#go love skizz NOW
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im so happy watching skizz stream on hermitcraft as a hermit for the first time like omg he's perfect everyone should love him right now and also give him money
#skizzleman#hermitcraft s10#hermitcraft#dose of skizz#im so real for this#im ngl#im based af#go love skizz NOW
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Martyn really said "I am the drama" this session.
Making a new rule that if you want to join the Big Dogs you have to forsake your old alliances. Telling Pearl white lies about Bdubs, forcing Skizz to choose between the dogboy aesthetic and his old buddy Tango. He really found the people Most Likely To Bark and forced them to make a hard decision, then tried to kill Pearl right in front of Bdubs so that she'd have to join too-
I wonder what character analysts are gonna make of this. Martyn, after losing Mumbo and Jimmy, became possessive and demanded full loyalty... what experience does that stem from?
#secret life#slsmp#secret life martyn#secret life big dogs#secret life mounders#secret life heart foundation#can't believe that's not a tag yet#i mean i haven't seen their pov yet but i will eventually!#i love what they've got going on#they gonna be the next fairy fort i'm telling you this much#secret life skizz#secret life bdubs#secret life pearl#i'm only halfway through the video i have no clue where this is gonna go#honestly kinda rooting for pearl's downfall#want her to join the big dogs with bdubs#and joel too actually#joel would 100% be into it#especially now that all the other mounders are gone#the loyalists of the server#just add skizz#hoping for the big dogs to SWEEP the server#let it be dogs vs cats or somethn#that would leave...#scott gem impulse tango bigb and scar as the cats#if this goes in that direction i will be so happy#the fanart would bang#also yes i am a furry SUPPORTER#sorry about fantasizing in the tags again#not sorry actually i love rambling
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OKAY SO what with the TWO new Hermits implied by the updated banner I will say that, though the Skizz truthers have me convinced, I now have room to do my own crazy red string monologue and throw my hat in for my choice
1) Mythical J. Sausage (the J is silent) is a multitalented S-tier builder that absolutely deserves to be shoulder to shoulder with the Hermits. The man does buildings, interiors, terraforming, custom trees, and he does them SO WELL.
2) The production values!!! Beautiful replay mod sequences with shifting camera perspectives, shaders, music that sets the tone for each segment that's different from series to series. He already has more than a million followers on YouTube and for good reason!!
3) He has been SO consistent lately. He started a hardcore world about three months ago (about the time you might expect the Hermits to finalize their s10 choices maybe...???) and already has 15 episodes and hasn't gotten involved in any other big content. (He did just start playing a little of the BCG server but from what I understand that's super casual /copium copium copium).
4) That hardcore world is conveniently about to reach a good "pause" point. He started his world on a cherry blossom biome island that he's filled with a medieval village and starter farms, he's said it's almost full and what's left is the castle. I'm guessing the new season will start the first week of February, so if Sausage puts out a video this week building out that Castle and finishing that island it will be MIGHTY CONVENIENT TIMING.
5) This man can GRIND. His Hardcore world hasn't even been going half a year and he's built... So much??? Magnificent! And when he was on the Hermitcraft server he did the Razorcrest for scar AND the player head baby yoda/stormtrooper merch AND the noteblock themesong AND still built in the xmas village and other "diamond of peace" and so many other shenanigans. Did the man even sleep? He can grind with the best of them.
6) He can do redstone, too! Maybe not unique designs, I honestly don't know, but he builds farms for build materials no problem.
7) The DRAMA this man loves his improv and his backstory and trauma lore! For every series he does! Can you imagine if he gets to interact with Ren for an extended period of time, what that would do to them, to us?? Give Martyn a run for his money!!
8) Which brings me to my next point, which is that Sausage is already One of The Gang, because he's been in series with so many of the Hermits already! Empires and the crossover, obviously, but also Pirates with Cleo and Origins with Scar, and he's even done MCC! Joel is the only other player with the same depth of different series but there are other people truthing him already.
9) The EPIC BROMANCE with Pearl. My god the devotion of this man to his sunflower goddess bestie. I would try to do ot justice but y'all have seen floweroflaurelins work, you already know.
10) He's already a PG streamer but with HILARIOUSLY PG-13 tendencies. Imagine him and Cleo cracking each other up at an HHH stream, *grips your shoulders* IMAGINE IT.
11) Sausage comes with his own mascot in the form of interdimensional dog extraordinaire Bubbles, but he's also just an animal lover on general. Mans drinks his "I love Jellie" juice and had her in his world even before the sad news of her loss.
12) Diversity win! No one should be hired just for their gender, race, sexuality etc etc unless it's truly necessary to the job, but we were all happy when more women got added to the server in s8 and I know a lot of people would be happy to see some ethnic diversity added, too.
... That bulletin board had a lot more pins in it than I thought it did but anyway MYTHICALSAUSAGE TRUTHERS/ALL OTHER TRUTHERS RISE UP SPEAK YOUR TRUTH! we'll only get to wildly speculate for a few weeks so we might as well make it everyone else's problem ENJOY IT TO THE FULLEST!!
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Joe's talking about streaming, profit, and scheduling right now.
They're talking about how they're a bit concerned about how undisciplined Hermitcraft is about scheduling group events and how that affects someone when they don't have the freedom to free up their schedule every time the event date changes, specifically talking about how how they're worried about creating a welcoming environment for Skizz who isn't in a place to leave his day job right now, therefore he can't just adjust everything for Hermitcraft.
They're also talking about how streaming makes their videos possible because YouTube videos don't pay much, but the tips on stream do. "[They've] been streaming since 2008 and [they're] not going to stop anytime soon." and how it's fine if you can't donate because those who can have been and are keeping it free for everyone else.
Gods, I love Joe's vibe.
#hermitblr#hermitcraft#joe hills#joehillssays#joehills#streaming#its a mix of chill fun and casual serious talk#its very human as ive mentioned before#people acknowledging flaws feel great especially in an online media like hermitcraft
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Boatem Knights AU Masterpost!!
a silly knights au i made that started as a joke, but now has quite a bit of lore, worldbuilding, and lovely writing behind it! I will hopefully continue to add to this as more gets developed.
Character designs
The Knights:
boatem (impulse, grian, pearl, scar, and mumbo)
vex scar
watcher siblings (pearl and grian)
Big Eyes:
the big eyes crew (tango, bdubs, keralis)
bdubs design breakdown
tango design breakdown
Dogwarts + Doc:
Ren
Martyn
Bigb
Doc
Misc Folks:
Cub
Jimmy
Joel and Lizzie
Skizz
Gem and Etho
Art
Campfire song
Knights portraits
Company car scheme
Scar and familiar Jellie
Impulse sketch
Desert duo sketch (1)
Desert duo sketch (2)
Pearl sketch
Grian and mumbo sketch
Healing (mini comic)
Vex scar
Vex scar comic
Boob-window comic
Vex cub + convex doodle
Ancient paths
Impulse doodle
Team rancher doodle
Four armed Pearl sketch
Strongest knights sketch
Scar and Jellie
Only Human chapter 1
Only Human chapter 2
Only Human chapter 3
Only Human chapter 4
Mumbo and sunsets
Rancher hug
Ranchers and Jimmy's wings
"That's awkward" (mini comic)
Hunter joel
Perfect impulse (mini comic)
Inn fight
Asks and Textposts
(I'm probably only going to include important worldbuilding or character related asks here, also, there's gonna be posts here that mention having "no idea" for backstories and the like, but by now those have been developed.)
Convex canon + familiar Jellie
Vex magic
Grian and Impulse backstory ideas (starter concepts)
Vex scar (1)
Vex scar + evoker cub
"Freelance knights" + weapons
Convex
Traces of magic (scar + jellie)
Shape shifter mumbo
Impulse is just a guy
Boatem knights design breakdowns
Horse marriage
Fics!!
These fics are written by the lovely Zera Hopepetal and Elle Periwinklemoonlight, and are canon to the stories of the knights and the other folks in this au
Boatem knights writing masterpost (Zera)
Somewhere only we know (Elle)
little sunshine (Elle)
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Imagine if Jimmy has his mareep and he's just going around the world trying to have a good time and collect his badges. Gym leaders could be Joel, Gem, Impulse, Etho, Cleo, Bdubs, Bigb and Tango. Skizz, Mumbo, Lizzie are all people he meets along the way. Rivals? Friends? Both!! He becomes really good friends with Tango too.
Eventually, about a third of the way through, he meets Scott, who always refuses to battle him but gives him really good pointers (with a good amount of teasing) and is now is his go to person for tips. He asks for a Pokemon battle every time, but Scott refuses every single time.
Scar is an elusive traveller Jimmy meets in just about every corner of the world doing miscellaneous things. Jimmy doesn't think Scar is much of a Pokemon battle guy because he seems to be doing anything but battling, but then he sees Scar's primary Pokemon (not sure what) and is absolutely dumbfounded.
(1/3)
hi i loved reading all of your big brain thoughts ahhhhh it made me think a lot about gym leaders and what types would suit them hmmmmm i wasn't sure how to say thank you for sharing so here's a big man with tiny mons for you :D
oh also the poliwag is nicknamed judge judy and executioner
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What would you do if you knew you were going to die?
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“Oh,” says Lizzie sullenly, “you want to talk to me now?”
She shrugs one shoulder.
“I don’t know. Try some last-ditch attempt to survive? Kill someone else?”
She glares.
“Are you happy now?” she snaps. “Is that what you wanted to hear? Now go away.”
-
“Oh, come on,” says Jimmy, looking slightly offended. “Is this targeted? I bet I’m the only one you asked this. Am I the only one you asked this?”
Still, after a moment, he considers it.
“Well, he says. “As long as somebody else goes first, I don’t really care, to be honest. I’d just… do what I like, I guess! Yeah! I’d do what I like. That sounds good.”
-
“Ooh,” says Mumbo. “I would try and take as many people as possible down with me.”
He looks thoughtful.
“That is what this game’s about. Isn’t it?”
-
“You know,” says Tango, thoughtfully, and then immediately breaks into yelling, “I would love to not die in the dumbest way possible! That would be just great!”
He shakes his head.
He takes a breath, lets it out, and is calm again.
“But hey,” he says. “It’s gonna happen sooner or later anyway. Right?”
“Just gotta keep trying.”
-
“I’d stay vigilant!” says Skizz. “Hey, it’s not over til it’s over!
“I mean, maybe I’d try being a bit less nice? See how that works out? But, eh. No regrets.”
“That’s what’s important, you know?”
-
“I would make the most of it,” says Etho. “Do what I can.”
He shrugs, half-smiling.
“And then I would go home.”
-
“Fight it,” says Martyn, wearily. “I guess.”
-
“Die, presumably!” says Bigb, and grins. “Ooh, or would I?”
“Hey, and what about you? What would you do? Just ask people questions? That’s kinda sad, don’tcha think?”
-
“What are you talking about?” says Grian, narrowing his eyes. “You don’t know who’s going to win. Nobody knows that until it happens. You don’t know you’re going to die until it happens. Not really.”
-
Cleo laughs. “Really? You’re asking me?”
After a minute, they shake their head.
“I know what you mean, though,” they say, and shrug. “I would do what I always do. I would hold on. Until I can’t, anymore.”
-
“I mean, see if I could do anything about it!” says Impulse.
He looks away. Gives an almost sheepish smile.
“I- I don’t really want to die,” he says.
-
“Die?” says Bdubs. “I’m not gonna die! What are you talking about, I’m never gonna die! I’m the best! I’m super strong!”
He clears his throat awkwardly.
“And- even if I did. Even if I did, I wouldn’t just let it happen. I have stuff to do.”
He pauses.
“I- ok, maybe I would work on my fighting skills a bit, even though they’re already GREAT! Just, uh, just in case! Just in case I needed to really show off. For some reason.”
He glances over his shoulder.
“Don’t tell Gem I said that. Or Pearl.”
“…Or Cleo. In fact, maybe just keep this to yourself, ok, you little tattletales!”
-
“Kill whoever said that!” says Joel, posture ready to pounce. “Are you threatening me? Is that what this is?”
He squints suspiciously.
“You better not be. I’ll get you.”
-
“Make it count,” says Scott.
-
“I’d have fun!” says Gem. “I would enjoy myself!”
She looks curious.
“Wouldn’t everyone?” she asks.
-
“…Try and make it count,” says Pearl.
-
“What do you mean?” says Scar, confused. “What would I do if I knew I was going to die? Isn’t that everyone? Isn’t that just-”
He frowns. “That’s just living. Right? Am I wrong?”
He looks curiously up at the Secret Keeper, towering above him.
“Is that not just life?”
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Secret Life finale highlights for me:
- "My strategy: Kill Skizz and Tango. Will happen at some point... Or, just maim them and watch them die in a corner." - Scar
- Scott on Grian's loyalty: "I have never seen a man drop a pair of sunglasses faster in my life [than last season after Joel died]."
- I think I reblogged someone's speculation weeks ago that at the dawn of final session, everyone's task book would just say "Win Secret Life." Congrats to them for Apollo's gift of prophecy.
- Martyn's beat of pause before saying to Joel "Welcome to the Out of Context video."
- At the start of the season, Etho said Joel was the first one he wanted to kill because "He's cheeky." When Joel is asked who he wants to kill, he says "Etho." Glad you're enjoying your rivalry, boys, smh...
- Joel, once again giving into his Shrek origins, watching Bdubs' wool globe go up in flames and chirping "My world's on fire; how 'bout yours?"
- Tango does not break his "pathetic death" curse. Just blipped out of existence. Love that for him.
- Spitting, crying... BigB panics and flees into his creepy backrooms for safety. Immediately vanishes into the tunnel maze. Scar pursues and skids to a halt because he hasn't seen it yet and is thoroughly creeped out.
- Scar coming up to surface and trying to describe how BigB disappeared. Martyn looks down at where they're standing and is just like "Oh, that's the backrooms." Mental image of Scar as that meme that goes "The. what."
- Scar describing BigB as a sneaky squirrel. "Squirrel" was the name of BigB's horse in Double Life.
- Joel's anxiety about entering a Nether portal on the final episode, specifically because of how he and Etho perma-died in Double Life
- Whatever was going on with Martyn flinging ender pearls up the ladder seconds before he died
- Additionally, people in the background commenting that they think Martyn's teamed up with Cleo and the only reason he was near them was an attempt to bear down and kill them
- Scar to Bdubs, watching Cleo and Etho from a distance: "Look at this- Mom and Dad are bringing their new ugly stepson to meet us, Bdubs." /camera pans to the warden chasing them
- Bdubs tells Scar that Cleo said he was her favorite son and Scar IMMEDIATELY, without responding or even waiting for Bdubs to finish his sentence, jumps a wall and books it to Cleo to confirm... Mental image of him swinging dramatically over it with one hand, his shawl billowing behind him
- Scar chases Cleo while they're both being pursued by a warden, asking her if he's her favorite son. Doesn't let up until she assures him she "just said it to keep Bdubs happy." what is wrong with the Clocker family.
- Joel somehow pulled off a beautiful PVP kill on Skizz despite having only 2.5 hearts
- In earlier episodes, Joel had people say "The florist sends his regards" on his behalf before striking. Before killing Skizz, he says "Scar sends his regards" since Scar really wanted to kill Skizz but bequeathed the fight to Joel instead.
- Scar trotting up to Etho and Cleo, who are watching him from a cliff, and announcing "I am not up to anything nefarious!"
- Scar's weird spiky wall design is really pretty
- slkdjfskldjfsklj?!?!?!? I had a bullet point on this list that said "Honorable non-finale mention to Scar getting both the Green and Yellow kill on Etho this season" but now I see I need to correct that:
- Shout-out to Scar killing Etho - in Etho's front yard - THREE TIMES this season. Etho rushing back to his base, tripping over his feet and saying "I'm going home, everybody- I'm dying at my home-"
- Scott to Scar: "I went down to BigB - to get him - and I see what you mean; he does just talk his way out of things so you feel bad; you just leave him." / Scar: "That's why you don't let him speak. You just inner monologue. You start talking about Star Wars so you can't hear his charms."
- As Scar drives his sword into Cleo, he says "Good-bye, Mom- This is for you telling Bdubs [he's your] favorite." Geez, dude. Scar killed both his parents; this family is a mess. Bonus points for Joel fumbling in the background like "Oh my gosh- Scar, you savage-"
- I watched multiple POVs until I was caught up to the standoff between Gem & The Scotts vs. The Mounders... So picking up from there with Scar's POV b/c his is the one I randomly started with today: I love how Joel basically went "I am once again throwing caution to the wind and charging into battle with a murderous Red rage in my eyes and no one behind me" like he ALWAYS does.
- Bdubs and Scar decide to back him up... Amazing.
- Scar has gotten 4 kills (Tango, Etho, Cleo, Impulse) and he was super close to getting BigB as well before Scott sniped the kill. Geez... The man is vicious today. During Limited Life, Grian made a comment that went something like "Of course Scar is only destructive / successful when I'm not on his team" and honestly? Yeah...
- Pearl begging Scar to kill her- Pearl warning Scar that if she perma-kills Gem, she'll go up 10 hearts- Scar refusing, insisting that he doesn't want to turn on her because it feels lame...
- Scar got Gem, he got Gem... GeminiSlay is DOWN!
- SCAR SWEEP WITH THE BOW!!
Oh my goodness, I saw his episode title ("Can Villain Scar Win?") and the words that went through my head were "Welp, that's a spoiler that he's dead." I see I was wrong.
GG, SCAR WIN!!! Man who wanted so desperately to have friends, only to trip and fail time and time again... GoodTimesWithVictor!!
My heart, Scar letting that zombie knock him down to half a heart... playing up like he didn't just watch the lightning bolt mark Pearl's demise. He wanders, calling out to Pearl, asking where she went... quietly giggling and muttering to himself as that zombie pushes at him... GG, Scar. GG.
My goodness, is this the only time we haven't seen the winner die in their perspective? Scar slams that success button for winning the game, gets 5 hearts, turns back, and that's it... That's the game. End scene.
What a LAD!!
#trafficblr#Secret Life#GoodTimesWithScar#The Clockers#EthosLab#Grian#Joel Smallishbeans#Martyn InTheLittleWood#ZombieCleo#BdoubleO100#traffic life smp#traffic spoilers#Secret Life spoilers#Secret Life SMP spoilers#mcyt#TangoTek#Skizzleman#Limited Life#Long post#Riddle watches Traffic#GeminiTay#PearlescentMoon#The Mounders#Gem and the Scotts
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“Somehow, I doubt fae normally go around stealing babies by accident,” Skizz says. “Like, I know you dudes are bad news, but I feel like if you were that bad of news, we’d know more about it.”
“Well, I didn’t exactly have a replacement lined up, since I didn’t mean to steal the baby,” Zedaph says. “Normally when fae steal babies, they have a replacement for them ready. Most of us Fair Folk aren’t exactly equipped for baby-raising, you know. We don’t normally do all your weird human family stuff. Nope, we leave our babies out to learn to fend for themselves, as we very well should, except there was this thing a few centuries ago where there was this whole fad where you’d swap your baby with a human baby to give it a better chance of surviving during its early years or whatever so it would be more likely to supplant your enemies and none of that helps me right now I haven’t had a baby, I just stole one by accident!”
“You know, does that make fae brood parasites?” Impulse says idly.
“I cannot express enough how much that isn’t important right now,” Skizz says.
“Although it does make it more accurate next time I call one of your plans cuckoo,” Tango adds.
“Those are lovely birds and I won’t be insulted,” Zedaph says primly. “Anyway, Skizz is right. That’s not the point. The point is that I have this thing, and we need to get rid of it, so we need to find whoever it used to belong to! That’s the point!”
or: hey remember that ficlet from the fanon swap from a bit back. well,
#we'll see if i finish getting to where i want to get with this one but HOPEFULLY.#it's just. the concept. it's taken me by the shoulders and shaken me.#you know how it is.
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Tango: Oh how sad, seems like everyone has teamed up already. I guess we have to pick Skizz as our third
Cleo: Tango I'm pretty sure half the server is teamless-
Tango, slicking his hair back with lithium chloride: oh I can't believe we're stuck with Skizz. How horrible for this muscley man to be our only option. Such sadness.
Cleo: Tango.
Tango, applying lipstick: Look I don't make the rules here Cleo now get in the boat we're going to love island
#tangotek#zombiecleo#skizzleman#secret life#secret life session 1 spoilers#this is what happened in canon argue with the wall#no wonder Cleo defected so fast they didn't wanna be the third wheel to this old man yaoi#dose of tango#dose of cleo#dose of skizz#my writing
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omg its the blorbo? from the show?
fun notes under readmore :D
any time i do a lineup of characters i also limit myself to one human because i have more fun doing that. and for life series martyn was My Guy. just a regular ass dude. and for hermitcraft it was also gem. and then gem joined life series. so now i have two Regular Guys. so thats fun
anyway quick fire notes
grian scarlet macaw obviously and no eyes. because his skin
scar's white hair from his red last life skin. so hot. also the blue things are bc vex
mumbo doesnt have a mouth. when he talks his moustache just moves up and down
impulse demon and skizz angel because yay besties. skizz is also enderman because its fun to draw and thats most of what i care about when i draw lol
tango my skrunkly ass guy
etho is Not any sort of arctic fox. promise. nothing fluffy about him
bdubs is. posessed by a glare.
martyn has two copper rings tied to his necklace bc him and mumbo were married in last life and im never letting it go
ren dog. puppy
scar, bigb and pearl all have one of grian's feathers. tango has one of jimmys and scott has one but he hides it
pleeeasaase if you have any questions about my deissn ask me because i would Love to ramble on and on about them
#pigeon draws#no ID#life series#you know im gonna tag the shit out of this. put way more time than i thougt i would into this#scheduled for when im. asleep. yay australian timezones </3#grian#goodtimeswithscar#gtws#mumbojumbo#jimmy solidarity#solidaritygaming#smallishbeans#scott smajor#impulsesv#skizzleman#tangotek#ethoslab#etho#bdubs#bdoubleo100#zombiecleo#martyn itlw#inthelittlewood#rendog#ldshadowlady#bigb#bigbst4tz2#geminitay#pearlescentmoon#3rd life
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They knew.
That's the thing, Skizz knew he was a hermit before TwitchCon, so we can assume Joel knew before Secret Life, or early on.
So all of him and Etho, being weird and putting each other in their thumbnails, and we were thinking "THESE ARE OUR ONLY CRUMBS FOR WHO KNOWS WHEN".
They knew. All of that? That was while knowing they were going to be in the same damn smp for who knows how long.
THEY KNEW.
And now how long until they interact on camera? What if Etho and Joel do stuff together on hermitcraft, but think it's funniest to not even record it. Cause they know we want it, so they won't
those bastards
i love them
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Tbh as much as i love seablings i like the idea that lizzie's death has nothing to do with jimmy's curse more. Lizzie's death was her own. If we want to talk about jimmy's curse, instead of lizzie's tragedy, then let's talk about how it was broken on accident.
Consider this: every game has been the same except this one. Certain "curses" are attached to certain people - Jimmy the canary, Skizz the boogey, etc. But not this time - or, well.
Last game was the first time, according to martyn's canon, that two players were so damaged from the watchers' overfeeding on their significant traumas (pearl witnessing scott's suicide, cleo's own traumatic death) that the listeners were able to intervene and temporarily swap their souls out with, ofc, lizzie and gem, to give them reprieve to recover.
I like the perspective that instead of there being one death loop that restarts over and over, there are multiple happening all the time. They overlap. The watchers are of course constantly feeding - and perhaps this is why the members of each loop vary slightly over time. Adding ingredients, removing others, as time wears on. Lizzie was not actively in a loop during limited life - but that does not mean she hasn't been in death games in the meantime. Perhaps even gem has, too, though i believe possessing cleo was her first time.
Also last season, grian was yanked out of his body by the watchers, attempting to remove him from stunting the growth of their anguish farm (making it a game instead of a saw trap, as @stalarys so aptly put it). But he managed to keep his claws in the game, even going so far as to break beyond the literal borders of the game - "we're already dead," as he said, leading the nosy neighbors beyond the veil - because grian is nothing in any universe if not stubborn in the face of authority.
We know from last season that the games are already unstable. The listeners' influence is growing, and grian is proving to be more and more of a problem. (He definitely doesn't know about the listeners' existence, but he's likely unaware of how he may be helping them, and they him.)
Jimmy is not dead first. But he dies so soon after - the second body to fall.
The game, the watchers, the farm - it course corrects when things go wrong.
Grian, who has broken the rules this season not once but thrice - allowing an exception for scar to reroll, even allowing breaking of his own rule on helmets (for both scar and mumbo), and falsely rolling a success last session, is given a chaotic impossible task. (Grian tends to doom his allies - curse or simply bad choices, he is teamed with etho, and their rerolls are entwined. They seem personal, don't they? Etho ran from grian's wither once before. Grian died leading out a warden.) He succeeds, on one heart despite everything, only to be slain on top of the button itself.
He's stuck in spectator. Isn't that perfect? The game, HIS game, GLITCHED. His grip on his in-game body, the part of him he wedged into the mechanics of this death loop, slipped. He regained it, sure, but now he is forced to course correct: he comes back green when he should be yellow.
And grian has just seen the price of breaking too many rules. Jimmy's funeral was too soon. He switches back to yellow, rerolls for his deserved prizes at the cost of his own chances of victory.
(Because victory, while still a goal, is not the point. The point is to break the game.)
(Last season, tango watched one of his closest and most common allies sacrifice himself for his team. This season, he allies with him again. It's ironic that they're giving away their hearts to others - similar to giving away their time. Maybe skizz's death impacted tango too harshly. Maybe his pain fed a bit too much.)
(This is the first season since skizz, an angel, died so full of divine bloodlust that it manifested as the boogey curse, that he has been here and his curse has not. Two curses now, tentatively broken.)
(Martyn feeds the watchers more when he is an unguided hand, wandering and hurting, so ren has not been in this particular loop for a while now. He is available to replace tango, just for a bit, just like how gem and lizzie replaced cleo and pearl.)
Last season, the games finally started to break.
This season, we get to see the cracks.
(The watchers are more obvious this season. The keeper's symbol, grian's lack of achievement entering the end... They're grappling for control as it is slowly but surely dragged away from them.)
#secret life smp#secret life spoilers#jimmy solidarity#martyn inthelittlewood#grian#skizzleman#tangotek#renthedog#trafficblr#traffic life series#traffic life smp#third life smp#eyes and ears#<that's what martyn's canon is called right?#canary curse#watcher grian#anyway I'm having a BLAST#slsmp
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He’d done it. He’d gotten his mending book.
[authors note: this seems like a cute little fic about grian and his mending book but it is in fact a dark mafia fic jsyk…]
Grian couldn’t believe it had finally happened. It was so surreal that he wasn’t quite sure what to do with himself.
He went through the motions of cleaning himself up. It felt good to shave, see some color on his cheeks. Even his eyes were brighter.
When he returned to the dock to clean up all of his fishing gear, there was a silhouette in the setting sun. He couldn’t make out who it was, a broad frame almost haloed in glittering red.
“Hello, Grian.”
He squinted. “Beef?” As he grew closer, he could make out the source of the glittering, a suit that appeared to be crafted from salmon scales. “Wow.”
“Been doing a lot of fishing lately?” Beef asked, running a hand up one of the pillars of the little hut.
Something felt off in Grian’s gut. Something in his friend’s tone felt…predatory. It couldn’t be. This was Beef. He was one of the sweetest guys around. “You could say that,” he said, trying to keep his tone light. “But I’m all good now, got my mending book.”
“Is that so?” Beef cocked a brow, and stuck both hands in his pockets, as if on a casual stroll. Something in his gait screamed danger, though, and was this just too much time spent in death games? Was this overflow from Secret Life and Demise and—
Beef stopped on the block over Grian’s storage room. No.
“Why don’t you come on downstairs?” Beef asked, but it was hardly a request. “Because somehow I don’t think you’re all good.”
He pulled out a handful of seeds and composted them, disappearing through the floor.
Grian’s pulse thundered in his ears. What the hell was going on? How did Beef find out about his secret area? And what the hell was up with that suit? His head spun.
On the surface this would look like a fun prank. A bit.
But it didn’t feel like a bit. It didn’t feel fun.
He didn’t want to go down there.
But something told him he needed to, some instinct buried deep. Though surely Beef just wanted to make a deal for something in the chests down there, right?
Heart hammering, he composted and dropped down.
But there was nobody there. His guts twisted. Beef meant down downstairs. This was getting weirder and weirder, and that sense of danger felt sharper and heavier.
He dropped down into the cave and his heart ceased to work.
He couldn’t quite register at first the tableau in front of him. His gaze zeroed in on Mumbo’s face, beautiful skin marred by blood and tears.
“Grian! They’ve gone-” Mumbo cried, but his words choked off on a scream as a sickening snap echoed and suddenly time seemed to stop.
Grian’s ears buzzed, as if no other senses other than his sight were capable of working at a time. Mumbo was on his knees, hands behind his back, face twisted in pain. Skizz stood behind him, muscled arms gleaming as he took the kneeling man’s disheveled hair in one of his fists.
Skizz didn’t look quite right, though. His eyes were too big, almost bulbous, and too far apart. His face shone with what Grian had at first thought was sweat, but no, it was as if his skin were made of…scales? And nowhere was that soft, sweet, fun-loving Skizz energy. He looked maniacal. A maniacal, half-mutated fish man.
And Beef. Beef in his salmon-scaled suit, still cool as a cucumber, hands in his pockets, watching the scene with detachment.
Grian sucked in a deep, ragged breath as his lungs screamed for air, and time seemed to start again, his brain somehow catching up with the fact that he couldn’t just watch the scene forever.
“Walk with me, Grian,” Beef said, strolling towards the redstone door.
“No!” Grian cried, his entire body quivering. “What are you doing to Mumbo? Skizz!” He took a step forward, but in a flash, Skizz jerked Mumbo’s head back, exposing the tender flesh of his throat, and pressed a glittering diamond sword against it.
“I already broke his wrist, want another lesson?” he warned, and something was wrong with his voice, it sounded so distorted.
“My associate here will take good care of Mumbo,” Beef said as the door opened. “I’d like you to show me this room.”
Grian swallowed hard, staring at Mumbo with desperate eyes, the man he cared about most in this world, the man he’d do anything for. Somehow, somehow he’d fucked up and now Mumbo was in pain and there was fucking nothing he could do. Why hadn’t he brought any weapons down here? Why hadn’t he acted on his instincts up there…god.
A drop of crimson beaded on Mumbo’s throat, and he hissed in pain.
“You’d better go, your little friend has thin skin,” Skizz warned gleefully.
“I’m going, I’m going,” Grian said, forcing his feet to move, one in front of the other, towards Beef, towards the door…away from Mumbo. “Please stop hurting him.” The words came out so disgustingly weak sounding, and he hated it. He wanted to press his thumbs into Skizz’s mutant eyes until they popped out of his fucking head, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t do anything.
Skizz lowered the sword at least, and Grian scurried after Beef into the manifest room.
“Tell me about this,” Beef said once the door closed behind them, spreading his arms.
“It’s my…my manifesting mending room,” Grian said, and it sounded so stupid now. He had to admit he’d gone a little batshit with all of that fishing, with his obsession. What did this have to do with Beef and Skizz, though?
Beef pursed his lips, shaking his head. “It looks to me like a cod-worshipping room,” he said.
Grian’s blood rushed through his ears. Was this what this was all about? Types of fish? “No, they were just, easier to build statues of,” he insisted. “The color palette-”
“I don’t believe you,” Beef snarled, and his blazing anger was so jarring after being calm for the entire exchange. “Big Cod is trying to get a foothold here and my employer is not going to let that happen.”
“What are you talking about?” Grian asked, head spinning. “This is literally just for me, you can see my painting at the other end-”
“I saw the painting,” Beef interrupted, turning his back, clasping his hands there, walking down the platform to look at the painting in question. “Quite an expensive piece, for a fisherman.”
Grian scrubbed his hands down his face. “Well I’m not just a fisherman-”
“No, you’re not,” Beef said, whirling on his heel. “You know, my original thought when I was tasked with eliminating the cod threat was just to blow this whole thing to hell with you inside it.” He raised a finger. “But I thought, no need to make such a mess. I think I can bring you to heel with the right motivation.”
As if in cue, the redstone door opened, and Skizz dragged Mumbo in, shoving him back to his knees. His nose was freshly bleeding, and he looked about to collapse completely.
“Beef, please, whatever you think this is, it’s not,” Grian begged, whirling back towards him. “I swear I don’t know anything about…big cod-I just-”
There was a thump and Mumbo groaned.
Grian whirled again as Skizz pressed his boot against the man’s back, shoving him into the floor.
“Stop hurting him!” Grian cried, turning back to Beef. “Please, what do you need me to do? Just stop hurting him!”
Beef reached into his pocket and pulled out a cigar – since when did he smoke? – and flicked a zippo, taking his time lighting it evenly. He puffed, then tossed the zippo over his shoulder, landing it neatly at the bottom of the painting.
It went up quickly. Grian watched the flames, swallowing hard. He was happy to trade the painting for Mumbo’s safety, but it was still hard to watch it go up like that.
“Since you have your mending book, you won’t be needing that anymore,” Beef said, smoke trailing as he strolled up the walkway, free hand back in his pocket. “And since you’re certainly not working for Big Cod, you won’t need this room anymore. Dismantle it. Destroy it.” He pointed at Grian, cigar smoldering between his fingers. “I will be checking. And you don’t want to have this meeting again, do you? Who could I motivate you with next? Gem? Or how about Scar?”
Grian shook his head vigorously. “No, you don’t have to motivate me, I’ll do it.” He took a step back. “Please, just let Mumbo go and I’ll do it right now.”
Beef patted him on the cheek, chuckling as the sickly-sweet smoke made him cringe. “Yes you will,” he said, and stalked past him, snapping his fingers on his way by Skizz. “Kill him.”
Grian screamed, launching himself towards them, but he was too late, Skizz stabbed Mumbo through the back of the skull and Grian landed on the hard floor, next to the bundle of bloodied ropes left behind.
“I don’t want to see your face on the surface until it’s done,” Beef said as Skizz crossed the threshold. “Or else.”
The door closed, leaving Grian alone and sobbing on the floor.
[read on ao3]
#I couldn’t help it#hermitshipping#grumbo#hermitblr#hermitcraft#brainrot#fanfic#hermitcraft fanfic#grumbo fanfic#big salmon#big salmon fanfic#ao3#dark fanfic#dark salmon#salmon mafia#what are these tags idk
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Scar: If bees can be fish and boys can be girls, then why can't my dad love me?
Skizz: I thought I was going to have to yell at you, but now I think I should hug you.
#gtwscar#gtws#goodtimeswithscar#skizzleman#secret life#the clockers#hc9#hermitcraft#traffic series#trafficblr#life series incorrect quotes#life series smp#life series#traffic life series#traffic smp#traffic life smp
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hearing skizz loses subscribers when he posts non-life series videos makes me so sad i need you all to subscribe to skizz Now his videos are so good and lovely snd he is So funny and i guarantee you will enjoy it
look at this guy. and go subscribe to him. Now please
#skizzleman#he is literally the best hes so kind and funny theres is no reason to dislike him or not want to watch his videos
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