if childe dies in fontaine you will never hear from me again this blog will literally go into hiatus and i will never recover

if anything bad happens to togata mirio again, i will fucking lose it. mark my words.

Biting the bars of my enclosure about autistic ford tonight. There's something about him using vocabulary and turns of phrase that seem "outdated" or "pretentious" that feels so painfully genuine to me. When people say he talks like that just to "try to sound smart" I wish I could explain what it's like to be so ostracized from your peers growing up that you spend all your time reading instead, to the point where you pick up your way of speaking from books instead of from people. And then what it's like for people to call you out for "talking weird" over and over again, not able to wrap their heads around why the fuck you would choose more archaic or technical or formal words than the simpler ones that surely come to everyone's minds first. What it's like to have to dedicate a sizable chunk of attention to filtering through every single word you say out loud in real time before you say it, to make absolutely sure that it isn't a word people will judge you for using or make fun of you for using, just so you'll have a chance of being taken seriously. Learning through trial and error how to filter out the words that other people don't think are normal or casual enough for the conversation, even though for you, the word choice that's "natural-sounding" enough for them is the third or fourth word you came up with when searching for the right way to phrase something in your head. I wish I could explain just how long it takes to say fucking anything after spending a lifetime doing that during every single conversation, and how repetitive and long-winded you end up being when you spend so long coming up with alternative ways of saying every little thing you ever think. And I wish people realized that, at the very least for autistic people and autistic-coded characters, speech that's seen as pretentious is really just the way they talk when they're not putting in the extra effort to filter through every word they say just so others will take the time to listen.

im sorry to hear people are stomping all over your boundaries, big props to you for sticking up for yourself and putting your foot down. I hope you're doing ok (/gen)

on another, hopefully happier note, i noticed your info post mentions that you self ship! I'd love to hear about your favourite self ships if you're comfortable talking about them some time?

i actually never did or had interest in this but then haitham waltzed in so hes the first and only one (this whole thing flusters me so its smth i indulge in for myself in private by reading or daydreaming or sometimes i babble and ramble about him very in depth)

(most hkvthm things i draw is just me going 'wish that was me' and drawing it LMFAO)

ohh also same w kaveh but in a slightly different way than haitham (theyre both the only ones) i want them to hold hands. i want them to hold my hands. there

hi so i just finished bridge to terabithia and now i’m unwell and my eyes are red because i’ve been crying before i’d even reached 20 minutes of it for i actually knew what was going to happen and by the time i reached an hour something something i just straight up sobbing screaming into my pillow. and now it’s 12 am and i’m still thinking about them. because god, look at them, how they were, the little world they lived in, wouldn’t you just love that, to run away, to escape, to grasp that childhood naivety and innocence that you lost a long time ago, to feel the sun in your skin and the air in your lungs and to paint fantasies and laugh and play and run hidden away from the world and find an old run down tree house and decided to make it your own little shelter and pin up canvases on the worn wood and paint and let your creativity goes wild and have someone understand you and gets you and do it with you, and wouldn’t you just love to have something so constant, so sincere, so genuine, so pure, so real, that there wasn’t anything else. if i knew i was going to cry this much, if i knew how much space this movie would make in my life, i wouldn’t have started this movie tonight. i would have been in peace on the floor of my room, not realizing how badly i actually want something like this even though i would never unironically admit this to anyone in my life or even myself when i’m outside of the familiar place of my mind, for that matters

i really need white liberals to stop telling people who's loved ones are actively being murdered in a genocide funded by joe biden that they still need to vote for him because "trump is worse". I know we are all afraid of what could happen to things like reproductive rights and the lgbtq+ community under trump, that we think that is the worst nightmare to live through, but consider what palestinians are living through RIGHT NOW. they are living through their worst nightmare. and it's being funded and approved by joe biden himself. I know how scary it is to think about losing your rights and privileges to safety, but that is literally already happening to people right now on joe bidens dollar. he will not save us.

My therapist is so supportive 😭 last week I told her I had a crush on a coworker & she was like you should get his number 👍🏻 then this week I admitted it was two & told her about the other one & she said he sounds like he could be a nice match too lmao thanks girl you are a real one

have you watched the pjo show?

I saw the first 2 episodes when they came out at a watch party one of my friends threw, and as soon as they ended I realized I didn't particularly care to keep going. It wasn't like, outrageously bad by any means, I just don't think it gripped me enough to want to continue, and there were enough odd adaptational choices that I thought weakened the story that I lost interest. I might have tuned back in if the changes actually built to something interesting in the later episodes, but from everything I've seen it kinda seems like they just took the teeth out of the story, which was what I was worried about.

That being said, the cast seems really great and well suited to their roles, so like, if they improve the writing and pacing in the later seasons and stop sanding down all the rough edges, I might pick it back up. But otherwise, pass.

I know this might be a weird question, and I have no idea if anyone else pictures written dialogue in their head like I do, but do anakin, obi-wan, cody, etc have the same accents in ur AU fics as they do in Star Wars canon??

Like all this time I’ve been imagining Obi-wan being British, anakin being American (hayden is Canadian but I have no clue how US accents work lol) and the Fett brothers being Kiwi, but then I get confused bcs HOW did they get those accents (IS CORUSCANT THE STAR WARS EQUIVALENT TO LONDON!?!?!? BCS ALOT OF JEDI HAVE ENGLISH ACCENTS BUT NOT ALL OF THEM AND UGH MY BRAIN HURTS AND 😩🫣😵🤕😭)

anyway I’ve forgotten my original point and I think I need to lie down 😟

lol this is a fair question actually

so whenever I’m doing a fic that’s not gffa but modern but I’m trying not to make it American heavy or ANTK (America need to know), I like using the planets from Star Wars as cities and/or countries because everyone who is reading a prequels Star Wars fic probably knows what Coruscant or Naboo is supposed to look like vaguely and I don’t have to describe what it’s supposed to look like (descriptions of places, my loathed nemesis)

AND when I do that, I always describe obi-wan’s accent as coruscanti, but in my head it’s definitely just the way he sounds in the movies which is British

and like in that one story where Obi-Wan is king of Stewjon (space Scotland), he’s supposed to maybe have a stewjoni accent which would be space Scottish accent but then I really just only read it in my mind as his normal British accent, even if they were fuckin. Wearing space kilts. It was too ingrained in me.

BUT THIS IS ALL TO SAY: their accents are what they are in the shows/movies, regardless of where they’re supposed to be from…..and if it makes sense (aka Cody and Rex and obi-wan are basically raised together in PBATMB but you bet your ass they sound different in my head)

.

dear english prof. i cannot possibly take todays midterm as i have frown up. thanks so much for understanding. i owe you my life. i love you. jaime

mutual destruction everyone! give it up for mutual destruction!

Like i know it's practically spelled out in my forehead at this point but someone deemed evil trying to be good, to be redeemed, is something that just makes me feel like

.

Between being a barista, being autistic, being disabled, and being perceived as a woman, I feel so dehumanized all the time and normally I can shrug it off but it's been wearing me down.

When I'm at work I'm not a a person, I'm an means to an end between pissy people and their coffee. When I talk to allistics I'm not a person, I'm either a quirky source of entertainment or a freak. When I can't keep up with able bodied people I'm not a person, I'm an inconvenience. When people assume I'm a straight woman and hit on me before even asking anything about me I'm not a person, I'm a sex object. When do I get to be treated like a person?

You see fanfic where Logan is struggling really hard to accept that he is feeling things and that he is not pure logic boop bip bop im a robot ? I want that but him struggling about being horny