#hellsite /derogatory. for once. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

aj-lenoire · 11 months

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welcome, twitter refugees!!

here's a quick and friendly tumblr how-to:

DOs & DON'Ts

DO reblog posts!! regardless of whether or not you add a comment, either in the post itself or in the tags, the OP will get notifications of everyone who likes the post via your reblog and who reblogs it from you! comment as much or as little as you like

DON'T repost things! fanart, fanfiction, etc. this is different from reblogging, a repost is when you copy/save the work to your computer and reupload it in a post of your own, rather than reblogging it

DO follow tags as well as other blogs!! really like one specific character from a tv show? a certain ship? search their name and follow the tag, and you'll see posts that mention or tag them even if you don't directly follow the person who made that post

DON'T rely too much on the search function, it's broken. if you want to search someone's blog for a tag, you're better off going to the URL: tumblr.com/[blogname]/tagged/[tag]

DO tag liberally! you can use the tags to add comments that you don't want to directly add to the post, to make it easier for people to search your blog, or to make it easier for yourself to find things later on

DON'T use tiktok censorship speak when tagging things!! it will make it actively more difficult for people seeking to avoid certain topics. instead of "tw: abu$e" just tag "abuse" and anyone who has blacklisted the tag "abuse" will not see your post.

similarly, DON'T tag things like "epilepsy" - instead, tag "flashing lights" so people can still use the epilepsy tag to discuss epilespy without risking seeing triggering flashing lights

DO use the follow and the block buttons liberally! this site has absolutely no algorithm, so it is entirely up to you to curate your space exactly how you want it!

DON'T send hate to people via the askbox on their blog, either anonymously or not. just block people who annoy you or post horrible things

DO participate in polls! tumblr only got them recently, less than a year ago, and people immediately went ham. vote on stupid things like which bug emoji is superior, which ship is the best, and how much vanilla extract should go in a cake! but remember that you cannot edit the original poll after you post it

DON'T use or endorse "AI" generators like chatgpt! don't reblog AI images and or AI endings to unfinished/abandoned fanfictions

DO cite your sources if you want to educate people on something in a post, we all love to learn, and informative posts on everything from current political events to which geodes could be made into useable dildos, but misinformation is prolific, so make sure anyone reading your information can refer to a real source!

jargon

notes - likes, reblogs (with or without comments or tags) and replies to a post are all agregated to give the number of notes, which is basically the number of times a post has been interacted with

OP - the Original Poster of a post, for example, me, aj-lenoire, with this post. i am op.

hellsite - tumblr itself. this website is insane and unprofitable and broken and we wouldn't have it any other way. hellsite can be either (affectionate) or (derogatory) and often both at once

blorbo - your favourite character, your rotten soldier, your sweet cheese, your good time boyy. post about them frequently and with weird, frenzied gusto

squick - something you personally don't like, such as a ship or a character or a trope, but is not actually bad or harmful - it's just not for you. it squicks you out.

blacklisting means you've blocked a specific tag rather than a blog/person. for example, if you don't want to see anything with spiders, blacklist the tag "spiders" so you don't see any! if someone you follow reblogs a post and tags it with "spiders", or the OP of the post tagged it with "spiders" then your dashboard will hide the post from you and tell you it was tagged with "spiders" and you can choose whether or not to view it

passing peer review means you added commentary to a post in the tags, and someone who reblogged that post from you saw your tags and thought they were funny, so decided to screenshot them and add them as a comment so everyone could see them. congratulations!!

breaking containment is when a post about a niche subject and/or from a blog with not many followers gets super popular because it's funny, and often OP despairs at how their notifications become unusable from the sheer number of notes from this one post

KUNGPOWPENIS - if someone posts something bigoted, tumblr will ban together to reblog, one letter at a time, k-u-n-g-p-o-w-p-e-n-i-s. only do this when the bigot is the OP, because only the original poster will get a flood of single-letter reblog notifications from every single branch of the reblog chain

tips & tricks

pornbots and bots in general are not uncommon here. whenever you get followed by someone, check to make sure they're not a bot by visiting their blog. if they only have a few reblogged posts on random topics, or no posts at all, and their profile picture is a beautiful woman, they're a bot, and you should flag and block them

old posts can and do get reblogged and liked all the time, there's no point at which it becomes cringe to interact with a post. we even have some from 10+ years ago that're considered 'tumblr heritage'

long posts will cross your dash from time to time, the most infamous being colour of the sky. you will see it and it will madden you with how far you have to scroll - inflict your followers with the same frustration by reblogging so they can see it too!! if you're on desktop, pressing j will skip to the next post.

read more allows you to shorten a post with a 'click to read more' link that takes the reader to the root post on your blog. this is especially handy if you're publishing fanfiction or a very long analysis of something.

toggling reblogs lets you choose whether a post is rebloggable or not, for example something personal you may want to delete later, turning off reblogs means there won't be any copies floating around after you delete the root post

follower count is not visible! the only way anyone will know how many followers you have is if you tell them. follow blogs based on whether you like what they post, not by whether they're super popular or not

memes are frequent and long-lasting. tumblr plays with jpegs like dolls and there are some memes that have been here for years. a current favourite is the destiel confession meme which has warped into a shorthand for breaking weird news

important dates

tumblr loves a goofy-ass-holiday!! here are some of the standouts:

ides of march - 15th march, celebrate julius caesar getting his shit rocked

pride month - june, tumblr is generally a very pro-queer space, so expect everything to be decked out in rainbows for the entirety of june and most of the rest of the year, too!!

halloween - the entire month of october and also a week in july, this site loves some spooky scary skeletons

destielputinelection - 5th november, reminisce about the absolute chaos that gripped the internet during the 2020 usa presidential election

blog recs for new users

to each their own, and a main draw of tumblr is that there's something for everyone, down to the very, very niche. so, search for stuff that interests you and follow those blogs! however, here are some blogs that are fun for everyone:

heritageposts - your one-stop blog for all the best, weirdest, oldest tumblr posts will all the drama, expect to see a lot of destiel

staffs-secret-blog - (not actually staff)

one-time-i-dreamt - full of weird and wonderful posts, made all the better by the fact that no one reads usernames here, so inevitably there is panicked confusion over what the fuck is going on

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses - one of tumblr's most ubiquitous shit-posters

aj-lenoire - that's me!

that's pretty much the basics, but most people here are really friendly, so if you're unsure, just ask someone! have fun!!

#tumblr etiquette #hellsite (affectionate)#Tumblr #twitter #aj-abstractions

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torchickentacos · 3 months

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DREW + 4, 12, and 23

OKAY. TUMBLR'S LETTING ME ANSWER THIS ONE NOW. hellsite. Long post. I joked about being normal and hinged on the other ask about him I answered and CONGRATS, you get unhinged and long-winded thoughts! Curse of being my friend, I'm comfortable being unwell around you and now you get a dissertation <3.

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

I mean, here's the thing. Literally any answer is objectively going to be hilarious. He's absurd in whatever you throw him at. Off the top of my head. Skyrim. Any romcom ever. Red Dead Redemption. Zelda. Great British Bake-Off. Like. Literally anything is really funny to imagine kdjfhskjf. Real answer, though, I think he would THRIVE as a Stardew Valley townie. That seems genuinely up his alley. Little florist's shop with a greenhouse in the back, a small-town with plenty of wilderness around to explore, and damn it now I just want to make an SDV pokeani au.

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

Long section incoming. Lol. Sorry. I have.... thoughts. A couple of 'em, even. Not adding a read-more because at this rate tumblr's gonna auto-shorten this for me.

kdjfhdskjfhdsjfhdsj. okay. You, the one asking this, already know WAY TOO MANY OF MY HEADCANONS ABOUT HIM and you are complicit in all of them lmfao. Assuming the french-canadian thing doesn't count since it's arguably canon (?), here's a potentially ~controversial~ one that literally nobody is obligated to agree with, dw, but I can back it up (sort of) (as much as you can back up ANYTHING in AG): I do not think Drew stays in coordinating in the long-term. Here's the thing. Think about episodes where he's being annoying and high-strung (/affectionate). Now, think about episodes where he seems to actually have serotonin for once. In group one, high-strung, you're going to get a lot of contest (like, contests on stage, not shorthand for shipping)/competition themed episodes. I have my... OPINIONS (/derogatory) about the Absol scene in Thinning the Hoard!, but I can use that as an example of "Well. This can't be great for his emotional wellbeing." EVIDENTLY it stresses him the fuck out. He's never more moody and stressed than he is in grand festivals/contests. But, in group two where he's actually kinda chill (albeit still himself), we have episodes where he's out doing literally anything other than coordinating- Unbeatable Lightness, WWWWW (why is he more relaxed in the episode where he drowns than the episodes where he wins ribbons?), On Cloud Arcanine. Hell, even contest episodes where he's not the one competing! He seems genuinely happier outside of contests.

This isn't even getting into my thoughts on coordinating fame and canon's portrayal of it (which is actually interesting and consistent, if unelaborated on). Some people thrive in that attention. Others won't. I think Drew genuinely loves the ART of contests. The planning of it, the technical side, working out strategies and appeals. And he's good at it. But the other parts of coordinating are things he struggles with and is uneasy with (also seen briefly in Unbeatable Lightness, A Fan With A Plan, and Spontaneous Combusken, my beloved absolute dumpster fire of an episode).

Now, it's a real shame to headcanon him as someone driven out of a career he loves by the culture of it and to just leave it on that sour note, though- so, where does he go from there? I've spoken to friends about it and there's different schools of thought about this- the one I usually lean towards personally is a career change that still allows him to partake in the parts of coordinating that he loved without the parts he hated, like becoming a mentor of sorts for new coordinators. I can see him being, like, a coordinating professor of sorts. Something that still allows the artistic expression and self-challenge, but more contained and focused specifically on the parts he loves about it. I can see him finding more satisfaction through teaching and nurturing others' talents and watching THEM go off and win rather than putting himself through it.

And obviously, his entire canon character is about how he's good at coordinating! This is maybe a weird take that sort of takes canon and does a hard pivot, so absolutely no need to agree at all, and I LOOOOVE interpretations where he stays and thrives in it! Because honestly, on a selfish note, the less he does coordinating the less I have to worry about the rules of contest appeals and battles, so. Can't say I don't have a personal stake in this. Because dear god do not make me try to understand the gen 3 anime's contest point system or lack thereof, what the FUCK.

Anyways. Thoughts. I have them. Sometimes. On occasion.

23. Favorite picture of this character?

lmao. BUT also 1.) every single face he's ever made at Harley, and 2.) every single face he makes in Unbeatable Lightness, which I think this is the third time I've mentioned it here BUT IT'S A GOOD EPISODE AND I'M NOT TAKING ALTERNATE OPINIONS ON THAT! If the sunset scene rewired my brain chemistry as a kid for probably the worse, then that's everyone else's problem and not mine. insert Taylor Swift "Drew looks-" FUCK YEAH MAN HE SURE DOES!!!!!

#non pokeani mutuals . do not worry about this. we're all really normal here :)#taylor's tag #taylor talks #drew #THANK YOU TAYLOR. taylor^2

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yournextflame · 2 years

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The downfall of Fundamentalism

Playing devil’s advocate for the outer gods wasn’t enough, here I’m going to explain why Golden Order Fundamentalism isn’t synonymous to religious fanaticism, but originally it was... a magic maths. One of the most interesting themes of the Elden Ring for me is the eventual corruption of what once was great, and I think Fundamentalism is a good example of initially amazing concept degrading into the parody of itself with the flow of time.

This post branched out from my observation of the Elden Ring sigils and originally I planned to write a big summary of all “holy” spells, but the size of the essay was becoming enormous even by my standards and some topics such as the Erdtree’s changes over time were covered in other posts. [if you’ve seen similar comment on certain hellsite, well, it was me]

Instead, I decided to focuse on the Golden Order Fundamentalism, one of the most “wronged” aspects of the Elden Ring lore.

Fundamentalism usually has a religious connotation that indicates unwavering attachment to a set of strict beliefs. However, In the context of the Elden Ring definition of fundamentalism has different meaning:

Fundamentalism is scholarship in all but name. Scales incantations using both intelligence and faith (Golden Order Seal)

Golden Order and Golden Order Fundamentalism are used interchangely by fandom, the latter bears the derogatory meaning of blind fanatism, but this is plain wrong.

Golden Order refers to:

- the particular shape of the Elden Ring (The Golden Order was created by confining Destined Death - Mending Rune of the Death-Prince),

- religion centered around worship of Marika (The Golden Order is founded on the principle that Marika is the one true god - brother Corhyn)

- a historical period of Marika’s reign, but usually it’s called “age of the Erdtree”

Meanwhile, as you can see in the description of the Golden Order Seal, Fundamentalism is a scholarship centered around metaphysics of the Elden Ring runes via the Laws of Causality and Regression. There is a religious influence in play, especially later on, but initially Fundamentalism derived from the blind belief in the Erdtree and was build around the idea of structural study of the fundamentals of the world.

Speaking of Fundamentalism, it is impossible not to mention its founder - Radagon.

As the husband of Rennala of Caria, the red-haired Radagon studied sorcery, and as the husband of Queen Marika, he studied incantations. Thus did the hero aspire to be complete One the first things that we learn about Radagon is that he was interested in magic, both sorcery and incantations, as result Fundamentalists spells are utilizing int and faith, and sometimes int only. However, Fundamentalism isn’t solely dedicated to spellcraft; engineering, craftsmanship and maths also played important role in its foundation. Notably, idea to take the best from the both worlds and improve it with “scientific” approach fascinated him from the very beginning:

One-of-a-kind enchanted crossbow of exquisitely detailed craftsmanship. Made to celebrate the matrimonial union, and reconciliation, between the houses of the Erdtree and the Full Moon, Leyndell and Raya Lucaria. The two rings dance when reloading the weapon. Reveals true worth when used with holy-infused bolts (Full Moon Crossbow)

And even after he divorced Rennala, he still pursued knowledges and better understanding of the laws of the world.

I don’t want to turn this post in analyzes of Radagon’s character, I already have like five of them in my drafts and argued a lot on hellsite, but there is an interesting and really overlooked detail about him - he naturally lacks talent for magic. If you pay attention to the description of Marika/Radagon’s scarseals, you may notice that their stats are split, while Marika is leaning towards int, faith and arcne, Radagon’s main attributes are physical.

An eye engraved with an Elden Rune. Said to be the seal of King Consort Radagon. Raises vigor, endurance, strength, and dexterity (Radagon's Scarseal)

This, and description of Fire Giant’s braid, together with the description of Radagon’s icon are painting pretty clear picture - Radagon was looking for a way to improve himself, to overcome his more primal and unrefined nature in comparison with more “civilized” Marika. There are many characters, who are rejecting their true nature in the Elden Ring: Godfrey uses Serosh to supress his bloodlust, Malenia quite literally loses herself, Morgott cuts off his horns and hates his Omen origin. But Radagon, while struggles from self-esteem issues, doesn't go full on "woe is me" and goes on the long quest to develop qualities he is lacking.

Also, leave the mantle of the hardcore Erdtree hugger to Morgott because Radagon literally removes Erdtree as a symbol of the Erdtree worship from Fundamentalism sigil as you can see on the OP pic. Not to mention, he is not a huge fan of people fighting in favor of the dying tree

A talisman patterned after swords used in ritual combat held to honor the Erdtree. The practice had died out by the age of King Consort Radagon, but remains of the arenas where ritual combat took place can still be found in every land (Ritual Sword Talisman)

Carian sorcery was based on fate reading via astrology. Golden Order faith borrowed the power from runes and the Erdtree. Fundamentalism united both types of magic and advanced it even futher with a help of maths study. The Erdtree was way past the age of flourishment and people needed to develop new spells. In fact, Fundamentalism is the most populated group of spells in so-called Golden group, but on top of that - it’s the most diverse. The Crucible/ancient Erdtree spells and Erdtree’s worships categories are mainly focused on healing and defence, while Fundamentalism provides all variety of miracles. And, of course, we shouldn’t forget about maths:

Golden Order Principia (reference to Philosophiæ Naturalis Principia Mathematica by Isaac Newton, a work expounding Newton's laws of motion and his law of universal gravitation)

A dense and complex academic treatise that contains the Order's fundamental principles.

Pulley Bow: Longbow which utilizes a series of pulleys and springs. The complex mechanism, which required advanced mathematical and mechanical understanding to craft, was likely made by a certain genius who learned Golden Order fundamentalism.

“Scholary” part of the Fundamentalism also represented by the naming of the fundamental laws in Japanese.

Law of Regression is 回帰性原理 where kanjis 回帰 is a mathemathical statistical technique that relates a dependent variable to one or more independent (explanatory) variables.

On the countrary 因果 in Law of Casualty means “karma” in Buddihsm, karma refers to action driven by intention (cetanā) which leads to future consequences. Those intentions are considered to be the determining factor in the kind of rebirth in samsara, the cycle of rebirth.

Even kanji Order 律 - “vinaya” originated from Buddihsm, it is often translated as 'discipline' and 'doctrine” and used to refer Buddha's complete teachings.

Again, I believe it’s important to separate art from inspirations, but by mentioning maths and other references I want to show that Miyazaki’s creativity isn’t limited to the “Catholisism is bad for dummies” and “I read one manga in my life and it’s Berserk” (please, someone tell Berserk fans that Miyazaki also loves oldschool shojo manga). Golden Order Fundamentalism definitely was inspired Christianity - to a degree, but just like in game it’s a mix of sorcery and incantations, in terms of real life inspiration it isn’t limited to the only religion majority of Westerners ever heard about.

This brings up the complexity of Fundamentalism and Miyazaki’s take on the religion in the Elden Ring. His critics of organized cults was a big part of Dark Souls (I hate clerics - Patches) and Bloodborne, but usually it was shown from “there is no god in your church” angle: the prophecy of Way of White was fabricated, Gwyn and his kind weren’t actually gods, members of the Healing Church barely had any idea what they are doing.

Elden Ring, however, raises another question:

Should there be a god at all?

(According to the Buddhist scriptures, the sunflower is the flower of the Buddha. The seeds inside the sunflower represent the Buddhist faith and the flowers represent the virtues of the Buddha)

Ever Brilliant Goldmask is another prominent Fundamentalist character, he is a Tarnished, who searches in the mysteries of the Golden Order.

Goldmask is not the most talkative fellow in game, but from Corhyn we can learn that he is calculating what’s going on, which means that he leans towards “scholary” side of the Fundamentalism, while his companion represents blind fanatism to the point where he rejects book of Two Fingers and calls it heresy.

While still a precise calculus, the rhythms grew increasingly wild Or at least, such is all I can interpret from the rhythm and calculus of his finger.

[interesting, Corhyn is basically Goldmask’s "Finger Maiden“]

It is worth noting that Goldmask is the one, who adresses the huge issue with Fundamentalism that happened after the Night of the Black Knives, when Ranni broke Cursmark of Death in half, the Erdtree got infected and the souls stopped to return to the roots.

Discrimination of Those Who Live in Death is a dark page in the history of Fundamentalism, a turning point when religious origin of the Golden Order and ideology based on the concept of immortality overcame common sense.

The noble Goldmask lamented what had become of the hunters. How easy it is for learning and learnedness to be reduced to the ravings of fanatics; all the good and the great wanted, in their foolishness, was an absolute evil to contend with. Does such a notion exist in the fundamentals of Order?

Goldmask, despite his low opinion on hunters, still believed that Fundamentalism was a great idea that was screwed by fanatics. He holds similar opinion on the Order, in the end Elden Ring is just an instrument, but gods are imperfect and shouldn’t influence it.

The imperfection of the current Golden Order, is otherwise its instability of ideology. It is unnecessary for Gods to have emotions like humans. That was the flaw of the Order

I guess my question should have been how much gods were involved in the persecution of Those Who Live in Death? Most certainly, Radagon was, for example incantation Order's Blade shares design with his Golden Order Greatsword. We can also find golden centipedes - hunters fetishes, near his statue in Liurnia. Surprisingly enough, Miquella, who is usually known for his more liberal and open-minded views and acceptance of the shunned and ostracized, wasn’t in fond of Those Who Live in Death as well.

His sword, Golden Epitaph, allows to use the skill named Last Rtes:

Raise the epitaph to grant the effect of Sacred Order to yourself and allies in the vicinity. Particularly effective at laying to rest Those Who Live in Death.

As you can see, it uses Haligtree sigil, which means that Miquella at that moment already abandoned Fundamentalism and was working on his own plan, however, this spell still utilizes power of Radagon’s Sacred Order.

[I am really curious about the timeline, it is commonly believed that Godwyn was killed right before the Shattering. However, Japanese supports that this line is right:

It happened during the Golden Age of the Erdtree [age of abudance?], long before the shattering of the Elden Ring

While this line - Soon, the Elden Ring was smashed, - is wrong, there is no mention of timeline in JP.

It’s a bit offtopic, but there is a thing - Radagon couldn’t be Fundamentalist before marrying Marika as he didn’t studied incantations properly yet. However, Those Who Live in Death couldn’t be a thing without Godwyn’s death. But if Godwyn died during the age of abudance, does it mean that Radagon still lived in Liurnia, therefore Ranni’s motivation for the Night of Black Knives didn’t revolved around vengeance for Rennala? Time is convoluted]

Eventually, Fundamentalism developed into the opposition of what it originally was, what once started as in-depth study of the fundamental laws degraded into a raving fanatism. It followed the fate of the Golden Order as a whole:

The battle art you've learned is of the glintstone family. They were conceived at the great Academy of Raya Lucaria, to the north of this castle. In the past, they obeyed laws which contravened the Golden Order, or so I'm told. Fascinating, isn't it? That the Golden Order was pliable enough to absorb practices that itself in the past. With the Order broken, twisted, and in need of repair, such adaptability is more important now than ever (Rogier)

P.S. I posted bits of this post on r//dit, which spiraled into interesting, albeit heated discussion, so there is a thing - I’m lore blog, I’m discussing lore of fictional universe from Japanese game, I’m not interested in american puritan trauma and what comes with it; if you want to argue with me - let’s stick to the lore.

#elden ring #radagon #goldmask #miquella #elden ring lore #lore theories

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mirqmarq428 · 4 months

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Friend me on discord: mmarq428

i self host a fedi account: @[email protected]

Backup account here: @mirmarq429, not using it tho

Tumblr has deleted me once already, and because of their recent conduct i am absolutely not using their hellsite (derogatory) any more. the Fediverse is better in literally every single possible way. in the interest of information saving this account shall remain, but i am using it only to get people off of tumblr. you're worth more than a website that treats you and your people like this.

old pinned under the cut

Hi my name is mir and im actively congealing into a girl! If you don't want to see that, block the tag #mirgirlification.

Most of mine original posts will be liveblogging about computer struggles. i occasionally put minor life choices up to a poll, under the tag #mir polls.

if i reblog discourse without adding anything it usually means i generally agree with the last thing that was said but am open to refutation. I am bad at having opinions, deal with it.

im not a gamer. I am actively annoyed by any reference to Nintendo and Sega IPs, and will go out of my way to be confused and wrong about them. Hope this clears things up! also mcu references can go to hell

i am interested in and will reblog:

Linux (especially Emacs and vim stuff) - THIS IS A PRO-NOOB SPACE. if you are being elitist in my notes i will debate you.

Polls (tag is #poll answered)

Short relatable vent/complaining

Learning Japanese (i just think it's neat okay)

OCCASIONALLY trans/egg memes (most of them are not funny)

Left Handed awareness (rarely mostly bc theres just not that many posts)

Will try to tag things correctly but may slip up - feel free to call me out. Cringe is how we enforce society.

Things I do not reblog or interact with:

Spam (unless it's funny)

Fanart (unless it's really good)

Hornyposting (unless it hits just the right surreal melancholy)

Geopolitics (unless the post is actually profound)

Mutual/financial aid / any asking for money

i don't consider myself a member of fandom but i have enjoyed a few pieces of media and i support others who engage with it. im against the dichotomy of pro/anti shipping, but don't have anything against people on either side

Not a 196er, and im generally against the reposting aspect of the subculture, but y'all are welcome here.

My alt is @mirmarq429, wher i occasionally liveblog about hardware. im also on the fediverse at @[email protected], tho what i do there remains to be seen...

Selfie tag: #mir ror

#pinned post #mir rants

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seraphicalsuccubus · 2 months

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I messaged throne but they just said it was shipped and wouldn’t give me any other info 😭

Oh bby don’t worry about that I will just send you another one if that’s the case but I hope it didn’t get taken, you don’t deserve that at all!

It sounds like you’re doing better and that honestly makes me so happy because you’re such a sweet angel and you deserve the best 🩵

(Also never apologize for spam reblogging, we’re all just bowing down to the queen)

oh no !!! hmm. maybe they can give me a little more info on it since I’m the account it was bought for/shipped to or something ?? idk but fingers crossed I find out what the hell happened to it because this is all my throne says to me and it doesn’t give any extra info when I ask it to reveal the gift either like …. bro c’mon it doesn’t take 3 months to update a package lmao

and oh my gosh NO !! I wouldn’t let you buy another one if the first one got taken even if you didn’t let me refund you the gift amount !! but if it DID get delivered and taken, I think I’m gonna wait til I move to order the replacement one or just ship it to the new address because my boyfriend lives like out in the middle of fucking nowhere with hardly any neighbors so no one would be around to take it at least ?? like it’s a safer alternative than the fucking horrible area I live in right now like honestly, everyone I tell what section of the city I live in usually says, ‘wait, that’s off Willow St. oh no. oh god. you’re in the BAD area’ LMAOOOO like that’s how well known this area is for being super shitty. like a woman was shot dead and left in the middle of the road in like November of last year less than like 5 minutes away on a different side street and they blamed it on her being a known full service SWer (although they used a more derogatory and uneducated term for her which was rude and disgusting of whoever wrote the article about it). and then literally last fucking week I heard 5 gunshots in VERY close proximity to me and then like a million sirens for several hours after that, but I was too distracted and forgot to look up what happened that night the next day when it would’ve been reported already and I can’t remember exactly which night it happened to see anymore because shit like this happens here all the time so like, it’s not an unusual occurrence 🙃

but yeah no I live in the BAD BAD fucking area of my city. like I don’t know how the fuck I got conned into moving in here with these horrible people that basically treat me like a prisoner but also like I don’t exist at the same time, but like Jesus FUCK with some of the shit that goes on around here, I can’t wait to leave and finally feel safe in my own home once I move out of Connecticut. like. I don’t leave the house alone EVER because I am terrified of this area of the city. I won’t even take the garbage bag in my room out to the cans right in front of the porch if my roommate isn’t home to come outside with me because I feel so unsafe and uncomfortable living here.

and I think I’m doing better ??? or I will be shortly when I get my new higher dosage of pain meds for my fibromyalgia because my pain is really kicking my ass lately and I just want some relief again 😩 but mentally I feel stable, I’m just having really bad bouts of like, extreme executive dysfunction where I don’t leave bed all day but I don’t do anything in bed but scroll mindlessly on my phone. I don’t game, I don’t try to nap, I don’t watch anything, I just scroll my phone or zone out at the wall lmfao. but I guess that’s better than self-sabotaging my life so like !!! it’s all good !!!!

(and my goodness, you’re so sweet 🥺😭 I adore you so much, I really hope some good karma heads your way soon because you truly are just one of the kindest and most genuine people I’ve met on this hellsite and I just really appreciate you and the way you make your existence just this glowing beacon of positivity and unwavering support for the people you care for. I love you lots and lots, honey 🖤)

#ask #I have the best BEST moots and no one can ever convince me otherwise 😭🖤

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