#he's repressed your honor | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ilynpilled · 1 year

Text

I feel like as the resident dishonor/honor guy enjoyer I have to speak on honor as a construct and how it seems to operate in asoiaf in my eyes. I will be stating the obvious here imo but: violence IS inherent to it. Be it directly or through the enablement of it. “Honor”, as a feudalistic moral construct, revolves around the reinforcement of a status quo. It is a moral construct that is embedded into a feudalistic structure, one that is inherently violent. It can be deeply flawed and destructive as a result of deeply rooted systemic issues. Being “honorable” is very complicated because, again, it does not exist based on a very sensible moral framework. It ends up contradicting itself because the way society is structured in Westeros.

Almost nothing embodies this more clearly than the KG. They are supposed to be the paragons of honor: an unsoiled white cloak.

Vows are social contracts this society is built on. This is why Jaime is very restricted in a lot of ways in his world by his label. Breaking one of the most important contracts (one that happens to be key in reinforcing a feudalistic structure: it places the king’s will above every single other moral or ethical code) makes it so he is not believed or trusted and he is unable to operate properly within their society in a lot of circumstances, as we witness in his chapters. It is honorable to protect the weak and the innocent, but it is honorable to protect your king in all circumstances and reinforce a status quo. To obey your family and play your societal role. To obey laws, even if they are unjust. To keep your word, to be honest. Loyalty to a tyrant has to be inherently more honorable (especially in certain positions) to maintain this status quo, even though it contradicts other oaths and we know it is inherently immoral. Balancing values is the most interesting aspect of characters dealing with ‘honor’ and morality. Feudalism is what makes the honor system collapse. Honor itself can be a more vague concept, “the quality of knowing and doing what is morally right”, but the way it is defined and how it operates within this society is so fucked. The KG appear in the weirwood dream (mirroring the imagery of The Others, conflating the honorable white cloak with snow and cold and death.) “You swore to keep your king safe” “and the children as well.” Yeah, the innocent children of kingslanding as well, that would have burned to ash. It is honorable to save your king, to protect the weak, to save the children, to save the innocents of KG, to obey your father. He tells this to them in the dream, he explains his reasoning for killing Aerys, but they do not budge. That is what Jaime fears the most, the complete collapse of everything that holds meaning to him, heroism becoming undefinable with these conflicting moral codes, which is likely another huge part of him keeping it a secret. It is something he feels powerless against. The way things are prioritized is wrong. Morality becomes skewed. In Jaime’s mind the enemy and primary source of doom is this nonsensical moral construct that contradicts itself represented by institutions that make no sense. It is what makes his symbolic fire go out. His moral code conflicts with this society’s code of ethics, which eventually leads him to cynically accept amorality. It is disillusionment that tears the idea of heroism and being “honorable” apart and leads to moral nihilism.

Another aspect of the honor code and its violence is the fact that it places more value to individuals based on class. It is dependent on class and a flawed social structure. This is despite the fact that vows of knighthood call for the protection of those that are too weak to protect themselves: the underprivileged. Jaime keeps having this epiphany of an inherent equality in death that seems to contradict the way society is structured. Aerys’ life is worth inherently more according to the honor code than Rhaella’s, than the lives of thousands of innocents, than Jaime’s. Yet, a lowborn hand, no one, seems to die harder than Aerys does (and nobody cares). A crown is worth nothing when crows feast on victors and vanquished alike, and the rightful heir himself. We are all equal in death, so the text is indicating that something is not right here.

When it comes to characters and their relationship with honor the important through-line is examining whether they are being “honorable” in the abstract sense, if they base their actions around empathy and a sense of actual justice, or if they are abiding by made up flawed constructs. Being viewed as honorable by this society does not make you a good person. In fact, in order for you to abide by the honor code you would likely have to turn into an amoral individual. For example, if you try to keep the cloak pure white you will metaphorically soil it. Like every one of Aerys’s kingsguard did. To keep their oath to the king, they broke vows to protect innocents and protect women. They should lose their honor by a lot of definitions, but that would mean the status quo collapses. Jaime’s knighting for this reason is very much like a boy being sacrificed at an altar. It is not just about drawing a parallel between young girls and boys being sentenced to bloody doom by violent constructs created for their gender.

“Blood is the seal of our devotion.” He bleeds on his plain white tunic. It was never “pure white”, it was always all tainted in blood. It is inherently violent. You can argue that is when “the boy died.”

Very rigid and hypocritical honor codes built for feudalism lack nuance and lead to amorality. I think George aims to address, interrogate, deconstruct, and then reconstruct honor, as with most other key concepts present in fantasy. Honor can be redefined. Examples like “No chance, and no choice”, among many others, are at the root of that reconstruction. Even then, the reconstruction does not conflate it with pacifism necessarily. For example, Chelsted did the ‘honorable’ thing, in the abstract moral sense, of quitting his job and not supporting a tyrant anymore, but that act achieved nothing in preventing the wildfire plot. Same with essentially everyone important at court abandoning the situation that is Aerys, turning away from a gaping wound and not addressing it before it was too late. Jaime had to soil the ‘white cloak’ and disrupt the status quo and lose his “honor” within those terms by murdering his king and his pyromancers as a kingsguard and actually save half a million lives. It was not glorious, nor was it anything like the songs, and the city is still doomed because there is no way to get that festering corruption out of there at this point, metaphorical of the greater problem with KG, but it was heroism, a choice with meaning, and a form of triumph, even if the consequences break Jaime down the line. He gets no answer to the question of what it means to be a knight and a man of honor if society’s version of it is so skewed. Then, Jaime and the readers get an answer in the form of Brienne: “I dreamed of you.”

#anyways what is honor? a horse #valyrianscrolls #theres also the aspect that honor is kind of individualized #its ‘your’ honor etc #like i think there r nuances in whether its treated as something internal or external #and at the end of asos hope is rekindled in jaime #but he desperately blinds himself trying to make the contradictions compromise #thats y he is suddenly reconstructing his thoughts about the kg and escapes int delusion #bc he has too many things that he still wants like cersei like his family and loved ones like the possibility of making ppl view him #as something redeemable someone good #but feast concludes that that is not possible #so all there is left is a pivot and brienne’s light #and a confrontation w so many things that have been repressed in order to keep him from essentially killing himself tbh #and nothing encapsulates that dilemma bw honor vs ‘honor’ than jaimes punitive justice against outlaws and his vow to cat #thats y its so significant that he abandons it to go w brienne alone to save sansa instead of pursuing the blackfish #and how he doesnt torch the village or even break in even if they hold info re the brotherhood #and then the irony is that that key choice will lead him to them #and what happens there is gonna be so interesting

121 notes · View notes

sepulchritude · 4 months

Text

Several people have commented on The Simple Truth that they were surprised at how supportive Kaito is and how in character he is despite that, but it’s actually really simple. Let me tell you the sequence of events from Kaito’s perspective.

Wake up in a psychological death trap with like a dozen of the weirdest people you’ve ever met.

Take two of these weirdos under your wing the way a barnyard hen adopts orphaned ducklings.

Using your jock problem-solving skills, force your new boy bestfriend and girl bestfriend to work out with you to cope with The Horrors™

Realize during nightly workouts with them that you are so, so bisexual.

More important things to deal with. Save that realization for later.

Mostly survive until you don’t.

Wake up outside the psychological death trap. Everyone is alive and you’re all famous now. Wtf are you supposed to do now.

Decide to take classes and get certified as an astronaut because fuck it, that’s what you were doing before the whole death trap thing anyway.

Test out of a bunch of subjects because you already know all this stuff. Sign up to take the ones you can’t skip.

Realize there’s a hole in your schedule due to all the classes you’re exempt from. Take a looksie through the course catalog about it.

Oh hey, LGBT 101 and queer theory. Fuck it, it’s a subject you don’t know anything about and you’ve been meaning to deal with that whole bisexuality thing anyway. Sounds cool.

Hear a semi-reliable rumor from multiple of your weirdo death trap acquaintances that your boy bestfriend quote, “might be a girl soon,” unquote.

Don’t really know what to think about that. Probably just the rumor mill.

You haven’t really gotten to talk to him much since you woke up. No one has, he’s been avoiding everyone’s calls and barely leaves the house.

Learn in class that trans people have a crazy high suicide rate if they aren’t accepted for who they are.

Well fuck.

If your bro is a chick now she needs to know you support her. Show up at your best girlbro(?)’s place unannounced with nail polish and face masks and such. Girls like that stuff, right?

Insist upon having a “girls’ night” sleepover despite being way out of your depth.

Explain none of this to anyone.

Success.

So you see your honor he is simply a himbo with a heart of gold. A very smart but exceptionally dumb emotional support golden retriever. A bisexual disaster jock. And a mother hen.

#shuichi who has not even begun to solve his or her gender dilemma: you heard WHAT #see also: kickstarting 3 separate identity crises by uttering the word aromantic out loud #and then not noticing the psychological whiplash taking place in any of his audience members #kaito: listen to all this cool stuff i’m learning. isn’t that crazy?#the three most repressed people he knows: 😦😦😦#your honor i love him #the simple truth #drv3 #kaito momota #sepulchritudinous

13 notes · View notes

king0fcrows · 5 months

Text

….

You know that scene in Practical Magic where Sally admits to Gary Hallett she worked a spell to only fall in love with a man who didn’t exist—in an effort to protect herself from heartbreak—but realized as an adult what she actually did was accidentally summon a man with all the exact qualities she believed unobtainable right to her?

Alan Wake x Agent Casey is like the nega version of that.

Alan wrote a hot disaster dom he was super horny for (and maybe was repressed about?)—who he also projected heavily onto—who turns out to be real and now has to live with the consequences.

#I can see Alan as the kind of guy who messed around with guys in college #but doesn’t want to talk about it once he’s in a relationship with Alice #also he and Zane *absolutely* fucked in the oceanview motel #he’s a repressed bisexual your honor #(or if not repressed about being bisexual than just repressed about wanting to sub)#Alex Casey is a non repressed bisexual #but Alan never included all the visions he had of Casey fucking guys in the books #(because selling a hard boiled bisexual noir detective in the early 2000s was impossible)#edit: I said he keeps all those scenes on a separate harddrive #but I forgot this was the pretentious fool who wears tweed and does all his writing on a typewriter #so he just shoves all the pages in a locked chest under his bed #Alan Wake x Alex Casey

18 notes · View notes

nicxxx5 · 2 years

Text

will does deserve better...but he doesn’t want better. he wants mike and that boy has been through fucking hell without a single break so if he wants that repressed lanky fuck give him to him and let him be HAPPY

#byler #stranger things #netflix stranger things #will byers #mike wheeler #will stranger things #mike stranger things #mike wheeler i know what you are #he's whipped your honor #mike wheeler is repressed as fuck #will byers deserves happiness #will byers deserves better #but like i said he wants mike so give him mike

96 notes · View notes

ghostinthegallery · 8 months

Note

for the bingo - oltyx? (loving silence and the storm btw)

Dear god my precious insane disaster child. Such a little shit. He cannot make a correct decision to save his (or anyone else’s) life. I adore him and wish him to be protected at all costs.

His story is structured like a Greek tragedy just look at the names it’s all Odyssey references but also an internal journey of self-acceptance… *gets dragged off stage by a giant crook*

oh hey, double bingo

(also thank you, I love writing it ❤️)

#Oltyx #necrons #twice dead king #god this boy is a mess #Let me fix him your honor #It’s fine to crave the flesh of the living and also be gay for your best friend #Yet he makes his repression everyone else’s problem #My precious disaster child #unhinged character bingo

12 notes · View notes

coffeepoweredlesbian · 2 years

Text

ok I’m watching beastars yes it’s good whatever whatever BUT the objectively best/most correct reading of legoshi’s sexuality is that he’s a gay dude at the start of the story who is just now realizing he might be bi and has no idea how to handle it

#the way he monologues about louis for an extended amount of time #and then he sees haru and is lik girl???GIRL??!?!?!?? what do I do with THAT #this also explains his lines about not knowing anything about GIRLS or neve having a GIRLFRIEND #he’s bi your honor he’s just a bit repressed #beastars

66 notes · View notes

rabbitindisguise · 6 months

Text

still not over how dazai is still alive because his friend died in his arms telling him he needed to be a good person and ever since he's just been like. oh my god this sucks so bad

while carrying his grief in his heart like a stone

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #I'm the least normal about them #my body physically hurts whenever I Think about them and their tragic ending and how he has to walk around like it doesn't bother him #it's the repressed gay feelings your honor! it's my greatest weakness!#if I think about them for eight hours straight I can't be held responsible

6 notes · View notes

dattebayes · 5 months

Text

naruto and sasuke have absolutely hooked up and its my personal headcanon that it was after they both recovered from their battle at the end and that they were both virgins that have been absolutely ruined for everyone else

#theyre in love your honor #sns #naruto #naruto is a bisexual flirt whos main goal whos always wanted to be on equal footing with sasuke #sasuke is a cheeky asshole who is so emotionally repressed that he only knows one way to protect himself emotionally and thats to shut down #and out. naruto understands his language #they should have been cannon

5 notes · View notes

housewifebuck · 10 months

Note

while i do think eddie loved/loves shannon and cared for her deeply, they really made it seem like he cared more about buck being in a coma than shannon literally dyingggg

U r sooo right bestie. He loved Shannon fs but I don’t think he was in love with her…..buck on the other hand

#he’s fucking gay your honor #also I will never be done laughing at the way she was like. fully dying in front of him and he was just like #shhhh🤫🤐#like please I can’t even hear myself repressing my feelings for my best friend over u gurgling n shit #asks #anonymous

3 notes · View notes

fiercestpurpose · 11 months

Text

Gonna take a moment to say that IMO there’s nothing inherently wrong with AI generated text or art or images. Technology is not good or bad; it simply is. What is good or bad is what people do with it, and I’m a strong believer in both a code of ethics within the industry and robust legal regulation.

#m.txt #it’s just code it’s literally just code it’s not evil it doesn’t have the capacity for evil it is code!!! it is several layers of matrices #that’s it!!!#the problem is not the technology the problem is the PEOPLE who use the technology #which doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t regulate the technology #by all means pass laws against producing deepfake pornography!! that’s good!#by all means report your students to the honor council for using AI generated text #lord knows I have lol #but the AI itself is just a thing #it has both repressive and liberatory potential #it can enable artistic creativity and expression or quash art as a viable career #sorry now I’m just channeling Raymond Williams but he WAS right

3 notes · View notes

paulie-lombardos-boy-toy · 2 years

Note

For writing requests of they are open - Vito x Joe or Henry x Vito, realizing you can't live without someone 💖💖💖

Empty.

That’s what Vito felt during his stint in prison. He kept telling himself that he didn’t need anyone, and nearly believed it, but every now and then, he would find himself sitting numbly on his bed as his tormented thoughts plauged his every waking moment.

He missed Joe. He missed his mom. Hell, he even missed Henry, even though it was because of him he was behind bars at the current time. He lashed out against everyone, despite the consequences, and slowly felt himself spiral out of control as he got into more and more fights-losing more than winning.

Each day, Vito waited for someone to come visit, but no one ever did, and he started to retreat more and more into himself as his walls slowly hardened around his heart and refused to even think about those on the outside again.

——

Henry sat in his apartment, guilt pooling in his gut. He genuinely felt bad for Vito, but every time he tried to go visit, that little nagging voice told him that it would be better if he kept his distance, so he did. As he swirled his glass, he thought to Vito’s deep blue eyes that always seemed to be guarded, but in the right atmosphere , could brighten like sapphires in the light.

After Vito was released, Vito stood outside the jail with a bag, shuffling from one foot to another and jumped when a finger tapped his shoulder. He turned and saw Henry there, but instead of embracing him, or even throwing a punch, Vito just stared as Henry avoided his eyes.

“Good to see you again, Vito. I… I missed you.” Vito only grunted and lugged his bag to Henry’s car before climbing into the front seat and rested his head on his fist as he leaned against the window. Henry felt the sting, but continued to push on.

The drive was silent before Vito bit his lip and tried to fight the tears welling up in his eyes. “Y-you IDIOT!! Where the fuck were you, dammit?! 10 fucking years in that hellhole with no one to talk to beside the old janitor in Block A. Am I really that unimportant to you? You just couldn’t help but jump onto the “Let’s Fuck Up Vito’s Life” train, huh?”

Henry winced, but stayed silent, knowing that Vito had every right to be pissed off at the world and everyone in it. Vito soon lowered his voice and adverted his eyes as his cheeks were stained with tears. “I missed you, Hen. I-I don’t want to do this anymore. I-I’m tired of being fucked at every corner and Fate treating me like a chew toy. I’m just..done.”

Henry parked in an empty lot and turned to Vito as his heart broke more when he saw Vito looking like a lost and traumatized little boy and bit his lip. “I- I really have no excuse. You’ve gone through so much and Joe and I…we will probably never understand what you’ve gone through, but all of what you said isn’t true. Joe cares about you and so do I. I will admit that in this lifestyle, getting close to anyone is asking for hurt, but you honestly did not deserve ANYTHING that happened to you. You are the one that tends to be able to reign Joe in when I can’t.”

Vito wiped his eyes but more tears spilled out as he hid his face in his hands and started to let out years of repressed trauma in loud, ugly sobs as Henry continued to stroke his back. He knew that Eddie would be pissed that he was late, but right now, his friend needed him. “Just let it all out Vito. You’re safe here.” he soothed as Vito sobbed harder.

Emotionally drained, Vito slumped against the window and gazed blankly out the glass as Henry continued towards his place, knowing that Vito did not need to be alone, especially with his concerning words from before. After bringing Vito’s bag inside, the man lingered awkwardly by the door until Henry sat down a sandwich and a glass of water and patted the couch beside him.

The radio played softly in the background as Vito scarfed down the meal and chugged the glass of water. “Easy Vito. You’ll throw up otherwise.” Henry chided softly as Vito slowed down some. After the plate was empty, Vito curled up in a ball and stared at the wall. Henry draped a blanket over him and continued to stroke his back as Vito finally fell asleep and once he was certain he wouldn’t awaken, made sure the doors and windows were locked and covered before taking his seat again and resumed stroking, occasionally running his fingers through Vito’s hair as he silently prayed.

#henry/vito #;sal writes #mafia 2 #henry tomasino #vito scaletta #angst #hurt/comfort #let Vito destroy Empire Bay block by block your honor #he deserves it #oops this got long but like #I relate to Vito so damn hard it’s scary #i just wanna fight everyone who hurt my baby bean #me🤝Vito/ repressed trauma #also Vito just makes me damn right feral sometimes like I want to murder for him #mafia trilogy

8 notes · View notes

ibroughtyoumybullets-ningy · 2 years

Text

playing ace attorney late at night. nobody wins, certainly not me.

#please i just want to know what HAPPENS your honor. and also my boy is here but he's clearly SUPER repressed someone help him.

4 notes · View notes

peony-pearl · 2 years

Text

Going into the Iroh tag to find content

#keep telling me how he's actually awful and I'll just love him more #my flawed flaky blorbo #Give me the flawed content without condescension about how he's a flawed character like I know that's why I like him your honor #Give me morally gray Iroh content #Give me Iroh content where he knows full well the extent of the damage he's done but he can help the kids with the future #and he still has emotional growing to do #Give me Iroh content where when Zuko asks him if he'll take the crown he actually hesitates and has this internal Galadriel moment #where power is at his fingertips and he could have it finally #but he knows better #and is then repulsed by his own internalized desires that he thought he'd repressed #but also give me canon #where he KNOWS it's not his place - it's Zuko's #Zuko is the future #give me canon Iroh where he weeps for the son he led to his death and regrets it because he was raised like Zuko and Azula #to give everything to this war #Give me canonically gentle and stalwart Iroh internally dealing with the man he once was - the man he was raised to be #because he knows better #Neither vengeance against Ba Sing Se nor peace will bring his Lu Ten back #but he can prevent any more sons and daughters dying #I love this character both as an emotional support and as a complex of morals whether positive or negative

3 notes · View notes

atpsynth4se · 2 months

Text

me: attempting to while away 40 minutes trapped in a lecture hall worried i'll give someone whatever sickness i may or may not have (i had to come because the exam was in person and mandatory and i'm not allowed to leave until the class period ends) by working through a variation on how i think a turing machine works on the scrap paper we were given and forced to show all our workings on to receive credit and thinking about how i havent eaten because i woke up at 11 and i have to grab food and leg it across the horrible hill back to my dorm to call into the video call for the lab i have 15 minutes after i leave my exam

the girl next to me: wow you seemed so calm during that

#fathericraveviolencecore #no its just repression #but fr though this is college. why are you making me SHOW MY WORK #if you're going to make us do that and put more work on your TA's for grading just give us paper exams???#and clearly this professor learned nothing from covid and knows nothing about students #look i don't care about exam drops there is not a force on this earth that could get me to miss an exam if there's no makeup date for it #and he just keeps going ON and ON about the honor code. like. once is enough. we get it.#i've been falsely accused twice and both times were harrowing i'm not cheating of my own volition you are here to teach us statistics #and not letting us leave is understandable but no less annoying #whatever. enough complaining #(also i can't tell if i'm sick because the symptoms are like. in and out.)#(i'm still wearing a mask and avoiding people as much as I can though)

1 note · View note

distantdarlings · 4 months

Text

SLUG CLUB TONIGHT // t. nott

RATING: R / 2.4K WORDS

Theodore Nott x Reader Insert (No gender-specific details, but Reader is wearing a skirt)

+ SUMMARY - *Requested, based on this* Theo asks you to skip Slughorn's dinner party with him, but when you refuse, he decides to take it out on you during the event. (Smut)

+ WARNINGS - SMUT! Fingering, in public, touching underneath table, reader tries to resist at first, language, dom!Theo (lmk if I missed any)

+ MUSIC (listened to while writing) -

Meddle About - Chase Atlantic

---

A shuddering breath pushed itself through your lips as you watched yourself in the dormitory mirror. A nervous, borderline panicking student stared back at you. Perhaps it was childish, but you felt like you were about to throw up. You’d never really been a person for going to events—any type, really. They made you feel out of your league.

You closed your eyes and pushed strands of hair behind your ears, holding your hands next to your face for a moment. There was no reason for you to be so nervous. You had as much a reason to be there as everyone else did. Professor Slughorn asked you, just as he’d asked everyone else. Yet, it felt like you were intruding somehow.

“Merlin, get it together,” you mumbled, running a sweaty palm down the front of your skirt, praying the slight wrinkles would work themselves out. It was fifteen ‘til, and you had run out of time to stall. You opened your eyes and headed toward the door, hands wringing themselves bare.

It was cold in the vast hallways tonight. A small shiver passed through your body, the chilled air permeating your suit jacket somehow. You wrapped your arms around your body, intending to trap some heat against you.

You glanced around, trying to spot a familiar face. Your boyfriend, Theo, had mentioned that he’d meet you around five minutes before the dinner party began, yet you saw him nowhere. The anxiety began to creep back into your stomach at the realization that you may have to walk into Slughorn’s office by yourself. You prayed that he’d show soon.

You continued down the halls, your arms still tightly hugging your body, your teeth still silently chattering. When Professor Slughorn had invited you to join his famed Slug Club, you’d been overjoyed. You couldn’t believe he’d offer you such an honor, though you considered Potions to be one of your strongest classes. He’d told you that you were a pleasure to work with, and he believed you might be on the track to taking his position one day. Of course, you’d laughed at that then, but perhaps he was right. You didn’t mind the thought of teaching Potions, especially if it meant getting to remain at Hogwarts for the rest of your days. With graduation quickly approaching, the thought of having to leave the castle that had quickly become your home made you a bit nauseated.

“Boo!” Hands jolted against your arms abruptly. You gasped, repressing the shriek of terror that had begun to build in your throat. Theo appeared before you, uproarious laughter printed on his face. You scoffed and slapped at his arm. Dick.

“Don’t do that, you jerk!” you scolded.

“Oh, I’m sorry, darling,” his laughter finally began to die, “I just couldn’t help myself; the look on your face is always priceless.”

“Whatever,” you scoffed. You began to walk past him, not bothering to let him catch up.

“Aw, sweetheart, don’t be like that,” he chuckled gently, running to fall back in step beside you. You shook your head and promptly ignored him. His hands slid around your waist, trying to show some affection as the two of you walked.

“Stop it,” you said, slapping his hands away. He didn’t deserve any part of you if he was going to continue to scare you like that.

“Baby, come on,” he whispered, his lips suddenly against your ear. When did he get so close? His strong arms yanked you against his chest, stopping you dead in your tracks. He tightened them around you, tucking your body against his tall front. His lips, still pressed to your ear, pulled back to reveal his teeth. He nipped against the soft flesh there, his warm breath toasting your cold skin. You shivered in delight, his touch ever so addicting.

“Stop it, Theo, we’re going to be late,” you mumbled, your words as reluctant as your desire to pull away from him. He always knew how to alleviate any anger in your body. His lips on your ear and neck never stopped despite your words.

“You want me to, baby?” he whispered. “Do you really want to go to this dinner?” His warm fingers gently placed themselves across your throat, teasing his next movements. You swallowed thickly, feeling the motion push against his hand.

“Yes, we promised we’d go,” you whispered. His hand tightened around your neck. A shock of heat pushed through your stomach at the sensation.

“You sure? We could just go back to my dorm…,” he mumbled, his mouth hot against your skin. “I could warm you up.”

“Ugh!” You finally worked up the nerve to pull away from him. “We said we’d go to this party, Theo. We’ve got to go.” You’d put your foot down, and he knew it.

“Ugh, but why?” he whined. “We can miss one. He has them all the time. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.”

“We made a promise, Theo,” you insisted. “If you stop complaining and come with me, I’ll be sure to thank you for it later.” His eyes perked up at that.

“I’ll thank you thoroughly,” you specified, a smirk curving the edges of your lips. He rolled his eyes at your persuasion and reluctantly nodded his head. You reached out a hand and waited for him to take it. Though he was a little disappointed you didn’t agree to ditch the party with him, he still squeezed your hand affectionately as you led him down the hallways all the way to Professor Slughorn’s office.

When the two of you finally came upon the warmly lit room, the anxiety seemed to melt off you immediately. You were surrounded by people you called friends, and, most importantly, Theo was with you. Even with the majority of the party’s attendees being acquaintances of yours, you still felt much more confident when your boyfriend was with you. Perhaps that was the sign of an unhealthy attachment…You weren’t sure, but you weren’t concerned about that right now.

The room was well-decorated with several intricately designed sconces that cast a comforting glow across the large, rounded table in the center of the room. Several of the Slug Club members had already found their seats while others stood, mingling. All of them seemed to be awaiting the Professor, as he did not seem to be currently present. A couple of your friends caught your eye and waved the two of you over to the table. A smile spread across your lips, and you squeezed Theo’s hand, pulling him along with you.

“Welcome!” A boisterous voice announced itself in the corner. As the two of you found your seats, your eyes found the plump Professor. A large, jolly smile was printed on his lips, and his hands gripped his new suitcoat proudly. He was always very kind; he sort of reminded you of Santa Clause, except no beard. You smiled at the thought.

“Slug Club members, I hope you know I’ve got a wonderful dinner planned for you this evening and—dare I say it—an even better dessert!” Everyone chuckled politely at that, wandering over to the table to find their seats.

Once everyone was seated, including the Professor, he waved his hands, and an absolutely glorious feast appeared before your eyes. Your mouth practically began to water at the smell. Everyone exclaimed in one way or another before digging in.

As soon as the room had piled their plates high, the conversation started. It was purely academic at first, as it always was, until it started to slip into much more casual subjects with the Professor leading, per usual. He asked personal questions in an effort to get to know his students better, his curiosity always getting the better of him.

“What do everyone’s parents do?” he said, glancing around at the circle of congregants, eyebrows quirking. The student just to the left of him started—you were pretty sure she was a Ravenclaw. She mentioned that her dad was an Auror and that he—your lips parted suddenly in shock. Your eyes glanced down to see Theo’s hand placed gently on your thigh. You glanced over at him. He looked completely normal as if he hadn’t even noticed he was doing it. Perhaps it was just a subconscious action of affection. You cleared your throat and returned to your meal, ignoring the tick of heat in your stomach.

The next student started on their spiel about their parents, though every syllable was lost on you as Theo’s hand moved between your thighs. You glanced down once more, melting at the way his hand positively dwarfed your leg. His grip was firmer now. Still, his face showed no reaction to what he was doing. To any on-lookers, he was simply listening to the student speaking.

His hand raised up your thigh, the motion shoving your skirt up against the bend of your hips. You gasped slightly at the exposure of your skin but noticed that the thick tablecloth concealed you from anyone near you. A breath of relief washed through you at that but was quickly interrupted when his pinky traced down your core through your underwear. You repressed a gasp at the sensation, cursing your body from the moisture that began to gather within the thin fabric of your bottoms. Fuck.

Theo’s lips branded a slight smirk. Fucking bastard—he knew exactly what he was doing. This was payback for not ditching the party with him.

The next student to go was the one just next to Theo. Soon, it would be his and your turn. He didn’t seem to care that the eyes of the whole table were getting closer and closer to the two of you. The student began to speak, Theo’s head turning to look at him. You continued to struggle through your meal, ignoring the way Theo’s fingers traced up and down.

His deft fingertips slid beneath the fabric of your underwear, releasing your core into the cool air. A shudder spread across your thighs, causing you to squeeze them together in an attempt to shield yourself from the cold. Theo’s fingers abandoned your core, tightened against your right thigh, and roughly spread them apart. The motion shook the table with a sudden thud. All eyes landed on the two of you.

“My apologies. I believe I kicked the table when I crossed my legs,” Theo said calmly, chuckling a bit.

“Well, that’s quite alright, dear boy,” Slughorn smiled. “Please continue, Mr. McLaggen.” Everyone’s eyes returned to the Gryffindor sitting next to Theo. As their attention was once again pulled to the boy, Theo leaned over to whisper in your ear.

“Open your goddamn legs, or I’ll really embarrass you,” he growled, his voice low and threatening. You swallowed thickly, your legs spreading open once more. His hand found its way back to your core, his fingers gently swiping over the bare flesh. Every motion was only enough to elicit a small jolt out of your hips every once in a while. The want pooled around his fingers.

“And you, Mr. Nott?” Slughorn spoke. Everyone’s eyes came to Theo, who seemed more than happy to keep them there and refuse to cease his movements beneath the table. Your heart rate increased with fear. Still, you worked at your dinner, trying to remain as calm as possible.

As Theo began to speak, his fingers drew a slow circle around your dripping core, collecting every bit of slick as he could before promptly plunging two of them within your entrance. A gasp of shock and pleasure spilled from your lips. It only came out as a slight cough and drew no one’s concern, but you didn’t know how inconspicuous you could continue to be.

“Well, it sounds like your family is quite put together; it’s got everything figured out,” Slughorn chuckled. Theo laughed and nodded. His eyes turned to you, as did everyone else’s. Fuck.

“Um,” you chuckled nervously. Theo’s fingers never ceased, the strong creatures curving against the sweetest spot within you. Your lips shuddered as you opened them once more. You began to speak of your parents, keeping it as short as possible.

“I see…and are you interested in following in their footsteps?” Slughorn inquired. Your eyes found his once more, trying to conceal the panic in them. Had he asked anyone else that question? Was he trying to keep you talking? Did he know? Surely not…This must just be shitty luck. You stuttered briefly before delving into your answer.

“Well, I didn't think about it too terribly much until only a f-few weeks ago—” Theo’s thumb began to caress the very top of your core, the sensitive area quivering beneath his familiar touch—“when you’d suggested I look into becoming a professor.”

“Oh, yes, I remember that!” he clapped his hands together joyously, a smile popping over his face. “I do think you’d do well to continue looking into that.”

“Of course,” you nodded, pushing a smile onto your lips. With great relief, Slughorn moved onto the girl sitting next to you. Theo leaned back over to you.

“You did so good, baby,” he whispered, “I’m impressed.” A coil you’d felt many times in your relationship with Theo began to swirl in your stomach. Fuck, he didn’t intend on making you cum here, did he? Your core began to tighten around his fingers, your legs pressing together. He knew what was coming. He’d felt it often. A smirk fell across his lips, his fingers never stopping.

You bit your lips roughly, hot metal spilling between your teeth. You sat up straighter, trying to push his fingers from you, but he refused. He wasn’t going to do it to you—fuck, he couldn’t… The edge of your finish pressed against you. You were so, so close—

His fingers pulled from you, dragging your slick meanly across your thigh. You dropped a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding, your legs shaking slightly. Your eyes found Theo’s, and your jaw clenched. He refused to look at you, that stupid smug smirk still resting on his lips. It was probably a good thing he didn’t look at you, else the look on your face might set him ablaze. You were going to fucking get him back. And it was going to be twice as bad.

*Tag List: @lilymurphy03 (if you want to be added to the tag list for any future works, please send me a dm or message in my inbox, thanks!)*

#fanfiction #creative writing #fanfic #writing #reader insert #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter #oneshot #slytherin #harry potter smut #gender neutral reader #requests are open #request #theodore nott x reader #theo nott #theodore nott

2K notes · View notes

charmercharm3r · 8 months

Text

Make Love, Not Porn

Puppeteer

HHJ

Masterlist, Story Masterlist

18+ content — minors, do not interact

Synopsis: You crave a life of normalcy, he craves you. And he'd do anything to keep you, even if you're for the world to see.

wc: 4.3k

warnings: smut, explicit sexual content, barista!hyunjin x cam girl!reader, mutual masturbation, cum eating, oral (f receiving), faking orgasms, nonsexual showering together hehehe, lmk if I missed anything

Past Broadcasts : Heat Signature

Live : Puppeteer

Next Scheduled Broadcast : Hi, My Name Is

☆ﾟ

Fuck self control. Fuck whoever’s watching. Fuck him, and fuck him hard, you’ll do it on camera…

…Is what would’ve happened if your entire livelihood wasn’t excitedly tuning in to watch you masturbate.

It was difficult to watch him touch himself to you while not being able to so much as say his name when you wanted to so badly. All you wanted was to fall to your knees and suckle his leaking cock like it was a sweet treat, make him whimper and cry and beg you to let him cum until there isn’t anything left in his body. Only then would you climb up his body and ride him until he’s a subby ball of overstimulation and dry orgasms. That’s the fantasy.

“Fuck– wait, I’m gonna cum–”

“Have I kept you waiting long?”

A rather loud slap of skin on skin and the creaking of the bed in the background made your body jolt, you obviously had to peek a glance to make sure Hyunjin was okay. And he definitely was.

Both of his hands clasped over his mouth to repress the loud strings of moans turned into muffled heavy breathing and cum shooting from his tip to leave ribbons of white decorating his chest and abdomen. Hyunjin couldn’t keep his hips from rutting into the air as he fought the urge to sob out.

What a good boy, you wanted to say, but returned your attention to the floods of comments pouring in.

“Sorry, I just got a new pet! He might make some noise, I’m still house training him. So don’t mind the disruptions! How are you today?” You leaned your elbows into the desk and intentionally squished your bra clad breasts together. There was a small grunt that caught your attention, stealing another glance at the boy who struggled to keep a lid on his excitement. Hyunjin had let his hands fall to the bed while he attempted to regain his composure, cum dripping down the sides of his body and cock still twitching, untouched.

Back to work.

“Oh, hard day? I’m sorry to hear that… I hope what I’ve got planned will make it all better, even just for a little while. I wanna get right to it, ‘m so excited!” Times like this, you were glad the camera didn’t show your face, you caught quick looks of Hyunjin sitting up onto his elbow, reaching for his dick again, determination on his face and clearly nowhere near finished.

“We’re taking things old fashioned today. Just me, you,” you wiggled your fingers beside your chest, “and the pretty manicure mister callingherdaddy helped me pick out. I do like purple, even got a set to match because you’ve been so generous. Thank you, sir.”

The comments scrolled faster than you could read, so you didn’t bother for the moment being. Instead, you took your time to pull your hair up, keeping it off your shoulders so that the camera wouldn’t pick up you looking in Hyunjin’s flustered direction. He watched your every movement like a hawk and you were the bunny, waiting for the moment you gave him the chance to swoop in, claws first.

Gently, slowly you ran your hands across your puffed chest, tugging the bra straps to drape off your shoulders as you leaned back in the chair. Hyunjin sucked in a deep breath and lightly massaged the area around his still hard cock at the possibility that you could take a good while, while he could take a good thirty seconds to blow again. But you didn’t really have the patience. It felt like an honor that he’d been so vulnerable with you. Though, maybe that was pushing it considering he’s still a man. Men think with their dicks, and he was certainly using every brain cell he had.

“I’m feeling a little needy. It won’t bother you if I get straight to it, will you?” Hyunjin held your stare with confidence, this time you truly were talking to him. He shook his head, no. “Good. Don’t mind if I help myself, then.”

You were so eager. Eager and wet. Sopping. Before taking off the panties, you hiked your knees onto the edge of the table and pressed your fingers to the darkened gusset. The wetness gushed outwards from the point of pressure and the both of you could hear the lewd slick sloshing between your folds. Hyunjin’s eyes rolled back again for a second as his head fell to the side, pretty lips parting for a heavy sigh.

That fucking look in his eye, like he was ready to spring up and devour you at any given moment. You wanted him to and it was so difficult to resist. The pinging of the tips going off made you check the screen and slide the panties off but leaving it hanging off your ankle.

“Sorry, lovely, I can’t wait. Feel like I’ve been waiting for this all day.” The shy giggle you let out made Hyunjin smile too, a shit-eating smirk that made you wanna tie him to the bed posts naked and leave him there all night.

As soon as your fingers made contact with your puffy clit a horny moan pushed past your lips. It was hardly any pressure aside from the intense eye contact Hyunjin wouldn’t dare let die down. His hand dwindled higher to grab the base of his cock, stroking just the shortest bit to tease himself. It wasn’t the fact that you were touching yourself that got you so worked up, it was him. The pretty face that couldn’t break away from yours because he was hanging on every word you said.

Your fingers moved a little faster to rub the bundle of nerves in tight circles, perfect pressure to make your eyes flutter. “This is already too much for me. Ha, isn’t that funny? Fuck– feels so good. Just missing– mm– one thing. One big thing.” You gestured with your eyes down to his cock and watched as his entire body tensed up, hand slapping over his mouth again to conceal a groan.

Hyunjin’s body felt on fire, like the cum leaking from him was made of molten lava and it burned in the best way possible. He loved the way your hole clenched the quicker you circled your fingers, how your toes would curl when you pushed harder, the slow rakes of your gaze up and down his lean body, how you’d linger a little longer on the way his hand wrapped around his cock like you were memorizing the way he liked to be touched. It was because you were, still jotting down mental notes of every nook and cranny of his body because you wanted to know it like you knew your own. Don’t tell him that, though.

“Look at that,” you pried your hand away to spread your fingers to show the camera the stickiness between them. Hyunjin couldn’t see it very well, but when you brought your fingers to your mouth and moaned, he got the idea and jerked his cock a little faster. “Mmm, would you taste me? I know you’d be so good with your tongue.

“I don’t think I’ll last long, lovely. It’s so hard to hold back when I think of you.”

Hyunjin matched your now frenzying speed, fucking his hand tighter when you switched hands rubbing at your clit to slide them down to your hole. Oh, you were glistening all over, sweating under the mutual heat both you and the barista were giving off. His wrist occasionally twisted while you attempted to curl your fingers at the right angle, but as well as you knew your body, you knew you’d never be able to reach unless you suddenly learned the secrets of a contortionist within the next few seconds.

Aching limbs, pussy growing more and more used to the ministrations the longer your orgasm refused to come to light, you were ready to fake one just to give your wrist and cunt a break. Even Hyunjin could see the slight difficulty, but wasn’t really sure of why. You’d seemed perfectly fine on your own during all those other live streams where you weren’t using a toy. But when he thought a little harder, the only time there wasn’t an extra source of stimulus, be it that a grinder, vibrator, dildo, there was always an extra set of hands. Sometimes a man, sometimes a woman, any person you’d collaborate with for the time being. You called it an “old fashioned” type of stream tonight, but didn’t think it entirely through.

Because you were really struggling, as in to the point where your eyebrows were furrowing and biting your bottom lip to hide the desperate whimpers that hinted to your viewers that you weren’t truly as close as you said you were.

He was right there. He was so close, pretty lips plumped ready to be used and big hands fisting his cock instead of being around your neck. How come this was suddenly an issue? Now that he’s here and you can’t have him, you can’t cum?

As you could see him visibly getting nearer to his end, you mouthed, “come here,” looked at the spot next to your desk and out of view of the camera for him to stand. Hyunjin rushed to the spot and tried to keep the sloshing, slick sounds of his jerking as quiet as possible. You could smell him, his musky scent and hint of coffee grounds that made your mind numb. The atmosphere rose a few degrees as the sweat dripped down his temple and onto his reddening chest. Fuck, everything about him made you want to cut the stream short, end it right here and blame it on a power outage or something, make up an excuse just because you wanted him so fucking badly.

It’s a problem, one that got you so frustrated that you did fake an orgasm, the whole shebang. Your body convulsed, you clamped your pussy around your fingers and let out a moan that seemed maybe a little too forced. But you didn’t care. The orgasm that was on the tip of your tongue could wait the few seconds it took to say your parting words. With Hyunjin at your side, you slipped your hand off to the side to rake your nails down his thigh, feeling him shudder beneath the touch.

“Told you, I couldn’t wait, he he he. ‘M sorry for ending things a little early today. I think that new pet of mine is very eager to play. I promise, we’ll have more fun next time. See you soon, lovely.” You took your hand from Hyunjin to do your sign off and click the ending button. As soon as you did, he rumbled a moan you could tell he’d been dying to let out.

You spun in your chair to face him entirely and spread your legs again. Just as you did, his fist sped up, no longer caring about the noise he made. Rubbing at your clit was his last straw, looking up at him with those desperate, watery eyes.

“Cum, baby. I need you.” The breathy whine, you almost begging him, Hyunjin panicked for a second until you gestured at your cunt, “but if you make a mess, you clean it up, pet.”

He didn’t hesitate even after knowing the consequences. But to Hyunjin, getting to lick his cum off your pussy was definitely not a consequence he’d ever complain about. “Ah– shit, gonna cum– fuck, you’re so pretty. Such a pretty pussy, oh my god, thank you, thank you, thank you.”

Within the few inches closer he came, he couldn’t hold back his orgasm any longer and initially missed the first rope or two of cum and splattered it over your thighs, the rest then spreading between your folds with every rub of your fingers on your clit, making even more of a mess than necessary. It was so warm and slippery, your eyes fluttered for a second at the sensation. But you wanted more, too needy to even think about what could come from this.

Before Hyunjin had entirely come down, you reached up to push him down by the shoulders, bringing him to his knees with his face in front of your puffy cunt. He was ready to go to town, but still waited for you to tell him that it was okay. And at just a nod and a small moan, he dove in, licking his seed off your pussy like frosting on a cake. He didn’t know he could taste so sweet when your juices mixed with his.

And dear fucking god, how warm you were. He wasn’t sure where he wanted to start and just sort of went in everywhere. Fat tongue licking stripes up and down and covering every inch he possibly could, messily lathering your bundle of nerves in his saliva just to make it sound sloppier when he finally suctioned it between his lips. He was a master at that, you knew his lips wouldn’t fail to make your legs shake. You wanted to tangle your fingers in his hair, but even that felt like crossing a line.

Was there really a line, though, now that his head was between your legs? It didn’t matter right now, he was doing too good of a job for you to worry about the after part.

Hyunjin slurped and suckled on you until you were moaning out for him, gripping at the armrests of your desk chair and borderline screaming because he was just what you needed. He looked up at you between breaths, smiling into your pussy while softly palming at his cock again. Taking a second for you to gather yourself, he licked up the leftover cum that covered your thighs, gently kissing his way back to where you wanted him.

Even if it was only a few seconds he’d pulled away, you whined when his lips connected to you again. It felt like a broken powerline, the electricity that coursed through you when he buried his face in your warmest parts.

As he sucked in, the tip of his tongue wiggled softly over your clit, and that strange, wonderful feeling made your hands shoot out to grab onto his hair, gripping onto it so tightly that the brief idea it might rip out did cross your mind. Just for a split second, though, because he didn’t stop even as you tugged him in closer, as close as physically possible without your bodies somehow miraculously phasing into one another.

“Fuck, fuck fuck– don’t stop, baby. Fuck, ‘m gonna cum. Don’t you dare fucking stop.” He hummed in acknowledgement, and that little detail is what sent you flying over the handlebars and face first into the pavement for your orgasm to clean sweep through your body. The heat overtook every one of your nerves to make you unsure of whether or not you were completely silent in bliss or screaming at the top of your lungs from the intense euphoria.

Has it always been like that? Were your orgasms always that… vivid? If that’s even the right word for it. Part of you didn’t want to let him go even after the high subsided, content with just running your fingers through his hair. Hyunjin didn’t seem to mind, he was mindlessly kitten licking the rest of his cum off the parts of you he’d missed, head contently laid in the crook of your pelvis. As your heart rate slowed, you tapped the top of his head gently so you could look at him properly.

The bottom half of his face was glistening in juices, yours, his, probably mostly yours. But also, his cheeks were a bright red to match the tops of his ears, and his gaze was no longer carnal but plainly tender, stars and warm pink mood lights making him sparkle. Kindly, you leaned forward to take his chin in your hand and swipe the lingering fluids from his lips and Hyunjin smiled.

“Did so good,” you cooed. He leaned his head into your palm. “Wanna, maybe, shower?”

“Mhm.”

You helped him to stand up and guide him into the bathroom to start the water. He was shaky without your being there to stabilize him, probably more sensitive than he was letting on. When you turned to leave, he reached out for your arm. “Just getting us some towels,” Hyunjin nodded and awkwardly waited in the middle of the bathroom until you returned. His face lit up seeing the multiple towels in your hand.

“You’re coming in with me?”

“Of course,” setting them down and opening the shower door for him to enter. “What kind of host would I be if I didn’t?”

Your apartment only had one bathroom, all of the stuff in here was yours. Your soap, your shampoo, all of your hair masks and body exfoliators, it was just you. Prospectively, Hyunjin knew he shouldn’t get his hopes up about this, about you helping him. You were just doing a service. But then again, you also contradicted yourself. He hadn’t prepared to touch you today, let alone even come into your apartment. This was unfamiliar territory. Does he thank you? Does he kiss you? God, he wants to kiss you. Does he ask what you are now?

You maneuvered him under the water first, gently tilting his head back to let the stream soak his hair. It ran down his cheeks, down his chest and body as his eyes quietly closed under the warmth of the water and your hands. Your touch was feather light, he might’ve thought he was daydreaming if you weren’t softly instructing him when you wanted him to move. Even that put him into such a dream-like, hazy state. If this was all that was to come from meeting you, he wouldn’t mind.

The lather of the shampoo filled his nostrils to make him open his eyes, seeing you bubbling it between your hands. Hyunjin’s only thought in his head was how beautiful you were, skin damp and wet, rosy cheeks, so domestic and loving. He didn’t notice the small grin playing along his lips when you reached up to massage the shampoo into his hair. You smiled back, though. Just briefly, but he saw it. Warmth filled his chest and pushed his head harder into your hands. “Smells good,” he murmured.

“Do you like orange blossoms?”

“Is that what it is?” He didn’t care enough to look away from your face.

“Mhm.” You were finished with the task much sooner than he wanted. Just as you were about to reach for the body wash, he put his hands on your shoulders to switch places. You stood under the water with a confused expression. “You don’t have to do that,” you said softly while he grabbed the shampoo bottle.

“I want to.”

His attempt at washing your hair was nowhere near as tranquil for you as it was for him. He did his best, but didn’t put enough shampoo in his hands and had to keep going back for more, dropping the bottle a few times. It made you laugh, your sweet giggles making his embarrassment worth it. When he tried to help you rinse it out, he forgot to put his hand on your forehead to keep the suds from getting into your eyes, embarrassment rushing immediately back. Even then, you laughed and smiled and went along with the domestic role playing for as long as he wanted.

It made his heart flutter the most as it was time to cleanse his body. Your hands running up and down, feeling him everywhere, even the most intimate of places. You asked him if it was okay first before traversing further south. Honestly, he didn’t mind you touching him there, even if he was flaccid. For some reason, he trusted you. The way you spoke before about intimacy and human connections made every minute detail feel larger than it was. Like he was connected to a set of strings, being pulled in any direction you wanted and manipulating his every move, he didn’t care, not when it was you controlling him this way. Hyunjin was ready to do anything you asked. He wasn’t even thinking about sex as your fingers grazed his soft cock to get to his thighs. Not so much as a twitch when you looked down at his private area to make sure you rinsed everything thoroughly. That’s not because he suddenly wasn’t attracted to you, but because he was so fucking attracted to you that he didn’t feel the need to think about sex every second he was with you to maintain that attraction. It was a rare emotion to feel, and desperately held onto it.

For you, you were masking the little pang of hurt when there was no physical reaction to being in the shower with you. He didn’t so much as try to kiss you, didn’t try to touch you other than shampooing your hair and hardly laying a finger on you to soap.

It was the post nut clarity. It happens every time. Why did you think he’d be any different? There was one thing all men wanted. He got it, on to the next.

Men are selfish. Which is why he jumped at the opportunity to leave after the two of you were done cleaning up. It went similar to your usual interaction with male partners;

“Did you want to stay the night? In case you’re too tired?”

“No, no, I should get home. I don’t wanna overstay my welcome.”

“It’s no trouble.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea…”

He changed, took one of your offered snacks for the road, and left.

And you weren’t planning to ever show your face in that coffee shop ever again.

Hyunjin was skipping home after leaving your place. He had a plan to get you to want to see him again. The only reason you didn’t take him up on your offer of staying the night was because he didn’t want you to think he wanted to go further. He’d snuck one of the other specially doodle cardboard cup sleeves he kept in his apron onto your cam desk with his phone number written on it, also a sweet message that would hopefully make you smile.

He’d fought the urge to kiss you all night, really kiss you. Not the “I wanna stick my dick in you,” kind of kiss, but the “I wanna make you breakfast in the morning and lend you my sweaters so they smell like you,” kind of kiss. All he thought about the whole walk home was just that, he was literally skipping down the sidewalk.

When he came home his roommates asked why he was so late and why he looked so disgustingly happy. Glowing was how Seungmin put it. Hyunjin was absolutely glowing.

But that glow faded over the next few days when you didn’t call him. You didn’t come into the coffee shop. You were still doing your usual streams, and that stung a little, seeing you but not seeing you. He should’ve asked for your phone number instead of leaving his. God, that was so fucking stupid of him to do.

Maybe he misread the entire situation. You got yours, he got his, there was no reason for you to ever speak again. That had to have been the reason you never reached out. And it fucking sucked. He hated it. He had a taste of you– literally tasted you– and was forced to quit you dead cold. It was miserable. He was miserable. The strings were cut and he was a lifeless piece of hollowed out wood. He tipped you during your streams just like before, he knew you knew it was him, but you slowly stopped acknowledging it. Hyunjin didn’t quit, he kept telling you how much he wanted you in the only way he knew how. Until you told him you didn’t want him, he was going to try.

Then Seungmin, ever the big brained menace he is, suggested that he should just stop by your place. Seungmin didn’t know details, he didn’t know who you were or what your job was, just that his roommate was sulking over a girl that was purposefully ignoring him. Hyunjin’s roommate didn’t think the barista would take it literally.

After Hyunjin got off work the next day, he made your favorite drink and even used one of his weekly free bakery items to bring as an extra apology gift. He picked up some flowers from a nearby floral shop, had them write your name in that pretty cursive and it even made the worker blush. They told him, “whoever these are for must either be very special or about to get a hefty apology.”

Hyunjin answered, “both.”

He wasn’t even sure if you’d be home, it wasn’t one of your streaming nights. Still, he hoped and prayed that you were. Hyunjin hesitated to knock, he hadn’t seen you in person in a week and felt the anxiety bubbling in his belly. But he missed you, more than he’d ever missed anyone. If he felt like this now, what was he to do if you were home and rejected him a second time? He doesn’t know if he could handle that.

Still, he found the courage to knock, barely audible but loud enough that you came to the door. Hyunjin stood up straighter, took a deep breath, and waited for the door to swing open. But it didn’t. Did you trip and fall? Did you need help? He swears that it was your footsteps he heard coming.

He stood in waiting, returning to holding his breath after knocking one more time. Nothing came.

☆ﾟ

tags: @sensitiveandhungry @babebatter @changbinluvr @epiphanynaffit @fawnpeaks @linovely @dumplinbokkieracha @finnydraws @naturules @djeniryuu @skzhomiehopper @yesv01 @hyunjinsamdl @dazzlingligth @alexis-reads-fics @0002linoskitten @chillichillicrabcrab23 @zerefdragn33l @straycrescent @binnies-donuts @soldierstangirl-blog @bakedlilgoonie @levanterlily @shelbyyy44 @yeetmehome @in2heartz @astroodledream @the-sweetest-rose @lilbugs-things @viviennenstan @staurdvst @alex--awesome--22 @imzenning @jeyelleohe @iadorethemskz @skyvastbunny @mamabymychem @katsukis1wife @woozarts @noellllslut @straykids5star

858 notes · View notes