#going back and looking at things that happened years ago with my late 2022 / 2023 head on has been eye-opening for sure
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Predicting my 2023 solar return chart because I couldn’t sleep😴
2023 solar return chart is looking too much scary and crazy for me. My birthday is in June and it’s 2 months ahead but I think the effects have already started to show up in some areas of my life at this moment.
•Scorpio rising at 18 degrees (Virgo deg)
-I think this year, I would be mainly focused on transformations for myself, emotionally and physically.
-I went through a very intense and messy breakup and I found myself reflecting these circumstances a lot lately.
-I’ve been watching videos about self-concept, psychology and manifestation on youtube because I actually want to transform myself and I have a feeling I would succeed.
-I want to transform myself into someone who’s powerful with a lil bit of mysterious aura.🤭
-I started to take interest in occult and metaphysical topics and witchy stuff.
-I bought my first tarot deck about two weeks ago just because my gut told me to do it.
-I started to rely a lot on my intuition and most of them are on point.
-I had some prophetic dreams which came true in real life. (thanks to my natal Neptune and Uranus in 8th house too) IT’S KINDA CRAZY. THAT DREAM HAPPENED EXACTLY IN MY REALITY.🤯
-I notice that I also tend to become more private on social media and I back away from people, even from my best friend who I used to talk with everyday because I feel so drained for literally no reason. (but maybe this solar eclipse and mercury retrograde are the hidden answer😏)
-I’ve been getting lots of compliments too. One of my guy friends told me that I look like a maneater in these days. (I just had leo rising in 2022 SR chart and my attention-seeking ass is enjoying this too much hehe🙊)
-The MAIN reason why I’m scared of scorpio rising in SR chart is because I was bullied at school, got slapped by my mom, sexually harassed and these all happened for the very first time in my life and also my biggest secret got exposed (which was kinda like receiving karma for what I had done) in the year I had scorpio rising.😃
-The rising degree was at 29 degrees and I was slut-shamed publicly. (❗️Tip: if you have 29 degrees on planets or points in your solar return chart, that might indicate the end of a chapter and a new beginning, for better or worse depends on what you have done and the planet shows in which area you’ll encounter these endings).
-All students knew my name but in a notorious way like “oh that girl? Ummm🙄 *shrugs*”. -These events brought major changes into my life. It changed my whole personality.
-I was scared and in the dark for the whole year. But to face my foes, I had to put on that “I’m fucking strong bitches don’t you dare touch me” mask the whole year. No one was on my side. But these events helped me become a girl who I am right now. I used to be a fun, outgoing, optimistic, free, flirty and giggling little girl but right now, I’m not that kind of girl anymore. I’ve become a brave and strong girl who had gone through a lot but still didn’t give up. However, I have never shown my vulnerable side to anyone up to this day since that year. That year is the year that I’ll NEVER forget. And that’s why I’m feeling a bit nervous to go through another year with scorpio rising.😰
-I might receive karma for what I had done. Good or bad.
-I might also attract a lot of unwanted attention from others since I also have Venus conjunct mars and Lilith conjunct MC this year. Main theme is transformation and shocking things might also happen. My secrets could be leaked maybe. Just don’t wanna assume things before anything happens.🥱
•Sun in Gemini in 8th house at 24 degrees (Pisces deg)
-This year is literally screaming “TIME TO TRANSFORM YOU BITCH” at my face lol😂. -My main focus is gonna be healing ofc and transformation I guess.
-I might have to face my shadow side and I think the universe will push me to deal with it to achieve my higher self.
-I also kinda observe things deeply a lot nowadays and it could go on for the whole year.
-I feel like I might go through my ego death or as I said, an old chapter could end and new beginnings would come.
-I’m a bit worried about me and my family’s health. I’ve been feeling ill for quite some time now due to low blood pressure. I’m also worried about my parents especially my dad because idk I just feel something weird but let’s not think about it because I don’t wanna manifest anything bad to him.🥺
-I’m not going to predict further about this because I’ve said enough above as this is quite similar to scorpio rising. My main focus is 8th house and scorpio themed.🖤
•Sun conjunct Juno
-People say this is like “meeting your soulmate” aspect of the year. I hope I would meet someone too whether it’s platonic or romantic because it’s fun to interact with new people.😺
•Sun square Neptune
-My creation skills could be kinda blocked. It’s happening even right now. In the past, when I started to write about something, the words just naturally flew out of my head but right now, I’m a bit stuck and delayed. My thoughts are delayed. I even forget how to structure sentences creatively.
•Moon in Taurus in 7th house at 21 degrees (Sag deg)
-My emotions could be mainly invested in relationships and partnerships.
-I could be thinking a lot about how to get better in relationships and any-ships.
-I just hope I won’t be lost in love again but I’m pretty sure I definitely won’t too.🤡
-Btw, I love having moon at sagittarius degree because it might mean I would feel optimistic and free like a little girl version of me before 2019!
•Moon conjunct Uranus
-Mood swings. URGH. I don’t even need to predict this because they’re already happening. I have daily mood swings but I notice that since about the start of April, I’ve become so much unstable and inconsistent in my emotions. One minute I’m on instagram and another minute, I’m on google. Another minute I’m on tumblr and I just keep jumping from one tab to another A LOT.
-I also feel quite chaotic and confused about some of my relationships. I love my best friend one minute and another minute, I kinda reconsider if she’s really good for me or not. And I just feel exhausted just by existing.😮💨
•Mercury in Gemini in 7th house at 6 degrees (Virgo deg)
-Idk how to interpret this. Please HELP kindly if you can. Thank you! Maybe share your experiences?❤️
•Venus in Leo in 9th house at 8 degrees (Scorpio deg)
-I love having Venus in 9th house when it comes to SR charts. I had this placement in 2022 and man, I had 3 trips in one year and all of those were amazing times for me. It’s pleasant and I felt so excited by those adventures.
-Needless to say, I also met my ex in college (actually the first time we ever met was in 2019, at a language school but we met again in college🙄) and somehow most of my relationships were based in college and they’re going to go more for another 7 years so you can say they’re quite significant.
-So, I think I might also get a boyfriend or boyfriendS from college this year. Or else it could be through traveling, education and religious places.
-I might find aesthetics in learning about spirituality and might be focused and might have fixated opinions on my belief system related to religion (as it is in leo).
-I started to become more religious in these days and I also started to stand firm in what I believe instead of being a people-pleaser and saying “oh I also believe that” to every opinion existing.👏🏻
•Venus conjunct mars
-Yayyy people say this is the year I’m getting most attention from both genders. I mean I don’t like attention that much because it’s draining but who doesn’t love being put in a spotlight if it’s for good? (at this point my natal sun in 12th house being indecisive if he likes attention or not)🤦🏻♀️
-I love receiving love from people so this is a great placement for me.
-And also, my sexual energy can be highly increased this year.😶
-I might have several options for romantic partners and might come out more charming and alluring than usual.
•Venus opposite Pluto
-Kinda scared again because my SR chart ruler is in hard aspect with SR Venus which is in 9th house.
-I hope communication between peers would go well and relationships won’t be destroyed because of misunderstandings in communication.
-Idk why but I have this gut feeling that I’m going to attract someone or be attracted to someone who’s manipulative, toxic and jealous. Or I might be the one who would be obsessed with someone having all of those plutonic qualities. My relationships could be pluto-themed and transformative I guess.
-Some people say that this is also an indicator of glow-up in SR chart and I find this pretty accurate because I’m going to the gym for the first time in July!🤩
•Venus conjunct vertex
-Fated love? Fated relationships? Can be through 9th house related places and the other person may have leo or taurus qualities. Or the meeting could be leo-themed I guess?
•Mars in Leo in 9th house at 14 degrees (Taurus deg)
-This can mean I would put a lot of effort into college and it can be true because I have my final exams in June and I have to sweat my ass off for that.😵
-I might be rethinking about my belief system and replanning about my education too.
-As I have my natal mars in natal 9th house, I kinda like this placement because it’s friendly to me.
-I might seek for freedom and would cancel anyone who’s blocking me from becoming confident and free.
-I might go under a sexual encounter which may be brief but transformative. Or maybe one-night stand LMAO (jk I don’t like one-night stands personally).
-I’m a virgin so I’m even a bit curious if I’m going to lose my virginity this year because I have a very strong gut feeling about having first sex with someone who’s important for me.😭👀
•Mars conjunct vertex
-Fated sexual encounter maybe. Maybe fated accidents? Lol I’m sorry I don’t wanna manifest accidents for myself haha😂 But personal planets in conjunction with vertex can also mean fated people might be brought to our life to teach us something, both karmic and non-karmic ones, eg like a teacher or a mentor.
•Mars conjunct Lilith
-I have a very strong gut feeling that I’m gonna gain lots of sexual attention or might attract aggressive partners who want to tame me (sorry guys but my Lilith in 1st house won’t let it happen🤗).
-I might become comfortable and have courage enough to express my sexuality.
-May have power struggles with authority figures.
-I notice that I’ve been feeling like “who are you to judge me bastards” towards controlling authority figures.🌝
•Mars conjunct MC
-I might work hard to reach my goals.
-I might also appear assertive, daring and competitive in public.
-This is also special because my natal MC ruler is mars and it is now highlighted in my SR chart.
-I’m going to the gym for the first time in July too so maybe people would see me athletic and confident this year.
•Jupiter in Taurus in 6th house at 6 degrees (Virgo deg)
-Jupiter is about expansion and luck so, I might gain luck and blessings through my health, my routines, my colleagues (but for me, friends).
-I just wish I won’t gain weight because Jupiter sometimes indicates weight gains and 6th house is health and physical house thank god I’m going to the gym.
-My health could become better BUT since both Venus and mars square Jupiter, love and sex might deteriorate my health in some way - idk how to interpret this.🧘🏻♀️
•Pluto in Capricorn in 3rd house at 29 degrees (Leo deg)
-Transformations could arise around siblings, neighborhood, education, short trips, knowledge and communication.
-I also have my natal chart ruler in my natal 3rd house so this energy is quite familiar for me but let’s see how Pluto energy would go this year. (i had Pluto in 6th house last year and I had eating disorder LMAO🤧)
•North node in Taurus in 6th house at 3 degrees (Gemini deg)
-My purpose might be to take care of myself- my health mainly as I said that my health is not so good in these days.
-Also it could be showing that I need to reconstruct my daily routines and abandon every bad habit that is no longer serving me. Maybe I might need to balance my studies and my relaxation time.
•Uranus-moon conjunction conjuncts descendant
-There could be unexpected and sudden changes, events occurring in my relationships. -I feel like I might go into a romantic relationship but that won’t be committed or at least, it would be weird and unusual. Not traditional and maybe shocking too. I might be the one who’s not willing to commit because right now, I have zero desire to start another relationship. Tbh, my ex is still in a part of me and I need to cut him off first. I might attract unconventional people too.
•Lilith conjunct MC
-I started to feel a bit outcasted since my breakup and it became worse. My ex has a new girlfriend now but she and her friends are gossiping about me. I heard it through one of my mutual friends and it’s so Lilith-themed in my opinion. They wanna slut-shame me for no reason. I don’t know why but when other girls kiss their boyfriends, they seem pretty normal. When I kiss my boyfriend, I suddenly become like a slut. I also kinda have to put on “Wtf you bitches, seriously!? Sorry but I’m unbothered” mask in college just to defend myself. As a result, I could be seen as someone who’s unapologetic, daring and untamed. Or maybe I might represent Lilith traits unconsciously in this year.🔫
•Part of fortune in libra 11th house at 15 degrees (Gemini deg)
-I might gain luck through friendships, connections with people, humanitarian work, beauty, social media.
•SR ascendant falls into natal 4th house (3 degrees away from 5th house cusp)
-Mainly focused areas - family, past lessons, roots and childhood. Could also be - romance, fun, flings, dates, creativity, children.
•Fixed dominant
-My mind can be fixated and I might stick to one decision only.
•Earth dominant
-I might be a bit stable but Idk how I feel about this one because I also have moon-Uranus conjunction haha
•Taurus stellium
-Love and beauty could be mainly focused? But I love having taurus stellium because I love taurus energy. They look so calm. In my opinion. At least.🌸
•7th house stellium
-Might be “Love is in the air” year for me but I’m closing my nose till my prince charming comes and commits to me fully and gives me princess treatment. Plus, I don’t wanna kiss froggos anymore. Yuck.💀
Anyways, this was a long ass post and I’m so freaking excited for the upcoming year. Afraid, nervous but at the same time, so curious about what might happen because placements in this year’s chart are a bit crazy and intense in my opinion. Also please bear with my grammar mistakes as I’m an ESL student. You can also share your experiences with me if you have had any of these placements in your previous years’ solar return charts. Thank you!❤️
#astrology#astrology observations#astrology notes#astro observations#astro notes#solar return chart#scorpio rising#sun in 8th house#moon in taurus#moon in 7th house#moon conjunct uranus#mercury in 7th house#mercury in gemini#venus in leo#venus in 9th house#venus conjunct mars#venus conjunct vertex#venus opposite pluto#mars in leo#mars in 9th house#mars conjunct vertex#mars conjunct lilith#mars conjunct midheaven#jupiter in taurus#north node in taurus#north node in 6th house#lilith conjunct mc#taurus stellium#7th house stellium#synastry observations
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2023 WIP List
I saw a writer I really love doing this here and decided to respectfully borrow the idea.
I'm feeling really bummed about writing lately, can't seem to find the least bit of motivation and have jumped from story to story without adding anything of substance over the last month or so. Nothing seems to spark joy. And yet I have thousands of words in half-written stories I'm not sure what to do with. Ideally, I'd like to finish them, but at this point, who knows 🤷 So this is a way for me to take stock, do some soul-searching, try to find where my heart is writing-wise at the moment and see if I can manifest some inspo.✨
These are not even all my WIPs, just the ones I have opened at least once in the last year.
▪ Speed Dating 3/3
Klaroline, friends/roommates-to-lovers
Started in June 2022
The final part to my Speed Dating sequel, which is much longer than the original story because I have no self-respect. Klaus and Caroline are roommates and idiots. The OG one-shot had them going on a round of speed dating and failing to connect the dots and realizing that what they really should be doing is sucking face with each other. The sequel is kind of an expanded universe situation, where I wanted to show a little more of their roommie chemistry and push them into situations where they are finally confronted with the reality of their feelings. But that only happens once they start seeing other people because of course.
I have maybe 60% of the final part written but for some reason, after word-vomiting non-stop for a while, I got stuck on a kind of major point in the story. I've tried to start it soooo many times and it just won't go. 🙃 I think I'm looking at a good 6 to 8k words more before it's finished.
▪ Random Fic (not the real title)
Klaroline (duh), sorta exes-to-enemies-to-lovers I guess
Started in May 2020
The start of my romantic comedy phase. This predates even my coffee shop AU. It's Caroline and Klaus having a fling that ends very, very badly, but then having to come together again a year later to marry their common friend (and Caroline's ex), Tyler. I wanted it to be quick, witty and light-hearted and then at some point it got some very emotional bits in the middle and turned into something else completely. I guess it's still mostly light-hearted, but it has some ~~substance, whatever that means. I think it's an okay fic, and it's 55k words, which is not too bad, but then does anyone still read 55k all at once these days? lol
The fic is finished. I think I wrapped it up in April last year, so a year ago. But I haven't been able to go back and read it again. I've tried, and I've started it so many times, but then I always stop and never pick it back up. But like. 55k words of finished fic here. 🤷
▪ Pendulum
Klaroline, soulmates!AU but make it sad
Originally in January 2019, started rewriting in July 2020 (lol)
I have issues with this story. It's the saddest damn thing I've ever written, but it's also my favorite storyline I've ever come up with. It got some hate at the time, I don't know why, but also some of the most heartfelt comments/responses I've ever received on any story (and I still keep them all!), so I think this is one where you either love it or hate it. But because I feel so protective of it, I have problems (of the personal brand) leaving it out in the open, and I don't want to repost it until I'm absolutely sure it's ok. As you can see, it was one of my first ever fics, so the writing wasn't the best. But I still love it, I don't care. I keep wanting to make the writing match how much I love the idea, and I don't know if that's possible. 🙃
It's the rare AU I write entirely from Klaus' POV, which is something else. I'm not sure I'm that good with Klaus. It's also an AH, but it has a little magic twist. Every time Klaus dies, his life just restarts from the exact same point. He's born on the same year, at the same place, to the same parents. Except he remembers his previous lives, and so he accumulates the knowledge of hundreds and hundreds of previously lived years each time he's reborn. And then shit happens.
First time I posted this, it was 57k words long. I have successfully finished rewriting the first of three parts, which is around 14k words, but as you can see, I have been in this process since 2020 (!!!), so I need to go back and tinker with that as well. May God have mercy on my soul.
▪ Mystic Tours (not the real title)
Klaroline, friends-to-lovers but also fake dating
Started in January 2023
This was inspired by Lovelight Farms by B.K. Borison, except it's not a Christmas story, and it doesn't actually have any farms. It has Klaroline fake dating to try and win a contest that can potentially save Caroline's failing business, and also loads of side-characters Sound of Settling style (including a horde of Mikaelsons and Bonnie and Enzo as Caroline's co-workers). I really like writing stories where I can fit a bunch of side characters and make the whole thing sorta absurd. But I also wanted to try to make something quicker, more dialogue-oriented and with shorter scenes. AND YET. I just can't seem to make it work, the writing kinda sucks.
I have some 6k words of this, but can't tell you how much of that is actually usable. And it's maybe 10% of the story. 🙃
▪ Friends that Ruin Your Life (may or may not be the title, undecided)
Klaroline, Klefan (!!), affairs, fucked up people, angst
Started in March 2023
The five minutes during which I decided I wanted to go back to my origins and write something angsty and filled with complicated situations, a bit like Gasoline. It features Klaus and Stefan as a couple, and Caroline getting sucked into their messy marriage. So yes, Klaus is having an affair. In his defense, so is Stefan. Caroline's moral compass gets all out of sorts and she realizes the world is a lot less black-and-white than she'd previously assumed and sometimes you do get judged by your one-offs, even if your heart is in the right place.
I got super excited about this one and churned out the entire plan for the whole story, with all the scenes and most of the dialogues and the document alone is like 60k words long. I wrote that in like three days. 🥲 I don't think I could make it a one-shot, and I think that left me bummed because I didn't want it to be a multi-chapter. And then I'm not sure the writing was coming along fine enough, it wasn't flowing, and I started to question whether it was actually good or if I was totally tripping when I had this idea and this was actually insanely shitty. lol Leaning more towards the second right now.
▪ King Arthur AU (not the actual title)
Klaroline, magic, fantasy, King Arthur
Started in March 2021
This is very high fantasy, and very intricate. It would be a multi-chapter, but I have no idea how long. I think I was leaning towards 10 chapters. I have four written. And the writing is fairly decent, if I may say so myself. But as it usually happens with me, I get to a point where I start wondering why am I even writing this, and then I stop. 🥲🥲 I also think I was having some doubts about how to wrap it up. It had maybe more plots than I wanted to work with. King Arthur was actually Elijah, and Klaus was Mordred, and Caroline was Guinevere-ish, a witch undercover in "Orleans" (I'm so creative!!).
Only reason this is even on the list is because I recently read the four chapters I have and thought they were pretty decent, but I haven't written anything in almost two years, so maybe I've swiped up on this one already.
▪ The Wolf III and IV
🤡
Started in October 2020 (!! when I tell you guys I've had this written for years lol)
I have technically written The Wolf 3. It's in my "headcanons" format, which is honestly a joke, because clearly I don't know how to write headcanons. 🤡 But as you can see by the starting date, it's very, very old, and it requires full rewriting and lots of editing. Chapters are 15 to 20k words long (some are longer). TW4 is a different story. I never actually wrote it down, all I have is a full, detailed plan of all the scenes and shit. My idea was to not split the two stories into two different fics, but rather continue on with TW4 in the same AO3 "document" (???) as TW3 and make it 34 chapters long instead of 21. It doesn't make a lot of sense, but also I don't have it in me to start another separate story.
But here we are, stuck on S03E17. 🤡 Gonna be honest with you, my dudes, it's been rough to find the motivation to open that document. I think I have half of 17, maybe, but I haven't touched that in over a month. Laely, I have been often sent into thinky thoughts that you really shouldn't have when you're writing fic just for the hell of it, you know. Like, this is in no way meant to be a great piece of writing, I shouldn't be worried about that. It's the fan service of the fan service. But I start to think about the real quality of it and whether it even makes sense to be writing it, I realize I wrote one fic that was good, a second one which I personally think was even better, and then I made the classic mistake of having one too many sequels. This is Jurassic Park III. It's not as crappy as Jurassic World, you have Sam Neill, but should it exist? I just want Klaus and Caroline to be together for a change, and I love adding random final scenes in every chapter where it's just the two of them being married, but - should this be written? Or rather, should this have been posted in the first place? Do we really wanna see them being domestic? Doesn't that kind of kill the vibe? I don't know, man. I don't know. Chapter one was a blast, people seemed so into it and I wrote five chapters at once and got maybe a little over-excited, and then which each update I feel like there's less and less readers and it really gets me thinking. These thoughts are sabotaging my will to write. I need to get back on my fuck it horse.
It will come to me at some point, though. I'm sure it will.
Anyway, these are all my current WIPs! Comments, ideas and positive energies are all welcome! ✨ Let's return to this in december and weep at how little progress I've made 🥲
#yokan writes#WIP list#klaroline fanfiction#i really need to find a beta reader because I feel so sorry for my med student friend#trying to learn how to save lives while I throw 60k words of shit at her 🥲🥲#luiza i'm so sorry
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Uhm...
Hi everyone?
Back from my little break I guess.
1 year is quite little
yea sure April 18 ,2023( the last time I posted) was a long time ago but,
"It's April 21st!! Of 2024!!"
oh wait I'm talking to myself again..
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Guess whose back, Back again, Shady's back..tell a friend.
yea
I have an excuse! I was going to take a break in observance of my little sister turning 10 (she's 11 she's growing up way too fast), boom one year later.
Genuinely forgot why I left Tumblr,for that matter social media after that..blame it on mental health and stress.
People should know that stuff happens in a year, things change. So guess what, this blog is changing..whoopi. Excluding my pfp I love it so much for absolutely no reason
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Blog things.
When I created this blog, I was in my "Jeantonio era", Jeantonio hyperfixation, if you were a CS fan in late 2022 most likely I was in your screen yapping about them and what not. Literally that was all my blog was good for, for that reason alone.
Yea, no more of that. I'm guessing the light switch turned off. I don't know what happened genuinely speaking they just aren't like..you can say I've gotten mature, when I look back at my posts I want to cry, bawl and curl up into a ball fetus position by the pure cringe of it. I don't know.
Not all only Jeantonio, it's just CS in general, sure I'm in a discord server (hi @tiredguyswag) about La Femme Rouge but I really just don't feel the same way about the show I used to. Blame it on personal life I guess.
now that I say that all I say on discord is how I stopped having a Jeantonio hyperfixation 🙃
Anyways,
Don't get me wrong I still love the,but I'll barely post about them. Yea, mind blower.
Next segment
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Bio thing
It's funny how I haven't made this before but that's that I guess,
- I go by Cassandra,
(@r41nb0wzzz DO NOT CALL ME OUT, I KNOW WHAT MY NAME IS.)
-Minor (don't hit on me 😒)
-She/Her
Hobbies: Drawing, Animations, Running,..does talking count?
.. I'll just skip to the fandoms part.
- Avatar:The Last Airbender
- Carmen SanDiego (kinda obvious)
- Any kind of children's show
-Mandela Catalogue
- MLP
- Undertale, but just barely
- Steven Universe
- Genshin Impact
-Spiderverse
I've forgotten now
Now, this shall come as a Total shocker for you guys but,
- Total Drama Island
see what I did there
next segment
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Everyone knows what a hyperfixation is,
A character(s) or show, or something you like so much you traumatize them or you draw them in class so much you have 3 full pages of that one character.
(Okay, funny thing is I've never drawn El Topo and Le Chèvre like, never in my life until like, January this year during Carmen week, crazy.)
Anyways, I'm pretty sure I was never one of those users that had a new hyperfixation like, by the day, "Jeantonio 4 life man"
Which is funny,
Okay I'll get on with it Rajbow (Raj and Bowie) is cool guys.
I love Rajbow so much man..
It's like ... it's like Terry McGurin watched Carmen SanDiego and then implemented Jeantonio onto Total Drama Island.
I will go on and on about them like..
Like look at them!!
Look.
Goofy Goobers times 2x man..
I didn't even mention Wayne man..Wayne!!!
I will put each of them in my pocket..each!
It's a brainrot.. man..
Will I be making remarks about my hating Bowie? No!
Le Chèvre got them because I hated him but now I don't because I forgot my reason,
or I just made him too fem queen in my head..
I love Bowie man..
And Raj..
And Wayne..
Platonic Raynebow 4 life man..
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I forgot the majority of the stuff I came here to say, so I'll just say what I remember, and leave you guys to forget this,
-I'm going to delete a lot of my old posts most likely this weekend, they were very cringe man, understand where I'm coming from...
-Thetalkwithaveaclock isn't coming back, it's getting killed off. But then again nobody cared or knew what it was,
- Posting won't be something you'll be getting in every 56 seconds, it's more like every 56 days or something..I either just don't want to come back to Tumblr or its school man..
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Yeah, that's pretty much it..I forgot a lot of what I was going to say to you guys, okay..uh..
Anyways,
Bye Bye..CS nation?.. I'm guessing the majority of this will be read by CS nation..
- cassandra
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I don’t keep up with new music nearly as much as I used to. Not even discovering new artists or anything, but even new stuff put out by people I already like, it passes me by more than it used to. Late in 2023, I was shocked to learn two of my absolute favourite musicians had put out new albums in 2022 and I didn’t even notice. For most of my life I’ve found out about new music – both new artists and new albums – via folk festivals and country music blogs. Which is why so much of my music collection is Canadian folk music and American (plus some Canadian) country music.
But I haven’t been to a folk festival since pre-COVID – last year I finally started going to see live music again sometimes, this week I’ll be going to my sixth music gig since last August, which is less than I used to but significantly more than I did from 2020-2023, and it’s been really good. I let myself forget, in the depths of the pandemic, how big a part of my life live music was. I took it for granted most of my life, just going to folk festivals with my dad because that’s what happens every summer. And while I’ve been back to concerts, I haven’t been back to festivals, so I haven’t learned about anything new. And I don’t read country music blogs anymore because I’m too busy reading comedy forums.
So aside from blogs and festivals, how am I supposed to know if even my very favourite musicians put out new stuff? I also don’t do Twitter or anything. And of course I don’t do Spotify. I didn’t really know how Spotify worked until recently, I was just vaguely aware that it’s some demon ruining the music industry so I never looked into it. And I am still not going to look into it! Don’t worry everyone, I still have my principles, I am still horrified by the fact that my brother owns no music files and thinks it’s fine to just rent access to music that he only gets to keep hearing as long as he keeps paying and he has internet access and a corporation chooses to keep it on their platform.
However, my friend whom I moved in with in December uses Spotify, and when I hang out with him in the living room, we listen to music via the TV that’s connected to his computer, and I have to admit it’s convenient. Especially when I started typing in my favourite artists and learned that some of them have entire albums I hadn’t even known about. And, even though I’m pretty sure algorithms are a terrible thing to introduce to art, I have found a few new people I like from that.
I haven’t entirely sold out, though, because I did not sign up for Spotify (I would genuinely never do that, I will draw the line at occasionally benefitting from my roommate using it), I went and bought the albums on Bandcamp. Quick reminder of a thing that I never miss an opportunity to remind people, Bandcamp is the way to buy music where the highest percentage of the profits go to the artist (aside from just handing them money for a CD at a gig, I guess), also it’s the most convenient way to get it for the consumer (one easily downloadable folder with every song on the album as DRM-free mp3s).
I also recently raided the CD collection in my dad’s basement, because there was a bunch of stuff I knew he had and I knew I liked but was somehow not in the music collection on my hard drive. So as a result of that, I have a bunch of new music, and I’ve been greatly enjoying it.
Okay, here’s the actual point of this post, after all that pre-amble: Cody Jinks put out an album one month ago, thanks to the evils of corporatized technology I became aware of it when it was only a month old, I’ve been listening to it non-stop for several days, it’s fucking fantastic. It might be my favourite Cody Jinks album, though I’m aware that recency bias in in play. And I like Cody Jinks’ previous stuff a lot.
I should actually say that this might be my favourite Cody Jinks studio album, because he has a live album called Red Rocks Live and nothing's better than that. It's a solid cross-section of his earlier work so a good introduction, if anyone's interested in getting to know him. Which you should be, if you like his sort of thing. His sort of thing is modern American outlaw country music by a guy who used to be in a metal band. All the best country singers used to be in metal bands (him and Corb Lund).
This live version of his song Head Case is as good as country music gets. Good thing to play for anyone who spouts that claim that country music was only good back in the 70s (it was good back in the 70s, but probably wasn't good back then either if the only thing you listened to was pop music on the radio that incorrectly markets itself as country). My horrible abusive high school coach used to nickname me and any other athletes who struggled mentally/psychologically "head case", and now I play this song whenever I get sad about that, which definitely isn't that often or anything because I'm fine and not still trying to win every argument I had when I was 17. Definitely not.
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Anyway, his new album is called Change the Game, and I can't stop listening to it.
It covers the usual themes - sad, angry, drinks too much, would like to stop drinking so much (going a little harder on that last point than some of his previous albums, or maybe I'm just predisposed to notice that these days), and of course the designed outlaw country anthem, in this case it's the title track and it's great. I keep finding new stuff in it.
I often find that my favourite songs on an album change from what they are when I first hear it, but at the moment, the one I've had on repeat the most is:
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And then I listen to the level of guitar going on in this one that's ages ahead of some of the older stuff:
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But I think once the initial excitement of the new album wears off, this song is going to end up as my favourite:
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I was on the bus to work yesterday when I first put this one on and had to change the track, because the bus is not an appropriate setting for being as emotionally moved as I was by a lyric like "Don't waste your days on dreams that don't fill you/Find out what you love, and let it kill you".
Anyway, I might need to start subscribing to some musician mailing lists or something. Because I'm not signing up for Spotify or Twitter but it is nice to actually find out about this stuff.
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Hellooo there how are you
anyways if you want you can use this post to infodump on whatever you want
Info dumping huh? Well then.
I have been the biggest fan of this one ship for as long as I remember. Back in high school, I developed an interest in Homestuck. I obsessed over John Egbert specifically.
As I read fanfiction and looked at fanart, no ship sparked. I didn’t really care. I would read and yeah it’s cute and blah blah blah not my OTP.
Then the worst thing could have happened.
I looked at a crack ship and then I was fxcked. The more I thought about it, the more I loved it. Karkat who? Dave who? Dirk who? Sollex and Eridan who? Literally everyone that’s a common ship WHO?
It didn’t stick with me.
Want to know what stuck?
Caliborn.
I had this idea of Calliope getting to John first and then breaking up for one reason or another.
Then Caliborn and John date or live together for other reasons.
Calliope doesn’t really come into the equation anymore or show up in my daydreams.
I don’t why, but I thought it was adorable if John just got bothered by Caliborn at every turn. They’d bother and fight and just it was cute how much they antagonized.
Then I started developing my trans Headcanon and June eventually makes her first appearance without her being June. It’s only recently (late 2022? - 2023) that I heard the name June and went from there.
I would draw and write fanfiction after fanfiction adding and subtracting details.
June stays 8ft tall and Caliborn is slightly shorter by a few feet or inches.
Caliborn gets rid of the half shaved hair look for short curly hair.
I couldn’t stop doodling John all over my school work to the point my science teacher recognized him when I gave her a little quiz. She had a bearded dragon in the classroom and I loved holding them during class :3
(Don’t ask about the things I did in highschool)
I had a ton of ideas and a lot of them were problematic tbh so I’m still curving them out of my head for far better ideas.
No matter what fandom I became a part of John/ June x Caliborn never left me. I didn’t want to really read fics anymore since no one writes my ship.
Does anyone actually do pixies and Crocker and Harley and Egbert family dynamics? Do they ever have them interacting like a big extended family?
If I had the urge, I’d write my AU ideas more. (I’m kinda stuck at the moment, work burns me out to much and too often that I don’t have motivation to get through the one? Shot I have)
I am going to attempt to redraw this political romance fancomic I drew a long time ago to update it with my newest version of John/ June. That means she will be June. If I could find the notebooks I had.
With my inability to write I’m stuck with lackluster chapters and get nothing done. I need some form of energy boost for my creativity. It’s at an all time low at the moment, being used for other fandoms.
Like this Transformers AU that got me in a chokehold.
Optimom AU (I have a whole blog on it if you want to send asks and stuff)
Optimus becomes the mother of Soundwave, Sari, and Bumblebee. The seeker teens think of Optimus as their mother and there are like 9 of them. Not to mention the others that kind of sees Optimus as a mother figure.
Basically Found Family Trope :3
It’s more complicated than that and I have several fanfics and fanart (which is now found in the Blog)
The messy Age thing with Sari, it’s because I plan of having her die at some point (trauma) and I can’t in good conscience do that to a 3-5 year old (it’s by electrocution).
Yeah it’s messed up, but the world of Transformers is equally if not more messed up and morally grey :3
At least Ariel (Black Arachnia) and Sari get to become extensions of Unicron and Primus!
Sentinel redemption and Ultra Magnus retiring to become Optimus’ father.
There’s a lot to the AU I’m not going in to in this post but yeah!!! That’s it!!!
Honestly I could go on, but then the post will never end.
#cute#homestuck#junecal#caljune#caliborn#June egbert#John egbert#calliope#transformers#transformers animated#Optimom Au#au#fanart#fanfiction#otp
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Do you think Bill broke up with her a year ago? She posted the last picture in October 2022. Or did she have pictures with him at some point in her story?
My theory on this (and I can't exactly prove it) is as follows.
I think that he either actually did break up with her or attempted to break up with her in 2017 or 2018. Many people think they broke up right after that trip to Disney where he looks like he's walking around with his mother. There were (reports) that he unfollowed her and she unfollowed him etc then there was silence for months and suddenly she popped back up and she was pregnant which shocked basically everyone.
He "stayed" with her because of the baby probably trying to work things out or something then in either in late 2021 or early 2022 he broke up with her again (or tried to). This was when the rumors surfaced that he was dating that producer on Boy Kills World (or having an affair with her). This was also when Alida had that huge meltdown on Social, had that week long birthday party binge, posted the nudes of Oona, and then randomly flew to SA for like a week like she was trying to track down Bill (though there was never any proof she saw him or was around him when he was filming).
Shortly after that she appears on that Safari trip with him which was a production wrap party for BKW but you can see that Bill is more friendly with that Producer than Alida. In this time a lot of people were convinced they were broken up and Alida was desperately trying to get him back. There was some weirdness and suddenly, she's pregnant (again). Just like it happened the first time.
As to what is going on currently, I don't know. Last year (2023) there were only three photos of them together. They were either awkward (or miserable) or both. The first was from her birthday where he's kind of giving the camera a side eye (and sat pretty far away from her). The second wasn't until August at the Fares Fares premiere and they both look like they are about to cry in it. The third came in October (once again at Disney) where he looks like he's on a death march and she looks pleased with herself. He failed to be photographed with her at a party they both attended between August and October. She did not attend the Stellan event (even though he did) and he did not attend Valter's premiere even though somehow she got into it.
[The only three photos of them in order from 2023. Birthday in January, Premiere in August, Disney in October]
This is the most broken up they've seen since the point in 2022 when he was in SA and it appeared that he was dating that producer. If this is officially the end or just the most serious split he's done yet (and she's not been able to worm her way back in) I don't know but I do think this is the end considering in 2023 he was barely around her, seen with other women at a festival, posed in photos with other women (co-workers), and attended tons of events and parties that she was not invited to. Her birthday is today so I guess we'll have to see what comes of that and if she posts anything with him or not.
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My BooRai WIP stats
So. As of right now, the number of written BooRai fan works I've published is...... zero. I recently announced my angst fic I Can Stop The World, with another reveal planned in a few weeks, but I've yet to actually publish anything 😭
Last night I was backing up all my WIPs, and I decided to go through and reorganize everything. I moved everything into new folders and checked their word counts. I was a little surprised by the numbers to be honest. Especially when compared to this word count update from 5 months ago: [link]
I thought it would be fun to post my stats so you can see how much I've been working on, even though I haven't started posting yet.
As of last night:
Total number of Google docs: 34
Outlined fics: 21 (mostly longfics)
Comic WIPs: 7
Completed fics: 1 (a one-shot I'm not ready to post yet 😭)
Ideas yet to be fleshed out: 12
Total BR fanfic word count: 517,362
Words this week: about 25,000
ICSTW (main angst fic, post-canon):
196,871 words
6 docs
SSATSF (Modern AU, upcoming reveal):
125,474 words
3 docs
Folklore AU (started recently):
23,289 words
2 docs
Comics (text only)
80,795 words
7 docs
Reference docs (OC masterlist, headcanons, language dictionary, etc.)
9149 words
5 docs
Okay, pause real quick. The first BooRai fic I started writing is a fluff comic (briefly mentioned here) that I started in late 2022. It was my only project until the day I started writing ICSTW in June 2023. Then I exploded in ideas and here we are. So, if I exclude that first comic's word count of 36,190...
...Then the total word count of BooRai fanfic I've written in the past 7 months is 481,172 words. That's about 2217 words per day, and 15,522 words per week.
Now. This all just a bunch of numbers. Numbers don't mean the fics are any good. I value quality over quantity, so you can see why I haven't published anything yet. The ideas are all there! Tons and tons of dialogue is written. Detailed lore is laid out. Languages have been constructed! But the chapters themselves are not written. I don't write chronologically, and my stories are very elaborate. So even my main two fics, at 196k and 125k, are nowhere near complete. I haven't even finished fleshing out the early chapters 😭
You might be looking at this and thinking like.... "yeah bro you're not gonna finish most of those fics. It's not happening. You're gonna burn out." Mayhaps! I have a tendency to overdo things, and sometimes I overwhelm myself by making things bigger and more complicated than they need to be. But all in all, I like the way I create and I like having a few big projects and lots of tiny ones. I'm deeply invested in my major projects and I really do want to dedicate myself to publishing chapters in the next few months. But if I never finish them, that's okay too! The important thing is to enjoy making the thing... and I enjoy it immensely. Enough to write half a million words in 7 months, apparently
I've talked about my fic content to some irl people and they always respond with: "When the hell do you do all this? I literally never see you writing." In reality, yes they do. if you see me typing on my phone, I'm most likely writing. I kind of high-key spend 100% of my free time drawing and writing now. Which is a miracle after years of art block and creative sterility.
Another reason I wanted to share my numbers is that there are a lot of fellow AuDHD creators on this site, so there are bound to be at least a few of you who work just like I do. If you're one of those people, you probably know that it's easy to feel like the projects will never come to fruition. Don't lose heart!!! You have the strength to finish your projects at your own pace!!! And if you simply lack the will to finish, that's also okay! If you enjoy just writing down ideas without committing to a fully fleshed out work, that's a perfectly legitimate form of art and recreation. Godspeed my friends.
And as for the people who have been supporting my BR art and keeping track of my fic updates... You are the world and I am but a humble bean in service of your fancies. Thank you for your support. Here's a picture of me rereading my WIPs for the billionth time while y'all stand there and wait for me to start posting chapters:
(P.S. I have about 80 fic-related art WIPs on my tablet.)
(P.P.S. stay tuned for my fictional language dictionary!!)
#boorai#bosxryza#bos x ryza#fanfiction#my fic#i can stop the world#icstw#ssatsf#wip#neesee speaks#neesee writes#not a drawing
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End of the year check-in! How did 2023 treat you? Better than 2022? How is 2024 looking so far? Anonymously ask 3 mutuals after answering! ❤️
Helllooooo
Well, see, end-of-2022 up to this moment.... kinda one of the hardest years of my life so far. We got all the fancy highlights of sudden tragic deaths and horrible diagnoses and inexplicable breaking of friendships (multiples on all accounts), and my job was a nightmare of stress on top of it all and I kinda broke down mentally/emotionally/physically/spiritually, and then spent about a month straight in the summer being constantly angry every day as soon as I woke up until I cried in frustration before going to sleep (I am Not an angry person by nature, it was awful) - all while royally failing to support those people in my life whose grief was a thousand times heavier than my own.
The whole reason I logged back into tumblr is I needed an unattached/uncommitted outlet while I was struggling to cope. XD
However. I also got a lot closer to some of the most amazing people in my life, felt their support and love as we walked through crap together. I got to see the Grand Tetons and travel through Yellowstone with one of my best friends, and it was the most beautiful and wonderous experience - I can't put it into words. I have one more once in a lifetime bucket list event before the year ends, too. Work brought a lot of growth, including approaching a member of upper leadership about how they were failing me and my peers and just having that conversation dissipated all my fury. I left the church denomination I grew up in (left it in a dumpster fire burning behind me actually, and not a moment too soon), and found unexpected refuge and healing and the undeniable work of the Spirit in a place I wouldn't have dreamed of going five years ago. God is still so good.
For 2024, I just want peace for my spirit, and peace and healing and restored joy for my friends who have experienced such deep losses and wounds to their souls. And I want to read and write more. Which probably means quitting my current job to make space for that. So far the best thing about 2024 is the actual "tumblr mutuals roadtrip" we are trying our darndest to make happen late in the year. I am so looking forward to it. 💗
I guess I just want to end this little answer by saying that yeah, life is hard, and it hurts so much, and when you love you are going to get your heart broken in ways you cannot fathom and you will never be the same person you were before. But that does not mean you cannot be made whole again, that all the shattered glass can't be swept up into a beautiful mosaic you never saw before. The shards still hurt when you brush against them, and they can never be put back to what they were, but you see in them the image of an Artist who holds them all together and is holding onto you.
"I was sinking like a stone again. I was halfway in the grave and then I looked up and saw your face again - you pulled me out of the water. There's no turning back, nothing in the past, my eyes are on you again. I can't see nothing at all but your outstretched arms help me believe it. Though I falter, you've got me walking on water." - NTB
#thanks for the ask!#the last part i can't find words to make it sound less contrived#it's just true and it doesn't make it easier but it makes it less and it makes the good more somehow#anon#i'll pass along the anons too
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Corals Monthly Update #3
HOHOHO!! FIRST BLOG POST OF 2023 AND I’M NEARLY 2 WEEKS LATE!!!
Super sorry about the long wait! I’ve had tests recently and only got off of school like a few days ago haha!
So! Welcome back to my monthly update on what I get up to in my life! Now, before we get into January, I, for the final time, have to tap back into the previous month. Curse past me for thinking the 21st was a good day to start doing these!!!
ANYHOW! The rest of December and early January were a BLAST! But lemmie talk about what happened after I made the last update. CHRISTMAS!! I had a great time with my family and I got a bunch of fluffy things cuz that’s apparently the easiest thing to get me now. We also had dinner on Christmas day with my Grandparents like every year. Over-all that day was very fun! I even got drunk playing Minecraft which was funny for everyone in VC. The next few days weren’t anything exciting, however my brother Finn had a bunch of his friends over for his birthday which was chaotic. But the excitement picks back up on the 28th! BECAUSE SKYE AND VI CAME OVER FOR NEW YEARS!! We’ve been planning this since like, June, so it was awesome seeing them again!
We did all kinds of stuff from shopping to playing some awesome games! (I am now chronically addicted to Ultra Kill thanks guys)
We even did some baking! Here is our glorious creation I dubbed, “The Jimothy”.
Overall the rest of December was awesome! I’m glad I got to celebrate New Years with my besties! Overall, I’ll give it a 10/10! Best way to end 2022 >:D
Here’s a few more misc photos hehehhehe
NOW! FOR JANUARY!!
January started off still vibing with the guys. However they would then go home on the 4th which sucks. But before that, both Skye and I spent a lot of money on consoles that are almost as old as ourselves. They bought a fucking PS Vita and I got a motherfucking Wii. We both had fun with em and I even helped Skye homebrew their Vita since I wanted to put PebbleCD on it (I failed but shut uuup)
But yea, sadly the guys had to go and it sucked! But I still had a great time.
There’s a bit of a gap here right up until the 12th, where finally, the big event happened. CAREY IN THE HOUSE WENT LIVE!! I had finished it a few days prior but figured I’d build up hype by posting it on that Friday. AND IT SURE WORKED! The video blew up faster than any of my videos before it! I am so happy the response has been overwhelmingly positive. I also love how the only main complaint that was common amongst people was that Careys exaggerated accent was annoying which, yea can’t argue against.
For anyone wishing for more CITH content, I did a behind the scenes mega thread over on my twitter if you wanna have a deeper look into the production!
I’ll even link it here:
https://twitter.com/Carey_Black_/status/1619731723352444928
Now, to move onto why it took me forever to make an update. My mock exams..
BUT BEFORE THAT!! THERE’S ALSO THE FACT THAT MR WULF AND I WERE ABLE TO ARCHIVE THE ORIGINAL EDDSWORLD BANG BOOM SPLAT PROJECT FILE!!
This all started because Wulf wanted to edit the credits for his arcade BBS build since I was helping him out and since I said SWF modding is hard he just casually asked Psycosis and after seeing his WIP cabinet, gave Wulf the FLA! So a current “BBS arcade version” is in the works by yours truly thanks to both the generosity of Psycosis and the fact that Mr Wulf is a fucking mad man who could stop global warming in a month if he wanted to LOL!
Here’s Wulfs finished Cabinet btw!:
https://twitter.com/MrWulfOfficial/status/1622295302685315073
But yea, for real. My mock exams were a pain!
For those outside of Ireland or have a different name for em, Mock exams are, well, exams that act like a practice run for your finals. They’re always harder than the actual finals and are usually graded stricter too! Why? Who knows! The Irish education system is a joke. I feel like I did somewhat ok in them anyway? Some were definitely worse than others but overall it was more of an inconvenience. I did get this really cool art piece out of it however.
Exams would later spill over into February and like I said at the start, I finished and got off school a few days ago.
Overall, this month was about a 7/10. It was pretty good, especially in the Eddsworld department, but mocks and other personal tid bits I didn’t mention here dragged it down for me.
Since February seems to be mostly me being off school, I hope this month will be better haha! Only time will tell!
Thank you for reading! And I hope to see you next month!! (Hopefully on time too haha!)
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2022 in the Rear View, pt 1
I know it's a cliche, but what happened to last year? I went back to look at my journal entries and life-blogging from 2022 and I found almost nothing. And that kind of bums me out! 2023 resolution: start journaling again! And don't be afraid to post personal blogs again! (My two conflicting concerns on the latter being 1. what if no one cares, 2. what if someone reads it?? )
Anyway, gonna see if I can piece together 2022 from photos and memory.
January
I started the year off right by traveling down to Tucson with my best friend Mko to meet with our mutual friend AR, whose mother had brought far, far too many pumpkins up from their farm in Cochise County. What to do with them?
Answer: bust them open and leave them in the desert for the javelinas, to the soundtrack of Smashing Pumpkins. And then go on a lovely hike.
Also, I took a lot of pictures of graffiti this year, so please enjoy "nanodick" on a traffic bollard, for some reason.
Around this time my coworker KC and I also became obsessed with learning how to say "What is love?" in every language imaginable. Our list is still hanging up at work a year later.
February
Apparently I didn't do much outside of working and visiting the family this month, with the exception of an excursion to an Asian food truck festival with my friend RAP. Top tier food photography = taking a bite out of your onigiri and taiyaki to show off their tasty fillings.
March
In March I took my parents to the main library branch for some reason? I can't remember why! May have just been trying to entertain them while they were visiting me, but I do recall we had a good time. It also has some nice views of my neighborhood.
Based on photos, I also took a lot of walks and ate a lot of Greek and Italian food this month, both activities I approve of.
I also received my birthday koláčky three months late (because they are a pain in the ass to make and my mother was busy, and based on the fact that we started dispensing a new PET product at work apparently so was I), but then, it's never too late for koláčky.
Brought some in to work and they were a hit, so much so that when I dropped some on the ground, one of my coworkers picked up all the koláčky that landed filling-side up and ate them.
April
This month saw me wearing a heart monitor for three days, in an ongoing effort to figure out why I felt so shitty all the time. The results were simply "low blood pressure, drink more electrolytes", same thing I was told 15 years ago dealing with similar issues. Here's to consistency!
In significantly better news, I had an opportunity to foster a wee juvenile bearded dragon!! My coworker MH was dealing with personal issues that required moving in with someone who is wary of lizards and pets in general, and since we are Lizard Pals at work she asked if I could take the lizard in until she found lizard-friendly housing.
Her name is Gible, and she was SO TINY. The other bearded dragons I've had (Genbu & Seiryuu, and Hot Sauce) were all rescued adults, so some of this was new to me. And I don't know if this was particular to Gible or to juveniles in general, but she was a much more vigorous climber than my previous beardies, and I'd find myself looking not just in corners and under tables but ON TOP OF tables and shelves when I'd collect her after letting her free-roam for a while. The first time I stood up and saw a tiny lizard staring at me from the top of my table was a delightful shock!
TBC I hope
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Sainz says he learned more in challenging 2022 than in any year since his rookie season
Ferrari driver Carlos Sainz feels he learned more from his rollercoaster 2022 campaign than any other since arriving in the sport seven years ago, saying he will “take the positives” into next year.
Sainz joined the F1 grid with Toro Rosso (now AlphaTauri) back in 2015 and, after team mate Max Verstappen secured promotion to the senior Red Bull team, the Spaniard was forced to look elsewhere to progress his career.
Off the back of encouraging stints with Renault and McLaren, exiting the Red Bull family in the process, Sainz landed a seat at Ferrari alongside Charles Leclerc for 2021 and managed to outscore him during their first season as team mates.
READ MORE: Ross Brawn on a stellar 2022 season, pride at seeing F1 ‘as strong as it’s ever been’ and his next chapter
However, 2022 initially proved more challenging for Sainz as he struggled to take to the F1-75 – and F1’s all new regulations – as easily as Leclerc, with retirements at Albert Park (spinning out) and Imola (a clash with Daniel Ricciardo, after crashing in qualifying) giving him a mountain to climb in the championship.
Sainz found himself stuck in the gravel at the Australian and Emilia Romagna Grands Prix
Steady progression saw him gradually cut the gap to his team mate, with his first pole position and victory coming at the British Grand Prix, only for Red Bull to make gains on Ferrari in the development race – meaning a title push was never a realistic prospect.
Asked to reflect on 2022, and what he’s learned from the up-and-down experiences, Sainz said: “A lot, to be honest. It’s been a very challenging start to the season with me immediately on the back foot and heading into challenges that I probably didn’t expect to have.
“But I’m honestly very proud, the way that I recovered the season, the way that I managed to stay motivated, even with all the ups and downs that I had, with all the setbacks that we had.
READ MORE: Ferrari say Mercedes’s late-season speed was ‘not a surprise’ and feel they should have won a race before Brazil
“As a team, as an individual, with so many DNFs, we still managed to turn the season around and now I’m driving again at the level that I know I’m able to drive. I’m going to take the positives and keep that as a positive.”
Sainz bounced back from a difficult start to the season with pole position and victory at Silverstone
Given how much he had to adapt his driving style to suit the 2022-spec Ferrari, and following his particularly tough start to the season, Sainz feels that only in his debut F1 campaign did he learn more over the course of the year.
“I think in that sense, it’s been the year that I’ve learned the most since 2015 –that was my first year in Formula 1. Then I had tougher and easier years, but never such a challenging year as 2022,” commented Sainz, who wound up fifth in the drivers’ standings, three places and 62 points behind Leclerc.
“I found myself in a position where I was driving with this car, I was constantly off the pace in the first five, six races, and I had to fight a lot to change some things in my driving, some things on the car, try to get the car a bit closer to my liking.
READ MORE: Jeddah Corniche Circuit announce track changes ahead of 2023 Saudi Arabian GP
“Also, [I had to] stop having some muscle memory on the way I drive and reset a bit the way I was driving, and it took a long time. But then, as soon as it happened, I felt like I had done a big step forward as a driver in my skills, in my development, and I had learned a load.”
via Formula 1 News https://www.formula1.com
#F1#Sainz says he learned more in ‘challenging’ 2022 than in any year since his rookie season#Formula 1
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uhm.. should i say hi?
i hope you enjoy the holidays in the remaining days of the year.
it's been only a week but the mixed emotions i'm having right now still remain here. anger, disappointment, sorrow, distress, despair, and grief... all that i can't even explain in words.
i actually could not do anything after Christmas. i almost barely eat or do the things i used to do. i still can't believe what happened to Eru, to be honest. i still can't understand why such unexpected things had to happen in an instant. it felt like i was feeling the same feels again on the same day, 2 years ago. you wouldn't imagine how it felt like losing a loved one just a few days before Christmas. been crying my heart out for days. no, for a week now. i'm still bothered by the fans' harsh comments. it's like hell! as if the person is being cursed by them a lot. they want to drag him down for what he did. i'd felt like blaming myself coz i was the only one who did the postings for him, and introduced him to people who got to love him for his works. i knew i did nothing wrong but still...
i knew what he did was wrong, he already apologized. however, people didn't know what the person has going through lately. and to tell you one truth, he is actually dealing with personal issues lately. a friend of mine (she's a fan & a friend of Eru) told me that. if you had noticed his posts & stories, then that was it. he was not really okay. i can't tell you the rest of the details because it's personal. whatever the struggles he doesn't tell to us, i hope he overcomes them.
as if they knew the whole story. if they don't understand what's going on to him, then they can just shut the FKKK UP! LEAVE HIM ALONE! he's now looking back & reflecting on himself. i wanted to defend but i knew what he did was wrong.
i even prayed for him during the 9 nights during the 4 AM mass. i also cried during the homily on the last day. it was said there that "You may not understand it all from the start. You may not get why things happened. But one day, there will be light in everything."
"Beautiful encounters become blessings while not-so-good encounters become lessons to learn."
perhaps some unexpected events tend to happen for a reason. i wish there would be a light to make things clearer in the midst of darkness. in that way, we can see the bigger picture of why things had to happen. and better things will eventually come in time.
i'm still not feeling okay. it's more difficult for me to do SNS. i know.. my feelings and your feelings are valid. it's okay to feel whatever you feel.
i know it's such a pity to grab that BIGGEST opportunity but we can't blame why Eru's fate has to turn like that either. however, I hope he will use this time to look back & reflect on himself, for healing and focus to oneself. and the Lord perhaps has better plans for him even if it would bring him at risk. i hope he comes back stronger with better purposes and show his bashers with greater performances and actions, and to restore his clean & good image as well. may the Lord always guide him to the right path & give him courage, strength and wisdom... to move forward and go on, and to overcome the struggles and trials he is facing this time.
to the people who are still there to support him, thank you. but those who keep on throwing harsh words to the person, well anyway, God bless you.
may the remaining days be happier and memorable for you. enjoy the rest of 2022 and start 2023 with a bang. happy new year!
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Another Chortle headline roundup, and this one is... look, maybe the arts have had a good go, and don't need to happen anymore. Maybe we can all take a step back and ask ourselves how many bits of written or spoken word the world actually needs. (This does not apply to the new Garth Marenghi book, Matthew Holness should feel free to do his thing into eternity, if he likes).
I did enjoy this, further down the page, though:
Because it says:
American talk-show hosts including John Oliver and Stephen Colbert have launched a podcast to support Hollywood’s striking writers.
The broadcast rivals, who have been off air for four months, joined forces for the Spotify series to raise money for their crew.
Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel and Seth Meyers are also involved in the project, named Strike Force Five.
So, is that a correct estimation they've made of British audiences, assuming they've definitely heard of John Oliver and Stephen Colbert, but the other three can be afterthoughts that you may or may not have heard of? Congratulations, John! You're finally famous in Britain! If you'd only you'd managed that 15 years ago, maybe you wouldn't have had to leave.
I haven't listened to any of this podcast yet. I have downloaded both episodes so far, with the thought that maybe I'll skim them at some point. I have to balance my desire to hear John Oliver talk with my lack of desire to hear those other four guys talk. Not that I hate any of them or anything, I'm just not at all interested in them and I don't really want to listen to a whole hour of four guys I don't care about and John Oliver. (with Colbert as a bit of an exception, I did love The Colbert Report as a teenager and watched it every night for years, but I haven't followed or wanted to follow anything he's done since). I have even less of a need to listen to the episodes because of the great recaps @lastweeksshirttonight has been doing. Those recaps are all I really want from this podcast - a summary of what happened in general, with a significant focus on John Oliver's contributions. So I probably don't have to listen to any of them myself now, I can just read that.
I have to say, looking at those five names in a row - I know they're all self-aware about this, and pointing it out is nothing new, and people talk about it all the time, but still, putting them all together as Strike Force Five really drives home how much late night TV in America is run by five straight white men, two of whom look like the same person and also have the same name. They couldn't have invited, like, Trevor Noah or Samantha Bee? Yes I realize both of them stopped doing the late-night job in 2022 and therefore don't have shows that are currently on strike, but still, recent enough, and going with a bit of tokenism might have been slightly better than just having the five as they are in this case. (I also realize that a whole lot of my favourite comedy things involve groups of straight white men, but in my defense, those are mostly from the 00s, and we're theoretically supposed to have more diversity in 2023, right?)
Also, it's been a while now but I don't think I've mentioned in a post yet that the brief, beautiful, never-actually-really-realistic-but-it-looked-slightly-possible-for-a-moment-there dream of John Oliver on Taskmaster is dead. He's announced new shows that conflict with the recording dates. He said he was doing those shows to make more money to keep paying his writers while they strike, which of course is the main reason for his whole stand-up tour, and is also the stated reason for this podcast. Which I guess is a good thing for me to remember, when I was making my post about how he's doing stand-up even though he doesn't need the money because he likes having work to do so maybe he'll do Taskmaster for the same reason. I suppose I could have taken a slightly broader view and remembered things like the large numbers of show staff who are not John Oliver rich and who need support, and doing stand-up in the US will do a lot more to solve that problem than flying to England to do Taskmaster, so, okay, fine, I guess John Oliver's making reasonable choices here. I guess if I try to be less myopic, I can remember that people's livelihoods are more important than having John Oliver on Taskmaster.
Anyway. The point is, get it together Chrotle.
God, does the world ever not fucking need any of those things.
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Seeing a Swallowtail at Hickling Broad 8th July 2023
Two weeks ago another dream of mine came true this year when we were lucky to see a Swallowtail late on in their flying season at Hickling Broad. I felt like doing a post delving a little deeper into the experience and what it means to me.
As mentioned in previous posts about seeing it, it was something that I had wanted to see for years. I look back on my childhood after getting into birdwatching, and as I have said before the big moment that got me into butterflies - and was really as much of a life changing moment as when I first got into birds or rather a life defining moment for me getting into this amazing interest - was seeing a Silver-washed Fritillary in the summer of 2010 at Bolderwood in the New Forest and saying I’d like to know what that is. The next day a lepidoptera ID book turned up and I’ve not looked back for butterflies and other insects since. But the interesting thing is I didn’t not notice or acknowledge butterflies prior to that. It actually came to light from a photo taken that I first saw Silver-washed Fritillary a year earlier at Acres Down in the New Forest and I recall a picture of a Brimstone being in a pack I had when a member of the RSPB youth group the Wildlife Explorers and seeing one back then. And I recall somewhere within those pre-seriously into butterfly days me hearing of Swallowtail and feeling impressed by their beauty. So it’s long been a butterfly I’ve known and been one I so wanted to see. I think I was also fascinated by the idea of (bar continental ones coming over that I learnt of years later) them only being found in the Norfolk Broads in the UK. There was a certain unattainable quality about them which made them exciting through the years as my butterfly interest intensified and from Purple Hairstreak to Northern Brown Argus we were lucky to see many wonderful species. And it was something I dreamed of.
It was something we were meaning to do over the years, get to Norfolk where we have been a fair few times now in the season at the right place to try and see one. We first discovered Hickling Broad when going there when seeing the Bee-eaters in July 2022 in the quarry at Trimingham. One week later than our summer Norfolk visit this year, we called in there and saw some fantastic stuff at a wonderful wild site on the off chance a late Swallowtail might be about. We had toyed with the idea of a Swallowtail attempt trip among everything else this year but it didn’t really look to be materializing, until the sensational Bee-eaters returning lured us to Norfolk. RSPB Strumpshaw Fen was where we planned to head the day after going to Trimingham for the Bee-eaters on short weekend trip to try and see a Swallowtail, ultimately the weather possibly proved not on our side overall to see a Swallowtail at that big site for them on the Sunday but seeing our first ever Norfolk Hawkers, Marsh Harrier and many other brilliant things was fantastic. Amazingly seeing the Bee-eaters again early in the time we spent at the quarry on the Saturday left us with enough time to head to Hickling again, where a year before we had seen a new butterfly for us in the form of an Essex Skipper, to see if we could repeat this on a pretty hot day with sunny spells and the sun sitting on the edge of clouds nicely at times.
In a few utopian minutes at Hickling Broad we managed it. We felt hopeful taking a shortcut path going well into the wetland habitat and the sun came out more prominently. Me spotting a gorgeous Four-spotted Chaser dragonfly landing well led to us pausing for a bit. And then it happened. In an unbelievable few minutes I saw the unmistakable humongous, creamy, starkly and divinely black and white patterned butterfly dash past me. I instantly said “Swallowtail” and ensured my Mum could see it, who was in disbelief as this butterfly sailed through the air strongly flying over vegetation allowing us a real good look before disappearing - interestingly as I drew comparisons to the other large butterfly we’ve been so lucky to see over the years and had seen this year at Knepp a week earlier the Purple Emperor as this is the tree associated with them - up towards and over an oak tree. We were ecstatic that our on the off chance had paid off, it was a thrilling and glee-filled few minutes taking in this amazing butterfly. We were astonished, and felt so fortunate to see it.
On an afternoon where we’d already seen the splendid Bee-eaters at the Trimingham quarry and seen our first Brown Hawker, Ruddy Darter and Emerald Damselfly of the year at Hickling Broad, we proceeded seeing beautiful Peacock butterfly and Garden Tiger moth caterpillars and I was jubilant. Just like the Otters on Mull in April after so many years of hoping, I sort of had dared to imagine this moment and in a flash it had happened. I nicknamed Swallowtail my Lesser Spotted Woodpecker of butterflies being a bird I had wanted to see for years before we did, and we had done it. I felt enriched by now being able to say I had seen a Swallowtail. At this stage in our wildlife watching it’s quite frequent that something we see for the first time is something we might not really know of until the sighting is reported or not be something we know well, but a Swallowtail we knew exactly what to look for in terms of the adult butterfly so there was an added sense of satisfaction to finally seeing one. What a place, what a species, what a weekend!
It wasn’t a landing sighting so no photos, so I thought I would post five from the walk at Hickling Broad below.
The Four-spotted Chaser, in a totally jocular way I said this could be the greatest of this species I’ve ever seen as had I not spotted it we wouldn’t have stopped and further down the path who knows whether we’d have seen the Swallowtail.
A view taken quite a way before the point we saw it, but showing similar habitat and conditions to how we did.
Another view from the walk round.
The Peacock caterpillar, a momentous day for me for butterflies capped off as this is the first butterfly caterpillar I have ever knowingly seen, every caterpillar I’d seen and managed to identify before that point was a moth.
Ruddy Darter
#swallowtail#photography#birdwatching#butterflies#bee-eaters#bee-eater#hickling broad#norfolk#norfolk broads#england#ruddy darter#brown hawker#marsh harrier#norfolk hawker#emerald damselfly#dragonflies#peacock#brimstone#silver-washed fritillary#purple emperor#happy#east anglia#world#nature#july#dreams#uk#earth#2023#europe
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The One Second Decision
I meant to write this a couple days ago. I did announce it over twitter but life and plans for the better happened along the way. Found a day when I could sit down and put down a couple of paragraphs to detail my 1 second decision. But what is it? it’s not what you think. I am fully aware about my preferences. Stay here and I'll further explain:
November 2022: on fully working season. Every place at the food industry is blooming with constant pressure and long hours to work. At that moment I was well, eating whatever I could find, going with friends after work for drinks and sightly resting. It took a toll. Some people started to notice something in me that I was not fully aware: I was gaining weight. People’s opinions about me are not relevant, but when more people noticed, it was something to analyze.
By the end of the World Cup, I was invited to shoot a baby shower. Some coworkers were invited. I was extremely exhausted and basically went home and passed out in bed. I had missed calls by 2 girls who were there, wondering where I was. A chance missed. Something could've sparked there but it is what it is.
At the beginning of 2023 a surprise boost at my workplace occurred (from January to March is dead season) but this one was different. I was glad but my mood, physique was getting at a low point. All these months of every day drinking were affecting me that I secretly dealt with a minor depression, not even my friend who I hang out the most knew. One of my coworkers gave birth and she insisted to visit her and I had to decline several times. I later revealed to her the real reason and she understood. it wasn't bullshit, it was some serious stuff.
Reaching 40 made me realize a lot of things. I need to make serious changes, especially body wise. One day after taking a shower I look at the mirror fully naked and realize something: A change must be made. I look disgusting! beer belly, no muscle, weak. On Thursday, March 16 a decision was made and it only took 1 second to make it happen: I embarked into a commitment fully to myself: Improved everything about me, leave behind all sorts of addictions (drinking) and start on a new regimen. I always had dumbbells laying around the house. Bought them a long time ago and used them from time to time but nothing serious. This time, I set the rules. Started with 3 day workout of 40 mins with weights, quit drinking (mostly) meaning I don't drink every day like I used to. Also, change my eating routine. Left aside what my body don't need. Now I see food as fuel.
Ditching those bad habits was as simple as 1,2,3. I must admit, I gotta thank my Military school background for the early mindset I was given back In the early 90′s. That still happens to this day. Discipline is my ultimate drive.
I have made the 3 month mark since I decided to change. It was hard at first, but like my sister told me, It’s better now than later. People stared to notice the change and it’s not accident: the effort I'm putting now, will reflect tomorrow. It’s a long ride, but every step counts. My minor depression went away, I no longer feel sad or anxious about stupid shit, determination for what I want to do shows up every day: I perform better at work, eat right, rest better and an overall change is reflected. 3 months ago, none of that was present. None.
I am also more confident. Clothes that didn’t fit, do now, my waist shrunk and now update in jeans must be made. I feel slim. no more embarrassing beer gut and for the first time, wearing a t-shirt feels natural.
For you reading this and want to make a change for yourself: it’s never too late. We all start at something that’ll later develop into a normal part of your life. Do it for you, not for others. This change I made also risk leaving some people behind, including my 9 year friendship (on that on some other post). It was a hard decision, but it wasn't contributing anymore.
Thanks to a decision not hard to make, I am on the other side of the fence. Focusing on what matters, on what's important: Myself.
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