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sidgenoabofest · 3 years

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1. Mpreg

2. Courting

3. Omega/Omega

4. Jealous mate

5. Lactation kink

6. Mermaid a/b/o au

7. Mail order bride!!!

8. Subversion/Inversion

9. Non-traditional dynamics

10. Very elaborative courting

11. oral knotting + cock warming

12. Geno’s first heat in America.

13. Little Drummer Girl au but a/b/o

14. alpha/alpha first time taking a knot

15. a xeno take on heat and abo dynamics

16. Geno falling for Ace!Sid in an a/b/o au

17. Mutual pining where they’re both Alpha’s

18. Hockey player Alpha Geno, non hockey Sid

19. Alpha!Geno’s dick is too big when he knots

20. Geno and Anna (alphas) try to woo Sid (omega)

21. Regency AU arranged marriage with shy omega Sid

22. Rival teammates and one goes into heat mid game

23. a/b/o dynamics based on lions, rather than wolves

24. beta/omega; first time going through heat together

25. Alpha-Alpha dynamic going into rut on the team plane

26. cockwarming as self-care and/or somebody's love language

27. Sometimes Sid will let Geno fuck his thighs and let him knot.

28. Alien Alpha Sid captures Earthling Omega Geno in his tractor beam

29. Snowed in and/or cabin fic where one of them goes into heat or rut

30. Mafia boss Geno, with husband omega Sid, who is still a boss in his own right

31. Sid's knot takes forever to go down. They work around it with cosy movie nights.

32. Alpha Sid being all worked up over pregnant geno.... and perhaps overly protective…

33. Sid being scent blind and falling in love with Geno the long way, while Geno pines and pines

34. Sid goes into a full on mating heat at the West Point hill climb, Geno fights off all comers.

35. Geno is intersex, with physical characteristics of both alpha and omega. Sid's into all of him.

36. Evgeni always goes to Sidney post heat (or rut). It’s one of many things they don’t talk about.

37. During a goal celebration, Sid and Geno experience a spontaneous bond. It freaks all involved out.

38. Alpha/Alpha rival knight au or Alpha knight and Omega squire? Just something with romance and armour.

39. Tired of being teased and the punchlines of locker room jokes, Sid asked Geno to take his virginity/knot him.

40. Geno and Sid as two alphas who pine for each other and try to pretend they don’t want each other, but they do.

41. sid has a kink for fucking new brides, so omega geno dresses up in bridal lingerie and begs sid to knock him up

42. Alphas and omegas will fuck betas, but they don’t end up staying with them. This is what Sidney knows from experience.

43. Medieval abo au, Sid's castle is small and he and Geno have to consummate their marriage in front of all of Sid's patrons

44. omega/omega pregnancy kink, no getting pregnant angst, just skip right to the good stuff: already pregnant and horny about it.

45. rookie sid and geno are still a bit too young for a real heat, so they put in some practice together and things get out of hand

46. “i’m rich and i’m not supposed to talk to servants but the person that scrubs my floor is really cute” (/smells fucking amazing)

47. New relationship during the holidays and somebody forgot to take their suppressant and goes into rut in between dinner and dessert

48. Omega Sid and alpha Geno hook up, it's a one night stand. Sid notices he's pregnant a couple weeks after and goes to hunt down Geno

49. Baby NHL omegas come to Sid for advice on omegas working with alphas, dating etiquette with alphas and what its like to get knotted by an alpha.

50. Alpha Geno courting Omega Sid to be allowed to mate him, over expensive gifts to dinner invitations to being possessive and protective on the ice

51. Sid can’t stand being touched or scent marked by strangers, but Geno’s never been that to him. (Authors choice re: what designations they each have)

52. Regency AU: Mr Sidney Crosby is as well know for his big estate and he wealth as he is for being an omega who tops all the alpha gentlemen he take to his bed

53. Sid is always yapping on the bench, but in relationships his communication skills go right down the drain when he has a cold and can't rely on scent cues for help.

54. you rescued me from the creepy person that was hitting on me in the bar and i’m glad you did because MMHMMM you are hot and smell like nothing i’ve ever smelled before

55. Sid is a beta who Geno always calls on when he goes into heat/rut. It’s fun and no strings attached and they’re friends. Only Geno slowly realises he wants more than that

56. one is an omega and the other is a beta (the inherent convenience of a self-slicking butthole; the beta figuring out how to satisfy their partner in heat, who can go for HOURS)

57. Only werewolves are a/b/o’s, humans are just humans. As a general rule human!Sid stays out of wolf business but Evgeni keeps making it his business by acting like Sidney’s *his.*

58. sid being teased relentlessly for his big alpha dick in the locker room, and loving it, kinda strutting around naked but also going all pink, and geno really LOOKING for the first time

59. Sid has been on high level suppressants since juniors and nobody knows if he's hiding being an alpha or an omega. Geno has been curious for YEARS but never asked, till something happens.

60. One of their alpha/omega statuses doesn't kick in until after retirement-- they spent a good portion of life thinking they were a beta but now that shit is going BANANAS. Puberty at age 40

61. Sid/Geno/Anna where Sid + Geno are both Omegas and have banded together like "we don't need any alpha nonsense" but then Geno meets Alpha Anna at the Olympics and shit gets real, real fast.

62. Tradition has it, your mate is supposed to smell best to you. But Sid usually smells like old milk. How the fuck is Geno supposed to work around that? Because Sid is definitely the one he wants.

63. Alpha Sid's enthralled with Geno's omega trills. Geno's kind of a picky eater (like he's picky about everything) Sid revels in the challenge of finding snacks and gifts that will make Geno trill

64. geno's heats come on fast and with no warning, sometimes in the middle of a game, so once in a while sid can help a buddy out and slip geno some fingers to just get him through to the intermission

65. Established Sid and Geno who have not bonded for some reason (is one beta? are they waiting for something?), with a side of whoops, accidentally bonded to someone else in a heat-related medical emergency.

66. You’re an actor/other famous person that I really admire and I just saw you in the street and as I was debating whether or not to say hi you came up to me and started flirting what do I do?? (but make it hockey abo)

67. Sexual dysfunction: Maybe an alpha who's having trouble knotting, or a bata having a hard time staying hard his fist time dating an omega, or an omaga who's having issues self lubricating. Emotional comfort through sex!

68. Camboy or porn AU where the one who does sex work specializes in alpha/alpha or omega/omega porn. Ideally the one watching is still an NHL player and has some complicated feelings around their own same-gender preferences.

69. one is an alpha and the other is a beta (first time getting knotted and being overwhelmed by it plus like LOTS of lube; or the alpha likes getting fucked but doesn't like to be knotted so a beta partner is the perfect option)

70. omega/omega sid figuring out how to top geno's giant peach ass when omegas aren't particularly well-endowed (dick-extending knotting dildo? practicing flexibility? finger-shaped bruises trying to keep those cheeks pried open?)

71. Green card heat bond au! The KHL don’t want to release Geno from his contract to let him play in the NHL. It’s becoming messy and it looks like the Penguins may lose their legal case when someone suggests a heat bond green card.

72. Trophy wife Geno: He likes to be pampered, he like his valour track suits, he likes lounging around in fur coats, and he likes getting knotted when Sid comes back from a win...and maybe even more when he comes back from a loss…

73. Heatfic PWP set during Geno’s rookie year when he barely speaks any English. Up to you which one is in heat—I just like the idea of Sid and Geno trying awkwardly to communicate & then not really needing to once instinct takes over.

74. Beauty and the beats/ or some kind of monster au. Geno is saved by Beast!Sid and nursed back to health in his castle. By the end Geno is as in love with the monster as he is with Sid's other self. This could be any dynamic combination.

75. Sid’s concussion messing up his alpha or omega cycle, or maybe delaying him from differentiating. Everyone calls him a late bloomer, which Sid doesn’t care about except when he sometimes sees Geno post heat/rut and feels confusing stuff

76. ABO specific sex toys: training knots for omega's, dilators for alphas and betas who want to sleep with other alphas, knotting flashlights, double headed dildos for omega/omega pairs? The list goes on! The only limit is your imagination.

77. Geno - omega who's never gone into heat. Maybe he never will. Despite the pessimism of his younger years, this has turned out to fine, because he and Sid have an excellent and well-established sex life regardless, and SID's heats are pretty great for both of them.

78. Nontraditional abo dynamic frat au: Either with alphas, betas, and omegas all in the same house or maybe separate different fraternities? It could be two competing alpha's from different frat houses? or maybe a beta at an omega house party feeling *very overwhelmed*

79. Geno breaks up after bonding with someone. It’s sudden and it happens mid-season and he can’t go home to lick his wounds so instead his bond-withdrawal becomes a team issue. The trainers and medics all have opinions and advice, but it’s Sid who gets him through the worst of it.

80. Omega Sid is wedded to foreign Prince Alpha Geno because male Omegas are rare and a 'sign to God'. The marriage is a sign of goodwill from the people of Sid's kingdom, he's a low noble but his Omega status makes him more worthy. They meet for the first time in front of the altar

81. Omega Sid is ‘President’ of the NHL omega groupchat/association, Sid and Seguin have a friendship forged through both declaring they “dont need no Alpha!” But cant stop having ‘issues’ with their closest Alpha on their teams. Sid-Seguin gossipy omega friendship as they explore life getting closer to alphas (Geno, Benn)

82. Beta Sid's the king of locker room talk and all the rowdy shenanigans that go on there. He flirts with everyone shamelessly and Geno has no idea how he's supposed to tell if Sid's being serious or not when he tells Geno to "take a picture, it will last longer" or something to that degree. (He really wants Sid to be serious).

83. Age difference Coach Sid/ Rookie Geno au. Geno needs to get bonded to be allowed to travel overseas and play for the Penguins. Sid agrees to be his alpha without really thinking about it until Geno shows up wide-eyed and perky at his front door and things just derail from there. (and by derail I mean office sex at the arena.)

84. Sid is an Omega but pretends to be a suppressed alpha as omegas are considered special and rare, almost local celebrities unto themselves, plus most wouldnt want to see an Omega risking injury playing professional sport. The presence of an ideal Alpha in Geno is making it harder and harder to hide his omega side and instincts.

85. After the NHL All Star Game, alpha Sid ends up with omega Geno’s gear bag. Sid doesn’t realize the mix-up until he gets home. When he opens the bag, he instantly recognizes the smell of omega arousal, and a couple of things become clear: Geno was getting hot while playing in the ASG, and Sid has unfettered, private access to Geno’s scent.

86. Pirates of the Caribbean/Black Sails au—Zhenya is a wealthy young omega hostage on pirate Sid's ship. In the end Sid can’t follow through and hand Zhenya over to the people who want him in exchange for gold. (or maybe Zhenya offers knowledge of something better for them to steal in order to save himself and they fall in love during the adventure)

87. Someone tried to take advantage of Sid while in heat/rut; it’s something that Geno hears whispers of when he is a rookie, but no one talks about it and Geno doesn’t have a nearly good enough grasp on English to try. He just stays later to practice with Sid and sits next to him at clubs and uses his body to block people when they try to touch Sid.

88. After years of dancing around their feelings, AlphaGeno and OmegaSid start ‘hooking up’ and then accidentally bond in The Playoffs bubble. This is a problem because newly bonded omegas tend to become bratty and act out in many ways and try to test their alpha, sometimes taunting other alphas to see if their own alpha will come defend them. Chaos on and off the ice ensues.

89. Werewolf/abo au: an unsuspecting Geno (omega or beta) comes across Alpha Sid's pack (maybe on a full moon run or Sid helps him with car troubles in a snow storm or maybe Geno visits Sid's pack after moving to the area as a gesture of good will.) Either way, Sid knows as soon as he sees Geno that he wants him for his bond mate, and will do whatever it takes to get him to agree.

90. Geno scent marking Sid; maybe they’re not bonded or in a relationship but Sid is *his*; his captain, his friend, the person who laughs at Geno’s jokes and exchanges knowing looks with Geno whenever one of their teammates does something dumb. It’s possessive and technically rude, but whatever. Sid likes it, Geno argues when someone (Flower, probably) tries to call him out for it.

91. Rookie Geno is ultra-competitive about everything from who goes last out of the locker room to how many eggs he can eat in a minute. Everyone sees it as Geno locking horns with Sid, competing as young alphas do. Only, Sid doesn’t seem offended or annoyed. If anything, he seems delighted and more than a little turned on. (Bonus points if everybody is wrong about one of them being an alpha).

92. Alpha sid being possessive and jealous over oblivious omega geno and maybe getting into a fight (throw in some alpha ovi shipping these idiots but also teasing sid about his and geno’s past hookups because he might be onboard the Sid geno train but he’s also a sassy bitch about it) bonus if it also has backy/ovi (if we squint not here to take the spotlight away from the two headed monster)

93. Mail Order Alpha AU: To Play in the KHL Omega Geno needs to be bonded. Metallurge team management offers him many options for Russian suitors, but Geno being Geno doesn’t like being told what to do. Instead of accepting any of those, he finds himself a nice Canadian alpha on "mail order bride" message boards. Bonus points for slightly awkward but also hot “bonding night scene” and Sid charming Geno's family with his broken Russian.

94. Sid never joins in with any of the rowdy locker room talk about hook ups/sex/knots/heats/ruts. Some of the guys joke it’s because Sid’s a virgin or frigid. Geno knows that isn’t true, because they hooked up one time when they were rookies. In retrospect he thinks it was probably Sid’s first time, and he knows he messed it up because instead of talking to Sid and seeing if they had anything real, Geno got back together with Oksana. It’s been years since then, and he and Sid are friends, but sometimes Geno wonder’s ‘what if...’

95. Geno broke an Alpha/Omega bond when he escaped from Russia to come to the NHL. He promised himself he’d never bond with anyone else ever again. He’d just have fun. And he is having fun fucking around. He was never allowed to do that at home. He probably shouldn’t be doing it in the west because he’s getting a reputation but he doesn’t care. He’s free and no one can tell him what to do. It’s his life and his choices and he’s never going to bond with anyone ever again. Only without noticing he finds himself falling for his best friend, Sidney.

96. nesting!! it can be because one of them is pregnant, or something bond/hormone related, or just a pre-heat behavior, but i love fics where the omega partner is secretly stealing the other one's clothes and small personal belongings to make a nice safe nest/den in a closet or spare room or even a trainer's room at the rink. i especially love this trope if the nesting partner is a little embarrassed or evasive about it, lol. my heart says it's sid who's building a nest out of geno's things (and being a little squirrely about it trying to keep it secret) but i think an omega!geno version would also be delightful.

97. Demisexual!Sid in an a/b/o world where designation/romance/sex has never been a big deal to him. He’s never understood his teammates stories of losing their minds with heat lust, or falling in love at first scent or losing days in bed with someone riding out their heat/rut or anything like that. Most people tell him, he’ll understand one day when the right alpha/omega/beta comes along or question if something is wrong with his designation/him. Geno never does. For the longest time Geno is one of the few friends who doesn’t think anything is wrong with him. But the problem with friends is sometimes Sid falls for them.

98. I'd love to read an a/b/o fic involving an unplanned pregnancy. Maybe they're in some kind of casual fwb arrangement off and on for years, or maybe they just hooked up the one time and had tacitly agreed to never speak of it again. I'd read pretty much any take on this prompt -- an Obvious Child-esque version where they decide to have an abortion but also realize they have feelings for each other; a version where they decide to have a baby but both think the other just wants to be friends and co-parents (not romantically involved); a version where the pregnancy forces them to reckon with their true feelings for each other... really, anything goes!

99. Loser's sacrifice / victor's prize fic, version 1: Geno wasn't drafted by the Pens, and he and Sid have spent their whole careers as rival captains (you can decide if it's a no-love-lost rivalry or just mutual respect for each other or a hatesex chemistry type dynamic). The Pens lose to Sid's team, and Sid offers himself to Geno as the victor's prize. (I'd read any version of this, but I'd especially love an alpha!Geno / omega!Sid fic where Sid's the only omega captain in a predominantly alpha league -- and this creates some weird tensions, because the sacrifice is supposed to be about the humiliation of an alpha having to submit to another alpha. Maybe Sid doesn't usually accept or offer sacrifice (someone else on the team does it for him).

100. Loser's sacrifice / victor's prize fic, version 2: Sid and Geno are together (you can decide how serious it is). After a bad loss one night, Sid offers himself as the sacrifice to the opposing team (or maybe just to their captain). Geno is insanely jealous and territorial about it and pretends to be sulky/angry, but in the days after he can't stop furtively jacking off thinking about it. Sid figures it out eventually, and somehow it becomes a thing for them. Sid starts regularly offering himself as sacrifice but always comes to Geno immediately afterwards, smelling of the opposing captain/team, so Geno can fuck someone else's come out of him while Sid tells him everything the team did to him.

101. I've been thinking about an a/o universe where non-alpha/omega pairings are still socially stigmatized, but there's an active scent-masking party/club scene, where people take blockers and go to hook up with other people without knowing what their dynamic is. Maybe the clubs themselves are a little taboo -- sort of like gay bathhouses in the '70s or private BDSM clubs -- so it's mostly people who are in the know, and there's a general understanding that you don't acknowledge people you meet there if you encounter them out in the world. I'd love an alpha/alpha fic set in this verse - could be a non-hockey AU where Sid and Geno meet at one of these clubs, or a canon fic where they don't realize the other is into alphas until they're out of town on a road trip and they run into each other at one of these clubs.

102. There are no omegas in the NHL—at least as far as anyone knows. Sid’s been taking illegal scent-blockers/suppressants and passing as a beta since he presented as an omega as a teen. The only people who know the truth are his parents, his agent, and Jack Johnson (who helped make excuses for Sid at SSM during his first heat). Sid doesn’t intend to reveal his secondary gender until his retirement—once he’s won a Cup or three and gold for Canada and proven decisively that omegas can play at the highest levels. Except something happens (his supply of blockers is interrupted, or he has a breakthrough heat, or something) and Geno finds out. I’d especially love it if this was early in their NHL careers, before they knew/trusted each other and were able to communicate well, but I’d definitely also read a fic where Geno finds out many years into their friendship, and has to grapple with how much Sid’s hidden from him.

103. old timey pirate AU! sid’s a naval officer who’s clawed his way up the ranks despite significant prejudice against omegas. he’s achieved his dream of captaining a ship, but his life is a lonely one, in part because he can’t let himself be vulnerable with anyone (in case they use it against him to challenge his leadership). the only bright spot in his life is the years-long cat-and-mouse game he’s been playing with evgeni malkin, a notorious russian pirate captain who‘s managed to evade arrest for years, often by tricking the navy or managing to cleverly conceal his crew’s stolen loot when their ship is boarded by the Navy. Geno’s an alpha, but unlike Sid’s fellow officers, he’s always treated Sid with the utmost respect—even if he also gleefully delights in tricking Sid’s men and repeatedly evading capture. in fact, after years of meeting in various port towns and at sea, Geno seems to consider Sid a friend. (Sid knows Geno finds him attractive, too, and has made it clear—always teasingly, never in a pushy or aggressive way—that he’s available, should Sid ever want to go to bed with an alpha.) up to you what the plot is, but I’d love something where Geno’s luck finally runs out, and Sid’s the one who‘s tasked with bringing him back to shore to be tried (and most likely hanged) for piracy. make Sid choose between his honor + love of rules and his unacknowledged feelings for geno!!

#sidgeno #sidgenoabofest

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siyeonjisoo · 5 years

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Oookay. Long post in-coming. TL:DR is I saw the GazettE yesterday and while it was a really fucking long day, IT WAS AMAZING AND ALL WORTH IT AND I LOVE THEM AND MY FRIENDS <3 <3 <3

SO my day started at 3:50am when I woke up. got on a train at 5:17 in the morning to get to NYC by 7. I ended up being the 34th person in line. The folks at the front of the line had come straight from Dallas and started lining up at 4am which is both insane but awesome. I was waiting for the discord friends to show up and was the second one to show up. the line was originally along the front entrance of the building and all mixed. The business on the corner, however, really hates the lines being in front of their entrance so we actually got split from VIP and GA really early. I think it was like 9am when that happened and all of us who are familiar with how shit Playstation staff’s organization usually is were shook.

My friends and I had a great time hanging out all day long so I got no complaints, even though I sat my ass on a sidewalk in Times Square for 10 hours yesterday. We had ourselves organized and knew we were gonna be fine but Playstation staff showed their true identities by trying to fuck with it all day long. We all got in several shouting matches of them just going on power trips and us trying to explain that they don’t have to worry about us.

I also painted my nails at some point in line haha

Because we were so damn close to the doors, we could hear soundcheck from outside. They played Zetsu, Shadow VI II I, Sumire, and Bathroom and I was fucking crying so much then. Those were the first tears of the day, I think, but nowhere near the last. We were all freaking out over it.

A little bit after that, I went on a trip to use the bathroom (which was the last time I think I went before I got home at 2am lol. Held anything from like 3pm till then). We were going to the Hardrock Cafe for that so we had to walk from the alley tunnel where the VIP lines were around the block past the main entrance of Playstation. A staff member came walking out just as a car was pulling up with 3 men in the backseat. They all had light blonde hair and masks on. Staff hurriedly ushered them inside. I saw the eyes of one of the guys and I swear to god that it may have been Kai. It was after the soundcheck so unless staff did the soundcheck for them, they went out for lunch after and I saw them when they came back. Which is possible. So yeah, that may have happened.

We were allowed to go inside starting around 6:30 so we started organizing ourselves into the number order we had around 5 just so we could be ready when staff started letting us in. I was standing from 5pm then until like 9:45, after the concert ended. At 6:10, they started organizing us by letting us snake through to get our VIP bands and (if you were Heresy) other bracelets. We got like 25 people through that way and it was taking REALLY long so they gave up on that and sent the first bunch through. Because a lot of people weren’t there (either were GA given a # by accident or just not there) I ended up being within the first 20 to get inside.

I hit up the merch table to get a Reita bear and because of that, lost the chance to get the barricade but I still was in the 3rd row on the side that I wanted to be on. It was around 7 by then and we were all just waiting for everyone to get in. I talked with all the people around me and we all had a great time. At 8:02, the concert started.

Here is the setlist:

99.999

Falling

NINTH ODD SMELL

GUSH

Vortex

Venomous Spider's Web

THE MORTAL

SONO KOE WA MOROKU

DOGMA

The Suicide Circus

INCUBUS

UGLY

ABHOR GOD

Filth in the Beauty

encore

INSIDE BEAST

Cockroach

Tomorrow Never Dies

I managed to keep my spot in front of Reita in the 3rd row for the entire show, only moving like an inch or two away from center, toward Aoi. By the time Vortex happened, I definitely was not standing on my own feet but was being held up by the crowd and swaying all around with them. I had one foot on the ground to keep me, well, grounded, and was just being pushed back and forth with the crowd from then on. I don’t think I have been that covered in sweat in my entire life. My shirt was fucking drenched, thank goodness it was a thick material so the white didn’t become transparent at least haha.

The folks directly behind me were holding onto my shoulders and back to balance while headbanging and that pushed me forward and backward so I was headbanging better so thanks fam!

I also got a punch in the eye at one point and this was the thought process of my reaction (over the span of like 2 seconds): "oh no, i'm a daycare teacher! I can't have a black eye!" then "fuck it, I'm at a concert I don't care" then "wait it didn't even hurt that much why was I so dramatic". There was no damage and I was just being dramatic so enjoy laughing at me.

I was right in front of Reita so I got lots of him. He stuck his tongue out while making eye contact with me at one point. I saw heaven in that moment. He also kept doing this weird little waving thing with his hand throughout and it was really fucking cute and made me laugh while doing it back at him.

Ruki would also hop up in the area right in front of us, right on the edge of the stage, and after the first time he came there, I was on that one foot until the main set ended. Seeing Ruki’s dorky dancing in person, that close, is so funny. I laughed so hard every single time he did his little chicken neck dance thing. Can’t take him seriously when he does that.

Aoi was teasing all of us and being a handsome man. He also attempted to turn Sono Koe wo Moroku into a sexy song with how he was dancing there.

Kai and Uruha were on their side of the stage the entire time and I couldn’t see either of them very well but every time I did, they were breathtakingly beautiful and seemed to be having so much fun.

Main set ended around 9:08. We chanted back and forth between encore and gazetto for like 11 or 12 minutes before they came back on.

Aoi and Reita stayed in their costumes while Kai and Uruha had changed into tour shirts. URUHA LOOKED SO FUCKING SEXY IN HIS BECAUSE he had cut the sleeves off and the collar so it was a low v-neck style. Made his choker necklace stand out even more and HOLY FUCK IS THAT MAN SEXY. Kai took his microphone and yelled at us in English about how fucking awesome we were and it was so nice hearing him curse for some reason. I can’t explain why it was so nice to hear but it was. After that, they started a slightly elongated instrumental intro to Inside Beast before Ruki came out on stage and he also had not changed out of his costume.

The only time that Uruha came past the center onto my side was during Inside Beast I think. The only words I could think at that moment were “oh my god, that man is so beautiful”.

I knew that Tomorrow Never Dies was going to be the last song they played so as soon as Ruki started saying “last”, I started feeling like I was going to cry. But the problem with that was the fact that I had sweated out so much liquid that I had no tears. So I sobbed but without tears throughout that entire song. After that song, Aoi, Uruha, and Reita threw their pics into the crowd. One of Aoi’s landed like a foot or two to my left but either someone caught it and didn’t tell anyone or it got lost cause no one claimed to have caught it after.

Kai had his phone and took a picture from behind his drumset. I think it was a selfie with us in the background. Then he came down to the front, smiley as ever, and took some more pics of just us. I found myself. I’m in the purple circle here

We then all went up to the chairs in the back to wait for it to be M&G time. I would have been fine if my day had ended there, honestly, because it had already been amazing. But no, there was still more. It was like 9:30/9:40 when they started clearing the rows to go through. I was surprisingly calm about it because I was concentrating on my promise to a friend. She was behind me in line and I had promised to get Aoi to wish her a happy birthday since it is today, the day after the concert. So I focused on that and making sure I could say that to him instead of freaking out over anything else.

so the order was Aoi, Reita, Ruki, Kai, Uruha. one by one, here is what happened.

Aoi: he takes my hands and thanks me in English. I thank him in Japanese while marveling in how SOFT his hands are. Then I tell him, again in Japanese, about it being my friends bday tomorrow and asking him to say something. He looks at her and grins and nods to me. Reita is staring at me now and I almost froze having both of them looking straight at me at the same time.

Reita: I hand to him the card I wrote for all of them and he takes it while saying, in English, “For me?” and he sounded so cute. I corrected him and said it was for all of them and he nodded and thanked me, in Japanese, and I thanked him too. I kinda didn’t even notice that he wasn’t looking at me with two eyes because I was in so much shock.

Ruki: He gave me the softest smile as he took my hand in both of his. I thanked him and almost couldn’t let go of his hands. Not because of me, but because of him not wanting to let go. I think he saw my tattoo when we shook hands which makes me happy.

Kai: THIS MAN IS SO SWEET. I thanked him while we shook hands and this is kinda when I started losing my mind. I let go of his hands kinda fast but I told him, in Japanese, that he has an amazing smile and he tilted his head and smiled at me. Like just at me and my legs almost gave out under me.

Uruha: His hands. They are so big. And so soft. AND HE IS SO FUCKING HOT. I had completely lost my mind by then so he said thank you in English and I just couldn’t say anything else but thank you in English. My brain was goop.

I walked away from Uruha on shaky legs, got my VIP little towel, and then collapsed against a wall and started sobbing. 11 and a half years waiting for an opportunity to thank them, face-to-face, finally brought to an end last night and it all just crashed down on me in that moment.

My friend who was behind me came out crying and came straight to give me a hug and we just hugged and cried for almost a minute, just standing there. Aoi had wished her a happy birthday, as expected, but Reita did too. That’s why he had been staring at me while I spoke to Aoi lol.

I just wandered around with my friends inside the venue, trying to keep from sobbing completely because ain’t nobody need that kind of attention from a venue’s staff.

My friends all parted ways to go back to their respective Airbnbs or hotels while I started my lonely walk back to Penn station. But I was still kinda crying so I scanned the crowd of people also walking in that direction until I found people I recognized to be from this concert. Caught up with them and asked if I could walk with them for a little bit so I wouldn’t be a girl walking through the city, alone, crying, at night. We ended up stopping to get food together and chatting for like an hour before I had to head off to catch my train.

I cried literally off and on the entire way home. On the train, walking from train to car, driving home, every step of the way. I ended up being awake for a solid 22, almost 23, hours yesterday. My throat is still sore today. My neck hurts so much. My heart is so full of emotions that I am still so close to crying at any moment. All of the stress about the semester up until now? Worth it. All of my worries about finals? Gone. I met and spoke with (in Japanese) the human beings who inspired me to start learning Japanese in the first place. I will be graduating from college in 13 days as both a member of Sigma Tau Delta and cum laude. Not to be overdramatic or cringey or anything but I know for a fact that I would not be at this point in my life if I hadn’t found this band when I was 11.5 years old. 11.5 years later, this is what my life is like. I have the money to afford to MEET them. And the opportunity for it. Life can change so much. Like, if anyone ever needs a reminder that “it get’s better” this is it!

The first goal was just to see them in concert. That was ticked off the list in 2016 at their first world tour. The second was to meet them and be able to say “thank you” to them in person. That was ticked off the list last night. The new goal? get them all to autograph my arm, under where I have their logo, so I can get that tattooed as well. My entire left arm is going to be dedicated to bands that have shaped who I am so there will also be Miyavi tattoos and maybe even some Berryz Koubou tattoos there one day but for now, the goal is their autographs. So look out for that.

Also, check out all of my beautiful and lovely friends. I love them all so much and miss you all already!! (I’m the blondie grinning like a dork because I was so happy!)

#the gazette #ruki #reita #aoi #uruha #kai #nyc #phase 04 #world tour #playstation theater #my face #friends #memories #sixth guns #heresy #live report #reaction #goals

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watchingninjago-archive · 5 years

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Season 1, Episode 2: Home

I’m updating my format. As I’m watching on Netflix, we’re doing a minute-till-end system, so the number will go lower as I progress through the episode. Also, I’ll prewrite the reaction on Docs then copypaste it to here to make it more coherent.

[22:10] With that said, let’s do this!

[21:10ish] Skipped the recap (don’t need that in my life!) and we open with Wu… doing some housekeeping? I’ll say doing some moving of crap around as we hear the Boys in the background doing some training or something.

[21:04] Whhhy are you so shocked, Wu? You think that they wouldn’t want to train if it meant being the Green Ninja?

[20:25] So our Boys (exlc. Zane) are discussing Zane being Too OP For The Training Area Location. And like… they’re calling him like, weird and stuff? And my self-projecting ass is like… please stop he just wants to train oh my god,

[Around the 20:00 mark] And now we’re going through a montage of Zane being weird and such, and like…. what do I say here? Because he’s honestly my favourite at this point, and that’s in part because I kind of relate to him.

[19:35 to 19:33] “... He’s really smart, it’s just, uh, he’s a little off sometimes.” Oh, jesus christ, did you hear that bang back there? Must’ve been me relating to this guy going up by… who knows what. I was always the “smart kid that just needed to get better with making friends/being social” in primary school, and when I managed to become an AP student in highschool, always being in a class with everyone just as smart as me, the issues with being social caught up to me. And I’ll stop here because I don’t want to be stuck at one spot for too long or drop the Jaime persona, but like… I guess I realised who I’ll be relating to for the rest of the bloody show.

[Didn’t catch when, the whole “Getting mail” bit] OH OW… OW… Poor Zane. I guess the others are just at the monastery for training, but I don’t know if Zane has… anyone outside of here. At least at this point.

[Continuing from above] And… well, if he does, he doesn’t know, does he?

[18:15-18:10ish] God… ouch. Ouch. Zane just walking off like that… :( He definitely knows that he just… doesn’t fit in with the others, doesn’t he?

[18:05] We cut to Cole and his dragon, Rocky, interacting. It’s really neat about how clearly he cares for his dragon! I really like dragons, and it’s like… hell to the yeah, good bonds are had!

[17:57] SHIT FORGOT COLE IS STILL PARTIALLY CONTROLLED BY THOSE SNAKE DUDES

[17:20] Scales is probably the most enjoyable villain because he’s the only one who has done SHIT in the two episodes we’ve seen. Lloyd’s very much a stereotypical asshole child who managed to get control of the General dude, so Scales’ the only one who has vaguely tolerable actions.

[17:11?] “Snakes don’t belong in trees.” Really?

[16:55] Lloyd, I’ll give the benefit of the doubt that you’ll become better, but as of right now I have the legal right to strangle you.

[16:30ish] Zane being a good cook is neat! Also, “I didn’t hear anybody complaining about my duck chowder last night.” “That’s because it glued our mouths shut.”

[NOT GETTING THE TIMESTAMP I’VE GOT TO BURN OFF THE SECOND HAND EMBARRASSMENT FIRST] READ THE TIMESTAMP FELLAS

[16:12, probably] Embarrassment-as-comedy is one of the tropes I really despise. I’m over empathetic, and in this case it’s with as previously stated my (so far) favourite character. It makes me want to stop watching, to be honest, but I know this is just some kids cartoon targeted to 8 year old boys and I really shouldn’t get so worked up about it. I’m the periphery here.

God, it’s hard to continue when the joke’s not even over.

[16:03] I’m forcing myself through it. Anyhow, I just… uhh… words not working. Words are not functional, how do I words, the bloody secondhand embarrassment broke my phrasing, shit,

[15:55] “I guess we don’t share the same sense of humour.” Do I go “mood” or do I go on another ramble?

[15:49] Aw Fuck I’m Geniunely Invested Aw Fuck Aw Jesus-

[15:45] “How could you not find that funn-” (Wu drups one of the dishes on Cole’s head.) I didn’t find the prawn thing funny, but that? I didn’t expect that. It wasn’t what I thought would happen. I didn’t expect Wu to snap like that. That got a chuckle out of me.

[15:40] “Now you are brothers.” Allriiight, FOOD FIGHT FOOD FIGHT FOOD FIGHT FOOD FI

[15:26] Zane… how are you not squicked out by all the food on you. Get it off. Food on you is gross.

[15:15] He’s looking at the stars, he’s looking at the bird, hi bird!

[15:09] And now the bird is copying him and he’s interacting with the bird right back. Birds are good. Birds are lovely. Thank you, writers, for giving me this scene.

[14:54] ah shit… ah fuck… i got invested in Zane… this isn’t what i thought would happen…

[14:46] wait don’t chase after the bird! that’s a really bad idea

[14:37] oh god I swear to god if Lloyd dares opens his mouth as we’re at the treehouse i’ll lose my fucking mind

[14:28] Oh, honestly, don’t play it as if this treehouse is all that sinister!

[14:27] I’m losing my fucking mind. I don’t care for this whiny child! I’ve seen it before and I’ll see it again. I get that he’s like, a kid, but it doesn’t mean I can’t get annoyed by all this.

Also, fucking testosterone club in there, Lloyd, huh.

[14:17] Oh! That bird let him know where Lloyd’s based. Good bird. It’ll get an apple slice or something. Maybe a small mouse.

[14:00] “Why did you follow a bird?” Oh god not this awkwardness again

[13:51] But like, seriously, it’s nice to impart the lesson on the target audience that humanity isn’t a hivemind that’ll always Get what you do or say or find funny. People aren’t like that! There’s no such thing as a Normal person. Acting so is a really stupid idea.

[13:45] “Everyone knows cuckoo birds aren’t indigenous to this forest.” Like, that sounds like something I would say. Like it’s been read out of a book and then vaguely quoted afterwards.

[12:50ish] “Travel in the shadows, boys.” In those outfits? Yeah, good luck.

[11:12] Goddammit, the second I forgot the hypnosis thing it comes back to bite the characters, huh?

[10:50] You’re not all that genre-savvy, huh? It’s not going to just… snap, and then Cole’s alright.

[10:23] “Friends don’t hit friends.” (He promptly gets hit in the face.) “Alright, I’m gonna- I’m gonna ignore that.”

[Over a bit] Guys stop discussing YOU’RE GETTING YOUR ASSES KICKED

[Over another bit] Welp! The lightning bolt didn’t do shit.

[9:30] “That is a serious safety hazard!” You MADE that safety hazard. You didn’t earn that quip.

[9:10] Nothin’ like a little old music to snap Cole out of his trance.

[8:46] Oh, would you look at that! It’s conveniently a Serpentine cancelling flute thingy!

[8:31] OH GOD EVERYTHING IS ON FIRE

[7:55ish] Priorities…?

[7:35] Alright, alright, you two, don’t gang up on Zane. He’s not the one who did this.

[7:34] Okay, but seriously. Priorities, dude.

[7:15ish] Alright, gang, what did we learn! We learnt not to blame people for something they literally didn’t do! Zane’s bloody gone to who-knows-where because of you ganging up on him.

[6:30ish] If you ask your disobeying army on why they dare disobey you, they’re just gonna disobey harder, dude.

[6:22] I’m sorry? The Slytherpit?

[5:35] Okaaay, Lloyd… Lloyd’s spotted a scroll conveniently unfrozen and it looks like he’s making a move for it.

[4:51] SCALES JUST KICKED THE GENERAL IN THE FACE WHY AM I INVESTED IN THIS

[4:30ish] What the hell is Fang kwon do?

[4:20] Well, Scales’ won. This can only go so well (possibly sarcasm in that statement I’m not sure yet).

[4:03] Wait, so you’re telling me the chief snake is the only one allowed to have a tail? Hookay, whatever you say, Ninjago writers.

[3:35] Back to our protaginists (excl. Zane and including Wu and Nya) who appear to be camping out at another mountain for now.

[3:24] Oi! Don’t freak out about the food, you’ve got any other options?

[3:20] Yikes, I’d make a third priorities joke but just… yikes.

[3:05] Well, moral of the story boys, no such thing as a Normal Person. What you think is a Normal Person is something that you’ve constructed in your mind that you don’t usually adhere to yourself, and yet act annoyed when someone’s not fitting majorly to that construct. Just because you don’t understand why a person did a thing doesn’t mean they’re some foreign entity to you. And don’t blame the person who didn’t do it. That’s victim blaming, and it’s bad.

[2:53] And on that note, Zane’s back! Hell yeah!

[2:35] Oh, the falcon’s back? What’d it show him?

[2:30] Awww, group hug!

[2:15] Well, don’t hold us in suspense.

[2:00ish] Nice to see that the falcon’s good and all but I swear there is something up with that bird.

[1:53] DRAGON BOAT, DRAGON BOAT HELL YEAH

[1:20ish] “I feel there is more to you than meets the eye.” Having been spoiled on the whole “Zane’s a robot” thing, I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop. And since I don’t want to spoil myself further, I imagine I’m going to be waiting a bloody long while until I know when that will happen. At least for now, it’s good to know Zane feels as though the people around him as his family. It’s nice.

[0:55ish] FOOD FIGHT! Round 2, baby!

[0:41] Goddammit, Lloyd.

[0:39ish] You’re kind of a brat, dude. Though… man, he doesn’t really have a family, does he? That’s gotta suck hard.

#ninjajo #jaime watches ninjago season 1 #ninjago season 1 #home

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dritiii · 5 years

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An unexpected adventure in Srilanka – Summer of 2019

Like every other time, this summer, me and my parents were all set to have the time of our lives in Srilanka. Our trip lasted for 9 days. We landed in the Bandaranaike International Airport, Colombo at around 7:30 pm on the 17th of April. We had a warm welcome from our chauffeur, Satheesha. He had a nice, white Toyota Prius, our ride for the entire trip. We reached our hotel at Colombo which was right opposite the beach. We had a nice dinner and slept.

Next morning, we set off to Pinnawala, an orphanage for elephants. On our way, we did a little city tour of Colombo. We reached Pinnawala at the right time to get a glimpse of herds of elephants having their morning shower. I had never seen these many elephants at a time before. We then grabbed a quick lunch and continued our journey to Sigiriya. We stayed at a resort amidst dense forest, where we spotted a lone elephant having sugarcane. Early next morning, we reached the Sigiriya lion fortress, bought our tickets, and set to the big climb. This fortress is a UNESCO identified site atop which used to be a palace built by king Kashyapa in the 10th century BC. We climbed 1500 steps to reach the top-most part of the plateau-like structure. On our way, we also saw many fresco paintings. We then came to our resort, freshened up, had a meal, and started to Kandy.

En-route Kandy, we went to a spice garden in the town of Matale. We bought some exotic, fresh, world-famous Ceylon cinnamon. We then reached the misty town of Kandy, which’s considered to be the last capital of ancient Srilanka reigned by kings. Kandy is also known for precious and semi-precious gems. We visited one such gem factory, where we learned the procedures of gems being extracted from river beds and how they are used in the ornaments. In the evening, we witnessed Srilanka’s various cultural dances. There were many similarities of these dances with Indian folk lore. We then saw the sunset from a wonderful view point and headed to our hotel. Next morning, we went to the Temple of sacred Tooth Relic, one of the most important Buddhist places of worship. This temple is situated inside the Royal Palace. It was such a pleasant surprise to meet one of friends from Bangalore in the temple. We of course took a selfie with them, and started our ride to the so called New England of Srilanka, Nuwareliya, a beautiful hill station.

On our way to Nuwareliya, we visited the Blue Fields Tea Factory and saw how various kinds of tea powders were manufactured. The route to Nuwareliya was amazing with slight rain, chill winds, and we drove literally through the mist. We then halted at a Hanuman temple atop one of the mountains and had lunch at a typical restaurant that served south-Indian meals. After a nice, homely meal, we stopped to pick fresh strawberries. We then reached Nuwareliya filled with British-styled Victorian-type cottages by the lake of Gregory. We stayed is one such cozy, wooden cottage amidst a beautiful garden. We just relaxed in the wonderful chilly weather and left to Seethaeliya next morning. The experience at Seethaeliya was mesmerizing. This is the place where Seetha devi (lord Rama’s wife) was kept captive by the 10-headed demon, Ravana. I had heard so many Ramayana stories from my grandmom. Being at Seethaeliya brought all one such story alive… This was the place where lord Hanuman finds Seetha matha and hands over Rama’s finger ring. We prayed and sang a song in praise of lord Rama and then continued our drive to the next destination, Yala National Park.

One the way down hill, we heard one of the most shocking news on the radio. There had bomb blasts in the city of Colombo! It was the Sunday of Easter, suicide bombers blasted 3 churches and 3 high-end hotels. This resulted in several deaths and leaving many others injured. The most saddening part to me was that I had seen one of the high-end hotels during the Colombo city tour, that was now shattered. The poor lives of many innocent Srilankans unfortunately ended in this disaster. Srilanka’s main religion being Buddhism indicates peace. I really pity them, as such a calm and peaceful country had to go through this kind of loss for no trouble that they have ever caused. Immediately, Srilankan Government announced curfew for 12 hours (6:00 pm to 6:00 am). Also, all kind of social media was blocked. Our family and friends back in India were very worried as they couldn’t contact us. By God’s Grace, we were 200 km away from the impacted area.

We discussed amongst ourselves about the next steps we’d need to take. Satheesha, spoke to his people and told us that it’d be best to not panic and try to head back to home country. Hence, we proceeded to Yala National Park. We hired a Safari Jeep that took us in to the dense forest of Yala. The drive was brilliant! We spotted a few elephants, deers, jackals, wild boars, wild buffaloes, peacoks, crocs, and so on. We then checked in to our resort at Katargama. I freaked out when a lot of our relatives and friends contacted us and insisted in returning back to India as early as possible. Appa and Amma consoled me and I then slept peacefully.

Next morning, appa called the Indian Embassy to check on the situation and seek advice about our next steps. They advised us to continue our journey, but to not venture out in public places and to avoid crowded areas such as restaurants. We then left to the wonderful, humid, sea-side town of Bentota. The drive was splendid along side the blue-green Indian ocean. We spent three amazing days in Bentota – went to the turtle hatchery, Madhu river safari, beach play, beachside morning walks, and swimming at the pool in our hotel.

Then came the final day of returning to India. We took to the express way route to reach Colombo and the airport. On the way, we picked up water bottles and some light snacks. We were just about a kilometre away from the Bandarnaike International Airport, when we were restricted by the Srilankan army from going inside the airport. None of the vehicles were allowed into the airport. We were confused and were not aware of the happenings. We then inquired an army officer about why weren’t allowed inside. He told us that one of the suspects of the recent bomb attacks had been caught. We heard from the officer that there was some firing in the airport. As we were running late, we decided to walk to the airport with our heavy luggage. Now, I was all tensed and even more scared…on our way we happened to see the army and FBI officers surrounding that looked like a corpse with hands cuffed and lying on the stomach. Later on, we learnt that it wasn’t really the corpse but one of the suspects who was shot on his leg and was still alive!! This was terrifying! There were so many detailed security checks and they checked the nook and corner of our bags. There was even one last check before we entered the flight. Finally, with a sigh of relief, we boarded the flight.

Although the situation towards the end of our trip was intense, I thoroughly enjoyed the trip and learnt how to stay calm in such situations and do the right thing at the right time. The trip to Srilanka in the summer of 2019 is one of the most memorable trips I’ve been on, experiencing all sorts of emotions: fun, excitement, fear, sorrow, calm, satisfaction. Given a chance, I’d definitely love to go back to Srilanka for another trip, and till date I pray for the safety and security of all world citizens!

#traveldiaries summer2019 srilanka staystrong

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tonguetiedmag · 5 years

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interview: Milkk

After making their way through a blizzard to play a house show with a last minute venue change, indie 3-piece Milkk sat down to chat with me about upcoming music, celebrity crushes, and the time lead vocalist Pat Kiloran was convinced to dye his hair yellow after a show. From the non-stop teasing between the trio to their effortless ability to finish each other’s sentences, the men of Milkk clearly share a light-hearted and special bond that only adds to their likeability.

Let’s kick things off with some fun. If you could have any celebrity star in your next music video, who would you choose?

Kiloran: “I love Ellie Goulding, she’s my secret crush. But.. on the other spectrum, I have my man crush on Jake Gyllenhaal, naturally. So let’s bring Jake in...and I don’t know what he’s doing in the video, but just looking great, being Jake. “

I love that! Strawberry milk, chocolate milk, or white milk?

John Ogelby(Percussion): “Chocolate.”

Kiloran: “Chocolate’s like a treat, I guess on a day to day [basis] I’m more almond milk. In my coffee I like to put oat milk or coconut milk.”

Jack Vondrachek (Guitar): “Strawberry.”

Kiloran: “Why?!”

Ogelby: “Comes out of nowhere, I love it! Right when you think you know him...”

What’s your favorite place to eat, on the road specifically? A roadside restaurant, if you will.

Ogelby: “Consistent, Chick-Fil-A.”

Kiloran: “Chick-Fil-A and Chipotle, probably.”And on Sundays its Chipotle, right?

Ogelby: “On Sundays we break into Chick-Fil-A. I love.. I think it’s called ‘Pok Pok’ in Portland?”

What kind of food?

Ogelby: “It’s like vietnamese fusion, but they have these wings that are just.. I don’t know what the secret is, but its amazing. The spices and seasoning, it’s like nothing I’ve ever had -- I don’t even like wings, but I love these.”

Kiloran: “There’s this tamale place in Indianapolis that I’ve been several times that I love.. There’s this deli in New York called ‘Katz deli’ that’s famous, but it lives up to the hype. It’s like twenty dollars for a sandwich, but it’s so worth it. There’s a place in Ft.Worth, Texas called ‘Joe T. Garcia’s’, it's this big patio mexican place and there’s like two things on the menu. You can just pay and they bring it to you, and it’s just a good vibe.”

Ogelby: “I feel like there’s a lot of places we’ve all hit up separately, but because this is only our second tour, we’re figuring it out. We’re pretty much on the same page though as far as food goes..”

Kiloran: “I don’t think anyone’s too picky. Obviously sometimes if we’re driving quick we have to get fast food, but we try to keep it relatively healthy-ish.”

2018’s almost over-- what have been your favorite album releases this year?

Kiloran: “I liked Lany’s new album, its good.”

Vondrachek: “I liked new Kanye. It was weird but, I liked that.”

Kiloran: “I love the Fickle Friends album. I know they’re a little smaller but it’s super good.”

What have you guys been listening to on drives lately?

Kiloran: “Senses Fail, Underoath, all the old crap that we grew up on. Hawthorne Heights, Silverstein, Chapel. We listened to One Direction today. We did a couple, mostly off of “Four”. We did ‘Steal My Girl’, ‘Where Do Broken Hearts Go’, ‘Stockholm Syndrome’, we did ‘Drag Me Down’.”

If you could set up your ideal tour, what bands would you want to tour with?

Kiloran: “That's a hard question because I think there are a few different ways to answer that. I think there’s ‘What would the DREAM tour be?’, and I think at the end of the day for me, the dream tour is, getting to the point where we’re the headliner and just doing headline tours. Obviously, I think a lot of people want that. But, if we were opening for someone, on the dream tour level... the last several years I got into bands in the more indie pop world -- some of the staples, like The 1975 or Lany, I just genuinely like those bands. Even though they’re so popular, I like them. Those are some I would enjoy as far as that, but then there’s the other level of next year, just on a realistic rise, ‘Who would we tour with?’ ...It would be really cool to do some co-headliner smaller support stuff with.. we’ve been talking to Chapel a lot and I’m hoping we can work something out with them, because I know we’re both interested in that. It’s kind of a hard question -- I think as long as..it’s artists that are similar in vibe to what we’re doing, and that make sense as a tour, and that are just doing something that’s cool...I think that’s what matters as far as touring with someone. We’re just kinda trying to do our own thing, and so if someone else is doing their own thing and it’s cool, and it fits together, then I feel like its a good tour.”

Ogelby: “It’s always awesome, too, when personalities just work out, ‘cause it just sucks touring with people that you don’t get along with.”

Kiloran: “We’re doing some on the west coast coming up, but we’ve done a handful of dates this year with that band The Stolen, its co-headline stuff, and they’re really nice guys. Musically they’re a little more rock than us, but it’s similar enough that it works and the hangs are good. So really, those are the things you look for.”

I know you guys haven’t toured much, but have you had anything particularly odd or funny happen to you while traveling?

Kiloran: “We did a show in upstate New York.. out in the mountains, and me and Jack ended up staying up til like 2am, and that’s when the yellow hair happened. Someone dyed my hair yellow and we just hung out by a fire pit and chilled. It was super cold, I was half asleep and had zero brain cells left -- it wasn’t odd or weird, it was just a non-traditional tour experience, because I feel like house shows, in general, are not as common in our genre. We just got to hang out with the people who came there to see us which was really fun and cool, and then it ended up..dying my hair outside and getting sprayed with a hose trying to wash it off, and getting bleach all over my pants and shoes...it was just a funny experience.”

Ogelby: “I thought of something. We played in Philly at this arts center, and it was a good point in the tour where we were hanging out with The Stolen a lot and it was good, it was friends. So we’re loading in and setting up, and the sound guy introduces himself..he’s pretty nice, but all of a sudden --

Kiloran: “--you could tell he was a little bit of an anarchist punk type.”

Ogelby: “--and I’m like ‘I don’t care, that’s awesome!’, but then he starts playing this music....I listen to a lot of music, but this was creepy, gutter-like--”

Kiloran:”--it was just like... weird groaning.”

Ogelby: “And it’s LOUD. It’s not ‘Oh, I’ll just play this in the background’. We were setting up and there were people there to help with merch and take photos, and other people outside of our band, and we’re looking at each other like, ‘How do we ask him if we can somehow play our own stuff?’ We literally had to do it right before doors opened because we were afraid people were going to get freaked out and leave.”

Kiloran:”It was in a mausoleum, so it was even weirder. That was pretty bizarre.”

On to more music related things, the phrase “welcome to my headrush” has been pretty prominent on your socials, and it flashed at the end of the “Thinkin’ Bout U” music video. Can you tell me more about the significance of that, or what it means?

Kiloran: “I guess all I can say for now is that you’ll ..see. Because it’s all part of the plan, it’s just a piece of the puzzle...We’re working on leading up to our first album so everything’s kind of coming to a head with that stuff.”

Should people be expecting another EP next or a full-length album?

Kiloran: “Full length.”

Very exciting!

Kiloran: “They can probably be expecting a couple songs from that album first.”

Do we know when we might be expecting new music?

Kiloran: “Some very soon, and some soon enough. The album won’t be till next year, that’s all I can say.”

Right --I’d be impressed if it was this year, considering it’s almost over.

Kiloran: “Plus music dies after Thanksgiving. No one in the industry answers their phones, it’s just done.”

Vondrachek: “Unless we do a holiday record..”

Kiloran: “Yeah, let’s do a Christmas album!”

Ogelby: “Cookies and Milkk.”

What would you say is different about playing house shows? (vs clubs)

Kiloran: ”I enjoy it, it’s a totally different thing. It’s not really the way you would necessarily expect to hear our music. I think what’s cool about it is it allows the songs to be played in their raw form because a lot of our songs have a lot of production, and stuff going on. I don’t think we’ll do much more of that [house shows], it’s just for this first year to get us from point A to point B. The thing I do like about it is that it does allow us the opportunity to connect with people on a little more laid back level -- there’s no venue, no other bands playing, no security, it’s just really laid back. We’ve had some that are small like this one where there are 10 people, and we’ve had somewhere 30 people show up to it, and it’s just fun in that way; it allows a more personal connection. If it’s just us, it’s most often people who came specifically because they like our songs. When you go play a club.. on a tour with someone else, some people are there for you, some people are there for them, and you never know what’s going to happen — if they’re going to dig what you’re doing or not --, but doing a show where it’s just a couple dozen people and they’re there for you, then we know they’re gonna be stoked on it, and it gets you into it, and then you can spend time with them after and hang out. It’s a good connecting point on both ends, I think.”

What’s it been like playing new markets?

Kiloran: ”It’s always nerve-wracking because you literally never know. We had played Chicago before and we did one of these house shows there, and we saw people come back, so that’s always cool. Sometimes you go in thinking, ‘This is gonna suck, I don’t know who’s gonna show up’. Then there’s a full room and you’re like ‘Oh, sweet!’. Other times you literally have no idea, and there are 10 people.. and you’re like, ‘Cool!’-- It’s just part of it. It’s definitely a little scary, but it seems like there’s been at least a handful of people everywhere, so as long as there’s that it’s like, ‘Ok cool. We’re here.’”

You guys aren’t all from the same place--what’s it been like for you guys’ creative-process wise, being separate but together?

Ogelby: “The internet. Lots of emails back and forth.”

Has it created any difficult obstacles for you?

Kiloran: “Jack and I are producers by trade, so we do what we need to do and send the files back and forth.”

Vondrachek: “It is definitely ideal to be together, though”.

How do you guys all know each other?

Kiloran: “Me and Jack grew up together..we’ve known each other since junior high in Minnesota. Then I moved around a bunch and met John just playing gigs in Nashville the past couple years. When I asked Jack to start this project with me, it was just going to be a duo thing-- but then John and I were on a gig together one time, back when I was doing solo stuff before Milkk ....and it just kind of organically fell together.”

What do you want fans to know about your music?

Kiloran:“I would say I’m probably the principle writer, especially as far as lyrics go...It started as a fun project, just writing songs that sounded cool, and as we’ve went it’s gotten more personal, and the stuff on the album is definitely very much more just straight from my own perspective.”

Ogelby:”Except for the one you wrote about the girl I dated but named it after—“

Kiloran:”-after a different girl?” *laughter* “Yeah okay, so there’s some mutual perspective, that’s fair. I think at the end of the day, as long as someone can connect with it and relate with it and it gives them some sort of feeling, I don’t really care what feeling that is, cause I think that’s the point. I think good music or art just evokes something. So when people are like ‘I HATE this band’, or ‘I hate that band!’, I’m like, ‘Well, sounds like they’re doing something right, they made you feel something.’ When people have told us that we suck, I’m like, ‘Cool1 It evoked something that stirred up a reaction in you.’ It’s better than hearing ‘Yeah, it’s fine.’ I love hearing ‘You suck’, or ‘You’re awesome’.

How has future music evolved from previous releases? What can people look forward to?

Kiloran: “I think it’s getting more and more unique; more personality, more personal. I think it’s steering away from the typical indie pop and some stuff is veering a little more pop. A lot of the stuff that’s coming together, I haven’t heard stuff like it that’s out there right now. I’m not saying it’s drastically crazy or different -- it’s not this weird avant garde thing --, it’s still pop music, but I think there is some sort of unique quality to it. It’s very song focused; song writing. We’ve been trying to write really good songs, and then take the production around that to fit the song.”

Where have you pulled inspiration from for unreleased music?

Kiloran: “Sonically and sound wise, we’re just trying to do what we like and not worrying necessarily about ‘this person’s doing this’, or ‘this person’s doing that’..It’s more of a.. ‘this sounds good to me. ’ ..I’d say the whole point of this album from a lyrical perspective is to open up the mind of an artist to a listener, in the sense that I feel like a lot of times bands or artists sometimes put up a persona, or have a wall there. What I wanted to do is..have this concept of peeling away those layers of the social media, and the photography, and the production and just let it be. ‘This is what it’s like to be a fellow human person who’s doing this weird career., the emotions that go along with that because of it, and also from other life things.’ It’s supposed to open up a little more of the humanity of the ‘glorified artist’ mentality, because I think ‘celebrityism ’ is so common and I think that’s really dangerous. ..What I’m trying to do is connect with people -- like ‘Hey, I know you like what I’m doing, but that doesn’t have to be blown up’. I hope a bunch of people like it, and I hope we can sell out a bunch of stuff, I wanna do all that , but I just like the aspect of that personal connection, and letting people see inside.”

And to close with Tongue Tied’s signature question, How would you describe your music to someone who’s never heard music before?

Ogelby: “It’s like you’re tapping your foot, but you’re wondering why you’re crying. A sad bop.”

Check out Milkk online:

https://wearemilkk.com

https://twitter.com/wearemilkk?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor

https://soundcloud.com/wearemilkk

https://www.facebook.com/wearemilkk/

Article by: Liz Holland

#music #live music #milkk #concert #interview #milk interview #music interview #liz holland

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httpdabi · 6 years

Text

My Dad’s Friend

Word count: 4.6k

Characters: Shin Hoseok x Reader

Genres: Smut, comedy. romance

Warnings: 18+, rough sex, age gap

I was never interested in older guys, like my other friends. For them it was normal to hook up with married guy, to be with a guy who is 10 or more years older then them. For me, it was a no go. I always stuck with guys that are around my age. Until I met him, my father’s friend, Shin Hoseok.

They used to laugh at me, saying that I dont have taste, but what could i do ? I just didn’t find them attractive enough, that’s all.

I checked if all my stuff were in my bag, my charger, pj, toothbrush and so, before I turned off the lights and made my way out.

Wearing my jacket, I made my way to kitchen and took the brownie from the table and placed it whole in my mouth, hoping she didn’t notice.

,, Miryo, that’s for our guest, do you have to eat everything that’s on the table ?’’ she asked me and rolled her eyes. I just mumbled YES with full mouth and waved her goodbye.

I almost forgot that tonight dad’s friend will visit us. As I understood, they didn’t see each other for a long time, so he will come and stay few days. Honestly, I never saw my dad so excited, he was acting like a child.

While I was wearing my boots, my mother was screaming from kitchen how I have to behave when I get home and not embarrass them. Like I ever did, duhh.

I took my earphones and played some music, since time and walk always goes faster like that. Imagining some stuff that will never happened, I arrived fast and I already found myself knocking on my best friends door.

Since her parents went on vacation, she asked them if she can invite few friends and of course they allowed it.

I was really surprised to see that I was the last one to arrive, since I was always the first one. They were sitting on the balcony and waiting for me to change in my PJ so we can open some wine.

Just when I got back, they started talking about some drama, break ups and shits. Ok just in time.

,,He just texted me how he’s sorry he hurt my feelings, but if we really think about it it’s actually my fault for having feelings in the first place’’ she said trying to fit a whole slice of pizza in her mouth.

,, Well, he’s kinda right. You knew that he’s married from the beginning. What did you think that he’ll divorce and come to you ? ‘’ my best friend Hani said and I totally agreed with her.

,, Not really, but I mean.. I don’t know’’ Yura said and shook her head. It was really funny to me the way she behaved, they could easily ruin a family and they didn’t give a single fuck.

,, And girls, I’m officially taken’’ Minah said proudly.

,, As a fucking joke’’ I said and Hani choked on her food. Minah gave me that REALLY???? Look and pattet Hani on her back, so she can come to her self.

,, You should just shut up and go babysit your boyfriends’’ Minah said after some time. It took her long enough to come with something at me.

,, By the way, why don’t you talk with Kyungsoo anymore? I thought you guys were like best friends ?’’ I asked Yura curiously. We didn’t meet for a long time, so there were a lot of things to talk about.

,, Satan was God’s best friend’’ she simply said making me laugh a little bit.

I loved times when we hang out together, just gossiping people and talking about what happened. Not worrying about anyone or anything.

,, What are you up tomorrow?’’ Hani asked me and she took a sip from her glass.

,, I don’t even know honestly, my fathers friend is coming in visit, so I’ll probably just stay at home and maybe spend some time with them, my parents are making a bbq again’’ I said and leaned on the wall. Minah and Yura went to sleep because the wine hit them and yeah.. so I ended up with Hani talking about random crap till very late.

,, Why do you need to hang out with them ? Since when are you hanging out with your father’s friends’’ ? she said laughing a little bit.

,, I don’t even know that man. They said that he used to visit us often when I was a kid and that he used to buy me ice cream and toys and that I always liked him so much’’ I said and took a sip of my wine.

,, But I couldn’t find any photos of him and I don’t remember how he looks at all. ‘’ I added and Hani nodded her head.

It was around 3:30 AM when we went to bed. We fall asleep extremely fast, probably because of wine. Even tho we fall asleep late, I woke up pretty early, I tried to sleep again but I couldn’t, so I slowly went out of the bed quiet as possible, trying not to wake up anyone. I took my stuff, covered Hani and went to the toilet to change, before leaving the apartment.

It was a good idea going home early, since the fresh air helped me come to myself. Since it was really early, I saw few people walking around with their dogs. Well, it wasn’t that early , 8 AM, but still.

When I got home, I tried to get in the house quietly so I don’t wake them all up here too. I went to my room, changed in my comfortable clothes and then I went to the kitchen and made myself a cup of coffee before I went in the living room and turned the neflix on.

Only God knows till how late they were awake since none of them was awake. I let the Lucky one play on Netflix and I could catch myself dozing out sometimes. Giving up, I placed the cup and my phone on the table and fall asleep on the sofa.

I wasn’t asleep for too long, since when I woke up the movie wasn’t even half done. But it’s not the movie that woke me up, it was the person who was moving in the arm chair. I moved in shock and saw a man sitting and watching me.

Honestly I didn’t know how to react at all, because not every day you have someone watching you sleep. Since it was still early for me, it was hard for me to realize what’s going on. Then I remembered that it was my dad’s friend.

,, Oh I’m sorry, good morning. I’m Miryo’’ I said and bowed down.

,, You changed so much. You don’t remember me, don’t you ? ‘’ he said and smiled softly. I just shook my head and he smiled once again.

,, I’m Hoseok, when you were little girl I used to take care of you often.’’ He said and he took his cup of coffee.

I looked at him like a moron. Honestly, I thought that person can be so handsome. His blonde hair looked so soft, and his lips. And he didn’t even look old at all, for a moment I was thinking that he was some kind of vampire. SO MAGNIFICENT.Oh my GOD. He probably noticed what was going on, since he smirked and laughed a little bit.

His teeth were so damn perfect, I was even more shocked. I just looked back at the tv acting like I didn’t even look at him, feeling totally embarrassed.

But damn

,, So, what are you doing ? Uni ? or you just became a princess as you used to say you will’’ he said making me laugh a little bit.

,, I am uni student, majoring in art ‘’ I said simply and nodded my head still embarrassed.

,, Nice, I knew that you will become something when you grow up’’ he said comfortably. I wanted to stand up and go to my room, I felt so freaking horrible, I felt like I was sinning. It was so hard to take my eyes off of him.

,, Morning’’ my dad said and I just thanked God he entered the room. First time in my life I just wanted to jump on someone.

I was going crazy, I swear

,, Good morning, slept well? ‘’Hoseok said and my father nodded his head. While they were chit-chatting, I stood up and found a medicine to kill my headache.

,, Had a wild night?’’ my dad asked smiling.

,, Not really, we just drank a little bit of wine’’ I said and shook my head. Well, 3 bottles of wine isn’t so much, is it ?

Better then vodka, thinking about strong drinks made me want to vomit immediately. One time we were mixing strong drinks way too much, I was never drunk like that. Since that night, I cant even smell vodka or anything else.

,, Are you allowed to drink alcohol?? ‘’ Hoseok asked in some weird tone, making me confused for a second.

,, Sure, I’m 21 years old, why not’’ I said and smiled back I guess ? He simply nodded his head and smiled again.

So weird.

After short time, my mother woke up and made a breakfast for us. I couldn’t eat so much, but I was still waiting till they are all done, so I can clean everything up.

,, Honey, Soyon called me yesterday and asked me if we can jump in, two people are sick on work’’ my mom said slowly, chewing her food.

,, What ? no way, I told them that Wonho is coming in visit’’ he said pissed off.

,, I know, I know. But it’s just for short, probably one or two hours and tomorrow in the morning. I couldn’t say no’’ she said and he somehow agreed.

,, Miryo, you can go with me and buy everything for tonight’’ Hoseok said while giving me some serious look.

,, Sure’’ I said a little bit lost. What’s up with this man.

,, Good girl’’ he said and winked and then he smiled at me. Oh god that smile, it hit me more then his words.

,, Oh, can you remember ? Wonho used to call you a good girl every time you listened to him’’ my mom said and smiled.

When they finished eating, my parents went to change, while Hoseok was just sitting there, watching me cleaning.

,, You grew up really well’’ he said and I could feel him somehow checking me out. I don’t know did I feel uncomfortable or not honestly.

I just smiled and turned around to wash the dishes. He didn’t speak or anything and I thought that he went to change or something, but then I felt him leaning on. He was so close to me, so close that I could feel his breath. He just took the glass and went away from me.

It took me few minutes to calm down and come to myself again. My breathing wasn’t normal anymore. In few seconds, he placed the empty glass beside me and I just took it, so I can wash it with other dishes.

,, Good girl’’ he said and tapped my back, before he went out of the kitchen, leaving me all alone in shock.

Maybe I was just imagining things ? Overacting?

,, Honey, we are going’’ I heard my mom screaming and then I heard the door closing, loudly.

I just finished cleaning the kitchen and I went in my room. I sat on my bed and messaged Hani about what happened. I wanted to know her opinion, she is my best friend after all.

It all made me so confused and honestly, I couldn’t believe that I had such a naughty thoughts about a older man. Older man that used to watch over me when I was kid.

It was so damn wrong.

I was probably just imagining it all.

While I was lying on my bed, I heard a knock on my door and all of sudden Hoseok went in.

,, You ready?’’ he asked me as he crossed his arms. I just nodded my head and I took my phone and my wallet fast before I went out of my room with him.

The drive was silence, first because I was too busy throwing glances on him and secondly I was a little bit uncomfortable to talk to him.

,, When you were little, you were always talking so much. I can’t believe you are so quiet now’’ he said looking on the road. Oh God, if you only know

In the shop I was looking for some snacks and stupid stuff and Hoseok was just following me around and taking everything my parents need.

Gosh, he was so perfect

I had snacks in my hands, but damn he was a much better, looking like a whole snack.

,, GIRL’’ I heard a scream from some other side of shop. I turned around and saw Hani and Jungkook coming my way.

,, WHY DID YOU LEAVE SO EARLY?’’ she screamed on me, acting like we didn’t talk about it or something.

,, and where is the man ? Is he home ?’’ she asked me and i gave her a weird look to keep quiet. She opened her mouth and looked, I’m not sure at me or beside me.

,, Hello’’ I heard Hoseoks voice and I understood why she had that expression.

,, Thanks god Yura is not here, if she is she would –‘’ Jungkook said and Hani covered his mouth before he could say anything.

,, Anyway, are we going out tonight ?’’ Jungkook asked me.

,, I cant go out tonight, I promised my parents ill stay home with them tonight’’ I said and Jungkook was about to protest, but at the end he just kept quiet.

,, Miryo, we need to go’’ Hoseok said and placed his one arm around me, giving me a sign that he want’s to pay and leave.

,, See ya’’ I said and I wiggled out of his hold and hugged Jungkook and Hani, before we went away. I was placing the food and preparing my wallet, since the most of the food were just my snacks.

,, I will pay’’ he said firmly. I was about to protest, but when he looked at me I got lost, just like Jungkook few minutes ago.

When we went home, he was talking a little bit more then before. He even asked me do I have a boyfriend and when I said no, he was really surprised and he told me that he didn’t expect that since I grew up into such a beautiful WOMAN

In short time my parents came back, so I just locked myself in my room leaving them all alone. Sometimes I could hear loud laugh. I felt really happy for my father, it was a long time since he laughed like that. My father was always just so stressed because of his work, so this visit probably was really something great for him.

Sometimes when I would go downstairs to take something, I could feel Hoseok looking at me. But I swear, I was sure that I was just imagining it, since my parents didn’t notice anything.

The whole day I couldn’t stop thinking about him. The whole fucking day, I was just thinking about the way he behaved. I tried to believe that that’s the way he usually behaves.

When the time came, I went downstairs and helped my mother prepare all the meat for bbq, salad and everything, while Hoseok and my father were talking in the living room and drinking whisky.

The meat and everything was done, so I slowly started to take it out, while they were preparing the tables and everything.

My mother didn’t want to call so much people, she didn’t want to have stressful night dealing with many people, so she just called few friends.

The whole night was really boring for me, all of them were talking about stupid stuff that weren’t really interesting to me, so I was just spending my time talking with Hani on the phone, eating and drinking wine again.

To Hani Bani : ,, You should just come over, it’s so damn boring.’’

Hani Bani : ,, I can’t, I promised Jungkook that we’ll go out tonight. Where is the hottie?’’

I rolled my eyes on the nickname she gave to Hoseok and smiled accidentally on the phone.

To Hani Bani: ,, The hottie is flirting with mom’s friend from work. I swear I want to punch them both in the face’’

My blood was boiling, I was really right when I thought that it was his usual behavior.

Hani Bani : ,, Well he does look like a flirt. But honestly, he probably sees you like a little sister. You probably imagined everything’’

To Hani Bani : ,, I know, I know. He is still hot tho, wouldn’t mind if he buys me ice cream again haha :P’’

To Hani Bani : ,, God, he is so damn hot.. I wouldn’t mind if he gives me more then ice cream’’

Hani Bani : ,, Can’t believe you are having such a thoughts about older man.. it’s so not you’’

Hani Bani : ,, But I don’t blame you tho…..’’

I smiled again reading the messages and locked my phone leaving it on the table. Everyone was still talking and Hoseok was leaning and whispering something to the women beside him.

,, Did everyone eat already? I would like to clean and go to bed if it’s not a problem’’ I said and my mom just nodded and told me just to leave the wine on the table.

I was so pissed off, I couldn’t watch him flirt with that women anymore. So I just cleaned everything fast, while everyone was commenting how a nice daughter I am.

When I was done, I didn’t go to my room immediately, I just lied on sofa and watched Netflix, trying not to think about that man.

,, Miryo, can you just place the rest of the dishes in the washing machine, your mother drank a little bit more then usual’’ my father woke me up. I was surprised that I fall asleep so fast, I guess that lack of sleep got me tired.

I nodded my head and went in the kitchen, while my father wished me a good night and went to sleep. When I was done, I turned around to take my phone and then I saw Hoseok sitting there and honestly I almost had a heartattack.

,, You shocked me ‘’ I said and placed a hand on my chest, still shocked.

What shocked me more was the fact that he was having my phone in his hands, like it’s his.

,, What are you doing ?’’ I asked, mad, shocked, everything at once.

,, .. I wouldn’t mind if he gives me more then ice cream’’ he simply said.It took me more then a second to realize that he was reading my messages with Hani.

,, Give me that’’ I said, almost screamed at him and grabbed my phone from his hands. I couldn’t believe that something like this could happen.

,, I already read everything’’ he said and smirked.

,, Didn’t you ever hear about word ‘privacy’ ?’’ I asked and turned around to leave. Never in my life did I feel so embarrassed like this whole day. Plus, this situation was like a cherry on top.

,, Where do you think you are going ?’’ he asked me as he grabbed my arm and pulled me back. I was so shocked I honestly didn’t even know what to say.

,, You know, I can still give you more then ice cream’’ he said looking down on me. I felt so small, I felt like I would die if I answer him anything.

He grabbed me all of sudden and placed me on the table, forcing his knee between my legs making some place for him self.

,, You think I didn’t notice how you were looking at me and Soyon? ‘’ he whispered on my ear, feeling his hot breath made me shiver. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm down. But I wasn’t even sure if that was a mistake or a good move, because just when I did it, I felt his lips on my neck.

,, Stop it’’ I said and pulled my head back. He ignored me and just continued to kiss my neck, probably leaving some marks on it.

,, I just wanted to see which guy made you smile on your phone like crazy.. reading those messages, I realized you want this as much as I do’’ he said and attacked my neck again.

,, This I wrong’’ I said as my breathing got even heavier then before.

,, You are 21, it’s not’’ he said and looked me in the eyes. Just looking at him, his eyes, lips, body, even hair made me wanna scream on loud

His hands were on my cheeks, while his eyes only left mine to look on my lips. Then he slowly got closer and gave me a peck on my lips.

One peck..

Second peck

Third peck

Fuck it

If all my friends could do it, why couldn’t I ? He wasn’t even married or in relationship after all

I placed my hands around his neck and he immediately attacked my lips. There were no sweet pecks anymore, only tongue, only French kiss. His lips were softer then they looked and damn was he a good kisser.

After some time, he let me have some air and he attacked my neck again.

,, Let’s go to your room’’ he said and he picked me up, holding my ass, as my legs were wrapped around him. While he was walking, I was the one kissing his neck while he was the one with the deep breathing now.

He opened the door slowly and placed me on my bed hovering over me immediately and attacking my lips once again. Not wasting any time, he took my shirt off and unhooked my bra throwing it somewhere in my room.

His lips were again on my neck, while his right hand was on my breast. He was slowly making his way down until his lips replaced his hand. I felt like he was leaving a mark on every place his lips touched me.

Standing up, he took off his shirt and threw it away. His body was perfect. More then perfect. He looked like a God.

He slowly took of my pants and hovered over me once again. His muscular arms were wrapped around my body and he kissed me again, a little bit more aggressively then before. I moaned in his mouth when he squeezed my ass. I licked his lip then and slowly nibbled on it, but I think that he wasn’t so patient, he wanted much more.

Hoseok looked at me deeply and bit on my bottom lip, making me moan quietly again.

He knew I was inpatient as much as he was. I wrapped my hands around his torso and pulled him closer to me, spreading my legs making more space for him. I could feel his hard cock inside his jeans. I rubbed my hands all over his chest, his abs and I felt him shivering with every touch.

All of sudden, I felt his fingers rubbing my clit, his touch was so intense, then he put two fingers into my pussy and started fingering me fast, making me moan louder then I should.

,, Be quiet baby, we don’t want you parents to hear us’’ he said slowing down. I nodded my head and bit my lips and he just went back to fingering me fast.

,, Good girl’’ he whispered and took his fingers out. I was a little bit disappointed when I felt his hand moving away, but at the same time, I wanted to feel him already. He took my panties off and stood up to take his jeans and boxers off.

He climbed back on top of me and rubbed his hard cock around my clit. He smirked when he saw my expression, I couldn’t take it any longer.

I guess he couldn’t wait anymore either, since he slid his cock into me without a warning. I moaned again and he grabbed my chin ,, Quiet’’ he said and he pushed himself into me deeper and roughly.

He started thrusting slowly but hard into my wet hole. He looked at me with every thrust and kissed my lips gently.

,, Baby, you’re so tight’’’ he sad thrusting deeper slowly. I felt so full with him inside me, he was so damn huge. After several thrusts he began to work harder on me, he moved faster and harder and I was fighting with myself, trying to hold my moans.

He then stopped suddenly and turned me around. He placed one hand over my mouth and another on the end of my bed. Then he slammed his cock into me from behind, he wasn’t slow at all, and he didn’t take anything back, he was just fucking me from behind like there was no tomorrow.

He kept driving his cock in and out of me, hitting my G-spot with every move. I closed my eyes as I felt his hot breath on my neck. I had sex for a few times before, but only this time it felt right. It felt like never before and now I understood why my friends were into older guys. But I was sure, that no one of them was like Hoseok. No one.

My walls were clenched on his cock tightly. He knew that I was about to cum and he just started to fuck me faster and harder, going deeper with every move. I was thankful that his hand was covering my mouth, if it didn’t, my parents would definitely be awake by now.

I closed my eyes and gave myself in when the orgasm hit me. ,, That’s it babygirl, cum for me’’ he said, not stopping. He pushed three more times into me, before he also reached his orgasm. After few gentle thrusts, he took it out. We were breathless, it was really hard to breath properly. He pulled me closer to him and we shared a long passionate kiss. He hugged me and kissed me on the lips before he stood up and wore his boxers and jeans.

,, Just a second’’ he said and went out but just in a minute he was back with his pj in his hands. He wore his shorts and gave me my pajama so I can wear it in bed.

I was looking at him while he was spraying the deo over his body.

,, Are your parents on work tomorrow ?’’ he asked me getting closer to the bed.

,, I think so, yes’’ I said remembering their conversation how they need to jump in and I nodded my head somehow. I was exhausted and I couldn’t move at all.

,, Perfect.’’ He said and he locked the door before he went back in my bed and placed his long arms around me.

I thought that I would feel so bad after this, but I didn’t. He wasn’t married, he didn’t have a girlfriend, he was just my father’s friend. And after all this, I was sure that I would never look at anyone the same way as I did before.

#Monsta X #monsta x wonho #monsta x scenarios #monsta x smut #smut #kpop #fanfic #kpop fanfiction #wonho #shin hoseok #shin wonho #wonho smut #wonho scenarios #kpop scenarios

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timeisacephalopod · 6 years

Note

4, 6, 9, 10, 12: Rhodey and Bucky, 15, 16, 21, 23, 27, 29, 30, 32, 35, 37, 43, 46, 50, 54: Tony

You know that meme where the white woman is looking at the math overlaying the picture in confusion? That was me when I got this ask because instead of reading the fucking questions on the ask meme I put up I decided ‘Rhodey and Bucky’ were some other thing? Long story short I’m a moron lmao.

4- Favorite actress

Tbh I don’t pay much attention to the actresses and thus I almost missed out of saying Tessa Thompson like some kind of savage. I appreciate how hard she worked to try and make Valkyrie bisexual and also her character was basically the only thing I liked about Thor: Ragnarok (controversial opinion, I know).

6- Favorite quote

“Trust my rage” from Thor The Dark World. This line is so visceral and poetic. Like shit son, the rest of the movie was eh, but that line? Fucking amazing, and Hiddleston’s delivery of it is top tier bois.

9- BROTP

Pepper and Tony. I’ve never seen the romance between them, and in my opinion it was there because it seems movies are fucking incapable of not having a romance subplot (no hate to pepperony shippers either, everyone likes what they like and the entire point of fic is to circumvent canon anyways). But as a friendship pairing these two are excellent- they’re a great team, they understand each other on a fundamental level, and their friendship dynamic is interesting. Also, to me, I think their relationship is more compelling without the romance.

10- How did I discovered Marvel?

I’ve mentioned this in other asks but I had a friend make me watch Avengers and I didn’t like it lmao. I only gave it another show two years later and started from the beginning with CA:TFA and then I got into it. I’m not sure what changed or why I took to it later, especially when I found the later half of TFA to be kind of boring (I love Skinny!Steve ok) but it happened and when WS came out I saw it in theaters. From then I was hooked.

12- Make me choose between two characters: Rhodey and Bucky

Damn, I’d rather not have to choose, you suck! But, for the sake of the ask, Rhodey. As a character he’s better constructed, has his own story and motivation outside Tony, he’s funny, and while he has his moments (that I mostly blame on shit writing) he’s a great friend. I honestly wish that we could get a whole movie about him doing things but I did hear some rumors not long ago about Marvel looking into making Iron Man 4 an Ironheart movie and the only thing that would make that better is if Rhodey were her mentor (I literally wrote a story about this once).

Anyways, although I write Bucky a lot more than I do Rhodey I do prefer his character in a more fundamental way simply because he’s more fleshed out. Plus I love male friendships that are actually good and James Rhodey Rhodes is the God Tier of friends. The man spent 3 fucking months combing the desert for his disaster friend and that’s some damn dedication. Especially when you know people must have gotten real damn annoyed with him using resources and shit. But that action alone tells you everything you need to know about him and none of it is bad. I love Rhodey, seriously.

15- Top 5 ships

Tony/T’Challa

Tony/ Bucky

Tony/ Stephen

Tony/Rhodey

And, because I feel compelled to put a ship that doesn’t have Tony in it Steve/Howard

Honorable Mentions: Tony/ Peter Q

16- Top 5 villains

THANOS

Erik Killmonger

Loki

Justin Hammer (he’s just so absurd)

Ghost (from Ant Man and The Wasp)

Seriously, this was hard because Marvel’s villains are shit. They’re all the same one dimensional ‘they’re evil’ type characters.

21- Dream crossover

Basically any urban fantasy world I loved in my teens and the MCU. I’ve written a Vampire Academy/ MCU crossover but I’d love to write a House of Night crossover (I hate the characters in HoN, but love the world ok don’t judge), and a Shadowhunters crossover. I’ve seen some cool stuff with Teen Wolf being crossed over too though.

23- Most layered character

Tony fucking easily. His arcs are always the most compelling (or close to it), he’s had the most character development, and his trauma plays out so beautifully on screen. I’d argue Steve is a close second post WS, but the MCU will never let his character play out the development he’s gotten because they’ll never let Steve be less than perfect, which pisses me off. Otherwise his transition from a solider who wants to do right by his country to a cynical man who doesn’t know how to process the new world he’s been tossed into or how to handle a situation in which the morally correct solution isn’t abundantly obvious would be a compelling watch. But its been consistently proven that Steve will never get a real realization of his new characterization because ~~perfection~~.

27- Favorite moment

Shiiiit. That’s a lot of material and because I have a bad memory I’m going to go with ‘don’t call us plucky, we don’t know what it means’ because that was hilarious lmao.

29- Saddest moment

Shit boi, probs a toss up between Peter P’s death and Bucky’s. Peter’s is obvious but Bucky fucking dusting in front of the dude who spent so long trying to find him again in an effort to feel, even if its just for a moment, like he’s home again? Sad af. I felt awful for Steve there.

30- Most beautiful scene

Pretty much all of Black Panther is a visual treat, but I’m especially fond of T’Challa in the dream world with his father. That scene was so beautiful, and all the colors? Amazing. Only Guardians of the Galaxy even compares visually and even then Wakanda’s beauty has something else to offer that space doesn’t.

32- Actor/Actress I’d like to be cast by Marvel

As mentioned above I pay literally zero attention to actors- its a personal choice not to spend time being a voyeur into other people’s lives and treat them like commodities to consume because I loath celebrity culture (and this isn’t a slam to anyone who enjoys it, its more a slam to people who over engage in it- ie people who care enough to send death threats or paps basically). Anyways that’s an opinion you didn’t ask for, but because of that personal opinion I have no real cast choice lmao.

35- Most boring plotline?

I love Thor but all his movies. The first movie had good personal growth but eh. The second was an ok movie but forgettable (aside from my fav line from Loki in it), and unpopular opinion I hated Thor Ragarok. I mean it was funny. That’s all the good I have to say about it really. Though I have no idea why every comedy writers room is not leaping at a chance to get Taikia on their staff because the man is a comedic genius and that’s honestly being impolite to his comedy skill. Still, as much as I like Thor I didn’t really love any of his movies and all his villains were so fucking boring, even Loki wasn’t that interesting till Avengers. Poor Thor, MCU did him dirty :(

37- Most well done character death

Peter P. I give this to him over Bucky because apparently most of that scene was improv? I cried over my spider son ok. There’s someone who was in that theater with me who heard me sob out ‘my spider son’ and went home to tell people about it. That shit was heartbreaking. Second runner up goes to T’Challa but I didn’t think it was well done, I just thought it was sad as shit for Okoye and I love her so it was upsetting to see her lose her king :(

43- Characters I wish they’ve met

I don’t understand the question :( I think it’s supposed to be ‘characters you wish would met’ but all my wishes were granted in IW. Tony and Stephen met and so did Tony and Quill. I shipped Tony with both characters before they’d interacted on screen so it was nice to see :) Rhodey and Quill would be a fucking hoot together though, throw in Okoye and Valkyrie and you’ve got a bunch of drunk overpowered people telling war stories or, in Quill’s case, stories about that time he stole some shit.

46- What characters outside of the Mcu I’d like to see in a Marvel movie?

Ironheart, but I heard rumors they might do a movie with her. I think it’d be fun to have Riri in screen, especially since Peter is around her age. I’d also love to see a Young Avengers movie or a Kamala Khan/ Ms. Marvel movie though apparently there’s rumors of that too.

50- Characters that deserved better

Tony, Bucky, and Steve but all for different reasons. Steve deserves his fall from grace and not because I think he should suffer, but because keeping him on his pedestal means he’ll never be able to fully process his trauma and move on. Allow him to fall, allow him to know he isn’t perfect, then allow him to know that that’s ok, he doesn’t need to be, he just needs to do the best he can and then allow him a proper chance to move on.

Bucky because he deserves to be a character outside of Steve and, to a much smaller extent, Tony. Let the man have a movie about self actualization after trauma, let him figure out he isn’t Steve Roger’s best friend anymore (and that Steve isn’t really Steve anymore) and that that’s ok, they can both accept themselves as they exist now and still be friends. Let him develop hobbies outside of Steve, have him bond with Rhodey, he needs a good friend. Shit, let him bond with Sam too. Give me a buddy movie where Sam lowkey therapies Bucky into being a fuckin person again and Bucky finds some way to repay him. He can go beat up Scott for that time he kicked Sam’s ass lol.

And Tony because the MCU makes fuckin everything his fault, even stuff that only somewhat involves him. They drive him to an absolute breaking point and then have the characters get pissed that he broke? The only one that I found acceptable was Pepper and that’s mostly because I understand why she’d be freaked out both by Tony’s obsessive behavior and by nearly being eaten by one of his suits. She had her own shit she was dealing with post Mandarin so her I understand. Everyone else though? Mostly makes no sense. Why are you surprised that a person snaps when they’re pushed to the limit? That’s how people work lmao but that’s also because the writers make an active, and completely senseless, choice to have the characters react like Tony’s mental health problems are a choice he made and now he has to suffer because he has PTSD or some shit. Idk, but AoU was the worst for it, and, to a lesser extend IM3 but I refuse to believe Rhodey would really tell Tony to get over himself after a panic attack- the man is emotionally intelligent ok, IM3 did Rhodey dirty.

54- 5 things I love most about: Tony

Tony’s sheer level of wonder at the world around him- the look on his face in IM2 when he rediscovers that element perfectly encapsulates how he feels about learning and moving forward. (Flipside is that sometimes he has trouble staying in the present and that causes problems).

The way he tries no matter how badly he fails. Bih, if my random tests on a rock nearly ended the world I’d out and out throw myself off a cliff. Instead he accepts his part in it (and more) and chooses to try and make the best of it. He’s done that from the moment he got snatched by terrorists in Afghanistan. That in itself is basically a superpower.

His humor. I, too, hide my emotional distress under jokes so I can relate to being a lil bit of an asshole to hide how I feel. (Flipside: people don’t think he takes stuff seriously- hence Steve in the Avengers).

His mental health problems. Ok this one is weird, but I can appreciate that someone drew up a hero that isn’t based in perfection, but who tries to get there anyways. But the dude has problems, a lot of problems, and they aren’t always pretty. But they are complicated and it is compelling to watch.

The way he builds relationships. Its unconventional- Rhodey is probably the only person he’s super close to that he met in a normal way. Happy and Pepper were both people that worked for him and instead of just being their boss he took the time to learn about them and get to know them on a personal level. Obviously he ended up engaged to Pepper, but a guy who knows what his driver’s favorite show is and why he likes it is a good dude. He’d be nice to wait staff in restaurants.

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unsp0ken-details · 3 years

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Moments to Cherish (2)

"Its so funny how so much of 'Finding Yourself' in adulthood is simply getting back to who you were and what you loved as a child" I've often thought about this and a part of me believes in this. As one grows over the years, we are exposed to more complex truths of lives, newer experiences, and live in the 'grey' - we go on a little quest to 'find ourselves': our true interests, what makes us happy, gives us true joy etc. In agreement with the statement, one of the places to find that is our childhood. Childhood: to the times where we loved, experimented, experienced, indulged without reason all while we were yet to discover the meaning of 'regret' and before applying the concept of 'overthinking'. One of my 'Happy Places' to be when I'm particularly in a thoughtful mood is thinking about my childhood memories. The things my friends and I did in school, Aadarsh's new antics, things I gave importance to, tactics which I thought made me smarter than my parents and so much more! I'd like to write about a few of them in no particular order: 1) I always liked have long hair. However, I didn't know the difference between straight/wavy/curly hair. I remember an image I saw on a magazine of a girl much younger than me (I was in grade 6 or 7 at the time) and she had a particular hairband that I wanted to pull of that look. Since I'd wash hair on Sat's I remember, getting that magazine, and wearing a black hairband with dots (the one I bought) and making sure I wore in how it was shown in the picture and feeling proud and waiting to pull it off better to achieve the length of hair she had in that photo. 2) 9 years of my formal education was in India and a majority of it included memorisation when it came to tests and exams. For the most part since childhood, I've studied alone but there were the few times I would go to Amma when I couldn't memorise a long answer. Having her simply read out the answer and break it into parts would make it SO much easier for me to learn (the part I'm conveniently skipping here is that they also involved crying if she decided to test me on other questions..) but nevertheless the end result was that I always hoped for this question to come in the exam as I was the best prepared. 3) "I don't care". I can't pin point exactly where I picked that up from when I was younger, but it was a brief phase where if anyone said anything/commented, I'd respond I don't care. Never to be rude, but I thought that's how it is used. However, a quick full stop on that phase came when I saw that my younger brother was picking up on it. Anything you ask him/commented, his reply was I don't care. The effect of this stayed with me for long, I have after that never used that phrase in a reply to anyone (except to convince people - good context). 4) Middle school years were interesting schedule wise. I enjoyed school and doing well, participating, taking up responsibility/roles etc. Amma would wake me up in the morning, shower (sometimes we settled on a bargain), she'd comb my hair and with a shirt, skirt, tie, belt, socks and black polished shoes and a heavy bag - we were ready to conquer the day. Amma would come down with me daily to cross the road and wait till the bus came. That's were I'd meet, Garima and Reeta aunty daily (her mom) and began our friendship :) I'd be back from school, change, eat and get back to STUDYING?! voluntarily. I enjoyed going through the diary with homework tasks or revise what we learnt in class. Made me feel productive. Evening would go down to play with brother or with Garima depending on what we'd planned that day during our bus ride back home. Would come back home by 8, it was always between 5-7 or 6-8pm. Extending this time by 30 minutes excited me more than I can believe now. Evening is when, appa would be back and I'd be having dinner by then, while we watched TV/news and slept. On weekends, I remember, I'd wait to start having my lunch around 1:30 as that's when "Karishma ka Karishma" came on TV and would go to amma's room where she was sleeping and watch that and then from 2-2:30 watch Kya Mast Hai Life (loved this) and quietly switched it off and came out to play with aadarsh. I still don't know why I didnt watch these in the TV in the hall or why I had to wait to have my lunch at that time (something with amma sleeping helped -- in the case that I might have to leave out some vegetables I didn't like having). 5) When I was younger (primary school years) and during a visit to Chennai, appa once asked Sruthi and I if we wanted to go to the beach at 5/6am. I was fascinated by the idea (not the beach, or the timing) but that appa wanted to do something with me and asked me if I wanted to join. I remember waking up really early, taking an auto and going Marina beach. We went near the water and it was a beautiful sight. Not many people around and just us three. Appa and kids. That's where I remember my chappal or maybe sruthi's floating away. There was a sudden rush of feeling scared since something we owned was going away + the risks of going to get it (I'll admit I tried and didn't think about the depth of the water/waves). Then a fisherman uncle as I want to call him - went into to get that chappal for us. I was SO SO THANKFUL and amazed that he'd do that for us. Now that I share this, I realise it was sruthi's chappal as I clunched on to mine harder. 6) One of the things I maintained for many years was that I didn't like when Appa went on office trips. I believed that he went on those trips because I 'allowed' him. He'd ask me and obviously first choice is no but a small little explanation and I'd let him go for no more than 2 days (anything longer was only allowed counting flight hours). Now I'm aware it wasn't my permission as much as his convincing but now also I'd like if and push that they go through me (they do). The last permission I refused might've been me saying - Jakarta?! I don't want to move there and leave Delhi (I'd finally settled after 7 years) but same year we moved to Mumbai.... Another example with trips is that on one particular instance, I didn't want appa to travel. He was going to Mumbai and we were in Bangalore at the time and he said he'd go and come back the same day. I thought my crying made that happen (I really thought I influenced him a lot) but its something I didn't believe. He said he'd be back at 8pm and I remember standing in front of the clock staring at the wall for it to turn 8. It was the very first time I saw the hour hand in a clock move (Was told you cannot see it move as obvious as a minute hand). And to seeing appa at 8 - I thought that was magic. When I was younger, I refused to go to sleep when asked/earlier - purely because I hadn't seen appa that day. I disliked eating without him and sleeping without seeing him. Amma would push to go to sleep and I'd give in and do first class acting of closing my eyes if amma opened the door (I'd flinch my eyes because of the light so she always knew) but I thought I'd fooled her. I'd wait for appa to come and wish goodnight even if sleeping and acted like I was woken up by him (had to sell the story). 7) I remember vividly telling amma (was very very young) denying paruppu saadham once. I don't know why or how that when I said so and she didn't push me (it gets mixed with rice that she thinks I didn't know). Around the time is also when I remember I didn't like milk very much (especially the end part/last few sips). I'd drink 3/4 and on the pre-text of washing the glass, would throw rest of the paal. Again, thought I was SLY as a fly. But I am very very nervous doing something like this so when appa called/saw me, I freaked out. Either he guessed or I owned up to it and we made a deal to not tell amma (I am sure this was broken from his end). 8) I wanted glasses, braces, to have a fractured arm/leg. Don't question me on these. I only got to try amma's glasses from now and then but she would not allow. I also wanted bangs (flicks, what it was called then) but had no knowledge of hair type/style. I tried to cut a small part over a period of days thinking its not obvious and would pin them so amma didn't see and when she asked - I said its new hair growing. Don't laugh. Now I am a MUCH MUCH better liar - to the extent that I'd like the opposite person to figure out I am lying sometimes. 9) I loved wearing heels. Its not the height or design but the sound they make. So, more than heels, LOVED wooden floors. I wanted them so I could wear heels and keep walking back and forth and feel like an office woman giving presentations/writing on whiteboards (also, my favourite thing when I went to appa's office). I remember I had a Barbie set I think (Heels + jewellery) - I thought jewellery sucked in design/flashy but heels I wore over stairs as the next best thing to hear the sound. But I didn't use it often because it was pink. 10) I remember the first time I was introduced to English songs and it was Love Story & Tik Tok. I didn't know where to hear it but wrote down lyrics from what my friends sang and daily night would read and memorize the lyrics with aadarsh. He picked up tik tok faster even. This was pre-youtube so the English song I discovered by myself was Ibiza because it was on our itunes on a Sony Vaio laptop. (I used youtube AFTER aadarsh who used it before me in Vietnam). - I'd shared that I like getting gifts under the pillow. For NY's once, aadarsh had Rs 50 and we went to a store and he asked for Rs 20 more from appa because we were at a store and I'd mentioned I liked a notebook that had a button to open and close. I knew he was getting it for me but wanted to get after I sat in the car and called appa to come to the store. That morning I woke up to aadarsh eagerly waiting for me to be up and said look under the pillow - and there he had kept the notebook that he bought with the money he'd saved for me. - Aaadarsh, when he was younger had a phase with hearing problem when we had ENT visits and hearing tests. I am not good with anyone close visiting the doctor for anything more than what's a normal fever/cold. ENT was a fancy name and hearing that he has fluid in his head for which he'd need surgery, was not a good news. I remember rushing home, sitting on the study table where I had a small glass ganesha idol (I won this in a Tumbola - Jaldi 5 contest) and I sat in front of the idol - daily for weeks praying that I don't want him to have surgery. After a few weeks when the doctor said, the fluid reduced and he doesn't need surgery - I went to say thanks and never made a wish after. - Aadarsh calls me Akka. He's seldom called/used my name in a sentence. I can't imagine him saying Pavi. But when he was about 3-5 years, my favourite & precious gift is him writing - Happy Birthday, Akka with amma holding his hand and finding that in the morning. However, the habit to call me 'Akka; stuck because I said I won't talk to him if he doesn't call me akka. This tactic doesn't work now :/ - My most lasting impact on him was when I was disappointed at something aadarsh did/said (not acceptable behaviour) and I said I wouldn't talk. I didn't and just when I was to give up (I can't stay mad at him), he'd gone crying to amma and appa asking them to convince me to speak with him. He literally hugged it out with us both making promises. - I learn better when I teach aadarsh. I've taught him grade 10 math, economics etc in grade 5 to help me learn. But grade 11 and me struggling with physics was an interesting experience. I was trying to teach him different types of energy (Kinetic, potential etc) and was highlighting the differences when aadarsh drew something he learnt at school that explained the concepts better. Here's my understanding of Potential Energy (imagining his drawing, a stick figure - moving from atop a cliff to the bottom has displayed potential energy. Not sure who can confirm this for me but at the time, what he taught me helped me manage that unit test.

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captainj2 · 7 years

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My TorCon Experience

So I went to TorCon 2017 last weekend. If you’re at all interested in finding out how it was for me read below the cut. I’m just going to say it is long. I am not a writer. But I needed it to be documented somewhere.

Supernatural Weekend It's starts with me skipping out of work early (a work day in which I took on two classes for lack of spares). Which means literally dropping my students off at their gym class and booking it. It is an hour and ten minute drive to the airport. I left at 2:20 for a 4:00 flight. Got there at 3:34 and the lady says " the plane is only arriving at 6:30 and you're lucky because otherwise you wouldn't have made it" but hey. Luck was sort of on my side. Because it meant I would miss my connect flight in MTL. Finally we take off and an hour flight of me telling the plane to "hurry" we land and I have 10 minutes to make the late connect ( I had missed my original connect by a long shot). I made the connect and headed for Toronto. Friday: Arrived and registered and explored vendors room pretty early in the morning. The vendors room is fun but dangerous for your wallet! So many wonderful SPN and generally nerdy stuff to buy! (It really is important to give yourself a budget with the excitement of it all you could spend too much money) Then I the saw opening with Rich and Rob . Rich is extremely smart comically and he is such a good host. And well, rob is just too precious. Followed by Julian's Q&A, Emily' Q&A, and Bri and Kim's Q&A. Julian is such a fun interesting man. He clearly loved being in his home town and answering all the questions. He appeared to have a lot of fun. Emily's panel completely took my by surprise. She plays such a dark character, well literally the darkness! But she is the complete opposite. She is so bubbly and energetic. All smiles and positivity. Bri and Kim are great. There panel is so dynamic in that they have lots of fun but can also really get deep and emotional. It's so beautiful that they are so open and comfortable with the SPN family and confident I themselves. They're such strong beautiful individuals and inspiring.

I went home for supper but went back for Karaoke night. It was such high energy. Rich is amazing. Emily was in an adorable Tiger Onesie. Bri and Kim were smoking hot in their costumes (all circus themed) and then there is Matt Cohen. That boy is too damned fine. He had a blow up doll that we (the crowd) named Doris. Someone in the crowd was making balloon penises for people to wear on their heads. Rich and Matt's reactions as they slowly began to notice the penises in the crowd was priceless. Matt makes amazing eye contact with every person in the crowd. It's an incredible talent and I personally think ruins you when it happens to you! Everyone picked fun songs for karaoke and everyone sings along. I didn't get a chance to sign up but I highly suggest doing it. Into the evening Matt threw Doris into the crowd to crowd surf. It was a rather violent affair for Doris but then myself and a new friend, Kelsey, and my karaoke neighbour got the idea to stick a balloon dick on Doris. Matts reaction was priceless. There are many videos. Rich wanted nothing to do with it. Good luck at having a voice at the end of karaoke. While waiting for my über I saw Matt step outside a side door with his handlers for some air. I thanked him for such a fun evening and asked for a photo but wasn't allowed. Matt said "aww I would but she will fire me" which I quickly teased him about then continued on my way. I completely understood and think it's awesome that they are so sweet with the fans. The karaoke goes till about 12:30 so it's a late night! Saturday: Seeing as it was Canadian Thanksgiving I had family engagements to be at also. So on Saturday I went to con around 2:00 to see Marks panel. Mark was sick so I am thankful he still came! Mark is amazingly blunt and forward and sarcastic. If that kind of humour or style isn't your thing you make take his panel harshly but I loved it. He is so rude (but in a loving honest way). It was comical to see people struggle with his responses. He loves talking about his children. Most other things he answers short and sweet. But such a good panel just the same. After the panel I had a Mark Misha photo op. It was my first ever photo op. I was not prepared for how fast it goes. The music is loud ( to keep people from telling stories to the actors). First time photos is definitely intimidating. Mark said hi to me and I stood next to him ( as Misha was still seeing the person before me off) and by the time I realized Misha was there beside me the picture had been taken and off I went, no hug or hi! to Misha!! It was still great and the photo is great. I'm glad I got the chance to experience photo ops before doing it with Jared and Jensen. Then I had to leave for family obligations. I didn't even have time to pick up my photo ( it takes about 1-2 hours for them to be printed and placed out for the taking). Luckily the SPN family really are family and my new friend Kelsey picked my photo up for me.

I returned for the concert at 9:30. The concert is difficult to describe to do it justice. I HIGHLY recommend going. The SPN cast has unbelievable musical talent. Louden Swain are amazing. Both their original songs as well as their covers. Seeing as Rob had his stroke in TO some wonderful fans organized everyone with a small pink candle. When Rob sang "She Waits" everyone lit up their candle in the air. It was so fucking beautiful. When Rob looked up and saw it he got very emotional and was very emotional after the song and thanked the crowd. It was an amazing moment for every one. One I will never forget that's for sure. Unfortunately Jensen was not able to make it to SNS but Emily sang ( Gimme Shelter) and nailed it. Jason Mann's joined them. Bri and Kim both sang. Chris Shmelke played bass and the Creations organizer played keys. It really is everyone and it's so much fun. Because Tom Petty had passed away the week before there were lots of Tom Petty covers which was awesome! The concert finished around 12:30 also. Not a lot of sleeping happened on my con weekend. Sunday: Where to begin.... I hardly slept because of how excited I was. Made to it the convention center around 9:30 am. Met up with Kelsey and just hung out around the vendors room. Then went to my seat in the main hall to wait for my Jensen photo op number to be called. Luckily they allow you to have a friend in line while waiting for photo ops so Kelsey hung out with me while in line. And then... there he was in all his glory. Jensen Ackles. Holy hell. Chris Schmelke keeps the music pretty loud in the photo op room so conversations don’t take up time so you could hear Jensen’s voice. Next thing I knew it was my turn. Luckily I had had the photo op practice the day before so I knew to go slow. (I’m re-freaking our thinking about this moment..). Ok so he just looks at you so sincere and right into you and everything goes blank. I asked him for a hug with his biggest smile and he pulled me in and Chris snapped the photo and then I was off. In a daze of bliss. I didn’t even have time to absorb the musk! Kelsey was waiting by on the other side and I stepped out of the room and just was SO happy! We had time to kill while the photo was printed and I needed fresh air post experience so we took a walk. Then back into the center yo pick up my photo. MAN oh MAN was I not disappointed. Jensen gave me exactly what I wanted. The picture is perfection ( I’ll post it when I get the JPEG) I returned to the hall and my seat and texted everyone a picture of the picture while I cried with joy about it.

Then Louden Swain we’re doing autographs so I went to that line. While waiting Jason Manns was at his table so I popped in and got a selfie with him ( have I mentioned he is the sweetest man on earth?) then got to talk The National (great band you should check them out) with Rob Benedict and all the band signed a CD for me. Then returned to my seat to freak out again over the convo I had with Rob. (Sunday is a very highly emotional day. I’m just saying).

Then it was time for all the main panels. JDM had cancelled so we had Sam Smith and Jim Beaver and the J2 panel. Sam Smith is so quiet and shy and adorable. Jim is just perfect and so good at being Jim but keeping a bit of Bobby in his ways too. And J2 panel was just as expected. Perfect. Soooo funny (Talk amongst yourselves). The boys together is too good. I couldn’t wipe the giant goofy smile off my face. I never took my eyes off them. And one hour is WAY to short. Two actors should be given two hours on stage. Immediately after was my J2 photo. My number was in the first 50 so I didn’t have to wait to be called. They were a little behind schedule so we had to wait a bit but if you are ever bored at a con just sit outside the photo op room and watch people come out of photos. It is such a joyous thing. Then it was time for J2 photo. Luckily all the people I had met ( in seats around mine) had the same photo op times and so we all got to stick together. And Kelsey stuck around too. I always let the others go first because it meant I got to watch them get their photos and watch their joy. It truly is a beautiful thing. Once you get into the photo op room you can see the boys and it’s amazing. ( I can’t think of any original words. I’m not a writer!) Jensen was dancing and singing with the music and Jared just beams with happiness. He is such a big adorable puppy. Because they are so tall while waiting I couldn’t see them around the flash umbrella thing (aka lighting) so I just squatted down to see them for that 30 more second. I gave no shits what people thought. Jensen does this thing we’re he scans the line with his eyes...and talk about making your heart beat faster when he looks right at you ( with your giant smile plastered to your face). Next thing I knew it was my turn. I don’t remember saying hi... I remember saying “Jensen I gave you a hug earlier so I am going to hug Jared this time. But I still would love your super big smiles!” And then Jared grabbed me (I’m crying while writing this btw) and hugged me and just as Chris is about to snap the picture Jared somehow squeezes me tighter and I take big breathe in and fuuucckkkk I smell the musk.... No way to describe it. And then I’m sent on my way. Shell shocked. Walking up to them is just something else. You’re surrounded by giant man and it’s somewhat overwhelming but so good at the same time. It’s just Jared and Jensen is all you can see and they are both coming toward you. It’s truly something else. Anyhow...Kelsey and I step out and meet up with the others and we all just squeal at each other with joy and exchange experiences and share the happiness.

Then in the shock of it all I head back to my seat for the King of Con panel. Rich and Rob are so quick and fun. Definitely don’t miss their panel(s). Everything ran late but I had a plane to catch and started to get nervous I would miss autos! The boys came up an hour late and this is where my love for the SPN family comes in really hard/more (somehow). The people I was sitting with told me to just go in line when they called VIP and gold so I did. The wonderful people of creation and spnfamily heard that I had a plane to catch and everyone was like “ya no problem step in line”. And so as I am talking to the creation volunteer when I feel someone move me aside so I step out of the way and they walk past me and then I realize it’s is Jensen’s security and right next to me walking by is Jensen himself. I die. Then I live again and am fourth or 5th in line for my Jensen auto but all I can do is focus on Jensen’s voice. The couple in front of me are on their honey moon (#goals) and so sweet. Then it’s my turn and I give the handler my object to be autographed. I tell Jensen that I love Supernatural but I have been a Pearl Jam fan for much longer and that I have seen them 9 times. And he says “no way!” Then he looks more closely at what he is signing and sees it says ‘Just Breathe’ and he says “ this is my favourite song of theirs” and I respond “ ya it’s a great one. Eddie Veddar is great. Thanks”. And am on my way. Then I quickly scoot over to get in line for Jared’s autos. Jared has Kaleo playing and there is a girl freaking out over meeting him and he is just so smiley and like “ aww no problem at all it’s all ok” to the girl like he is so damned sweet and a precious human being. He talks to the honeymooners congratulating them. My turn comes up and I repeat the exact same thing to him as I did Jensen ( it’s important to rehearse what you want to say otherwise words won’t happen properly I’m convinced). He smiles and says “ No Shit! that’s awesome.” When I tell them how many times I’ve seen them. (Insert I can’t remember what happens.) then I say bye and thank you and he says thanks and I say “love you Jared” and off I go. At this point I need to get going to catch my flight but I still had autos for Sam Smith so I quickly popped into line and of course again everyone is so kind. I was standing with Lynn Zubernis (FDEWB editor / @fangasmSPN) in line and she is just so sweet. It was great talking to her. Then a quick auto with Sam Smith where we discussed how all dresses should have pockets ( the dress she was wearing had pockets) then I was off.

It was the end of the con and I was so sad. But it was an absolutely AMAZING weekend. I was exhausted and got home and cried with joy and emotions but I think that’s normal. I wish/ hope everyone can experience a con! The end.

Love,

Hannah

(my photo op pics will be posted eventually)

#TorCon 2017 #experience #weekend of bliss #Jensen Ackles #Jared Padalecki #convention #creation #spn family #personal

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flyinghetfield · 7 years

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20 Facts About Myself Tag

I was tagged by @goldenageoftheantichrist! Hey thanks!

I’m a boring person so be prepared!

1) Im From Australia and have never left the country before

2) I have one older sibling who is 8 years older than me (I constantly tease him cause he’s turning 30 this year) and a Niece who was born on Valentines day and is turning 3 next year.

3) I’ve grown up with Wrestling all my life. I use to jump off the computer table and slam my brother to the ground and do Hurricanrana’s off him all the time. We had a fake wrestling belt made of cardboard and whenever someone would win a Match against the champ you could write your Wrestling name on it; I only ever got to write on it twice. Chyna & Undertaker use to be my favorite superstar’s then CM Punk and currently it is Chris Jericho and Kevin Owens. I have also met AJ Styles and had Jericho point at me when I squealed my head off at a live house show.

4) I use to sleep with a Night light on till I was 14 and would be terrified of the darkness.

5) I love reading books and i’m currently in a “book pact” with 7 of my other bookworm friends where we have to read all the books we own before we are allowed to buy more. I have 50 books to read; the highest in the group is 205.

6) On New years eve/New years day a few years back I was hit twice with a cork from a bottle of wine - By my brother - In the middle of the forehead.

7) I like being alone and have gone a few months without really talking to anybody.

8) I fucking love Video games and have played/Owned Playstation’s since I was young. When I was 6 I thought Solid Snake was hot as hell (mmmm all them polygons) and had nightmares of Metal gear Rex. Also when my brother broke his first original PS1, we would use it as a wrestling weapon by wacking it over the head of a person with the lid which would make a massive “BANG” sound ~ like you were getting hit with a chair.

9) I’m terrified of doing anything out of my comfort zone and turn into an anxiety bug before anything big happens. Then usually afterwards I sit there going “Why the hell was I freaking out for? That was amazing!”

10) When I was 8 I stole chewy gum. Dad said I couldn’t have it. So I took it. Sorry Gas Station dude, I owe you $2.

11) When I was little I use to scream at my parents that I was going to “RUN AWAY!” So dad would say “Ok you can run away but your not allowed to cross the street.” So while I packed my backpack he would call the Lollipop shop around the corner and told them to keep an eye on me when I walk by.

12) I got banned from Runescape for Botting when they did a massive bot purge a few years back. My brother also botted and never got banned *Shakes fist*

13) I’ve never been in a proper relationship before. My first “Boyfriend” was when i was 7 and I broke up with him when we were 13; He’s now in a Happy relationship with his Boyfriend and is still one of my best friends.

14) My friends say I may have “Peter Pan” Syndrome. I don’t ever want to grow up, I just want to act silly all the time and have a big smile on my face while doing so.

15) Two years ago I went through a massive Phantom of the opera phase and secretly still love it.

16) I love Dragonball z. Vegeta and Broly are my two favorite characters. I use to never understand why Yamcha, Tien and chiaotzu where in it until I watched all of Dragonball for the first time. I own most of the Pop Vinyls and a few statues as well as a Blue Scouter that makes noises and stuff.

17) I hate not knowing what’s in our own oceans and get freaked out whenever watching videos of people going into super deep areas, where everything is just black. Also hate videos when they find giant squids or octopuses down there ~ Big old nope from me.

18) Garlic bread is like my favorite food ever.

19) When I get super excited about something or I’m telling a funny story, I get really animated and wildly throw my hands around and pull some interesting expressions with my face. I guess I like telling grand stories and seeing people interested in them.

20) Everyday I try and learn something new. Read a book, Watch a documentary, See what’s happening on the News or Just hit random on Wiki and see where it leads me. Always gives me something new to talk about with people.

If you read through all of these I applaud you 👏👏 And if you wish to do it you can!

#about me #tagged post #long post #text #personalish

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jobsearchtips02 · 4 years

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This Instructor Earns $three,000 a Month on the Aspect by Upcycling Furnishings on Fb

After a protracted day of educating Chinese language to center and excessive schoolers, cooking dinner for her daughter and husband and prepping her spare bed room for Airbnb visitors, Sara Chen likes to name out to her Echo Dot:

“Hey, play some soft music.”

That is when most individuals would plop on the coach and set free a deep sigh of exhaustion. Possibly pour a glass of wine and name it an evening. However Chen isn’t most individuals. She’s simply getting began.

Gentle music buzzing within the background, she heads to her storage and begins sanding, priming and portray furnishings – often mid-century trendy dressers – for her aspect gig, Sara Chen Design.

Till earlier this 12 months, Chen, 40, hadn’t discovered the correct outlet for her sturdy inventive streak. It was by likelihood that she stumbled upon upcycling furnishings, work she finds energizing and provoking. The additional $2,500 to $three,000 a month is simply an additional benefit.

Discovering Furnishings, Achievement With Sara Chen Design

When Chen left her HR job in China to maneuver to the U.S. 10 years in the past, she felt like she was taking a step down professionally.

“All of the advantages I had deteriorated,” Chen stated, noting the shortage of parallels in hiring practices between Denver and Shanghai.

So she pivoted her profession circa 2009 and took a job educating Chinese language. It allowed her and husband Justin Herbertson to lift their new child daughter, Gemma. She’s been a Chinese language trainer ever since, and she or he enjoys the work. It’s steady. It pays the payments. The medical health insurance is nice. And now Gemma attends the identical faculty.

However Chen yearns to be inventive.

In 2015, she discovered about Airbnb, and, by extension, the concept of beginning her personal gig when the household moved from Denver to Charlotte, North Carolina. Chen jokingly calls herself a “control freak,” and itemizing rooms on Airbnb permits her to flex each creativity and management. Whereas she will get to curate well-manicured rooms for lease, Airbnb doesn’t totally quell her want to be inventive.

Then she obtained her first style of furnishings flipping. On Fb Market, Chen discovered “a steal”: a mid-century trendy dresser for $200 that may go completely in her bed room. She introduced a good friend to fulfill the vendor. “So, I went in and found out she actually had two dressers… both mid-century modern style,” Chen stated. “I told my friend, ‘You know what? You should buy the other one.’”

Her good friend stated no. “It looks so ugly,” she advised Chen.

Chen purchased each items for $400 anyway. The primary piece she saved as is. For enjoyable, she determined to color the second. She purchased sandpaper, tack material and a can of white paint – in all, a couple of $30 funding. Then she arrange store in her storage and set to work. In two or three hours, the dresser was like new — however higher.

“Then my friend came over and she was like, ‘Is that the dresser you [tried to] convince me to buy? It looks so good! Can I have it now?’” Chen recalled.

On the spot, she made a sale: $350. And that gave Chen the braveness to start out upcycled furnishings flipping as a aspect gig.

“That’s what I like about America,” Chen stated. “This is a country that really promotes hard work and creativity.”

A Good First Buyer

Picture courtesy of Sara Chen

Chen determined to play it secure with the primary piece she made obtainable to the general public. To search out the correct piece to flip, she once more turned to Fb Market, investing a lot much less the second time round: $70 for a 1930s dresser from Singapore.

“My rationale is that I really like this piece,” Chen stated. “And if it doesn’t sell, I’m going to use this for myself.”

She selected a dresser as a result of it’s a flexible piece of furnishings for flipping. It could possibly double as a baby-changing station or an leisure stand, if wanted. And with a sturdy teal coat, newly put in cup-pull handles and a easy black-and-white liner for the drawers, Chen reworked the piece from rustic to stylish.

Her first buyer drove greater than two hours to choose it up. When the lady arrived, she marveled – and shelled out $420. Together with provides, Chen earned about $300 in revenue on her first sale.

On her means out, the client inspired Chen to create an Instagram account to showcase her work. The girl had a big social media following and stated she would give Chen a shout-out.

Chen took that recommendation to coronary heart. In lower than a 12 months, with the assistance of her glad first buyer, she has amassed greater than 1,700 followers on Instagram.

Professional Tip

Social media websites are free and infrequently underutilized instruments for budding companies to draw prospects. Use these social media greatest practices to get your footing, the sooner the higher.

However Chen’s luck along with her godsent buyer didn’t finish there.

“After she got the green dresser, I noticed she was pregnant,” Chen stated. “I got another dresser, also from Facebook Marketplace… and then I painted it pink. I added black handles.”

“You’re looking for a dresser for your girl?” Chen texted her. “Well, I might have a piece you want.”

Chen photographed the brand new pink dresser and despatched over the photographs. Fingers crossed.

“This is exactly what I want!” the lady replied.

The second piece, which Chen bought for about $60, bought for $400.

Sale 1: Teal Dresser Sale 2: Pink Dresser

Buy worth: $70 $60

Price of supplies (sandpaper, paint, material, and so on.): $30 $30

Gross sales worth: $420 $400

Revenue: $320 $310

And people worth factors weren’t one-offs from an enthusiastic purchaser. Chen’s instincts have been useless on. After researching her rivals on Market, she usually shoots for these revenue margins with every undertaking.

For tallboys, just like the pink dresser, Chen spends $40 to $70 and flips them for $325 to $425 on common. The margins for lengthy dressers are even higher – a $60 to $120 buy worth and a $475 to $525 gross sales worth. Relying on the undertaking, which means she recurrently sees revenue margins between 70% and 90%.

“You need to find a sweet spot,” Chen stated. “I try to keep it in the median-high level. I feel like that’s the right spot [for me].”

Flipping Furnishings Is All Concerning the Images

After tallying about 70 items of classic furnishings hunted, cleaned, patched, sanded, repatched, primed and painted since early 2019, Chen has her upcycling course of right down to a science. However when the paint dries, her work is just somewhat previous the midway mark.

Subsequent, she phases the piece for high-quality photographs to incorporate in her listings on Market or Instagram. It’s now her favourite a part of the method.

“It’s also probably the most important part,” Chen stated. “It’s gone from a regular piece to a stunning piece, and I want people to see that.”

The added love actually goes a good distance.

When Chen listed the primary teal dresser, she added potted cherry blossoms, a wood self-importance tray and a stool adorned with books to provide the photograph further pizzazz. These particulars are what satisfied a pregnant woman to drive greater than two hours to choose it up.

The well-produced product photographs double as an efficient technique to showcase her earlier initiatives on her portfolio web site, which brings in additional prospects.

Chen even makes use of her photo-editing chops to revenue off of her competitors. A lot of folks promote furnishings on Market, however darkish and grainy photographs abound. In an experiment, she edited one native vendor’s footage utilizing Photoshop and despatched them over. Their furnishings began promoting sooner.

“She loved my photos,” Chen stated. She advised the vendor, “I can help you post photos, I’m just going to charge you $20 every time you ask me to do a listing.”

It was a deal, which sparked a brand new income stream for Chen and yet one more moneymaking concept: photography-staging programs on Udemy or Teachable, an ideal mesh of her expertise.

She has already began planning the programs, however with the college 12 months in full swing, Chen admits that she’s maxed out. Two or three furnishings initiatives per week is her restrict. And the self-described management freak isn’t prepared to rent another person to assist discover or flip furnishings anytime quickly.

“But I don’t feel stressed out because I’m doing the things I like to do,” she stated.

So for now, as many lecturers do, Chen counts down the times till faculty’s out – not in anticipation of a lavish trip.

She simply desires extra free time to color furnishings and additional daylight to snap high quality photographs.

Adam Hardy is a workers author at The Penny Hoarder. He focuses on methods to earn money that don’t contain stuffy company places of work. Learn his newest articles right here, or say hello on Twitter @hardyjournalism.

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from Job Search Tips https://jobsearchtips.net/this-instructor-earns-three000-a-month-on-the-aspect-by-upcycling-furnishings-on-fb/

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toomuchtortuga · 7 years

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I love hating men. It's healing and it watered all my house plants and gave me 20$.

Jack and Jill (2011) Movie Script

And we were born

on September 15...And... And she's the older...Older twin.I'm older by 10 minutes.She's... Ten minutes.Cause she hadan umbilical cordwrapped around her neck.And she, like, shoved me inthere and wouldn't let me out.I was, like, kicking her in,shoving her more in my mom,so that's why she cameout, like, later. Yeah.And... She came outthe bigger twin, too.Well, I came out a poundheavier than Kara,so that's whyI'm an inch taller now.She's always been,like, a pound heavier.No.So, yeah, it's... You know,I love being twins, man.It's, uh...It's basically like youhave a bag of spare parts.Yeah. You know what I mean?It's, like, I need akidney down the road,I know he's got one,so I'm always like,"Hey, stay healthy, dude.Eat right."When we were kids, we hadour own secret languagethat only me and mybrother understood.Ooh.Eee.Ooh.I guess, when we were kids,we thought we were whales.Like, when things are bad,we don't really got to sayanything to each other.We just make these sounds.It's like...So, I just graduatedfrom Harvard,and I'm starting a new jobat a law firmin Southern California,so I'm really happy about that.And I got a job at Hooters.I'm happy, too.Hooters!Being a twin is likebeing a married couple,and you can't divorce her.Even, like! I mean, I loveher when we're together.Well, actually, more sowhen we're distant.She loves nature, like me.She loves donating hertime to charities.And she loves eating healthy,so that's awesome.She's my best friend.My best friend is my boyfriend.They say we're youngand we don't knowWe won't find outtill we growWell, I don't knowif all that's true'Cause you got meand, baby, I got youBabeI got you, babeI got you, babeI got you, babeAnd when I'm sadYou're a clownAnd if I get scaredYou're always aroundSo let them sayyour hair's too long'Cause I don't careWith you I can't go wrongBabeI got you, babeI got you, babe Pepto-Bismol, take 43.And action!Please, why do I haveto have such diarrhea?You need to drink the pink.Hold it. Cut! Cut! Jack!What is he doing?Jack, are you watching this'?What do you mean, "Cut", man?I... I got to be atSesame Street by 1:00.Hey, hey, hey, Reeg, doyou really have diarrhea?'Cause you lost weightor something.Why does the stomachhave all the good lines'?Uh-huh."Drink the pink." That's funny.I'm sorry, Jack.The Dunkin' Donut peoplewant to talk to us.Okay, well, I got toRegis, it's going to be fine.Yeah, and you'll takecare of that, and, uh...Thank you very much.I didn't need that, but cool.I got some bad news.We may lose Dunkin' Donuts.What do you mean "lose"?They didn't like our pitches?They want Al Pacino.Al Pacino to do a commercial?Mmm-hmm.The Godfather Al Pacino?They got this new coffeedrink, the Dunkaccino.Uh-huh.Dunkaccino, Al Pacino,they sound alike.Yes. Well, they thinkit'll be a home run.Of courseit would be a home runif he would ever do it,which he won't.Yeah, well, never say never.Remember, you didn't thinkwe could get Brad Pittto do that Radio Shackcommercial.I was right.Well, you can't beright all the time.Uh-huh. Look, bottom line,they're going to give us one month tomake this whole Pacino thing happen,or they're goingto go elsewhere.We can't lose Dunkin' Donuts.They're our biggest client.Damn it.We're going to gobankrupt, buddy.And we have 200 employeesrelying on us.Try to have a goodThanksgiving, okay?Yeah, yeah, yeah.What do you think?Would Al Pacinoever do a Dunkin' Donutscommercial?What?Yeah.Shut up.Did my wife call? Uh, yeah.You're all set for the cruise.You guys leave a weekafter Hanukkah.Okay, all right.There's some good news.Yeah. She converted, right'?That's so cool.She doesn't look Jewish at all.Wow. That was anti-Semitic.What? No, I just...See, I can say that, you can't.You're not Jewish.No, but I'm close.What... What does that mean?I'm an atheist.You're two for two right there.What? No...Anyways, did my sister saywhat time she'sflying in tomorrow?Yeah, I was supposedto pick her up at noon,but she switchedthe flight to earlier,so now she gets inat 4:00 in the morning.Why?Something about jet lagShe never listens.She gains three hours.Every year, she acts likeshe's flying to New Zealand.She's a freak, man.Yeah, again,you can't say that.No, I...Honey... Yeah?Try complimenting her.Huh? Yeah. What?To avoid fighting.Just focuson something positive.Tell Jill thatshe has nice shoes.Nice shoes. That's good.That'll work.I love you, honey.I love you, too.And I love my sister.And I can keep my cool.It's only four days.I love my sister.I love her shoes.I love my sister.I love her shoes.Well, I just...I can't find him anywhere.Does he knowwhat terminal it is'?I...Okay, okay, I see him.All right, I'm hanging up.How are we doing?Where were you?I've been waitingforever for you.This place is creeping me out.Why so many bags?Are the Knicks traveling with you'?What is with this?Mom always said,"it's better to have itand not need it""than to need itand not have it."Oh, yeah, she did say that.I remember that. That was cool.Are you going bald?Huh? No, no, no, no.You're getting fatter, andyour hair doesn't realizethat it needsto cover more face.Okay. Where'd you put the car?You really hadto bring your bird?Yeah,she's my best friend.Anyways, Jill, I was thinking...Yeah?The house is goingto be very crowded'cause we got the kids,and all the guestsare coming by,and blah, blah, blah.So, there's this new hotel,a Hilton that theyjust built down...But I want to spend timewith Sofie and Gary.Why, do you not want meto stay with you?No, no, no, no. Of courseI want you to stay with us.I was just...I was just saying.Okay, I'll stay with you, then.It's too bad, 'cause the hotelwas starting to sound fun.Why are you doing that?Why do you sigh so loud?I just really, reallylove your shoes.You are so weird.Isn't he weird, Poopsie?Where were you?Poopsie gets it.Yeah. Poopsie really gets it.She always did get it.I... It's just...She always loved getting it.And then your dad and Iwent to the soup kitchen,and they gave us Ottoto bring to Thanksgivingdinner this year.Thanks again for having me.It's very nice.Are you going to eatdinner with us tonight'?Yes, he is, honey.And what about tomorrow night'?Tomorrow, Otto's goingto go back home...Less.Sorry.Uh, Sofia, show Ottoyour karate moves.You know, why don't...Why don't you go wake up Jill?What? It's 5:30.She's here. That'sthe important thing.It counts as a day.So what? She's sleeping. Jack...All right, I'll go check on Jill.Thank you.It's okay, Otto.It's just her...Jill.Wake up.Okay, stay sleepingJet lag.I have a gun! Oh, my God!You see, I live alone.Poopsie's trainedto watch out for me.Don't sneak uplike that, all right'?Where were you?I don't...Come downstairs.Uh, the food's ready.Can you just lay downwith me for five minutes?I'm not laying downwith you. No.Come on. I just wantsome twin time.I'm a grown man.I'm not laying next to you.Just have Poopsie lay with you.I... I don't know.Aw. All right.I'll take a bath, and I'll meetyou downstairs in an hour.Good looking out, Poopsie.Don't forget your sweat shadow.What?All right, just take yourbath and all that stuff,and then burn those sheets.Hey, GUYSJill! You look amazing.Aw. Macy's, Marshalls.Hey, where am I sitting?What do you mean?'Cause, usually,I sit next to you.So all of a sudden, I'm...I'm not going to sit here?Oh, uh, would you...I thought you couldsit down here.I always sit next to Jack.ls there areason I'm moving? No.Jill, if you'd like, you could sit here.I'd be happy to move.Oh, that's okay. You're fine.If you want to... If you...Do you want to sit here?I don't know.Okay, you just sit in my chair.How's that?There you go.All right, thank you.Gary, is that you?Yes, it is.Look how handsome you are.Thank you.It's so nice to see you.Look at this leaf.Look at this.You have it taped on you?That's so cute. Yes.Why did he do that?He likes tape.Hey. Sofie, is that you,or is that you?Good to see you, Erin.Good to see you, Jill.How was your flight?Oh, the house looks amazing.You got a new chandelier?Yeah, yeah.I loved the old one.SO,how's every bodysGobble-Gobble Day'?Great. Excellent.By the way, Jill,this is Otto. Otto.Nice to meet you.Nice to meet you.He's homeless, right?He seems clean,but you should putone of those toilet seatprotectors underneath himto make sure he doesn'truin the chair.Are you whispering witha bullhorn or something'?Everybody hears you.No, they can't,Mr. Hearing Expert.So...Pass that down, Daddy.I'm allowed out hereonce a year,so I tend to miss things.What's going on? Anything new'?Well, Sofie just got hergreen belt in karate.How come I didn'tknow about this?I didn't even know she did karate.What... I mean,I feel like I'm in theTwilight Zone right now.I'm like Jimmy Stewartat the end of that movie,the one where... They...They're in Pottersville.What... What is that...That movie called?It's a Wonderful Life?No, no, with Jimmy Stewart.The... The one where he meetsthe angel and he's mad.It's a Wonderful Life.Why do you keep saying that?No, the one wherehe falls in the pooland he sings Buffalo Gals.He gets all the moneyat the end,and he finds out that hislife really is wonderful.Star Wars.They play it every Christmas.You must have saw it beforeJack made you convert.What? What are youdoing right now?Your brother didn'tmake me do anything, Jill.Everyone has to belike Jack over here.Even poor Gary.What?What does that mean?You made him switchfrom being Indian.What is wrong with you?We adopted him whenhe was 10 days old.This is all he knows.Did you ever think maybehe tapes things to himself'cause he doesn'tfeel connected?You know, to his real parents'?That was very smart.I just thought of that.Isn't it? That was interesting.Aunt Jill? Yes, sweetheart.Yes, Sofie.Do you and Daddyhave twin powers?What's this?What is twin powers?It's this thing we sawon 60 Minutes.Some twins have strange powers,and they can feelwhen the other one's hurt.Oh, Jack and I can do that.What? Why are youmaking a face?When we were kids, you feltit when I broke my ankle.I felt it 'causeyou fell on my head.You like that one? Yeah.All right, good, good.Oh, please!Tell me you don't feel this.I didn't feel it.Maybe if you did it harder.Little harder.No, Jill. Stop it.He's kidding. What?Donkey fight!Jill, are you okay?Yeah, no, I'm fine.Gary, that was...He didn't 100% connect.Feel that, Daddy?I... I actually didfeel something there.Pride in my son.Oh, will you stop it already?These sweet potatoes need salt.I'm so sick of that.Why are you so afraid toadmit that we are connected?Face it.We shared Mom's womb.We were womb-mates.Oh, that is just disgusting.I have an idea.On the show,there were these twins,and they finishedeach other's sentences.Jack, maybe you couldstart a sentence,and Jill, you could finish it.No. No.Come on, Daddy, please!Please, Daddy, please!Please. Oh, my God.Ready to receive mental images.Beep, beep, beep, beep,beep, beep, beep, beep...All right, will you stop?You're scaring him.That's just noisesshe's making.Okay, ready? Yes.I'm very tired, so I'm going toGo to the supermarket.No, I'm going to sleep.What is... Why would I go toa supermarket if I was tired'?That's what I would do.The cold airalways wakes you up.Isn't it nice when it's...You go over there inthe frozen food section?God bless...You! God bless you!I finished your sentence.Got you, Pagogo.What's Pagogo?Oh, it's... It's a namethat Aunt Jill used to call yourdad when they were growing up.I was Pokee, and yourfather was Pagogo.We had our own secret language.Ook maga do do, Pagogo.I have no ideawhat those words mean,nor have I ever knownwhat those words meant.You do know what they mean,and you're lying right now."Ook maga do do"means "I love you.""Bongi" means "thank you.""Klapa" means "left."Hey, do you remember what"Locky mocky koko" means'?Mmm. What does it mean again?Jack, don't.It means, "I can'tstand you being here!"This is really awkward.I'm going to go.Dessert is coming.I'm full.Okay...I love how nice we areto this homeless man,a person we don't even know,who probably is pretendingto be homeless!You don't look homeless to me!You're fat! You're al-Qaeda!Sofia, why don't yougo upstairs?No, Mom, this is my favoritepart of Thanksgiving.You know what? I'm leaving.I'm leaving. That's it.That's it. I'm going.I am going!I hope you're happy!I'm sleeping out herein the woods!At least the animalswill be nice.Jill! He's even turningthe kids against me!Are you okay?Jill, are you all right?No. See, the kids love you.And I love them.And that's the only reasonthat I comeback here every year.Jack, apologize.I'm sorry that you make everybodyuncomfortable. I really am.Jack.All right. I'm sorry aboutwhat I said back there.I didn't mean it.I... I love you.I just feel abandoned.I'm all alone in the Bronx.I don't have any familywith me any more.We didn't abandon you.I told you, you can Skypeus any time you want.I don't even knowwhat that means.What is Skype?It sounds anti-Semitic.What is it?It's just this Internet thing.I don't get that!You know I don'thave a calculator.- Okay.- Do you know what?Our home is your home.So let's go back.I have some ice cream.I don't know, Erin.I'm too upset.I can't eat right now.What flavor? Chocolate.No. You have maple walnut?I don't like chocolate.I... I didn't knowyou liked maple walnutHang in there, brother.She's only here till Sunday.What is donecannot now be amended!Yeah, Ted, I'm lookingat it right now.So, this was two nights ago?If Idid take the kingdomfrom your sons, to make amends,I give it to your daughter.Will you get that?Whoa.You have a phone in your hand!You are told before the playstarts not to have it ring!Shut all cell phones off!This is what the man said!Yeah, this guy's going to doa Dunkin' Donuts commercial.This has got to stop.I'm losing my mind.Help me.Where am I?Thank you.Thank you all for coming.Yeah.How do you know Pacino'sgoing to a Laker game'?Well, yeah, get the tickets,but how am I even goingto get near the guy'?He's going to havesecurity or something.I'm not telling my wifeto wear something trashyjust 'cause it wouldsave our company.Unless she wants to.I mean, that's her thingNo...I'm hanging up the phone.Goodbye.Excuse me, Mrs. Erin,the magnolia branchin the backyardcould fall off any time.I mean, I don't wantanyone to get hurt.Should I take it down now'?Oh, oh, yeah, sure, sure.Whatever...Whatever you think, Felipe.Okay...Oh, did you havea nice Thanksgiving?Yeah, I had the wholefamily come over.Even my Aunt Rosa snuckacross the border.I'm kidding, I'm kidding!Who are you?Are you a gardener or something?No, I... I don'tjust do gardening.I do impressions, too.When Immigration shows up, I doa great impression of a tree.I'm kidding, I'm kidding!Oh, strong. All right.Jay Leno better watch his back.You know it.Nice to meet you, seorita.Okay, nice to meet you.What is he doing?What is his problem?Oh, oh! Jack, Jack, Jack!I put a little list togetherof things I want todo before I leave, so...Oh, my God.I got to touch that?Yeah."Studio tour, beach,""horseback riding,get on a game show."You can't get throughall this stuff.You're leaving Sunday.I don't know.What do you mean, you don't know?You know.I just wanted tohave fun out here,and, you know,we fought last night.I just... I feel reallyweird leaving like that.What do you mean?It was a great night.We... We ate food, we ran in the woods.It was fun.I just... Maybe I shouldstay out through Hanukkah.Mom's gone now,so there's really nothingfor me to go back to.Stay, then! Stay!She can't stay.Because of your airline ticket.It's, like,the busiest time of year.We'll never get youa return flight.That's why I used my twin hunchin knowing that we would fight,and I havean open-ended ticket.Hanukkah!Hanukkah! Hanukkah! Hanukkah!He's going to be mad.I don't know wherewe parked the car.I don't know.I just want to go on withthem because they look scared.I know if I was ridingwith them, they would...I know you sayI weigh too much,but I don't think I do.Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!Okay, I'm ready! Let's go!Oh, my God!Oh, God! Look, I'm so sorry.I weigh too much.You were right!Gary...At least put a helmeton that thing.With your fancy friendsI'm telling youit's got to be the endDon't bring me downNo, no, no, no, noOoh-ooh, hoo... What are you doing?Why can't I just lay with you?You're a weirdo!All right, welcome backto The Price Is Right.Let's find out who's next.Jill Sadelstein, come on down!You're the next contestanton The Price is Right.All right, Jill, go ahead and spinthe wheel, whenever you're ready.You are the best, Drew.This is awesome, guys!Go ahead and...Are you married or not?Uh, no.Go ahead and...Whoo-whoo!Jill, go aheadand spin the wheel.No, because I knowonce I spin it,I don't get to benear you any more.On.All right. All right.Hey, Gary, Sofie.Come on, guys, one dollar!One dollar. Good luck to you.One dollar's the winner!Whoo!I never saw that before.Uh, hey, just give hera bunch of prizes.We'll be right back rightafter this. Don't go away.Call an ambulance.It banged me good.Then, when I hit the floor,that's when I really went out.But when I came to,it was good.They had prizes for me.Say hello to my little friend!Do you wantto play rough? Okay.What is she doing now?I don't know...Whoa! It's hard to hold on.Please don't destroy my pool.I've got it now. I...Ow, my head!But it's such a waste.A full moon, an empty yacht.I'll throw up.I'll be.About the roadhouse...They have a Cuban bandthat's the berries.Let's go there,blindfold the orchestra,and tango till dawn.Do you knowsomething, Mr. Fielding?What?You're dynamite.Daddy.You and Jill are so alike.We are nothing alike,I promise you.Well?I'm not quite sure.Would you try it again?Just watch the movie.I got a funnysensation in my toes.Like someone was barbecuingthem over a slow flame.I think you're onthe right track.WOMAN ON SCREEN I must be.Your glasses arebeginning to steam up.Hello?Shh! Mrs. Applebaum.Hi. Yeah, no...What are you doing?It wasn't an emergency.I just wanted to seehow my plants were doing.Please stop talking!Okay, and you turned the heat off?Turn off the phone.All the way off, though?Jill, Jill!Yeah, I can't hear her.I'm trying to...I'm on the phone.Well, get off the phone,you psycho!No, don't cry.You know what?Don't run away. You just...Don't go in the woods. Jill!I can't believe it.Hey!It's the last nightof Hanukkah!Come on, already!It's happy time!Dude, way to yell at a chick.That's awesome.That was a chick?Yeah, that was a chick.Really.Hey! The brake.Hey, hey, I can do it!It's all right! I got it!I can do it!It's all right!Hey, I can do it.It's okay.It goes fast.I'm getting it on him.She's crazy.She's crazy.She's never leaving.Well, she was going to leaveuntil you called her "psycho."She's forwardingher mail to us now!Highlights magazine.Birdy magazineaddressed to Poopsie!Okay, okay.Did you ever thinkthat maybe she's lonelyand she needs someone toget her through the holidays'?She needs a guy.She needs a guy!No, no, no, no.If we don't get her a guyby New Year's,she's gonna comeon the cruise ship with us.We'll be locked on a boat forseven days! I'll kill myself!Do not get involvedin her love life.Aunt Jill, why don'tyou have any kids'?Gary, did you makeyour bed this morning?It's okay, Erin.You don't have to...I can tell him.Gary, I have all the equipmentand it seems to befunctioning well.I get a little reminderevery 30 days or so.But the point is, Gary,I was never married.Why?Well, everyoneloved your father.He was more of a gadfly.Me, I kept to myself,made sure Grandmaand Grandpa were okay.But everybody loves Aunt Jilljust as much as Daddy.Or more.Don't say that.Your father, he might acttough, but he has thin skin.You'd hurt his feelings.Aunt Jill, did you date boys'?I liked boys.They just, they...They never liked me back.My friend Mimi's mom dates boysshe meets on the computer.Oh, I've heard of this.Yeah, I would do that.It's just, I don't know howto use a computer or a radar.Or a robot or whatever.Well, let's show her!Jack. No, no, no.Uh, Sofie's the onewho brought it up.It's her. She did it.I would do it.I mean, what the heck'?It's no biggie.Let's go for it.I need a man.So many to choose from.Match.com.That's a good one.Uh, eHarmony, I've heard of.They have commercials.MySoul-Mate.net.I like that becauseI got a little soul.Okay, so it says topress here to registerfor your perfect soul mate.No't like that.No. Like this.What are you,a computer whiz?You would think he'd be thegenius, being from India.Now, India's, uh,really amazing lately.They're just leading the pack.I read in Time magazine,they're number one.China's number twoThe Jews, we're backto number three. Okay.Four is Germany,so let's watch out, everyone.All right, all right, listen,you got to picka username, Jill,so just do that.A username?Uh, how about Manilow?'Cause he can use meanytime he wants to.Just kidding. I hopeyou didn't understand that.It's a little risqufor your age.Okay, now you loadyour profile picturethat Sofie took of you.Mmm-hmm, can't wait to see thisMy picture is embarrassing.Put it up.Is it too va-va-voomish?No, it's very natural.Ah, maybe I shouldhave gone withpeanut butter and jelly.This... I like it, I like it.Forget it. I'm committingto it. So, what?If somebody likes me,the little envelope thingwill be blinking?I just, I love this so much.I crave this, family time.It's why you have a family.A ham this good only comesonce a generation.Like me.I give this ham four rings.That's a hell ofa good ham right there.Whose idea was the wig?Oh, that was his choice.I think it's great that Shaqdoesn't look like Shaq at all,that he looks likeAl Sharpton on HGH.Ham-a-lam-a-ding-dong,ham-a-lam-a-ding-dong... Turn the TV off.So, how long does it taketo get a response on one ofthose computer dating things'?I'm, uh, I'm new to this.I mean, it can take,it can take a day,it can take a week.You know what I mean?For someone like her...What was that? What was...Why'd you say, "like her"?Someone like her.Like, uh, in her 40s,still single.You know what I mean?Incredibly homely.Wow, you hate your job,don't you?No. I only said that 'causeyou said that one time.I can say that'cause I'm her twin.Hey, Jack,Laker game tomorrow night.We got to makethat Pacino thing happen.Every bodys really nervousaround here.Yeah, I know, I know.What's this about a twin?Oh, Jack. He has a twin sister.Are you kidding me?You never told meyou had a twin sisterNo, no, I mean, she's...Identical or fraternal?Nocturnal, like a bat.Really?I'll pack my stuff up, man.How we doing in here?Hey, what happened?Aunt Jill checked to seeif any boys liked her.The blinking thingnever blinked.Oh, that's awful.If people could only seehow good she canopen a pickle jar...Yeah, I know.You're right.Okay, see you guys.Okay, where do I finddesperate guys'?Twitter, Maxim,Craigs list.Oh, yeah.Casual Encounters.All right, savages, get ready.Anyone wantingto meet a nice...No, I need someone immediately.Not "nice."Um... Anyone wanting to meeta sexy gymnast model...No, I can't lie so much.Uh...A hot...Hi, Poopsie.Yeah, "hot" works.Crazy...Hey!Personal masseuse...Oh. I pull really hard.Watch your mother.She's going to have relief.Mmm-hmm. What happened?Is she sleeping or something?KnockoutOne dollar. Good luck to you.One dollar's the winner!Whoo!For the night of your life,go to Manilowat mySoul-Mate.net.Oh, man, I'm reallythrowing her to the wolves.But it has to be done.Wow.We're not going to tellanyone about this, are we'?Where were you?I trust you cankeep a secret, kid!You guys!You guys!Are you sitting down'?I got over 100 responseson the computer!Whoa-ho-ho!Look at Miss Popular,all of a sudden.I mean, some of themare weirdoes,but some of them are so nice!I wrote one guy back,and we're going out tonight!Oh, my God!Whoa! I love it!Oh, my God!Yeah.I'm so scared. I don't knowwhat I'm going to wear.Oh, I'll help you.I'll help you.I'm freaking out.I feel like Julia Robertsin that movie.Pretty Woman.No, no, no, the onewhere she's a hooker.What's the name of that one?Uh, Pretty Woman? No, no, no!Why are you saying that?No, the other one.What's the matter with you?What's she going to wear?What are yougoing to wear, Daddy'?In Hell.Shut up.This is like waitingfor the queen.Yeah, yeah. Well, let's seewhat's taking her so long.Go up there, speed her along.Come on, go, go, go.I'm answering it!Funbucket's here!Funbucket?Oh, tell himI'm not ready!Tell him I'm not home!She'll be right down.No! No, it won't zip!It won't zip!HEY- HEY...Are you Funbucket?Yeah, that's me.You don't look likea Funbucket.I was picturing someonemore fun or buckety.You're not the crazy,hot masseuse, are you?I want you to tell meright up front,'cause if you are,I'm not paying for dinner.Come here.If you mention Craigslistto her or do anythingthat hurts her,I will stick my foot...Funbucket?Manilow?Somewhere in the night,we will knowEverything lovers can knowYou're my songMusic too magic to endI'll play youover and over... So, yeah, you know what?I'll be up-front with you.I live in the Bronx andI don't have any children.In all honesty,the clock's ticking,so if dinner works,we got to get to work.I'm kidding you.I just said that 'causeI'm very nervous right nowand I just keeptalking so much.My mouth is moving.I don't even realizehow much it's moving.It's... I'm not even feeling it.It's cottony.So, is this your first dateon mySoul-Mate.net?Yes.Assuming it's really happeningand not some sort ofterrifying nightmare.I know.What do you do for a living'?Don't tell me. I don't want...I want to play 20 Questions.Remember that game?When we were little?20 Questions?Okay, first question.Animal, mineral...I'm going to goto the bathroom.Okay...See you.Um, should I take awayyour salads?Oh, I think he's just waitingfor his to cool off.So, we'll just, um...Just a few more minutes.Thank you.Hello? Hello?Funbucket? Funbucket?Hello?He must have gone outto get some air.Good job.You're alive!How did it go?Oh, it was... It was fine.He didn't try anything funnywith you, did he'?No, no.Does he want to go out again?Is he your prince?Are you his princess?Did he askfor your number?Did he kiss you good night?Oh, will youkids stop it already?It was just a date!Why do you put so muchpressure on me?Why arethere so many stairs?I miss your old chandelier!No one's ever going to love me!I'm a loser!Oh, my God, I'm an idiot.Why?Why are you an idiot?Busted, disgusted,never to be trusted.Hi, Jill.It's okay, it's...We've all had bad dates.Whatever.He was such a...I thought he was coolfor a second.Jack feels likeyou deserve to go outwith a guywho treats you right.So guess who is taking youto the Lakers gametomorrow night.Hairfingers23 fromthe computer?No, actually, I'm your date.I love that, Pagogo!Ook maga do do!That sounds great.Finally some twin time.Oh, pali wali, zoom gali gali.That means, "I want tochoke on my own vomit."Does it?L... I'm a little rusty.I don't remember everything.Oh, my God, look at these guys.They're huge.Yeah, yeah, yeah.They're too big.It's freaky. Will you stop'?It's weird. Stop it.No, it's...Where do they buy pants'?Just please keep walking.I'm sorry.It's likenuclear-power-plant big.That's... That's big.John, we're so close here.Hey. You got us in the game.What's, uh...What's going onwith the beard, man'?I'm doing research.I don't want to berecognized, okay'?Who is that?Hey, Jill, don't go nuts,but I'm gonna tryand talk to Al Pacino.It's Pacino!Al Pacino, the movie actor?Yes, yes, stay calm.What do you thinkpeople are thinking here,that I'm sitting with my rabbi?Hey, guys, big game tonight.Yeah. How you doing, Johnny'?How are you? Huge fan.Good to see you. Thank you.And, uh, Mr. Pacino,I actually met you onetime at a movie premiere.He's thirsty.Okay...It was Cats & Dogs 3,and we were sittingin the same row.One of your kidsknocked over your popcorn,and I gave you mine.And you called me "Popcorn"the rest of the night.Popcorn.Yes.Yeah, nice to see you again.Hey, what's with the beard?You look a littlelike Bin Laden.I was kind of thinking Castro, myself.Yeah.No, no, it's likethe cough drops guy,the Smith Brothers.Who is that?Is that your wife'?No, no, no, that'smy sister Jill.She's in from the Bronx.Hey, Al, do you thinkyou'd ever...Dulcinea.What's that?You're from the Bronx?Yeah, born and bred.Throggs Neck, the nice part.Al, I got a question for you,and I know it's a long shot.Well, I'm from the Bronx.Oh, okay. Did you know that?Yeah, to be honest, I don'tknow much about you.I haven't seena lot of your movies,but I hear you're very serious.Well, you know... Okay.Hey, is Ryan Seacrest here?Have you seen him?Do you know him?I'm sorry, who-crest?Al, would you everconsider doing a...Eh, who is your friend?Was he in Duran Duran?Were you in Duran Duran?Yes. Yes, I was.So, tell me, how long areyou gonna be in L.A.?Oh, my God.Is that John Stamos? Who?Pagogo, Pagogo, let'sgo before he gets away!I want to see himup close! Please!Oh, so, Al,I'm gonna get a holdof your agent, if that's cool.Time to play ball.When's the marching bandcome out?Uh, that's not going to happen.No?Here we go. Here we go.Kobe Bryant!Compliments of Mr. Pacino.What's this?I can't believe this.This is insane, man!You got to call him!Oh, cool your buns.You know I'm still hurting fromthe whole Funbucket fiasco.No, but Pacino liked you!I swear to God,he really liked you!Oh, will you stop already?You know all he wants to do isplay Twister with your sister.Jill, will you justdo this for me?You know, maybe I'll be readyto date again in a few weeks.We'll sit and talk aboutit on New Year's.New Year's?But you're not gonnabe here on New Year's,'cause that'safter our birthday.Which is when you're leaving.Yeah. Uh, I guess so.So, if New Year's comes up...Mmm-hmm.Just tell Jill thatone more passengeron the cruise ship, it'll sink.I'm not telling her that.Tell her... You gotto tell her something.I'm not having hercome to Europe.It's the kids' first trip.Hey, how are we doing in here?It's 6:32.Forty-three years ago at thisvery time, you were born.Happy birthday, Number One.Okay, thank you.Aw, happy birthday, you guys.Okay.No, no, no, not yet, not yet!I wasn't born yet. I'm 6:33.I'm still 42, Erin. Oh, God.So how does it feel, old man?Getting rickety in the bones?I'm so bummed thatyou're leaving tomorrow.I'm going to miss you.Oh, yeah. Oh, God.I'm going to miss...I'm going to missyou guys, too.Especially on New Year's.Get the violins going, yeah.It's just, every year, I'dgo with Mom to Valentino's.It's the restaurant, Erin,where my mother met my father.Oh, I knew that wasgoing to be big.Don't throw it out.We can makea birthday candle with it.Hey, we're onlyI hope they singHappy Birthday to us.Yeah, I hope we still haveour table there, Slick.Why is it so dark in here?Are we going to getkilled or something'?Surprise!Oh, my God.Jack, we got you.You are having a party for us?Oh, coolness!Every bodys here.And I just had to meetyour twin sister.Very nice to see you.I mean, you guysreally do look alike.I say that all the time.He says no.Jill, I wantto introduce you around.This isgoing to be a bad night.This is going to bean awful, awful night.Really, it's fascinating.So, how does it work,Mr. Subway Sandwich?Just, well, just tell me more.Just Jared's fine.Call you Jared? Okay, sure.It's just,To me, that seems too much,almost like a job.I couldn't do that.I don't eat that many. No?Okay, okay,here's the situation.You're here, there'snot a Subway in sight.You're at a steakhouselike this.What do you eat?What do you eat'?I eat other things.Oh, you do'?You do'? I knewyou were cheating.That's why there's somuch goo left on you.What?I miss the old Jared,the 400-pound Jaredthat scared us.I don't miss that one at all.Well, I'm sure you don't.But if he was around, he'd be with meand not with the two hookers.Well, yeah,we love musicals.You know what?You're the Sham-Wow man, right?Yeah. Funny story.- Uh, Jack used to be a bed-wetter.- No!He could have used oneof these Sham-Wow thingshis pee puddles.Oh, there's Mr. Yellow Sheets!Where yougoing, Puddles?All right,nice to meet you all.Am I crazy or is she hot?You're crazy.It's Jack with boobs.Jack with boobs. That's right.There he is!Dude, did you setthis whole thing up'?Yeah, we got through it, man.It came out pretty dope,I think.It's amazing. Hey, Jill.I'm sorry to interrupt.Come here for a sec.Okay, nice to see you.What's going on?Did I ever tell youTodd is an atheist?A what?Oh, God.Have a great time, guys.No. How couldthere be a Grand Canyonif God didn't exist?Right.That's a very good point.I'm just saying,you know, maybe...Maybe God wouldn't have given you arat face if you believed in him.I don't have a rat face.Yes, you do have a rat face!It's scary.Whoa, whoa,whoa, whoa, wait a minute.This guy doesn'tbelieve in God?No!No, no, I'm just sayingthat there's not real proof.Idiots like youreally make me mad!Fight! Fight! Fight him!Fight! Fight! Fight!Because I'm aboutto US Open your skull!Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!Happy birthday to youHappy birth...Happy birthday, dear Jack...And JillHappy birthday to you Come on, make a wish,you twins.Okay, let's do it.Where's the other cake?There's not enough candles for both of us.All right, Jill.One cake's enough.Make the wish.Mom and Dad alwaysgot us two cakes.Made us both feel special.I don't think Mom and Dadwould like this.Make the wish already!I'm hungry!Will you stop already?Blow out the candles.Whoa!Funny meeting you here.Don't be startled.It's only me.It's always the same thing.It's L.A.I never know where I am.It's a wilderness here.I mean, in the Bronx,you got the streets,you got the numbers.You got 187th, 188th.Yeah, right, in order.It follows in sequence.Here, you got the palm trees,and they all look alike.I have no idea where we are.You really don't? I don't.Lucky... Lucky for us,I got the panic button.You have a panic button?Yeah, and we'll soon findout where we are, huh?There we go. That's a house.That's not a bakery.Whether we goin a bakery, a house,what difference does it make?It makes a difference!What do you mean?There's a bakery in the house.Get out of town! Come on.I'm not going to your house.I want to seea birthday cake soonor I'm taking pepper spray out.I'm not kidding.O ye of little faith.What is that, a Shakespeare'?No, that was Jesus.Okay, birthday girl.Oh, my God. Here it is.You name it,Xavier, my guy, will bake it.Oh, my God!Look, I made her happy.I love this!made you happy...To dreamthe impossible dream Nutcracker.No. That? That's, uh,Man of La Mancha.They offered me the part ofDon Quixote on Broadway.Ooh. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah.But, you know, I'm just,uh, I'm not there yet,so I'm mulling it over,you know?I love that. That's where the, uh,man's in the tower ringing the bell'?That's Quasimodo.That's Hunchback of Notre-Dame.See, this is Don Quixote.Don Quixote meetsthis, uh, fallen womanwho he thinks is hislost love Dulcinea.Right.And he can'tstraighten his back,so he keeps ringing the bell.And he has a sidekick.It was a mouse.Okay, moving on.Listen, Bronx, I got abirthday surprise for you.Another one? Yeah.It's myoriginal stickball stick.Oh. Come with me a second.Let me just eat some cake.This is so good.Leave it.You've been eating enough.We really have to stop now?Xavier!Oui, monsieur?Ha!He's going to throw the ball,and you are going to take thisstick with two hands, right?And you're going to hit it.Do I have to playthis weird game?It's not weird.Jill, it's in you.It's in your DNA.Just think Bronx.Let it just float.Okay, okay, okay...Can you do me a favorand not hold me like this?All right. I'm justtrying to show you.Okay, all you got to do ismake contact, that's all.I feel like this is your gameand it's not my game.If you want to play my game,Hungry Hungry Hippos, Sabaday.Do you have that here?That's coming.Goobledy gibble globbity!What language are you speaking?Just throw it.Oui, oui. Okay.Come on, no batter here, pitcher!No batter!I just don't knowwhy we're doing this.Oh! Whoa!Oh, my God! Oh, my God!I am so sorry!I'm sure you haveothers, though.Uh, you'd think it, but,uh, oddly enough, I don't.But I have you.You don't have me. I...I'd rather have you.I'm sorry. I'm going to go.I just... I had fun,but I'm so tired.It's 8:30 in the morning,my time.Do you know what timeit is for me?It is time for my salvation.Because finally,I found the one woman,with all her rough-hewn charm,who will lead me back...to sanity.You're sick.You're a sweetie.I saw what you were doingwith the stickand it was gross.Thank you, Sabaday.Wait a minute, where doyou think you're going?I'm not your wham-bam-eggs-and-ham type.But you don't have a car.Why are you ignoring me?What happened to me?What's this?Help me!Where were you?What do you mean?I was here, bird.Felipe.Miss Jill?What you doing out here'?I stayed out here because Ididn't want to go in the house.And Erin tried to make mecome back in and I wouldn't.He yelled at me'cause I rejected Al Pacino.Well, if you need something todo, I'm just fixing the timerand heading off toa big family picnic.We play soccer, eat,steal white people's wallets...What did you say?I'm kidding! I'm kidding!We don't eat.Oh, stop it.Why won't you help me?What are you doing?Put Poopsie down!It flew in my bread.Hey, Rosa!This is my friend, Jill.Hi. That's my father,my mama, my brother Juan,my other brother Juan,Juan Jr.,my sister Juanita,my grandma Juangelina,and that... I'm kidding!I was going to say,that's a lot of Juans!We're notall named Juan.Hey, nios!Look, these are my kids.Jos, Jos Jr. Y JosefinaThey are beautiful.Hi. Hi.They all look likemy wife, thank God.Your wife'? I need to meet her.Where is she?Well, she passed awayfour years ago.I'm so sorry.I lost my mother recently.No, that's all right.I love talking about my wife.And I know she's up theresneaking into Heaven right now.It's a joke! It's a joke!Your father's bad.He's bad! He's very bad!Ready for the bestMexican food you ever had'?I never had Mexican food.What?I'm sorry. It's not my fault.Uh, they don'tserve it at my deli.Well, today is your lucky day.Okay...Taste. Cool.WOW!That's chile relleno.It looks like a knish.Never had Mexican food.It's very, very good.I'm kidding. Are you okay'?Yeah, I'm fine.Heads up.What is this thing?No, no, no, no, no, no!It's too hot.Just like you.Oh, Felipe, easy.Come on, Jill!Come on!Get Jill out there!Come on, Jill, run!Run!Jalapeos. Jalapeos.Okay, this is yours.What happened?Jalapeos! Jalapeos!Jalapeos?Did I get it?Jalapeos.Go! Run!Shoot that! Shoot that!Goal!Whoa!It's not a guy.Felipe, I love it!Hey, hey, hey.Hey, Mr. Popcorn.Is that Al Pacino?Are you kidding me?How you doing?Listen, I got a littlesomething herefor Ms. Sadelstein.My God, she's nothere right now.Oh, that's our loss, isn't it?Have you any idea when shemight be coming home'?Hopefully soon.You know what, I hope so.I'm waiting on her, too.And I wanted to tell you, Al,if she wasn't receptivethe other night...Oh, my God!I know she's in here, Popcorn.How'd you get over the fence?Jill, come on!You want me to get yousomething to eat or...All I want to dois make you happy!Uh-huh. I want to see you.I want to know that you exist.That I'm not justimagining you!Al, she really isn't here.Uh, for realThis it? Yeah.She sleeps here?She does. She sleeps there.Ooh, God, sorry youhave to see that.She sleeps with someone?No, no, no, no, that's a bird.That's not a human.No problems.Look at this.Isn't that something? Yeah.How does this happen?Al, I wouldn't lay there.That's not, uh...She leaves an after-scent.Hey, Popcorn, you know,you're not really giving meany confidence here.About what? Where is she?Al, I don't know where...Where you hiding her?She's coming back,she just is nothere right... Hey, Jill!Lot of places to hide.Hey, Jill!Al, she's coming back,I swear to you.She got an 8:00 flighttonight, so I promise.What? She's leaving'?Uh...Come here.Come to you?Yeah, come, come.We gotta talk.Yeah.You want to turn my name intosome coffee-drinkchocolate-doughnut thing'?Well, yeah.Tastefully, though. I think...Then you get me the girl.Get you the girl?Get me the girl."Get" is a strong word.'Cause this is my sisterwe're talking about.You don't understand!Well, I want to understand.You don't understand!Go ahead, go ahead.Tell me what I need to know.Your sister and I... Yeah?We grew up on the same streets.We breathed the same Bronx air.Yes, yes, yes.When I look at her, I see me.When I look at her,I see me, too. Just...I know what you mean.I see what I was.I'm lost, Popcorn.I am.I go visit my kids,I can't find them.Lend up talking to lemon trees.You know what? I'm lost now.What does...Jill... Yes?Is going to get me there.Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.I just want a shot.You understand?Let's get you a shot.Right.Only way to get you a shotis to have my sister stayeven longer out here,which is amazing news for me.It's so warm tobe the holiday season.But thank you.I really had an amazing time.Too bad you'retaking off tonight.I... Well, I have to.He's abusive to me.Not physically, 'cause I wouldhurt him, but mentally.And, it's time to go. I know.Maybe next time you're...Maybe next time you'rehere, if you ever...Yes? That's... What?If I ever what?Well, maybe next timeyou're here, if...Your engine...Your engine seems to be...It's a diesel truck,I'm guessing, right'?No. Uh...If you ever want to seea movie or something...Oh, my God.Okay. Yeah, yeah,yeah, just hold the thought.I have... I have to go!I have to really go!What did I say'?Oh, no, it's not you,it's the chimichangas!They're making a runfor the border!Oh, you're throwingchimichanga bombs?Oh! Oh, God!Jill, where were you?Aw, she's not talkingto us still, I guess.I am not talking to you!I am talking to Erin!Erin, I got to go makesome chocolate squirties!Oh, God!Oh! Hold it! Hold it! Hold it!Oh, please get there. Yes.Hey, Jill, can I talkto you for a second?No! My bags are packedand there's nothing left to......say.I spent the dayat Felipe's picnic,where I finally felt welcome.By everybody.I tried this new foodfor the very first time.I'm guessing Mexican?Yes, Mexican,Mr. Food Detective!And Felipe treated me like a...What, is Evel Knieveldoing wheelies in there?Hey, so I just wanted totalk to you about last nightand everything, and...Oh, my God.Wow, I, uh...I was thinking about last nightand all that stuffyou were saying, and...Are you hot or something?I just have to, uh...God Almighty!I would love for you tostay a few extra days.No, I'm going home.I already told them to turnmy electricity back on.You can't be alone on...You can't be aloneon New Year's.Come on, that's just not right.You want me to stay that long'?I thought you were goingon your big cruise.Jill, I want you to comeon the cruise with us.Pagogo, I can't believe it.Of course I'll come with you.Thank you! Yes! I mean, of...You want... Yes!Yes! Oh... Oh, my God!Poopsie, Poopsie, we'recruising through Europe!Welcome to RoyalCaribbean International.Vacation, all I ever wantedVacation, had to get away Oh, Poopsie, we're notin the Bronx any more.This boat has everything!Oh, my God!Hello?What took you so long to pick up'?Jack, Pacino's calledhere three times.What do you want me to tell theDunkin' Donuts people, all right'?We got five days, Jack, to getScarface or they move on.I know, I know.Oh, my God!There's a pool on a boat?Do you want me to get AIPacino on the phone now'?Tell Pacino I'll call himtonight at 5:30, okay'?And just one more thing.Yeah, what?God told me your feet wereon my desk, so get them off!All you can eat.Go for it, Poopsie.Have a chocolate bath.Where were you?Oh! All right, it's 5:30.I got to make a call. To who?Uh, I got one last businesscall to make and thenthat's it for me.I love you. Be back.Amongst this princely heap,if any here,by false intelligence...Hold me a foeif I unwittingly...or in my rage, committedaught that is hardly borneby any in this princelypresence, I do reconcilemyself to his friendly peace.'Tis death to meto be at enmity,and desire all good men's love.Where were you, Popcorn?What do you mean? It's 5:30.No, no, it's 9:30 my time.I was waiting for you at 5:30.Oh, it's four hoursthe other way.I just... I got confused. I...Okay, whatever,whatever, whatever.What's going on?How's she doing'?We're, uh, we're, uh, we're coming along.That's how we're doing.Coming along?What does that mean, "coming along"?- What does that mean?- Come on, wrap it up!It means we're getting there.We just needa little more time.Put her on the phone.I want to hear her voice.Ah, she's not here right now.This reminds me of thatboat movie with Leonardo.- Titanic?- No, the one with the iceberg.Who is that?That was, uh, Poopsie.Why won't you let me talk...Hey, can you... You got to be quiet.I can't hear him!All right? Please. Please!Yeah, listen,you get me this girl,or you don't get that Dunkaccinocommercial, you understand?Don't you know me?Don't you knowI would use all my power,all the power I have,to keep a commerciallike that from happening'?Don't you know that?Is he seriously breakingout The Godfather?I swear to God,I'm going to cry.Put her on!Put her on!Pacino!Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right.Hang on for a second.I'll put her on.Hello'?Jill, my darling,just to hear your voice.What are they doing?Why are they trying to keep us apart?Nobody's keepingme apart from anybody.I'm my own person.You remember that.Oh, I knowyou're your own person.Nobody's like you.Uh...Would you likea little privacy?I could finish up for you.No, no, it's okay. It's okay.Nobody wants to see you.But thanks, anyway.Jill.Can you meet mewhen you dock in Spain'?But what aboutyour Shakespeare show'?Don't you have that to do?You kidding? This is L.A.They got Bruce Jennerplaying Lord Rivers.Yeah, I don't think so.Darling, put your brother on.Okay. Here he is.Hello. Jack's back.Popcorn, we did it! We did it!I'm coming,I'm coming to get her!You're coming to get her?She just said, "I don't think so," I thought.I can smell hornyacross an ocean.Here's howit's going to go down.top deck, portside.I'll be there.Audience, could youtell me where I was?"But he, poor soul."But he, poor soul,by your first order died.Good afternoon, passengers.Hope you all are enjoying ourRoyal Caribbean activities.And for those of yougoing ashore later,we will be arriving inbeautiful Majorca by sunset.Come on, sweetie. Go!Jump! Jump!Oh, no, no, she's good.Pagogo, why don't these guysknow how to jump rope?Why didn't you teach them?We were the double dutchkings in our neighborhood,and these guys can'tdo a single wing-ding.Daddy, you knowhow to jump rope'?No, I don't knowhow to jump ropeYour father likes to pretendhis life started in California.We were champs.Everyone loved us in the neighborhood.Come on, Daddy, please.No. No, no. Bring it over here!CiCi, Rodney, kick it!Get up here. Get up here.I, uh...Do it, do it. Yes!Let's go! Come on!Here's the twin power.Bring it!Oh, my God. Okay.WOW!Do "The Mummy."Come on, turn up the heat.It's tricky to rock a rhymeTo rock a rhymeThat's right on timeIt's tricky, tricky, huh! IThat was all your father.That was you!You were great, Pokee.Now she's Pokee?She's always been Pokee.I was thinking,tonight, portside,you could go on that deck,check out the stars,put on something gorgeous,'cause there might bea handsome surprisewaiting for you.Oh, really? You going tointroduce me to my Mr. Right?Uh, maybe.Oh, really?It's not Al Pacino, is it?Why, is it Al Pacino?No, no, it's not.'Cause that would justhurt me at this point.But it's not, so...Treating me like some sortof prosti-twin, that's bad.It's not. It's not. It's not.It's not, all right?All right! Then why areyou getting so angry?Why are you so annoying?What? Jack!Why would you say that?We were just having fun!We never have fun when you're around!I'm sorry!Oh, no, no! You... This is you, man!This is on you! Go, go!You're out of your mind!You're out of your mind!Yeah, yeah, yeah!Let's see. Pit stain.Pit stain.I don't know what that is.Okay, clean.You tell anybody, I willfry you up and eat you.Huh'?Yeah.All right, where is he, man?He said portside, I'm portside.Where am I supposed to be?Cheesecake! Huh!Oh! Holy crap!Just climb onthe ladder, there!Don't you think maybeyou should land that thing?That would be easier for me!It's safer to hover!WOW!Yeah! Whoa!Xavier, look at her go!Ho! Lam back!Ah...Seorita, I was gone too long?No, not at all.It's, uh...Really good to see you again.So, what is different aboutyou tonight? I don't know.Nothing. No, no, no, no.There's something...Did you drop some weight'?Maybe that's it. Yeah, I'm looking thinner.Yeah, I think so.That's probablywhat you're seeing.I think you're morefeminine or something.A little more... Less muscular.I don't agree, but, uh... Okay.Gloobledy globble bibbly blop.Blobbledobble... gibbledy blip.Hibbledy globb, shoelaceThis is the heavy, hard stuffor how are we doing here?What is this?One for the lady.Qu lindo!That's enough for me.Who's Poopsie?I keep hearing,"Poopsie, Poopsie."Poopsie is my bird.Ah?I used to raise pigeons.Really? Yeah.No, I'm sorry. That was Brando.Oh!Are you ticklish?No.Oh! I said I'm not, so...No, no, it's just thatStella Adler, the great actingteacher, once wrote in a book,the only way you can really getto know somebody is if you,uh, watch their behaviorwhen they're being tickled.Would you do me the honorand just lift upthose girlie arms'?I just haven't shaved underthere in many, many years.You don't want to see that.We're in Europe.It doesn't matter.I think even here, they mightbe, like, "What is that?"No, no, not here.Give me a try.Okay, so, here we go.Oh, my God.Ah! Look at us.All right!Stop it! What?What was that?Just... I don't really...I didn't like that.I'm sorry. That was powerful.And it just came outof you like, "Boom!"You know, what?We're better with just... Oh!Whoa. Whoa!I don't even knowwhere Jack is right now.He's avoiding me.That's where he is.Can I work in with you guys?Sure. Knock yourself out.I think he hates'cause I talk so much.It bothers him, you know?But when I'm in the Bronx,I have no one elseto talk to but Poopsie,so when I'm around other humans, I...I tend to blab a lot.No, you don't. I do, I do.Will you throwa couple more 45s on'?Erin, he was beingso nice to me,and then I had tobring up the Pacino thing,because. I don't know.I do that. It's just 'causeI'm insecure, you know'?I feel like the only reasonhe brought me on this cruiseis for some Pacino-relatedshenanigansand it just gets in my head.He told me he wanted youto come on this cruisebecause he didn't want you tospend your first New Year's Evewithout your mom alone.He said that?Yeah.Oh, my God, thatmeans so much to me.Why didn't I use my twinpowers to know that?Do they not work whenyou're out of the country'?Maybe they don't.That's why he was mad!'Cause he was being good to me, and I...I did what I didand I'm a jerk,and I have to call him.And I'm gonna straighten thewhole family vacation out,- I promise. This is so cool!- Push!Push! Push harder!I was pushing it!Hey! Hey!All right! Al Pacino!Al, Al Pacino!Al Pacino!Now you got it!All right, let's have...Here you go!Boom! Ah, yeah!Oh, I always come on the short end of that.I'm getting a call.Hello. Hello?Hello?I don't understand.Are you mockingmy voice right now'?No, no, no, I'm not.I... I can't talk right now.Okay, don't talk, then.Just listen.I just wantto tell you I'm sorry.I'm... I'm the reasonwe're fighting right now.And... And I neverthank you enoughfor doing all you dofor me, so thank you.Who is that, your brother? Yeah.Who is that, Jack?That's, uh...It's... It's nobody!Hey, Popcorn,we're having fun here!Are you with Al Pacino?No, no, I'm not! I just...I said I can't talkright now, weirdo!Please tell me you're not doingwhat I think you're doing.I said I can't talk,so I'm hanging up!Jack, speak inyour regular voiceor I'll know the real reasonwhy you brought meon this cruise.I can't always do what you wantwhen you want it! Bye!I mean, come on!Hey, what'sPopcorn's problem'?Mayor McCheesy doesn'tlike his new script'?Oh, get over yourself.My brother's very goodat what he does.He's going to write a bookone day, you'll see.Oh, yes, he's an author.I forgot, that's right.He's got a whole novel in himabout Desenex foot powder.Ooh! Oh!So funny.Okay. Yes.Oh, that's the Bronx girlcoming back.Now, you take back whatyou said about Pagogo!Go ahead, do it.Defend the honorof that self-deluded,sycophantic, bitter hack.Are you okay? Get off of me.Okay. It's not okay.I'm sorry.I know... What could I do?You know, you had that, uh...You had a broken bottleand were coming at me.Yeah, yeah, well,get away from me.All right.Just let me breathe for a second.I just... I need my own space.Back up.Okay, all right, I'm backing up.Back up! All right!Oh, geez. Hey...You don't hit a girlwith a chair on the first date!It's amazingthe way you stick upfor your brother. It's just...Well, I got to do that.Don't I at least owe him that?'Cause all I ever do is take thingsfrom him and ruin things and...Well, that's his pointof view, you know.I mean, that's the wayhe makes you see yourself.You want to know what I see?Yes, I want toknow what you see.You can get any girlin the world,and why would you want me?Answer that. It makes no sense.Well, I see an angelwith a broken wing.I see a brother whoall he got all his lifewas everything.All the glory,all the accolades,everything since they were two.I... I see a girlwho wants recognitionbut just never gets it,yet she has a heart so big,she finds happinessin seeing her brotherreceive it all.Yeah, yeah, but come on,aren't I a pain in the butt?I mean, don't Iannoy everybody?You got so much lovein you, Jill,so much to give.You just need someoneto give it to.To dreamThe impossible dreamTo fightThe unbeatable foeTo bear withunbearable sorrow Dulcinea.Dulci-what-a'?You are Dulcinea from theBroadway play they offered meand I am the Man of La Mancha.Oh.You got me there.I'm taking the part!What about my brother?What do I do? What do I say'?Ah, your brother.Oh, I don't know there'smuch you can do about him.I mean, not thathe doesn't love you.He loves you, I'm sure, butit's a kind of deathbed love,the kind of love he'll lookback on when it's too late.Hey, listen, I'm gonnado Man of La Mancha.No, no, no, I got to fix it.I got to fix it now,now I got to fix it.Hey, where are you going?Back to the ship.Would you stay if I didyour brother's commercial'?Oh, the heck withthat commercial.I'm going to see my womb-mate.Come on,come on, pick up the phone.You havereached the voice mailbox of...What is this? How do you...To leavea voice message, press one.Oh, God.Jill!Jill, open up!Jack?Um, what are you wearing?You were with Al Pacino,weren't you?Wow, you're good.Jill was right.You are a weirdo.I know I am.Where is she? Where's Jill?She went home,and nowl know why.She went home?Oh, God, what am I going to do?Good-bye, good-byeGood-bye, my loveI can't hideCan't hideCan't hide what has comeHappy New Year!Happy New Year!I have to goAnd leave you aloneBut always knowAlways knowGoing in alone is fine,Mom, and I'm not alone.I'm with you.Good-byeGood-bye Hey, well, guess what,I'm not wearing underwear.It's New Year's Eve.Let's have some fun.Yo, you guys.Is that Jill Sadelstein?She was absolutelythe biggest loserin our high school.I mean, didn't she marry thatbird and move to the jungle?OMG, she's here alone tonight.The loserness continues.Hey, Jill.Oh, hey! Happy New Year, guysWhere you been hiding, hon?I was visiting my brotherfor Thanksgiving, and he...I just decided to stay outthere with him for a while.Yeah, he must have loved that.For your information, Carol,he begged me to stay,but I'm just too exhaustedfrom being on game showsand dating movie stars.Oh, who'd you hook upwith, Rob Schneider?I like him.God, you're hot.You know, I don't liketo kiss and tell,but I was with Sir AlPacino for a whole night.Aw, honey, it mustnot have worked outsince you're all alone tonight.Yeah. Aren't you'?She's not alone.She's with her family.Jack? Jill.What are you doing here?That's Jack.I just... I realizedthere's something that I...I want to tell you so much.I just... I don'tknow how to say...What?Ook maga do do, Pokee.Oh, my God.Ook maga do do blarda,blarda, blarda.Mama Pandoree bon PapaPandoree long bada-bada.Bada-Bada, I know.Pagogo Tu lrayNah ee Pokee Para mee.But most important,BongiBongi que Mahjongee.Of course, I love those guys.Bongi para rumpernickelpumpernickel.That's freaking beautiful.It's justJust beautiful.Para Kaya!Ook maga do do.Coodlee me, coodlee me.I'm so happy, so happy...Thank you.So, what, are you,like, his wife?Is that Monica?Yeah. Hi, I'm... I'm Erin.Nice to meet you.Well, I guess he settledfor second best.Because I dumped his sorrybutt in high school.Yes, I did.Don't worry, Erin.They used to call her"The Cheese Tray"'cause she got passedaround at all the parties.Oh, we're getting busy.I'm right here.What are you doing?What did I do?Don't you touchmy sister-in-law.Knock her out,Jill, knock her out!Oh, my God! You okay?Oh!Muleteers!Prepare to do battle.Oh, my God,is that Colonel Sanders?Al, what is this?Why do you look like that?He... He's doingMan of La Mancha now,so he always staysin character.Milady.Al, I'm so sorry.I thought I made it clear,we're not meant to be.Pokee, Klapa!It's...It's not you, it's me.Dulcinea. Yes?Your purity befits a knightmore worthy than I.Go to him.He waits for you.Pagogo, where's the knight?You'll just have to seeJill, come on.There's a knight?Oh, my God, there's a knight?Yeah, yeah. There's a knight!There's a knight!Ah! It's a foul monster! Ah!Al, that's a ceiling fan.No, it's a whirling,five-arm beast.What is this?What? Oh.- She's going to show up.- Wha... What the...Felipe, what is this?I don't understand.What is going on here'?What is happening? What...Felipe, how did you do this?What? This is... Jill.Hi, guys, hi.What are you doing here?Jill, before you left,what I was trying to tell you,while you were droppingchimichanga bombs...That was awful, I'm sorry.Is that you make me feel like,like I just climbed out ofthe trunk of my cousin's carafter driving 1,100 milesacross the border.Huh?I'm kidding. I'm kidding.I was going to say, "He'sruining the mood," but... Yeah.But not about you.What?I love you, Jill.I... I love you.You love me? Yeah, I love you.Somebody loves me.I love you, Jill.Will you convertto Judaism for me?What?I'm kidding! I'm kidding!Oh, Felipe!I love you, Jill.All right, all right,he said he loved you.Don't kill him! Come on!I love you.What are you doing?Jack, jump in hereand lay with me.- Lay with me.- Oh, just lay with Felipe.Can't you do that'?Something'sbrewing at D'in' D.WOW!Al Pacino!It's not Al any more,it's Dunk.Dunk Accino?Don't mind if I do.What's my name?DunkaccinoIt's a whole new gameDunkaccinoYou want creamy goodness,I'm your friendSay helloto my chocolate blendAttica, hoo-wah, latte liteThis whole trialis out of sightThey pulled me back inwith hazelnut, tooCaramel swirl...l know it was youEveryone wants my DunkaccinoCan't get enoughof my DunkaccinoKids from sevento seventeen-0Lining up for my DunkaccinoWhat's my name?DunkaccinoA-Dunka-DunkaDunka-Dunka-Dunkaccino And, boom, there you have it.It's actually 32 seconds,so I got to lose two seconds.Maybe you can tell me what,what part you would lose,but I think we aregetting there.Burn this.I'm sorry?This must neverbe seen by anyone.If you didn't like all thoseclose-ups, we can, we can...This is not the final cut.There's no doubt,we can, we can...All copies.Destroy them.You want me to play it again?Has anybody seen this?Nobody has seen this.They have to be foundand talked to.All right, to be honest,I showed my wife.She couldn't believe...No good, no good.So I used to be fatter,and so what he would do...Picture him way bigger, like...So what would happen is we'dget together on Thanksgiving.He'd kind of gatherthe family around,and, and so I would have to go,"This is me beforeUltra Slim Fast.""And this is me now!"And everybodywould laugh at himand he'd go cryin the other room.I'm Larry, this ismy brother Dave.We used to be triplets,but he ate the other one.Let me tell you, I don't,I don't really like gettinginto fights with himbecause I really...I don't like closingmy fist on him,so when we get into fights,we look like sissieswhen we fight each other.You know, 'cause I don't,I don't really like...It's kind of that...The schoolyard fightwhen you see two girls.She's my baby girl,she knows that.We're like a husband-and-wiferelationship.We fight and then we come together.That's sick, okay?I mean, not in a sick way.You shouldn't say thatlike that, that's sick.Not in a sick way.I don't like my brother.I have a deep, intensedislike for my brother.He's a bad guy.I know what the problem is.He didn't say anythingabout it, did he?He don't like the mustache'cause he can't grow one.Well, usually, when wecelebrate a birthday,usually it's morethan one cake.It's four cakes.It's usually four.Yeah. It's usually four cakes.There's right hand, lefthand, right hand, left hand.Or one for me and one for himand two for his girlfriend.Yeah, yeah.She was actually living in L.A.And I was in Kentucky doingthe race at that moment.I was tired. Yeah.'Cause I did nottrain properly.And I started feeling,like, these painsor something like that, andit was, like, weird, so...So, yeah. I mean, that's mypart of, like, ESPN or ESP.Whatever it's called. It's ESP.Okay, whatever.ESPN is the network for sports.You figure it out.Well, you know,I'm married, so...Yeah, we don'thave girl issues.Yeah, well, I...Sometimes, though,I do try to hook him upwith someone.I mean, if they come up to meand they're like, they likeme, I'm like, "Oh, sorry,"and then I'm like, "Hey,look at this guy, though."And so, I mean, he's kindof like the backup twin.I don't care, I take it.I said, "Look, dude,I don't think I can...""I don't thinkI can go on this date,""but I can't,can't break the date.""'Cause, you know,it's got to happen,""it's got to happen tonight."I said, "Well,Rog, you know..."You said... What'd you...What'd you tell me?"How does the girl look?How does she look?"I said, "Dude, she'sa 10, she's hot.""She's hot?" "She's hot."I said, "Well,you know, send me.""I'll put, I'll put her onice for the night, you know.""Send me out, I'll make sureeverything's good for you,""you know, and you'll begood to go next week."So I did.He went out with the girl.It was smooth, right?She... I think she fell in lovewith him on the first date.What's funny is, my brotherended up dating this girlfor, like, four...What, like three and a half years?Yeah, it was likethree and a half years.She never knew we switchedon the very first date.She said, "The best time ofmy life was the first date."There you go.I was like, "Oh, come on."Growing up with longhair, full Afros.Oh, yeah, fine,with some platform shoes,something you'd remember.You stole my good pair.All right, let's move,let's move.It's tricky, it's trickyTricky, tricky, trickyIt's tricky to rock a rhymeTo rock a rhymethat's right on timeIt's trickyT-T-T- Tricky, tricky, trickyIt's tricky to rock a rhymeTo rock a rhymethat's right on timeIt's tricky, tricky, huh! IAh!The best thing about beingtwins is, when I fall,when I feel sad, Elijahjust picks me right back upand that's just helpful to me.Love my twin. Love my twin.Love you, sis. Love you.I love us.You smell.I love this guy.I can't imagine life without my brother.But we love each other.Yeah, but we love each other, right, okay.You're my only friend.That's so sad.It was cool, man.I love my brotherI love you, man.No matter how bad he is, nomatter what he does wrong,he's still my brotherand he's still number one.Without a twinyou're useless.We're good to go. Triplets? No.No, nah. Nasty, ugly.Uh-uh, finite. Uh-uh.No, done. No, we're done.Twins. Yes.Keep 'em. Let's go.I got to get this pin...

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