck brace. Then he cracked his tailbone in a match in September and took no time off! Disagree with his tactics, but admire his dedication!

ANTONIO INOKI: 14,237 votes

Second runner-up: The Japanese legend continues to amaze. Over the past 18 months, he has defeated Lord Steven Regal, Sting and Ric Flair, the victory over Flair coming last April in front of 190,000 fans in North Korea. For a 52-year-old man, even one of Inoki’s caliber, these are remarkable accomplishments. 

DAN SEVERN: 12,109 votes

Third runner-up: For those who wonder whether wrestlers really have any guts, Severn had an answer: Stop wondering! By winning Ultimate Fight Championship V, Severn, the NWA champion, approved to the skeptics that pro wrestlers are the toughest athletes alive. Terrific wrestler, tremendous all-around athlete, that’s Dan Severn. 

VOTES FOR OTHERS (9,312)

Some of the top vote-getters who did not capture a runner-up spot include: Bob Backlund, Diesel, Bret Hart, Hulk Hogan, Jeff Jarrett, Lawrence Taylor, and Savio Vega.

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Typical Stark - Part 6

A/N: Oops...

Pairing: Tony Stark x Reader

Warnings: none.. little angst?

Series Masterlist

Tony Stark Taglist: @raspberrymama @ladyeliot @boop-le-snoot @make-a-memory-drink-it-up @loveisallyouneed1125 @ownsmyheart @anthonyjanthony666 @downeyreads @the-secret-thief

Everything Taglist: @godofplumsandthunder @ladyacrasia @agustdowney @swaggysposts @littlegasps @little-baby-vixen @another-stark-sub @supraveng @kahlanmars @marvelgirl7 @disappointmentofthefam @pandaxnienke @tom-hlover @just-the-hiddles @asmigurub @avantgardium-leviosa @imerdwarf @gladiosamicitias

.

“(Y/L/N) is level four clear?” Captain’s voice came through your comms as you knocked the last security guard unconscious, looking around for signs of more.

“It is now.”

It was a fairly small mission, you and Steve were to gain some valuable intel on a possible Hydra base just on the outskirts of Upstate, a suspiciously vacant building by the looks of it, but protected by guards who did give you a bloody nose and quite a nasty bruise on your left arm by the time you finished.

The ride back to the tower on Steve’s bike was long. Too long considering you could tell Steve was trying to hide something from you, he kept beating around the bushes but never actually told you what was bothering him.

You two had been great friends ever since you joined the team, he’d welcomed you warmly even though he felt like an outsider himself. An outsider to the new world, a man out of time. Still, you bonded over similar interests and he was someone who always looked out for you.

You two bumped into Happy Hogan in the elevator back at the tower and exchanged pleasantries after knowing he was here to speak to Tony about something you hadn’t the faintest idea.

Tony had been preoccupied with some new ideas and spent a lot of time in his lab but you let him be. You didn’t want to be the one to keep the genius away from his place of worship after spending almost the entire weekend with him.

“Hey (Y/N) do you want to maybe grab some lunch?” Steve’s question made Happy head snap in your direction, brows furrowed.

“Sure. I’ll give you a call once I’m cleaned up. What’re you in the mood for?”

“Chinese?”

“Done. I know just the place—”

“Maybe we could get take out and eat it in my room?” He hesitated a little, trying to gauge your reaction but you didn’t think much of it and agreed to meet him in an hour.

.

You grabbed your phone before heading down to Steve’s apartment to find a text from Tony sent not too long ago. You had missed it while tending to your arm and nose.

Good afternoon beautiful. Don’t let Capsicle bore you to death during lunch. Let me know if you need saving ;)

You frowned before realising Tony’s trusty eyes & ears was very much present in the elevator when this lunch was planned.

Steve’s apartment always made you smile. The rest of the Avengers tower was equipped with sleek furniture and latest electronics but Steve's apartment oozed the old world charm, simple furniture, muted colours complete with an antique gramophone player.

Several boxes of Chinese food from your favourite restaurant were laid out on a small table near the glass window with two armchairs on either side.

You could hear water running from his bathroom as you made yourself at home after discarding your shoes & sitting with your legs tucked underneath you on the chair.

Halfway through your second spring roll, Steve walked out freshly showered and joined you.

“Sorry I couldn’t wait. I’m famished.”

“It’s okay. You know I never eat those anyway.”

Already knowing what this lunch was about, you stayed silent, waiting for him to speak up first.

“Natasha told me Tony took you on a romantic first date.”

“Yeah and not to a fancy ass place like I’d been expecting. It was lovely, I had the best time & undoubtedly the best food. So unlike Stark.”

You exclaimed enthusiastically, Steve smiling warmly watching the way your face lit up describing the date.

“I’m happy for you (Y/N), for both of you. I really am. I just…”

“What is it Steve?”

“I want you to be careful. It’s Tony.”

His tone bothered you a little while you understood his intentions to be protective.

“I know he is who he is, Steve but I honestly haven’t seen him like this ever and I know in my heart he’s being real with me. I understand it’s hard for you to believe, we all know the history. But I know he’s changed, I can see that. And I’m fine. I’m happy.”

“I’m sorry I was just—I only want you to be happy. I was concerned about you.”

“And I appreciate the sentiment Steve, but I’m fine. I can handle myself and him.”

This seemed to relieve him and he sighed, sinking back in his chair before moving on to a different topic that didn’t involve your love life.

.

“Looks like Capsicle didn’t do a very good job of protecting you.”

Tony rolled his eyes before sitting next to you rather dramatically, placing your legs in his lap & placing a kiss to your injured arm.

“It wasn’t his job to protect me. I can handle myself just fine.”

“I was only kidding babe.”

“Why was Happy eavesdropping on me and Steve today?”

“He wasn’t eavesdropping, he was here to—nevermind. I missed you today.” Tony gave you a half-hearted smile, the sudden change of subject making your frown.

“Here to what? Tell me.”

“It doesn’t concern you (Y/N).” He appeared defensive and rather irritated.

“Whatever. I’m meeting Nat in a few.”

“Oh meeting with the triple imposter? Why?”

“It doesn’t concern you.” You teased, sticking your tongue out but his frown didn’t leave his face. You were planning Steve’s birthday party with her, Tony was yet to be informed about this but now you couldn’t help but wonder what had him react the way he was.

“Stark? Will I see you later?” You snapped your fingers in front of his face to get his attention as he’d zoned out.

“Not likely. I’m going out to take care of a few things.” Tony scratched the back of his neck, before excusing himself out of your room.

.

That talk with Steve had managed to send your brain into overdrive, you began questioning everything. It had been a whirlwind couple of weeks with Tony & you’d given a dose of reality.

You were going back to your apartment after meeting Nat through the common lobby when you saw commotion near the elevator from the corner of your eye.

You felt your stomach sink when you saw Pepper Potts wiping her tears away while Tony placed his arms around her shoulders in attempts to calm her down as she sobbed.

You didn’t see that coming?

This morning when the chill that rises up from the ground is warmed, the snow is melted where the small deer slept. See how the bodies leave their mark The snow reveals their paths on the hillsides the white overcrossing pathways into the upper meadows where water comes forth and streams begin. With a new snow the unseen becomes seen. Rivers begin this way

At the deer dance last year, after the clashing forces of human good and evil, the men dressed in black,the women mourning for what was gone the evergreen sprigs carried in a circle to show the return of spring. That night, after everything human was resolved, a young man, the chosen, became the deer. In the white skin of its ancestors, wearing the head of the deer above the human head with flowers in his antlers, he danced, beautiful and tireless, until he was more than human, until he, too, was deer.

Of all those who were transformed into animals, the travelers Circe turned into pigs, the woman who became the bear, the girl who always remained the child of wolves, none of them wanted to go back to being human. And I would do it, too, leave off being human and become what it was that slept outside my door last night, rested in my sleep.

One evening I hid in the brush south of here and watched at the place where they shed their antlers and where the deer danced, it was true, as my old grandmother said, water came up from the ground and I could hear them breathing at the crooked river The road there I know. I live here, and always when I walk it they are not quite sure of me, looking back now and then to see that I am still far enough away, their gray brown bodies, the scars of fences the fur never quite straight, as if they’d just stepped into it.

Deer Dance by Linda Hogan

hii, 🙈 may i request Barba x reader with the prompts “It’s two sugars, right?” And “I don’t think I’ll ever stop wanting to learn things about you.” where the reader sees Barba everyday in a coffee shop and has a crush on him🙈 please? I love your stories so much!!!🤩🥰

rafael barba x gender neutral reader. not quiet a coffee shop, but i hope you still enjoy. 

word count: 2569

rating: e for everyone, because getting to know someone can be as simple as buying them a cup of coffee (no trigger warnings, just fluff).

-

“Strongest thing you’ve got,” Rafael says, the wind whipping around him, threatening to knock him over. It makes his nose red, his eyes squint. The woman behind the counter just smirks, shaking her head before starting to move around the stand’s essentials.

The elements come together. Rafael doesn’t linger on the sight. Just pulls out his phone, starts typing away, ignores a call that starts to come through long enough to glance up to see the offering she’s made for him.

Whatever she hands over is hot, bitter, sharp on the tongue. It tastes like shit, if he’s honest, but he knows it’s what he asked for. It’s got what he needs to push on, keep afloat. It’ll help him make it to the end of the day.

“Thanks,” he says quickly, slides over a bill that meets and exceeds the mark. Moves toward the courthouse before she can call out to him, give him his change. He’s got things to attend to, and he starts moving toward the courthouse like he has something to prove. Behind him, a voice, light, lilting, orders the next drink.

“Black, with two sugars, please.”

-

Rafael’s back the next week. It’s just as bitterly cold, but the wind keeps it from feeling like his fingers will fall off. He could make something at home, in the comfort of a warm apartment with a comfortable sofa, but it wouldn’t have the same kick. Surely, whatever he’s drinking will burn a hole in his gut eventually, but it’s liquid time he’s got in his hands when the woman hands it over. A few hours, at least. It’ll keep the notepad open, his pen scribbling until the words are illegible.

He pulls away again, turns to the side in order to scoot past someone with a bright red coat. His feet turn to carry him towards home, when he hears it again.

“Black, with two sugars, please.”

It’s the same voice he heard last time, with added detail. A little worn around the edges, a little less bright. It piques his curiosity, makes him stop, tilt his head just a little. Briefly, he turns, and sees that bright red coat again. Sees a warm closed-lip smile and eyes that meet his before ducking away again.

He smiles back. A hint of one, before he has to push on. He almost can’t help the gesture, looking and seeing the curl of gloved fingers around the nightcap.

It’s a hint of one, but he hopes it’s enough to be polite. But before he can think too much of it, he blinks, and the red coat is blinking at him, moving in and out among the bodies. Fading, behind others that push and shove past him, the end of a workday leading to evening commutes.

He blinks again, and there’s nothing but the masses.

With a little sigh, a sip of horrible coffee, he turns towards home.

-

The red coat is first this time, and with the red coat, you. It’s draped over your arm, as if you didn’t have enough time to slide it on after coming from work. It’s a brave move, considering that the wind is whipping around again, and you’re bracing yourself against it with your phone against your ear.

You’re a force, Rafael thinks. One he might have to reckon with.

Even with your phone to your ear, you’re polite. “Black, with two sugars, please.” But it’s quick and the smile to the woman is brief, and you’re turning away before you see her nod.

Rafael is up next. His coat is on, bundling him up, and the woman, Caroline, sees him and just smirks. “Strongest thing we’ve got?” she asks, and he’s willing to smile back, tight with a shrug.

“It seems to work miracles,” he responds.

And then, it’s instinct. His wallet is pulled out, his cash is offered, and he realizes that before he can think he’s offering to pay. For his, and for yours, and the ten is set down and snatched up quickly before the wind can claim it.

Just like that. It’s done.

Rafael doesn’t know why he paid. Maybe it’s the way you smiled at Caroline, or maybe it’s the way you’re still arguing into your phone. Maybe it’s the sight of your red coat, still draped over your arm, that did him in.

In the end it doesn’t matter, because Rafael scurries away, his own drink clutched against his chest, a meeting waiting for him at One Hogan, and the realization that you smiled at him, too, when you ordered the coffee.

-

The next few weeks are miserable, so much so that waiting in line for a coffee is almost impossible. But he braves it. For one, the coffees are still doing the trick, and he knows that caffeine solutions only last so long. For another, he thinks about you.

It’s mystifying. The interactions have been almost nonexistent, and yet you occupy his mind. More than you should, considering that elevator rides have him considering what makes you tick, and that walks to catch his cars have him glancing towards each little stand for a hint of red. He doesn’t know what it is, but he wants to see you again, hopes to as he bounces on his toes and orders… whatever.

And every day, you’re there. You order your order, and you turn to smile at him. He orders his order, and smiles back. It’s simple, nothing more than politeness, but the two of you take to standing next to each other as the drinks are brewed.

At one point you start mouthing a greeting to him. Usually when you’re on the phone, and your fingers can’t wiggle in a wave. He takes to mouthing it back. You switch off who pays, with Rafael taking one day and you the next. It works. It’s nice.

Three weeks, this happens. Mouthing and waving and smiles over coffee cups. Phone calls on either end, but still time taken out of the day to at least offer a greeting before the day needs to continue. He actually gets your name, eventually, and he offers his in return. A shake of gloved hands before they’re pushed back into coat pockets, smiles lingering on faces as the two of you stare at the menu like your order isn’t already decided.

You know now, that he’s a lawyer. After all, conversations spring up, out of nowhere, all thanks to lines up to the coffee cart. He tells you about his position in the D.A.’s office, and you tell him, with a smile, about your own work with a non-profit. You know now, that his phone calls will more often than not lead him to the courthouse steps, towards One Hogan Place, and he learns that your phone is ringing from somewhere in Queens, with the courthouse a stop more often than not because of the homeless youth you end up sponsoring. You’d moved here a few months ago to commit to the effort, and you’re loving New York so far, despite the price point.

It’s – god, it’s something. A little something new, every day. And a little infuriating, considering that at this point, Carmen has definitely noticed the spring in Rafael’s step at around five o’clock, when he makes his way to the stand and back again. But he doesn’t know what he’d say to her, even if she asked. That he finally got your name? That each time shoulders touch he feels just as bright as that damn coat?

It’s you, he guesses he could say. And he doesn’t know what about you, but he has a feeling he’ll find out soon enough.

-

And then you don’t show.

Rafael is essentially saving you a spot in a line. He makes it all the way to the front, orders, and blinks before he realizes that he orders your drink on instinct. But you’re not right beside him, and Caroline just blinks at the order.

“You sure about that, counselor?” she asks.

Rafael glances around the square. His eyes scan the place, looking for something distinctive. Looking for you, through the crowds and the stairstep press conferences and the shuffling of lawyers and judges and juries.

It’s the red that catches his eye. That bright, brilliant red, through the haze of a New York winter’s day, cloudy and unforgiving. He sees your big red coat, and before he can think, he nods.

“Keep the black coffee. And make it quick.”

Caroline frowns a bit, like the implication her coffee comes out any way but quick is the real insult there. The coffee is traded for another bill. A big tip left behind. His drink in his left hand, yours in his right. He walks in quick strides, across the municipal plaza, and as he gets closer, he sees yours sitting on the steps. Sitting on stone steps in the dead of winter, your coat not even pulled tight around your body.

Your eyes are distant. You’re fidgeting with your hands, twisting your phone over and over between them. You barely notice him approach, but there’s a nod when he gestures to the step beside you, letting out a little groan as he settles into a seat. His knees protest the position, but he holds your drink out to you.

You don’t reach for it. Your fingers still fiddle with your phone, and Rafael realizes that your eyes are puffy.

Immediately doubt swims through his head. But before his mind, yelling at him to leave the coffee and go, can talk himself out of it, he ends up clearing his throat.

“It’s two sugars, right?”

Your eyes look up at him, and the twitch of your lips is barely there. “Uh, yeah. Thank you. I – I appreciate it.”

“Couldn’t stop the tradition.”

“Right. Tradition.”

You sound so forlorn that Rafael can’t help but tilt his head. Your cheery attitude is gone now, hidden behind the gray clouds above and the furrow of your brow.

“Did something happen?” he asks, and when you look up to nod, he realizes in with a little bit of horror that you’re crying.

“I’m just… I’m just realizing there are some people I won’t be able to help. That – that there are some kids that won’t – that I won’t get to in time.”

It’s the kind of weight that Rafael knows keenly. The realization that the people who come to him have already been hurt, that his justice is one that comes after the fact. He can’t prevent, he can only… help heal.

“What happened?” he asks.

You can’t help but laugh. It’s watery, and thick, but you wipe your face with the back of your hand, aggressive, surely scratching at your face with the material of your coat.

“Everything? My brother, he – he calls me out of nowhere to tell me that – that no one can afford to fly me back home for Christmas. So, that’s the start to the shitty day, and that’d be fine if it wasn’t for the gut punch mid-morning that we didn’t meet our fundraising goal for this quarter. Which would be fine if one of our biggest fundraisers didn’t get pushed three weeks because of a venue mishap. Add to that, in that damn courthouse... You know you watch, one of our kids, and you watch him grow and rebuild, and then you watch it all come crashing down again, I –”

Your words kind of sputter out, and you lose steam, breath coming from your mouth in short puffs, your eyes closing as your hands close into fists at your sides. You take a deep breath, roll your shoulders back, and then lift your gaze to him again.

“Sorry. I’m – I’m sorry,” you say, shaking your head. “Too much information, I know. God, you didn’t come over here to listen to me complain. I’m – I’m fine. I will be.”

And seeing you there, sitting on the ice-cold steps of the courthouse, the wind whipping your hair, your gloved hands clutching your knees, encased in that big, bright, red coat –

“First of all, I asked. And… and second, I came over here to bring you some coffee,” Rafael admits, with a roll of his shoulders he sets down his own cup next to himself, holding yours in his hands and using the other to dig into the breast pocket under his lapel. “This is just a bonus.”

“This? Me right now feels like a bonus?” Your voice is incredulous, and he turns to look at you, offering out his handkerchief. His toes tap on the stone steps, and the flakes on his shoes slide off easy.

“I get to learn more about you,” Rafael offers. It’s the only explanation he can, so when your brow raises and you scoff, he just laughs. “What? It’s true.”

You don’t seem convinced. Rafael isn’t deterred, just pushes the small piece of fabric into your hands.

“Well, out of all the time that I’ve known you, or have been adjacent to your order, I’ve learned that you don’t need a coat to keep out the cold. It’s a miracle, really, in New York,” he tells you. Lifts his elbow to nudge at yours. “I’ve learned that you like black coffee with two sugars. I’ve learned you smile and always take a moment to say please and thank you. I’ve learned you’re easy to be around because you don’t make anything hard for anyone else if you don’t have to.”

And when he stops, Rafael can’t look at you. Not quite, ducks his chin to fiddle with the lid on his coffee.

“And I’m learning so much more. Just sitting here, right beside you. That… you and I, we’re doing our best to help people, and while sometimes, days like today will happen, in the end it’s worth it, to the both of us. Because we love what we do.”

You laugh again, this time softer. It catches his eye, the knowledge that you’re smiling, and he turns to watch as you wipe again at your face, this time with his handkerchief.

“Anything – anything else you’re learning, Rafael Barba?” you ask. “About little ol’ me?” A little teasing, a little snarky. You offer him back the handkerchief, and he can’t help it.

He chuckles. He nods. And he reaches for your hand, gently closing your fingers around the cloth. “And I’m learning that I don’t think I’ll ever want to stop learning things about you.”

It gives you pause. Makes you swallow down whatever you plan to say. Your eyes flicker to the way that his fingers are still curled around yours, clutching that handkerchief, and suddenly his face feels warm.

“If you’ll let me. But even if that’s not something you want, I – I suppose I’m grateful for the coffee.”

But before he can pull away, offer an as you were, your free hand points to the cup. You don’t pull away from his grip, just let out a little shiver and smile, sniffing again.

“As long as I get to learn about you. This one mine?”

He hands it over with ease, and the two of you sit on those stone steps for a bit longer, savoring the taste of bitter coffee, one with two sugars, wondering if this is the start of something as intoxicating as a caffeine rush.

A very confused Star Wars Fan desperately tries to justify their belief that “Caravan of Courage” shows the way forward for the franchise. No, really.

Ever since I was a little kid, I’ve loved Star Wars. And I mean, all of it. The books, the games, the Lego, the spin-offs: I even enjoy the Holiday Special in a The Room so-bad-you-just-need-to-see-it sort of way.  But particularly the films. But here is when we run into the big problem: I’m just the wrong age. The original trilogy launched before I was born, the prequel trilogy hit cinemas when I was already a teen and while I went and saw them and enjoyed them, I was at that age where I was self-conscious about seeing a “kids” film, and hyper-aware of how silly and cringy those films were in parts. So my indoctrination, my inoculation with the Star Wars bug didn’t happen in the cinema, and it didn’t happen with any of the main franchise works. It happened on home video, on a skiing trip in the French Alps in the early 90’s. I’d have been about 6, and this was the first time I’d ever been abroad other than to see relatives in Ireland.  And I loved it: to this day I love skiing, but more than that, I have very, very fond childhood memories of this trip. This was shortly before I lost my biological mother to cancer, she’d have received her diagnosis just after we got back from the trip. This was when my younger sister stopped being an annoying screaming thing and became and became an actual person I could talk and play and share ideas with, this was before the combination my mothers long illness and my father having just launched his own IT start up meant I didn’t see him or her any more, despite the fact they were in the same house as me. This was this wonderful, nostalgic child-hood bubble when my family was intact, and nothing could ever go wrong. I skied all day with mum and dad, and would come back to the chalet in the evening. It was an English speaking chalet, I met my first real-life American there, and having grown up in the 90’s in the UK nothing was cooler than making friends with an actual American my own age. He had a hulk Hogan action figure with springs in the legs so if you put him on a hard surface and punched his head down, when you let go he’d jump really high in the air. We used to play with it together in the bath, back in that weird 90’s time-bubble when it was possible to convince two sets of parents that this kid you’d just met was you best friend in the world and of course shared bath time was, somehow, normal and appropriate. And fresh from bath time, tired from the day, the parents would give us some hot coco, dump us kids in front of the tv and grab the first shitty low-budget VHS they could find to keep us distracted while they went to the bar. In this particular time, in this particular place, that shitty low budget cartoon was the  complete set of the 1985 Lucasfilm/ABC Ewoks cartoon, plus the two spin off movies, and to this day that cheap, kitschy, kind of bad series has a special warm and cosy place in my heart. I remember being enthralled by the world, in love with the characters, applied by the bad guys and the injustice they caused (to this day I’m still irate about that time Wicket lost his set of beads documenting his progress towards becoming a full warrior and the older Ewoks basically said, tough, you need to re-earn all those merit badges from scratch. This struck me as exactly the sort of bullshit an adult would pull, and pissed me off) and on tenterhooks about what would happen to the characters.

It was also, by a coincidence, the first ever Star Wars media I was exposed to, and the above combination of events probably explains a lot about me.

So I was surprised, the other day, when scrolling Disney+, to find they’d added Caravan of Courage AND Battle for Endor to the roster in my region. Surely Disney wouldn’t want their slick, cool brand associated with this old trash? Surely there could be no place for this in the post-Mandalorian Star Wars cannon? Surely this is a horrible mistake some intern made, right?

Unless…. What if I’ve miss-remembered? What if it’s not just rose-tinted nostalgia goggles, and it’s, in fact, secretly really, really good?

I rushed to my comfy chair, got a blanket, dimmed the lights, made some coco (with rum in it, because why the hell not?) and sat down to re-examine this lost gem.

And wow: it’s every bit as shit as you’d expect.

It has aged exactly as poorly as you’d expect a cheap, mid 80’s direct to video spin-off to age. Caravan of Courage? More like Caravan of Garbage, am I right?

And yet… I still enjoyed every moment.

And it was sitting there, in my pyjamas, watching a cheaply made direct to video cash-grab from just before I was born, seeing it again for the first time in nearly 30 years, and I realised something.

It doesn’t really matter if this film is bad, so long as I enjoy it. And if it doesn’t really mater if this is bad, then I, like many Star Wars fans, wasted a huge amount of time and emotional effort on being butthurt about stuff I didn’t like about the Rise of Skywalker and it’s ilk. Because somewhere, right now, a tired and frustrated parent is putting Disney+ on to keep their kids quiet for two hours. And they won’t think too hard about what they put on, so long as it keeps little Timmy busy for a bit. Somewhere, right now, a kid is watching Rise of Skywalker, and it’s the first Star Wars media they’ve ever seen.

And that’s okay. Because we don’t know what that kids home life is like. We don’t know if it’s good or bad. Maybe it’s great, maybe it’s about to take a dramatic plunge like mine did, and this moment here will be the cosy, warm memory they look back on in 30 years time, and that’s beautiful.  They’re getting introduced to a fun, wonderful fantasy world that could be with them all their lives, through good times and bad, and as fans we should be happy about that.

Star Wars will never, die: it’s too darn profitable, Disney will never let it. And while I hope they learn from their mistakes and make sure every future Star Wars is a timeless gem of story-telling, statistically, if you keep making enough films, some of them will be bad. And while I’d like them all to be great, it’s still okay if they’re bad.

Because nothing can take away my memories of that week in that chalet. Nothing can take-away my memories of when they put the original trilogy on in cinemas for the special edition and I had my jaw hit the floor with how good it was on the big screen, not knowing or caring who shot first. Nothing can take away you memories of the Original Trilogy, the Prequels, or the Clone Wars. Nothing can tarnish the bits of the sequil trilogy that you like, and there are good bits in there.

But wait, what about continuity? What about the sacred, perfect written time-line that used to exist?

Well, what about it? Have you seen any other big, epic fantasy universe before? They’re all a mess. A work of fiction, particularly fantasy, can be extensive, or tightly written, but not both. Harry Potter is only seven books, and the last two feel, tonally, like they’re from an entirely different series. I love them, but the grim-dark kicked in so fast you’ll get whiplash. The Hobbit is a perfect written self-contained novel, and LOTR is *The* big boy high-fantasy trilogy: fast forward 50 years, and Christopher Tolkien is desperately squeezing every last drop of money out of his father’s corpse by finishing and publishing every unfinished note JRR ever wrote right down to his shopping lists. Even Dune goes of the rails with sequels. I can only think of four fantasy works that are both extensive and consistently tightly written, Song of Ice and Fire, Wheel of Time, Malazan: Book of the Fallen and Brandon Sanderson’s Cosmere universe. And even then, the prequels and spin-offs mess with the timelines: the Dunk and Egg novella’s change some character’s canonical ages and timelines, Wheel of Time was going slowly off the rails even before the Jordan died, Forge of Darkness made what was a good metaphor for the creation of it’s world into a literal war deep in the past, and Sanderson’s first Novel Elantris got a re-write to bring it more in line with the rest of the shared universe. The MCU, oft held up as the modern example of tightly planned, well thought out ongoing storytelling, is a lie: it was never as pre-planned out as Disney wants us to think; the first Iron Man, apparently, barely had a script, with Downey ad-lib-ing most of his scenes. None of the MCU films are direct sequels to each-other other than Infinity war and Endgame. There are three Iron Man films, and Three Thor films, and none continue an ongoing story line across multiple films, and the Cap films barely continue an arc, but only where Cap’s relationship with Natasha and Bucky is involved.  Much like these, Star War’s cannon is a complete, nightmarish, confusing, tangled, illogical mess. And it has been since 1984, as Caravan of Courage proves. It was never consistent and well planned.

And that’s okay.

I used to care about plot holes. I used to care about which works were cannon in Star Wars lore. I’m over that now. I’m happy to imagine the books, films and games not as a blow-by-blow historical account of a galaxy far far away, but as campfire stories from within this fun, imaginative world that we’re all invited to listen to. Stories that are in-universe myth and folklore, that we can all snuggle up and listen to while drinking highly alcoholic rum and remembering better times, knowing that wherever the future throws at us, no matter how the world goes to hell around us, we’ll still have the memories, and the ability to make our own new stories in the wonderful Star Wars world we all share.

And that’s okay. No, more than that: that’s beautiful.

Also Star Wars is completely unambiguous on the fact we’re allowed to kill fascists no matter how many times they keep coming back with a new logo, so that’s timely I guess.

So, there’s my hot take two-years after everyone else stopped caring about this stuff, as per bloody usual. Tell me why I’m wrong below, and does anyone else have any truly awful spin-off shows that they kind of have a nostalgic soft spot for?

10. wincest gay bar!

WIP list game

Oh boy. Baby’s first wincest fic.

Late last spring, when I was somewhere in the middle of the second season for the first time, one night a line of dialogue popped into my head: “Don’t Sammy me with your dick up my ass.” As you do, I laughed about it with my wincesty friends, but then I started thinking: how would the brothers end up in that situation? A couple of days later I was writing my first SPN fic, the first fanfic I’d written in years.

I love the good old “they had to kiss to avoid detection” trope, and what better place for it than a haunted gay bar! They’re hunting a ghost the locals have dubbed the Killer Queen, but before the brothers get anywhere with the case, Sam realizes that a creepy dude staring at them is a hunter, one of Gordon’s pals. Kissing Dean to prove they’re definitely not the Winchester brothers is the first plan he comes up with, and it leads to predictable consequences.

The fic is complete, but it sits in the WIP folder, because I was and am not happy with it. Reading it again now, several months later, I can see that there’s a fun little story in there somewhere, and it has some good lines, but it’s going to need a substantial rewrite.

Two snippets under the cut. 

The first one is their first brush with the hunter. The second one is from a little later: they’ve already kissed once, tried and failed to escape through the bathroom, and are now gambling that the hunter is almost fooled and that with a bit more theatrics they’ll be able to slip out and away.

-+-

“Let’s go grab a couple of beers,” Dean says. “You pay. I’m out of cash.”

Sam grumbles, but he goes to order, and Dean has to admire how good Sam is at this whole masquerade thing, how at home he’ll seem to anyone who doesn’t know him inside and out like Dean does. He can see the line of tension running down Sam’s spine, the coiled spring quality of his muscles as Sam casually leans against the bar.

He also spots the man before Sam does and his gut tells him the man spells trouble, even if he isn’t sure why.

The man is big, bigger than Sam even, with a gray Hulk Hogan moustache and the muscles to match. He’s stuffed his beefy torso in a ludicrous pink tank top, but somehow that makes him look more intimidating, not less. He has sauntered up to the counter and is looking at Sam like Sam’s a goddamned steak.

“This one’s on me,” the man says to Sam. “What’ll you have?”

Dean doesn’t like any of it one bit, and he can see that neither does Sam, so he goes to intervene before Sam says or does something stupid.

“This guy bothering you, Sam?” Dean drapes an arm around Sam’s shoulders and gives the guy his best fuck off, he’s with me stare. Under his arm Sam is wound so tight that Dean fears he’ll crack open like a Jack-in-the-box the second Dean lets go.

The man’s eyes go from Sam to Dean and back, wary and calculating. “You guys together?”

“Yes,” Dean says at the same time Sam says, “No.” 

Dean rolls his eyes at Sam in a way he hopes looks more like not again, honey than don’t screw this up, brother.

“I see,” the man says slowly. He takes a step back, smiles. It’s an ugly smile. “Sorry to bother you.”

Sam’s eyes follow the man as he saunters away. He has that crease between his brows that means he’s unhappy or unsure about something.

“What?” Dean asks.

Sam turns his unhappy frown on him and rolls his shoulders in a pointed way, so Dean lets his arm fall away from him.

“Nothing,” Sam says.

Clearly it’s not nothing, but Dean lets it go. “Got the beers?” he asks instead, and when Sam holds up two bottles, he says, “Attaboy. Let’s sit down and talk strategy.”

-+-

Awful music washes over them when they tumble out into the corridor. They almost collide with a small angry man who’s been about to have another go at the bathroom door. “The fuck took you so long?” the man grumbles.

Quick as a snake, Sam has an arm draped around Dean’s shoulders. “Oh, you know,” he says. “This one’s not a young man anymore. Right, honey?” He plants a noisy kiss on Dean’s cheek and then turns to stage whisper at the man. “Performance issues.”

“Fuckin—“ Dean puts his arm around Sam’s waist, digs his fingers into the soft spot below his ribs. “Come on,” he says and nudges them towards the exit. A few paces on he can’t help hissing, “Performance issues? Really?”

Sam’s mouth quirks in a way that could mean anything. “You didn’t have to chew up my neck like an animal.”

“It’s all in the details,” Dean says. He more feels than hears Sam snort.

They are almost at the foot of the stairs when Dean spots the hunter. He is lounging against the bar, at the end nearest to the exit, where he has an unobstructed view of anyone coming or going. Dean sees him see them, the way his posture changes, although he does a fairly good job of maintaining an air of relaxed disinterest. Sam has spotted him as well. His fingres press into Dean’s shoulder, a warning in five points of dull pressure, and when Dean turns to look at him, Sam gives him the tiniest of eye-rolls before leaning down for a kiss.

It could remain a chaste little thing, the kiss, something just for show. There’s hesitation after the initial touch, a few seconds in which the coin could land either way. Sam pulls back just far enough for Dean to glance past him and see that the hunter has lost interest. It’s worked—they’re in the clear, and when Sam leans back down Dean should stop him. He doesn’t, God help him. Sam’s lips are on his and Dean just doesn’t care anymore. Something snaps loose at the back of his mind and he leans into the kiss with a hunger that rises from the very core of his being. He feels Sam gasp, feels the shudder that goes through his body, and then Sam’s hands come up to cup his head, keeping him in place so that Dean couldn’t pull away if he wanted to.

Not that he has any intention on doing so. He groans into Sam’s mouth, aroused and terrified beyond belief, and yet strangely elated by the knowledge that if he’s twisted enough to want this, then at least he’s not the only one.

-+-

Love Is Not Forced ~ 4

MAIN MASTERLIST

Love Is Not Forced MASTERLIST

< previous chapter

Word Count: 1,070ish

Summary: Princess Y/N clears things up with the King and Queen.

Warnings: none

The Queen was right. Y/N had all the books on the subject brought up to her tower and told the guards that no one, besides her handmaiden, was allowed up. She stayed up there, besides going down for bathes and lessons, for three days. Wanda brought her food, telling her that the Queen and, especially, the King missed her presence. The King tried to get up to her several times a day, but respected the Princess enough to not force himself into the tower. She’d come down when she was ready.

As she read, Y/N learned about the tradition and the different kingdoms that would be coming to the ball. The three biggest kingdoms, besides her own, caught her eye. There was Asgard, known for their liquor and warfare. They were ruled by King Odin and Queen Frigga with two Princes, Prince Thor and Prince Loki. Then there was Wakanda, known for their women armies and advanced technology. They were ruled by the young King T’Challa. There was also Brooklyn. It was ran by the young King Steven Rogers. Reading helped her understand why, but didn’t help her forgive her Father for keeping this a secret. It was almost dinner time. Y/N decided to join her family for dinner. When she entered the dinning room, the King was shocked. 

“Y/N,” he smiled. “I’m glad you’ve decided to join us.” 

She simply nodded, moving to her seat quickly. The Princess didn’t speak until the dinner was over. “Mother,” she called. The three family members turned to look at her.

“Yes?” The Queen answered.

“May I talk to you?”

“Of course.” The Queen stood up, the Princess following her actions. Y/N silently followed the Queen out. Neither of them spoke until the doors shut behind them. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. I really did try to get your Father to tell you sooner.”

“I know. I just wish he would have…”

“I understand.”

“Mother, what kingdom did you come from?”

“The small kingdom of Melan. It no longer exists. I was an only child. So after my parents died, your Father absorbed Melan within Alexandria.”

“How did you feel about the arrangement? To Father.”

“Honestly, for us it wasn’t that big of a deal. Our Fathers were close, so we grew up together. We knew that they were planning on us getting married, but it didn’t change anything. We fell in love before we even realized.” 

Y/N sighed. “Why wasn’t I given that chance?”

“Your Father wanted you to himself as long as possible. He said that if he was only going to have you as his daughter for ten years, he was going to make the best of it. He didn’t want any distractions.”

“Has Father talked about me to any of the kingdoms?”

“Yes. Specifically the big three, Asgard, Wakanda, and Brooklyn. He’s extremely close with them. Alexandria has great relations with them already. So choosing any of them should be purely out of who Tony thinks is the best fit.”

“And what if I don’t agree with his best fit?”

“Sweetheart,” the Queen stopped moving to stand in front of Y/N, grabbing her hands. “Your Father will only make the decision that he feels his best for you. And if that chance is not one you approve of… well then I’m afraid that you’ll just have to go for the sake of the kingdom.”

“Why do I have to do everything for the kingdom? Why can’t I just do something for myself for once?”

“Oh, Y/N… I’m so sorry. But, please, give the ball a chance. You never know. One of them may catch your eye.”

“Probably not… But, since I have no choice in the matter, I will try my best. For my kingdom.”

“That’s my girl.” The Queen placed a gently kiss on the Princess’ forehead. “You’ll make a great Queen one day.”

After leaving the Queen, Y/N went to find the King. She had a feeling he’d be in his own tower, so she headed there. Sir Hogan was guarding the door to the tower when she arrived.

“Princess,” he bowed in greeting.

“Sir Hogan,” she gave a small smile and a small curtesy. “Is my Father up there?”

“The King is up there. And, currently, you are the only one with permission to visit him.”

“Thank you.” 

Y/N silently went up the stairs, trying to piece her thoughts together. She needed to apologize, but she also needed her Father to understand that what he did was not okay. When she reached the top, Y/N saw the King standing, gazing out the window with his hands clasped behind his back. 

“Am I interrupting anything?” Y/N wondered.

The King turned his head to smile at her, before looking back out the window. “No. I was just… thinking.”

“May I inquire of what you were thinking about?”

“I was thinking about the night we meet, and the morning after… Did I spring this life on you and Peter too fast? Should I have found a nice family, in a nice village to place you in?”

“Is this all because I was mad at you earlier?” Y/N quickly went to her Father’s side. “Do not regret your decision. I sure don’t. It may have taken me longer than Peter to trust everyone. But you were the first one I trusted. And I will always be grateful for you and Mother’s kindness to Peter and I… And I’m sorry for the way I acted earlier. Reading up on the situation and looking back at my schooling, I guess that it was always leading up to this and I always kind of knew. I just hoped it wasn’t true, or that you wouldn’t make me do it… But I understand that it needs to be done for our kingdom. And I will to it for them.”

The King turned to face the Princess, a hand coming up to cup her cheek. “I am so proud of you. I am so proud to call you my daughter.”

“Once I am married, I understand that I am no longer really a part of this kingdom. But… could we still talk? I can’t imagine not writing to you.”

“Of course, darling. Of course… I wouldn’t have it any other way… you will always by my Princess.”

next chapter >

Notes: Tags are struggling right now, for many writers. So I truly appreciate all the likes, comments, and reblogs. It means the world.

Tag List:

@dreamilyunaffectedwreck (won’t link) @freya-xo​   @laic2299​ 

4,5,12

What’s the next book you’re hoping to read?

as we speak im looking at these two stacks of books in front of my shelf - one is library books i still have to read and the other is books i own that i still have to read (there are too many in both stacks). tbh im not sure which of them im going to read next but it had better be one of these. highlights include (from my owned pile) both white teeth and swing time by zadie smith, the song of achilles (which i will realistically never finish) and circe (which i will hopefully finish) by madeline miller, and the hollow ones by guillermo del toro and chuck hogan. then from the library pile we have from blood and ash by jennifer armentrout (which i have heard bad things about with the editing) and killing commendatore by haruki murakami (which i mean to read like two months ago). so it had better be one of those

Is there a book you own, but aren’t planning on reading?

i just mentioned in the last question that im probably never going to finish song of achilles :(. i really wanted to like it but it still hasnt grabbed me by page 182 so. i also own a copy of the goldfinch bc i was SURE i was going to be OBSESSED with it and then got maybe less than fifty pages in it before i was like this is wayyy too boring to tolerate. for books i havent even started, i have a copy of damnation spring by ash davidson. idk literally anything about it so ill probably never get to it because it doesnt ever stick out in my mind.

Have you ever read a celebrity memoir? If so, whose was it?

i dont think so im so bad at nonfiction omg. i cant finish a nonfiction book to save my life. i think the only memoir ive read is brain on fire by susannah cahalan, which was about her experience with encephalitis (i also read i'll be gone in the dark by michelle mcnamara which is technically part memoir/biography but since its really mostly true crime i dont think of it as one). i also tried to read in the dream house by carmen maria machado but it didnt grab me. i feel so bad being like "oh this memoir wasn't interesting" because thats someones LIFE but i guess i just literally cant get into them, which is insane because i love being nosy. i realize neither of these are celebrity memoirs but i would literally, literally never pick up a celebrity memoir because that would require me to be into the kind of celebrities who write ("write") memoirs and its just never happened. but im calling it right now if paris hilton writes one im reading it immediately

thank you so much ive been dying to talk about books all day