#god this is so fucked up and i'll delete this later but for now i just need to. let it out. poe said i should make a side blog for the grie
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i don't know how to be merely acquaintances when we used to be friends. or i think we used to be. i don't know how to yearn for a simple hello when you've been heaping your affection on me months ago, and i don't know how to talk to you when you won't say anything. when suddenly it's all about me. you know i have nothing to say, you know my brain is void of everything but horribleness and i cannot tell you about my day because i don't even know about my day. i cannot tell you about my day when i know you won't listen, when i know you'll apply your philosophy to my world and don't believe me when i say that everything is terrible. i don't know how to be the person you seem to think i am, or the person you want in your life. i don't know if you want anyone else in your life now that you're in love and sappy, found another recipient for your affections, leaving me empty and wounded and yearning.
you said you missed me. said it many times, while i was gone. now i'm back, have been back, and i wonder how you missed me, why you missed me, when you won't talk to me. i think you mistook missing for worrying. i think you mistook caring for a feeling of obligation. i think you like missing me more than talking to me.
and i think i can't breathe with how much that hurts
#how do you miss me when you won't talk to me? how do you like me so much and then go to just. not?#how did i let you in when i try so hard not to let people do that because i know that once they get past the walls all i'll be left with#is the idea of them rotting and withering inside me. polluting the space i create to keep myself safe.#why does everyone leave? leave in silence too. leaving behind so many questions and so many words engraved in my brain#i am so tired of *grieving* when those i grieve are still alive and well and thriving and i'm reminded that it's versions of myself#that i'm grieving instead. how do you grieve yourself? how do you not fucking fall apart over it?#just. fucking talk to me. don't make it be true that all i'll ever be is nothingness and the memory of someone you liked once#but never never never liked enough#i'm so so cold already. i'm a shell. i want to be warm again but it always leaves me so hollow and hurting#i grieve the dio who was warm. i grieve them i miss them i am so so angry that he had to leave. to hide. with no way out#i'm happy for you. i'm happy you're happy. but you're no better than anyone else and it makes me want to run away again#but i have nowhere else to run and no one else to be. and it's so fucked that it doesn't matter who i am i'll never be enough#for someone to just. stay. to see me and to stay. to hear me and to sit and listen and just. just fucking stay.#maybe i'm not worth staying for. maybe there's nothing to know nothing to hear nothing to see nothing to listen to nothing to find#maybe all i'll ever get is one/two good months paid for with a lifetime of grief. and i'm at the point where i don't want the good months#anymore with you or anyone else who tears down these walls with affection that is so endlessly addictive and leaves me yearning.#on the off chance that it will keep the grief away too. but that's the thing about grief isn't it? it's here to stay. unlike you#god this is so fucked up and i'll delete this later but for now i just need to. let it out. poe said i should make a side blog for the grie#but poe's not there anymore. poe has stopped starting fires. so this goes on main until shame makes me take it down#blah#personal#not st
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And for bad oversharing medical news the arrhythmia from december never went away but I thought maybe the throat infection was still there right so that could be a reason but then I went to a specialist and not only is it practically cured (just lingering a bit) but my lungs sound fine as well! which means! the shortness of breath is probably something wrong with the oxygen in the bloodstream and the slight chest tightness is also extremely worrying I could only make an appointment to get it checked next friday and that sounds like way too long
#I know it's morbid but the only thing I can think about is how fucking mad I am at my parents and how I wish I had someone else to take care#of my things and burial if I were to die#they don't know me#they would do everything against my wishes because they never cared to listen#and Especially I am mad at my dad cause when this started he was around and I was really scared and upset and nearly crying and I told him#that I was considering going to the hospital right there and then and then he didn't. fucking say anything or ask if I was okay#they'll never listen anything just registers as crazy fucking kid having a tantrum again let's give her space leave her out of sight#And I had to Yell at him to stop telling me not to go to the hospital the next day and I mean Yell and he still said they'd deny it#that I was making it up if I had just been on my fucking own I wouldn't have double guessed myself on it and gone to the wrong specialist#and wasted time and gotten to the point where it's not like debilitating pain but constantly aware that it's there and I can only like eat#heart healthy shit that I don't even like and wait and god I am so upset at them why so I have to be alone and yet still be so tied to them#why pretend to care when I've said time and time again they're still hurting me like nearly everytime we see each other#Okay nevermind I actually Need to distract myself now usually confronting feelings is my favorite#but my body is telling me that if I want to cry I have to deal with it physically feeling like there's a hole between my ribs so#I'll hold off on it#I'll be fine#god going to sleep has been the absolute worse#delete later
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swear to god if i open a fanfic ONE MORE TIME only to be greeted with an author's note saying "i asked chatgpt to tell me a story about-" i am going to go fucking NUCLEAR
#it's NEVER tagged!!!#i am so sick and FUCKING tired of hearing about chat bot shit. it's irresponsible tech that is only gonna help spread misinformation#/be used as a tool by corporate America to crank out shitty computer generated content#bc anything is better than having to hire people and pay them what they're worth am i right guys!#my job won't shut up about chatgpt i don't wanna have to see this shit on AO3 dot gov! please! is anything sacred!#I've already started running into endless variations of the same regurgitated paraphrased clearly AI-written garbage misinformation article#half of the time whenever i try to google something! i just keep getting AI generated garbage instead of any actual helpful information#side note: is Google like... super fucking broken for anyone else in terms of 'i can't find any useful information about anything anymore'?#or is it just me?#but AUGH. tech bros will be our downfall i swear to god#keep the AI shit out of art and creative endeavors it's a slippery slope and it's not leading anywhere good#this is fucking nfts all over again#or at LEAST if you're gonna be posting chat gpt prompts to ao3 fucking TAG THEM AS SUCH#I'm at the point where i hear someone say AI or chatgpt in an excited tone of voice#and i just consider it an immediate red flag#I'll delete this later it's unnecessarily cunty and i realize that but my GOD im sick of it#is it not enough that all of these writing bots are training on ao3 fics without the authors consent or permission?#now we have to encourage it by putting AI shit on there to begin with?
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i'm going to delete this later but i need to just. yell.
#delete later#vent in tags#anyway uhhhhh any time i even so much as think in the direction of college i start crying so thats a good sign /s#given that i. almost never cry :)#i am. terrified. in the optimal world i'd just drop out and live under my bed or something because my issues are. frankly overwhelming#at this point. i can barely sleep properly despite trying to keep a proper schedule (i woke up at THREE this morning.)#im constantly flipping between being almost suicidally depressed and feeling nothing at all and it's terrible. i don't have any real#desire to hurt myself and most of my intrusive thoughts go the way of 'you should break stuff/hurt others/etc' but man#sometimes i have to step away from stuff just because i see a knife or a fork and wonder what i can do with it.#college makes me terrified and i know my parents fucking suck because otherwise they'd care a little more about the fact#that i can barely do anything or function but nah. all they want is the perfect little child. and now i'm paralyzed#i don't trust my ability to work because of my exhaustion and i know once i go to uni i can't count on any support from my parents#whatsoever so i'm just... stuck. uni's meant to be less grueling in terms of hours than HS but...#stacking work and school sounds like fucking HELL but i don't have the money or support to NOT work...#so all i can do is stress and stress and stress and stress and struggle to even start my essay and feel everything slipping away#because god? do i even remember half of the days i live through anymore? do i even care about the work i'm doing?#no. i'm dogshit at programming to the point where i've been stuck for a month. i can barely do work without spacing out or ignoring class#entirely just to talk to my brother because at least THERE's a little joy in my life. everything else feels so bleak and pointless#i can't do anything meaningful with this godawful life of mine. but all i can do is keep muddling through. because nothing scares me more#than the idea of dying. so that's off the table. so i'll just keep stressing and crying and wondering if it's even worth it.#ugh... if anyone actually read all this just pretend you didn't...
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😬
[rant in the tags]
#witchy.txt#i am THIS close to just fucking delete the cursed motley crue images blog#I swear to god. I swear to god if I see one more person blow my notes the fuck up with likes I'm gonna burn the place to the ground#they're not even reblogs!!! what are you gonna do. save those pics for later??? i--#UGH#this isn't instagram you fuckers. you absolute fuckers#you absolute clowns#sorry I just. I don't know I'm frustrated okay? it used to be fun but now it's the third time TODAY that ppl would spam like the blog#the only reason why I keep that shit up is to read the tags of pppl rbing the pics bc y'all are so much funnier than me#but when someone just spam likes it boils my piss#and really makes me question if it's still worth it#I'm questioning if it's worth the anxiety everytime I see this wall of notifications of nothingness#ugh-- okay I'll fuck off now sorry for the rant#maybe if I get anxiety for notifications I really should either take a break or just delete the blog huh#but on the other hand. I feel like the cursed blog has so much more to offer#(eventually when I get up my ass and actually update it with more pics)#like I'm on a mission here and it's not over yet#ugh whatever y'know. just whatever#I'm just shouting in the void here so who cares
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Aaaaasaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhgggggggghhhhhhhhh
#poly breakups suck so fucking hard#don't date dancers don't care dancers don't date dancers not to self#god fucking damn it#oversharing#sorry#Tumblr is just a void and i hhhhhhhh Jesus fucking Christ#also i love . people going out of their way to tell me they will stay friends with a really toxic ex. I didn't ask.#thanks tho i now feel weird about your immediate reaction being just so you know I'll start friends like. okay. enjoy being gaslit probs 👀#idk why u had to bring it up when I didn't ask you not to be tho#also if you know i got dumped. stop fucking updating me on how my exs are :))) especially when they're together :))) why#will delete later#just needed a place to scream
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*gets ghosted* ohhh i get it now. I will never be loved again
#penelope scott's feel better really put that feeling into words best tbh.#i'm so over it now and it's the least of my concerns right now anyways. but. i just wish i could stop fucking everything up#(i need to complain about the smaller stuff anyway to blow off steam so i don't give into the urge to overshare about the serious stuff.)#i'm always like ''i will try harder this time :) i'll be a better person this time :) i will not make the same mistakes this time :)''#and then i go and fuck it up in ways that i didn't think i was capable of. and it's like ohhh i'm an even shittier person than i thought.#no matter how much i try.#god. i've never been one to believe people can be born inherently evil but i'm really starting to believe i may be the exception.#vent#vent cw#personal#negative#delete later
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My girlfriend broke up with me over text last night and didn't even tell me why. Send me asks about anything really. God I feel like I've been turned inside out. She said she enjoyed the time she spent with me. You enjoy a meal with friends, or a good book, you don't just enjoy time with your partner (that should be part of it, obviously, but you get what I'm saying).
To quote my first year roommate/a really good friend from college, I was down horrendous. She treated me awfully the last week too, and she said she didn't realize she was hurting me. How do you not realize that you're treating your partner the EXACT same way they treated you by accident, that you asked them to fix, and then they did. And when for whatever reason you decide to break up with them, you don't even notice you're exhibiting the same behavior, but WORSE. This isn't even the first time she's broken up with me. The first time just didn't hurt so much because I didn't fucking love her yet, but I do now. I have so much stuff from her in my room, my favorite lip balm, two aoex books, both the stuffed animals on my bed, I even have a goddamn s*x toy from her, and a pair of cat ears, my half of a couple's necklace from hot topic, and I can't bring myself to get rid of any of it. Which I probably should, except for the books because those are hard to find, because seeing or thinking about any of it tears me up inside. She said she'd send me my sweatshirt, I hope she does that at least because a friend gave it to me and it's Tommy Hilfiger and warm as hell.
Send me asks about anything it really doesn't matter, I just don't want to be alone right now in any sense of the word.
#fucking christ this was a terrible time for her to do this#i am. beyond fragile#i was dreaming about marrying her#spending the rest of my life with her#saying i love you till it felt the same as breathing#i made a fucking playlist for us to dance together too and apperantly she also had one#though obviously that doesn't matter now#i'll probably delete this later but i just need to say it#i can't help but feel i did something wrong even though every single one of my surprisingly many friends#has said i did everything right and more#and now i have a headache because crying always does that to me#i haven't unfollowed her yet because if my sweatshirt isn't at my house in a few weeks at least i want to remind her because so help me god#i'm getting it back#and my bestie is going to ask her why she broke up with me for me#because i want to know why but the thought of hearing it from her is a rather eviscerating one#but i have nowhere to be tomorrow so i'm going to maybe play musedash#definitely hit my pen til i can't walk#and hope that helps
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Rafe Cameron One Shot +18
Minor DNI
Sorry @shy-micchele I had to reupload because I deleted the original post on accident 🫣 sorry I’m so painfully new to this.
Thank you for your ask! Taking requests 💕✨🫶 (Rafe, JJ, Munson, Hargrove, Harrington, and Gator Tillman)
Rafe x female reader
Needy/sunshine reader hears her boyfriend’s friends complaining about her being needy/clingy. He doesn’t deny it. Reader ignores him until they get home. Mean Rafe with a fluffy ending. Smut 🤭
Warnings: smut, language, name calling
Fingering, unprotected p in v, pet names, choking, squirting, overstimulation, breeding kink, praise kink
Lightly edited
Enjoy! 💕✨🫶
Y/N’s POV:
"Hi, Mr. Lewiston," you sing, giving a little finger wave as his golf cart rolls up.
"Where's Rafe, sunshine?" He smiles, tobacco smoke pouring from his lips as his cart wads to a stop.
"Clubhouse. He's been in there forever, though." you sigh as you look up at the pro shop, your boyfriend, nowhere to be found.
"Want me to holler at him, darlin'? No reason a sweet thing like you should ever be alone."
Your disappointment must be painted across your face. What is he doing?
It's been like ten minutes. How hard could it be to get a few beers?
“Thank you, Mr. Lewiston, but I think I'll just check on him myself.”
You step out of the cart, adjusting your little golf skirt on your hips, ponytail bouncing as you walk toward the lodge.
You bite your lip, butterflies filling your stomach as you see Rafe walk by the open door, a broad smile on his lips. He falls out of sight a moment later. You can hear some laughter coming from inside as well. Topper? Kelce? Why wouldn't he call me if our friends were here?
You foot toward the door, stopping in your tracks as you hear your name on Topper's lips, jumbled in a mess of incoherent gossip.
"She's hot as fuck; but, she's gotta be suffocating you, dude," Kelce adds through a snicker. “Suprised she's not in the clubhouse right now. How is she managing without her Rafey Baby?" Sure, they're teasing Rafe, but you can tell they mean every word.
You peek around the door, watching Rafe roll his eyes and smile in silent agreement.
"Tell me that pussy's worth it." Topper adds. "It's gotta be worth it, Cameron."
"Course it's worth it," he mumbles. You can hear the exhaustion in his tone.
‘It's’? He couldn't even say 'she's’.
Why isn't he defending me?
"We're going out for drinks and cigars tonight... You in? Or, is your old ball and chain not gonna let you out of her sight?" Topper bullies.
"M'goin" Alright?" He sighs. "I'm sure that'll be a fun conversation," he mumbles before taking a swig of beer. "Sure your girlfriends don't wanna come? You could save me the hassle."
No.
Your heart breaks, tears building in your eyes as you hear the words uttered so easily by Rafe like he does it often. Rafe's eyes flick to the door. You watch as his jaw coils, unsure if you heard or not.
You batt your lashes as you wander past the door, heading toward the bathroom. "Hey, guys," you push the words through your quivering lips, a fake smile stretched across your glossy pout. "I'm gonna go to the bathroom," you mouth to Rafe.
"Sounds good, baby," Rafe smiles, giving you a little nod, biting his lip slightly.
Tears leak from your eyes as you amble down the hall toward the locker room. You quickly brush them away, running your hands along your pink polo.
You walk into the bathroom, slamming the lock shut as your tears wet your cheeks. You look up to the ceiling, fighting further emotion, kicking yourself for getting so upset.
I'm so fucking embarrassed. I thought that he wanted to hang out with me, too; thought that his friends liked me... I can't help that I want to hang out with him. He's my boyfriend... He should feel the same way as me. Right?
You feel your anger start to build inside you, replacing your usually sunny disposition. Thank God he'll get to go out tonight. Get to hang out with the boys without me. Maybe he'll get to finally breathe.
Your hand trembles as you blot the tears from your eyes, taking a few deep breaths, freshening up for him.
Smile. Act normal. Stop being so fucking needy. You scold yourself as you step toward the door, tugging it open.
"Princess? What were you doin' in there?" You jump slightly; instantly met with Rafe. He cocks his head, eyes narrowing on yours. "You okay?"
“Course, Rafey. Just got something in my eye."
*******
The Camerons' House...
"So, you gonna talk to me or what?" Rafe snips as you pull into his driveway. You huff out a little breath, turning your attention in the other direction entirely. "Are you fuckin’ pouting right now?" He raises his voice, shifting in his seat to get a little closer.
You continue to ignore him, crossing your arms across your chest, biting your cheek to hold back yet another round of tears as his truck rolls to a stop. You grab the door handle, jarring it open as Rafe barks out your name.
"Leave me alone, Rafe," you pout, stepping out of his truck.
"Excuse me?"
Your heart starts to race as Rafe jumps out of his truck, slamming the door, making your whole body tense up. You don't wait for him, continuing toward the Camerons' home.
"No. No fucking way!" He booms, matching your gait quickly. His strong hand reaches out, nabbing your arm with a bruising grip. Rafe spins you around, gripping your chin between his fingers, forcing your gaze.
"Think you just told me to leave you alone. That right?"
"Yeah”. You whimper.
Rafe's eyes roll in irritation, a deep laugh rumbling in his chest. "And, you're gonna leave me alone? You're not gonna be up my ass? You're needy as fuck. You think you could manage even an hour without me? Really? Please. You'd probably fuckin' die without my attention.”
You swallow thickly, clearing the lump in your throat, your tears rolling over Rafe's grip.
"Leave me alone, Rafe," you sniffle.
"Mmm... Mhmm. Whatever you say, Princess," he chuckles in annoyance, giving you a condescending pat on your cheek. He leaves you behind, striding toward the house. "See ya in five minutes, baby girl. I'm sure you can last that long," he taunts. "I believe in you, sweetheart."
You wait until the door swings to a close before you start your walk toward the door. I just need to keep myself busy...
You blow past Rafe, walking toward his room. I'll show him who needs who. You strip off your clothes, letting your skirt fall off your frame, landing in a puddle at your feet.
Rafe walks into his room as well, strolling toward the closet next to you, looking at you with a smirk on his lips as you try your best to resist the urge to look in his direction.
Let's see if he can resist me now. I know he can't. You tug your sports bra over your body, letting your breasts bounce free. Rafe expels a breathy laugh, shaking his head. His tongue glides along his bottom lip, ogling your naked body as you press the hangers to the side, picking out a little cropped white tee and flowy mini skirt.
Rafe pulls on his gym shorts, muscles flexing tight, waiting for you to gawk as you always do. You step into the floral number before pulling on your shirt brushing the material flat. No bra. It's completely intentional; the blush of your hardened nipples visible through the thin fabric; just a tease for him.
"Attention whore,” he mocks under his breath as you walk out the door without acknowledging him, heading toward the kitchen.
You stroll onto the cool marble floor, walking toward the fridge. A snack.. I'll just get a snack, waste some time while I think of something else to make him cave.
You grab the milk, setting it on the counter, before grabbing a couple of cookies. Rafe wanders into the living room not long after you, grabbing a seat on a bar stool before pulling out his phone; scrolling aimlessly.
Shit.
You look up at the cabinet, your cup on the top shelf. Pausing momentarily: just long enough for Rafe to see why your snack efforts came to a standstill.
"Grab me a cup while you're at it, Princess," he chuckles cruelly. Dick. You hike your thigh up on the granite, pulling yourself on the counter.
"Baby st-" Rafe cuts himself off, finding himself falling into your little unplanned trap.
You stand up, grabbing your cup only, making it a point to let the cupboard door clap to a close. You step back, a little too far, way too fucking far. Your heart skips a beat as you wobble.
A wave of relief crashes over you as you feel two hands steadying you, your favorite mug slipping from your fingers a moment later, shattering on the floor below.
Rafe grabs you by your waist, lifting you off the counter; setting you on the floor.
"Get a fuckin' broom," he grunts as he gives you a little shove toward the pantry, his boat shoes crunching through the ceramic shards as he walks away.
Hot tears trickle from your eyes, cheeks reddened with embarrassment. You pull out the little hand broom, walking shamefully to your mess, lowering yourself to your knees. You brush the scraps off the floor, trying your best not to sob.
You hear a deep, laborious breath behind you. Rafe reaches for you, pulling you from the floor into his arms. He holds you tightly, lips resting against your head.
"It's okay, honey. You're okay. Alright." he soothes. He kisses your hair, working his way to your cheek. He cups them in his large hands, a very different touch than before. His beautiful blue eyes match yours. You can see the remorse brimming in his eyes.
“I'm sorry, Princess.”
Your lip juts out in a pout. "M'sorry I'm so needy, Rafe," you whimper. "I'm sorry I'm suffocating.”
"You're not, honey. I mean, you are a little," he laughs lightly, smiling at you sweetly. "But, I like it, baby. I need it. Alright?" Rafe's hands roam slowly down your back, cupping your ass in his hands. I don't want you to change."
"Just love you so much," you add: cheeks blushing as you hear how pathetic you sound.
"I love you too, honey. And, I already told 'em I couldn't go tonight. Said I wanted to stay in. Me... Okay? Didn't blame it on you."
"Thank you," you smile.
"Anything for you, baby," He leans in, kissing your lips tenderly. "Didn't know I needed you so much until you started ignoring me. Don't do that shit again. Understand?" He scolds playfully before kissing your forehead.
“I understand." you whisper.
“Now, co'mere,” he mumbles, lifting you into his arms; walking you toward the counter. "Don't move. It’s not safe." Rafe snags the brush off the counter, working to his knees, brushing up your mess.
He tosses the remnants in the trash, shuffling toward you, licking his lips his eyes hungry for you as he eyes your tits, drifting slowly to your eyes.
"You're so sexy, Princess,” he praises. His hands take a hold of your knees, spreading your thighs wide, stepping in between.
"You... You are so fucking hot, Rafey." you hail. He moves even closer, one hand knitting into the nape of your hair while the other grips the plush of your hip.
"Topper and Kelce just don't know a good thing when they see it. Okay?" He assures as his rough fingers trace over the top of your thigh, disappearing between your legs.
"Okay, daddy."
"Love when you call me daddy," he hums. You let out a little gasp as he thrusts two fingers into your sticky folds.
You finger the waistband of his gym shorts. He tugs them quickly off his body. "Here?" You giggle dizzily.
"No one's here. Just you and me," he assures, drawing your shirt over your head. You grip his thick dick in your hand, rubbing his precum into his swollen tip. *You heard everything. Didn't you?"
"Mhmm.."
"M'sorry. Shoulda stood up for you. Shoulda kicked Topper's ass for talkin' shit in the first place. This pussy is more than worth it. You are more than worth it,” he rasps. "My fuckin' girl,” he mumbles against your lips. His voice is deep and thick with sex, pumping and scissoring his fingers.
"Need your cock right now," you beg.
Rafe smiles against your mouth, digits pressing deep inside. He gets to work, quickening the speed of his hands, thrusting his fingers at an insane pace. "Gonna get you with my hand first. Yeah? Think you can wait for my cock, baby girl?"
"Yeah,” you whine, but you can't help but stare at Rafe's cock. His fat head throbbing, a slight curve that hits your g-spot just right. You grind against his hand, thinking about him deep inside.
You're a moaning mess in his arms, crying out in pleasure as your knuckles turn white from your grip on the lip of the counter. "Gonna cum," you moan, your cry of passion music to his ears as he pulls out your orgasm with no intent to stop as he thrusts his thick cock into your drenched pussy.
"S-Shit,” you whimper, mouth hanging open as he circles his hips nice and slow, buried balls deep, letting you adjust to his size. You cling onto his shoulders, nails digging into his tanned skin as he stretches you out.
Rafe lifts you off the counter, taking you into his arms. His eyes fall down your naked frame, taking in your curves. You look down as well, eyeing the place where your bodies connect; Rafe's thick cock still sheathed deep.
"Love bein' inside you..." He moans; forcing himself as deep as possible, making you puff out a breath as you sink lower on his dick.
"I love your cock. S-Shit," you shudder.
"Show me, sweetheart," he rasps, drawing out of your cunt, reeling you around before bending you over the counter, thrusting back into your aching core.
"Fuck, Rafe!" You sob, feeling him deep in your guts. You take hold of the counter; his hands steady your hips, clawing into the plush of your ass.
You bounce your ass on his cock; cheeks clapping against his warm skin. Ass recoiling with each slap of his muscular body against yours.
"Mine. Fuck, Rafe. This cock is mine," you moan out. Feeling him hit depths that make your knees buckle as he chuckles darkly, no doubt a satisfied smile on his lips as he watches you go weak on his dick.
"That's right, sweetheart. All yours. Gonna breed this perfect pussy.” He mumbles through panting breaths. "You're all mine, honey. Not goin' anywhere." His hand clasps your shoulder, the other latched on your hip, pounding into you.
"Don't stop!"
"Mmm... Cum for me, baby.”
You squeal his name as you gush around his cock; your entire body shaking as he keeps you standing.
"You and me," he pants, tugging your hair, pulling you close, back pressed against his heaving chest. One hand wraps around your throat, squeezing tightly, while the other arm binds around your waist.
"You and me," you mewl.
Rafe starts rocking in and out. You can feel every ridge and curve as he gives it to you, slow and deep, making your eyes roll back. "Gonna be drippin' out of you for days."
"Rafe, I-" You pant. "I need you closer."
"I got you, honey." He grips your hips tightly. You look down at his throbbing dick, the creamy ring of your arousal gathered on his shaft. Rafe loops his bicep under your thigh, plunging his cock back in.
He rolls his hips deliciously slow, finding that perfect angle, making tears fall from your eyes. You're overstimulated; absolute putty in his arms.
You can't even form words; all thoughts in your mind shut off, but Rafe, Rafe, Rafe. His smell, his touch, his taste; the way he fucks; the way he looks at you...
"I love you, honey," he hums.
"Love you - I love you."
"You're squeezing me so tight, baby... Think you could cum for me again?" He whispers against your ear, slamming his cock back into your pussy. You let out a cry of pleasure, your cracked sob reverberating through his large home. "Could you, baby?" Rafe does it again as the knot in your stomach starts to twist tighter.
You pinch your eyes shut, nodding frantically as you feel your orgasm within reach, completely cock-drunk.
"That's my girl. That's it, baby. Cum for me. Yeah? Cum on my cock," Rafe moans, setting the perfect pace, hitting your g-spot again and again.
"Cum with me?" You plead, lips parting with his as you watch him fall into bliss as well. Your walls spasm around his cock; waves of your finish crashing down on you again and again as you call out his name. Rafe answers with yours, flooding you with his warmth. You can feel his dick twitching inside you, your body milking every last drop of his release.
Rafe's forehead falls to your neck in exhaustion. He lets out a deep, satisfied breath before meeting your lips. "Snuggle? That's what you want. Don't you?" He mumbles between kisses.
"Yes, Rafey."
"Me too, Princess."
#send me asks#rafe cameron moodboard#rafe cameron x female reader#rafe cameron#rafe cameron x kook!reader#rafe cameron x smut#rafe cameron x y/n#rafe cameron x you#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron one shot#rafe x y/n#rafe x you#rafe x reader#drew starkey ♡#drew starkey smut#drew starkey one shot#outer banks smut one shot#outer banks smut
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one piece smau: dating ace edition
— male reader <3 i love ace so much sorry it took so long to finish this pooks
— im a firm believer that ace definitely types hehehehe and actually does giggle in real life. he's such a giggler.
liked by [l/n].ace, freeluffy, and 17k others
portgas.[name]: best part about dating ace?? his person(a)lity(rms) ❤️
tagged: [l/n].ace
[l/n].ace: damn id smash this fine mffff
-> portgas.[name]: im deleting this post u fucking narcissist
freeluffy: i still win our arm wrestles tho 🥱
roro.zoro: does [name] know he mispelt personality?
-> portgas.[name]: its something called a pun, zoro.
-> roro.zoro: well the delivery sucked i thought ur brain had an aneurysm
revo.sabo: BARRRFFFF this egotistical maniac didnt need this stroke to his ego [name]
-> portgas.[name]: trust me im regretting even dating ur silly ass brother rn
-> [l/n].ace: r u guys talking about me 🥺🥺🥺🥺
liked by portgas.[name], m4rco.polo, and 19k others
[l/n].ace: pov ur on a date with me and watching me try not to vomit all the sushi i shoved into my mouth all over the table
tagged: portgas.[name]
portgas.[name]: why r u on dates w other ppl???
-> [l/n].ace: ITS A JOKE BABY PLS
-> portgas.[name]: mhm
m4rco.polo: damn this shit sounds disgusting id never go on a date w u again if i saw this tbh
[liked by portgas.[name], eee.izo, yammyato, and 100 others]
yamayamato: r u cheating on [name] ace?
-> [l/n].ace: IT WAS A JOKE ITS AN INTERNET SAYING PLEASE
-> yamayamato: yeah well i dont think its very funny :// u should be loyal in a relationship
-> portgas.[name]: yamato <333 u were always my favorite boy ugh i love u sm 🥰
liked by portgas.[name], yamayamato, and 21k others
[l/n].ace: weekly me post bc i love me! (and my mans) 🤓😕
tagged: portgas.[name]
portgas.[name]: yeah im in there guys!!!
-> [l/n].ace: i love u hehehe u make me blush hehehehe
portgas.[name]: are u free tn? i'll take u out and treat u right ughhh
-> [l/n].ace: i got a date with my bf later tn, sorry not sorry !!!
revo.sabo: i need to mute you because i can't be seeing this shit when im in public
-> [l/n].ace: dont be ashamed that your brother is so hot wtf
revo.sabo: with all due respect, im already ashamed that hes my brother in general soooo
[liked by portgas.[name], eee.izo, and 200 others]
yamayamato: my arms are still bigger. get on my level ace HAHAHA
-> portgas.[name]: proof?
-> [l/n].ace: this is literally cheating, you're cheating on me right now. can you please stop cheating on me with yamato?
liked by [l/n].ace, portgas.[name], and 15k others
m4rco.polo: god forbid these two do anything by themselves
tagged: [l/n].ace and portgas.[name]
[l/n].ace: ur just jealous ur not in love like we are
-> portgas.[name]: agreed bc how r u gonna be like 40 and still not get any play
-> m4rco.polo: 40?????
dni_nami: i loveee them (whenever they come over they ruin the entire house and im this close to murdering them both)
-> portgas.[name]: but nami 🥺🥺🥺
-> dni_nami: no.
eee.izo: its like ace is trying to become one with him or smth, so unsettling
-> [l/n].ace: weren't you the one preaching about young love a week ago?
-> eee.izo: and now im telling u to GROW UP ace, he's not going anywhere if u let go of him for two seconds
[liked by m4rco.polo, revo.sabo, and 90 others]
liked by portgas.[name], freeluffy, revo.sabo, and 22k others
[l/n].ace: i love my snookums baby boy handsome pretty king to the moon and to saturn <3
tagged: portgas.[name]
portgas.[name]: ... i guess i love you too.
-> [l/n].ace: be more confident when u say it baby cakes
-> m4rco.polo: oh my god [name] break up with this fool already what the fuck is this
freeluffy: whats a snookums?
-> roro.zoro: don't ask luffy, you wouldn't want to know.
revo.sabo: awww what a cute post, if only ace were normal <3
[liked by eee.izo, m4rco.polo, and 100 others]
-> [l/n].ace: ????
-> portgas.[name]: im so glad we can agree on this sabo !!!
liked by eee.izo, [l/n].ace, revo.sabo, and 22k others
portgas.[name]: rare sighting of a photo of ace with his shirt on, everyone celebrate in the comments !!!
tagged: [l/n].ace
portgas.[name]: dont get me wrong hes sexy both ways but im not trying to see his nipples every where i go
-> [l/n].ace: but babe you said u liked my titties 🥺🥺🥺
-> portgas.[name]: can you not do this rn.
revo.sabo: yayyy finally he stopped being a WHORE
-> portgas.[name]: at least he can be my whore, but still i agree
-> [l/n].ace: you're the most confusing man i know
-> [l/n].ace: i love u sm hehehehe
-> revo.sabo: the way ik his ass is blushing so hard rn and kicking his feet in the air
eee.izo: thank god for that, i was getting tired of seeing him shirtles sin every single post
m4rco.polo: finally !!!
portgas.[name]'s story:
i love him A LOOOTTTTTTTT even though he's a lil freak
[l/n].ace replied to your story: when he posts you 😍😍 i love u too bby (even tho u literally cheat on me to my face with yamato but its wtv bc i love u enough to ignore it ❤️)
#≡;- ꒰ ° smau series ꒱#one piece smau#one piece modern au#one piece x male reader#x reader#x male reader#one piece imagines#ace x male reader#ace male reader#ace x reader#portgas d ace x male reader#portgas d ace x reader#ace imagines#male reader imagines#portgas d ace imagines
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OFC I Don't Mind
Toji Fushiguro x Black Fem Reader Smut
MDNI, Roommate!AU, Friends2lovers, Drabble
CW: sending nudes to the wrong person (nightmare fuel), Toji has a job (😭), Toji intimidating you, some smashing at the end
Not proofread
Toji was still at work, typing on his computer when he was slightly startled by someone blowing up his phone, the ringtone repeating over and over in the quiet room. He rolls his eyes and stops typing, initially giving his fingers a break as he picks up his phone to see his lock screen now covered with messages from you, his roommates. They were all photos.
"The fuck…" Toji squints, typing in his password, "I swear to god if it's a bunch of memes…"
He opened the messages and his heart nearly stopped when he saw multiple mirror selfies of you in lingerie, then braless. His eyes were wide, unable to take his eyes off the screen, the only part of him moving was his thumb when his phone dimmed from lack of activity.
You: SHIT!
You: FUSHIGURO DON'T LOOK AT THE LAST MESSGE
You: *MESSAGE
He snaps out of his trance for a second to read the new message only for his eyes to roam back to the cluster of pictures in his inbox. His eyes look over every intricate design in the blue lace in the first pictures then to the dark brown areolas and smooth-looking skin of your tits in the next ones. A smirk slowly creeps across his face.
You: Im sorry they were meant for my fwb
You: Ik ur mad his name is right next to yours on my phone and I clicked too fast. I'm so sorry
You: Istg I didn't mean it
Toji: Bullshit.
You: Im being deadass,im sorry
You: Just delete them
He takes a few seconds to read before a smirk creeps across his face.
Toji: I'll be there in 20.
You: What, wait don’t hurt me!
You: I said I was sorry. I swear it was an accident
Toji: I said I’ll be back in 20 minutes.
You: Bro relax!
You: Just delete them and I swear it’ll never happen again
Toji: Apologize in person. I will be there in twenty minutes.
Exactly 20 minutes later you hear the front door unlock and open from your bedroom upstairs, causing you to freeze in fear. His heavy footsteps climb the stairs. His footsteps sounded like thunder as they got louder and louder with him approaching your room. Finally, you heard him stop and knock on your bedroom door.
You hold your breath. He waits outside the room for a few seconds and then you hear him knock again. You can hear his evil chuckle echoing throughout the hall. You take a breath and step closer to the locked door.
“....Yeah?”
"Open the door."
“I feel like you gonna swing on me when I do so--”
"Just. Open. The door."
“Not if you gonna hurt me.”
There's an angry sigh and he knocks on the door again. "You have ten seconds before I kick this fucking door in."
“Toji, I told you it was an accident! You're doing a lot right now!”
There was a short pause, as it became eerily quiet outside the door.
"Nine."
“Wha- stop!”
"Eight."
“Fushiguro, you don't think this is an overreaction!?”
"Seven."
“Nigga!”
"Six."
“Alright, alright, fine!” You say unlocking the door before running back to the opposite side of your room. “It's open…”
You hear his footsteps on the other side of the door as he walks in. He rolled up his sleeves as he made his way across the room, tossing his jacket onto your bed before he finally reached you with an exhausted sigh.
He sighs and reaches to hold your chin but instead, his thumb traces down your jawline and he tilts your head up to look into his eyes. His expression was no longer angry as he looked you up and down. You let out a shaky breath, finally breathing at the feeling of his surprisingly light touch. A few seconds pass as he stares at you, his thumb continuing to trace around the edge of your lips before finally he speaks.
"I enjoyed ‘em a lot. Only thing pissin' me off is the fact they weren't for me."
“Oh… oh…”
"If you want to take away my anger, I have an idea of how you could do that."
“You… you serious?”
He picks you up and tosses you onto your bed, the swiftness knocking the wind out of you before he even mounts you. You look up at him with wide eyes and lick your lips as he grips your wrists, pinning them about your head.
"You ask too many fuckin' questions. Now, lemme see those tits again."
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Half an hour later, you were both sweaty as ragged grunts filled your room. One hand had your fingers hooked into the messy bedsheets while the other held his shoulder as if he'd go somewhere. His hands were firmly planted into the mattress as he continued moving with jealously-driven fervor. Your phone suddenly rings, showing your fuck buddy's number on the screen.
Toji freezes at first, the movement stopping when hearing the phone.
He stares down at you for a few seconds as he tries to process all of this as you hear your phone ring again and again.
"Answer it."
“What?”
"Answer. It."
You slowly pick up the phone. “H-ello?”
Toji is still staring intently at you as he hears your friend on the phone. He lifts both of your legs to his shoulders and begins to move again, uncaring what your friend could hear. The friend laughs over the phone.
“You with someone right now?”
“Wh-what? N-no, I'm fine, just… in the shower.”
“Oh yeah?” The friend chuckles, “That shower must be packing then."
“F-uck you.”
Toji smirks when he hears your friend laughing in the background before you hang up the phone.
“Sh-shut up, you're… acting like you didn't decide to go as deep as possible, you bastard.”
He laughs and lifts your body off the bed, holding you in his arms as he pushes you against the nearest wall.
"That a complaint?"
“No”
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(a/n): sorry if it felt rushed i literally noticed its been a week since I last posted 😅😅😅
#toji x black reader#toji x black y/n#toji smut#jjk toji#x black fem reader#x black reader#black writers#black reader#jujutsu kaisen x black reader#black fem reader#jujutsu kaisen#toji x reader#fushiguro toji#toji fushiguro
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𝔏𝔢𝔱 𝔐𝔢 𝔖𝔢𝔢 𝔜𝔬𝔲’𝔯𝔢 𝔐𝔢𝔞𝔫…
True Form!Sukuna x Fem!Afab!Reader (This is an AU!!! Sukuna is not a homicidal maniac cannibalistic murderer! I think he’s sexy and my morals say no dick from crazy murderer BUT dick from crazy 😍)
CW: violence in this chapter, threats, bloodiness, implied sexual violence and objectification
Description: You've been friends with Yuji Itadori for some time now and have seen the best, the worst, and the strange in all your years of knowing him. You've never thought he was one to have any crazy secrets and well... you were wrong. And now the demon bound to Yuji is bound to you too! How fun! Good thing that you aren't stupid and won't fall for a being that by no means should you have ever interacted with! Right? Right...?
*despite this being an aged up version of yuji, there will be no sexual stuff involving him, also the violence is only in the first chapter with a few mentions after that!!! Cross posted on Ao3 under Spicycrunchroll! THERE WILL BE LOTS OF SMUT LATER ON!*
Chapter 1: Never Again.
Poor you, stuck with a gay best friend and his gay boyfriend and exclusively terrible, gross men. The struggle of getting a good man was hard enough, let alone getting some good dick. Even gay men will tell you how bad some dudes are. Its one thing to finish in 2 minutes and cry after, at least there's sympathy, but a whole other thing to just be kicked out of the guy's house immediately and left wearing d r y panties with cum on your shorts. Yeah, never hooking up again, you tell yourself each time. Now, you found yourself wiping the oil off your face with a clammy hand while dialing Yuji's number, having just been booted out this guys house in the middle of the night. It rang only about twice before he picked up.
"Please don't tell me something bad happened." He said on the other line.
You sighed, walking to the end of your date's driveway and sitting on the ground. "Worse than usual. Can you pick me up? I'll send you the address." Your head hung low and your eyes felt heavy, wanting to cry but not having the energy to do so. At this point, you're never fucking anyone again. Let alone agreeing to suck them off before you get off. "I should've known that all his talk were lies."
You could hear him breathe in. "Yeah, I'm coming. Wanna stay over?" He asked jubilantly, as if to raise your spirits.
You smiled softly. "Could you stay at my place instead?"
"Hell yeah!"
You said your goodbyes and opened your phone, aimlessly scrolling on social media while looking for something to distract you from the disappointment of being used up and left to the corner, dehumanized again by a shitty man with a big ego. God, it made you sick. It wouldn't take long for Yuji to get to you, but it wasn't fun waiting either. Each minute ticked on by as if an hour had passed and all you wanted to do was throw away your shorts and shower off the stench of vape juice and alcohol. You didn't want to get in his car and start sobbing about how you wished you never did what you did, not because Yuji wouldn't listen, but because of your own embarrassment. Itadori has always been kind and much more level-headed (at least with this, he's usually just as stupid as you) so its extra embarrassing to have to tell him you sucked off a guy who didn't even get you wet. At least he was clean, you tell yourself, deleting Tinder from your phone for the last time. Never again will you take subpar dick from grown men who act like children! No, from now on, your body only allows worthy men, men that would worship you like you'd worship them!
After sulking for another five minutes, the engine of a car in the distance rumbled in your ear. Straightening your back, your head turned in the direction of where it’s approaching. It’s approaching way too fast for a regular suburban neighborhood. Rising to your feet to take a step back, it already turned down the street you happened to be on and you could hear sirens go off in your head, especially as you noticed that none of their lights were on and they definitely didn’t have tags. The van sped past you but they started to slow down before they reached the end of the street. You felt your heart rate surge when you realized they came to a complete stop. At that moment you realized that they were turning around.
Quickly, your legs brought you to the house you had just left and you banged on the door for a few seconds and screamed.
“Hey! Let me back in!!! It’s not safe!” The roar of the car started again and your intuition told you to run so that’s what you did.
Fuck, who knows who these mother fuckers are! Your mind is racing thinking about what they could potentially do if they caught you. Did they know you were here? Did they just happen to see you? Or… did the motherfucker inside of that house tell them you were here? Oh fuck… that’s why he kicked you out.
Tears started falling from your eyes as you ran through these people’s yards, you could see lights coming on in some houses, but it was no use because the car behind you stopped and three men came out the side door. You prayed that your human survival instincts would kick in and catapult you to go faster than you were, but they were bigger than you and right on your tail. Your legs ached and burned, practically sprinting and trying not to trip in the road. You didn’t dare look behind you, scared to slow yourself down, and scared of them. You kept on running and running until you reached the end of the road and saw headlights.
“Yuji!” You screamed, recognizing the shape and color of his car. With you out in the road, he stopped abruptly and you could see his body jerk with the impact. The men behind you cursed themselves but you felt hands on you faster than Yuji could process what was going on.
“Get her now! He’s coming behind us we’ll throw her in!” The man lifted you and you screamed again, but a hand swiftly covered your mouth. Yuji was out of the car and lunged at the guy holding you captive but was quickly stopped and apprehended by the other two.
“The kid has some fucking balls!” The biggest of the guys holding Yuji shouted, earning a strong blow to the chin. You thrashed against the man’s body as the large van from earlier came up right behind you.
Yuji looked at you as blood dripped from his nose. “Y/n! I got it, I promise!”
You held out hope and believed him even as you were thrown inside the van and the driver pulled away from the scene, leaving the two men with Yuji and you with a man wearing all black pressing you into the floor of the van. Tears spilled from your eyes, angered and terrified at the same time.
“Looks like we got a real good catch!” The driver harrumphed. “Bet she’ll go for a pretty penny.”
Your mind practically stopped when you heard those words. You were going to be sold, like an object, like a slave. The horror of it all made your body go numb and eyes go wide and then you closed them.
“Please.” You begged. “Please let me go.” Your voice was hoarse and you could taste your own tears as your mouth opened.
“No can do. We were told that you’d fetch a high price with your skills. Don’t worry, some girls get a good owner.” His voice was menacing and cold, but he spoke as though he actually fucking believed it. He didn’t even laugh at your pain like a monster would, he was just indifferent, emotionless.
“Please.” You begged again. “I can’t do it, please let me out!” This time your voice raised. “Help!” Your mouth was stuffed with cloth and your face was buried more into the floor as he bound your wrists.
The driver started to chastise the other man. “Why didn’t you gag her right away, the dumb bitch is louder than a dying cat!”
The other man cussed back. “Shut the fuck up, there isn’t nobody coming after us!”
The van stopped so fast you and the man were flung to the front of the car, colliding with the back of the front seats.
“What the fuck!” The man that was holding you down swore. His arms were now off you and the bindings he attempted were loose enough that you released your wrists and went for your gag. “No you don’t!” He reached for your clothes, yanking you back. Before you were held against your will again, the entire van split down the middle, from door to door. The back half of the van was flung off to the side before it became a cut up mess in the middle of the road.
Then you saw him. His hair was the same color as Yuji’s but was much less controlled. You could see what looked like four arms and a giant smiling mouth in the middle of his stomach. Every single person in the van went still and silent, staring at him. The creature looked inside and dead at you, bright red eyes gleaming in the moonlight. All four of them. Even the two on the side of his face that looked almost like a mask. He can’t be real. The tattoos all over his body were arranged in such a pattern that it was beautiful but something that scared you even more.
The creature spoke. “Now.” His gaze shifted from you to the man holding you. “I prefer it when I can get a good fight out of my opponents, but you lot are pathetic.” He looked disappointed. “Normal humans…”
No one spoke and he pouted. “Not a single retort? None of you pathetic excuses of flesh can say a word? You had a lot to say about selling the woman, can’t you entertain me? Or are your brains so simple you can’t think outside of making money off selling one of your own?”
Their own? Did he mean… humans?
The man behind you was shaking. And you could definitely feel his pants getting wet.
The creature before you sucked his teeth. “Boooring.” He narrowed his eyes. “And pathetic.” The vehicle was slashed once again, this time cutting into thirds, leaving you and the man holding you isolated in the middle while the other two thirds, including the driver collapsed around you. You heard squelches of flesh from the front and gasping. “You said she sounded like a dying cat, hm? Since you prefer the quiet so much, I thought I’d help you.” The creature chuckled.
The man holding you finally let you go, and he turned around to see the driver. You didn’t look. You knew what the creature did. Scurrying away, you realized headlights were approaching again and… it was Yuji!
“Ahhh, the brats already here. Well, I can’t kill you lot so how about I leave the piss-soaked one with a lesson.”
You didn’t know if you should thank the monster or run from him. You decided to run toward Yuji’s car.
Another crack resounded in your ears and then a gut-chortling scream resounded from behind you. “There we are. Something nice and fast. I hope they don’t find you until the morning.” You didn’t want to know what he did, you didn’t want to dare to turn around, all you cared about was the car door opening for you and Yuji’s comforting presence.
He looked so relieved to see you. “Y/n. I’m sorry I didn’t get here sooner. Don’t worry about those guys. I got you now. Sukuna won’t kill them, he can’t, but they’ll never ever do anything like that again to anyone.” Those were the first words to meet your ears. You didn’t say anything, all you did was sob in the seat next to him as he drove off and away from the scene. You didn’t ask anything. You didn’t want to. All that mattered was getting the fuck away from this and home and into a clean bed.
You could care about this later.
“I would’ve killed them if it wasn’t for this contract.” Your heart jumped out of your chest as the monster’s voice resounded in the backseat. “Sorry you don’t get the pleasure of knowing they’re dead.”
#jjk#jjk x reader#Sukuna x reader#Sukuna smut#sukuna#ryomen sukuna#sukuna ryoumen smut#Sukuna x reader smut#jjk smut#yuji itadori
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Good afternoon honey, I was wondering if you could write dark! Joel x plus size reader where the reader is suffering with body image and that night you go out to a club and meet Joel but smut? love the blog🥰
Pairing:Joel Miller x plus size!reader
Warnings: body image problems, negative talk of reader's body and self, smut| dub-con, unprotected p in v sex, a bit of degrading, and dark! Joel
A/n: ok ok ok I've never written a plus-size reader so if this is bad just tell me, honestly, I'll delete it, it's fine (yes I'm really nervous about this, I'm scared it's disrespectful) thank you so much for the ask tho babe💗
The dress looked absolutely horrendous on you. It was too tight and too loose in all the wrong places.
Your curves looked like they were stretching the fabric so much it was gonna tear the moment you took a step, and the makeup on your face now just looked like a pathetic attempt at driving people's attention away from it.
This was a mistake, you sighed, looking at the loser staring back at you from the other side of the mirror.
I should have never agreed to this, It's so fucking stupid.
You mumbled to yourself as you unsuccessfully tried fixing the dress in any way that wouldn't make it look so incredibly ridiculous.
Maybe I can pretend I'm sick or something,
Maybe I got a really bad headache all the sudden,
Maybe I got fucking infected, I don't know, that would be believable. I can just start making some weird ass noises and I doubt she'd still want to go out with me.
"Hey, you ready?" Kora opened the door, causing all your plans to fall apart with one single action.
"yep" you forced a smile "all ready"
"Great, let's go!"
fuck my life man.
__ __ __
"Are you serious?" you asked, actually kind of mad
"I know, I know, I'm sorry"
"you've just met him" you pointed out, frustration and annoyance lacing your tone.
"I know" she repeated "but-" she sighed, glancing back at the man "he's so hot y/n, I mean-"
you rolled your eyes "Whatever, go have fun, I'm just gonna go home"
"no don't go home, you can have fun without me," she said "Maybe with someone else..." she raised her brows suggestively and you felt one breath away from punching her.
You shot her a look.
Yeah, like anyone would want to "have fun" with me
"what?" she asked, clueless
you stared at her, the same expression in your eyes.
"you know what"
"oh my god," she moaned "again with this thing? Y/n you're hot as fuck, anyone with half a brain cell can see that"
You remained silent.
You hated the pity party of having everyone constantly lie to you about how you looked.
Just tell me the truth. I look like shit.
It's fine, I know it, you know it, the whole world fucking knows it so stop talking to me like I'm a fucking baby and tell me the truth.
I can take it. Trust me, I've been telling it to myself since I was born.
"in fact..." A small smirk tugged at her lips as her eyes focused somewhere behind you " I think somebody definitely noticed" she grinned like an idiot as she stared at someone behind you.
"shut up" you stopped her "You know he's not," you said "He's probably looking at you"
"Oh no" she shook her head, that stupid smile still tugging at her lips "No he's definitely looking at you" She waved at him and you immediately grabbed her hand, forcing it down
"stop! what are you doing!?"
"I'm helping you out" she smirked "You'll thank me later," she said with a wink, turning to walk away but not before chuckling a taunting"Have fun"
Goddamnit
You could feel the heat rushing to your cheeks as you sneakily tried to catch a glimpse of whatever Kora was talking about.
She was probably bluffing, you thought as you slowly turned, but just then, you had to think again.
A man was looking at you, no, not looking, staring.
His eyes were pointed at you like a viewfinder in a gun.
He was sat at a table alone, an empty beer bottle clutched in one hand, and the other one relaxed on his leg.
He looked focused, like a tiger watching a gazelle.
His salt and pepper beard suggested he was older, and so did the lines across his forehead.
But most of all... his eyes were the tell.
His deep brown eyes staring back at yo-
shit
You turned away.
Fuck
I was staring at him,
You clutched your purse to leave, but a voice stopped you in your tracks.
"hi sweetheart"
He sounded exactly how you'd imagined.
You turned to him, your eyes glimmering with shame
"hi" you breathed "Sorry if I bothered you"
He chuckled "A pretty thing like you could never bother me"
he sat down "Besides," he said "I was staring at you first"
You forced a chuckle as an awkward silence fell between you.
"I saw your friend left," he said, sitting down on the stool next to you,
"yeah" You nodded "She does that a lot"
"that's too bad" he cooed "well maybe not entirely" he considered, something switching in his tone.
"What's your name sweetheart?"
"I-I'm y/n"
"y/n" he let your name roll out his mouth with ease "pretty name for a pretty lady" he commented, "I'm Joel"
"nice to meet you" you mumbled, stumbling over your own words.
Was he coming onto you?
"the pleasure's all mine darling"
He definitely was
But, like... why?
"I'm sorry-do you- do you know my friend?"
He grinned, his white teeth showing "no,"
"she didn't like, tell you to come here or anything?"
A small laugh fled his throat "no sweetheart"
"oh" you breathed "so you came here 'cause..." you trailed off,
" 'cause you caught my eye from the moment you entered, and when I saw your friend leave you here all alone, I couldn't not offer a bit of company"
You felt a shy smile spill from your lips
" 'got a pretty smile angel" he smirked
"t-thank you"
He chuckled again "Why are you so nervous sweetheart?" he asked, his hand traveling to your thigh and stopping all oxygen from getting to your lungs "Is it me? Am I so scary?" his voice got lower as he inched closer "I don't bite y'know?" he joked "not unless you want me to"
A small gasp fled your throat, making him chuckle.
"what is it, angel?"
"I-I'm sorry I'm just not- used to this"
"Now I don't believe that" he murmured "A sweet thing like you?"
"I just-"
"What?"
"nevermind"
"If you want we could go back to my place, and you can tell me all about it with a little more privacy" he suggested, "what do you say?"
Your cheeks were as red as the fire burning in his eyes.
"I-" you stuttered
"I can show you a good time angel"
"I'm sorry" you breathed, leaning away "I'm-I'm sorry I have to go to the bathroom" You stumbled over your own words, clutching your purse and rushing off the stool and through the groups of people in the club.
You didn't even realize you were bumping and hitting every person in your trajectory as all you were focused on was that damn door right in the corner.
Oh my god, what felt like the first actual breath you'd taken in ten full minutes, finally left your mouth as you entered the bathroom.
"oh my god," you mumbled to yourself, walking to the sink to look at your reflection in the mirror.
"what the fuck was that?" you sighed
Am I dreaming? Is that it?
If that's it this is not funny brain.
I'm so confused,
This is... I mean this is just-
What the fuck is this?
He's hot. Like hot hot and I'm... You looked at yourself, and I'm me.
You took a deep breath, looking around you.
The green stalls were empty, and the music was still blaring from the other side of the door.
You could still picture him, feel him. He was so close to you, and you could feel every molecule of your being dancing as his hand remained on your leg.
God, what the fuck
I don't even know how old he is.
And just then, the door opened.
You turned the faucet on to pretend to be washing your hands, but a voice startled you.
"there you are"
Your eyes snapped open
"T-This is the women's bathroom"
Joel smirked, "you thought you could get away from me that easily?" he asked, taking a step towards you.
"I-" you took a step back, but he followed.
"I was being nice there," he said "complimented you and shit"
Your back was to a stall and he was right before you.
"and what did you do?" he asked "you ran"
"I didn't mean to, I was j-"
"what, angel?" he mocked "You got shy?"
"well don't you worry" His hand went to your chin, tilting it up "I'll fix that right up" He took another step, imprisoning you "I'll help you out sweetheart, mh?"
Your mouth gaped open to say something, but before you could, his lips were on yours, and his hands on your back were forcing you flush against him.
His tongue moved into your mouth as he quite literally shoved you into the stall behind you, pressing you against the closed door.
"thought you could get away from me?" he growled, kissing your neck as his hands roamed on your body, one of them roughly grabbing your ass "Thought I was just gonna let you go?" he asked, now looking at you.
"oh no angel" he kissed your mouth "I have to have you" he murmured "And I will" He kissed you again, and this time, you found yourself reciprocating.
This was wrong and scary and weird, and still... countless butterflies filled your belly.
"there you go" he praised you "That's a good girl" He moved some hair out of your face " 'knew you wanted this too," he said "knew you'd be good, angel" He smirked before you felt his hands go to your waist.
"turn around for me"
With a little push from him, you did, finding your cheek flush against the door.
"god baby" his hands took in every inch of you, adoration clear in his tone "Wanted to fuck this body of yours since I first saw you" he explained, as he slowly rolled your dress up to your waist until only your panties were left to cover you.
"it's what you wanted too, isn't it," he asked, suddenly grabbing your arms to force them together behind your back "You wanted to be fucked like a little slut didn't you?" he continued as his hand pulled your panties down, the cold hitting your core "didn't you angel?" he urged, his grip tightening as he kissed your neck again.
"I-" You didn't know what to say. you were feeling too many things at once.
"Tell me you want this" he breathed, and you heard his zipper being undone.
"tell me you want this angel," he asked again, his hot breath on the skin of your neck "C'mon, I know you do"
" I do" you admitted, and you felt him smirk.
"that's right" He nodded, positioning himself at your entrance "and you're gonna get it" he promised, pushing himself into you hard.
"fuck" Your moan resembled more of a scream as you tightened your fists on your back
"What angel, can't take it?" he taunted, speeding up " 's too big for you little slut?"
"y-yes" you begged, making him chuckle "I can't take it"
"yes you can" he groaned "You're gonna take it all in this little tight pussy and you're not gonna complain about it, understand?"
"understand?" he asked again, his threatening voice spilling in your ear.
"y-yes I'm sorry"
"good girl" he praised, resuming his violent pace, as a cry fled your mouth and tears filled your eyes.
He smacked your ass and you gasped, but before you could let out a moan, his hand covered your mouth.
The door had opened, and two women had walked in.
"we gotta be quiet, angel" he whispered to your ear
"can you be quiet for me?"
"can you be a good little girl and keep that pretty mouth shut for me?
"mh-mh" you nodded, your breathing made difficult by his hand on your mouth
"atta girl," he said, still fucking you, but much slower, and to your dismay, much deeper.
He was hitting undiscovered spots inside of you, and the mix of the pain from his cock stretching you with the pleasure of each thrust was making it really hard not to moan.
"fuck" he groaned softly in your ear "You've got the tightest little pussy angel," he said "Squeezing me so good" he breathed " like it's made for me"
You whined
"Like you were made to be my little slut" he whispered "and have this little cunt abused by my cock"
Your eyes were wide shut, your orgasm approaching as he kept hitting you so fucking well.
"you coming angel?" he asked and you nodded "We're gonna come together" he purred "I'm gonna fill you up real good" his breathing was ragged "and then you're gonna get out there and dance with my come leaking down your thighs"
"you understand?"
You nodded
"no cleaning up," he said "I want everyone to know how much of a slut you are"
The women's voices resumed. Or maybe they never stopped. You had no idea of what was happening beside your impending orgasm.
"fuck" he groaned "Such a good fucking slut" he whispered, his head falling in the crook of your neck, as the door opened again and the women finally got out.
His hand left your mouth
"you coming angel?"
"y-yes"
"then let it all out baby"
#I hate how this turned out#also#I swear to god I get ONE comment complaining this is “rapey” I'm not gonna be responsible for my actions. IT'S IN THE WARNINGS#READ THE FUCKING WARNINGS.#plus size reader#plus sized reader#joel miller x reader#joel miller#joel miller smut#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller fic#joel miller angst#dark!joel miller#joel miller x y/n#joel miller x you#joel miller x fem!reader#joel miller x female reader#joel miller x plus size reader#joel miller x plus sized reader#joel miller tlou#joel miller the last of us#the last of us#tlou#the last of us fanfiction#tlou fanfiction#pedro pascal#pedro pascal x reader#dark!joel
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ok so I'm pretty drunk and I sorta have to get this out before my not drunk self bottles it all back up. (and this is heavy so if you are even remotely not prepared to deal with it, please for the love of god do not read it. I'll delete it shortly anyway when I've pulled myself together. This is, in a way, catharsis.)
I'm not fine. I am so far from fine it's not even funny. Honestly I wish people would stop asking because do you think I'm fine??? No.
My mother is dying. A somewhat slow and painful death from cancer. They stopped treatment in March since there was nothing more they could do after nine years. She has a tumour, attached to the main artery in her neck. It's the size of a cantaloupe melon. It used to be the size of a dough ball. Anyway, that's pulling on her heart. It also bleeds and because it's on an artery, it...sprays and if it does that more than once in a 48 hour period she will die. Twice, since June, we've been told she's got hours to live. I know many of you have never had to prepare for the death of a parent, to guard yourself for the inevitable, but it's A Lot. Then, when she pulls through, by a fucking miracle you can't even grasp at the time, you have to recentre yourself and it's so fucking hard. Two weeks ago we were called in to say our goodbyes to her. She was heavily sedated, when we arrived we thought she was already dead. Arterial spray arched on the walls because it'd happened barely 30 minutes earlier and they thought it was better for us to get in there before she went than to clean up. The image haunts me. She's still with us two weeks later, but she's so doped up on meds she's hallucinating. The room smells like antiseptic and various bodily fluids and I will never get that smell out of my mind. That will stay with me until my own death. Some days she's lucid, and on other days she barely knows who we are. I can't sit there and watch her have to be moved by nurses at the hospice because if she moves herself she could have a bleed. I can't stand trying to have a conversation and then losing her to the morphine. I am tired. I am emotionally wrung out. People expect me to be okay and then can't handle it when I say I'm not. It is zero fucking fun to have people promise to be there for you, but as soon as you say it's too hard they fucking flake. Spending every day barely holding on. I've got nothing left in me and yet every few days I come across another person who knows her who isn't aware of what's happening and I have to go through the whole experience of explaining how she won't make it to christmas and I can't do it anymore. I'm emotionally wrung out from trying to be present for the family and then trying to appear semi normal to everyone else. I cannot take another 'she's got hours to live'. It's been three times since June and I simply cannot anymore.
Next week is my parents 40th wedding anniversary and they're holding it this weekend because the doctors are too scared she won't make it to then. I don't even know if I should get a card or whether it'll not be worth it.
I'm tired. I'm done. I simply cannot take anymore 'I'm so sorry this is the hardest thing you'll ever do' because I know and I can't hear it any longer. I want it to go away because maybe I won't fear my phone ringing. Maybe I'll sleep more than three hours a night. Maybe I'll eat properly again. Maybe I'll be able to get through the day without hospice staff, whose entire job this is, feeling pity because even they know that three months of protracted 'it's any day now' is more than most people deal with there.
I am done. I can't do it anymore.
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good day madam, i am a hungry lesbian in need of your gayest wresting moments. can you spare me a cup of gay?
Anon you have come to the right person. Everything's been leading up to this. This is what it's all been for. This will probably be long.
Anon I got so excited about this I even solicited my friends for THEIR gayest moments so I'll do those first. You were recommended:
Mahiro Kiryu briefly getting a takarazuka gimmick in TJPW's Hyper Misao produced show HYPE
Giulia vs Konami from the 5 Star GP 2021, which was described as "the first match I remember watching and going OH MY GOD KONAMI AND GIULIA ARE FUCKING", and their feud did later give us a promo where Konami was like "Hey Giulia, you know how I bully you and you like it?" and Giulia was like "Ahaha, yeah?" and Konami was like "Well that's basically our entire relationship, so there you go." She did have examples.
pretty much anything with Raku/Pom Harajuku/Yuki Aino in TJPW, who my friends have lovingly dubbed the Pomycule
Okay enough from them though. You didn't ask them, you asked me and I asked them. Now for the me. I think it's important to note as well, anon, that not all of the gay shit in wrestling happens in a match, or even in the ring. Sometimes it's just shit on social media, a lot of the time it happens at press conferences, you must maintain constant vigilance. Anyway.
Whatever the fuck Syuri and Utami have going on, which I wrote about here.
There was the time Himeka kissed Syuri last year
There was Komomo enjoying getting beat up by Saki Kashima a Little Too Much, which I wrote about here.
There was the exchange between Utami and Syuri at the press conference for Stardom Gold Rush last year
There was Tam Nakano starting an entire faction to, in her own words, surround herself with women with big boobs (their focus has since shifted)
There was AliKaba, the tag team of Giulia and Syuri, which was basically just one long enactment of gay longing from Giulia
There was the time Giulia posted this picture with the caption ^-^ and then deleted it
There was the time FWC, the tag team of Hazuki and Koguma, spent 5 hours in the bath together (sadly they just talked about that I don't have pictures)
another time FWC both got matching bruises at the same time, and then later confirmed that yes they got them together. In the bath again
There were both Cosmic Rules matches at Stardom in Showcase 1 & 2 which I unfortunately don't have any great screenshots of but I'm positive were inspired by lesbian porn
There are constant small exchanges like this that don't even have a lot of context they just happen all the time
There was the time Hikari Noa had a hardcore match against Nao Kakuta and after they did this
There was the time Mina Shirakawa spat on Saya Kamitani and then licked her face
There was this shit in Act Wres Girlz, which for the record kind of depressingly does not do gay stories super frequently but has legitimately I think the highest percentage of out wrestlers I've seen in any company
There was the brief Tam Syuri feud which shockingly somehow did not involve anyone kissing but had the vibe that they were kissing mentally the entire time
There was every single exchange Tam and Natsupoi had before they realized they were still in love with each other but ESPECIALLY their cage match
And, for my money, the gay moment that lives the largest and dearest and most bittersweet in my mind was when Tam and Unagi had their singles match as part of the 5 Star GP last year, which was, unknown to us at the time, something of a farewell tour for Unagi before she went freelance, where afterwards they hugged in the ring for two minutes and then kissed.
I'm gonna cut myself off there but trust me I could go on and on and on for way too long but that's why I think you should watch for yourself. Wrestling is always moving and new gay stuff is always happening. In conclusion,
#long post#sorry I have low energy so this is just a shotgun blast of content rather than like real curation or explanation lol#I hope it works anyway#my magnum opus
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(Cabin) Pressure
A/N: This is probably unnecessary and super indulgent, lmao. I just have this impossible urge to baby him, OKAY? he's so....UGH!! anywaysssss!!! As requested by quite a few of you, here's part 2 of the flight one-shot. on a scale from 1 to absolute dumpster fire, lmk how bad it is, lol. Honestly I’m so conflicted about posting it, I might end up deleting later. AND YES SMUT COMING TONIGHT, I PROMISE. Just can't be writing smut at work in case one of my students comes to my office.
Read Part 1 here.
Warnings: mentions of anxiety, depiction of panic attack.
----
The guys hurried ahead to give her and Matty some privacy. She felt Matty's hand stiffen in hers as soon as he watched the automatic doors of the Departures Terminal open and his bandmates walk right in. He swallowed the lump in his throat, his breathing quickened.
She squeezed his hand, drawing his attention back to his body. "Hey," she looked up at him. "You're gonna be alright, yeah?"
Matty gave her a weak smile, nodding slowly. He wasn't sure he believed her. He wanted to. Desperately. But he couldn't control it. It was like his body reflexively reacted to his surroundings before his mind could step in and control how he felt. He could physically sense the tension seeping into his body, right on cue.
"Well, shall we?" he turned to her.
"No pressure. Take as long as you need. We've got time. We'll go in whenever you're ready."
"But the lads-"
"Matty, look at me...there you are. We'll catch up with them at the gate, yes? It's okay." Her free hand moved to touch his face, the sensation grounding him.
"Right, sorry, I'm being silly." he smiled timidly. "Okay, think I'm read. Let's do this."
"Lead the way."
She kept her eye on him as they made their way through the airport, watching his body for any signs of stress.
Matty stopped dead in his tracks as soon as he saw the airline counters at the end of the hall.
"Fuck! My passport! Don't think it's in my bag! I don't remember seeing it-"
"Oh, god, sorry! I- I took it." she winced and looked apologetically up at him. "Sorry, I- uh, I thought if I kept track of the tickets, paperwork, and passports it...would give you some wiggle room so you didn't have to worry about sorting that stuff out...It's all with me! I have them here..."
To her surprise, and relief, Matty burst out laughing. "I think by thinking so hard about not panicking, I'm startin' to stress myself out. Alright, deep breaths."
She watched Matty close his eyes and take two deep breaths. Inhaling slowly, then opening his eyes as he exhaled.
"Okay, I'm all good now." He smiled, genuine this time. "And, thank you, baby, that was really kind of you to do." He dipped his head down to give her a quick kiss.
She rummaged through her bag, pulling out their documents as they approached the counter. "I can do it if you'd like..."
"No, it's okay. Think I can handle this. But, umm, keep holdin' my hand?" He blushed as he heard his own words leave his lips.
"Of course. I'm right here. All the way until security physically separates us."
***
With check-in and security now behind them, they wandered the airport in search of their gate, and the rest of their group. Matty seemed to relax a little, so she took the chance to suggest breakfast.
"Hey, wanna go over there and get something to eat?" she point towards the express version of some chain restaurant.
"Too anxious to eat. Afraid I won't be able to keep anything down."
"Please, baby? the nausea's probably worse when you're operating on an empty stomach. Let me buy you a little snack? you don't have to eat it right away..." She noticed Matty's attention shift from her gentle pleading to something else, something right behind her. "What're you looking at?" she frowned at the faint smile on his face. Turning around to check what was behind her, she saw a pair of young women, roughly in their early 20s, eyeing him hesitantly and struggling to contain their excitement.
"do you mind waitin' a bit? Think I'll go over there."
"Matty, are you sure? You know you don't have to do that if you're not feeling it."
He rolled his eyes. "C'mon, my love. Put yourself in their shoes...you're tellin' me that if we bumped into, I don't know, Harry Styles, right now, you wouldn't go up to him to say hello?"
She giggled and shook her head. "I- I wouldn't expect HIM to be the one to come to ME."
"Oh, so now you're telling me that, if Harry Styles were right here, right now, you'd actually have the courage to go up to him yourself?"
She couldn't help but smile. At least, the fact that he took the opportunity to tease her about her celebrity crush was an indicator that he was in a good enough mood. "Alright, let's go say hi." She relented.
"I appreciate you watching out of me." He placed his hands on her cheeks, kissing her, and giggling against her lips bit at the sound of the girls squealing behind him before he went over to greet them.
He sweetly introduced himself as Matty and gave each woman a hug, whispering "nice to meet you, Darlin'" as he pulled them in. He signed the backs of their itineraries, agreed to FaceTime a friend, and stood for pictures with them.
"Do you wanna take it or do you want me to take it? Actually, you know what? My girlfriend, here, can take it...Babe?" He gestured for her to come closer, "do you mind?" handing her the girls' phones.
"See? That wasn't so bad, was it?" he wrapped his arm around her, pulling her closer and whispering in her ear as they walked away, waving the girls goodbye and wishing them a safe trip.
"I never said it would be bad! I was-"
"Just trying to take care of me, I know." He kissed her cheek. "But I'm okay. Really. Cuz I've got you."
***
The flight seemed off to a good start, with her and the guys taking turns at sitting with, and distracting, Matty from his thought spiral. Take off was a bit rough for a moment; he visibly broke a sweat and almost crushed her hand in his while the plane settled into altitude. She quickly brought him back the a calm enough state after that, though. They argued over which film to watch, eventually agreed to each watch their own choice, before Matty petulantly abandoned his screen and begged to watch whatever she was watching instead. This, of course, meant that she had to pause and explain the plot to him, bring him up to speed. She pretended to be annoyed with him, but secretly, she was glad for it because, the more that she actively participated in distracting him, the less likely it was that he'd let his mind wander and start overthinking.
Her plan seemed to be working, until it wasn't. 7 hours into the flight, Matty's senses were overwhelmed. He could no longer block the anxious thoughts away by steering his attention towards her, his friends, or whatever forms of entertainment were available to him. He even got out his laptop, tried to do some work to keep his mind occupied, but as time went on, his anxiety sucked more and more of his energy, until his will inevitably weakened, and he succumbed to the catastrophic thinking...
His eardrums pounded with the sound of his own heartbeat, the sounds of his surroundings being reduced to a faint, persistent whisper. He felt the air get sucked out of his lungs, panting and sweating as his eyes scanned the tight quarters. The voice inside his head screamed for him to leave the airplane, but he was aware enough to know that it was physically impossible to escape. Both sides of his brain locked in an impossible battle, the result was a near-complete paralysis. He lost the feeling in his limbs, his vision going blurry. Even breathing became a consuming conscious task. He felt like he was drowning underwater.
"M-matty? my love, what's the matter?" She was immediately alarmed when she'd glanced away from her book to check in with him. "You look like you're gonna be sick...Do you need me to call for someone?"
With great effort, Matty shook his head, looking helplessly at her.
"Talk to me, honey..."
"P-panic attack." he stuttered, short-winded and struggling to breathe.
The words brought instant tears to her eyes, and for a moment, she was overwhelmed by how quickly his pain had crushed her heart, but she wasn't about to make this about herself.
Delicately, she reached around his neck, loosing his tie. "I'm gonna take this off, okay?" explaining each of her movements as she did them so as not to startle him with anything unexpected. Matty's scattered brain was, of course, much too overwhelmed to process anything that she was saying to him, but the softness of her tone somehow made him nod anyway. She stood up, looking a few rows behind her, for George. They'd made an agreement that she would signal to him if she needed his help. Unfortunately, though, George was sound asleep, from what she could tell.
Shifting her attention back to Matty. "I'm gonna undress you, okay?"
She unbuttoned his button-down. "Honey, are you with me? need you to take off your undershirt, okay? it's much too tight."
When he made no effort to follow her instructions, she reached over and took it off for him. “Okay, I’ve got a better shirt for you in my bag. I just need to get it from the overhead bin, alright? I’ll be right back, okay?”
Matty might as well have been asleep; he made no movement or attempt to acknowledge her, which broke her heart to a million pieces.
She hurried over to George’s seat kicking it roughly to wake him up.
“He needs you.” She simply stated as soon as she saw George’s eyes flutter open.
George cleared his throat several times. “R-right. I’m up; I’m up. I promise.” He stood up, peaking ahead of him to wear Matty was seated. “He’s…naked?”
She rolled her eyes. “Obviously, I’m getting him clothes. But I need you, you gentle giant. Help me get my bag before you sit with him? Just need to get his stuff…”
George sprung into action, following her commands swiftly while she went through her bag to find a 1975 crew neck that was two sizes too big on Matty, and a pair of his joggers. She’d packed them when he insisted on wearing his shirt and tie to the airport, hoping she’d use them under happier circumstances, but right now, she was just glad she’d thought ahead. She went over to the flight attendant and grabbed him some water to go along with the sleeping pills.
By the time that she’d made it back to their seats George, had somehow talked Matty into reclining his seat, closing his eyes, and apparently leant him some headphones. “What- how-“
George, ever the wizard, just shrugged. “It’s all I could think of, alright?”
She broke into a smile, kissing her friend’s balding head. “You’re an Angel, George.”
“Hmm.” George hummed, smirking. “Listen, I’ll go get a coffee to wake myself up. Give me a shout if you need me, yeah?”
***
Matty got through the reminder of the flight relatively alright. While he didn't manage to fall asleep, despite the sleeping pills she'd given him, nor did he manage to eat any real meals, the first class reclining chairs were comfortable enough for him to close his eyes and focus on an audio book for a couple of hours, and he did nibble on a piece of buttered toast while wrapped himself up in the blanket she'd bought him and shuffling through her especially curated playlist. The anxiety never completely left him, but he was happy to endure a lower-level persistent anxiousness instead of the sudden panic attack that had gripped him earlier.
At long last, they'd touched down and began their journey out of the airport. Matty always wondered if the arrivals terminal is universally more difficult to get through, or if his impatience to finally be done with the travel part always made it seem so, regardless of where in the world he'd found himself.
At baggage claim, the stress of the journey seemed to catch up to him. He wrapped his armed around her waist, burying his face into the side of her neck and breathing in her scent. Just when he'd closed his eyes, hoping to catch a breath while they waited for the couple of items that they could neither ship ahead of time, nor bring in their carry-ons, to appear on the carousel, he became aware of a couple of people catching on to his presence.
"No, Matty, please." her hand grabbed onto his arm around her waist when she felt him slip away from her, getting ready to greet the fans.
"It's fine, Darlin'" his voice was heavy with sleep, as were his eyes.
She sighed, this time, she couldn't be supportive of his decision. As she spotted his guitar and got ready to retrieve it, she overheard him apologize to a few people for "looking sweaty" and mumbling something about jet lag. Ross stepped in to help her with the bag, listening silently and nodding in agreement as she whispered her complaints about Matty's lack of boundaries. If she'd let him get a word in edgewise, he'd have said "you should've seen him when our career first started, he was acting like he was every fan's best mate." George joined Matty for a moment, saying a quick hello to everyone before politely excusing himself and pulling his friend away. "We've gotta go, Matty, c'mon."
Though George had succeeded in extracting Matty away, his victory was short-lived. At the airport gates, the guys were surprised to find a group of more than just a handful of fans waiting for them. Phone cameras flashed as soon as the gates opened, the crowd calling out and vying for the band's attention.
Adam was the first to jump into their designated car as it pulled up by the side of the building. Ross and George followed shortly behind him. Matty, on the other hand, was quickly separated from them when he paused momentarily, slightly thrown off, by the presence of people on both sides of the gates.
She rushed over to him, taking his hand and pulling him towards the car. For a moment, Matty let her lead the way, trailing behind her with a hand on her hip to keep from losing her. He kept his head down, but closer he got to the crowd, the louder they were, and the faster his heart beat. His palms were beginning to sweat and breathing was getting difficult again. A voice in the back of his head told him to stop, to take a look around and stop staring at his feet, and when he did, he saw the faces of the people looking at him and he couldn't help it. He let go of her hand, walking over to one group, while the other screamed out his name.
She attempted to call out his name, but her voice was drowned out by the phones beeping, cameras flashing, and excited chatter. She stood there, astounded as he smiled and hugged a few people, apologizing that he couldn't sign someone's phone case because he didn't have a pen on him.
He turned around to the second group, "I promise, I'll get to all of you if we don't cause too much trouble and security doesn't get involved. could we...maybe just move away from the gates?"
She sighed, exasperated by the lengths he was going to. He was practically behaving like a event organizer, ushering people away from the rest of the public.
As well intentioned as his plan was, it did not work out quite as he’d imagined. the moment that he moved people away from the airport gates, everyone naturally formed a circle around him, a few people elbowing their way to the front. He was trapped.
Matty froze in place, fighting to keep his expression straight and suppress the fight or flight response that had kicked in. What had he done? The illusion that he had any control at all over the situation was quickly blown away. She could see his hands shaking by the sides of his body as he struggled to regulate his breathing. She couldn’t take it anymore.
She squeezed her way past an appreciable number of people, trying to get to Matty. “Excuse me, yeah, could I just- get through. Thanks.” She grabbed his hand. “Hey, you,” and leaned into his ear “Matty, whatever you think you’re doing, it’s not smart. Let’s leave.”
“Just a second. Almost done.” He whispered, fully aware that there was no way people weren’t listening to their conversation.
“You’re not feeling well, let’s get in the car, please?”
“A few more people-“ she pulled him by the arm dragging him away from people and towards the car. Matty waved apologetically at groaning people who were mumbling how unfair this was, dipping his head low and rushing to keep up with her.
The chatter between the guys in the car fell silent as she and Matty climbed in. They settled into the backseat with Matty instantly clinging to her and resting his head on her chest as the car drove away. Her hands reflexively found his hair, running her fingers through it and kissing his forehead.
“Baby? Could I just say something?” Matty spoke, finally breaking the dead silence, once they’d made it onto the highway.
“I don’t wanna hear it.” She said firmly.
Ross and Adam exchanged a look of surprise. Clearly impressed with, and in support of, her new tone.
Matty lifted his head halfway off of her looking up at her. “But I’d just like to explain-“
“I said I don’t wanna hear it. Can we not talk about it right now?”
He replaced his head back on her body, her hands resuming their soothing motions through his hair. “Can tell you’re angry.” He mumbled.
“No shit! Of course I’m angry.” He heard her heartbeat rise as she spoke. Her hands still comforting him though her tone was definitely sharp.
“I just wanna-“
“I said I don’t want to have this conversation right now, and yet, you keep fuckin’ pushing. Look, I know you love your fans. You’re grateful. And, honestly, it is one of the greatest joys of my life watching you interact with them. The knowledge that you can be so tender and compassionate- not just with me me, not with your family, the boys, your friends- but with complete strangers as well…that’s what makes you a man in my eyes. So, trust me, Matty, I don’t say this lightly, but you have absolutely no boundaries. You’re a pushover!”
Matty was quiet for a moment, taking in the gravity of her words. “Okay, I can see why you’d think that.” he opened his eyes, looking up her through his hair. “But could I just explain my side of things?”
“There is no ‘your side’! You are mentally and physically exhausted. Matty- you were literally shaking. And, this wasn’t a professional event! This wasn’t a signing or a meet-and-greet!”
“That’s exactly why l-“
“My point is, it wasn’t safe! What if someone’d gotten hurt? What if you’d gotten hurt? There was no security to control the situation. Nobody to help or be held accountable! There’s a reason everyone else was sitting in this car, and not out there with you.”
“I get it.” Matty conceded.
“We were all bending over backwards to make sure you’re okay, then you go and willingly put yourself in a stressful situation that would trigger you. I mean,” she shook her head, speechless.
“I just- I’m sorry.”
“I know. Let’s just not talk about it anymore. Alright?”
Matty’s arms squeezed around her waist as he nuzzled his face deeper into her chest, kissing her skin in a silent apology.
The car fell into another silent lull, until, several minutes later, George peaked his head from the passengers seat and told her and Matty not to check Twitter.
“Oh, god. What’d you have to say that for? You know Matty’s gonna wanna see it now!” Adam groaned, chastising George.
“What?” George shrugged. “I said ‘whatever you do, don’t check Twitter,’ I didn’t say to hurry up and check it.”
“I’ve literally been biting my tongue this whole ride.”
Matty, who’d been half asleep in her arms, pulled out his phone, blinking rapidly to adjust to the light of the screen.
Just as he’d suspected, photos of him being dragged away from adoring fans were already circulating the internet. All captioned with dramatic out of context narratives.
“Matty Healy and gf argue in the middle of airport parking lot”
“1975 front man physically dragged away from fans by possessive gf.”
Comments embellished the description using every colorful name in the book. From “jealous” and “immature” to “frigid witch.”
Matty set his phone down, neither one of them said anything. They spent the remainder of their ride to the hotel in silence.
***
“How’re you feeling?” She emerged out of the bathroom, walking over to Matty’s slumped over figure on the bed.
“I’m sleepy, and hungry, and tired, and I smell like airplane.” He mumbled. “I’m also sad.”
“Why’re you sad?” She bent down to kiss his nose.
“Cuz you’re mad at me. You don’t seem to understand- the fans…they’re like the most important thing. Unless I’m physically tied down, I will always go out there and meet them. Never gonna be dismissive. Never gonna make them feel like they don’t matter to me.” Matty sat up in bed, taking her hands in his, and pulling her closer to him. “You can’t put out the kind of music that I put out, and then pretend not to want anything to do with the people who listen to it.”
She nodded, attempting to signal that she was on his side. “There are ways of saying ‘sorry, not today guys.’ Without being dismissive or rude.”
“I hope you know, that’s never gonna be me. I’d never say that to them. It’s just not who I am.”
“I know. I don’t expect you to suddenly change. I just hope you don’t expect me to either. Cuz I’m still gonna worry about you and try to protect you when you’re in over your head.”
Matty smiled at her with droopy eyes. “Deal.” He kissed her lips.
“Sorry they’re saying mean shit online.”
“Are you kidding me? I’ve wanted to be a witch since I was a little girl!” She giggled. “Now, c’mon. I ran us a bath.”
“Wait…us? Like you AND me?”
***
“You had a really rough day today, huh?” She whispered as she snuggled into him, getting comfortable in their hotel bed.
Matty turned on his side to face her, the smell of her freshly washed hair calming his mind. “Couldn’t have gotten through it without you.” He kissed her cheek. “Thank you.”
“Of course, baby.”
“Could we just…stay here, in this bed, for ever. Just you and me. Where it’s safe, soft, quiet.”
“Sounds like a great idea. Yeah, let’s do that.”
#matty healy fanfiction#matty Healy fanfic#matty healy x y/n#matty healy fic#matty healy x reader#matty healy fluff
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