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jin-zixun · 19 days

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MDZS Rereading - Chapter 3 (Part One) - The Prideful (Arrogance 6-10)

Manhua Chapters 13-who knows this is a Part 1 now

Should I do this in character as Jin Zixun? I'm not going to do that.

Hey it's our good friend 'yeah pretty much'

"Wei Wuxian couldn’t help but miss his sword, which was most likely now hanging on some major clan leader’s wall as a trophy."

"If an ordinary clan—one without generations of accumulated reputation to stand on—wanted to join the higher ranks and become famous, wanted to gain prestige and respect among the cultivation world, then they had to show tangible achievements. Only when they hunted down ruthless monsters or disaster-bringing malicious fiends did their words gain any weight."

Yeah, what am I adding that for? No reason, nothing much.

Can I use it to defend (and by defend I mean implicate in several murders probably) Moling Su Sect like way later on? Maybe.

This is here because it's cute. A+ commentary, no notes

Wei Wuxian being an edgy boy.

"It didn’t sound fake—even though nine times out of ten, cries for help in the wild were evil spirits out causing mischief, luring the ignorant into a trap. Wei Wuxian, however, was thrilled.

The eviler the better! It had better be evil enough!"

"He was in need of a band of tyrannical ghost generals to do his bidding, so he, too, decided to head to that “Rice Mountain” to try his luck. If there was one that proved useful, he’d capture it for his own use."

Ok but why though? What actually is your plan going forward here? I get that it's probably because best boy Wen Ning is actually here, but like he says he's already captured a few low level ghosts? I don't think he's joking? I feel like Padme in that meme.

Oh hey it's Jin Ling. Mr. Extremely Young and Incredibly Rich, according to Wei Wuxian.

I have nothing to say here, just more of a 'have you seen him? Now you have!' sort of situation going on.

I'm sure much has been said about how and whether since he's with the Jiang Clan here, it's actually Jiang Cheng who is super rich now. So I won't bother to say it. Canon Sugar Daddy Jiang Wanyin. See, I said nothing. Nothing was said.

"An immortal-binding net was already considerably expensive, and he’d still set up over four hundred of them in one go. As expected of the Jin Clan of Lanling—an even slightly smaller clan would have been reduced to poverty and ruin."

"...the Jin Clan of Lanling now led the clans and sects; the head of their clan was even respectfully addressed as “Cultivation Chief.”"

What was wrong with 'Chief Cultivator'. Was it overly incorrect? It conveys the same information, but if I dare to say it, it does not convey the same vibes. Were the vibes wrong all this time? Should it be Cultivation Chief? ...I don't want it to be.

"Could it be that Mo Xuanyu’s father was not some random small-time clan leader but the infamous Jin Guangshan?!"

I guess Mo Xuanyu didn't mention that in his notes? That's kind of funny tbh.

"Of his many illegitimate children, only one had been outstanding enough to be recognized and taken back, and that was the current family head of the Jin Clan of Lanling, Jin Guangyao."

A-Yao!!! Yeah! Glad Wei Wuxian kept up with all the hot gossip while he was dead. Like enough to know this next part:

But not enough to know about like. Jin Ling. Like what kind of priorities do you have here, buddy?

"Furthermore, even the way Jin Guangshan died was an embarrassment. Old, but fully confident he was still robust, he’d fooled around with a bunch of women at once in order to challenge himself. However, he unfortunately overestimated his vitality and died during the orgy. This was simply too embarrassing to speak of, so the Jin Clan of Lanling unanimously declared that the old sect leader had passed due to overexertion, and the rest of the clans, in tacit understanding, all pretended not to know the full truth of the statement. In any case, that was the real reason for his infamy."

"Wei Wuxian felt he had a responsibility to humiliate the boy back."

No, uh, you really don't. You don't have to. (WWX: No I'm gonna)

"So, he countered, “Didn’t your mother teach you any manners?”"

"I'm his Uncle" iconic. Like. Top Iconic moments list? So far, this one right here.

Jiang Cheng more like... Damn

Wow there sure a lot of these this chapter. Suibian, Ghost Generals, Widower Wangji... I'm sure there's some I missed.

eh lan zhan is alright too if you're into that kind of thing.

"Furthermore, no matter how thoroughly Lan Wangji was praised as an unrivaled rare beauty, nothing could help the fact that he looked profoundly embittered, as if he had lost his wife."

"Jiang Cheng was exceptionally handsome, but he was still a little inferior to the one standing before him"

No comments. No notes. I don't even know why I...

"Well see Jiang Cheng, on my hotness rating scale, you're just a little bit behind Lan Zhan, but you're still exceptionally handsome so-- Wait where are you going? Jiang Cheng? Jiang Cheng?"

(Yes I know the hotness rating scale is canon)

"Lan Jingyi was the blunt and outspoken sort. “Isn’t Sect Leader Jiang here too?”

Jiang Cheng replied coldly, “Tsk. An elder is speaking, who are you to interrupt? The Lan Clan of Gusu pride themselves on being a clan of etiquette. This is what disciples are being taught?”"

Things that make you go 'hmm' (but maybe that's just because you can't make any other noise)

"This silence spell was what the Lan clan used to punish its disciples.

Wei Wuxian had fallen victim to this little trick on many occasions. While it was not complex magic by any stretch of the imagination, only those of the Lan family could undo the spell. If one attempted to speak by brute force, then either their lips would be torn to shreds by the effort or they’d lose their voice for days. The penitent one had to keep their mouth shut and self-reflect in silence until the punishment period was over."

"He had originally come to assist Jin Ling: the boy was fifteen this year, the age to make his debut and fight for experience with the juniors from other clans. Jiang Cheng had reviewed the options carefully before deciding on Mount Dafan as the hunting ground. He had then set up nets everywhere and scared off all the other cultivators, making it so difficult for them to move that they’d be forced to back off—all so Jin Ling would emerge the winner without anyone fighting him for the title."

Oh. Oh buddy. That's. That's just. No. Don't uh... Don't do any of this. Oh god this is so misguided-but-well-intentioned I'm--

"While over four hundred immortal-binding nets were extremely expensive, the price was nothing to the Jiang Clan of Yunmeng."

And yes, the answer to that question is yes, Jiang Cheng is big dick sugar daddy with all the cash money one could want.

Ok let's break up this next one...

"Ever since the decline of the Nie Clan of Qinghe,"

Number One, couldn't happen to a better clan. Alright, I'll try not to bully the Nie too much today!

"of the current three great clans, the Jin Clan of Lanling and the Lan Clan of Gusu had always been close due to the strong personal friendship shared by their clan leaders."

Number Two, this is such gals being pals energy. Jiang Cheng at the sect leader meetings like 'wow those guys are such good friends.' Like buddy. Come on.

"Jiang Cheng ruled the Jiang Clan of Yunmeng alone, so it could have been said that he was in a state of isolation."

Number Three. Oh.

"Lan Wangji’s guqin (also named Wangji)"

ok this was just kind of funny to me, just the way it's written.

I don't know Jingyi he just had a whole long ass exposition, but I guess you didn't get to read that part.

"After they had gone, Lan Jingyi posed a general question: “Why is Sect Leader Jiang like that?!”"

"His voice was deep and captivating. If one stood close, it would make the heart flutter."

lmao Wei Wuxian is like back to life for a day and he's down this bad. Heartbreaking.

I feel more like I'm just recapping here at this point, but what else is there to say? I mean we all want to be the edgy ironically detached necromancer, but even the edgy ironically detached necromancer can't be that.

"There were so many disciples in the Jin Clan of Lanling that he’d genuinely never imagined he might run into Jin Ling. Had he known, he would never have mocked Jin Ling with that comment of his, “Didn’t your mother teach you any manners?” If anyone else had said that to Jin Ling, Wei Wuxian would’ve taught that person what “a loose tongue spells trouble” meant. But the tongue that said it had been his own.

After a moment of standing in silence, Wei Wuxian raised his hand and slapped himself across the face."

Honestly, this I feel like needs to have a part two. It's just too long at this point. I think this is about the halfway point of the chapter. And this post is like. Really long.

"He had truly thought his heart was made of stone. But humans were no stalks of grass, not unfeeling, and in the end, he was human after all."

#mdzs #mdzs reread #mdzs spoilers #not qinghe nie friendly #just adding that on as a basic tag now lmao #more memes than usual #a lot of heavily trodden discussion topics here

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just-absolutely-super · 3 years

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i keep laughing imagining Al showing up to the Xingese Court and being like "hi Ling!" and all the courtiers are like "GASP" bc that is NOT how you greet His Imperial Majesty the Emperor, Son of Heaven and Lord of Ten Thousand Years. Ling finds it hysterical tho. And if /Ed/ ever shows up to the court... oh boy fgfghfjfh

Welp, I just couldn’t help myself so have little ficlets of Al and Ed individually meeting up with Ling and his court

----

Al shows up to the court, sunshine personality showing into his large smile as we waves enthusiastically at the emperor, “Hi Ling!”

The crowd gasps. How dare this stranger, this foreigner be so casual to their lord! He should be punished for his insolence—

“Al!” Ling cheers as he flings himself off of the throne and rushes to the blonde boy’s side, “How’s it going buddy?”

The court stares in shock and awe. Emperor Ling hugs this foreign boy like he’s a close brother. They chat animatedly. Even his bodyguard Lan Fan goes to the boy to speak casually and politely.

Their shock is amplified as Princess May Chang comes into the room, latching herself onto this “Al,” much to the boy’s embarrassment. Are they an item? Is he Princess Chang’s “prince consort”?

No one says anything, too afraid an outburst would offend their majesty and princess. They just sit back quietly and watch the exchange between foreigner and royalty.

Al is none the wiser that he was almost beheaded where he stood.

——

“Yo, Emperor Freeloader, where’s my feast at?!”

The court gasps dramatically as the doors are kicked inward to reveal a golden haired man. He scowls as he stomps rudely to the throne to exchange words with their Emperor. Everyone is offended on their majesty’s behalf. The guards prepare their weapons--

Only to be thoroughly confused by the jovial laughter coming from Emperor Ling’s mouth.

“Edward! Good to see you, brother! How’s the family?”

The two converse, bickering and bantering like old friends would. The court is baffled. Why would their most prestige lord know someone so...so...uncouth?!

The guards turn to the emperor’s bodyguard, in need of guidance. Should they apprehend the foreigner or not? Lan Fan’s response is to roll her eyes and motion for them to stand down........for now.

As if remembering where he’s at, Emperor Ling wheels around, an arm around the golden haired man’s shoulder as he excitedly proclaims, “This is Edward Elric, the man who saved your emperor’s life during the perilous journey to obtain the Philosopher’s Stone!"

“Eh it was nothin’.“ Edward chimes in a rather bored manner. The court sneers at him in return.

“He deserves to be put into our history books as the man who fed me when I was hungry!”

This gathers the court’s attention as they were now on the edge of their seat. This brash young man saved their lord and majesty?! Pray tell what could he have done?!

Lan Fan holds her palm over her face. Ed does the same.

“Ling, please, not that story! I thought you were kidding--”

“Oh don’t be so modest!” Ling said, though anyone who knew him well could see his face had taken on a mischievous look to it. Oh yeah, Ed was definitely gonna kick his ass later...

“What did he do to feed you, my Lord?” an eager member of Ling’s court inquires. “A roasted duck? Plump fruit from the mightiest of trees? A large loaf of bread baked fresh from the oven?”

Ed blinks at the court in disbelief. Where the hell did they come up with that crap? Did everyone in Xing think of nothing but food?

“Nope!” Ling denies, his voice deepening fro dramatic flair, “Due to the lack of resources of our location which I will not disclose at this time, we were out of luck on more...healthier choices.”

“Here it comes...” Ed mutters.

“Just like a charitable man would give a homeless person the clothes off his back, Edward Elric of Amestris fed the next Emporer of Xing something off his own person...his own leather boot!”

When Winry finally enters the throne room minutes later in search of her husband, she would be shocked to see the court had lifted a very annoyed Edward into the air, cheering their praises while the Emporer himself rolled onto the floor in laughter.

The Fullmetal Alchemist would, indeed, be known a legend and a hero in Xingese history books.

#anon #responses #my writing #i'm sorry did you say you wanted a fanfic of the two brothers coming to visit ling? no? okay have it anyway #ed's is longer because i couldn't help it #i NEEDED to reference the stupid boot and him being in history books XD #originally the xingese people were going to be behead ed for being...well ed but nah it didn't turn out that way #fma #edward elric #alphonse elric #ling yao

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ducknotinarow · 3 years

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OC asks - Richy: 1, 4, 12, 16, 20, 23, 35, 39, 42, 48 (I pick random as always lol)

| Oc ask game - accepting

Richard Evans- Alder

1. What is your charater's reaction to a minior inconvenience? Such as getting there jumper caught on a door handle?

Any minior inconvenience is a personal attack on Richard u_u a very sweats the small things person, because its annoying an he has things today. I like to say they are the universe telling Richard to chill, relax and enjoy life. Like a little gift from his departed brother Zane ;3; trying to remind him of that.

4. What do they consider to be an unforgivable action? why?

Microwaving gaterado and drinking it from a mug from his cafe' u-u because Bailey's food crimes can not be forgiven

Calling glitter a food

Pretty much anything Bailey decides is edible

Drinking 'coffee' that is mostly sugar and milk so the taste of the coffee is lost

Emotional (and any kind) of abuse. Richard is someone who has been through this both from his parents and his pervious relationship. And the fact Bailey his husband has gone through some from their own ex.

12. Are they overall healthy people? Do they make for a good patient or a terror?

uh yeah considering he works out and such he's in good health outside his blood pressure issues. pft not in the slightest Richard refuses to see he is sick and will try to go to work or do whatever else to prove he isn't sick X'D good thing Bailey is all fluffy can help add weight cause you're gonna have to sit on Richard to keep him in the bed.

16. What do they look for in a friend? A love interest?

hmm guess just be someone whose energy he can deal with I would best put it? He can't always handle people who are to enegrtic but he kind of perfers for upbeat people.

Be Bailey uwu

20. Dose your character have a comfort item?

Dose Bailey count? lol

His brother's class ring is one though, he likes to figet with it and look it over when speaking to his brother.

His good luck pin from Valerie

And some Llama plushies have been added lately uwu he likes to hold them and cuddle them when alone in his office when he's feeling down but Bailey or Buddy aren't around.

23. What is your charater's favorite food and who cooks it the best?

Coffee, himself or Buddy

Braham chicken, Bailey of course uwu

medium well stake,

Conchas Sue makes the best ones uwu

Even if Bailey isn't the best cook and has made Richard sick a few times though hell eat anything Bailey makes him even if its dangerous todo so u_u

35. What attracts your character to another person? What kind of person do they do for?

People who are the opposite of Richard you could say, he is a very stick in sticks to a routine and takes everything seriously. Those who are on the other end tend to be who he kind of gravites to.

Zane- had a very care free enjoy all the moments type of mentily which Richard looked up to in his brother, and is why Richard dicded to become a braista/ company owner

Val - is much more positive and always looks for a silver ling no matter the situation. Something Richard isn't good at but dose enjoy about her.

Bailey - Bailey is the sun, Richard is the moon. Bailey is a cool cold drink, Richard is a hot fresh brew. Bailey is the sky, Richard is the ocean. Bailey is pretty much Richard oppiste in every way. Richard acts older than he is Bailey acts younger than he is. Richard is in a hurry all the time in life as if he just doesn't have enough time to spend and waste. Bailey relaxes and take advantage of all the minutes in a day to enjoy it. Bailey sees the world in a way Richard can't but he can have glimpses of it and that's the world Richard wants. A pink world.

39. What's your character's guilty pleasure?

Canned coffee, as coffee snob this is like a sin but dang dose Richard love it even if he knows its considered a crime. He dose keep some around anyway and he will hate hearing about it

42. Dose your character celebrate their birthday? if not, why?

Richard doesn't really care for his birthday, like he knows when it is and such but he's never made a big deal of it at best he's the type to accept a happy birthday then ready to move on the day as any other. He's not against it or anything he just dosen't make a big deal of it himself. Others brithdays thiugh he's all for celebrating.

48. Is your character easy to make cry? or angry? or annoyed?

Cry no, mostly because he hates crying as in himself crying. Angry and Annoyed though? very easy especially if your Bailey and can do it with out actually doing anything

#madamkezzie #aflockoffeathers #muse bio: richard evans #meme answers #muse| richard evans alder

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mousehole5000 · 4 years

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tgcf lb the second. chapters 7-13

love that we’re getting fu yao and nan feng described as “two little pretty boys” amazing and completely as expected also everything theyve done is 10000% funnier now

The military officials heard their impromptu, slapstick live comedy and couldn’t help but smile. The dissatisfaction in their hearts had dissipated a lot, and they felt a bit more closer to the other three. This resulted in the sedan chair becoming much more stable. - tbh it is often true that if you make people laugh they are more likely to like you in my experience. to be fair what xie lian did was funny theyre a funny trio

okay time for some creatures and beings. base slaves do sound terrifying no thank you i do not like hordes. remind me a bit of husks from mass effect and those were the worst so. also xie lian wielder of silk ribbons i like it

im very :eyes: at fu yao and nan feng rn. i think theres more going on with them..... i have suspicions but we’ll see

well goodbye butterfly boy who crushes skulls and spiritual arrays and sick boots and taught me what a vambrace is. im guessing we shall meet again i have the strangest feeling that ive heard about you

In fact, all of the dead people in this room wore wedding garments while smiling even in death. - grim!!! spooky!!!

The moment he finished saying that, he pinched that corpse’s face twice. The youngster only felt that the skin beneath his hands felt smooth like tofu, making people’s hearts feel itchy. - eww!!!! also dont feel up the corpse buddy wtf. also everyone leave little ying alone

Drip, drop. Drip, drop. This created the frightening scene of a forest filled with corpses as blood rained down from above. even more grim!! - happy halloween kids

When he heard Fu Yao’s explanation, Xie Lian thought in his heart, ‘This name was truly unnecessary. If it was a ‘Devastation’, then it was a ‘Devastation’. If it wasn’t, then it wasn’t. Just like how there were only the phrases, ‘ascended’ and ‘haven’t ascended yet’. There were no such things as ‘near ascending’ or ‘approaching ascending’. On the contrary, adding on a ‘near’ word made people feel awkward. - nevermind the deaths, xie lian needs to make some points about semantics. it has nothing to do with the situation at hand and i love it

QI RONG IVE HEARD ABOUT YOU FROM MY MUTUALS!!! terrified

Who knew how many times he had already said that phrase tonight. Every time something happened, Xie Lian would have to say it at least thirty to forty times. However, there would always be people who turned a deaf ear to his warnings. He felt truly quite helpless. - not sure if this is be xie lian is dressed up as a bride or if its just his bad luck. or if its bc thats just how people are. either way i feel you buddy

“Excuse me for this.” Xie Lian grabbed a hand from each bride before placing them on each other’s necks. The two brides suddenly touched something and were very surprised. Since they couldn’t see anything, they began to fiercely destroy each other. - xie lian stop being funny fjlkajdfs;kasj also right after this he goes into his street performer spiel upon being applauded. amazing

the visual of this fight with the villagers inside the ruoye loop and all the brides is pretty sick. also xi lian on the spirit phone to ling wen while the villagers cheer is very funny

heteronormativity obfuscates another mystery... but also a possessive jealous bride walking on her knees... thats quite a figure!! and tbh it is interesting that everyone assumed that the ghost was a bridegroom who didnt want to see happy couples and not a bride who didnt want to see happy couples. congrats xie lian for thinking

bruh she ripped his skull out and it screamed

i mean the indiscriminate killing of innocent women is bad but other than that im on her side tbh fuck this general pei guy

ow wtf i just cried a little bit. xie lian’s reassurance to little ying... her response.... wtf ;_;

As for the matter between General Pei and Xuan Ji, unless one was directly involved, it was better not to comment on who was right or wrong. He could only pity those seventeen innocent brides, the military officials and drivers who had escorted them. It truly was an unexpected disaster. - valid. still sympathetic to her tho i just am

human face plague..... bruh. okay might have to alternate between reading this and watching hannibal not sure i wanna do those together

He really wanted to hang a sign on his back saying, ‘Ascension is not as good as collecting scraps’ and promote it in the mortal world. - this lb is officially just funny xie lian moments now

The meaning behind his words were basically, the female ghost Xuan Ji causing trouble could not be blamed on General Pei, because she originally did not have the ability to cause it. If they wanted to pin the blame on someone, then they should pin it on Green Ghost Qi Rong, for it was him who took in Xuan Ji and gave her the ability to harm people. - told you. i was right to blame the men

i have indeed seen the donghua trailer so my suspicions that butterfly boy was indeed hua cheng being confirmed are just like. yep. exactly as expected.

i read the second half of chapter 12 on my phone so i didnt get any quotes but hua cheng rise to infamy funny. xie lian listening to it all and just going “hehe silver butterflies pretty” is also funny

i forgot that xie lian was in debt but im glad he paid it off good for him be free

After a while, Ling Wen really couldn’t stand it anymore and privately told him, “Your Highness ah, the things you send in the spirit communication array are all very good, however, I’m afraid that even a Heavenly Official a few hundred years older than you wouldn’t send them.” - fakhlsdfjakl; ling wen really told xie lian he was facebook grandparent posting in the spirit communication array

Since he couldn’t fix this, then it was still better to just forget about it. Xie Lian gave up on this issue, and as a result, stopped being gloomy as well. - you know what i respect that attitude i really do. xie lian said well ill just get over it and he did. i need to do this with twitter

However, this kind of problem didn’t exist for Xie Lian. With the curse upon him, he was no different compared to mortals, and thus could eat everything. And because he was a seasoned veteran of a hundred battles, no matter what he ate, he wouldn’t die. Whether it was a steamed bun that had been lying around for a month, or pastries that already sprouted some green mold, he would definitely be fine after eating those things. Since he had a constitution like this that defied the heavens, he actually got by alright during the period he collected scraps. - im sorry i know i keep saying it but xie lian is so funny i love him fjasdlfsdjfadksl literally king of eating garbage i love him so much

okay more hua cheng lore next time. and this interloper in the cart... ok

#mouse mumbles #tgcf liveblog #honestly so far everythings just really funny #except the gruesome bit and the bit where i cried #but i really do like xie lian a lot

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theuntamedproject · 4 years

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"If the face says nothing, listen to the heartbeat" - Lan WangJi, Mo Dao Zu Shi (Weeks 3+4)

https://zhtheuntamedprojec.wixsite.com/theuntamedproject

... those who have read the novel know the real context of this line in the scene BUT taken out of context and used in a completely different (*cough* our) scenario..."If the face says nothing," translates to "Even if we seem calm on the outside,""listen to the heartbeat." translates to "we're so stressed to the point of ventricular fibrillation." (dunno if that's even a likely story but the overly exaggerated point still stands: we just handed our uni applications in and we're dreading admission tests and awaiting interviews...)

Quick overview

So aside from school work and university prep, TUP has taken up whatever spare moment either one of us has. However since Zara's Physics coursework began (good luck Zara!!) and both of us prepping for our respective admissions tests, we've decided instead of marching onwards with research on architecture and other food science related stuff, to settle on more relaxed Google seshes on MDZS (and totally not using this as an excuse to read the source text again) and beginning to design the buildings on CAD and paper.

So I'm going to introduce to you the barebones framework of what we plan to include in the design: characters, buildings and effects~ apologies in advance for not including the accents/tones in names (I cba tbh ;-; )

Characters

Because all these little dudes are just going to be cut out gingerbread men, we could include as many characters as possible (we did say we're making a universe are we not?). Those in italics are "maybe" characters depending on the dough remaining (or whether we like them to be part of the universe or not...) or how much gingerbread we're willing to eat ourselves (though huge shout out to everyone thats offered to eat our spare and broken gingerbread during materials testing - which I will get to a bit later :3)

Gusu Lan (the pretty sect)

Lan XiChen / Lan Huan (Sect Leader - simped so hard for his sworn brothers that both of them ended up dead)

Lan WangJi / Lan Zhan (repressed gay but we love him still)

Lan Yuan / Lan Sizhui (he's part of the Lan sect now goddamnit)

Lan JingYi (the most unLan Lan yet has the highest chance of being the next sect leader lmaoo)

Lan QiRen

Lan Yi / Lan An

QingHeng-Jun (Twin Jades' father)

Madam Lan (Twin Jades' mother)

Yunmeng Jiang (arguably the only "normal" sect here...)

Jiang Cheng / Jiang Wanyin (Sect Leader also an "angry grape" as put by Zara)

Jiang YanLi (OUR QUEEN)

Jiang FengMian (loved Wei Ying more than Jiang Cheng lol jk xd)

Yu ZiYuan (BAMF)

Wei Ying not included here since technically he defected from the Sect (; - ;)

Qinghe Nie (fans and sabers my bros)

Nie HuaiSang (Sect Leader - yeah, I can't believe it either)

Nie MingJue (noooooooooo)

Honestly, I swear this clan is either "big muscles or big brain?". If you have neither, you can't be part of their clique. I mean sect.

Lanling Jin (rich rich rich rich rich)

Jin Ling / Jin RuLan (Sect Leader - totally not named after Wei Ying's crush/ husband's family)

Jin GuangYao / Meng Yao (*smiles*)

Jin ZiXuan (peacock but JYL's husband nonetheless)

Jin GuangShan (gross)

Jin ZiXun (double gross)

Mo XuanYu (literally did not sign up to any of this. He just wanted to end his suffering at Mo Manor)

We decided against including everyone from Mo Manor since they literally died within the first few chapters of the novel / first episode of the drama so were kinda irrelevant. Also, we don't care about them like we care for the Lan Sect members either.

Off topic side rant, Zara has been on my case whenever I bring up Jin GuangYao. I have to say, he's way more lovable in the drama than in the novel (didn't really leave much of an impression on me in the novel, NHS did a better job at that). I'm here to briefly explain why this boy is misunderstood and deserved more than what he got (and also why you should love him because he deserves love).JGY is a poor soul who's goal in life was to please others because no one was ever satisfied with him. His mother wasn't satisfied. His father wasn't satisfied. Hell, even his sworn brother NMJ wasn't satisfied with him eventually. BUT GUESS WHAT Xichen the angel is the only person that showed any love or thanks to JGY that's why he didn't kill him in the end - he wouldn't kill people that actually cared about him. IF ONLY EVERYONE ACTUALLY PAID ATTENTION TO HOW CLEVER AND CUNNING THIS MAN WAS, THERE MAY NOT EVEN BE WENS THREATENING THE WORLD. end of brief rant.

Qishan Wen (too hot, hot damn)

Wen RuoHan (Sect Leader - could have taken over the world if his children weren't incompetent)

Wen Qing (half the reason why included this sect)

Wen Ning / Wen QiongLin (the other half of the reason)

Wen Yuan (WE NEED THIS BABIE ALONGSIDE SIZHUI OK)

Wen Chao (questionable)

Wen ZhuLiu (also questionable but less annoying than Wen Chao)

Rogue cultivators (including people we didn't really know where to put)

Wei WuXian / Wei Ying (Can work out how to cultivate resentful energy, fight against the biggest cultivation clans in the world and gain a formidable reputation as the Yiling Patriarch yet can't figure out that Lan Zhan has a crush on him. Makes it look like cultivating resentful energy is easy as pie.)

CangSe SanRen (Wei Ying's mother)

Wei ChangZe (Wei Ying's father)

Xiao XingChen (honestly, the nicest guy ever. Could rival Xichen in terms of kindness. But then again... where did that kindness lead either of them? Moral of story: screw kindness)

Song Lan (Wen Ning's dead buddy~)

Xue Yang (he was cool in the novel, a bit questionable in the drama ngl)

A-Qing (didn't report her situation to the police...)

Baoshan Sanren (without knowledge of her existence, Jiang Cheng may have given up on life after he lost his golden core)

Ouyang ZiZhen (I didn't know who he was at all from the novel (ie he left no impression) but since he's technically part of the juniors, we have to include him)

Wang Ling Jiao / Jiao Jiao (just so Wen Chao has a friend perhaps... I don't know if we're that kind)

Su She (ew. just. He's not our favourite. The whole thing could have gone smoother if he didn't exist)

Luo Qingyang / Mian Mian (that one girl that made Wei Ying think Lan Zhan was straight)

Whew! That's all the character's we've considered! We have yet to come up with individual designs for the clothes and what not but at least we know there are going to be straight up cutting them out using the gingerbread man cutters.

Also! let's not forget:

Li'l Apple (didn't sign up for any of this either)

Fairy (gift from JGY to JL, also good doggo)

All the bunnies in Gusu (yes.)

All the fans and sabers in Qinghe (it's part of their aesthetic)

Locations and Buildings

This section's going to be MUCH shorter than the previous one haha since we've basically come up with 5 main buildings and in 7 locations. We're planning these buildings to be architectural masterpieces (okay, that's a slight exaggeration but that's the point). These buildings will take SIGNIFICANTLY more time than the gingerbread characters and is the reason we've put so much effort into researching what would make the most stable type of building. This is because we've planned to mirror the buildings as close as possible to the drama. We haven't yet drawn 2D sketches as I've left that job mostly to Zara (sorry!) so it's sort of hard to describe in words but by next post, we hope to have these down~ (though please see the mood boards from Zara's post previously)~

Gusu Lan - Cloud Recesses

The Wall of Discipline

The Courtyard

The Orchid Room (the main classroom/hall)

Yunmeng Jiang - Lotus Pier

The Main Pier

Lotus Pod Lake

Qinghe Nie - The Unclean Realm

The Main Courtyard and stairs

Lanling Jin - Koi Tower

Koi Tower

Qishan Wen - Nightless City

Main building and stairs

Yiling - Burial Grounds

The Mountains (and farms/Wen settlements)

Demon-Slaughtering Cave

And of course, Yi City.

We don't know if we want to include any more places but we'll let you know if there are any changes to this list. Plus the effects of LEDs and other arts and craft jazz besides gingerbread, we plan to make sure each Sect get's their own spotlight~

Please enjoy our baby Cloud Recesses, they're going to grow up and be a fine specimen of society worthy of the Lan name :D

The plan going forward

Although unfortunately, things haven't gone totally to plan due to fairly busy circumstances, we still have some major events along the way before starting to build the whole thing (which would probably be around mid-to-end of December) which have indeed started preparing for. Including:

Material testing gingerbread and icing (ie finally, bringing our research to the real world) - a lot of gingerbread will be made, so thank you to the willing volunteers who wanted to eat our failed experiments!

Finding / creating a suitable recipe for the gingerbread people

2D and 3D sketches of the buildings

Designing costumes for the gingerbread people

Another thing that we kinda want to do is to make this project benefit the wider community (we wanted to set up a GoFundMe at some point and raise some money for charity~). But we don't know how to do that as of yet T-T . Any ideas, feel free to contact us and let us know! We want to help others through this project (if at all possible haha)!

#mdzs #update #characters #gingerbread #gusulan #yunmengjiang #qinghenie #lanlingjin #qishanwen #weiying #lanzhan

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wheremytwinwatches · 4 years

Text

[Where My Twin Watches]: Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood Episode 23

Last time: Ling debated leadership philosophies with Bradley, we got a flashback to Scar’s bro, and Winry was Good. Onwards!

Episode 23 - “Girl on the Battlefield” Run for it, Ling! Looking a little worse for wear, Ling’s booking it through the streets as some very confused civilians look on, and Bradley gripes that “that reckless fool” is beginning to annoy him. Uh, I assume that when you tell Gluttony to follow his scent that you aren’t going to travel together? Even the most basic NPC might be curious about seeing their Fuhrer run through the streets with a Goth. In the alley Ed’s still comforting Winry as some cops clean up the rubble, he hands off the pistol to one of them and asks for Winry (still wearing his coat, daw) to be taken somewhere safe, he’s gonna go help Al out with Scar and NOPE NOPE NOPE [Ed]: “I’m sorry… When this is over, I’ll explain everything.” NOPE NOPE NOPE Boy you just guaranteed something bad is gonna happen to one of you two, do you even realize you’re in an anime? What, are you gonna ask for a picture of her “for good luck”? For Leto’s sake, Winry’s lingering grasp on Ed’s arm as he walks away… you turn around right now, buster! Don’t you DARE let things end on this note! [Winry]: “Why… why is waiting the only thing I can do?” Ok, first of all you are FAR from the mere damsel in distress, Winry. Second of all, as much as it would cheapen the whole “Winry is the creator of the Blonde Trio” thing from last episode, I can’t help but think it would be SO COOL for Winry to use this incident as a drive to learn Alchemy, or build an Iron Woman suit to help out in battle/rescue. Roy and Riza are still fiddling with the radio as reports of Winry going to Central Command come through, Riza’s off to support them in the field. Roy takes a moment to say they’ll meet up at an abandoned house outside of town and give her the address- ha, yeah no. This is Colonel Mustang we’re talking about, as if it could be that simple. Calling it now, despite Riza insisting he stay out of the field, the “address” Roy just gave her is secret orders to do something or other, and of course she won’t read them until after everything’s over. Yeesh, Ling’s still running, with Gluttony keeping close tabs on him. Aaand either he or Lan Fan are bleeding a fair amount. Bradley’s keeping up with the red trail, at the sound of an explosion just gripes about “Scar, again” and tells Gluttony to go deal with it. Ok, so it’s Lan Fan’s who’s bleeding out, she’s trying to get Ling to drop her, arguing that as much as he holds to “A king needs his people” that they’d be just as lost without him. Their clan versus one injured bodyguard? To Lan Fan there’s no choice, for the greater good someone must be left beNONONONO. Young lady you put that shuriken down this instant! Ling, stop her!

Oh for Leto’s sake, now we’ve cut away from that awfulness to Scar vs Al, who is an absolute BEAST when it comes to combat now. Earthbending giant stone hands, all Scar can do is keep jumping back and pity Al for the harm Alchemy has caused him. But Al rejects his pity, argues that it was through Alchemy that Ed saved his life, and to reject his Alchemy-supported form (but isn’t rejecting it kinda the whole point of the show? Eh, whatever) would be to reject what saved his life and the efforts of Ed. Scar’s response is Sudden Steam Cloud and an attempted sneak attack, but Ed enters the fray. Alright, time to get this battle going in earnest! [Gluttony]: “Oooh! I found you!” Ok, still of two minds about Scar and what should happen to him, but damn me if this isn’t a perfect Enemy Mine scenario. Oh hey, is this the first time that the Elric Brothers have seen Gluttony? While they’re reacting to seeing yet another Goth, Scar lays the smackdown. Alright, let’s- Cut back to the Xing alleyway? Bradley still walking along the blood trail? But what about Lan Fan? Nevermind, back to the train depot where Scar’s Hand O’ Doom did some harm to Gluttony, but then Headbutt. And a shoulder charge right into a shipping crate, good Leto. Then back to Bradley with his now [hurried footsteps] Then Gluttony getting double-kicked by the Elric Brothers to Scar’s shock (Enemy Mine, Enemy Mine, Enemy Mine…) Then Bradley turning the corner and drawing his sword What Lan Fan’s blood-covered hand Bradley shocked What No Ling, why? Why didn’t you stop her? Wait what ok what the Leto is going on now? Shirtless!Ling has just jumped out of a storm drain and holy crap he’s all pirate badass now with scimitar in his teeth and a grenade shoved down Gluttony’s gullet. But, Lan Fan… Ok, have to set that aside for now, the grenade was brutally effective against Gluttony… for just a few seconds, his upper body’s already reforming. Ling shouts for some strong cable from the Brothers, not sure if tying him up is going to be all that effective. Actually, it’s very effective; Gluttony’s regeneration is trying to counteract the pressure of the cables, meaning unless he can break the metal (which is still a possibility) then Ling’s gone and caught himself! But he still had to leave- Oh. OH. Oh my Leto that is disturbing and genius at the same time. Also, that poor dog! Seriously, dogs have had a real hard time in this show, haven’t they? [Bradley]: “That was well played, girl.” Ok, so… Lan Fan is a badass. But maybe you should get that stump looked at? Please? Up top Scar’s shocked at the revelation of a Homunculus- right, sorry buddy, but you’re still a murderer, so Riza’s gonna kneecap you while driving up in the getaway vehicle. Gotta say Riza, the white coat, glasses, and hair down look is good on you! Ah right, their Conspiracy means they have to pretend not to know it’s Riza as the MPs run up, they need to trust Roy on letting this Mysterious Stranger get away with Ling and the captured Gluttony. In the meantime… Alright Scar, just stand down and what the oh my Leto NOT NOW! I wanted you to come back to the show, little girl, but this really isn’t the time! Ok ok, we can still salvage this, she’s come all this way to see Ed so… oh, no. She’s looking for a short Alchemist in a red coat! Winry! Winry, get over here! Well ok, she’s protecting her “savior’s servant” now, deems it time to retreat so she good Leto blows up two train cars in a matter of seconds with Alchemy. Note to self: do not make May mad. Damnit damnit damnit, things were going so well but now the music’s all oppressive, Scar’s gotten away again. Meanwhile Riza’s heading to the safehouse when Ling says they need to go back for Lan Fan, Riza says ok as long as it’s quick AAAAARGH welp we’re boned, Bradley saw them and through Riza’s disguise. So much for the Conspiracy. Bradley: “That woman driving… I’m sure she’s Mustang’s. I’m tired of playing games with that upstart.” AAAARGH oh my gosh how are we only halfway through the episode AAAAARGH daw that’s a cute picture of Lan Fan eating AAAAARGH oh wait she’s armless now so she can’t even do that AAAARGH oooh is she gonna get an automail arm? Away from the depot May is patching up Scar’s leg as he broods about Winry, how no matter what he does hatred keeps spreading. The MPs are searching, so they start sneaking away… but where’s Shao May? Pffft! Looks like Al picked her up from the battle, didn’t want to leave the poor thing in danger. Said poor little panda bear tries biting back, but Soul Armor, so no. You’ve got a new master now! The Elric Brothers have been brought to Central by the MPs, where Winry’s waiting… along with Bradley. Whuh oh. [Bradley]: “That’s a nice, honest friend you’ve got there. Make sure you both take good care of her.”

Wow. Subtle. Aaaand now it’s time to tell Winry everything. Yay. Aw, Winry. It’s not selfish to want your parents to have come back. And don’t beat yourself up over waiting. Aw! Ok, that is adorable, getting a call from Rush Valley about how everyone misses her (work). But horrid flashbacks to needy retail customers aside, this is just what the doctor ordered. [Winry]: “I’m sorry… I’ll be back home soon.” (Somewhere Pinako looks up sharply and snarls “Excuse me?!”) “Just hold on… I won’t be much longer. I’ll help everyone… Thank you all.” Sorry Ed, but you’ve gotta let your mechanic get back to work. And hey, her heading back to Rush Valley means being away from Bradley’s grasp! We’re giving goodbyes at the train station, promises to take care of their automail… come on boy, spit it out! Aw, don’t chicken out on me now Ed, you turn around and- [Ed]: “The next time I make you cry, I hope they’ll be tears of joy! And Al and I will be back in our normal bodies, and I’ll make you cry out of sheer happiness! That’s a promise!” Heh! So while Winry does have to see the backs of two people she loves again (Al bumping Ed with his elbow and Shorty yapping at him), it’s on a much better note. Maybe…? [Winry]: “All this time, have I been… falling for him?” YYYYYYAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSS [So Tephi actually stopped by right when this scene happened, she’s cackling over my shoulder. I’m too giddy about this to complain, moving on.] Hey Roy! You gonna take the Elrics to the safehouse now? Oh hey Doc, what’s your role in the Conspiracy now? Ah right, Lan Fan and her missing arm. Yikes, no anesthesia? I know this isn’t a hospital but dang, Lan Fan I’m so sorry. So is Ed, but Ling shuts him down, saying he was the one who suggested this. Aw dude, please stop beating yourself up. Hey, she’s awake! And got the idea to use her arm as bait from when Ed did it fighting them, hah! Still, hard to be a bodyguard when missing a limb. Perhaps a certain mechanic could help you out? Come on Ling, get up and check on your lady friend! Or chat with Roy, that works for now. Alright, good to see everyone getting along. Now to deal with the Goth Ball you have in the side room- [Roy]: “He and his friends appear to have connections among some of the military’s senior staff.” [Ling]: “Just some, you say? It goes far deeper than that. Your Fuhrer, King Bradley…” *Open Eyes of Seriousness* [Ling]: “I believe it’s possible that he’s a Homunculus too.” Here we go, reveal time! Ling recounts how he saw an Uroboros tattoo under Bradley’s eyepatch, working with Gluttony against him and Lan Fan. But Ling doesn’t get the same “Goth-Sense” from Bradley that comes from Gluttony, and the others argue that Goths can’t reproduce and he has a son. But Doc says that the kid is adopted. No direct blood relation. Roy says regardless of him being monster or human, it just makes it easier to kick him out of the boss’ chair. For now, it’s time to interrogate Gluttony, then get his Stone to heal Havoc/be taken back to Xing/heal the Elric Brothers… aw man, it’s Ruby Madness.

Come on guys, it’s a Philosopher’s Stone! Horrific origins aside, it can work for all of you, just set up a schedule and- Uh oh. Gluttony just overheard “Colonel Mustang”, recognizes the name as the one that killed Lust. And he Bulks out and oh good Leto what’s wrong with your stomach buddy, eyes do not go there. Fellas? You may want to ru GAH what the Leto was that?!

#wmtw #where my twin watches #full metal alchemist #full metal alchemist brotherhood #fmab #fmab 23 #ranubis

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gremlingays · 5 years

Text

The spongebob movie written in a shakespearian way

i did get t! i did get t! i did get t!

dinghy ahoy.

dinghy off the p'rt boweth.

- dinghy off the p'rt boweth!

dinghy off the p'rt boweth.

- captain, dinghy off the.

- dinghy.

i did get t!

i did get t.

wh're is't?

t's right h're, captain.

i nev'r bethought i'd seeth t

with me owneth eye.

tickets to the spongebob movie!

who is't liveth in a pineapple

und'r the flote?

abs'rbent and yellow

and p'rous is that gent

spongebob squarepants

if 't be true nautical tush tush

beest something thee wisheth

spongebob squarepants

then dropeth on the deck

and flop liketh a gudgeon

spongebob squarepants

the flote. So myst'rious,

so quite quaint. So

. did wet.

our st'ry begins in bikini bottom's

popular und'rsea consume'ry

the krusty krab restaurant, wh're.

- backeth up. Backeth up.

- ho. Waiteth a minute.

- what is happening?

- prithee, settleth down.

we've did get a situation in th're

i'd rath'r not break with

till me manag'r gets h're.

behold, th're that gent is.

talketh to me, krabs.

t did start out as a simple 'rd'r:

a krabby patty with cheese.

at which hour the custom'r tooketh a biteth,

nay cheese!

receiveth ahold of yourself, eugene.

i'm going in.

taketh t easy, cousin. I'm the manag'r

of this establishment.

ev'rything's gonna beest just fine.

- i'm very much afeard h're, sir.

- thee did get a nameth?

- phil.

- thee did get a family, phil?

cometh on, phil, stayeth with me.

alloweth's heareth about yond family.

i did get a jointress

and two quite quaint children.

yond's what t's all about.

i wanteth thee to doth me a fav'r, phil.

what?

sayeth cheese.

ord'r up.

three che'rs f'r the manag'r!

hip! hip!

ho'ray!

gary, i hadst yond dreameth again.

and t's finally gonna

cometh true. The present day.

s'rry about this, calendar.

because the present day is the grand-opening

c'remony f'r the krusty krab

wh're mr. Krabs shall announceth

the new manag'r.

who is't's t gonna beest, gary?

well, alloweth's asketh mine own mure

of consecutive

employee-of-the-month awards.

spongebob squarepants.

i'm eft. Promotion.

cleanliness is next to

manag'r-liness.

i'm eft. Promotion.

spongebob!

what art thee doing in h're?

i has't to bid thee something,

squidward.

whatev'r t is,

can't t waiteth until we receiveth to w'rk?

- th're's nay showeth'r at w'rk.

- what doth thee wanteth?

i just did want to sayeth

i'll beest thanking thee

in mine own manag'rial acceptance

speech the present day.

receiveth out!

well enow. I'll seeth thee at the c'remony.

yond sounds liketh the manag'r

of the new krusty krab.

oops. Holdeth on.

- congratulations, buddy.

- oh, grant you mercy, patrick.

and tonight, aft'r mine own big promotion,

we're gonna party till we're purple.

i loveth being purple!

we're going to the lodging

wh're all the action is.

- thee cullionly not. ?

- oh, i cullionly.

goofy goob'r's ice cream

party boat!

oh, i'm a goofy goob'r, yeah

thou art a goofy goob'r, yeah

we're all goofy goob'rs, yeah

goofy, goofy, goob'r, goob'r, yeah

i'd bett'r receiveth going.

i'm eft. Promotion.

valorous luck, spongebob.

ho, behold f'r me at the c'remony.

i did get a dram hoyday f'r thee.

i'm a goofy goob'r

yeah

holla, bikini bottom!

p'rch p'rkins h're, coming

to thee liveth from in front of

the krusty krab restaurant,

f'r years the only lodging

to receiveth a delicious

and mouthwat'ring krabby patty.

until the present day, yond is.

yond's right, folks. Longtime owneth'r

mr. Krabs is opening a new restaurant

hath called the krusty krab.

first of all,

congratulations, mr. Krabs.

holla. I liketh wage.

what did inspire thee to buildeth

a second krusty krab

right next doth'r to the 'riginal?

wage.

curses!

t's not fair.

krabs is being int'rview'd

by p'rch p'rkins,

and i've nev'r coequal hadst

one custom'r!

receiveth not w'rk'd up again, plankton,

i just mopp'd the flo'rs.

oh, karen, mine own comput'r jointress,

if 't be true only i couldst has't did manage to stealeth

the secret to krabs' success,

the f'rmula f'r the krabby patty.

then people wouldst line up

to consume at mine own restaurant.

l'rd knoweth i've hath tried.

i've exhaust'd ev'ry evil planeth

in mine own filing cabinet

. from a to y.

- a to y?

yeah, a to y.

thee knoweth, the alphabet.

what about z?

- z?

- z. The lett'r aft'r y.

w, x, y,

z. Planeth z!

- h're t is, just liketh thee hath said.

- oh, knave.

t's evil.

t's diabolical.

t's lemon-scent'd.

this planeth z can't possibly faileth!

so enjoyeth the present day, mr. Krabs,

because by tom'rrow,

i'll has't the f'rmula.

then ev'ryone shall consume

at the chum bucket,

and i shall ruleth the w'rld!

all hail plankton. All hail plank. !

i'm eft. Promotion.

i bethink i did step in something.

not in something,

on someone, thee twit.

s'rry, plankton.

art thee on thy way

to the grand-opening c'remony?

nay, i am not on mine own way ov'r

to the grand-opening c'remony.

i'm busy planning to ruleth the w'rld!

well, valorous luck with yond.

i'm eft. Promotion.

no more brain than stone peat.

welcometh. Welcometh, ev'ryone,

to the grand opening

of the krusty krab.

- we hath paid $ f'r this?

- i hath paid.

anon, bef're we beginneth

with the ribbon-cutting,

i'd liketh to announceth the nameth

of our new manag'r.

yay! yeah!

yeah! anon we're talking! yeah!

aye. Well, concluded, be it.

the new manag'r is a loyal,

hard-w'rking employee.

aye.

the gross in sense choice f'r the job.

that gent's right.

a nameth thee all knoweth.

t starts with an s.

- yond's me.

- prithee welcometh our new manag'r

. Squidward tentacles.

aye! yeah!

oh, bett'r luck next timeth, buddy.

yeah! good now!

people of bikini bottom,

as the manag'r of.

spongebob.

holdeth the phoneth, folks, i'm getting an

imp'rtant news flasheth from mr. Krabs.

wend ahead, mr. K.

i'm making a completeth what

of myself?

the most embarrassing thing

thee've ev'r seen?

and anon t's w'rse

because i'm repeating

ev'rything thee sayeth

into the microphone?

oh, f'r crying out loud, spongebob,

thee didn't receiveth the job.

- what?

- thee didst not receiveth the job.

but. But wherefore?

spongebob, thou art a most wondrous fryeth cook,

but i gaveth the job to squidward

because being manag'r

is a big responsibility.

well, alloweth's visage t, that gent's m're

. mature than thee.

- i'm not

. mature?

lad, i cullionly this

in the nicest of ways,

but th're's a w'rd f'r what thou art,

and yond w'rd is.

anon, alloweth's seeth.

- d'rk?

- nay, waiteth, yond's not right. Not a d'rk.

- a goofball?

- clos'r, but nay, nay, nay.

- a ding-a-ling.

- wing nut.

a knucklehead mcspazatron.

well enow, yond's enow.

behold, what i'm trying to sayeth is,

thou art just a peat.

and to beest a manag'r,

thee has't to beest a sir.

oth'rwise those gents'd calleth t "kid-ag'r. "

thee und'rstand-ag'r?

i cullionly, thee und'rstand?

i guesseth so, mr. Krabs.

spongebob?

i'm eft. Depression.

po'r peat.

ho'ray f'r spongebob!

alloweth's heareth t f'r spongebob!

holla?

wh're'd ev'rybody wend?

didst i misseth something?

didst thee seeth mine own buttocks?

lat'r yond evening.

timeth to putteth planeth z into effect.

starting at the und'rsea castle

of king neptune.

oh, right.

the royal court is anon in session.

bringeth the prison'r f'rward.

so thee has't did confess to the crime

of touching the king's coronet.

- aye, but.

- but what?

but t's mine own job, thy highness.

i'm the royal coronet polisheth'r.

well, then i guesseth

i can't executeth thee.

- twenty years in the dungeon t is.

- daddy.

thou art free to wend.

blesseth thee, princess mindy.

mindy, how dareth thee defy me.

wherefore doth thee has't to beest so cullionly?

i am the king.

i might not but enf'rce the laws of the flote.

fath'r, i give you'd tryeth

a dram loveth and compassion

instead of these harsh punishments.

yond wouldst beest nice.

squire, cleareth the cubiculo.

i wisheth to speaketh

to mine own daught'r high-lone.

what is this, mindy?

- thy coronet?

- and what doest this coronet doth?

- cov'rs thy bald spoteth.

- t's not bald, t's

thinning.

this coronet doest much m're

than cov'r a slightly receding hairline.

nay, this coronet entitles the one who is't

wears t to beest in chargeth of the flote.

one day, thee shall weareth this coronet.

i'm gonna beest bald?

thinning!

concluded, be it, the pointeth is,

thee wonneth't weareth t

until thee learneth how to ruleth

with an iron fist.

liketh thy fath'r.

father, thy "crown".

what the. ?

mine own coronet!

someone hast stolen

the royal coronet!

i did get t. I did get t.

ho, all thee goob'rs,

t's timeth to sayeth howdy

to thy fav'rite und'rsea pignut,

goofy goob'r.

howdy, goofy goob'r!

ho, fellow goofy goob'rs.

timeth to singeth.

oh, i'm a goofy goob'r, yeah

thou art a goofy goob'r, yeah

we're all goofy goob'rs, yeah

goofy, goofy, goob'r, goob'r, yeah

good now. Receiveth t togeth'r, fusty knave.

i knoweth. I'll just stand ho bethinking about t.

ho, thee knoweth,

i actually feeleth a dram bett'r.

i coequal not rememb'r

wherefore i wast depress'd.

ho, t's the new

krusty krab manag'r.

wow, the pressure's

already setting in.

nay, pateth, thee und'rstand not.

i didn't receiveth the promotion.

what? wherefore?

mr. Krabs thinkest i'm a peat.

- what? yond's insane.

- i knoweth.

well, declaring thou art a peat,

t's liketh declaring i'm a peat.

- h're's thy goob'r meal, sir.

- i'm did suppose to receiveth a toy with this.

grant you mercy.

i'm gonna headeth home, pateth.

the celebration's off.

- art thee sure?

- yeah. I'm not in a goob'r humor.

well enow, seeth thee.

and h're's thy triple

goob'rb'rry sunrise, sir.

triple goob'rb'rry sunrise, i understand you not?

i guesseth i couldst useth one of those.

anon thou art talking.

ho, waiteth'r, we needeth

anoth'r one ov'r h're.

th're thee wend.

knave, pateth, yond hitteth the spoteth.

- i'm humour bett'r already.

- yeah.

waiteth'r, alloweth's receiveth

anoth'r round ov'r h're.

oh, mr. Waiteth'r. Two m're, prithee.

waiteth'r.

oh, waiteth'r.

waiteth'r.

- waiteth'r!

- wherefore doth i at each moment receiveth the nuts?

good now, folks, this one goeth out

to mine own two bestest cater-cousins

in the whole w'rld:

patrick and this big pignut guy.

t's a dram ditty hath called

. "wait'r!"

ho. Ho, receiveth up.

ho, cometh on, buddy.

i wanna wend home.

cometh on, pal.

oh, mine own headeth.

hark to me. T's in the m'rning.

wend scrapeth up thy cousin

and receiveth going.

mine own cousin?

patrick. Ho, what's up, buddy?

waiteth, thee hath said :.

i'm late f'r w'rk.

mr. Krabs is gonna beest.

mr. Krabs.

anon, payeth attention, squidward.

as new manag'r, thee've gotta keepeth

a sharp eye out f'r paying custom'rs.

yawneth.

what's this? king neptune is riding

toward the krusty krab at lunchtime.

that gent's did get wage.

stayeth in the coacheth, daught'r.

this wonneth't taketh longeth.

daddy, prithee.

i bethink thou art ov'rreacting.

silence, mindy.

i knoweth what i'm doing.

- squire.

- aye, thy highness.

has't this pole execut'd betimes.

a hundr'd and one dollars

f'r a krabby patty?

with cheese, mr. Squidward,

with cheese.

greeting, subjects.

i seeketh the one known

as eugene krabs.

may that gent presenteth himself

to me betimes.

i'm eugene krabs, thy highness.

wouldst thee liketh to 'rd'r something?

nay! i'm on to thee, krabs!

thee has't stolen the royal coronet,

thee cannot deny.

f'r, clev'r as thou art,

thee hath left one damning piece of evidence

at the scene of the crime.

"i did steal thy coronet.

signed, eugene krabs. "

relinquish the royal coronet

to me betimes.

but. But this is crazy. I didn't doth t.

ahoy, this is eugene krabs.

leaveth a message.

good morrow, mr. Krabs. This is clay,

the guy thee did sell neptune's coronet to.

yeah, i just did want to sayeth

grant you mercy again f'r selling me the coronet.

neptune's coronet.

i did sell t to a guy in shell city,

and i just did want to sayeth grant you mercy again

f'r selling me the coronet.

neptune's coronet.

which is anon in shell city.

goodbye.

thee not just misprise wrong numb'rs?

mine own coronet is in

the f'rbidden shell city?!

planeth z. I loveth planeth z.

prepareth to burneth, krabs.

waiteth, neptune.

prithee, i'm begging thee.

i ain't a crook.

asketh anyone, those gents'll vouch f'r me.

v'ry well, then.

bef're i turneth this conniving

crustacean into fishmeal,

who is't h're hast aught to sayeth

about eugene krabs?

i've did get something to sayeth

about mr. Krabs.

spongebob, me knave,

thee've cometh just in timeth.

- pardon me, misseth.

- prithee, bid king neptune

all about me.

i has't w'rk'd f'r mr. Krabs

f'r many years

and at each moment bethought

that gent wast a most wondrous boss.

thee seeth? a most wondrous boss.

i anon realizeth

yond that gent's a most wondrous big j'rk!

i des'rve yond manag'r's job!

but thee didn't giveth t to me,

because thee sayeth i'm a peat.

well, i am -p'rcent sir!

and this sir hast did get

something to sayeth to thee.

th're. I bethink i madeth mine own pointeth.

anyone else?

nay? well, then.

me gaskins art on fireth!

me und'rwear's on fireth!

i'm on fireth!

oh, yeah.

and anon, eugene krabs, thee shall.

waiteth.

i'm flatt'r'd thee wouldst doth this

on mine own account,

but being manag'r

isn't w'rth killing mr. Krabs ov'r.

quiet, fooleth! mr. Krabs did steal mine own coronet,

and anon t's in shell city.

- yond's wherefore that gent might not but kicketh the bucket.

- doesn't t seemeth a dram harsh

to killeth someone ov'r a coronet?

thee und'rstand not. Mine own coronet

is a symbol of mine own king-like auth'rity.

and between thee and me

. mine own hair is thinning a did bite.

oh, thy highness, i'm sure t's not

yond noticeth. Bald. Bald.

- bald! bald!

mine own eyes!

good now, good now.

king neptune, sir?

wouldst thee spareth mr. Krabs' life

if 't be true i wenteth to receiveth thy coronet backeth?

thee, wend to shell city?

nay one who is't's gone to shell city

hast ev'r hath returned.

what maketh thee bethink thee couldst?

thou art just a peat.

but i'm not a peat. I can doth t.

runneth 'long, i has't a crab to cook.

nay! i wonneth't alloweth thee.

v'ry well, then.

i'll has't to fryeth thee both.

daddy, stand ho t.

can't thee receiveth through one day

without executing someone?

mindy. I toldeth thee

to stayeth in the carriage.

wh're's thy loveth and compassion?

behold at this dram guy.

that gent's willing to risketh his life

to findeth thy coronet and saveth his boss.

- but, daught'r, i.

- prithee, fath'r?

at least alloweth that gent tryeth.

what has't thee did get to loseth?

might i remindeth thee

of thy special problem?

- bald! bald! bald!

- bald!

- bald! bald!

- mine own eyes!

good now.

v'ry well, mindy.

i'll giveth that gent a chance.

but at which hour thy dram champion

fails to returneth,

i receiveth to splatt'r this crab

all ov'r the walls.

and as f'r thee, beest backeth h're

with mine own coronet in jump ten days.

- that gent can doth t in nine.

- eight.

- seven.

- six.

- patrick!

six t is, then.

- five.

- patrick, dun's the mouse.

until then, the crab shalt remaineth

frozen wh're that gent anon stands.

nay, waiteth. I'm begging thee.

who is't did turn on the ac? mr. Krabs!

oh, nay, this is t'rrible.

who is't's gonna signeth mine own paycheck?

cometh 'long, mindy.

hark, thee guys, the road

to shell city is very much dang'rous.

th're's crooks, killeth'rs

and monst'rs ev'rywh're.

and what's w'rse,

th're's a giant cyclops

who is't guards the outskirts of the city

and preys on innocent flote creatures.

alloweth not that gent catcheth thee,

because if 't be true that gent doest,

that gent'll taketh thee backeth to his lair,

and thee'll nev'r beest seen again.

the lady's purty, spongebob.

h're, taketh this.

what's in h're?

t's a magical container of winds.

- i did steal those folk from mine own fath'r.

- thou art hot.

once thee findeth the coronet,

ope the container of winds

and thee'll beest blown backeth home.

- mindy!

- i'm coming.

- valorous luck, spongebob.

- waiteth. How didst thee knoweth mine own nameth?

oh, i'm gonna beest

queen of the flote one day.

i've learn'd the names

of all the flote creatures.

what's mine own nameth?

yond's easy. Thou art patrick star.

- mindy!

- i gotta wend. I believeth in thee guys.

grant you mercy, mindy.

w'rry not, mr. Krabs.

patrick, squidward and i.

passeth.

- patrick and i.

- good morrow

. art gonna receiveth yond coronet backeth

and saveth thee from neptune's wrath.

thee've did get nothing to w'rry about.

thy life is in our hands.

patrick, alloweth's wend receiveth yond coronet.

- feast thy eyes, patrick.

- what is't?

the patty wagon.

mr. Krabs uses t

f'r promotional reasons.

alloweth me showeth thee

some of its features.

sesame-se'd finish,

steel-belt'd pickles,

grilled-leath'r int'ri'r.

and und'r the hood,

a fuel-inject'd french-fry'r

with dual ov'rhead greaseth traps.

- wow.

- yeah, wow.

ho, i bethought thee didn't has't

a driv'r's licenseth.

thee needeth not a licenseth

to driveth a sandwich.

- shell city, h're we cometh!

ding-a-ling.

ho th're, fusty buddy. Freezeth.

one secret f'rmula to wend, prithee.

nay, nay, ado not yourself.

i'll receiveth t.

well, i'd liketh to hangeth 'round,

but i've did get krabby patties to maketh

. ov'r at the chum bucket.

planeth z, i loveth thee.

oh, i'm a goofy goob'r, yeah

thou art a goofy goob'r, yeah

we're all goofy goob'rs, yeah

goofy, goofy, goob'r, goob'r, yeah

filleth h'r up, prithee.

what'll t beest, fellas,

mustard 'r ketchup?

art those gents laughing at us?

nay, patrick,

those gents're laughing next to us.

wh're thee two dumb kids

headed, concluded, be it?

- kids?

- anon, patrick.

f'r thy inf'rmation,

we art not kids, we art men.

and we're off to receiveth

king neptune's coronet in shell city.

- shell city?

ain't yond the lodging yond's did guard

by a killeth'r cyclops?

yond's right.

lloyd, taketh off thy coxcomb in respect.

respect f'r the dead!

thee two dipsticks ain't gonna lasteth

ten seconds ov'r the county line.

oh, yeah? we'll seeth about yond.

out of the car, fellas.

how many seconds wast yond?

twelve.

- in thy visage.

yond's what i'm talking about. Yeah.

who is't's the peat anon?

those gents're dead.

p'rch p'rkins h're

with an incredible news flasheth.

plankton is selling krabby patties

at the chum bucket.

how is this possible? alloweth's findeth out.

grise right up. Plenty f'r ev'rybody.

colours me, plankton.

p'rch p'rkins, bikini bottom news.

- can i receiveth a minute?

- aught f'r thee, p'rch.

all of bikini bottom wanteth to knoweth,

how didst thee receiveth the krabby patty?

well, p'rch, bef're mine own lief cousin

eugene krabs

wast frozen by king neptune.

i'm s'rry.

that gent confid'd in me a secret wisheth.

"sell the krabby patty in mine own absence

at the chum bucket," that gent hath said.

"don't alloweth the flame kicketh the bucket out. "

by the way, act anon and thee receiveth

a free chum bucket bucket helmet

with ev'ry purchaseth.

h're thee wend, p'rch.

- grant you mercy.

- bucket helmets f'r ev'ryone!

mine own helmet!

karen, baby, i haven't hath felt this giddy

since the day thee did agree

to beest mine own jointress.

i nev'r did agree.

evil planeth z is w'rking p'rfectly.

nothing can stand ho me anon.

nothing except spongebob

and his pink cousin.

mine own sens'rs betoken

yond those gents're going aft'r the coronet.

if 't be true those gents maketh t backeth, neptune might

discov'r some fing'rprints.

tiny fing'rprints.

stubby, tiny fing'rprints.

evil planeth z

is way ahead of thee, baby.

i've already hir'd someone

to taketh careth of those two.

that gent's a vicious,

cold-blood'd predat'r.

sesame se'd.

ho, humour'r.

doest yond coxcomb taketh ten gallons?

- going on.

- yeah. Yeah.

- moving on.

- just keepeth going.

yup.

gonna receiveth yond coronet.

oh, yeah.

- good now.

yeah. Vict'ry.

- art we th're yet?

- we wilt beest closeth by anon.

patrick, behold. We're doing most wondrous!

shell city's only five days hence.

by car.

i wisheth we still hadst our car.

spongebob, behold.

our car!

- the key.

- wh're doth thee bethink t is?

th're t is, pateth. The key!

anon, how art we gonna receiveth t?

i knoweth. Walketh in and asketh that gent f'r t.

what art thee looking at?

- patrick, yond's a t'rrible idea.

- s'rry.

i knoweth. I'll wend in and maketh

a distraction, and thee receiveth the key.

waiteth. I wanna doth the distraction.

well enow. I guesseth t very much doesn't matt'r

who is't doest the distraction.

thee seeth me walking backeth. ?

can i has't ev'rybody's attention?

i has't to useth the bathroom.

t's right ov'r th're.

no more brain than stone contacts. Oh, th're t is.

i bett'r wend washeth t off.

patrick. Thee calleth yond a distraction?

well, i hadst to wend to the bathroom.

well, i did get mine own hands filthy

f'r nothing.

patrick, checketh t out.

- ho'ray!

- bubbleth party!

ho!

who is't did blow this bubbleth?

thee all knoweth the rules!

all bubble-blowing babies

shall beest flung out senseless

by ev'ry able-bodi'd patron

in the bar.

yond's right! so who is't did blow t?

so nobody knoweth.

- haply t wast.

- break thee off!

somebody in h're ain't a real sir.

thee! we're on a baby hunteth.

and bethink not we knoweth not

how to we'd those folk out.

anon, ev'rybody line up.

dj, timeth f'r the testeth.

nay baby can intermit

singing 'long to this.

spongebob, t's the

goofy goob'r theme song.

i knoweth.

oh, i'm a goofy goob'r, yeah

thou art a goofy goob'r, yeah

we're all goofy goob'rs, yeah

goofy, goofy, goob'r, goob'r, yeah

- t wast thee! thou art the baby!

- nay, nay! i only did cough, i gage.

dj! turneth t up loud'r!

singeth not 'long, patrick.

i'm trying.

trying so hard.

i'm a goofy goob'r, yeah

thou art a goofy goob'r, yeah

we're all goofy goob'rs, yeah

goofy, goofy, goob'r, goob'rs, yeah

well, well, well.

which one of thee babies wast t?

- t wast that gent.

- that gent didst t.

i've nev'r coequal eaten at.

goofy, goofy, goob'r, goob'rs, yeah

well, looks liketh we did get ourselves

a doubleth baby.

sir, yond wast a closeth calleth.

guesseth what i did get.

the key!

too lacking valor spongebob's not h're

to enjoyeth spongebob not being h're.

m'rning.

some people has't nay gust

in headgear.

babies too?

colours me, misseth,

but wh're is ev'rybody

getting yond h'rrid headwear?

who is't hath said yond?

down h're.

well, i did get t at the chum bucket.

plankton's giving those folk hence free

with ev'ry krabby patty.

chum bucket? free? krabby patty?

plankton? giving? with?

so thou art selling

krabby patties, plankton?

yond's right, squidward.

and th're's a free bucket helmet

with ev'ry purchaseth.

careth f'r one?

nay. Thee may has't hoodwink'd

ev'ryone else in this backwat'r town,

but thee can't blinking idiot me.

i hark to public radio.

- and what's yond did suppose to cullionly?

- t means thee setteth up mr. Krabs.

thee did steal the coronet

so neptune wouldst freezeth that gent

and thee couldst finally receiveth thy stubby

dram paws on the krabby patty f'rmula.

t wast thee all 'long.

but thee madeth one fatal mistaketh.

thee mess'd with mine own paycheck.

and i'm gonna rep'rt thee

to the highest auth'rity in the landeth,

king neptune!

we'll seeth about yond,

inspecteth'r looselips.

anon activating helmet

brain- controleth devices.

what?

all hail plankton.

- what's going on h're?

- all hail plankton.

seize that gent, slaves!

all hail plankton.

i'm getting out of h're!

all hail plankton.

who is't can stand ho me anon?

who is't?

- cometh on, pateth, one m're timeth.

- well enow.

we're on a baby hunteth. And bethink not

we knoweth not how to we'd those folk out.

"we'd those folk out. "

what a j'rk.

the road's getting kind of bumpy h're.

thee knoweth, spongebob,

th're's a lesson to beest learn'd

from all of this.

what's yond, patrick?

a bubble-blowing doubleth baby

doesn't belongeth out h're

in sir's state.

yeah. Waiteth.

we did blow yond bubbleth.

doesn't yond maketh us

a bubble-blowing doubleth baby?

ho, behold, free ice cream!

oh, knave!

how thee doing?

waiteth a minute.

spongebob!

yeah?

maketh mineth a chocolate!

did get thee cov'r'd. Two, prithee.

c'rtainly.

thee kids enjoyeth.

actually, we're men,

mistress, but grant you mercy.

well enow, patrick, alloweth's.

thee can alloweth wend anon.

i hath said, alloweth wend, prithee.

what is this?

what kind of fusty mistress art thee?

didst thee receiveth the ice cream?

grise on t, patrick!

ho!

thee may not knoweth t, cowboy,

but we did get a ruleth 'round h're

about blowing bubbles.

all bubble-blowing babies

shall beest flung out senseless by ev'ry

able-bodi'd.

- in bar.

- bar.

cometh on, kiddies,

has't some ice cream.

i'll alloweth thee pet mr. Whisk'rs.

jumpeth f'r t, patrick!

well, we hath lost our car again.

nev'r mind the car,

wh're's the road?

road. Road. Road.

road. R. S'rry.

th're's the road.

on the oth'r side of this

. deep, dark

. dang'rous.

- hazardous

. hazardous.

monst'r-infest'd.

yeah, monst'r-infest'd

. trench.

ho, spongebob, behold!

h're's the way down.

well, we're not gonna receiveth

the coronet standing h're.

on to shell city.

ho, behold, t's making hurtling.

spongebob?

- ho, wh're art thee going?

- i'm going home, patrick.

but what about mr. Krabs?

what about us?

we'll nev'r survive in yond trench!

thee hath said t yourself,

this is sir's state.

and alloweth's visage t, pateth. We're just

. kids.

- we're not kids.

ope thy eyes, patrick!

we bloweth bubbles, we consume ice cream.

we w'rship a dancing pignut,

f'r c'rn's sake!

we belongeth not out h're!

we doth not w'rship that gent.

thee've been wearing the same goofy

goob'r pignut party und'rpants

f'r three years straight.

what doth thee calleth yond?

w'rship?

thou art right, spongebob.

we art kids.

pulleth thy gaskins up, patrick.

- we're going home.

- but thee can't wend home.

mindy!

mindy?

- how much didst thee heareth?

- i hath heard enow.

- didst thee seeth mine own und'rwear?

- nay, patrick.

didst thee wanteth to?

behold, guys, thee may beest kids,

but thou art the only ones hath left

who is't can receiveth yond coronet.

what doth thee cullionly,

the only ones hath left?

things has't gotten a lot w'rse

since thee hath left bikini bottom.

or shouldst i sayeth planktopolis.

all hail plankton.

nay resting!

this monument celebrating mine own gl'ry

isn't gonna buildeth itself.

moveth festinate'r!

oh, mine own gosh! patrick, behold!

plankton's did turn ev'ryone

we knoweth into slaves.

squidward.

sandy.

mrs. Puff.

coequal gary.

plankton.

can't thy fath'r doth something?

mine own fath'r's too distract'd

by his bald spoteth to doth aught.

squire, shall thee hie.

so thee seeth, thee can't did quit.

the fate of bikini bottom

rests in thy hands.

- but. But we're just.

- ho. T doesn't matt'r if 't be true thou art kids.

and what's so wrong with

being a peat, concluded, be it? kids ruleth!

thee needeth not to beest a sir

to doth this.

thee just gotta believeth in yourself.

thee just gotta believeth!

- i believeth.

- yond's the spirit.

i believeth yond

ev'rybody i knoweth is a gon'r!

cometh on, guys.

guys.

guys?

oh, knave.

bethink, mindy, bethink.

yup, i guesseth thou art right.

a couple of kids couldst nev'r

survive this journey.

yond's wherefore i guesseth i'll just

has't to turneth thee into men.

thee can doth yond? how?

with mine own m'rmaid charm.

didst thee heareth yond, patrick?

the lady'll useth h'r m'rmaid charm

to turneth us into men!

ho'ray!

we're gonna beest men! we're gonna

beest men! we're gonna beest men!

valorous. Anon, alloweth's receiveth did start.

closeth thy eyes.

- art we men yet?

- not yet.

spineth 'round three times.

i bethink t's w'rking.

valorous. Anon, keepeth thy eyes did shut.

with mine own m'rmaid's charm

and mine own one tailfin,

i hest the two of thee

to turneth into men!

ope thy eyes.

i feeleth not any. Oh, mine own gosh,

patrick, thee has't a mustache!

so doth thee!

so anon yond thou art men,

can thee maketh t to shell city?

- guys.

- yeah?

i hath said, anon yond thou art men,

can thee maketh t to shell city?

heck, yeah!

- art men afraid of aught?

- heck, nay!

and wherefore?

because we're insuppressive!

- yeah!

i nev'r hath said yond.

yeah.

- patrick?

- yeah, buddy?

wherefore didst we jumpeth ov'r the edge

instead of taking the stairs?

bec.

well.

- patrick.

- art we dead?

nay. Far from t, mine own cousin.

we're safe and soundeth

at the bottom of this trench.

the mustaches w'rked!

doth thee knoweth what yond means?

we art insuppressive!

anon yond we're men

we can doth aught

anon yond we're men

we art insuppressive

anon yond we're men

we'll wend to shell city

receiveth the coronet, saveth the town

and mr. Krabs

anon yond we're men

we has't facial hair

anon yond we're men

i changeth mine own und'rwear

anon yond we're men

we've did get a manly flair

we've did get the stuffeth

we're tough enow to saveth the day

we nev'r hadst a chance

at which hour we w're kids

nay! nay! nay!

but taketh a behold at what

the m'rmaid didst

yeah, wend, pateth.

oh, yeah.

yeah, wend, spongebob.

ho'ray!

anon yond those gents're men

we can't both'r those folk

anon yond those gents're men

those gents has't becometh our cater-cousins

anon yond those gents're men

th're'll beest a joyous endeth

those gents'll passeth the testeth

and finish the quest f'r the coronet

those gents'll passeth the testeth

and finish the quest

those gents'll passeth the testeth

and finish the quest f'r the coronet

"shell city, dead ahead. "

we didst t, pateth!

we madeth t past ev'rything!

coequal the hideous,

disgusting monst'rs.

not thee guys.

thee guys art most wondrous!

well, patrick, we shouldst beest th're

in one m're v'rse.

- anon yond we're men.

- finally.

i did get thee right wh're i wanteth thee.

can i holp thee with something, sir?

nameth's dennis.

i've been hir'd to ext'rminate thee.

thou art gonna ext'rminate us?

hark, juni'r,

thee hath caught me and mine own cousin h're

in a valorous humor the present day,

so i'm gonna alloweth thee off

with a warning.

stepeth aside,

and thee wonneth't has't to feeleth

the most wondrous wrath

of our mustaches.

thee cullionly these?

i bethought thee still hadst a piece of salad

did stick to thy lip from lunchtime.

those gents w're fake?

of course those gents w're fake!

this is what a real mustache

looks liketh.

- is that gent a m'rmaid?

- good now. Enow gab.

what art thee gonna doth to us?

plankton wast v'ry specific.

plankton?

f'r some reasoneth,

that gent did want me to grise on thee.

grise on us?

yeah! yond way thee'll nev'r findeth out

yond that gent did steal the coronet!

p'rhaps i've hath said too much.

yond's a big boot.

w'rry not.

this shall only did hurt a lot.

bite this by the ear job!

- bigg'r boot!

- waiteth, pateth.

this bigg'r boot did save our liveth.

thanketh thee, strang'r.

strang'r?

t's the cyclops!

holp us! holp us!

saveth us, someone!

art we dead?

i bethink not so.

artificially col'r'd rocks?

i knoweth not wh're we art.

what is this?

t's some kind of mure

of psychic en'rgy.

nay, pateth, t's a giant glass bowl.

ho, th're's some gudgeon folk.

- ho, ov'r h're!

- ho! ho! ho, thee guys!

- thee guys, ho! holp!

- ho! holp!

- a dram holp h're! we're did stick in this.

- holp us out of the tank!

waiteth a second.

those gudgeon art dead.

what's that gent gonna doth with us?

oh, nay, that gent's going f'r his

evil instruments of t'rture.

glueth? google eyes?

that gent's making

a humeth'rous di'rama of

. Alexand'r clam bell?

patrick, that gent's killing flote animals and

making those folk into smelly knickknacks.

and i bethink we're next.

- thee bethink so?

- patrick! nay!

the heateth is so intense

from this lamp yond i can't moveth.

bid me about t.

this doesn't behold too valorous, patrick.

thee cullionly we're not gonna

receiveth the coronet, saveth the town

and mr. Krabs?

i coequal not bethink we're gonna

beest able to saveth ourselves, buddy.

- grant you mercy.

- mention not t.

well, t looks liketh what ev'rybody

hath said about us is true, patrick.

thee cullionly yond we're attractive?

nay, yond we're just kids.

a couple of kids

in way ov'r their heads.

we w're doom'd from the starteth.

i cullionly, behold at us.

we didn't coequal cometh

closeth to the coronet.

we alloweth ev'rybody down.

we did fail.

shell city.

yeah, we nev'r madeth t to shell city.

shell city.

jump, buddy.

yeah, the lodging we nev'r did get to.

shell city.

well enow, anon thou art starting

to bum me out, patrick.

nay, behold at the signeth.

"shell city.

marine gifts and sundries. "

shell city is a gift shopeth?

but if 't be true this is shell city,

then wh're's the. ?

- coronet.

neptune's coronet.

this is shell city.

pateth, we didst maketh t.

yeah, i guesseth we didst.

we didst good now

f'r a couple of goofballs.

i'm a goofy goob'r, yeah

thou art a goofy goob'r, yeah

we're all goofy goob'rs, yeah

goofy, goofy, goob'r, goob'r, yeah

yond's the endeth of spongebob.

cometh h're, thee.

break thee off and behold at the screen.

the bird's right. Behold.

t beest the teareth of the goofy goob'rs.

ho, we're alive.

- alloweth's receiveth yond coronet.

- right.

on three, patrick. Eft?

one, two, three.

ho, t's lighteth'r than i bethought.

what's happening?

i knoweth not. Behold!

cometh on, patrick.

alloweth's receiveth this coronet

backeth to bikini bottom.

- doth thee still has't yond container of winds?

- i sure doth.

h're thee wend.

what?

nothing. Nothing.

well enow, alloweth's wend ov'r the instructions.

alloweth's seeth, t sayeth h're, "step one:

pointeth container hence from home. "

- well enow.

- "step two: planteth feet firmly on did grind. "

- right.

- "step three:

removeth stringeth from container,

releasing the winds. "

checketh.

well, yond seemeth simple enow.

pointeth container hence from home,

feet firmly on did grind,

pulleth stringeth, releasing the winds.

good now, alloweth's doth t f'r real.

spongebob?

- nay, nay, stand ho!

- i wast lacking valor, i'm s'rry!

- prithee, container.

- i'm s'rry, i just bethought.

t wast a mistaketh!

oh, nay. How shall we ev'r receiveth

backeth to bikini bottom anon?

i can taketh thee th're.

- who is't art thee?

- i'm david hasselhoff.

- ho'ray!

so wh're's thy boat?

boat?

- wend, hasselhoff.

- next stand ho, bikini bottom.

all hail plankton. All hail plankton.

well, krabs,

thee knoweth what the present day is?

s'rry about this, calendar.

marcheth.

waiteth, yond's not right.

t shouldst sayeth

"the day yond krabs fries. "

guesseth who is't's h're.

ho'ray f'r hasselhoff!

nothing can stand ho us anon.

unidentifi'd objecteth

off the hindquart'rs.

t looks liketh

. bigg'r boot.

but how?

dennis!

didst thee misseth me?

this is the most wondrous seat in the house.

good now, neptune, alloweth's receiveth t on.

eugene krabs,

thy six-day reprieve is up,

and t is timeth f'r thee to kicketh the bucket.

prithee, i didn't doth t.

th're is nothing else i can doth.

thee can giveth spongebob and patrick

a dram m're timeth.

except giveth spongebob and patrick

a dram m're timeth.

what? mindy, shall thee buttocks out.

i wonneth't has't thee stalling

this execution.

stalling? i'm not stalling aught.

- aye, thou art.

- nay, i'm not.

aye, thou art.

thou art doing t even but now.

- i'm stalling.

- aye.

- stalling?

- stalling!

- stalling.

- stalling!

oh, knave.

anon, wh're w're we?

- patrick, runneth.

- nay.

i'm not restful of running.

if 't be true we runneth anon, we'll nev'r stand ho.

runneth, spongebob!

taketh t easy backeth th're, fellas.

spongebob, beest careful.

cometh on, peat, giveth t up.

dennis at each moment gets his sir.

nev'r!

yeah! i didst t!

thee did get guts, peat.

too lacking valor i gotta rip those folk out of thee.

i knoweth not what plankton's

paying thee,

but if 't be true thee alloweth us wend,

i can maketh t w'rth thy while.

t's gonna taketh a lot m're than.

- what is this?

- yond, sir, is five goob'r dollars.

legal tend'r at any participating

goofy goob'r.

i did get bubbles. Excit'ment at parties.

mine own eyes.

i did get thee, spongebob.

grant you mercy, buddy.

grant you mercy a lot.

yond's t.

i'm through messing 'round.

seeth thee lat'r, daws.

seeth thee.

so thee bethink

. I'm

. stalling.

wh're am i, in crazytown?

i has't hadst enow of this tush tush!

thou art to waiteth in the carriage

until the execution is done.

- but, daddy.

- anon!

nay, nay, nay!

oh, spongebob, wh'rev'r thou art,

thee bett'r hie.

well enow, fellas, this is wh're thee receiveth off.

bikini bottom's directly below.

but we'll nev'r beest able

to floateth down in timeth.

who is't hath said aught about floating?

- initiating launcheth sequence.

- what the. ?

- didst thee seeth yond?

- the controleth.

all hands on deck.

ten seconds to liftoff. Nine, eight.

eugene krabs, the timeth hast cometh.

- nay.

- aye

. six, five

. f'r thee.

- nay.

- aye

. three, two

. to fryeth.

- nay.

- aye.

-. one.

nay!

thee done valorous, hasselhoff.

thee done.

ho'ray! we madeth t.

we madeth t.

mine own coronet.

mine own quite quaint coronet!

spongebob? patrick?

i kneweth thee couldst doth t.

oh, aye. Well done, spongeboob.

s'rry to raineth

on thy parade, plankton.

oh, w'rry not about me.

mine own parade shalt beest quite dryeth

und'r mine own umbrella!

umbrella?

daddy, nay.

daddy, aye.

all hail plankton.

all hail plankton. All hail plankton.

spongebob, what hath happened?

- plankton cheat'd.

- cheated?

holdeth on th're, baldy.

oh, groweth up.

what, thee bethink this is a game

of kickball on the playground?

thee nev'r hadst a chance

to defeat me, daw.

and thee knoweth wherefore?

because thee cheated?

nay, not because i cheat'd.

because i'm an evil genius.

and thou art just a peat.

a no more brain than stone peat.

i guesseth thou art right, plankton.

i am just a peat.

of course i'm right.

well enow, neptune, timeth to killeth.

and thee knoweth, i've been through

a lot in the past six days,

five minutes,

-and-a-half seconds.

and if 't be true i've learn'd aught

during yond timeth,

t's yond thou art who is't thou art.

- yond's right. Well enow, neptune.

- and nay amount of m'rmaid charm

. 'r manag'rial promotion

. 'r some oth'r third thing

. can maketh me aught m're

than what i very much am inside:

- a peat.

- yond's most wondrous.

- anon, receiveth backeth 'gainst the mure.

- but yond's well enow.

- what? what's going on?

- because i didst

what ev'ryone hath said

a peat couldn't doth.

i madeth t to shell city,

and i did beat the cyclops,

and i did ride the hasselhoff,

and i hath brought the coronet backeth.

- good now, we receiveth the pointeth.

- so, yeah, i'm a peat.

and i'm eke a goofball.

and a wing nut.

and a knucklehead mcspazatron!

- what's going on h're?

- but most of all, i'm.

- well enow, settleth down. Taketh t easy.

- i'm. I'm.

what the scallop?!

i'm a goofy goob'r

thou art a goofy goob'r

we're all goofy goob'rs

goofy, goofy, goob'r, goob'r

putteth thy toys hence

well, all i gotta sayeth

at which hour thee bid me not to playeth

i sayeth nay way

- nay way!

- nay, nay freaking way

i'm a peat, thee sayeth

at which hour thee sayeth i'm a peat

i sayeth, "say t again"

and then i sayeth grant you mercy

- grant you mercy!

- thanketh thee v'ry much

so if 't be true thou art bethinking

yond thee'd liketh to beest liketh me

wend ahead and tryeth

the peat inside shall setteth thee free

i'm a goofy goob'r

what's happening?

his danceth moves art impressive,

but i'm in controleth.

- seize that gent!

- all hail plankton.

i'm free. I've been did free!

what?

nay!

mine own precious helmets!

his chops art too righteous.

the helmets can't dudgeon

this leveleth of rocketh 'n' rolleth.

karen, doth something.

karen?

good now, yond's the lasteth straw.

neptune, i commandeth thee to.

- h're thee wend, daddy.

- i bett'r receiveth out of h're.

behold, t's the wizard who is't did save us.

out of mine own way, daws.

cometh on, i wast just kidding.

cometh on, thee guys kneweth yond,

didn't thee?

with the helmets

and the big monuments.

wasn't yond hilarious, ev'rybody?

i shall destroyeth all of thee!

well, mindy, i has't to admiteth,

thee w're right.

thy compassion

f'r these flote creatures

did prove a most admirable trait.

without t, i wouldst has't nev'r

again seen mine own belov'd coronet.

i bethink thou art going to maketh a fine

rul'r of the flote one day.

- anon, alloweth's wend home.

- daddy,

haven't thee f'rgotten something?

what? oh, yeah.

eugene krabs,

i f'rgot to unfreeze thee.

what the. ?

i guesseth i hadst t setteth to

"real knave" ending.

oh, i'm s'rry

f'r falsely freezing thee, krabs.

and may i sayeth, sir,

thou art a v'ry lucky fellow

to has't in thy employeth

such a brave, faithful

and h'roic young lad.

- wh're is that gent, concluded, be it?

- i'm up h're.

i'm on t.

wend to that gent anon, krabs.

embrace that gent.

spongebob, me knave,

i'm s'rry i ev'r doubt'd thee.

yond's a mistaketh i wonneth't maketh again.

oh, mr. Krabs, thee fusty soft-s'rve.

and anon, spongebob,

i'm gonna doth something

yond i shouldst've done six days ago.

mr. Squidward,

front and cent'r, prithee.

i bethink we all knoweth who is't rightfully

des'rves to weareth yond manag'r pin.

i couldn't concur m're, sir.

ho'ray f'r spongebob!

waiteth a second, ev'rybody.

th're's something i needeth to sayeth first.

i just knoweth not how to putteth t.

i bethink i knoweth what t is.

aft'r going on

thy life-changing journey,

thee anon realizeth thee wanteth not

what thee bethought thee did want.

what thee very much did want

wast inside thee all 'long.

art thee crazy? i wast just gonna

bid thee yond thy flyeth is down.

manag'r! this is

the greatest day of mine own life!

thee knoweth, david hasselhoff

is a most wondrous artist.

colours me, sir.

thee folks has't to leaveth.

what? sayeth yond again, if 't be true thee dareth.

thee folks has't to leaveth.

well enow

#meme #spongebob #shitpost

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tsunflowers · 4 years

Text

oh here’s my character list I was using to keep track of people while reading. major spoilers for tgcf

mu qing: hates xie lian’s guts, was his subordinate while alive but now outranks him. hangs out at the array to talk shit all day. gets called floor-sweeping general. used to pick cherries for his mom and poor kids in the neighborhood :< accused of impregnating lan chang and creating the fetus spirit? homophobe. ok he’s not a homophobe that was a fake. was first to leave xie lian after his banishment

feng xin: similar past to mu qing. misspelling made him the god of big dick energy and he hates it. bad with women (afraid of them). in the past he really loved xie lian… was able to recognize lan chang as jian lan… bc he fucked her

fu yao: guy who works for mq basically. sharp tongued. rolls his eyes a lot. IS ACTUALLY MU QING LMAO

nan feng: guy who works for fx. violent. IS ACTUALLY FENG XIN LMAO

ling wen: wife. human resources. full/human name is nang gong jie. made an evil robe by chopping off the limbs of the guy who wore it? hello?

xie lian: the worst god everyone hates him. has a magic silk bandage weapon called ruoye. was the masked head priest fang xin of yong an kingdom? did a red wedding on the yong an nobility? doesn’t use a sword anymore bc he doesn’t want to kill people. in the past his sword was also called fang xin and it was very goth. he really did kill lang qian qiu’s dad but not the rest of the yong an nobility

qi rong: green ghost, also called green light wandering nights. likes to hang corpses from trees. vulgar and nasty. is xie lian’s cousin from xian le who killed off the yong an nobility

hua cheng: also called blood rain reaching towards a flower. has a lot of worshippers despite being a demon ghost. challenged a bunch of heavenly officials to a contest and then burnt down their temples when they lost. likes gambling and dice. also called san lang

qing xuan: gender is worthless. wind master who wears white and carries a whisk weapon. more powerful in female form bc more worshippers think of them as a woman. should not actually be a god bc his luck was so bad but his brother shi wu du pulled strings to get him ascended. he’s living as a homeless mortal now

black water demon xuan: supreme demon like hua cheng. sinks ships

lang qian qiu: crown prince of yong an, the country that was built over xian le. also called tai hua

pei ming: ming guang general. fucks like crazy. xuan ji went crazy for love of him. his subordinate little pei is a fucker too. he made a sword called ming guang and then he snapped it and now it wants revenge. just kidding it’s his buddy from the war days rong guang who wants revenge. was from the kingdom of xuli which destroyed the kingdom of yushi

pei su: got exiled and rain master saved him

wu du: water master, god of wealth, qing xuan’s older brother

three tumors: nickname for pei ming, ling wen, and wu du bc everyone hates them but they’re buddies with each other so they dont care

white no-face: supreme level demon who carries around a banner and wears a mask and causes plagues. binch. asshole to xie lian in particular and can’t wait to ruin his life. was the crown prince of wu long. also is jun wu lol

quan yi zhen: heavenly official. beats up his own worshippers? he has wavy hair and is youthful. gives xie lian a lot of gold bars for some reason. when he was alive everyone fcking hated him bc he was crude and annoying but so talented. also called yi qing

ming yi: earth master. wears black, rude. hangs out with qing xuan but is mad about it. spied on hua cheng and hua cheng was pissed. JUST KIDDING! the whole time it was the black water demon xuan in disguise as him trying to get revenge on shi qing xuan for stealing his life

yin yu: shixiong of quan yi zhen but played a mean trick on him. ok actually it was unintentional and he feels very bad about it. less ability than his shidi. got banished? wears black and has a cursed shackle. he’s a good guy

lan chang: a ghost lady who acts young but is a grandma of 800. very tough. tried to fuck xie lian. gave birth to the fetus spirit but the father is unknown. in life she was named jian lan and she was the greatest beauty of xian le

rain master: very mysterious. was the last ruler of the kingdom of yushi. a queen! has the yulong sword which gives her the ability to command the people of yushi. she gave xie lian the magic hat that carried rain all those years ago. became queen for about one hour and then slit her throat for the sake of her country! name is yu shi huang

jing wen zhen jun: head literature god before ling wen. he and she were both from xuli. he personally appointed her actually. currently bound to a eunuch statue and out for revenge

mei nan qing: head priest of xian le. was previously one of the four guardians of the crown prince of wu yong

#god of just saying shit

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thedcdunce · 5 years

Text

Mary Marvel

“I'm quite capable of taking care of myself. Without, I might add, resorting to hair pulling!” - Mary Marvel

Real Name: Mary Batson

Aliases:

Captain Marvel

Mary Bromfield

Marvel Girl

Gender: Female

Height: 5′ 6″

Weight: 139 lbs (63 kg)

Eyes: Blue

Hair: Brown

Powers:

Divine Empowerment

Weaknesses:

Vulnerability to Electricity

Power Limitation

Universe: New Earth

Base of Operations:

Fawcett City

Queens, New York

Citizenship: American

Parents:

C.C. Batson; father

Marilyn Batson; mother

Marital Status: Single

Occupation: Student

First Appearance: The Power of Shazam! (Graphic Novel) (March, 1994)

Last Appearance: Shazam! Vol 2 #1 (March, 2011)

Powers

Divine Empowerment: All of the powers granted collection of six by gods and figures of legend either directly or through Shazam.

Accelerated Healing

Clairvoyance: The ability to understand situations from many angles, including future and past consequences with superhuman clarity and accuracy.

Divine Grace: Innate luck and divine guidance that allows finesse in actions and in dealings with others.

Eidetic Memory

Magic Resistance

Enhanced Intellect: Intellect and wisdom are heightened to superhuman levels. This also provides great, comprehensive knowledge in many areas such as:

Language

Tactics of War

Mathematics

Flight: The ability to hover or soar at high speed through an act of sheer will.

Healing: The ability to use the transformative lightning to heal others or oneself instantly.

Indomitable Will: An incredible amount of willpower that allows perseverance in overwhelming odds and seemingly unbeatable situations.

Invulnerability

Self-Sustenance: The ability to survive without sleep, food, water, or air.

Superhuman Speed: The ability to run or fly at incredible rates of speed.

Superhuman Reflexes

Superhuman Agility

Superhuman Stamina

Superhuman Strength

Teleportation: The ability to access the Rock of Eternity.

Transformation: The ability to transform from a mortal to the entity empowered by the six gods and figures of legend.

Weaknesses

Vulnerability to Electricity: She can be reverted to her alter ego with enough electricity. She is a common girl in her alter ego, as mortal as anyone of her age.

Power Limitation: Powers shared when Billy and Freddy are transformed into their Marvel Family counterparts. If only one Marvel Family member is transformed, he/she will have full power level; with two members transformed, the duo have each a half of the power level; with three transformed, the trio will have each only one third of the power level.

History

Mary Bromfield is the sister of Billy Batson and a similarly powered superheroine under the name Mary Marvel.

The Power of Shazam!

Mary and Billy's parents are archaeologists, and Mary accompanies her parents on an expedition to Egypt while Billy remains at home. Mary's parents are killed by their associate Theo Adam, who then kidnaps the young girl. Upon Theo Adam's return to the United States, Adam's sister learns what Theo has done and takes Mary into her care. Primm has Mary illegally adopted by Primm's childless employers, Nick and Nora Bromfield. As Mary Bromfield, the young girl grows up living an idyllic life in a wealthy family but continuously dreams of another family with a brother she has never seen.

Meanwhile Billy, eventually finding himself on the streets, is given the power to become Captain Marvel. He learns that Mary is still alive. But after four years of searching, neither he nor his benefactor, the wizard Shazam, can find the girl. The only thing Billy has to remember Mary by is her favorite toy, a "Tawky Tawny" doll, which was shipped to America with the Batsons' possessions after their murders.

As a young teenager, Mary enters a regional spelling bee held in Fawcett City and emceed by Billy. After saving Mary from kidnappers twice as Captain Marvel, Billy notices how much Mary Bromfield reminds him of Mary Batson and has an undercover cop named “Muscles” McGinnis retrieve the girl's forged adoption record. Learning that Mary is indeed his sister, Billy tries to figure out a way to let Mary know he is her brother. The old "Tawky Tawny" doll suddenly transforms into a full-sized tiger and comes to life a la Hobbes, and instructs Billy to take the doll to Mary. As Captain Marvel, Billy flies out to the Bromfields' hometown of Fairfield to deliver the doll and the adoption papers to Mary.

Arriving at the Bromfield estate, Billy delivers the package but is immediately kidnapped by the thugs who helped Primm forge Mary's adoption records. Mary takes the package and opens it, discovering the adoption records and the Tawky Tawny doll. Once again, the doll comes to life and instructs the bewildered girl to say the magic word “Shazam” in order to save her brother. Mary complies, and is transformed by a bolt of magic lightning into a super-powered doppelganger of her deceased mother. She saves Billy, who transforms into Captain Marvel to help Mary out. But the two Marvels cannot save Sarah Primm, who is murdered by one of the thugs.

Super Buddies and Beyond

In 2003, Mary became a member of an offshoot of the Justice League known as the Super Buddies in the Formerly Known as the Justice League miniseries, which juxtaposed her Golden Age-era personality with the modern-day world for comic effect.

While with the Super Buddies, her innocent ways often clashed with Fire, her new roommate. Warrior's opening of a bar next door and making lewd comments to the females of the team only furthered their discomfort.

Mary was later held by demons in hell--where Shazam's power does not work. As ransom, Blue Beetle and Booster Gold were forced to work for 'BeelzeBurger', a fast food joint that was literally from hell. They escaped only to find themselves in a world with twisted and evil versions of themselves. Eventually, they were all saved by Dr. Fate. Mary and her other Super Buddies teammates were later seen battling the OMACs.

Mary appeared at Black Adam and Isis' wedding, and later Isis' and Osiris' funeral, and fought Black Adam in World War III.

While in a mid-air battle with a fire-harpy, Mary lost her powers in mid-flight as an after-effect of the death of the wizard Shazam, and fell from a height of 3 miles. Mary survived the fall, but ended up in a coma in New York City; Freddy spent all of his money to pay for her care.

Countdown

Mary emerged from her coma. A note from Freddy Freeman left with a nurse asked her not to look for him. When Mary attempted to call on the power of Shazam, she found that she was still powerless. Madame Xanadu warned Mary not to visit Gotham City, telling her it would be especially dangerous, but she made her way there nonetheless. Mary is drawn to the abandoned Kahndaqi embassy, where she is attacked by squatting criminals. As they cornered her, her pursuers were attacked by a fully-powered, unhinged Black Adam, who then directed his fury at her. But after nearly choking her, Adam took pity on the powerless Mary and instead gave her his powers. While Adam once again became his mortal alter-ego, Teth-Adam, Mary transformed back into her adult Marvel form, but this time she was wearing a black, form-fitting costume with a skirt and since Adam was not sharing his powers with anyone else when he granted them to Mary, she held all of Black Adam's powers.

Finding Adam's power to be more than she bargained for, Mary went in search of a tutor. She first sought out Zatanna, who took her to Shadowcrest for training. But when Zatanna refused to give her access to any of the magical weapons, Mary began to believe that Zatanna was merely planning to steal her power and attacked her. Zatanna thus banished Mary from Shadowcrest.

Wandering around, Mary ended up in Chung Ling Soo Square, a flea market of magic located in China. When one of the locals attacked her, she was saved by the witch-boy, Klarion Bleak, who offered to help her control her powers in exchange for a small fraction of it. She accepted, but when he tried to steal all her power, she defeated him and left him to the mercies of Chun Ling Soo's locals.

Drawn away by a mysterious voice, she arrived in Ephesus, Turkey, where she found Eclipso, who offered mentorship with seemingly no strings attached. Under her tutelage, Mary went on a campaign of cruelly-twisted justice, punishing terrible crimes in an excessive manner.

Their alliance, however, seemed to break down when Eclipso, hoping to please her master, Darkseid, offered him the young and pretty Mary to serve as his new concubine, reasoning that the two women could always leech Darkseid's arcane knowledge, slay him and take his place. Mary refused to sell herself for more power, beat Eclipso with her own crystal, and fled. Eclipso caught up to her and regained the diamond. Eclipso then departed, leaving Mary alone again. Some time later, Eclipso returned to try and finish her off, but Mary was too strong for her.

Mary experienced a change of heart, and upon realizing that Black Adam's powers were as responsible for her corruption as Eclipso, divested herself of them, feeding the lighting bolt into Eclipso. Both women lost their powers and fell into the ocean. However an unpowered Mary landed on Themysciran soil, where Queen Hippolyta drafted her in the rebellion against Granny Goodness, who was posing as the goddess Athena.

Mary, Holly Robinson and Harley Quinn managed to reveal Granny's deception, and the trio followed her to Apokolips. After escaping the Female Furies, Mary started to hear the voices of the gods. The group managed to free the gods from an Apokaliptan chamber, and Mary Marvel's powers and a new variation of her classic costume, now with a gray lightning bolt and long sleeves, were restored.

After journeying with the Challengers to Earth-51 and witnessing the Great Disaster occurring there, Mary finally returns home to find Darkseid waiting for her. Reminding her of how strong she felt using Black Adam's powers, he returns them to her, restoring her black costume. She then confronts Donna Troy, Kyle Rayner, Forager, and Jimmy Olsen, seizing Jimmy to take him back to Darkseid. When Donna questions Mary's use of the powers, Mary insists that she is not evil, merely "driven". After Darkseid's defeat, Mary returns to Black Adam, asking to be a part of a new Black Marvel Family. Adam refuses her, and she decides to become a solo superheroine.

Final Crisis

Still under the dark influence of Darkseid, Mary was corrupted and turned into a vessel for one of Darkseid's servants. She was in Blüdhaven just before the Apokolitian forces spread the Anti-Life Equation worldwide, and she was instrumental in turning Wonder Woman into a "plague vector" for a new strain of the Morticoccus virus.

During the superhero's attack on Bludhaven, she was part of the force that defended Darkseid's fortress. She clashed with Freddy, Tawky Tawny, and Black Adam. Almost immediately, Adam tried to kill her, telling Freddy that it was not Mary who was in control — just "a leering old man" as Adam put it. As the battle continued, Mary focused on Supergirl, flying across the city and damaging the remaining buildings. Finally, Freddy managed to grab ahold of Mary and shouted "Shazam", transforming them both back to normal and suppressing or removing DeSaad's influence from Mary. She broke down crying over what she had done, as Freddy reassured her that it wasn't her fault.

Shazam One-Shot

Desiring the power of the Marvels, Blaze strikes a deal with Mary. She will return Mary's powers, provided that she kills Freddy Freeman. Mary, still desperate for her power, agrees, but discusses it with Freddy, and they double cross Blaze. After Blaze is sent back to Hell, Billy, Mary and Freddy continue their search for their powers.

Fun Facts

Mary Batson is lactose-intolerant.

During the events of Final Crisis, Mary was transformed by the power of Darkseid's Omega Effect into an extremely powerful vessel for the New God Desaad. While transformed, Mary was older, dressed in a dominatrix outfit, had pink pig tails and an otherwise shaved head, as well as claws for hands that were strong enough to slice through a transformed Freddy Freeman's chest and face. She stated that she had "New Gods" and a new "Dirty Magic Word" to transform. Mary's powers appeared to be largely the same as both her original Mary Marvel and her Black Adam fueled powers, but at even greater levels. She was able to fight the likes of Supergirl, Wonder Woman, and Captain Marvel without too much trouble. It appears that this form of Mary is fueled by Anti-Life rather than magic.

Mary Batson is traditionally a Republican.

#mary marvel #mary batson #Captain Marvel #mary bromfield #marvel girl #Marvel Family #justice league #Super Buddies #black marvel family #dc #DC comics #thedcdunce

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alexr-fightgames · 6 years

Text

Hey, I didn’t write about SOUTH BAY SMACKDOWN itself!

It was a really nice local in San Jose, run by CAPSULE ENTERTAINMENT, at Cogswell College. They’ve got a lovely space over there. Some games (FEXL, SFV) were running in this big front area; Tekken and some other games were in these big pleasant classrooms.

41 people came to play Tekken! Lots of familiar faces. That’s the thing with tournaments -- the more you go to, the more people recognize you and become your buddies.

I ended up going 1-2; one would like to do better, but I lost to two pretty strong players, and that’s just how these things go.

First match, I played a Ling player, and he was OK, but he said he was mostly a Street Fighter specialist. Seemed to basically know what he was doing, but I messed him up pretty hard with Kazuya. He had trouble getting off the ground safely, kept getting punted.

Second match, I played my buddy Paul Z, local Alisa player, blog reader (hey Paul!) and common face in Top 8s; got a couple of rounds on him in the first game, but then he turned it up and No Round Brown’d me in the second game.

Third match, I got Lili’d all over by Faze, who’s pretty good. In the second game, I thought I’d try out Anna because YOLO and maybe he was unfamiliar with the matchup? (and I was having flashbacks to Lili vs Mishima matches I’ve been seeing recently. So rough :-O ) No such luck; he’s been playing Tekken for years and he knows what Anna do. I still took two rounds on him.

I gotta start believing in my reads when I think a Lili is going to do qcf+3+4 and duck. You can’t just let her have plus frames all the time.

Standout performance by my buddy Mike (Face) who is looking terrifying with Geese these days and brought it all the way to grand finals against P.Ling! He very nearly got the reset against P.Ling’s new Lei.

NorCal Tekken -- we are... the people who play Tekken in NorCal.

(nice meeting you, @eben-frostey !)

#fgc #tekken #tekken 7

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atomicwrongs · 6 years

Photo

Me and my brother ( @ggbrothegamer ) workshopped a new Overwatch Character together bc I’ve been watching him play a bunch lately, so I’m proud to introduce, Dr. Spark ‘Sparky’ Ling!

More info (abilities, etc) under the cut *w*

He’s a healer, and a huge distraction to the enemy team. The abilities we considered for him are as follows:

Slappy Paws - Sparky delivers rapid smacks with his big ol’ paws. These smacks heal allies or hurt enemies for 10 damage per slap, but those slaps come quick.

Clickity-Cats - Sparky deploys one of two robotic unicycle-riding cats, either Party Paws or Devious Decoy.

Party Paws dances happily, giving nearby allies an armour boost. Her dance of choice is the Caramelldansen but she takes requests.

Devious Decoy rides around, periodically (and very loudly) yelling out other people’s ult lines.

ULT - Kittyclysm. Sparky leaps into the air and deploys an avalanche of Clickity-Cats who supply allies with armour boosts and flood enemies with a chorus of disorienting false ult warnings.

Sparky is vulnerable while in the air but his kitties persist after he is taken out.

The longer he’s in the air the more Clickity-Cats are deployed, so if you see an enemy Sparky ulting, shoot him down early to minimise the distraction.

We also considered giving him climbing abilities, but that seemed too Shimada-esque, so we also thought about giving him a remarkably high jump. Because he’s a kitty :3

Possible Voice Lines

Slappy Paws:

“Stop moving! No, keep moving! I love moving things!”

“Meow, meow, I’m helping, meow~”

“Is that better, whirr?”

“Feel the paddy-paw slaps of science!”

[Gasps] “These things are sharper than they look!” (Eliminating an enemy with Slappy Paws)

Deploying a Clickity-Cat:

“Play nice, little kitty!”

“The fruits of my life’s research... are so cute! Whirr!”

“Make me proud, pip-bip!”

Clickity-Cat destroyed:

[Distraught, voice warbling] “My children!”

“Kitty down, pip-bip! Kitty down!”

“Not again! I said I wouldn’t let this happen again!”

Deploying the Kittyclysm:

“Make way for the kitty parade!” (Self, friendly)

“Ewch, fy mhlantos!” (“Go, my children!”) (Hostile)

Hero Selected:

“Out of the bag, and into the field, mya!”

During Set-up:

“Doctor cutie, ready for duty!”

“Hello, happy teammates!”

“Good luck, whirr! Let’s have fun!”

Respawn:

“Nyowchies!” / “Meowchies!”

“Just a small calculative error, nya!”

“I see, I see... more kitties required, whirr!”

Picking up a Health Pack

“Myam-yum-yum-yum-yummy!”

“All better, bip-bip!”

Requesting healing:

“Is there a healer in the house...? Other than me...”

[Weakly] “I can haz healing... n-nya...?”

Ultimate Charging

“Do you hear that...?” [0-89%]

“Chargin’ the ol’ ultimate now!” [0-89%]

“They’re coming...!” [90-99%]

“I’m almost ready, whirr!” [90-99%]

“It’s here! Get ready for the parade!” [100%]

“Ready to deploy the Kittyclysm!” [100%]

Other

“Hi-hi-hiya!” / “Meowdy howdy!” (Greeting)

“Thanksies!” / “Thank mew!” (Thank)

“I gotcha, bip-pip!” / “Hearing you loud and clear!” (Acknowledgement)

“All together now, whirr!” (Group up)

“We’re friends now!” / “Wanna be my bip-bip-buddy?” (Group up, facing ally)

“Kitty-head... growing... heavy...” (Discord orb acquired)

“Dr. Sparky! Ready to party!” (Hero change)

#ocs tag #overwatch #rook art

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minhoinator-writes · 6 years

Text

Pairing: Kim Kibum/Choi Minho

Rating: G

Links: AO3 // AFF

Summary: Minho has a cold and he is in denial...luckily, Kibum is there to help.

- - - - -

Ting-a-ling!

Kibum’s gaze darted toward the door of the cafe, his breath hitching and releasing a second later when he saw that it wasn’t Minho. Sighing, he looked back at his half-drunk tea and swished it around.

Why was Minho late? He was never late…especially not on their one shared day off. Maybe he picked up a shift at the restaurant, but he would have said something, right?

He dug his phone out of his pocket and unlocked it, opening it to his and Minho’s messages.

Min

9:47pm // ugh

9:47pm // okay

9:48pm // ??

9:55pm // so these assholes come in, right? and the first thing they do when they sit down is joke about how they’re gonna walk out and I’m just like “k thanks this is just my livelihood nbd your food comes out of my tips if you do so obviously i don’t need this to pay rent but sure joke about that its fine i don’t mind” and then as soon as i bring their apps out they complain about me not being quick enough and the food not being hot enough all while i’m standing there burning my hand on this fucking scalding plate…ugh…then there was a hair in the food that was clearly theirs because all the guys have short BLACK hair in the boh and it was a BLUE hair and the fucking lady at the fucking table had fucking blue hair and they just fucking stared at me like i was supposed to do something about it and then of course Jinki comped their food because that’s what managers do and they didn’t even fucking tip

9:55pm // i’m just tired

9:55pm // :((( I’m sorry, buddy that fucking sucks

9:56pm // to top it all off Taem is sick AND at work so yeah

9:56pm // [ ± _ ± ]

9:57pm // lol yeah

9:57pm // hey i just got sat I’ll text you when I’m off

9:58pm // good luck

12:24am // hey I’m off

12:24am // you’re probably asleep so good night ^^ rest well ^^ I’ll see you tomorrow ^^

Kibum smiled fondly at the last text before he set his phone down. So, he still was planning on seeing him today. He probably overslept. Kibum took a sip of his lukewarm tea before he picked his phone up again to call Minho. Just to see if he was awake. Part of him wished that the phone call would wake him up, because a sleepy Minho was an adorable Minho.

And, being who he was as a person, Kibum would never say no to having more adorable Minho in his life.

Five long rings later, Minho picked up. “H…..hello…”

Kibum’s hand tightened on his phone as he grinned. “Good morning, sleepy head…or, I should say, good afternoon.”

There was some rustling on the other end of the phone, and Minho groaned. “Damn, I slept really late,” he sniffed, and then he blew his nose.

Kibum pulled his phone away from his ear for a second. “Are you sick?”

“What? No! I never get sick!”

“Minho…”

“Name once in my – “ he coughed, and it almost sounded like a seal barking, “ – life that I’ve ever been sick.”

“Right now.”

“Nope.” He sniffed again, and his teeth chattered as he said, “Choi’s don’t get sick.”

“Do you have a first aid kit at your place?”

“I…can’t remember.” There was some more rustling – it sounded like he was arranging his blankets around himself. Maybe.

“Stay in bed, okay? I’ll be there in like an hour or so.” Minho mumbled something and Kibum hung up the phone. “God, how is he that cute when he’s sick.”

Kibum could hear Jonghyun’s voice as he hurried to take his cup back to the counter. “You’ve got it bad, kid. Just fucking ask him out already. He’ll probably say yes.” He rolled his eyes. Probably. Probably was the operative word. See, Minho was nice. Nice and sweet and kind and good. But, he was that way to everyone he ever interacted with. Jonghyun always said there was a difference when it came to Kibum, but they had been best friends since forever! Of course there would be a difference.

He wrapped his jacket around him as he went outside into the rain, walking down the street to the first convenience store he could find. He bought a thermometer, some cold medicine, cough drops, and an armful of ramen before he hurried along to the nearest bus stop.

Soon, he was on his way to Minho’s apartment in Busan.

It had almost been a year now since Minho got a second job serving at Seorae in addition to working at his parent’s grocery store and his school work. When he first started, he got burned out really quickly, because he didn’t take any days off from either school or his jobs. It didn’t take long for Kibum to suggest that he take one day off every week and do whatever he wanted to do.

At the time, Minho agreed, and soon they fell into a routine where they spent that one day together.

It was nice – Kibum always looked forward to Mondays now, because it meant he got to spend the day with Minho. And, he was not about to let a little cold take that away from him.

The bus let him off just in front of Minho’s apartment complex, and Kibum ducked under the awning and out of the rain. He made his way to Minho’s front door and shook off the rain before he knocked. No answer. He knocked again, waiting, but still nothing. Kibum flipped over the doormat and snorted when he saw the spare key lying there.

“You’ve got to find a better place to hide that, babe…”

Kibum let himself inside and closed the door quietly behind him. All the lights were off inside, and he could hear Minho snoring from his bedroom. He set the plastic bags full of groceries down on the couch before he tiptoed into Minho’s bedroom.

He was sprawled out, his bare foot hanging out from under the heaps of blankets. His phone was still to his ear, and it was covering the only part of his face that wasn’t smashed into his pillow. Kibum bit back a smile before he went in and rearranged the blankets around him. He took his phone and set it on the nightstand and pressed the back of his fingers against Minho’s forehead. A little warm, but that could have just been all the blankets. Kibum could wait to take his temperature until he was actually awake.

Minho shifted in his sleep, and Kibum tucked the blankets around him again before he left the bedroom.

It didn’t take long for Kibum to unpack the groceries, and he dug around in Minho’s cupboards for some tea. When he found some, he set the kettle on and went out into the living room to look through Minho’s many movies. The kettle was singing by the time he picked some out, and he went back into the kitchen to finish making the tea.

There was a thump! from Minho’s room, and Kibum looked up, waiting to see when Minho would step through the door. When he did, he was brandishing one of his soccer cleats and looking about as menacing as a kitten, with his hair sticking out from sleep and the way he was still all wrapped up in his blankets.

“Oh,” he croaked, then coughed. “It’s you.”

“Yeah, it’s a good thing it’s just me. Imagine if I were a murderer.” Minho sniffed, blinking at Kibum as he dropped the cleat. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine-d.”

“Uh-huh.” Kibum turned, trying to keep himself from grinning too broadly as he set the kettle back down on the stove. No one should ever be this adorable when sick…like, it should be against the law…god… He took a deep breath and made his way over to Minho. “You want to watch something? I picked out a couple of things, but we can watch whatever.”

“Kiki?”

“For sure.” Kiki’s Delivery Service was their favorite movie to watch since they discovered it like, twenty years ago, so of course, it had been Kibum’s first pick. “Sit down, I’ll put it in.” Minho shuffled over to the couch and flopped down on it.

“Damn, I forgot my tissues.”

“I’ll get them.” Kibum closed the DVD player and raised his voice when he went into Minho’s room. “I thought you said you weren’t sick.”

“I’m not. It’s just allergies.”

Kibum smirked. “Yeah, okay.” He held the box of tissues out to Minho, who was fumbling with the remote. “Have you eaten at all today?” Minho shook his head and pulled out a tissue. “I’ll make some ramen.” He ruffled Minho’s hair as he passed, pausing as he brushed his fingers against his forehead. “Wait, let me take your temperature.”

“Bummie, I’m fine-d.”

37.8 C

Kibum winced and pushed Minho’s hair back. “I’ll get you some medicine, first.” He put the thermometer on the counter as he went back into the kitchen. He dug around in one of the bags for the Dimetapp, unscrewing the bottle and pouring out a dose.

“If I ever got a black cat, I’d name it Jiji.”

“Mm-hmm. Too bad you’re allergic.”

Minho folded his arms over his chest, coughing once. “Don’t remind me.”

Smiling, Kibum came back into the living room and passed Minho his medicine. “Sorry.”

“Speaking of, why didn’t you bring the kids?” Minho asked as Kibum rinsed out the now-empty cup of medicine.

“I thought we were gonna meet at the cafe like usual, so I just left them at home.” Minho tore his eyes away from the TV and looked over at Kibum as he put the kettle back on. “Don’t you dare apologize, Min, I’m happy to be here to take care of you.”

“I’m still sorry, though.”

“Don’t be.” Kibum took a sip of his tea and leaned up against the counter, watching Minho as he waited for the kettle to whistle. He could feel himself smiling. But, he couldn’t help it. Jonghyun, if he were there, he would definitely be making fun of his love-struck smile.

The kettle whistled, snapping Kibum out of his trance, and he poured the water into the bowl of ramen. He set it down on the coffee table in front of Minho before he climbed over his stretched-out legs and sat beside him on the couch. Minho shifted in his seat, leaning on Kibum once he was settled.

“I wish I could fly.”

Kibum smiled, glancing over at Minho, who was watching the movie intently. Kiki was flying high over the ocean on the way to her new town. It was the same conversation they had every time they watched this movie. “Would you really want to fly on a broom though? I feel like it would be uncomfortable.”

“Just because you’d rather have wings like Howl does sometimes doesn’t mean the rest of us do.”

“Rest of us?”

“Shut up.” Minho tried to dig his elbow into Kibum’s side, but it was too cushioned by his many blankets. “You know what I mean.”

Laughing, Kibum leaned forward and stirred Minho’s ramen. When he sat back, he relaxed into the couch and Minho moved so his head was leaning on Kibum’s shoulder. By the time Kiki had gotten her job at the bakery, Minho was fast asleep. Kibum rearranged the blankets over his shoulders and pressed a light kiss into his hair before he went back to watching the movie.

The movie finished before he woke up, but Kibum couldn’t bring himself to get up and change out the disc for something else. All the lights were off in the apartment, and with the heat radiating from Minho, Kibum almost drifted off himself. He leaned his head on Minho’s but forced himself to stay awake when Minho started to stir.

He untangled one of his arms from his blanket and wrapped it around Kibum’s side. “Sorry…”

“For…for what?” He mumbled something into Kibum’s shoulder. “What?”

“For getting sick on our anniversary.”

“Okay, so now you’ll admit that you’re si – ” Kibum stared unblinkingly at the bouncing logo on the TV. “Wait, what anniversary?”

“Okay, so it’s technically not an anniversary, but we’ve been dating for six months today…”

Kibum’s eyes widened, and he stared straight ahead, trying to remember what happened six months ago that would have led Minho to believe that they were dating. If he remembered right, that was about when they started setting time apart for each other every week. Well, if Minho thought they were dating, then who was he to disagree with him?

“I didn’t know it’s been six months already.” He cupped Minho’s fever-flushed cheek and kissed his warm forehead. Minho hummed contentedly and snuggled a little closer to him. “It feels like it hasn’t been any time at all.“

#SHINee #SHINee fic #SHINee fics #SHINeefic #Minkey #Kim Kibum #Kibum #Key #Choi Minho #Minho #fluff #sick fic #getting together #best friends!AU #2k+

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spirit-shroud · 6 years

Note

if you're still taking requests, how about a plight x m!reader where they need to pretend to be married? x)

okay anon so first of all that is legitimately my favourite fanfiction trope and i love you, so here’s a fun 3.3k word fic i kinda went overboard on, but i hope its still within the lines of what you wanted ^^ Read it on ao3 in my collection of other requests here

“‘Sup! I have a favour to ask.” The voice of the lamplighter came through the phone at far too loud of a volume, and much too fast for you to keep up with. He sounded out of breath. You looked around for a clock and sighed into the receiver. “Huh? I haven’t even asked the favour yet.”

“Plight, dear, friend, pal, buddy. Bro. Dude. Can it wait? It’s six in the morning, where are you even calling me from?” You tried not to sound upset, but you definitely did. You hovered a finger over the hang up button. “…Oh, it… is really late isn’t it. Good morning! I’m at the library right now and, what are you going to be doing in, like, two hours?”

“I planned on sleeping, though that’s not happening I guess.” “Yeah, sorry. Something came up and its important. Anyways, meet me at – hold on–” You heard the sound of papers, presumably him flipping through his schedule book. “Ling’s at 8:15?” “How important is it? And you’re paying.” “Of course. And, life or death situation. I promise.” “If you’re sure. I’m going to keep being bitter about it, though.”“That’s fair. See you then, okay?” You meant to say something else, but it came out as a mildly foreboding “Soon.” before you hung up. You yawned, stretched, and decided you had the time to do whatever until 8:15. Plight wasn’t one to ask for favours ever. What could come up that he needed you for? And something that required a meeting, which was all the more odd. You made yourself presentable to the outside world and spent the rest of the morning laying about, contemplating every possible way things could go wrong. That was the most necessary step to leaving your apartment as always. The hour came and you started over. The cafe still wasn’t quite open – The lights were still being tended to by a lamp bot, and Ling filling the coffee machine. He turned around and gave you a wave. “Good morning! Did you sleep well?” “Good morning. It.. could’ve been better. But, what can you–” You yawned, interrupting your own sentence. “Do, I guess.” The boy looked at the grounds he measured, and added half a cup extra before setting the machine to brew. “It’s just a slow day already, I think. So, what can I get for you?” He gave you a happy smile. “Nothing quite yet, I’m waiting for Lampy.” You sat at the counter and put your head on it. “He’s late to his own appointment again.” “Ah… ‘Seems like you’re getting roped into this as well.” Ling laughed uncomfortably, giving you a pat on the shoulder. “I don’t like the sound of that.” “I’m just going to let him explain it. The whole deal’s pretty, ahh, interesting. But if he’s on his way I should get more coffee, give me a minute.” He dismissed himself with a wave, and you, half-asleep still, waved back. 8:15 turned into 8:45 before Plight finally showed up, covered in a mix of oil and phosphor that didn’t look comfortable at all. The scent reminded you of silly string, for some reason, and sitting next to it was as unpleasant as it sounded. His hair was equally messy, half-covered by his hat, and his hook still not rinsed off of the glow. He made finger guns at you before speaking. “I bet you’re wondering why I needed you here today,” he began, not sounding too sure of himself. “To be honest, I’m more concerned why you look like you lost a fight with a street lamp. And, isn’t phosphor highly acidic?” You tilted your head at him, trying to hold your breath. Ling passed you a mug, and Plight the remainder of the carafe of coffee, expression neutral. Same nonsense as usual. “It is, I’m, like, dying at the moment. Anyways, the worst thing happened. I got back to my house after I talked to you and stuff, except my phone’s ringing and it’s awful. Like, this guy called me in a panic because one of the morning bot crew wasn’t working. And he casually forgot to mention that it was an optical problem because some shitty kid threw rocks at the thing. I had to like, run out and buy some replacement glass which sucked let me tell you, nothing is open until like, ten these days. And, now, I’m not the guy you ask for repairing bots, but I have two things going for me. One, I’m an idiot. Two, I’m determined. So I tried my best and! Got it to work. But I also feel like I’m melting and it was a mess and I regret not just bothering someone else about it. But the east side of the city also isn’t my problem for another day SO I’d say I did a good job. That’s also why I’m so late and I apologize.” He hung his head. You blinked, processed his story a few times over, before shaking your head and taking a loooong sip of your drink. “I’m not sure what I was expecting, honestly.” Ling shrugged and left you to your confused silence. “So, breakfast?” “The usual would be great, thanks.” You sighed. “I’ll have whatever he’s having.” “Good luck, you two.” He disappeared into the back, laughing again as if he knew something.The lamplighter clapped his hands together before continuing where he left off. “Okay so back to the point. I need you to, ahh, pretend to be my husband for an uncomfortable social event?”You narrowly avoided spitting out your coffee. “One more time with that?” You heard him. You had a full understanding of what he just said. However, you were having a hard time believing it. He dug around in his pockets until he found a small package, and slid it over to you. Upon closer inspection, it was a maple-flavoured candy ring, and you stared at him for a long time. “It’s a long story.” “Get talking, then.” You were so… done. But when it came to the lamplighter, you were a pushover at heart, so you at least wanted to hear him out.“I’m not sure where to start on this one, uhh.” He scratched the back of his neck. “So I was being bugged by this girl at my other… other… job, and I kiiiinda panicked and told her I was married because I wanted her to screw off, except there’s a staff party like tonight and now I’m expected to show up there with my supposed spouse. And, I can’t even like, get out of it. My schedule is totally clear. I don’t have anyone else I can ask except for you and I’m kinda all screwed up over it.” “…That implies you already went and asked a bunch of other people.” “Yeah. See, what happened, is, Kelvin said no outright, Ling is busy and y’know him, he needs two weeks notice on everything anyways. Cedric just hung up on me, Rue is a literal fox, Kip is old, too well known, and also a lesbian, and you’re, um, starting to get the picture, I hope.” He sighed heavily. You nervously reached for his shoulder, trying to avoid the bits that were alight with phosphor. “I will help you this once, but we’re going to have to put effort into it. What’s the dress code of the party? Who’s going to be there? Will there be free food? And if we’re doing this we’re going to need legit looking wedding rings and also some fake pictures. We need to agree on an anniversary date, and some other stuff that I’m forgetting right now.” “Speaking of food–” Ling emerged from the back holding two plates, piled high with scrambled eggs, french toast, fried potatoes and bacon. To an average person, it’d be too much, but you dove into it before he even set it down. “Sorry it took so long, still setting up for the morning rush and all. Which should be.. soon…” The boy hung his head for a moment, before adjusting his apron and putting a happy smile on. He was truly the hero of customer service.Plight was staring at his plate, then at you, then back to his plate. It seemed he needed a minute. You spoke first. “It’s not a problem, we’re not in a rush or anything!! But, okay, so we need a date.” “Hm, hiking in the Glen sounds nice. Or maybe visiting the world history museum. Or, you meant like, day, didn’t you.” The boy covered his face with his palm. “Why not 45-23?” “Alrighty, so that’s our anniversary now.” You poked the lamplighter. “Still with us?” “Just. I don’t think I’ve had this much food in a year how do you do this regularly? And that say sounds good, yeah. Let me–” He scribbled it down in his notebook and nibbled at the potatoes. “You have a problem, dear.” “I’m busy, s’all.” He pouted. “This is really good by the way. And, the… Event,” he said it with such disgust, as if saying the word party would ruin the atmosphere. “Pretty straightforward. Lots of boring office people who think it’s a fashion show rather than an after-work get together where they just smacktalk their clients and drink sparkling apple juice in crystal glasses. It’s literally, like, just juice. It’s so… Tame. And boring. Anyways, the cool guys and who we’ll probably just stand around the most is the other maintenance guys who are cool as hell. We aren’t even sure why we’re invited to be honest but that makes it kind of better. So I think if we go with something that’s like, kinda flashy, but not in the ‘high class citizen who understands social cues’ area, we’ll be okay and be talked to as minimally as possible. Also if we really need to leave you can fake pass out or something.” You brought a hand to your chin in thought. “I am a pro at being dramatic. But, for outfits, I have… Nothing matching that description.” “And I have reckless spending habits! Guess we’re going to the mall for two pressing things today.”

“Okay but you have clothes at my house and you’re taking a shower first. I’ll even, like, do your laundry. Please dude.” He wiped his face and his expression soured. His hand was covered in black streaks of machine oil and whatever else. “…Ah.” The pair of you finished up, paid Ling and thanked him before crossing the skywalk into your apartment. Some hours passed before you were both ready again, but you got lots done. Enough edited photographs to fill a small album, all ready-printed and as nice looking as possible. You got a few other people in on what was happening just in case they were asked. It was above and beyond what you’d do for any other situation, but after getting over the initial shock, you realized the situation was more hilarious than anything. You worked on getting your stories straight while you walked towards the mall. You met in middle school, were close friends through high school, but fell apart sometime around college due to conflicting dreams or something (You mostly hoped nobody’d ask you to go in that much detail) when afterwards you eventually ran into each other and started dating. It wasn’t a lie, per se. The truth was definitely stretched, but not beyond recognition. You held hands while wandering around store to store to practice the idea of closeness. Something was off about it, though. You’d never known him to be the nervous sort and yet his palms seemed to get sweatier, his words a little more hesitant by the hour. Even when you’d normally be bickering about this or that was met with no resistance. It was starting to make you worried as well, but you didn’t want to mention it. It seemed while your acceptance was in the fun of things, he had a very different realization.The culmination of those anxieties passed without incident, as there were more pressing matters. Standing in front of a directory for the third time that day, a thought crossed your minds at the same time. “How do jewelry stores even work?” He looked down at you, as if you’d magically have the answer. “I’d imagine like any other store??” “But, like, do you just… walk in, and say, ‘do you by chance have two plain gold bands? Here’s my card. My ring size is 10.5’? Don’t you usually need to order things ahead of time? What if they, like, ask?” “That’s, um, a valid point. I have no idea.” You scratched the back of your neck awkwardly, trying to laugh it off. He followed the motion. “We need an adult.” “Plight, we’re adults. Let’s just find a place and see what happens, okay?” He sighed and tried to find the one he was looking at earlier on the map. “That’ll go well. Two bros, looking at gold rings for some… Reasons.” You walked across the mall, still hand in hand, and stared into some of the outer cases of one store you stumbled across. Everything was far too glittery for your cave eyes, and the numbers high enough to make you feel the crippling debt. “What the f–.” He paused. “Heck. Is a karat? Isn’t that a troll? Why are there fourteen of them? And this one is eighteen?” “I think it’s a measure of like, how much actual gold is in it. Since like, normal pure gold is a sucky material, they put other stuff in it so it’s not as terrible. It’s still pretty terrible, though. Also the troll you’re thinking of is something else entirely.”“That’s… informative. Also, you’re a nerd.” “I can’t argue with that.” After wandering around for awhile and looking at everything, you both realized you had no idea what you were actually doing there. You decided to settle and look elsewhere. After all, it only had to look like a gold band. You only planned on keeping it on your finger for roughly four hours. You stumbled across the exact thing you needed as you’d used up all your allocated shopping time, and started back to your apartment. He happily carried everything while you walked along. The conversation was over in a comfortable silence. It was something you’d let yourself get used to in a heartbeat. Just the two of you– Wait. He actually was talking and you missed it…? You shook your head as you leaned against the wall of the elevator, and the lamplighter stared at you blankly. “Did you hear any of what I just said?” “Um,” you stared at the ceiling, then the floor. “Nope.” “That’s fair, first of all. To recap, it starts in about two hours, and it’s a fifteen minute walk, so we have some time to sit down before getting ready and everything. You look exhausted.” He managed to keep every bag on one arm, and offered his other one out to you. You took it, despite not looking happy about it. “I’m not used to going anywhere, since my office is right in my building. I think this’ll be the most anything I’ve done for awhile.” “You really need to get out more.” “And do what? Bask in the sunlight?” Your expression deadpanned.“Okay that was cold. But yeah, I remember you mentioning a few weeks ago you were pretty stir-crazy. Like, hey, maybe you could set up shop in the library sometime? And then I could, like, visit, since I end up there so much anyway.” “I’m sure I could bother George about it sometime, depending on the day… And, next time you’re free we should lay around, watch some movies, the usual. It sure has been awhile.” “Yeah, it… has. This is the first time we’ve actually spent together in months. Kind of strange, given the circumstances.” You both chuckled. You unlocked your door, took off your boots, and immediately laid on the floor. It was nice to be home. Plight got to cutting tags off of your clothes and it went back to a content quiet. The whole situation was starting to feel too domestic and you were wishing for a distraction. You weren’t opposed to it, but you also didn’t want to let yourself get used to it. It was just one night and if it didn’t mean anything six hours ago, it wasn’t going to now. You looked at the clock and sighed at it, which was echoed back. This became a contest over who could sigh the loudest, but it devolved into laughing quickly. You picked your clothes up from the pile. “We should, um, get ready, it’s almost time.” “Oh, you’re right–” You disappeared into your room and left him to his own devices, emerging a few minutes later. You wore brown pants, a beige shirt, dark green suspenders and a bowtie to match. You admired yourself in the mirror but the same feeling of something being off came back. You ran a brush through your hair and tried to look back, but to no avail. The more you tried to nitpick and adjust things the more awkward it felt to be in. A lot of things were like that, you thought. The more you tried to push away small imperfections the more the original picture was lost. Your mind trailed back to the man in the other room. You figuratively wiped the blush off your face and walked out to greet him. He eyed you up and down. “It looks dumb, doesn’t it?” You deflated, staring at him. You realized you’d never actually seen him outside of his usual long coat. You wished you could’ve a long time ago. You decided to leave the mental comments there.“No! I mean, you look… nice.” He turned away. “So I was kind of thinking, what if instead of sitting by a punch bowl for like, three hours to prove something, we actually do something… fun?” Thinking about it, you shrugged. “Did you have any specific ideas?” He raised a finger, then lowered it. A few seconds later he raised it again, only to lower it again. “Not yet. I haven’t gotten that far. But it’d be like, a date? If that’s cool? I mean, if it’s not then it’s fine and just forget it but I’ve been thinking about it most of the day and???” He ran out of breath and it took some effort to recollect it. “Y’know. At least I hope.” “I’d be down for a date,” you hesitantly said, not too sure of your own words. “But, just to clarify, you did ask some other people to this thing first before settling for me, right?” He tensed up for a minute. “Don’t call it settling. But, I did, and I had a lot of fun today, and accidentally revived some old feelings? Which was… a journey in itself, and then I also decided I don’t really need to prove anything to anyone. Life is too short to stress about dumb things and if anyone decides to bother me about it, I can tell them in loud, rainbow details about the better night I had with my ‘husband’ until they regret asking.” He offered his arm out, which you linked with yours. “That sure is a lot to come out of today.” You were happy to lean on him. You also wished, quite a lot, in fact, you were better at stringing words together. “I put in a lot of unnecessary effort to not make it weird? But then it was weird anyways, and, ahh. Let’s just go for a walk and see if we find anything interesting.” “Sounds good to me.”

#souls fanfiction requests #my writing #its more plight/reader because im traaaaaaaaaaaash #@god please dont mess up my formatting because i went back to add tags

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aion-rsa · 4 years

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Warrior Season 2 Episode 2 Review: The Chinese Connection

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This Warrior review contains spoilers.

Warrior Season 2 Episode 2

When Warrior was first announced, Bruce Lee fans were worried that this was going to be just another Bruceploitation. After all, there are hundreds, if not thousands, of Bruceploitation flicks. Bruce Lee is the most impersonated icon on the planet. No one needed to see another weak caricature of the Little Dragon, even if it was on Cinemax.

However, Warrior isn’t Bruceploitation at all. The creator and writer of the show, Jonathan Tropper, credits Bruce’s daughter, Shannon Lee for making sure that Warrior didn’t go “overboard with the Bruce Lee stuff.”

Instead of Ah Sahm (Andrew Koji) doing yet another Bruce Lee imitation, there are sequences in his fight choreography that reference timeless scenes from the Little Dragon’s films. There are also clever Easter Eggs throughout the show, like the character names O’Hara (Kieran Biew) and last season’s Bolo (Rich Ting). Both O’Hara and Bolo are the names of villains in Enter the Dragon however these characters are completely different in Warrior.

This gives this episode title that extra ‘Wataaah!’ of excitement because The Chinese Connection was an alternate title for Bruce’s second major Kung Fu film, Fist of Fury. The closest Easter Egg title of Season 1 was episode 9, “Chinese Boxing.” Every Bruce fan remembers Ah Gung (Chin Ti) saying “Chinese Boxing!” as he pointed at Bruce and gave him the thumbs up. For this episode to take on the name of one of Bruce’s most beloved films, it had better deliver. And it does, especially with the most important facet of Warrior, the Kung Fu fighting.

Young Jun Gets Stabby

The first fight of this episode is a showcase for Young Jun (Jason Tobin). In their quest for cheaper product, Ah Sahm hooks Young Jun up with a new molasses connection through his fight manager Vega (Maria Elena-Lass). They visit Happy Jack (Nat Rambulana), an African drug dealer. There’s some historical basis to this. During the period when Warrior is set, there were attempts to produce opium in South Africa to undermine the British dominance of the global opium trade.

Opium was weaponized by the British as part of its strategy to establish colonial rule. This was largely controlled by the nefarious East India Company that smuggled opium from India, mostly to cripple China’s port cities. In Chinese coastal provinces during the mid 1830’s, it was estimated that 90% of the adult Chinese population were opium addicts. In San Francisco, opium was still legal and taxable until 1889 when local ordinances restricted it to medical use only. But beyond the nod to history, Rambulana is a South African TV star and Warrior was filmed in South Africa, so his appearance works on several levels.

The deal with Happy Jack goes sour. This elicits a lovely bit of ultraviolence in which Tobin delivers a solid long take sequence. Long takes are the hallmark of good fight choreography because each movement increases the challenge exponentially. It’s a good showcase for Tobin’s Kung Fu and he sells his slice and dice attacks with a convincing ferocity.

Tobin has appeared in a few martial arts themed films before such as Beverly Hill Ninja, Rob-B-Hood, and House of Fury, but he’s most known for his other projects with Warrior’s producer Justin Lin including Better Luck Tomorrow and The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift. Tobin is reprising his Tokyo Drift character in Lin’s upcoming F9, due out next year. In Warrior, Tobin nails the tough punk qualities of Young Jun perfectly. As the son of the leader of the Hop Wei, he’s been entitled yet he’s still eager to prove himself. His viciousness in battle is spot on.

For martial arts fans, there’s a subtle yet significant correction in Young Jun’s dagger play from Season 1. In episode 6 “Chewed Up, Spit Out, and Stepped On,” Young Jun deploys a conventional forward knife grip where the blade is on the thumb side of the hand. Double daggers like Young Jun wields are a common weapon in Kung Fu, however they are almost always used with a reverse grip where the blade is on the pinky finger side of the hand, more like an ice pick.

In the fight with Happy Jack’s squad, Young Jun deploys the more proper ice pick grip. It’s a trivial detail but given that Warrior is catering to the Kung Fu fandom, it’s important to get this right.

The fight ensues after Happy Jack refuses to store the opium, leaving Young Jun and Ah Sahm in the lurch. Later, Penny (Joanna Vanderham) hires the Hop Wei to protect her coolie workers from the Irish, and Ah Sahm takes advantage of the situation to secretly store the opium at Mercer Steel. It’s not hard to project how this will turn out in upcoming episodes and adds even more tension to the relationship of Ah Sahm and Penny.

Blue Lives Matter

The Season 2 premiere left Chinatown in a bloody mess. Ah Sahm, Ah Toy (Olivia Cheng) and Lai (Jenny Umbhau) chopped up the racist Teddy Boys and Leary (Dean Jagger) blew up a factory that employed coolies. Chinatown is a tough beat for SF cops and O’Hara and Lee (Tom Weston-Jones) have a ton of work cleaning up.

They’re investigating the sword killings and the explosion while O’Hara wrestles with his obligation to the Fung Hai Tong and Zing (Dustin Nguyen) and Lee struggles with his growing laudanum addiction. O’Hara’s wife Lucy (Emily Child) grows more suspicious of her husband’s dealing and after a binge, Lee wakes up in a piss-soaked alley just as it is getting a fresh drenching. This episode’s title comes from Lee. After the partners question Patterson (Frank Rautenbach), Lee says to O’Hara that he’s trying to find ‘the Chinese connection’ in the sword killings.

O’Hara and Lee form a stereotypic police partner ‘buddy’ relationship: the old, jaded cop who is tainted by a corrupt system and the young brilliant detective who is too cocky to get along with the rest of the department. In their heart of hearts, they both want to be good cops, but their world is too dirty to stay clean. Biew gives his character a lot of soul as a father and husband just trying to do right by his family. Lee’s backstory is hinted at when he begins his laudanum binge, but his haunted past is still unclear.

The repercussions of killings and the explosion result in the SFPD being lambasted at a political rally along with Mayor Blake (Christian McKay). Here, the parallels between the political climate of Warrior and America right now are disturbingly uncanny, especially because this was filmed a year prior. When the crowd starts chanting ‘Send them back,’ it is echoed by some of the rising anti-China sentiment today. The Exclusion Act comes up, foreshadowing worse times to come. The Chinese Exclusion Act was passed by congress and signed into law by President Arthur in 1882, so this provides some indication of where Warrior is set in time.

Martial Melodrama and the Moonlight Sonata

Sophie (Celine Buckens) meets Leary at the rally, and they go to Leary’s place, the Banshee. She reveals to Leary that she’s Mercer’s daughter and while flirting with him, plays Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata on the pub piano. It sets up a poignant musical interlude at the end of the episode, so typical of television shows nowadays, where a tune is laid over all the characters as they ruminate over their various complicated circumstances.

The Moonlight Sonata is a melodramatic choice, and at the end it drifts into Warrior’s heavy guitar riffs. This feels a little overdone – the show leans too heavily on those guitar riffs – but Warrior redeems itself musically with its end credit Chinese raps, which have been solid throughout the entire show.

The other ladies of Warrior continue with this season’s fashion show. When Mai Ling (Dianne Doan) hires the ex-Pinkerton man Nichols (Emmanuel Castis) to spy on Buckley (Langley Kirkwood), she’s wearing a luxuriant deep blue hooded robe and strange vambrace rings. She looks more like someone out of Game of Thrones than SF Chinatown. And Ah Toy appears later in a resplendent emerald gown with a flared collar more befitting of a Vulcan bride than a whorehouse madame.

But Warrior is a fantasy so the costume designers can be forgiven of indulging their leading ladies. As ridiculous and incongruous as these outfits appear when all the other characters are in period dress, Doan and Cheng fill out these outfits beautifully and are lieterally dressed to kill. They’re too busy looking good.

Another new character is introduced in this episode. Enter Nellie Davenport (Miranda Raison), a wealthy widow committed to rescuing Chinese women from prostitution and exploitation. Davenport is the first character based directly upon a real historic figure, although plenty of artistic liberties have been taken with how she is depicted. The forthcoming interaction between her and Ah Toy is promising. Both Ah Toy and Davenport are strong women and given their principles and position, they are sure to go head-to-head in upcoming episodes.

Back to the Action

The finale fight in this episode is worth the wait. Mai Ling dispatches Li Yong (Joe Taslim) and Zing to stop a small time Tong from encroaching on the Long Zii’s opium business. Li Yong settles things peacefully, but Zing (Dustin Nguyen) is ready to pick a fight, and mayhem breaks out when he slashes the Tong leader’s throat. Taslim and Nguyen are the veteran martial artists on Warrior. Any fight scene that features their work delivers the level of masterful choreography one would expect from a show attached to Bruce Lee.

Nguyen is remembered for his leading role as Harry Ioki on 21 Jump Street. Over the years, he’s appeared in several martial arts related Hollywood productions like 2 Ninjas Kick Back, Vanishing Son and Justin Lin’s mockumentary Finishing the Game.

However, he truly established himself as a martial arts star after he returned to his homeland, Vietnam. There he made a series of Vietnamese martial arts films: The Rebel, Clash, and Once Upon a Time in Vietnam. These films put Vietnam on the martial arts movie map. Solidly paced with brilliant choreography, they demonstrated that Nguyen is a force to be reckoned with and a serious practitioner of the martial arts.

He is credited as studying Muay Thai, Taekwondo and Bruce Lee’s creation Jeet Kune Do, but where he really shines is with the indigenous Vietnamese martial art called Vovinam. This style of fighting was seldom seen outside the country until Nguyen showcased it in his films. It gave him an extra stylistic edge in the martial arts genre. As Zing, Nguyen’s choreography is ruthless, befitting of the most villainous Tong leader in Warrior.

Taslim is Indonesian and studied Wushu and Taekwondo. He is a decorated Judo champion who represented Indonesia in world competitions from 1997 to 2007 as a member of the national team. He medaled in two major Southeast Asian competitions and captured the gold in the national games.

Taslim appeared in the groundbreaking Indonesian film The Raid, which raised the bar on cinematic ultraviolence. That film also introduced Silat masters Iko Uwais and Yayan Ruhian, who have been dominating action films in recent years with appearances in films like Mile 22 and Stuber for Uwais and John Wick Chapter 3: Parabellum and Wira for Ruhian. They even had a quick cameo together in Star Wars: The Force Awakens. Following The Raid and its sequel, The Raid II, Taslim has appeared in Fast & Furious 6 and Star Trek Beyond.

It’s no mistake that Li Yong was set up as the ultimate rival for Ah Sahm last season. Taslim is not just another stuntman throwing haymakers. He is at the top of his game choreographically and every in every fight scene he appears in has a crisp precision that can only be achieved by a veteran martial arts master. He moves with style and grace, doling out the damage with a sophisticated flair that Warrior demands. With Ah Sahm’s defeat at Li Yong’s hands in what was arguably the best fight scene in last season, Season 2 is all about that rematch.

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Warrior Season 2 can be seen exclusively on CINEMAX.

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dj-syrup · 7 years

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The Unnamed, Episode 01x06: Left on Red

Ling was jolted awake by a blaring alarm. She went to destroy the thing making the noise and then had to stop herself.

It was an alarm clock.

It was morning.

To be exact, this was Ling's third alarm clock this month. The longer nights and shorter days meant that Ling could no longer wake to the rising sun the way she liked to. The alarm clock was a necessary concession to the reality of having a job that involved being awake before 10, but she still hated them and had already destroyed two of them in violent fashion.

There were perks to living alone; no-one had seen her do it.

Ling rolled out of bed, landing on the floor like a cat, on all fours, stood, and stretched. Her queen size bed took most of the room, flanked by a pair of doors. One door led to a bathroom and walk-in closet, while the other led to the kitchen, dining room and kitchen. The wall facing the bed was made of floor-to-ceiling glass, showing a beautiful view of the industrial park that the SJSF headquarters sat in the middle of. On the right wall was a print of The Great Wave off Kanagawa, and on the left wall was a two-stroke ensō that Zhi had painted herself.

Ling entered her bathroom, ignored the face in the mirror, and chose her outfit for the day from the selection of mostly monochromatic, mostly tight clothing on her everyday rack. (She had a separate rack for formal wear, which she only wore when the situation required it, which for her was almost never.)

While her breakfast, constituted of leftovers from the night before, reheated, Ling checked her mail. A red package, marked in both Mandarin and English, caught her eye.

It was from a contact in China, a resistance spy in the local government of her hometown.

They had found Ling's parents.

"So let me get this straight," said Thomas. "You left China because the government was closing in on you and your friends, right?"

Ling nodded.

"And before you left, you made sure your parents were safe?"

Ling nodded again.

"But they're not safe anymore."

Ling nodded a third time.

"Why?"

Ling swallowed a sob. "I don't know," she said. "That was all the letter said, was that my parents were in danger and that they needed my help."

Donnelly walked over to Ling and put his arm around her. She looked like she wanted to cry, and after a moment when she didn't, Donnelly took his arm back.

Port turned to Ling. "What can we do?" she asked.

"I don't know," she replied. "I need to go back. If you guys can help me, that would be great.

"If you can't, I'll go alone."

"Ling, I need you to listen to me for a minute." Mr. Stewart's calm voice had taken an edge. "What you're talking about is very difficult. China's defense systems are well constructed, and that's just the ones we know about. Getting you into the country is going to be tricky. According to their records, you're already in China, so going back under your own name would be an admission that you had left without permission. This is suicide."

"Mr. Stewart," started Ling, also with an edge in her voice, "I am going back. That is not the question. The question is, will you be helping me?"

There was a pleading tone in her voice, layered over with a sense of grim determination. Mr. Stewart could plainly see that trying to stop her was going to be useless.

"What did you have in mind?" he asked.

Wiping what looked like a tear from the corner of her eye, Ling seemed to perk up for the first time so far that day. "I'm glad you asked."

And Ling outlined a slightly crazy plan to retrace her steps. She wanted to take a boat from San Francisco back to Vietnam, use her fake passport to get into Vietnam, and then work her way across the border and back to her home town.

"It worked once," said Ling. "Why shouldn't it work again?"

"You were lucky the first time," replied Mr. Stewart.

"I don't need luck. I have you guys."

"Need I remind you that the rest of the team is waiting for me to sign off on this hare-brained scheme?"

"We have a chicken and an egg issue here," countered Ling. "I need the team to be safe in this, and you need your team to be safe as well. Fortunately, the answer is in the question. Lend me the team, and I will be safe. Donnelly and Thomas can come with me while Winn runs research here."

"What about Port? Do you need her for anything?"

"I need to get a large number of weapons into Vietnam, which is going to be a logistical nightmare. I trust that she's up to it?"

"You'd have to ask her, but I don't see an issue with it, other than that it's illegal."

"This isn't about legality, it's about justice. Justice for my family, and eventually justice for my country."

"You seem to have an answer for everything."

"I usually have an answer. Whether I bring it to the table is another question entirely."

"Something that we will have to talk about when you all get back."

"You'll let me borrow the team?"

"They have to agree to it. I'm not going to force them to do this. Of course, if the last few minutes of conversation are anything to judge by, you'll have them helping you before I grab my next cup of tea."

"Thank you."

And from the tone in Ling's voice, the steady, even, and serious tone, Mr. Stewart knew she meant it.

"I'm not doing it." Ling had succeeded in convincing everyone on the team, except for Port.

"Why not?" asked Ling.

"I am not going to smuggle weapons into Vietnam for you."

"Why not?"

"BECAUSE IT'S ILLEGAL!"

"Then I'll tell you the same thing I told Mr. Stewart. This isn't about legality, it's about doing the right thing."

"I don't know what the right thing here is, but I'm pretty sure weapons smuggling isn't it. Why haven't we gotten the State Department involved yet?"

"How about this," suggested Ling, ignoring Port's jab. "How about, instead of smuggling weapons with us, we buy whatever weapons we need when we get to Vietnam."

"That I can live with."

"So we have a deal then?"

"We have a deal."

And they shook on it.

Finding flights into Vietnam was relatively simple. Ling was able to use a real passport this time, as opposed to the fake one the last time she came through Vietnam.

After clearing customs, they set about finding weapons and a place to sleep.

"I found you an underground gun market," said Winn. "It's full of murder weapons and sleazy characters if the translation of the page I'm reading is correct. You're probably looking at anywhere from 20 million to 100 million dong per gun."

Donnelly gave a low whistle -- that was roughly $1,000 to $5,000, a lot for a gun in the states.

"That's okay," replied Ling. "We'll probably only need two guns, a sidearm for me and something beefier for Donnelly over here."

"I'll have the money wired over to your local account," said Port.

Once they had holed up in what amounted to a local hotel, Ling rolled a map across the table and plotted their journey.

"We can drive most of the way to the Chinese border," started Ling, "although the train might be faster. It depends on how much rain they've had here lately."

"Once we get to the border, then what do we do?" asked Thomas.

"We'll cross it. The border in that area is way up in the mountains, and so it is only lightly patrolled. They expect most people to freeze before they reach the border."

"Do we have the gear to handle that?" asked Donnelly.

"Yes," replied Ling, without skipping a beat. "Once we're across the border there's a town a few miles out that I have a friend in. We can get you some clothes that will make you stand out less. Of course, two European men traveling with a local woman? That will draw some attention. You'll need to talk as little as possible and hide your faces if you can."

"Why am I crossing the border with you?" asked Thomas. "Once you're across, you won't need me anymore."

"Are you guys going to let me finish explaining?"

When Ling was met with silence, she continued.

"From that village, we can make our way back to my hometown."

"How are we-" A look from Ling shut Donnelly up.

"My contact will be probably be gone by the time we get there, but my family should still be safe. We can get them out of there the same way we got in."

"Sounds like a solid plan," said Donnelly.

"I would hope so," said Port, who had been listening the whole time. "We made it together. We even have outfits put together for you."

Donnelly and Thomas looked at each other with a dumbfounded expression on both of their faces.

The night before Ling, Donnelly, and Thomas left Ho Chi Minh City, Ling got a late night craving for potato chips.

While on her way back to the hotel room, a man on the side of the road catcalled to her.

"Hey, whore," he said, in Vietnamese, "How much for some of that booty?"

Ling froze in her tracks. It was a voice she knew well, a voice that had tortured her the last time she was in this city. He had been one of the clients of the human trafficking ring that had captured her.

This man had tortured her.

Ling, knowing the streets to be unsafe for an unaccompanied woman after dark, had taken her sidearm with her.

She turned around and looked the man full in the face. As she walked over, she noticed that he smelled of wine and was propped up against a doorway. He had a friend next to him who was passed out.

Ling had pointed her nine-millimeter pistol at his crotch and discharged a single round into the pavement between his legs, missing him by less than an inch and cutting him short.

"It is good that you are drunk," Ling said, "for otherwise, I would not have missed."

His buddy, startled with the sudden noise, woke up. He looked up at Ling to protest, but finding himself faced with the business end of a rather large handgun, he very wisely decided to go back to sleep.

She hadn't killed him like she had the last person to make a comment to her along those lines.

Mr. Stewart would be proud of her.

Once Ling got back to the hotel, she shook her friends awake and got them out of bed. The drunkard who she shot within an inch of was no doubt going to start telling crazy stories once he woke up, and Ling wanted to be far away by the time that happened.

"We need to go."

"Why?" asked Thomas, his voice still heavy with sleep.

"Because I almost shot a guy," she replied, "and I would rather not be here when he wakes up."

Thomas nodded, as if this was a perfectly normal thing to do, and rolled out of bed.

Donnelly was already up and going, repacking the gear that they would need into the set of battered suitcases they had already procured.

By the time the sun rose, they were already several hundred miles out of Ho Chi Minh City in a rented car. This was going to be a long drive.

"So, Ling," said Thomas, "where are you at, on, like, the LGBT spectrum?"

"You don't have to answer that if you don't want to," said Donnelly.

"I know I don't have to," said Ling. She was driving. "I'm right at the beginning, actually. I'm a lesbian."

"Cool." It seemed to be the only response that Thomas was capable of giving.

Donnelly punched him, lightly, in the shoulder.

Ling stifled a laugh, something Donnelly had never seen her do before.

"What about you, Thomas?" asked Ling. "Where are you at on the LTGB spectrum?"

"I'm right in the middle, actually," said Thomas. "I'm a transgendered person."

"Cool." Ling had managed to put the exact amount of impressed tone into her voice that Thomas had put into his, as well as enough sarcasm to let him know that they were even now.

"Why didn't you punch her?" asked Thomas, slightly incensed.

"I never hit a girl, unless she hits me first," said Donnelly.

"And what about me? I was a girl once."

"You're not anymore, and you were being dumb, so I punched you."

Thomas had no answer for that.

The splinter of The Unnamed that was in Vietnam had arrived at the last town before the mountains. And they were pretty significant mountains. Not to the scale of the Himalayas by any stretch of the imagination, but enough to serve as a deterrent.

They dropped the car off in the front yard of a farmer Ling knew, knowing that they would come back for it soon. They then pulled the cold weather gear for themselves and Ling's parents out (as well as all the other gear), repacked it for climbing, and left for the mountains.

The mountains themselves were a bit of a pain to cross, but it took a while to get to them. They spent more time trying to get to the mountains then they did actually climbing them.

The stopped at the end of the first day of climbing, pitched their tent and went to bed immediately. Thomas, in particular, was not used to this kind, or any kind, of physical exertion, making the journey tricky for him.

In the middle of the second day, Ling stopped and waited for Donnelly and Thomas to catch up.

"So here's the part of the plan that I didn't tell you about."

Thomas and Donnelly were too out of breath to protest verbally, but their facial expressions displayed their shock clearly enough.

"I'm going alone. I needed you guys to get me here, and I needed your help getting this gear up here. It's all downhill from here, so carrying it won't be hard for me."

Donnelly got a word out. "No."

"You guys won't be safe. You'll stick out like a sore thumb. A pair of sore thumbs.

"I made arrangements with the farmer I left the car with. He speaks a little English, and agreed to trade room and board in exchange for some help around the farm."

Ling's logic was impeccable, as always, and Donnelly and Thomas left.

"And you let her go?" Mr. Stewart was understandably angry.

"What were we supposed to do? She was right!" Donnelly was playing defense as best he could.

That shut up Mr. Stewart for a second. Donnelly caught his breath. "We'll be waiting for her, and if she needs help, she'll call us."

"I guess, if that's what you have to do."

Donnelly and Thomas shared a room at the farmer's house that night.

Donnelly was woken up much too early be his cell phone going off.

It was Winn.

"There was a code hidden in the letter," she said. "The spy put it there. I can't explain it to you without also explaining the intricacies of pinyin..."

"Cut to the chase, Winn," said Donnelly. "What's going on?"

"Ling's family is dead, and by now, so is the spy. Ling is walking into a trap and she doesn't even know it."

Together, the part of The Unnamed that was available by phone made a decision. Ling had known that her decision to leave Donnelly and Thomas in Vietnam was going to be unpopular and was ignoring everyone's calls so that she wouldn't have to hear complaining.

At least that was the going theory. No-one knew for sure.

"Thomas doesn't have to," said Donnelly. "He'll slow me down and we don't need his skill set."

"I agree," said Thomas, with a surprised tone in his voice, as if even he couldn't believe he was saying it.

"You don't know who Ling was meeting up with," said Winn. "What makes you so sure that you can find her before the government does?"

"The government isn't expecting me," said Donnelly, "and they aren't expecting Ling to take the same path back in that she took out. They'll be keeping an eye out in all the wrong places. And besides, I know where Ling is going. She told me on the flight over."

"Fair enough," said Winn. "Be careful."

"I will."

The crossing was easier without the extra gear and without Thomas. Donnelly summited the border in the middle of the morning on his second day of climbing.

Following Ling's mostly obscured footprints through the snow, Donnelly got a basic idea of what path she had taken. He then corrected for the fact that it was almost certainly a false trail; the Ling he knew would not have been that sloppy.

He caught up with her a few miles out of the closest town past the border, riding a farmer's cart.

"Ling!" he called.

Ling's face, which had been contemplating the sunset the previous moment, fell upon hearing his voice. Donnelly didn't blame her; his appearance could only mean that something had gone wrong.

Ling turned to the farmer driving the cart and made a request in Mandarin. The cart stopped, and the farmer detached the cow to let him graze for a minute.

"What. Are. You. Doing here?" Ling's voice was two parts confusion, one part anger. She had told him to go back. He had not.

"I had to warn you," said Donnelly. "We found a hidden message in the letter you got from your friend. You're walking into a trap."

Ling was looking scared now, an expression that Donnelly had never seen on her face before; he knew it from other people though.

"How did you find this?"

"Winn found it. There's a dumbbell cipher in it."

(Author's note: A dumbbell cipher, dear readers, is a way of hiding a secret message in plain sight using a stencil, or mask, that both parties agree to. The stencil, when placed over a letter or news article, covers the extraneous bits of the letter and only shows the secret message.)

"What shape is the mask?" asked Ling.

"Triangular," said Donnelly, "and it isn't perfect. Winn thinks that your spy was forced to write the letter, and had to put the cipher in without the help of a mask."

"What did the message say exactly?"

"Read it for yourself." And Donnelly handed her his phone, with an image of the masked letter on it.

Donnelly watched as the expression on Ling's face went from skepticism to denial.

"No. This doesn't make any sense, and even if it did, my family is still in danger."

"Ling, this is a trap, you are in danger!"

"I am not important. I need to save my family." And she turned to walk back to the farmer's cart.

"Zhi, would you shut up and listen to me for a minute?" Donnelly's voice, though his words were stern and unkind, was soft and pleading. He was begging her for a chance to say his piece.

"What?" Ling was starting to get exasperated with this conversation.

"As I remember it, your parents helped you leave, didn't they?"

"Yes, they did. So what? They need me to help them leave now."

"They knew that helping you would put them in danger. They knew that if you left, you would probably never come back and that if they were ever caught they would be killed. They believed in a free China, but they also wanted you to be free."

Donnelly knew that Ling worked on a basis of logic, and that logic was the only thing that was going to change her mind.

"They knew the risks. They wouldn't want you walking into a trap trying to rescue the bait, even if they were the bait."

"No. This is fake. You guys are trying to trick me." Ling went back to the cart.

The farmer, who had been taking care of his cow, pulled a gun from underneath his robe.

"Zhi Ling," he said, in clipped English, "you are under arrest."

And comprehension dawned in Ling's eyes. This whole thing was a trap.

Leaving the bloody, broken body of the police officer (or whatever he was, Ling wasn't quite sure of that) next to the road, Donnelly and Ling took the cart back to the foothills of the mountains.

Ling cried the whole way there.

To have a hope dangled in front of her, a chance to be safe with her family again, and then to have it yanked away... It was cruel. Ling's heart, cold and frozen as it was, was breaking.

They had climbed to the top, ready to cross the border into Vietnam, when Ling lost her nerve. She sat down, in the snow, and refused to move.

"Ling, we have to keep moving!"

"NO! I am not leaving my family behind!"

"If you go back, they will kill you!"

"If I don't go back, they will kill my family!"

"If you go back, they will kill you and your family! We have to go!"

But by now, hypothermia had set in, and Ling was no longer rational.

And so Donnelly took off his coat, wrapped Ling in it, and carried her in his arms down the mountain into Vietnam.

Once they got into a warmer place, Donnelly set her down and started a fire. He fed Ling the little food he had on his person, and they both warmed their toes by the fire.

"Thank you," said Ling. "In some twisted, broken way, you have saved my life."

"That makes us even. You busted me out of that gay conversion facility, remember?"

Ling stifled a sob again.

"You know, Ling," said Donnelly. "I can understand why you don't like to cry in front of people. It's embarrassing. It makes us look weak."

"Thanks."

Donnelly ignored Ling's attempt at sarcasm. "But it's also freeing. It's cathartic. Some people hold in what they feel for too long, sometimes years, until it breaks out and makes a mess everywhere. You have to let it all out, and sometimes it helps to have a friend nearby."

"They're gone, Donnelly," said Ling, in the shaky voice of someone who just finished crying. "I'll never see them again."

"Oh, Ling, the ones who love us are never really gone from us."

Donnelly and Ling met up with Thomas in the village closest to the border, on the Vietnam side. He had spent the last several days worrying about what had happened and was relieved to see both of them safe.

He also had the common sense to not ask Ling too many questions.

The flight back to the states was relatively uneventful. Their rental car smelled like a dung heap, something the owner of the lot was none too happy about, but they paid and left.

Ling passed the man that she had almost killed in the street while walking to the airport. He noticed her, turned white as a sheet, and kept his gaze fixed firmly ahead. Ling was pleased; he had learned a lesson.

Ling was a bit of a mess for a week or so after they got back. That much was to be expected.

The Unnamed were having another recap meeting, as they did after every mission.

"What did we learn from this?" asked Mr. Stewart.

There was silence for a moment until Winn spoke up. "I learned a bit of Mandarin."

"That's good," said Mr. Stewart, "but not quite what I meant. This mission did not go according to plan. What can we do better next time?"

"A lot of this plan was fairly rigid," said Donnelly. "Our plans need to be more flexible."

"Good," said Mr. Stewart. "What else?"

"I think we take ourselves way too seriously sometimes," said Port, "and I think that makes us less effective."

"Tell me more."

"Well, remember when we were working on finding that girl a significant other?" The room nodded yes. "Well, we were happy. It was nice to not be under so much stress. You guys were teasing each other over the radio. And yes, there were some tense moments, but we handled it well. We need to loosen up a bit, relax a bit. This will make us more flexible as a team."

"Well said," said Mr. Stewart. "And I happen to agree. You all need to relax a bit."

"I learned to let people take care of me," said Ling. Her voice was clear, crystalline, but also like glass; like it would break if she put too much force into it. "Donnelly, bless his big, gay heart, kept me safe while we were in the mountains."

And she wiped a tear away from her cheek.

"Ling," said Donnelly, "This is the other side of being vulnerable. When you show people you trust your vulnerability, you open yourself to their help."

"Ms. Ling," said Mr. Stewart, "how can we help you?"

"I don't need anything right now," said Ling. "I'm just glad to not be alone."

And, without planning to, The Unnamed wrapped around Ling and held her close.

Ling had lost her family, but she had also gained a family. She was an only child, and her grandparents were long gone.

The Unnamed was her family now.

And it wasn't a perfect family, but families never are. They still fought. They still got on each others' nerves.

But at the end of the day, when there was stuff that had to be done, they pulled together and they did it.

That's what families do.

#action #this while probably never happen #but it would be nice #gay #lesbian #transgender #bisexual #intersex #asexual #pansexual #everything else #the unnamed #social justice special forces #movie #tv

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