Annabel Lee & Fears: A Short Essay Based On Ep70
Here it is, folks, the truest crux of Annabel’s character, her deepest fears is not going mad or even people discovering she’s not as put together as she tries to appear, but rather:
Was that gambit of constant scheming and using others worth it, Annabel? Was always trying to think ten steps ahead and always keep yourself in a position of power and control truly worth it, because how can you ever be trusted when all you do is play 5D chess with everyone?
There is is, folks!!! Just like her greatest strength- her cunning willpower- is centered around a certain bright moon, Annabel’s greatest fear is rooted in Lenore. The deepest, darkest trenches of her soul, the one thing that would shatter her heart and send her lungs choking fer breath? The killing blow that would end her and make all these charades worthless? It’s Lenore seeing her constant conniving and asking Annabel, “Why would I be any different? You already have no problem using everyone else as a pawn, how could I ever possibly trust you, Annabel Lee?”
The way Annabel is SUCH a great morally grey character, y’all tell me you love hot villains yet many a time I’ve seen people calling Annabel too heartless. She’s the opposite! She cares!! SO MUCH!!! She would burn the world down if it meant kissing Lenore one last time, to the point where her deepest fear is losing Lenore in the process of trying to protect her. All Annabel knows is using manipulation to gain the upper hand because simply being born a woman in the Victorian era she was so throughly disadvantaged by such a horribly misogynistic society that girlypop had to scrape together any form of control she could. Annabel wants so badly to protect Lenore but all she knows are her own methods of protecting herself, which involves plausibility deniability and facades and sometimes sheer cruelty, and that’s where the conflict arises. From the start Annabel assumed Lenore and her had the same understanding of this ‘fake enemies’ ploy going on but surprise surprise babygirl, not everyone is overthinking four parallel universes ahead like you do. This boils over into her lover having doubts on what’s real and what’s not, which then culminates into Lenore asking if Annabel is using her affections as empty currency to get what she wants, and Annabel’s first move to tell Lenore to fucken kill her????
“To you alone, I have left myself completely defenseless.”
The drama of it all!! The shattered facade leading to exploding vulnerability of it all!! The dim sun sparking out into a heat death just to prove her sincerity of it all!!! The exposed innermost organs ripping out my heart with my bare hands and begging you, “Do you see it now? Do you see the way it beats for you and only you? Tell me you see it, tell me you see me…” of it all!!
Oh baby the way Annabel still retains this deep fear of Lenore not truly believing in the “only thing that’s real” to her, the way her lover’s ghost still lingers and haunts her and is then ripped up from her innermost psyche like a desecrated grave and given form by Ada’s power. The way, after all this time- and I mean all this time from Lenore’s constructed resurrection, to their relationship blossoming into a wedding, all the fucking way up to that bell tower scene, the fucken way Annabel still never truly let go of her fear that Lenore doesn’t see her, doesn’t see how she alone bashed through all of Annabel’s walls and made a home where her heart laid. I’m sure during their living relationship all the way until the wedding Annabel’s fears were greatly settled, but it’s the fucken way these panels implied that this wretched heartache never completely left Annabel’s guilt-wracked soul.
I just know, okay I just KNOW, that even up until she was putting her wedding dress on Annabel still questioned if she even deserved this happy ending because she still feel phantoms of guilt fer this betrayal. This comic only furthers this implication of unabsolved guilt when it’s made clear as day that Annabel’s biggest fear is Lenore not believing in her love. And before anyone argues how Annabel can currently feel guilt fer betraying Lenore when she hasn’t recovered the memory yet, I’ll argue back that from the very beginning of the comic these two were inexplicably drawn to each other even when they had NO memories. Therefore, even if she doesn’t have the explicit memory, I highly doubt Annabel’s subconscious would ever let go of something as huge as deeply hurting the one person she truly cared about in such a wretched way.
Fuck, dude, I mean Annabel’s greatest fear wasn’t even Lenore dying- which was already a huge thing if y’all remember her tearstreaked, panicked, “What is left? If she’s not here, what’s the point?”- no her greatest is Lenore!!! Not!!! Believing!! Her!!! Like yeah losing Lenore physically definitely would’ve cut so deep even her bones would bear the scars, but losing Lenore in the form of the other woman walking the same ground as her but choosing to stay away?? Call her fucking selfish because some people would rather have their other half still be alive even if they’re not by their side, but Annabel ain’t one of them that’s fer sure. Babygirl has spent a lifetime perfecting the craft of deceiving others fer her own gain, but the ONE TIME she’s genuine her heart is to be called nothing more but empty??? Oh babbyyy that’s gotta fucken hurt.
The thing is, I don’t think Annabel really loves herself all that much. I really don’t. A huge focus on self-preservation doesn’t necessarily mean one really loves themselves, and when we add the aforementioned guilt she carries? Plus, the fact that Annabel being forced to swallow down her anxiety attacks from a young age could easily lead to her having a rather sour view of her 'not normal' self? Yeah no yeah, I truly don’t think Annabel loves herself that much, if at all. So really, this line is adding immense insult to already grievous injury. Not only does Annabel deeply fear Lenore not believing her affections to be true, she also fears the New Yorker misconstruing her as nothing more but a shallow as hell, prissy, little pampered damsel, a role pretty much everyone else regulates her into whether she wants it or not (right from the beginning, before she even set her schemes in full effect, Annabel was already explaining, “Ada wanted a queen, so I gave her one”). Lenore, the only one Annabel had believed to ever really see her fer her, is now discrediting Annabel’s vulnerable affections AND seeing her as that unloving ice queen like everyone else?? Horrible terrible horrible!!! She may have a ribbon threatening to strangle her right now, but it’s clear that ghost!Lenore’s words are what truly cut her down to size. Y’all seeing that fucken pain in Annabel’s eyes? Her worst fear is just so… personal.
Which actually leads me to my next point, which is how just before Annabel’s worst fear is revealed in stark, horrifying detail, we see Prospero’s. Lemme just preface this by saying what Prospero went through is n o t any less terrible and is a super fucken mega valid fear/trauma, but let me cook y’all just hear me out. Prospero’s fear seems to be about medical malpractice and/or being conscious during a painful operation that likely went south (aka ‘oh shiiitttt he fucken DEAD-‘), and that’s fucking tragic as all hell. Yet, okay let me cook here, it’s more… I don’t want to say general, because that does NOT mean his fear is any less significant but it’s like. Way back when, death via medical bullshit was more or less fairly common, especially during wartimes (which is the era I headcanon Prospero to be from); meanwhile, Annabel’s fear is so uniquely hers, it’s borne of a culmination of specific experiences tied together by her relationship with Lenore.
By contrast of a more common fear vs something so deeply personal and specific to this one person- because it’s not just unrequited love, it’s being so vehemently denied and misunderstood by the ONE (1!) person who you wholeheartedly trusted in your entire life who also oops mega died on you- this distinction gives way to an almost more raw, more visceral feeling to Annabel’s fear sequence. Again!!! I am not undermining Prospero’s own trauma, I promise!!! But you have to admit that there’s something, from a narrative standpoint, that hits so much harder with how deeply personal Annabel’s fear is. The contrast is even more great when you look at how Prospero’s involved a buncha bloodied hands not really tied to any faces or even any indication of personhood like accessories, scars, etc etc. It could’ve been a group of anyone holding him down hurting him; on the flipside, Annabel is being restrained by one very specific person we see in full view. The faceless crowd who could’ve been anyone at anytime vs the lone perpetrator whose history you know like a second name. It’s just!!! So personal!!!
In conclusion, on the surface level, one would think a character so deeply ingrained in using deceptions and manipulation would have her greatest fear tie into having her true nature revealed to everyone she’d fooled, but then it turns out it’s the complete fucking opposite. What homegirl fears the most is her truest, innermost self not being believed and accepted by just one (1!) person. The way it’s framed is just so heartstabbingly personal, especially when you parallel it to a previous fear sequence just a few panels preceding it. This is it, your honor, this is Annabel’s deepest driving force broken down to its bare essentials. To hell with whatever reputation she’s carefully crafted! Who cares what anyone else thinks of her if she doesn’t believe her, if she doesn’t SEE her. Really, truly see her. Lenore is the defining point that Annabel has revolves around so wholeheartedly, and there’s no point to anything anymore if Annabel loses her. This crux of her character, OHHH BBAAABBYY it’s just so well done because we, as the audience, have been given clear evidence to build up this narrative of Annabel’s characterization fer so long now and to finally see it come together in a fiery explosion of lesbian angst with this latest chapter??? Gods, the writing of Nevermore will never not drive me absolutely insane in the membrane.
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How do you think the parent-teacher conference would go?
okay yes I have been thinking about this since i originally thought of this au
(Also, quick psa- these are never proofread, so if they are incoherent/ littered with spelling errors...shhh)
I can see matty getting the email through about parents evening and just PRAYING it's with you. Annie has two teachers (bc fuck having a class of 30 kids on your own are you mad) and he thought it might be with the other one. who is fine, she's an older woman and is very lovely... she's just not you
little does he know behind the scenes you had to kind of fudge things to get him for parents evening, your deputy head teacher comes up one day and tells you the plan for parents evening this year, he explains youre only getting half the class. so rather than doing it with your co-teacher, you'd do half and she'd do half. of course, you immediately ask, "Oh... okay, can I see my list?"
you read it and feel your heart drop, Annie wasn't on there. and you swear it's not just because you want an excuse to sit across from matty for 20 mins... you also genuinely love Annie and would love to talk about her and her progress.
you catch the other teacher in the staff room and have a quick chat, "Mrs Richards, do you think we could go over the parent's evening lists? I was just wondering if there's any students that you don't have that you might like?"
"Oh yes dear, let's have a look," she says, grabbing your list, "Ah yes, if it's okay with you, I'd quite like to see Jason's mum and dad. After the paper aeroplane incident last week, I think I need to have a proper discussion with them"
you scream internally, thankful you won't have to have that conversation, and that you might be able to snag Annie, "Oh yes, that's fine with me! why don't we swap for say... Annie Healy?" You say trying to play it off and act like you didn't already have a child in mind when you started this conversation.
luckily, Mrs Richards is completely oblivious to your crush (that you insist is not a crush) and says, "Of course dear, consider it done. I'll send all the emails tonight"
////
cut to actual parents evening and you are wearing your favourite dress. well, favourite appropriate dress. it's nothing much, floral and flowy, but it just works, and you love it.
and you totally did not try on every combination of dresses and shoes that you own to find the perfect one. at 3am.
you definitely did not do that because that would be insane...
anyway, you just finished your appointment with Lucy's parents, and it all went well. You did have to have a discussion about her habit of punching her male peers in... certain places, but it went down surprisingly well.
you completely forget who your next appointment is until you stick your head out of the door and see matty standing with a cig in the corner. for a good few seconds, you just stand and stare, enamoured by the glow of the cigarette lighting up his features. and the way his cheeks hollow as he takes a drag.
matty finally spots you and waves, dropping his cig and crushing it before rushing to meet you. you take a deep breath and straighten up, trying not to die from nerves before this meeting.
"matty! hi! come in, come in, " you say, waving him in. Neither of you notice the receptionist raising her eyebrows at you, calling him matty. she makes a mental note to talk (tease) to you about it later.
he comes in and sits down, and for the first 10 mins, it's a completely normal meeting. You discuss how Annie is doing, how she's interacting with her peers, and what progress she is making.
obviously, googly eyes are being thrown both ways, but you are both beautifully oblivious.
but soon somehow, you both get completely off topic.
"you've never seen true romance! oh love, that wounds me, " matty says, holding a hand to his chest in faux hurt.
you giggle lightly at his reaction, brushing over the pet name so you don't have a mental breakdown over it in front of him.
"I know! I know! it's been on my list for years but I've never got around to it, is it one of your favourites?"
matty then of course goes on a 5 minute rant about how amazing the film is and what it means to him, "I mean I wrote one of our most popular songs about it, as soon as I wrote it at 18 I knew it would be such an important song. to me. to the band. even to our non-existent fans at the time. well, our one fan, my dad"
you smile at him just in awe of his passion for that band, "Oh yeah, robbers, right?" You say shyly, trying not to show the intensity of the stalking you did.
matty just stops and looks at you, his face a mix of cockiness and pure adoration, "Yeah yeah, you been listening to my band?" he teases and pokes at your arm. Soon, his hand slips down and lightly rests on yours as you speak.
you just nod dumbly because how can you focus on what he just said whilst he's practically holding your hand?? thankfully, you catch yourself reasonably quickly and realise just nodding is not the appropriate reaction to what he just said.
you don't know what comes over you, maybe it's his hand on yours, the soft look in his eyes or the gentle smile on his face but you decide to just be honest.
"Honestly?" You say, and matty nods softly, eyes flittering around your face (perhaps even down to your lips) , "I didn't know who you were before, but now? I am a little bit obsessed. I listened to you on the drive-in this morning, " you say whilst avoiding eye contact.
"No way," he says, laughing to himself. He squeezes your hand to encourage your eyes up, and you give in and make eye contact, "what's your favourite song? you've got to tell me that"
"well i-" Of course, before you can finish, there's a harsh knock on the door. you both jump and separate hastily as you spring up and get it.
before you can say anything, the person behind the door starts talking, "Hi, we're Jackson's parents, are you miss y/n? I thought our appointment was at 6. it's 10 past, and I'm kind of in a rush"
you start stuttering out apologies, and matty is already behind you preparing to leave. He quickly grabs your hand and squeezes it as he brushes past.
you squeeze his to grab his attention, "paris. my favourite song is paris", you let go and usher the other parents in. they squeeze past a frozen matty, just standing and gazing at you.
soon you are closing the door to mattys shocked face, giving him one last grin before clicking it shut.
(paris is not my fav song, but it's matty's, so we gotta have a bit of romance)
blurb masterlist here!!
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