#big salmon
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BIG SALMON GOT DOC IRL........ pranking him on the server wasn't enough apparently so they hunted him down and gave him food poisoning from a fish....
#kidding but he did actually get sick for a month because of food poisoning from fish#BEWARE OF SALMON !!!!!!!#docm77#big salmon#hermitcraft#horsemeatposting
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big salmon i guess
+ the "email"
#original post tag#vintagebeef#video tag#skizzleman#docm77#hermitcraft#big salmon#honestl big salmon is so fucking funnyyyyyy#hermitcraft 10#hc 10
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Obsessed with Beef and his repeated instances of ending up as an animal themed mob boss while trying to settle down somewhere peaceful
#atlas.art#artists on tumblr#mcyt#hermitcraft#hermitcraft 10#vintagebeef#vintagebeef fanart#big salmon#hermitcraft fanart#hc s10#beef is quickly shaping up to be one of my favorite perspectives for this season#him pandering to the season 7 nostalgia both intentionally and unintentionally is like my exact kryptonite#anyways hi hello yes i've returned! I was helping my grandma move so this is the first time I've gotten to draw anything in like a week lol
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first time drawing fish and beef
#hermitcraft#vintagebeef#hermitblr#big salmon#i dont even watch beef i just wanted to try drawing fish. hello#digital art#my art
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just salmon things
#sorry im in my drawing skizzleman as various animals era. i do not plan to stop <3#anyway stream lofi crispwave beats to sustainable farm salmon to by the garages#yes that is an actual song and it is indeed a lofi crispwave beat about sustainable salmon farming practices#my art#hermitcraft#skizzleman#big salmon
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I am the GOAT …. I fear no mortal fish
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Thinking hard about big salmon…
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everyone give a warm welcome to big salmon our secret third new member of hermitcraft
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THIS JUST IN: Big Salmon ATTACKS Local Innocent Factory Owner (BIG SALMON GETS OWNED!!!)
#i’m sorry for the caption#im kind of really proud of how this turned out though#kinda one of my favs#char art#docm77#docm77 fanart#hermitcraft 10#big salmon#?????#how. do i tag big salmon?#hermitcraft season 10#hermitcraft fanart#hc doc#hermitcraft s10#hc s10#hc s10 spoilers#hc s10 fanart#hc fanart#hermitcraft season 10 fanart#hermitcraft s10 fanart
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I think Doc just asked Joe to auspiticize between him and big salmon.
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Hermit doodles
#hermitcraft doodle requests i did over on instagram :)#Hermitcraft#hc10#pearlescentmoon#geminitay#imp and skizz#impulsesv#skizzleman#big salmon#vintagebeef#goodtimeswithscar#grian#ddvau scar
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youtube
The first step of any journey starts by standing on one foot. Let’s begin work on a few iterative projects that will recur over the course of the next several episodes!
#joehills#hermitcraft#joehillstsd#joe hills#minecraft#youtube#xisumavoid#docm77#big salmonwood#big salmon#big wood#cyberpunk graffiti
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Big wood crew!
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Beef: Nunchucks are illegal in some US states, but guns aren't, so if you tie two guns together and create gunchucks it's neither legal nor illegal.
Skizz, nodding: Schrödinger's gunchucks.
Impulse: Why does Schrödinger have so many things?
Tango: Schrödinger's hoarding problem
#source: tumblr#incorrect hermitcraft quotes#hermitcraft incorrect quotes#vintagebeef#vintage beef#skizz#skizzleman#impulse#impulsesv#tango#tangotek#tango tek#imp and skizz#big salmon#team zits#or most of it anyway#hermitcraft#hermitblr
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Been thinking about u/The_SpacePhile’s beef meme
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He’d done it. He’d gotten his mending book.
[authors note: this seems like a cute little fic about grian and his mending book but it is in fact a dark mafia fic jsyk…]
Grian couldn’t believe it had finally happened. It was so surreal that he wasn’t quite sure what to do with himself.
He went through the motions of cleaning himself up. It felt good to shave, see some color on his cheeks. Even his eyes were brighter.
When he returned to the dock to clean up all of his fishing gear, there was a silhouette in the setting sun. He couldn’t make out who it was, a broad frame almost haloed in glittering red.
“Hello, Grian.”
He squinted. “Beef?” As he grew closer, he could make out the source of the glittering, a suit that appeared to be crafted from salmon scales. “Wow.”
“Been doing a lot of fishing lately?” Beef asked, running a hand up one of the pillars of the little hut.
Something felt off in Grian’s gut. Something in his friend’s tone felt…predatory. It couldn’t be. This was Beef. He was one of the sweetest guys around. “You could say that,” he said, trying to keep his tone light. “But I’m all good now, got my mending book.”
“Is that so?” Beef cocked a brow, and stuck both hands in his pockets, as if on a casual stroll. Something in his gait screamed danger, though, and was this just too much time spent in death games? Was this overflow from Secret Life and Demise and—
Beef stopped on the block over Grian’s storage room. No.
“Why don’t you come on downstairs?” Beef asked, but it was hardly a request. “Because somehow I don’t think you’re all good.”
He pulled out a handful of seeds and composted them, disappearing through the floor.
Grian’s pulse thundered in his ears. What the hell was going on? How did Beef find out about his secret area? And what the hell was up with that suit? His head spun.
On the surface this would look like a fun prank. A bit.
But it didn’t feel like a bit. It didn’t feel fun.
He didn’t want to go down there.
But something told him he needed to, some instinct buried deep. Though surely Beef just wanted to make a deal for something in the chests down there, right?
Heart hammering, he composted and dropped down.
But there was nobody there. His guts twisted. Beef meant down downstairs. This was getting weirder and weirder, and that sense of danger felt sharper and heavier.
He dropped down into the cave and his heart ceased to work.
He couldn’t quite register at first the tableau in front of him. His gaze zeroed in on Mumbo’s face, beautiful skin marred by blood and tears.
“Grian! They’ve gone-” Mumbo cried, but his words choked off on a scream as a sickening snap echoed and suddenly time seemed to stop.
Grian’s ears buzzed, as if no other senses other than his sight were capable of working at a time. Mumbo was on his knees, hands behind his back, face twisted in pain. Skizz stood behind him, muscled arms gleaming as he took the kneeling man’s disheveled hair in one of his fists.
Skizz didn’t look quite right, though. His eyes were too big, almost bulbous, and too far apart. His face shone with what Grian had at first thought was sweat, but no, it was as if his skin were made of…scales? And nowhere was that soft, sweet, fun-loving Skizz energy. He looked maniacal. A maniacal, half-mutated fish man.
And Beef. Beef in his salmon-scaled suit, still cool as a cucumber, hands in his pockets, watching the scene with detachment.
Grian sucked in a deep, ragged breath as his lungs screamed for air, and time seemed to start again, his brain somehow catching up with the fact that he couldn’t just watch the scene forever.
“Walk with me, Grian,” Beef said, strolling towards the redstone door.
“No!” Grian cried, his entire body quivering. “What are you doing to Mumbo? Skizz!” He took a step forward, but in a flash, Skizz jerked Mumbo’s head back, exposing the tender flesh of his throat, and pressed a glittering diamond sword against it.
“I already broke his wrist, want another lesson?” he warned, and something was wrong with his voice, it sounded so distorted.
“My associate here will take good care of Mumbo,” Beef said as the door opened. “I’d like you to show me this room.”
Grian swallowed hard, staring at Mumbo with desperate eyes, the man he cared about most in this world, the man he’d do anything for. Somehow, somehow he’d fucked up and now Mumbo was in pain and there was fucking nothing he could do. Why hadn’t he brought any weapons down here? Why hadn’t he acted on his instincts up there…god.
A drop of crimson beaded on Mumbo’s throat, and he hissed in pain.
“You’d better go, your little friend has thin skin,” Skizz warned gleefully.
“I’m going, I’m going,” Grian said, forcing his feet to move, one in front of the other, towards Beef, towards the door…away from Mumbo. “Please stop hurting him.” The words came out so disgustingly weak sounding, and he hated it. He wanted to press his thumbs into Skizz’s mutant eyes until they popped out of his fucking head, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t do anything.
Skizz lowered the sword at least, and Grian scurried after Beef into the manifest room.
“Tell me about this,” Beef said once the door closed behind them, spreading his arms.
“It’s my…my manifesting mending room,” Grian said, and it sounded so stupid now. He had to admit he’d gone a little batshit with all of that fishing, with his obsession. What did this have to do with Beef and Skizz, though?
Beef pursed his lips, shaking his head. “It looks to me like a cod-worshipping room,” he said.
Grian’s blood rushed through his ears. Was this what this was all about? Types of fish? “No, they were just, easier to build statues of,” he insisted. “The color palette-”
“I don’t believe you,” Beef snarled, and his blazing anger was so jarring after being calm for the entire exchange. “Big Cod is trying to get a foothold here and my employer is not going to let that happen.”
“What are you talking about?” Grian asked, head spinning. “This is literally just for me, you can see my painting at the other end-”
“I saw the painting,” Beef interrupted, turning his back, clasping his hands there, walking down the platform to look at the painting in question. “Quite an expensive piece, for a fisherman.”
Grian scrubbed his hands down his face. “Well I’m not just a fisherman-”
“No, you’re not,” Beef said, whirling on his heel. “You know, my original thought when I was tasked with eliminating the cod threat was just to blow this whole thing to hell with you inside it.” He raised a finger. “But I thought, no need to make such a mess. I think I can bring you to heel with the right motivation.”
As if in cue, the redstone door opened, and Skizz dragged Mumbo in, shoving him back to his knees. His nose was freshly bleeding, and he looked about to collapse completely.
“Beef, please, whatever you think this is, it’s not,” Grian begged, whirling back towards him. “I swear I don’t know anything about…big cod-I just-”
There was a thump and Mumbo groaned.
Grian whirled again as Skizz pressed his boot against the man’s back, shoving him into the floor.
“Stop hurting him!” Grian cried, turning back to Beef. “Please, what do you need me to do? Just stop hurting him!”
Beef reached into his pocket and pulled out a cigar – since when did he smoke? – and flicked a zippo, taking his time lighting it evenly. He puffed, then tossed the zippo over his shoulder, landing it neatly at the bottom of the painting.
It went up quickly. Grian watched the flames, swallowing hard. He was happy to trade the painting for Mumbo’s safety, but it was still hard to watch it go up like that.
“Since you have your mending book, you won’t be needing that anymore,” Beef said, smoke trailing as he strolled up the walkway, free hand back in his pocket. “And since you’re certainly not working for Big Cod, you won’t need this room anymore. Dismantle it. Destroy it.” He pointed at Grian, cigar smoldering between his fingers. “I will be checking. And you don’t want to have this meeting again, do you? Who could I motivate you with next? Gem? Or how about Scar?”
Grian shook his head vigorously. “No, you don’t have to motivate me, I’ll do it.” He took a step back. “Please, just let Mumbo go and I’ll do it right now.”
Beef patted him on the cheek, chuckling as the sickly-sweet smoke made him cringe. “Yes you will,” he said, and stalked past him, snapping his fingers on his way by Skizz. “Kill him.”
Grian screamed, launching himself towards them, but he was too late, Skizz stabbed Mumbo through the back of the skull and Grian landed on the hard floor, next to the bundle of bloodied ropes left behind.
“I don’t want to see your face on the surface until it’s done,” Beef said as Skizz crossed the threshold. “Or else.”
The door closed, leaving Grian alone and sobbing on the floor.
[read on ao3]
#I couldn’t help it#hermitshipping#grumbo#hermitblr#hermitcraft#brainrot#fanfic#hermitcraft fanfic#grumbo fanfic#big salmon#big salmon fanfic#ao3#dark fanfic#dark salmon#salmon mafia#what are these tags idk
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